bmt 2025 – Page 2 – Bad Movie Twins

D3: The Mighty Ducks Preview

And by back-up plan he means bringing “back up” all the points he was already making (and more). Soon Jamie is back in the courtroom, having cited Resolution 4125 from 1933, whereby Hallston established that jury members had the right to cross examine witnesses. The entire third grade classroom of Dark Territory Elementary is shown a super rad video of Jamie himself performing samurai moves with his sword and then asked simple memory-based questions. They all fail. The teacher intervenes. “But sir, I was not distracted by the rad/horrifying nature of the murder,” she insists. Jamie scoffs. He measures out 300 yards between the teacher and the accused and asks for identification. No problem. He then stands, shirtless, next to the young man. The teacher’s eyes widen and a murmur can be heard from the gallery. The teacher has to admit, “It’s uncanny. I can’t tell the difference.” Three more of the witnesses give him a thumbs up. It’s now 9-3 for ‘not guilty.’ Suddenly, a hubbub can be heard in the back of the room. Ms. LaRouche’s boss, Mr. Duckworth, is loudly whispering and making dramatic hand gestures at her. “I demand to know what is going on here. I understand we want to set this young man free, but do we need this… this…” They hear him hiss, pointing at Jamie, “riff raff being the one doing it? We’ll never work in this town again!” Ms. LaRouche is trying to calm him down, but the damage is done. The jury can now smell blood in the water. They must be on the right track when even the big wig defense lawyers are getting cold feet. Two more votes change. Just one more hold out… Wrestlemania. “Thank you, Mr. Duckworth,” Jamie says softly and Ms. LaRouche smiles slyly. That’s right! Thank you, indeed, Mr. Ducksworth. Without you forcing Gordon Bombay into coaching hockey, we wouldn’t get to watch all three for BMT. Let’s go!

D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996) – BMeTric: 45.7; Notability: 41

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.4%; Notability: top 18.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 20.3%; Higher BMeT: Barb Wire, Kazaam, Bio-Dome, Striptease, The Island of Dr. Moreau, The Crow: City of Angels, Ed, Hellraiser: Bloodline, The Stupids, Mr. Wrong, Spy Hard, Solo, Adrenalin: Fear the Rush, The Glimmer Man, First Kid, Eddie; Higher Notability: Jingle All the Way, The Fan, Chain Reaction, Spy Hard, Daylight, Mulholland Falls, 101 Dalmatians, Eye for an Eye, Up Close & Personal, Eddie, The Associate, Dear God, The Island of Dr. Moreau, Sgt. Bilko, The Crow: City of Angels, The Adventures of Pinocchio, In Love and War, Space Truckers, Hellraiser: Bloodline, Dunston Checks In, and 27 more; Lower RT: The Dentist, Big Bully, Adrenalin: Fear the Rush, Getting Away with Murder, Bio-Dome, Kazaam, Ed, Mr. Wrong, Faithful, Spy Hard, Eye for an Eye, Bulletproof, Solo, Curdled, House Arrest, The Glimmer Man, In Love and War, Larger Than Life, Down Periscope, Dear God, and 30 more; Notes: This played 19 times on television in the 90s. We’ve seen 11 of the higher 15 BMeTrics which is pretty good. The Stupids is probably the weirdest gap. It only played on television two times from what I can tell … odd, seems like that should have been a Comedy Central classic.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Those adolescent hockey players have won scholarships to a fancy private school, where that have a new no-nonsense coach (Nordling) and find themselves outsiders in a snooty varsity league. Oh yes – and Charlie (Jackson) has a girlfriend. The Ducks franchise has run out of steam.

(I find it incredibly interesting that MAltin gave all three films the exact same number of reviews, but they all, seemingly, are slammed for different things. The first for being predictable. The second for being preposterous. And the last for rehashing everything.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFSmoKm6c5A/

(Oh yeah, that’s a VHS capture if I’ve ever seen it. It is too bad that for a moment Joshua Jackson was a terrible actor. He’s a great actor as an adult, but it got a bit weird in late stage Mighty Ducks.)

Directors – Robert Lieberman – ( Known For: Fire in the Sky; The Tortured; Breakaway; Table for Five; Future BMT: All I Want for Christmas; BMT: D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: It is wild he directed Fire in the Sky, freaky film. For years he did television, then did a few TV movies before he died in 2023.)

Writers – Steven Brill – ( Known For: Walk of Shame; Heavyweights; Future BMT: Ready to Rumble; BMT: Little Nicky; The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Wow, he also wrote the screenplay for this! I genuinely find it very interesting he stuck out the whole trilogy.)

Kenneth Johnson – ( BMT: D3: The Mighty Ducks; Steel; Notes: A classic TV writer, e.g. The Incredible Hulk, and the original V miniseries. He only has a story credit here.)

Jim Burnstein – ( Known For: Love and Honor; Future BMT: Renaissance Man; BMT: D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: That is it, he is mostly a producer. Love and Honor looks wild. You might ask how it doesn’t qualify. It didn’t get released to enough theaters. But it stars Aimee Teegarden. You know … From Friday Night Lights. We only have one more qualifying film for her (some film called Prom?), but I genuinely forgot she was in Rings.)

Actors – Emilio Estevez – ( Known For: Mission: Impossible; The Breakfast Club; The Outsiders; Badlands; Young Guns; St. Elmo’s Fire; Bobby; Repo Man; The Way; Stakeout; Brats; The Public; Wisdom; The War at Home; Tex; Never on Tuesday; The L.A. Riot Spectacular; Sand; Future BMT: Loaded Weapon 1; Arthur and the Invisibles; Men at Work; Judgment Night; Another Stakeout; Nightmares; That Was Then… This Is Now; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; Young Guns II; Maximum Overdrive; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Freejack; Notes: I’m running out of things to say, but let’s leave it by saying us not having done Men at Work yet with the Estevez/Sheen brothers is crazy.)

Jeffrey Nordling – ( Known For: Tron: Legacy; Sully; Quiz Show; Working Girl; Home of the Brave; Surfer, Dude; Flicka; Polish Wedding; The Locksmith; Turbulence 2: Fear of Flying; Ruby; Holy Matrimony; Love Hurts; Future BMT: Love Affair; BMT: D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: He kind of does one-off tv episodes at this point. He was Larry Moss in 24.)

David Selby – ( Known For: The Social Network; Equals; Unknown; White Squall; Newness; Are You Here; Inhale; End Game; Raise the Titanic; Rich and Famous; Night of Dark Shadows; Up the Sandbox; The Super Cops; Rich Kids; Back Fork; Headless Body in Topless Bar; Future BMT: Dark Shadows; Surviving Christmas; Dying Young; Intersection; BMT: D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Is this a fake credit? I think this is the Dean of the school. How Joshua Jackson isn’t at least third billed is nuts. He’s the main character!)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $22,955,097 (Worldwide: $22,955,097)

(Yeah there it is. Now we are looking at halving the output. A D4: The Might Ducks: Minor Leagues sequel was never in the works.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 20% (3/15)

(Another consensus: This movie is literally the same movie as the other two movies so why did they make it and why am I watching it?)

Reviewer Highlight: The Mighty Ducks, Minnesota’s underdog kid hockey team, are back again, in a third version of more or less the same story.

Poster – B3: The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

(Back to at least feeling more artistic. My immediate reaction though is to squint at the tiny characters on the poster and thinking “Wait, is that Coach Bombay?” Notably not their coach in this film. C+.)

Tagline(s) – No Fear. No Limits. No Brakes. Just Ducks. (B)

(Pure distilled Ducks, babbbyyyyyy. None of these things really describe the third film. In fact this is much more like the second, totally ridiculous film. Still. They were trying here.)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

Top 10: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Green Lantern (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Ghost Rider (2007), The Happening (2008), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), The Mummy (2017)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 90.7 Vampires Suck (2010), 90.1 House of the Dead (2003), 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 87.9 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 86.9 Street Fighter (1994), 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.7 Shark Night (2011), 78.2 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.1 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Slender Man (2018), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007), …

Best Options (franchise): 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 76.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 75.3 The Grudge (2019), 74.8 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 74.6 God’s Not Dead (2014), 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.6 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 72.3 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 71.6 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 71.1 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 69.5 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 69.4 Black Christmas (2006), 69.3 Pulse (2006), 68.2 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 68.1 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 67.7 Seed of Chucky (2004), 67.4 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 66.9 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 65.1 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.9 The Final Destination (2009), 64.8 Blair Witch (2016), 64.4 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 64.2 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 62.2 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 61.8 The Grudge 2 (2006), 61.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 61.3 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 61.2 Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014), 60.7 The Mangler (1995), 60.4 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 60.2 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 60.1 Spiral (2021)

(Finally a Might Ducks film deserving of a high BMeT … but still not high enough to defeat the quality of the late stage Smokey and the Bandit sequels … which yeah, we might be watching later this year.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Emilio Estevez is No. 1 billed in D3: The Mighty Ducks and No. 1 billed in Young Guns II: Blaze of Glory, which also stars Christian Slater (No. 4 billed) who is in Mindhunters (No. 4 billed) which also stars LL Cool J (No. 3 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 2 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (1 + 1) + (4 + 4) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 18. If we were to watch Judgment Night we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – When Charlie gets kicked off the team by Coach Orion after the “unofficial” JV/Varsity showdown, the only other player to join Charlie in leaving the team is Fulton. This is fitting since Fulton and Charlie were the first two players to agree to become Ducks in the first movie. They were also the only two players to show up to the game that they were forced to forfeit since the rest of the team walked out on Bombay in the first movie.

Michael Cudlitz, who plays Cole, is only 2 years younger than Emilio Estevez. Cudlitz is older than most of the Mighty Ducks in the movie by 12 to 15 years.

Emilio Estevez, Joshua Jackson, Elden Henson, Shaun Weiss, Matt Doherty, Garette Ratliff Henson, Marguerite Moreau, and Vincent LaRusso are the only actors to appear in all three Mighty Ducks movies. Steven Brill, the writer of the film series also makes appearances in all three films, but as different characters. In the first film, he played Bombay’s rival lawyer Frank Huddy. In the second film, he plays a party guest who talks to Coach Bombay about fellow sport coach Pat Riley. In this film, he plays the game attendant at the Mall of America who talks to Charlie and Fulton about playing hooky, making this the only film where he doesn’t share any screen time with Emilio Estevez, but instead shares screen time with some of the Ducks players.

In this movie Scott Whyte plays the character of Scott. In D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994) he played the Icelandic hockey player, Gunnar Stahl. Interestingly enough, both of his characters seem to show a romantic interest towards Ducks player Julie “The Cat” Gaffney, played by Colombe Jacobsen-Derstine.

The dorm used by the varsity is the same dorm used in Dead Poets Society.

D2: The Mighty Ducks Preview

D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994) – BMeTric: 28.5; Notability: 55

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 22.0%; Notability: top 6.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.9%; Higher BMeT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, Street Fighter, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Junior, The Next Karate Kid, It’s Pat: The Movie, Double Dragon, On Deadly Ground, The Flintstones, North, The Fantastic Four, Leprechaun 2, 3 Ninjas Kick Back, Exit to Eden, Color of Night, In the Army Now, Car 54, Where Are You?, Richie Rich, Beverly Hills Cop III, Death Wish: The Face of Death, and 35 more; Higher Notability: The Flintstones, Wyatt Earp, The Shadow, Beverly Hills Cop III, Ready to Wear, Love Affair, The Scout, North, Radioland Murders, I Love Trouble, The Pagemaster, On Deadly Ground, Street Fighter, Exit to Eden, Blown Away, Drop Zone, Speechless; Lower RT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, It’s Pat: The Movie, Death Wish: The Face of Death, Wagons East, The Silence of the Hams, House Party 3, Car 54, Where Are You?, Holy Matrimony, Getting Even with Dad, A Low Down Dirty Shame, Major League II, Exit to Eden, Lightning Jack, Leprechaun 2, S.F.W., The Next Karate Kid, Trial by Jury, Blank Check, Intersection, The Specialist, and 26 more; Notes: This time the BMT classic Clifford is the surprising one. Played 92 times on television, only being beat by Clear and Present Danger. This played 30 times. We’ve seen 14 of the top 20 in this case, which is quite good. What is up with 1992, why have we not seen anything from 1992? So weird.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Having led his rag-tag hockey team to surprise victory in The Might Ducks, Estevez now gets a chance to coach Team USA (incorporating his former Ducks) in the Junior Goodwill Games – and make a bundle of money as a potential celebrity. The kind of film gives “contrivance” a bad name”: a Disney movie with mixed messages about competition, commercialism, puberty, and sportsmanship. Kids may like it anyway. Sports stars ranging from Wayne Gretzky to KAreem Abdul Jabbar make cameo appearances.

(The mixed messages! This is a particular thing that we ended up noting on this rewatch as adults with adult brains. The film seems to have a hard time grappling with how to introduce a message about commercialism in sports without making Bombay look like a dick. And for no reason, they have a ready and willing eeeeeeeevil hockey equipment manufacturer right there! It is wild.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OI9PFPLwEcE/

(It is like they compressed the video in 1994. What the hell? This movie is so stupid, but also like with a lot of series, often the worst film is actually the one you love the most as a kid. Wait … does it just play the Back to the Future theme in the middle of the trailer?)

Directors – Sam Weisman – ( Known For: George of the Jungle; Future BMT: What’s the Worst That Could Happen?; Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; The Out-of-Towners; BMT: D2: The Mighty Ducks; Bye Bye Love; Notes: Nominated for three Emmys for directing an episode of L.A. Law, and for producing and directing Brooklyn Bridge. Younger brother of David Weisman who produced Kiss of the Spider Woman.)

Writers – Steven Brill – ( Known For: Walk of Shame; Heavyweights; Future BMT: Ready to Rumble; BMT: Little Nicky; The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Whoa! He directed the second as well. That was unexpected. I was sure he would only have character credits for the rest of the series.)

Actors – Emilio Estevez – ( Known For: Mission: Impossible; The Breakfast Club; The Outsiders; Badlands; Young Guns; St. Elmo’s Fire; Bobby; Repo Man; The Way; Stakeout; Brats; The Public; Wisdom; The War at Home; Tex; Never on Tuesday; The L.A. Riot Spectacular; Sand; Future BMT: Loaded Weapon 1; Arthur and the Invisibles; Men at Work; Judgment Night; Another Stakeout; Nightmares; That Was Then… This Is Now; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Young Guns II; Maximum Overdrive; Freejack; Notes: What else is there to say about Emilio really. Part of the Brat Pack, which I guess reminds me I should watch St. Elmo’s Fire at some point.)

Kathryn Erbe – ( Known For: Stir of Echoes; What About Bob?; Mistress America; Assassination Nation; Kiss of Death; Alex Strangelove; The Addiction; The Good House; Speaking of Sex; Entropy; Dream with the Fishes; Rich in Love; 3 Backyards; Death of a Unicorn; Worst Friends; Love from Ground Zero; BMT: D2: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: I Pretty much exclusively know here as the Watson to D’Onofrio’s Holmes in Law & Order: Criminal Intent. She ended up being in more episodes than D’Onofrio, because I forgot he was replaced by Goldblum for a short time.)

Michael Tucker – ( Known For: The Purple Rose of Cairo; Radio Days; Diner; Eyes of Laura Mars; Cold Souls; Tin Men; An Unmarried Woman; Checking Out; A Night Full of Rain; 25 Hill; Future BMT: For Love or Money; ‘Til There Was You; BMT: D2: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Nominated for three Emmys, all for L.A. Law, which I suppose is probably why he ended up being cast, as the director also worked on that show. What the hell, there was an L.A. Law TV Movie in 2002. That is wild.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $45,610,410 (Worldwide: $45,610,410)

(Not that much less than the first. For a Kids’ film I think that is a win? I don’t know if there is the same expectations for Kids’ films as there would be for a comedy where you maybe think the home video can parlay the theatrical to a higher gross.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 20% (3/15)

(Uh a consensus: Somehow a film that flirts with a moral against excessive commercialization is a soulless commercial cash grab.)

Reviewer Highlight: The Sequel is even more banal than the original. And it’s difficult to take seriously the new film’s position against the commercialism of sports, given Disney’s NHL ties. – Lois Alter Mark, EW

Poster – B2: The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

(You can tell they know exactly what’s up by putting the craziest team in the whole film, Trinidad and Tabago, on the poster with their tie-dye shirts. This looks a little rough compared to the first. Or should I say rushed. C-)

Tagline(s) – The Puck Stops Here! (C+)

(I like the effort. Obviously much better than the first. But like… what does this mean?)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

(Again, these are beloved films so the BMeTric will be muted. I wonder if we’ll ever actually watch all of the Madea films though.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Emilio Estevez is No. 1 billed in D2: The Mighty Ducks and No. 1 billed in Young Guns II: Blaze of Glory, which also stars Christian Slater (No. 4 billed) who is in Mindhunters (No. 4 billed) which also stars LL Cool J (No. 3 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 2 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (1 + 1) + (4 + 4) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 18. If we were to watch Judgment Night we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – The Ducks who appeared in the first film but did not return for this one are: Dave Karp (Aaron Schwartz), Peter Mark (J.D. Daniels), Terry Hall (Jussie Smollett), Tammy Duncan (Jane Plank), and Tommy Duncan (Danny Tamberelli).

The scene after the first game with Iceland where Coach Bombay makes the team do sprints is based on Herb Brooks’ 1980 US Olympic team when they tied the Norwegian national team in an exhibition game. The team skated for about an hour even though the rink manager had turned the lights off.

Joss Ackland was apparently unavailable to reprise his role as Hans, and his position in the film was replaced by Jan Rubes as Jan, Hans’ brother. Hans’ non-appearance in the film was explained as him going back to Germany to visit his mother.

Maria Ellingsen, the actress who plays the Iceland trainer, was in fact born in Reykjavík, Iceland and taught the actors playing the Icelandic hockey team how to speak her native tongue.

Iceland’s uniforms are the same colors of the Hawks in The Mighty Ducks (1992).

The Mighty Ducks Preview

The Mighty Ducks (1992) – BMeTric: 16.3; Notability: 50

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 20.4%; Notability: top 5.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 15.3%; Higher BMeT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (22), Honey, I Blew Up the Kid (47), Cool World (58), Pet Sematary II (29), Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (34), Toys (56), 3 Ninjas (60), Sleepwalkers (54), Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (42), Poison Ivy (37), Freejack (29), Evil Toons (19), Sidekicks (101), Aces: Iron Eagle III (54), Beethoven (18), Tom and Jerry: The Movie (1), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (44), Christopher Columbus: The Discovery (27), Dr. Giggles (14), Encino Man (59), and 31 more; Higher Notability: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Toys, Cool World, Newsies, The Bodyguard, Honey, I Blew Up the Kid, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Freejack, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Universal Soldier, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Innocent Blood; Lower RT: Once Upon a Crime…, Live Wire, Folks!, Year of the Comet, Love Crimes, Frozen Assets, Cool World, Man Trouble, The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them, Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, Passed Away, Mr. Baseball, Mom and Dad Save the World, The Distinguished Gentleman, Ladybugs, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Aces: Iron Eagle III, The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag, Mo’ Money, and 16 more; Notes: Sidekicks is incredible. A League of Their Own, A River Runs Through It, and the somewhat odd film Hero are the only others which breaks the 100 plays from 1992. But Sidekicks?! Man, Chuck Norris had some juice! We’ve only seen 7 of those top 20 by BMeTric which is somewhat unimpressive. Quite surprising.

Leonard Maltin – 2 Stars – Harmless, cliched Disney yarn of self-centered yuppie lawyer Estevez who’s busted for drunk-driving, ordered to do community service, and assigned to coach a ragtag inner-city peewee hockey team. Guess what happens next. (Anaheim-based pro hockey team was formed by Disney in 1993 called … you guessed it.) Followed by D2: The Mighty Ducks, D3: The Mighty Ducks, an animated series, and a TVM based on that series.

(Oh yeah, there was a movie based on the show. It has 700 votes on IMDb, so not exactly tearing it up. And bullshit, it isn’t even a real movie. It is just the first three episodes of the show! Maltin, you have to do better man.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um_JU7HpSYQ/

(Ha, the quality of this trailer is insane. I assume it was ripped off of a VHS. Even then … reducing it to 720x480ish it still is completely ridiculous looking. Oh the trailer? Looks fun as fuck.)

Directors – Stephen Herek – ( Known For: Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure; Rock Star; Mr. Holland’s Opus; Critters; Our Little Secret; Afterlife of the Party; Dog Gone; The Chaperone; The Great Gilly Hopkins; Future BMT: 101 Dalmatians; The Three Musketeers; Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead; Life or Something Like It; Man of the House; Holy Man; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Still directs. He was a producer and director on the MacGyver reboot, which seems to have kept him busy.)

Writers – Steven Brill – ( Known For: Walk of Shame; Heavyweights; Future BMT: Ready to Rumble; BMT: Little Nicky; The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: I don’t know how, but somehow he got hooked into the Sandler machine prior to Little Nicky in bit parts, and then wrote Little Nicky and has continued to act a bit in random Sandler films.)

Actors – Emilio Estevez – ( Known For: Mission: Impossible; The Breakfast Club; The Outsiders; Badlands; Young Guns; St. Elmo’s Fire; Bobby; Repo Man; The Way; Stakeout; Brats; The Public; Wisdom; The War at Home; Tex; Never on Tuesday; The L.A. Riot Spectacular; Sand; Future BMT: Loaded Weapon 1; Arthur and the Invisibles; Men at Work; Judgment Night; Another Stakeout; Nightmares; That Was Then… This Is Now; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Young Guns II; Maximum Overdrive; Freejack; Notes: Mostly directs now, and apparently is planning on directing a third Young Guns film? Not sure how that’s going to work.)

Joss Ackland – ( Known For: The Hunt for Red October; Lethal Weapon 2; Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey; K-19: The Widowmaker; Miracle on 34th Street; Watership Down; Flawless; The Three Musketeers; The Four Musketeers: Milady’s Revenge; The House That Dripped Blood; Surviving Picasso; No Good Deed; A Zed & Two Noughts; Lady Jane; The Sicilian; Asylum; Firelight; The Thief and the Cobbler; The Little Prince; Mother’s Boys; Future BMT: Nowhere to Run; My Giant; A Kid in King Arthur’s Court; Once Upon a Crime…; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: I randomly watched The Hunt for Red October and Lethal Weapon 2 pretty much back to back and I did a double take. He probably has the best villain in any Lethal Weapon film.)

Lane Smith – ( Known For: Network; My Cousin Vinny; Red Dawn; The Legend of Bagger Vance; Places in the Heart; Rooster Cogburn; Blue Collar; Prince of the City; Frances; Over the Edge; Prison; The Hi-Lo Country; The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training; Resurrection; The Last American Hero; Honeysuckle Rose; Between the Lines; Night Game; Purple Hearts; Weeds; Future BMT: Air America; Son in Law; The Distinguished Gentleman; The Scout; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Died in 2005. Apparently he sang songs on the Lois & Clark tv show in the 90s? Something tells me that is maybe a fake credit. There is no mention of this on Wikipedia. Maybe he just sang a song in the show or something.)

Budget/Gross – $10,000,000 / Domestic: $50,752,337 (Worldwide: $50,755,845)

(And that is how a phenomenon is born. Sigh, where have all the $10 million films gone. For real, look at this film … looks at how many actors are there. Half of them become like actually famous actors when they grow up. How do you make this for $10 million? The ice time alone!)

Rotten Tomatoes – 27% (8/30): The Mighty Ducks has feel-good goals but only scores a penalty shot for predictability.

(Booooooooooooooooooooooo. This is a good movie. These days if this film was released people’s heads would explode. It would get like 90% on RT and top the Netflix charts.)

Reviewer Highlight: It must be said that this movie is sweet and innocent, and that at a certain level it might appeal to younger kids. I doubt if its ambitions reach much beyond that. – Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Poster – The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

(They really cannot quit Goldberg. I don’t blame them. Chunky kids were my jam in kid’s comedy. Ham from The Sandlot. Larry from The Big Green. Zach from Son-in-law. I like the creativity with the poster. Very modern too. Extreme closeups are very common now. Font is nice with the speed streaks. I’m not in love with it, but I also don’t hate it. B-.)

Tagline(s) – He’s never coached. They’ve never won. Together they’ll learn everything about winning! (D)

(My word. No! Won and winning? You kidding?)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

(Well yeah … because these are good films. We could have done an actual bad film for this, but what’s the fun in that? I think if I were to pick a franchise to smash here it would have been Karate Kid. The back two are genuine stinkers. Hot take: The second one sucks too, it is so dumb.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Emilio Estevez is No. 1 billed in The Mighty Ducks and No. 1 billed in Young Guns II: Blaze of Glory, which also stars Christian Slater (No. 4 billed) who is in Mindhunters (No. 4 billed) which also stars LL Cool J (No. 3 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 2 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (1 + 1) + (4 + 4) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 18. If we were to watch Judgment Night we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Jake Gyllenhaal, who was unknown at the time, auditioned for the role of Charlie Conway, but his parents wouldn’t let him do the movie so the producers ended up casting Joshua Jackson.

Before Emilio Estevez was offered and accepted the role of Gordon Bombay, Charlie Sheen, his brother, was offered the role, but turned it down.

Leonardo DiCaprio auditioned for the part of Charlie Conway but lost out to Joshua Jackson. In similar fashion, Juliette Lewis tried out for the part of Connie, but lost out to Marguerite Moreau.

The original premise of Mighty Ducks was much darker with very little comedy about an ex-NHL player turned alcoholic who seeks revenge on his old coach by coaching opposite him. The main idea stayed when Disney bought the rights to the movie, but some elements were changed (such as Bombay is now a lawyer, who never played in the NHL, who must do community service for a DUI), including much more emphasis on comedy and downplaying most of the adult themes.

Vincent LaRusso wasn’t given the role of Adam Banks initially, but later it was given to him when the child who originally played Banks became too difficult to work with.

The Back-up Plan Recap

Jamie

There are a whole bunch of rom-coms that came out in the 2000’s (the real peak of the genre) that really left you scratching your head at what in the world they were thinking. I’m not talking something like The Ugly Truth, which is bad, but the recipe itself is a classic. I mean cases where the recipe literally went bad. The Back-up plan is probably on the tamer end of that. In the middle is probably the Madonna film where she has a baby with her gay best friend and then falls in love. Probably the crown jewel is the Kate Hudson film A Little Bit of Heaven where she has terminal cancer… what a rom-com concept! And what a trilogy I just came up with. Three powerhouses of the genre in films that define logic. Officially this is the first leg of that journey.

To recap, JLo is a lady on the move. She’s got a great job, but she has given up on finding the man of her dreams. Right after getting (successfully) artificially inseminated she bumps into Stan who turns out to be *gulp* the man of her dreams. Oh no! They keep bumping into each other and soon he’s doing more than just bumping into her as he tells her he wants to see where things might go. They start casually dating. Unfortunately, during a trip to his farm she makes the mistake of not telling him she’s pregnant before they sleep together and he reacts poorly. They briefly break up, but Stan comes back and tries to make it work. Even when he finds out she’s having twins, he ends up making a dad friend at a playground and trying to work through all the overwhelming feelings he’s having. Comedy ensues as JLo has a bunch of goofy gags with a single mother’s group including a scene where she and Stan have to witness and participate in the birth of one of the member’s babies. It’s very funny and cool. The breaking point is when he makes a point to tell his ex-gf that the babies aren’t his in front of JLo and the break-up is official. But after a new specialty stroller arrives and her grandmother gives her some grandmotherly advice, JLo realizes that Stan has grown up. Just then her water breaks and they rush to the farmer’s market to pick him up for the birth. They end up getting engaged and probably pregnant again. THE END.

I just had a realization that this is essentially Look Who’s Talking but without the talking baby. The beats are the same. A working woman bumps into a guy who she’s somewhat put off by, he slowly ingratiates himself through devotion despite not being the baby’s father, ends with them finally together and the promise of a very special delivery. The problem? Bruce Willis had a funny voice for a baby, John Travolta has 1000x the charisma of the cardboard cutout of a man in this film, and they throw all the actually interesting drama from Look Who’s Talking out in exchange for an absolute catastrophe of a birthing scene. That Melissa McCarthy performance evokes Robin Williams in 9 Months (you all know what I’m talking about). I have no idea why this exists. I did not like it. Now if it had a talking baby in it I could at least understand the existence part.

Hot Take Clam Bake! I’m coming in scorching on this one. I think… Stan is actually the father of JLo’s kids. That’s the sequel. It turns out this sneaky cheesemonger has in fact been donating sperm for ages. He’s also been skulking around waiting for an unsuspecting woman to accept his donation and stages an elaborate meet-cute with her. Sure it seems like he’s nervous about being in a relationship with her, but he’s playing hard to get. Wouldn’t come off very convincing if he didn’t show some trepidation. His craziness when he finds out she’s having twins? Obviously that’ll cut into his skulking time, he’s gotta think it over. What’s JLo going to do when she finds out the truth?… Did I mention the sequel is a horror film? Hot Take Temperature: Fondue.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *gif of me finding a penny on the ground heads up and looking up and J-Lo is there and winks at me and then I look confused* Let’s go!

The Good? I’ve said this before, and I don’t want to get in trouble with my wife, but J-Lo man … from 1995-2010 or so J-Lo was probably the most attractive woman in Hollywood. Money Train. This. Just incredibly attractive. It boggles the mind.

The Bad? Everything else. The guy is a weird actor and doesn’t seem attractive (at least not attractive enough). The film has several insane sequences (especially the entire bit where the guy gets jealous of his pregnant girlfriend’s body pillow … WTF mate?). And overall the experience is the unpleasantness that was prevalent in mid-2000s comedies. Specifically things like The Break Up (2006, four years prior, this might be the death nell for this particular sub-genre).

The BMT? No, the film is just Bad. As far as J-Lo films are concerned there are three in my personal hall of fame: Money Train, Gigli, and, of course, The Boy Next Door. Man … The Boy Next Door. Remember that one?

And a final look at the potential use of AI to get Rotten Tomatoes scores. I did wonder if I was very very insistent and proclaimed null values as completely invalid would that “fix” the “problem” … kind of. In that it does maybe seem to get some more values filled in. The concern is that an unknowable number still end up being wrong for no real reason (e.g. Blue Lagoon being reported as 95% which is far too high), and then several (e.g. The Long Good Friday) are very consistently still reported as well. I only tested for the first 30, and I’m confident if I expanded it to the top 100 it would only get worse as you got to more and more unpopular films. Which basically means it isn’t really using the search as I had hoped or expected. Too bad. Would have been fun.

A genuine Twin Film (Who?) in this one, since J-Lo does specifically have twins in the film. It is a whole thing, they have to get a huge stroller, like with everything it melts Stan’s mind and makes him spiral into a crisis. Definitely a very funny Product Placement (What?) for an actual McFlurry sighting. Setting as a Character (Where?) for NYC. I think that is it. I think this film is just Bad unfortunately.

Learn all about childbirth? It’ll be in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

The Back-up Plan Quiz

What was that live action Disney film with the robot and Robert Forster? The Black Hole? Are you sure it wasn’t The Back-up Plan? Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Let’s start with one you should know. Jennifer Lopez was a “Fly Girl” on what 90s sketch comedy show?

2) Alex O’Loughlin is the main actor in the reboot of Hawaii Five-O alongside Scott Caan and Taylor Wily (among others). Taylor Wily was a sumo wrestler who has a 0-1 record in what fighting competition when it was started, apparently, to figure out what the best martial arts discipline is?

3) On the soundtrack J-Lo contributed What Is Love? It didn’t chart. The most recent number one single J-Lo had was All I Have featuring which NCIS: Los Angeles star?

4) One of the random times this movie is referenced elsewhere was when Gus mentioned that Shawn watched The Back-up Plan on the plane to Canada. What USA original series was this in?

5) Anthony Anderson is merely credited as “dad” in this film. And indeed, he is a dad who seems to give Stan terrible advice (and hates body pillows for some reason?). Regardless, six years prior he was in another (bad) film as a newly minted dad. What was that film?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: To really understand J-Lo I think you have to watch Money Train which premiered on HBO at 8PM on November 9, 1996. Primetime on ABC was this film:

They both were featured movies that day, what is this competing film?

Answers

The Back-up Plan Preview

After the sword trick, Jamie had two jury members on his side. But as Wrestlemania continued to point out, that was hardly the only piece of evidence. “What about the hideous and distinctive body scar that the young man had?” One of the other jury members asks, now intrigued by the discussion. “Luckily he wasn’t wearing a shirt… er… because it helped identify him,” a lady chimes in, blushing as they all chuckle. “But seriously,” Wrestlemania needles, turning from the window, “it’s not every day you glance out the window and see a man shirtless with a large, distinctive scar on his chest.” The rest of the jury murmurs their agreement. “Not every day, I give you that,” Jamie says with a solemn look on his face, “But would you be so kind as to open the curtains there.” Wrestlemania freezes. He gets the sense that he’s not going to like what he sees on the other side of that curtain. As he pulls them back, an audible gasp arises from the group. There, in Hallston Town Square, is Patrick. Like clockwork he is practicing his blade art at one in the afternoon, shirtless, his previously mentioned torso scar visible to them all. “What thuuuuu…” Wrestlemania says dumbly. Before anyone even challenges this as merely circumstantial, Jamie proceeds to remove his own shirt. It reveals a well-toned dancer’s body, it is true. It also reveals a previously unmentioned large, distinctive torso scar identical to the one that both Patrick and the accused possess. A proceeding vote finds the vote now split. This shocks Jamie, who knew Wrestlemania would hold out, but was sure that he’d now have a strong majority on his side. This is going to be harder than he thought. He’d have to move to his back-up plan. That’s right! We’re also moving on to our back-up plan: The Back-up Plan starring JLo and equally famous Alex O’Loughlin. Let’s go!

The Back-up Plan (2010) – BMeTric: 55.5; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.2%; Notability: top 7.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.3%; Higher BMeT: The Last Airbender, Vampires Suck, Birdemic: Shock and Terror, Skyline, Sex and the City 2, Furry Vengeance, Jonah Hex, Marmaduke, Gulliver’s Travels, Yogi Bear, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Tekken, Tooth Fairy, My Soul to Take, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Legion, Why Did I Get Married Too?, Passion Play; Higher Notability: Clash of the Titans, The Wolfman, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, Sex and the City 2, The Tourist, Valentine’s Day, Gulliver’s Travels, Marmaduke, The Last Airbender, Little Fockers, All Good Things, Tooth Fairy, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Shanghai, Eat Pray Love, Burlesque, Jonah Hex, Takers, London Boulevard; Lower RT: Tekken, Father of Invention, Passion Play, Twelve, 6 Souls, Shanghai, Vampires Suck, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, The Last Airbender, Waiting for Forever, The Tortured, 13, Furry Vengeance, Crazy on the Outside, Saw 3D, Marmaduke, Little Fockers, Grown Ups, Killers, My Soul to Take, and 13 more; Notes: Amazingly, we’ve seen 7 of the top 10 BMeT films, but then only 8 of the top 18. As usual, we have the natural tendency of hitting up the worst of the worst, but then basically totally ignoring the 11-20 spots. Do we really have to do Vampires Suck though? Or like … Yogi Bear?

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – Some movies are no better than second-rate sitcoms. Other movies are no better than third-rate sitcoms. “The Back-up Plan” doesn’t deserve comparison with sitcoms. It plays like an unendurable TV commercial about beautiful people with great lifestyles and not a thought in their empty little heads. So timid is this film that when it finally arrives at its inevitable childbirth scene, it bails out after two “pushes”!

(Ha! I do like the idea of like: if you are going to go for it, at least give us a good birth scene, but they couldn’t even do that. They just bail without even bothering.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cut4IW0oz1w/

(She is like … the most attractive person in the world, and he’s …. Fine. The movie looks aggressively dumb. A throwback to a 90s idea for a movie where they just add more mean spirited and lewd humor and go “is this good? Is this comedy?”)

Directors – Alan Poul – ( BMT: The Back-up Plan; Notes: Is a television director through and through. I guess the sitcom comparison above makes sense. Directed all the big HBO series for a bit.)

Writers – Kate Angelo – ( Known For: Easter Sunday; Future BMT: Sex Tape; BMT: The Back-up Plan; Notes: Single writer! It feels like Sex Tape destroyed her career for a while. Was story editor for a chunk of Becker.)

Actors – Jennifer Lopez – ( Known For: Antz; Parker; Home; The Cell; Hustlers; Out of Sight; Jersey Girl; U Turn; Atlas; Shall We Dance?; The Mother; Marry Me; Shotgun Wedding; An Unfinished Life; Selena; Second Act; Bordertown; Blood and Wine; Lila & Eve; This Is Me… Now; Future BMT: Ice Age: Continental Drift; Maid in Manhattan; Ice Age: Collision Course; Monster-in-Law; Jack; Enough; Angel Eyes; Feel the Noise; BMT: Anaconda; The Wedding Planner; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; The Back-up Plan; Gigli; The Boy Next Door; Money Train; Notes: Weird career which seemed to be going in the toilet for a bit (Atlas anyone?). But rumor is she’s incredible in the upcoming Kiss of the Spider Woman film and people are tipping her as a potential Best Actress nominee. She was nominated for an Emmy for her Super Bowl Halftime Show.)

Alex O’Loughlin – ( Known For: The Holiday; Man-Thing; Feed; Oyster Farmer; Future BMT: August Rush; The Invisible; BMT: The Back-up Plan; Whiteout; Notes: He is genuinely mostly well known for Hawaii Five-0 which he starred in for 240 episodes. He started the series right when this film came out and hasn’t done a feature since.)

Michaela Watkins – ( Known For: Good Boys; Wanderlust; Enough Said; The Way Back; In a World…; Thanks for Sharing; Werewolves Within; They Came Together; Brittany Runs a Marathon; Ibiza; How to Be a Latin Lover; Brigsby Bear; You Hurt My Feelings; Heart Eyes; Afternoon Delight; Dude; Sword of Trust; The House of Tomorrow; Lazy Eye; Person to Person; Future BMT: The House; Paint; BMT: The Back-up Plan; The American Society of Magical Negroes; Notes: She was very briefly on SNL it seems. She is all over television, I think I remember her recently from The Unicorn, but she was also in one of the Wet Hot American Summer television shows.)

Budget/Gross – $35,000,000 / Domestic: $37,490,007 (Worldwide: $77,477,008)

(That is pretty okay for Worldwide … I wonder why this would be reasonably popular overseas. I suppose it is because of J-Lo. I recall from the Wicked stuff that pop stars are huge in Europe as far as Box Office prospects.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 17% (26/149): Jennifer Lopez is as appealing as ever, but The Back-Up Plan smothers its star with unrelatable characters and a predictable plot.

(It is true. Much like with Money Train there is something crazy about how attractive J-Lo was between the mid-90s to around this film, 2010. It like … boggles the mind.)

Reviewer Highlight: Someone involved in the making of The Back-Up Plan, a not very good and yet painless waste of time, has certainly thought through some life and love questions. – Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Poster – The Snack-up Plan

(I don’t really understand the layout of this poster. Is there a reason that the words are going down like that separating them? Or did they just need something to do with the two stars of a rom-com that needs to sell purely on the stars? Not great but not catastrophic. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Fall in love.* Get married. Have a baby. *Not necessarily in that order. (B+)

(The tagline in words actually is better than on the poster. They shouldn’t have drawn the arrows. This is long, but in a necessary way. I like it. Nice little subversion. I would have put the star after “baby” on the poster, though. Having it after the first one doesn’t make sense.)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

Best Options (TASoMN): 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.4 Dance Flick (2009), 65.3 An American Carol (2008), 61.3 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 60.5 Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (2011), 59.7 Deck the Halls (2006), 55.5 The Back-up Plan (2010), 55.1 Evan Almighty (2007), 51.7 McHale’s Navy (1997), 50.4 The Last Legion (2007)

(This one just seemed like the most “how haven’t we done this?!” film of the bunch. It is kind of nuts that we haven’t watched all of the J-Lo films. Oh, and a lot of these are also precluded because we went to The American Society for Magical Negroes via David Alan Greer so we are technically not allowed to do a third in a row.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 11) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jennifer Lopez is No. 1 billed in The Back-up Plan and No. 2 billed in Gigli, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 11. If we were to watch Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – Jennifer Lopez was first attracted to the script as she had just gone through her twins’ pregnancy. Screenwriter Kate Angelo too had just been pregnant. The two had actually met at a post-birth aerobics class.

Three different dogs played Nuts.

Tom Bosley’s final performance.

Jennifer Lopez’s character Zoe is seen reading the book, What to Expect When You’re Expecting. She later played the role of Holly in the film adaptation of the same name.

Jennifer Lopez’s first major role in five years.

Staying Alive Recap

Jamie

Sigh, we are coming to the end. We are a Sly Stallone based venture. We operate on the Stallonian calendar which promises a Stallone flick every year with 53 Thursdays. Last Thursday of such a year is Stallone Day and celebrates all things Sly. This is all detailed on the website. Anyway, we are nearing the end of unique qualifying films and when we run out a question will arise that can only be answered by the BMT Council of Elders( BMTCoE). Some might be asking why I’m mentioning this before diving into Staying Alive. To those people I will simply say, “Get out! Shoo!” and throw pebbles at you until you leave. Staying Alive is the only film that Sly directed but did have a role in (not counting his uncredited appearance in the film). He’s also written two Statham films that he wasn’t in, but neither of them qualified. Truly unique. So keep in mind that this is a very special episode.

To recap, our hero Tony Manero is trying to make it in the Big Apple. He teaches dance classes to make a buck while going on audition after audition. It seems like he will never get his chance and it’s incredibly frustrating. He’s got a cool girlfriend, Jackie, but he even takes that for granted, sleeping with a star dancer that has blown into town for a new show, Satan’s Alley. At the auditions for Satan’s Alley they all get parts. Tony is very excited but also doesn’t love how small a part he has. Realizing he’s done Jackie dirty, he apologizes and asks for help practicing the lead dance in the show. He seems the main dancer is struggling and wants to take a shot at replacing him. When the time comes he pretty much botches it and the demanding director is like “ha, you suck.” This makes him feel like quitting, but Jackie is like “you can’t” cause she’s the coolest. He’s like OK and gives it another go and dances like a god dang star. The director? He’s like “Wow. OK. You have the part.” At the premier, Tony dances like a star again and the star dancer is angry because he’s using their chemistry against her. But this explodes on stage in the second half in what can only be described as literally the sexiest dancing scene in the history of cinema and in no way is it dumb and silly. By going off script, Tony becomes a hero of dance and the whole cast celebrates his one-of-a-kind achievement. Tony wins. THE END.

Hahaha, the crux of the problem for Staying Alive is that it is incredibly silly. Like no holds barred silly ass shit. Siskel must have been so disappointed! They really turn their back on pretty much everything the first (very good) movie was all about. He heads into the city at the end of that film (a pretty depressing film at that) because he knows his unserious life can’t last forever. Sure he’s hot shit in one club in Brooklyn, but at the end he’s given a trophy he doesn’t deserve because the judges are racist and it’s a moment of devastation. Just glaringly obvious that this stuff he’s been working on is meaningless. He heads off to Manhattan to become… a super silly Broadway dancer? Lol, what? A perfect example of the unnecessary sequel that should have been abandoned immediately once it was clear that the breakout star from the first film was just too famous to make a sequel where his loser character was still a loser. His character had to be dope as shit. That sucks. One final note: Travolta is a good dancer… but he is not a Broadway dancer level dancer. Crazy choices all around. Bravo. As for what the plot should have been? Easy, he should have been living as the arm candy for a stable of rich Manhattan ladies. Taking them out dancing and stuff while doing some modelling and commercial work. Acting is ultimately where Tony ends up if he is to succeed.

Hot Take Clam Bake! This was all a dream. It was a dream he had maybe just before a cab ran him over in Manhattan. Dreaming that, despite struggling with his art, he is able to break through and take over a Broadway show and demonstrate to the world that he is actually The World’s Greatest Dancer. Because otherwise the entire concept of the film makes no sense and is built on a tower of lies. And this was written and directed by Sly Stallone… so that would be blasphemy to suggest. Hot Take Temperature: Satan’s Alley.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *gif of me dancing. Hard. On Broadway. Everyone is watching like “Holy shit that guy can dance … hard!”* Let’s go!

The Good? Travolta’s body man … he is in incredibly good shape. The dancing is pretty incredible, even though at a high level, would this be on Broadway? Like … would people watch this on Broadway? I think the answer is yes. As a matter of fact I think I could figure out that the answer is yes because I bet I can find ads in the New York Times for shows EXACTLY like the weirdo one they put on in the end where a dancer dances his way through Hell or whatever.

The Bad? The film is soooooooooooo boring. And Travolta as a character is sooooooo shitty. He was shitty in the first too, but at that point he was in a shitty situation, and trying to even figure out what it meant to not be in such a situation. Learning what ambition even means. In this though he kind of seems like a dick, and did I mention the film is incredibly dull?

The BMT? Nope. It is nice that we finally did it because it has a very bad Rotten Tomatoes score, and is one of the last Stallone films we needed. But it is boooooooooring.

So … continuing what I was doing last time, can Google Gemini grounded search get Rotten Tomatoes scores from imdb links more easily than just scraping? Last time it wouldn’t provide answers for more than 10 when given 100 films. So I chunked them into ground of 10 and … nope, still, it mostly cannot find anything below the top 50, and for all but the top ten it gets somewhat random results. So no, this is not something I can use in any way. It is very disappointing. I really thought it would work, and given how I tend to use Google (to get IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes links mostly) this was the first time I thought something could work that would be quite useful to my BMT work. Alas. It just isn’t ready for primetime.

This is a huge Setting as a Character (Where?) for NYC, just Broadway and Brooklyn all over this piece. I think that is it. Sure his dream of being a Broadway star could be considered a MacGuffin I suppose. And his inevitable rise to stardom is a twist of a kind. By naw, just the setting here. This movie is ultra-dull and is the epitome of Bad even if the director and its status as a legendarily bad sequel screams out to be good-bad, it just ain’t.

What can we learn about dancing … hard? Find out in the Quiz. Cheerios,

Sklogs

Staying Alive Quiz

What was the name of that song which was the first single off of the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack by The BeeGees? Stayin’ Alive? No, I was thinking of How Deep Is Your Love. Let’s go!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) The BeeGees notably released the Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack which had three number one tracks by the band. As a matter of fact it was the best selling album in history until it was supplanted by what?

2) Honestly, I kind of always thought of Stallone as a director, but he really doesn’t direct that much. His most recent effort was what 2010 action film?

3) Travolta has a number one single. It is of course a duet. What is that song?

4) One song from the album did get some accolades, being nominated for Best Original Song at the Golden Globes. Who wrote and sang the noted song Far From Over?

5) One of the most infamous events in U.S. sports history was Disco Demolition Night in 1979. The event took place at Comiskey Park. Who is the home team that had to forfeit the second leg of the double header that night?

Bonus NYTimes Listing Question: Since the release predates the listings I have they are all over the place. But I did find a date, June 27, 1998, where it played at 7:15PM on TMC up against this bad boy:

What is this movie?

Answers

Staying Alive Preview

“Alright, well this looks like a slam dunk,” says one of the elderly jurors, “which is good because I have tickets to Wrestlemania tonight in the city.” He holds up a pair of tickets and walks to stare out the window. The field trip to Dark Territory was fun, but reality was setting in now that they were back in the jury room. “Let’s vote,” says the foreman and hands out small pieces of paper. Poor kid. But you just can’t go slashing a sheriff with a samurai sword and get away with it. You just can’t! As the ‘guilty’ votes are read, they begin to pack up. Suddenly a ‘not guilty’ vote rings out. Everyone stops and looks at Jamie. He takes a moment before acknowledging that yes, it was him. “I just think there should be a discussion, maybe,” he says sheepishly. “I don’t think so, bub,” says Wrestlemania, fuming. Several other jurors also demand he change his vote. “Ok, ok, how about this,” Jamie says, holding up his hands. “Let me ask you all just one thing.” They begrudgingly agree. “The murder weapon…” Jamie begins and Wrestlemania jumps on it immediately. “Exactly,” he says, “They found him with the murder weapon. A samurai sword! With an eagle on the handle!” The rest of the jury nod. “Oh really,” Jamie says and pulls his own samurai sword from his back scabbard and flips it in the air to land point down in the table. The jurors gasp and look at each other in disbelief. It’s an exact replica. “I guess,” says the foreman, “a little discussion won’t hurt.” “My god. That kid out there is probably laughing at us,” fumes Wrestlemania. But Jamie doesn’t think he’s laughing at all. He’s too busy just staying alive. That’s right! If you thought we would do Stay Alive and not take that opportunity to smash cut directly into the Saturday Night Fever sequel Staying Alive then… I don’t know what to say. It would mean you didn’t know us at all and that’s pretty sad. Let’s go!

Staying Alive (1983) – BMeTric: 61.1; Notability: 52

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.3%; Notability: top 3.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 0.0%; Higher BMeT: Jaws 3-D, Smokey and the Bandit Part 3, Superman III; Higher Notability: Superman III, Curse of the Pink Panther, Krull, Deal of the Century, Doctor Detroit, Flashdance, The Sting II, D.C. Cab; Notes: Don’t worry, Smokey and the Bandit Part III is on the docket. Looking at the 90s television data is kind of funny. The three Smokey and the Bandit films played 81, 47, and 20 times. Almost perfectly 50% of the prior one. The first is a classic obviously.

New York Times – Janet Maslin – ONLY the presence of John Travolta turns ”Staying Alive” from an unqualified disaster into a qualified one. Mr. Travolta is able to radiate warmth and sweetness even under the direst of circumstances, which are certainly the ones in which he finds himself here. As directed by Sylvester Stallone, who is also co-writer and coproducer, ”Staying Alive” is a sequel with no understanding of what made its predecessor work. The first film was funny and touching, powered by a phenomenally successful score. This one is clumsy, mean spirited and amazingly unmusical.

(Janet is right about everything here. This is exactly the issue with the film. It is just kind of depressing and joyless and misses everything that made the original work.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfCaqIudqbE/

(Give me that music up top, c’mon … yeah there it is. Hoooooooooo doggy Travolta looking sexy in this trailer. What more is there to say, 10/10 trailer on the Travolta Sexiness scale.)

Directors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: The Expendables; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Paradise Alley; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; Staying Alive; Notes: Welp, we finished his directorial efforts. Stallone, get behind the lens, you know you want to.)

Writers – Nik Cohn – ( Known For: Saturday Night Fever; BMT: Staying Alive; Notes: He was the writer of the article that Saturday Night Fever was based on.)

Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Rocky; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Homefront; Creed III; F.I.S.T.; Paradise Alley; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Rambo: Last Blood; Cobra; Over the Top; Driven; Staying Alive; Rhinestone; Notes: And, yup, we also finished up Stallone’s writing credits. Fuck you A Working Man, why did you have to ruin the dream.)

Norman Wexler – ( Known For: Serpico; Saturday Night Fever; Joe; Mandingo; Drum; BMT: Raw Deal; Staying Alive; Notes: Was born in New Bedford, huh. He was nominated for two Oscars, one for the movie Joe, and the other for Serpico. For real though … like Joe? I haven’t heard of this film.)

Actors – John Travolta – ( Known For: Pulp Fiction; Face/Off; Grease; Bolt; Austin Powers in Goldmember; Carrie; The Taking of Pelham 123; The Thin Red Line; Hairspray; Savages; Broken Arrow; Get Shorty; Saturday Night Fever; Look Who’s Talking; Phenomenon; Blow Out; Ladder 49; Killing Season; A Civil Action; Primary Colors; Future BMT: The Punisher; From Paris with Love; Basic; The General’s Daughter; Look Who’s Talking Too; Michael; Look Who’s Talking Now; Domestic Disturbance; Mad City; Lucky Numbers; White Man’s Burden; Shout; BMT: Swordfish; Wild Hogs; Battlefield Earth; Be Cool; Old Dogs; Staying Alive; Perfect; Two of a Kind; Notes: Man, we didn’t do The Punisher? But like … how have we done the other ones? Is that right? That is the craziest bit of flotsam we have. Actually strike that, having done Scary Movie 5 and not registering the first four as BMT films was the craziest bit of flotsam.)

Cynthia Rhodes – ( Known For: Dirty Dancing; Runaway; Curse of the Crystal Eye; BMT: Flashdance; Staying Alive; Notes: She seems to have quit the business when she married Richard Marx. Except of course the ridiculous film Curse of the Crystal Eye (never played on television).)

Finola Hughes – ( Known For: Like Crazy; Above Suspicion; Intrepid; Nutcracker; Future BMT: Aspen Extreme; BMT: Staying Alive; Notes: Aspen Extreme! Hol up … we HAVE to do Aspen Extreme. That movie is one of those perfect “they don’t release em like they used to” BMT gems.)

Budget/Gross – $22 million / Domestic: $64,892,670 (Worldwide: $64,893,329)

(That is obviously solid. I imagine it is the terrible reviews that made them not go for the trilogy. Maybe Stallone should start brushing off scripts, I think Travolta’s still got it.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 0% (0/30): This sequel to Saturday Night Fever is shockingly embarrassing and unnecessary, trading the original’s dramatic depth for a series of uninspired dance sequences.

(ZERO OUT OF THIRTY?! What the hell. Is this the crown jewel of How the Hell Haven’t We Done This Yet?! cycle.)

NY Times Short Review: Lackluster sequel to “Saturday Night Fever”. (… yeah that sums it up NYT).

Poster – Dancin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo

(I have never seen a poster that would turn me off of a film more than this one. If I saw this in a theater I would say “nope” and turn right around. But… I am in love with that font. This might be the best poster font we’ve seen in quite a while. I hate this poster but that font rescues it. C.)

Tagline(s) – Tony Manero knows the old days are over. But nobody’s gonna tell him he can’t feel that good again. (D)

(No way. No how. I gave it a D because it’s actually so weird that it’s kind of funny.)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

Best Options (Romance): 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 77.9 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 74.6 God’s Not Dead (2014), 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.3 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 64.9 Sex Tape (2014), 64.4 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 62.9 The Honeymooners (2005), 62.3 Obsessed (2009), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 61.2 Staying Alive (1983), 57.8 The Next Best Thing (2000), 56.0 Why Did I Get Married Too? (2010), 55.9 Radhe Shyam (2022), 55.7 Fame (2009), 55.5 The Back-up Plan (2010), 55.3 Who’s That Girl (1987), 55.0 Honey (2003), 54.3 The Bachelor (1999), 54.2 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 54.1 The Divorce (2003), 53.7 Abandon (2002), 53.7 Meet the Browns (2008), 53.4 Aloha (2015), 52.4 Loser (2000), 52.4 How Do You Know (2010), 52.3 Superstar (1999), 52.2 Addicted (2014), 51.1 Over Her Dead Body (2008), 51.1 Little Fockers (2010)

(Again, would Junior have been a better option? Maybe, but the idea of finishing up Stallone basically was too alluring. We only have one Stallone film left. This was our 25th Stallone film. It is crazy stuff.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: John Travolta is No. 1 billed in Staying Alive and No. 2 billed in Wild Hogs, which also stars Ray Liotta (No. 5 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 2 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (5 + 2) + (3 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch Shout we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – John Travolta has claimed his favorite director to work with was Sylvester Stallone. He said Stallone knew how to make him look the best on screen.

Under Sylvester Stallone’s supervision, John Travolta spent five months doing rigorous training to develop a dancer’s physique for this film, losing 20 pounds in the process.

DIRECTOR_CAMEO(Sylvester Stallone): Bumping into Tony Manero as he walks down the sidewalk in a crowd. They turn to look at each other for a moment.

This was one of 1983’s most successful films at the box office.

This was the last non-“Rocky” film Sylvester Stallone directed until Rambo (2008).

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (John Travolta)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Finola Hughes)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst New Star (Finola Hughes)

Stay Alive Recap

Jamie

I have literally been waiting years for this moment. Stay Alive is one of a relatively small set of films that have me stop in my tracks and say, “Hold up… that qualifies?” These are major releases that are so crazy in concept that it’s a real wonder that they appear to have made no cultural impact. So little that I assumed they were straight-to-video. The year was 2006 and a film came out about a killer video game and I… have no recollection of it. It wasn’t even a massive bomb. If anything it was a modest success. Anyway, I always have to take a moment and celebrate when one of these films finally breaks through BMT rulez and finds a spot in a cycle. Now it just has to live up to the lofty standards (pun actually not intended, believe it or not) that The Loft set.

To recap, Loomis Crowley and his girlfriend, Sarah, are cutting it up with a new spooky video game. Even spookier, after the game ends they are killed just like their characters were. Hutch, Loomis’ friend, and Abigail, Sarah’s friend, meet at the funeral. Hutch ends up being given the game they were playing, Stay Alive. In memory of Loomis and Sarah, he and a bunch of friends get together to play the game. They are duly spookified and Hutch’s boss is killed in the game… and dies. Stay Alive! Like in Tarot, the police are like “so how many people in your lives have died in the last week?” Already pretty much knowing what’s happening they begin to research the subject of the game: Countess Bathory. One of the friends ignores the warnings and plays… and dies. Stay Alive! One of the detectives ignores the warnings and plays… and dies. Stay Alive! Hutch and the gang head to the plantation where the game is set and try to subdue the Countess’ ghost. They realize that the game can play itself (horseshit lore) and also that one of them can play and the help provided appears in real life (weird, but I’ll allow it). A climactic showdown occurs where all the very important game lore is used to kill the spirit. THE END. (Or is it? (They desperately want that to not be the case)).

Franchise Man has no right to comment on this movie until it unexpectedly becomes a franchise twenty or thirty years after the original. But… if he were to comment he would say that the rulez and lore in this movie are a travesty. The game plays itself? The game… just can kill you without you actually playing the game. Uh… I thought the tagline was Play It To Death. Operative word there being “play” as in play the game. It looks like shit and is total nonsense, so I don’t accept the claim on wikipedia that this is some cult classic. You know what would have made it a classic? More creative video game kills and making it so that to stop the curse they must, you know, play the game. I actually need them to make a sequel to right the wrongs of the past.

Hot Take Clam Bake! I’m brave enough to say it. I don’t think that video game was even haunted. I think there was a cool as hell serial killer out there pulling all the strings. A Jigsaw type character who was never stopped because they thought it was the video game all along. Some dopey ghost did all that? No way, man. It was this Jigsaw character trying to teach you all a lesson about life. In fact, I think it was actually Jigsaw. I also think Jigsaw is real and not a character in a movie franchise. How’s that for hot? Maybe I am Jigsaw. Hot enough for yah? Hot Take Temperature: Jigsaw

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! *gif of me playing a spooky video game and getting all spookified* Let’s go!

The Good? Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. I mean, is there anything? I don’t think so. Not since I learned that Anna from The O.C. has turned into a religious film actor.

The Bad? Everything. The acting is bad, especially the main guy. Frankie Muniz is doing something, but that something probably made more sense when he was an actor instead of a racecar driver. And it isn’t a scary film. The only thing it really has going for it is that idea that it is a killer video game film.

The BMT? Hmmm. I think it is. Partially because if you watch the Director’s Cut they have a bunch of stuff in there which look wildly different than the rest of the film because they had to get it (seemingly) off of the B roll or something. The film is such a terrible, and yet unique version of that 00s horror that it almost inevitably will be a film we’d return to in the future.

A little bit of a curve ball on the AI journey here. I did a good number of experiments, which at some point I’ll continue, but I also was curious whether I could use it to get Rotten Tomatoes scores for a list of IMDb links. In other words … could it genuinely replace something annoying that I tend to just arduously scrape? Let’s do this naively. I used the Google Gemini “grounded” search, and decided on something straightforward: given the top 100 1980 films IMDb links, could it return a dictionary of all 100 rotten tomatoes scores? Naive answer: helllllllll naw. Well, that is a little unfair, it seems to have a hard limit on 10 searches per query. So when you give a list of 100 links it will only return 10 of those values (the rest are null). So in a way it can’t, but perhaps it still speeds things up 10x? That is for next time.

Definite Planchet (Who?) for Frankie Muniz playing an aggravating character who everyone tells to shut up a bunch but obviously ultimately lives. Super Product Placement (What?) for a sweet Alienware laptop all up in this piece. A huge Setting as a Character (Where?) for a very very New Orleans film. I think the cursed video game is a MAcGuffin (Why?) for sure. And I love the Worst Twist (How?) whereby the end of the movie is them releasing the killer game despite them breaking the curse. This film is crazy bad looking but hugely entertainingly bad and thus a BMT through and through.

What can we learn about killer video games? Find out in the Quiz. Cheerios,

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