Oh man, so here’s the thing. I’m a drunk. Have been all my life. But obviously my brain is now swiss cheese and I’m dying of multiple organ failure. Such is life (and death HAHAHAHAHAHA). Anyways, I don’t remember anything, I effectively have dementia. Do you remember what happened in Arthur 2: On the Rocks?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Arthur and Linda are in leeeeeeeeeeeeeeerv. But what’s the one thing Linda wants more than anything, and what’s the problem (and solution) with this?
2) The bad guy from the first film is Jack! And now he has a plan to reeeeeeally ruin Arthur Bach. What is the plan?
3) The bad guy foils Arthur’s attempts to be a good citizen twice more in the film. How does he do it?
4) What’s Arthur’s plan to get his money back, why doesn’t it work, and what ultimately does work?
5) In the end Arthur intuitively knows that Linda is pregnant. How does he know?
Bonus Question: Well Arthur’s back Jack! Well, that is, until he gets that fateful knock at his door. Who is it?
“So this is the DVD player,” Jamie says, showing Cowgirl Jamie around. He’s ready to get his Kane game on, but CJ keeps trying to distract him. “Before we start the movie,” she quickly interjects, “tell me more about this Good Movie Twins venture. How will it be different from Bad Movie Twins? Can we expect more Rich and Poe stories under the GMT banner?” Questions, questions, questions. What’s with all these questions? Jamie looks at his GMT Rulez and crinkles his brow at Rule #6 – Exposition 4 Days. He crosses that out and replaces it with Graceful Subtlety. “Let’s not be boring,” he says snobbishly and adds mysteriously, “Life is Art, Art is Film, Film is Life. Art.” They stare blankly at each other for several moments before Jamie turns back to the DVD player, but before he can pop in Citizen Kane, CJ again shouts, “Wait!” Jamie sighs. “I’m not feeling an artsy fartsy film today,” CJ explains and before Jamie knows it she’s next to him, touching his arm and slipping his Collector’s Edition copy of Here on Earth into his hands. “It’s just that I find everything about this film super sexy.” Jamie takes the box set into his hands, the metal casing growing slick with his sweat. “Weeelllll,” he hesitates, but knows full well that it’s only a matter of time before he caves. The spell is broken with the sounds of ice clinking in a glass. A lamp goes on in the corner revealing Patrick, he’s been there the whole time. “Not so fast, Cowgirl Jamie,” he says, a steely look on his face. “Or maybe I should just call you… Saboteur!” Jamie is digging this unexpected turn of events. “This is Life. This is Art. This rocks,” he whispers. That’s right! We are indeed watching Art… Arthur 2: On the Rocks, that is! I only vaguely remember catching bits and pieces of the original Arthur on Comedy Central back in the day. Always seemed a bit boring. But now that I’m a sophisticated adult I’m sure I’ll understand why it was a huge hit that spawned a less warmly received sequel. Let’s go!
Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988) – BMeTric: 49.9; Notability: 45
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 3.2%; Notability: top 4.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.5%; Higher BMeT: Caddyshack II, Mac and Me, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Poltergeist III, Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, Johnny Be Good, Alien from L.A., Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Higher Notability: Action Jackson, Sunset, High Spirits, Big Top Pee-wee, Caddyshack II, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Moving, Cocoon: The Return, The Couch Trip, License to Drive, Vibes, Cocktail; Lower RT: Two Moon Junction, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Johnny Be Good, Return of the Killer Tomatoes!, Fresh Horses, Watchers, Hero and the Terror, Hot to Trot, Illegally Yours, The Blue Iguana, War Party, Caddyshack II, Return of the Living Dead II, Mac and Me, Cocktail, Dead Heat; Notes:That feels like a huge Notability score overall. I also wonder … I have a new thing cooking. This is a perfect test. How many times did Arthur 2 play on television in 1988? The answer is 23 times. That’s 31st most for any wide release film that year. Guess what else played 23 times that year. Fresh Horses. What a fucking year.
RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – The problem is, we don’t care what secrets the old billionaire has in his past. We don’t care how cleverly Arthur attempts to deal with the crisis or how successful he is. The very attempt to cope is a mistake; Arthur should sink deeper and deeper into bewildered confusion, until he is rescued once again by the fates, a benevolent heaven or his own good luck. The last thing we want to see in this movie, in other words, is Arthur getting better.
(I 100% agree. See the recap for more about this, but this movie ultimately feels like an annoying and useless epilogue to an bizarrely compelling original.)
(I mean, roll back the hits. Definitely makes it look like he’s drunk more often in the second one. In the first one he’s only drunk a handful of times, but he’s drunk in basically 100% of that trailer.)
Directors – Bud Yorkin – ( Known For: Inspector Clouseau; Twice in a Lifetime; Divorce American Style; Come Blow Your Horn; Start the Revolution Without Me; The Thief Who Came to Dinner; Never Too Late; Love Hurts; BMT: Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Notes: Nominated for 7 Emmys and won 3 for An Evening with Fred Astaire and The Jack Benny Program. He would ultimately stop directing in 1990 with the completely forgotten Jeff Daniels film Love Hurts.)
Writers – Steve Gordon – ( Known For: Arthur; The One and Only; Future BMT: Arthur; BMT: Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Notes: Wrote and Directed the original, but died in 1982.)
Andy Breckman – ( Known For: Rat Race; I.Q.; True Identity; Future BMT: Moving; Sgt. Bilko; BMT: Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Notes: Nominated for four Emmys, primarily for SNL and Letterman. Still writes a ton of television, but also seems to have had a radio program for the last 25 years? Hard to tell.)
Actors – Dudley Moore – ( Known For: 10; Arthur; Bedazzled; 30 Is a Dangerous Age, Cynthia; Foul Play; Like Father Like Son; Best Defense; Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland; Micki + Maude; The Wrong Box; Six Weeks; The Hound of the Baskervilles; Those Daring Young Men in Their Jaunty Jalopies; The Bed Sitting Room; Blame It on the Bellboy; Lovesick; The Pickle; The Mighty Kong; The Third Alibi; Derek and Clive Get the Horn; Future BMT: Crazy People; Unfaithfully Yours; Wholly Moses!; Romantic Comedy; BMT: Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Santa Claus: The Movie; Notes: Comedian and accomplished jazz pianist. Somewhat sadly died in the early 2000s after a series of long illnesses. Nominated for an Oscar for Arthur, and famously quite short (around 5 foot 2 inches).)
Liza Minnelli – ( Known For: Arthur; Cabaret; New York, New York; The Muppets Take Manhattan; Silent Movie; The Oh in Ohio; The Sterile Cuckoo; Lucky Lady; In the Good Old Summertime; Stepping Out; Journey Back to Oz; Rent-a-Cop; Charlie Bubbles; Tell Me That You Love Me, Junie Moon; A Matter of Time; BMT: Sex and the City 2; Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actress in 1989 for Arthur 2: On the Rocks, and Rent-a-Cop; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress for Sex and the City 2 in 2011; Notes: Nominated for two Oscars, and won for Cabaret. The daughter of Judy Garland. Was also nominated for 7 Emmys and won one for a variety special. Which now makes me realize she’s an EGOT winner.)
John Gielgud – ( Known For: Arthur; Caligula; The Elephant Man; Murder on the Orient Express; Chariots of Fire; Gandhi; Elizabeth; Hamlet; DragonHeart; Around the World in 80 Days; First Knight; The Power of One; Quest for Camelot; Shine; The Portrait of a Lady; Julius Caesar; Appointment with Death; Becket; Lion of the Desert; Shining Through; BMT: Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Notes: Won the Oscar for Arthur, and also nominated for Becket. Was nominated for 5 Emmys and won one for Summer’s Lease. Wait … he also is an EGOT winner! I wonder if this is the only BMT featuring two EGOTers? Maybe, although you’d think one of the bad Whoopi films could fit the bill.)
(That’s pretty terrible. But then again it was the sequel to a off-beat comedy made eight years later, so who knows what they really expected.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 13% (3/23): Arthur’s boozy charm curdles into a bad hangover in this unnecessary sequel.
(Yeah, that sounds about right. The unnecessary part I mean. The fist film is kind of a perfect original comedy of the type you rarely see now probably for that exact reason: films and tv are very much in the “what’s happening in season 3 / the trilogy” mode.)
Reviewer Highlight: The excruciating “Arthur 2 on the Rocks” should come with a surgeon general’s warning: “This sort of stupidity may sap your will to live or to watch movies ever again.” – Sheila Benson, Los Angeles Times
(WTF, mate? You needed a few more shrimp on that barbie. What is the framing device being used here? Some mild points for the classic tilted A in the title but otherwise this is kind of embarrassing. D+)
Tagline(s) – No Money. Still Funny. (C+)
(Alright, this is also clearly embarrassing on its face… and I’m not going to make a case that it’s actually good… … … but… it’s tight. That’s all I’ll say. Someone wrote out four words and it ended up on the poster for a reason. Tight.)
Keyword(s) – good
Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), The Nice Guys (2016)
Future BMT: 67.1 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 51.8 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.1 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.7 The Hot Chick (2002), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.2 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.5 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.1 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.7 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012), 31.3 The Nude Bomb (1980)
BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), The Fly II (1989), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Fresh Horses (1988), Killer Elite (2011), Hunter Killer (2018)
Best Options (daddio):50.0 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988)
(Kind of a funny series of films we got going since so many of them appear to be relying on the one or two specific films to get by. Next week is kind of the same way.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 25) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Kathy Bates is No. 8 billed in Arthur 2: On the Rocks and No. 3 billed in Tammy, which also stars Susan Sarandon (No. 2 billed) who is in That’s My Boy (No. 3 billed) which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (8 + 3) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 25. If we were to watch Unfaithfully Yours, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 14.
Notes – The character of Susan Johnson was not played by Jill Eikenberry who had portrayed the character in Arthur (1981). This was because Eikenberry was at the time unavailable due to being contracted to L.A. Law (1986), playing Ann Kelsey.
Dudley Moore has been said to have based his characterization of Arthur partly on Peter Cook, whose excessive drinking had soured his and Moore’s comedic partnership in the 1970s.
The closing credits dedication states: “The film is dedicated to the memory of Steve Gordon”. Gordon wrote and directed Arthur (1981) and sadly passed away soon afterwards in 1982. Arthur (1981) was the only theatrical movie directed by Gordon.
Dudley Moore is seen playing the piano in this movie. In real-life, Moore was a pianist. On movie sets, Moore would often entertain the crew by playing the piano between breaks in filming.
The cast features three Academy Award winners: Sir John Gielgud, Kathy Bates, and Liza Minnelli.
The scene where Arthur (Dudley Moore) asks Fairchild (Paul Benedict), to put on one of his wife’s dressing gowns, when Arthur says, “C’mon Fairchild, I know you want too!”, you can hear the camera men laughing.
Preparing stage plans for the studio sets to be built on the Warner Brothers’ Burbank lot, Set Decorator Gene Callahan and Art Director Hub Braden designed preliminary set plans with elevations of all of the proposed stage sets. Viewing Arthur (1981) on video, the original upstairs bedroom set was copied and rebuilt for this movie. Arthur (1981)’s set designs incorporated levels, with entrance doors requiring a door-step landing, to step down onto the set, similar to a theatrical stage set plan. This step element was changed in this set by eliminating the step-up hallway platform. Paper doll miniature sets were mounted and presented for discussion and final approvals by Director Bud Yorkin. Set Designers were then staffed with the commencement of drawing plans and elevations. All of the New York City sets were actual locations with no studio-built scenery. Minor modifications and set dressing were added to all of the interior and exterior location sights in New York City. The yacht interior was a Burbank stage set. The yacht’s interior lounge finish was a Phillipine Mahogany wood skin veneer finish. After the skin veneer was applied to the walls, after an overnight stage closure, the veneer wrinkled due to the frigid stage temperature. When the stage was scheduled for filming the set, the stage heaters had to be continuously maintained to prevent the veneer from wrinkling.
The basement New York City clinic set was one of the first completed stage sets; except that this set’s revisions had repeated major modifications. Compared to a television budgeted set, the clinic set should have cost sixteen thousand dollars. Every time Director Bud Yorkin and Production Designer would fly into Los Angeles from their New York City filming schedule to survey the progress of their stage sets under construction, Yorkin would order character wall treatments added to the clinic set. The lower bottom vertical set walls were extended forward, with bulging wood ribs skinned with chicken wire, stuffed with newspapers, then finished in a plaster skim coat. With each of their round trip-visits, the walls were repeatedly added with more bulging layers. Their theory, such a New York City building would have had the upper floors weight, forcing the sinking of the lower basement walls, causing the sag. The final cost of this small typical movie office stage set, instead, skyrocketed to a final cost of two hundred fifty thousand dollars. A money power struggle had developed between the studio and the production company with this as an example of “I’ll show you how much we can spend!”
While the original Arthur (1981) grossed $95.5 million on its first release, this could only muster $14.7 million at the box office.
The opening scene is a takeoff on the Grey Poupon mustard commercials of the 1980s, in which two Rolls-Royces pull up next to each other and the passenger in one car taps on the window of the other car and asks, “Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?”
Arthur and Linda move into an apartment at 140 W. 4th Street in Greenwich Village with a rent of eight hundred fifty dollars a month after being initially “cut off” by his family.
Awards – Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Liza Minnelli, 1989)
After waking up from my Killer Elite induced slumber, I was trying to remember why we wanted to watch this in the first place. In some part it was because we needed to connect through Amsterdam and Robert De Niro was sitting right there for us. Hard to pass up a screen legend when you have a chance to get him in the Chain. But really we can all admit it’s really because this film had not one, but two different slang terms for “good” in the title. It was both killer and elite… in reality it was neither, but we just simply had to watch it for the Good Movie Cycle. So to sum it up, we are on quite the streak of films that were picked entirely based on their title. Fresh Horses was all about dem horses… Killer Elite was all about words that make the film sound “good” when in fact the film is not good. Great.
To recap, Jason Statham is an elite killer. After a job goes wrong and he kills a target in front of their daughter, he decides to call it quits. Fast forward a year and he’s living his best life in Australia spending QT with his GF. But uh oh! Looks like he’s getting pulled back into the game. That’s because his best friend/elderly person Robert De Niro got caught up in a big money job to kill some elite British killers. Seeing that they were just too elite for his blood, he tried to pull out, but the uber wealthy Omani isn’t having any of that. Statham is like “fine, I’ll do it” and assembles a team. They go about creating elaborate situations in which their targets are killed, but it looks like an accident, and also they admit on camera that they indeed killed the people they are accused of killing. It’s so elaborate and nonsensical you would think we were watching Mechanic: Resurrection… but we aren’t. It’s not that elaborate. Anyway, in the course of getting information they begin to be tracked by the Feather Men, a group that influences British policy with a light touch. Clive Owen is tasked with tracking them. By the time they get to the last target Statham is under constant surveillance. This will be their most elaborate scheme yet! Turns out it’s a bit too elaborate because pretty much everyone dies. Although Statham is able to get the target and fake a confession. He gets Boddy D out and he heads home. THE END… psych! We got one last super elaborate killing left! The writer of the books that the film is based on also needs a good killing. Statham gets his scheme on, but ends up faking the final death. Why? Cause he’s just like… done, man. Done with elite killing. Clive Owen is like “fuck that,” and goes and tattles on him, kills the Omani, and takes the money. Statham catched up with him just to tell him “I’m done with elite killing, so don’t mess with me again,” and he goes back to Australia for more QT with the GF. THE END.
I just couldn’t deal with this movie. It’s a “very serious” version of Mechanic: Resurrection that runs far too long and has Dominic Purcell as the fourth lead… fourth! Not interested. That’s a hard pass from me. That’s even giving the film some credit for having some pretty good action scenes. I can definitely believe that there are fans of this movie and it has a surprisingly high IMDb rating to prove it. I’m just not one of them. I do have to shout out Robert De Niro for taking a role where he’s barely on screen and the premise of his character is “I really wanted a big paycheck so I agreed to something, but when I realized what it was I tried to back out, but they won’t let me, so now I’m being held captive until all this is over.” That’s some meta shit, Bobby.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Imagine a world where Statham is like “I’m good,” and leaves De Niro. He gives into the scheme far too easily and for what? Old man rivers who at like 70 years old couldn’t help but get wrapped up in this bullshit? Nope. No. Stay in Australia and have a great time with your GF. Don’t need the money, don’t need the headache. As a result a dozen people aren’t dead as a bonus… except for De Niro. He is definitely killed. But that’s his problem. Hot Take Temperature: Carolina Reaper.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Killer Elite? More like Barely Complete, amirite? A true murders row of British people who you remember used to be quite famous in the early 2010s (and Robert De Niro somehow). Let’s go!
Is Jason Statham still a movie star? Let’s investigate. He has a movie coming out this very week, that’s a check in the movie-star box. That movie is something I’ve never heard of, so let’s put that in the not-movie-star box. But then again, it has already made $30 million internationally … so maybe he’s an international movie star still? He made The Meg in 2018, and was still hanging around the Fast & Furious franchise as well … I think he’s still a movie star.
Just peeked at his upcoming slate though. The Meg 2, Fast X, Spy 2, and The Expendables 4?! Yeah definitely still a movie star. Jesus.
Clive Owen isn’t though, he’s kind of slowly ended up being a prestige television star.
And at age 79 Robert De Niro is … somehow. I mean, when he’s not playing a grandpa in bad comedies.
I guess the point is this: once upon a time this was an eye popping cast. Like: Statham, De Niro, and Clive Owen! Wowza. That level. Now? It feels like an odd relic of a time long ago.
Oh it should be pointed out that the most amusing bit of this entire movie is that it is based on a book, and that 100% of people involved in the real incidents being discussed basically call it a load of crap and hate the guy who wrote it. The guy who wrote it is a character in the film, and … I don’t know, it is really bizarre. Go read his biography. He’s Ralph Fiennes’s distant cousin or something and was at one point dismissed from the army for trying to blow up the set of the Doctor Doolittle musical from the 60s. It is insane and the only thing interesting about this film.
A few of the action scenes are fun. Like running through the tunnels of bees and stuff. That is probably the bread and butter of the film.
But the acting is terrible, the writing is terrible, and I feel like the direction (outside of action) is also sub-par. It is a sub-par movie, and pretty boring to boot.
I did vaguely like the story of Statham’s childhood friend turned lover in Australia. If only because it gave me the phrase “girl in the red gumboots” which I can use places like the Quiz. That’ll be a gift that will keep on giving … for a month, then I’ll forget about this movie forever.
I have to give a Setting as a Character (Where?) to Yemen, I’m surprised it has never come up before. Wait, should I add it to the map … I guess I should. For a film about revenge and conspiracies and secret societies there is shockingly little in the way of a MacGuffin. Closest to Bad, just boring nonsense.
Check out the continuing adventures of Brundlefly Jr. in Killer Elite 2: The Boy in the Red Gumboots. I told you I was going to get some mileage out of that. Cheerios,
Oh man. So get this. I’m killer. I’m elite. I’m an elite killer. But all of a sudden this eliter army guy popped out and smashed me in the head with a chair! The chair I tied him to! Anyways, now I have a massive concussion (natch) and can’t remember a thing (double natch). Do you remember what happened in Killer Elite?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) We are treated to a bit of a flashback scene at the beginning of the day that Jason Statham called it quits on being an elite killer. What happened to make him quit?
2) We then also get to see a little bit of his life on the outside. Where does he live and why?
3) Every time he tries to get out, they pull him back in! As the old saying goes. Who is hiring him, why, and how have they convinced him to do it?
4) The Elite Killer squad has four targets then. In a very very Mechanic-style plot they have to kill them in a way that seems accidental, and get confessions from them. How do they do it?
5) In the finale it is Statham v. Owens, the battle we’ve all been waiting for (I assume). Who is Clive Owens, and why does he want to kill Statham?
Bonus Question: Living happily ever after our hero suddenly gets a knock at the door in the mid-credits scene. Who is it?
Jamie and Patrick sit and watch Citizen Kane. Tears pour down their faces. It’s beautiful. “It’s Citizen Kane by a length!” The announcer calls as the horse crosses the finish line. The mayor pounds them on the shoulder, “She’s a real classic. These horses are so fresh. We’re doing boffo business!” Patrick wipes the tears from his face. Indeed, what they have accomplished is boffo, but even he can admit that they really should stop fooling around. While it seemed important to establish themselves in their new town, this whole racetrack business is really more of a Bad Movie Twins thing. He turns to Jamie to tell him to get the DVD player warmed up for some CK action, but he’s annoyed to find him talking once again with Jamie, the cowgirl they have been using to corral the horses that are a little too fresh. “Hey Patrick,” Jamie (the cowgirl) says, “me and Jamie were talking about catching a movie. I think it’s called Big Ass Crane. About a sentient crane that threatens Houston.” Patrick scowls, skeptical about how good BAC could possibly be. “I really want you to come, too,” Jamie (the cowgirl) says, placing her hand on Patrick’s. Patrick is startled (he’s a happily married man with 6 children!) and looks down at his Good Movie Rulez. Rule #5 – Love Triangle. “Uhhhh, no,” Patrick says quickly, “Why don’t you go back to the house and watch Citizen Kane together?” He adds helpfully. The Jamie’s nod, warming to the idea. “More like Citizen Crane, right?” Jamie (not the cowgirl) says, playfully. Patrick breathes a sigh of a relief and changes Rule #5 to Love Story. “Yeah that’s elite,” the mayor says looking over his shoulder. “It’s not elite,” Patrick says mockingly before putting on his sunglasses. “It’s killer.” That’s right! Not the best segue into a movie about ye olde assassins, but it’ll have to do. I feel like in my head I conflated this film with Righteous Kill. I was fully expecting this to be about police officers or something. But it’s not… it’s about something totally different. Let’s go!
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 32.4%; Notability: top 14.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 25.0%; Higher BMeT: Jack and Jill, The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Shark Night, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, The Roommate, The Darkest Hour, Hellraiser: Revelations, Conan the Barbarian, Abduction, I Don’t Know How She Does It, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Zookeeper, Apollo 18, Twixt, The Dilemma, and 61 more; Higher Notability: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Green Lantern, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, Hop, Cars 2, The Smurfs, Your Highness, New Year’s Eve, Red Riding Hood, Jack and Jill, Battle Los Angeles, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Sucker Punch, I Am Number Four, The Hangover Part II, In Time, Johnny English Reborn, Larry Crowne, Priest, and 17 more; Lower RT: You May Not Kiss the Bride, Hellraiser: Revelations, Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Roommate, A Little Bit of Heaven, Hick, Abduction, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Dream House, New Year’s Eve, Trespass, Honey 2, Red Riding Hood, Creature, Season of the Witch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Atlas Shrugged: Part I, The Darkest Hour, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, and 40 more; Notes: That is a shockingly low Notability now that I look at it. A film like this just feels like it should have 70 well known people in it.
RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – “Killer Elite” is inspired by a story that ingeniously finds a way to explain why two teams of ex-SAS men would want to kill each other. That doubles the possibilities for casting, and here Jason Statham and Clive Owen, who in fact have no reason to dislike each other, are engaged in a deadly game of international murder. Robert De Niro plays a hostage taken by a sheik of Oman, who uses him to settle a score neither team has any reason to care about, so basically what’s at stake is their professionalism.
(Wow. What a zag by Roger. Although this would have been prime time “good for what it is” Ebert, so actually it makes a lot of sense.)
(I remember this trailer so distinctly. Specifically the flip with the chair onto Clive Owen. Incredible use of Rock you like a Hurricane as well.)
Directors – Gary McKendry – ( BMT: Killer Elite; Notes: How bizarre. He directed an Oscar nominated short, then this, then one more short and then … literally nothing else? That seems insane. He one effort was a Statham, Owen, De Niro picture?)
Writers – Matt Sherring – ( BMT: Killer Elite; Notes: And this guy just has a single other thing in development maybe? How did this thing get made?)
Ranulph Fiennes – (BMT: Killer Elite; Notes: He wrote the book … this movie is based on a book. And this guy is nuts. He was a famous adventurer, and tried to blow up the Dr. Doolittle set as some sort of protest.)
Actors – Jason Statham – ( Known For: Operation Fortune: Ruse de guerre; F9: The Fast Saga; Wrath of Man; Snatch; Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels; Furious 7; The Italian Job; The Meg; Collateral; The Fate of the Furious; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; Furious 6; The Expendables; Spy; The Bank Job; The Expendables 2; The Transporter; Death Race; Homefront; Wild Card; Future BMT: The Pink Panther; War; The One; Turn It Up; BMT: The Expendables 3; Crank; Killer Elite; Crank: High Voltage; Mechanic: Resurrection; In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale; Ghosts of Mars; Notes: Was on the National British Diving Team. One funny story I remember from a podcast I listened to in like 2011 was that a comedian’s ex-girlfriend was dating Statham and he wanted so badly to hate him, but it turned out Statham is hilarious, really nice, and extraordinarily handsome, so he actually just ended up really enjoying the few times he’s met him.)
Clive Owen – ( Known For: Sin City; Closer; Inside Man; Children of Men; The Bourne Identity; The Informer; Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets; Gosford Park; Trust; Anon; Shoot ‘Em Up; Croupier; Last Knights; Ophelia; Close My Eyes; The International; Duplicity; Blood Ties; The Song of Names; Bent; Future BMT: King Arthur; Gemini Man; The Pink Panther; Derailed; Elizabeth: The Golden Age; Beyond Borders; The Rich Man’s Wife; BMT: Killer Elite; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Closer (remember that guy?). He ended up almost being as famous for starring in The Knick than anything else. Was Bill Clinton in American Crime Story?)
Robert De Niro – ( Known For: Joker; Goodfellas; Heat; Taxi Driver; The Godfather Part II; American Hustle; The Irishman; Cape Fear; Once Upon a Time in America; Casino; Sleepers; Silver Linings Playbook; Stardust; The Deer Hunter; A Bronx Tale; Limitless; The Untouchables; Raging Bull; Jackie Brown; Ronin; Future BMT: The Family; Great Expectations; Shark Tale; Meet the Fockers; The War with Grandpa; Little Fockers; Arthur and the Invisibles; Hide and Seek; Showtime; Analyze That; The Fan; 15 Minutes; The Comedian; Stanley & Iris; BMT: Amsterdam; Dirty Grandpa; Killer Elite; Righteous Kill; The Big Wedding; New Year’s Eve; Grudge Match; Godsend; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor for Dirty Grandpa in 2017; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 2003 for I Spy, Showtime, and The Adventures of Pluto Nash; Notes: Y’all know De Niro. Six time nominated for Best Actor (won twice for Raging Bull and Godfather Part II). And he’s still working. Mostly it is in comedies as a mea grandpa or something, but he still will show up in things like The Irishman and Amsterdam.)
(Oooooof there it is. Why would you give $70 million to an unproven director and writer. Wait … what year was this made? See 2011 it feels like they were already not funding dumb stuff, so how did this slip through?)
Rotten Tomatoes – 28% (35/127): A rote, utterly disposable Jason Statham vehicle that just happens to have Clive Owen and Robert De Niro in it.
(I mean … slammed? Now it makes a bit more sense. So they thought they could elevate it, but it just ended up wallowing in the mud with Statham. No offense to him, they said it not me.)
Reviewer Highlight: Clumsily directed by Gary McKendry and poorly written by Matt Sherring, rookies both, the convoluted movie collapses under the weight of its own cliches. – Peter Howell, Toronto Star
(I like the orange, but that’s about it. Old school framing and the scene itself is just a bunch of people standing around in black and white. Very middle of the road. C.)
Tagline(s) – May the Best Man Live (A, but sarcastic. Like a cheeky A.)
(Wooooow. That is a punch in the gut right there. May the best man live. It’s so close to a self parody that maybe it’s perfect. Maybe it’s the best tagline of all time and you will never know it.)
Keyword(s) – good
Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), The Nice Guys (2016)
Future BMT: 67.1 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 51.8 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.1 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.7 The Hot Chick (2002), 50.0 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.2 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.5 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.7 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012)
BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), The Fly II (1989), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Fresh Horses (1988), Killer Elite (2011), Hunter Killer (2018)
Best Options (Amsterdam): 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 21.7 Killer Elite (2011), 12.0 Great Expectations (1998)
(Yup, there weren’t much options. Great Expectations had a slightly better showing maybe to continue the streak, but we couldn’t pass up Killer Elite.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 6) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jason Statham is No. 1 billed in Killer Elite and No. 1 billed in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 6. There is no shorter path at the moment.
Notes – Sir Ranulph Fiennes, an English adventurer, polar explorer and former S.A.S. man is the author of The Feather Men, the novel on which this film is adapted. Although he has often claimed the novel was a true story, the families of the real dead S.A.S. men named in the novel who died on S.A.S. exercises, and the S.A.S. themselves publicly attacked it as sick exploitation and complete fiction. The S.A.S. even went on the record to disown both Fiennes and the book, with Lieutenant Colonel Ian Smith telling the Daily Mail “It was utter bullshit”, the figment of a fertile imagination. What was really upsetting, was that it was making a story out of a tragedy.” Maggie Denaro, the widow of one of the dead S.A.S. men said of Fiennes, “It’s time he grew up. He’s made his money out of the book. He should come clean. When the book came out saying Mike had been murdered, we knew it wasn’t true. But that didn’t stop our children from being upset when other people believed it.” Although Fiennes claims he sent a manuscript of the book to the S.A.S. and the families of the dead men, who gave their approval, they have all unequivocally denied his claim.
The controversy over whether the story is true or not has as many twists as the plot itself. As mentioned above, all the families and the S.A.S. denied they had been consulted or involved in any way with the book. However, an article the Daily Mail Online was forced to include an amendment when the widow of Major Mike Kealy admitted she had read and approved of every page that related to her husband.
Robert De Niro is the only American born actor in this film.
In the scene where the SAS are going on training in the Brecon Beacons, they are seen wearing the incorrect uniform for the period. In 1981 the British Army wore 1968 pattern Smock, Combat but here they are seen wearing P84 smocks which did not start being rolled out until circa 1985.
These horses are f-f-f-f-fresh. Funky Fresh. Never before has such a thin concept gone so far for BMT. The mere name of this film, Fresh Horses, is so weird that it stopped Patrick in his tracks and he insisted we watch. What made these horses so fresh, we wondered. And it was a tricky spot. Films from the 80’s not only significantly predate any of your favorite online databases (obviously), but the box office was like a wee little babe at that point. The data is sparse. So it’s hard enough knowing if a film is actually bad… but you also have to wonder whether it was even a wide release film. Was Fresh Horses deserving of being BMT? Who cares! These horses are fresh. Funky Fresh Horses. Welcome to FFH. We’ve rebranded.
To recap, Matt is a Richy Rich… or at least comparatively rich for Cincinnati. After getting engaged he becomes increasingly unhappy with his course in life. He decides to head down to Kentucky where there are no rulez and he meets Jewel. He is instantly obsessed. She seems so naive and pure (like a horse… a totally fresh horse) and he runs away from everything to be with her. Turns out he probably needs therapy, but whatevs! YOLO! Every time things seem like they are so pure and beautiful in their love there is some new speedbump in their way. Jewel is married?! Gah! Jewel might be 16 years old?! Gosh darn it. Jewel is mildly bored by Matt’s potential career choice of board game design?! Worst one yet! Eventually things spiral so far out of control that Matt decides he has to call things quits and he goes off for some fun with girls from his University. Discovered by Jewel and realizing he was just trying to hurt her, he gives the relationship one more go. But when he gets into a scuffle with Jewel’s husband they decide to officially break up. A year later they meet in Cincinnati and Matt finds that Jewel has left her husband, gone back to school and has a new beau. He’s happy for her and just as he turns away he mentions how he never did give her his real name. She asks what it is and he says, “Milton.. Milton Bradley.” THE END.
Alright, fine, that last part didn’t happen. But that would have been fresh. Funky fresh. This is a bit of a nothing film other than portraying some real wild stuff as if it’s just a normal, everyday coming-of-age tale. Weird stuff happens in real life, so perhaps this is par for the course for some, but you can’t help but be knocked back a couple steps when the characters keep upping the ante on Jewel and Matt is like “don’t care, I love her.” You probably don’t, bro. The only things that seem worth much in the film is an early turn by Ben Stiller, a stellar showing by Cincinnati, and an ending that feels a little like the second After film. How would a relationship like this end? Probably the college kid would reorient and get back on the path to his normal career and maybe the girl would end up turning her life around without him. They would not end up together… and they don’t. This isn’t a good film, it’s a weird film. Which is better than bad.
Hot Take Clam Bake! You know what, I think these kids are going to make it. The film tells you they are well on their way to leading fulfilling lives away from each other. I say no! I say they see each other that one day and Matt is like “Wow, Jewel is looking great and is now kind of a brainiac like me.” and Jewel is like “Wow, Matt is looking great and he’s not some lost weirdo anymore.” Soon he hears through the grapevine that she’s single again. “You wanna catch a flick?” he asks. Tim Burton’s Batman sounds like it’s good. She agrees. They end up back at his place where, what’s this? She is suddenly interested in his burgeoning board game career? And hold up, did she just make a suggestion on how to change the rules… and the game is now better? Oh, they’re passing Go and they’re collecting $200 (if you know what I mean). Hot Take Temperature: US Grade Police Pepper Spray.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! It’s f-f-f-f-f-f-f-funky fresh horses. Brother … those horses? They’re super fresh. Let’s go!
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh what’s this now? Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh what did we just watch now? And not in a “this film is wild kind of way”, but in a “I forgot people used to make films like this, that they would be released widely to theaters, that they would be panned by critics, and that they would play constantly on television … and then people would just forget this film existed?”
To point number one: I’ve been collecting data from the New York Times on television listings. Fresh Horses? All over the place in 1990. Played on television 15 times. That is as much as 55 other films from 1988 (already alarming …). Was Fresh Horses a top 60ish film in 1988? Not by gross, but by theatrical count it was for sure (as a matter of fact by that metric it was 57th versus 56th by television plays …). Is the number of times it played on television a proxy for theatrical counts? If so, could something like this be used for years where there isn’t good data on theatrical count? Interesting questions all around.
Oh, am I avoiding talking about this film? I couldn’t tell.
This film is really weird. I would say it is very well acted. I would say that the story is told well. The direction is at least adequate, although perhaps hardly spectacular (but it is adapting a stage play, so a difficult task). The writing seems solid. The issue just seems to be that they took a stage play with challenging ideas and … that’s it. There is something lost in translation. The weighty bit of the script: him falling in love with a girl from the wrong side of the tracks. That girl turning out to be 16 years old. That girl coming from an abusive background. That girl being married. That girl also maybe being a liar, but then again the undercurrent of her constantly being trapped by horrible men in a terrible situation, and then maybe it’s those men who are lying both to themselves and Andrew McCarthy to protect themselves. That’s a challenge. It sounds like a play. I think Ringwald and McCarthy handle the material well, but ultimately the film feels like a nothing film.
Is it because it feels like this pulls the punch at the end? Are there consequences at the end of this film? It feels like ultimately Jewel gets out of her situation (or is she perhaps duping another “high class” guy after using McCarthy to get her annulment? These are the questions), McCarthy moves up north to become a chemical engineer, his friend lives happily ever after. So … what was the consequence? McCarthy got beat up once and broke up with his rich fiancee. He may have had a fight with his family. That’s about it. I was fully expecting to watch McCarthy ruin his life. Either by following Jewel down a dark and dangerous path, or literally getting killed attempting to “save her”. I’m glad he didn’t, but at the same time is the film “less than” because it leaves things so unchanged? It feels like a stage play basically. That feels like a problem.
I’m surprised I have so much to say, but it was a weird film.
Shout out to Product Placement (What?) for White Castle, a solid addition to our BMT fast food product placement pantheon. Definite Setting as a Character (Where?) for the Cincinnati / Kentucky border which underscores the entire central dynamic of the film. I’ll leave it with that. This is closest to Bad easily I think, just because it is boring and I would never ever ever watch it again.
Read all about the sequel Fresher Horses in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Oh boy. One day I was wandering around rural Kentucky when all of a sudden I saw some funky fresh horses. My mind was literally blown and my head exploded (literally). Now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Fresh Horses?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Oh boy, Larkin is a brainiac at the University of Cincinnati, and he’s just got quite the life set up … that is, until he goes to that one party. How do him and Ben Stiller hear about the party?
2) At the everlasting house party Larkin meets Jewel and they are just immediately head over heels. Two problems though … what are the two issues that Ben Stiller ultimately brings up to Larkin about Jewel?
3) Hmmmm, unfortunate. More unfortunate: Larkin, still wants to be with Jewel because he lerrrrrrrrrvs her. Soon after Larkin gets in a big old fight with someone at that same everlasting house party. Over what?
4) Around the same time Larkin is thrown out of his house. Why, and where does he ultimately go to live?
5) In the end Jewel and Larkin don’t end up together. What happens to them?
Bonus Question: When Larkin returns to his job he’s toiling away when he gets a knock at his door. Who is it?
“Home sweet home,” Patrick says, looking around at their Delaware mansion. Jamie pulls the shrink wrap off the Citizen Kane DVD and pops it into the player. But before the magic of cinema can wash over them, the doorbell rings. Jamie is annoyed. His first post, “Citizen Kane: Hot or Not?” won’t write itself and he could feel the genius flowing. “Uh, Jamie,” Patrick says from the front door, “you might wanna come see this.” Jamie snaps his laptop shut in disgust, but when he gets to the front door he gasps. A large crowd of people have gathered on the lawn. “Seems like the video of us kicking that guy off the train went viral,” Patrick says. Out of the crowd comes the Mayor. He grabs them by the hands and faces the cameras. “Ladies and Gentlemen, these boys here saved the train!” Everyone cheers. “Not only that, but I reckon this viral video could save the town. Really pump up the volume on local tourism. That’s why I’ve come here to ask the Good Movie Twins to help promote our latest venture, the local racetrack.” Everyone looks on hopefully. “We really have to get back to Citizen Kane,” Jamie says gruffly, but before he can head back inside Patrick grabs his shoulder and exclaims loudly, “But before then we’d be happy to help.” The crowd erupts. An hour later Jamie and Patrick find themselves at the track. Patrick squints his eyes, “Where are the horses?” he asks, confused. “That’s just it, we don’t have any,” the mayor admits. At that, inspiration hits and Patrick take out the Good Movie Twins rulez to change Rule #4 to read, “Animals”. Easy enough. “Horses, coming right up,” they say, putting on their sunglasses, “and these horses are gonna be fresh.” That’s right! We are watching *checks notes* Fresh Horses… wait, that can’t be right. Let’s go!
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 15.6%; Notability: top 13.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 0.0%; Higher BMeT: Mac and Me, Caddyshack II, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Poltergeist III, Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, Johnny Be Good, Alien from L.A., Arthur 2: On the Rocks, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Big Top Pee-wee, Red Scorpion, Cocoon: The Return, Two Moon Junction, Critters 2, Hot to Trot, Return of the Killer Tomatoes!, 976-EVIL, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, Short Circuit 2, Action Jackson, and 19 more; Higher Notability: Action Jackson, Sunset, High Spirits, Big Top Pee-wee, Caddyshack II, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Moving, Cocoon: The Return, The Couch Trip, License to Drive, Vibes, Cocktail, Arthur 2: On the Rocks, Hot to Trot, The Seventh Sign, Mac and Me, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Bad Dreams, The Presidio, Short Circuit 2, and 13 more; Notes: Yeah it got 0% on RT so naturally nothing is beating that. I’m shocked by the Notability. But I suppose when you have had 35 years to make people famous having 30 famous people involved in your movie is almost inevitable? Then again, only 33 or so films had higher that year. The 80s were a wild time where this was definitely a major release and yet until this very moment I had no idea this movie existed.
Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars – Collegian McCarthy, engaged to a wealthy dullard, falls for Ringwald’s underage no-no, a semi-shantytramp who lives across the river from his Cincinnati campus. Slightly better than expected, thanks to fine Midwest location work from the director of Hoosiers. Ringwald isn’t totally convincing in the kind of role Gloria Grahame invented.
(First, loving the non-word “semi-shantytramp”. Also loving the name drop of Gloria Grahame. Only made better by having just watched It’s a Wonderful Life where … I guess that’s what he’s talking about. Regardless, given her character in that film I can definitely understand the reference despite not having seen any of her other major roles.)
(Jesus Christ. I suppose it should be mentioned he’s engaged at the start of the film, she’s 16, and the whole film is insanity. What is the opposite of being hyped for a film? The Anti-Money Train?)
Directors – David Anspaugh – ( Known For: Rudy; Hoosiers; The Game of Their Lives; WiseGirls; Little Red Wagon; Future BMT: Moonlight and Valentino; BMT: Fresh Horses; Notes: Won two Emmys for Hill Street Blues. Was apparently personally recommended for USC film school by Jack Nicholson.)
Writers – Larry Ketron – ( Known For: Permanent Record; Vital Signs; The Only Thrill; BMT: Fresh Horses; Notes: Contributed to the TV Movie Ghost Cat in 2004.)
Actors – Molly Ringwald – ( Known For: The Breakfast Club; Sixteen Candles; Pretty in Pink; The Kissing Booth; Siberia; The Kissing Booth 3; The Kissing Booth 2; The Pick-up Artist; King Cobra; Tempest; SPF-18; King Lear; Betsy’s Wedding; Office Killer; Malicious; Cowboy Up; Cut; All These Small Moments; Strike It Rich; Bad Night; Future BMT: Not Another Teen Movie; Teaching Mrs. Tingle; Jem and the Holograms; Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone; For Keeps?; BMT: Fresh Horses; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actress for Betsy’s Wedding in 1991; Notes: Was a John Hughes staple of the 80s. I always assumed she was way more famous than she actually was because I watched The Breakfast Club so many times as a kid.)
Andrew McCarthy – ( Known For: Pretty in Pink; St. Elmo’s Fire; The Spiderwick Chronicles; Weekend at Bernie’s; Less Than Zero; The Joy Luck Club; The Good Guy; Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle; Only You; Quiet Days in Clichy; Main Street; Stag; Getting In; I Woke Up Early the Day I Died; New Waterford Girl; Night of the Running Man; Camp Hell; The Beniker Gang; Things I Never Told You; Waiting for the Moon; Future BMT: Class; Mulholland Falls; Heaven Help Us; Year of the Gun; Kansas; BMT: Mannequin; Fresh Horses; Weekend at Bernie’s II; Notes: One of the eight original members of the Brat Pack. Emelio Estevez, Charlie Sheen, Rob Lowe, Judd Nelson, him, Molly Ringwald, Ally Sheedy, … that’s all I got. Sheen isn’t actually one, and I was missing Anthony Michael Hall, Demi Moore)
Patti D’Arbanville – ( Known For: Real Genius; Morning Glory; World Trade Center; Time After Time; Bilitis; Celebrity; The Extra Man; The Boys Next Door; Big Wednesday; Modern Problems; Rancho Deluxe; The Main Event; Flesh; Call Me; The Fifth Floor; Personal Velocity; Hog Wild; Happy Tears; L’Amour; Future BMT: The Fan; Wired; BMT: I Know What You Did Last Summer; Perfect Stranger; Fresh Horses; Fathers’ Day; Notes: Apparently she’s the one being referred to in the Cat Stevens song Lady D’Arbanville. Was married to Terry Quinn for a long time … which has only occurred to me now is not Terry O’Quinn from Lost.)
Budget/Gross – $14 million / Domestic: $6,640,346 (Worldwide: $6,640,346)
(How … how did this movie make $6 million. It makes no sense. I dare anyone to find someone who watched this film in theaters when it came out.)
(Egad! This poster has me thinking this film is an elaborate joke of some kind. That one is a solid C-. Super pretentious, but is it wrong that I kinda like the bold purple with the black and white picture and simple yellow lettering? The colors are… fresh.)
Tagline(s) – Love doesn’t have to last a lifetime. (C+)
(Huh… I mean it certainly gets to the point. Almost gives away what should be left to the audience. Not clever either, but it’s more interesting than it should be. It feels intriguing, which is something.)
Keyword(s) – good
Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), The Nice Guys (2016)
Future BMT: 67.4 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 56.2 The Fly II (1989), 51.7 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.0 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.6 The Hot Chick (2002), 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.1 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.4 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.7 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992)
BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Fresh Horses (1988), Hunter Killer (2018)
Best Options (Romance): 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012), 24.4 Fresh Horses (1988), 21.6 For Love or Money (1993), 19.1 Other People’s Money (1991), 14.3 Sweet November (2001), 12.0 Great Expectations (1998), 10.6 A Good Year (2006)
(Arthur 2 is going to be done in a few weeks. The rest are more like … comedies with romantic elements maybe? Milk Money for sure is about kids hiring prostitutes, not exactly traditional romance.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Andrew McCarthy is No. 2 billed in Fresh Horses and No. 1 billed in Mannequin, which also stars Estelle Getty (No. 3 billed) who is in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (No. 2 billed) which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 1) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch Little Fockers we can get the HoE Number down to 15.
Notes – The film was made and first released about two years after its source stage play by Larry Ketron had been first performed Off Broadway on 11th February 1986 at the WPA Theatre in New York where it starred in its lead roles Craig Sheffer and Suzy Amis. They are played in the movie by Andrew McCarthy and Molly Ringwald respectively. Larry Ketron penned this screen adaptation of his own play.
The meaning and relevance of the title phrase ”Fresh Horses” is that it is a term used for horses that riders use to replace their tired horses during a long ride. This is referred to by Tipton, who argues at one point that men have an urge to want to switch out their tired used up horses for fresh unridden ones, horses meaning women in this case.
One of the few PG-13 rated movies that allowed the use of the word f-word more than one time and still maintain its rating. Neither use was in a sexual connotation.
Second and final of two theatrical feature film collaborations of actor Andrew McCarthy and actress Molly Ringwald who had both previously starred together in the 1980’s hit movie ‘Pretty In Pink’ (1986) about a couple of years earlier.
Mary Stuart Masterson was attached to star in the lead female role of Jewel with her father Peter Masterson attached to direct the film according to an article published in the 20th March 1987 edition of show-business trade-paper ‘Daily Variety’. However, neither ended up working on the picture with the Columbia Pictures studio executives going for the re-teaming of the stars of ‘Pretty in Pink’ (1986), who were Andrew McCarthy and Molly Ringwald.
Allan Marcil, executive producer on the picture, according to the film’s production notes, wanted to shoot the picture near the Ohio-Kentucky border region where his wife grew up. This was because the geographic boundary provided a cultural and social dichotomy necessary to the story.
The song No Tomorrow by David Foster, Kenny Loggins, Arlene Matza and performed by George Hawkins is used during the end credits in the theatrical and the VHS version of the film.
Always a pleasure to deviate from our typical BMT formula of a single bad movie (or perhaps two or three bad movies) and partake in a classic film and it’s not-so-classic follow-up/money grab. That’s what we got with The Fly II. I started to wonder whether this was the steepest drop from classic high to BMT low. And I’m not talking some jokey answer like the drop from Big Momma’s House to Big Momma’s House 2. Like for serious, there would be some pretty great nominees. Basic Instinct 2. Speed 2: Cruise Control. The Birds 2: Land’s End… but I think I’m most intrigued by The Sting II… the original won Best Picture, the sequel did not. But it’s just old enough to confuse us as to its BMT credentials. I’ll have to get Patrick on the case given he’s the head of the Computer Science Department at BMT University. Till then…
To recap, The Brundlefly’s back, Jack! But not Seth this time, it’s his son Martin. Having inherited the fly genetics from his father, Martin grows up fast. So even though he’s only five years old he’s got the body of a twenty year old. And what a body! (Characters in the film think, unironically). He’s also got the mind of a genius. So when he gets big enough he goes to work for Bartok, his Science Daddy (as I shall creepily refer to him). His task is to get his father’s machine working again. While he’s doing this he strikes up a friendship with Beth, a night shift worker with greater aspirations. While attending a work party with Beth, Martin stumbles upon a monstrous dog creature his Science Daddy accidentally created during earlier attempts at getting the machine to work. He is dismayed and breaks things off with Beth, but drawn like a fly to honey he reconciles and they totally smooch… hard (remember, he’s five, but his mind is older, so it’s OK). This gets not only his body juices flowing, but his mind juices too and he is able to perfect the machine. But his postcoital bliss only lasts so long as he realizes he’s transforming into the Brundlefly (oh no). Even worse, he has figured out how to cure himself but it requires him to make horrific genetic alterations to another person (double oh no!). As if it can’t get worse, he also finds out his Science Daddy is evil and wants to use his invention for profit (triple dog oh no!). Distraught, he locks down his computers and attempts an escape. This doesn’t last long, though, as he enters a cocoon state and despite her best efforts, Beth is forced to return him to the lab. Awakened, Martin goes on a rampage. He kills all the baddies in sight, eventually cornering his Science Daddy and pulling him into a pod where Beth initializes his curing process. Martin comes out cured and his Science Daddy is now his Science Daddy Monster. THE END… or is it? (It is).
This movie appears to be sold on one thing and one thing only: the ending visual effects. While the fly effects are a bit shaky, the very last shot of the Science Daddy Monster is horrific and so I have to give them some props on that. Truly grotesque. Congrats. I also very much enjoyed Spaceball’s Daphne Zuniga as the love interest. Charming actress. I think the film mostly suffers from comparisons to the Cronenberg original, which is unassailable both technically and aesthetically. It is impossible to live up to when you then hire the visual effects artist to direct the follow up. It’s also pretty slow for the first hour. Clearly they wanted something quick and on the cheaper side of things so they could grab dat money.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Is it wrong for me to suggest that there are numerous people they could have used to cure Martin and avoid all the general fly hubbub? Ethically it may be a bit hazy, but let’s be real… ethics isn’t Science Daddy’s strong suit. You just need that sweet, sweet DNA to fix Martin. Guess who has a bunch of DNA they aren’t using? Dead people. Science Daddy got the green. Buy a dead body… easier said than done, I’m sure, but I bet Science Daddy could figure it out. And if he can’t, guess who’s providing dead bodies left and right? The fly himself. Grab up a deado and get the process rolling. Seems wasteful to use a perfectly good Science Daddy. Hot Take Temperature: Carolina Reaper.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! The Fly II? More like Not Fly Too! Amirite? Brundlefly is back, but now he has the growing disease from Jack. Let’s go!
I like Eric Stoltz and Daphne Zuniga in this. Both of them work well as young employees of a how-you-say? … evil company? Funny that Mel Brooks was an EP so he got Zuniga in the film. I don’t really remember her in much else and was always surprised. Looks like she was in Vision Quest (never saw it), Gross Anatomy (future BMT … wait, was she connected to Modine in some way … was Modine connected to Mel Brooks too?), and then did 110 episodes of Melrose Place.
But I will never ever ever ever watch this film ever again. Why? Because what happens to the dog and the bad guy at the end is horrifying. Just horrifying. Cut that part of the film out and it is just silly with some interesting third act practical effects. With it, it is just unnecessarily gross and I hate it.
If I were to pinpoint the main thing that makes this a BMT film it is the moment (shown in the trailer) where Stoltz becomes like … a cocoon man. No, he doesn’t look like Steve Guttenberg. I mean, like, he’s a weird looking man covered in cobwebs and shit. The short segment where a very very ill Stoltz goes on the run and tries to get Zuniga and a former Brundlefly Inc. employee to help him is the best part from a BMT perspective.
Prior to that the film is kind of just a rehash of the first film with Brundlefly Jr. trying to figure out where he belongs in the world (you know?) and rebuild his father’s research. After that is it just a practical effects bonanza. The “I feel BBeTTer” line is just really everything from a BMT perspective.
Speaking of which I suppose. People were pretty down on the practical effects, but while gross, I felt they were pretty impressive. I can understand the “this ain’t no Cronenberg” attitude at the time, but I still think it worked much better than I expected.
The exception being the actual puppet at the end. The puppet was pretty rough. Kind of looked like crap and … well, it looked like a puppet. A fragile puppet. Not great. Still, I didn’t mind it much.
I did watch the Goldblum film a while back. Loved it. It’s a good movie with great special effects. Unfortunately I didn’t get to the original or any of the sequels. Some day. I do think they are intriguing, and I want to watch more older films.
I suppose a minor Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimate twist of Stoltz fixing himself by destroying his father figure / horrible person Bartok. That’s it though. It’s very much closest to BMT, but I don’t think it is as impressive as I expected.
Read about my sequel The Fly III: Half Past Fly in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Oh boy. So first of all, I’m a quarter fly person (my dad was half fly, don’t worry about it). And now I’m growing ultra quick like Robin Williams! Needless to say I have the memory of a fly as well, so I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in The Fly II?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Brundlefly Jr. is born to definitely-not-Geena-Davis, but ultimately is raised by who? And why?
2) In his formative years a very particular relationship with an aminal would ultimately color issues throughout his life. What kind of animal?
3) When Brundlefly Jr. grows up though he meets a young lady, Princess Vespa. How do they meet?
4) Ultimately he must escape his confines though as he slowly turns into an actual Brundlefly. What final betrayal is revealed concerning his condition from Bartok?
5) How does Brundlefly cure himself?
Bonus Question: Brundlefly Jr. is living happily ever after, but then there is a knock at the door. Who is it?
Bad Movie Twins 