Boy oh boy. I do believe Walking Tall is a secretly very solid BMT film. I might even entertain the possibility that it’s even better than very solid. Why? They took a very basic plot and twisted it until the main character literally became a monster. You see, the Rock arrives home and looks around and is like, “Why is the lumber mill closed? What is this tiny, tiny casino? And how did I lose a football game to Neal McDonough?” He becomes enraged by these facts (particularly the last one) and destroys everything in sight while visiting the tiny casino. The original at least then gave him a reason to go back and take further vengeance. This one? Not really. The Rock just works out a bunch and is good to go until he hears a rumor that maybe, possibly, kinda, vaguely someone in the vicinity of the casino sold some drugs to his nephew. A matter for the police, right? And maybe at least confirm a few facts? Nope. The Rock has no time for that. He instead just smashes up the casino like a crazy person. When they show his trial I was like ‘good, he’s a menace to this small town.’ They don’t even have the decency to make it all that clear that the local cops are in cahoots with our boy Neal. Besides it’s not like The Rock does much better when he becomes sheriff. He just kicks them to the curb for his own style of cronyism as he installs his woefully underqualified BFF as his deputy. Justice!
None of this makes sense, particularly as they zoom to a conclusion which consists of The Rock immediately finding out that it’s not just small-time drug deals coming out of the casino. They’re actually using the old mill as a place to make drugs in bulk! My god! He then beats up Neal, arrests him for the drugs, and reopens the apparently totally economically feasible mill. Woah! Neal, my man. You’re saying you had the entire infrastructure for a profitable lumber mill at your disposal and you closed it down for a little tiny meth lab? And the whole town was just sitting around unemployed ready to run the mill for you? Honestly you probably could have run the meth lab in a number of other places and made a bunch more money as the lumber mill/casino/meth mogul of the Northwest US. I guess I could see the argument of really beating down the town so you can run it, but don’t you want to run a thriving town? Who wants to go to a weirdo tiny casino in a dead mill town filled with meth. I just don’t think Neal thought this whole thing through.
I think you can tell from my obsessive recounting of the very plot of the film that I very much enjoyed it. It’s like a child wrote it. A big monster man just beats people up with only vague notions as to why he’s doing it. Anywho, one of the enduring mysteries of the franchise is what the term “walking tall” really means. Well, as far as I can glean from this film these are the rules for “walking tall”:
When you observe some low level employee at a legitimate place of business doing something illegal do not alert the owner or call the police. Instead, punch the employee in the face and cause thousands of dollars in property damage.
If you ever hear any rumors of illegal activity at a legitimate place of business, particularly from witnesses like children, do not alert the owner or call the police. Instead, grab a giant stick, hit as many employees as you can in the face with it, and cause thousands of dollars in property damage.
If you don’t like a legitimate place of business because it’s bad, find out if the owner is doing anything illegal and don’t arrest him. Instead, engage in hand-to-hand combat and bloody him up real good so you can let him know that you now own the town.
So there you have it, in just three easy steps you too can walk tall. Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Walking Tall (2004)? More like Shocking Fall, amirite?! Watch in amazement as the enormous Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson squeezes himself into a teeny tiny 75-minute movie. Let’s go!
You heard that right, the film is 75 minutes long. Don’t be deceived by IMDb, or Amazon, or the runtime of the film. The film comes to a very quick conclusion and then there are 10 minutes of credits. A full 10 minutes.
The most anxiety inducing part of the film wasn’t the gaudy casino, or the fights, or the exciting drug plotline. Oh no. It was wondering how The Rock’s poor family could afford to feed him without having jobs. Do you see him? He must eat like 5000 calories a day.
Neal McDonough is a national treasure. The best bad movie bad guy ever.
The film has a five minute montage of The Rock watching television and eating, and that is also just about how long they spend explaining (and concluding) the ultimate drug plotline of the film. When they were like “we need to find the bad guy’s drug cook site” I was sitting there wondering why they thought he must be producing the drugs himself … surely the head security officer at the casino could handle a small-time drug operation servicing a rural Washington community by himself. Apparently they needed McDonough’s Big Bad Bad Guy Brain to crack the code on getting people addicted to meth.
Knoxville was fun though. Much like the original used Obra as a method for Buford to break down the moonshine businesses (which used poor black men as cheap labor), they used Knoxville as a tweaker who knew the ins and outs of the meth business.
Borderline Planchet (Who?) for Knoxville who does his best to get beat up real good throughout the film. Product Placement (What?) for Miller Genuine Draft which The Rock drinks up at every opportunity. Great Setting as a Character (Where?) for Washington state. And a Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimate obvious conclusion that the drug cook site was the closed down mill. Solid BMT film.
I did watch the original film and really liked it. I get the concern about the glorification of revenge storylines which a lot of the bad reviews mentioned, and the ending is more than a bit wonky, but the film is a pretty fun early 70s actioner. I don’t think we need any other remakes or television series or sequels to this film, there are more than enough already.
Oh man, so I was running this crazy gaudy casino when this crazy person came in and started beating everyone up with a 2×4! Well, he whacked me in the head pretty good, and now I can’t remember a thing! Do you remember what happened in Walking Tall (2004)?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) When Chris Vaughn returns home things have changed quite a bit in Hamilton. What happened to the previous sheriff who was then replaced by Sheriff Watkins?
2) How does Chris know Ray Ray?
3) Why does Chris get into a fight at the Wild Cherry? And why does he get into a fight a second time?
4) How many years was Chris facing in his trial? What was the plea deal? And how did he win the case?
5) Where is Hamilton’s crystal meth operation?
Bonus Question: In the mid-credits scene Chris is seen at the new and improved Sheriff station when he gets a call. From whom and about what?
Having agreed that secrets are for sharing and that what is yours is mine (and ours), Young Mikey leads the whole gang over to his house. He seems quite nervous and understandably so. Young Jamie and Patrick explain that they have been less than nice to Mikey in the past. “We were bullies,” Young Jamie says ashamed. Jamie and Patrick remember. Like the time they put cement on his seat at school. “Ha, right. He was stuck there for days,” chuckles Patrick. Or the time they kept swapping his hat for an identical one a size larger. “Until he was convinced he was shrinking,” Jamie says with a snort. Or the time they put a fish in his overalls and the cats from all across town followed him around. “Yeah, and his dad was allergic to cats,” Patrick says, tears now streaming down his face in laughter. “Right, and then his dad was sneezing all the time and it drove his mom crazy so they started fighting and they almost got divorced,” Jamie finishes, his laughter petering out. “But that wasn’t really all that funny at that point.” Patrick nods. “Yeah, not really funny at all actually and they had other stuff going on… like not just the sneezing part… which you have to admit was funny, but not great given the circumstances of their marriage.” By the time they finish contemplating things that are funny (sneezing, cement, etc.) and things that are definitely not funny (fighting, potential divorce, etc.) they arrive at Mikey’s. Mikey flings open his cellar door and the gang gasps. A full blown illegal casino is being operated in the basement. “See, my parents need me to run the craps table tonight,” Mikey says sadly, but Jamie and Patrick are already halfway down the stairs.That’s right! We’re watching another remake of a classic (of sorts) with the early The Rock vehicle, Walking Tall. The original is more like a smash low-budget hit of the 70’s. The remake? Not so much. Let’s go!
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 30.4%; Notability: top 10.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 25.6%; Higher BMeT: Catwoman, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, You Got Served, Torque, Taxi, Soul Plane, Seed of Chucky, Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Thunderbirds, Envy, Godsend, Garfield, Fat Albert, Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London, Exorcist: The Beginning, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, New York Minute, The Stepford Wives, First Daughter, and 56 more; Higher Notability: Shark Tale, Catwoman, The Chronicles of Riddick, Van Helsing, King Arthur, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, Alexander, After the Sunset, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, Blade: Trinity, She Hate Me, Fat Albert, The Stepford Wives, Man on Fire, Around the World in 80 Days, The Phantom of the Opera, Alien vs. Predator, Along Came Polly, The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, Meet the Fockers, and 6 more; Lower RT: Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, Twisted, My Baby’s Daddy, The Whole Ten Yards, Godsend, Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Movie – Pyramid of Light, The Cookout, Christmas with the Kranks, Johnson Family Vacation, Envy, Surviving Christmas, First Daughter, Catwoman, Taxi, House of D, Exorcist: The Beginning, New York Minute, Employee of the Month, A Cinderella Story, Against the Ropes, and 42 more; Notes: I can’t believe this has a 6.3 on IMDb. Really high Notability though … for a film that is like 75 minutes long that is impressive I guess.
RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – I didn’t see the original “Walking Tall.” I was “out of town at the time,” I explained in my review of “Part Two Walking Tall.” Sounds reasonable. But I suspect the earlier film was tilted more toward populism and less toward superhero violence than the new “Walking Tall,” which is “dedicated to the memory of Buford Pusser” but turns the story into a cartoon of retribution and revenge.
(It took me a few times of reading this review to realize exactly what Ebert was suggesting. He had never seen the original Walking Tall, but did end up reviewing the sequel. As this was prior to home video to at least some extent Ebert just reviewed the sequel without seeing the original … and now he’s reviewing the remake without (maybe) having (still) ever seen the original. That’s kind of crazy.)
(They are really going for The Rock in the previews, nary a mention of the previous film which I guess for some reason I find interesting. A veritable Who’s Who of early 2000s bad guys though, so that is exciting.)
Directors – Kevin Bray – ( Known For: Linewatch; Future BMT: All About the Benjamins; BMT: Walking Tall; Notes: Directs a ton of television. The Morning Show, The Game, Insecure, Black-ish. There is surprisingly little about him on IMDb, but he hasn’t directed a feature since 2008.)
Writers – Mort Briskin – ( Known For: Walking Tall; The Second Woman; Framed; A Man Alone; The Magic Face; BMT: Walking Tall; Notes: He wrote the original. He died in 2000, four years prior to this release. He also wrote 30 episodes of U.S. Marshal among other things.)
David Klass – ( Known For: Emperor; Future BMT: Desperate Measures; BMT: Kiss the Girls; Walking Tall; Notes: Hasn’t been credited as a writer since 2012, although he is clearly still working as he was a consultant for Between Two Dawns. Was a producer on Law & Order: Criminal Intent.)
Channing Gibson – ( Known For: Lethal Weapon 4; BMT: Walking Tall; Cradle 2 the Grave; Notes: Was exclusively a television writer until Lethal Weapon 4 (writing on things like L.A. Law and NYPD Blue). Was nominated for five Emmys for St. Elsewhere, NYPD Blue, and Murder One. He won for NYPD Blue.)
David Levien and Brian Koppelman – ( Known For: Rounders; Ocean’s Thirteen; Runaway Jury; The Girlfriend Experience; Future BMT: Knockaround Guys; BMT: Walking Tall; Runner Runner; Notes: Famously wrote Rounders and maybe gambled semi-professionally (I don’t remember). Writers on Billions, I mostly know Koppelman for his appearances on the Bill Simmons Podcast.)
Actors – Dwayne Johnson – ( Known For: Free Guy; Red Notice; Jungle Cruise; Moana; Jumanji: The Next Level; Journey 2: The Mysterious Island; Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle; Fighting with My Family; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; The Other Guys; Furious 7; Furious 6; The Fate of the Furious; The Mummy Returns; Central Intelligence; Pain & Gain; San Andreas; The Scorpion King; Fast Five; Skyscraper; Future BMT: You Again; Why Did I Get Married Too?; Tooth Fairy; Planet 51; Jem and the Holograms; Reno 911! Miami; BMT: Baywatch; G.I. Joe: Retaliation; The Game Plan; Be Cool; Doom; Walking Tall; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor for Doom in 2006; Notes: The Rock! Not quite the last film he was credited as The Rock (that would be Doom). A mega-super-star at this point, but back then he was a mere four years out of bit parts on television shows like Star Trek: Voyager and doing pretty much only WWE stuff.)
Ashley Scott – ( Known For: Jumanji: The Next Level; A.I. Artificial Intelligence; S.W.A.T.; Just Friends; Secret Obsession; The Kingdom; Puff, Puff, Pass; Lost; Future BMT: Into the Blue; 12 Rounds; BMT: Walking Tall; Strange Wilderness; Notes: Incredible she is considered one of the main three actors in this film (uh … where Neil McDonough?). Started as a model, and was married to actor Steve Hart.)
Johnny Knoxville – ( Known For: Mainstream; Polar; Lords of Dogtown; Above Suspicion; The Last Stand; Bad Grandpa; The Ringer; We Summon the Darkness; A Dirty Shame; Big Trouble; Skiptrace; Half Magic; Elvis & Nixon; Small Apartments; Rosy; Father of Invention; Nature Calls; Grand Theft Parsons; Daltry Calhoun; Future BMT: Coyote Ugly; Men in Black II; The Dukes of Hazzard; Action Point; Fun Size; Deuces Wild; BMT: Movie 43; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Walking Tall; Notes: You know Knoxville. Jackass was really how he became famous, another of which (and probably final) came out this weekend. His real last name is Clapp, he was born in Knoxville.)
(Not really what you want. I’m sure there would have been another one if they could have gotten to maybe $75 million? Instead the series lives on with Kevin Sorbo …)
Rotten Tomatoes – 26% (35/136): The Rock makes a competent hero, but the movie is content to let a 2×4 do all the talking.
(Yeah, and really that isn’t what the original is really about. It is and it isn’t. A huge part of the original was about how his one-man crusade ruined his life in reality. You just know they weren’t going to have that be part of the remake.)
Reviewer Highlight: One mediocre, ploddingly predictable film, loaded down with cheesy Hollywood tactics – Desson Thomson, Washington Post
(No no no no no.. no! No! No!… … … no. No. I don’t accept this. Look at all that white space. No! Look at that dumb font. No no no! No F. It’s an F. I could have made this in high school. The only curiosity here is that The Rock looks like a normal sized human being in it. But otherwise. No!)
Tagline(s) – One man will stand up for what’s right. (D)
(Boooooo. Come on. Sometimes bad posters will have good taglines. This is just generic and not clever and doesn’t even really help with the plot. Oh really? The main character will be the good guy and he’s fighting some bad guys?)
Top 10: Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021), Scream (1996), Scream 4 (2011), The Unforgivable (2021), Antlers (2021), Wind River (2017), Halloween Kills (2021), Django Unchained (2012), No Country for Old Men (2007), The Little Things (2021)
Future BMT: 90.0 Vampires Suck (2010), 79.1 Shark Night (2011), 77.9 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 74.8 Psycho (1998), 70.6 Halloween II (2009), 70.1 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 65.4 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 63.6 The Dukes of Hazzard (2005), 59.5 Witless Protection (2008), 56.7 Robin Hood (2018)
BMT: The Postman (1997), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), Battleship (2012), Friday the 13th (2009), I Am Number Four (2011), Jonah Hex (2010), Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Wild Hogs (2007), House of Wax (2005), Young Guns II (1990), Sleepaway Camp (1983), Walking Tall (2004), Did You Hear About the Morgans? (2009), Halloween II (1981), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988), Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993), Raw Deal (1986), Phantoms (1998), Fire Down Below (1997), Alone in the Dark (2005), Hard Rain (1998), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), American Outlaws (2001), Say It Isn’t So (2001), The Odd Couple II (1998), Bats (1999), Here on Earth (2000), Chill Factor (1999)
Matches: Scream 4 (2011), Antlers (2021), The Little Things (2021), True Grit (2010), Den of Thieves (2018), I Spit on Your Grave (2010), First Blood (1982), House of Sand and Fog (2003), Bone Tomahawk (2015), Winter’s Bone (2010), Planet Terror (2007), The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982), Rango (2011), The Silencing (2020), Robin Hood (2018), Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993), Red Headed Stranger (1986), The Dukes of Hazzard (2005), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), The Gift (2000), 30 Days of Night (2007), Cop Land (1997), The Devil’s Rejects (2005), Premonition (2007), Walking Tall (2004), The Last Stand (2013), Life (1999), Powder (1995), Heaven’s Gate (1980), Leap of Faith (1992), The Kid (2019), Shimmer Lake (2017), … (and many more)
(Ah Jeepers Creepers III, the film I will never watch for BMT. I’ll stick with things like Smokey and the Bandit Part 3.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Neal McDonough is No. 3 billed in Walking Tall and No. 3 billed in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, which also stars Chris Klein (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (3 + 3) + (2 + 2) = 10. There is no shorter path at the moment.
Notes – At the beginning when Chris Vaughn asks the sheriff what happened to the former sheriff it is said that the guy was a great man but they found one day he had mysteriously skidded off a deserted road and died hitting a tree. This is a reference to how the real Buford Pusser died.
Johnny Knoxville executed co-star Dwayne Johnson’s signature WWE finisher, “The People’s Elbow”
Dwayne Johnson’s stunt double in this movie was his cousin Tanoai Reed. (I think that’s his longtime stunt double).
Debut movie of Cobie Smulders. (She shows up for about 5 seconds and doesn’t say anything)
The film takes place in Kitsap County, Washington. The Kitsap Penninsula is across Puget Sound from Seattle, and is home to both the Bremerton Naval Shipyards and the Bangor Submarine Base. A large part of the population are military personnel. The movie was actually filmed in Squamish, B.C. The opening scene was filmed on the Bowen Island ferry to Horseshoe Bay
As a young man, Buford Pusser, the real-life sheriff who this remake is based upon, wrestled professionally across the South as “Buford the Bull”. Dwayne Johnson, who plays the character inspired by him, began his acting career as a professional wrestler.
Brief note before we start: This year we got together our sixth (!) class to be inducted into the Smaddies Baddies BMT Hall of Fame. As is typical there will be films we watched five years ago which maybe deserve to be considered the merde de la merde of BMT delight. The previews and speeches will be released leading up to the ninth (eleventh?) Smaddies Baddies for the five films ultimately chosen. Some might say the purpose of watching all genres and sizes of movie is to find another Here On Earth, the perfect BMT film. This film is kind of like Here on Earth, except instead of Chris Klein smooching Leelee Sobieski, it is bad guys’ bodies falling three stories and smooching banisters. Enjoy!
Hall of Fame Induction Speech for Hitman: Agent 47
Every year we choose six films for potential induction to the Hall of Fame, but two of them battle it out to get the fifth spot. This year that contest was between The Avengers (1998) and Hitman: Agent 47. And the winner this year was Hitman: Bodies Hitting Banisters. It isn’t uncommon that we induct a film where I can’t remember a thing about it prior to the review. This time, there is probably a reason for it: this was only our fourth BMT Live! ever. So naturally the only thing I could remember was being desperately trapped in a theater watching multiple bad guys’ falling three stories and hitting banisters. But trust me, there is a lot more to it than that.
It has been five years since we watched the film. But what do I remember?
What? I literally just told you that: bodies hitting banisters! But because of my lapse in memory I had to cheat a bit and look at an old recap for the rest of it.
I distinctly remember that my recap was all about how unpleasant the experience of watching bodies falling multiple stories onto banisters which is why I mentioned it like five times so far.
It was BMT Live! before BMT Live! We wouldn’t officially start the category until a year later, and so it was actually only our fourth film we watched in theaters for BMT.
And in Jamie’s showing half the theater walked out (not joking).
I remember it is globetrotting and ends in Singapore in that beautiful public garden.
It was also a rare appearance of the BMT:CSI:SVU (we’re the special victims). Mostly to note the film’s bizarre marketing campaign.
So which do I think is the most important? Prior to viewing I was convinced that the key was going to be the combination of how unpleasant it was and it being a BMT Live! I thought that if it were just a regular BMT I would have half-watched it and been like “blah”. It definitely seemed to represent the unpleasantly violent action films of the 2010s combined with that trapped animal feeling of BMT Live! As I desperately attempted to gnaw my own foot off to escape the trap that is BMT alas, rules rules rules. There was nothing to be done but bear it and then induct it into the Hall of Fame, right?
But really it is one of the last bastions of really really terrible directing and also what I ultimately described as being “aggressively adapted”. For a video game film it could actually be the worst adaptation ever. Hitman where Agent 47 don’t give a fuck and just murders people with helicopters? That doesn’t sound right. At least Super Mario Bros. was interesting. This managed to be unpleasantly violent, jokey, nonsensical, and plotless. Truely a quadruple threat.
How did the rewatch go? Way better than I expected. I was convinced this was going to lose handily to The Avengers (1998), but that was a boring nothing film. This? This is genuinely the worst video game adaptation ever and oddly entertaining in its own way. Overly violent, a slap in the face to established lore, horrible direction, a British hitman who is exclusively interacting with Europeans but puts on a fake American accent despite the video game character being voiced by a South African. Like … what?! It apparently is cobbled together from a number of the Hitman games, but you can hardly tell, it just seems like they went with Female Hitman and left it at that.
And of course bodies hitting banisters. They really one-two punch you early and knock you back on your heels. Meanwhile they are cracking jokes for the last two-thirds of the film. The best part? I couldn’t even tell they were jokes. I could only tell because Jamie wrote in his recap back in the day that the movie was overflowing with jokes. And then I realized that when Hitman deadpans: “Moths. Italian wool, they love it.” That is meant to be a joke. So let’s see. Overly violent film that could only be tolerated by Hostel fans … and also a jokey script that would put even Marvel to shame. A stunning decision by a director who appears to have been plucked off the street to make a giant studio film.
Every year I must remind our final inductee that there is no shame in getting that final fifth spot. Quite the opposite. You took on a legendary film in The Avengers (1998) and took it down by being an over the top disasterpiece … but who am I really kidding? It is all about ‘dem bodies hitting banisters babyyyyyyyyyyyy. Welcome to the Hall of Fame Hitman: Agent 47.
Yours, Mine & Ours is of course the classic buddy cop comedy film about Detective Frank Yours, a hardscrabble cop from the wrong side of the tracks. He doesn’t play by nobody’s rules and is all about cracking skulls. Detective Benson Mine is his worst nightmare. The preppy nogoodnick son of the mayor, he’s always got a wisecrack for the brass and a wink for the ladies. Ooooooh boy, and wouldn’t you know it they’ve been paired up to solve a series of mysterious serial murders. And oh ho, what’s this? They have to do all this all while taking care of Baby Dudley Ours, the only survivor of the latest grisly murder who may hold the key to the whole thing…. Alright, fine, that’s not what the film is about. Let me break it down for you:
Alright I gotta give it to you, the original film was quite charming in kinda of a quaint, plotless kind of way and in fact the first thirty minutes of the new one was also kinda charming. Was it super weird that Dennis Quaid and Rene Russo reconnect in their hometown of New London, CT and then after seeing each other at their high school reunion get married? And I don’t mean, hey we should get married sometime, let’s plan a wedding. I mean they apparently come home from the reunion married and their kids are understandably like ‘WTF, mate?’ Yes it was very weird and confusing. Still, it was kinda nice that a couple of older people who lost their spouses could find a future together.
That’s where it ends for me. I can’t stand these types of unpleasant films where people are pitted against each other for the “amusement” of the audience. What’s worse is that the kids all gang up on poor mismatched Russo and Quaid and make them hate each other. Are they perfect for each other? Hell no. In fact the kids seem to be the only adults in the room that realize that they make no sense together and that maybe their rush to the altar was a bit misguided. Does that mean I’ll find the dissolution of their marriage a barrel of laughs? Nope. They may not make logical sense with each other, but do you know what does make sense? A couple of silver fox/cougar hotties enjoying each others’ company… you know, sexually. So get with the program, kids.
So, I think we can all agree that this was a torture chamber of horrors that should never have been made. Too harsh? Well, fine, that they took a perfectly fine original film and turned it into a generic comedy complete with free-spirits pitted against conservatives. Much like The Break-Up before it they seem to find all their humor in people fighting. It had only one redeeming thing about it: a scene where one of the kids, fresh off successfully breaking up their parents, asks if his siblings would enjoy some delicious double stuf oreos. I didn’t laugh much, but I laughed at that. Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Yours, Mine & Ours (2005)? More like Poor Idle Hours … uh, amirite? I don’t think I am actually, that is gibberish. Back in 2005 some film executive asked their assistant to watch the original Yours, Mine and Ours and tell him about it. That assistant called it a “really pleasant story about two compatible people who fall in love and have a big family.” And the executive, crestfallen, looked up and said “Well, I suppose we’ll just have to make them an odd couple and have everyone hate each other.” Let’s go!
A remake of a very pleasant film is made decidedly unpleasant. The story of film production in the 00s.
Whole story elements make no sense. They impulsively get married on a whim without telling anyone? Even weirder Frank knows he’s probably going to be moving to Washington D.C. and doesn’t seem to remember that for half the film? And weirder still he ends up getting the promotion after being at the Coast Guard academy for only a few months? None of this adds up!
Hawk Nelson is the band at the party that Drake Bell is pretending to be a guitarist for, in case anyone is curious.
You can tell this was a much longer film that was then cut to about 80 minutes to form a vaguely coherent story. Jerry O’Connell and David Koechner play major roles in the first third of the film and then disappear to only appear for a split second riiiiiight at the end of the film.
Brought to you by sailing. Amazing how quickly Frank gets his sailing boat from San Diego to Connecticut … unless there is supposed to be more time passing. Impossible to tell. Mark of good storytelling.
Unbelievable Product Placement (What?) for the aforementioned Oreos. Pretty nice Setting as a Character (Where?) for New London, Connecticut. And Worst Twist (How?) for Chekov’s Lighthouse Story paying off in the end. Definitely a Bad unpleasant no-good film.
Can you tell I didn’t like this film? Amazingly the original is pretty good, if a bit old fashioned. There isn’t really much drama (beyond a decision as to whether they will adopt each other’s kids), but there is a lot of story and heart and the two leads seem to work well together. I liked it.
This needs a remake to the remake. Although, I suppose it would make more sense as a series. There are 18 kids plus two adults, but the stories can come in pairs. So 1 episode for the adults getting together. Then 9 episodes, each telling a story about how two of the kids get along / compete / interact. That’s it. Ten episode seasons, and you can mix and match the 20 people as you wish, but every season it tells 10 vignettes about this big family and them working together and learning and loving, etc. Nailed it.
Oh man, so my new dad (who I hate!) made me go sailing (so dumb). And sure, he warned me the sail was coming about, but I wasn’t listening and I got bopped right on the head. Now I can’t remember a thing! Do you remember what happened in Yours, Mine & Ours (2005)?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) At the beginning of the film the Beardsleys have just moved (again!!). From where to where, and why?
2) Where do Frank and Helen meet? How did they know each other?
3) What story does Frank tell Helen about why he wants to fix the lighthouse?
4) What 8 (or maybe 10?) things do the children do to try and drive Frank and Helen apart?
5) Why do the kids decide to stop Frank from becoming the Commandant, and how do they do it?
Bonus Question: In the mid-credits scene a mysterious man walks up to Frank and Helen from their past. Who and why?
“These mashed potatoes are delicious, Mom… er… I mean, Young Jamie and Patrick’s Mom,” Jamie says enthusiastically, mashed potatoes falling from his mouth. Having dined with their younger selves, Patrick and Jamie are counting the minutes until their next unexpected obstacle presents itself. A serial killer? Perhaps a pumpkinhead or a phantom of the opera? Hopefully not a lawnmower man, the scariest of all the spooky Halloween fiends. They jump at the sound of a knock at the door. “That must be Mikey,” Young Jamie says with glee and rushes from the table. Before they can stop him, he opens the door and… phew, Jamie and Patrick stop themselves just in time, inches from cracking an innocent child with a mean Twin Chop (patent pending). The kid looks like a total nerd alert in his clown costume and to think, they were worried about little Mikey from around the block. Mikey seems nervous. “You guys invited me over?” he asks tentatively, “but I’m sure it was just a mistake,” he finishes quietly. Young Jamie and Patrick look back at their older selves and shake their heads. “No it wasn’t a mistake,” says Jamie. Patrick agrees, “It’s just that we’ve realized that we’ve been a couple of big ol’ lame-o jerks.” They clap Mikey on the shoulder and ask if he wants to go trick-or-treating with them tonight. Jamie and Patrick’s hearts melt. Turns out there was nothing to worry about after all, just a heartwarming story of friendship. Mikey beams, but then looks nervous again. “I don’t think I can,” he says sadly. Sensing something off, Jamie and Patrick ask what’s wrong and remind him that secrets are for sharing. Young Jamie agrees. “Now that we’re best buds, what’s yours is mine… it’s ours!” That’s right! We are jumping right to Yours, Mine & Ours. It’s basically The Brady Bunch times a thousand and is based on a 60’s film that was much better received than this remake that everyone was definitely asking for. The weirdest thing about watching this now is that the original film happens to also play a minor role in current Academy Award hopeful Licorice Pizza (or as the kids call it Licorice Za). So pretty timely stuff. Let’s go!
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 16.8%; Notability: top 12.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.4%; Higher BMeT: Son of the Mask, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, xXx: State of the Union, Boogeyman, Elektra, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Bewitched, A Sound of Thunder, Are We There Yet?, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, The Dukes of Hazzard, The Honeymooners, Stealth, Cursed, Doom, Dirty Love, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, and 22 more; Higher Notability: The Island, Fantastic Four, Kingdom of Heaven, Bewitched, Domino, Be Cool, Fun with Dick and Jane, xXx: State of the Union, Memoirs of a Geisha, Chicken Little, The Longest Yard, The Great Raid, Son of the Mask, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, Stealth, Cursed, The Ring Two, Flightplan, The Dukes of Hazzard, Æon Flux, and 12 more; Lower RT: The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, Chaos, Supercross; Notes: Mid-5.0 is where I would expect it. Oh ho ho, so this is just a shade better than Supercross … well, I’ll be the judge of that.
RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – ‘Yours, Mine & Ours” has one thing to be thankful for: Frank and Helen realize immediately that they’re still in love, all these years after they were the prom king and queen in high school. They see each other, they dance, they talk while dancing, they kiss while talking, and in the next scene, they’re engaged to be married. That saves us the Idiot Plot device in which they’re destined for each other, but are kept apart by a series of misunderstandings. In this version, they’re brought together by a series of misunderstandings, mostly on the part of the filmmakers, who thought they could remake the 1968 Henry Fonda-Lucille Ball film without its sweetness and charm.
(Having seen the original that seems like a dire warning. The only thing the original film had was sweetness and charm. There wasn’t even really a plot, it was pure sweetness and charm.)
(Thanks I hate it. I guess I kind of see what they were going for … it is Nickelodeon Studios so they are looking for something that will entertain kids in like fourth grade and they need some IP for that purpose. What’s better for pratfalls than a ton of children?)
Directors – Raja Gosnell – ( Known For: Never Been Kissed; Beverly Hills Chihuahua; Future BMT: Scooby-Doo; Home Alone 3; Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed; The Smurfs; The Smurfs 2; BMT: Big Momma’s House; Yours, Mine & Ours; Show Dogs; Notes: Was originally a pretty big editor, but transitioned to directing in 1996. Still does, he’s attached as the director to the new Santa movie, Santa: The Adventure Begins, which I think I heard of on a podcast.)
Writers – Ron Burch and David Kidd – ( Known For: Ferdinand; BMT: Yours, Mine & Ours; Head Over Heels; Notes: Were nominated for an Emmy for helping to write a song in the show The Closer. They produced and wrote on Dinotrux.)
Melville Shavelson – ( Known For: Yours, Mine and Ours; Houseboat; A New Kind of Love; Wonder Man; Room for One More; Cast a Giant Shadow; April in Paris; On Moonlight Bay; It Started in Naples; The Paleface; The Five Pennies; The Princess and the Pirate; The War Between Men and Women; Trouble Along the Way; The Kid from Brooklyn; It’s a Great Feeling; I’ll See You in My Dreams; Sorrowful Jones; The Daughter of Rosie O’Grady; The Seven Little Foys; BMT: Yours, Mine & Ours; Notes: One of the original writers. Was nominated for two Oscars, for Houseboat and Jack Rose. Was president of the Writers Guild on multiple occasions.)
Mort Lachman – ( Known For: Yours, Mine and Ours; Call Me Bwana; Mixed Company; BMT: Yours, Mine & Ours; Notes: Again, credited for the original. Was nominated for six Emmys (three for Kate & Allie, and three for All in the Family), and won one (for All in the Family))
Madelyn Davis and Bob Carroll Jr. – ( Known For: Yours, Mine and Ours; I Love Lucy; BMT: Yours, Mine & Ours; Notes: They were nominated for three Emmys (for I Love Lucy and Here’s Lucy), so they knew Lucille Ball, which explains why they wrote on the original film.)
Actors – Dennis Quaid – ( Known For: American Underdog; Midway; The Day After Tomorrow; Stripes; The Parent Trap; Traffic; Any Given Sunday; Footloose; Soul Surfer; A Dog’s Journey; The Right Stuff; I Can Only Imagine; DragonHeart; Innerspace; Frequency; Breaking Away; The Long Riders; Enemy Mine; Blue Miracle; Smart People; Future BMT: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra; Wyatt Earp; Legion; Pandorum; Kin; The Words; Vantage Point; The Alamo; Flight of the Phoenix; Cold Creek Manor; Something to Talk About; Undercover Blues; Switchback; American Dreamz; BMT: Movie 43; Jaws 3-D; A Dog’s Purpose; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Yours, Mine & Ours; The Intruder; Playing for Keeps; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for playing Bill Clinton in The Special Relationship. The younger brother of Randy Quaid who had already established a career in Hollywood when he moved there after dropping out of the University of Houston.)
Rene Russo – ( Known For: Avengers: Endgame; Thor; Thor: The Dark World; Nightcrawler; The Intern; Major League; The Thomas Crown Affair; Lethal Weapon 3; Lethal Weapon 4; Outbreak; Ransom; In the Line of Fire; Velvet Buzzsaw; Get Shorty; Tin Cup; Big Trouble; The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle; Frank and Cindy; Future BMT: Two for the Money; Showtime; Major League II; Just Getting Started; Mr. Destiny; One Good Cop; Buddy; BMT: Yours, Mine & Ours; Freejack; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress for The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle in 2001; Notes: Met her husband Dan Gilroy on the set of recent BMT film Freejack. Apparently wore a brace for scoliosis in junior high.)
Jerry O’Connell – ( Known For: Scream 2; Stand by Me; Jerry Maguire; Piranha 3D; Can’t Hardly Wait; The Secret: Dare to Dream; Veronica Mars; Satanic Panic; Lies and Alibis; Buying the Cow; Reign of the Supermen; Body Shots; Space Station 76; Man About Town; Room 6; Deep Murder; Fat Slags; Baby on Board; The Lookalike; Future BMT: Obsessed; The New Guy; Tomcats; Mission to Mars; Wish Upon; Joe’s Apartment; Calendar Girl; BMT: Scary Movie V; Yours, Mine & Ours; Kangaroo Jack; Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach; Notes: Married Rebecca Romijn in 2007 and had twins girls in 2008. Apparently the first male host of CBS’ The Talk.)
(Actually not half bad. I would have guessed this was an enormous bomb, but this is actually not horrible.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 6% (6/107): The initial set-up is unbelievable, the plotting is predictable and stale, and the comedy depends on repetitive pratfalls that soon get old.
(wowza less than 10% is hugely impressive for a film like this. And over 100 reviews? The critics just hated this thing!)
Reviewer Highlight: So snug, airtight and insulated from reality that the nice, well-scrubbed Cheaper by the Dozen seems almost rambunctious by comparison. – Stephen Holden, New York Times
(My least favorite genre of modern posters. In the 80’s this would have been hand drawn in a Meatball’s kind of way and for some reason that’s more palatable. With actual pictures of people it has far too much white space, the colors aren’t consistent and it generally looks bad. But OK font and fine spacing rescue it a little. C-)
Tagline(s) – 18 kids, one house, no way. (A)
Rock the house! (F)
(You gotta give a classic it’s due. That first tagline is short, is a classic rule of three, and gives a clear idea of the specific plot. Some question of cleverness, but it’s playing with numbers, so I think fair enough. The second is funny in a sad way. Made only sadder by its positioning near the photoshopped picture of a pig eating a pizza below Rene Russo’s legs.)
Top 10: The King’s Man (2021), Scream (1996), Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021), The Karate Kid (1984), Avengers: Endgame (2019), Pig (2021), Interstellar (2014), Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood (2019), Ron’s Gone Wrong (2021), Inception (2010)
Future BMT: 76.9 Superhero Movie (2008), 63.1 Underdog (2007), 57.5 I Don’t Know How She Does It (2011), 56.2 Ghost Dad (1990), 50.3 Racing Stripes (2005), 49.7 Just Married (2003), 48.4 White Noise (2005), 46.5 Winchester (2018), 45.6 A Kid in King Arthur’s Court (1995), 44.6 The Rhythm Section (2020)
BMT: Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Countdown (2019), When in Rome (2010), Blended (2014), Warcraft (2016), Fantasy Island (2020), The 5th Wave (2016), Death Wish (2018), Elektra (2005), A Walk to Remember (2002), Thir13en Ghosts (2001), The Choice (2016), Into the Storm (2014), Safe Haven (2013), Zoolander 2 (2016), Color of Night (1994), I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007), Max Payne (2008), Alex Cross (2012), Texas Rangers (2001), Yours, Mine & Ours (2005), The Intruder (2019), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Are We Done Yet? (2007), I Dreamed of Africa (2000), September Dawn (2007)
Matches: The Nice Guys (2016), Rebecca (2020), Sleepless in Seattle (1993), The Constant Gardener (2005), My Girl (1991), Babel (2006), Nanny McPhee (2005), Safe Haven (2013), Dan in Real Life (2007), Fathers & Daughters (2015), Dead Silence (2007), Hide and Seek (2005), Jersey Girl (2004), Arlington Road (1999), Smart People (2008), This Beautiful Fantastic (2016), Mission to Mars (2000), Return to Me (2000), Yours, Mine & Ours (2005), The Intruder (2019), Our Souls at Night (2017), Ghost Dad (1990), Everybody’s Fine (2009), Underdog (2007), Dog Days (2018), Love Happens (2009), Mother and Child (2009), Martian Child (2007), Out to Sea (1997), … and many more.
(That might be a genuine 2008 dip! Sometimes it is just because less films were being made around there, but I could genuinely see Hollywood thinking no one wants to hear about widowers during an international financial collapse.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dennis Quaid is No. 1 billed in Yours, Mine & Ours and No. 1 billed in The Intruder, which also stars Meagan Good (No. 2 billed) who is in The Love Guru (No. 5 billed) which also stars Jessica Alba (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 5) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 19. If we were to watch American Dreamz we can get the HoE Number down to 10.
Notes – Drake Bell and Miranda Cosgrove played brother and sister in the Nickelodeon kid’s show, Drake & Josh (2004).
The party band in the movie is a Christian alternative rock band called Hawk Nelson.
Danielle Panabaker originally tried to get the part of Christina but was changed back and forth and eventually got the part of Phoebe because of her resemblance to Rene Russo.
The house the Beardsley family is moving into in the beginning of the film is the same house the Banks family lives in in the 1991 remake of Father of the Bride.
In the 1968 original film, Frank Beardsley (portrayed by Henry Fonda) was an active duty US Navy Chief Warrant Officer (a rank between commissioned officers and non-commissioned officers, usually granted to expert technical specialists with extensive experience), while in this remake, Frank Beardsley is a US Coast Guard Rear Admiral.
When Mrs. Munion is relaxing in her room, she is watching WWE Royal Rumble 2005. As Dylan wakes up, he has a WWE Magazine over his head.
Nominees for Commandant must be approved by Congress after appearing before House and Senate committees.
This was the first film to be co-produced by Paramount Pictures and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. The original 1968 film was produced by Desilu Productions, which merged with Paramount the year before, so the film’s copyright was renewed by Paramount. However, United Artists (owned by MGM since 1981) has retained full distribution rights to the 1968 film to this day. Columbia Pictures became involved once its parent company, Sony, purchased a stake in MGM.
Oooooooo, baby. Now we’re starting to cook with fire. Remember when Michael was shot with a machine gun, fell down a well, and was blown up by dynamite? Forget all that. Instead you’ll be treated to a real funny scene where they show him crawling away just before the dynamite goes off so that he can float down river and find his way to a homeless man who, no joke, takes care of him for an entire year! An entire year where Michael is apparently comatose! Who the hell is this dude who lives down by the Haddonfield River (I assume) taking care of random people in comas?! Give me his origin story. This is the level of film we are dealing with here. Not only do they feel the need to show and tell the audience exactly how Michael could have survived the end of the last movie, but they do it like they are aliens that have never encountered human beings and/or normal film narrative. Following Michael’s return for revenge we obviously also get the return (and revenge?) of Loomis and he’s actually disturbingly insane at this point. The rest of the film is psychic connections, The Cult of Thorn, and The Man in Black and at this point I’m sure you’re totally confused. Actually watching the film doesn’t help much. The film is just 90% teeny-boppers getting murdered while dressed up sexy for Halloween and 10% unexplained supernatural nonsense. We end with a cliffhanger where Michael and Jamie are captured from jail by The Man in Black and it really feels like the people making the film were just saying “We dare you. We dare you to try to explain away this shit.” And they were right. The next entry is forced to lean into the real dumb stuff done in this one.
Really the film is building an incredible amount of lore in the most confusing and vague way possible. I appreciate it in the sense that I love dumb lore. I love franchises where a random person can come in and be like “I’m putting my stamp on this,” and no matter how stupid everything is, fans of the franchise have to try to explain all of it. And to think, for six years fans had to try to explain this movie with only the vague hints from this one as guidance. Would love to see what kind of theories came about in that time. The funniest part of all this is that I legit think this might be the second scariest of the films in the first six entries. There are a lot of creepy scenes with Michael skulking about a house without people knowing. He’ll creep silently out of a closet and disappear only to jump out for the kill later. Then they totally submarine it all with the lore. They can’t help it. Gotta make your mark on the series. Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers? More like Even More Contrived: The Film’s Plot is Still Dire … yeah turns out there isn’t much to rhyme with these titles. Loomis is back, jack! And he’s ready to disappear for 30-40 minutes until he saves the day juuuuuuuuust at the end of the film. Let’s go!
Yeah, well this one is totally better than the other ones because in those Loomis disappeared for about 30 minutes showing up moments before Michael kills the hero. In this one he does that twice! Take that, all the other Halloween films!
Man a mysterious Man in Black? A mysterious Thorn symbol on Michael’s wrist? Can’t wait to learn what that is all about … Oh wait, you never do. Just whole elements left for a sequel which didn’t ultimately happen for six years. Imagine if they never made Halloween 6? Oh to live in such a beautiful world.
Full blown mystical psychic connections? Ahhhhh, finally, Halloween is catching up with what Friday the 13th was putting down for years in that bonkers series.
All that being said: the film at times is a decent cheesy slasher. I’m thinking of the barn scene. Which incidentally is also the scene which seemed most similar to Friday the 13th.
These two Halloween films are so weird. If the notes are to be believed there were half-decent scripts being developed, but then the directors just threw them in the trash in favor of gore and franchise horror tropes. And then all of the stuff from the other scripts ended up being peppered into the next five films.
Once again a solid Setting as a Character (Where?) for Haddonfield, IL. And an A+ Holiday Film (When?) for Halloween. This might actually be the Worst Twist (Why?) ever for the inexplicable non-twist of actually telling us anything about Thorn and the Man in Black!
This is a BMT film through and through, or at least required viewing for Halloween 6.
Once again, it feels like there isn’t a whole lot to say about Halloween 4 and 5. They are an odd turn in the franchise where Carpenter was half-pushed out of the production and people who seemingly didn’t care much for the established lore (or even really the fundamental idea of the franchise) took over. And it is why against all odds, it is the worst franchise of the big three … although I haven’t seen Resurrection. There is an outside shot that saves it to some degree since it looks truly b-b-b-b-b-b-bonkers.
Michael Myers is back, Jack! You might think that’s a given, but they really did have to make it very clear that this time around Michael Myers would actually appear in the newest Halloween film. Sure the last one had *checks notes* a mask factory that used a piece of stonehenge to magically destroy the world’s children but… uh… forget all that. Instead recall back to Halloween II which ended with *checks notes* the incineration of both Loomis and Michael Myers. So uh… forget that too. Turns out our two favorite characters just got some minor scrapes and burns and they’re back in Haddonfield, IL on Halloween doing what they love to do: killing and being a literal crazy person (honestly Loomis is starting to come off decidedly more crazy than Michael at this point). It’s a wild ride from there as they more or less rehash the plot of the first film except instead of Michael chasing a babysitter he’s chasing his niece, Jamie. You know, because we were all extremely invested in the idea that Michael Myers needs a specific familial motivation for his murder. From there it proceeds as expected more or less. People attempt to stop Michael. Michael is unstoppable. People run. But Michael keeps on coming. Until finally they shoot him with a machine gun and he falls into a sinkhole… just the classics really. The BIG TWIST comes at the end when Jamie is revealed to have psychically connected to Michael and now is a murderous child like he was! Thus starting the cycle anew… you know, until they have us forget that too. As Loomis would say, “Goddamn you!”
As an unabashed fan of franchises I can tell you I was pretty excited to make our way through Halloween again. I had recalled from previous times watching these entries (sure I’ve seen them before) this was where things really went off the rails in a way that was particularly unusual for the major horror franchises. I say that only in the sense that most of these franchises eventually head into some kind of meta commentary that borders or jumps fully into horror-comedy territory. Halloween never really did that and instead veered directly into unintentional comedy. This, however, is not one of those and is instead just a run-of-the-mill, generic horror film whose sole purpose is to get the franchise back on its feet so they can swiftly kick it in the balls a few more times. Is it good? Oh deary me, no. Is it bad? Not exactly. It just is. This turkey is still cooking. You gotta wait for the next two to really get into the juicy stuff. Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers? More like Halloween Bore: This Movie’s Plot is Dire, amirite? There it is. There’s the kind of play on words which made me stop doing that segment back in the day. Remember how in 1988 everyone was like “I can’t get enough of that Loomis! Give me more Loomis!”? No? Well, they must have because he’s now the main character of a horror franchise! Let’s go!
Speaking of Loomis, as amusing as it already is that they decided they just needed more Loomis (that they had a disease and the only cure was more Loomis…), it is infinitely more amusing that he just disappears for the middle 30-40 minutes of the film … again. He does it again, just like in the first and second films.
I’m pretty sure nearly every person you meet in the film besides the people you see at the end die except for Wade! Wade, the loveable loser who just can’t ask Kelly out on a date. Oh Wade, I hope your Halloween was a blast.
The film is kind of okay for the most part. At least you watch it and it seems like a normal generic franchise horror film.
Well riiiiiiiight up until the end when they explicitly reveal the psychic connection between Michael and his niece. That is what we at BMTHQ call a Slap in the Face™. Spoilers, they pick up that football and run with it.
The hero of the film? The inexplicable famer’s sinkhole that Michael falls into. No one seems the least bit concerned about the enormous sinkhole they just saw a masked murderer fall into after being shot hundreds of times.
Obviously we got excellent Setting as a Character (Where?) for Haddonfield, IL, probably the second most famous horror location after Elm St (maybe just beating out Crystal Lake). And an A+ Holiday Film (When?) for Halloween. I’m going to give a minor Planchet (Who?) for my boy Wade. And a definite Worst Twist (How?) for the reveal that Jamie is psychically connected to Michael and is now a murderer as well (at least that is what it indicated).
Definite BMT for me, as the film really starts to suck the life out of a quintessential horror franchise.
I’m going to leave it there because honestly there isn’t much to say about Halloween 4. It seems kind of good for most of the runtime. But then the end really sucks, and it is mostly blah. Give me more Wade! Now that is who should have been the next main character of the franchise. Open Halloween 5 with Loomis’ suicide note as he, indeed, didn’t see a reason to live now that he thinks Michael is dead. But then Wade, on the anniversary of his main man Brady’s death, hears that Michael is back and takes up arms! I would definitely watch that. Give me that alternate Halloween timeline stat!
Oh man. So last year my uncle tried to kill me. This year, I totes have a real bad psychic connection with him! Naturally this results in me “losing time” and I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) One year later Michael awakens, the psychic connection between him and Jamie in full force. Where was Michael for the year he was missing?
2) We also see a symbol on Michael’s wrist, and we see glimpses of a mysterious Man in Black. What symbol, what does it mean, and who is the Man in Black?
3) Throughout the film we see the psychic connection at work. What does she psychically witness via the connection?
4) The climax of the film occurs at the farm where all of the teenagers are having a party. Lucky for Tina, Jamie shows up to distract Miachel. Ultimately how does Jamie escape?
5) What is the ultimate plan to kill Michael?
Bonus Question: You thought we left it on a cliffhanger? Then you must not have seen the mid-credits scene where they showed just where the Man in Black took Michael. Where?
Bad Movie Twins 