thumbs down – Bad Movie Twins

Fool’s Paradise Preview

Several weeks later, Patrick is camped out at Freddy’s. His binoculars (or ‘nocks, as the kids call them) have been trained on Jamie’s new, very haunted house ever since he abandoned him to the maze. “Jesus, that house is so haunted,” Patrick mumbles. It’s true, but there is a twinge of jealousy to Patrick’s disapproving tone because the only ghosts he’s seen are totally dope. Ghost skateboards, ghost Mountain Dew, and ghost electric guitars as far as the eye can see. “And none of this is even real!” Patrick yells, “We are in a puzzle box after probably being hypnotized!” This outburst earns him a shush from Freddy. “Shut it, Freddy,” Patrick growls, “This whole world is pain and/or pleasure and yet none of it can wake us up. That’s dumb.” He feels a hand on his shoulder and Freddy is there with a piping hot za. It’s The Pinhead, his favorite. “Aw, I’m sorry, Fred. Thanks. This will really tear up my throat,” Patrick says and this moment of kindness from Freddy brings a tear to his eye. He’s never noticed how cozy it is at Freddy’s. He’s been so focused on getting out of here that he forgot to appreciate what he has. Friendship, the torture machine in the corner that always eats your quarters, the jukebox that never stops playing Summer Girls by LFO, the large book called How to Escape the Maze, the… “What thuuu…” Patrick says dumbly as he picks up the book. Suddenly escape is within reach. He just has to figure out how to get into Jamie’s house and convince him to leave with him. As he raises the ‘nocks back to his face he smiles as he sees Jamie put a sign on his door, “Fool’s Paradise. Rooms Available.” Bingo. That’s right! We’re watching Fool’s Paradise… … … Fooooool’s Paradise. Because we have to for the chain. Let’s go!

Fool’s Paradise (2023) – BMeTric: 43.8; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.2%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.8%; Higher BMeT: The Exorcist: Believer, Meg 2: The Trench, Expend4bles, The Black Demon, Knights of the Zodiac, Best. Christmas. Ever!, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, 65, The Ritual Killer, Five Nights at Freddy’s, The Out-Laws, Insidious: The Red Door, Maybe I Do, In the Fire, White Men Can’t Jump, Retribution, Hypnotic, Fool’s Paradise; Lower RT: Freelance, The Ritual Killer, 57 Seconds, Expend4bles, In the Fire, On a Wing and a Prayer; Notes: The fact that this tops the notability scale is crazy! It might seem like 54 is low, but all the numbers creep up over time as people get more notable, so there will be some higher ones eventually I think. Then again, the cast here is just so expansive.

RogerEbert.com – 0.5 stars – Hollywood will always be ripe for skewering. It employs too many comedians and takes itself too seriously as a business not to be. Because this topic is so close to home, it means many others have had a few laughs at the industry’s expense already, including Woody Allen mocking their (still growing) number of award shows in “Annie Hall” or even how the Marion Davies comedy “Show People” had fun with the odds characters you meet in entertainment in the 1920s. But “Fool’s Paradise” occupies some mirthless middle ground between “Show People” and the dark Hollywood satire “The Day of the Locust,” and it doesn’t have anything to show for it. Overblown caricatures and stale jokes about “don’t you know who I am?!” and going to see his wife’s shaman are as empty as a finished cup of coffee, and unfortunately, this movie has nothing else to offer for a refill.

(Wow, this is an extremely rare thumbs down from the Roger Ebert site. One star isn’t that crazy, but I can’t remember the last time we saw a real thumbs down. So … that’s exciting.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j6b_hevaoY/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j6b_hevaoY/

(It is a really weird idea … and after watching the film I still don’t really know what it is about. I thought it was about like … a Chaplin-esque guy, but that isn’t at all what the trailer seems to be. It seems more like a weirdo who looks like an actor ends up becoming one while not saying any lines? That might be it I suppose.)

Directors – Charlie Day – ( BMT: Fool’s Paradise; Notes: Legit the only thing he’s directed which is crazy. I would have thought he would have done a few It’s Always Sunny episodes at least before making a giant film with a thousand famous actors.)

Writers – Charlie Day – ( BMT: Fool’s Paradise; Notes: He grew up in Rhode Island and both his parents are musicians which maybe explains why his character on It’s Always Sunny is an amazing musician.)

Actors – Charlie Day – ( Known For: Pacific Rim; Horrible Bosses; Monsters University; The Lego Movie; The Super Mario Bros. Movie; Pacific Rim: Uprising; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Going the Distance; Hotel Artemis; I Want You Back; The Hollars; I Love You, Daddy; How It Ends; A Quiet Little Marriage; Future BMT: Horrible Bosses 2; Vacation; Fist Fight; BMT: Fool’s Paradise; Notes: Majored in Art History and it is indicated he was mostly acting in bit parts and waiting tables when he pitched It’s Always Sunny with his costars.)

Ken Jeong – ( Known For: Avengers: Endgame; The Hangover; Despicable Me; Despicable Me 2; Knocked Up; Pineapple Express; Step Brothers; Role Models; Pain & Gain; Crazy Rich Asians; Turbo; The DUFF; Penguins of Madagascar; The Muppets; Boss Level; My Spy; Scoob!; Over the Moon; Lady and the Tramp; Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween; Future BMT: The Hangover Part II; Transformers: Dark of the Moon; The Hangover Part III; Couples Retreat; Vampires Suck; The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard; Wonder Park; Norm of the North; BMT: Zookeeper; Ride Along 2; All About Steve; Tom & Jerry; Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son; Furry Vengeance; Fool’s Paradise; Notes: Famously a doctor who used to do comedy on the side and then once he got his big break (in Knocked Up maybe?) he quit being a doctor and started acting full time. Probably most notable for Community at this point.)

Kate Beckinsale – ( Known For: The Aviator; Contraband; Serendipity; Vacancy; Everybody’s Fine; Stonehearst Asylum; Much Ado About Nothing; Absolutely Anything; Nothing But the Truth; Jolt; Love & Friendship; Laurel Canyon; The Only Living Boy in New York; The Last Days of Disco; Snow Angels; Shooting Fish; Winged Creatures; Haunted; The Trials of Cate McCall; The Face of an Angel; Future BMT: Click; Underworld; Van Helsing; Total Recall; Underworld: Evolution; Underworld: Rise of the Lycans; Underworld: Awakening; Underworld: Blood Wars; Brokedown Palace; The Disappointments Room; BMT: Pearl Harbor; Whiteout; Tiptoes; Fool’s Paradise; Notes: British and both of her parents were British actors as well. Her father in particular was a television actor of some note who died at the very early age of 31. But he was, for example, in 17 episodes of Porridge which is quite a significant British comedy series of the 70s.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $855,173 (Worldwide: $881,743)

(Obviously catastrophic, but it was shelved for years and seems to have been pushed out in limited release just to get a little money and possibly for contractual reasons. I can’t think of another reason honestly.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 18% (8/45): Fool’s Paradise suggests Charlie Day may have a bright future as a director, but he’ll need to find smarter and more consistently funny scripts.

(Ah interesting. Well … he wrote it alone it would seem. But that is still interesting. I do hope he tries again, I think he is quite the talent and getting an interesting (musical?) film out of him would be fun.)

Reviewer Highlight: You’d need to be Blake Edwards to pull this off. One wishes Day had looked further afield than Hollywood for inspiration. – Nicolas Rapold, New York Times

Poster – Foooooool’s Paradise

(Seems like this is a take on a poster that I don’t get… or maybe it’s just whatever. Not sure. I like the yellow and red, though. Font is slightly better than bad. Overall, C. Some good, some bad.)

Tagline(s) – He’s ready for his close-up. (D)

(Huh. Well that’s not funny. I guess they are playing on the poster… his face it super close-up and he seems a bit scared? Don’t like it.)

Keyword(s) – Year 2023

Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Barbie (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023), The Flash (2023)

Future BMT: 84.6 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 67.0 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 48.0 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 43.5 House Party (2023), 37.2 Paint (2023), 35.8 Freelance (2023), 31.6 The Machine (2023), 27.7 Love Again (2023), 24.9 Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023), 20.9 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023), 18.4 Nefarious (2023), 9.1 The Shift (2023), 9.1 Camp Hideout (2023), 8.8 Back on the Strip (2023), 8.3 Sweetwater (2023)

BMT: Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Expend4bles (2023), 65 (2023), Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), Retribution (2023), Hypnotic (2023), Fool’s Paradise (2023), My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), Mafia Mamma (2023), About My Father (2023), Haunted Mansion (2023), Fear (2023)

Best Options (Angels In the Outfield): 43.8 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 9.1 The Shift (2023), 9.1 Camp Hideout (2023)

(Yeah and this was really the only option sadly, those other ones are even less of movies than this one! Also you’d think with the expansive cast you’d get some awesome options coming off of it, but nope. We have a pretty solid idea for it, but still, not as good of a chain as you’d expect.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 11) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Kate Beckinsale is No. 3 billed in Fool’s Paradise and No. 2 billed in Pearl Harbor, which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (3 + 2) + (3 + 3) = 11. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Filmed in 2018, this is one of Ray Liotta’s last films, before his death in 2022.

Charlie Day and Mary Elizabeth Ellis are married in real life, they also star together on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Of the main cast of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005) only Glenn Howerton appears. However multiple guest stars & recurring actors from the show appear in this film: Jason Sudeikis, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, Artemis Pebdani, Leonora Pitts, Jimmi Simpson, Lance Barber, Andrew Leeds, Julia Cho, Alanna Ubach, David Hornsby, Lisa Schwartz, Peter Mackenzie, Christine Horn & Christopher Macken.

Charlie Day’s character is named Latte Pronto. In ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’, in Season 1 Episode 1 around 12:30, Charlie Day is seated at a restaurant and there is a sign with ‘Pronto’ written on it in the background.

Clifford Preview

Jamie and Patrick are dropped back at the Apologies Tour brought to you by Tim Horton’s. Metaphorical Kyle says some final words but Jamie and Patrick aren’t listening. It’s time to pound some dweebs, not time to listen to some ghost. They look around at the concert and are shocked to see most of the audience are either asleep in their seats or teetering on the edge of exhaustion. “How long have we been gone?” they mumble and Metaphorical Kyle indicates that it’s been about two days since they left. They look back at the stage and marvel at Pitbull still going strong. “No wonder they call him Mr. Worldwide,” Jamie says and they all laugh and laugh. Once they finish laughing they get back to the task at hand. As they head backstage they are startled to find that the Dudikoff’s are already there, arms full of merchandise and cash from the boffo box office. Matt McGoo must have warned them in the time they were gone. Fucking Matt McGoo. The Dudikoff’s drop their ill-gotten gains and stick their hands in the air. “You got us, Bad Movie Twins. Do your worst,” Drake says with a quavering voice. “You wanted to be our fathers,” Jamie and Parick say, “But you’ll never be.” With that they lunge towards the Dudikoff’s and embrace them in a hug. “But you’ve helped us realize that we need to get past the Bakulas and Dudikoffs of the world. So, thank you.”

A week later they stand nervously at the door of a fancy ski chalet. They ring the bell and shuffle their feet as they hear the noise echo out through the cavernous interior. The door opens and there stands a butler. “Clifford,” Jamie and Patrick acknowledge. “Sirs,” Clifford says and shows them in. That’s right! We are going back to another classic in Clifford starring Martin Short as a 10-year-old menace. It was a film I had a real fondness for as a kid, but only later realized that people kind of hated it. We pair that with Ski School, a true blue T&A comedy (and not the Summer Job kind of dreck), so I’m pretty excited about it. Let’s go!

Clifford (1994) – BMeTric: 37.2; Notability: 50

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 16.0%; Notability: top 8.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 14.5%; Higher BMeT: Street Fighter, Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, Junior, The Next Karate Kid, Double Dragon, It’s Pat: The Movie, On Deadly Ground, The Flintstones, North, The Fantastic Four, Leprechaun 2, 3 Ninjas Kick Back, Exit to Eden, In the Army Now, Color of Night, Richie Rich, Car 54, Where Are You?, Getting Even with Dad, Beverly Hills Cop III, Blank Check, and 20 more; Higher Notability: The Flintstones, Wyatt Earp, The Shadow, Beverly Hills Cop III, Love Affair, Ready to Wear, North, I Love Trouble, Radioland Murders, The Pagemaster, Little Giants, Exit to Eden, Street Fighter, Drop Zone, D2: The Mighty Ducks, On Deadly Ground, Speechless, Junior, The Scout, The Puppet Masters; Lower RT: Death Wish: The Face of Death, Wagons East, Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, It’s Pat: The Movie, House Party 3, The Silence of the Hams, Holy Matrimony, Erotique, Car 54, Where Are You?, Getting Even with Dad, A Low Down Dirty Shame, Major League II, Exit to Eden, Lightning Jack, Leprechaun 2, In the Army Now, The Next Karate Kid, Trial by Jury, Blank Check, Intersection, and 14 more; Notes: I’m going to use this space to point out the NYT Review for Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (played 52 times, “Help yourself”) and Silence of the Hams (played 11 times, “Help yourself”). That’s right, both have the key phrase “Help yourself.” Stay tuned. There might be a cycle here. A 50 notability for Clifford is amazing, but also makes sense, it seemed to be a major comedy of 1990 … and yeah, it was shelved for a while.

RogerEbert.com – 0.5 stars – To return to the underlying causes for the movie’s failure: What we have here is a suitable case for deep cinematic analysis. I’d love to hear a symposium of veteran producers, marketing guys and exhibitors discuss this film. It’s not bad in any usual way. It’s bad in a new way all its own. There is something extraterrestrial about it, as if it’s based on the sense of humor of an alien race with a completely different relationship to the physical universe. The movie is so odd, it’s almost worth seeing just because we’ll never see anything like it again. I hope.

(I think that is a thumbs down. This review is pretty funny, arguably funnier than the movie. He’s 100% right, the film is mostly aggravating, not traditionally funny, which makes me wonder if it was merely 15 years early.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNF-yVRGnsI/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNF-yVRGnsI/

(It is a little stunning how much of a no-laugh trash comedy this apparently is all things considered. Like, the bit where Grodin is like “look at me like a human boy” is genuinely funny. I always want to think something like this was ahead of its time, but I think me as a 10 year old watching it on Comedy Central just probably accepted “an adult man playing a child in a movie” was 100% all that was needed to create a successful comedy film. Objectively funny concept = definitely funny film, right? In reality I’m sure it runs like a 90 minute SNL skit (which it basically is. Although SCTV instead of SNL).)

Directors – Paul Flaherty – ( Future BMT: Who’s Harry Crumb?; 18 Again!; BMT: Clifford; Notes: Nominated for 14 Emmys, won three times (for SCTV twice, and Muppets Tonight). Obviously worked closely with Short including on Primetime Glick.)

Writers – William Porter – ( Known For: Avenging Angelo; Krystal; The Space Between; Black Cadillac; Stealing Cars; Notes: TMDb only knows him as Will Aldis, but he seemed to have written under a number of pen names over the years. He is credited on Back to School and Stealing Home on IMDb for example. I think Porter is his real name.)

Steven Kampmann – ( Known For: Back to School; Future BMT: Stealing Home; The Couch Trip; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for WKRP in Cincinnati. Was credited for this as Bobby von Hayes. Worked on SCTV and closely with Rodney Dangerfield.)

Actors – Martin Short – ( Known For: Mars Attacks!; Three Amigos!; Father of the Bride; Innerspace; Treasure Planet; The Prince of Egypt; Inherent Vice; Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted; The Addams Family; The Spiderwick Chronicles; Frankenweenie; Get Over It; Father of the Bride Part II; Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius; The Willoughbys; Mack & Rita; The Big Picture; Mumford; Jiminy Glick in Lalawood; Cross My Heart; Future BMT: Captain Ron; We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story; Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil; The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause; A Simple Wish; Three Fugitives; Pure Luck; The Pebble and the Penguin; BMT: Jungle 2 Jungle; Clifford; Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return; Notes: He’s had several levels to his career. SCTV, then as a pretty big movie star, then things like Jiminy Glick, and now Only Murders in the Building. He also went on tour with Steve Martin. He’s been nominated for 16 Emmys, and won for writing SCTV and for a special tribute to Mel Brooks.)

Charles Grodin – ( Known For: Rosemary’s Baby; King Kong; Midnight Run; So I Married an Axe Murderer; Heaven Can Wait; 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea; Catch-22; While We’re Young; Heart and Souls; Dave; The Heartbreak Kid; The Great Muppet Caper; Seems Like Old Times; The Humbling; An Imperfect Murder; Sunburn; Last Resort; The Lonely Guy; It Runs in the Family; It’s My Turn; Future BMT: Beethoven; The Woman in Red; Beethoven’s 2nd; The Comedian; Taking Care of Business; The Ex; The Incredible Shrinking Woman; The Couch Trip; BMT: Clifford; Ishtar; Notes: One of those comedy legends who became famous for a younger generation as the guy in Beethoven. Won an Emmy for The Paul Simon Special in 1978. Died in 2021 of cancer.)

Mary Steenburgen – ( Known For: The Help; What’s Eating Gilbert Grape; Book Club: The Next Chapter; Nightmare Alley; Step Brothers; The Proposal; Philadelphia; Book Club; Parenthood; Back to the Future Part III; Elf; Powder; A Walk in the Woods; Inland Empire; The One I Love; Happiest Season; Last Vegas; Life as a House; The Discovery; Nixon; Future BMT: I Am Sam; Four Christmases; The Butcher’s Wife; Nobel Son; Romantic Comedy; BMT: Did You Hear About the Morgans?; Clifford; Notes: Won an OScar for Melvin and Howard, also nominated for an Emmy for The Attic. Is famously married to Ted Danson, as seen on Curb Your Enthusiasm where she is, in fact, happily divorced from Ted Danson (last I checked).)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $7,408,745 (Worldwide: $7,408,745)

(That is quite low. For the 90s I would imagine you’d be looking for like 30 or 40 for a successful comedy. And given the stellar cast that has to be a loss.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 13% (4/31): Ill-conceived and desperately unfunny, Clifford stars Martin Short as a 10-year-old boy. You read that correctly. That’s the joke.

(I mean … pretty funny joke. For an SCTV sketch. Which is probably how it all started anyways.)

NYT Short Review: Man as boy in devil’s clothing. Less lethal version of the bad seed. More stunt than movie, and stolen by Grodin.

Poster – Clifford and his Big Bad Dad

(Oh. My. God. A+++++++++++++. This is as close to BMT perfection as we’ve gotten since The Avengers 1998. Everything about this is grotesque.)

Tagline(s) – A comedy with a lot of laughs. And a ten-year-old terror. (F)

Uncle Martin is suffering from a little problem… (D)

(These are both horrible. The second is at least playing a little with the word “little”… but that’s about it.)

Keyword(s) – canada

Top 10: Suicide Squad (2016), The Matrix Revolutions (2003), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), Venom (2018), The Butterfly Effect (2004), Armageddon (1998), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009)

Future BMT: 90.3 Vampires Suck (2010), 89.9 House of the Dead (2003), 88.7 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 79.6 Shark Night (2011), 78.9 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 77.3 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.9 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 74.0 The Spirit (2008), 74.0 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 73.2 The Turning (2020), 72.5 Mr. Magoo (1997), 71.8 Dance Flick (2009), 71.7 Zoom (2006), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 69.0 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.9 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 68.8 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 68.6 Captivity (2007), 68.3 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.3 The Crow: City of Angels (1996)

BMT: Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Wicker Man (2006), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Movie 43 (2013), Barb Wire (1996), RoboCop 3 (1993), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Jason X (2001), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), After Earth (2013), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Caddyshack II (1988), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), Jonah Hex (2010), Species II (1998), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), The Animal (2001), Halloween II (2009),… (and many more)

Best Options (daddio): 78.9 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 49.2 My Girl 2 (1994), 41.5 Speed Zone (1989), 37.9 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 37.1 Clifford (1994), 36.9 Desperate Hours (1990), 34.1 Father Hood (1993), 30.3 Who’s Harry Crumb? (1989), 20.7 Mad City (1997), 20.1 Art School Confidential (2006), 19.1 Folks! (1992), 17.8 Brewster’s Millions (1985)

(As you can see we had a few options, but the fact that I’ve seen 20% of Clifford on television 100 times means that I really needed to actually watch it straight through once. By which I mean in four pieces on Tubi while waiting for programs to run.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Martin Short is No. 1 billed in Clifford and No. 2 billed in Jungle 2 Jungle, which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 9 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (9 + 1) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Martin Short’s co-stars are usually standing on boxes and next to slightly oversize props.

The writers of the film, Steven Kampmann and William Porter, were so embarrassed by the final cut that they used pseudonyms as onscreen credit, as well as the film’s marketing and publicity.

Martin Short, who plays 10 year-old Clifford, was 37 years old during initial filming in 1990 and age 40 during the priest bookend sequences filmed in 1993.

Although planned for a 1991 release, this was one of several films released by Orion Pictures in 1994, just before their bankruptcy.

The movie was re-edited and re-shot before its 1994 theatrical release, including bookend scenes with Martin Short as an elderly Clifford, now a reformed priest, who tries to prevent a boarding school student, played by Ben Savage, from running away and telling a story to him about his mischievous childhood. These scenes were shot around 1993, three years after the original shoot was completed.

The Good Son Preview

“Sit down, Jamie and Patrick,” Kyle says solemnly. He has an angry look on his face, but there is sadness in his eyes. “We love you,” he says once they are seated, “and that’s why it hurts so much to see you going down this bad road.” Jamie and Patrick protest. Look around, they’ve given up that flashy New York lifestyle for the simple life. Sure, they haven’t watched Citizen Kane, but that’s only because they haven’t finished their GMT Rulez. “Maybe Citizen Kane doesn’t even qualify for GMT, ever think about that?” Jamie says, pointing at his temple. Kyle is unamused. “So what are these magical rules? What rules are going to save you from yourselves,” Kyle says, throwing down newspaper headlines detailing their latest escapades. “Bad Movie Twins Kill Man in Train Battle!” one says. “Bad Movie Twins Put the Fresh Back in Fresh Horses!” another one screams. “Bad Movie Twins Win Delaware Breakdancing Championships!” the last one reads. Jamie winces as that one hits the table. Entering the DBC was certainly a bad move, no matter how dope their routine was. Jamie hangs his head in shame, but Patrick isn’t going down without a fight. “We are good. Look… look at these rulez!” He screams pulling out Rule #8 – Sequels, Please, but now it’s crossed off and reads “Beginning, Middle, End.” “Really,” Kyle scoffs and begins to walk over to Patrick’s desk. “Don’t go near that!” he squeals in horror, but it’s too late. Kyle pulls out Patrick’s latest draft of Citizen Kane 2: The Legend of Charlie’s Gold. “Let’s get out of here,” Patrick sputters in rage, gathering up the draft, but as they open the front door Scott Bakula is standing in their way. “Sit down… my sons… my good sons.” That’s right! We are diving into a 90’s classic with the Elijah Wood/Macaulay Culkin vehicle The Good Son. This movie kind of freaked me out as a kid. Probably because the film centers on a young boy getting terrorized and we were young boys when it came out. But time to get over my fears. I’m a man! I’m forty! Let’s go!

The Good Son (1993) – BMeTric: 20.2; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 24.4%; Notability: top 18.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 17.2%; Higher BMeT: Super Mario Bros., RoboCop 3, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, Look Who’s Talking Now, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, Mr. Nanny, Leprechaun, Beethoven’s 2nd, Cop & ½, Sliver, Boxing Helena, Weekend at Bernie’s II, The Beverly Hillbillies, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, Son of the Pink Panther, Made in America, Coneheads, Carnosaur, Surf Ninjas, Dennis the Menace, and 41 more; Higher Notability: Last Action Hero, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit, The Meteor Man, Hocus Pocus, We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story, Coneheads, RoboCop 3, Rising Sun, Life with Mikey, Son of the Pink Panther, The Three Musketeers, Loaded Weapon 1, Super Mario Bros., Indecent Proposal, Once Upon a Forest, Made in America, Look Who’s Talking Now, Josh and S.A.M., Sliver, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, and 26 more; Lower RT: Look Who’s Talking Now, Warlock: The Armageddon, Deadfall, Son of the Pink Panther, RoboCop 3, Mr. Nanny, Hexed, Weekend at Bernie’s II, Best of the Best II, Carnosaur, Father Hood, Calendar Girl, Surf Ninjas, Ghost in the Machine, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, My Boyfriend’s Back, Only the Strong, Cop & ½, Sliver, Gunmen, and 21 more; Notes: Look Who’s Talking Now, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, Weekend at Bernie’s 2. What a time to be alive. Meanwhile, let’s make Culkin a psycho.

RogerEbert.com – 0.5 stars – Who in the world would want to see this movie? Watching “The Good Son,” I asked myself that question, hoping that perhaps the next scene would contain the answer, although it never did. The movie is a creepy, unpleasant experience, made all the worse because it stars children too young to understand the horrible things we see them doing.

(I feel like there is an argument that Ebert is clutching pearls a bit here. Wood and Culkin are too young to understand? I’m not really sure about that. Besides that I get what Ebert is talking about though. The movie does seem unpleasant.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gHxeAadqOs/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gHxeAadqOs/

(If I let you go … you think you could fly? That line is seared into my brain. I think this was a trailer on one of the VHS tapes I had growing up. I wonder if there is a database for stuff like that? Sadly, probably not.)

Directors – Joseph Ruben – ( Known For: The Stepfather; The Ottoman Lieutenant; Dreamscape; Return to Paradise; True Believer; The Pom Pom Girls; The Sister in Law; Blindsided; Gorp; Our Winning Season; Joyride; Future BMT: The Forgotten; BMT: Sleeping with the Enemy; The Good Son; Money Train; Notes: Sleeping with the Enemy, The Good Son, and Money Train were back-to-back-to-back. He wrote and directed Dreamscape which seems like a wild film.)

Writers – Ian McEwan – ( Known For: Atonement; The Cement Garden; On Chesil Beach; The Children Act; The Comfort of Strangers; Enduring Love; The Innocent; The Ploughman’s Lunch; First Love, Last Rites; Soursweet; BMT: The Good Son; Notes: Huh. He is a novelist writing the novel that would be adapted into Atonement. He apparently had a screenwriting career as well, which is where The Good Son comes from. Like, legit famous person outside of film.)

Actors – Macaulay Culkin – ( Known For: Uncle Buck; Home Alone; Jacob’s Ladder; My Girl; Entergalactic; Saved!; Party Monster; Changeland; Only the Lonely; Rocket Gibraltar; Sex and Breakfast; The Nutcracker; Adam Green’s Aladdin; See You in the Morning; The Wrong Ferarri; Future BMT: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York; Richie Rich; The Pagemaster; Getting Even with Dad; BMT: The Good Son; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor in 1995 for Getting Even with Dad, Ri¢hie Ri¢h, and The Pagemaster; Notes: Y’all know Macaulay. He is probably the quintessential child-actor-who-couldn’t-quite-make-it-as-an-adult-actor, but he almost maybe didn’t want to? He appears on Red Letter Media shows quite a bit, and I know he had a music career of some kind. He also notably sued to get his parents removed from his trust fund, which it appears he did successfully.)

Elijah Wood – ( Known For: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring; The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers; The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey; Sin City; The Faculty; Back to the Future Part II; Deep Impact; I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Maniac; Green Street Hooligans; Cooties; 9; Happy Feet; Internal Affairs; The Ice Storm; Forever Young; Celeste & Jesse Forever; Future BMT: Radio Flyer; Flipper; The War; Black & White; Paradise; BMT: The Last Witch Hunter; The Good Son; North; Notes: And you know Elijah. He did make the transition from child star to adult star, mainly via The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Notably, his appearance is Back to the Future Part II is merely as the kid who makes fun of McFly for playing a baby game in the future diner.)

Wendy Crewson – ( Known For: Room; Air Force One; What Lies Beneath; Away from Her; On the Basis of Sex; Antiviral; The Nest; The 6th Day; Eight Below; Kodachrome; Into the Forest; The Santa Clause; The Kid Detective; Better Than Chocolate; The Santa Clause 2; Gang Related; The Doctor; A Home at the End of the World; Mercy; The Clearing; Future BMT: The Vow; Bicentennial Man; The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause; Corrina, Corrina; Skinwalkers; Folks!; To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday; BMT: The Covenant; Death Wish; The Good Son; The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising; Notes: Apparently is good friends with Harrison Ford.)

Budget/Gross – $17-28 million / Domestic: $44,789,789 (Worldwide: $60,613,008)

(That feels like a legit hit. And yet, I suppose it isn’t surprising that they didn’t make a sequel … you’d have to watch the movie to really understand why that doesn’t make sense.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (7/28): The Good Son is never good enough to live up to its unsettling potential, failing to drum up much suspense and unable to make Macaulay Culkin a credible psychopath.

(I’m not so sure. It feels to me like Culkin is precisely the mold you want. Specifically, someone so charming and innocent looking you can’t possibly believe that they are a sociopath. Feels credible to me.)

NY Times Short Review: Anything but, evil personified.

Poster – The Downright Bad Son

(What a bizarre poster. No wonder Ebert was shocked and horrified at the marketing for this film. Other than the tagline this really does look like a pleasant romp with America’s favorite Good Son, Macaulay Culkin. All around bad effort. D)

Tagline(s) – Evil has many faces (D-)

(Sure… I’m not giving this an F, but it’s close. This could be the tagline for numerous films across history. That is unacceptable.)

Keyword(s) – good

Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

Future BMT: 67.1 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.7 Like a Boss (2020), 51.8 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.1 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.7 The Hot Chick (2002), 47.2 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.5 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.1 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.7 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012), 31.3 The Nude Bomb (1980), 28.9 A Good Man in Africa (1994), 25.8 Two for the Money (2005)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), The Fly II (1989), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Fantastic Four (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Fresh Horses (1988), Killer Elite (2011), The Good Son (1993), Hunter Killer (2018)

Best Options (Citizen Kane): 39.5 Good Burger (1997), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 22.4 Hot Pursuit (1987), 20.2 The Good Son (1993)

(Yeah there were a few options, but The Good Son has been on my radar for years. It is one of those films I distinctly remember watching when I was a kid, but also one of those films I maybe just watched the same 30 minutes of on HBO four or five times.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: David Morse is No. 4 billed in The Good Son and No. 5 billed in Drive Angry, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (4 + 5) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 18. If we were to watch Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, and Jimmy Hollywood we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – Macaulay Culkin and Elijah Wood became very close friends during production, and remain so to this day.

Jesse Bradford was originally slated to play Henry. Macaulay Culkin’s father wanted his son to star, saying he would pull Macaulay out of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) if he wasn’t cast in this movie. Fox agreed due to Macaulay’s bankability.

Richard and Connie are played by Macaulay Culkin’s real-life brother, Rory Culkin, and sister, Quinn Culkin.

The cigarette that Mark and Henry smoke was an empty tube filled with dried parsley and lettuce leaves.

The original director, Michael Lehmann, was replaced due to clashes with Macaulay Culkin’s father.

The film was not released theatrically in the UK because of the James Bulger case. It was released on video in 1995, with an 18 certificate. The scene in which Henry deliberately drops a mannequin over an overpass was edited because the BBFC feared that children would try to imitate the stunt. The 2002 DVD was passed uncut with an 18 certificate.

In 1988, Michael Klesic was cast as Henry Evans. The film was soon after put on hold due to a lack of funding. A few years later, the original child actors had grown too old for their roles, and Jesse Bradford was cast as Henry. The project was shelved again and again, and the actors outgrew their characters. The project was re-cast again, and finally shot and released in 1993.

Henry wears two different colored shoes – one black Nike and one white. It was stated by the director it represents evil and good respectively.

The movie is partly inspired by The Bad Seed (1956).

This is Quinn Culkin’s second and final acting role with her first film being an uncredited cameo in “Home Alone” (1990). She ultimately decided to not to follow in the same footsteps of her brothers.

The sight on Henry’s crossbow is a hood ornament from a Buick Riviera.

Elijah Wood later admitted that he was delighted as a child actor to be in an R-rated movie, since he was routinely watching horror movies at the time and had sophistication on dark subject matter.

Macaulay Culkin and Elijah Wood were trained by stunt coordinator Jack Gill, and rehearsed for six weeks before shooting the climactic scene so that they could be comfortable acting while hanging from a cliff 180 feet above water. When Henry’s mother dropped him, a shot of Culkin himself falling away from the camera on the actual cliff was required. After discussions with Culkin and his parents, he agreed to do a 30-foot fall on a cable on the actual cliff, 180 feet above the freezing lake, but he wanted one thing in return for this act of bravery: a BB gun. Culkin performed the cable fall perfectly and was given his BB gun.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) Preview

Rich and Poe glide down the mountainside away from the smoldering ruins of the Wicker Man. The wind is in their hair and they feel as free as a couple of birds (you know, if birds had washboard abs and slammed Mountain Dew to the extreme). Distracted by the wonders of flight, they fly a little too close to the edge of a cliff and suddenly a minotaur is upon them, thrusting a spear through the wing of their beloved hanglider. Only through their poly extreme athletic skillz are they able to master their damaged craft and steer it directly into a tree growing out of the side of the cliff. Rich laments the appearance of the minotaur, clearly sent by their tournament foes in an attempt to stop them. Their zen oneness with the air prevented them from counteracting such an obvious trap. “We were playing by the rulez, bro,” he says to Poe, “we gotta remember that rulez aren’t coolz in this universe and not everyone is gonna play by them.” But Poe isn’t listening. A man has appeared just above the crag on which they’re trapped. Perchance this man could lower a rope and help them out of this jam. Maybe he even knows about the tournament and where the well worn path Nic Cage mentioned is at. Suddenly the man emerges further from the bushes and Poe’s heart sinks. While the top half is a man, the bottom half is a horse. These -taurs are going to be the death of them… literally. For at that very moment the centaur pulls out a chainsaw and revs the engine before starting in on the base of the tree they are sitting in. “This is going to be a massacre,” Rich says forlornly. That’s right! We’re hopping right back into that Texas Chainsaw Massacre saddle and watching the 2003 remake of the film along with the 2006 prequel that followed. These are often grouped together not just because the actor portraying Leatherface is the same, but BMT fav Michael Bay produced. I’m always down for some Bay action. Let’s go!

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) – BMeTric: 27.3; Notability: 32

(I think this, weirdly, hits just the right spot for a bad horror film. Usually horror fans are very down on horror done poorly. But then there does seem to be a contingent of fans that are all about the gore. And from what I can tell this film is all about that gore, so maybe it makes sense that it crept up to above 6.0. Also the film is not really that bad, it barely qualifies, so there is that as well.)

RogerEbert.com – 0.0 stars – The new version of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” is a contemptible film: Vile, ugly and brutal. There is not a shred of a reason to see it. Those who defend it will have to dance through mental hoops of their own devising, defining its meanness and despair as “style” or “vision” or “a commentary on our world.” It is not a commentary on anything, except the marriage of slick technology with the materials of a geek show.

(Oh shiiiiiiit. I actually can’t remember the last time we hit a full thumbs down from RogerEbert.com. This sounds like I’m going to hate this film. Gore-based horror is by least favorite of the genre.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dg3LWY70rvw/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dg3LWY70rvw/

(Man back in the day “from producer Michael Bay” actually meant something. I have to admit though, the end of the that trailer is banging. If I didn’t know it wasn’t very good I would think that was a pretty good way to reenvision the series.)

Directors – Marcus Nispel – (BMT: Conan the Barbarian; Pathfinder; Friday the 13th; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Notes: We did it! We completed his filmography! He’s basically stopped working, although I’m going to guess he’ll pop up at some point when Arnold Schwarzeneggar does some small time film as they are apparently friends.)

Writers – Kim Henkel (1974 screenplay) – (Known For: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre; Future BMT: The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Texas Chainsaw 3D; Leatherface; Death Trap; BMT: Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Notes: As mentioned in the previous installments he is a professor in Texas at the moment. He seems to still produce / write randomly, although only once or twice since 1995.)

Tobe Hooper (1974 screenplay) – (Known For: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2; Future BMT: The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Texas Chainsaw 3D; The Mangler; Leatherface; BMT: Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Notes: Apparently had a small cameo in the second film as a man in a hotel corridor.)

Scott Kosar (screenplay) – (Known For: The Machinist; The Crazies; Future BMT: The Amityville Horror; BMT: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Notes: He was the producer for The Haunting of Hill House for Netflix which is supposed to be quite good. Also wrote a few episodes of The Bates Motel.)

Actors – Jessica Biel – (Known For: The A-Team; The Illusionist; The Rules of Attraction; Hitchcock; Cellular; The Tall Man; Easy Virtue; Ulee’s Gold; Future BMT: Accidental Love; Blade: Trinity; A Kind of Murder; I’ll Be Home for Christmas; Home of the Brave; Planet 51; Next; Total Recall; The Truth About Emanuel; Elizabethtown; Powder Blue; Spark; The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea; Shock and Awe; London; BMT: Stealth; Summer Catch; Valentine’s Day; New Year’s Eve; Playing for Keeps; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress in 2008 for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, and Next; and in 2013 for Playing for Keeps, and Total Recall; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry in 2008; Notes: Starred in the television show Limetown which is the second television show I know of based on a podcast (the other being Homecoming). It is not supposed to be very good.)

Jonathan Tucker – (Known For: Charlie’s Angels; The Next Three Days; Sleepers; The Virgin Suicides; Sweet Virginia; 100 Girls; The Ruins; In the Valley of Elah; The Deep End; Criminal; Bee Season; An Englishman in New York; Future BMT: Pulse; Stolen Hearts; Hostage; As Blood Runs Deep; Stateside; BMT: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Notes: Performed in The Nutcracker for the Boston Ballet as a third grader. That’s a big production that involves a lot of kids … so somehow both impressive and not impressive at the same time.)

Andrew Bryniarski – (Known For: Batman Returns; Any Given Sunday; Higher Learning; Mother’s Day; The Program; Sky; Future BMT: Street Fighter; Scooby-Doo; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning; Pearl Harbor; Necessary Roughness; BMT: Rollerball; Hudson Hawk; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Notes: Naturally he is a former bodybuilder and trained professional wrestler. That’s about all you need to be Leatherface honestly. Was Zangief in Street Fighter.)

Budget/Gross – $9,500,000 / Domestic: $80,571,655 (Worldwide: $107,362,708)

(A huge success. No wonder it got a sequel. How badly must the second have done for them to cut the cord I wonder.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 37% (57/156): An unnecessary remake that’s more gory and less scary than the original.

(That is actually a lot better than I would have expected given Ebert’s review. A lot of people seem to like it as a gorey B-movie basically. Reviewer Highlight: Weakens, dilutes, disinfects and otherwise undermines the legacy of Tobe Hooper’s 1974 original. – Richard Harrington, Washington Post)

Poster – True Story, Bro (A-)

(This is actually good. Artistic and dark for a horror film and gives the sense of leather for Leatherface. Unique font. Doesn’t exactly tell a story but good enough.)

Tagline(s) – Inspired by a True Story (F)

(What the fuck… seriously, how is this the tagline to the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Is it a meta joke that it’s based on the true story of the film Texas Chainsaw Massacre? I’m confused and unhappy.)

Keyword – horror icon;

Top 10: It Chapter Two (2019), It (2017), Aliens (1986), The Cabin in the Woods (2011), The Terminator (1984), Annabelle Comes Home (2019), The Conjuring (2013), The Ring (2002), The Predator (2018), Scream (1996);

Future BMT: 80.8 Halloween: Resurrection (2002), 74.0 Psycho (1998), 69.0 Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013), 65.5 Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), 65.0 Seed of Chucky (2004), 63.0 Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), 60.6 A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), 60.5 The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999), 58.6 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 56.9 A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989);

BMT: The Predator (2018), The Nun (2018), Friday the 13th (2009), Predator 2 (1990), Jaws 3-D (1983), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), Friday the 13th: Part 2 (1981), Friday the 13th: Part III (1982), Jason X (2001), Rings (2017), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Ring 2 (2005), AVPR: Aliens vs Predator – Requiem (2007), Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993), Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)

(Awwwww snap, we’ve seen so many! Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, Child’s Play are the big ones left obviously.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jessica Biel is No. 1 billed in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and No. 2 billed in Valentine’s Day, which also stars Jessica Alba (No. 1 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 2 billed), which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 4 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 2 + 1 + 2 + 1 + 1 + 4 + 1 = 13. If we were to watch Next we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – A then-unknown John Larroquette provided the narration in the original The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974). Despite becoming a distinguished actor in the years since, he happily agreed to reprise his role for the remake.

After learning about the remake, Andrew Bryniarski (Leatherface) went up to producer Michael Bay at a Christmas party and personally asked him for the role.

On his final day of shooting, Eric Balfour stripped down, threw his wardrobe back to the crew, and walked off the set only wearing a baseball cap. (weird!)

There’s a homage to The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) regarding each film’s leading ladies Erin (2003) and Sally (original). In the remake, Erin pulls out a knife to pick a lock. When asked where she got it from, she replies “from my brother.” In the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Sally’s brother Franklin is obsessed with his knife, and at one point in the film gives it to Sally. She never returns it. (I kind of like that)

In the original script, the character Jedidiah was going to wear a Felix the Cat T-shirt throughout the movie. This was later scrapped because the copyright holders of Felix the Cat wouldn’t allow it. However, the novelization of the movie features the character wearing the shirt. Also, Jedidiah was going to be killed by Leatherface by slicing his chainsaw through his back because he let Erin and Morgan go. This was later scrapped because the filmmakers thought it was too intense. (I love novelization facts)

The only time we actually get to see Leatherface’s “real” face.

To prepare for his role as Leatherface, Andrew Bryniarski ate a diet of brisket and white bread in order to get his weight to nearly 300 pounds.

Dolph Lundgren was first considered to play Leatherface, but he turned them down so he could spend more time with his family. (What a bizarre choice that would have been)

The severed head of Harry Jay Knowles from Ain’t It Cool News can be seen in the basement of Leatherface’s house. (Huh?)

To avoid an NC-17 rating in the USA, the more graphic shots of Morgan’s death were cut. The original version of the scene featured the shot of the chainsaw slicing into his crotch and then having intestines and blood falling out of him. The cut version cuts away when the chainsaw is about to cut him and totally cuts out the intestines falling from his body. The hitchhiker death scene was also cut severely. The original scene has her ear flying off of her head and blood and brain matter being more dark in color and more in amount flying out of her head. Jedidiah was originally supposed to be killed by Leatherface for helping Erin and Morgan escape, but the scene was scrapped for being “too intense”. (gross!)

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake or Sequel (2004)

Nine Lives Preview

While Gods of Egypt was the most anticipated film of BMT, it was probably not the most likely to actually earn a Razzie. That honor would go to Nine Lives, a film entirely focused on Kevin Spacey being transformed into a cat. You would call it “Razzie bait,” if there was such a term. So of course that’s exactly what we’re watching this week. Despite generally avoiding kids films there was something about this film that got me excited to watch it. Perhaps the fact that it WAS ENTIRELY FOCUSED ON KEVIN SPACEY BECOMING A CAT… Let’s go!

Nine Lives (2016) – BMeTric: 35.1

ninelives_bmet

ninelives_rv

(Huh, that is quite the regression to the mean. I do wonder whether this movie’s worthlessness was a little overblown. Would jive well with the second graph where the rating rose more significantly than I would imagine. Low 5’s isn’t great, but I wonder where among sub-20% rotten tomatoes movies that actually lies. That could be a good “rigorous” data study to do actually. Would be interesting to weight things and really try and get a good distribution for specific percentage (a situation that will be somewhat data sparse for sure).)

Rogerebert.com – Thumbs Down (0 Stars) – Which leads me to this question: Just who is supposed to be the target audience for “Nine Lives”? Certainly not feline fanciers, since we are told that, “Cats don’t care if you live or die.” Definitely not fans of Spacey, who did a much better coma on the most recent season of “House of Cards,” or Walken, whose trademark wild mass of hair seems more limp than usual.

(Hooray. I do like movies which are supposed to be kid’s movies but seem to just be a screenplay shoehorned into the body of a kid’s movie. Zero stars is also impressive, I love Thumbs Down rogerebert.com, like Leonard Maltin BOMBs they often reveal more about the critic in question’s tastes than the quality of the movie itself.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jHA97HzhxE

(Yes … quite bad. I do not look forward to this. Walkin reminds me of his part in Envy. A facilitator of mischief in a wholly bizarre and unsatisfying comedy.)

Directors – Barry Sonnenfeld – (Known For: Men in Black 3; Men in Black; The Addams Family; Addams Family Values; Big Trouble; Get Shorty; BMT: Wild Wild West (Watched); RV: Runaway Vacation; Nine Lives; Men in Black II (Watched); The Concierge; Notes: Won the Razzie Award in 2000 for Worst Director for Wild Wild West; We saw Get Shorty leading up to the atrocious Be Cool. Searching variety brought up this 1995 article about him inking a deal with Disney. Neither Swordfish (not that Swordfish) or the remake to Another Man’s Poison was ever made, and then Sonnenfeld swiftly moved on to the smash hit Men In Black. Go figure.)

Writers – Gwyn Lurie (screenplay) – (Known For: The Music Never Stopped; BMT: Nine Lives; Notes: Not much about her, buts he is a producer and looking through variety reveals a few funny entries from the early 90s like this one. A comedy film based on the Guinness book of world record attempt at eating a whole 747!? Brilliant enough to never be made. Very few actual movies by her which is interesting considering he has often been attached to films. Bad luck. Did also make Variety for a large and elaborate treehouse that her and her husband built on their property. That’s fun.)

Matt Allen and Caleb Wilson(screenplay) – (Known For: Soul Surfer; BMT: Four Christmases; Nine Lives; Notes: Screenwriting partners. The only note I can find outside of their main credits is this bizarre 2010 article about a new movie being developed. Basically at the same time as (BMT) What to Expect When You’re Expecting was being developed another parenting guide was also being developed by these guys. Yeah, it was never made.)

Dan Antoniazzi and Ben Shiffrin (screenplay) – (BMT: Nine Lives; Notes: Screenwriting partners. They wrote a RomCom/Serial Killer film “Heartstoppers” that made the 2008 Black List.)

Actors – Kevin Spacey – (Known For: American Beauty; The Usual Suspects; Se7en; Moon; The Ref; Superman Returns; L.A. Confidential; Horrible Bosses; Glengarry Glen Ross; A Time to Kill; The Negotiator; Elvis & Nixon; A Bug’s Life; Margin Call; Working Girl; K-PAX; Outbreak; The Men Who Stare at Goats; Henry & June; Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil; The Shipping News; Beyond the Sea; BMT: Edison; Fred Claus; Nine Lives; Father of Invention; Consenting Adults; Horrible Bosses 2; Casino Jack; Ordinary Decent Criminal; 21; Notes: Interesting only in the sense that we haven’t watched any of his BMT eligible films. Otherwise looking through recent notes he is basically only in the news for being involved with Relativity Media which emerged from bankruptcy to … well, immediately get embroiled in controversy. Whatever. Do you Spacey.)

Jennifer Garner – (Known For: Catch Me If You Can; Dallas Buyers Club; Juno; Daredevil; Miracles from Heaven; 13 Going on 30; The Kingdom; Draft Day; Danny Collins; The Invention of Lying; Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day; BMT: Elektra (BMT); Mr. Magoo; Dude, Where’s My Car?; Valentine’s Day (BMT); Ghosts of Girlfriends Past; Arthur; Nine Lives; Mother’s Day (BMT); Pearl Harbor; Catch and Release; Butter; The Odd Life of Timothy Green; Notes: What more is there to say about this secret BMT all-star? Nothing really is on the docket besides The Tribes of Palos Verdes with Mel Gibson’s son (no joke). She was honored with an award for her charity baby2baby so she’s got that going for her.)

Also stars Robbie Amell – (Seen in Cheaper by the Dozen 2)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $19,700,032 (Worldwide: $19,700,032)

(That is really really really rough. Amazing that the foreign take it totally absent, but I guess kid’s film with no IP attachment wouldn’t be much of a foreign draw. Huge bomb, but I would hope they kind of intended to play the long con with DVDs and product placement.)

#12 for the Comedy – Body Switch genre

bodyswitchcomedy_12

(Basically the worst post 1994 body switch film in history if we were to be honest with ourselves. Is it even a body switch? It isn’t like Kevin Spacey is a cat (he appears to be in a coma). Otherwise there are too few movies for this plot to be interesting.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (6/54): Not meow, not ever.

(Rough stuff rotten tomatoes. Just a shade above 10%, which is somewhat surprising. That 10% threshold it turns out is really hard to get, which I was somewhat surprised by. Even this (clearly one of the worst films of the year) couldn’t manage it.)

Poster – Nine Sklogs (B+)

nine_lives_ver2

(This is actually a pretty solid poster. Nice balance, font, color scheme. I generally don’t like the cast each put in a small window on the poster, but even that is spiced up a bit with the cat highlighting Kevin Spacey. I like it.)

Tagline(s) – His life just got put on paws. (C+)

(Egad! That is a… cat-astrophe. Thank you. Thank you. But seriously, this isn’t necessarily bad from the point of view of sounding and feeling like a tagline, but the pun seems really forced and is like a kick in the stomach.)

Keyword(s) – cat; Top Ten by BMeTric: 89.6 Catwoman (2004); 84.9 Date Movie (2006); 81.0 Movie 43 (2013); 80.7 Home Alone 3 (1997); 80.7 Vampires Suck (2010); 78.3 The Cat in the Hat (2003); 76.6 Spice World (1997); 74.2 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000); 73.5 One Missed Call (2008); 71.5 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012);

(Oh yeah, Cat in the Hat for sure will be there. Actually a pretty solid list and most of these definitely have a cat in it in some way shape or form. Movie 43’s cat vignette was directed by Elizabeth Banks I think and was the reason she got Pitch Perfect 2 if I recall correctly.)

Notes – Up to 70% of Nine Lives was computer-generated. (Oh wow, that does explain a bit about how this was made)

A subplot involving catnip as an allegorical analogue for addiction was originally planned, but was cut both for time and because executives believed it would be too much for a PG children’s movie. (ha! This is going to be a kid’s movie)

The movie was released as Mr. Fuzzypants in United Arab Emirates. (makes sense, that is the cat’s name)

Five of the cast members have appeared in superhero productions. Marlina Weissman (Rebecca Brand) played Young Kara in the TV series of Supergirl, Teddy Sears (Josh Myers) & Robbie Amell (David Brand) starred in CW’s The Flash with Teddy as Hunter Soloman/Zoom & Robbie as Ronnie Raymond/Firestorm. Kevin Spacey portrayed Lex Luthor in Superman Returns and finally Jennifer Garner portrayed Elektra in the Daredevil & Elektra Marvel movies.

Rated the worst film of 2016 by Metacritic critics.

Dirty Grandpa Preview

Wow, we really breezed through those two films. I’m ready to dive headfirst into the worst of the worst of 2016. For that reason we’re just watching Nine Lives eight weeks in a row. JK (but we’re definitely watching Nine Lives though. Kevin Spacey is a cat! Come on! How is that even made?). We start with comedy and there was one film whose reviews really made it stand out. Dirty Grandpa starring Zac Efron and Robert De Niro… wait, that’s how Zac Efron spells his name? Weird. Even weirder? My text editor marked it as a misspelling. Meaning that Zac Efron is in its dictionary. Double weird. Let’s go!

Dirty Grandpa (2016) – BMeTric: 27.9

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(Yeah, that VOD bounce though, so sweet, so cold (getting so hot and bothered I’m dropping William Carlos Williams poems on you). And this graph is also nice because you can pretty plainly see a couple of things. First, the about 20% of a movie’s votes from its first year of release will be prior to VOD release (sample size of one naturally). Second, the VOD release occurs about three months after (80 days in this case) and at that point we could have possibly made a pretty good guess at its BMeTric 9 months later (same rating, multiply the votes by five). And third, that the rate of vote decelerates four times slower in the VOD period than in the theatrical period. The movie hasn’t been out long enough to know whether it settles into a long term more constant slope and whether that point in consistent across other movies. But something to look at more closely in the future I think.)

RogerEbert.com – 0 stars (thumbs down) – The actor Bela Lugosi appeared in some landmark, perhaps even great, films at the beginning of his Hollywood career in the 1930s. They include Browning’s “Dracula” and Ulmer’s “The Black Cat.” Lugosi’s final film was 1959’s “Plan 9 From Outer Space,” frequently cited as the worst film ever made. The cinematic landmarks of De Niro’s career include films such as Coppola’s “The Godfather, Part II” and Scorsese’s “Raging Bull.” He has been featured in a good number of very bad films in the years since. But this? This might just be his own “Plan 9.”

(I had to include that whole paragraph. That is an incredible slam. Most other reviews are similar, all agreeing that this is likely De Niro’s worst film bar none. I fully expect this to be a dull and humorless affair, but these reviews give me some hope that it will shock us in its terribleness. We shall see.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZSzMIFZT7Q

(a …. Dull and humorless affair. Likely with uncomfortable objectification of women, De Niro mugging and cursing into the camera, and Efron’s sweet Baywatch bod. Sigh. Mantzoukas will be a pleasant respite in the middle it looks like. In another universe this movie is like the Hangover and hilarious. Just not in our universe.)

Directors – Dan Mazer – (Known For: I Give It a Year; BMT: Dirty Grandpa; Notes: Producer, director, and writer for the Da Ali G show and other project (Borat and Bruno). Also the writer of this year’s smash hit sequel Bridget Jones’ Baby. It looks like this was his first Hollywood foray. )

Writers – John Phillips (written by) (as John M. Phillips) – (BMT: Dirty Grandpa; Notes: UCB alum this was his first full length screenplay. He also just sold a pilot to NBC with Phil Lord and co-wrote the soon-to-be-released sequel Bad Santa 2. He is described as a “rising star” for a reason I guess.)

Actors – Robert De Niro – (Known For: Joy; Goodfellas; The Godfather: Part II; The Intern; Taxi Driver; American Hustle; Stardust; Once Upon a Time in America; Silver Linings Playbook; Heat; The Deer Hunter; Limitless; Casino; Jackie Brown; The Untouchables; Cape Fear; Machete; The Good Shepherd; Hands of Stone; Raging Bull; Sleepers; A Bronx Tale; Brazil; Last Vegas; Ronin; Backdraft; Angel Heart; Meet the Parents; Awakenings; The Score; The Mission; This Boy’s Life; Mean Streets; Men of Honour; Being Flynn; Cop Land; Stone; Wag the Dog; Midnight Run; Everybody’s Fine; Novecento; Analyze This; The King of Comedy; Falling in Love; New York, New York; The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle; BMT: Godsend; Little Fockers; Showtime; Killing Season; The Carrier; The Big Wedding (BMT); New Year’s Eve (BMT); The Fan; Hide and Seek; Analyze That; Shark Tale; Righteous Kill; Dirty Grandpa; The Bridge of San Luis Rey; Arthur et les Minimoys; 15 Minutes; Red Lights; Meet the Fockers; Heist; The Family; Grudge Match (BMT); Notes: Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2003 for Worst Screen Couple for Showtime. Is there anything more to say about De Niro? Let’s go with more recent new then. He was replaced on the long awaited American debut of director Olivier Assayas, Idol’s Eye, by Sylvester Stallone which is interesting. And he refused to pose in pictures with Arnold Schwarzenegger apparently after a heated discussion about Donald Trump. Fun times.)

Zac Efron – (Known For: Bad Neighbours 2; Bad Neighbours; 17 Again; Hairspray; We Are Your Friends; The Lorax; High School Musical 3: Senior Year; The Paperboy; Parkland; Liberal Arts; At Any Price; Me and Orson Welles; BMT: New Year’s Eve (BMT); Dirty Grandpa; That Awkward Moment; Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates; The Lucky One; The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud; Notes: Surged to fame with the High School Musical series (which you might be shocked to hear, doesn’t qualify as it is a television movie). He’s going to be in Baywatch, and obviously has seen a lot of recent success in a few comedies.)

Also stars Zoey Deutch and Aubrey Plaza.

Budget/Gross – $11.5 million / Domestic: $35,593,113 (Worldwide: $94,073,028)

(Uh yeah …. That’s solid. Who’s excited for Dirty Grandpa 2? Dirtier Grandpa? Dirty Grandson? Oh shit … Dirty Fockers it’s a cross over this needs to be done. Regardless, a January hit, so I wonder what is next for the franchise. Dirty Grandpa Universe (DGU)? Alright, I’m done.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (13/122): Like a Werther’s Original dropped down a sewer drain, Dirty Grandpa represents the careless fumbling of a classic talent that once brought pleasure to millions.

(Coooooooooold bloooooooooooded. Jesus, that is straight wrecked son. Is Werther’s Original an old person joke? Think on that for a second. There isn’t even much to really figure out with this review, it is simply summed up as “garbage”. But is it boring? Is it unpleasant? Is it just gross? We’ll have to watch to find out!)

Poster – Dirty GrandSklog (D)

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(I was actually tempted to give this an F, but the consistent grey-red coloring scheme saved it. The spacing is bad, symmetry is bad, too much focus on the people, and I don’t like Robert De Niro’s face… it’s mesmerizing how terrible it is. By the way there are like 5 major posters for this film. There are several better ones than this, but I remember this being the main one used in theaters.)

Tagline(s) – Lose your way. Find your manhood. (B)

(And every individual poster had its own unique tagline too. They worked hard on this shit. While the main poster was one of the worst, its tagline was actually one of the better ones. Concise and used the clever combination of ‘lose’ and ‘find.’ Unfortunately, the two phrases don’t connect as much as they would hope so starting to veer towards “sound like a tagline, but is it a tagline” category.)

Keyword(s) – grandfather grandson relationship; Top Ten by BMeTric: 78.9 In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007); 75.4 Troll 2 (1990); 70.0 The Master of Disguise (2002); 63.7 Daddy Day Camp (2007); 59.9 Problem Child 2 (1991); 47.4 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994); 47.1 Little Fockers (2010); 46.6 Caligula (1979); 44.4 The Resident (2011); 44.3 3 Ninja Kids (1992);

(I have a feeling we are going to get a weird list of keywords for recent film. There are 246 keywords for Dirty Grandpa and only six of them have received a vote of relevant (all exactly one vote). The other keywords: compromising photograph, man wearing a g string, gay character, male nudity, homophobia … spectacular. By the way I guess Jamie and I have actually seen 3 Ninjas Kick Back because I think we were 3 Ninjas completionists at the time. Oh and great list.)

Notes – For the film’s theatrical poster, Robert De Niro lifted Zac Efron on his back without any help. Efron confirmed it while promoting the film on Instagram. (De Niro seems like a cool dude)

Aubrey Plaza, who plays a 21-year-old college student, was 31 when the film was released.

The screenplay was featured in the 2011 Blacklist, a list of the “most liked” unmade scripts of the year. (Interesting. I listen to that podcast. The movies they read tend to be … not great, and the guy certainly like crass comedies, so this would fit right in. I can just imagine myself grimacing while listening to this script)

Zac Efron performed all of his own nude scenes except for the embarrassing beach sequence. Director John Phillips states on the commentary that it was one of the most expensive scenes to make in the film. Zac wasn’t actually nude at all and wore flesh-colored briefs which were edited out during the post-production process. A stunt penis was also placed over his crotch using CGI for the split-second frames where he is most exposed. Phillips mentioned that when the restricted German trailer was released onto the internet that a community of online fans were trying to grab frames on the actor’s penis. Subsequently, it turns out this is the one nude scene in the film that isn’t actually him. (ha, I do love extremely expensive stunt penises)

Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 Preview

Continuing with our final mapl.de.map cycle, I told you that we had a extra space to include a replacement film for a state we weren’t totally satisfied with. Well New Years come early (we both independently used this phrase before I incorporated Patrick’s part. Best twins ever!), cause the time is now to watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, which very much takes place in Las Vegas. Previously we had a little Razzie film called The Marrying Man in for Nevada. Not only was that film not that BMT, but it also split time pretty evenly between Las Vegas and California. We never felt like it belonged, so now we replace it with one of the worst reviewed films of the year. Here’s the map. I’m pretty excited for this one. Let’s go!

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015) – BMeTric: 66.4 (November 19, 2016)

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(Regression to the mean (from an incredibly low rating to be honest, that is really low, so it isn’t surprising that people who actually watched the film disagreed with what is probably a significant number of people who are voting based solely on impression) is strong. The what I think will become standard 25-75 split in theatrical-VOD votes within a year of release. I’m going to be frank: I am surprised it doesn’t have more votes on IMDb, a crap comedy people can relax and watch with the family I feel like usually has more than that. The BMeTric thogh. Whoooooooweeeeee, that is impressive. Commentary written on November 19, 2016)

RogerEbert.com – Thumbs Down – Think of the worst movie you’ve ever seen – a movie that didn’t make you laugh, didn’t make you cry, didn’t move you or change you in any way besides giving you the desperate urge to flee the theater. Think of a movie that was a massive waste of your time and money. Hold that title in your mind. “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2” is worse than that.

(I seriously doubt this will be the worst film I have ever seen. If this is worse than Strange Wilderness then it will take another small part of my soul and leave me just a bit less human. But I doubt it. Perhaps I doubt because I’m afraid to believe it might be true. Or perhaps I just know that no one will be fucking a turkey in this one. Either way I think this may be hyperbole.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_ld3IJ0sUU

(Well that is unfortunate on multiple levels. It does have a plot, though, so it’s got a bit of a leg up on the “worst ever” competition.)

Director(s) – Andy Fickman – (Known For: She’s the Man; Race to Witch Mountain; Reefer Madness. BMT: The Game Plan; You Again; Parental Guidance; Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. Notes: Surprisingly never nominated for a Razzie. This will certainly be the year.)

Writer(s) – Kevin James – (BMT: Paul Blart: Mall Cop; Here Comes the Boom; Zookeeper; Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. Notes: Nominated for Worst Supporting Actor and Onscreen Couple for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry.)

Nick Bakay (written by, characters) – (BMT: Paul Blart: Mall Cop; Zookeeper; Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. Notes: You would recognize him as the voice of the black cat Salem on Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.)

Actors – Kevin James – (Known For: Hitch; Hotel Transylvania; Monster House; 50 First Dates; BMT: Grown Ups 2; Grown Ups; Paul Blart: Mall Cop; Here Comes the Boom; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Zookeeper; The Dilemma; Barnyard; Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2; Pixels. Notes: Starred in the long running sitcom King of Queens for which he was nominated for an Emmy for the final season.)

also stars Raini Rodriguez and BMT super fav Neal McDonough

Budget/Gross: $30 million / $71,038,190 ($104,138,190 Worldwide)

(Big success, but not on the same level as the first one which was a box office smash. The 9th highest grossing “Comedy – Bumbling” ever. The worst ever? Ernest Rides Again. The last Ernest film ever released to theaters.)

#9 for the Comedy – Bumbling genre

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(Wow, turns out Paul Blart is a rare bumbling comedy these days. Out of fashion I imagine. People making fools of themselves will always in one way be comedy gold. The number one bumbling comedy? Paul Blart! Kevin James did hit something solid here, the company for both films are classics from the 80’s and mostly spoof, so even getting an original comedy and character in there seems really impressive.)

#42 for the Sequel – Live Action genre: The second movie in a live action comedy franchise

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(Around Scary Movie 2 and Big Momma’s House 2 so in okay company. We are almost definitely looking towards a bust period of comedy sequels. Feels right … can you think of a comedy film that has come out recently that will end up with a sequel within the next few years? I can’t really. For Cheaper by the Dozen 2 I did note Zoolander 2 and Neighbors 2 from this year. Bad Santa 2 soon. The relative failures of all of those might usher in a wave a original concepts. Maybe. Commentary written on November 11, 2016)

#7 for the Travelogue Las Vegas genre: Films primarily set in or around Las Vegas

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(Not very exciting, although kind of funny that even this seems to run in waves. Big chunk up to 2010ish, then a break, and then a bunch more recently. I wonder if it vaguely tracks with the highs and lows of the economy in Vegas. If they are busy they can’t film. Otherwise they’ll sell filming rights to get a little extra scratch)

Rotten Tomatoes: 5% (3/54), Critics Consensus: Bathed in flop sweat and bereft of purpose, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 strings together fat-shaming humor and Segway sight gags with uniformly unfunny results.

(Will certainly be one of the worst reviewed films of the year. Interesting that they say there is “fat-shaming” humor in this one. I don’t remember there being too much of it in the first one and it’s the same writers. It’s not like Norbit where a big fat lady is a horrible monster.)

Poster – Paul Sklogt: Mall Sklog 2 (B-)

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(I have to admit I like the coloring. Not sure on the spacing, though. Really odd and open. And why is he riding away from Las Vegas? While posters don’t have to tell stories, they can’t be nonsensical either. I take this stuff pretty seriously.)

Tagline(s) – Vegas has a new high roller (A-)

The stakes have been raised (B)

(Crazy enough the first tagline is pretty much everything I ask for in a tagline. It is short. It tells me that my favorite segway riding hero is back and in Vegas. And it is a bit clever with the connection of high roller with the setting. Not perfect, but close. The second one is slightly worse, because it isn’t as informative and a bit generic. But still good. Good job, advertising team.)

Keyword(s) – sequel; Top Ten by BMeTric: 92.7 Batman & Robin (1997); 84.6 Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997); 83.7 Scary Movie 5 (2013); 82.6 Son of the Mask (2005); 81.7 Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011); 80.5 Home Alone 3 (1997); 80.5 The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009); 78.9 Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997); 78.7 Jaws: The Revenge (1987); 78.5 The Avengers (1998);

(We’ve seen a ton of these natch. A couple notes: The Avengers is not a sequel, that is a mistake, for shame IMDb. A reboot at best, although if there was an original film I would doubt it was theatrical anyways. Home Alone 3 is also obviously barely a movie. We will watch Son of Mask and Jaws 4 though, so maybe someday …)

Notes – Jayma Mays couldn’t reprise her role due to scheduling conflicts with Glee (So they had her divorce Paul Blart 6 days after they got married… strangely this strategy was also employed for the Entourage movie).

This is the first film that got access to film on site at the Wynn Resort (wait, but other commercials for the Wynn were also filmed there. This one is just longer).

Kevin James had personally called up Vic Dibitetto, with a private number listed, to play Gino Chizetti. James had told Dibitetto that he was so entertained by his YouTube videos that he created the character based on his viral work (I like how they specify that it was a private number. Just to emphasize that Kevin James went to Xtremes on this one).

Gary Valentine appeared as a different character in this film then he did in the first film. He played Saul Gundermutt in this film, in the first one he played the singer in the bar. (it’s weird they also don’t mention that Adam Sandler’s wife played two different characters. She was the Victoria Secret cashier in the first one and a woman in a bar in the second one).