Preview – Page 6 – Bad Movie Twins

Saw III Preview

In the following weeks, Patrick and Kyle hatch a plan to catch whoever it was that was watching them. Perhaps this mysterious person had some insight into their predicament. They would have included Jamie in the plans, but without any jorts to wear he sat around in his deafness, covered in mud and wearing only a shirt. “He could at least wear a shirt that wasn’t skin-tight,” grumbled Kyle. They hear Jamie whine from the other room, “are you talking about me? Are you talking about my tight shirt? It’s the only one I have where the v-neck is deep enough. You can’t expect me to be deaf and unfashionable.” They move further away from Jamie’s lair to continue hatching the plan. “Remember how we caught Santa Claus?” Patrick asks, but Kyle gives him a blank look. “Oh right, that was with Jamie. Shit.” This is going terribly. Suddenly the hairs on Patrick’s neck stand up again and he shushes Kyle. “Do you feel that?” He asks and Kyle nods his head vigorously. The feeling was right behind them… as if whoever it was was actually watching Jamie and not them at all. They sneak around the side of the house and look through the window. Kyle quickly turns away and tries to stop Patrick. His eyes are wide at what he just saw. “Don’t. Please,” he begs, “it’s horrible. You won’t be able to shake what you have seen.” But this only intrigues Patrick. Sure he liked seeing romantic things or funny things, but there was something almost irresistible about seeing something horrific on occasion. He pushes Kyle out of the way and takes a gander through the window. “My god,” he whispers, his face frozen in a mask of terror at what he saw too. That’s right! We are watching Saw II (and Saw III). This entire venture has been to try to get some franchises going that have somehow escaped our prying eyes. No more! Let’s go!

Saw III (2006) – BMeTric: 27.7; Notability: 37

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 28.0%; Notability: top 26.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 27.8%; Higher BMeT: Date Movie, The Wicker Man, Ultraviolet, Pledge This!, Material Girls, Little Man, Basic Instinct 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Zoom, The Shaggy Dog, The Marine, Big Momma’s House 2, DOA: Dead or Alive, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, Pulse, Black Christmas, Crossover, Phat Girlz, Eragon, Scary Movie 4, and 50 more; Higher Notability: Poseidon, Eragon, The Da Vinci Code, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, Scary Movie 4, The Wild, The Pink Panther, Click, Smokin’ Aces, The Guardian, The Black Dahlia, All the King’s Men, Zoom, Just My Luck, School for Scoundrels, The Shaggy Dog, Happily N’Ever After, Lady in the Water, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, Factory Girl, and 47 more; Lower RT: The Contract, Pledge This!, Crossover, Material Girls, The Covenant, Zoom, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Big Momma’s House 2, Deck the Halls, Basic Instinct 2, Happily N’Ever After, Date Movie, Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj, Ultraviolet, When a Stranger Calls, Annapolis, Stay Alive, See No Evil, Pulse, The Grudge 2, and 49 more; Notes: Only 8 of the top 20 by BMeT and I think only 4 of the top 20 by RT. Quite a sparse year for us somehow. Even looking through just nothing really jumps out as a must see beyond The Wicker Man. Bizarre.

New York Times – The “Saw” franchise rasps on with “Saw III,” a deadening barrage of grungy rooms, mortified flesh and elaborate torture. … The most depressing thing about this series is not the creativity of the bloodletting but the bleak view of human nature, specifically our talent for ruining the present to avenge the past. In the opening scene, a man frees himself from an ankle restraint by pulverizing his foot with a brick; fortunately, all we have to do is get up and leave.- Jeannette Catsoulis

(Yeah, so isn’t this often the case. Jamie’s favorite example is in the book Sliver the author basically keeps saying: hey don’t you just want to spy on people and peep on them? And as you are reading the reader is, I imagine, mostly like “no you weirdo.” Saw is similar. It is like “What choice would you make? Kill four people who harmed your family, or forgive them and live your life.” And I’m like … uh, forgive? Why would I murder some people? And yet these questions are often asked as if it is the trolly problem or something. The choices in Saw are rarely difficult: save people and be a good person. And yet everyone in these films suffer from a severe case of garbage-person-itis it would seem. Go figure.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLLDDSknHaI/

(Do you want to play a game? Not really. Also these games seem dumb. As usual it is like: if you want to live all you have to do is melt all your fingers off with acid. And I would be like … no thanks. This trailer is also very close to the joke Jamie makes about the films: “Want to hear my impression of the Saw films? ARGGGHHHHHHH ARGH ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH”. Aggravating.)

Directors – Darren Lynn Bousman – ( Known For: Repo! The Genetic Opera; Mother’s Day; Tales of Halloween; 11-11-11; Death of Me; St. Agatha; The Barrens; Abattoir; The Cello; Alleluia! The Devil’s Carnival; Future BMT: Saw IV; Spiral; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: Oh snap, I didn’t even realize above that he directed two through four. That’s wild. All of them sucked apparently. Got nixed on the writing credit this time it seems.)

Writers – Leigh Whannell – ( Known For: Saw; Insidious; The Invisible Man; Upgrade; Insidious: Chapter 3; Saw X; Cooties; The Mule; Future BMT: Insidious: Chapter 2; Saw IV; Saw V; Saw VI; Saw 3D; Dead Silence; Jigsaw; Insidious: The Last Key; Spiral; Insidious: The Red Door; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: He back baby. I wonder how many of these he has sole writing credit on.)

James Wan – ( Known For: Aquaman; Saw; The Conjuring 2; M3GAN; The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It; Malignant; Annabelle Comes Home; Saw X; The Nun II; Future BMT: Insidious: Chapter 2; Saw IV; Saw V; Saw VI; Saw 3D; Dead Silence; Jigsaw; Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom; Spiral; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; The Nun; Notes: Only story credit, but kind of weird he didn’t get one for the second and then pops back in for the third. I wonder if it points to them trying to get the franchise back on track … didn’t seem to work. Don’t worry, soon they’ll realize that all they need to be is as extreme as possible and they are good to go.)

Actors – Tobin Bell – ( Known For: Goodfellas; Saw; The Firm; Manhattan; Tootsie; In the Line of Fire; Mississippi Burning; The Road to El Dorado; The Quick and the Dead; Saw X; Sophie’s Choice; The Verdict; Malice; 12 Feet Deep; Boogeyman 2; An Innocent Man; The 4th Floor; Boogeyman 3; The Call; Belzebuth; Future BMT: Saw IV; Saw V; Saw VI; Saw 3D; Jigsaw; Boiling Point; Loose Cannons; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: Helllllll yeah Tobin. He was nearly 50 when he really broke into film. There is very little about what he did prior to getting bit roles in 1979, but at that point he was already well into his 30s, so maybe he was getting an advanced degree or was a teacher or something? Wild career.)

Shawnee Smith – ( Known For: Saw; The Island; Leaving Las Vegas; Saw X; Annie; The Blob; Summer School; The Grudge 3; Breakfast of Champions; Grace Unplugged; Jayne Mansfield’s Car; Bloodline Killer; Female Perversions; Carnival of Souls; Kill Speed; A Slipping-Down Life; The Low Life; Dogtown; Men; Christmas vs. The Walters; Future BMT: Saw IV; Saw VI; Who’s Harry Crumb?; Desperate Hours; Believe; BMT: Armageddon; Saw II; Saw III; Iron Eagle; Notes: She was a kid actor (and acted in Iron Eagle, amazing). The actors in the franchise are so interesting, she was around 35 when she was in the first one. She’s old enough to have been a young 24 year old actress in an episode of Murder She Wrote.)

Angus Macfadyen – ( Known For: Braveheart; Equilibrium; We Bought a Zoo; The Lost City of Z; Titus; Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood; Cradle Will Rock; .45; Horizon: An American Saga – Chapter 1; 3022; Robert the Bruce; Still Breathing; Hirokin: The Last Samurai; Steel Rain 2; Copperhead; Unnatural Causes; The Pleasure Drivers; The Brylcreem Boys; The Lost Language of Cranes; Fatwa; Future BMT: Saw IV; Saw VI; Warriors of Virtue; BMT: Saw III; Redline; Notes: Oh snap, this guy is in Horizon? Buckle up, I have three hours of a boring Western to watch. Scottish, and so yeah, famous for being Robert the Bruce in Braveheart.)

Budget/Gross – $10,000,000 / Domestic: $80,238,724 (Worldwide: $164,874,275)

(Prints. Money. Horror franchises are ridiculous, and it is kind of sad that something like this got famous and then people tried to emulate it because honestly it is not scary, not gross, and mostly just dumb. Hot take.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (28/95): Saw III does little beyond repeating its predecessor’s tropes on a gorier level.

(Yes, and? Oh, yeah, right, that’s a bad thing. I 100% agree though, the franchise becomes less interesting and grosser the longer it goes on. The exception seems to be (and isn’t it always) once they take an extended break things can realign a bit with people realizing what is actually interesting about the films instead of focusing on one upping themselves.)

Reviewer Highlight: Saw III is gross and squirmy, but it’s got a lot of brains and heart to go along with its guts. Better than Saw and Saw II combined. – Steve Tilley, Toronto Sun

Poster – Death Spa 3: Blood Bath

(I actually don’t even understand this from the point of view of Saw… was the trap that someone had a saw attached to three teeth? Or maybe this was hanging in front of them and balanced in some way and Jigsaw was like “You want to play a game? You have to pull out all your teeth and attach it to the saw to keep it balanced or else it’ll fall and cut your femoral artery. You have 25 seconds.” C-)

Tagline(s) – This Halloween He’s Pulling Out All The Stops (C-)

(Hahahahahaha. Now that’s some funny shit.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), The Butterfly Effect (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Men in Black II (2002), Man on Fire (2004), Click (2006), Pearl Harbor (2001), Fantastic Four (2005), Kingdom of Heaven (2005)

Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.6 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), …

(Ah yeah, I suppose people thought this was the worse of the two … I think I agree. Saw III has dumb people making dumb decisions and ruining their own lives mostly. The second one at least has some interesting ideas and played with time a bit.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Tobin Bell is No. 1 billed in Saw III and No. 1 billed in Saw II, which also stars Donnie Wahlberg (No. 2 billed) who is in Righteous Kill (No. 6 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 6) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch Saw V, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 17.

Notes – The producers of this film asked the producers of Scary Movie 4 (2006) if they could use their bathroom set for this film as it was an exact replica of the sets used in Saw (2004) and Saw II (2005). They were given permission to use it.

As with the previous two films, only the actors who appeared in the final scene were given the complete script.

The film’s most graphic scene – Jigsaw’s brain surgery – remained completely uncut by the MPAA. The filmmakers argued that it was no different from what people would see in any medical documentary on TV.

During the brain surgery scene prop master James R. Murray had to hold Bahar Soomekh’s arms still for the close-up shots because she was unable to steady herself and keep the tool under control.

Costas Mandylor’s character – Detective Hoffman – is named as a tribute to the first two films’ late producer Gregg Hoffman.

Saw II Preview

Saw II (2005) – BMeTric: 17.0; Notability: 37

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 30.8%; Notability: top 23.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 33.2%; Higher BMeT: Son of the Mask, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, The Fog, xXx: State of the Union, Boogeyman, Elektra, A Sound of Thunder, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Bewitched, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Are We There Yet?, In the Mix, The Dukes of Hazzard, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, The Honeymooners, Dirty Love, Cursed, Stealth, and 57 more; Higher Notability: Kingdom of Heaven, Fantastic Four, Be Cool, Domino, Fun with Dick and Jane, Bewitched, xXx: State of the Union, Memoirs of a Geisha, Chicken Little, The Longest Yard, Son of the Mask, The Great Raid, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, Stealth, Cursed, Flightplan, The Dukes of Hazzard, Æon Flux, The Ring Two, The Legend of Zorro, and 38 more; Lower RT: The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, Yours, Mine & Ours, Son of the Mask, Underclassman, A Sound of Thunder, The Perfect Man, Dirty Love, White Noise, Dirty Deeds, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Man of the House, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Æon Flux, Elektra, Edison, Are We There Yet?, The Wedding Date, and 62 more; Notes: Horror films are strange beasts. On the one hand fans are usually the harshest critics and so a lot of them have gaudy BMeT numbers. But then fans of specific series end up loving them all. We’ve seen 12/20 of the top BMeT for the year, which is fun.

New York Times – Last year’s mercilessly unpleasant “Saw” was an unexpected Halloween treat for horror fans fed up with the genre’s recent shift toward tongue-in-cheek. “Saw II,” directed by a newcomer, Darren Lynn Bousman, delivers similar hard-core, practically humorless frights and hair-raising tension, but only after getting past a shaky beginning that plays more like a forensics-themed television show than a scary movie. … By the time the final twists start exposing themselves and the title tool makes a welcome cameo appearance, it’s fully apparent that this sequel is more trick than treat and doesn’t really compare to its fine predecessor – though it still manages to be eye-opening (and sometimes positively nauseating) in itself. – Laura Kern

(Yeah, the film seems like a CSI knock-off version of Saw. Saw is a weird film (in that the acting is well and truly dire) but is somewhat intriguing in stripping down horror to its basest pieces. Saw II takes all the bad bits and amplifies it, straining credulity in the end.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y979drB7EEI/

(ARRRRGH ARGH ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. Classic Saw. These films are so bad and annoying haha. And this trailer makes this one look even worse than I would have imagined.)

Directors – Darren Lynn Bousman – ( Known For: Repo! The Genetic Opera; Mother’s Day; Tales of Halloween; 11-11-11; Death of Me; St. Agatha; The Barrens; Abattoir; The Cello; Alleluia! The Devil’s Carnival; Future BMT: Saw IV; Spiral; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: Can you guess what The Cello is about? Dang, yeah, it’s about a haunted cello, how did you know? The only other thing I’m going to say about this guy is that he needs a new haircut or imdb picture stat!)

Writers – Leigh Whannell – ( Known For: Saw; Insidious; The Invisible Man; Upgrade; Insidious: Chapter 3; Saw X; Cooties; The Mule; Future BMT: Insidious: Chapter 2; Saw IV; Saw V; Saw VI; Saw 3D; Dead Silence; Jigsaw; Insidious: The Last Key; Spiral; Insidious: The Red Door; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: He’s in the original film and maybe it is because it is low budget, or maybe because he’s Australian, but he is dire in it. Amazing he also wrote Insidious.)

Darren Lynn Bousman – ( Known For: Tales of Halloween; 11-11-11; The Barrens; BMT: Saw II; Notes: Kind of strange he got a credit, it was basically his first feature credit, and he walked into an already established franchise.)

Actors – Donnie Wahlberg – ( Known For: The Sixth Sense; Ransom; What Doesn’t Kill You; Bullet; Marilyn Hotchkiss’ Ballroom Dancing & Charm School; 1 1/2 Ritter – Auf der Suche nach der hinreißenden Herzelinde; Body Count; Diamond Men; Tooken; Triggermen; Southie; Black Circle Boys; Bullfighter; Butter; Future BMT: Saw IV; Dead Silence; Annapolis; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Dreamcatcher; Righteous Kill; Zookeeper; Notes: You know Donnie … of New Kids on the Block? … Mark’s older brother? … Blue Bloods star? There it is, yeah, he’s famous for being in Blue Bloods. And this I guess. And five seconds of The Sixth Sense.)

Beverley Mitchell – ( Known For: Extreme Movie; Snowmen; Dance Baby Dance; Future BMT: The Crow: City of Angels; BMT: Saw II; Notes: You might ask yourself, was she on nearly 250 episodes of 7th Heaven? Yes she was. And you best believe I’m watching Candy Cane Christmas someday, looks amazing.)

Franky G – ( Known For: The Italian Job; Dead Man Down; Confidence; Wonderland; The Devil’s Tomb; The Birthday Cake; Manito; 36 Saints; Future BMT: Saw 3D; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: Probably most famous for the tv show Power. Actual name: Frank Gonzalez.)

Budget/Gross – $4,000,000 / Domestic: $87,039,965 (Worldwide: $147,748,505)

(This is why you make horror films. This film is genuinely terrible and it made a 30x return or whatever. Printing money.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 37% (46/124): Saw II is likely to please the gore-happy fans of the original, though it may be too gruesome for those not familiar with first film’s premise.

(Who is going into Saw II being like “I wonder what this is about?” I don’t think any of the early Saw films satisfy the people actually looking for crazy stuff. Mostly, people are in situations where if they used their brains for five seconds they would get out of it. The needle bit in this one is maybe the worst of it though, so there is something there.)

Reviewer Highlight: Saw II has teeth, and this house-of-horrors franchise has legs, though they’re manacled to the radiator. – Kyle Smith, New York Post

Poster – Death Spa 2: Skin Peel

(God, if there were ever a set of posters that perfectly explained how much the Saw films are not my kind of films, these are the ones. Just like “you want to see people break their fingernails trying to get out of impossible traps?” and it’s like not really. It’s just so bland too. C+.)

Tagline(s) – Oh, yes. There will be blood. (B-)

(My word. I also had to look up and see which came first, this tagline or the film. This tagline predating There Will Be Blood. It appears to be a biblical quote, but really much funnier to think that PTA saw the poster for Saw II and was like “That would be a good title.” So I’ll be kind to it.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

Best Options (franchise): 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 69.1 Black Christmas (2006), 67.5 Seed of Chucky (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.8 The Grudge 2 (2006), 64.3 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.3 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 59.7 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004), 58.8 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 58.2 Scooby-Doo (2002), 55.0 Honey (2003), 51.5 Scary Movie 3 (2003), 49.4 The Omen (2006), 49.0 Thomas and the Magic Railroad (2000), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.7 The Hitcher (2007), 42.8 Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003), 41.0 Blade: Trinity (2004), 39.6 The Art of War (2000), 39.6 Beauty Shop (2005), 37.3 Saw IV (2007), 37.2 Just Visiting (2001), 37.0 The Amityville Horror (2005), 36.6 A Cinderella Story (2004), 36.4 Friday After Next (2002), 33.3 Rugrats Go Wild (2003), 33.3 House of 1000 Corpses (2003), 32.4 Pokémon 3 the Movie: Spell of the Unown (2000), 31.3 Arthur and the Invisibles (2006), 30.8 Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004), 30.3 Hannibal Rising (2007), 28.5 Next Friday (2000), 27.7 Saw III (2006), 27.7 Resident Evil: Extinction (2007), 27.6 Rush Hour 3 (2007), 26.6 TMNT (2007), 26.4 Pokémon the Movie 2000 (1999), 24.8 Meet the Fockers (2004), 24.6 Johnny English (2003), 22.7 Digimon: The Movie (2000), 21.8 The Punisher (2004), 21.6 Van Wilder (2002), 21.3 Star Trek: Nemesis (2002), 19.1 Step Up (2006), 17.0 The Da Vinci Code (2006), 17.0 Resident Evil (2002), 17.0 Saw II (2005), 17.0 Bad Boys II (2003), 16.9 The Chronicles of Riddick (2004), 14.8 The Matrix Revolutions (2003), 14.8 Final Destination (2000), 14.7 Underworld: Evolution (2006), 12.7 Hannibal (2001), 9.3 Underworld (2003), 3.1 The Butterfly Effect (2004)

(Pretty low. So, why did we do it? Well we wanted a horror franchise and this one has a ton of movies, so it was nice to knock off two now while the getting was good.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Donnie Wahlberg is No. 2 billed in Saw II and No. 6 billed in Righteous Kill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 6) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 15. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – To conceal the ending, most of the actors were not given the last 25 pages of the script. Only the principal actors involved in the sequence knew.

It took four days for four people to replace all of the syringe tips with fiber tips for the “Needle Pit” trap.

The bathroom, which was the main set for Saw (2004), had to be recreated for this film.

Five alternate endings were shot.

Shawnee Smith was pregnant during filming, but kept it a secret from everyone, including the director, Darren Lynn Bousman. Her daughter gave the secret away one day during lunch, but only to Darren Lynn Bousman.

The Watchers Preview

Gothika was experiencing the hottest month of record in June of 1843, but Monsieur Planchet was cool as a cucumber given the success of his hog farm. “Oui!,” he cried, “Oui, oui.” He cooled himself using the gold coins kept in his treasury and even his hogs got ice in their troughs (and we know what the French think of freely available ice). One day, as he was enjoying his gold, his daughter Porcina came by to tell him some splendid news. She was getting married to Henri! “Henri!” Monsieur Planchet cried, “No, no.” He stamped his feet and criticized Henri’s hog farming abilities. Look at his arms: so puny. Look at his legs: too long. “No, no,” he cried again. But Procina was in love and that night she stole away with Henri and eloped. “No, no!” Monsieur Planchet cried and finding Henri he again explained about the arms and legs. Henri was insulted. “I shall be the best hog farmer in Grand Paris,” he shouted at Monsieur Planchet who let out an astonished “No.” Henri put a finger in his face and uttered one word: “Oui.” Later that year, just as the heat broke, Monsieur Planchet opened his copy of Hog Weekly and was astonished to find that his name was no longer at the top. Henri! And in record time! Monsieur Planchet stormed into Paris to confront Henri and in the ensuing scuffle Henri was knocked into the industrial sausage maker. Porcina, in her despair, cursed her father and hog farming as an occupation.

After hearing the story, Patrick is led by the librarian to Henri’s old farm. Turns out that it is the very farm that Pierre had them working! The hairs stand up on his neck. Is it just him or are they being… watched. That’s right we are back in the BMT Live! Taking advantage of the latest film by M. Night Shyamalan… oh, hold up… actually no, this is by his daughter Ishana Night Shyamalan… uh oh. Let’s go!

The Watchers (2024) – BMeTric: 35.9; Notability: 18

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.2%; Notability: top 4.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.1%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, The American Society of Magical Negroes, Night Swim, Trigger Warning, The Strangers: Chapter 1, Tarot, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Imaginary, Mother of the Bride, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Mea Culpa, Miller’s Girl, Lift, Atlas, A Family Affair, Argylle, Role Play, Damaged; Higher Notability: The Garfield Movie, Argylle, Back to Black, Madame Web, Lift, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Atlas, A Family Affair, The Strangers: Chapter 1, Summer Camp, Lights Out; Lower RT: The Painter, Wanted Man, Summer Camp, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Air Force One Down, Not Another Church Movie, Madame Web, Mother of the Bride, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Woody Woodpecker Goes to Camp, Mea Culpa, Breathe, Atlas, Tarot, Trigger Warning, Camp Pleasant Lake, Night Swim, Cash Out, The Strangers: Chapter 1, Imaginary, and 9 more; Notes: Yeah always tough with Lives to figure out what is up. The Notability will be tiny forever, but that BMeT is pretty good. I think we’ll have at least 10/12 top BMeT films by the time all is said and done.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – When it comes to kooky, creative thrillers, Shyamalan is practically a brand. Though M. Night is the present precedent for this surname, his daughter Ishana hopes to carry the torch into the next generation, making a name for herself in a similar genre. … Shyamalan falters in picking between a fairytale and a horror story, and the film’s potential gets lost in her indecision. Though ideas and attempts at depth are present, they’re thin, and the film fails to stand its ground. “The Watchers” prompts curiosity that’s never entirely fulfilled, displaying a director who is ambitious but still very much at the foundational levels of her artistry.

(I’m actually a bit surprised this is a 2/4 star film based on this excerpt. It feels slightly lower. Just feels like the vibe is: fails to be interesting in any way … mid-tier. Reviewers need to remember what a bad film is. This is a bad film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYo91Fq9tKY/

(Oh I hate the music. And yeah, this is just a classic Shyamalan film vibe. Looks pretty good, but just really thinking a lot of itself without earning it.)

Directors – Ishana Shyamalan – ( Known For: Old; BMT: The Watchers; Notes: For Old she was second unit obviously. The daughter of M. Night. Both of his daughters featured in films this year.)

Writers – Ishana Shyamalan – ( BMT: The Watchers; Notes: She also wrote a television series called The Servant which I’ve never heard of. Reading the description it also has that specific Twilight Zone / Shyamalan vibe to it.)

A.M. Shine – ( BMT: The Watchers; Notes: The author of the book this is based on.)

Actors – Dakota Fanning – ( Known For: Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood; War of the Worlds; Coraline; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; Ocean’s Eight; The Equalizer 3; The Runaways; Charlotte’s Web; Brimstone; Now Is Good; The Secret Life of Bees; American Pastoral; Night Moves; Very Good Girls; Please Stand By; Dreamer; Every Secret Thing; Winged Creatures; Nine Lives; Future BMT: Man on Fire; I Am Sam; Push; Hide and Seek; Uptown Girls; Trapped; Tomcats; BMT: The Twilight Saga: New Moon; Sweet Home Alabama; The Cat in the Hat; The Watchers; Notes: A famous child actor, I remember her specifically for War of the Worlds and Man on Fire. Spoiler: I thought she was terrible in this film, but then she’s nominated for an Emmy for Ripley this year, so go figure.)

Georgina Campbell – ( Known For: Barbarian; Bird Box: Barcelona; All My Friends Hate Me; T.I.M.; Lovely, Dark, and Deep; Future BMT: King Arthur: Legend of the Sword; BMT: The Watchers; Notes: I don’t really recognize her from anything. She’s British, and given she was in the Bird Box sequel I assume she’s fully plugged into the Netflix zone.)

Olwen Fouéré – ( Known For: The Northman; Mandy; Texas Chainsaw Massacre; This Must Be the Place; The Survivalist; Beast; Sea Fever; Space Truckers; Zone 414; She Will; Animals; Cult Killer; Joyride; Sunrise; The Sleep of Death; Future BMT: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald; Tarot; BMT: The Watchers; Notes: I think we’ll see her again in Tarot at the end of the year funny enough. She might also be the only actor from Ireland proper in the whole film? Even Oliver Finnegan seems like he’s British and either putting on the accent, or he’s from Northern Ireland, it is hard to tell.)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $19,024,487 (Worldwide: $51,224,487)

(That worldwide number isn’t too bad. I cannot figure out how this film would have cost $30 million though. M. Night usually is pretty good at keeping costs down since he tends to finance his own stuff at least in part. Maybe not the case with his daughter.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (54/169): Heavy on eerie mood but undone by an obtuse script, The Watchers can only hold the gaze for so long before tedium sets in.

(Sounds about right. Given this is in the 30s I’m a bit surprised in retrospect that we chose to watch it, but we always get a bit skittish and we had a glut of Horror films available to us, so probably will end up being smart in the end.)

Reviewer Highlight: The Watchers is not nearly as cerebral; it’s less a political (or showbiz) allegory than a fable about our shared capacity for change. It’s a theme that’s ultimately addressed so plangently that it has the opposite effect and borders on goofiness… – Adam Nayman, The Ringer

Poster – Dem Peepers

(Cooooooool. This time I am being a bit ironic. It looks like a 2003 album cover for a nu metal band. In other words, super rad. C-)

Tagline(s) – Let Them See You (C-)

(Blessedly short, but without the context of the film this is totally meaningless. It’s just a line from the film.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Road House (2024), Civil War (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), The Beekeeper (2024), Damsel (2024), Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024), Argylle (2024), Challengers (2024)

Future BMT: 67.5 The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), 64.5 Night Swim (2024), 59.2 The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), 58.3 Tarot (2024), 57.5 Imaginary (2024), 30.3 The Exorcism (2024), 28.8 The Garfield Movie (2024), 21.0 Not Another Church Movie (2024), 16.8 Back to Black (2024), 10.5 Summer Camp (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024)

Best Options (imdb-keyword-creature): 35.1 The Watchers (2024)

(Hooray, the only one! Realistically though you can look and see we still got Tarot and Night Swim available for horror, so it was good to smash one of these out.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dakota Fanning is No. 1 billed in The Watchers and No. 2 billed in The Cat in the Hat, which also stars Mike Myers (No. 1 billed) who is in The Love Guru (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jessica Alba (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 15. If we were to watch Hide and Seek we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – Based on the book ‘The Watchers’ by A.M. Shine.

Originally titled as ‘The Watchers’, it was later changed to ‘The Watched’ in the UK and Ireland to avoid confusion with the Netflix series ‘The Watcher’.

Ishana Shyamalan’s directorial debut in a feature movie. She also directed some episodes of the series Servant.

Mina and her sister Lucy appear to have been named after the best friends from Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

This is the first film from New Line to debut the 2024 New Line Cinema logo with the fanfare.

Gothika Preview

Weeks later they were still the best hog farmers in all of Grand Paris, but Jamie’s hearing hadn’t improved. In fact things had been going pretty poorly. First he found that all his jorts had holes in them. Then when he took them to the jorts repair shop he found that his credit cards had been declined because he had misread his jorts budget for last month and spent 10x what had been allocated. Then when he tried to sell some of his excess jorts he found that Kyle had been using them to model his latest mannequin technology and ruined their resale value. “They have to be mint,” Jamie told him, seething. Kyle tries to apologize but that just gets an angry, “Don’t you remember? I cannot hear,” from Jamie, screamed at the loudest possible volume. At this rate Jamie would never get Samantha back as he was increasingly unpleasant to be around and smelled of a hog farm. This needed to be fixed and fast. Patrick scours the local public library, pouring through volume after volume of hog farming history. Panic rises in his throat as he reads the bizarre and tragic stories of all the former number one hog farmers in Grand Paris. That is until he hits the year 1843 when suddenly it appears that the top hog farmer was finishing up an unprecedented 35 year run at number one. “Monsieur Planchet,” he murmurs, prompting a sharp gasp to his left. When he wheels around he finds one of the assistant librarians standing there, a look of shock on her face. “Do you know him?” Patrick asks desperately. The librarian turns to flee, but the look on Patrick’s face makes her hesitate. Finally she says softly, “Oui, it all started in a small town… Gothika.” That’s right! We are watching Gothika, a film probably most notable for not being Catwoman. In the sense that it came out after Monster’s Ball but before Catwoman and yet everyone has associated Halle Berry’s post-Oscar swoon with Catwoman instead. Let’s go!

Gothika (2003) – BMeTric: 40.4; Notability: 49

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 17.2%; Notability: top 14.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.8%; Higher BMeT: The Room, Gigli, House of the Dead, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, The Cat in the Hat, From Justin to Kelly, Kangaroo Jack, Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, My Boss’s Daughter, The Foreigner, Darkness Falls, Biker Boyz, Agent Cody Banks, Cold Creek Manor, The Haunted Mansion, The Medallion, Marci X, Honey, The Order, Hollywood Homicide, and 23 more; Higher Notability: The Matrix Revolutions, Bad Boys II, Brother Bear, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Scary Movie 3, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The Core, The Cat in the Hat, The Haunted Mansion, Gods and Generals, Timeline, Hollywood Homicide, Agent Cody Banks, Tears of the Sun, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle of Life, Paycheck, Cradle 2 the Grave, Beyond Borders, Dreamcatcher, Duplex, and 17 more; Lower RT: Dorm Daze, The Foreigner, Hangman’s Curse, Gold Diggers, House of the Dead, Gigli, From Justin to Kelly, My Boss’s Daughter, Grind, Marci X, Gods and Generals, Kangaroo Jack, The Cat in the Hat, The Order, Darkness Falls, A Man Apart, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, Alex & Emma, National Security, Cold Creek Manor, and 6 more; Notes: Aw, one away from the 50+ Notability. We’ve only seen 8 of the top 20 BMeT which is a surprise. Six of the top ten though. Six of the top 20 RT as well.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – The sainted Pauline Kael taught us: The movies are so rarely great art that if we cannot appreciate great trash, we might as well stop going. I don’t know if she would have defined “Gothika” as great trash, but in trash as in art there is no accounting for taste, and reader, I cherished this movie in all of its lurid glory.

(I love this review. This must have been right when Ebert was like fuck it I like what I like, this is good for what it is! He ain’t wrong, even though it is slowly destroying BMT.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STxbF5tl5T0/

(I distinctly remember this trailer at the time. Not least of which because Halle Berry had just won the Oscar for Best Actress. Should I finally watch Monster’s Ball? Maybe. Decent trailer though, like quite high intensity and people love supernatural series killer stuff.)

Directors – Mathieu Kassovitz – ( Known For: La haine; The Crimson Rivers; Rebellion; Assassin(s); Café au lait; BMT: Gothika; Babylon A.D.; Notes: He’s French which makes sense with Babylon A.D. Still acts, but his directing career seems to have ended.)

Writers – Sebastian Gutierrez – ( Known For: Snakes on a Plane; The Big Bounce; Rise: Blood Hunter; Elizabeth Harvest; Elektra Luxx; Women in Trouble; Girl Walks Into a Bar; Judas Kiss; Hotel Noir; Future BMT: The Eye; BMT: Gothika; Notes: Him having written this and The Eye is classic. Snakes on a Plane … never before or since have I been more disappointed in a film than that one.)

Actors – Halle Berry – ( Known For: X-Men: Days of Future Past; X-Men; X2: X-Men United; X-Men: The Last Stand; John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum; Cloud Atlas; Kingsman: The Golden Circle; Die Another Day; Robots; The Call; The Last Boy Scout; Monster’s Ball; Executive Decision; Boomerang; Things We Lost in the Fire; Bulworth; Jungle Fever; Bruised; The Program; CB4; Future BMT: The Flintstones; Kidnap; Girl 6; B*A*P*S; The Rich Man’s Wife; Father Hood; Race the Sun; Strictly Business; BMT: Swordfish; Catwoman; Gothika; Movie 43; Moonfall; New Year’s Eve; Perfect Stranger; Notes: Won an Oscar (famously the first black woman to win Best Actress) for Monster’s Ball. Also famously was in Catwoman the same year.)

Penélope Cruz – ( Known For: Murder on the Orient Express; Blow; Vicky Cristina Barcelona; Volver; All About My Mother; To Rome with Love; Open Your Eyes; Pain and Glory; Ferrari; Broken Embraces; Everybody Knows; Bandidas; Parallel Mothers; Live Flesh; I’m So Excited!; Elegy; Loving Pablo; Twice Born; Head in the Clouds; Jamón, Jamón; Future BMT: The Brothers Grimsby; The Counselor; Sahara; Nine; The 355; All the Pretty Horses; Woman on Top; BMT: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides; Vanilla Sky; Gothika; Sex and the City 2; Zoolander 2; G-Force; Captain Corelli’s Mandolin; Notes: Also won an Oscar, for Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Nominated for three more (including Nine which is weird). Married to Javier Bardem.)

Robert Downey Jr. – ( Known For: The Avengers; Avengers: Endgame; Avengers: Infinity War; Iron Man; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Iron Man 3; Iron Man 2; Captain America: Civil War; Oppenheimer; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Sherlock Holmes; Zodiac; The Incredible Hulk; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows; Tropic Thunder; Natural Born Killers; Kiss Kiss Bang Bang; Chef; The Judge; A Scanner Darkly; Future BMT: Due Date; U.S. Marshals; Air America; Lucky You; The Shaggy Dog; In Dreams; Johnny Be Good; Black & White; Tuff Turf; Firstborn; BMT: Gothika; Dolittle; Notes: Also just won an Oscar for Oppenheimer, nominated for two others (Tropic Thunder and Chaplin). The rare top three Oscar winners here. Do yourself a favor and watch The Judge, it is demented what he was planning to try and win an Oscar after Marvel started to wrap up.)

Budget/Gross – $40,000,000 / Domestic: $59,694,580 (Worldwide: $141,591,324)

(My god, that’s a good amount of money. How did that happen? That’s a nuts amount of money.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 15% (25/168): Berry’s acting talents can’t save Gothika from its preposterous plot and bad dialogue.

(Preposterous?! Sign me up. That is so low, but for some reason I thought it was lower haha.)

Reviewer Highlight: It is a thoroughly synthetic confection, compounded of cliches drawn from a half-dozen genres and subgenres that for a while might almost persuade its audience, as it apparently convinced its makers, that it is something more. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – Mothrika

(Tight. And I’m not even being ironic. Look at the font. Look at the blue. Look at the highlighting of the star while also being at least interesting. Look at all the… uh… rain I guess. B+.)

Tagline(s) – Because someone is dead doesn’t mean they’re gone. (C-)

(Wake me up when the tagline is done. Little bit of a spoiler alert too. Obviously we can assume we are dealing with something supernatural, but this make it pretty clear it’s a gh-gh-gh-ghost.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), Taxi (2004), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), …

Best Options (G-Force): 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 64.7 The Comebacks (2007), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.1 Code Name: The Cleaner (2007), 59.9 Corky Romano (2001), 59.7 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004), 55.1 Evan Almighty (2007), 54.2 The Bachelor (1999), 54.1 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 52.3 Malibu’s Most Wanted (2003), 51.1 Racing Stripes (2005), 47.9 Man of the House (2005), 47.2 The Hot Chick (2002), 46.5 Slackers (2002), 46.1 Monster-in-Law (2005), 46.0 RV (2006), 43.6 Head of State (2003), 43.5 The Brothers Solomon (2007), 43.0 Woman on Top (2000), 42.4 Domestic Disturbance (2001), 42.1 I Think I Love My Wife (2007), 40.7 Mr. Deeds (2002), 40.6 The Break-Up (2006), 40.4 Gothika (2003), 40.3 Bubble Boy (2001), 36.0 Domino (2005), 32.9 Reno 911!: Miami (2007), 32.7 Let’s Go to Prison (2006), 32.5 All the Pretty Horses (2000), 31.9 A Man Apart (2003), 30.2 Sahara (2005), 29.7 Windtalkers (2002), 29.1 28 Days (2000), 29.0 15 Minutes (2001), 27.6 Next (2007), 27.5 Fun with Dick and Jane (2005), 26.6 TMNT (2007), 23.8 Elizabethtown (2005), 22.0 Big Daddy (1999), 21.9 The Longest Yard (2005), 20.1 Art School Confidential (2006), 19.4 National Treasure: Book of Secrets (2007), 16.7 8MM (1999), 14.7 Underworld: Evolution (2006), 14.3 Hot Rod (2007), 9.3 Underworld (2003), 5.4 Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)

(Right in the middle. The Chain is always weird because you have to connect forward. So sure, I would want to watch The Bachelor, but then … where would we go from there. There’s only so much Chris O’Donnell films to watch.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Charles S. Dutton is No. 3 billed in Gothika and No. 3 billed in Random Hearts, which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (3 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Robert Downey Jr. broke Halle Berry’s arm during the hospital interrogation scene. Downey was supposed to grab Berry’s arm and twist, but twisted too hard and her arm snapped. Production was halted for eight weeks.

The scene in the pool was not scripted, but was added as a suspense sequence by director Mathieu Kassovitz.

Robert Downey Jr. and producer Susan Downey first met on the set and fell in love. They got married in August 27, 2005 and later started their production company Team Downey.

The title of the film, Gothika (can also be spelled gothica), is an unofficial term used to describe a form of purgatorial state of mind, a situation in which someone sees or feels things that no one else does, and those who don’t think those who can, are crazy. They simply have a connection to the supernatural world.

Although it was not the first Dark Castle Entertainment horror film to be critically panned, and wasn’t the last. It was the first, however, and still is, the highest grossing film to be released from the production company with a $141 million gross against a $40 million budget.

Raise Your Voice Preview

“Cursed schmershed,” Patrick says looking at the latest standings and beaming. It took them a few weeks of intense training best summarized in a montage, but eventually they got there. They were officially the best hog farmers in all of Grand Paris. Sure, the former number one team mysteriously came down with heat exhaustion after their air conditioning unit failed. And sure, that was because a family of squirrels dumped a whole mess of acorns into the cooling unit. And sure, the squirrels only moved into the cooling unit because their home was destroyed by the farmers’ tractor. And sure, the tractor only destroyed the squirrels’ home because it was fitted with the wrong sized harrow. And sure, they only had the wrong sized harrow because their harrow supplier had also gotten sick due to heat exhaustion (coincidentally by very similar circumstances). And sure, they only needed the new harrow because the old one was stolen after some local street toughs mistook it for valuable treasure. And sure, that mistake only happened because they painted the harrow gold for Mardi Gras. And sure, they decided to do that because… actually, they can’t remember why they thought a gold harrow was a good Mardi Gras float. “But that happens, right?” Kyle says out of nowhere. Patrick pretends like he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. When Patrick looks over to Jamie to confirm that they don’t know what Kyle is talking about, though, it seems like Jamie really doesn’t know what’s going on. Patrick gently touches Jamie’s elbow, startling him in the process. “You okay?” Patrick asks, which gets an even more startled look from Jamie. “Are you guys talking about something? I literally cannot hear you,” Jamie shouts. “Raise your…” *gasp* Suddenly they realize that Jamie has lost his hearing. That’s right! Talk about nostalgia. The Hilary Duff classic Raise Your Voice is right in the High School sweet spot when me and Patrick were no longer girls, but not yet women (and yes, I know that’s a Britney Spears song, I’m not an idiot). Let’s go!

Raise Your Voice (2004) – BMeTric: 36.1; Notability: 32

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 20.0%; Notability: top 28.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.1%; Higher BMeT: Catwoman, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, You Got Served, Torque, Taxi, Soul Plane, Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Thunderbirds, Seed of Chucky, Garfield: The Movie, Envy, Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London, Godsend, New York Minute, Exorcist: The Beginning, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, First Daughter, The Stepford Wives, Johnson Family Vacation, and 30 more; Higher Notability: Catwoman, Shark Tale, Van Helsing, The Chronicles of Riddick, King Arthur, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, Alexander, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, After the Sunset, Blade: Trinity, Alien vs. Predator, She Hate Me, The Stepford Wives, Man on Fire, Meet the Fockers, The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, Around the World in 80 Days, Along Came Polly, Raising Helen, The Phantom of the Opera, and 52 more; Lower RT: Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, Twisted, Godsend, The Whole Ten Yards, The Cookout, Christmas with the Kranks, Johnson Family Vacation, My Baby’s Daddy, Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Movie – Pyramid of Light, Envy, Surviving Christmas, Catwoman, First Daughter, Taxi, House of D, Exorcist: The Beginning, A Cinderella Story, New York Minute, Employee of the Month, Against the Ropes, and 12 more; Notes: This is fairly mid-table, but has been on the docket since I somehow watched this in theaters in 2004. The girl I went with fell asleep four seconds into the movie as I watched this thing with the horrible realization that she was my ride and I couldn’t just leave.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – Does that mean (a) she comes home, right now, or (b) her mom and Aunt Nina work on dad, and, wouldn’t you know, the auditorium door opens and dad walks in just in time for his daughter to see him from the stage halfway through her big solo. The answer of course is (b), right down to the obligatory moment when the disapproving parent in the audience nods at the gifted child onstage and does the heartfelt little nod that means “you were right, honey.” But her dad was right about one thing. Something terrible did happen to her in Los Angeles. She made this movie.

(Kind of plucked out of the review, but I love the zinger right at the end and also just eviscerating the entire rote concept of the film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBntfOIjsRw/

(Ooooooooof they open with the movie. The movie looked like shit and I can’t believe the teacher was like this is what got you into the program. Ugh, and then the teacher plays the cello like an asshole and everyone is in love with him. This movie looks amazing and brutal.)

Directors – Sean McNamara – ( Known For: Soul Surfer; 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain; Spare Parts; The Miracle Season; On a Wing and a Prayer; Field of Lost Shoes; Cody the Robosapien; P.U.N.K.S.; Space Warriors; Race to Space; Treehouse Hostage; The Legend of Galgameth; Mighty Oak; Aliens Stole My Body; BMT: Raise Your Voice; Bratz; The King’s Daughter; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for That’s So Raven. He clearly was heavily involved in children’s programming in general as he produced and directed Even Stevens. I don’t like how much he seems involved with Jon Voight.)

Writers – Mitch Rotter – ( BMT: Raise Your Voice; Notes: Heavily involved with soundtracks and played a Folk Singer in this film. Which explains why this is his only credit I suppose. Was the soundtrack supervisor for Bones.)

Sam Schreiber – ( BMT: Raise Your Voice; Notes: Who knows what this guy does, he has a pre-production film he is a script consultant for, but something tells me that is fake.)

Actors – Hilary Duff – ( Known For: The Lizzie McGuire Movie; War, Inc.; Playing by Heart; Human Nature; Foodfight!; According to Greta; The Haunting of Sharon Tate; Stay Cool; She Wants Me; Bloodworth; Flock of Dudes; Wings; Future BMT: A Cinderella Story; Agent Cody Banks; The Perfect Man; BMT: Cheaper by the Dozen; Cheaper by the Dozen 2; Raise Your Voice; Material Girls; What Goes Up; Notes: Ooooooooh yeah, I forgot she was basically the main character in How I Met Your Father. Prior to that she starred in Younger as well. She has four kids.)

John Corbett – ( Known For: Tombstone; My Big Fat Greek Wedding; To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before; Serendipity; Volcano; The Silence; To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You; To All the Boys: Always and Forever; 47 Meters Down: Uncaged; Gully; The Burning Plain; Ramona and Beezus; I Hate Valentine’s Day; Dinner Rush; Baby on Board; Elvis Has Left the Building; The Lookalike; Dreamland; All Saints; Bigger Than the Sky; Future BMT: Street Kings; The Messengers; Raising Helen; Flight of the Intruder; God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness; BMT: Sex and the City 2; The Boy Next Door; My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2; Raise Your Voice; My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Northern Exposure. But I think he is obviously most famous for his continuing roles in the Sex and the City and My Big Fat Greek Wedding series.)

Rebecca De Mornay – ( Known For: Wedding Crashers; Identity; American Reunion; Risky Business; Flipped; Backdraft; Lords of Dogtown; The Hand That Rocks the Cradle; Runaway Train; Mother’s Day; I Am Wrath; One from the Heart; Testament; Apartment 1303 3D; Music Within; The Trip to Bountiful; Thick as Thieves; And God Created Woman; The Right Temptation; The Winner; Future BMT: The Three Musketeers; Guilty as Sin; Feds; The Slugger’s Wife; BMT: Raise Your Voice; Never Talk to Strangers; Notes: The only thing I really remember about her is that she had a huge amount of clout in the 90s and used all of it to produce and star in Never Talk to Strangers. Didn’t work out.)

Budget/Gross – $15,000,000 / Domestic: $10,411,980 (Worldwide: $14,867,514)

(You know, if you can make Pearl and X for $1 million, I just don’t see how this is $15 million. There is no way they thought this would make more than $15 million right? Make with the synergy with a Duff release the box office wasn’t a huge deal.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 16% (13/83): A bland, formulaic tween version of Fame.

(Fuck … yeah that nailed it. It is a formulaic bad version of Fame. I couldn’t put it better myself.)

Reviewer Highlight: Ms. Duff’s screen presence and the film’s infectious high spirits will make this piece of fluff appealing to young moviegoers without conveying any sinister messages. – Anita Gates, New York Times

Poster – Hilary “That’s Enough” Duff

(Sometimes a poster can be bad by just doing its job. There is no other poster Raise Your Voice can have… weird skewed font and all. Still, not good and far too busy. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Don’t hold back. Don’t give up. (C+)

(It’s generic, but it’s got some flow. Like they didn’t totally botch this. I’m also a sucker for messages like this. No matter how cheesy I like when films aimed at kids are basically like “work hard.” That seems good.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Taxi (2004), Elektra (2005), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), …

Best Options (Romance): 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 64.3 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 57.6 The Next Best Thing (2000), 54.9 Honey (2003), 54.2 The Bachelor (1999), 54.1 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 53.9 The Divorce (2003), 53.6 Abandon (2002), 52.8 Just My Luck (2006), 52.3 Loser (2000), 52.1 Superstar (1999), …

(This is a shockingly low BMeTric, but it was the most true and fun option I thought. There are tons available, but c’mon, Hilary Duff in Raise Your Voice! Crossroads here we come!)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: David Keith is No. 3 billed in Raise Your Voice and No. 2 billed in Firestarter, which also stars Drew Barrymore (No. 1 billed) who is in Blended (No. 2 billed) which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch The Perfect Man, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – Evan Rachel Wood and Jonathan Jackson were the original choices for the roles of Terri and Jay respectively, but both dropped out due to production changes, as did Annie Potts (who was set to play Terri’s mother) and director James Hayman. The story’s location was then changed from New York City to Los Angeles.

Was originally entitled “Heart of Summer”, but the film’s release date was pushed back from August to October, so the title was changed accordingly.

The rock band that Terri and her brother go see, is Three Days Grace and are singing “Are you Ready?”.

Hilary Duff (Teresa ‘Terri’ Fletcher) and Davida Williams (Lauren) were previously in Disney Channel’s Lizzie McGuire (2001). Hilary Duff played the lead role Lizzie McGuire and Davida played a recurring, minor character for 12 episodes.

Originally pitched as a “Christian Music Project” with Jaci Velasquez and Rachael Lampa suggested for the lead, and Kirk Franklin for the music teacher.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Hilary Duff)

Cursed Preview

Spending their days rebuilding Pierre’s premier perfume shop didn’t sound so bad to Patrick, Jamie and Kyle. It wasn’t until they had already scoped out a farmhouse to rent in a nearby winery that they were informed that they weren’t rebuilding the Perfume shop at all. “Where do you think I got all that wild hog musk?” Pierre says, pointing them to his premier hog farm that stood just down the block. “This is probably not going to help my scent,” Jamie says. “Unless…” he continues, but Patrick stops him. No, there was no “unless…” to that statement. A week later, as they muck out pen #3, Pierre enters the farm and slaps Jamie on the back. “You guys are doing a great job. I just can’t believe the latest standings!” He slaps his hand at the newsletter he’s holding. “What’s that?” Patrick asks, curious now at what ‘standings’ Pierre could be talking about. “The hog standings, of course,” Pierre says incredulously. “We’re all the way up to #2! I’ve never been able to get even up to #5 when it was just me mucking out all these pens and extracting the gallons of wild hog musk.” Now the competitive juices are flowing. Jamie, Patrick and Kyle start to chatter about getting all the way up to #1 in the standings. “No, no, no,” Pierre says, looking worried. “We don’t want to get up to #1. Being second is a perfect place to be, so let’s just stay right there.” Second place?! Jamie and Patrick stare at him in disbelief. Did Pierre really think they were second place kind of hog farmers? “No, I don’t think you are second place kind of hog farmers,” he reassures them, “it’s just that first place in the hog standings is… cursed.” *Gasp* That’s right! We are watching Cursed by Wes Craven. This is his take on the werewolf genre and unfortunately I don’t think Taylor Lautner was able to participate. Let’s go!

Cursed (2005) – BMeTric: 62.3; Notability: 71

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.2%; Notability: top 5.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.5%; Higher BMeT: Son of the Mask, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, The Fog, xXx: State of the Union, Boogeyman, Elektra, A Sound of Thunder, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Bewitched, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Are We There Yet?, In the Mix, The Dukes of Hazzard, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, The Honeymooners, Dirty Love; Higher Notability: Kingdom of Heaven, Fantastic Four, Be Cool, Domino, Fun with Dick and Jane, Bewitched, xXx: State of the Union, Memoirs of a Geisha, Chicken Little, The Longest Yard, Son of the Mask, The Great Raid, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, Stealth; Lower RT: The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, Yours, Mine & Ours, Son of the Mask, Underclassman, A Sound of Thunder, The Perfect Man, Dirty Love, White Noise, Dirty Deeds, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Man of the House, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Æon Flux, Elektra, Edison, The Mistress of Spices, Are We There Yet?, and 13 more; Notes: We are even on the higher BMeT films (seen 9 and haven’t seen 9), but at least one is coming up. Kingdom of Heaven is an exciting possibility. I should say … the Notability on this is off the chain. I don’t get it. It is nuts.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Contemporary werewolf-on-the-loose story is a rare miss in the thrills department from the SCREAM team of Craven and writer Kevin Williamson. Film starts out amusing but soon becomes ludicrous as the nubile young victims must fight back to become human again. Already dated picture is set at the now-defunct Craig Kilborn talk show, where Ricci is a producer spending what seems like days prepping an interview with Scott Baio. It’s that kind of movie, folks.

(Hahahahha, it is true though. Kilborn shows up and embarasses himself, and the Baio shit was also hilarious. The only thing I wish was Baio was either torn to shreds by the werewolf, or randomly was the werewolf in the end.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e56-jMfL9I/

(I can tell you that early scene where the wolf grabs the woman out of the car looks about as good in the actual film … which is to say like garbage. This film looks perfectly 2005 and that ain’t a compliment. The CGI dog is awful.)

Directors – Wes Craven – ( Known For: Scream; A Nightmare on Elm Street; Scream 2; Scream 4; Scream 3; Red Eye; Paris, I Love You; New Nightmare; The Last House on the Left; The People Under the Stairs; The Hills Have Eyes; The Serpent and the Rainbow; Swamp Thing; Music of the Heart; The Hills Have Eyes Part II; Deadly Blessing; Future BMT: My Soul to Take; Shocker; BMT: Cursed; Vampire in Brooklyn; Deadly Friend; Notes: Died in 2015, but still racking up those credits. His performance in New Nightmare is b-b-b-b-b-b-bonkers.)

Writers – Kevin Williamson – ( Known For: Scream; Scream 2; Scream 4; Scream 3; Scream; The Faculty; Scream VI; Sick; Future BMT: Teaching Mrs. Tingle; BMT: I Know What You Did Last Summer; Cursed; Notes: Kind of legendary as far as horror writers. The Faculty? How didn’t that qualify? It is hilarious.)

Actors – Christina Ricci – ( Known For: Sleepy Hollow; Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; The Matrix Resurrections; The Addams Family; Monster; Casper; Addams Family Values; Small Soldiers; Speed Racer; Black Snake Moan; Penelope; Buffalo ’66; The Ice Storm; New York, I Love You; After.Life; Mermaids; Anything Else; The Hard Way; The Opposite of Sex; Bel Ami; Future BMT: The Smurfs 2; 200 Cigarettes; That Darn Cat; BMT: Cursed; Now and Then; Bless the Child; Alpha and Omega; Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for Yellowjackets and Grey’s Anatomy. A true blue child star from my childhood. The Addams Family and Caspar in particular.)

Jesse Eisenberg – ( Known For: The Social Network; Now You See Me; Zombieland; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; The Village; Rio; Zombieland: Double Tap; Adventureland; 30 Minutes or Less; Rio 2; American Ultra; To Rome with Love; The Squid and the Whale; Café Society; Vivarium; The Double; The Art of Self-Defense; The End of the Tour; The Hunting Party; Roger Dodger; Future BMT: Now You See Me 2; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Justice League; Cursed; Notes: Remember Roger Dodger? What a weird film. Nominated for an Oscar for The Social Network, and his directorial effort in A Real Pain is getting tons of buzz.)

Portia de Rossi – ( Known For: Scream 2; Sirens; Dead & Breakfast; Who Is Cletis Tout?; Tab Hunter Confidential; Girl; I Witness; Unity; All the Way; Now Add Honey; Future BMT: Stigmata; BMT: Cursed; Notes: Known for Arrested Development and for being married to Ellen. Also she’s like … barely in this film, so wild she’s the third person listed on IMDb.)

Budget/Gross – $38,000,000 / Domestic: $19,297,522 (Worldwide: $29,621,722)

(That’s not great. Seems like a catastrophic production probably pushed the budget too high, and on a more normal horror budget maybe this works out okay.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 15% (15/98): A predictable plot and cheesy special effects make Cursed a less-than-scary experience.

(Cheesy special effect?! Well … fine, yeah, the first bit with the werewolf is real dumb looking and there are some real crazy effects in the big fight scene in the middle, and the dog looks bad … fine yeah, the special effects suck.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s not bad enough to make you curse, but you are likely to laugh when you should scream, and to roll your eyes when you are meant to laugh. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – Fred Durst’s Cursed

(I think this is fine. Nicely stylized with a twist on the font. I don’t know why, but it comes off a little boring to me even when it’s doing a lot of the things I like. B+.)

Tagline(s) – What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. (F)

(Wow. No. That is simply a common phrase and is completely unacceptable.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Taxi (2004), Elektra (2005), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), …

Best Options (Horror): 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 69.0 Black Christmas (2006), 68.7 Captivity (2007), 67.5 Seed of Chucky (2004), 64.8 The Grudge 2 (2006), 63.9 Valentine (2001), 63.6 Skinwalkers (2006), 63.0 The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007), 62.3 Cursed (2005), 62.1 Stay Alive (2006), 61.5 When a Stranger Calls (2006), 60.8 See No Evil (2006), 60.3 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 58.8 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 58.4 The Return (2005), 57.9 They (2002), 56.6 The Stepford Wives (2004), 55.2 Lost Souls (2000), 54.2 The Messengers (2007), 53.9 The Order (2003), 50.9 Turistas (2006), …

(Pretty pretty pretty good. I really don’t want to watch BloodRayne, although I know it will happen. Ha! Skinwalkers. Another werewolf film was right there too.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jesse Eisenberg is No. 2 billed in Cursed and No. 3 billed in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – In 2014, Judy Greer spoke of the film in an interview. Greer states, “I don’t know why that movie got so fucked up. I don’t understand it. I thought the script was fine. Honest to God, I didn’t get the big deal. I don’t know who kept making them fuck with it”. She goes on to say, “Then we shot the movie for, like, seven years. I think they said we had four movies worth of footage. It was so fun, but so weird. I don’t get it. I couldn’t figure it out.”

When the production was stalled, many cast members were cut, including Illeana Douglas, Heather Langenkamp, Scott Foley, Omar Epps, Robert Forster, James Brolin and Corey Feldman. All of these actors even filmed their scenes which were cut when the movie was re-written and re-shot.

In the original version, the film opened with the benefit party by PETA on the hotel roof. Parts of the scene were kept from the original shooting but in the final cut, that scene is at about 50 minutes from the beginning. Mya replaced Mandy Moore in this scene.

In 2008, Wes Craven was quoted saying; “… the Cursed experience was so screwed up. I mean, that went on for two-and-a-half years of my life for a film that wasn’t anything close to what it should have been. And another film that I was about to shoot having the plug pulled – Pulse – so it was like, I did learn from the Cursed experience not to do something for money. They said, ‘We know you want to do another film, we’ll pay you double.’ And we were 10 days from shooting, and I said fine. But I ended up working two-and-a-half years for double my fee, but I could have done two-and-a-half movies, and done movies that were out there making money. In general, I think it’s not worth it and part of the reason my phone hasn’t rung is that that story is pretty well known.

The original plot line had three strangers brought together by a car accident in the Hollywood Hills and the subsequent attack of a werewolf. The three characters were named Ellie Hudson (Christina Ricci), Vince Winston (Skeet Ulrich) and Jimmy Myers (Jesse Eisenberg). When the script was re-written, the plot changed and focused on two estranged siblings who had to fight a curse after a werewolf attack. Skeet Ulrich’s character was totally re-written and renamed Jake. Since Ellie and Jimmy became brother and sister, Ellie’s surname was deleted and became Myers.

Collateral Damage Preview

Lesson #3 is pretty simple as far as Patrick is concerned: there’s nothing that a nice cologne can’t mask, including the stench left over from their comments about Scott Bakula’s funeral mishap. So where better to start than his favorite cologne shop in grand Paris. He greets the owner, Pierre, warmly and asks what big time celeb he might have made smell great recently. “A perfumer never sprays and brays,” he says and Patrick smiles, secretly stewing that he didn’t come up with that himself. “So this is the man of the hour,” Pierre continues, looking at Jamie. “I feel like I have just the scent for…” but before he can finish something has caught Jamie’s eye. “Ooo, this one is Wild Hog Musk,” Jamie says, bending down to read the label closer, “guaranteed to bring the wild hogs running.” He notes to Patrick how funny it is that “wild hogs” isn’t capitalized in the tagline, but if he gets to smell like Tim Allen then sign him up. Pierre’s eyes widen as he realizes the common and understandable mistake that Jamie has made. Before he can stop him, though, the damage is done… literally. With one whiff of the wild hog musk the store is soon overrun with horrifyingly large hogs, all of which have only one thing on their mind: Jamie’s bodacious bod and its lovely hoggy musk. Hours later, after fending off the last of the hogs, Pierre looks around his store sadly. “This is, of course, the risk you take carrying such things in the store,” he says, “the collateral damage for me is my store. For you, though, it’s just your time,” and with that he taps a sign that explains that any musk mistakes must be paid back in time spent working for Pierre. That’s right! The collateral damage of watching Collateral Damage starring Arnold Schwarzeneggar is also just our time. Sigh. Let’s go!

Collateral Damage (2002) – BMeTric: 50.1; Notability: 73

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 11.2%; Notability: top 1.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 15.9%; Higher BMeT: Crossroads, Halloween: Resurrection, Rollerball, The Master of Disguise, Feardotcom, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, Half Past Dead, Boat Trip, Derailed, The Sweetest Thing, Scooby-Doo, They, Full Frontal, The Truth About Charlie, Queen of the Damned, Vampires: Los Muertos, Swimfan, Snow Dogs, Maid in Manhattan, and 8 more; Higher Notability: Men in Black II, Scooby-Doo, The Time Machine, Star Trek: Nemesis; Lower RT: Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, Killing Me Softly, Derailed, Try Seventeen, Hard Cash, The Master of Disguise, Deuces Wild, Feardotcom, Rollerball, Half Past Dead, Serving Sara, Darkness, New Best Friend, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Boat Trip, The New Guy, Dragonfly, Stealing Harvard, Juwanna Mann, Halloween: Resurrection, and 19 more; Notes: I love that gaudy Notability. We still have three of those to go. Then 11/20 for BMeT, although the top 8 we’ve done. What is that, like 50 films with sub-20% in 2002. Sigh.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – “Collateral Damage” is a relic from an earlier (if not kinder and gentler) time, a movie about terrorism made before terrorists became the subject of our national discourse. “You Americans are so naive,” says the movie’s terrorist villain. “You see a peasant with a gun, you change the channel. But you never ask why a peasant needs a gun.” Well, we still don’t wonder why the peasant needs the gun (we think we should have the gun), but we’re not so naive anymore.

(Interesting. Quite a high rating for what is kind of the movie that marked the end of Arnold’s action career. And yeah, the proximity to 9/11 was a very specific issue with this film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YywOMlbqLPo/

(Looks pretty rad if I’m being honest … unfortunately I don’t think this trailer is being entirely honest. It makes it seems like he’s going to go and chase down this guy and blow up and village and junk and kill him. WRONG. That isn’t the plot of this film. The plot of this film is unfortunately more boring. This trailer is pretty good though, I would watch that movie if it existed.)

Directors – Andrew Davis – ( Known For: The Fugitive; Holes; Under Siege; A Perfect Murder; Above the Law; The Package; Code of Silence; The Final Terror; Stony Island; Future BMT: Chain Reaction; Steal Big Steal Little; BMT: The Guardian; Collateral Damage; Notes: He has two upcoming projects … something tells me that given his last film was 2006 that is incorrect. Wrote a little movie called Steal Big Steal Little featuring Andy Garcia playing twin brothers.)

Writers – Ronald Roose – ( Known For: The Hessen Conspiracy; BMT: Collateral Damage; Notes: Do yourself a favor and go look at the poster for The Hessen Conspiracy. Just … one word: Billy Zane.)

David Griffiths – ( Known For: The Portrait; Future BMT: The Hunted; BMT: Collateral Damage; Notes: He was a VP at Goldman Sachs and was a founder of a software company. It seems that he then went back to UCLA with his brother to become a screenwriter.)

Peter Griffiths – ( Future BMT: The Hunted; BMT: Collateral Damage; Notes: I think he retired because David now writes by himself.)

Actors – Arnold Schwarzenegger – ( Known For: Terminator 2: Judgment Day; The Terminator; Predator; Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines; The Expendables; Total Recall; The Expendables 2; True Lies; Escape Plan; Terminator: Dark Fate; Commando; The Running Man; Last Action Hero; Kindergarten Cop; Conan the Barbarian; The Last Stand; The Rundown; Twins; The 6th Day; Red Heat; Future BMT: Terminator Genisys; End of Days; Junior; BMT: Batman & Robin; The Expendables 3; Eraser; Jingle All the Way; Around the World in 80 Days; Conan the Destroyer; Collateral Damage; Sabotage; Red Sonja; Raw Deal; Notes: Won an Emmy for producing a documentary. Was governor of California from 2004 to 2011. This is our 10th Arnold film, only three more to go as well.)

John Leguizamo – ( Known For: John Wick; Ice Age; John Wick: Chapter 2; The Menu; Die Hard 2; Moulin Rouge!; Ice Age: The Meltdown; Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs; Encanto; The Lincoln Lawyer; Romeo + Juliet; Carlito’s Way; Chef; Doctor Dolittle; Land of the Dead; Violent Night; American Ultra; Assault on Precinct 13; The Infiltrator; Sisters; Future BMT: Kick-Ass 2; Ice Age: Continental Drift; The Counselor; Ice Age: Collision Course; Spawn; The Fan; Out for Justice; Love in the Time of Cholera; Revenge; Miracle at St. Anna; What’s the Worst That Could Happen?; Playing with Fire; Walking with Dinosaurs 3D; The Pest; Empire; The Honeymooners; Whispers in the Dark; BMT: The Happening; Gamer; Ride Along; Repo Men; Righteous Kill; Collateral Damage; Super Mario Bros.; One for the Money; Notes: Leguizamo has been in 25 BMT films, my god. Won an Emmy for a comedy special, and nominated twice for supporting acting. I didn’t realize he was Bruno in Encanto, that’s interesting.)

Francesca Neri – ( Known For: Live Flesh; Captain America; The Ages of Lulu; The Rich, the Pauper and the Butler; Pensavo fosse amore… invece era un calesse; Una famiglia perfetta; Giovanna’s Father; Outrage; Al lupo al lupo; Ginostra; Sud; Flight of the Innocent; A Dinner for Them to Meet; Il siero della vanità; A Second Childhood; Il cielo è sempre più blu; Io amo Andrea; Ivo il tardivo; La mia generazione; La felicità non costa niente; Future BMT: Hannibal; BMT: Collateral Damage; Notes: Italian and indeed, she mostly has acted in Italy, even after breaking into American films … oh and yeah, that Captain America is the shit one from 1990.)

Budget/Gross – $85,000,000 / Domestic: $40,077,257 (Worldwide: $78,382,433)

(That … yeah, that’s terrible, but it isn’t really totally its fault. I was supposed to come out on like literally 9/11, so it was pushed to 2002 and I don’t think people had the appetite for it at that point.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 19% (27/142): Despite its timely subject matter, Collateral Damage is an unexceptional and formulaic action thriller.

(Timely was kind of the problem lol. People didn’t want to fret over whether Arnold was going to stop the terrorists from [checks notes] … blowing up a building. Great.)

Reviewer Highlight: An exhausted rehash of Mr. Schwarzenegger breaking through red tape to struggle against his nemesis of the moment. – Elvis Mitchell, New York Times

Poster – Cooooooohhhhhllateral

(a.k.a. Explosion Face. The only thing I can really say that is good about this is that it’s got a warm glow to it because of all the fire on the poster… just so much fire. That font makes me sad. C-)

Tagline(s) – Nothing is more dangerous than a man with nothing to lose (D)

(Is it over yet? That’s boring. That’s long. That’s boring and long. Think to yourself just how many movies that could be the tagline for.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Taxi (2004), Elektra (2005), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), …

Best Options (Action): 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 68.9 Crossover (2006), 67.6 Thunderbirds (2004), 65.7 Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London (2004), 63.8 Underdog (2007), 63.6 Skinwalkers (2006), 60.8 See No Evil (2006), 60.8 The Mod Squad (1999), 60.3 Biker Boyz (2003), 59.8 Agent Cody Banks (2003), 50.9 The Core (2003), 50.4 The Last Legion (2007), 50.1 Collateral Damage (2002), …

(Hey, 50+ that’s something. This is a true huge blockbuster action though, we couldn’t pass it up. I think Crossover is pretty intriguing, as is Biker Boyz. Those would have been the others I would be interested in. I’ve seen the Core a number of times, so we’ll eventually do that, but it isn’t pressing.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Arnold Schwarzenegger is No. 1 billed in Collateral Damage and No. 5 billed in The Expendables 3, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 5) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The movie was supposed to include the famous Colombian actress Sofía Vergara, who played an airplane hijacker. But after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attack, the scene where Vergara would hijack a plane was scratched from the movie. Moreover, scenes which might be considered unpatriotic have been excluded.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is never shown firing a gun on screen.

The film was originally scheduled to be released on October 5, 2001, but it was postponed due to its terrorism theme and eventually released on Friday, February 8, 2002.

After the terrorist attacks on the USA of 11 September 2001, Warner Bros. pulled all advertising of the film which had included a mock newspaper clipping alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger’s face featuring the word “bombing” and the tagline “What would you do if you lost everything?” and its Collateral Damage (2002) movie website that had included a game called “Hunting for the Wolf”. When the film was finally released in 2002, the film’s poster was revamped with shot of an explosion due to the U.S. subsequent invasion of Afghanistan in the background of Arnold’s face in the foreground and the film’s original tagline missing. The website was completely revamped with nothing but production stills, bios, the film’s synopsis, and cast and crew material. The games and other material that had been on the original version of the website were completely eliminated.

In an interview on Howard Stern in 2014, actor Bill Hader admits to being Arnold Schwarzenegger’s production assistant (PA) on Collateral Damage, although he was uncredited in the film.

The Ladies Man Preview

Jamie slicks his hair back real nice and prepares for the return of Samantha. He’s got chocolates in one hand, a robot hand ready to extend a bouquet of flowers, and his other hand free as a bird. “You sure you don’t need me to wipe down your handshake hand?” Kyle asks helpfully but Jamie waves him off. His hands are perfect, dry and flaky like a fresh croissant. The door to their apartment opens and in walks Sam looking beautiful. Upon seeing Jamie and his gifts, her face brightens and she runs towards him. Jamie crouches, but before he can rocket his hand forward she leaps into his arms and soon they are making out… hard. Patrick flips through his love manual. “My word, they’ve skipped right past Lesson #3! I’ve never seen anything like this!” He exclaims. After several hours, the make-out session peters out. “Well I guess you don’t need us any more,” Patrick says, tears in his eyes, but before he leaves all of their cell phones start buzzing. “Oh,” Jamie says, a bit puzzled, “it looks like Scott Bakula passed away while we were in England and there was a funeral… I wonder why so many people sent us the video?” They all simultaneously press the play button and are treated to a wild scene where Scott Bakula’s coffin accidentally opens and his head flies out. They burst out laughing. Sam is appalled. “Wasn’t he your dad?” she asks. “No, I don’t think so,” Jamie says. Patrick hesitantly agrees while trying to remember if that had definitely been established. “Still,” she says in disgust and storms out. Jamie hangs his head. “Smooth moves, Ladies man,” Patrick says and opens his manual again. “Time for Lesson #3: A Rose by Any Other Smell…” That’s right! We are watching one of the many SNL failures of the late 90’s/early 2000s. This was before they learned the lesson that maybe they shouldn’t make films based on sketches that are one-joke punchlines with no characters or plots. Let’s go!

The Ladies Man (2000) – BMeTric: 48.3; Notability: 41

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 9.6%; Notability: top 15.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.9%; Higher BMeT: Battlefield Earth, Dungeons & Dragons, Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, Urban Legends: Final Cut, 102 Dalmatians, Highlander: Endgame, Dracula 2000, Supernova, Big Momma’s House, Get Carter, Little Nicky, The Next Best Thing, Hanging Up, Down to You, Lost Souls, The Crow: Salvation, Fortress 2: Re-Entry, Loser, and 4 more; Higher Notability: The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Little Nicky, Gone in 60 Seconds, Mission to Mars, Coyote Ugly, Ready to Rumble, Supernova, Lost Souls, Proof of Life, Reindeer Games, Hollow Man, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, Rules of Engagement, 102 Dalmatians, Bless the Child, Isn’t She Great, Final Destination, 28 Days, Dracula 2000, Get Carter, and 19 more; Lower RT: Fortress 2: Re-Entry, 3 Strikes, My 5 Wives, The in Crowd, Battlefield Earth, Down to You, Bless the Child, Lost Souls, Heavy Metal 2000, Dungeons & Dragons, Circus, The Skulls, I Dreamed of Africa, Ed Gein, Screwed, Urban Legends: Final Cut, The Watcher; Notes: As far as over-50 BMeTric we’ve seen 13 out of 22 from the year 2000, which is both astonishing and distressing … how are there still nine? In our defense I guess things like The Next Best Thing and Hanging Up seem like real films, but I can assure you they are not. And don’t worry we’ll watch Viva Rock Vegas soon. Really The Nutty Professor II (which I’ve seen multiple times outside of BMT) is the big oversight here.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – “The Ladies Man” is yet another desperately unfunny feature-length spin-off from “Saturday Night Live,” a TV show that would not survive on local access if it were as bad as most of the movies it inspires. There have been good “SNL” movies, like “Wayne’s World,” “The Blues Brothers” and “Stuart Saves His Family.” They all have one thing in common: “SNL” producer Lorne Michaels was not primarily responsible for them.

(You mean BMT classic Stuart Saves His Family? But yeah, that actually was surprisingly good considering. But yeah, sometimes SNL films are just misunderstood. I think this one ain’t it. I remember enough about it to remember how weird and unfunny it is.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=by5n8coSofU/

(Yeah, that looks about right. By which I mean dumb and not funny. The trailer is completely void of plot, as is, I assume, the movie it is meant to represent.)

Directors – Reginald Hudlin – ( Known For: Boomerang; Marshall; Candy Cane Lane; House Party; The Great White Hype; Safety; The Black Godfather; Sidney; BMT: Serving Sara; The Ladies Man; Notes: Basically does a ton of television like The Bernie Mac Show. Nominated for an Oscar for writing Django Unchained.)

Writers – Tim Meadows – (BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: Indeed, the only actual film he has a credit on. Got nominated for an Emmy for SNL, but only once, which I’m surprised by. He was on the show for quite a while, so I’m surprised he moved out of writing so quickly.)

Dennis McNicholas – ( Future BMT: Land of the Lost; BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: Nominated for Emmys 10 times for SNL (won once). He also wrote for The Jon Stewart Show in 1995 which predated him taking over the Daily Show.)

Harper Steele – ( Known For: Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga; Casa de mi Padre; BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: Nominated for three Daytime Emmys for various event broadcasting. Was also nominated for Original Main Title Theme Music of all things for The Spoils of Babylon. And then nominated four times (won once) for SNL. Clearly moved for Funny or Die with Will Ferrell.)

Actors – Tim Meadows – ( Known For: Mean Girls; Trainwreck; Wayne’s World 2; Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story; Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping; Hubie Halloween; Dream Scenario; Mean Girls; GravyTrain; Wasabi Tuna; For Madmen Only: The Stories of Del Close; Future BMT: Semi-Pro; Coneheads; Aliens in the Attic; The Cookout; BMT: Grown Ups; Grown Ups 2; Jack and Jill; The Benchwarmers; The Ladies Man; It’s Pat: The Movie; Notes: He never stops working. Does voices, and films, and random one offs. Never stops. I’ll have to rewatch his I Think You Should Leave sketch.)

Karyn Parsons – ( Known For: Death Spa; 13 Moons; Mixing Nia; Future BMT: Major Payne; Class Act; BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: She plays Hilary in Fresh Prince obviously. She seems to have mostly retired after 2002.)

Billy Dee Williams – ( Known For: Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back; Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi; Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker; Batman; The Lego Movie; The Lego Batman Movie; The Conversation; Fanboys; Undercover Brother; Nighthawks; The Out of Towners; Quincy; Lady Sings the Blues; Barry Munday; Fear City; Hood of Horror; Terror in the Aisles; Mahogany; The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings; Is That Black Enough for You?!?; Future BMT: Woo; BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Brian’s Song. Woo is a weird looking film, and it is a bit unbelievable that Billy Dee never floated around into other random garbage comedies and junk. We’ll see him in some friends I think: Fear City, Terror in the Aisles, Deadly Illusion, Number One with a Bullet. To name a few.)

Budget/Gross – $24,000,000 / Domestic: $13,616,610 (Worldwide: $13,743,212)

(My god, why would it cost $24 million? Insane idea that this would take in what? $50 million or something. Crazy dumb.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (8/72): The Ladies Man joins the growing list of mediocre movies based on SNL skits. It just doesn’t have enough material to last the length of the movie.

(I can’t believe this is above 10%. Premonition gets 8% and this gets 11%? Nuts. But yeah, again, it really did seem like this skit is a wild idea for a film. What were the skits about? Him giving bad advice on late night local radio? Insane idea.)

Reviewer Highlight: For what it is, a 90-minute spinoff of a Saturday Night Live sketch, Reginald Hudlin’s film The Ladies Man is not bad. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – The Ladies Sklog

(It’s hard to begrudge a poster that is simply doing its job. It is aiming to bring people into the theater for a film based on the Ladies Man sketch. So why wouldn’t you place that front and center with some courvoisier? What else were they supposed to do? I like the font too, so B-. Why not?)

Tagline(s) – He’s cool. He’s clean. He’s a love machine. (B-)

(Again, credit where credit is due. They want to go the traditional tagline route and while they are stretching a little with the “clean” part, I more or less get what they are going for. Not particularly clever though.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.7 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.7 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.5 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.2 Delta Farce (2007), 69.2 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Taxi (2004), Elektra (2005), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), Wild Wild West (1999), The Animal (2001), The Marine (2006), Wing Commander (1999), …

Best Options (Comedy): 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.7 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.7 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.5 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.2 Delta Farce (2007), 69.2 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 68.7 102 Dalmatians (2000), 67.7 Phat Girlz (2006), 67.5 Thunderbirds (2004), 67.5 Seed of Chucky (2004), 66.6 In the Mix (2005), 65.7 Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.7 The Comebacks (2007), 64.5 Boat Trip (2002), 64.4 Fat Albert (2004), 64.3 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 63.8 The Dukes of Hazzard (2005), 63.7 Underdog (2007), 63.0 The Honeymooners (2005), 62.3 Cursed (2005), 61.9 Deck the Halls (2006), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.4 Happily N’Ever After (2006), 60.1 Code Name: The Cleaner (2007), 59.9 Corky Romano (2001), 59.8 Agent Cody Banks (2003), 59.6 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004), 59.1 The Haunted Mansion (2003), 58.8 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 58.2 Scooby-Doo (2002), 57.6 The Next Best Thing (2000), 57.2 Hanging Up (2000), 57.1 Marci X (2003), 56.6 The Stepford Wives (2004), 55.8 Johnson Family Vacation (2004), 55.1 Evan Almighty (2007), 54.9 Snow Dogs (2002), 54.7 The Wild (2006), 54.7 Balls of Fury (2007), 54.2 The Bachelor (1999), 54.1 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 53.8 The Divorce (2003), 52.7 Just My Luck (2006), 52.3 Malibu’s Most Wanted (2003), 52.3 Loser (2000), 52.1 Kickin’ It Old Skool (2007), 52.1 Superstar (1999), 51.5 Scary Movie 3 (2003), 51.4 Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000), 51.2 My Favorite Martian (1999), 51.0 Eight Crazy Nights (2002), 51.0 Racing Stripes (2005), 50.7 Stealing Harvard (2002), 50.6 Rebound (2005), 49.9 Just Married (2003), 49.7 Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999), 49.5 Showtime (2002), 49.5 The Perfect Man (2005), 49.2 The Wash (2001), 49.1 Clockstoppers (2002), 49.0 Simply Irresistible (1999), 48.9 Tomcats (2001), 48.8 Thomas and the Magic Railroad (2000), 48.5 Little Black Book (2004), 48.3 The Ladies Man (2000) …

(Some might say we chose wrong. But others might say Thomas and the Magic Railroad being that bad is crazy. In reality there is a strong argument we should be watching The Klumps. But whatever. That’ll wait for another day.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Tim Meadows is No. 1 billed in The Ladies Man and No. 9 billed in Jack and Jill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 9) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch The Cookout, and Turn It Up we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Inna Korobkina’s on-screen debut.

David Wells appeared in a scene, but it was deleted.

The 10th movie based on a popular recurring character that originated on Saturday Night Live (1975), and the last movie until the release of MacGruber (2010).

The first movie from a Saturday Night Live skit to be rated R since Blues Brothers (1980).

With this movie, Reginald Hudlin is the first and only person of color to direct a movie based on a Saturday Night Live (1975) character.

Premonition (2007) Preview

Kyle, Jamie and Patrick wave goodbye to Ronnie and the 46 or so other Ronnies. “Oh wait,” Ronnie says, “you guys did say you were going to get a whole bunch of spoons, right?” Kyle, Jamie and Patrick all nod. “Well if you need any more there are like a thousand right over there.” Ronnie then points to the corner of the room where a few spooky skeletons are scattered. Behind the skeletons is a large divot in the stone wall where these poor wretches had apparently attempted to scrape their way free. Jamie goes up to the wall and places an ear against it. “I think I hear an air vent back there,” he says thoughtfully. Suddenly they have a plan. If the prison is willing to throw them away like trash, then away they will go. But first they need to gather some supplies in order to sharpen these spoons for the hard job ahead. “Kyle,” Patrick says, “you ever take a shiv?”

Patrick fades out from his memory. Boy those were trying times. It’s also a testament to Kyle’s storytelling ability that despite being wrapped in a cocoon for 99% of the story he is able to remember those parts as clearly as if he were Kyle himself. He looks around, hoping to find Kyle to pay him this compliment, and is surprised to see Jamie and him standing in front of the haunted house with several ghost traps smoking at their feet. “Oh, are you finished?” Patrick asks and they nod. “Was it scary?” They nod their heads again. Now it was time for the ultimate question. “You think you’re ready for that handshake?” Jamie thinks about it for a moment. “I think so, but the future’s so hard to know… you know?” he says. That’s right! We are watching a film where the future isn’t so hard to know, you know? It’s Premonition starring Sandra Bullock and I hear it’s quite good. Oh no, wait… I think I might have that backwards. Let’s go!

Premonition (2007) – BMeTric: 36.3; Notability: 29

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 18.4%; Notability: top 29.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 5.6%; Higher BMeT: Epic Movie, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Norbit, I Know Who Killed Me, Bratz, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, Daddy Day Camp, Who’s Your Caddy?, Are We Done Yet?, Delta Farce, Postal, Captivity, The Comebacks, Underdog, The Hills Have Eyes 2, The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Code Name: The Cleaner, Ghost Rider, Primeval, and 26 more; Higher Notability: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, Evan Almighty, Fred Claus, Elizabeth: The Golden Age, Rush Hour 3, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, Epic Movie, The Invasion, The Ten, The Comebacks, Lucky You, Ghost Rider, Underdog, TMNT, Lions for Lambs, August Rush, The Heartbreak Kid, Balls of Fury, and 54 more; Lower RT: Daddy Day Camp, Epic Movie, Code Name: The Cleaner, Because I Said So, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Delta Farce, 88 Minutes, Good Luck Chuck, Who’s Your Caddy?, Are We Done Yet?, Silk, License to Wed, The Number 23, The Reaping; Notes: Probably a rare year. As far as 50+ BMeTric films are concerned we’ve seen 14 of 31. The fact that there are 31 is amusing I suppose, we’d be lucky to get 31 qualifying films at all these days. Skinwalkers is probably the most interesting one. Lots of kids’ films in 2007 for some reason.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Bullock is a standard-issue perfect housewife and mother who suddenly seems to be experiencing another reality: she awakens to alternating universes every other day or so. Can she convince everyone that husband McMahon is in peril – or is she just losing her mind? Whatever Hitchcock could have done with this genre thriller is not apparent here, and neither Bullock nor the script are up to the task.

(I don’t know what the deal with the Hitchcock call out there is. I can’t see anything about it being a modified script or leftover or anything, so I guess it is just like … Hitchcockian in Leonard’s opinion maybe? There was an episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents (the second episode actually) called Premonition, but it doesn’t seem related.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ALLgKiE4gU/

(Goddamn, I remember this trailer so clearly. It played all the time, and then it got horrific reviews. That is maybe the start of me being like … I’m kind of intrigued and want to see this film. It’s been on the docket for a long time for that reason. Looks cool, apparently it isn’t.)

Directors – Mennan Yapo – ( Known For: Lautlos; BMT: Premonition; Notes: German. There is almost no information on IMDb about this guy. Had a (presumably) bit part in Goodbye Lenin!)

Writers – Bill Kelly – ( Known For: Enchanted; Blast from the Past; Disenchanted; BMT: Premonition; Notes: He seems to have been mostly making money off of Enchanted for years. He will have done two Cartoon Network shows in a row, Big City Greens and now Loud House (which I’ve never heard of).)

Actors – Sandra Bullock – ( Known For: Gravity; Crash; Bullet Train; Speed; Bird Box; The Blind Side; The Proposal; Minions; Ocean’s Eight; Miss Congeniality; A Time to Kill; The Heat; The Lost City; The Prince of Egypt; Two Weeks Notice; The Unforgivable; While You Were Sleeping; Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close; The Net; Forces of Nature; Future BMT: Practical Magic; Murder by Numbers; 28 Days; Hope Floats; Our Brand Is Crisis; Two If by Sea; BMT: Demolition Man; The Lake House; Speed 2: Cruise Control; Premonition; Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous; All About Steve; In Love and War; Notes: Apparently spent a lot of her childhood in Germany, I wonder if that is why this has a German director. Won the Oscar for The Blind Side, and was nominated for Gravity.)

Julian McMahon – ( Known For: RED; Fire with Fire; You’re Not You; Faces in the Crowd; Bait; Monster Party; Chasing Sleep; Swinging Safari; Meet Market; Wet and Wild Summer!; Magenta; Future BMT: Paranoia; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Premonition; Notes: His father was Prime Minister of Australia for a time. You would have obviously recognized him immediate as Dr. Doom in the Fantastic Four movies.)

Amber Valletta – ( Known For: Hitch; Transporter 2; What Lies Beneath; The Family Man; Man About Town; Girl Walks Into a Bar; The Last Time; Perfume; My Sexiest Year; Future BMT: Dead Silence; Duplex; The Spy Next Door; Raising Helen; Max Keeble’s Big Move; BMT: Gamer; Premonition; Notes: Was a model, and seems to have mostly stopped acting since her 15 episode run on Revenge ended in 2015.)

Budget/Gross – $20,000,000 / Domestic: $47,852,604 (Worldwide: $84,297,309)

(That isn’t bad all things considered. So why no Premonition 2? Premonition: I Can See the Future? I like that one, really tells you what it’s about.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 8% (13/161): Overdosing on flashbacks, and more portentous than profound, the overly obtuse Premonition weakly echoes such twisty classics as Memento, The Sixth Sense, and Groundhog Day.

(Ah the good old days where a crap thriller can come out and get sub-10% on RT. Just an absurdly low score.)

Reviewer Highlight: The sloppy, absent-minded Premonition is a step back in time and a giant leap backward for Sandra Bullock. – Stephen Holden, New York Times

Poster – Bad Feelings

(Ha! I mean, this is an insane poster. We can all agree on that. What does premonitions have to do with Sandra Bullock’s face being made from branches in a tree? Lunacy! At least it’s fun in its nonsense. C-.)

Tagline(s) – It’s not your imagination. (D+)

(Oh good, because I thought I was maybe imagining how horrible this tagline was. Zang! Wow a poster and tagline that both seem like total nonsense.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Top 10: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), The Hangover Part II (2011), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Terminator Salvation (2009), Due Date (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.6 Shark Night (2011), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 78.0 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.6 The Last Exorcism Part II (2013), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 72.1 Dance Flick (2009), 71.3 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Prom Night (2008), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), …

Best Options (2007-2007): 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 70.2 Delta Farce (2007), 68.7 Captivity (2007), 64.7 The Comebacks (2007), 63.7 Underdog (2007), 63.0 The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.1 Code Name: The Cleaner (2007), 55.1 Evan Almighty (2007), 54.7 Balls of Fury (2007), 54.2 Feel the Noise (2007), 54.2 The Messengers (2007), 52.1 Kickin’ It Old Skool (2007), 50.4 The Last Legion (2007), 48.2 Blood and Chocolate (2007), 48.2 Stomp the Yard (2007), 45.7 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.7 The Hitcher (2007), 44.6 The Reaping (2007), 43.5 The Brothers Solomon (2007), 42.0 I Think I Love My Wife (2007), 41.6 Fred Claus (2007), 40.1 The Heartbreak Kid (2007), 40.1 The Ten Commandments (2007), 37.3 Saw IV (2007), 36.4 The Invasion (2007), 36.3 Premonition (2007), …

(Yeah fine it isn’t the best we could have done, but I’m not doing Delta Farce, I’m just not! In reality it was chosen for its gaudy RT score … although an amazing number of films seem to have gone sub 10% in 2007. I just looked it up, there were 23 films in 2007 with a sub-10% on RT. I weep for the world, what a beautiful life.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sandra Bullock is No. 1 billed in Premonition and No. 3 billed in Demolition Man, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 4 (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 3) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 13. If we were to watch 28 Days, Must Love Dogs, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – (at around 39 mins) When Sandra Bullock was restrained and struggling in the hospital scene she really did cut herself by accident. So instead of using a body double for the injection, it really was Bullock who got the Tetanus shot in the scene.

The movie was shot in continuity, so Sandra Bullock had to meet with the crew every day so she could know what she knew on any given day.

The film was supposed to be shot in New Orleans, but Hurricane Katrina forced the filmmakers to choose another location.

Although they play mother and daughter in this movie, Kate Nelligan is only 14 years older than Sandra Bullock.

Shot in 45 days. DVD extras show scenes being filmed from late-February 2006 to 6 March 2006. It indicates the start of filming to be close to 19 January 2006.

47 Ronin (2013) Preview

“That actually wasn’t so bad, Ronnie,” Kyle says to the rat monster who’s name is actually Ronster, which is appropriate. While time did seem quite different in the catacombs, Ronster knew his way around and they soon had Jamie and Patrick out of the catacombs in a jiffy. Kyle looks down at Jamie and Patrick and asks Ronnie why he had preserved them in cocoons and what the cocoons were made of. Ronnie shrugs his shoulders and admits that he didn’t do that. “Sometimes people end up in cocoons,” he says matter of factly. They unwrap Jamie and Patrick, who begin to yawn and blink their eyes like a couple of Han Solos getting unfrozen from carbonite. “Whu.. where are we?” they shudder and Kyle tries to explain. About an hour later, the story is done and Jamie and Patrick still seem a little confused. “So is the basement clean?” Jamie asks, staring around with glassy doll-like eyes. Kyle admits that the basement is not clean at all. “It’s really very gross,” he says looking at the meat people he made and the rodents that continue to mill about. “Do we get our spoooooons?,” Patrick asks dumbly. Kyle says yes, but he’s not really sure. Kyle asks Ronnie if he should be concerned and Ronnie shakes his head and his wings. “No one comes out of the catacombs quite the same, nor do they come out quite different,” he says and apparently that’s all he has to say on the matter. “Welp, thanks,” Kyle says. “No problem,” a chorus of voices echo back. Kyle cocks his head as a large number of Ronnies emerge from the darkness to wave goodbye. “Wait, how many of you are there?” he asks. Ronnie shrugs his wings. “I don’t really remember… maybe around…” That’s right! We aren’t watching 47 Ronnies, but rather the Keanu classic 47 Ronin… hold up, I’m getting word that it isn’t actually a classic, but rather the opposite of that. Let’s go!

47 Ronin (2013) – BMeTric: 27.6; Notability: 89

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 20.4%; Notability: top 1.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 8.5%; Higher BMeT: Scary Movie V, Movie 43, The Starving Games, After Earth, The Last Exorcism Part II, Getaway, Texas Chainsaw, The Canyons, A Haunted House, A Good Day to Die Hard, Vehicle 19, Tarzan, Welcome to the Jungle, Grown Ups 2, The Green Inferno, The Colony, The Smurfs 2, The Counselor, Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor, Killing Season, and 31 more; Higher Notability: Movie 43, The Lone Ranger, Gangster Squad; Lower RT: I Spit on Your Grave 2, The Starving Games, Getaway, Scary Movie V, Movie 43, CBGB, The Big Wedding, Runner Runner, Paranoia, Grown Ups 2, Are You Here, A Haunted House, The Host, Killing Season, After Earth, R.I.P.D., Safe Haven, The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, The Smurfs 2, A Good Day to Die Hard, and 1 more; Notes: We’ve seen 8 of the 12 50+ BMeTric films. It is a little unbelievable we haven’t done The Last Exorcism Part II considering we love franchises and exorcism films. Remember The Canyons … that was weird.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – Spectacular goofiness should be expected of “47 Ronin,” an American film loosely based on the true story of 47 real-life master-less samurai who avenged their disgraced master’s death. As its ads promise, the film features a troll-looking dude with a mace, a giant in a samurai suit of armor, Keanu Reeves with a sword, a tattooed dude with two guns, a sexy lady who floats around in a sentient Snuggy/kimono, and a pissed-off fire-breathing dragon who kinda looks like “The Never-Ending Story”‘s Falkor. But in spite of its enjoyable, easy-to-exploit aspects, “47 Ronin” is a big budget spectacle hamstrung by its need to be at once flippant and respectful of its honor-driven source material.

(That is kind of a long review which at the core just says: this kind of sucks and is all spectacle and no substance. I am a tad bit surprised they aren’t like: Keanu … can we not? Which was the impression I got when the movie actually came out.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEoDulGTElE/

(BWAAAAAAAAAAAH! BWAAAAAAAAAH! Looks dumb. I can’t believe they thought this was a movie that looked good and made sense. It looks ridiculous.)

Directors – Carl Rinsch – ( BMT: 47 Ronin; Notes: Oh right … we actually had a theory that this guy was actually just a proxy for Keanu filming the film himself. He has no other credits and really hasn’t since either. Almost seems like a pseudonym, although there is a picture on IMDb so maybe that isn’t quite correct.)

Writers – Chris Morgan – ( Known For: Fast & Furious 6; Furious 7; Wanted; Fast Five; The Fate of the Furious; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; Shazam! Fury of the Gods; Cellular; The Vatican Tapes; Connected; Red One; BMT: Fast & Furious; The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift; 47 Ronin; Notes: Jeez, he’s got a lot on his plate. Another Fast & Furious film, a Conan film, a Gears of War film, and a Bride of Frankenstein film (?). That last one seems maybe like some weird holdover from when the Dark Universe was being developed.)

Hossein Amini – ( Known For: Drive; Snow White and the Huntsman; The Four Feathers; The Two Faces of January; Our Kind of Traitor; Killshot; The Wings of the Dove; Jude; Shanghai; BMT: 47 Ronin; The Snowman; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for The Wings of the Dove. I’m not joking when I say … I’ve never heard of that film, and it was nominated for a real award (writing) in a relatively recent year (1998). Bizarre. Writes a lot of television now including the Obi-Wan show.)

Walter Hamada – ( BMT: 47 Ronin; Notes: Kind of weird, I think this was maybe his spec script. But now he’s a huge producer overseeing all of the DC content for WB. Although I imagine that is now past-tense and he no longer does that. His only upcoming project is a live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film.)

Actors – Keanu Reeves – ( Known For: The Matrix; John Wick; The Matrix Reloaded; John Wick: Chapter 2; John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum; The Devil’s Advocate; Speed; Constantine; John Wick: Chapter 4; Toy Story 4; The Matrix Resurrections; Bram Stoker’s Dracula; Point Break; Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure; Something’s Gotta Give; A Scanner Darkly; Knock Knock; The Neon Demon; Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey; DC League of Super-Pets; Future BMT: The Matrix Revolutions; Street Kings; Sweet November; Chain Reaction; Feeling Minnesota; BMT: The Day the Earth Stood Still; 47 Ronin; The Lake House; Johnny Mnemonic; Replicas; The Watcher; Notes: Y’all know Keanu. Do you think they will ever actually make the Constantine sequel? I guess they could, he’s only become more famous and the film has something of a cult following which could work. Attached to a BRZRKR film which is weird.)

Hiroyuki Sanada – ( Known For: Avengers: Endgame; The Wolverine; The Last Samurai; Bullet Train; John Wick: Chapter 4; Sunshine; Minions; Life; Mortal Kombat; Army of the Dead; Army of Thieves; Speed Racer; Ringu; Mr. Holmes; The Railway Man; The Twilight Samurai; Minamata; Ring 2; The Catcher Was a Spy; The Promise; Future BMT: Rush Hour 3; BMT: 47 Ronin; Notes: Was in Shogun which is fun. Also was in John Wick 4 so seems to have continued a relationship with Keanu of some kind. Was scorpion in Mortal Kombat, I wonder if that sequel will ever happen.)

Kô Shibasaki – ( Known For: Battle Royale; The Boy and the Heron; One Missed Call; Kiraware Matsuko no isshô; Suspect X; Crying Out Love in the Center of the World; Go; Dororo; Tokyo Raiders; Over Your Dead Body; Detective Conan: Private Eye in the Distant Sea; Doomsday: The Sinking of Japan; Child of Kamiari Month; Shôrin shôjo; Scarecrow; Mezon do Himiko; Maiko haaaan!!!; Yomigaeri; Nobunaga Concerto: The Movie; Baragaki: Unbroken Samurai; BMT: 47 Ronin; Notes: Did a voice in The Boy and the Hero. Seems to be much more in the Japanese cinema scene at the moment.)

Budget/Gross – $175,000,000 / Domestic: $38,362,475 (Worldwide: $151,783,839)

(Yeah terrible. I remember when this came out and it was a notably huge bomb.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 16% (14/89): 47 Ronin is a surprisingly dull fantasy adventure, one that leaves its talented international cast stranded within one dimensional roles.

(Yeah seems about right. To me the supernatural elements being so in your face and CGI is an issue and it should have been much more grounded until they went off briefly to get the magic swords. But that’s just me.)

Reviewer Highlight: There’s nothing pretty or exciting about this movie (inexplicably, it’s in 3-D), even when all anyone’s doing is fighting. – Wesley Morris, Grantland

Poster – 47 Bone-in Steaks

(I like the pop of orange in the middle, but the fact that this is a poster for a movie featuring a large number of samurai (who knows how many) is crazy. Like that tattoo bone person is more important than the main character samurai? Really? Bizarre. C+)

Tagline(s) – This Christmas, seize eternity. (D-)

(Noooooooooo! If you have this as a tagline then you are required to feature Santa Claus. Is Santa Claus on of the 47 Ronin? The answer better be yes.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Best Options (2013-2013): 73.6 The Last Exorcism Part II (2013), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 55.1 The Green Inferno (2013), 54.8 The Smurfs 2 (2013), 54.4 The Counselor (2013), 46.7 Machete Kills (2013), 46.4 Walking with Dinosaurs 3D (2013), 46.4 Baggage Claim (2013), 44.2 Identity Thief (2013), 44.1 Paranoia (2013), 41.6 Planes (2013), 41.3 The Hangover Part III (2013), 40.6 The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013), 40.4 Admission (2013), 39.6 21 & Over (2013), 36.2 The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (2013), 35.6 Free Birds (2013), 31.5 Peeples (2013), 29.9 Broken City (2013), 27.6 47 Ronin (2013), 25.5 The Fifth Estate (2013), 24.7 The Internship (2013), 19.4 Kick-Ass 2 (2013), 19.3 Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013), 10.2 Labor Day (2013)

(Alright … well, we could have maybe don’t a better one here, but look through those films. 2013 was just chockablock full of nonsense! But yeah, something like Paranoia (which I’ve actually seen) or Labor Day could have been more interesting.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Keanu Reeves is No. 1 billed in 47 Ronin and No. 1 billed in The Lake House, which also stars Sandra Bullock (No. 2 billed) who is in Demolition Man (No. 3 billed) which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 4 (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 16. If we were to watch Sweet November we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – According to Keanu Reeves, filming was first done in Japanese for the sake of the supporting cast, and then filming was done in English.

Carl Rinsch clashed with Universal over the final vision of the film. Universal wanted to make an effects-driven fantasy blockbuster akin to Avatar (2009) or The Lord of the Rings, while Rinsch envisioned the film as more of a drama, such as Gladiator (2000), or Kingdom of Heaven (2005).

This is the seventh cinematic adaptation of the 47 Ronin incident, after The 47 Ronin (1941), The Loyal 47 Ronin (1958), Chushingura (1962), The Fall of Ako Castle (1978), 47 Ronin (1994), and The Last Ronin (2010). This is however the first Hollywood cinematic adaptation.

The film’s budget ballooned to $175 million because of complex re-shoots and a lengthy post-production period. While not a success in cinemas, it did well on VOD, DVD, and Blu-ray.

The character of Kai seems to be patterned after Minamoto Yoshitsune, a twelfth-century warrior said to have been trained in martial arts by Tengu.