Tag: Box Office Bomb

I Don’t Know How She Does It Preview

Oh, how they danced! Kyle and Sabrina twirled the night away. “This is the best prom evvvveerrrrrr,” Kyle screamed in glee. The lights! The decorations! The “Mannequin Factory After Dark” theme! Sweating, he asks if she would like to sit and have a drink. “The punch looks delicious,” he says. She gives no response. Playing coy, as usual. “Oh, you are incorrigible,” he says with a chuckle, “but I am tired so why don’t you take a seat and I’ll grab you a drink.” As he fetches the punch he realizes the flashlight in his hand is flickering. As he puts it up to his face to try to steady the beam it flashes again and briefly blinds him. In that moment he gets the sense that he’s not at the prom at all. It seemed instead that he was in some horrific underground lair. The floor is strewn with bones. The air is musty and cold. Worst of all he caught a glimpse of two men unconscious on the floor. While muscular, these men weren’t overly muscular but rather ideal in tone. They had the bodies of dancers and were exceptionally handsome to boot. He gasps when he realizes the most startling fact. They were identical. Identical just like his beautiful mannequins. He must save these mannequin-like men! But when he looks at his flashlight is now completely dead. He looks around the prom, but it’s again all beautiful dancing mannequins as far as the eye can see. How can such heaven also be such hell? Suddenly he sees a mannequin in the corner shaking with fear. She’s afraid. How strange. That’s it! This mannequin must be able to see the world for what it is… but how? “I don’t know how she does it,” Kyle mutters. That’s right! We are watching I Don’t Know How She Does It… more like I Don’t Know Why We’re Watching This, am I right? Let’s go!

I Don’t Know How She Does It (2011) – BMeTric: 57.9; Notability: 38

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.6%; Notability: top 16.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.6%; Higher BMeT: Jack and Jill, The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Shark Night, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, 11-11-11, Hellraiser: Revelations, The Roommate, The Darkest Hour, Conan the Barbarian, Abduction, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Zookeeper, Apollo 18, Twixt; Higher Notability: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Cars 2, Green Lantern, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, New Year’s Eve, The Smurfs, Hop, Red Riding Hood, Your Highness, Jack and Jill, Battle Los Angeles, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, The Hangover Part II, Sucker Punch, I Am Number Four, In Time, Larry Crowne, Johnny English Reborn, Just Go with It, and 21 more; Lower RT: Faces in the Crowd, Hellraiser: Revelations, Love, Wedding, Marriage, Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Roommate, A Little Bit of Heaven, Hick, Abduction, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Dream House, New Year’s Eve, 11-11-11, Trespass, Red Riding Hood, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Season of the Witch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, The Darkest Hour, Atlas Shrugged: Part I, and 6 more; Notes: We really are at almost exactly half of the big boys in this era, it is amazing. We have so many to do, but I would argue we really have hit up like 70% of the best options. Ugh, we have to rewatch the Transformer films at some point.

EW – D+ – I don’t know why she does it. 

(That’s a classic zinger by Lisa Schwarzbaum from EW. I might have to buy the last Leonard Maltin guide. I can get the 2010 edition online (kind of), but I just miss this one and I am pretty curious as to what Ebert / Maltin thought of this. Alas this had to be a rare miss.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJPKOS9DZeg 

(We talking about a secret Christmas film in New York?! I guess sign me up. Oh the movie? Looks lame.)

Directors – Douglas McGrath – ( Known For: Emma; Infamous; Nicholas Nickleby; Company Man; Becoming Mike Nichols; BMT: I Don’t Know How She Does It; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for writing Bullets Over Broadway. Died in 2022.)

Writers – Aline Brosh McKenna – ( Known For: The Devil Wears Prada; Cruella; 27 Dresses; We Bought a Zoo; Morning Glory; Your Place or Mine; Future BMT: Annie; Laws of Attraction; Three to Tango; BMT: I Don’t Know How She Does It; Notes: Created Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Was apparently the fifth person hired to adapt The Devil Wears Prada.)

Allison Pearson – ( BMT: I Don’t Know How She Does It; Notes: Apparently a columnist for The Daily Telegraph and supported Brexit.)

Actors – Sarah Jessica Parker – ( Known For: Mars Attacks!; Ed Wood; Sex and the City; Footloose; The Family Stone; The First Wives Club; Hocus Pocus 2; Flight of the Navigator; L.A. Story; Smart People; State and Main; Extreme Measures; Honeymoon in Vegas; Girls Just Want to Have Fun; Strangers with Candy; All Roads Lead to Rome; Miami Rhapsody; Here and Now; What She Said: The Art of Pauline Kael; Spinning Into Butter; Future BMT: Hocus Pocus; Striking Distance; If Lucy Fell; ‘Til There Was You; Firstborn; BMT: New Year’s Eve; Failure to Launch; Sex and the City 2; Did You Hear About the Morgans?; Escape from Planet Earth; I Don’t Know How She Does It; Dudley Do-Right; Notes: Nominated for 10 Emmys for Sex and the City, won two of them. Still doing it too, which is kind of a trip to think about.)

Pierce Brosnan – ( Known For: The World’s End; Mrs. Doubtfire; Mamma Mia!; GoldenEye; Mars Attacks!; Die Another Day; The World Is Not Enough; Tomorrow Never Dies; Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief; The Ghost Writer; The Foreigner; Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again; Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga; The Thomas Crown Affair; No Escape; Cinderella; The Matador; Survivor; The Out-Laws; A Long Way Down; Future BMT: Remember Me; Dante’s Peak; The November Man; After the Sunset; Laws of Attraction; Love Affair; BMT: Black Adam; The Lawnmower Man; I Don’t Know How She Does It; The King’s Daughter; Notes: I talked a bit about his family like in the Black Adam preview. He’s James Bond! Sure most of his Bond films weren’t very good, but GoldenEye is still great, and a great video game.)

Kelsey Grammer – ( Known For: X-Men: Days of Future Past; Toy Story 2; X-Men: The Last Stand; Anastasia; Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising; The Marvels; Storks; Middle Men; Like Father; Jesus Revolution; Father Christmas Is Back; Crazy on the Outside; Best of Enemies: Buckley vs. Vidal; Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans; Money Plane; Grand Isle; Even Money; The God Committee; The Big Empty; 7 Guardians of the Tomb; Future BMT: Entourage; 15 Minutes; Down Periscope; Think Like a Man Too; Just Visiting; Swing Vote; Fame; An American Carol; BMT: Transformers: Age of Extinction; The Expendables 3; I Don’t Know How She Does It; Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return; Notes: Won five Emmys. Was kind of famously a rare right wing Hollywood guy back when that was just considered an odd quirk of the Clinton era.)

Budget/Gross – $24,000,000 / Domestic: $9,662,284 (Worldwide: $31,410,151)

(Brutal return. But then again … I had never heard of this film until this very moment, so I guess that makes sense.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 17% (19/114): A limp comedy with a hopelessly outdated viewpoint on gender, featuring Sarah Jessica Parker in rote Carrie-mode.

(Yeah, it seems like the storyline seems a tad bit old fashioned. I fear I’m going to find out exactly why they got Kelsey Grammer for this film…)

Reviewer Highlight: “I Don’t Know How She Does It” seems stuck in the past. – Stephen Holden, New York Times

Poster – I Don’t Know Why We’re Watching This

(A joke so nice I’ll use it twice. I might even use it thrice. Stay tuned. So this is bad, but it’s artistic in a way that belies its badness. Does that make it good? Not exactly. But it rises all the way up to mediocrity. C.)

Tagline(s) – If it were easy, men would do it too. (F)

(I don’t… I don’t know what this means.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Interstellar (2014), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), The Avengers (2012), Shutter Island (2010), Avatar (2009)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 The Pyramid (2014), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 69.4 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 69.2 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 68.7 Captivity (2007)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Prom Night (2008), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Getaway (2013), …

Best Options (Romance): 64.8 Sex Tape (2014), 62.1 Obsessed (2009), 58.0 I Don’t Know How She Does It (2011), 55.4 The Back-up Plan (2010), 53.2 Aloha (2015), 52.3 How Do You Know (2010), 51.1 Little Fockers (2010), 51.0 Over Her Dead Body (2008), …

(yeah, relatively low, but I can see why we chose this. Obsessed is for another day I feel like (and I’m pretty sure Jamie already saw it), and I’ve definitely seen Sex Tape and that’s a comedy. This one is one of the rare true blue romantic comedies I think.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Greg Kinnear is No. 3 billed in I Don’t Know How She Does It and No. 1 billed in Godsend, which also stars Rebecca Romijn (No. 2 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 3 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (3 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 2) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The painting on the wall, when they are in the restaurant having dinner, is from famous painter Jean-Michel Basquiat.

Pierce Brosnan and Greg Kinnear appeared in The Matador (2005) and Salvation Boulevard (2011).

Sarah Jessica Parker and Pierce Brosnan appeared in Mars Attacks! (1996).

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Sarah Jessica Parker)

Madame Web Preview

“That was beautiful,” Jamie says, tears in his eyes. “Yeah, I know,” Samantha replies, “but I think we should escape the Fashion Police before going into more detail about how great it is.” When they turn to run, though, they find themselves in a jail cell with the rest of the gang. “What thuuuu,” Jamie says dumbly. “Yeah, well this is what happens when you read a full book to each other when we should be running from the Fashion Police,” Patrick says, his voice dripping with disdain. “So what do we do now? You don’t think *gasp* we could be put to death for our Fashion Crimes?” Jamie says, his knees quaking. “Nah, I got a lawyer,” Kyle mumbles through a mouthful of apple fritter the jailer snuck him because everyone loves Kyle. “Rachel,” he finishes. Jamie and Patrick gawk at him. “The pretzel girl… er… I mean, you’re wife/pretzel girl!” Jamie exclaims. Kyle nods, taking a filet mignon from the jailer. “That’s right,” he says proudly, “turns out the pretzels, while delicious, were funding her law degree.” “Great!” Samantha says, “then we’ll be out in no time.” Kyle coughs through a mouthful of creme brulee. “Well, uh, maybe not no time,” he says, “more like once she’s done with the other cases on her docket.” Jamie and Patrick cannot believe how boring this all is. “This is so boring,” Jamie says exasperated, “if this were a book and someone had to read it they wouldn’t even believe just how boring it is and would wonder why they were even reading it.” Now it’s time for Samantha to cough. “We could always read something that everyone agrees isn’t boring,” she says, tapping her next Holly Ween book, Holly Ween’s Llama Drama. That’s right! It’s not llama drama for us, but rather another LIVE! BMT. You know we couldn’t pass up some Madame Web action. It’s Madame Web! Let’s go!

Madame Web (2024) – BMeTric: 77.8; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.0%; Notability: top 0.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.7%; Higher Notability: Argylle, Lift; Lower RT: Air Force One Down, The Painter, Wanted Man; Notes: Hellllllll yeah. That BMeTric ain’t never going down. This is probably one of the only 75+ in years. One second. Only the fourth since 2020. Space Jam 2 is the one very notable one.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – “Madame Web” is not the unmitigated disaster that its clunky trailer or its calendar spot in February would suggest. It’s the big, noisy action sequences that bog “Madame Web” down. Yes, they’re crucial to the genre, but they’re also the least interesting part. And you don’t need to be clairvoyant to know that more movies in this series are in store.

(Uuuuuuuh, I think that might be wrong. This franchise seems directly on the DCEU path of getting thrown right into the dumpster. Like … why make Madame Web 2 again? Why have like a Kraven the Hunter and Morbius team up again? It doesn’t make sense.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_76M4c4LTo/

(“He was with my mother in the Amazon when she was researching spiders right before she died,” is officially an iconic film quote. Not really for the reason you would imagine, but it was joked about not once but twice at the 2024 Oscars.)

Directors – S.J. Clarkson – ( BMT: Madame Web; Notes: Directed a ton of television, but this was her shot at a bit film. She has nothing on the docket so … I don’t know that it was a very successful debut.)

Writers – Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless– ( Known For: Power Rangers; Future BMT: Dracula Untold; BMT: Morbius; Gods of Egypt; The Last Witch Hunter; Madame Web; Notes: Also wrote Morbius, so they are clearly in a major position for the bizarro Sony Spiderman universe they are building.)

Claire Parker – ( Notes: A producer of a bunch of British shows. I assume she got into writing this since she shares a background with Clarkson to some degree.)

S.J. Clarkson – ( BMT: Madame Web; Notes: The only thing she’s written is a British series called Mistresses. And she got credit for the American story based on that.)

Kerem Sanga – ( Known For: First Girl I Loved; The Violent Heart; The Young Kieslowski; BMT: Madame Web; Notes: This writing room is wild. Like … I don’t know any of these films and then suddenly Madame Web out of nowhere.)

Actors – Dakota Johnson – ( Known For: The Social Network; 21 Jump Street; Black Mass; Bad Times at the El Royale; The Five-Year Engagement; The Peanut Butter Falcon; How to Be Single; Suspiria; The Lost Daughter; Persuasion; A Bigger Splash; Cha Cha Real Smooth; Wounds; Our Friend; The High Note; Date and Switch; Goats; Cymbeline; For Ellen; Chloe and Theo; Future BMT: Crazy in Alabama; BMT: Fifty Shades of Grey; Need for Speed; Fifty Shades Darker; Beastly; Fifty Shades Freed; Madame Web; Notes: People deny it, but it is true, there is an effortless charisma to Dakota Johnson that I can’t explain. It is wild that she was in the Fifty Shades films. It is also crazy that we’ve almost seen all of her BMT films.)

Sydney Sweeney – ( Known For: Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood; Under the Silver Lake; The Ward; Anyone But You; The Voyeurs; Night Teeth; Reality; Big Time Adolescence; Nocturne; Spiders; ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction; Dead Ant; Clementine; Angels in Stardust; The Martial Arts Kid; Americana; BMT: Madame Web; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for Euphoria and The White Lotus. Amazing that two of the biggest stars currently are both from that show.)

Isabela Merced – ( Known For: Sicario: Day of the Soldado; Instant Family; Sweet Girl; Dora and the Lost City of Gold; Let It Snow; Migration; Father of the Bride; Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life; Rosaline; Spirit Untamed; The House That Jack Built; Future BMT: The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature; BMT: Transformers: The Last Knight; Madame Web; Notes: Was a Nickelodeon star and was Dora in the live action film. Do we ever do The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature? Who knows.)

Budget/Gross – $80 million / Domestic: $27,783,405 (Worldwide: $53,576,774)

(Of course this is a disaster. There was no other way it could go. I honestly can’t believe they actually produced this film and released it to theaters.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 13% (27/208): Madame Web’s earnest approach to the title character’s origin story has a certain appeal, but its predictable plot and uneven execution make for a forgettable superhero adventure.

(What is this consensus. Give the people what they want! This film is a disaster area and seems almost like a parody orchestrated by the same person who put those limes in Dakota Johnson’s house. That’s my consensus.)

Reviewer Highlight: “Madame Web” is a dud, but it’s one that Johnson transcends long before the final credits roll. – Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Poster – Madame Sklog

(Yes. Yes. Yes. That is a mess in the most delightful way. Nice font though. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Her web connects them all (C-)

(Sure, why not? A perfect amount of laziness in that tagline. It’s like Dakota Johnson wrote it herself.)

Keyword(s) – year 2024

Top 10: The Beekeeper (2024), Teri Baaton Mein Aisa Uljha Jiya (2024), Color of Victory (2024), Fighter (2024), Lift (2024), Argylle (2024), Merry Christmas (2024), Guntur Kaaram (2024), Hanu Man (2024), Madame Web (2024)

Future BMT: 57.3 Night Swim (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Argylle (2024)

Best Options: 75.4 Madame Web (2024), 57.3 Night Swim (2024)

(Helllllllll yeah, we couldn’t miss a 75+, it was impossible. We had to pull the trigger on a second Live early in the year. Quite rare. But also, we have been doing a good job hitting big films during the year. I think these have both been good choices.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dakota Johnson is No. 1 billed in Madame Web and No. 6 billed in Beastly, which also stars Alex Pettyfer (No. 1 billed) who is in Endless Love (No. 1 billed) which also stars Bruce Greenwood (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 6 billed) => (1 + 6) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 6) = 18. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – According to Dakota Johnson in an interview with The Wrap, the screenplay underwent extensive rewrites, saying, “There were drastic changes, and I can’t even tell you what they were”. The original screenplay, which was described as darker and “very ‘Terminator’ inspired,” would have seen Madame Web and the Spider-Women trying to protect a pregnant Mary Parker from Ezekiel Sims, who wants to kill her to prevent the birth of Peter Parker.

Dakota Johnson said, “I’ve never really done a movie where you are on a blue screen, and there’s fake explosions going off, and someone’s going, ‘Explosion!’ and you act like there’s an explosion. That, to me, was absolutely psychotic. I was like, ‘I don’t know if this is going to be good at all! I hope that I did an OK job!’ But I trusted [director S.J. Clarkson]. She works so hard, and she has not taken her eyes off this movie since we started.”

Dakota Johnson left her agency WME in favor of CAA less than a week after the first trailer for this movie dropped. According to Variety, this “raised industry eyebrows,” and generated unfounded rumors that Johnson didn’t like the movie. However, The Hollywood Reporter found that “since CAA was also willing to represent her production company, TeaTime Pictures, along with her indie film, ‘Daddio'” which will be released by Sony Pictures Classics, it is likely the seemingly suspicious timing for the move was nothing more than film-business shuffling.

Dakota Johnson did much of the stunt driving in the film herself, including that of the taxi and the ambulance. She expressed she wanted to perform the stunt where the vehicle drives into a diner but the stunt team wouldn’t let her.

Argylle Preview

Jamie and Patrick bust through the doors backstage and immediately stop their fist fight. They shake hands and agree that pretending to be real mad at each other so they could escape the fashion show was a perfect plan. “I just hope Kyle and Samantha are OK,” Jamie says wistfully. Just then Kyle and Samantha bust through the door engaged in what looks like a violent bout of fisticuffs. They also immediately stop and Samantha turns to shake Jamie’s hand. “Great idea pretending to be real mad at each other. Hopefully no one else realizes that you two are clearly great twins that would never fight like that.” Patrick is impressed by Samantha’s quick grasp of their twin dynamics. Generally he’s been skeptical of the many demons that Jamie has been interested in, but Samantha seems different. She seems… “Are you a demon?” he blurts out quickly. “Good question,” Samantha responds cooly, “And no, I’m just a regular old former track star from a small town in Massachusetts. Sure my life has had some ups and downs, but,” she looks over at Jamie, “things are starting to look up.” Awwwww. “That’s cool,” Jamie says, trying to act tough. Patrick, though, wants a little more clarity on these “ups and downs” she’s talking about, but before he can get it they see the Fashion Police hot on their tails. Before they hightail it, Samantha turns to grab something from her bag. It’s a manuscript for her latest novel. “Oh, you’re an author? Uh… so am I, kind of. I’d love to hear about it some time,” Jamie says, stars in his eyes. “Sure,” Samantha responds breathlessly, “How about now?” Patrick wants to tell them that there just isn’t the time, but Kyle stops him. It’s just so romantic. That’s right! Speaking of fake books we’re taking a BMT Live! detour to catch the Taylor Swift film Argylle in theaters… what’s that? Taylor Swift didn’t write Argylle? So why are we watching it? Let’s go!

Argylle (2024) – BMeTric: 27.2; Notability: 40

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.8%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 9.5%; Higher BMeT: Night Swim, Lift; Lower RT: The Painter, Wanted Man, Night Swim, Lift, Sunrise, Miller’s Girl; Notes: It does make sense that 40 would be the highest Notability for the year so far. I assume Madam Web is coming and will beat it out. Hopefully it beats it out for everything because that film is going to be hilarious.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – “Argylle,” the stumbling, overcooked action flick from director Matthew Vaughn, begins with a kind of joke. … It’s a shame. “Argylle” had the potential to be a whip-smart parody. It unfortunately just seems to get tired of being the butt of the joke before it can deliver the punchline. But in attempting to avoid becoming a gag—laboring to connect this film with the Kingsman franchise—Vaughn imbues his film with anonymity, making it merely forgettable.

(Yeah, that does feel like what happened. Vaughn couldn’t quite decide if he wanted to do comedy-action or action-comedy and got stuck in the dead zone in the middle where the film does neither very well.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sy6eNs3EW3E/

(This is genuinely one of the worst trailers I’ve seen in theaters in a while. I could tell it was all style and no substance right from the garbage needle drop.)

Directors – Matthew Vaughn – ( Known For: X-Men: First Class; Kingsman: The Secret Service; Kick-Ass; Kingsman: The Golden Circle; Stardust; Layer Cake; The King’s Man; BMT: Argylle; Notes: I mostly knew him for Kick-Ass which was quite fun. He’s kind of wrapped himself all up in Kingsman properties (of which this is one?) and has two separate Kingsman things in production, not to mention the teaser after this movie about an Argylle prequel which I feel like now will never happen.)

Writers – Jason Fuchs – ( Known For: Wonder Woman; I Still See You; Future BMT: Ice Age: Continental Drift; Pan; BMT: Argylle; Notes: Was/is an actor primarily and does a lot of voices. Is writing an upcoming television series which serves as a prequel to Stephen King’s IT.)

Actors – Henry Cavill – ( Known For: Man of Steel; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Mission: Impossible – Fallout; The Man from U.N.C.L.E.; Stardust; Enola Holmes; Immortals; The Count of Monte Cristo; Enola Holmes 2; Whatever Works; Sand Castle; Night Hunter; Blood Creek; I Capture the Castle; Red Riding Hood; The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare; Future BMT: Tristan + Isolde; The Cold Light of Day; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Justice League; Black Adam; Argylle; Notes: Surprisingly British, was at points rumored to be up for Bond. Is going to be the main character in a remake of Highlander. I don’t care … right up until his faithful remake of Highlander II.)

Bryce Dallas Howard – ( Known For: A Beautiful Mind; Jurassic World; Spider-Man 3; The Help; 50/50; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; How the Grinch Stole Christmas; The Village; The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; Rocketman; Hereafter; Gold; Pete’s Dragon; Manderlay; A Dog’s Way Home; Good Dick; To Each His Own Cinema; As You Like It; The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond; Book of Love; Future BMT: Terminator Salvation; BMT: Jurassic World Dominion; Lady in the Water; Argylle; Notes: Is going to be in some television adaptation of Witch Mountain it looks like. The daughter of Ron Howard obviously.)

Sam Rockwell – ( Known For: The Green Mile; Iron Man 2; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri; Jojo Rabbit; Moon; Seven Psychopaths; Cowboys & Aliens; The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; Charlie’s Angels; The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford; Galaxy Quest; Vice; The Way Way Back; Matchstick Men; Frost/Nixon; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Richard Jewell; Confessions of a Dangerous Mind; Everybody’s Fine; See How They Run; Future BMT: The Sitter; Poltergeist; G-Force; Strictly Business; BMT: Argylle; Notes: Nominated for two Oscars and won for Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, the other was Vice. Has a few upcoming projects, most significantly probably being IF with Ryan Reynolds.)

Budget/Gross – $200–250 million / Domestic: $21,431,025 (Worldwide: $38,292,025)

(Absolutely brutal. It’ll make like $50. I suppose there is an argument that as an Apple film it doesn’t matter. But I imagine they thought it was going to be a theatrical release, otherwise why wouldn’t you just Ghosted it?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 33% (82/251): Argylle gets some mileage out of its silly, energetic spin on the spy thriller, but ultimately wears out its welcome with a convoluted plot and overlong runtime.

(IMO the issue with the convoluted plot is that it is only convoluted because they insisted on the twist that leads into the third act which then makes the third act abominable. If they had just stuck to their guns with the fish out of water story and hired a comedian as the lead then I think it could have kind of worked.)

Reviewer Highlight: What you’re left with as the credits roll is just the realization that time keeps marching on — and you’ve just lost 139 minutes of it. – Alissa Wilkinson, New York Times

Poster – Tárgylle 

(That was what I wanted the memification of the film to be. Where we start a trend #Tárgylle and people go to the movie dressed a Lydia Tár. But that seems a little too manufactured. The tweens would see right through that. Patrick nailed it, though, and we’ll save that for the recap. Meanwhile this poster could rub people the wrong way, but just based on its work as a poster I think it’s pretty good. A-.)

Tagline(s) – Once you know the secret don’t let the cat out of the bag. (D)

(Boy, no. Why are they so focused on this cat and the bag? Just because TSwift made it a sensation and made people think she wrote the movie?)

Keyword(s) – Year 2024

Top 10: The Beekeeper (2024), Fighter (2024), Lift (2024), Merry Christmas (2024), Guntur Kaaram (2024), Hanu Man (2024), Argylle (2024), Mean Girls (2024), Night Swim (2024), Badland Hunters (2024)

Future BMT: 53.2 Night Swim (2024)

BMT: Argylle (2024)

Best Options: 53.2 Night Swim (2024), 24.0 Argylle (2024)

(Yeah Night Swim is coming for the final cycle, which is exciting. In a way we probably should have saved Argylle as well … Should BMT Live be canceled? Should we replace it with something else?)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Henry Cavill is No. 5 billed in Argylle and No. 2 billed in Justice League, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (5 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 15. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Matthew Vaughn cast Henry Cavill because “he needed someone who was born to play James Bond – which Henry is – and then nick him before Bond’s studio did.” Cavill was in fact a finalist to play Bond in Casino Royale (2006), but was rejected for being too young (he was then 22).

Alfie the Cat is played by Chip, owned by Matthew Vaughn’s wife Claudia Schiffer.

The font seen on the posters was commissioned specifically for the movie. It was created by the Walden Font Company.

Matthew Vaughn secured the rights to The Beatles’ song “Now and Then” a year before it was released. The song was being developed by Giles Martin, the son of longtime Beatles producer Sir George Martin, and Giles also served as music producer on Argylle. Vaughn recalled, “I was with [Giles] and I said, ‘I’m really struggling to find what I call the romantic song of the movie, ’cause I need it to be sad, but hopeful…’ And he said, ‘Do you want to hear a new Beatles song?’ And Giles has got a hell of a sense of humor, so I was like, ‘Yeah, yeah. Whatever.’ And he goes, ‘No, I’m being deadly serious.’ He played it to me, and it was as if Lennon had seen the film… We just slapped it on the movie, and we didn’t have to edit anything – it just fitted the picture.”

Argylle is named after the limo driver from the first Die Hard movie.

Collateral Beauty Preview

Later that evening, Jamie, Patrick and Kyle approach the fashion show and glance at the programs they are handed. “Fashion Week: One man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” it reads. “What does that even me…” but before Patrick can finish his thought Jamie is whisked backstage. Taking a seat, Kyle and Patrick are startled by the whispers around them. “I’ve heard these so-called New Models are just trash,” one says and another agrees. “Yes, they are all street urchins from what I understand. Like sea urchins but instead of living in the sea they live in the street.” “Hmmm, right, like trash urchins.” Patrick quickly grabs Kyle and pulls him to the side of the catwalk. “We need to get Jamie and get out of here. This isn’t Fashion Week at all. Look around. Are we in Paris? Do you see Billy Zane? Do you even see Lisa Zane?” Kyle looks around. Indeed. He doesn’t see any Zanes and no Zanes saw him. His only conclusion was that there weren’t any Zanes. They look closer at the program. What they thought had said “Fashion Week” didn’t say that at all! It said “Fashion, Weak”! Saboteur! They rush backstage and find Jamie half dressed in a half horse costume (and I’m not talking the front half). They grab his arms and attempt to get him out of there before the embarrassment starts, but he doesn’t budge. With his rock hard abs tensed, he’s like a statue. “Oh hi fellas, I’m just standing here not flexing with my natural body,” Jamie says with a wink. Confused, they look around and notice that Jamie isn’t alone. A beautiful woman has been cast as his better horse half in this production and it looks like Jamie has found beauty in the most unexpected place. That’s right! It’s a bit of a stretch for that connection, but what does Collateral Beauty even mean? No one knows. Just like how no one knows why this movie was made. This is the Will Smith drama with the jellyfish, right? (It’s not). Let’s go!

Collateral Beauty (2016) – BMeTric: 12.4; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 26.4%; Notability: top 12.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 8.0%; Higher BMeT: Fifty Shades of Black, Cell, Zoolander 2, The Forest, Exposed, Cabin Fever, Yoga Hosers, Meet the Blacks, Max Steel, The Darkness, Dark Crimes, Blair Witch, Independence Day: Resurgence, Shut In, Get a Job, The Boss, The Other Side of the Door, USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage, Incarnate, Marauders, and 46 more; Higher Notability: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Suicide Squad, Zoolander 2, Independence Day: Resurgence, The Brothers Grimsby, Warcraft, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows, Allegiant, Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV, The Huntsman: Winter’s War, Ben-Hur, Now You See Me 2, The Legend of Tarzan, The Great Wall, Criminal, Live by Night, Ride Along 2, Jack Reacher: Never Go Back, Mother’s Day, Monster Trucks, and 12 more; Lower RT: Max Steel, Dark Crimes, Hacker, Cabin Fever, The Darkness, Fifty Shades of Black, Shut In, Mother’s Day, Exposed, The Do-Over, Get a Job, I.T., I Am Wrath, The Forest, Dirty Grandpa, Cell, The Choice, Allegiant, Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV, Brain on Fire; Notes: Isn’t really big on any of them I suppose. Looking at the low RT options we’ve so many. Max Steel is always there though. Truly a delight we still have that as an option, that’ll be quite an odd film to witness finally I feel like.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – I don’t think I’ve witnessed a film this year that managed to so completely and utterly collapse into crass garbage in its last few minutes while abusing what little goodwill it has. Sort of the way a shaky line of dominoes can tumble down in a flash. Forget “Collateral Beauty,” whatever that means. This is “Collateral Schmaltz,” the kind that has the power to close rather than open your heart as you rush out of the theater while the terribly named OneRepublic ballad, “Let’s Hurt Tonight,” provides exit music.

(Oh snap. We got a real The Call situation on our hands? That would be fun. If for a solid 2 hours I watch this with reasonable delight, and then watch the final minutes in horror. Please let this happen.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1tfLWxcEzw/

(Oh my god, this trailer is horrible haha. Also they completely pull the punch … you don’t know at all that this is all kind of a set up by Will Smith’s friends in a craven attempt to get money … yeah, that’s the plot of this film.)

Directors – David Frankel – ( Known For: The Devil Wears Prada; Marley & Me; The Big Year; Hope Springs; Jerry and Marge Go Large; One Chance; Miami Rhapsody; BMT: Collateral Beauty; Notes: His short won an Oscar in 1997. Still directs, although mostly television. His father was a notably executive editor of the New York Times back in the day.)

Writers – Allan Loeb – ( Known For: The Switch; Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps; Here Comes the Boom; Rock of Ages; Things We Lost in the Fire; So Undercover; The Only Living Boy in New York; Future BMT: 21; BMT: Just Go with It; Collateral Beauty; The Dilemma; The Space Between Us; Notes: Hasn’t written anything since, but has three projects in the works in some capacity.)

Actors – Will Smith – ( Known For: I Am Legend; Men in Black; Independence Day; I, Robot; The Pursuit of Happyness; Hancock; Men in Black 3; Hitch; Aladdin; Bad Boys; Focus; Enemy of the State; Bright; Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues; Bad Boys for Life; King Richard; Ali; Concussion; Jersey Girl; The Legend of Bagger Vance; Future BMT: Seven Pounds; Bad Boys II; Shark Tale; Gemini Man; Made in America; BMT: Suicide Squad; Men in Black II; After Earth; Wild Wild West; Collateral Beauty; Winter’s Tale; Notes: Nominated three times for Oscars, finally winning for King Richard (something else happened that night … I can’t recall). Has 5 upcoming projects still. Notably was selected by Quincy Jones specifically for Fresh Prince.)

Edward Norton – ( Known For: Fight Club; American History X; The Grand Budapest Hotel; Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance); The Incredible Hulk; Glass Onion; The Illusionist; The Italian Job; Moonrise Kingdom; The Dictator; The Bourne Legacy; Alita: Battle Angel; Red Dragon; Primal Fear; Sausage Party; Isle of Dogs; 25th Hour; Rounders; The Invention of Lying; The French Dispatch; Future BMT: Kingdom of Heaven; Pride and Glory; After the Sunset; BMT: Collateral Beauty; Notes: Nominated for three Oscars, most recently for Birdman. Notoriously difficult to work with and notable for re-editing several films he was involved with after the fact, American History X being the most significant story.)

Kate Winslet – ( Known For: Titanic; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; Divergent; Avatar: The Way of Water; The Holiday; Contagion; The Reader; Revolutionary Road; Finding Neverland; Steve Jobs; Flushed Away; Carnage; The Life of David Gale; Sense and Sensibility; Little Children; Triple 9; Heavenly Creatures; The Dressmaker; Quills; Labor Day; Future BMT: The Divergent Series: Insurgent; The Mountain Between Us; How to Lose Friends & Alienate People; All the King’s Men; BMT: Movie 43; Collateral Beauty; Notes: She’s been nominated 7 times for an Oscar, and won (surprisingly I think) for The Reader. Is going to be in an upcoming based on a true story film about some cryptocoin scam.)

Budget/Gross – $36,000,000 / Domestic: $31,016,021 (Worldwide: $88,616,021)

(Eh, probably wasn’t a huge loser. But a Will Smith film probably wants to look at $60+ if not $100+ domestic for the stacked cast it is putting out there.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 13% (25/187): Well-meaning but fundamentally flawed, Collateral Beauty aims for uplift but collapses in unintentional hilarity.

(Ooooooo. Although, something tells me you had to have seen it at the time to get it. An earnest romantic drama getting into theaters these days? Impossible. And thus it might just feel pretty charming.)

Reviewer Highlight: The five stages of grief sometimes seem applicable to movie reviewing, except that I usually skip denial, rarely get around to acceptance and generally just settle into anger, which is where I am with “Collateral Beauty.” – Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Poster – Collateral Booty

(Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. F.)

Tagline(s) – We are all connected (D)

(Nooooo. Nooooo. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Future BMT: 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.8 Black Christmas (2019), 76.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.6 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.7 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.2 Like a Boss (2020), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 59.4 Jem and the Holograms (2015)

BMT: Cats (2019), The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Morbius (2022), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), … (and many more)

Best Options (Romance): 55.6 Radhe Shyam (2022), 53.2 Aloha (2015), 46.0 Nobody’s Fool (2018), 45.6 I Feel Pretty (2018), 38.3 The Perfect Match (2016), 37.0 Home Again (2017), 35.8 Reminiscence (2021), 35.7 Love the Coopers (2015), 35.3 The Perfect Guy (2015), 33.3 Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016), 31.3 Overboard (2018), 30.3 Jexi (2019), 27.3 The Comedian (2016), 26.6 Acrimony (2018), 25.4 We Are Your Friends (2015), 23.5 Tulip Fever (2017), 17.0 2 Hearts (2020), 16.1 A Journal for Jordan (2021), 12.4 Collateral Beauty (2016), 11.6 God Bless the Broken Road (2018), 11.0 Redeeming Love (2022), 9.3 Life Itself (2018), 9.3 Passengers (2016), 9.0 The Longest Ride (2015)

(Oh man, low. But it is the most “interesting” option as it is a Will Smith film made right as his fortunes were turning a bit. Although … well I guess he won an Oscar after, but still, his commercial films tended to start not doing as well around then if I recall correctly.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Michael Peña is No. 4 billed in Collateral Beauty and No. 1 billed in Fantasy Island, which also stars Michael Rooker (No. 4 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 4 billed) => (4 + 1) + (4 + 4) = 13. If we were to watch Shark Tale we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – Will Smith’s father, Willard Carroll Smith, Sr., was dying while Smith researched this role. He has said that working on this movie was extremely therapeutic in helping him deal with the ultimate loss of his dad.

Will Smith praised the whole cast by saying, “If we are all judged by the company we keep … then I want this cast with me for life!”

When Will Smith heard about co-star Naomie Harris’ mom Lisselle Kayla’s Jamaican cooking during this shoot, he invited himself to her house, and dined with Naomie and her extended family.

Hugh Jackman was originally attached to star, but dropped out due to scheduling conflicts, and was later replaced by Will Smith. Both actors were born in 1968 but were only in a month and seventeen days apart from each other. Smith was born on September 25th and Jackman was born on October 12th.

The theater Amy enters is the Hegel theater. Hegel regarded history as an intelligible process moving towards a specific condition – the realization of human freedom. Howard goes through the process freeing himself (or being freed) from grief.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Combo

The New Mutants Preview

After catching the eye of the saleswoman, Patrick and Kyle watch as Jamie tries on a series of outfits, each one seemingly more outrageous than the last. Jamie seems particularly taken with a very classy Canadian tuxedo he found in the back of the store, but it is also summarily rejected. Sadly he trudges out of the changing room in a non-Canadian tuxedo, complete with tails, bowtie, monocle, and top hat. This outfit gets an emphatic thumbs up from Kyle and a slight, but approving, nod from Patrick. Jamie isn’t so sure. Suddenly they hear a gasp and the smashing of a champagne glass nearby. “Sacre bleu!” a woman shrieks, “he’s beautiful.” A man joins her and, looking closely at Jamie, puts his hands up as if it were a camera lens. “Yes, he is perfect. The outfit is so classy and yet… he’s brutish. As if his body could explode out of the fabric at any moment.” Jamie is confused. Sure his body could explode out of the fabric any time he wanted, but why would he want that? That’s why he needs sturdy denim capable of withstanding whatever his body brings. The woman approaches. “Hello, we love you, we must have you. We’re from Big Modeling Talent Agency and we’re having trouble filling out our latest fashion show at Fashion Week. Are you interested?” Jamie’s head spins, imaging the celebs that might be at Fashion Week. Rumor around the block was that Billy Zane was hoping to attend this year! “The idea is: ‘These ain’t your daddy’s models.’” the woman says, flashing her hands dramatically as if the words should blow your mind. Patrick scoffs, but Jamie seems to be digging it. He nods in wonder and whispers, “Yeah, like… ‘The New Models.’” That’s right! We aren’t watching the New Models, but rather the X-Men spinoff, The New Mutants. This was dumped in the pandemic after being shelved for years. That’s a recipe for success. Let’s go!

The New Mutants (2020) – BMeTric: 57.4; Notability: 28

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.4%; Notability: top 4.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 20.3%; Higher BMeT: Breach, Hard Kill, Artemis Fowl, The Grudge, The Turning, The Last Days of American Crime, Jiu Jitsu, The Last Thing He Wanted, Fantasy Island, Survive the Night, The 2nd, Brahms: The Boy II, After We Collided, Like a Boss, Force of Nature, The Tax Collector; Higher Notability: Dolittle, Artemis Fowl, The Rhythm Section, Bloodshot, Rebecca, The War with Grandpa, Spenser Confidential, Hillbilly Elegy, Fantasy Island, The Turning, The Wrong Missy, Superintelligence; Lower RT: Hard Kill, The Last Days of American Crime, The 2nd, The F**k-It List, The Last Thing He Wanted, Force of Nature, Artemis Fowl, Fantasy Island, Songbird, A Nice Girl Like You, Brahms: The Boy II, The Turning, After We Collided, Survive the Night, Dolittle, Desperados, A Fall from Grace, 2 Hearts, The Tax Collector, Fatal Affair, and 29 more; Notes: Yeah, 2020 was going to be a struggle because it was kind of a dumping ground. I did at one point float doing Artemis Fowl as a friend. That movie seems absurd.

AV Club – C –  Even a mangled bit of Whedonese about a toad struck by lightning could benefit a superhero story this starved for character.

(I had to just find a random one here. AV Club fit the bill. The only thing I really know about this film is that it was dumped. There were times when it looked like it was going to go Batgirl style and just get completely buried.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_vJhUAOFpI/

(Genuinely bullshit. Like … that isn’t the plot of the film! The plot is that the main girl is causing the fear dreams, the hospital isn’t there to do it to them. Absurd. Also, this film was legit poised to be a kind of good version of the film Fear from last year. Which is wild shit.)

Directors – Josh Boone – ( Known For: The Fault in Our Stars; Stuck in Love.; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: The Fault in Our Stars to this is wild. It feels like he was brought in at a time when this was going to be a more indie-ish property, and then eventually it was twisted into a semi-horror film at one point.)

Writers – Josh Boone – ( Known For: Stuck in Love.; All We Had; The Pretenders; BMT: He seems to have been somewhat tied up with The Stand since. His most recent producing project is some weird time travel film involving a mix-tape … yup.)

Knate Lee – ( Known For: Jackass 3D; Jackass Forever; Cardboard Boxer; Future BMT: Kidnap; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: “Writes” a lot of the Jackass films somehow? I don’t get that. Seems like a crazy person to bring in to write your X-Men adject IP.)

Actors – Maisie Williams – ( Known For: iBoy; Early Man; Mary Shelley; Then Came You; The Owners; The Falling; The Book of Love; Gold; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: You know her from Game of Thrones, where she was nominated for two Emmys. She is fully back to doing TV which is good, she’s solid in television roles.)

Anya Taylor-Joy – ( Known For: Split; The Menu; The Witch; The Northman; The Super Mario Bros. Movie; Last Night in Soho; Emma.; Thoroughbreds; Marrowbone; Radioactive; Barry; Love, Antosha; Here Are the Young Men; Future BMT: Morgan; Playmobil: The Movie; BMT: Glass; Amsterdam; The New Mutants; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Queen’s Gambit which is her most famous role, until this year maybe since she’s the star of the new Mad Max film.)

Charlie Heaton – ( Known For: Marrowbone; The Souvenir: Part II; As You Are; No Future; Future BMT: Shut In; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: Mostly just doing those Stranger Things stuff. This movie was really a who’s who of TV work. Has a maybe interesting upcoming project with Al Pacino and Patrick Schwarzeneggar. I mean … didn’t say good, just interesting.)

Budget/Gross – $67–80 million / Domestic: $23,852,659 (Worldwide: $49,169,594)

(Yeah obviously terrible, but that budget seems fake. This is a one location film with four or five TV stars right? Where is this budget going? CGI I suppose would be the counter, but I’m not sure I believe it. Seems like accounting shenanigans more likely.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 36% (50/139): Rendering a list of potentially explosive ingredients mostly inert, The New Mutants is a franchise spinoff that’s less than the sum of its super-powered parts.

(Yeah, seems like a formula for some bodice success (horror film spin off from a popular franchise). Problem is when you create a horror film you need to stick to the budget: $15 million. It would have been a decent success if they could have pulled that off.)

NY Times Review: The original New Mutants comics debuted in 1983, the year Johnny Ramone howled for “Psycho Therapy,” and its punkish, expressionistic pages wafted spray paint. Boone’s version is set in the 1990s and wallows in Gen-X ennui. – Amy Nicholson, The New York Times

Poster – Not Your Daddy’s Mutants

(I appreciate the style. I very much appreciate the font and the color scheme. But it’s a little basic… like it’s just a bunch of heads all stylized up. B+)

Tagline(s) – It’s time to face your demons. (C-)

(Nah. That’s generic. Could be applied to a bunch of movies.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Future BMT: 84.9 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.8 Black Christmas (2019), 76.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.7 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.1 Like a Boss (2020), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)

BMT: The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Firestarter (2022), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Morbius (2022), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), … (and many more)

Best Options (Horror): 84.9 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.8 Black Christmas (2019), 76.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 58.0 The Lazarus Effect (2015), 57.3 The New Mutants (2020), 56.1 The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018), 56.0 Sinister 2 (2015), 55.9 Wish Upon (2017), 55.1 Umma (2022), 54.7 Friend Request (2016), 54.0 The Possession of Hannah Grace (2018), 52.2 Boo 2! A Madea Halloween (2017), 50.7 Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016), 50.6 Halloween Kills (2021), 48.1 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 45.6 Incarnate (2016), 44.9 Separation (2021), 43.4 Jigsaw (2017), 42.8 Insidious: The Last Key (2018), 42.7 Hell Fest (2018), 38.1 Morgan (2016), 37.4 The Devil Conspiracy (2022), 35.6 Victor Frankenstein (2015), 26.6 Acrimony (2018), 18.6 Nefarious (2023)

(Again, 2020 was going to be tough. Brahms: The Boy II and some other random annoying ones were the other options. This was more fun.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Alice Braga is No. 6 billed in The New Mutants and No. 2 billed in Hypnotic, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (6 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 16. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The vision Dani sees of mutant children contains some reused footage from Logan (2017).

Josh Boone intended this film to be the first in a trilogy, with the second film to be an alien invasion movie featuring the alien mutant Warlock, and then the third and final installment to be a supernatural, apocalyptic horror movie based on the X-Men comic event “Inferno” (demons invade the Earth and Magik plays a major role). After Disney’s purchase of Fox, all X-Men-related films in development were cancelled, including Boone’s trilogy.

Josh Boone admitted that he found shooting to be stressful, as he felt “a bit neutered” because he had to tone down the film from his original “full horror” ideas.

The last Marvel film to be released with Stan Lee as an executive producer.

The film had five release dates. It was originally slated to debut on April 13, 2018, but was first delayed to February 19, 2019, in order to conduct reshoots. Later, it was pushed back to August 2, 2019, while Disney finalized its purchase of Fox. The film was pushed back yet again to April 3, 2020, to make room for the release of Dark Phoenix (2019). On March 12, 2020, it was postponed due to the COVID-19 pandemic. On May 13, 2020, its new release date of August 28, 2020 was announced, and the film was finally released in theaters on that date.

The Happytime Murders Preview

“I’m sorry,” Patrick says, seeing how much it was hurting Jamie to leave his maze brides behind. “I know,” he answers, eyes looking longingly into the middle distance. “Just when it seems I find love it turns out to be too good to be true. It just hurts so much.” Patrick puts a hand on his shoulder. “It only hurts because you experienced true love. Love blurs the lines between pain and pleasure.” With that they steel themselves and go through the Reverse Exorcism process.

Suddenly, Jamie and Patrick awaken from their hypnotic slumber in the Antiquities Room. They immediately transition into a patented Twin Chop, only to stop themselves inches from totally owning the valet’s jugular. “Where’s Luigi? Where’s our mother?” They ask, looking frantically around the room. They are informed that shortly after entering a fugue state their mother entered and fired Luigi as part of her long con to get him indicted for fraud in Italy’s high court. Luigi was unceremoniously carted off and they proceeded to have an hour long conversation with their mother. This conversation went well, they all had dinner together, and then they were returned to the Antiquities Room so that once they awoke they wouldn’t be startled by their surroundings and tear their own eyes out. “So did she tell us what to do?” Patrick asks with great anticipation. The valet nods. “Do what you love,” he answers simply. Halfway through putting on his cable knit sweater, though, Patrick notices that Jamie isn’t doing the same. “BMT is what we love,” he says encouragingly and Jamie nods. “I know, but I don’t just want to do what I love… I want love.” Patrick understands. They agree to get BMT running and then they’ll venture forth to find Jamie true happiness. True love. That’s right! We are finding true happiness with the “muppets gone bad” film, The Happytime Murders. This is the beginning of 2024’s experiment in cycles. For the first time all the cycles are connected. We are proceeding through time picking up some of the best BMT films we missed from each year going back to 1983. The Happytime Murders is the 2018 entry for the 2015-2023 cycle. Let’s go!

The Happytime Murders (2018) – BMeTric: 45.9; Notability: 60

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 11.2%; Notability: top 1.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.4%; Higher BMeT: Slender Man, The Open House, Holmes & Watson, Escape Plan 2: Hades, Fifty Shades Freed, Swiped, Siberia, The Titan, How It Ends, Gotti, Truth or Dare, The Nun, The Predator, Fahrenheit 451, Robin Hood, The Strangers: Prey at Night, The Possession of Hannah Grace, The Week Of, The 15:17 to Paris, Replicas, and 8 more; Higher Notability: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, Venom, The Predator, The Nutcracker and the Four Realms; Lower RT: Gotti, Father of the Year, Billionaire Boys Club, Escape Plan 2: Hades, Slender Man, Holmes & Watson, The Professor, Replicas, Fifty Shades Freed, Siberia, Peppermint, The Open House, Little Italy, Winchester, Life Itself, Robin Hood, The Darkest Minds, The Kissing Booth, Look Away, Truth or Dare, and 13 more; Notes: The higher Notability films are hilarious, we’ve basically not seen any of those. I actually can’t believe we haven’t seen Gotti yet … kind of too bad we didn’t hit up After Everything last cycle because I think Gotti would be an obvious choice. Barely doesn’t qualify with a 503 widest release. The Notability on this film is off the chain though.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – One doesn’t need to concern oneself too much with plot, what with all the puppet hijinks. They begin with the foul language, but in due time, we see puppets whose forms are pretty familiar—fluffy bunnies, frisky doggies, a porn shop proprietor that looks like a relative of Sam The Eagle gone severely to seed, and so on—doing generally unexpected things, like flashing pubic hair and ejaculating. Is this funny? The screening I attended did not exactly rollick with laughter, and I found scenes of humorous human interaction, such as an evidence hunt embarked on by McCarthy and Maya Rudolph, playing Phil’s loyal secretary, more amusing than the puppet stuff. But I don’t want to come down too hard on this movie, because even though it doesn’t work, the high spirits with which it was made seem unaffected. Which means that if you’re susceptible to such an atmosphere, particularly such a one as McCarthy and friends can create (other human cast members include Elizabeth Banks and Joel McHale; among the puppeteers is Kevin Clash, one of the original handlers of Elmo), you might get a kick out of it. But don’t bring the kids. Seriously. Just don’t.

(I think this review. I think this film is going to end up being “amusing, but not funny, with a conceit so out there you desperately hope it is funny” … and you end up quite disappointed which is where the bad reviews come from. That’s what I hope at least.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eks8LG72uo/

(Yeah that trailer only doesn’t really work because you would, presumably, want to bust out one actually good joke if you had one. It makes me suspicious that this is a joke-free shock comedy which tends to just be aggravating.)

Directors – Brian Henson – ( Known For: The Muppet Christmas Carol; Muppet Treasure Island; BMT: The Happytime Murders; Notes: Yeah the son of Jim Henson, and this was supposed to start a series of alternative muppet films (basically) but it never happened after this financially flopped.)

Writers – Todd Berger – ( Known For: The Curse of Bridge Hollow; It’s a Disaster; The Scenesters; BMT: The Happytime Murders; Notes: From New Orleans and started his production company Voodoo Productions there while in high school and he still uses the name.)

Dee Austin Robertson – (BMT: The Happytime Murders; Notes: An interesting case, she has two different The Movie Database profiles … wait, did I say interesting?)

Actors – Melissa McCarthy – ( Known For: Thor: Love and Thunder; Bridesmaids; Spy; Ghostbusters; Central Intelligence; Charlie’s Angels; The Heat; This Is 40; The Little Mermaid; Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle; St. Vincent; Go; Can You Ever Forgive Me?; Thunder Force; The Kid; The Nines; White Oleander; The Starling; Superintelligence; Pumpkin; Future BMT: The Hangover Part III; Identity Thief; Life as We Know It; The Life of David Gale; The Back-up Plan; The Boss; Life of the Party; The Kitchen; Drowning Mona; BMT: Tammy; The Happytime Murders; Notes: An odd career. Obviously cut her teeth on television in things like Gilmore Girls and Mike & Molly. Then had her big break with Bridesmaids. Became a bona fide comedy A-lister, but that kind of crapped out with her husband often at the helm. But meanwhile she has had a rather impressive dramatic career now in things like Can You Ever Forgive Me? Just very interesting.)

Elizabeth Banks – ( Known For: Catch Me If You Can; The Hunger Games; Spider-Man; The Hunger Games: Catching Fire; Spider-Man 2; Spider-Man 3; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; The 40-Year-Old Virgin; The Lego Movie; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; Pitch Perfect; Role Models; The Next Three Days; Zack and Miri Make a Porno; Definitely, Maybe; Pitch Perfect 2; Power Rangers; Brightburn; Our Idiot Brother; Slither; Future BMT: Man on a Ledge; The Uninvited; Pitch Perfect 3; Fred Claus; Meet Dave; BMT: Movie 43; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; The Happytime Murders; Notes: Now a pretty major director with things like Pitch Perfect 3 and Cocaine Bear. I wouldn’t be surprised if she busts out a fairly serious Indie hit in the next few years that gets her some serious awards consideration … or maybe she’ll just be a director for hire and make a boatload making things like Cocaine Bear.)

Maya Rudolph – ( Known For: Big Hero 6; 50 First Dates; Shrek the Third; Gattaca; As Good as It Gets; Bridesmaids; Luca; Idiocracy; The Way Way Back; Licorice Pizza; Booksmart; The Mitchells vs the Machines; Inherent Vice; Turbo; The Angry Birds Movie; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Sisters; Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping; Hubie Halloween; Away We Go; Future BMT: Duplex; Life of the Party; The Nut Job; Strange Magic; The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature; BMT: Grown Ups; Grown Ups 2; The Emoji Movie; Zookeeper; CHIPS; The Happytime Murders; Notes: She’s hilarious in everything. I particularly like her ad the dead wife in MacGruber, but she is all over the place writing and acting. Oh and she’s married to Paul Thomas Anderson.)

Budget/Gross – $40,000,000 / Domestic: $20,706,452 (Worldwide: $27,506,452)

(Yeah catastrophic. At least I can imagine where the money goes to. Making puppets and elaborate sets for puppeteers to operate in.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 23% (58/248): The Happytime Murders wastes its intriguingly transgressive premise on a witless comedy that blindly pushes buttons instead of attempting to tell an entertaining story.

(Boo. This is exactly what one would fear it would be. Hopefully with a bit of distance and lowered expectations the film can still be a bit entertaining at least.)

Reviewer Highlight: The plot should be an excuse for comic invention, but it mostly just gets in the way, which makes me think that a feature film isn’t really what Phil and his ilk need or deserve. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – The Happy Sklog Murders

(I don’t mind this. Color, font, and puppets. All intriguing so it does its job despite being a typical star-driven, not artistic style poster. I kinda wish it was more old school… playing on the muppets more. But this is fine. Just not much flair. C+.)

Tagline(s) – No Sesame. All Street. (A)

Sex. Murder. Puppets. (A-)

(The first one is the one they got in trouble for. The second one is what replaced it. I think both are pretty good actually. Fun, short, and clever. The first one is the better of the two… unfortunately for their legal team.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Future BMT: 84.6 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.7 Black Christmas (2019), 75.9 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.1 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.6 Norm of the North (2016), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.2 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.6 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.6 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.1 Like a Boss (2020), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)

BMT: Cats (2019), The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Expend4bles (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Hot Pursuit (2015), Morbius (2022), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), Truth or Dare (2018), The Curse of La Llorona (2019), … (and many more)

Best Options (Comedy): 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.6 Norm of the North (2016), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.6 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.1 Like a Boss (2020), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 53.8 Just Getting Started (2017), 53.2 Aloha (2015), 52.3 Playing with Fire (2019), 52.2 Boo 2! A Madea Halloween (2017), 51.7 The Boss (2016), 49.2 Action Point (2018), 48.3 Vanguard (2020), 48.1 Sherlock Gnomes (2018), 47.8 Men in Black: International (2019), 46.0 Nobody’s Fool (2018), 45.9 The Happytime Murders (2018), … (and many more)

(Not as far down as I would imagine. We were somewhat limited to 2018 in the end and the other options (Action Point and Sherlock Gnomes) were borderline as far as genre in my opinion. This has some serious Razzie cred though, so it works. I do like that we are pretty even on all the years, and it does truly show the issue we are facing with BMT going forward.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Melissa McCarthy is No. 1 billed in The Happytime Murders and No. 1 billed in Tammy, which also stars Susan Sarandon (No. 2 billed) who is in That’s My Boy (No. 3 billed) which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 16. If we were to watch The Kitchen, and Like a Boss we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Sesame Workshop sued the team behind the film for the tagline, “No sesame. All street,” claiming that the film tarnishes their reputation. The suit was rejected on May 30, 2018. Soon after, STX issued a brief statement, “We fluffing love Sesame Street (1969) and we’re obviously very pleased that the ruling reinforced what STX’s intention was from the very beginning – to honor the heritage of The Jim Henson Company’s previous award-winning creations while drawing a clear distinction between any Muppets or Sesame Street characters and the new world Brian Henson and team created. We believe we accomplished that with the very straightforward NO SESAME, ALL STREET tagline. We look forward to continued happytimes as we prepare to release Happytime Murders this summer.” Some TV spots for the film started with “From the studio that was sued by Sesame Street…”

A total of 125 puppets are in the film, with 40 specifically created for it. All of the sets were built so that puppeteers could stand on the floor and operate the puppets as if they were standing with straight arms. The floor of the sets came up in pieces, so the human actors had a two-foot margin to stay on their path.

Officer Donny, the cop, is Melissa McCarthy’s real-life husband, Ben Falcone. The couple has appeared in several movies together including: The Nines (2007), Bridesmaids (2011), Identity Thief (2013), The Heat (2013), Tammy (2014), Spy (2015) and The Boss (2016), The Life of The Party (2018).

This is the first theatrical film Brian Henson has directed since Muppet Treasure Island (1996).

Brian Henson’s worst day on set was when he had to play Crab. He had to be inside a trash can so that he could direct while operating and voice Crab. While he was in there, he suddenly felt something cold and liquid creeping down his back. A crew member who thought it was a real trash can had carelessly thrown in a half-full bottle of beer.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Melissa McCarthy)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Joel McHale)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Combo

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Brian Henson)

Fool’s Paradise Preview

Several weeks later, Patrick is camped out at Freddy’s. His binoculars (or ‘nocks, as the kids call them) have been trained on Jamie’s new, very haunted house ever since he abandoned him to the maze. “Jesus, that house is so haunted,” Patrick mumbles. It’s true, but there is a twinge of jealousy to Patrick’s disapproving tone because the only ghosts he’s seen are totally dope. Ghost skateboards, ghost Mountain Dew, and ghost electric guitars as far as the eye can see. “And none of this is even real!” Patrick yells, “We are in a puzzle box after probably being hypnotized!” This outburst earns him a shush from Freddy. “Shut it, Freddy,” Patrick growls, “This whole world is pain and/or pleasure and yet none of it can wake us up. That’s dumb.” He feels a hand on his shoulder and Freddy is there with a piping hot za. It’s The Pinhead, his favorite. “Aw, I’m sorry, Fred. Thanks. This will really tear up my throat,” Patrick says and this moment of kindness from Freddy brings a tear to his eye. He’s never noticed how cozy it is at Freddy’s. He’s been so focused on getting out of here that he forgot to appreciate what he has. Friendship, the torture machine in the corner that always eats your quarters, the jukebox that never stops playing Summer Girls by LFO, the large book called How to Escape the Maze, the… “What thuuu…” Patrick says dumbly as he picks up the book. Suddenly escape is within reach. He just has to figure out how to get into Jamie’s house and convince him to leave with him. As he raises the ‘nocks back to his face he smiles as he sees Jamie put a sign on his door, “Fool’s Paradise. Rooms Available.” Bingo. That’s right! We’re watching Fool’s Paradise… … … Fooooool’s Paradise. Because we have to for the chain. Let’s go! 

Fool’s Paradise (2023) – BMeTric: 43.8; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.2%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.8%; Higher BMeT: The Exorcist: Believer, Meg 2: The Trench, Expend4bles, The Black Demon, Knights of the Zodiac, Best. Christmas. Ever!, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, 65, The Ritual Killer, Five Nights at Freddy’s, The Out-Laws, Insidious: The Red Door, Maybe I Do, In the Fire, White Men Can’t Jump, Retribution, Hypnotic, Fool’s Paradise; Lower RT: Freelance, The Ritual Killer, 57 Seconds, Expend4bles, In the Fire, On a Wing and a Prayer; Notes: The fact that this tops the notability scale is crazy! It might seem like 54 is low, but all the numbers creep up over time as people get more notable, so there will be some higher ones eventually I think. Then again, the cast here is just so expansive.

RogerEbert.com – 0.5 stars – Hollywood will always be ripe for skewering. It employs too many comedians and takes itself too seriously as a business not to be. Because this topic is so close to home, it means many others have had a few laughs at the industry’s expense already, including Woody Allen mocking their (still growing) number of award shows in “Annie Hall” or even how the Marion Davies comedy “Show People” had fun with the odds characters you meet in entertainment in the 1920s. But “Fool’s Paradise” occupies some mirthless middle ground between “Show People” and the dark Hollywood satire “The Day of the Locust,” and it doesn’t have anything to show for it. Overblown caricatures and stale jokes about “don’t you know who I am?!” and going to see his wife’s shaman are as empty as a finished cup of coffee, and unfortunately, this movie has nothing else to offer for a refill.

(Wow, this is an extremely rare thumbs down from the Roger Ebert site. One star isn’t that crazy, but I can’t remember the last time we saw a real thumbs down. So … that’s exciting.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j6b_hevaoY/

(It is a really weird idea … and after watching the film I still don’t really know what it is about. I thought it was about like … a Chaplin-esque guy, but that isn’t at all what the trailer seems to be. It seems more like a weirdo who looks like an actor ends up becoming one while not saying any lines? That might be it I suppose.)

Directors – Charlie Day – ( BMT: Fool’s Paradise; Notes: Legit the only thing he’s directed which is crazy. I would have thought he would have done a few It’s Always Sunny episodes at least before making a giant film with a thousand famous actors.)

Writers – Charlie Day – ( BMT: Fool’s Paradise; Notes: He grew up in Rhode Island and both his parents are musicians which maybe explains why his character on It’s Always Sunny is an amazing musician.)

Actors – Charlie Day – ( Known For: Pacific Rim; Horrible Bosses; Monsters University; The Lego Movie; The Super Mario Bros. Movie; Pacific Rim: Uprising; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Going the Distance; Hotel Artemis; I Want You Back; The Hollars; I Love You, Daddy; How It Ends; A Quiet Little Marriage; Future BMT: Horrible Bosses 2; Vacation; Fist Fight; BMT: Fool’s Paradise; Notes: Majored in Art History and it is indicated he was mostly acting in bit parts and waiting tables when he pitched It’s Always Sunny with his costars.)

Ken Jeong – ( Known For: Avengers: Endgame; The Hangover; Despicable Me; Despicable Me 2; Knocked Up; Pineapple Express; Step Brothers; Role Models; Pain & Gain; Crazy Rich Asians; Turbo; The DUFF; Penguins of Madagascar; The Muppets; Boss Level; My Spy; Scoob!; Over the Moon; Lady and the Tramp; Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween; Future BMT: The Hangover Part II; Transformers: Dark of the Moon; The Hangover Part III; Couples Retreat; Vampires Suck; The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard; Wonder Park; Norm of the North; BMT: Zookeeper; Ride Along 2; All About Steve; Tom & Jerry; Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son; Furry Vengeance; Fool’s Paradise; Notes: Famously a doctor who used to do comedy on the side and then once he got his big break (in Knocked Up maybe?) he quit being a doctor and started acting full time. Probably most notable for Community at this point.)

Kate Beckinsale – ( Known For: The Aviator; Contraband; Serendipity; Vacancy; Everybody’s Fine; Stonehearst Asylum; Much Ado About Nothing; Absolutely Anything; Nothing But the Truth; Jolt; Love & Friendship; Laurel Canyon; The Only Living Boy in New York; The Last Days of Disco; Snow Angels; Shooting Fish; Winged Creatures; Haunted; The Trials of Cate McCall; The Face of an Angel; Future BMT: Click; Underworld; Van Helsing; Total Recall; Underworld: Evolution; Underworld: Rise of the Lycans; Underworld: Awakening; Underworld: Blood Wars; Brokedown Palace; The Disappointments Room; BMT: Pearl Harbor; Whiteout; Tiptoes; Fool’s Paradise; Notes: British and both of her parents were British actors as well. Her father in particular was a television actor of some note who died at the very early age of 31. But he was, for example, in 17 episodes of Porridge which is quite a significant British comedy series of the 70s.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $855,173 (Worldwide: $881,743)

(Obviously catastrophic, but it was shelved for years and seems to have been pushed out in limited release just to get a little money and possibly for contractual reasons. I can’t think of another reason honestly.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 18% (8/45): Fool’s Paradise suggests Charlie Day may have a bright future as a director, but he’ll need to find smarter and more consistently funny scripts.

(Ah interesting. Well … he wrote it alone it would seem. But that is still interesting. I do hope he tries again, I think he is quite the talent and getting an interesting (musical?) film out of him would be fun.)

Reviewer Highlight: You’d need to be Blake Edwards to pull this off. One wishes Day had looked further afield than Hollywood for inspiration. – Nicolas Rapold, New York Times

Poster – Foooooool’s Paradise

(Seems like this is a take on a poster that I don’t get… or maybe it’s just whatever. Not sure. I like the yellow and red, though. Font is slightly better than bad. Overall, C. Some good, some bad.)

Tagline(s) – He’s ready for his close-up. (D)

(Huh. Well that’s not funny. I guess they are playing on the poster… his face it super close-up and he seems a bit scared? Don’t like it.)

Keyword(s) – Year 2023

Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Barbie (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023), The Flash (2023)

Future BMT: 84.6 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 67.0 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 48.0 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 43.5 House Party (2023), 37.2 Paint (2023), 35.8 Freelance (2023), 31.6 The Machine (2023), 27.7 Love Again (2023), 24.9 Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023), 20.9 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023), 18.4 Nefarious (2023), 9.1 The Shift (2023), 9.1 Camp Hideout (2023), 8.8 Back on the Strip (2023), 8.3 Sweetwater (2023)

BMT: Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Expend4bles (2023), 65 (2023), Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), Retribution (2023), Hypnotic (2023), Fool’s Paradise (2023), My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), Mafia Mamma (2023), About My Father (2023), Haunted Mansion (2023), Fear (2023)

Best Options (Angels In the Outfield): 43.8 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 9.1 The Shift (2023), 9.1 Camp Hideout (2023)

(Yeah and this was really the only option sadly, those other ones are even less of movies than this one! Also you’d think with the expansive cast you’d get some awesome options coming off of it, but nope. We have a pretty solid idea for it, but still, not as good of a chain as you’d expect.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 11) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Kate Beckinsale is No. 3 billed in Fool’s Paradise and No. 2 billed in Pearl Harbor, which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (3 + 2) + (3 + 3) = 11. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Filmed in 2018, this is one of Ray Liotta’s last films, before his death in 2022.

Charlie Day and Mary Elizabeth Ellis are married in real life, they also star together on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Of the main cast of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005) only Glenn Howerton appears. However multiple guest stars & recurring actors from the show appear in this film: Jason Sudeikis, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, Artemis Pebdani, Leonora Pitts, Jimmi Simpson, Lance Barber, Andrew Leeds, Julia Cho, Alanna Ubach, David Hornsby, Lisa Schwartz, Peter Mackenzie, Christine Horn & Christopher Macken.

Charlie Day’s character is named Latte Pronto. In ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’, in Season 1 Episode 1 around 12:30, Charlie Day is seated at a restaurant and there is a sign with ‘Pronto’ written on it in the background.

Fear (2023) Preview

Jamie and Patrick look around them. They are no longer in the Antiquities Room. They don’t appear to be in a room at all. Instead it seems they’ve been transported to a dark, mysterious labyrinth. Screams of terror and pain (or is it pleasure?) surround them. They look forwards and then back, but the maze looks identical no matter where they look. “Should we just start…” Jamie begins but stops. A figure has appeared in front of them. They nervously turn back the other direction and… uh oh, another figure has appeared there as well. Jamie squits and after a moment of recognition his face turns bright. “Demon #1, my love, how are you?” he says to the first demon, who appears to be a nerdy lawyer he could grow old with. “And Demon #2, my darling, still having trouble with the truth?” he says, turning to the second demon, who is a sultry minx that Jamie could love, even though he knows she’d be bad for him. “Your hunky, muscle-bound guys have return,” he finishes with a debonair flourish. The demons appear to be taken aback. It looks like they want to says something to Jamie, but it’s hard to tell if they can talk. What would happen if they opened their mouths? Patrick doesn’t want to find out. They approach and Patrick readies a patented Twin Chop, but instead of sucking them into an otherworldly dimension they each grab one of Jamie’s arms and begin to coo in a loving and very disturbing way. They begin to pull Jamie through a side entrance in the maze (“Was that there the whole time?”, Jamie wonders). “They want us to go this way,” Jamie calls over his shoulder cheerily. Despite his intense fear, Patrick quickly follows the trio. That’s right! We are indeed watching Fear, a long delayed horror film made in the pandemic. By all accounts this delay made for a strange and very bad film. It’s a wonder they took it wide the theaters at all. Why not just dump it somewhere? Time to find out. Let’s go!

Fear (2023) – BMeTric: 26.0; Notability: 15

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 16.8%; Notability: top 12.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.3%; Higher BMeT: Expend4bles, The Exorcist: Believer, Meg 2: The Trench, The Black Demon, Knights of the Zodiac, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, 65, The Ritual Killer, Five Nights at Freddy’s, The Out-Laws, Insidious: The Red Door, Best. Christmas. Ever!, White Men Can’t Jump, Maybe I Do, Retribution, Hypnotic, In the Fire, House Party, Fool’s Paradise, Heart of Stone, and 22 more; Higher Notability: Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted, Expend4bles, House Party, Haunted Mansion, Heart of Stone, The Out-Laws, Meg 2: The Trench, Old Dads, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, 65, Your Place or Mine, Vacation Friends 2, White Men Can’t Jump, The Exorcist: Believer, About My Father, Insidious: The Red Door, Pain Hustlers, Love Again, Genie, and 11 more; Lower RT: Confidential Informant, The Ritual Killer, 57 Seconds, Assassin Club, Expend4bles, In the Fire, On a Wing and a Prayer, Fool’s Paradise, The Tutor, Vacation Friends 2, Robots, The Out-Laws, Knights of the Zodiac; Notes: This movie is quite perplexing. In reality we should have done Five Nights at Freddy’s though. Bigger deal, and an actual horror film. We’ll get that back though.

Richard Roeper – 3 stars –  It’s the perfect storm for the group to start turning on one another, even as the supernatural elements boil and bubble to the surface, and the blood starts to spill. Way to pick a vacation destination, Rom. What, the Overlook Hotel was booked?

(Amazing. He actually mostly says that the film revels in its unoriginality and he kind of respects it for that. Ridiculous as that might sound.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2znvShl2GM/

(Yeah … this looks horrible. They shouldn’t have shown the terrible death effect. Because it looks dumb and they should have hidden that from the audience for as long as possible.)

Directors – Deon Taylor – ( Known For: Black and Blue; Fatale; Chain Letter; Supremacy; Dead Tone; The House Next Door: Meet the Blacks 2; Nite Tales: The Movie; Future BMT: Meet the Blacks; Traffik; BMT: The Intruder; Fear; Notes: Has a few upcoming projects including one called All-Star Weekend which has the description of “Two buddies form a rivalry over their favorite American basketball player,” which sounds ludicrous.)

Writers – John Ferry – (BMT: Fear;  Notes: Basically he appears to be a production assistant for at first Trank (on Chronicle) and now Taylor, and this is the first film he got a credit for writing with him.)

Deon Taylor – ( Known For: Nite Tales: The Movie; Future BMT: Meet the Blacks; Traffik; BMT: Fear; Notes: Writes a lot of the films he directs. Also produces them as well, so he is kind of a younger Tyler Perry in a way.)

Actors – Joseph Sikora – ( Known For: Shutter Island; Jack Reacher; My Best Friend’s Wedding; Ghost World; Charlie Wilson’s War; Safe; Trust; Night Skies; BMT: The Watcher; The Intruder; Fear; Notes: He’s older than I would have thought, 47 years old. To the point where he had a whole other acting life as a bit part acting in major films. He was in over 60 episodes of a tv show called Power recently, and does a lot of television.)

Andrew Bachelor – ( Known For: Greenland; To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before; The Babysitter; Holidate; When We First Met; The Babysitter: Killer Queen; Game Over, Man!; Vacation Friends; Rim of the World; Coffee & Kareem; The F**k-It List; Airplane Mode; Love, Weddings & Other Disasters; Where’s the Money; The House Next Door: Meet the Blacks 2; National Champions; Family Switch; Future BMT: We Are Your Friends; Meet the Blacks; BMT: Fifty Shades of Black; Fear; Notes: Known as King Bach apparently. Was a world class high jumper in college, and also holds (and will forever hold) the record for most followers on Vine at 15 million which is how his career started.)

Annie Ilonzeh – ( Known For: Percy Jackson: Şimşek Hırsızı; Erkekler Ne Söyler Kadınlar Ne Anlar; Agent Game; Til Death Do Us Part; Future BMT: İntikam Meleği; All Eyez on Me; BMT: Miss March; Fear; Notes: Primarily she was a decently long running actor on Chicago Fire appearing in 42 episodes of that show.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $2,090,261 (Worldwide: $2,090,261)

(Yeah quite terrible. My guess is the movie cost around $5 million to make. I don’t think it is possible to really make even a low budget horror fit for wide release for less. Just the cameras and salaries probably get over the $1 million you’d need to have this be profitable.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 21% (4/19)

(I can’t believe this has this high of a rating. If I were to make a consensus it would be: Lazy in its metaphors for the pandemic, lazy in its oscillation between various horror sub-genres, and lazy in its concept. Yet the biggest crime is it isn’t scary.)

Reviewer Highlight: It is frustrating to watch Fear carelessly oscillate between creature feature, haunted house movie, and folk horror. – Matthew Monagle, Austin Chronicle

Poster – Fear Leads to Anger

(Ha. I mean it looks cool. But I don’t understand the question mark. Is the film called “Fear?” I didn’t think so. Like the yellow but neads better font. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Your Mind is the Trap (C+)

(I guess this is intriguing. Like… the horror film where your mind is used against you. You think a murderer is trapping you but you are trapping yourself. Again, it’s a cool concept, like the post is cool looking, but it doesn’t work completely.)

Keyword(s) – Year 2023

Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Barbie (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023), The Flash (2023)

Future BMT: 84.2 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 63.3 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 49.8 Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), 47.8 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 43.2 House Party (2023), 41.9 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 37.6 My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), 36.7 Paint (2023), 31.3 The Machine (2023), 28.0 Haunted Mansion (2023), 27.2 Love Again (2023), 18.3 Nefarious (2023), 15.7 Freelance (2023), 14.3 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023), 8.4 Camp Hideout (2023), 8.1 Sweetwater (2023), 6.0 Back on the Strip (2023)

BMT: Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), 65 (2023), Retribution (2023), Hypnotic (2023), Mafia Mamma (2023), About My Father (2023), Fear (2023)

Best Options (Horror): 84.2 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 63.3 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 49.8 Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), 47.8 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 26.4 Fear (2023), 18.3 Nefarious (2023)

(Do not fear (get it?) we will be watching The Exorcist: Believer. And also do not fear (get it?) we’ll NEVER watch Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey. Ever. I refuse.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 21) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Joseph Sikora is No. 1 billed in Fear and No. 2 billed in The Intruder, which also stars Meagan Good (No. 3 billed) who is in The Love Guru (No. 5 billed) which also stars Jessica Alba (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (3 + 5) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 21. If we were to watch Underworld: Awakening we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – Terrance Jenkins was the host of 106 and Park and his hotel room was 106

Hypnotic Preview

Jamie and Patrick shield their eyes as they get off the airplane. It’s hot on the tarmac under the Tuscan sun. It’s been ages since their mother moved to Tuscany to take over the family’s failing olive oil business and things appear to have turned around. “Things have turned around,” their mother’s valet confirms and takes their bags to a waiting stretch hummer. “All this from olive oil?” Jamie whispers as they turn a corner and espy the family’s newly restored Tuscan manor. Patrick is skeptical… and increasingly concerned. For several minutes they wait in the foyer and both look with a smile as the door at the top of the stairs opens up. But rather than their mother they find themselves staring at Luigi, the company’s former manager. “What are you doing here?” Patrick asks in disgust. Everyone knew that Luigi’s corruption was what got the company into dire straits in the first place. A brief grimace crosses Luigi’s face before being replaced by a smile. “I guess you were too busy with your bald movie thing to hear that your mother hired me back when she realized that she needed someone around who knew olive oil.” Jamie turns beet red and gets right up into Luigi’s face. “You know it’s BAD movies, not BALD movies. We’re not idiots. You’re an idiot.” Luigi smiles and nods in acquiescence. “Your mother will be back shortly,” Luigi assures them and shuttles them into an adjacent room. “Why don’t you preoccupy yourself with the Antiquities Room while you wait,” and with that he leaves. Patrick looks around at the treasures that surround them. “We shouldn’t touch anything until we…” he begins, but when he looks over at Jamie he is staring intently at a Puzzle Box. Suddenly Patrick feels very tired. That’s right! We are watching the Ben Affleck classic Hypnotic… you know, the film that everyone knew about. Definitely totally normal that this film never got a DVD release… don’t even worry about it. Let’s go!

Hypnotic (2023) – BMeTric: 45.0; Notability: 19

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 5.6%; Notability: top 8.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 15.2%; Higher BMeT: Expend4bles, The Exorcist: Believer, Meg 2: The Trench, The Black Demon, Knights of the Zodiac, 65, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, The Ritual Killer, Five Nights at Freddy’s, The Out-Laws, Insidious: The Red Door, White Men Can’t Jump, Maybe I Do, Retribution; Higher Notability: Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted, Expend4bles, Haunted Mansion, Heart of Stone, The Out-Laws, Old Dads, Meg 2: The Trench, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, Foe, 65, Your Place or Mine, White Men Can’t Jump, The Exorcist: Believer, About My Father, Pain Hustlers, Dashing Through the Snow, Insidious: The Red Door, Love Again, Genie; Lower RT: Freelance, The Ritual Killer, 57 Seconds, Assassin Club, Expend4bles, Fool’s Paradise, The Out-Laws, Knights of the Zodiac, Mafia Mamma, The Good Mother, The Exorcist: Believer, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, Pain Hustlers, Foe, God Is a Bullet, Finestkind, Ghosted, White Men Can’t Jump, Love Again, Meg 2: The Trench, and 12 more; Notes: Given how much money Five Nights at Freddy’s made I’m shocked that it would have a relatively high BMeTric. Like I get it is popular, but shouldn’t the fans who seem to like it a lot and “get it” be driving the rating up? The movies we are getting this time around have such low Notability. Maybe it is a pandemic thing. A way to reduce the number of people on set at any given time. Plausible.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – There’s a lot of empty space in “Hypnotic,” a doofy, though never boring sci-fi thriller about a Texas cop, played by Ben Affleck, who stumbles upon a conspiracy of mind-controlling crooks. Or he seems to stumble upon them. Reality buckles and warps around our troubled hero, whose daughter has already gone missing before the movie starts.

(And oh yeah, spoiler alert, all that is bullshit and he is himself a mind controlling crook and the entire movie is just twist after twist until you realize that there is basically no moment of the film in which you are watching the 100% god’s honest truth. Great.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAwpu4rQpeQ/

(The reviews pretty much call it a poor man’s Inception which is exactly what it looks like. The effects looks okay. Fichtner on the other hand…)

Directors – Robert Rodriguez – ( Known For: Sin City; From Dusk Till Dawn; Alita: Battle Angel; Grindhouse; The Faculty; Spy Kids; Desperado; Planet Terror; Sin City: A Dame to Kill For; Machete; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Spy Kids: Armageddon; Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams; Four Rooms; Once Upon a Time in Mexico; We Can Be Heroes; Mimic; El Mariachi; Shorts; Red 11; Future BMT: Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World; Machete Kills; The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D; BMT: Hypnotic; Notes: Wow, our first official Rodriquez, although he have very few surprisingly. I have actually seen Machete Kills though, it is awful.)

Writers – Robert Rodriguez – ( Known For: Sin City; Grindhouse; Spy Kids; Desperado; Planet Terror; Machete; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Spy Kids: Armageddon; Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams; Four Rooms; Once Upon a Time in Mexico; We Can Be Heroes; El Mariachi; Shorts; Red 11; Future BMT: Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World; Machete Kills; The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D; UglyDolls; BMT: Hypnotic; Notes: Long time friend of Quentin Tarantino as they both broke into the business with low budget indies around the same time. This film has one son as producer, and another composed the music, they are becoming family affairs.)

Max Borenstein – ( Known For: Kong: Skull Island; Godzilla; Godzilla vs. Kong; Godzilla: King of the Monsters; Worth; BMT: Hypnotic; Notes: He wrote and created the Laker show which was just unceremoniously dumped by HBO a few months ago without resolution.)

Actors – Ben Affleck – ( Known For: The Flash; The Last Duel; Gone Girl; Dazed and Confused; Triple Frontier; Good Will Hunting; Air; Deep Water; The Accountant; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; The Town; Argo; Dogma; Field of Dreams; State of Play; Shakespeare in Love; He’s Just Not That Into You; Daredevil; School Ties; The Sum of All Fears; Future BMT: Surviving Christmas; Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Smokin’ Aces; Live by Night; 200 Cigarettes; BMT: Hypnotic; Suicide Squad; Armageddon; Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Justice League; Pearl Harbor; Reindeer Games; Paycheck; Gigli; Phantoms; Runner Runner; Notes: He’s had a bit of a renaissance after going through marital, alcohol-related, and being-too-jacked troubles over the past decade. Has a famously bad tattoo, and was shaped like a triangle in Air and looked ridiculous. I’m happy to report he looks like a normally proportioned human being in this film. It is nuts what being Batman can do to a man.)

Alice Braga – ( Known For: The Suicide Squad; City of God; Soul; I Am Legend; Predators; Elysium; On the Road; Blindness; Crossing Over; The Duel; Lower City; Redbelt; Kill Me Three Times; Journey to the End of the Night; O Cheiro do Ralo; Sólo Dios sabe; City of God: 10 Years Later; Ardor; Latitudes; Future BMT: The New Mutants; The Shack; BMT: Hypnotic; The Rite; Repo Men; Notes: Her mother and aunt were in Kiss of the Spider Woman and she was a kid actress via them before braking out herself.)

JD Pardo – ( Known For: F9: The Fast Saga; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; The Contractor; Snitch; Havoc; The Burning Plain; Future BMT: A Cinderella Story; BMT: Hypnotic; Supercross; Notes: Played Dom Toretto’s father in flashbacks in F9. I have not seen the later Fast and Furious films. I can’t bring myself to do it.)

Budget/Gross – $65 million / Domestic: $4,500,169 (Worldwide: $15,697,752)

(I don’t believe that budget. I just don’t. There is nothing in this film which suggests it needs to or did cost this much. That is absurd.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (36/113): Although Hypnotic isn’t without glimmers of inspiration, the ultimate effect of this often clunky crime caper will be to leave you feeling rather sleepy.

(Yes, I 100% agree with this. The issue is that there are interesting bits and bobs, but you know you are watching bullshit and it makes you sleepy. Nailed it.)

Reviewer Highlight: The reality is that, not unlike an Escher painting, the damn thing keeps tying itself into knots. This isn’t the mesmerizing neuro-noir you want it to be. It’s closer to Inception for Dummies. – David Fear, Rolling Stone

Poster – HypNoTic

(Nolan-ing it up, are we, Rodriguez? Kind of bland. Hate the font. Unexpected D grade poster.)

Tagline(s) – Control is an illusion. (D)

(Ah well, they tried. Not clever, not interesting, not even sure it makes a huge amount of sense in context.)

Keyword(s) – Year 2023

Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Barbie (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023), The Flash (2023)

Future BMT: 84.2 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 63.2 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 49.8 Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), 47.8 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 41.6 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 37.4 My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), 31.2 The Machine (2023), 27.9 Haunted Mansion (2023), 27.1 Love Again (2023), 18.3 Nefarious (2023), 15.6 Freelance (2023), 12.4 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023)

BMT: Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), 65 (2023), Retribution (2023), Hypnotic (2023), Mafia Mamma (2023), About My Father (2023)

Best Options (Action): 44.8 Hypnotic (2023), 31.2 The Machine (2023), 15.6 Freelance (2023)

(Freelance came out of nowhere. I hadn’t even heard of it. I’m a little skeptical it actually qualified. But I guess Box Office Mojo doesn’t just make up wide release films (quite the opposite actually))

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 8) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Ben Affleck is No. 1 billed in Hypnotic and No. 1 billed in Pearl Harbor, which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 8. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Robert Rodriguez had written the initial screenplay for Hypnotic back in 2002, calling it one of his favorite stories.

The joke that the security guard tells his partner, about the man betting a bartender he can pee in a glass, is also featured in Robert Rodriguez’s earlier film ‘Desperado’ in which it was delivered by Quentin Tarantino.

In April 2022, Rodriguez confirmed that, similar to his previous films, he and his family members collaborated on the project. His son Rebel Rodriguez (full-time composer), Racer Max (co-writer/producer), Sid Rodriguez (special effects technician) daughter Rhiannon (storyboards) and his other son (Rocket) is doing the editing with Rodriguez.

Originally scheduled to be filmed in Los Angeles and throughout California in 2020, all locations were scouted and sets were built at Santa Clarita Studios when the Covid shutdown halted production and did not resume until the following year in Texas.

The first film directed by Robert Rodriguez to be primarily filmed in the anamorphic format. He previously used the format on The Mandalorian and The Book of Boba Fett.

Mafia Mamma Preview

Moments later Jamie and Patrick leave the family ski chalet. Clifford bids them adieu and despite his stuffy demeanor he gives both of them a warm hug. “Be good,” he tells them and reminds them of what their father said before he hopped in his helicopter. Before they can get back in their car and head to the airport Clifford stops them and insists that they take the second helicopter.

A short time later they are back in New York City, their cable knit sweaters itching like a couple of old friends. “I feel inspired,” Patrick says, contemplating the next entry in the Platonics Solids series (book #3). “Me too,” Jamie says, contemplating the next entry in his series of rock hard abs (ab #7 and #8). “Me three,” Kyle says, contemplating the final entry on Sexy Mannequin Times (entry #1,706). “You guys are coming back, right?” Kyle asks. Ever since Jamie and Patrick returned to the city he had assumed from their sunny demeanor that BMT was back on and the status quo would be restored. They give each other a look and say “Welllll…” in unison. You see, they explain to Kyle, while they were in their memory trance they had a full conversation with their father. They explained how they tried to be good movie twins, but then tried to be Good Movie Twins, then they accepted that they were bad movie twins, apologized for that, and needed his help to know if they should go back to being Bad Movie Twins. “And in the end he bestowed on us some very wise words,” Jamie concludes. Kyle is entranced, “What was it? What were the very wise words?!” Jamie shrugs and smiles, “He said to ask our mother,” and with that they departed for the airport. That’s right! We are going from About my Father to Mafia Mamma. It’s another old school comedy helmed by Toni Collette. Don’t worry if you haven’t heard of it… we barely knew what it was either. Let’s go!

Mafia Mamma (2023) – BMeTric: 36.9; Notability: 15

StreetCreditReport.com – StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 8.4%; Notability: top 12.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 3.8%; Higher BMeT: Expend4bles, The Exorcist: Believer, Meg 2: The Trench, Knights of the Zodiac, 65, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, The Ritual Killer, Five Nights at Freddy’s, The Out-Laws, Insidious: The Red Door, Maybe I Do, Retribution, Hypnotic, Best. Christmas. Ever!, Heart of Stone, Fool’s Paradise, Beautiful Disaster, Your Place or Mine, Locked In, Ghosted, and 1 more; Higher Notability: Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted, Expend4bles, Haunted Mansion, Heart of Stone, The Out-Laws, Old Dads, Foe, Meg 2: The Trench, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, 65, Your Place or Mine, The Exorcist: Believer, About My Father, Pain Hustlers, Dashing Through the Snow, Insidious: The Red Door, One True Loves, Love Again, Genie, and 10 more; Lower RT: Freelance, The Ritual Killer, 57 Seconds, Assassin Club, Expend4bles, Fool’s Paradise, The Out-Laws, Knights of the Zodiac; Notes: Huh, the BMeTric bit was broken for a bit there, but it is back. Most of those films, naturally, are not wide release. Which is an annoying trend. The Notability is shockingly low, but that also feels like an M.O. of modern filmmaking where everything feels empty and slight.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – “Mafia Mamma” plays like nothing more than an excuse for Collette, Hardwicke, and company to vacation in Italy. But the audience isn’t even granted a trip worth remembering. Viewers searching for a virtual escape to Italy are better off sticking with Kristin’s beloved Stanley Tucci food show. At least that series aims for an authentic appreciation of the culture.

(I don’t mind just making a film for a location. But I do mind it being boring. And this film seems like a one way trip to boring town.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4H5pIOz1cOM/

(Seems actually weirdly funny. But yeah, also seems like an excuse for Toni Collete to hang in Italy and get paid. Get yo money.)

Directors – Catherine Hardwicke – ( Known For: Twilight; Thirteen; Lords of Dogtown; Prisoner’s Daughter; SubUrbia; Miss You Already; Tell It Like a Woman; Plush; Future BMT: The Nativity Story; Miss Bala; BMT: Mafia Mamma; Red Riding Hood; Notes: An inspiring story, didn’t end up directing her first feature until she was 48 years old.)

Writers – Amanda Sthers – ( Known For: Madame; Promises; Holy Lands; BMT: Mafia Mamma; Notes: French, and Madame also stars Toni Collete, so they have something going.)

J. Michael Feldman – ( BMT: Mafia Mamma; Notes: Writes a lot of random episodes for television, like Not Dead Yet.)

Debbie Jhoon – ( BMT: Mafia Mamma; Notes: I think her and Feldman might be writing partners.)

Actors – Toni Collette – ( Known For: Hereditary; Knives Out; The Sixth Sense; Ruby Gillman: Teenage Kraken; Nightmare Alley; Krampus; Little Miss Sunshine; I’m Thinking of Ending Things; About a Boy; The Hours; The Way Way Back; Fright Night; The Estate; Velvet Buzzsaw; xXx: Return of Xander Cage; Emma; Velvet Goldmine; Muriel’s Wedding; Mary and Max; Stowaway; Future BMT: How to Lose Friends & Alienate People; The Night Listener; BMT: Mafia Mamma; Tammy; Evening; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for The Sixth Sense (I don’t remember that…). She is Australian which I also didn’t know.)

Monica Bellucci – ( Known For: Bram Stoker’s Dracula; Malena; Irreversible; Spectre; The Passion of the Christ; The Matrix Reloaded; Brotherhood of the Wolf; Shoot ‘Em Up; Asterix & Obelix: Mission Cleopatra; The Apartment; How Much Do You Love Me?; The Whistleblower; Under Suspicion; The Private Lives of Pippa Lee; Don’t Look Back; Spider in the Web; The Raffle; She Hate Me; Nekrotronic; The Man Who Sold His Skin; Future BMT: The Matrix Revolutions; Tears of the Sun; The Brothers Grimm; The Sorcerer’s Apprentice; BMT: Memory; Mafia Mamma; Notes: Italian obviously. Was a model prior to making her acting debut. Was married to Vincent Cassel for quite a while.)

Sophia Nomvete – ( BMT: Mafia Mamma; Notes: Very much most notable for Rings of Power. She was a fun character in that.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $3,496,761 (Worldwide: $6,120,609)

(A little unclear but there is no way this made money in reality. They couldn’t have made this for less than $10 million.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 21% (22/104): Riddled with stereotypes, fatally unfunny, and a total tonal mishmash, Mafia Mamma is a criminal waste of Toni Collette.

(Fatally unfunny is a great lines and 100% true. Almost makes me more excited … what is wrong with me?)

Reviewer Highlight: “Mafia Mamma” is so wincingly awful it makes you question the professional bona fides of everyone who had a hand in greenlighting its existence. – Jeannette Catsoulis, The New York Times

Poster – Mob Mom

(I like the color and the font could have been boring, but they spiced it up. I guess it feels a little busy and stylistically simple. But not bad. B.)

Tagline(s) – From suburban mom to mafia Don. (A-)

(Yes, yes, yes. A bit of a half rhyme, but I’m still digging it. Tells you what’s going on with a little juxtaposition.)

Keyword(s) – Year 2023

Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Barbie (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023), The Flash (2023)

Future BMT: 84.2 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 63.2 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 49.8 Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), 47.8 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 44.8 Hypnotic (2023), 41.6 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 37.4 My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), 31.2 The Machine (2023), 27.9 Haunted Mansion (2023), 27.1 Love Again (2023), 18.3 Nefarious (2023), 15.6 Freelance (2023), 12.4 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023)

BMT: Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), 65 (2023), Retribution (2023)

Best Options (Comedy): 41.6 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 37.4 My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), 36.9 Mafia Mamma (2023), 31.2 The Machine (2023), 27.9 Haunted Mansion (2023), 27.1 Love Again (2023), 15.6 Freelance (2023)

(Fool’s Paradise is coming I think, and so is My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3. So we’re hitting up all the big guys as far as Comedies this year.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 21) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Monica Bellucci is No. 2 billed in Mafia Mamma and No. 5 billed in Memory, which also stars Guy Pearce (No. 2 billed) who is in Justice (No. 3 billed) which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 5) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 21. If we were to watch The Night Listener, Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – In The Godfather (1975), oranges are displayed to foreshadow a death. It happens in this movie as well during the funeral procession and later on with “orange” muffins.

The time difference between Portland and Italy allows Kristin to be speaking with her son late afternoon while he is getting ready for his morning classes.

In the preview, Dante turns on one light, then another when Kirstin says “I’m still in the dark”. In the movie, this scene is cut.