Oh man, so get this. I made a race of super-genius guinea pigs and now everyone is totally mad at me! Abominations, they say. You’ve doomed humanity, they say. Whatever. Although … they did bonk me on the head and steal all my lab equipment, which bodes poorly I think. Regardless, I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in G-Force?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) The film opens with a mission meant to prove themselves at the estate of Leonard Saber. What are they lookin for? What did they get?
2) They have to escape being decomissioned via a pet store truck. How do they then escape the completely inescapable pet store cage?
3) After briefly getting distracted by cake, Hurley and Darwin see just what they are looking for, a coffee machine! How do they destroy it and how do they get it back to the lab?
4) Ultimately how do they defeat Clusterstorm?
5) Who is Mr. Yanshu?
Bonus Question: ooooooooh, a call from my agent. What does he want?
Between dancing with his mannequins and assuring his mother that he is making them beautiful for her (always for her) during one of her many unsettling visits to his room, Kyle slowly makes his way to the mannequin in the corner. “Pssst,” he whispers, not wanting to alert his mother or make the other mannequins jealous. “Is… is someone else there?” A shaky voice responds. He was right! This isn’t just a gorgeous mannequin, it’s a man trapped down here like him. He tells him what has happened. “Whu… Kyle? My god, it’s me, Jorge. How? We were sent down after you. Me and the other Dos Amigos. They’re gone. They’re dead.” Kyle is shaken. He doesn’t want to ask the question but he can’t help it. How long ago did they get sent down to the basement? The room grows colder. He could feel his mother returning. “Kyle… it’s been three weeks. They said you guys were fine. That you got all your spoons and we could too,” Jorge responds. Kyle quickly tries to explain. The hallucinations. The flashlight. Why is it happening to him? The questions are spilling out of him. They can hear the door creaking open. His mother! My god! Jorge grabs him by the shirt and shakes him hard. “Help me, you imbecile. You are just protecting yourself with your memories of a safe place. Your youthful mannequin factory. Snap out of it and help me!” At that, Jorge slaps him and his eyes clear. He is shocked and disgusted to find he’s not in a cozy mannequin factory at all. He’s in a dusty basement and numerous rodents are crawling around his feet. When he looks up he sees his mother… but now she’s a giant rat with wings and it is super gross. That’s right! We are watching a film full of super gross rodents. No, it’s not a rewatch of Graveyard Shift (I wish). It’s G-Force where a bunch of guinea pigs are on a secret mission to take money from unsuspecting parents of kids who like talking animals. Gross. Let’s go!
G-Force (2009) – BMeTric: 61.6; Notability: 71
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 6.8%; Notability: top 4.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 15.8%; Higher BMeT: Dragonball Evolution, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Stan Helsing, S. Darko, The Unborn, Dance Flick, Halloween II, Year One, All About Steve, Did You Hear About the Morgans?, The Final Destination, Bitch Slap, Survival of the Dead, Obsessed; Higher Notability: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, 2012, Angels & Demons, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Terminator Salvation, The Lovely Bones, Nine, Fast & Furious, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Land of the Lost; Lower RT: Labor Pains, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, Miss March, Old Dogs, All About Steve, Whiteout, Beyond a Reasonable Doubt, Echelon Conspiracy, Post Grad, My Life in Ruins, The Unborn, Bride Wars, Couples Retreat, Did You Hear About the Morgans?, The Pink Panther 2, The Stepfather, S. Darko, I Love You, Beth Cooper, The Ugly Truth, Year One, and 19 more; Notes: That Notability is insane. Is it because you have a whole cast of voice actors and regular actors? I am peronsonally 7/11 for the Notability ones and 8/17 on BMeTric, so still a ways to go on 2009.
RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – “G-Force” is a pleasant, inoffensive 3-D animated farce about a team of superspy guinea pigs who do battle with a mad billionaire who wants to conquer the earth by programming all the home appliances made by his corporation to follow his instructions. It will possibly be enjoyed by children of all ages.
(Children of all ages, huh? I disagree. It skews a bit young, especially the middle bit where it is just a bunch of CGI guinea pigs running around without a discernible plot.)
(They put the sexy guinea pig in the trailer! What are we teaching our kids? The cast is stacked though. This trailer is also so long, what the hell?)
Directors – Hoyt Yeatman – ( BMT: G-Force; Notes: A very well established visual effects guy. Still does stuff, he’s the supervisor on the show Schmigadoon! for example. Won an Oscar for The Abyss, and was nominated for Mighty Joe Young.)
Writers – Cormac Wibberley and Marianne Wibberley – ( Known For: National Treasure; Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle; The 6th Day; Motel Blue; Future BMT: Bad Boys II; National Treasure: Book of Secrets; The Shaggy Dog; BMT: I Spy; G-Force; Notes: Married, and they seem to have some relationship with Nic Cage maybe. Cormac’s father was a writer in his own right, including writing the novel The Mouse that Roared.)
Hoyt Yeatman – ( BMT: G-Force; Notes: He possibly has a second feature directing job lined up called Voyager 3D … but I’m skeptical.)
David P.I. James – ( BMT: G-Force; Notes: Also a visual effects guy, worked with Yeatman on at least Mission to Mars I think. He did effects on the BMT classic Ghosted.)
Actors – Will Arnett – ( Known For: Ratatouille; Despicable Me; The Lego Movie; Men in Black³; Ice Age: The Meltdown; Grindhouse; Blades of Glory; Monsters vs. Aliens; The Lego Batman Movie; Horton Hears a Who!; Minions: The Rise of Gru; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping; Wristcutters: A Love Story; Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers; The Rocker; Teen Titans GO! To the Movies; Next Goal Wins; Rumble; Series 7: The Contenders; Future BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows; Hot Rod; Semi-Pro; Monster-in-Law; RV; The Nut Job; Let’s Go to Prison; The Comebacks; The Brothers Solomon; The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature; BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; When in Rome; Jonah Hex; G-Force; Show Dogs; Notes: Nominated for 7 Emmys which I found kind of crazy because I couldn’t really think of what show he did that garnered that amount of love. It was once for Arrested Development, four times as a guest star on 30 Rock, and twice as the producer of Bojack Horseman. Kind of amazing he’s top billed.)
Penélope Cruz – ( Known For: Murder on the Orient Express; Blow; Vicky Cristina Barcelona; Volver; All About My Mother; To Rome with Love; Open Your Eyes; Pain and Glory; Broken Embraces; Ferrari; Everybody Knows; Bandidas; Parallel Mothers; Live Flesh; I’m So Excited!; Elegy; Loving Pablo; Twice Born; Head in the Clouds; Jamón, Jamón; Future BMT: Gothika; The Brothers Grimsby; The Counselor; Sahara; Nine; The 355; All the Pretty Horses; Woman on Top; BMT: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides; Vanilla Sky; Sex and the City 2; Zoolander 2; G-Force; Captain Corelli’s Mandolin; Notes: Kind of insane she is listed first among the voice actors! Won an Oscar for Vicky Cristina Barcelona, and was nominated three other times including for the future BMT film Nine which is bizarre to think about.)
Zach Galifianakis – ( Known For: The Hangover; Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance); Into the Wild; Up in the Air; Puss in Boots; The Lego Batman Movie; It’s Kind of a Funny Story; The Campaign; Dinner for Schmucks; The Muppets; Youth in Revolt; Heartbreakers; A Wrinkle in Time; Ron’s Gone Wrong; Muppets Most Wanted; Between Two Ferns: The Movie; Missing Link; Below; The Bob’s Burgers Movie; Justin Bieber’s Believe; Future BMT: The Hangover Part II; Due Date; The Hangover Part III; Masterminds; Bubble Boy; Tulip Fever; Corky Romano; BMT: What Happens in Vegas; Keeping Up with the Joneses; G-Force; Out Cold; Notes: His current career is kind of weird. Lots of voice acting at this point (including an upcoming Lilo & Stitch remake?). But then he does odd small comedies, and he’s playing himself (presumably as the penthouse resident) in the next season of Only Murders in the Building.)
(See. I feel like the original budget for this was like $100 million and they would have been fine. A small profit, but still fine. $300 million worldwide and probably not making a ton is just not how children’s programming works I think.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (28/128): G-Force features manic action, but fails to come up with interesting characters or an inspired plot.
(Yeah that sounds correct. The rating is actually lover that I expected. Something about this film screams 30s. But 22% is really really solid.)
Reviewer Highlight: Pointing out G-Force’s plot holes would be redundant; it’s more hole than plot, and more videogame commercial and exhausted-old-trope clearinghouse than film. – Tasha Robinson, AV Club
(Why in the world are they in a desert? And why are there helicopters in the background? Are they… are they implying that these guinea pigs are somehow involved in a ground war in the Middle East? My word. D)
Tagline(s) – The world needs bigger heroes (A-)
(Ha! I don’t like the poster at all, but I like this tagline. It’s funny. So sue me.)
Keyword(s) – 2007-2015
Top 10: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), The Hangover Part II (2011), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Terminator Salvation (2009), Due Date (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)
Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.6 Shark Night (2011), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 78.0 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.6 The Last Exorcism Part II (2013), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 72.1 Dance Flick (2009), 71.3 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013)
BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Prom Night (2008), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas (2014), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (2011), Getaway (2013), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Boy Next Door (2015), …
Best Options (Fist Fight): 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 64.8 Sex Tape (2014), 63.5 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 61.6 G-Force (2009), 59.4 First Sunday (2008), 55.1 Evan Almighty (2007), 54.4 The Counselor (2013), 52.3 How Do You Know (2010), 50.5 Cop Out (2010), 48.6 Lottery Ticket (2010), 43.9 Prom (2011), 42.8 12 Rounds (2009), 40.1 The Heartbreak Kid (2007), 37.9 Think Like a Man Too (2014), 37.1 Hall Pass (2011), 34.1 Taken 3 (2014), 30.4 Vacation (2015), 24.7 The Internship (2013), 24.7 The Change-Up (2011), 24.7 Horrible Bosses 2 (2014), 24.0 Before I Go to Sleep (2014), 23.2 Secret in Their Eyes (2015), 21.7 Let’s Be Cops (2014), 19.1 Life as We Know It (2010), 18.6 For Colored Girls (2010), 15.8 The Odd Life of Timothy Green (2012), 15.2 Men, Women & Children (2014), 14.8 Max (2015), 14.2 Death Sentence (2007), 13.6 When the Game Stands Tall (2014), 4.7 Little Boy (2015)
(Because it is really considered to be quite bad this is actually an impressive option. Spoiler: I’ve actually seen Sex Tape (a boring commercial for an iPad and Apple cloud storage) and Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (really unpleasant and unnecessary), so those were never in the cards. This gave the best through-line for the chain in the end.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Nicolas Cage is No. 5 billed in G-Force and No. 1 billed in The Wicker Man, which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (5 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.
Notes – Director Hoyt Yeatman’s son, Hoyt Yeatman IV, came up with the original idea for the film when he was five years old. Yeatman liked his son’s story so much that he brought it to producer Jerry Bruckheimer.
The “Coke” Ferris wheel shown in the movie is located on the island of Okinawa, Japan in a shopping and entertainment district called “American Village.”
This was Jerry Bruckheimer’s first 3-D film.
Nicolas Cage’s 2nd time voice acting in a theatrical film, after The Ant Bully (2006).
This is the second film that Nicolas Cage and Steve Buscemi made with Jerry Bruckheimer since Con Air (1997).
I don’t know how we do it. I don’t know how we watch I Don’t Know How She Does It and follow it up with G-Force. I don’t know how we keep falling so far behind that I have to write about I Don’t Know How She Does It and G-Force in the same day. I don’t know how we have so many good films we could watch or books we could read and lives we could live and yet we watch I Don’t Know How She Does It and G-Force… like back-to-back. I don’t know how I watched both these movies recently and seem to not be able to remember when and where I did it… like… I watched I Don’t Know How She Does it before watching G-Force? I don’t remember that. Is it possible I watched them both at the same time while holding an iPad in one hand and my phone in the other with the Red Sox game playing on mute in the background? Is that possible? I feel like that’s how I did it.
To recap, Kate is a working mom who seems to have everything under control. Don’t mind that her husband quit his job to start his own company or that she has to travel for her finance job a bunch or that she never has time to make things for her kids bake sale or… that she just had a huge project accepted at work that’ll take her to NYC all the time to work with Pierce Brosnan?! Whaaa?! It’s the opportunity of a lifetime and you know what… she can do it… right? Turns out she can, but not without a bunch of people judging her and everything going awry for three months. Things start to heat up a little when Pierce Brosnan takes her out for bowling in Cleveland. Now you are probably like “Ha! It’s funny because they are bowling in Cleveland.” Well to that I say, “What’s so funny?” Sounds like a wonderful evening. I’m totally unsurprised that this ended up making Kate worry about her relationship with Pierce Brosnan and how it might look. Bowling is damn sexy and he was sexy doing it. If someone saw her there they probably (actually, definitely) would assume they were having an affair. Bowling! Cleveland! May as well have booked a hotel at the Ritz… What was I talking about? Oh right, anyway she’s great so she succeeds and Pierce Brosnan is like “Sex, maybe?” and she’s like no… maybe have sex with my single friend instead. He agrees. She then uses her leverage from the big success to strike a new work-life balance with her boss. THE END.
Not much happens in this movie. It really just seems like a family with some young kids who find themselves in a particularly stressful moment in both their professional lives. It lasts for about three months during which the husband gets his company off the ground and the wife gets a big deal done… then things are OK because they got those things done. That’s cool. It’s a perfectly fine plot for a book… maybe not visually all that interesting. They also seemed to realize this as the film is made as if it’s part documentary with interviews with the characters stuck in there. This is not just bizarre but bad enough that someone needed to step in and stop it from happening. I don’t blame them for wanting to do something to spice it up, but it doesn’t work at all. Honestly they just needed to raise the stakes a bit or something (anything). Weird movie. Greg Kinnear and SJP are actually fine though. Oh, and there’s a scene where SJP and Brosnan go bowling in Cleveland and it’s the most unbelievable “league night” bowling scene in cinematic history.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Pierce Brosnan should have ended up with Momo. He’s a workaholic. She’s a workaholic. They’ve also already met… unlike SJP’s friend that she ends up setting him up with. He ends up sipping mai tai’s on a beach somewhere with that friend rather than making teamwork dreamwork with Momo as a power couple? I don’t think so. He’s a maniac! A maniac that thought SJP was going to leave her family for a work relationship. Guess who’s also a maniac? Momo. Mistake. Hot Take Temperature: Bowling in Cleveland.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about a romantic comedy no one knows about about business business lady doing business things? Let’s go!
The biggest crime of the film is the weird interview style jokes they throw into the film every so often. Really terrible idea, never works, and keeps on going for most of (if not all of) the film for no reason.
The second biggest crime is the plot which is boring and dumb. Let’s make bankers look nice in the wake of the financial collapse. No thanks.
And the third biggest crime is that the entire movie is a bit gross in how it treats the idea of working in general.
No comment on the treatment of motherhood … although, also seems gross. Yo, Greg Kinnear. Pick up the slack bro.
Let’s see if I can even remember the storylines we are dealing with. SJP wants to make a sweet financial fund that will really help people. Kinnear has an architecture start-up and just got the Big Deal. Momo loves work but is going to have a baby (awwww). Brosnan is a hottie with a body and doesn’t need no woman (except SJP?). Kelsey Grammer is a monster who wants his employees to die at their desk (in not so many words). The end.
There is a moment in the film where Brosnan is basically like “adultery?” and she’s like “naw I have a fambly.” Jamie didn’t think this was weird. I thought it was weird. I’ll leave it to the audience.
But yeah, boring film. Not funny. Not interesting. Didn’t like it.
Definitely great Setting as a Character (Where?) for Boston. And a Secret Holiday Film (When?) for T-Givs which is RUINED by work. And a Worst Twist (How?) for the obvious twist that Brosnan is now dating Sarah Jessica Parker’s friend at the end. This film is Bad.
Oh man, so get this. I don’t really like … get how my wife does it? Like even thinking about it gave me a headache so bad the doctor said it gave me a concussion and now I don’t remember a thing! Do you remember what happened in I Don’t Know How She Does It?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) In the beginning of the film we learn the secret to How She Does It. What is the thing she does every night as she falls asleep that is the secret to her success?
2) Uh oh, someone is moving on up. Seems like I also don’t know how He Does It (professionally). What does Greg Kinnear do for a living?
3) Well, it looks like I still Don’t Know How She Does It. Or is it What She Does? What does she do for a living and what is the big project she’ll be working on with bonafide hunk Pierce Brosnan?
4) What is the final straw for Greg Kinnear which makes him go I Don’t Know Why She Does It?! And just when her project was going so well too!
5) What big event does she promise her young daughter and Greg Kinnear is like I Don’t Think She’s Going To Do It, and everyone is like She’s Definitely Going To Do It?
Bonus Question: I was just wiping away the tears from my rewatch of I Don’t Know How She Does It when my agent calls. What does he want?
Oh, how they danced! Kyle and Sabrina twirled the night away. “This is the best prom evvvveerrrrrr,” Kyle screamed in glee. The lights! The decorations! The “Mannequin Factory After Dark” theme! Sweating, he asks if she would like to sit and have a drink. “The punch looks delicious,” he says. She gives no response. Playing coy, as usual. “Oh, you are incorrigible,” he says with a chuckle, “but I am tired so why don’t you take a seat and I’ll grab you a drink.” As he fetches the punch he realizes the flashlight in his hand is flickering. As he puts it up to his face to try to steady the beam it flashes again and briefly blinds him. In that moment he gets the sense that he’s not at the prom at all. It seemed instead that he was in some horrific underground lair. The floor is strewn with bones. The air is musty and cold. Worst of all he caught a glimpse of two men unconscious on the floor. While muscular, these men weren’t overly muscular but rather ideal in tone. They had the bodies of dancers and were exceptionally handsome to boot. He gasps when he realizes the most startling fact. They were identical. Identical just like his beautiful mannequins. He must save these mannequin-like men! But when he looks at his flashlight is now completely dead. He looks around the prom, but it’s again all beautiful dancing mannequins as far as the eye can see. How can such heaven also be such hell? Suddenly he sees a mannequin in the corner shaking with fear. She’s afraid. How strange. That’s it! This mannequin must be able to see the world for what it is… but how? “I don’t know how she does it,” Kyle mutters. That’s right! We are watching I Don’t Know How She Does It… more like I Don’t Know Why We’re Watching This, am I right? Let’s go!
I Don’t Know How She Does It (2011) – BMeTric: 57.9; Notability: 38
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 7.6%; Notability: top 16.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.6%; Higher BMeT: Jack and Jill, The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Shark Night, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, 11-11-11, Hellraiser: Revelations, The Roommate, The Darkest Hour, Conan the Barbarian, Abduction, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Zookeeper, Apollo 18, Twixt; Higher Notability: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Cars 2, Green Lantern, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, New Year’s Eve, The Smurfs, Hop, Red Riding Hood, Your Highness, Jack and Jill, Battle Los Angeles, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, The Hangover Part II, Sucker Punch, I Am Number Four, In Time, Larry Crowne, Johnny English Reborn, Just Go with It, and 21 more; Lower RT: Faces in the Crowd, Hellraiser: Revelations, Love, Wedding, Marriage, Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Roommate, A Little Bit of Heaven, Hick, Abduction, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Dream House, New Year’s Eve, 11-11-11, Trespass, Red Riding Hood, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Season of the Witch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, The Darkest Hour, Atlas Shrugged: Part I, and 6 more; Notes: We really are at almost exactly half of the big boys in this era, it is amazing. We have so many to do, but I would argue we really have hit up like 70% of the best options. Ugh, we have to rewatch the Transformer films at some point.
EW – D+ –I don’t know why she does it.
(That’s a classic zinger by Lisa Schwarzbaum from EW. I might have to buy the last Leonard Maltin guide. I can get the 2010 edition online (kind of), but I just miss this one and I am pretty curious as to what Ebert / Maltin thought of this. Alas this had to be a rare miss.)
(We talking about a secret Christmas film in New York?! I guess sign me up. Oh the movie? Looks lame.)
Directors – Douglas McGrath – ( Known For: Emma; Infamous; Nicholas Nickleby; Company Man; Becoming Mike Nichols; BMT: I Don’t Know How She Does It; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for writing Bullets Over Broadway. Died in 2022.)
Writers – Aline Brosh McKenna – ( Known For: The Devil Wears Prada; Cruella; 27 Dresses; We Bought a Zoo; Morning Glory; Your Place or Mine; Future BMT: Annie; Laws of Attraction; Three to Tango; BMT: I Don’t Know How She Does It; Notes: Created Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Was apparently the fifth person hired to adapt The Devil Wears Prada.)
Allison Pearson – ( BMT: I Don’t Know How She Does It; Notes: Apparently a columnist for The Daily Telegraph and supported Brexit.)
Actors – Sarah Jessica Parker – ( Known For: Mars Attacks!; Ed Wood; Sex and the City; Footloose; The Family Stone; The First Wives Club; Hocus Pocus 2; Flight of the Navigator; L.A. Story; Smart People; State and Main; Extreme Measures; Honeymoon in Vegas; Girls Just Want to Have Fun; Strangers with Candy; All Roads Lead to Rome; Miami Rhapsody; Here and Now; What She Said: The Art of Pauline Kael; Spinning Into Butter; Future BMT: Hocus Pocus; Striking Distance; If Lucy Fell; ‘Til There Was You; Firstborn; BMT: New Year’s Eve; Failure to Launch; Sex and the City 2; Did You Hear About the Morgans?; Escape from Planet Earth; I Don’t Know How She Does It; Dudley Do-Right; Notes: Nominated for 10 Emmys for Sex and the City, won two of them. Still doing it too, which is kind of a trip to think about.)
Pierce Brosnan – ( Known For: The World’s End; Mrs. Doubtfire; Mamma Mia!; GoldenEye; Mars Attacks!; Die Another Day; The World Is Not Enough; Tomorrow Never Dies; Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief; The Ghost Writer; The Foreigner; Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again; Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga; The Thomas Crown Affair; No Escape; Cinderella; The Matador; Survivor; The Out-Laws; A Long Way Down; Future BMT: Remember Me; Dante’s Peak; The November Man; After the Sunset; Laws of Attraction; Love Affair; BMT: Black Adam; The Lawnmower Man; I Don’t Know How She Does It; The King’s Daughter; Notes: I talked a bit about his family like in the Black Adam preview. He’s James Bond! Sure most of his Bond films weren’t very good, but GoldenEye is still great, and a great video game.)
Kelsey Grammer – ( Known For: X-Men: Days of Future Past; Toy Story 2; X-Men: The Last Stand; Anastasia; Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising; The Marvels; Storks; Middle Men; Like Father; Jesus Revolution; Father Christmas Is Back; Crazy on the Outside; Best of Enemies: Buckley vs. Vidal; Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans; Money Plane; Grand Isle; Even Money; The God Committee; The Big Empty; 7 Guardians of the Tomb; Future BMT: Entourage; 15 Minutes; Down Periscope; Think Like a Man Too; Just Visiting; Swing Vote; Fame; An American Carol; BMT: Transformers: Age of Extinction; The Expendables 3; I Don’t Know How She Does It; Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return; Notes: Won five Emmys. Was kind of famously a rare right wing Hollywood guy back when that was just considered an odd quirk of the Clinton era.)
(A joke so nice I’ll use it twice. I might even use it thrice. Stay tuned. So this is bad, but it’s artistic in a way that belies its badness. Does that make it good? Not exactly. But it rises all the way up to mediocrity. C.)
Tagline(s) – If it were easy, men would do it too. (F)
(I don’t… I don’t know what this means.)
Keyword(s) – 2007-2015
Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Interstellar (2014), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), The Avengers (2012), Shutter Island (2010), Avatar (2009)
Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 The Pyramid (2014), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 69.4 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 69.2 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 68.7 Captivity (2007)
BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Prom Night (2008), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Getaway (2013), …
Best Options (Romance): 64.8 Sex Tape (2014), 62.1 Obsessed (2009), 58.0 I Don’t Know How She Does It (2011), 55.4 The Back-up Plan (2010), 53.2 Aloha (2015), 52.3 How Do You Know (2010), 51.1 Little Fockers (2010), 51.0 Over Her Dead Body (2008), …
(yeah, relatively low, but I can see why we chose this. Obsessed is for another day I feel like (and I’m pretty sure Jamie already saw it), and I’ve definitely seen Sex Tape and that’s a comedy. This one is one of the rare true blue romantic comedies I think.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Greg Kinnear is No. 3 billed in I Don’t Know How She Does It and No. 1 billed in Godsend, which also stars Rebecca Romijn (No. 2 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 3 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (3 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 2) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.
Notes – The painting on the wall, when they are in the restaurant having dinner, is from famous painter Jean-Michel Basquiat.
Pierce Brosnan and Greg Kinnear appeared in The Matador (2005) and Salvation Boulevard (2011).
Sarah Jessica Parker and Pierce Brosnan appeared in Mars Attacks! (1996).
Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Sarah Jessica Parker)
I have long contended that any movie is improved by setting it in high school or college. Take a concept (Fatal Attraction for example). Now set it in high school… wait a second! I now have Swimfan! It’s amazing. See? Let’s try another. Uh… Jurassic Park… OK. Dinosaurs loose on a college campus? Sign me up. Should I try one more? The Killing Fields… Alright, well that… yeah, nevermind. So it almost always works. In fact this could be another character of mine, similar to Franchise Man. The School Fool. A fool for all things school. Anyway, this explains why when it became clear that Prom Night was a possibility for the 2008 entry in the cycle I was unreasonably excited. It also helps that horror films are the original “improved by setting it in high school or college” standard. So screw you, Disaster Movie and Extreme Movie… 2008 is for the School Fool.
To recap, Donna is a high school freshman when her whole family is killed by a teacher who has become obsessed with her. Three years later, she is living with her Aunt and Uncle and on the verge of Senior Prom/college when nightmares of the event return. Everyone including her boyfriend and friends want her to just have a nice night and not think about all that bad stuff. Unfortunately, there is a reason to think about it as the local police find out that days prior the teacher escaped from jail and is heading her way. So what is a police officer to do? On the one hand they could swoop in and lock down Donna to keep her safe. On the other they could let her have some fun at prom. Lucky for us these police officers think option 2 is just dandy (cause otherwise this movie would be pretty boring). At the prom Donna and everyone are having a great time… in fact, it’s such a typical prom that you start to wonder why you are even watching it. At that point the teacher starts to snag different people who leave the prom and kill them. Donna never leaves the prom, though, cause she’s a prom fiend so she doesn’t get killed… that is until the police figure out that they totally screwed up and pull the fire alarm. Donna just thinks it’s a fire so runs up to her room to grab her mother’s scarf and is confronted by the teacher. Fortunately she is fast like a rabbit and escapes. The police take her home while they scour the hotel for the teacher, but realize too late that he also escaped their clutches. At that point he kills Donna’s boyfriend and tries to kill her, but the police arrive just in time to kill him instead. Donna is probably extra scarred by this and the police probably have to answer a bunch of questions regarding their competence. THE END.
Prom Night is a whole lotta nonsense. I used to say about some films that you could “see the seams” when everything seemed manufactured. The rules of the world appeared to no longer apply given the amount of suspension of disbelief required to watch the film. Prom Night feels that way. The bad guy is just some loser teacher and yet he functions like he’s a supervillain or something. They make sure the police grumble about not being told the dude escaped from jail for three days because you need to have them know about him and yet not have enough time to warn the girl before she heads to prom. You need her to start having nightmares again so the family can logically (well, almost logically) decide that not telling her about the escaped killer is the best course of action. It really is narratively bonkers. That being said… it’s hard not to like a silly high school horror film. I enjoyed the experience of watching this objectively terrible movie. Oh and our boy Kellen Lutz has one of the funniest scenes of the millennium in the film. I almost wanted to get the DVD from the library just to burn the scene… but then I didn’t.
Hot Take Clam Bake! This is a stealth horror remake of Can’t Hardly Wait. Preston is obsessed with Amanda just like our teacher is obsessed with Donna. He looks forward to the end of senior year event to finally make his big move, much like the teacher chooses prom as the target of his escape. Preston is even mistaken for a creepo by Amanda at first… which is riffing on an alternative reading of the film (that he’s in fact a stalker/psycho). This take is driven by the fact that Donna wakes up in the final scene with Can’t Hardly Wait playing on television and now that I’ve written this all out I actually believe that wasn’t a mistake. This is not longer even a hot take. This was all inspired by Can’t Hardly Wait. Hot Take Temperature: Antarctica.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about a crazed stalker at a fancy pants prom?! Let’s go!
Might as well get this out of the way: I watched the original in prep for the remake. Pretty good. I think maybe Prom Night was the true moment where Jamie Lee Curtis was crowned the Scream Queen. Three movies, three horror films, and this was arguably the second slasher. Would do Terror Train the next year. The only issue with the film really is that they really telegraph the killer. Like, it is so obvious that your mind starts playing tricks on you and you become convinced they could not possibly have done the most obvious thing … but they did. Some fun kills though, particularly the van going over the cliff.
As for this, woof! (But in a good way). Like, abominable, but in the most satisfying and amazing way.
We have a crazed killer for sure, but you know who it is from the jump. An interesting twist, but I can’t say it really works because doesn’t this just become a serial killer thriller in slasher clothing? If we are talking supernatural here with Freddy, Jason, or Michael then I think you get away with the unstoppable force killer, but here you did need a little mystery to amp up the thrills.
Speaking of mystery, I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to pinpoint precisely what game the father was watching on television when he was murdered. It was the November 11, 2000 Oregon St game at Arizona in their one-loss season. Prom Night definitely takes place much later, so we are talking about a Oregon St superfan here. Confirmed! There is actually a lot of Oregon stuff in the film. The boyfriend was definitely going to Oregon St the next year, and they talk about a car getting stolen from a commuter going to Portland, and there is an Oregon St Athletics jacket.
I have a dumb theory about that actually. In my opinion the Oregon stuff was a bit over the top. But the more I thought about it the more I realized it was probably because the director was a huge television director. So a director who has to, potentially, take a script and decide how to best set this film in “Oregon” or wherever while using just establishing shots and filming in LA. And the way you do that is by making a guy an Oregon St superfan and throwing a jacket in a truck, et voila, I’m instantly transported to Oregon.
Oh the movie? The kills are lame (like … really lame. Confusingly lame) and there is no tension at all. The only slight saving grace is the extremely odd presence of Idris Elba as the cop chasing the killer.
But ultimately this film is amazing in the same way the OC is amazing. It scratches a very specific itch. That itch being watching 30 year olds playing high school students with dumb high school drama and weird high school parties.
I already explained this is an incredible Setting as a Character (Where?) for Oregon. And what a better MacGuffin (Why?) that the love of an unattainable beauty, which isn’t a real MacGuffin, but I don’t care because this film deserves more superlatives. Amazing and confounding as it might seem there is no twist in this slasher film. This film is BMT through and through I would watch it a thousand times.
Read about my Prom Night sequel in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Oh man, so get this. I was at the prom getting my groove on when the big announcement came. I was NOT crowned Prom King. As I stomp about trashing the place I pull down a set of decorations which bop me right on the head. Now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Prom Night (2008)?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) We open in a dream where Donna Keppel confronts a stalker in her home. But it is only a dream. It is of course based on her lived experience. How many people died that night when the stalker invaded her home?
2) Uh oh, thought. The bad dude escaped! And on prom night, bad beat. How did he manage to avoid being put to death?
3) What is the theme of the prom?
4) Who won prom king and queen?
5) Uh oh, we got a twist’em’up! While the cops are searching the hotel top to bottom, how did the killer get out of the hotel?
Bonus Question: Right as I’m prepping for my screenwriting agency prom (don’t ask, we have it every year) my new agent Michael calls, what does he want?
Kyle creeps down the darkened stairs, his flashlight flickering. “Damn prison batteries,” he mutters, his breath starting to puff out in front of him. It’s cold down there… too cold. He can feel the presence of the Big BM. “Hey you… you big dummy. Let go of my friends!” He yells, trying to summon all his courage. A deep scratchy laugh begins to echo from further in the basement, like the laugh of a very large man with a sore throat. Perhaps the man had spent the previous day in meetings trying to figure out a high profile merger or trying to close a deal to buy a local amusement park. Regardless of the reason, this man had spent the entire previous afternoon talking loudly and lot more than usual and then maybe celebrated the merger/purchase of the amusement park with friends… so now his deep voice was scratchier than usual. Such was the laugh of the Big BM. Suddenly Kyle bumps into something. My god! It’s a man! No wait… it’s a mannequin. What thuuuu….? The laugh begins to echo again and it suddenly dawns on Kyle where he is. “It… it can’t be,” he stutters. The lights come on and he finds himself in his childhood room. He’s surrounded by the mannequins his parents kept there. His mother is there yelling at him. Telling him he can’t go to prom. “There’s too much work in the mannequin factory, Kyle. You must help with the mannequins. Make them beautiful my beautiful boy,” she yells before sweeping out of the room. He wants to cry. Can’t she see they are already beautiful? “The most beautiful in the world,” he mutters. He turns to his favorite and nervously asks, “will you go to prom with me?” She says yes. That’s right! We are watching the 2008 horror classic Prom Night. This hits a sweet spot for me in that it is a high school/college horror film. Nothing better. Let’s go!
Prom Night (2008) – BMeTric: 84.3; Notability: 40
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 16.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 4.5%; Higher BMeT: Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, The Hottie & the Nottie, The Love Guru; Higher Notability: The Day the Earth Stood Still, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Eagle Eye, New York, I Love You, Miracle at St. Anna, You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, Meet Dave, Jumper, Bedtime Stories, Semi-Pro, Drillbit Taylor, An American Carol, 10,000 BC, The Happening, Made of Honor, The Love Guru, Superhero Movie, Repo! The Genetic Opera, Seven Pounds, Four Christmases, and 20 more; Lower RT: One Missed Call, Surfer, Dude, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, Strange Wilderness, The Haunting of Molly Hartley, College, The Accidental Husband, The Hottie & the Nottie, Babylon A.D., Bangkok Dangerous; Notes: That is a huge BMeTric. The four with higher BMeTrics are something else indeed. We’ve only seen four of the films with lover RTs as well, so much to look forward to.
Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars – Three years after a homicidally obsessive teacher (Schaech) murdered her family, a lovely high-schooler (Snow) is stalked by an unwanted admirer on the night of her senior prom. A nominal remake of the post-Halloween slasher film, this better-than-average teen-skewing thriller relies on minimal graphic violence to sustain suspense.
(Wow, he actually liked it! He hates horror films, but … wait a minute, “minimal graphic violence”!! There it is. Of course he likes it well enough.)
(Oh man the music!!!! Jesus I would watch a thousand of these films. It looks so dumb and amazing. Hell yes.)
Directors – Nelson McCormick – ( Future BMT: The Stepfather; BMT: Prom Night; Notes: A television director through and through. Directed such classics as Prison Break.)
Writers – J.S. Cardone – ( Known For: Alien Hunter; The Slayer; Shadowzone; Outside Ozona; True Blue; Black Day Blue Night; Exit in Red; Thunder Alley; A Climate for Killing; Future BMT: The Stepfather; The Forsaken; BMT: The Covenant; Prom Night; Notes: He wrote some truly sublime junk in his day. Sniper 3? Yes, please.)
Actors – Brittany Snow – ( Known For: Pitch Perfect; X; Pitch Perfect 2; Hairspray; Would You Rather; Someone Great; Hangman; Bushwick; Syrup; The Late Bloomer; The Vicious Kind; Finding Amanda; 96 Minutes; Janie Jones; Hooking Up; Christmas with the Campbells; On the Doll; Dial a Prayer; Always Woodstock; Petunia; Future BMT: John Tucker Must Die; Pitch Perfect 3; BMT: The Pacifier; Prom Night; Notes: Has six things in production at the moment. One is simply called It’s Christmas! Which I think is about someone dying or something … crazy if true.)
Scott Porter – ( Known For: Music and Lyrics; Speed Racer; The To Do List; 10 Years; Bandslam; The Good Guy; Descent; Brampton’s Own; Future BMT: Dear John; BMT: Prom Night; Notes: You best believe that is Jason Street! He does a lot of voice stuff these days, and more television like Up Here on Hulu.)
Jessica Stroup – ( Known For: Ted; The Informers; This Christmas; Homecoming; Broken; Pray for Morning; Future BMT: Jack Reacher: Never Go Back; The Hills Have Eyes 2; BMT: Prom Night; School for Scoundrels; Notes: Was in Iron Fist, the television series, but since that got canceled she really hasn’t done much. She got married in 2022 which could explain her career slowing a bit.)
(That is pretty good. Man, horror really just prints money.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 9% (6/69): A dim and predictable remake of an already dull slasher film, this Prom Night fails to be memorable.
(Already a dull slasher film?! How dare … oh wait, yeah … I guess it does take the original like an hour to even get a kill cooking. So I guess that is fair.)
Reviewer Highlight: For a film about erotomania, Prom Night is a curiously flaccid affair. – Jeannette Catsoulis, New York Times
(I don’t like the poster mostly because it feels like it’s lying. It looks more like a torture porn film like Captivity or something. But it’s not. Way more fun that what this looks like. But it’s also not like it’s exactly bad, either. B.)
Tagline(s) – A Night To Die For. (A-)
(Sure. I mean, it’s not going to win any awards for originality, but it’s trying for the clever angle that I appreciate.)
Keyword(s) – 2007-2015
Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Interstellar (2014), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), The Avengers (2012), Shutter Island (2010), Avatar (2009)
Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 The Pyramid (2014), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 69.4 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 69.2 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 68.7 Captivity (2007)
BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Prom Night (2008), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Getaway (2013), …
Best Options (Horror): 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.3 Prom Night (2008), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 The Pyramid (2014), 68.7 Captivity (2007), 66.3 The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (2014), 65.5 My Soul to Take (2010), 64.8 The Final Destination (2009), 64.0 Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014), 63.0 The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007), 61.3 A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), 58.8 Sorority Row (2009), 58.5 Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), 58.0 The Lazarus Effect (2015), 58.0 Legion (2010), 56.8 Shutter (2008), 56.0 Sinister 2 (2015), 55.2 Annabelle (2014), 55.1 The Green Inferno (2013), 54.2 The Messengers (2007), 52.4 The Eye (2008), 50.9 Saw 3D (2010), 50.2 House at the End of the Street (2012), …
(Hellllll yeah. I don’t even think Vampires Suck is even a horror film, so this one is (by far) the best option. I think crushing the Paranormal Activity films will be exciting in the future.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Brittany Snow is No. 1 billed in Prom Night and No. 4 billed in The Pacifier, which also stars Vin Diesel (No. 1 billed) who is in Babylon A.D. (No. 1 billed) which also stars Michelle Yeoh (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 4 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 19. If we were to watch Sinister 2, and 40 Days and 40 Nights we can get the HoE Number down to 19.
Notes – Aside from the title and the concept of teenagers being stalked by a killer at prom, this film shares no connection to the original Prom Night (1980).
During the scene at the hair salon, the original Myers house from the original Halloween (1978) can be seen outside the window . Jamie Lee Curtis, who starred in Halloween, also starred in the original Prom Night (1980).
Nelson McCormick had done extensive research into proms going as far back as where and when the first prom was ever held in American history in the film, compiling detailed portfolios for the cast and crew, which had an introduction on the origin of the prom and what it represents. However, writer J.S. Cardone, when going over what would be the titular prom with McCormick, ultimately decided on a prom which, apart from the music and dancing of the Bridgeport seniors, was beyond the scale or budget of a standard American prom.
Scott Porter is 7 years older than Brittany Snow, while playing high school seniors who are the same age.
Johnathon Schaech (Richard Fenton) and Jana Kramer (April) met on the set of this movie and were married between 2010-2011.
It should come as no surprise that when confronted with back-to-back bonus weeks involving the Dumb and Dumber franchise and the Taken franchise that we chose to double up on D&D and save Taken 3 for another time. As Jack from Lost would say, “We have to go back.” Mild spoiler here, but what a mistake! Not that Taken 2 is such an amazing BMT film that adding Taken 3 to the mix would have elevated the art of bad movie watching to new heights. And not that the Dumb and Dumber franchise was such a swing and miss from a BMT perspective. It’s more that after watching Taken 2 I thought to myself “ah yes, there is an obvious conclusion to this cohesive and yet diminishing tale. Let me take a look at the Wikipedia page and confirm.” At that point, once I read the barest details about Taken 3’s plot, my eyes bugged out of my head like a cartoon. It sounds totally insane and not at all what I expected. But that’s a tale for another day.
To recap, Taken in back, Jack! And boy does Bryan have a particular set of skills. Those skills? Being a great dad, awwww. His ex-wife Lennie is having trouble with her new husband, his daughter has a new boyfriend, and she’s trying to get her driver’s license. So everyone is vibing and Bryan invites them to Istanbul to get their groove back. Meanwhile an Albanian mobster rues the fact that Bryan killed his whole family so he decides to kill him in exchange. Back to Istanbul where Bryan is showing Kim around and explaining how he learned so much about the city from a book… so that’s his particular set of skills: reading. Ultimately, he and Lennie are captured while out at a bazaar, but Kim is able to hide with the help of her dad. Bryan tracks where he’s going and ends up being able to call Kim. He helps her very accurately find out where he is hidden and when she finds the location he has her drop a gun down to him. With that he is able to escape and save Kim, but Lennie is taken away to a different location. Bryan and Kim drive to the US Embassy where Kim is hidden away before Bryan uses his super reading brain to retrace his steps and find the mobster’s HQ. He kills everyone and when confronting the Big Bad he gives the guy a choice: leave them alone and live or don’t and die. The guy decides to not leave him alone and so Bryan kills him. This seems to be no problem for anyone and he heads on back home where Kim gets her license and they all meet her boyfriend over milkshakes while Lennie’s new husband is probably somewhere being sad. THE END.
Hahaha! Taken 2! And apparently this isn’t as crazy as it gets! The film starts exactly like you would expect. It’s perfect. Albanian thugs descend on Turkey and take his whole family hostage this time. I’m on board. More Taken, please (says Franchise Man). But once our boy Bryan is taken and Kim is left to pinpoint his location and save the day we descend close to a parody. Patrick took a screenshot of how Kim is meant to have pinpointed his location and it’s so wrong that you can’t help but laugh. Then when Bryan has to track down his wife at the mobster’s HQ it’s like you are watching an episode of The Mentalist or something where he uses his super brain and reading skillz to retrace his way through the streets of Istanbul. It’s absurd. So absurd that I assumed the third film also qualified for BMT because it is more of the same… from what I gather I’m so, so wrong. So I guess I’ll say that I enjoyed the absurd moments that this gave me. The rest was just a fine Taken movie. I wish it were more absurd, but that’ll have to wait for the next one.
Hot Take Clam Bake! So in the beginning of the film you see Bryan cleaning his car at the carwash. The attendant is like “yo, we can do that,” but Bryan knows exactly how he likes his car. Why? Cause HE IS THE CAR WASH ATTENDANT. That’s right, the Taken series is just the delusions of a saddo. His ex-wife is living it up with her rich husband. He never sees his daughter. So he dreams… dreams of his daughter appreciating his help prepping for the driver’s test. Dreams of racing to the embassy to save his daughter. Dreams of retracing the steps he remembers from when the baddies drove him to their HQ. Notice a theme? Cars. All involve cars. Why? Because he’s a car wash attendant and this is just a dream. Each car we see is a car he is washing in that moment. Hot Take Temperature: Hot Wax.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about Liam Neeson pre-bad knees running around Turkey hoping Maggie Grace can follow complex directions? Let’s go!
Hey, c’mon. You are lying yourself if you don’t think this is at least entertaining. It knows what it is (dumb) and it plays into it perfectly. It is a fine follow up to a film which is, in reality, not particularly good and has probably aged poorly (even from a purely action perspective).
The film is pretty nonsensical as well, with some great unintentional hilarity (all surrounding the purportedly what? 16 year old Maggie Grace? She was 29 at the time). Just look at this fucking picture:
… Maggie Grace is supposed to be drawing a 3km circle, so she measures out 3km with a string, and then attaches it to the top of the pen(?) and draws a circle that is way too small. It is hard to tell whether they end up lampshading this a bit as well since Neeson maybe even says that the circle is too small. No worries, she’s just going to lob a few grenades into downtown Istanbul and he’ll figure out where he is that way.
Let’s see. There is also a whole odd aside in which Neeson is friends with a bunch of other security experts who help him out by calling the Turkish authorities and get them … to let him go wandering around Istanbul to kill people after he crashed a car into the US Embassy? Fat fucking chance.
So you see, this movie is super dumb. But the action is at times good, and I also think there was a potential for a redeeming finale to the trilogy. Part 1: They take the wrong guy’s daughter and he goes and kills them. Part 2: The wider syndicate underestimates him again while trying to get revenge. Part 3: Man realizes the syndicate will never stop trying to hurt his family and takes the fight to them in Albania?
Apparently that isn’t what the third is about (by a long shot) which I have to assume is because the second was so poorly received they tried to tack out of the original idea and just made things worse.
Very much a Setting as a Character (Where?) for Turkey which is where the bulk of the film is set (not Albania, a boy can dream). I think that is it honestly, there isn’t even a twist. The movie is closest to Good and is arguably so depending on how you feel.
Read about my sequel to Taken in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Oh man, so get this. I was giving my daughter some directions to throw grenades around a metropolitan area when one got a bit too close to my head and exploded giving me a concussion. Now I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Taken 2?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) In the beginning of the film Bryan if off to see his daughter in sunny Los Angeles for a driving lesson. But where is Jamie and how does Bryan find her so quickly?
2) Meanwhile the eeeeeevil Albanians (relatively of those killed in the first film) are back for vengeance. They have a two step process for figuring out that Bryan is currently on a job in Instanbul. How do they get the two pieces of information (who he is and where he is)?
3) How does Bryan escape?
4) Where do they head after the escape?
5) And then the coup de grace, how does Bryan find his ex-wife?
Bonus Question: I just finished up detailing my car when my new agent Logan calls me. What does he want?
Bad Movie Twins 