Category: Preview

Bones (2001) Preview

LePumice pushes the cart full of acid washed denim toward the main gates of the stadium. Sweat is beading on his forehead and he whispers quietly to the hidden Jamie and Patrick, “You guys sure this is going to work?” Patrick assures him that it will. They know PaJama ParTy’s biggest weakness was their shopaholism. “We were what the kids call ‘clothes horses.’ We had to have a metric ton of denim freshly acid washed for every show,” Patrick recalls fondly. As they get closer they hear a gruff voice. “You there, stop, what do you think you’re doing?” LePumice looks on the verge of bolting but stands his ground. A security guard looks suspiciously at the crate of denim. “Aren’t you going to take this other crate, too? Or are you just gonna leave it for me?” The guard points at another nearby crate. Phew. “Wait a second,” the guard says, suspicion aglow once again in his eyes, “This is a mighty large amount of freshly acid washed denim for just one show, isn’t it? They usually only need half this much.” Patrick and Jamie hold their breath in anticipation. What will LePumice come up with? “Right… uh, but it’s pretty steamy out here tonight so they are anticipating they’ll be sweating through double the number of jorts.” They let out a collective breath. Clever. And indeed the guard dabs his head and agrees that they don’t make jorts like they used to. Once inside LePumice hurries to the nearby wardrobe room before his legs give out. Patrick leaps out of the crate, but before he reaches the door Jamie stops him. “Wait, something… something is off,” he thinks for a moment, “I don’t know what it is, but something is different. I can feel it in my bones.” That’s right! We are watching Bones! (“What’s that?” all our loyal readers say at once) You don’t know what that is? Why it’s the cult classic Snoop Dogg horror film from the early 2000s… … … you know what it really doesn’t matter. We’re watching it anyway. Let’s go!

Bones (2001) – BMeTric: 56.5; Notability: 29

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.4%; Notability: top 28.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 23.0%; Higher BMeT: Glitter, Jason X, Freddy Got Fingered, Driven, The Animal, Ghosts of Mars, Black Knight, Valentine, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Soul Survivors, Monkeybone, The Musketeer, Corky Romano, Scary Movie 2, The Wedding Planner, Bones; Higher Notability: Pearl Harbor, Monkeybone, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Hannibal, Impostor, Ghosts of Mars, Not Another Teen Movie, Bubble Boy, Swordfish, 15 Minutes, The One, Town & Country, The Affair of the Necklace, Scary Movie 2, I Am Sam, America’s Sweethearts, Along Came a Spider, Perfume, Texas Rangers, Joe Dirt, and 52 more; Lower RT: Nobody’s Baby, Texas Rangers, Soul Survivors, Glitter, Corky Romano, The Forsaken, Summer Catch, The Wash, Out Cold, Say It Isn’t So, Joe Dirt, Head Over Heels, Megiddo: The Omega Code 2, What’s the Worst That Could Happen?, Freddy Got Fingered, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, The Musketeer, Perfume, Double Take, Valentine, and 35 more; Notes: Actually a really solid BMeTric and Notability for a film I basically never heard of. Probably a testament to the BMeTric where you can find sub-5.0 films with <10K votes and it registers so high. Just saying.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars –  Tow young suburban brothers (in both senses) buy a dilapidated ghetto brownstone in hopes of turning it into a trendy nightspot … but their entrepreneur father is panicked about the house’s sinister history and his own participation in the 1979 slaying of its original owner (Dogg), who’s now a ghost. If grossness makes you giggle, this speedy junk has a few grotesque jolts, plus the sight of still-shapely Grier to keep your own dad’s heart beating adequately.

(“Who’s now a ghost”? I’m in. Just such a funny line. If you remove just that bit you would never know that Snoop Dogg is even really in the film, it would just sound like an odd murder mystery or true crime thriller or something.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Z8Srxaoi48/

(Oh boy, the style of this film is something else. It also is mind blowing that this trailer from 2001 is in 4:3 format. It is an interesting haunted house idea, feels like they were trying to go for Candyman but just went a bit cheap.)

Directors – Ernest R. Dickerson – ( Known For: Juice; Double Play; Ambushed; Blind Faith; Future BMT: Surviving the Game; Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight; BMT: Bulletproof; Bones; Never Die Alone; Notes: A frequent Cinematographer for Spike Lee, he was the first African-American member of the American Society of Cinematographers.)

Writers – Adam Simon – ( Known For: Books of Blood; Brain Dead; Carnosaur; BMT: The Haunting in Connecticut; Bones; Notes: In writing Shadowman which is about a possessed Jazz musician based on a Valiant Comics character, which is kind of cool.)

Tim Metcalfe – ( Known For: Revenge of the Nerds; Kalifornia; Fright Night Part 2; Higher Ground; Three for the Road; Killer: A Journal of Murder; Iron Maze; Future BMT: Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise; Million Dollar Mystery; BMT: The Haunting in Connecticut; Bones; Notes: Most of his credits have to do with writing the original Revenge of the Nerds film. He evidently because Simon’s writing partner later on, and hasn’t written anything since 2011.)

Actors – Snoop Dogg – ( Known For: Training Day; Pitch Perfect 2; The Addams Family; The Beach Bum; Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping; Starsky & Hutch; Baby Boy; The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run; Dolemite Is My Name; Turbo; Future World; Trouble; Arthur et la vengeance de Maltazard; The Big Bang; Mac & Devin Go to High School; Pauly Shore Is Dead; Hood of Horror; Ride; Falling Up; Singh Is King; Future BMT: The Addams Family 2; Half Baked; Malibu’s Most Wanted; Arthur and the Invisibles; Soul Plane; Racing Stripes; Meet the Blacks; The Wash; I Got the Hook Up; Caught Up; BMT: Scary Movie V; Bones; Notes: Y’all know Snoop Dogg. Killed it at the Superbowl this year and notably (and briefly) changed his name to Snoop Lion at one point.)

Pam Grier – ( Known For: Jackie Brown; Mars Attacks!; The Vindicator; Escape from L.A.; Holy Smoke; The Man with the Iron Fists; Foxy Brown; Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey; Above the Law; Something Wicked This Way Comes; Coffy; Beyond the Valley of the Dolls; The Package; Class of 1999; The Big Bird Cage; The Arena; The Big Doll House; ‘Sheba, Baby’; Just Wright; Women in Cages; Future BMT: Jawbreaker; Snow Day; Larry Crowne; Poms; Posse; The Allnighter; In Too Deep; BMT: Ghosts of Mars; The Adventures of Pluto Nash; Bones; Notes: Was a major blaxploitation actress of the 70s, and then famously starred in Jackie Brown a homage to that era. Was diagnosed with cancer in 1988, but survived.)

Michael T. Weiss – ( Known For: Ordinary People; Freeway; Jeffrey; Freeway II: Confessions of a Trickbaby; Confessions of an Action Star; Until the Night; Iowa; Net Worth; BMT: Sex and the City 2; Bones; Notes: Mostly does voice work these days and apparently is a personal trainer to other actors as well.)

Budget/Gross – $16,000,000 / Domestic: $7,316,658 (Worldwide: $8,378,853)

(Disastrous, but I’m also highly skeptical of that budget. It seems unlikely they forked over $15 million+ for a haunted house film starring notable non-actor Snoop Dogg.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (18/71): Slow to start, the sleek looking Bones is more silly than scary.

(At least it is sleek looking though. That seems somewhat promising.)

Reviewer Highlight: A garish, grotesque slab of silliness drowned in bloody visual effects overkill with an end result that is more horrible than horrific. – Michael Rechtshaffen, Hollywood Reporter

Poster – Boners

(I dig it. I think the only odd thing about it is that they treat Snoop Dogg like he’s a) the star of the film and b) the equivalent of Kevin Costner in star power. But the color is nice, the font is cool and sure, Snoop Dogg is the draw here. B+)

Tagline(s) – This Halloween, unleash the Dogg. (C+)

(I guess a play on unleash the hounds. That’s a phrase, right? Or is it release the hounds? I’m not sure it matters because this is a weird tagline. Short and going for something, but not good.)

Keyword(s) – blaxploitation

Top 10: Django Unchained (2012), Black Panther (2018), Jackie Brown (1997), Candyman (2021), Boyz n the Hood (1991), Black and Blue (2019), Straight Outta Compton (2015), Black Snake Moan (2006), The Last Dragon (1985), The First Purge (2018)

Future BMT: 48.5 Pootie Tang (2001), 42.6 Love Don’t Cost a Thing (2003), 37.8 Action Jackson (1988), 29.1 Waist Deep (2006), 25.3 Breakin’ (1984)

BMT: Shaft (2019), Alex Cross (2012), Proud Mary (2018), Steel (1997), Bones (2001), Never Die Alone (2004)

Matches: Dolemite Is My Name (2019), I’m Gonna Git You Sucka (1988), The Hebrew Hammer (2003), Naked Acts (1996), Willa Mae, the Church Lady Vampire Slayer (2009)

(Interesting that it pretty much died after the mid-90s right after on of the better examples of blaxploitation homage in Jackie Brown. Alex Cross isn’t blaxploitation though, so I’m also a bit skeptical of the keyword in general.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Pam Grier is No. 2 billed in Bones and No. 5 billed in Ghosts of Mars, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 3 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 5) + (3 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 15. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – This was the first time where Snoop Dogg and Pam Grier collaborated together on film – they have done music videos since 1993.

Snoop Dogg and Pam Grier play lovers who are supposed to be the same age. In reality, Grier was born in 1949 and Snoop Dogg was born in 1971 (a 22-year age difference).

Ernest Dickerson’s original cut was structured more like a classical horror movie. The movie was meant to be slow build but the studio wanted a more modern approach.

Mindhunters Recap

Jamie

Ooooooo, are you ready for a little dumb fun? That’s what you get with this And Then There Were None adaptation (?) that twists you up in a pretzel with its Saw/Final Destination/Dimension Films theatrics. You think LL Cool J is the bad guy? What are you, a total idiot? Better not think it’s our boy Val or cool as ice Slater, cause they’re just here for dat paycheck. Anyone else in the anonymous cast? Hell no, even though they all have reasons to want to knock off the rest of their mindhunter classmates. You really can’t go wrong with a tight serial killer whodunit like this.

Alright, well you can go a little wrong. The acting is… fine. The premise is… fine. The twists are… fine. Renny Harlin is… Renny Harlin (I’ve always thought he had a nice flair for the visual… just check out Cliffhanger). All that’s a compliment really. Everything is done up to snuff to give you something that’s supremely stupid and yet just entertaining enough to let it slide. Probably the biggest gripe is as they built up this somewhat convoluted high-level concept it became predictable if you weren’t prepared to sit back and turn off your brain. You see there are all these mindhunters (read: FBI profilers) in training. Only some of them are going to make it as they head into their final immersive exam on a secluded island. Everything goes to plan until they arrive and they start dying… like for real. Uh oh! As they each die off these geniuses finally realize that they are getting killed by their laughably specific “one weakness.” Like one guy always has to lead, another smokes, another never goes anywhere without a gun. Weird though, Johnny Lee Miller’s character is “their best driver and has the best aim.” You think maybe the guy who doesn’t have one of these traits might be different than the others in some way?

Anyway, even when that twist is revealed it’s done in a way that is at least stupid and fun and eventually I was like, fine, he’s a serial killer who’s life long plan was to kill FBI profilers so that he could show off how smart he is. Great, he’s Dexter but kills FBI profilers. It’s so stupid that I ended up respecting it. Enjoyable film. Did get me thinking about how the BMT gang would end up going in BMindhunTers.

  • Patrick – Brains of the operation and he can’t go anywhere without his sweet ‘puter. As he dives into the web with his VR headset he finds that it’s been affixed to his face! Talk about crispy graphics as the brightness is turned up to deadly levels.
  • Jamie – Brawn meets beauty as Jamie brings both to the table. You can’t keep a shirt on this hunk and that’s all well and good when you’re having fun in the sun. Not so fun when you are lured into a meat locker with promises of a rad party. 
  • Kyle – Kyle can’t resist all things submarine related and so when he gets a note that says “meet me on the submarine,” he runs right down there. What’s on the sub? A submarine sandwich party of course. Too bad those ‘wiches are poisoned.
  • Robotron 3000 – Our robot helper is always going rogue and solving mysteries. That loveable scamp! In fact there is nothing that isn’t totally awesome about Robotron 3000. Not sure what his weakness is, probably nothing to worry about and definitely not the one killing everyone with his robot strength and robot brain.

Sounds about right. I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned the other two employees of BMTHQ before. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Mindhunters? More like Mindcandy, amirite? This movie has a major claim to fame: my wife insisted that she continue to watch this film with me. It’s obviously fun for the whole family. Let’s go!

  • If you know anything about Ten Little Indians by Agatha Christie eventually guessing who the killer is is trivial since, spoilies, you just have to think through who could possibly be the “red herring” death in the whole affair.
  • I do love serial killer nonsense though. The bad ones are just so amusing in how over the top they are.
  • LL Cool J is fine. The rest of the actors I could mostly give or take. The fact that Val Kilmer and Christian Slater both appear in about 25% of the movie and are top billings is a bit shocking. I assume that is intentional.
  • I did genuinely like the film though. It is like The Bone Collector (which, yes, will be a future BMT, and yes, I watched on a plane by accident because I assumed that this weird Denzel Washington film couldn’t possibly have a sub-40% Rotten Tomatoes score). Trashy but fun.
  • I’m honestly grasping a bit at what to say. We are on a bit of a streak here. Lots of okay-ish films where the worst you can really say is “not for me” and the best you can say is “not exactly high art, but I had fun with it.” So I’ll just leave it there.. I’m quite pleased I got to watch Mindhunters for BMT because this is exactly the type of film I would have otherwise watched on a plane.
  • A fun Setting as a Character (Where?) for, if I was understanding correctly, the film mostly taking place on or near the island of the original Roanoke colony (which makes sense for a training exercise from Quantico I suppose). Obviously going to give it a Worst Twist (How?) for the inevitable reveal that Jonny Lee Miller was the killer all along. And definitely closest to BMT, despite liking it quite a bit it is an objectively silly genre and film.

Obviously I would have loved a sequel to this … but do you know what is better than a sequel? A prequel! Give me that traumatic backstory of Val Kilmer as FBI profiler and the case that got him relegated to teaching! As a matter of fact, cast Jack Kilmer (who is currently 26 years old) as a prodigy profiler in the profiling group at Quantico and do a whole series of his early years. Then roll that into a trilogy of films which culminate in his ultimate dismissal as an official profiler. It’s brilliant. Unfortunately Mindhunter is now taken by a better show, so I think you’d have to augment the name to like FBI: The Mindhunter Project or something.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Mindhunters Preview

When the time machine settles, LePumice stares in awe at the thousands of teeny-boppers streaming into a nearby stadium as fireworks go off overhead. “What thuuuuu…” he mutters dumbly and Jamie and Patrick shake their heads in embarrassment. “It was… a weird time in our lives. I’m a little surprised you didn’t recognize us,” Jamie says and he and Patrick strike their signature PaJama ParTy Pose. Patrick coughs uncomfortably, “it doesn’t work as well without Parsons and Ty in the mix.” LePumice is shocked beyond words. “You… you were PaJama ParTy? The most massive boy band of the early 2000s? I was… I am a giant fan. How did that one hit go? ‘I need you girl, don’t be tardy. Keep it casual…’” Jamie completes the lyrics quietly, “‘at my pajama party.’” LePumice’s mind is blown. It seems impossible that the former members of PaJama ParTy could walk around without constantly being mobbed by legions of fans, but then again Jamie and Patrick had since become famous as the Bad Movie Twins and Parsons McPhee and Ty Whistler… well… “What ever happened to the other members of the group?” LePumice says, struggling to remember when he had last heard their names, even. Jamie and Patrick stare wistfully into the distance at the stadium. “You’ll find out tonight, I guess,” Patrick says sadly, “This was our last concert.” It’s August 16th, 2003, a sweltering evening in El Paso, Texas, and it’s the night that PaJama ParTy died. They were brought here for a reason, but what? To keep the band together? To save Ty from himself? To simply keep the concert from its disastrous conclusion? It didn’t matter what, first they had to get backstage. “Get in the right frame of mind, we’re going hunting.” Patrick states. That’s right! We’re watching the LL Cool J classic, Mindhunters. It’s a story about a serial killer on an island and it’s a totally original concept. Let’s go!  

Mindhunters (2004) – BMeTric: 23.5; Notability: 37

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 31.2%; Notability: top 22.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 23.5%; Higher BMeT: Catwoman, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, You Got Served, Torque, Taxi, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Soul Plane, Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, Garfield, Thunderbirds, Seed of Chucky, Envy, Godsend, Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London, Fat Albert, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, New York Minute, Exorcist: The Beginning, First Daughter, The Stepford Wives, and 58 more; Higher Notability: Catwoman, Shark Tale, Van Helsing, The Chronicles of Riddick, King Arthur, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, Alexander, After the Sunset, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, Blade: Trinity, She Hate Me, The Stepford Wives, Fat Albert, Man on Fire, Meet the Fockers, Around the World in 80 Days, The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, Along Came Polly, The Phantom of the Opera, Alien vs. Predator, and 35 more; Lower RT: Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, Twisted, My Baby’s Daddy, The Whole Ten Yards, Godsend, Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Movie – Pyramid of Light, The Cookout, Christmas with the Kranks, Johnson Family Vacation, Envy, Surviving Christmas, First Daughter, Catwoman, The Dust Factory, Taxi, House of D, Exorcist: The Beginning, New York Minute, Employee of the Month, A Cinderella Story, and 37 more; Notes: Once again, pretty good IMDb rating. Nearly 6.5 which I think would be a pretty convincing cutoff. Looking at the BMeT films, we really need to watch You Got Served.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – One of Those Among Us Is a Killer, and We Cannot Leave This (a) Isolated Country Estate, (b) Besieged Police Station, (c) Antarctic Research Outpost, (d) Haunted House, (e) Space Station (f) Rogue Planet or (g) Summer Camp until we find out who it is — or until we all die. It is a most ancient and dependable formula, invariably surprising us with the identity of the killer, because the evidence is carefully rigged to point first to one suspect and then another, until they persuasively clear their names by getting murdered.

(In another part of the review Ebert suggests that if you’ve seen The Third Man it will help immensely in determining the killer in the film. Hinteresting. I have not seem that film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTLaj8JuIsc/

(I’m jazzed up baby! A little sneak preview of what BMT has in store for us, because after watching this Dimension masterpiece we are just itched to watch more of these hilarious and dumb Dimension films. Buckle up.)

Directors – Renny Harlin – ( Known For: The Misfits; Cleaner; Die Hard 2; Deep Blue Sea; The Long Kiss Goodnight; Cliffhanger; Devil’s Pass; A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master; 5 Days of War; Skiptrace; Prison; Born American; Bodies at Rest; Legend of the Ancient Sword; Future BMT: The Adventures of Ford Fairlane; Exorcist: The Beginning; 12 Rounds; BMT: The Covenant; Mindhunters; The Legend of Hercules; Cutthroat Island; Driven; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director in 1991 for The Adventures of Ford Fairlane; in 1996 for Cutthroat Island; in 2002 for Driven; in 2005 for Exorcist: The Beginning; in 2015 for The Legend of Hercules; and in 2022 for The Misfits; Notes: The Legend of Hercules! He looooooooves poppin’ abs. That’s all I know about him. Apparently his original last name was Harjola, and he’s considered the most successful Finnish director in Hollywood history.)

Writers – Wayne Kramer – ( Known For: Running Scared; The Cooler; Crossing Over; BMT: Mindhunters; Notes: Born in South Africa. He also directed The Cooler, for which Alec Baldwin was nominated for an Academy Award.)

Kevin Brodbin – ( Known For: Constantine; The Siege of Jadotville; BMT: Mindhunters; The Glimmer Man; Notes: There is really nothing about this guy despite writing The Glimmer Man of all things. He still seemingly makes movies, so I assume he mostly does uncredited stuff.)

Actors – Val Kilmer – ( Known For: Heat; Top Gun; Tombstone; True Romance; Willow; The Missing; Deja Vu; The Prince of Egypt; Real Genius; The Doors; The Birthday Cake; Top Secret!; Kiss Kiss Bang Bang; Jay and Silent Bob Reboot; The Ghost and the Darkness; MacGruber; Song to Song; Kill the Irishman; Palo Alto; Twixt; Future BMT: Alexander; The Saint; Planes; Red Planet; At First Sight; The Real McCoy; Delgo; BMT: Batman Forever; The Snowman; The Island of Dr. Moreau; Mindhunters; The Love Guru; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor for The Saint in 1998; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor in 1997 for The Island of Dr. Moreau; and in 2005 for Alexander; Notes: Notably suffered from throat cancer, but he has been cancer free for a few years now. We’ll see what happens with Top Gun 2, which he is in. They say they’ve recreated his voice using AI technology, so there might be a way for him to return to consistent acting which would be kind of a cool story.)

LL Cool J – ( Known For: Charlie’s Angels; S.W.A.T.; Deep Blue Sea; Any Given Sunday; Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; The Hard Way; Last Holiday; Edison; Deliver Us from Eva; Touch; The Deal; Out-of-Sync; Future BMT: Wildcats; B*A*P*S; In Too Deep; Woo; Kingdom Come; Slow Burn; Caught Up; BMT: Mindhunters; Toys; Rollerball; Grudge Match; Notes: Ladies love him. Was a very early signing for Def Jam Recordings releasing his first album in 1985.)

Christian Slater – ( Known For: True Romance; Nymphomaniac: Vol. I; Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles; Heathers; Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery; Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves; Zoolander; We Can Be Heroes; Pump Up the Volume; The Name of the Rose; FernGully: The Last Rainforest; Broken Arrow; Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country; The Legend of Billie Jean; Very Bad Things; Ask Me Anything; The Wife; Tales from the Darkside: The Movie; The Contender; Bullet to the Head; Future BMT: Windtalkers; The Wizard; Hot Tub Time Machine 2; Igor; Bed of Roses; Mobsters; Kuffs; Jimmy Hollywood; The Ten Commandments; BMT: Young Guns II; Mindhunters; 3000 Miles to Graceland; Alone in the Dark; Hard Rain; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor in 1992 for Mobsters, and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves; Notes: His mother was a casting director in Hollywood (including several of his films) which is how his family (including his half-brother) got into acting.)

Budget/Gross – $27 million / Domestic: $4,480,744 (Worldwide: $21,148,829)

(Oh wow, horrible. Makes sense they would go big for it, but seriously, that is a huge bomb. Didn’t even get back to the budget level worldwide.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 24% (29/119): A retread of Ten Little Indians that lacks the source material’s wit.

(HAHAHAHA. You think? Oh Mindhunters starring Val Kilmer, LL Cool J, and Christian Slater couldn’t match wits with Agatha Christie? Shocking.)

Reviewer Highlight: The illogic of the situation is so extreme that the final confrontation plays like an afterthought. – Robert Koehler, Variety.

Poster – Mindskloggers

(Wow! That’s the worst! I always hope to click on a link and have that beautiful The Avengers (1998) feeling and boy this gets close. It makes no sense, the coloring is terrible, the font is mostly bullshit as is the spacing, and it actually hurts my eyes. It’s near anti-perfection! Wow. F.)

Tagline(s) – For seven elite profilers, finding a serial killer is a process of elimination. Their own. (D)

(This is all you need to know to see how unoriginal this all is. This is clearly Ten Little Indians. Also it’s far too long even if I kinda like the ultimate payoff.)

Keyword(s) – serial-killer

Top 10: The Batman (2022), Fresh (2022), Scream (2022), Batman Begins (2005), Joker (2019), Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021), Scream (1996), Pulp Fiction (1994), Se7en (1995), Prisoners (2013)

Future BMT: 85.3 Halloween: Resurrection (2002), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 74.8 Psycho (1998), 70.6 Halloween II (2009), 70.3 , 70.1 Black Christmas (2006), 65.7 Valentine (2001), 64.8 My Soul to Take (2010), 62.8 The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007), 61.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020)

BMT: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Friday the 13th (2009), Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990), I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997), Urban Legend (1998), Kiss the Girls (1997), The Snowman (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984), Color of Night (1994), Halloween II (1981), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Jade (1995), Problem Child (1990), Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988), 88 Minutes (2007), Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982), Species II (1998), Untraceable (2008), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000), The Glimmer Man (1996), Bless the Child (2000), Never Talk to Strangers (1995)

Matches: The Batman (2022), Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021), Scream (1996), Se7en (1995), The Silence of the Lambs (1991), The Little Things (2021), Scary Movie (2000), Monster (2003), The Lovely Bones (2009), Freaky (2020), Sherlock Holmes (2009), Saw (2004), Red Dragon (2002), In the Shadow of the Moon (2019), Kiss the Girls (1997), The Cell (2000), House of 1000 Corpses (2003), Manhunter (1986), Funny Games (2007), Midnight in the Switchgrass (2021), The Bone Collector (1999), Taking Lives (2004), The Gangster, the Cop, the Devil (2019), Child’s Play (1988), The Frozen Ground (2013), Disturbia (2007), Nightbreed (1990), Mr. Brooks (2007), The Howling (1981), The Poughkeepsie Tapes (2007), The Midnight Meat Train (2008), Frequency (2000), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Saw II (2005), Solace (2015), No Man of God (2021), Blitz (2011), Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998), Maniac (2012), Virtuosity (1995), Problem Child (1990), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Cruising (1980), … (and many more)

(I think I’ve mentioned it before, but yeah. We really got into serial killers in the 90s. This film isn’t on the graph because it actually doesn’t have that keyword. But surely it must? It is, by definition, about a serial killer killing serial killer profilers.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 8) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: LL Cool J is No. 3 billed in Mindhunters and No. 2 billed in Rollerball, which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 8. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The studio did not cast any character as a lead. Director Renny Harlin wanted no dummy characters or obvious victims and established a sense that “anyone could die at any moment” in the film.

The primary reason the film was able to be done on such a modest budget was due to a generous tax break from the Dutch government.

As part of LL Cool J’s preparation, he lost nearly 40 pounds and spent time with homicide detectives in the Philadelphia (PA) Police Dept.

The cast met with FBI personnel and underwent military weapons training for their roles.

Several variations of the ending were filmed. After numerous test screening were held in the United States in 2003, the final version of the film was determined for theatrical release.

Wayne Kramer sold the original spec screenplay of “Mindhunters” to 20th Century Fox. The title of his screenplay was originally called “UNSUB” (Unknown Subject) – but Fox executives preferred the title: MINDHUNTERS and changed it right before the deal was announced to the entertainment press. Kramer never felt comfortable with the title change because there was already a non-fiction book by John Douglas called MINDHUNTER.

The FBI maintains a vaunted computerized profiling operation in Quantico, Virginia. “Mindhunters” is an unofficial name for the profilers that handle the 300-plus referrals a year from local, state and federal law enforcement agencies.

Director Renny Harlin noted that the ensemble cast had a fantastic time living in Amsterdam for the shoot. “The main thing was to cut down on people’s fun, to make sure they showed up for work.”

To maximize tax breaks and keep the budget at the lowest possible level, the film was moved to England for post-production.

Originally set for a US theatrical release in 2003 and then early 2004, the film was pushed back to 4 June 2004. Secondary to numerous positive test screenings, it was pushed back once again to facilitate improved marketing of the film. But then two massive waves of layoffs occurred at Miramax and Dimension during this time, and the infamous Disney/Miramax split reached its height. The film remained in the Dimension vaults unreleased during this time. When the Disney and Miramax divorce was finally completed, numerous films under the Dimension label were released. This film finally made its theatrical debut in the United States on 13 May 2005.

A large part of the movie was filmed on the location where the Dutch anti riot police (Mobiele Eenheid) is trained. It’s a fake village where riots are simulated. There are still some traces of the movie. For instance, there still hangs a large poster on a wall, as can be seen in the movie.

The “Most Wanted” posters in the FBI Academy are of workers from the production’s art department.

In order to maintain its modest budget, the score was part of a package. A single fee covered the composer’s bill and also the cost of executing the score and orchestration, musicians for the non-electronic sections, mixing, and recording studio time.

Ehren Kruger did uncredited rewrites, based on Dimension’s belief in his script-doctoring capabilities often presented in their releases.

How High Preview

Just as Jamie and Patrick prepare to lock hands and launch into their patented Flying Twin Kick, they are shocked to see little Mikey Myers turn unexpectedly on his adult counterpart and punch him swiftly in the groin. Eyes crossed, Adult Mikey groans hilariously and falls face first on the ground. Jamie and Patrick laugh uncontrollably at the hilarious violence and LePumice claps Young Mikey on the back just as Adult Mikey lapses into unconsciousness. “I’m not sure I understand,” Jamie says after recovering from his laughing fit. Patrick, though, is quicker on the uptake, “Don’t you see? We helped out Young Mikey by having our Young selves apologize and befriend him, but the dastardly Adult Mikey is still set in the future, which has a different past. It’s just time travel 101.” Young Mikey nods his head and continues, “When you arrived in town I was shocked. It was just like Adult me said, except… different. You were… good” He takes a look over at the unconscious older version of himself. “Before you go I do have one question. How did you know it started with me?” Jamie and Patrick look at each other. Know? But they didn’t know. They shake their heads in confusion and Mikey understands. “I guess we’ll just have to find out… in the future. Now go. Go before I change my mind!” With that he throws small rocks at Jamie, Patrick and LePumice with tears streaming down his face. They all climb into the time machine and Jamie asks how far in the future they should travel. But Patrick shakes his head and points at the date already entered in the time machine by an unknown ally. “It’s not how far, it’s how high.” Jamie’s eyes widen in recognition of the date. That’s right, we are watching the classic stoner comedy How High starring Method Man and Redman. Once of the crazier plots I can remember reading so should be fun. Let’s go!

How High (2001) – BMeTric: 26.2; Notability: 41

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 25.6%; Notability: top 16.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 24.9%; Higher BMeT: Glitter, Jason X, Freddy Got Fingered, Driven, The Animal, Ghosts of Mars, Black Knight, Valentine, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Soul Survivors, Monkeybone, The Musketeer, Corky Romano, Scary Movie 2, The Wedding Planner, Bones, Summer Catch, The Order, Say It Isn’t So, The Wash, and 44 more; Higher Notability: Pearl Harbor, Monkeybone, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Hannibal, Impostor, Ghosts of Mars, Not Another Teen Movie, Bubble Boy, Swordfish, 15 Minutes, The One, Town & Country, The Affair of the Necklace, Scary Movie 2, I Am Sam, America’s Sweethearts, Along Came a Spider, Perfume, Texas Rangers, Joe Dirt, and 21 more; Lower RT: Texas Rangers, Soul Survivors, Glitter, All the Queen’s Men, Corky Romano, The Forsaken, Summer Catch, The Wash, Out Cold, Say It Isn’t So, Joe Dirt, Head Over Heels, Megiddo: The Omega Code 2, What’s the Worst That Could Happen?, Freddy Got Fingered, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Perfume, The Musketeer, Double Take, Valentine, and 40 more; Notes: That rating is so high (appropriately I suppose). It is a very niche comedy I suppose. The Notability is crazy high as well. For a comedy in 2001 I feel like 40+ is much much higher than I would expect.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars –  With Willard playing the chancellor of Harvard and Bob Dylan’s son directing, this rare Ivy League stoner comedy has a curio advantage going in. Film’s rapper leads play goof-offs who finesse their entrance exams by smoking the mind-expanding ashes of a dead friend. (Who says the spirit of Lubitsch is dead?) Movie has enough low-grade laughs to sustain its length, though there have probably been cockfights with more redeeming social value.

(Zing. I actually don’t really get the Lubitsch reference. He was a director, particularly for “comedy of manners.” So is smoking their friend a commentary on … something? Is it the ritual of college entrance exams, and the manner in which our heroes sidestep it, some sort of satire? Or am I just not understanding at all what Leonard is talking about?)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wN9MScUbMng/

(Huh. The film seems somewhat … incoherent, maybe? I can’t tell what the storyline is. They go to Harvard and … something something something? For real, it seems like one of those rare “one act structure” films.)

Directors – Jesse Dylan – ( Known For: American Wedding; Kicking & Screaming; BMT: How High; Notes: Naturally, given Bob Dylan is his father, he started in music videos. He appears to have returned to those in his later career and he really hasn’t directed much in the last 10 years.)

Writers – Dustin Lee Abraham – ( Known For: The Runner; BMT: How High; Notes: He wrote 26 episodes of CSI over the years. He too hasn’t really done much in the last 10 years, and really this is his only feature work, The Runner is a small film that wasn’t theatrically released.)

Actors – Method Man – ( Known For: Last Looks; Trainwreck; Garden State; Cop Land; Jay and Silent Bob Reboot; Paterson; Keanu; Red Tails; This Is the Night; Venom; The Cobbler; Concrete Cowboy; The Wackness; Future World; Vampires vs. the Bronx; Staten Island Summer; Where’s the Money; Sinners and Saints; The Mortician; Love Beats Rhymes; Future BMT: Peppermint; Scary Movie 3; Belly; The Sitter; Soul Plane; One Eight Seven; Black & White; My Baby’s Daddy; BMT: Shaft; Meet the Spartans; How High; Notes: Part of the Wu-Tang Clan, he’s become a fairly accomplished actor. I could have sworn we watched The Cobbler for BMT (as a friend or something), but I think actually that was just because it was nominated for a Razzie one year. He’s kind of good in that.)

Redman – ( Known For: Jay and Silent Bob Reboot; Ride; Boricua’s Bond; Future BMT: Scary Movie 3; Seed of Chucky; BMT: How High; Notes: Not part of the Wu-Tang Clan although he was close with them and worked with Method Man a lot.)

Obba Babatundé – ( Known For: The Silence of the Lambs; The Notebook; Philadelphia; That Thing You Do!; Life; City of Lies; The Net; The Manchurian Candidate; Black Dynamite; Dead Again; Lap Dance; Multiplicity; Married to the Mob; Necronomicon: Book of Dead; The Watcher; The Wild Thornberrys; Miami Blues; Kinky; The Celestine Prophecy; A Reason to Believe; Future BMT: John Q; After the Sunset; The Eye; Undercover Blues; Carpool; Born to Be Wild; BMT: How High; Material Girls; Leonard Part 6; Notes: Been in a bunch of stuff recently on television like SWAT. Was nominated for an Emmy for Miss Evers’ Boys. He won a Daytime Emmy for a guest appearance on The Bold and the Beautiful.)

Budget/Gross – $20,000,000 / Domestic: $31,178,740 (Worldwide: $31,283,740)

(Actually not that bad. I can’t imagine why the film cost $20 million. If it was just slightly cheaper it would have been a resounding success.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 26% (15/57): How High is a sloppily constructed stoner movie filled with lame, vulgar jokes.

(Yeah that sounds about right. The number of quite good reviews though is pretty stunning. This isn’t too far off from something like Hot Rod for example.)

Reviewer Highlight: The biggest problem, ironically, is that even though the plot and the action center on smoking pot, it’s not enough of a stoner flick. – Joan Anderman, Boston Globe

Poster – How Shy Guy

(Almost looks like a poster for an independent film. All over the place, though. I enjoy the font and artsy. Not all bad, but some weird choices. C+.)

Tagline(s) – They’ve got their degrees all rolled up. (Incomplete)

(They’ve… got their degrees… all rolled up… I can’t say I understand this one. Am I missing a pun? Is it a play on “wrapped up?” Is that it? That they’ve got the degrees wrapped up by rolling up and smoking some joints?)

Keyword(s) – stoner

Top 10: The King of Staten Island (2020), The Big Lebowski (1998), Kick-Ass (2010), Dazed and Confused (1993), Point Break (1991), Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982), Friday (1995), Knocked Up (2007), Road Trip (2000), Sausage Party (2016)

Future BMT: 70.2 Soul Plane (2004), 51.3 Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000), 50.7 Your Highness (2011), 39.5 21 & Over (2013), 38.5 The Perfect Score (2004), 38.1 Without a Paddle (2004), 37.6 Encino Man (1992), 36.4 Still Smokin (1983), 26.4 Knockaround Guys (2001), 25.5 Idle Hands (1999)

BMT: Good Luck Chuck (2007), Scary Movie V (2013), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), How High (2001), Bio-Dome (1996), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)

Matches: Knocked Up (2007), Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004), The Beach Bum (2019), Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000), American Ultra (2015), How High (2001), Highway (2002), Halloweed (2016), High Society: A Pot Boiler (2009), Asockalypse! (2016), Get Bossy (2020), Stone & Ed (2008), Secret Agent 420 (2005), Night of the Alien (2011), Generation Y (2016), The Rise of the Robots (2015), Attack of the Psychedelic Zombies, Man! (2015)

(That sounds about right, the acceptance of weed as something to be joked about instead of feared does seem to be around 2000ish. The Big Lebowski is possibly an inciting incident.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Héctor Elizondo is No. 8 billed in How High and No. 4 billed in Turbulence, which also stars Ray Liotta (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 2 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (8 + 4) + (1 + 2) + (3 + 1) = 19. If we were to watch My Baby’s Daddy, and Double Take we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – The film’s sequences at “Harvard” were actually shot at UCLA.

In creating the sound for the mystical pot plant (Ivory), sound designer Andrew Somers (uncredited) used a Theremin and a set of Obsidian Chimes. For the sound of the giant bong, (and the sound of Ivory appearing) they recorded inhaling through an actual bong.

Dean Cain is a reference to Dean Cain the actor who played Superman.

The film is named after the hit 1995 hip hop song How High by the starring duo Method Man and Redman.

Tracy Morgan cameos as the baseballer in ghost form a la field of dreams. (And in the commercials at the beginning of the film).

Next Day Air Preview

“Curses is right, LePumice,” Adult Mikey sneers and with that launches into a stirring explanation of exactly how we arrived at this moment in time and space. You see, Mikey was just your ordinary kid. But when he got that fish in his overalls it started a cascade of familial disaster resulting in his parents’ entry into a life of illegal gambling. Learning the tricks of probability and statistics from the blackjack tables he got into MIT and made his way to the World Police Academy, a secret cabal of conspirators designed to avert global disaster. There he headed the Obsidian Dongle Destruction Team (ODDT) which was tasked with destroying the most powerful object on Earth. But Mikey had different ideas. Instead of destroying it maybe they could steer it into the hands of unwitting egotistical nincompoops. Every time the power of the Dongle corrupted and Mikey was there to replace the useful idiots with the next in line. All so eventually Mikey could suggest the candidates he wanted: Jamie and Patrick, the now world famous Bad Movie Twins. “You proved quite adept at protecting the Dongle. Almost destroyed it a couple times even, that would have been a shame. And even more surprising, when it came time for my plan to bear fruit you were nowhere to be seen. Lost in time thanks to your uncanny ability to gain friends from foes.” With that he shakes his head at LePumice. “Fortunately we had time on our hands and we spent it building a Time Cop Academy to go back and stop whatever you were up to. Now we’re here, and now you’ll die.” With that he and the younger Mikey get into fighting stances. Jamie and Patrick reciprocate and drop their world famous catchphrase: “Let’s fly,” That’s right! We’re transitioning to the next cycle of the year with Next Day Air. This film is short and sweet and features Mos Def, which is perfect since this cycle will feature different Hip Hop artists-turned-actors in each film. Let’s go!

Next Day Air (2009) – BMeTric: 29.9; Notability: 22

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 24.8%; Notability: top 32.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.6%; Higher BMeT: Dragonball Evolution, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, S. Darko, Stan Helsing, Halloween II, Year One, The Unborn, All About Steve, Did You Hear About the Morgans?, Bitch Slap, Obsessed, Madea Goes to Jail, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, The Final Destination, G-Force, Miss March, Land of the Lost, Sorority Row, and 42 more; Higher Notability: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, 2012, Angels & Demons, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Terminator Salvation, The Lovely Bones, Nine, Fast & Furious, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Halloween II, Surrogates, G-Force, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel, Fanboys, Fame, Land of the Lost, Bride Wars, Crossing Over, and 61 more; Lower RT: Labor Pains, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, Miss March, Old Dogs, All About Steve, Whiteout, Beyond a Reasonable Doubt, Echelon Conspiracy, Post Grad, My Life in Ruins, Malice in Wonderland, The Unborn, Couples Retreat, Bride Wars, The Cry of the Owl, Did You Hear About the Morgans?, The Stepfather, S. Darko, The Pink Panther 2, I Love You, Beth Cooper, and 20 more; Notes: That is a shockingly large drop from IMDb for this film, I guess the super fans loved it. Look at those BMeT films, 2009 was a wild time.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – “Next Day Air” is a bloody screwball comedy, a film of high spirits. It tells a complicated story with acute timing and clarity, and gives us drug-dealing lowlifes who are almost poetic in their clockwork dialogue. By that I mean they not only use the words, they know the music.

(WOW. Three out of four is nothing to scoff at. Ebert himself did, especially later in his career, start to heavily subscribe to the concept of being “good for what it is intending to be.” And this review excerpt is overflowing with that concept. They went for something and did it and films that do something interesting should be celebrated. Shocking to see that concept applied to Next Day Air though.)

Trailer –  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZeGUlbyYHU/ 

(Alright … well having seen the film there is something crazy about this trailer. Faison and Mos Def aren’t really in the film all that much. Mos Def is in it for maybe 5 minutes. And Faison for 15-30 in total (I’m not joking). That whole drug dealer storyline? That is actually the main storyline. They legit show both of the scenes Mos Def is in, he’s only in two, how is he the top billed actor?!)

Directors – Benny Boom – ( Future BMT: All Eyez on Me; BMT: Next Day Air; Notes: Directs a lot of television these days including 6 episodes of Black Lightning. Also a huge music video director which is where he got his start.)

Writers – Blair Cobbs – ( BMT: Next Day Air; Notes: Basically nothing about him on IMDb. According to Variety his nickname is Butta.)

Actors – Yasiin Bey – ( Known For: The Italian Job; The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby; Monster’s Ball; Begin Again; Cadillac Records; Life of Crime; 16 Blocks; Brown Sugar; The Woodsman; Be Kind Rewind; The Hard Way; I’m Still Here; Bamboozled; Journey to the End of the Night; Civil Brand; Tour de France; Island of the Dead; Where’s Marlowe?; Future BMT: Showtime; BMT: Next Day Air; Notes: Birth name Dante Smith, I knew him primarily as Mos Def, but he changed his name to Yasiin Bey in 2011. He was a major rapper-turned-actor and appeared a few times on Chappelle’s Show.)

Mike Epps – ( Known For: The Hangover; Faster; Hancock; Girls Trip; Dolemite Is My Name; Uncle Drew; Acts of Violence; The Last Black Man in San Francisco; Term Life; Guess Who; Troop Zero; Something New; Dr. Dolittle 2; School Dance; Mac & Devin Go to High School; Roll Bounce; Love Jacked; The Fighting Temptations; Sparkle; Soul Men; Future BMT: The Hangover Part III; Malibu’s Most Wanted; Resident Evil: Apocalypse; Next Friday; Resident Evil: Extinction; How High; Friday After Next; All About the Benjamins; Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins; Meet the Blacks; Lottery Ticket; Bait; 3 Strikes; The Honeymooners; BMT: Death Wish; Fifty Shades of Black; Next Day Air; Notes: Started as a comedian on Def Comedy Jam, he quickly transitioned to acting and most recently was in the new show Winning Time: The Rise of the Lakers Dynasty. He is not related to Omar Epps.)

Donald Faison – ( Known For: Pitch Perfect; Clueless; Remember the Titans; 12 Monkeys; Can’t Hardly Wait; Game Over, Man!; Juice; The Wave; Big Fat Liar; Josie and the Pussycats; Waiting to Exhale; Little Evil; Embattled; Something New; Wish I Was Here; Let’s Kill Ward’s Wife; Good Boy; New Jersey Drive; Double Whammy; Homie Spumoni; Future BMT: Kick-Ass 2; Uptown Girls; The Perfect Match; Sugar Hill; Trippin’; King’s Ransom; BMT: Skyline; Next Day Air; Notes: Definitely most notably Turk on Scrubs. Apparently his current wife was the assistant to Jessica Simpson for at least a little bit.)

Budget/Gross – $3 million / Domestic: $10,027,047 (Worldwide: $10,172,519)

(Actually not bad at all. For such a low budget a lower figure directed to a small audience seems fine. I wonder if they just didn’t really set up for sequels or what. It would seem to me that a sequel would make sense if they can make it for $3 million.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 21% (14/66): Rife with half-baked jokes and excessive violence, Next Day Air is an uninspired stoner comedy.

(Yeah, the violence seemed to be a particular sticking point for a lot of critics. The theme generally seems like it is going for a farce where the real-life consequences of drug-dealing are actually happening.)

Reviewer Highlight: In the end, it’s a fitfully amusing, sloppy comedy that doesn’t work very hard for your 10 bucks. – Dan Kols, Washington Post

Poster – Next Day Sklog

(Mos Def being front and center on the poster is insanity. Don’t love the whole look of it, but the framing is cool and obviously the font is banging. I think overall pretty good, but needed to tie it all together a little better. B+.)

Tagline(s) – It’s all in the delivery. (D)

(Booooo, this is obviously a phrase and it’s being manipulated for the poster, but my god, at least try to have it means something in the context of the film. Just because there is a common phrase with the word “delivery” in it doesn’t mean it has to be your tagline.)

Keyword(s) – cocaine

Top 10: The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), Pulp Fiction (1994), Forrest Gump (1994), American Psycho (2000), Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (2021), Goodfellas (1990), Sicario (2015), The Departed (2006), Léon: The Professional (1994), Deadpool 2 (2018)

Future BMT: 69.0 Showgirls (1995), 64.7 Sex Tape (2014), 60.1 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 59.8 The Mod Squad (1999), 59.2 Corky Romano (2001), 58.7 Stay Alive (2006), 57.7 The Counselor (2013), 49.4 Showtime (2002), 46.7 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 43.0 Sleepless (2017)

BMT: Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (2021), Dirty Grandpa (2016), Crank (2006), Punisher: War Zone (2008), Sliver (1993), Tango & Cash (1989), Sabotage (2014), A Haunted House (2013), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Hot Pursuit (2015), A Haunted House 2 (2014), Trespass (2011), Next Day Air (2009), Never Die Alone (2004)

Matches: Goodfellas (1990), Boogie Nights (1997), True Romance (1993), Magnolia (1999), Horrible Bosses (2011), Dallas Buyers Club (2013), Blow (2001), Pain & Gain (2013), Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992), London (2005), The Last Seduction (1994), Contraband (2012), Running with the Devil (2019), Paid in Full (2002), Kill the Messenger (2014), Sleepless (2017), CrissCross (1992), A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas (2011), Puncture (2011), Descent (2007), Clean and Sober (1988), Next Day Air (2009), The Boost (1988), Down to the Bone (2004), Journey to the End of the Night (2006), Ten Violent Women (1982), Pineapple (2008), Ambushed (2013), The Preppie Connection (2015), Dirty Hands (2014), Jimmy and Judy (2006), Torchlight (1985), Cocaine Wars (1985)

(Yup … Showgirls does have a lot of cocaine. It is depressing that I’ve already seen Sex Tape and will likely have to see it again at some point in my life. It is not a funny movie.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 26) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Donald Faison is No. 2 billed in Next Day Air and No. 4 billed in Skyline, which also stars Eric Balfour (No. 1 billed) who is in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (No. 5 billed) which also stars Jessica Biel (No. 1 billed) who is in New Year’s Eve (No. 4 billed) which also stars Robert De Niro (No. 1 billed) who is in Righteous Kill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 4) + (1 + 5) + (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 26. If we were to watch Sugar Hill, Murder at 1600, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – It was widely reported that during the filming of a scene in the movie between the characters of Mike Epps and Omari Hardwick, an altercation between the two ensued and escalated, causing Mike Epps to leave the set threatening Omari Hardwick, shouting he was going to his car in the parking lot to retrieve his gun and was going to come back and “handle” Hardwick. Darius McCrary, who was also an actor on the set, is credited with calming Epps down and de-escalating the situation, as he followed Epps to the parking lot to talk him out of it.

Shipped to theaters under the code name “Express”.

Hall of Fame Speech #28: Color of Night

Brief note before we start: This year we got together our sixth (!) class to be inducted into the Smaddies Baddies BMT Hall of Fame. As is typical there will be films we watched five years ago which maybe deserve to be considered the merde de la merde of BMT delight. The previews and speeches will be released leading up to the ninth (eleventh?) Smaddies Baddies for the five films ultimately chosen. Some might say the purpose of watching all genres and sizes of movie is to find another Here On Earth, the perfect BMT film. This film is kind of like Here on Earth, except instead of laying our eyes on Chris Klein’s glistening abs, we get to see a whole lot more of Burce Willis’ glistening bod… a whole lot more… like… all of it. Enjoy!

Hall of Fame Induction Speech for Color of Night

I wouldn’t blame you for thinking that Color of Night was inducted for one reason and one reason only. Bruce Willis has made over a hundred films but his dick has appeared in only one, and that’s Color of Night. Oh and you better believe it would have been worthy for that fact alone. But alas the film is far more than just that. It’s one of the worst “twists” of all time, mountain biking scenes even hotter than the sex scenes, and a crazy 80’s art styling that makes you wonder if everyone was in on the joke or just in on a giant pile of cocaine. It is one of the craziest, misguided masterpieces of BMT cinema. Nothing makes sense. Nothing looks normal. Nothing will be the same once you see Bruce Willis’ dick.

So what did I remember from the first time I saw this:

  • Bruce Willis’ dick. Although I remember straining to catch a glimpse the first time and wondering if its fleeting appearance was more figment of imagination.
  • The make-up job on our main gal (when she is dressed as a man) is so horrendous that it really stretches the definition of “twist” when it’s revealed.
  • Two dudes go mountain biking together and it’s almost as sexually charged as any of the actual sex scenes.
  • A snake jumps out of a mailbox… and no that isn’t a metaphor.

The twist is the most important thing I remember about the film. While pretty much everyone will point to Bruce Willis’ dick as the star of the film, it’s not the primary reason this is BMT HoF. Like William Shatner playing two characters in White Comanche, sure it’s memorable, but really just a one trick pony in the end. But the twist? That’s forever. 

So how did the rewatch go? Amazing. I was dazzled by this film. First and foremost I think I underappreciated its profound weirdness the first time around (and I already thought it was very weird). Let me walk you through the plot of the film: a disturbed lady is seeing Bruce Willis for therapy and when he gets a little annoyed at her she runs directly through his office window to the street below and he immediately goes color blind. Then he moves in with his weird, gross therapy friend in his weird, gross therapy house full of glass and mirrors and books of nude women and immediately gets involved with his special group therapy session filled with various psychobabble stereotypes. So when I now read how the director laments the loss of his vision to the producer’s editing hack job I chuckle. There was no rescuing this craziness. The instant you chose that weirdo house to film in you knew you were making this movie. 

And also the instant you put Jane March in some of the worst make-up imaginable to make it seem like she is Richie, you had to know that you were fooling no one. This is easily the most confusing aspect of the film. Jane March performs admirably, despite the absurdity of the situation, and yet I couldn’t shake the idea that ultimately if I were to say “what a horrible twist” the filmmaker would try to claim that indeed it wasn’t a twist at all. That the audiences were always meant to know that Richie was Rose and that the real twist was that she wasn’t the murderer, but rather the psycho brother who forced her to become Richie. And you could almost believe it too. Could it be that Bruce Willis’ color blindness, a blindness that only affects his ability to see red, also didn’t allow him to see Richie as Rose (a red flower, of course)? Could the rest of the patients also be so far into their own self-deception that they didn’t let themselves know? But the audience, ah, the audience, we knew the whole time and were lulled into the false sense of power over the movie, only to have it yanked away when Rose is revealed to not be the murderer at all. Right? Right?! Nope. Just a gloriously bad twist with gloriously bad makeup. I refuse to accept the alternative because it’s bullshit.

Finally, to address the dick in the room. Bruce Willis’? More prominent than I remember. We get a solid gander at his goose. Mountain biking? Just as sexy as I remember. Bruce Willis’ stunt double got to do some neat tricks. Sex scenes? Very steamy. Almost uncomfortably so. The film? Bad and specifically not underrated as some people have tried to claim. The best you can say is that there is something different here and different can be good because it’s not the same. But different doesn’t mean good. It can still be bad. This is bad and very BMT. Welcome to the Hall of Fame, Color of Night.

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers Preview

Jamie and Patrick look over a ridge at the closely guarded church where LePumice’s time machine is held. The trio are dismayed at the unexpected hitch in the plan. Patrick suggests heading back to their own machine, but LePumice rightly asserts that if the puppetmaster of the dastardly plan to frame the Bad Movie Twins already knows of his own betrayal then he must also know about their own machine. He quickly explains in expository detail how because the plan against them is being formed in the future then, “they already know every move we’ve made,” Jamie finishes astutely. “It’s science,” agrees LePumice. “Then we’ll just have to do the unexpected,” Patrick says slyly. Minutes later Jamie and Patrick start to proceed towards the church with a gun trained on LePumice. “No one moves an inch or this knockoff Time Cop gets it!” Jamie screams, much to the confusion of the guards. They check their patented Time Cop Watches to confirm that LePumice is their future adversary, but can’t square with what they are seeing. In their momentary confusion they leave themselves open to a few well placed Twin Chops. “Let’s get inside and get out of here,” LePumice says but stops dead upon entering the church. “Mikey?” Jamie and Patrick exclaim, confused. Indeed, there is little Mikey Myers from down the block, but instead of the ‘aw, shucks’ look he had the last time they saw him at the casino, this time he means business. “Yes, it’s Mikey, and you’ll curse the day you ever put a fish in my overalls. Or should I say, you already curse that day. Isn’t that right, Mikey?” From behind the time machine the adult Mikey Myers comes out, a Time Cop Watch on his wrist. “Curses,” LePumice says. That’s right! Keep on churning through those Halloweens with The Curse of Michael Myers. I remember this one being the worst of the bunch that I watched back in the day and blessedly another short one for our journey. Pair this up with a Bring a Friend holiday horror special, New Year Evil and we’ve got a party. Let’s go!

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995) – BMeTric: 67.9; Notability: 24

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.8%; Notability: top 25.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 4.7%; Higher BMeT: Showgirls, Vampire in Brooklyn; Higher Notability: Batman Forever, Congo, Cutthroat Island, Judge Dredd, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Virtuosity, Showgirls, Four Rooms, Stuart Saves His Family, Tank Girl, Panther, Jade, Assassins, Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead, Money Train, Jefferson in Paris, Hackers, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie, Canadian Bacon, Just Cause, and 43 more; Lower RT: The Big Green, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, Theodore Rex, Delta of Venus, Jury Duty, The Walking Dead, Top Dog, Born to Be Wild, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, The Hunted, It Takes Two; Notes: I can’t believe it hit 5.0 at one point! Anyways, solid sub-5.0 film with an appropriately gaudy BMeTric. We still haven’t seen Showgirls for BMT.

Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars –  Pursued by the masked killer, Michael’s niece escapes from mysterious catacombs with her newborn baby. Then he starts killing a family which has the misfortune merely to live in his former home. Routine slash-fest, of interest only to the dedicated, even though this time it links Michael to the Druids!

(Yeah this is really the worst of the bunch in my opinion. The cult thing is just really weird. Only kind of fun because Paul Rudd is in it.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAaPBxBxaV8/

(Just give me that soundtrack babbbbbbbby. Oh snap, it had a different name! The Origin of Michael Myers is … a terrible name with a terrible promise. We know the origin of Michael Myers! He was a psycho kid who tried to kill his family a whole mess of times.)

Directors – Joe Chappelle – ( Known For: An Acceptable Loss; Takedown; Thieves Quartet; BMT: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers; Phantoms; Notes: Huge television director directing CSI: Miami, and The Wire, and Chicago Fire, etc. He directed The Skulls II prior to moving to exclusively television work.)

Writers – Debra Hill – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween; The Fog; Escape from L.A.; Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; Future BMT: Halloween Kills; Halloween; Halloween: Resurrection; BMT: Halloween II; Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers; Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers; The Fog; Notes: Long time collaborator with Carpenter. At this point her and Carpenter would just get credit for any Halloween film ever made.)

John Carpenter – ( Known For: Halloween; They Live; Halloween; Escape from New York; The Fog; Escape from L.A.; Prince of Darkness; Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; Assault on Precinct 13; Dark Star; Assault on Precinct 13; Eyes of Laura Mars; Black Moon Rising; Future BMT: Halloween Kills; Halloween; Lockout; Halloween: Resurrection; BMT: Ghosts of Mars; Halloween II; Halloween III: Season of the Witch; Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers; Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers; The Fog; Notes: Same as above. He’s an interesting guy, apparently he’s very into video games. So much so that when Metal Gear Solid obviously ripped off Escape from New York he declined to sue since he liked the game.)

Daniel Farrands – ( Known For: Aileen Wuornos: American Boogeywoman; The Girl Next Door; The Haunting of Sharon Tate; Havenhurst; BMT: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for The Haunting of Sharon Tate in 2020; Notes: He created the seven-hour documentary Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday the 13th, so he has his hands in multiple major horror franchises.)

Actors – Donald Pleasence – ( Known For: Halloween; The Great Escape; Oh, God!; You Only Live Twice; Escape from New York; THX 1138; The Eagle Has Landed; Phenomena; Prince of Darkness; Fantastic Voyage; Escape to Witch Mountain; Soldier Blue; Wake in Fright; The Greatest Story Ever Told; Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band; The Thief and the Cobbler; 1984; Cul-de-sac; Buried Alive; Dracula; BMT: Halloween II; Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers; Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers; Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers; Notes: He would die prior to this film’s release. He was really the major player in the franchise and obviously loved by Carpenter, also appearing as the President of the US (with a British accent) in Escape from New York.)

Paul Rudd – ( Known For: Ghostbusters: Afterlife; Avengers: Endgame; Romeo + Juliet; Captain America: Civil War; Clueless; The Perks of Being a Wallflower; The 40-Year-Old Virgin; Ant-Man and the Wasp; Ant-Man; Forgetting Sarah Marshall; This Is 40; This Is the End; Knocked Up; Night at the Museum; Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy; I Love You, Man; Sausage Party; Role Models; Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story; Between Two Ferns: The Movie; Future BMT: How Do You Know; Admission; 200 Cigarettes; The Ex; Reno 911! Miami; Over Her Dead Body; BMT: Year One; Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers; Notes: One of those classic actors who started with a crap horror film. He’s now Ant-Man and is in shows like The Shrink Next Door and still doing random comedy like Saturday Morning All Star Hits! and appearing on Conan (usually showing a random clip from Mac & Me).)

Marianne Hagan – ( Known For: Stake Land; Perfume; Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List; I Think I Do; Rick; BMT: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers; Notes: Was educated as a journalist and has written books with her sister and published some journalism pieces as well over the years.)

Budget/Gross – $5 million / Domestic: $15,116,634 (Worldwide: $15,116,634)

(Not bad actually. But the writing was on the wall at this point. There was nowhere to go with the franchise, horror was dying in the late 90s, and once Scream came along a year later it completely changed the landscape.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 9% (3/34): Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers trades the simple, brutal effectiveness of the original for convoluted mysticism, with disastrously dull results.

(Yup. Never explain!! You never explain your unstoppable killing machine. There is no point. What is the point of saying Michael Myers is doing all of this because of some cult? Who care?! No one, that’s who. Always a huge mistake.)

Reviewer Highlight: Although the series has obviously run out of steam, the ending leaves the door open for Michael’s return. Really, it’s about time the masks were removed once and for and all. – Stephen Holden, New York Times

Poster – Curses! The Michael Myers Story

(This is as classic as they got in the original series. Pretty similar to the first film’s poster. I like the blue tone and overall framing. Font has never been Halloween’s strong suit. So I’ll give it a bit of a pass. B+.)

Tagline(s) – Terror Never Rests In Peace! (C)

(Neither bad nor good really. It’s short and sweet and gives the sense of the character, but really as bland as they come.)

Keyword(s) – cult

Top 10: Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood (2019), Midsommar (2019), Scooby-Doo (2002), Get Out (2017), Hereditary (2018), The Shining (1980), Eyes Wide Shut (1999), Reservoir Dogs (1992), From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), Wrong Turn (2021)

Future BMT: 76.7 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 65.2 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 61.3 Scooby-Doo (2002), 58.4 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 56.6 An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), 55.1 Annabelle (2014), 51.3 Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000), 45.9 Darkness (2002), 45.2 Children of the Corn (1984), 44.5 The Reaping (2007)

BMT: Friday the 13th (2009), Drive Angry (2011), The Circle (2017), Cobra (1986), Conan the Destroyer (1984), The Wicker Man (2006), Babylon A.D. (2008), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Alone in the Dark (2005), Bless the Child (2000)

Matches: Midsommar (2019), Doctor Sleep (2019), The Master (2012), Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984), Mandy (2018), Martha Marcy May Marlene (2011), The Babysitter: Killer Queen (2020), Drive Angry (2011), Annabelle (2014), Colonia (2015), Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000), Apostle (2018), The Endless (2017), Children of the Corn (1984), Cobra (1986), Holy Smoke (1999), V/H/S/94 (2021), Society (1989), Midnight Special (2016), How to Talk to Girls at Parties (2017), Babylon A.D. (2008), Cult of Chucky (2017), Red State (2011), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), The Other Lamb (2019), Alone in the Dark (2005), Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains (1982), Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), … (and many more)

(We’ve done a ton of 00s cult films for some reason. The Wicker Man, Babylon A.D., Bless the Child. My god! There were a lot of them. We have to start killing up Children of the Corn at some point.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Donald Pleasence is No. 1 billed in Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers and No. 2 billed in Halloween II, which also stars Jamie Lee Curtis (No. 1 billed) who is in Christmas with the Kranks (No. 2 billed) which also stars Tim Allen (No. 1 billed) who is in Jungle 2 Jungle (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 15. If we were to watch How Do You Know, and Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – Paul Rudd’s film debut; it was filmed before Clueless (1995), his first big-screen appearance.

Most of the cast and crew disowned this movie. On the Halloween: 25 Years of Terror (2006) DVD, they stated that the studio, producers, and director interfered and argued to the point of ridiculousness which resulted in a very poorly directed and edited film.

The producers of the movie wanted Brian Andrews to reprise his role as Tommy Doyle from the original Halloween. However, Andrews did not have an agent, so they could not get in contact with him. He’s stated since that he regrets missing the opportunity.

It was Daniel Farrands who suggested that the film be called The Curse of Michael Myers due to the troubled production.

In early 1995, after filming and editing was completed, Halloween 6 was given a test screening which, as described by actress Marianne Hagan, “consisted primarily of 14-year-old boys.” During the Q&A afterward, one of them expressed great displeasure at the ending of the film, which entailed a Celtic ritual and the passing on of the Curse of Thorn to the Dr. Loomis character. This led to reshoots to craft a new ending, but there was a big problem: Donald Pleasence could not be present for them on account of having died in February. Not only was a new ending shot anyway, but over twenty minutes of other footage was changed as well, leaving gaping plot holes that rendered the film nearly incomprehensible.

Danielle Harris wanted to reclaim her role as Jamie, but turned it down when Dimension Films refused to pay her the $5,000 she wanted. Harris stated in an interview that when her agent learned that filmmakers were looking to cast an actress who was at least 18 or older to play Jamie in this film, she was only 17 but wanted to do the movie enough that she got herself legally emancipated from her parents at the suggestion of filmmakers so that she could work longer hours without having to go to school. Harris spent time and thousands of dollars on the legal process, but ultimately turned down the film due to her own dissatisfaction with her character’s story and Dimension’s refusal to pay her a salary that would have recovered her legal fees. Harris also stated that she eventually met and befriended J.C. Brandy, who took over the role of Jamie in the film and was treated poorly on the set because Harris turned down the role.

The original title of the movie was “Halloween 666: The Origin of Michael Myers”. There are even existing ad prints and early trailers with that title. Later, it became “Halloween 6” and finally “Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers”.

For years after the theatrical release of this film, the only way to watch the Producer’s Cut was by bootleg copies which had poor video and audio quality rendering it nearly unwatchable, the footage managed to survive being destroyed by being released illegally. On September 23rd, 2014, Shout Factory released the original Producer’s Cut on Blu Ray, with a restored picture from the original negative which is available in the Halloween Complete Collection for the first time. It was finally given an individual release by Miramax films on September 2015 though without the bonus features from the collection.

Many of the crew have gone on the record to state that director Joe Chappelle told them from the outset that he didn’t like the Halloween films, and was only involved in this project because it got him a three-picture deal with Miramax. His next two films after this were both Miramax releases.

Daniel Farrands was a longtime fan of the series. He had compiled a notebook filled with research on the series, including a timeline, bios for every character, a “family tree” of the Myers and Strode families, and research on the runic symbol of Thorn that had appeared in Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989).

Daniel Farrands stated in an interview that Joe Chappelle used little to no ideas from his script. He had completely re-written the entire third act which included a completely (confusing) different ending. Daniel’s original script dealt more with the cult and rune of Thorn.

Kevin Williamson’s initial treatment for part 7 originally acknowledged the events in 4, 5 and 6, but it was dropped to avoid confusing and complicating things for viewers.

This first Halloween movie where the sheriff of Haddonfield is not a main character in the movie.

Other than this film, the only film in the series that displayed the Thorn tattoo on Michael’s wrist was Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers. It has not been used in any subsequent films.

Priest (2011) Preview

Patrick is sweating bullets as he watches the intense hearts game commence between Jamie and the dastardly Donovan LePumice. Jamie always said, “Hearts in the thinking man’s poker,” and boy howdy is he showing his stuff. Hearts are flying left and right as he parries LePumice’s every move. When the dust settles they both look at their cards, chests heaving in exhaustion. “Wha-wha-whaaaaaaa?” Jamie says like a dope. And no wonder, both Jamie and LePumice appear to have simultaneously shot the moon. “Saboteur!” screams Jamie. “I do declare!” swoons LePumice in shock, but he quickly recovers to pull a gun on them. Patrick holds up his hand, urgently begging LePumice to listen. “Don’t you see? It’s a conspiracy. Why are you here, LePumice? Who sent you?” LePumice looks rattled. “Sent me? I just answered a call. A call for all Timecops to take down the Bad Movie Twins, or should I say Bad Movie Terrorists?” he spits. Jamie and Patrick shake their heads in dismay. They explain everything to LePumice, including just how rad they looked showing off on their dirt bikes. “Remember that?” Jamie asks and Patrick nods wistfully, having a pretty sweet audio flashback of that recent memory. LePumice lowers his gun, a look of resolve crossing his face. “I can’t help but believe you, even if the warrant for your time arrest noted that you might try to do something rad to distract me. Like some sweet dance moves or a chilling, ethereal duet. It all seems too… perfect. Let me help you.” Jamie and Patrick try to dissuade him. It’s too dangerous. He won’t be swayed though, and indicates for them to follow him. “We must get to the church. It’s where my time machine is… to take you back to the future.” That’s right! We are heading into the future for this year’s ongoing cycle. We start it off right by choosing Priest, a film that is probably, maybe, almost definitely set in the future… we think. It’s also only 87 minutes long. Works for me! Let’s go!

Priest (2011) – BMeTric: 43.9; Notability: 48

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 13.2%; Notability: top 10.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 9.1%; Higher BMeT: Jack and Jill, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Human Centipede 2: Tom Six Discusses the Story Concept, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Shark Night, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, The Darkest Hour, The Roommate, Abduction, Conan the Barbarian, Zookeeper, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Apollo 18, I Don’t Know How She Does It, The Dilemma, Twixt, Trespass, and 13 more; Higher Notability: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Green Lantern, Cars 2, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, Your Highness, Hop, New Year’s Eve, Jack and Jill, The Smurfs, Red Riding Hood, Battle Los Angeles, Sucker Punch, In Time, The Hangover Part II, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, I Am Number Four, Johnny English Reborn, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Season of the Witch, and 6 more; Lower RT: Faces in the Crowd, You May Not Kiss the Bride, Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Roommate, A Little Bit of Heaven, Hick, Abduction, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Dream House, New Year’s Eve, Red Riding Hood, Trespass, Season of the Witch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Atlas Shrugged: Part I, The Darkest Hour, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, There Be Dragons, Zookeeper, and 2 more; Notes: The era from 2000+ is quite interesting because there were so many bad movies that despite watching a ton of bad movies we still have only watched half of those available. Amazingly stayed stock still at a surprisingly high 5.7 on IMDb.

Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars –  Director and star of Legion reunite for an equally absurd but more exciting fantasy-thriller with religious overtones. In a postapocalyptic world ruled by the Catholic Church, an ages-old war between humans and humongous vampires has been settled by lethally efficient clerical warriors. But when rogue bloodsuckers kidnap his niece, Priest (Bettany) comes out of forced retirement to save her from a fate worse than death. Violent action-adventue borrows imagery and plot elements from The Searchers and other classic Westerns, and is all the more enjoyable as a guilty pleasure for not slipping into self-conscious campiness. Based on a Korean graphic novel series.

(Long review. And that does seem to be the consensus, that it is at least more enjoyable than Legion, but still terrible.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VNczhWD2ao

(You know, it just occurred to me that Bettany is, for kind of no reason, forced to put on an American accent. They are like “Bettany … what if you character talked like Christian Bale in Batman?” Weird choice. They just let Plummer talk like Christopher Plummer, just let Bettany be Bettany you know?)

Directors – Scott Stewart – ( Known For: Dark Skies; Holidays; Future BMT: Legion; BMT: Priest; Notes: He started as a visual effects artist for Industrial Light + Magic including working on Phantom Menace.)

Writers – Cory Goodman – ( Future BMT: Underworld: Blood Wars; Apollo 18; BMT: The Last Witch Hunter; Priest; Notes: There isn’t much information about him online. This was his first credited film, and he hasn’t been credited since 2016.)

Min-Woo Hyung – ( BMT: Priest; Notes: He wrote the graphic novel. I think he also made one called Ghostface, but Priest is by far his most famous work.)

Actors – Paul Bettany – ( Known For: Avengers: Infinity War; Iron Man; The Avengers; Captain America: Civil War; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Iron Man Three; Solo: A Star Wars Story; Legend; Iron Man 2; A Beautiful Mind; A Knight’s Tale; Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World; Margin Call; Dogville; Uncle Frank; The Young Victoria; Wimbledon; The Secret Life of Bees; Journey’s End; Bent; Future BMT: The Da Vinci Code; The Tourist; Legion; Inkheart; BMT: Transcendence; Priest; Mortdecai; Firewall; Notes: Most recently seen in WandaVision as Vision for which he was nominated for an Emmy. He directed the film Shelter starring his wife Jennifer Connelly.)

Cam Gigandet – ( Known For: Twilight; The Magnificent Seven; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; Easy A; Without Remorse; Dangerous Lies; In the Blood; The Experiment; Assimilate; Free Ride; Bad Johnson; 4 Minute Mile; Plush; Broken Vows; Red Sky; On the Doll; The Shadow Effect; Future BMT: Never Back Down; Pandorum; The Unborn; Who’s Your Caddy?; BMT: Burlesque; The Roommate; Priest; Trespass; Notes: We call him Cam Gigantic which I’m starting to think is pretty offensive, but whatever. Was credited on the soundtrack of Burlesque for singing Bound to You.)

Maggie Q – ( Known For: The Protégé; Divergent; Mission: Impossible III; Live Free or Die Hard; Rush Hour 2; Death of Me; New York, I Love You; The Con is On; Naked Weapon; Slumber; Operation: Endgame; The Argument; The King of Fighters; The Crash; Gen-Y Cops; Three Kingdoms; Dragon Heat; Lang zai ji; Hainan ji fan; The Trouble-Makers; Future BMT: Allegiant; The Divergent Series: Insurgent; Balls of Fury; Deception; BMT: Fantasy Island; Around the World in 80 Days; Priest; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress for Fantasy Island in 2021; Notes: Voices Wonder Woman in Young Justice. She was born in Hawaii and is half Vietnamese.)

Budget/Gross – $60,000,000 / Domestic: $29,137,000 (Worldwide: $78,309,505)

(Terrible. But unsurprising. Giant weirdo sci-fi nonsense from the 2000s always seemed to be chasing something (The Matrix maybe?) but then never really seemed to make much money.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 15% (15/101): Sleek and stylish, but those qualities are wasted on a dull, derivative blend of sci-fi, action, and horror.

(It really is a mishmash. It looks like a western, but objectively takes place in the future, but then also exists in a fantasy world where humans have been fighting vampires for centuries. Just a weird idea that probably works better as a graphic novel.)

Reviewer Highlight: The God of Aborted Franchises will be pleased. – Keith Uhlich, Time Out

Poster – Priest with the Least

(Nice font, but that’s kind of it. I like the detail and effort, but it’s very dark and kind of cheesy looking. Overall still OK though C+.)

Tagline(s) – The War is Eternal. His Mission is Just the Beginning. (D)

(Been a while since I got to say this: this sounds like a tagline, but I assure you it is not. This is straight nonsense. Just words put together to sound like a tagline. It’s not.)

Keyword(s) – vampire

Top 10: Hotel Transylvania: Transformania (2022), Hotel Transylvania (2012), Twilight (2008), Doctor Sleep (2019), Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation (2018), Dark Shadows (2012), The Lost Boys (1987), Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010), From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994)

Future BMT: 90.0 Vampires Suck (2010), 88.5 BloodRayne (2005), 51.7 Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (2010), 49.9 Sleepwalkers (1992), 44.9 Transylvania 6-5000 (1985), 43.3 Bordello of Blood (1996), 41.2 Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992), 40.9 The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003), 40.9 Blade: Trinity (2004), 40.2 The Forsaken (2001)

BMT: Hellboy (2019), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Vampire Academy (2014), Queen of the Damned (2002), Dracula 2000 (2000), Priest (2011), Ultraviolet (2006), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), Dudley Do-Right (1999)

Matches: Twilight (2008), Dark Shadows (2012), The Lost Boys (1987), From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994), Dracula (1992), Night Teeth (2021), Blade (1998), Hotel Transylvania 2 (2015), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 (2012), Let Me In (2010), Underworld (2003), Blade: Trinity (2004), Blade II (2002), The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010), The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013), Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Body Double (1984), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992), 30 Days of Night (2007), Vampire Academy (2014), Underworld: Blood Wars (2016), Vampires (1998), Queen of the Damned (2002), Near Dark (1987), Once Bitten (1985), Fright Night (1985), Paris, je t’aime (2006), Fright Night (2011), BloodRayne (2005), Embrace of the Vampire (1995), Underworld: Evolution (2006), Daybreakers (2009), Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009), Dracula 2000 (2000), Underworld: Awakening (2012), Thirst (2009), The Stakelander (2016), A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014), Priest (2011), Sleepwalkers (1992), Vampire’s Kiss (1988), Ultraviolet (2006), Freaks of Nature (2015), Shadow of the Vampire (2000), Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), Stake Land (2010), The House Next Door: Meet the Blacks 2 (2021), Fright Night Part 2 (1988), Vampires Suck (2010), The Little Vampire (2000), Night Watch (2004), Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant (2009), My Best Friend Is a Vampire (1987), Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), … (and many more)

(So many and so many left and even so many solid BMTs left. My god … we haven’t watched The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen! I mean, I have seen it (in theaters). We just haven’t watched it for BMT yet.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Paul Bettany is No. 1 billed in Priest and No. 2 billed in Firewall, which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 10. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The animated opening was a compromise solution, since the studios had no interest in going over budget for a live-action version of the centuries-long battle of humans against vampires, so the scene was done by animation which was much cheaper to realize.

The girl Priest is looking for is called Lucy. This is a throwback to the Dracula of Bram Stoker, where there is also a character named Lucy, who is also an engaged redheaded girl in need of saving.

The basic premise of this is the search for a kidnapped girl, the niece of the Priest, who accompanied by her boyfriend set off after the kidnappers [Vampires], at one point the Priest says if his niece is infected he will kill her, to which her boyfriend says he will stop him. This is the same premise as a classic western the Searchers, with John Wayne saying he will kill the niece he and Jeffrey Hunter are searching for because of her being so long with the Indians and Jeffrey Hunter saying he will stop him. In both films both the Priest and John Wayne say “you can try”

The two companies responsible for building the bikes, Cinema Vehicle Services and Ghostlight Industries started with the Suzuki Gladius. The builders took the initial artists’ sketches and made adjustments that would allow them to create fully functioning, usable vehicles. Alloy swing arms were fitted to the rear of the bikes with a strengthened suspension setup similar to that used on sidecars. The front wheels were also extended out from the bikes using completely custom designed front ends. The low stance was then achieved by building custom fuel tanks that could be relocated to beneath the seat in the extra space created by the massively extended swing arm. Using foam and wood the extreme styling from the concept sketches was shaped over the heavily modified Gladius. The final touches including paint, age effects and the weapons were then added by the production’s art department. All the motorcycles produced for the film took around 6 weeks to produce. One builder was quoted as confidently saying that the motorcycles could be road registered and ridden daily.

Stephen Moyer did this film between seasons of playing a vampire in True Blood (2008).

Cam Gigandet played James, a vampire, in Twilight (2008).

Moonfall Preview

Patrick looks at his watch. Jamie had been gambling for three hours and Patrick’s patience was wearing thin. Maybe they really did just need to straighten out Young Jamie and Patrick and head on back to the time machine. Jamie asks for more money and Patrick refuses. He was already down $350 and he wasn’t about to lose more. “Aw come on,” Jamie insists, “the dealer is palming cards and I think I can prove it if I just get a couple more chances.” Still Patrick shakes his head and starts to pull Jamie to the exit. “Fine,” Jamie yells, yanking his sleeve from Patrick’s grasp, “I’ll just have to pound some dweebs.” Oh boy, Jamie’s got a glint in his eye and is looking like he’s about to Walk Tall all over this underground casino. But before he can get his Walking Tall on (hard) a tall, handsome-as-all-heck man in a tuxedo intercepts him. “Hey, good chap, how about we place a wager between us and let everyone enjoy themselves.” Jamie tries to shrug him off, but the man doesn’t budge. “Double fine,” Jamie spits out, staring daggers at all the people who narrowly missed a Walking Tall barrage all over their faces. They sit down at a nearby table. The man orders a tea (stirred, not shaken) and introduces himself. “The name’s LePumice, Donovan LePumice. The game’s Hearts. The wager is your lives, Bad Movie Twins.” Jamie and Patrick gasp in surprise. Guess they aren’t the only ones time traveling lately and no wonder, trouble has followed them ever since they obtained the Dongle. A crowd gathers as Jamie shuffles. “I just want to let you know before we start,” Donovan LePumice says sauvly, “I’m going to shoot the moon and then I’m going to shoot you.” That’s right! BMT Live! The movies are back, Jack, and we waited with bated breath to see if Moonfall would get into BMT range. It was like a will-they-won’t-they sitcom of the 90’s as the sexual chemistry between Moonfall and BMT was palpable (almost pornagraphic) and fortunately we were able to give the people what they wanted as it dropped below 40%. We snatched up the opportunity with gusto. Let’s go!

Moonfall (2022) – BMeTric: 38.9; Notability: 28

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.2%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 31.2%; Higher BMeT: Brazen, The 355, The Ice Age Adventures of Buck Wild; Lower RT: Blacklight, Brazen, Alice, The Ice Age Adventures of Buck Wild, The 355; Notes: Kind of cool to see what is happening this early into the year. Also just consider that Notability isn’t really accurate within two or so years of a film coming out, that number will double I think. Would be interesting to try and find out (using wikipedia historical records), but difficult.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – Roland Emmerich destroys the world again with “Moonfall,” but this time his heart just isn’t in it. The German nihilist blockbuster filmmaker, who has rarely met a conspiracy theory he didn’t like, has become the “master of disaster” with films like “Independence Day,” and his own global warming epic, “The Day After Tomorrow.” But while his film “2012” in particular was overwhelming in its passion for turning mass death into a roller coaster thrill ride with two kids in the backseat, here is “Moonfall,” which proves a boring apocalypse movie is worse than one fixated on how we are all doomed.

(This is kind of a mishmash review, but it is as bad as I expected. The film is getting surprisingly okay reviews (more on that later), so seeing a definitive “this sucks” review is at least refreshing.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivIwdQBlS10/

(Leans right into the years long trend of covering classic songs into stylized versions for trailers. Honest opinion? Bad Moon Rising has never sounded worse, but this trailer makes the movie seem more fun than it apparently is.)

Directors – Roland Emmerich – ( Known For: Independence Day; Midway; Stargate; The Day After Tomorrow; The Patriot; White House Down; Anonymous; Stonewall; Moon 44; Making Contact; The Noah’s Ark Principle; Ghost Chase; BMT: Moonfall; 2012; Independence Day: Resurgence; Godzilla; 10,000 BC; Universal Soldier; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director, and Worst Screenplay for Independence Day: Resurgence in 2017; Nominee for Worst Director, and Worst Screenplay for Godzilla in 1999; and Nominee for Worst Written Film Grossing Over $100 Million for Independence Day in 1997; Notes: Wrote and Directed Stargate which is being remade with him writing and directing again. I wonder how many times a writer go to remake his own film.)

Writers – Roland Emmerich – ( Known For: Independence Day; Stargate; The Day After Tomorrow; Moon 44; Making Contact; The Noah’s Ark Principle; Ghost Chase; BMT: Moonfall; 2012; Independence Day: Resurgence; Godzilla; 10,000 BC; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director, and Worst Screenplay for Independence Day: Resurgence in 2017; Nominee for Worst Director, and Worst Screenplay for Godzilla in 1999; and Nominee for Worst Written Film Grossing Over $100 Million for Independence Day in 1997; Notes: Apparently got into movies after watching the original Star Wars film in Germany in the late 70s.)

Harald Kloser – ( BMT: Moonfall; 2012; 10,000 BC; Notes: Primarily a composer. All of the films he has written were also written and directed by Emmerich.)

Spenser Cohen – ( Known For: Extinction; BMT: Moonfall; Notes: Is credited as a writer on the upcoming Expendables 4 which surely won’t be a shoe-in BMT classic …)

Actors – Halle Berry – ( Known For: Kingsman: The Golden Circle; Cloud Atlas; X-Men; John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum; X-Men: Days of Future Past; X-Men: The Last Stand; Bruised; Die Another Day; Monster’s Ball; X2: X-Men United; Executive Decision; The Last Boy Scout; Robots; The Call; Boomerang; Jungle Fever; The Program; Kings; Bulworth; Dark Tide; Future BMT: The Flintstones; Gothika; Kidnap; B*A*P*S; Strictly Business; Father Hood; The Rich Man’s Wife; Race the Sun; BMT: Moonfall; Movie 43; Swordfish; New Year’s Eve; Catwoman; Perfect Stranger; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actress for Catwoman in 2005; Nominee for Worst Actress in 2014 for Movie 43, and The Call; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for Catwoman in 2005; Notes: Famously won an Oscar for Monster’s Ball, but also won an Emmy for Introducing Dorothy Dandridge. Won the Miss Teen All-American Pageant in 1985.)

Patrick Wilson – ( Known For: Watchmen; Aquaman; Midway; Prometheus; The Conjuring; The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It; Insidious; The Assistant; Bone Tomahawk; The Founder; Little Children; Annabelle Comes Home; The Conjuring 2; The A-Team; The Switch; A Kind of Murder; Hard Candy; The Commuter; In the Tall Grass; Young Adult; Future BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; The Phantom of the Opera; Insidious: The Last Key; Insidious: Chapter 2; The Alamo; BMT: Moonfall; The Nun; Evening; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Angels in America. Started mostly in theater where he was nominated for two Tony awards.)

John Bradley – ( Known For: Marry Me; Anna Karenina; Man Up; American Satan; Patient Zero; Future BMT: The Brothers Grimsby; BMT: Moonfall; Notes: Apparently is a stand up comedian and drummer in addition to (most famously) appearing in Game of Thrones. He’s going to be in the upcoming Three-Body Problem television series.)

Budget/Gross – $138–146 million / Domestic: $11,909,256 (Worldwide: $15,862,113)

(This is obviously incomplete, but, no joke, this is one of the biggest bombs in history. It is up there with things like Mars Needs Moms apparently as far as getting a $10 million opening weekend on a $150+ budget.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 38% (66/172): Whether Moonfall is so bad it’s good or simply bad will depend on your tolerance for B-movie cheese — but either way, this is an Emmerich disaster thriller through and through.

(The actual percentage was 39.8% and then switched to 39.6% when I originally generated this … this is how fine this is. But hey, it qualified on Thursday. This is Bad Movie Thursday. It was a bad movie on Thursday. That’s all we needed to hear. Rules rules rules. Nice to see it going down though.)

Reviewer Highlight: You’re going for the CGI destruction anyway, and even on those rubbly grounds, Moonfall is a disappointment, flitting by its destroyed vistas with a weird impatience. – Joshua Rothkopf, Entertainment Weekly

Poster – Dumbo Moon Movie

(Uhhh, what is this depicting? I assume the sphere is the moon… surrounded by clouds? And then astronauts floating in… space or maybe on earth? This really is like one of those taglines where I say it only looks like a tagline. This looks like a poster, but I assure you it is not. Still fun font and somewhat aesthetically pleasing. C-.)

Tagline(s) – In 2022, Humanity will face the dark side of the Moon. (B+)

(Yes, please. Thank you. I mean that is a double entendre for the ages my friends. I wish it was a little less clunky and long, but boy does that hit me where it hurts. But I always knew that exploring the extremities of tagline pleasure would be like hooks in my flesh tearing me apart.)

Keyword(s) – astronaut

Top 10: Moonfall (2022), The Suicide Squad (2021), Interstellar (2014), F9: The Fast Saga (2021), Watchmen (2009), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Hidden Figures (2016), The Martian (2015), Oblivion (2013)

Future BMT: 66.8 Thunderbirds (2004), 61.0 Space Chimps (2008), 58.9 Apollo 18 (2011), 56.6 Land of the Lost (2009), 52.1 Green Lantern (2011), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 44.7 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 42.9 Mission to Mars (2000), 42.2 Red Planet (2000), 32.1 Planet 51 (2009)

BMT: Moonfall (2022), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Armageddon (1998), X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019), Event Horizon (1997), Geostorm (2017), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Space Between Us (2017), Species II (1998), Virus (1999), The Astronaut’s Wife (1999), Escape from Planet Earth (2012)

Matches: Moonfall (2022), Interstellar (2014), The Martian (2015), Ad Astra (2019), X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019), Gravity (2013), Lucy in the Sky (2019), Apollo 13 (1995), Event Horizon (1997), Zathura: A Space Adventure (2005), Sunshine (2007), Moon (2009), Fantastic Four (2005), Deep Impact (1998), Stowaway (2021), First Man (2018), The Midnight Sky (2020), Planet of the Apes (2001), Terms of Endearment (1983), The Right Stuff (1983), Space Cowboys (2000), The Space Between Us (2017), SpaceCamp (1986), Red Planet (2000), Europa Report (2013), The Fantastic Four (1994), Species II (1998), 3022 (2019), Planet 51 (2009), Thunderbirds (2004), Apollo 18 (2011), Beyond the Stars (1989), The Astronaut’s Wife (1999), Escape from Planet Earth (2012), 400 Days (2015), Space Chimps (2008), The Astronaut Farmer (2006), Hangar 18 (1980), Approaching the Unknown (2016), Moontrap (1988), Capture the Flag (2015), Love (2011), The Aftermath (1982), Magellan (2017), Solar Crisis (1990), Space Warriors (2013), Dark Breed (1996), Inhumanwich! (2016), The Last Astronaut (2019), One Under the Sun (2017), 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover (2004), The Astronot (2018), Another Plan from Outer Space (2018), Hyper Space (1989), Speedwagon (2015)

(I kind of love this graphic because you can convince yourself that the reasoning behind why it climbs so swiftly in the late 90s is CGI. Should we be doing Mission to Mars and Red Planet together with one as a bonus? Seems like an opportunity there.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Halle Berry is No. 1 billed in Moonfall and No. 1 billed in Perfect Stranger, which also stars Giovanni Ribisi (No. 3 billed) who is in Gone in Sixty Seconds (No. 2 billed) which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 5 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (5 + 1) = 15. If we were to watch Insidious: Chapter 2, and Wicker Park we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – In the scene where KC is presenting information to a small group of people at a hotel, the wallpaper pattern in that hotel matches the iconic wallpaper pattern in The Shining. This seems to be a nod to the rumor that the moon landing was fake and directed by Stanley Kubrick (director of The Shining).

Josh Gad was originally cast as KC Houseman, but dropped out of the film due to scheduling conflicts.

Walking Tall (2004) Preview

Having agreed that secrets are for sharing and that what is yours is mine (and ours), Young Mikey leads the whole gang over to his house. He seems quite nervous and understandably so. Young Jamie and Patrick explain that they have been less than nice to Mikey in the past. “We were bullies,” Young Jamie says ashamed. Jamie and Patrick remember. Like the time they put cement on his seat at school. “Ha, right. He was stuck there for days,” chuckles Patrick. Or the time they kept swapping his hat for an identical one a size larger. “Until he was convinced he was shrinking,” Jamie says with a snort. Or the time they put a fish in his overalls and the cats from all across town followed him around. “Yeah, and his dad was allergic to cats,” Patrick says, tears now streaming down his face in laughter. “Right, and then his dad was sneezing all the time and it drove his mom crazy so they started fighting and they almost got divorced,” Jamie finishes, his laughter petering out. “But that wasn’t really all that funny at that point.” Patrick nods. “Yeah, not really funny at all actually and they had other stuff going on… like not just the sneezing part… which you have to admit was funny, but not great given the circumstances of their marriage.” By the time they finish contemplating things that are funny (sneezing, cement, etc.) and things that are definitely not funny (fighting, potential divorce, etc.) they arrive at Mikey’s. Mikey flings open his cellar door and the gang gasps. A full blown illegal casino is being operated in the basement. “See, my parents need me to run the craps table tonight,” Mikey says sadly, but Jamie and Patrick are already halfway down the stairs.That’s right! We’re watching another remake of a classic (of sorts) with the early The Rock vehicle, Walking Tall. The original is more like a smash low-budget hit of the 70’s. The remake? Not so much. Let’s go!

Walking Tall (2004) – BMeTric: 23.8; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 30.4%; Notability: top 10.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 25.6%; Higher BMeT: Catwoman, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, You Got Served, Torque, Taxi, Soul Plane, Seed of Chucky, Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Thunderbirds, Envy, Godsend, Garfield, Fat Albert, Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London, Exorcist: The Beginning, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, New York Minute, The Stepford Wives, First Daughter, and 56 more; Higher Notability: Shark Tale, Catwoman, The Chronicles of Riddick, Van Helsing, King Arthur, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, Alexander, After the Sunset, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, Blade: Trinity, She Hate Me, Fat Albert, The Stepford Wives, Man on Fire, Around the World in 80 Days, The Phantom of the Opera, Alien vs. Predator, Along Came Polly, The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, Meet the Fockers, and 6 more; Lower RT: Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, Twisted, My Baby’s Daddy, The Whole Ten Yards, Godsend, Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Movie – Pyramid of Light, The Cookout, Christmas with the Kranks, Johnson Family Vacation, Envy, Surviving Christmas, First Daughter, Catwoman, Taxi, House of D, Exorcist: The Beginning, New York Minute, Employee of the Month, A Cinderella Story, Against the Ropes, and 42 more; Notes: I can’t believe this has a 6.3 on IMDb. Really high Notability though … for a film that is like 75 minutes long that is impressive I guess.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – I didn’t see the original “Walking Tall.” I was “out of town at the time,” I explained in my review of “Part Two Walking Tall.” Sounds reasonable. But I suspect the earlier film was tilted more toward populism and less toward superhero violence than the new “Walking Tall,” which is “dedicated to the memory of Buford Pusser” but turns the story into a cartoon of retribution and revenge.

(It took me a few times of reading this review to realize exactly what Ebert was suggesting. He had never seen the original Walking Tall, but did end up reviewing the sequel. As this was prior to home video to at least some extent Ebert just reviewed the sequel without seeing the original … and now he’s reviewing the remake without (maybe) having (still) ever seen the original. That’s kind of crazy.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edR_niqKp1Q/

(They are really going for The Rock in the previews, nary a mention of the previous film which I guess for some reason I find interesting. A veritable Who’s Who of early 2000s bad guys though, so that is exciting.)

Directors – Kevin Bray – ( Known For: Linewatch; Future BMT: All About the Benjamins; BMT: Walking Tall; Notes: Directs a ton of television. The Morning Show, The Game, Insecure, Black-ish. There is surprisingly little about him on IMDb, but he hasn’t directed a feature since 2008.)

Writers – Mort Briskin – ( Known For: Walking Tall; The Second Woman; Framed; A Man Alone; The Magic Face; BMT: Walking Tall; Notes: He wrote the original. He died in 2000, four years prior to this release. He also wrote 30 episodes of U.S. Marshal among other things.)

David Klass – ( Known For: Emperor; Future BMT: Desperate Measures; BMT: Kiss the Girls; Walking Tall; Notes: Hasn’t been credited as a writer since 2012, although he is clearly still working as he was a consultant for Between Two Dawns. Was a producer on Law & Order: Criminal Intent.)

Channing Gibson – ( Known For: Lethal Weapon 4; BMT: Walking Tall; Cradle 2 the Grave; Notes: Was exclusively a television writer until Lethal Weapon 4 (writing on things like L.A. Law and NYPD Blue). Was nominated for five Emmys for St. Elsewhere, NYPD Blue, and Murder One. He won for NYPD Blue.)

David Levien and Brian Koppelman – ( Known For: Rounders; Ocean’s Thirteen; Runaway Jury; The Girlfriend Experience; Future BMT: Knockaround Guys; BMT: Walking Tall; Runner Runner; Notes: Famously wrote Rounders and maybe gambled semi-professionally (I don’t remember). Writers on Billions, I mostly know Koppelman for his appearances on the Bill Simmons Podcast.)

Actors – Dwayne Johnson – ( Known For: Free Guy; Red Notice; Jungle Cruise; Moana; Jumanji: The Next Level; Journey 2: The Mysterious Island; Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle; Fighting with My Family; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; The Other Guys; Furious 7; Furious 6; The Fate of the Furious; The Mummy Returns; Central Intelligence; Pain & Gain; San Andreas; The Scorpion King; Fast Five; Skyscraper; Future BMT: You Again; Why Did I Get Married Too?; Tooth Fairy; Planet 51; Jem and the Holograms; Reno 911! Miami; BMT: Baywatch; G.I. Joe: Retaliation; The Game Plan; Be Cool; Doom; Walking Tall; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor for Doom in 2006; Notes: The Rock! Not quite the last film he was credited as The Rock (that would be Doom). A mega-super-star at this point, but back then he was a mere four years out of bit parts on television shows like Star Trek: Voyager and doing pretty much only WWE stuff.)

Ashley Scott – ( Known For: Jumanji: The Next Level; A.I. Artificial Intelligence; S.W.A.T.; Just Friends; Secret Obsession; The Kingdom; Puff, Puff, Pass; Lost; Future BMT: Into the Blue; 12 Rounds; BMT: Walking Tall; Strange Wilderness; Notes: Incredible she is considered one of the main three actors in this film (uh … where Neil McDonough?). Started as a model, and was married to actor Steve Hart.)

Johnny Knoxville – ( Known For: Mainstream; Polar; Lords of Dogtown; Above Suspicion; The Last Stand; Bad Grandpa; The Ringer; We Summon the Darkness; A Dirty Shame; Big Trouble; Skiptrace; Half Magic; Elvis & Nixon; Small Apartments; Rosy; Father of Invention; Nature Calls; Grand Theft Parsons; Daltry Calhoun; Future BMT: Coyote Ugly; Men in Black II; The Dukes of Hazzard; Action Point; Fun Size; Deuces Wild; BMT: Movie 43; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Walking Tall; Notes: You know Knoxville. Jackass was really how he became famous, another of which (and probably final) came out this weekend. His real last name is Clapp, he was born in Knoxville.)

Budget/Gross – $46,000,000 / Domestic: $46,437,717 (Worldwide: $57,223,890)

(Not really what you want. I’m sure there would have been another one if they could have gotten to maybe $75 million? Instead the series lives on with Kevin Sorbo …)

Rotten Tomatoes – 26% (35/136): The Rock makes a competent hero, but the movie is content to let a 2×4 do all the talking.

(Yeah, and really that isn’t what the original is really about. It is and it isn’t. A huge part of the original was about how his one-man crusade ruined his life in reality. You just know they weren’t going to have that be part of the remake.)

Reviewer Highlight: One mediocre, ploddingly predictable film, loaded down with cheesy Hollywood tactics – Desson Thomson, Washington Post

Poster – Rocking Tall

(No no no no no.. no! No! No!… … … no. No. I don’t accept this. Look at all that white space. No! Look at that dumb font. No no no! No F. It’s an F. I could have made this in high school. The only curiosity here is that The Rock looks like a normal sized human being in it. But otherwise. No!)

Tagline(s) – One man will stand up for what’s right. (D)

(Boooooo. Come on. Sometimes bad posters will have good taglines. This is just generic and not clever and doesn’t even really help with the plot. Oh really? The main character will be the good guy and he’s fighting some bad guys?)

Keyword(s) – sheriff

Top 10: Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021), Scream (1996), Scream 4 (2011), The Unforgivable (2021), Antlers (2021), Wind River (2017), Halloween Kills (2021), Django Unchained (2012), No Country for Old Men (2007), The Little Things (2021)

Future BMT: 90.0 Vampires Suck (2010), 79.1 Shark Night (2011), 77.9 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 74.8 Psycho (1998), 70.6 Halloween II (2009), 70.1 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 65.4 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 63.6 The Dukes of Hazzard (2005), 59.5 Witless Protection (2008), 56.7 Robin Hood (2018)

BMT: The Postman (1997), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), Battleship (2012), Friday the 13th (2009), I Am Number Four (2011), Jonah Hex (2010), Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Wild Hogs (2007), House of Wax (2005), Young Guns II (1990), Sleepaway Camp (1983), Walking Tall (2004), Did You Hear About the Morgans? (2009), Halloween II (1981), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988), Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993), Raw Deal (1986), Phantoms (1998), Fire Down Below (1997), Alone in the Dark (2005), Hard Rain (1998), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), American Outlaws (2001), Say It Isn’t So (2001), The Odd Couple II (1998), Bats (1999), Here on Earth (2000), Chill Factor (1999)

Matches: Scream 4 (2011), Antlers (2021), The Little Things (2021), True Grit (2010), Den of Thieves (2018), I Spit on Your Grave (2010), First Blood (1982), House of Sand and Fog (2003), Bone Tomahawk (2015), Winter’s Bone (2010), Planet Terror (2007), The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982), Rango (2011), The Silencing (2020), Robin Hood (2018), Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993), Red Headed Stranger (1986), The Dukes of Hazzard (2005), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), The Gift (2000), 30 Days of Night (2007), Cop Land (1997), The Devil’s Rejects (2005), Premonition (2007), Walking Tall (2004), The Last Stand (2013), Life (1999), Powder (1995), Heaven’s Gate (1980), Leap of Faith (1992), The Kid (2019), Shimmer Lake (2017), … (and many more)

(Ah Jeepers Creepers III, the film I will never watch for BMT. I’ll stick with things like Smokey and the Bandit Part 3.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Neal McDonough is No. 3 billed in Walking Tall and No. 3 billed in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, which also stars Chris Klein (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (3 + 3) + (2 + 2) = 10. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – At the beginning when Chris Vaughn asks the sheriff what happened to the former sheriff it is said that the guy was a great man but they found one day he had mysteriously skidded off a deserted road and died hitting a tree. This is a reference to how the real Buford Pusser died.

Johnny Knoxville executed co-star Dwayne Johnson’s signature WWE finisher, “The People’s Elbow”

Dwayne Johnson’s stunt double in this movie was his cousin Tanoai Reed. (I think that’s his longtime stunt double).

Debut movie of Cobie Smulders. (She shows up for about 5 seconds and doesn’t say anything)

The film takes place in Kitsap County, Washington. The Kitsap Penninsula is across Puget Sound from Seattle, and is home to both the Bremerton Naval Shipyards and the Bangor Submarine Base. A large part of the population are military personnel. The movie was actually filmed in Squamish, B.C. The opening scene was filmed on the Bowen Island ferry to Horseshoe Bay

As a young man, Buford Pusser, the real-life sheriff who this remake is based upon, wrestled professionally across the South as “Buford the Bull”. Dwayne Johnson, who plays the character inspired by him, began his acting career as a professional wrestler.