Preview – Page 3 – Bad Movie Twins

Transylvania 6-5000 Preview

With that, Samantha turns and picks up a rock from the Bin of Rocks and turns to perform the ceremonial destruction of her previous entry on the Wall of Lovers. While Brad and Alejandro’s ghosts are a bit annoyed by this, they also understand that it was never them. It was always Jamie. There is no other way but to take a Rock to their false love. Four or five Rocks later and covered in sawdust, Samantha turns to Jamie. Together they use a Lover’s Chisel to begin carving the heart that will represent their forever love. It takes hours, interrupted only by intense makeout sessions the likes of which the roller skaters at the roller rink could only dream of. When they finish, Jamie turns to Samantha and asks what’s next. With tears in her eyes she whispers, “Life.”

Months later, Jamie stands on the shores of Hallston Lake. He had moved to Samantha’s hometown and they had indeed lived. But now he was alone. Well, almost. Because Patrick had also moved to Hallston to be there for Jamie in his time of need. “Hey buddy,” Patrick says kindly. “You thinking you want to head back to Brooklyn? Maybe start in on the third book of the Platonic Solids series? How’s that sound?” But that didn’t sound good at all to Jamie. “No… no I don’t think so,” Jamie says monotonously. “I just… need to… go for a swim,” he says looking at the moonlight bouncing off of Hallston Lake. With that he strips entirely nude and wades into the depths of the ice cold lake. Patrick is worried. It was very unlike Jamie to go midnight skinny dipping without eating a large surf and turf dinner immediately beforehand. That’s right! We are taking our own chilly dip into spooky waters with Night Swim. It’s about a haunted swimming pool. Given the impossibility of actually connecting to the 2024 cycle from the 80’s by definition, we built a bicycle with an (ironically) equally spooky horror film, Transylvania 6-5000. A movie that even me, a child of Comedy Central, barely knew existed. Finally we are pairing those with our final Friend of the Bring a Friend cycle: Revolution. It’s the Al Pacino film that doomed the Revolutionary War genre of film for decades. Let’s go!

Transylvania 6-5000 (1985) – BMeTric: 47.3; Notability: 29

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 2.4%; Notability: top 12.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 9.8%; Higher BMeT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, Howling II: … Your Sister Is a Werewolf, Red Sonja, Porky’s Revenge, King Solomon’s Mines, Perfect; Higher Notability: A View to a Kill, Spies Like Us, My Science Project, King David, Maxie, National Lampoon’s European Vacation, Santa Claus, Perfect, Rocky IV, Brewster’s Millions, Head Office, Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment, Invasion U.S.A., Turk 182, Death Wish 3, Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend, The Slugger’s Wife, Heaven Help Us, Godzilla 1985, Creator, and 12 more; Lower RT: American Ninja, That Was Then… This Is Now, Head Office, Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer, The Slugger’s Wife, Maxie, Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend, King Solomon’s Mines, King David, Once Bitten, My Science Project, Private Resort, Fever Pitch, Death Wish 3, Summer Rental, Tuff Turf, Gymkata, Rustlers’ Rhapsody, Perfect, Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, and 2 more; Notes: I’m continually a little amazed when I realize we still have such big movies left. Howling II, Porky’s Revenge, King Solomon’s Mines. These are bad movie classics when you are in the know. We’ve watched a crazy number of bad movies, but the job never ends.

New York Times – The actors in ”Transylvania 6-5000,” which opens today at Loew’s State and other theaters, seem to have the impression that they are doing something funny, though where they got that idea is anybody’s guess. It cannot have come from the screenplay, which was written by Rudy DeLuca, who also directed the film, as a series of utterly listless comic setups. It’s not that Mr. DeLuca has done anything wrong, exactly; it’s simply that he never does anything right. There’s no reason for this material to be funny, so, not surprisingly, it never is.

(I mean … fucking nailed it. It is true, it is basically an improv troupe where nothing is working quite like you’d expect despite the setups being there.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulPZNXkpa5s/

(It’s cute. The movie is aggravating, but the trailer is actually like not that bad. In that it is taking the best part of the film and delivering in small doses like it is intended. Like it looks like it might work … rest assured it does not.)

Directors – Rudy De Luca – ( BMT: Transylvania 6-5000; Notes: He was an actor in a bunch of Mel Brooks films as well, including playing Vinnie in Spaceballs.)

Writers – Rudy De Luca – ( Known For: High Anxiety; Silent Movie; Caveman; Box Office 3D: The Filmest of Films; Screw Loose; The Good Bad Guy; Future BMT: Dracula: Dead and Loving It; Life Stinks; BMT: Transylvania 6-5000; Notes: He won two Emmy for writing on the Carol Burnett Show. Eventually he also did a bunch of variety shows as well.)

Actors – Jeff Goldblum – ( Known For: Jurassic Park; The Grand Budapest Hotel; Thor: Ragnarok; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Independence Day; The Lost World: Jurassic Park; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; Annie Hall; The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou; The Fly; Isle of Dogs; The Prince of Egypt; Asteroid City; The Switch; Morning Glory; Invasion of the Body Snatchers; The Player; The Right Stuff; Cats & Dogs; Wicked; Future BMT: Man of the Year; Holy Man; Hideaway; Vibes; BMT: Jurassic World Dominion; Independence Day: Resurgence; Mortdecai; Nine Months; Transylvania 6-5000; Mad Dog Time; Notes: Nominated for a short Oscar in 1996. These days he manages to be notable as being the weirdest and wildest part of the Wicked films.)

Joseph Bologna – ( Known For: Ice Age: The Meltdown; My Favorite Year; The Big Bus; Alligator II: The Mutation; Coupe de Ville; Jersey Girl; Love Is All There Is; Chapter Two; Boynton Beach Club; Cops and Robbers; Tango Shalom; Made for Each Other; Mixed Company; Heaven Before I Die; Future BMT: Big Daddy; The Woman in Red; BMT: Blame It on Rio; Transylvania 6-5000; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for writing Lovers and Other Strangers in 1971. He died of cancer in 2017.)

Ed Begley Jr. – ( Known For: Pineapple Express; Ghostbusters; This Is Spinal Tap; Whatever Works; Best in Show; An Officer and a Gentleman; Book Club; Strange Darling; A Mighty Wind; You’re Not You; Lucky; Streets of Fire; Cat People; Get Over It; She-Devil; The Accidental Tourist; Plus One; For Your Consideration; Auto Focus; Hardcore; Future BMT: What’s Your Number?; The Pagemaster; Renaissance Man; Greedy; Protocol; Fly Me to the Moon 3D; Young Doctors in Love; BMT: Batman Forever; Amsterdam; CHIPS; Transylvania 6-5000; Notes: Nominated for 7 Emmys, 6 times for St. Elsewhere. He never won. His role in Hardcore is insane, and the son of Ed Begley who won an Oscar for Sweet Bird of Youth. I obviously know him as being in the later seasons of Veronica Mars, he was the president of the College she goes to.)

Budget/Gross – $3,000,000 / Domestic: $7,196,872 (Worldwide: $7,196,872)

(That is better than I would have expected I guess. The economics of mid-80s film is confusing because I doubt they made much on television of home video, but they probably got more from the theaters as well. Seems like a break even.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 20% (2/10)

(There is really only one review here and the gist is: This might be the worst horror-comedy you’ll ever see. The guy ain’t wrong … although things like Dylan Dog exist so who knows.)

New York Times Short Review: Strained Frankenstein spoof. Forget it.

Poster – Sklogsylvania 69-6969, Nice

(A great classic poster style. What’s funny is that by today’s standards this doesn’t work. Too much going on. Nothing to anchor to. Like reading a book rather than an advertisement. But if a modern movie made an alternate poster in this style it would be fun. B.)

Tagline(s) – WANTED: Two thrill-seeking reporters, brains optional, looking to dig up the story of the century. For information call… (F)

(We were in that transition period where posters were changing. Taglines were changing. A (bad) relic from that bygone era.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Back to the Future (1985), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), Die Hard (1988), The Terminator (1984), Scarface (1983), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Future BMT: 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.5 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 61.1 Staying Alive (1983), 59.1 Suburban Commando (1991), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.6 Ghost Dad (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Who’s That Girl (1987), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 53.5 Graffiti Bridge (1990), 52.5 Johnny Be Good (1988), 52.5 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.4 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 49.3 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.7 Hercules (1983), 48.6 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)

BMT: Jaws: The Revenge (1987), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Jaws 3-D (1983), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Going Overboard (1989), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989), Mac and Me (1988), Caddyshack II (1988), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Howard the Duck (1986), Supergirl (1984), Cool as Ice (1991), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987), Leonard Part 6 (1987), Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989), Superman III (1983), Poltergeist III (1988), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987), Wild Orchid (1989), Cyborg (1989), Problem Child 2 (1991), Rhinestone (1984), Red Sonja (1985), Troll (1986), Bolero (1984), …

(There isn’t really a sub-genre here, so I didn’t include it. We were just looking for a good 80s film to pair with Night Swim, and this came up as one to do.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jeff Goldblum is No. 1 billed in Transylvania 6-5000 and No. 3 billed in Trigger Happy, which also stars Burt Reynolds (No. 6 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 5 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 3) + (6 + 5) + (3 + 1) = 19. If we were to watch Paranoia we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – The movie was financed by the Dow chemical company in order to spend frozen finances (money that could not be spent outside the country of origin) that the company had in Yugoslavia.

Jeff Goldblum recommended Ed Begley Jr. to the director for the role of Gil Turner and Begley recommended Michael Richards for the role of Fejos.

Much of the scene between John Byner and Carol Kane preparing the lunch was improvised. The script’s only direction was ‘cut fruit and serve’.

The little girl playing Elizabeth’s daughter, Sara Grdjan, was a locally cast Croat who spoke no English. She had to be taught to speak her lines phonetically.

The director saw 40 women for the role of Odette. They liked Geena Davis and when she pulled off a compelling Bela Lugosi accent, they knew they had their Odette.

Rocky V Preview

Jamie, Samantha, Patrick and Kyle all quadruple group hug. Tears and snot mingle on their shirts. For a brief shining moment Samantha sees her roller rink beaus looking down from heaven nodding and giving her a thumbs up. “I couldn’t help but overhear,” Patrick says, when the group hug had run its course, putting emphasis on the word ‘overhear’ in order to really hammer home the lessons they all learned that day. “But what ever happened to Alajandro and Brad?” Samantha smiles sadly. “In a wild coincidence they also had vague terminal illnesses. It was part of why they were engaging in the particularly risky activities of drag racing and rollerskating on the day I met them. They each, separately and unknown to the other, had nothing left to live for… I guess that is until they met little ol’ me. And then once they were gone,” with that her voice catches and she runs her hand across a faded heart carved in the Wall of Lovers. “Once they were gone I also didn’t have much to live for and so why not take part in an obvious sham Fashion Week? Why not dress as half a horse? I just didn’t count on meeting my actual other half that day.” Jamie and Samantha share a passionate kiss. The smooch goes on and on, seemingly (and in actuality) for hours. It would have been extremely uncomfortable for Patrick and Kyle to stand there watching them if it wasn’t so beautiful. A beautiful unique tragic love. A tear runs down Kyle’s face as he ponders the beautiful unique mannequin he will craft to remember this moment by. Samantha and Jamie break their kiss and with eyes shining Samantha asks, “You wanted to know what was next?” Jamie nods. “It’s time to Rock.” That’s right! It is time to rock. Rocky IV and Rocky V that is. Rocky IV hasn’t always qualified, so we are jumping at that chance. Rocky V? That’s always qualified. For a Friend we are bringing along The Invisible Maniac. It’s about a maniac that turns himself invisible. It’s all there in the title. Let’s go!

Rocky V (1990) – BMeTric: 55.1; Notability: 52

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 2.0%; Notability: top 4.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.7%; Higher BMeT: Captain America, Look Who’s Talking Too, The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter, Ghost Dad, Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III; Higher Notability: RoboCop 2, The Bonfire of the Vanities, Predator 2, Days of Thunder, Jetsons: The Movie, Young Guns II, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, Air America, Marked for Death, The Rookie, Captain America, Stella; Lower RT: Problem Child, Death Warrant, Graveyard Shift, Repossessed, Loose Cannons, Soultaker, Madhouse, Funny About Love, Captain America, Ghost Dad, Fire Birds, Spaced Invaders, Meet the Applegates, Where the Heart Is, Heart Condition, Ernest Goes to Jail, Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection, Look Who’s Talking Too, Air America, Everybody Wins, and 27 more; Notes: I literally cannot believe Rocky V played on television as much as it did (72 times). It is also interesting that the top BMeT films are often just not that popular. Here Captain America played 17 times, but the next three after played 66, 51, and 32 times. Robocop 2 also played 54 times. Anyways, of all the Rocky films this is the big gun from a Notability and BMeT perspective.

New York Times – Rocky, Buffeted by Fists and Life, Returns to His Roots – HIDDEN in the attic at the Balboa manor house are a black leather jacket, an old sweatshirt and a porkpie hat, relics of the Rocky of yore. Early in “Rocky V,” the humbled ex-champ is forced to take these things, put them back on and go home to palookaville (in this case, South Philadelphia), as if he had never been noisily and conspicuously on top of the world. … It’s a smart move. There’s life in the old boy yet.

(MY GOD. How embarrassing for the New York Times. And that’s Janet Maslin, that ain’t no scrub watching this film. I can see the point … it just doesn’t square with the last 10 minutes of the film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2_k8p3RQx4/

(An unscrupulous promoter ehhhhhhhhh. It is kind of insane that they don’t actually fight in the film. It is ridiculous that they don’t even have the fight. It is effectively what Rocky Balboa is about.)

Directors – John G. Avildsen – ( Known For: Rocky; The Karate Kid; The Karate Kid Part II; Lean on Me; Inferno; The Power of One; Neighbors; Save the Tiger; Joe; The Formula; A Night in Heaven; Hurry Sundown; W.W. and the Dixie Dancekings; Happy New Year; Cry Uncle; Guess What We Learned in School Today?; Slow Dancing in the Big City; Foreplay; The Stoolie; Future BMT: The Karate Kid Part III; 8 Seconds; For Keeps?; BMT: Rocky V; Notes: Nominated for Traveling Hopefully, and won Best Director for Rocky. Kind of amazing he managed to make both the best and worst Rocky film.)

Writers – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Rocky; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Homefront; Creed III; F.I.S.T.; Paradise Alley; Future BMT: Staying Alive; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Rambo: Last Blood; Cobra; Over the Top; Driven; Rhinestone; Notes: He has only ever been nominated for Rocky films. Which … I mean looking at his writing credits, that makes perfect sense.)

Actors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Rocky; Men in Black; The Suicide Squad; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Escape Plan; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Antz; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Cop Land; M*A*S*H; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Samaritan; Future BMT: Staying Alive; Ratchet & Clank; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Demolition Man; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Judge Dredd; Tango & Cash; Rambo: Last Blood; Assassins; Cobra; Daylight; The Specialist; Zookeeper; Grudge Match; Over the Top; Lock Up; The Expendables 4; Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Driven; Get Carter; Oscar; Rhinestone; Notes: Although, I do think people think Cop Land is the one people point to and say: that is where he should have been nominated or even won. I do like the performance, but the film is just a little blah.)

Talia Shire – ( Known For: The Godfather; The Godfather Part II; Rocky; The Godfather Part III; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; I Heart Huckabees; Palo Alto; Megalopolis; New York Stories; Sly; She’s So Lovely; Rad; Prophecy; The Sparks Brothers; The Dunwich Horror; Deadfall; Homo Erectus; Gas! -Or- It Became Necessary to Destroy the World in Order to Save It.; BMT: Rocky IV; Rocky V; Notes: I did not realize Talia Shire was in Rad. She played Mrs. Jones. And now I need to see this film.)

Burt Young – ( Known For: Rocky; Once Upon a Time in America; Chinatown; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Win Win; New York, I Love You; Transamerica; Mickey Blue Eyes; Back to School; Convoy; Sly; Rob the Mob; The Pope of Greenwich Village; She’s So Lovely; The Killer Elite; Across 110th Street; Last Exit to Brooklyn; The Gambler; BMT: Rocky IV; Rocky V; The Adventures of Pluto Nash; Going Overboard; Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: I find it crazy he was third billed here, it obviously should have been Stallone’s son. His son’s performance is crazy in this, but also it is quite bad.)

Budget/Gross – $42 million / Domestic: $40,946,358 (Worldwide: $119,946,358)

(This isn’t bad, but yeah, it is obvious the series had ended once the domestic take didn’t hit $100 million. I can’t imagine what Rocky VI would have been though … I guess him training his son?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (12/38): Rocky V’s attempts to recapture the original’s working-class grit are as transparently phony as each of the thuddingly obvious plot developments in a misguided installment that sent the franchise flailing into longterm limbo.

(I cannot believe this has a 32% on Rotten Tomatoes. This film is genuinely horrid. And yeah, Rocky V is exclusively the reason this franchise went dark for years.)

New york Times Description: Scraping the barrel. Sweaty and juiceless.

Poster – Rock ’em Sock ’em V: Maybe Lay Off the Socking For a Bit

(Really terrible. Also very funny that the whole film is based on the idea that he’s training the next big Rocky sensation, but the poster is more or less “not so fast.” D.)

Tagline(s) – Go for it! (F)

(Not this one. Go back to the one that implies the fight in the film is actually on the level of a world war.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

(Kind of crazy this isn’t one of the tops. The only one worth anything there I think is The Karate Kid Part III. That series really really goes off the rails.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 9) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sylvester Stallone is No. 1 billed in Rocky V and No. 1 billed in The Expendables 3, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 9. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – Sylvester Stallone originally planned to make the effects of Rocky’s brain damage much more visible and painful to see, but altered these plans after watching a few days of footage because the sight of Rocky like that was “like seeing your favorite dog with dysplasia.”

During shooting, John G. Avildsen felt that cinematographer Steven Poster was over-lighting many scenes. He told Poster he wanted the film to look more like Rocky (1976), in which James Crabe often used a single spotlight to light an entire scene (such as the opening boxing match). Poster told Avildsen that the original film “looked like a cheap documentary”. Avildsen smiled and said, “Exactly”.

In an interview with Jonathan Ross, Sylvester Stallone was asked to rate each of the “Rocky” movies out of 10. He gave this movie zero.

Sylvester Stallone originally toyed with the idea of killing Rocky off at the end of the film. The plan was that Rocky would die in an ambulance on its way to the hospital with Adrian by his side. At the hospital, she would have announced to the world of his passing and his spirit would live on with a final flashback of the famous scene of him running up the steps. Stallone ultimately abandoned this concept and rewrote the ending.

This is the first movie where Rocky’s real name, Robert, is used. When Rocky first meets Tommy Gunn, as George Washington Duke pulls up in his limo, Duke says “Mr. Robert ‘Rocky’ Balboa!”

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Irwin Winkler, Robert Chartoff)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Sylvester Stallone)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Talia Shire)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Burt Young)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (John G. Avildsen)

Rocky IV Preview

Rocky IV (1985) – BMeTric: 10.9; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 16.0%; Notability: top 3.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.6%; Higher BMeT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, Howling II: … Your Sister Is a Werewolf, Red Sonja, Porky’s Revenge, King Solomon’s Mines, Perfect, Transylvania 6-5000, Creature, Gymkata, American Ninja, Private Resort, Invasion U.S.A., Once Bitten, Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment, Death Wish 3, Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend, Avenging Angel, National Lampoon’s European Vacation, King David, A View to a Kill, and 20 more; Higher Notability: A View to a Kill, Spies Like Us, My Science Project, King David, Maxie, National Lampoon’s European Vacation, Santa Claus, Perfect; Lower RT: American Ninja, That Was Then… This Is Now, Head Office, Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer, The Slugger’s Wife, Maxie, Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend, King Solomon’s Mines, King David, Once Bitten, My Science Project, Private Resort, Fever Pitch, Death Wish 3, Summer Rental, Tuff Turf, Gymkata, Rustlers’ Rhapsody, Perfect, Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, and 24 more; Notes: Obviously quite low BMeTric. If you look at the top 10 there, this guy played the most in the 90s (63 times), but Red Sonja is close behind (62 times). I do love that Gymkata played 35 times. There is something about that movie which felt like it was a modern 2000s rediscovery, but presumably a ton of people watched it in the 90s and that is how it became a cult film.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – The “Rocky” series is finally losing its legs. It’s been a long run, one hit movie after another, but “Rocky IV” is a last gasp, a film so predictable that viewing it is like watching one of those old sitcoms where the characters never change and the same situations turn up again and again. Even Sylvester Stallone seems to be getting tired of the series; as the writer and director, as well as the star, he puts himself through the same old paces.

(I suppose the irony would be that Rocky as a series is basically still going, and not only that but the third Creed film is making all the same mistakes as Ebert is pointing out here. Time is a flat circle.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kp1e9ReSD0E/

(Apollo nooooooooooooooooo! Insane that they just mention that in the first trailer. The music sting at the end though is immediately a classic. The movie looks insane and amazing. Which it is.)

Directors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: The Expendables; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Paradise Alley; Future BMT: Staying Alive; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; Notes: He didn’t direct as much as I really remember, although he directed more Rockys than I would have thought. He is likely to never direct again as well, he seems to be doing smaller films plus writing these days.)

Writers – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Rocky; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Homefront; Creed III; F.I.S.T.; Paradise Alley; Future BMT: Staying Alive; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Rambo: Last Blood; Cobra; Over the Top; Driven; Rhinestone; Notes: Staying Alive is upcoming and yeah … that means we are going to legit be done with Sly the writer and director. He does have an upcoming writing gig though, but I’m somewhat convinced that will be review-proof to some degree.)

Actors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Rocky; Men in Black; The Suicide Squad; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Escape Plan; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Antz; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Cop Land; M*A*S*H; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Samaritan; Future BMT: Staying Alive; Ratchet & Clank; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Demolition Man; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Judge Dredd; Tango & Cash; Rambo: Last Blood; Assassins; Cobra; Daylight; The Specialist; Zookeeper; Grudge Match; Over the Top; Lock Up; The Expendables 4; Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Driven; Get Carter; Oscar; Rhinestone; Notes: And then there will be only Ratchet & Clank in the new year. When we watch Staying Alive that will be our 25th Stallone film. Insane. He seems a bit busy with Tulsa King these days to churn out stinkers.)

Talia Shire – ( Known For: The Godfather; The Godfather Part II; Rocky; The Godfather Part III; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; I Heart Huckabees; Palo Alto; Megalopolis; New York Stories; Sly; She’s So Lovely; Rad; Prophecy; The Sparks Brothers; The Dunwich Horror; Deadfall; Homo Erectus; Gas! -Or- It Became Necessary to Destroy the World in Order to Save It.; BMT: Rocky IV; Rocky V; Notes: Nominated twice for Oscars for The Godfather Part II and Rocky. She was amazing in The Godfather Part II, and she is by far the best thing in some of these later Rocky films even though she doesn’t get much to do and people make fun of her for it.)

Burt Young – ( Known For: Rocky; Once Upon a Time in America; Chinatown; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Win Win; New York, I Love You; Transamerica; Mickey Blue Eyes; Back to School; Convoy; Sly; Rob the Mob; The Pope of Greenwich Village; She’s So Lovely; The Killer Elite; Across 110th Street; Last Exit to Brooklyn; The Gambler; BMT: Rocky IV; Rocky V; The Adventures of Pluto Nash; Going Overboard; Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: Oh wow, we finished off Burt Young. I suppose I just always expected there to be another random weird 80s Burt Young to go to in the end. Rocky was really a phenomenon, he was also nominated for an Oscar for it.)

Budget/Gross – $28 million / Domestic: $127,873,716 (Worldwide: $300,473,716)

(Gigantic. Rocky V truly is so terrible is scared even the money-making machines of Hollywood away from the series for a decade or two. This isn’t even a good movie and it just easily breaks $250 million in the 80s.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 39% (20/51): Rocky IV inflates the action to absurd heights, but it ultimately rings hollow thanks to a story that hits the same basic beats as the first three entries in the franchise.

(Juuuuuuust right there. Indeed it hasn’t qualified for years, but just a few months ago that switched and Rocky IV became a qualifier again. We would have watched it regardless.)

New York Times Description: This time he boxes a Soviet giant. Guess who wins.

Poster – Rock ’em Sock ’em IV: Sockin’ Again

(Spoiler alert! It’s OK. Just wish it didn’t spoil the end. S for spoilees.)

Tagline(s) – Get ready for the next world war. (B+)

(Holy shit. That’s not clever but it is great. I want to give it an A, but I’m a stickler for the tagline as everyone knows.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Best Options (franchise): 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Rocky V (1990), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 52.5 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.4 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 48.6 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 47.2 Big Top Pee-wee (1988), 45.7 Children of the Corn (1984), 44.8 American Ninja (1985), 44.7 Missing in Action (1984), 41.9 House II: The Second Story (1987), 41.4 Speed Zone (1989), 41.0 Death Wish 4: The Crackdown (1987), 40.9 The Delta Force (1986), 38.0 House Party 2 (1991), 37.7 Return of the Living Dead II (1988), 34.0 Ernest Saves Christmas (1988), 33.4 Death Wish 3 (1985), 31.3 Ernest Scared Stupid (1991), 31.0 Jetsons: The Movie (1990), 30.1 Creepshow 2 (1987), 26.6 National Lampoon’s European Vacation (1985), 24.2 A View to a Kill (1985), 24.1 Oh, God! You Devil (1984), 17.7 Phantasm II (1988), 17.4 Best of the Best (1989), 15.1 The Black Stallion Returns (1983), 10.9 Rocky IV (1985)

(This isn’t the one we did, we did Rocky V for this. It is kind of crazy Rocky V isn’t more reviled. It is actually truly trash, and bizarre to boot.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 9) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sylvester Stallone is No. 1 billed in Rocky IV and No. 1 billed in The Expendables 3, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 9. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – Sylvester Stallone decided that for the shooting of the fight, he and Dolph Lundgren should hit one another for real, so as to increase the intensity of the scene. After doing three takes of Rocky taking shots to ribs, Stallone felt a burning in his chest, but ignored it. Later that night, he had difficulty breathing and was taken to a nearby emergency room. It was discovered that his blood pressure was over 200, and he had to be flown on a low-altitude flight from Vancouver, Canada to St. John’s Hospital in Santa Monica, where he remained in intensive care for four days. What had happened was that Lundgren had punched him so hard in the chest, Stallone’s heart had slammed up against his breastbone and began to swell, cutting off the blood supply and restricting the oxygen flow throughout the body. . However, when asked about whether or not it really happened while answering a series of fan questions in a 2021 interview with the Guardian, Lundgren claimed to have no recollection of the incident. “I don’t know,” he said. “[Stallone] keeps talking about it, so maybe he’s right. He did go to the hospital, but I don’t know whether it was my punches or the fact that he was so overworked as the director, actor and writer. We shot those 15 rounds over two or three weeks, eight or 12 hours a day, so you’re throwing thousands of punches. If you don’t connect, it looks a bit fake, but it doesn’t mean you want to hurt the other guy. But there were no hard feelings.” He went on to explain that stand-ins and stunt doubles were rarely used, and that he has performed the majority of his own stunts and fight scenes–but that this has changed in more recent years. “Back in the day, you had to do it all yourself: Rocky IV, The Punisher, Masters of the Universe, all the Expendables,” he said. “I’ve jumped from a motorcycle to a truck; dangerous things I would never do now. Staying physically fit over the years has been nice. There aren’t many actors who can stay physically fit for a long time. Part of the game is trying to look fit, at least.”

“Rocky IV” became the highest-grossing film in the “Rocky” series to date, taking in just over 300 million dollars worldwide.

During filming, Dolph Lundgren and Carl Weathers really did not get along and got into an altercation. Lundgren threw Weathers into a corner of the boxing ring. After that, Weathers shouted profanities at Lundgren while leaving the ring and announced that he was calling his agent and quitting the movie. Only after Sylvester Stallone forced the two actors to reconcile did the movie continue. This event caused a four-day work stoppage while Weathers was talked back into the part and Lundgren agreed to tone down his aggressiveness.

James Brown is seen performing the song “Living In America” prior to the Creed vs. Drago match. The song was released as a single from the movie’s soundtrack and became Brown’s first Top 40 single in eleven years, and the last of his career.

Over 8,000 people auditioned for the part of Ivan Drago. Dolph Lundgren was first turned down by the casting directors for being too tall but later on, he got the chance to send photos and meet Sylvester Stallone who told him he had a good chance to get the part, but advised him to gain twenty pounds of muscle. In total, it took Lundgren several months to win the part.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Irwin Winkler, Robert Chartoff)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Sylvester Stallone)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Burt Young)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Brigitte Nielsen)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Talia Shire)

Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo Preview

“What?” Samantha says, frustrated that even her totally rizz new entry in the Holly Ween series didn’t get through to Jamie. “So I just need to dream again and then I’ll make sure to listen… like in your book,” Jamie says, adding the last part as he had forgotten that he was supposed to have already figured this out because of the book. But how could he be expected to interpret the hidden themes of a book when it was so ill and dope? “Alright,” Samantha starts again, “are you listening?” Jamie nods, staring intently. “I am dying.” Jamie gasps. He asks all the obvious questions. How? When? What? “It just happened,” Samantha says sadly, tears in her eyes. “I first noticed it in my elbow three years ago while practicing the shot put. But it ended up being more serious than that. It’s hard to explain. Just complex and vague really, but I assure you it’s terminal.” Jamie is blubbering at this point. “Who? Why? Where?” He gets out, not sure what else to say. Samantha hugs him, hoping he now understands why she ran. Why she ran so far away. All night and day… but she couldn’t get away. Not from this love. Jamie suddenly pulls away. “No!” he yells, “no, I don’t believe it. I’m going to punch those doctors that made you believe this. Just really punch them hard in the arm. Or maybe if we just get a second opinion then it’ll turn out they were wrong.” At this his face crumples and he begins to blubber again. Once he finishes he looks up, hope and love shining in his eyes. “What now?” he asks, accepting his new reality. Patrick looks on and his heart breaks for them. Kyle’s heart is breaking too. That’s right! We are pulling double dancin’ duty by watching both Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. These are classics of the genre, so there’s not much more to say. As for the Friend, we went full nostalgia for this one and did Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure. Boy, I haven’t seen that since I was a little kid. Should be fun. Let’s go!

Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984) – BMeTric: 35.2; Notability: 49

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 5.6%; Notability: top 2.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 11.0%; Higher BMeT: Supergirl, Ghoulies, The Hills Have Eyes Part II, Rhinestone, Bolero, Cannonball Run II, Children of the Corn, Missing in Action, Sheena, City Heat, C.H.U.D., Conan the Destroyer, The Ice Pirates, Exterminator 2; Higher Notability: Dune, Cannonball Run II, City Heat, Supergirl, Firstborn; Lower RT: The Hills Have Eyes Part II, Bolero, Exterminator 2, Reckless, Thief of Hearts, Crackers, Until September, Ghoulies, Blame It on Rio, Supergirl, Sheena, Cannonball Run II, Windy City, The Ice Pirates, American Dreamer, Missing in Action, Rhinestone, Tank, Mutant, Purple Hearts, and 4 more; Notes: Yeah, I actually kind of figured. This played 57 times on television. I genuinely thought that the thing about the two films was that the sequel is more ridiculous so it would get more play on television in the end. We did the run down for 1984 (wait, these films came out the same year for real?), so I’ll leave it by mentioning that The Ewok Adventure played 36 times on television which is both hilarious and expected (Disney needed to get their money’s worth in the end). Battle for Endor also played around the same amount, 34 times.

RogerEbert.com – 3 stars – Movie musicals used to be allowed to be goofy and lightweight, but in recent years they’ve turned into ponderous, overbudgeted artifacts that take themselves so seriously you feel guilty if you’re having a good time. Remember all the self-importance of “Annie“? That’s why a modest, cheerful little movie like “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” is so refreshing. Here is a movie that wants nothing more than to allow some high-spirited kids to sing and dance their way through a silly plot just long enough to make us grin.

(Wowza, now that is a review. I would say he ain’t wrong … but he’s kind of wrong. There are moments of belief suspension that really don’t work in this film and I think that is what sinks it. Once Turbo can be cured by the power of dance the entire film loses a bit of its tension since, presumably, they could also use dance to magic money out of thin air if they wanted to.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnNLY8yDwyk/

(Ooooo that Cannon logo just kills it everytime. … Is Ice-T good? His rap in this trailer is insane. And haha the eeeeeeevil land developer is so hilarious looking. The whitest oldest richest looking guy in the universe. Wait … huh, the title is listed as Breakin’ 2 is Electric Boogaloo in the trailer. That is something to follow up on.)

Directors – Sam Firstenberg – ( Known For: American Ninja 2: The Confrontation; Revenge of the Ninja; Ninja III: The Domination; Avenging Force; American Samurai; Cyborg Cop; Delta Force 3: The Killing Game; Cyborg Cop II; The Alternate; Quicksand; Motel Blue; Riverbend; Future BMT: American Ninja; BMT: Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo; Notes: Was a big Dudikoff guy way back in the day. He really dabbled in it all though, e.g. Cyborg Cop II with David Bradley. Definitely a director we should be looking to for friends.)

Writers – Allen DeBevoise, Jan Ventura, and Charles Parker – ( BMT: Breakin’; Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo; Notes: Characters, one and all.)

Julie Reichert – ( BMT: Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo; Notes: Once again, it begs the question as to why they didn’t get actual screenwriters for these movies. They replaced the original three people with … another person who never wrote a screenplay.)

Actors – Lucinda Dickey – ( Known For: Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films; Ninja III: The Domination; Cheerleader Camp; BMT: Grease 2; Breakin’; Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo; Notes: Her mother was a long time dance instructor in Kansas and that is where she got her start.)

Adolfo Quinones – ( Known For: Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films; Lambada; BMT: Tango & Cash; Breakin’; Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo; Notes: We already went over this, his stage name was Shabba-Doo. Legitimately he is considered one of the forefathers of hip-hop dancing, an original Locker, and was an Original Soul Train Gang member.)

Michael Chambers – ( Notes: By all accounts his fashion was what influenced the 80s Michael Jackson style as he was his dance coach for 8 years.. Which is amazing, because we go from Boogaloo Shrimp -> Michael Jackson -> Corey Feldman in Dream a Little Dream. A direct line!)

Budget/Gross – $3 million / Domestic: $15,101,131 (Worldwide: $15,101,131)

(That’s more like it. It does seem like they gave it a bit more budget and got half the return and decided that they didn’t need to push their luck further. I do think, as Ebert says, this was influential by showing what a full blown “dance” movie could be, but also it shows how you do still need a plot.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (2/7)

(Consensus would be: “A wonderful kind of terrible that is beautiful and wonderful. Ebert is right, who gives a shit about story, let’s dance!”)

New York Times Description: Dancers stage show to save community center.

Poster – Sklogin’ 2: Electric Toblerone

(Oh my gawd, it’s even better. This is an A+++++++++. Are there more plusses I can add to it. My word. It’s beautiful in the most ironic way possible.)

Tagline(s) – Believe in the beat that’s on the street, it’s hoppin’ and poppin’, they’re breakin’ and lockin’. (F)

(Nah. This isn’t working for me anymore.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

(Again, I don’t know why, but this wasn’t counted as a franchise. In a way we maybe should have considered Revenge of the Nerds II. Firstly, because the first is aggressively uncouth by today’s standards. And second because despite seeing the first a dozen times on Comedy Central growing up, I’ve never seen the second.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 23) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Lucinda Dickey is No. 1 billed in Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo and No. 1 billed in Breakin’, which also stars Ice-T (No. 7 billed) who is in Surviving the Game (No. 1 billed) which also stars Charles S. Dutton (No. 3 billed) who is in Random Hearts (No. 3 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 1) + (7 + 1) + (3 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 23. If we were to watch Unforgettable we can get the HoE Number down to 18.

Notes – The phrase “Electric Boogaloo” has become a common unofficial sub-title for any unnecessary sequel.

To film a scene with dancers breakdancing on walls, the makers borrowed the rotating room from A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984). To show thanks, a picture of Freddy’s glove is hanging on the wall.

Inspired by real-life events. The Radio-Tron, a youth center near MacArthur Park, Los Angeles, faced demolition. Youth director Carmelo Alvarez rallied the youth and community to march to Los Angeles City Hall and try to save the Radio-Tron.

This sequel was green-lit and rushed into production less than a year after the original film.

Christopher McDonald was offered the chance to reprise his role of James from Breakin’ (1984). He turned it down.

Breakin’ Preview

Breakin’ (1984) – BMeTric: 24.5; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 8.8%; Notability: top 7.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.2%; Higher BMeT: Supergirl, Ghoulies, The Hills Have Eyes Part II, Rhinestone, Bolero, Cannonball Run II, Children of the Corn, Missing in Action, Sheena, City Heat, C.H.U.D., Conan the Destroyer, The Ice Pirates, Exterminator 2, Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, Ninja III: The Domination, Blame It on Rio, The Woman in Red, Protocol, and 2 more; Higher Notability: Dune, Cannonball Run II, City Heat, Supergirl, Firstborn, Protocol, Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, The River, Unfaithfully Yours, American Dreamer, Conan the Destroyer, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, The Woman in Red, The Ice Pirates, Rhinestone, C.H.U.D., Sheena, Reckless, Exterminator 2; Lower RT: The Hills Have Eyes Part II, Bolero, Exterminator 2, Reckless, Thief of Hearts, Crackers, Until September, Ghoulies, Blame It on Rio, Supergirl, Sheena, Cannonball Run II, Windy City, The Ice Pirates, American Dreamer, Missing in Action, Rhinestone, Tank, Mutant, Purple Hearts, and 9 more; Notes: Only played eight times on television, which is, again, a surprise because I would think this could play anytime so would play afternoons on random channels, but nope. Supergirl played 29 times, Ghoulies 8 times, and Rhinestone 32 times. This is a rare year where we’ve only seen 5 of the top 10 BMeT films, so we really have to get on the Children of the Corn series.

New York Times – Break-Dancing Stars – “Breakin’,” which opened yesterday at the National and other theaters, features a number of good, mostly small-scale demonstrations of break-dancing, the energetic street choreography that is now in process of being co-opted and merchandized by big-time show business.

(Basically, the complaint seems to boil down to: enough with the story, I want more dancing! He ain’t wrong.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFC5yYW58TM/

(Alright, strike that the music in this one is incredible. And the beginning of the trailer is just groin shots over and over. I’m not complaining. Just to be clear. Don’t be mistaken’ I’m going to watch Breakin’.)

Directors – Joel Silberg – ( Known For: Lambada; The Best of Enemies; Rappin’; Catch the Heat; BMT: Breakin’; Notes: My god, he directed Prison Heat. Also Rappin; and Lambada! This guy is clearly a legend. He died in 2013.)

Writers – Charles Parker – ( BMT: Breakin’; Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo; Notes: Literally just this movie and characters on the sequel. There isn’t a “real” write on this whole thing (no offense intended).)

Allen DeBevoise – ( BMT: Breakin’; Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo; Notes: Alright, well this guy did some producing after, although nothing of major note.)

Gerald Scaife – ( BMT: Breakin’; Notes: Crazy, he only wrote this movie, but he’s apparently a construction estimator / accountant for major films. He did Titanic!)

Actors – Lucinda Dickey – ( Known For: Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films; Ninja III: The Domination; Cheerleader Camp; BMT: Grease 2; Breakin’; Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo; Notes: So Grease 2 she was just a random female Greaser. After these two films she did Ninja III and then retired as she got married in 1990.)

Adolfo Quinones – ( Known For: Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films; Lambada; BMT: Tango & Cash; Breakin’; Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo; Notes: Bonafide break dancing legend by all accounts. His dance name was Shabba-Doo. He was also in Lambada and apparently did some breaking on Married… with Children.)

Michael Chambers – ( Notes: His name was Shrimp. Ignore the lack of detail here, he was actually in a bunch of movies, he just isn’t clearly in TMDb. My favorite credit is that he was Good Robot Bill in Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. One of the bad guys was Good Robot Ted.)

Budget/Gross – $1.2 million / Domestic: $38,682,707 (Worldwide: $38,682,707)

(This was huge! What the hell. I would never have guessed how much money this made. No wonder they rushed a second film into production, they were apparently sitting on a goldmine!)

Rotten Tomatoes – 33% (3/9)

(That is genuinely better than I would have expected. Once again the consensus is like: If they would just let Turbo and Ozone cook this movie would be fire, instead it gets bogged down by insisting this movie have a plot.)

New York Times Description: Breakdancers. Some good hopping, period.

Poster – Sklogin’

(I mean, yes. This is exactly the poster for Breakin’ and what it should be. It’s crazy terrible. D+ for the font.)

Tagline(s) – Push it to Pop it! Rock it to Lock it! Break it to Make it! (A+++++++)

For The Break Of Your Life! (B-)

(The first is obviously life-changing. The second is better than you think. Just reading it, you’d think it was terrible. But it’s kind of clever, if a bit clunky. Trust me, you’ll end up loving it.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

(It would just be off of this list, as the second is the one we are actually doing here, but also for whatever reason this series isn’t on the franchise list … I guess maybe they don’t technically count franchises where there are only two films?)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 21) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Ice-T is No. 7 billed in Breakin’ and No. 1 billed in Surviving the Game, which also stars Charles S. Dutton (No. 3 billed) who is in Random Hearts (No. 3 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (7 + 1) + (3 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 21. If we were to watch Unforgettable we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – In the first “street dancing” scene, in which Kelly accompanies Ozone and Turbo to the beach, the audience watching the dancing is comprised of surfers and beach bums. A man in a black singlet claps with the music. It’s Jean-Claude Van Damme in his first on-screen appearance. According to Van Damme, he tried hard to draw attention to himself by jumping in the air and doing flips, but they were not included in the film.

According to Lucinda Dickey, Adolfo Quinones would often try to show her up and make her feel intimidated because of her dancing ability and their clashes within the film rang true with his personal resentment for her which was also shared by their co-star Michael Chambers.

The film uses two of Ice-T’s early instrumental raps; Tibetan Jam and Reckless. The producers later used Tibetan Jam as background music in Missing in Action (1984).

The idea for the film came from Menahem Golan’s daughter who one day while at the beach saw a group of break dancers performing before a crowd.

This was Cannon Films most financially successful movie as distributor.

From the Hip Preview

“In my dream (a rather small dream now that I recall it) we are running through a forest. It’s a forest of lies, but also those lies/trees are birch trees… We are just like swinging around dem birches, right? Swinging all over the place and it feels pretty damn good. Then we swing on up to the top of a hill and we are smooching… hard. We make out for a while. This is actually most of my dream. It was in actuality a large dream just in terms of duration, but small if you write out the plot or recount it like I’m doing now. Because you can just say ‘and then we smooched… hard’ and that covers like 95% of the dream. Anyway, once we are done smooching you turn your head away in anguish. I try to pull you back to the birch trees so we can swing around a bunch more, but you say you can’t. You cradle your elbow and say that you’ve been trying to tell me something but I never listen. Then you begin to tell me what has been bothering you, but at this point I’m remembering swinging around in the birch trees and smooching and then I’m like ‘woah, am I daydreaming within this dream?’ and you’d think that by acknowledging the dream that it would end, right? But no. When I stop daydreaming you are looking peeved and say ‘Perhaps this will make you listen.’ When I look down you’ve pulled a tiny gun from your hip pocket. It’s so tiny that I actually start to laugh, but then you shoot! You shoot me with the little gun! And I wake up!” Jamie stands staring back at Samantha, appearing rather pleased with himself. Samantha is bewildered. That’s right! That connection was a bit of a stretch, but we are watching the Judd Nelson vehicle that everyone remembers, From the Hip… yup, that movie that you can just imagine because you remember it so well. As for the Friend, we are pairing that with a classic of the genre in Surf Nazis Must Die. We saw this for the first time in high school, but not since. Interested in how it holds up all these years later. Let’s go!

From the Hip (1987) – BMeTric: 13.1; Notability: 26

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 17.6%; Notability: top 12.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.6%; Higher BMeT: Jaws: The Revenge, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Teen Wolf Too, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, Leonard Part 6, Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol, Surf Nazis Must Die, Who’s That Girl, Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, Masters of the Universe, Ghoulies II, Return to Horror High, House II: The Second Story, Death Wish 4: The Crackdown, Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Over the Top, Burglar, Cherry 2000, Flowers in the Attic, and 24 more; Higher Notability: Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Masters of the Universe, Who’s That Girl, Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol, Jaws: The Revenge, Fatal Beauty, Leonard Part 6, Cherry 2000, Blind Date, Burglar, Over the Top, The Sicilian, House II: The Second Story, My Demon Lover, Death Wish 4: The Crackdown, The Believers, Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, Hot Pursuit, Slam Dance, Rent-a-Cop, and 12 more; Lower RT: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, Hot Pursuit, Return to Horror High, Rent-a-Cop, My Demon Lover, The Allnighter, Jaws: The Revenge, Leonard Part 6, Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, House II: The Second Story, Teen Wolf Too, Hello Again, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, The Sicilian, Ghoulies II, Russkies, The Squeeze, Surf Nazis Must Die, Siesta, and 19 more; Notes: I’m actually a little surprised this only played 13 times on cable in the 90s, this seems perfect for filling up a random cinemax slot. We’ve watched 6 of the top 10 for 1987, and I’m going to guess Teen Wolf Too has an insane number of cable plays (74! I knew it, that movie was on all the time). Surf Nazis Must Die played 16 times, more than From the Hip! I only knew of it because for some reason my brother knew enough about it to rent it for a bad movie night.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – I have a notion that a lot of moviegoers in Nelson’s generation will respond to his performance. There’s so much insecurity around right now, so much desperate competition for success, that the notion of a rebel inside corporate America is curiously attractive. If I am right and if our society is poised once again on the brink of a rerun of the 1960s, if Reagan is our Eisenhower, if the campuses are primed to revolt, then “From the Hip” is “The Graduate” of 1987. If I’m wrong, of course, it’s just a very silly movie. Somehow I think I’m wrong.

(This seems to be a trend in some of the reviews of the film: that yeah, people liked Nelson’s performance in this. The film is more fun than it has any right to be, quite similar to …And Justice for All.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPjkWFB4FwY/

(I must say the fact that this isn’t about someone who holds a dog bone in their mouth at any point is crazy considering the poster. I’ll also say … isn’t this the plot of And Just For All… more on that in the recap I suppose.)

Directors – Bob Clark – ( Known For: A Christmas Story; Black Christmas; Murder by Decree; Dead of Night; Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things; Blonde and Blonder; My Summer Story; Tribute; I’ll Remember April; Now & Forever; She-Man: A Story of Fixation; Breaking Point; Future BMT: Porky’s; Porky’s II: The Next Day; Loose Cannons; Turk 182; BMT: Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2; Baby Geniuses; Rhinestone; From the Hip; Notes: Him slipping into kids films and then his career exploding after Baby Geniuses is something else indeed. We have to do Porky’s at some point, maybe I’ll buy it on VHS.)

Writers – Bob Clark – ( Known For: A Christmas Story; Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things; My Summer Story; She-Man: A Story of Fixation; Future BMT: Porky’s; Porky’s II: The Next Day; Porky’s Revenge; Loose Cannons; BMT: Baby Geniuses; From the Hip; Notes: He died in 2007. Apparently he is one of only two directors who had a movie on both the Loved and Hated lists by Ebert (the other was Reiner).)

David E. Kelley – ( Known For: Lake Placid; Future BMT: Mystery, Alaska; To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday; BMT: From the Hip; Notes: One of the big names in television still to this day. He’s been nominated for 25 Emmys, and won 11, variously for Big Little Lies, Ally McBeal, The Practice, Picket Fences, and L.A. Law. Is this movie a proto-L.A. Law? L.A. Law started in 1986, but this script may have existed for a while prior to that.)

Actors – Judd Nelson – ( Known For: The Breakfast Club; Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back; The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day; St. Elmo’s Fire; The Transformers: The Movie; New Jack City; Billionaire Boys Club; Nurse; Fandango; Have a Good Trip; Brats; The Dark Backward; Bad Kids Go to Hell; Madness in the Method; Never on Tuesday; Relentless; Making the Grade; The Freediver; Netherbeast Incorporated; Hail Caesar; Future BMT: Airheads; Light It Up; BMT: Steel; From the Hip; Blue City; Notes: Y’all know Judd. His post-Brat Pack career is weird. I am very very excited to eventually watch Airheads again though, it is a very fun and genuinely good movie.)

Elizabeth Perkins – ( Known For: Finding Nemo; Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse; Ghostbusters; Big; Cats & Dogs; Miracle on 34th Street; Speak; About Last Night; Fierce People; Avalon; Try Seventeen; Indian Summer; The Doctor; My Little Pony: A New Generation; Jiminy Glick in Lalawood; The Thing About My Folks; Love at Large; Sweet Hearts Dance; Enid Is Sleeping; I’m Losing You; Future BMT: 28 Days; Hop; Must Love Dogs; Crazy in Alabama; He Said, She Said; Moonlight and Valentino; Kids in America; BMT: The Ring Two; The Flintstones; From the Hip; Notes: Man, she was huge back in the day. I got very confused for a second about who she was in Ghostbusters, but that is the 2016 Ghostbusters. Nominated for 3 Emmys for Weeds.)

John Hurt – ( Known For: V for Vendetta; Alien; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2; Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1; Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull; Snowpiercer; Hellboy; Contact; Hellboy II: The Golden Army; Perfume: The Story of a Murderer; The Elephant Man; Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy; Spaceballs; Melancholia; Immortals; Hercules; Dogville; Only Lovers Left Alive; Dead Man; Future BMT: The Skeleton Key; Valiant; Thumbelina; King Ralph; Lost Souls; Partners; Jake Speed; BMT: Captain Corelli’s Mandolin; Wild Bill; From the Hip; Notes: Nominated for two Oscars for The Elephant Man, and Midnight Express. I still need to watch Midnight Express. I read the book and it was just on the wrong side of depressing so I needed some time to process before watching the movie.)

Budget/Gross – $9 million / Domestic: $9,518,342 (Worldwide: $9,518,342)

(Not what you want. I wonder how much of the budget went into some of the location shoots. The locations in this film are quite fun, but probably cost a bit to film at.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 30% (7/23): From the Hip finds Judd Nelson flexing previously unseen acting muscles, but this legal comedy is too grating to pass the bar.

(Too grating?! I guess I can see it, but that is the point. Again, it isn’t that much different than …And Justice For All where the main character is defending a monster and has to vaguely figure out how to get out of the situation deftly.)

New York Times Description: A showoff rookie lawyer in Boston.

Poster – Dog Lawyer

(You may not remember this film, but this is a very well known poster in my head. It’s such an F- it comes all the way around and is an A+. What a disaster. Who made this?)

Tagline(s) – Getting To The Top Means Working Like A Dog! (F)

The way he practices law should be a crime (A-)

(The first makes no sense and yet they turned around and made it the basis of the whole thing. The second one is actually not bad. Just needs to be a little tighter.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Best Options (Flintstones): 57.6 Ghost Dad (1990), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988), 44.8 King Ralph (1991), 42.0 Club Paradise (1986), 41.6 Loose Cannons (1990), 41.0 Death Wish 4: The Crackdown (1987), 37.9 Invaders from Mars (1986), 36.5 Burglar (1987), 34.0 Hero and the Terror (1988), 31.0 Jetsons: The Movie (1990), 29.0 He Said, She Said (1991), 28.4 The Presidio (1988), 27.2 Flight of the Intruder (1991), 26.0 Bad Dreams (1988), 24.6 The Survivors (1983), 24.5 Sunset (1988), 21.6 Dead Heat (1988), 20.6 Spies Like Us (1985), 20.3 Strictly Business (1991), 18.9 Head Office (1985), 17.9 Brewster’s Millions (1985), 17.7 Skin Deep (1989), 15.9 Worth Winning (1989), 13.6 Stella (1990), 13.0 From the Hip (1987)

(Ha! Well, what you didn’t know is that we needed to do From the Hip in order to chain up into 2024. These days bad movies are at such a premium they pretty much dictate any and all chain films for the back half of the year.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: John Hurt is No. 3 billed in From the Hip and No. 3 billed in Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (3 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 15. If we were to watch Must Love Dogs, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – At his son’s elementary school, writer-produce-director Bob Clark offered a silent auction prize allowing the winner to go to Charlotte in North Carolina and go behind the scenes during the filming of this movie. After friends of the family won the auction, Clark allowed the entire family to be extras / background artists in a scene rather than just observers.

TV producer Steven Bochco hired writer David E. Kelley to write for his television series L.A. Law (1986) after reading this script.

Star Judd Nelson was Razzie Award nominated for this movie in the category of Worst Actor at the 1988 Golden Raspberry Awards but lost out Bill Cosby for Leonard Part 6 (1987).

Attorney David E. Kelley showed his spec screenplay to his law firm’s client, Indian Neck Productions, who optioned it and then recruited the film’s director Bob Clark.

This legal courtroom comedy drama was written by David E. Kelley who was actually a law attorney in Boston, Massachusetts, USA.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Judd Nelson)

Dream a Little Dream Preview

Plain Jane is back, Jack! Third time’s a charm, but is it third time’s a… love?! Who would have thought that Plain Jane Never-Been-Kissed would have two dreamboat guys fighting over her? Not this girl, that’s who. Alejandro has shown up in the Big Apple professing his love for Holly and Brad has returned from Aspen even more in love with Jane than ever. Eeeeeek! If only she could be both Jane and Holly at the same time! Brain Blitz! What if she can? Her grandmother always said be careful what she wished for, particularly when using a monkey’s paw. Down goes a finger and… oops! Turns out when she wished that Jane and Holly would exist at the same time it meant that she would remain Plain Jane, but *gulp* Brad would become possessed by Holly Ween. It’s a sass attack as Holly Brad takes NYC by storm. Now she has to reveal her true identity to Alejandro in order to recruit him to help. He’s hurt. Doesn’t he know that he loved her for what was on the inside? But also, as he takes her glasses off, he mentions that her beauty on the outside doesn’t hurt either. Who? Little ol’ her? Jane and Alejandro are quite the power couple as they power their way into the hottest club in NYC and win a dance off against Holly Brad. Turns out out-dancing Holly Ween’s spirit is the only way to defeat her and the monkey’s paw closes again. Alejandro goes in for the kiss but Plain Jane turns him away. She can’t… because she’s dying. Brad and Alejandro gasp. Turns out they’re dying too.

“You get it?” Samantha says. “Let me see if I do,” Jamie says and begins to recount a dream he had. We’re recounting a little dream we had this week. The dream of watching Dream a Little Dream starring the Corey’s. Boy that sounds like a rough time. Hope we have a nice palate cleanser for our Friend this week. Ghosts Can’t Do It starring Bo Derek! Welp… it’s a hard job, but someone has to do it. Let’s go!

Dream a Little Dream (1989) – BMeTric: 29.8; Notability: 25

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 10.4%; Notability: top 20.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 4.5%; Higher BMeT: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child, Wild Orchid, Cyborg, The Fly II, The Karate Kid Part III, No Holds Barred, Cutting Class, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland, DeepStar Six, The Toxic Avenger Part II, Shocker, Pink Cadillac, The Punisher, Speed Zone, House III: The Horror Show, The January Man, and 6 more; Higher Notability: Tango & Cash, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Troop Beverly Hills, Lock Up, A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child, The Karate Kid Part III, Harlem Nights, See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Fletch Lives, Leviathan, Three Fugitives, Listen to Me, Pink Cadillac, Family Business, Millennium, Dead Bang, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, The Punisher, Let It Ride, Renegades, and 32 more; Lower RT: Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, The Toxic Avenger Part II, House III: The Horror Show, Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects, Speed Zone, Homer and Eddie, Worth Winning, Elves, Second Sight, Night Game, Wired; Notes: Played 42 times, and we’ve actually seen 8 of the top 10 BMeT films for 1989 which is pretty great. We really need to get on The Karate Kid III. I keep forgetting there was a sequel to this film (also starring Feldman) and that played an insane 45 times on television. Ghosts Can’t Do It played 23 times, including, amazingly, premiering on Cinemax on July 23rd 1991 in the primetime slot, wowza.

RogerEbert.com – 0.5 stars – So there I was, watching this TV commercial for “Dream a Little Dream,” when suddenly a light bulb went on over my head, and I said, “Hold on a minute,” because the commercial shows Corey Feldman as a kid named Bobby who has all these problems in school, you know, and like he’s in love with this girl but she’s dating the toughest kid in the class and so, like wow, what is Bobby gonna do? After I saw this commercial, what I wanted to know was: What happened to Jason Robards? What the commercial doesn’t tell you is that this kid named Bobby is not really a 16-year-old at all. He has a teenager’s body, sure, but inside his head, he is occupied by Jason Robards. … “Dream a Little Dream” is an aggressively unwatchable movie.

(Roger Ebert really channelling the Bad Movie Twins style of writing for a second there. It does make me think we have a voice here … it isn’t an intelligent or good voice, but it is something that someone somewhere would go like “huh” to, you know?)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWIlihA-DBo/

(My god the music. Watching all these trailers makes me realize just how insane the music in trailers often are. My god, this is a body swap film?! What the hell?)

Directors – Marc Rocco – ( Known For: Murder in the First; Where the Day Takes You; Scenes from the Goldmine; BMT: Dream a Little Dream; Notes: Somehow Murder in the First was his last directorial effort. I remember that film being at least not-bad. He produced a bunch after, including The Jacket.)

Writers – Daniel Jay Franklin – ( BMT: Dream a Little Dream; Notes: Literally this is it. He wrote a single episode of Knots Landing, and then got a character credit for the sequel.)

Marc Rocco – ( Known For: The Jacket; Where the Day Takes You; Scenes from the Goldmine; BMT: Dream a Little Dream; Notes: Adopted son of the guy who played Salvator in The Wedding Planner … oh also the guy was in The Godfather, but The Wedding Planner seemed more appropriate to mention.)

Danny Eisenberg – ( BMT: Dream a Little Dream; Notes: Seems to be a collaborator with Rocco since he also wrote (and composed for?) Scenes from the Goldmine.)

Actors – Corey Feldman – ( Known For: Stand by Me; The Goonies; Gremlins; The Lost Boys; Maverick; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; The Fox and the Hound; The ‘Burbs; Time After Time; Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV; Corbin Nash; Pauly Shore Is Dead; My Date with Drew; Kid 90; Comic-Con Episode IV: A Fan’s Hope; Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy; Meatballs 4; An Open Secret; 13 Fanboy; Rock ‘n’ Roll High School Forever; Future BMT: Loaded Weapon 1; License to Drive; Bordello of Blood; Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; BMT: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter; Friday the 13th: A New Beginning; Friday the 13th: The New Blood; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III; Dream a Little Dream; Notes: For real, for this film he readily admits he was in his “Michael Jackson” phase. He had vaguely learned to dance like Michael, and he dressed like him, but he basically couldn’t sing, but at the time that didn’t seem to be of concern to Feldman who straight mimics Jackson throughout this film. He looks ridiculous.)

Jason Robards – ( Known For: Once Upon a Time in the West; Magnolia; Enemy of the State; Philadelphia; All the President’s Men; Crimson Tide; Parenthood; Tora! Tora! Tora!; Quick Change; Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid; A Boy and His Dog; Johnny Got His Gun; The Paper; My Best Fiend; Something Wicked This Way Comes; The Ballad of Cable Hogue; Julia; Beloved; The Adventures of Huck Finn; Bright Lights, Big City; Future BMT: Little Big League; BMT: Dream a Little Dream; A Thousand Acres; Notes: You know, I’m reading King Lear now, and I think I might have to reassess A Thousand Acres at some point. I remember finding it nuts at the time, but it is a weird take on King Lear which maybe I could understand better. He won two Oscars, for All the President’s Men and Julia, and was nominated for Melvin and Howard.)

Corey Haim – ( Known For: The Lost Boys; Silver Bullet; Lucas; Murphy’s Romance; Watchers; Prayer of the Rollerboys; An Open Secret; Dream Machine; Oh, What a Night; My Truth: The Rape of Two Coreys; New Terminal Hotel; Shark City; Never Too Late; Future BMT: License to Drive; Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; Secret Admirer; Firstborn; BMT: Batman & Robin; Crank: High Voltage; Dream a Little Dream; Notes: Apparently he was added very late in the game as a request by Feldman (who seemed to take over production to some degree), and then Haim broke his leg, and they just wrote into the script that he walks with a cane. It is nuts.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $5,552,441 (Worldwide: $5,552,441)

(It is honestly astonishing this made any money. It is crazy that it was released to theaters. The film is so so so so weird. One of the weirdest BMTs in history and that’s saying something.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 9% (1/11)

(The consensus here is actually very straightforward: this movie is completely incoherent. Audiences will be left in a daze after wondering what the hell they just saw.)

New York Times Description: Routine high school slick cloaked in foggy folderol about dreams and incarnation.

Poster – Sklog a Little Sklog

(This is actually hurting my eyes a little. At least the font has a bit of vim and vigor. C-.)

Tagline(s) – With dreams like these who needs reality? (D+)

(I don’t… I’m not sure I understand. With dreams like these… who needs reality? You sure about that one? A classic, this sounds like a tagline but I assure you it isn’t a tagline.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Best Options (Romance): 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 61.1 Staying Alive (1983), 55.1 Who’s That Girl (1987), 47.2 Big Top Pee-wee (1988), 44.8 American Ninja (1985), 44.8 King Ralph (1991), 38.6 Stroker Ace (1983), 38.2 The Butcher’s Wife (1991), 35.3 Spring Break (1983), 33.6 Career Opportunities (1991), 32.0 The Forbidden Dance (1990), 31.5 Jumpin’ Jack Flash (1986), 30.5 The Woman in Red (1984), 30.0 High Spirits (1988), 29.8 Dream a Little Dream (1989), …

(We mostly did this for the year if I recall. But is is one of those wild films that is completely off the wall inexplicable, so it isn’t like we were struggling with the decision. It is the best 1989 Romance film we could find regardless.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jason Robards is No. 1 billed in Dream a Little Dream and No. 3 billed in A Thousand Acres, which also stars Michelle Pfeiffer (No. 1 billed) who is in New Year’s Eve (No. 3 billed) which also stars Robert De Niro (No. 2 billed) who is in Righteous Kill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 3) + (1 + 3) + (2 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 18. If we were to watch License to Drive we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Four days before filming, Corey Haim broke his leg and Dinger’s character had to be rewritten to include the injury. While his actual cast was removed during filming, he had to wear a fake one for the remainder of the production. In the movie Dinger says that his mother hit him with her car. In real life, Haim broke his leg while trying to teach his mom how to ride a motorbike. She couldn’t use the brakes well yet, and ran into the side of a building, breaking her nose and Corey’s leg.

On the wall of Bobby’s room a poster for the movie “The Lost Boys (1987)” can be seen. Corey Feldman and Corey Haim both starred in “The Lost Boys”.

At the time of filming the two Coreys were both addicted to drugs such as cocaine, as well as Feldman using heroin at the time and having an obsession with Michael Jackson. He included Jackson style type moves in the dance sequence involving Lainie in the gym.

This film re-teams frequent co-stars Corey Feldman and Corey Haim though originally only Feldman was cast in the film. When Lala Sloatman was cast as Shelley, she agreed to be in the film on the condition that her then-boyfriend Haim was also cast.

During a dream meeting between Bobby and Coleman, Bobby gives Coleman instructions to view Bobby’s home movies to learn how to act like a more believable Bobby. When the film cuts to Coleman selecting a VHS tape of one of Bobby’s birthdays, the audience can see a videotape on the shelf with Tora! Tora! Tora! (1970) marked on the label. Jason Robards, playing Coleman, also played General Walter C. Short in the 1970 WWII film.

Amityville 3-D Preview

“What? No,” Samantha says, confused as to why Jamie would think a scorpion would have stung her in the forests of Massachusetts. She cradles her arm and looks at him with tears in her eyes. “I’ve been trying to tell you,” she says softly. “I know,” Jamie says, even softer, “but I wasn’t listening. But I’m listening now.” They slowly walk their way into the roller rink that contains the Wall of Lovers and sit at a table. Two milkshakes later and they’re ready to talk. “Do you remember when I told you about how I used to be a track and field star in high school but then had to stop?” Jamie shakes his head. He didn’t remember that at all, but it explains her blazing fast speed. “Alright,” she continues, “but you must remember how I told you about the time that a couple of boys drag raced their way into this roller rink and then into my heart while they rebuilt the roller rink together.” It sounded familiar but he eventually shakes his head. He probably would have remembered that if he had been listening. “OK,” she presses on, visibly frustrated, “but how could you forget that after finding my true loves we decided to carve our names in the Wall of Lovers and that’s when we noticed…” she trails off, her eyes pleading with Jamie to have at least absorbed the most tragic of the many tragic stories in her unique beautiful and doomed life. Jamie’s face is blank. Slowly he opens his mouth. “Yes,” he says. Samantha gives up and comes around to his side of the table and hands him a book. It’s the third of the Holly Ween series. Holly Ween’s Possessed 3D. That’s right! We are hitting up one of the most famous horror series for the first time by catching Amityville 2: The Possession and Amityville Horror 3-D. I really don’t like the first film much. I think it’s bad and kind of crazy that it spurred a whole series of films. But apparently these are even worse. Cool. As for Bring a Friend, let’s lighten it up a bit with the “classic” T&A comedy, Joysticks. Now we’re talking. Let’s go!

Amityville 3-D (1983) – BMeTric: 58.4; Notability: 24

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.7%; Notability: top 12.1%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 5.9%; Higher BMeT: Jaws 3-D, Smokey and the Bandit Part 3, Superman III, Staying Alive; Higher Notability: Superman III, Curse of the Pink Panther, Krull, Deal of the Century, Doctor Detroit, Flashdance, The Sting II, D.C. Cab, Staying Alive, The Man Who Loved Women, The Lords of Discipline, Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, The Keep, Two of a Kind, The Black Stallion Returns, Stroker Ace, Class, Jaws 3-D, Romantic Comedy, Nate and Hayes, and 8 more; Lower RT: Staying Alive, Nate and Hayes, The Lonely Lady, The Man Who Wasn’t There, The Survivors, Porky’s II: The Next Day, Still Smokin, Deal of the Century, The Sting II, Jaws 3-D, Smokey and the Bandit Part 3; Notes: It claims it only played twice on cable in the 90s, but that is probably because it is called Amityville: The Demon in the paper, but Amityville 3-D on IMDb. Jaws 3-D played 34 times, Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 played 20 times, and Superman III played 30 times (remember drunk Superman? That was great). We are actually doing pretty well on the top 5 for 1983, we have Staying Alive slated for early 2025. Joysticks played 5 times on television which is hilarious.

New York Times – Janet Maslin – The third in a 3-D series, as in ”Jaws 3-D” or now ”Amityville 3-D,” simply isn’t a good idea. Once the first two films in a series have exhausted most opportunities for action, the third is liable to average half a dozen exposition scenes for every eventful episode. And 3-D exposition is the stuff of which headaches are made[.]

(This is probably sage advice. On the other hand, money money money money. The series was still making money.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SOBXnEY-Cc/

(Dems alotta screams in this trailer. Haha, man this trailer is all about this being a #D film, something you’d never really be able to recreate at this point. It is really too bad. I would kind of love to see it in 3D. “This picture is not a sequel to the pictures ‘Amityville Horror’ or ‘Amityville II: The Possession’” … it isn’t?)

Directors – Richard Fleischer – ( Known For: Soylent Green; 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea; Tora! Tora! Tora!; Fantastic Voyage; The Vikings; The Boston Strangler; Doctor Dolittle; Mr. Majestyk; 10 Rillington Place; The Narrow Margin; Compulsion; Barabbas; His Kind of Woman; The Jazz Singer; Mandingo; See No Evil; The New Centurions; Armored Car Robbery; Violent Saturday; The Last Run; Future BMT: Million Dollar Mystery; BMT: Conan the Destroyer; Red Sonja; Amityville 3-D; Notes: He won an Oscar for the Documentary Design for Death in 1948. He was on a role in the 80s though, this then Conan and then Red Sonja.)

Writers – David Ambrose – ( Known For: The Final Countdown; D.A.R.Y.L.; Taffin; The French Revolution; The Survivor; The Fifth Musketeer; A Dangerous Summer; Il gioco; Future BMT: Year of the Gun; BMT: Amityville 3-D; Notes: Year of the Gun is one of those weirdo bad Andrew McCarthy films. Looks nuts.)

Actors – Tony Roberts – ( Known For: Annie Hall; Serpico; Hannah and Her Sisters; The Taking of Pelham One Two Three; Radio Days; Play It Again, Sam; Stardust Memories; A Midsummer Night’s Sex Comedy; The Longest Week; 12 and Holding; Los Angeles Plays Itself; The Million Dollar Duck; Le sauvage; Seize the Day; Just Tell Me What You Want; Broadway: The Golden Age, by the Legends Who Were There; Key Exchange; Star Spangled Girl; Future BMT: Switch; Popcorn; 18 Again!; BMT: Amityville 3-D; Notes: Oh man, he was in the Dirty Dancing remake in 2017. He literally just died a week ago. Often worked with Woody Allen.)

Tess Harper – ( Known For: No Country for Old Men; El Camino; Frank; Silkwood; The Man in the Moon; Tender Mercies; Straight A’s; Crimes of the Heart; Burden; Sunlight Jr.; Flashpoint; Broken Bridges; Loggerheads; Kiss the Bride; Broken; Saving Sarah Cain; Daddy’s Dyin’… Who’s Got the Will?; My New Gun; Far North; The Turning; Future BMT: The Jackal; The Perfect Guy; Her Alibi; The in Crowd; Criminal Law; My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys; BMT: Ishtar; Amityville 3-D; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Crimes of the Heart. From Arkansas.)

Robert Joy – ( Known For: Don’t Look Up; Waterworld; The Hills Have Eyes; Land of the Dead; Fallen; It’s a Boy Girl Thing; Radio Days; Desperately Seeking Susan; The Dark Half; Atlantic City; Shadows and Fog; Resurrection; Harriet the Spy; Pretty Persuasion; Ragtime; Death Wish: The Face of Death; Millennium; Longtime Companion; I’ll Do Anything; That Guy… Who Was in That Thing; Future BMT: Sweet November; Superhero Movie; The Goldfinch; Joe Somebody; BMT: Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem; Amityville 3-D; Notes: Hard working. Was on CSI: NY for 165 episodes.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $6,333,135 (Worldwide: $6,333,135)

(Seems good enough. There is no way this cost more than a few million to make.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 18% (4/22): A gimmicky Amityville retread with insufferable characters.

(Ha! Insufferable characters. I mean, they’re not wrong I suppose. Also a standard staple of third editions of classic horror franchises from the 80s.)

New York Times Description: Horror Junk (Ha!!! That’s legit it)

Poster – Amitysklog 3-J&P

(I’ve seen this poster before and it’s never not funny. Just an insane thing to put together and be like ‘nailed it.’ I mean it’s an A+++++ obviously.)

Tagline(s) – WARNING: in this movie you are the victim. (C)

(I understand what they are going for and I think there is something clever about it when you put it with that hilarious alien monster hand reaching out. But it also warps my brain a little.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Best Options (Horror): 58.3 Amityville 3-D (1983), 45.7 Children of the Corn (1984), 45.4 DeepStar Six (1989), 42.4 Shocker (1989), 41.9 House II: The Second Story (1987), 37.9 Invaders from Mars (1986), 37.7 Return of the Living Dead II (1988), 32.7 The Seventh Sign (1988), 30.1 Creepshow 2 (1987), 28.3 The Phantom of the Opera (1989), 26.5 My Demon Lover (1987), 26.0 Bad Dreams (1988), 25.6 The Unholy (1988), 25.3 The First Power (1990), 24.2 Dark Angel (1990), 23.4 Popcorn (1991), 22.4 Nightmares (1983), 21.6 Dead Heat (1988), 20.8 The Believers (1987), 17.7 Phantasm II (1988)

(Boom, smashed it. This movie is insane and was destined to be done in this cycle. Thank you for being you Amityville 3-D.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 23) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Tess Harper is No. 2 billed in Amityville 3-D and No. 6 billed in Ishtar, which also stars Warren Beatty (No. 1 billed) who is in Town & Country (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 10 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (2 + 6) + (1 + 1) + (10 + 3) = 23. If we were to watch Criminal Law, and Paranoia we can get the HoE Number down to 17.

Notes – Not counting Amityville: The Awakening (2017), which is a completely original story, this is the only theatrically released Amityville film not to be based on a book but instead on the real life accounts of investigator Stephen Kaplan.

The frost that blows out of the basement onto Candy Clark was actually warm wax. She later admitted that she had to wash her hair with detergent to get it all out.

Like the previous installment, Amityville 3-D filmed the exterior scenes at the same house in Toms River, New Jersey and a house nearby for the exterior of Nancy’s house. The interior was a set in a Mexico studio: Estudios Churubusco. The filmmakers almost never got the house to film at again. It was scheduled to be picked up and moved over one lot. They were only able to film the exterior shots before the house was moved. Originally the house had four quarter shaped moon windows, two on both sides. However, by the time of filming in 3D, the owners of the house did not want the eye windows on the side of the house facing the road so they modified them to look like small ordinary square windows. All shots of the “eye” windows (except for the most noticeable scene when John and Susan pull up to the house) had to be filmed on the side facing the river that has the sundeck.

Also known as Amityville III: The Demon.

The character of John Baxter is loosely based on Stephen Kaplan and his investigation of the house, who at the time was trying to prove the Lutzes’ story was a hoax.

Amityville II: The Possession Preview

Amityville II: The Possession (1982) – BMeTric: 36.6; Notability: 32

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.4%; Notability: top 6.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 8.7%; Higher BMeT: Grease 2, Piranha II: The Spawning, Trail of the Pink Panther, Megaforce, Zapped!, Friday the 13th: Part 3, Losin’ It, Parasite; Higher Notability: Young Doctors in Love, Trail of the Pink Panther, Movie Madness, Grease 2, Wrong Is Right, Monsignor, Yes, Giorgio, Lookin’ to Get Out, Death Wish II, Fighting Back, The Toy, Megaforce, The Beast Within, Zapped!, Partners; Lower RT: Class Reunion, Partners, Movie Madness, Monsignor, The Toy, Piranha II: The Spawning, Megaforce, Zapped!, Friday the 13th: Part 3, Parasite, The Beast Within, Losin’ It, Vigilante, Fighting Back, Trail of the Pink Panther, Summer Lovers, Five Days One Summer; Notes: Only played 10 times on cable in the 90s which is a little surprising, it seems like the perfect item of IP to pedal to random channels late night. Grease 2 played over 40 times, but amazingly Piranha II seems to have only played once, on June 5th, 1993 at 3AM on channel 5 … that seems impossible. Young Doctors in Love … what the hell is that lol? We’ve only seen two of the films with a higher BMeT, mainly because it is hard to tell what is and isn’t qualifying from 1982.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – This movie is actually slightly better than “The Amityville Horror,” maybe because it rips off superior source material. It starts with the most notorious piece of real estate in North America. Then it lifts ingredients from “The Exorcist,” “Poltergeist,” and ‘Murder in Amityville,’ which was the book about the original Amityville horror.

(Hmmmm, intriguing. See this is why having real critics is nice. Who could have watched this along with like four other movies in an afternoon and then reeled this off off-the-cuff.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-1wwxK2wIs/

(The trailer explains the first film. Yes, before them another family … the DeFeo family. I do love how they had to change the name despite it being the original name in the first film. I guess you can’t just use actual names in ridiculous fictional accounts. This trailer really doesn’t do justice to how insane this film is.)

Directors – Damiano Damiani – ( Known For: A Genius, Two Partners and a Dupe; A Bullet for the General; Mafia; Confessions of a Police Captain; The Most Beautiful Wife; The Empty Canvas; Alex l’ariete; The Case Is Closed, Forget It; I Am Afraid; How to Kill a Judge; The Witch; Un uomo in ginocchio; The Sicilian Connection; The Inquiry; Goodbye & Amen; Lipstick; Girolimoni, the Monster of Rome; Arturo’s Island; Una ragazza piuttosto complicata; The Warning; BMT: Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: Italian obviously … it is unclear whether this is his only American film.)

Writers – Tommy Lee Wallace – ( Known For: Fright Night Part 2; Vampires: Los Muertos; Far from Home; BMT: Halloween III: Season of the Witch; Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: He genuinely seems to be known for writing many sequels to classic horror films. I’ve heard good things about Fright Night Part 2.)

Hans Holzer – ( BMT: Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: He wrote the book. For some reason he only got credit on this one and then two terrible sequels.)

Dardano Sacchetti – ( Known For: Demons; The Beyond; City of the Living Dead; The House by the Cemetery; The Cat o’ Nine Tails; A Bay of Blood; The New York Ripper; Demons 2; The Psychic; Shock; Cannibals in the Streets; 1990: The Bronx Warriors; A Blade in the Dark; Devil Fish; Aladdin; Manhattan Baby; Cut and Run; Body Count; I guerrieri dell’anno 2072; The Tough Ones; BMT: Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: I guess I assume he worked with the director at some point? Or maybe he was just an Italian guy who did American Horror films and so the director hired him.)

Actors – James Olson – ( Known For: Commando; The Andromeda Strain; Ragtime; Rachel, Rachel; The Stalking Moon; Wild Rovers; Moon Zero Two; The Strange One; The Groundstar Conspiracy; Crescendo; The Mafu Cage; The Sharkfighters; The Three Sisters; BMT: Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: Oh, I should watch The Andromeda Strain, the book was quite good. Mostly he doesn’t have any qualifying films because he really didn’t work much in the 80s.)

Burt Young – ( Known For: Rocky; Once Upon a Time in America; Chinatown; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Win Win; New York, I Love You; Transamerica; Mickey Blue Eyes; Back to School; Convoy; Rob the Mob; Sly; The Pope of Greenwich Village; She’s So Lovely; The Killer Elite; Across 110th Street; Last Exit to Brooklyn; The Gambler; BMT: Rocky IV; Rocky V; The Adventures of Pluto Nash; Going Overboard; Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: Burt Young baby! He looked ancient for like 20 years prior to passing away in 2023. Also, I’m not sure anyone acted drunk better than him … also he might have been drunk.)

Rutanya Alda – ( Known For: The Deer Hunter; Rocky II; The Long Goodbye; The Ref; Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid; The Panic in Needle Park; The Dark Half; Scarecrow; The Stuff; Mommie Dearest; The Fury; Hello, Dolly!; When a Stranger Calls; Black Widow; The Last Tycoon; Looking for Mr. Goodbar; Christmas Evil; Night of the Wolf; Last Exit to Brooklyn; Prancer; Future BMT: The Glass House; The War with Grandpa; Gross Anatomy; BMT: Steel; Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: Still alive I think. She was born in 1942 in the Soviet Union.)

Budget/Gross – $5 million / Domestic: $12,534,817 (Worldwide: $12,534,817)

(Again, not bad. You really can’t go wrong with horror films. They can be made for a few million, and you make like $15 million and mint some money. Easy.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 27% (6/22)

(Ha, well the consensus appears to be: this is a rip-off of The Exorcist, and also is gross for exploiting an actual tragedy. Go figure.)

New York Times Description: More occult hooey.

Poster – The Amityville Sklog II: The Skloggening

(The house has always been cool. Looking like the Halloween pumpkin and all that. This poster sucks though. I’ll give it a slight bump far higher than it deserves only because of those cool little devil esses in the title. C-.)

Tagline(s) – The night of February 5, 1976, George and Kathleen Lutz fled their home in Amityville, New York. They got out alive! Their living nightmare shocked audiences around the world in “The Amityville Horror”. But before them, another family lived in this house and were caught by the original evil. They weren’t so lucky… this is their story! (F)

(Nope. Let me know when you finish reading it so I can reiterate: No way.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Best Options (Horror): 58.3 Amityville 3-D (1983), 45.7 Children of the Corn (1984), 45.4 DeepStar Six (1989), 42.4 Shocker (1989), 41.9 House II: The Second Story (1987), 37.9 Invaders from Mars (1986), 37.7 Return of the Living Dead II (1988), 32.7 The Seventh Sign (1988), 30.1 Creepshow 2 (1987), 28.3 The Phantom of the Opera (1989), 26.5 My Demon Lover (1987), 26.0 Bad Dreams (1988), 25.6 The Unholy (1988), 25.3 The First Power (1990), 24.2 Dark Angel (1990), 23.4 Popcorn (1991), 22.4 Nightmares (1983), 21.6 Dead Heat (1988), 20.8 The Believers (1987), 17.7 Phantasm II (1988)

(This film is actually a little outside the window, it is being done as a bonus. As you can see though, Amityville 3-D was just so good we couldn’t pass it up.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Burt Young is No. 2 billed in Amityville II: The Possession and No. 3 billed in Rocky V, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch Rocky IV, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – In a 2018 interview, Diane Franklin talked about her infamous incestuous sex scene. She said while she definitely understood the peculiarity of it, she didn’t have a huge issue with doing it. “I never had a brother, so luckily, I didn’t have that association or the weirdness that went along with it.” Franklin did admit filming the scene did end up being very awkward, but not because of the content. It was the producers who made her nervous. Shot in Mexico with no parents or chaperones at her side, the script called for the actress to appear topless, which she agreed to because she had no issue taking off her top in front of cast and crew. She’d already done it in The Last American Virgin (1982). But when producers tried to persuade her to go fully nude, she balked and successfully stood her ground. “They said I was beautiful and they really wanted me to do it. I said thank you very much but no.” Franklin laughed. “They got around it by shooting me from the back, which I had no say in. And that was that.”

Jan and Mark Montelli were portrayed by real life brother and sister Erika Katz and Brent Katz.

According to an interview with George Lutz at website Horror.com, (Lutz’ twenty-eight days in the real-life house provided the base for The Amityville Horror (1979)), Lutz wanted this sequel to be based on John G. Jones’ book “The Amityville Horror Part II”, the sequel novel which recounts the aftermath of the Lutz family escaping the house, but still experiencing paranormal events. However, producer Dino De Laurentiis, in conjunction with American International Pictures, made this sequel based on Hans Holzer’s book “Murder in Amityville”, which is a prequel that recounts the events that led to the DeFeo family deaths instead. Lutz sued De Laurentiis. He was unsuccessful but did manage to force them to out a disclaimer on the posters that read “This film has no affiliation with George and Kathy Lutz.”

Debut theatrical feature film of actor Jack Magner whose only other screen acting credit after this movie was in Stephen King’s Firestarter (1984).

The house in the film, as in the original The Amityville Horror (1979) movie, is not the actual house as depicted in the best-selling novel, as that dwelling was unavailable to shoot in for both films. The home in both movies was a Colonial style replica situated in Toms River, New Jersey.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Rutanya Alda)

Red Scorpion Preview

“Gosh damn, she’s fast,” Jamie says, resting his hands on his knees while he huffs and puffs, trying to catch his breath. Every time he catches a glimmer of her she’s off again in a blur like some Glimmer Man. Patrick and Kyle catch up to him, also breathing hard. “Gosh damn, she’s fast,” they both say simultaneously. They immediately launch into a detailed explanation of Lesson #5, but about halfway through they can see Jamie’s eye’s have glazed over like the eyes of a doll designed to look like it’s not listening. Patrick grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him hard. “Oh sorry,” Jamie says, “I wasn’t listening.” Suddenly he gasps, realizing in that moment everything that Jamie and Kyle had been going on about. Samantha had been trying to tell him something important this whole time but he wasn’t listening. The reason why their love is beautiful, but is perhaps doomed. A beautiful doomed love that is unique like a beautiful doomed snowflake. “You have to listen to her. But first you have to find her,” Patrick says and implores Jamie to think hard about where she might be. It’s hard though because Jamie probably wasn’t listening when she told him. “She did tell me a couple times that the Wall of Lovers made her sad because… I don’t know, but it was important I think,” he suggests. “I know a shortcut,” Patrick says and they are off like a shot. As they come out of the forest they see Sam heading for the Wall. Suddenly she stops running and drops to the ground in pain and grief. “What happened?” Jamie asks her when he is able to reach her side, concern etched on his face. “Was it a scorpion? Did you get stung by some scorpion?” That’s right! We are (finally) watching Red Scorpion starring Dolph Lundgren. Controversial in a different way (it violated anti-apartheid laws in its filming), we can’t seem to stop touching the third rail in our film choices. As for the friend, it’s time. Time to watch what Elliott Kalan of The Flop House claims is the worst film of all time. Slow Bullet. Let’s go!

Red Scorpion (1988) – BMeTric: 44.4; Notability: 27

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.4%; Notability: top 15.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 8.0%; Higher BMeT: Mac and Me, Caddyshack II, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Poltergeist III, Friday the 13th: The New Blood, Johnny Be Good, Alien from L.A., Arthur 2: On the Rocks, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Big Top Pee-wee, Cocoon: The Return; Higher Notability: Big Top Pee-wee, Sunset, Action Jackson, Cocoon: The Return, High Spirits, Caddyshack II, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Moving, The Couch Trip, Vibes, License to Drive, Cocktail, Arthur 2: On the Rocks, Hot to Trot, The Seventh Sign, Mac and Me, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Fright Night Part 2, Bad Dreams, For Keeps?, and 19 more; Lower RT: Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Return of the Killer Tomatoes!, Johnny Be Good, Two Moon Junction, Watchers, Hero and the Terror, Hot to Trot, Fresh Horses, Illegally Yours, Caddyshack II, Return of the Living Dead II, Mac and Me, Cocktail, Dead Heat, Arthur 2: On the Rocks, Vibes, The Prince of Pennsylvania, Poltergeist III, The Seventh Sign, 976-EVIL; Notes: It is quite something that this played 34 times on television in the 90s. The sequel played 12 times (and has the confusing description of “a neo-Nazi businessman and his bald henchman” … what?), and our friend, Slow Bullet … well needless to say that never appeared on television … ever. We have seen 7 of the top ten BMeT films, with Johnny Be Good probably being the best next option.

New York Times – Chest Muscles in the Desert – Dolph Lundgren’s pectorals are the real stars of ”Red Scorpion,” an action-adventure movie set in the fictional African country of Mombaka. Filmed from below so that one has the sense of peering up at a massive kinetic sculpture, his glistening torso, which over the course of the film is subjected to assorted tortures, is the movie’s primary visual focus whenever the action slows down.

(The vast vast vast majority of this review was about Lundgren’s chest muscles and complete lack of dialogue. They aren’t wrong though.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFIAA9rSZpI/

(How is this not a straight to video film? It is insane that they actually tried to release this. Actually, strike that, read up on the production on this film and you’ll realize there was no way they weren’t going to release this film.)

Directors – Joseph Zito – ( Known For: The Prowler; Power Play; Bloodrage; Abduction; Future BMT: Missing in Action; Invasion U.S.A.; BMT: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter; Red Scorpion; Notes: Wait … this guy also directed a Friday the 13th. We are on a role with that.)

Writers – Robert Abramoff and Jack Abramoff – ( Notes: I don’t really know where the info on these guys come from. Robert seems to be an actual producer, but never wrote anything but this.)

Arne Olsen – ( Known For: Distorted; Repeaters; Red Scorpion 2; Black Ice; Future BMT: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers; Cop & ½; All Dogs Go to Heaven 2; BMT: Red Scorpion; Notes: Man we’ll have to do those kids films at some point. We watched Mighty Morphin Power Rangers in theaters.)

Joseph Zito – ( Notes: Was apparently originally interested in producing the classic never-made film Doctor Strange in the 80s.)

Actors – Dolph Lundgren – ( Known For: Aquaman; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed II; Hail, Caesar!; Minions: The Rise of Gru; Universal Soldier: Regeneration; The Punisher; Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning; Showdown in Little Tokyo; Sly; Skin Trade; Small Apartments; Black Water; Joshua Tree; Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films; In the Name of the King: Two Worlds; Don’t Kill It; One in the Chamber; Men of War; Future BMT: Rocky IV; A View to a Kill; Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom; Dark Angel; BMT: The Expendables 3; Universal Soldier; Johnny Mnemonic; The Expendables 4; Masters of the Universe; Red Scorpion; Notes: What the what? But … Rocky IV doesn’t qualify. <Checks notes> They removed a good review?! HOW FUCKING DARE THEY. Seems like we got a new bonus film coming up. Oh yeah, Lundgren was a Chemical Engineer and kickboxing champion and then he turned to acting. He can barely speak English in this film.)

M. Emmet Walsh – ( Known For: Blade Runner; Knives Out; Romeo + Juliet; The Iron Giant; A Time to Kill; My Best Friend’s Wedding; Raising Arizona; Serpico; Midnight Cowboy; Blood Simple; Youth in Revolt; The Jerk; Calvary; Fletch; Ordinary People; Big Stan; Slap Shot; Escape from the Planet of the Apes; Critters; Harry and the Hendersons; Future BMT: The Odd Life of Timothy Green; Snow Dogs; Racing Stripes; Missing in Action; Wildcats; Camp Nowhere; The Best of Times; Cops and Robbersons; Sunset; Panther; BMT: Wild Wild West; Christmas with the Kranks; Random Hearts; Red Scorpion; Chairman of the Board; Notes: Aw hell yeah. We are going to smash Camp Nowhere someday, I promise you that.)

Al White – ( Known For: Back to the Future Part II; Airplane!; Airplane II: The Sequel; Leprechaun 2; Black Moon Rising; Big Trouble; Liberty & Bash; Future BMT: Russkies; BMT: Red Scorpion; Notes: Apparently something of a poet. He was the father who tries to shoot Marty McFly in Back to the Future II.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $4,192,440 (Worldwide: $4,192,440)

(Unclear, but that is probably fine. I doubt this cost a million to make at the time. But also why was this even really released to theaters?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 17% (2/12)

(I mean … the consensus is the same as the New York Times review: this film is really just about Lundgren’s big ol muscles.)

New York Times Description: Or, chest muscles in the African desert. Churning comic adventure.

Poster – CBS’s Scorpion

(I honestly can’t tell if this is amazing or an incomprehensible mess… maybe both. What is happening in this poster. It looks like I made it. Incomplete.)

Tagline(s) – They think they control him. Think again… (C)

(I have to ding this for lack of originality despite having some flow. It could be used for any number of films… it could have been the tagline for Spawn. You know? In traditional tagline scoring that’s a problem. Needs to connect to the film at hand.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Best Options (Action): 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 59.1 Suburban Commando (1991), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 49.3 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.6 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 45.4 DeepStar Six (1989), 44.8 American Ninja (1985), 44.7 Missing in Action (1984), 44.4 Red Scorpion (1989), …

(This is probably the best option. It seems like really there were just smaller bad ones left, the others (like Smokey and the Bandit) are really comedies or like sports movies.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 11) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dolph Lundgren is No. 1 billed in Red Scorpion and No. 4 billed in The Expendables 4, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 11. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The filmmakers used a real bushmen tribe and Regopstaan was their 95-year-old leader who only agreed to be in the movie if his tribe could follow him everywhere.

Dolph Lundgren performed some of the most dangerous stunts in his career, notably jumping from a moving motorcycle to a truck.

Original script had different opening scene than the film. It included Nikolai on a Spetznaz training exercise in snowy Moscow and it was supposed to be really big action sequence, but it was cut out of the script because of the budget and schedule reasons.

At one point, the cast and crew was left stuck in Johannesburg for three months while they waited for a new location to be found after they had prepped the production to be shot in Swaziland. The film was ultimately filmed in Namibia, which was then ruled by South Africa, thereby breaking an international boycott against the country for its practice of apartheid. Warner Bros., who had a negative pick up deal, pulled out from distribution.

Allegedly financed by the South African Defence Force through the International Freedom Foundation, a right-wing political think-tank which it funded. Red Scorpion (1988) co-writer/producer Jack Abramoff helped to run the foundation.