Oh snap. Can one learn anything from Corky Romano? I can’t imagine it, but I gotta try. Let’s go!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) In the film Pops Romano is going to be indicted for racketeering. Racketeering means “any criminal scheme or operation with ongoing or recurring profit,” as defined in the 1970 U.S. RICO Act. What does RICO stand for?
2) Corky drives a Miata (now sold as the MX-5) which is constructed by what Japanese car manufacturer?
3) Allegedly the name Corky comes from the nickname for the real-life New Jersey crime boss Gaetano Vastola. Vastola is somewhat notable for being one of the five murder which major mafia boss was charged with under the U.S. RICO Act?
4) C’mon now, you know you are getting a music question. What song is Corky famously singing waaaaay out of tune in the trailer and beginning of the film, and who performed it?
5) The movie Chris Kattan performed in right before this was a 2001 comedy starring Brendan Fraser in which Kattan plays a reanimated organ donor. What is this (very weird) film?
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: October 26th, 1999 at 9:30PM a Chris Kattan classic was on tv.
Before them sat Jamie just as they had left him, but now he was not alone. There was a slight man in there with him and the man was… “Is he washing him?” Kyle asks, bile rising in his throat. Indeed this impish figure was washing Jamie and in his other free hand he held a pair of jorts. Tears were streaming down Jamie’s face in thanks. “They don’t care anymore,” he wailed, “They don’t care that I’m deaf and have no jorts. But you care, sweet little troll or whatever you are. Are you a hobbit? Don’t answer because I’m deaf and I won’t hear you and it will annoy me.” This carries on as Patrick and Kyle enter the room and the little man’s eyes widen in fear. He holds up a finger to his lips and Patrick and Kyle understand. They let him finish and afterwards Jamie is clean and bejorted and slightly less miserable. The little man leans in and gives Jamie a small kiss on the cheek, who swats at him and gets back to his typical whining about the lack of adequate v-neck depth in the shirts of today’s youths. The little elf man creeps into the other room and beckons them over. Once safely away from Jamie, he quickly takes off his disguise. “My word, it’s no hobbit or whatever, it’s Samantha!” Kyle exclaims. Indeed Samantha, having heard about Jamie’s affliction had returned and begun secretly taking care of him. “But you can’t reveal the secret to him. He’s never let me help if he knew it was me because of his hearing. He’s ashamed.” They understand, but what should they call her? “You shall call me by my birth name, Porky Romano.” Patrick gasps. That’s right! We aren’t watching Porky Romano, but rather the much more popular and famous Corky Romano which I believe was the most popular film of 2001. Although, I could be wrong about that. We are pairing that with one of the (unfortunately many) Razzie Worst Picture winners that never got a theatrical release. This time it’s Dirty Love starring Jenny McCarthy. Cool. Let’s go!
Corky Romano (2001) – BMeTric: 60.1; Notability: 44
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 4.8%; Notability: top 16.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 1.6%; Higher BMeT: Glitter, Jason X, Driven, Freddy Got Fingered, The Animal, Ghosts of Mars, Black Knight, Soul Survivors, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Valentine, Monkeybone, The Musketeer; Higher Notability: Pearl Harbor, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Monkeybone, Hannibal, Impostor, Not Another Teen Movie, Ghosts of Mars, Bubble Boy, Swordfish, Along Came a Spider, The One, 15 Minutes, Scary Movie 2, The Affair of the Necklace, America’s Sweethearts, Town & Country, I Am Sam, Don’t Say a Word, 3000 Miles to Graceland, Just Visiting, and 21 more; Lower RT: Texas Rangers, Soul Survivors, Glitter, All the Queen’s Men; Notes: Wow we watched 10 of the 12 films above this by BMeT and all but All the Queen’s Men (which is a bizarre British cross dressing film) for RT. That BMeT is not surprisingly quite good though.
RogerEbert.com – 0.5 stars – ‘Corky Romano” continues the “Saturday Night Live” Jinx, which in recent years has frustrated the talented members of the TV program in their efforts to make watchable movies. It’s a desperately unfunny gangster spoof, starring Chris Kattan as the kid brother in a Mafia family, so trusting and naive he really does believe his father is in the landscaping business. … “Corky Romano” is like a dead zone of comedy. The concept is exhausted, the ideas are tired, the physical gags are routine, the story is labored, the actors look like they can barely contain their doubts about the project.
(I’m honestly a little surprised this didn’t get a thumbs down. This feels perfect for that. A movie that is barely a movie with (quite literally) no script. That seems ripe for Ebert to reject wholesale.)
(Lol Peter Falk. Man I remember this trailer so well. IN A DAY OR TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO. IT was on all the time at the time. “Hi, you guys want some cookies.” Jesus Christ, it is imprinted in my mind.)
Directors – Rob Pritts – ( BMT: Corky Romano; Notes: So my understanding was they needed to get this movie done TODAY. Not tomorrow. Not in a week. It had to be done NOW. And this guy was the guy who said he could do it. And he did, in some incredible short amount of time, which is why the film seems so weirdly improvisational.)
Writers – David Garrett and Jason Ward – ( BMT: Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo; Corky Romano; Notes: I’m not joking when I say I think we were this close to having the one and only BMT film without credited screenwriters if the stories about how this film was “written” were to be believed. But yeah, look at that BMT murderer’s row.)
Actors – Chris Kattan – ( Known For: Hotel Transylvania 2; Leo; Undercover Brother; Nancy Drew; Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters; Foodfight!; Santa’s Slay; Guns, Girls and Gambling; Tanner Hall; Adam & Steve; Guest House; Christmas in Wonderland; Undead or Alive: A Zombedy; Hard Breakers; Slightly Single in L.A.; Walk of Fame; The Making of ‘…and God Spoke’; The Last Film Festival; Future BMT: A Night at the Roxbury; House on Haunted Hill; Delgo; BMT: The Ridiculous 6; Monkeybone; Corky Romano; Notes: Obviously most famous for Saturday Night Live, which he left in 2003. Does mostly voice stuff now from what I can tell.)
Peter Falk – ( Known For: The Princess Bride; Wings of Desire; The Player; It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World; Murder by Death; Undisputed; A Woman Under the Influence; The Great Race; Made; The Great Muppet Caper; Opening Night; The In-Laws; Faraway, So Close!; Pocketful of Miracles; Husbands; Mikey and Nicky; The Cheap Detective; Robin and the 7 Hoods; Anzio; The Brink’s Job; Future BMT: Shark Tale; Next; Vibes; Roommates; BMT: Corky Romano; Notes: Just one more thing. Colombo! His film work is always funny, especially the late stuff where it is like … why are you in Corky Romano again?)
Vinessa Shaw – ( Known For: Eyes Wide Shut; 3:10 to Yuma; Side Effects; The Hills Have Eyes; Two Lovers; Cold in July; Melinda and Melinda; Puncture; Big Miracle; The Weight of Water; Clinical; 12 Mighty Orphans; We Need to Do Something; Garden Party; Stag Night; Come Out and Play; Family Blood; L.A. Without a Map; After the Fall; Electric Slide; Future BMT: Hocus Pocus; 40 Days and 40 Nights; Ladybugs; BMT: Corky Romano; Notes: The girl from Hocus Pocus. I saw that recently … not as good as I remember, but probably better than most people remember.)
Budget/Gross – $11 million / Domestic: $23,980,304 (Worldwide: $25,272,752)
(That isn’t bad. Especially considering, again, that is seemed like it was barely a movie.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 7% (6/84): Corky Romano continues the trend of bad movies featuring SNL members. The jokes are tired and unfunny, and the slapstick feels forced.
(Wowza, I do love <10% RT films. Knocking all of those off eventually would be a good goal. The wide releases I mean. Although even the non-wide releases might be tenable if we just focused on the 90s/00s. Only big films got 5+ reviews back then I think.)
Reviewer Highlight: With a great many contemporary comedies mistaking excess for invention and hyperactivity for dynamism, Corky Romano displays genuine heart. – Miles Beller, Los Angeles Times
(I mean… I like how bright and ridiculous it is. It’s actually very reminiscent of the famous Knocked Up poster that was actually very good. But I’m not sure the face of Chris Kattan is as intriguing as that. C+.)
Tagline(s) – Who is Corky Romano? (D)
(Yeah… right? This doesn’t work.)
Keyword(s) – 1999-2007
Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), The Butterfly Effect (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Men in Black II (2002), Man on Fire (2004), Click (2006), Pearl Harbor (2001), Fantastic Four (2005), The Island (2005)
Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.6 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)
BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), Taxi (2004), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), Wild Wild West (1999), …
Best Options (wiki-snl): 52.1 Superstar (1999)
(I just wanted to see what was available for SNL films. Superstar is a fun one, but unfortunately 1999 was spoken for. Corky Romano is not an SNL film, but it is kind of close enough to it to be fun.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Chris Kattan is No. 1 billed in Corky Romano and No. 4 billed in Monkeybone, which also stars Brendan Fraser (No. 1 billed) who is in Escape from Planet Earth (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jessica Alba (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch 40 Days and 40 Nights we can get the HoE Number down to 10.
Notes – According to the screenwriters on Selling Your Screenplay podcast #81, the only reason the film was greenlit was due to a pending Actor strike in Sept 2000, so it was written in 10 days in May, filmed in June and wrapped in August- unheard of for a major studio film.
In his 2019 autobiography “Baby Don’t Hurt Me”, Chris Kattan noted that Paul Thomas Anderson (writer-director of Boogie Nights and Magnolia) and Richard LaGravenese (screenwriter of The Fisher King) each assisted with rewriting the script for Corky Romano, and they received no official credit. SNL writers Matt Piedmont and Scott Wainio also contributed to the rewrites.
One of Robert Pattinson’s favorite films.
Originally advertised as Corky Romano: ‘Special’ Agent, the movie was released as simply Corky Romano. The term ‘special’ with the marks around it was thought be making fun of a character’s mental disability.
According to Chris Kattan , he originally portrayed Corky Romano more realistic and less like a caricature. But after Disney executive Peter Schneider fell asleep while watching the first rough ensemble of a footage shot during the first three weeks of production, producer Robert Simonds ordered all the footage that had been assembled at that time to be re-shot. Because of the tight budget, these re-shoots could not be done separately but had to be incorporated into the rest of the shoot, and Simonds insisted that Kattan play the lead in a much more cartoony way, smiling constantly.
A clue has appeared! Since I spent Saw II espousing the franchise’s place in Franchise Man lore, I’ll have a little fun with this intro and continue the (probably never ending) saga of me trying to figure out what film reminded me of the plot of Gothika. We can officially rule out Gothika itself! Why? Just check out a previous entry on a great website called BadMovieTwins.com. In the preview for The Animal (which was written a little late as usual on July 9th, 2023) I made the following statement: “Maybe Kevin James was a secret serial killer so it was OK that they kicked his head clean off. But it wasn’t the case. Kevin James was not a secret serial killer. He wasn’t even a secret serial killer who only killed serial killers. No, Kevin James was just a successful actor that people liked to watch.” This is clearly a riff on what I was reminded of in Gothika. That she got off scot free just because after the fact it was revealed that he was a terrible serial killer and everyone decided it was totally cool that she murdered her husband with an ax. So now I have an upper limit. I had thought maybe it was related to Exorcist III, but no way. I had never seen that film at the time… what is it?! Gah!
To recap, Saw is back, Jack! And boy is he… playing even more games. But it seems like there are some games out there that are impossible to escape. That’s not Jigsaw’s way. His way is to make it only 99.9% impossible. Hmmmm.At the same time a doctor is captured and is told that she has to take care of Jigsaw. He’s basically donzo because of that brain tumor he keeps going on about. She had to keep him alive or her head will explode. He really just needs one last guy to go through his game. It’s Jeff, a grief stricken dad that is obsessed with vengeance. No good! Gotta get over that and appreciate life. In his game he is continually confronting the people that played some role in the death of his son. Instead of helping these people immediately he hems and haws and Jigsaw is like “told you so.” But slowly he gets his groove back even though Jigsaw’s games are dumb and keep killing the people he’s forgiven. In a final twist-em-up it’s revealed that his whole plan was really a test for Jigsaw’s apprentice Amanda, who has been rigging the games. She shoots Lynn, but is then shot by Jeff as he complete’s his game. Turns out he’s Lynn’s husband. Jigsaw is like “you get it, bro?” and Jeff is like nah, and slices his throat. As John dies the room is sealed and it’s revealed he also captured Jeff’s daughter and so… that’s a bummer. THE END.
Pretty much everything about the second film goes for the third as well. These are bad movies, but I also understand why fans enjoy and appreciate them. They cracked a formula. I just wish the franchise that was getting sequel after sequel in the 21st century wasn’t Saw, but rather Friday the 13th. That’s just a more fun franchise. My biggest issue with the later entries in the series is that they do seem a bit excessive in just how stupid the traps are. First of all many of them simply do not give the victim enough time. It’s like “Yank off all your fingers in 25 seconds or you DIE.” Even if the victim was super gung ho about ripping fingers there would be no chance. Second of all everything is just far too painful. I would just accept death. Dig into my eye for a key in the next minute or I die? How about no time limit. How about I eventually dig into my eye for the key and we’re cool. Otherwise it just isn’t worth it. I’d rather die without having dug into my eye because the time limit gives me almost no shot. So it does start to strain credulity. But I guess I should at least answer which is the better of the films, the second or the third… I think it’s the second, although the ending of the third is better just because it’s just crazy enough to work on me. I just can’t forgive how stupid, predictable and poorly acted the third one is.
Hot Take Clam Bake! I do not for a single second buy that Amanda is the only known survivor of Jigsaw. First of all, all the traps are dumb and basically inescapable. Second of all, what about the first Saw? The doctor left the room… I don’t recall ever finding out that he bled to death or tripped and fell down some stairs or something. The real point is that unless Jigsaw made her trap the only escapable trap then someone else would have gotten the gumption up to survive. And as well all know if you survive you are so grateful that you become enamored by the old dying guy who trapped you in the first place and become his apprentice. It’s the law. So he obviously rigged her trap so she survived because he wanted her as an apprentice and not a thousand other dumb apprentices along with her. Hot Take Temperature: A scalding hot cup of tea that contains piranhas with a thousand keys in their stomachs, but only one unlocks the beartrap on your head. You have 37 seconds.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Saw her? I never even knew her! It’s Saw III. Let’s go!
Oh boy, now this is the Saw I know and hate.
Straight up, this movie makes no sense. Pointedly a lot of the traps are not intended to be solvable, that is the whole issue Jigsaw has with his replacement, but even the traps that are meant to be solvable the guy just waffles around and then either fails or barely gets by them! It is nuts. Let’s cover people with pig guts. Let’s twist people’s arms and legs until they break. Let’s freeze a fully nude woman. These are the good traps. You heard that right, those are the GOOD Jigsaw approved traps. The woman made those traps and Jigsaw was like “that’s more like it, good job.” Horrible. Strike one: these puzzles are dumb as shit.
The style of the Saw films are a little like flop house chic. A real deal Derelict featuring Derek Zoolander. Remember when there was a time where people were totally into people living in squalor. Like that was considered cool? Se7en remembers. Fight Club remembers. The Torture Porn genre really was the last hurrah for that style I feel like. Strike two: this movie looks like crap.
As amazing as it is that Tobin Bell managed to break into the mainstream when he was 50, but I really don’t like Shawnee Smith in these films. Her character is necessary, but I do wish she was somehow more interesting. I suppose if you are going to be a lunatic you necessarily don’t have your shit together, but still, I would have expected better from a character who I imagine they thought they could at least try and anchor a sequel with. Strike three: Jigsaw is bad at recruiting.
So there we go three strikes and Saw is out. Pity we have to watch like ten more of these things.
Now this installment has a Worst Twist (How?) in the ultimate reveal that Angus Macfadyen, the guy who is in the main boobytrapped house, is the husband of the doctor who is kidnapped to “save” Jigsaw. Naturally, she has no real chance to save Jigsaw, just keep him alive long enough for Macfadyen to arrive and have to decide whether he should kill Jigsaw. He does, and so his wife dies. The End. This movie is closest to BMT, it is truly a horrible piece of garbage in the best sense of the word.
But what else can you learn from watching Saw III? Find out in the Quiz. Cheerios,
This is it. Peak Franchise Man. This is the film(s) that sparked the idea for this year-long cycle. We were like “we should start a bunch of franchises we never got around to.” We may as well have said, “let’s watch Saw II & III.” Saw is more or less the platonic ideal of a franchise for Franchise Man. It starts off with a bang. A film that busts through to the mainstream. Gets everyone clamoring for more Saw. So what do you do? Blair Witch looked at that and said, “What if we did Blair Witch but the exact opposite and everyone will hate it?” Saw looked at that and said, “What if we explode heads and rip people’s fingers off and also create a lore so deep that you could swim in it forever and never reach the bottom of the lore?” Guess which one Franchise Man is the most interested in? Saw! Let’s go!
To recap, Jigsaw just keeps on playing games. When the latest victim leads to a message addressed directly to Jigsaw expert Detective Matthews, he is quickly able to track down Jigsaw at an abandoned warehouse. He’s in for a TWISTED awakening, though, when Jigsaw reveals that Matthew’s son Daniel and a bunch of other people have all been trapped in a house slowly filling up with a deadly nerve agent. The game is afoot! A couple of the people are killed in elaborate traps (surprise, surprise) they also reveal some subtle connections to each other in that they all were arrested. Unbeknownst to them, though, they were actually all framed by Detective Matthews. Additionally, one of the people is Amanda, the only known survivor of Jigsaw (mmmmm, lore). They soon start going insane or dying in elaborate traps. One of them, Xavier, figures out that they all have numbers on the back of their necks that will together be a combination to an antidote, but before he can read all the numbers, Daniel kills him. Seeing all this going on through security cameras, Detective Matthews subdues Jigsaw and forces him to take him to the house. Meanwhile the police also are able to trace the video feed and realize that the house where everything happened is long abandoned and the whole game was a recording. At that point a pig masked figure jumps out and traps Detective Matthews. What a trap! Turns out it’s Amanda and she’s now Jigsaw’s apprentice (arrrrggghhhhhhhh, I’m quickening with the lore!). Back at the warehouse a timer goes off and a box opens, revealing Daniel there safe and sound. THE END.
The entire time I watched this movie I was like “This is so dumb. This is so bad. This is dumb and bad.” Somehow with a little distance I have a strange fondness for the silliness that is Saw. Some major horror franchises know what they are and hammer it over and over to the delight of fans and the hatred of critics. Friday the 13th is the classic. Paranormal activity is a recent example. Saw certainly does that. But beyond a meta appreciation for franchises as Franchise Man, I think it’s hard to argue the fact that these movies are silly, unnecessarily gorey, morally problematic nonsense. The acting is truly dire, to boot. These are films to appreciate, but not actually enjoy or like. I do not enjoy or like them, but I will gladly watch them because I’m Franchise Man.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Uh, Jigsaw is dead the whole time… no, that isn’t going to work. How about this? The police are helping Jigsaw. Not actively, just kind of letting him slide. Think about it, literally everyone he kills this time are people that Donnie Wahlberg framed to get them off the streetz. They are the riff raff that the police want gone from the streets of [insert city name that is definitely not Toronto]. Maybe he’s not such a genius after all. Maybe he’s a big ol’ dumbo and the police are like “oh boy, really got us again, Jigsaw. You’re so smart with all your plans and shit that we can’t figure out. Hope you don’t kill another person we totally care about.” Hot Take Temperature: A furnace that explodes if you don’t pull your eyelids off in the next seven seconds.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Who’s sawing the sawers? Wait … that’s not the phrase it is? It’s Saw II, Let’s go!
Ah the Saw franchise. As a host of my favorite podcast suggested, the people who try and catch up on the Saw franchise are really just trying to make their lives worse. He ain’t wrong!
Out of all the horror genres out there, the one I like the least is what is often referred to as Torture Porn. This falls into that definitively. But here’s the thing. I had only ever actually watched the original Saw. Otherwise the only other Torture Porn film I’ve seen in Hostel. So I don’t know … maybe Saw didn’t become true Torture Porn until later?
Nope. Well … it wasn’t as bad as I thought, but I do think you’d throw this into the Hostel bucket. I think I just have fully desensitized myself to most horror at this point. I imagine if I watched something truly brutal I would still get physically ill, but regardless, I managed to watch Saw II with little to no difficulty.
Ah, but the movie? Perhaps I thought it was actually kind of good like the original?
Nope, the acting is terrible, the plot is dumb, the traps are stupid, Jigsaw makes no sense, all the cops are stupid, this movie is dumb. The End.
But to be more exact with it, the issue with Saw to some extent is that the traps are often just really stupid. The survivor woman from the first had the easiest task of anyone. She had to kill another person and retrieve a key, that’s it. Most people have stupid traps like … pull out all your toenails, or walk through a football field of syringes or something. Like … borderline it is like, but that would maim me? My feet will never be the same. My desire to live while maimed isn’t the same as my desire to live. They touch on this a bit in the third film. Regardless, often, the traps only really work because people waffle too much or the trap itself is dumb. That, honestly, is the worst part of the franchise. I’m a puzzle guy and the idea that the puzzles often feel either too easy or too hard is frustrating.
In this case, the trap house is a little fun, even if Donnie Wahlberg Jr. isn’t really doing it for me as the ultimate twist. I do like how the film ends in the same place as the first, and the twist itself is actually not terrible. But still, the film sets up the franchise and hooooo doggy, it isn’t super impressive.
I’m going to be honest, I don’t think this film deserves any superlatives, not even for the twist. The twist is kind of good, and the rest don’t match up. You get nothing Saw II! This is closest to BMT I think, the film is genuinely poorly made and stupid and a good example of a bad example of Torture Porn.
So what are you going to learn from Saw II? Find out in the Quiz. Cheerios,
What’s that? We back jack? That’s right, I have to make a second Saw themed quiz because we also watched Saw III. Let’s go!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) In the third Saw film there is a whole big thing about how Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) is breaking his own rules since the traps were being set up without a way to survive. Detectives would say this broke his M.O. What does M.O. stand for?
2) The entirety of the film takes place in a meatpacking plant. Now … there is a famous book that exposed the horrid working conditions in Chicago’s meatpacking industry. What is that book, and who wrote it?
3) Saw III apparently use a bathroom set from Scary Movie 4 (a franchise directly spoofing Saw at the time). Simon Rex played George Logan in that series. Who played his brother Tom (mostly in Scary Movie 3, while ripping off Signs)?
4) Apparently, as part of the promotion for Saw III, there was a big blood drive. Blood types (ABO) were discovered by Karl Landsteiner for which he won the 1930 Nobel Prize in Medicine. In addition to the ABO designation there is also +/- which is referred to as what officially?
5) The soundtrack for Saw III features songs by many heavy metal bands including Slayer. Slayer is consider one of the four major bands of “thresh metal”. Name any of the other three.
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: Crazily the third Chainsaw Massacre film played at 10PM on TMC on April 14, 1992. The lead in to that was this BMT classic:
Saw II is mostly plotless, so what fun facts could we possibly glean from it for a quiz? I guess we’ll see.
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Apparently a scene of an elevator was a reused scene from a 2000 sci-fi film. It was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Visual Effects in 2001, losing to Gladiator. And while not a direct adaptation, it is easy to mistake the film as being part of a famous Universal series. What was this film?
2) The soundtrack features a song by Queens of the Stone Age. Their second major Billboard hit was Little Sister heavily featuring the cowbell. So much so that Will Ferrell performed with them when they played the song on SNL. In the More Cowbell sketch featuring Christopher Walken as fictional music producer Bruce Dickinson, what was the band and song being played?
3) Tobin Bell has a crazy career with his breakout role coming in his 60s as Jigsaw in the Saw Franchise. One of his minor roles was as Ted Kaczynski in the TV Movie Unabomber: The True Story. The Unabomber famously took part in Henry Murray’s unethical human psychology experiments as a 17-year-old, and some speculate he further participated in what theoretical CIA led brainwashing program?
4) Billy the Puppet is the little doll that really really wants to play a game. He is considered to be a ventriloquist dummy. What comedian had luminary dummies named “Peanut”, “Walter”, “Jose Jalapeño”, “Bubba J”, and “Achmed the Dead Terrorist”?
5) Saw II features Donnie Wahlberg who, of course, was (is?) a main member of New Kids on the Block. NKotB had three number 1 hit singles (that’s three more than I expected), the last of which shares a name with a TGIF show. What is that hit single?
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: We talking about Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part II? Oh, we aren’t. Anyways, this was another after midnight treat on April 24, 1991 when TCMPII played at 2:45AM on Showtime:
In the following weeks, Patrick and Kyle hatch a plan to catch whoever it was that was watching them. Perhaps this mysterious person had some insight into their predicament. They would have included Jamie in the plans, but without any jorts to wear he sat around in his deafness, covered in mud and wearing only a shirt. “He could at least wear a shirt that wasn’t skin-tight,” grumbled Kyle. They hear Jamie whine from the other room, “are you talking about me? Are you talking about my tight shirt? It’s the only one I have where the v-neck is deep enough. You can’t expect me to be deaf and unfashionable.” They move further away from Jamie’s lair to continue hatching the plan. “Remember how we caught Santa Claus?” Patrick asks, but Kyle gives him a blank look. “Oh right, that was with Jamie. Shit.” This is going terribly. Suddenly the hairs on Patrick’s neck stand up again and he shushes Kyle. “Do you feel that?” He asks and Kyle nods his head vigorously. The feeling was right behind them… as if whoever it was was actually watching Jamie and not them at all. They sneak around the side of the house and look through the window. Kyle quickly turns away and tries to stop Patrick. His eyes are wide at what he just saw. “Don’t. Please,” he begs, “it’s horrible. You won’t be able to shake what you have seen.” But this only intrigues Patrick. Sure he liked seeing romantic things or funny things, but there was something almost irresistible about seeing something horrific on occasion. He pushes Kyle out of the way and takes a gander through the window. “My god,” he whispers, his face frozen in a mask of terror at what he saw too. That’s right! We are watching Saw II (and Saw III). This entire venture has been to try to get some franchises going that have somehow escaped our prying eyes. No more! Let’s go!
Saw III (2006) – BMeTric: 27.7; Notability: 37
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 28.0%; Notability: top 26.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 27.8%; Higher BMeT: Date Movie, The Wicker Man, Ultraviolet, Pledge This!, Material Girls, Little Man, Basic Instinct 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Zoom, The Shaggy Dog, The Marine, Big Momma’s House 2, DOA: Dead or Alive, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, Pulse, Black Christmas, Crossover, Phat Girlz, Eragon, Scary Movie 4, and 50 more; Higher Notability: Poseidon, Eragon, The Da Vinci Code, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, Scary Movie 4, The Wild, The Pink Panther, Click, Smokin’ Aces, The Guardian, The Black Dahlia, All the King’s Men, Zoom, Just My Luck, School for Scoundrels, The Shaggy Dog, Happily N’Ever After, Lady in the Water, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, Factory Girl, and 47 more; Lower RT: The Contract, Pledge This!, Crossover, Material Girls, The Covenant, Zoom, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Big Momma’s House 2, Deck the Halls, Basic Instinct 2, Happily N’Ever After, Date Movie, Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj, Ultraviolet, When a Stranger Calls, Annapolis, Stay Alive, See No Evil, Pulse, The Grudge 2, and 49 more; Notes: Only 8 of the top 20 by BMeT and I think only 4 of the top 20 by RT. Quite a sparse year for us somehow. Even looking through just nothing really jumps out as a must see beyond The Wicker Man. Bizarre.
New York Times – The “Saw” franchise rasps on with “Saw III,” a deadening barrage of grungy rooms, mortified flesh and elaborate torture. … The most depressing thing about this series is not the creativity of the bloodletting but the bleak view of human nature, specifically our talent for ruining the present to avenge the past. In the opening scene, a man frees himself from an ankle restraint by pulverizing his foot with a brick; fortunately, all we have to do is get up and leave.- Jeannette Catsoulis
(Yeah, so isn’t this often the case. Jamie’s favorite example is in the book Sliver the author basically keeps saying: hey don’t you just want to spy on people and peep on them? And as you are reading the reader is, I imagine, mostly like “no you weirdo.” Saw is similar. It is like “What choice would you make? Kill four people who harmed your family, or forgive them and live your life.” And I’m like … uh, forgive? Why would I murder some people? And yet these questions are often asked as if it is the trolly problem or something. The choices in Saw are rarely difficult: save people and be a good person. And yet everyone in these films suffer from a severe case of garbage-person-itis it would seem. Go figure.)
(Do you want to play a game? Not really. Also these games seem dumb. As usual it is like: if you want to live all you have to do is melt all your fingers off with acid. And I would be like … no thanks. This trailer is also very close to the joke Jamie makes about the films: “Want to hear my impression of the Saw films? ARGGGHHHHHHH ARGH ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH”. Aggravating.)
Directors – Darren Lynn Bousman – ( Known For: Repo! The Genetic Opera; Mother’s Day; Tales of Halloween; 11-11-11; Death of Me; St. Agatha; The Barrens; Abattoir; The Cello; Alleluia! The Devil’s Carnival; Future BMT: Saw IV; Spiral; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: Oh snap, I didn’t even realize above that he directed two through four. That’s wild. All of them sucked apparently. Got nixed on the writing credit this time it seems.)
Writers – Leigh Whannell – ( Known For: Saw; Insidious; The Invisible Man; Upgrade; Insidious: Chapter 3; Saw X; Cooties; The Mule; Future BMT: Insidious: Chapter 2; Saw IV; Saw V; Saw VI; Saw 3D; Dead Silence; Jigsaw; Insidious: The Last Key; Spiral; Insidious: The Red Door; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: He back baby. I wonder how many of these he has sole writing credit on.)
James Wan – ( Known For: Aquaman; Saw; The Conjuring 2; M3GAN; The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It; Malignant; Annabelle Comes Home; Saw X; The Nun II; Future BMT: Insidious: Chapter 2; Saw IV; Saw V; Saw VI; Saw 3D; Dead Silence; Jigsaw; Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom; Spiral; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; The Nun; Notes: Only story credit, but kind of weird he didn’t get one for the second and then pops back in for the third. I wonder if it points to them trying to get the franchise back on track … didn’t seem to work. Don’t worry, soon they’ll realize that all they need to be is as extreme as possible and they are good to go.)
Actors – Tobin Bell – ( Known For: Goodfellas; Saw; The Firm; Manhattan; Tootsie; In the Line of Fire; Mississippi Burning; The Road to El Dorado; The Quick and the Dead; Saw X; Sophie’s Choice; The Verdict; Malice; 12 Feet Deep; Boogeyman 2; An Innocent Man; The 4th Floor; Boogeyman 3; The Call; Belzebuth; Future BMT: Saw IV; Saw V; Saw VI; Saw 3D; Jigsaw; Boiling Point; Loose Cannons; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: Helllllll yeah Tobin. He was nearly 50 when he really broke into film. There is very little about what he did prior to getting bit roles in 1979, but at that point he was already well into his 30s, so maybe he was getting an advanced degree or was a teacher or something? Wild career.)
Shawnee Smith – ( Known For: Saw; The Island; Leaving Las Vegas; Saw X; Annie; The Blob; Summer School; The Grudge 3; Breakfast of Champions; Grace Unplugged; Jayne Mansfield’s Car; Bloodline Killer; Female Perversions; Carnival of Souls; Kill Speed; A Slipping-Down Life; The Low Life; Dogtown; Men; Christmas vs. The Walters; Future BMT: Saw IV; Saw VI; Who’s Harry Crumb?; Desperate Hours; Believe; BMT: Armageddon; Saw II; Saw III; Iron Eagle; Notes: She was a kid actor (and acted in Iron Eagle, amazing). The actors in the franchise are so interesting, she was around 35 when she was in the first one. She’s old enough to have been a young 24 year old actress in an episode of Murder She Wrote.)
Angus Macfadyen – ( Known For: Braveheart; Equilibrium; We Bought a Zoo; The Lost City of Z; Titus; Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood; Cradle Will Rock; .45; Horizon: An American Saga – Chapter 1; 3022; Robert the Bruce; Still Breathing; Hirokin: The Last Samurai; Steel Rain 2; Copperhead; Unnatural Causes; The Pleasure Drivers; The Brylcreem Boys; The Lost Language of Cranes; Fatwa; Future BMT: Saw IV; Saw VI; Warriors of Virtue; BMT: Saw III; Redline; Notes: Oh snap, this guy is in Horizon? Buckle up, I have three hours of a boring Western to watch. Scottish, and so yeah, famous for being Robert the Bruce in Braveheart.)
(Prints. Money. Horror franchises are ridiculous, and it is kind of sad that something like this got famous and then people tried to emulate it because honestly it is not scary, not gross, and mostly just dumb. Hot take.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (28/95): Saw III does little beyond repeating its predecessor’s tropes on a gorier level.
(Yes, and? Oh, yeah, right, that’s a bad thing. I 100% agree though, the franchise becomes less interesting and grosser the longer it goes on. The exception seems to be (and isn’t it always) once they take an extended break things can realign a bit with people realizing what is actually interesting about the films instead of focusing on one upping themselves.)
Reviewer Highlight: Saw III is gross and squirmy, but it’s got a lot of brains and heart to go along with its guts. Better than Saw and Saw II combined. – Steve Tilley, Toronto Sun
(I actually don’t even understand this from the point of view of Saw… was the trap that someone had a saw attached to three teeth? Or maybe this was hanging in front of them and balanced in some way and Jigsaw was like “You want to play a game? You have to pull out all your teeth and attach it to the saw to keep it balanced or else it’ll fall and cut your femoral artery. You have 25 seconds.” C-)
Tagline(s) – This Halloween He’s Pulling Out All The Stops (C-)
(Hahahahahaha. Now that’s some funny shit.)
Keyword(s) – 1999-2007
Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), The Butterfly Effect (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Men in Black II (2002), Man on Fire (2004), Click (2006), Pearl Harbor (2001), Fantastic Four (2005), Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.6 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)
BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), …
Best Options (franchise): 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 69.1 Black Christmas (2006), 67.5 Seed of Chucky (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.8 The Grudge 2 (2006), 64.3 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.3 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 59.7 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004), 58.8 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 58.2 Scooby-Doo (2002), 55.0 Honey (2003), 51.5 Scary Movie 3 (2003), 49.4 The Omen (2006), 49.0 Thomas and the Magic Railroad (2000), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.7 The Hitcher (2007), 42.8 Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003), 41.0 Blade: Trinity (2004), 39.6 The Art of War (2000), 39.6 Beauty Shop (2005), 37.3 Saw IV (2007), 37.2 Just Visiting (2001), 37.0 The Amityville Horror (2005), 36.6 A Cinderella Story (2004), 36.4 Friday After Next (2002), 33.3 Rugrats Go Wild (2003), 33.3 House of 1000 Corpses (2003), 32.4 Pokémon 3 the Movie: Spell of the Unown (2000), 31.3 Arthur and the Invisibles (2006), 30.8 Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004), 30.3 Hannibal Rising (2007), 28.5 Next Friday (2000), 27.7 Saw III (2006), …
(Ah yeah, I suppose people thought this was the worse of the two … I think I agree. Saw III has dumb people making dumb decisions and ruining their own lives mostly. The second one at least has some interesting ideas and played with time a bit.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Tobin Bell is No. 1 billed in Saw III and No. 1 billed in Saw II, which also stars Donnie Wahlberg (No. 2 billed) who is in Righteous Kill (No. 6 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 6) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch Saw V, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 17.
Notes – The producers of this film asked the producers of Scary Movie 4 (2006) if they could use their bathroom set for this film as it was an exact replica of the sets used in Saw (2004) and Saw II (2005). They were given permission to use it.
As with the previous two films, only the actors who appeared in the final scene were given the complete script.
The film’s most graphic scene – Jigsaw’s brain surgery – remained completely uncut by the MPAA. The filmmakers argued that it was no different from what people would see in any medical documentary on TV.
During the brain surgery scene prop master James R. Murray had to hold Bahar Soomekh’s arms still for the close-up shots because she was unable to steady herself and keep the tool under control.
Costas Mandylor’s character – Detective Hoffman – is named as a tribute to the first two films’ late producer Gregg Hoffman.
In the following weeks, Patrick and Kyle hatch a plan to catch whoever it was that was watching them. Perhaps this mysterious person had some insight into their predicament. They would have included Jamie in the plans, but without any jorts to wear he sat around in his deafness, covered in mud and wearing only a shirt. “He could at least wear a shirt that wasn’t skin-tight,” grumbled Kyle. They hear Jamie whine from the other room, “are you talking about me? Are you talking about my tight shirt? It’s the only one I have where the v-neck is deep enough. You can’t expect me to be deaf and unfashionable.” They move further away from Jamie’s lair to continue hatching the plan. “Remember how we caught Santa Claus?” Patrick asks, but Kyle gives him a blank look. “Oh right, that was with Jamie. Shit.” This is going terribly. Suddenly the hairs on Patrick’s neck stand up again and he shushes Kyle. “Do you feel that?” He asks and Kyle nods his head vigorously. The feeling was right behind them… as if whoever it was was actually watching Jamie and not them at all. They sneak around the side of the house and look through the window. Kyle quickly turns away and tries to stop Patrick. His eyes are wide at what he just saw. “Don’t. Please,” he begs, “it’s horrible. You won’t be able to shake what you have seen.” But this only intrigues Patrick. Sure he liked seeing romantic things or funny things, but there was something almost irresistible about seeing something horrific on occasion. He pushes Kyle out of the way and takes a gander through the window. “My god,” he whispers, his face frozen in a mask of terror at what he saw too. That’s right! We are watching Saw II (and Saw III). This entire venture has been to try to get some franchises going that have somehow escaped our prying eyes. No more! Let’s go!
Saw II (2005) – BMeTric: 17.0; Notability: 37
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 30.8%; Notability: top 23.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 33.2%; Higher BMeT: Son of the Mask, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, The Fog, xXx: State of the Union, Boogeyman, Elektra, A Sound of Thunder, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Bewitched, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Are We There Yet?, In the Mix, The Dukes of Hazzard, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, The Honeymooners, Dirty Love, Cursed, Stealth, and 57 more; Higher Notability: Kingdom of Heaven, Fantastic Four, Be Cool, Domino, Fun with Dick and Jane, Bewitched, xXx: State of the Union, Memoirs of a Geisha, Chicken Little, The Longest Yard, Son of the Mask, The Great Raid, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, Stealth, Cursed, Flightplan, The Dukes of Hazzard, Æon Flux, The Ring Two, The Legend of Zorro, and 38 more; Lower RT: The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, Yours, Mine & Ours, Son of the Mask, Underclassman, A Sound of Thunder, The Perfect Man, Dirty Love, White Noise, Dirty Deeds, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Man of the House, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Æon Flux, Elektra, Edison, Are We There Yet?, The Wedding Date, and 62 more; Notes: Horror films are strange beasts. On the one hand fans are usually the harshest critics and so a lot of them have gaudy BMeT numbers. But then fans of specific series end up loving them all. We’ve seen 12/20 of the top BMeT for the year, which is fun.
New York Times – Last year’s mercilessly unpleasant “Saw” was an unexpected Halloween treat for horror fans fed up with the genre’s recent shift toward tongue-in-cheek. “Saw II,” directed by a newcomer, Darren Lynn Bousman, delivers similar hard-core, practically humorless frights and hair-raising tension, but only after getting past a shaky beginning that plays more like a forensics-themed television show than a scary movie. … By the time the final twists start exposing themselves and the title tool makes a welcome cameo appearance, it’s fully apparent that this sequel is more trick than treat and doesn’t really compare to its fine predecessor – though it still manages to be eye-opening (and sometimes positively nauseating) in itself. – Laura Kern
(Yeah, the film seems like a CSI knock-off version of Saw. Saw is a weird film (in that the acting is well and truly dire) but is somewhat intriguing in stripping down horror to its basest pieces. Saw II takes all the bad bits and amplifies it, straining credulity in the end.)
(ARRRRGH ARGH ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. Classic Saw. These films are so bad and annoying haha. And this trailer makes this one look even worse than I would have imagined.)
Directors – Darren Lynn Bousman – ( Known For: Repo! The Genetic Opera; Mother’s Day; Tales of Halloween; 11-11-11; Death of Me; St. Agatha; The Barrens; Abattoir; The Cello; Alleluia! The Devil’s Carnival; Future BMT: Saw IV; Spiral; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: Can you guess what The Cello is about? Dang, yeah, it’s about a haunted cello, how did you know? The only other thing I’m going to say about this guy is that he needs a new haircut or imdb picture stat!)
Writers – Leigh Whannell – ( Known For: Saw; Insidious; The Invisible Man; Upgrade; Insidious: Chapter 3; Saw X; Cooties; The Mule; Future BMT: Insidious: Chapter 2; Saw IV; Saw V; Saw VI; Saw 3D; Dead Silence; Jigsaw; Insidious: The Last Key; Spiral; Insidious: The Red Door; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: He’s in the original film and maybe it is because it is low budget, or maybe because he’s Australian, but he is dire in it. Amazing he also wrote Insidious.)
Darren Lynn Bousman – ( Known For: Tales of Halloween; 11-11-11; The Barrens; BMT: Saw II; Notes: Kind of strange he got a credit, it was basically his first feature credit, and he walked into an already established franchise.)
Actors – Donnie Wahlberg – ( Known For: The Sixth Sense; Ransom; What Doesn’t Kill You; Bullet; Marilyn Hotchkiss’ Ballroom Dancing & Charm School; 1 1/2 Ritter – Auf der Suche nach der hinreißenden Herzelinde; Body Count; Diamond Men; Tooken; Triggermen; Southie; Black Circle Boys; Bullfighter; Butter; Future BMT: Saw IV; Dead Silence; Annapolis; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Dreamcatcher; Righteous Kill; Zookeeper; Notes: You know Donnie … of New Kids on the Block? … Mark’s older brother? … Blue Bloods star? There it is, yeah, he’s famous for being in Blue Bloods. And this I guess. And five seconds of The Sixth Sense.)
Beverley Mitchell – ( Known For: Extreme Movie; Snowmen; Dance Baby Dance; Future BMT: The Crow: City of Angels; BMT: Saw II; Notes: You might ask yourself, was she on nearly 250 episodes of 7th Heaven? Yes she was. And you best believe I’m watching Candy Cane Christmas someday, looks amazing.)
Franky G – ( Known For: The Italian Job; Dead Man Down; Confidence; Wonderland; The Devil’s Tomb; The Birthday Cake; Manito; 36 Saints; Future BMT: Saw 3D; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: Probably most famous for the tv show Power. Actual name: Frank Gonzalez.)
(This is why you make horror films. This film is genuinely terrible and it made a 30x return or whatever. Printing money.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 37% (46/124): Saw II is likely to please the gore-happy fans of the original, though it may be too gruesome for those not familiar with first film’s premise.
(Who is going into Saw II being like “I wonder what this is about?” I don’t think any of the early Saw films satisfy the people actually looking for crazy stuff. Mostly, people are in situations where if they used their brains for five seconds they would get out of it. The needle bit in this one is maybe the worst of it though, so there is something there.)
Reviewer Highlight: Saw II has teeth, and this house-of-horrors franchise has legs, though they’re manacled to the radiator. – Kyle Smith, New York Post
(God, if there were ever a set of posters that perfectly explained how much the Saw films are not my kind of films, these are the ones. Just like “you want to see people break their fingernails trying to get out of impossible traps?” and it’s like not really. It’s just so bland too. C+.)
Tagline(s) – Oh, yes. There will be blood. (B-)
(My word. I also had to look up and see which came first, this tagline or the film. This tagline predating There Will Be Blood. It appears to be a biblical quote, but really much funnier to think that PTA saw the poster for Saw II and was like “That would be a good title.” So I’ll be kind to it.)
Keyword(s) – 1999-2007
Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), The Butterfly Effect (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Men in Black II (2002), Man on Fire (2004), Click (2006), Pearl Harbor (2001), Fantastic Four (2005), Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.6 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)
BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), Taxi (2004), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), …
Best Options (franchise): 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 69.1 Black Christmas (2006), 67.5 Seed of Chucky (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.8 The Grudge 2 (2006), 64.3 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.3 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 59.7 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004), 58.8 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 58.2 Scooby-Doo (2002), 55.0 Honey (2003), 51.5 Scary Movie 3 (2003), 49.4 The Omen (2006), 49.0 Thomas and the Magic Railroad (2000), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.7 The Hitcher (2007), 42.8 Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003), 41.0 Blade: Trinity (2004), 39.6 The Art of War (2000), 39.6 Beauty Shop (2005), 37.3 Saw IV (2007), 37.2 Just Visiting (2001), 37.0 The Amityville Horror (2005), 36.6 A Cinderella Story (2004), 36.4 Friday After Next (2002), 33.3 Rugrats Go Wild (2003), 33.3 House of 1000 Corpses (2003), 32.4 Pokémon 3 the Movie: Spell of the Unown (2000), 31.3 Arthur and the Invisibles (2006), 30.8 Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004), 30.3 Hannibal Rising (2007), 28.5 Next Friday (2000), 27.7 Saw III (2006), 27.7 Resident Evil: Extinction (2007), 27.6 Rush Hour 3 (2007), 26.6 TMNT (2007), 26.4 Pokémon the Movie 2000 (1999), 24.8 Meet the Fockers (2004), 24.6 Johnny English (2003), 22.7 Digimon: The Movie (2000), 21.8 The Punisher (2004), 21.6 Van Wilder (2002), 21.3 Star Trek: Nemesis (2002), 19.1 Step Up (2006), 17.0 The Da Vinci Code (2006), 17.0 Resident Evil (2002), 17.0 Saw II (2005), 17.0 Bad Boys II (2003), 16.9 The Chronicles of Riddick (2004), 14.8 The Matrix Revolutions (2003), 14.8 Final Destination (2000), 14.7 Underworld: Evolution (2006), 12.7 Hannibal (2001), 9.3 Underworld (2003), 3.1 The Butterfly Effect (2004)
(Pretty low. So, why did we do it? Well we wanted a horror franchise and this one has a ton of movies, so it was nice to knock off two now while the getting was good.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Donnie Wahlberg is No. 2 billed in Saw II and No. 6 billed in Righteous Kill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 6) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 15. There is no shorter path at the moment.
Notes – To conceal the ending, most of the actors were not given the last 25 pages of the script. Only the principal actors involved in the sequence knew.
It took four days for four people to replace all of the syringe tips with fiber tips for the “Needle Pit” trap.
The bathroom, which was the main set for Saw (2004), had to be recreated for this film.
Five alternate endings were shot.
Shawnee Smith was pregnant during filming, but kept it a secret from everyone, including the director, Darren Lynn Bousman. Her daughter gave the secret away one day during lunch, but only to Darren Lynn Bousman.
Who watches The Watchers. Apparently we do. And Live! no less. This is one of those BMT Live! films that will likely live in infamy. It’s our third out of four films for the year and do we really think we won’t get two more bangers in the next half a year? Not really, but there is a logic to our madness. The first point is simple math. There have been an unusual (at least for recent history) number of poorly reviewed horror films this year. Films like Night Swim, that seem like they should garner at least a “meh,” are getting slammed. So we gotta get a horror in and the closer you get to Halloween the more likely the studio has confidence that it’s good. The second point is that once we get into the last cycle of the year we could always watch a film in theaters for the cycle itself, as it by definition fits. Anyway, that’s how you end up watching The Watcher. Let’s go!
To recap, Mina is a saddo living in Ireland because she’s never gotten over her role in the death of her mother which has left her estranged from her twin sister. She’s tasked with delivering a rare parrot to a zoo (for real) and ends up lost in the forest. She’s ushered into a strange concrete bunker where she is told she must stay during the night or The Watchers will get her. Bum bum bum. This turns out to be true as that night they come and they all have to show themselves to these mysterious Watchers. From there Mina does a bunch of exploring and shows that she is much more daring than her comrades, Ciara, Madeline and Daniel. She explores some tunnels and takes some of the Watchers’ junk and that makes them unhappy. Ultimately Daniel locks Mina and Madeline out because he doesn’t trust them and this also makes the Watchers extra angry. Once back inside they realize that the Watchers are going to break in and kill them. At the last moment Mina finds a secret door and they figure out that the whole place was set up by a professor. In his lair there are details on how to get back to the real world. They also see that the professor befriended the creatures, which are fairies that can shapeshift. The next morning they are able to escape, losing Daniel on the way. Back in the real world Mina tracks down the professor’s old office and in it realizes that Madeline was the professor’s wife who had passed away. In reality the Madeline she knew was the shapeshifter that the professor had interacted with. She runs to Ciara’s house where Madeline is already lying in wait. Before she kills them, though, Mina is able to convince her to let them live and to go find others like herself instead. The monster is like “good point,” and flies away. THE END.
After having seen the film, the merits of this as a Live! film are harder to defend. The best it can do is prove that Ishana Night Shyamalan has the talent to be a good director. The look and atmosphere of the film are solid and it’s pretty darn impressive for a mid-20’s director. So no need to worry about nepotism too much… unless you really think about the fact that a pretty half-baked film was greenlit for a feature. It probably should have been a short film or an episode of TV or a straight-to-Shudder flick. That being said, it’s really a rather forgettable film with some merely OK acting and a classically bad Shyamalan twist. It’s also Lady in the Water level on-the-nose regarding what the concept of the film is… Like they live in a little concrete box where one side is a glass screen and every night the watchers come and watch them and oh… Also, the only thing they have to watch in this bunker is a box set of some made up reality TV show. Are you getting it yet? It’s about reality TV and escapism.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Uh, obviously she was dead the whole time. One does not simply get lost in a deep dark forest where a bunch of other people have disappeared and live to tell the tale. They certainly don’t live to tell of a weird concrete TV that they had to live in with a bunch of other people where they learned to accept the death of their mom and reunite with their estranged twin. Convenient. But it’s all much simpler than that. Do you know how I know she was dead the whole time? Because fairies aren’t real… dumb. Hot Take Temperature: Lair of Love.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! The Watchers? More like I don’t want to Watch-its, amirite? Let’s go!
Naturally with, somehow, film releases being a family affair for the Shyamalan family we felt the need to go watch this film in theaters.
Because normally I think we would shy away from dunking on a film made by a young director just trying to make her way in the world one second unit directorial effort at a time.
But here we are, reviewing a very slight film with a kernel of an interesting idea: what if fairies were real, what if they were evil, and what if you were trapped with them?
But mostly the movie is boring with a fairly foreseeable twist, an unnecessary fourth act that takes place in the real world, and not particularly good acting. The acting was so odd I was stunned to learn the star (a grown up Dakota Fanning) is actually nominated for an Emmy this very same year. Quite a comeback. I don’t think she has much to do here though.
And naturally the whole film being an allegory for people watching actors in a giant television set and mimicking them in the real world … yeah, I think there is something there, but the whole thing feels very on the nose.
All that being said the movie is pretty, has a nice set piece, and the kernel of an idea could serve something that could be built off of if Shyamalan wants to push further into the Sci-Fi-Fantasy realm.
Setting as a Character (Where?) for Ireland which makes for quite the stretching needed to explain why Dakota Fanning is American. I do like a living breathing MacGuffin (Why?) kind of, with the Queen of Bavaria Parrot Fanning is inexplicably asked to drive to Belfast. And of course you can’t have a Shyamalan film without a Worst Twist (How?) in the reveal that one of the people being watched is, in fact, a half human / half fairy who will be destined to unite the two worlds together in the end. This movie is boring and Bad and just not worth it.
I’m trying something new in the quiz where everyone will get to learn about the Emmys, the Queen of Bavaria Parrot, and other stuff. Cheerios,
Second try at the new Quiz format. Let’s see what we can learn from watching the watchers!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) In The Watchers, Mina is put in charge of delivering a Queen of Bavaria Parrot through a spooky forest to a zoo near Belfast. What was the capital city of the old Kingdom of Bavaria?
2) M. Night Shyamalan is obviously most notable for his career as a writer-director of such films as The Sixth Sense. But he did have a more normal screenwriting career prior to that hit. In addition to uncredited rewrites on She’s All That, he also wrote the screenplay for a part-animated part-live action 1999 film featuring the voice of Michael J. Fox. What film?
3) Young Hearts Run Free, a sweet 1976 disco single by Candi Stanton is featured in the film. It was also covered by Kym Mazelle for what 1996 film which, while the storyline is classic, featured anachronistic songs like this one?
4) Dakota Fanning was a real deal child actor back in the day. Man on Fire, I Am Sam, The Cat in the Hat, War of the Worlds. The list goes on. In the late 2010s her career slowed somewhat, but she’s back on the scene with an Emmy nomination for Supporting Actress in a Limited Series for what adaptation of a Patricia Highsmith novel?
5) The bad guys in the film are supposed to be fairies (at least in some ways). One of the more famous instances of fairy lore entering real life was the Cottingley Fairies. A famous author was one of the leading supporters of the hoax, notable mainly for a series of works, in addition to some science fiction (like The Lost World). Who was this author?
Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: We talking about Watchers (1988)? … We aren’t. Well that played on May 17, 1990 at 9:30 on Cinemax. And it was up against this film on HBO?
Bad Movie Twins 