Preview – Page 6 – Bad Movie Twins

Gothika Preview

Weeks later they were still the best hog farmers in all of Grand Paris, but Jamie’s hearing hadn’t improved. In fact things had been going pretty poorly. First he found that all his jorts had holes in them. Then when he took them to the jorts repair shop he found that his credit cards had been declined because he had misread his jorts budget for last month and spent 10x what had been allocated. Then when he tried to sell some of his excess jorts he found that Kyle had been using them to model his latest mannequin technology and ruined their resale value. “They have to be mint,” Jamie told him, seething. Kyle tries to apologize but that just gets an angry, “Don’t you remember? I cannot hear,” from Jamie, screamed at the loudest possible volume. At this rate Jamie would never get Samantha back as he was increasingly unpleasant to be around and smelled of a hog farm. This needed to be fixed and fast. Patrick scours the local public library, pouring through volume after volume of hog farming history. Panic rises in his throat as he reads the bizarre and tragic stories of all the former number one hog farmers in Grand Paris. That is until he hits the year 1843 when suddenly it appears that the top hog farmer was finishing up an unprecedented 35 year run at number one. “Monsieur Planchet,” he murmurs, prompting a sharp gasp to his left. When he wheels around he finds one of the assistant librarians standing there, a look of shock on her face. “Do you know him?” Patrick asks desperately. The librarian turns to flee, but the look on Patrick’s face makes her hesitate. Finally she says softly, “Oui, it all started in a small town… Gothika.” That’s right! We are watching Gothika, a film probably most notable for not being Catwoman. In the sense that it came out after Monster’s Ball but before Catwoman and yet everyone has associated Halle Berry’s post-Oscar swoon with Catwoman instead. Let’s go!

Gothika (2003) – BMeTric: 40.4; Notability: 49

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 17.2%; Notability: top 14.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.8%; Higher BMeT: The Room, Gigli, House of the Dead, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, The Cat in the Hat, From Justin to Kelly, Kangaroo Jack, Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, My Boss’s Daughter, The Foreigner, Darkness Falls, Biker Boyz, Agent Cody Banks, Cold Creek Manor, The Haunted Mansion, The Medallion, Marci X, Honey, The Order, Hollywood Homicide, and 23 more; Higher Notability: The Matrix Revolutions, Bad Boys II, Brother Bear, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Scary Movie 3, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The Core, The Cat in the Hat, The Haunted Mansion, Gods and Generals, Timeline, Hollywood Homicide, Agent Cody Banks, Tears of the Sun, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle of Life, Paycheck, Cradle 2 the Grave, Beyond Borders, Dreamcatcher, Duplex, and 17 more; Lower RT: Dorm Daze, The Foreigner, Hangman’s Curse, Gold Diggers, House of the Dead, Gigli, From Justin to Kelly, My Boss’s Daughter, Grind, Marci X, Gods and Generals, Kangaroo Jack, The Cat in the Hat, The Order, Darkness Falls, A Man Apart, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, Alex & Emma, National Security, Cold Creek Manor, and 6 more; Notes: Aw, one away from the 50+ Notability. We’ve only seen 8 of the top 20 BMeT which is a surprise. Six of the top ten though. Six of the top 20 RT as well.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – The sainted Pauline Kael taught us: The movies are so rarely great art that if we cannot appreciate great trash, we might as well stop going. I don’t know if she would have defined “Gothika” as great trash, but in trash as in art there is no accounting for taste, and reader, I cherished this movie in all of its lurid glory.

(I love this review. This must have been right when Ebert was like fuck it I like what I like, this is good for what it is! He ain’t wrong, even though it is slowly destroying BMT.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STxbF5tl5T0/

(I distinctly remember this trailer at the time. Not least of which because Halle Berry had just won the Oscar for Best Actress. Should I finally watch Monster’s Ball? Maybe. Decent trailer though, like quite high intensity and people love supernatural series killer stuff.)

Directors – Mathieu Kassovitz – ( Known For: La haine; The Crimson Rivers; Rebellion; Assassin(s); Café au lait; BMT: Gothika; Babylon A.D.; Notes: He’s French which makes sense with Babylon A.D. Still acts, but his directing career seems to have ended.)

Writers – Sebastian Gutierrez – ( Known For: Snakes on a Plane; The Big Bounce; Rise: Blood Hunter; Elizabeth Harvest; Elektra Luxx; Women in Trouble; Girl Walks Into a Bar; Judas Kiss; Hotel Noir; Future BMT: The Eye; BMT: Gothika; Notes: Him having written this and The Eye is classic. Snakes on a Plane … never before or since have I been more disappointed in a film than that one.)

Actors – Halle Berry – ( Known For: X-Men: Days of Future Past; X-Men; X2: X-Men United; X-Men: The Last Stand; John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum; Cloud Atlas; Kingsman: The Golden Circle; Die Another Day; Robots; The Call; The Last Boy Scout; Monster’s Ball; Executive Decision; Boomerang; Things We Lost in the Fire; Bulworth; Jungle Fever; Bruised; The Program; CB4; Future BMT: The Flintstones; Kidnap; Girl 6; B*A*P*S; The Rich Man’s Wife; Father Hood; Race the Sun; Strictly Business; BMT: Swordfish; Catwoman; Gothika; Movie 43; Moonfall; New Year’s Eve; Perfect Stranger; Notes: Won an Oscar (famously the first black woman to win Best Actress) for Monster’s Ball. Also famously was in Catwoman the same year.)

Penélope Cruz – ( Known For: Murder on the Orient Express; Blow; Vicky Cristina Barcelona; Volver; All About My Mother; To Rome with Love; Open Your Eyes; Pain and Glory; Ferrari; Broken Embraces; Everybody Knows; Bandidas; Parallel Mothers; Live Flesh; I’m So Excited!; Elegy; Loving Pablo; Twice Born; Head in the Clouds; Jamón, Jamón; Future BMT: The Brothers Grimsby; The Counselor; Sahara; Nine; The 355; All the Pretty Horses; Woman on Top; BMT: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides; Vanilla Sky; Gothika; Sex and the City 2; Zoolander 2; G-Force; Captain Corelli’s Mandolin; Notes: Also won an Oscar, for Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Nominated for three more (including Nine which is weird). Married to Javier Bardem.)

Robert Downey Jr. – ( Known For: The Avengers; Avengers: Endgame; Avengers: Infinity War; Iron Man; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Iron Man 3; Iron Man 2; Captain America: Civil War; Oppenheimer; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Sherlock Holmes; Zodiac; The Incredible Hulk; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows; Tropic Thunder; Natural Born Killers; Kiss Kiss Bang Bang; Chef; The Judge; A Scanner Darkly; Future BMT: Due Date; U.S. Marshals; Air America; Lucky You; The Shaggy Dog; In Dreams; Johnny Be Good; Black & White; Tuff Turf; Firstborn; BMT: Gothika; Dolittle; Notes: Also just won an Oscar for Oppenheimer, nominated for two others (Tropic Thunder and Chaplin). The rare top three Oscar winners here. Do yourself a favor and watch The Judge, it is demented what he was planning to try and win an Oscar after Marvel started to wrap up.)

Budget/Gross – $40,000,000 / Domestic: $59,694,580 (Worldwide: $141,591,324)

(My god, that’s a good amount of money. How did that happen? That’s a nuts amount of money.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 15% (25/168): Berry’s acting talents can’t save Gothika from its preposterous plot and bad dialogue.

(Preposterous?! Sign me up. That is so low, but for some reason I thought it was lower haha.)

Reviewer Highlight: It is a thoroughly synthetic confection, compounded of cliches drawn from a half-dozen genres and subgenres that for a while might almost persuade its audience, as it apparently convinced its makers, that it is something more. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – Mothrika

(Tight. And I’m not even being ironic. Look at the font. Look at the blue. Look at the highlighting of the star while also being at least interesting. Look at all the… uh… rain I guess. B+.)

Tagline(s) – Because someone is dead doesn’t mean they’re gone. (C-)

(Wake me up when the tagline is done. Little bit of a spoiler alert too. Obviously we can assume we are dealing with something supernatural, but this make it pretty clear it’s a gh-gh-gh-ghost.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), The Butterfly Effect (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Men in Black II (2002), Man on Fire (2004), Click (2006), Pearl Harbor (2001), Fantastic Four (2005), Kingdom of Heaven (2005)

Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.6 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), Taxi (2004), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), …

Best Options (G-Force): 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 64.7 The Comebacks (2007), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.1 Code Name: The Cleaner (2007), 59.9 Corky Romano (2001), 59.7 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004), 55.1 Evan Almighty (2007), 54.2 The Bachelor (1999), 54.1 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 52.3 Malibu’s Most Wanted (2003), 51.1 Racing Stripes (2005), 47.9 Man of the House (2005), 47.2 The Hot Chick (2002), 46.5 Slackers (2002), 46.1 Monster-in-Law (2005), 46.0 RV (2006), 43.6 Head of State (2003), 43.5 The Brothers Solomon (2007), 43.0 Woman on Top (2000), 42.4 Domestic Disturbance (2001), 42.1 I Think I Love My Wife (2007), 40.7 Mr. Deeds (2002), 40.6 The Break-Up (2006), 40.4 Gothika (2003), 40.3 Bubble Boy (2001), 36.0 Domino (2005), 32.9 Reno 911!: Miami (2007), 32.7 Let’s Go to Prison (2006), 32.5 All the Pretty Horses (2000), 31.9 A Man Apart (2003), 30.2 Sahara (2005), 29.7 Windtalkers (2002), 29.1 28 Days (2000), 29.0 15 Minutes (2001), 27.6 Next (2007), 27.5 Fun with Dick and Jane (2005), 26.6 TMNT (2007), 23.8 Elizabethtown (2005), 22.0 Big Daddy (1999), 21.9 The Longest Yard (2005), 20.1 Art School Confidential (2006), 19.4 National Treasure: Book of Secrets (2007), 16.7 8MM (1999), 14.7 Underworld: Evolution (2006), 14.3 Hot Rod (2007), 9.3 Underworld (2003), 5.4 Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)

(Right in the middle. The Chain is always weird because you have to connect forward. So sure, I would want to watch The Bachelor, but then … where would we go from there. There’s only so much Chris O’Donnell films to watch.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Charles S. Dutton is No. 3 billed in Gothika and No. 3 billed in Random Hearts, which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (3 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Robert Downey Jr. broke Halle Berry’s arm during the hospital interrogation scene. Downey was supposed to grab Berry’s arm and twist, but twisted too hard and her arm snapped. Production was halted for eight weeks.

The scene in the pool was not scripted, but was added as a suspense sequence by director Mathieu Kassovitz.

Robert Downey Jr. and producer Susan Downey first met on the set and fell in love. They got married in August 27, 2005 and later started their production company Team Downey.

The title of the film, Gothika (can also be spelled gothica), is an unofficial term used to describe a form of purgatorial state of mind, a situation in which someone sees or feels things that no one else does, and those who don’t think those who can, are crazy. They simply have a connection to the supernatural world.

Although it was not the first Dark Castle Entertainment horror film to be critically panned, and wasn’t the last. It was the first, however, and still is, the highest grossing film to be released from the production company with a $141 million gross against a $40 million budget.

Raise Your Voice Preview

“Cursed schmershed,” Patrick says looking at the latest standings and beaming. It took them a few weeks of intense training best summarized in a montage, but eventually they got there. They were officially the best hog farmers in all of Grand Paris. Sure, the former number one team mysteriously came down with heat exhaustion after their air conditioning unit failed. And sure, that was because a family of squirrels dumped a whole mess of acorns into the cooling unit. And sure, the squirrels only moved into the cooling unit because their home was destroyed by the farmers’ tractor. And sure, the tractor only destroyed the squirrels’ home because it was fitted with the wrong sized harrow. And sure, they only had the wrong sized harrow because their harrow supplier had also gotten sick due to heat exhaustion (coincidentally by very similar circumstances). And sure, they only needed the new harrow because the old one was stolen after some local street toughs mistook it for valuable treasure. And sure, that mistake only happened because they painted the harrow gold for Mardi Gras. And sure, they decided to do that because… actually, they can’t remember why they thought a gold harrow was a good Mardi Gras float. “But that happens, right?” Kyle says out of nowhere. Patrick pretends like he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. When Patrick looks over to Jamie to confirm that they don’t know what Kyle is talking about, though, it seems like Jamie really doesn’t know what’s going on. Patrick gently touches Jamie’s elbow, startling him in the process. “You okay?” Patrick asks, which gets an even more startled look from Jamie. “Are you guys talking about something? I literally cannot hear you,” Jamie shouts. “Raise your…” *gasp* Suddenly they realize that Jamie has lost his hearing. That’s right! Talk about nostalgia. The Hilary Duff classic Raise Your Voice is right in the High School sweet spot when me and Patrick were no longer girls, but not yet women (and yes, I know that’s a Britney Spears song, I’m not an idiot). Let’s go!

Raise Your Voice (2004) – BMeTric: 36.1; Notability: 32

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 20.0%; Notability: top 28.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.1%; Higher BMeT: Catwoman, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, You Got Served, Torque, Taxi, Soul Plane, Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Thunderbirds, Seed of Chucky, Garfield: The Movie, Envy, Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London, Godsend, New York Minute, Exorcist: The Beginning, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, First Daughter, The Stepford Wives, Johnson Family Vacation, and 30 more; Higher Notability: Catwoman, Shark Tale, Van Helsing, The Chronicles of Riddick, King Arthur, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, Alexander, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, After the Sunset, Blade: Trinity, Alien vs. Predator, She Hate Me, The Stepford Wives, Man on Fire, Meet the Fockers, The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, Around the World in 80 Days, Along Came Polly, Raising Helen, The Phantom of the Opera, and 52 more; Lower RT: Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, Twisted, Godsend, The Whole Ten Yards, The Cookout, Christmas with the Kranks, Johnson Family Vacation, My Baby’s Daddy, Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Movie – Pyramid of Light, Envy, Surviving Christmas, Catwoman, First Daughter, Taxi, House of D, Exorcist: The Beginning, A Cinderella Story, New York Minute, Employee of the Month, Against the Ropes, and 12 more; Notes: This is fairly mid-table, but has been on the docket since I somehow watched this in theaters in 2004. The girl I went with fell asleep four seconds into the movie as I watched this thing with the horrible realization that she was my ride and I couldn’t just leave.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – Does that mean (a) she comes home, right now, or (b) her mom and Aunt Nina work on dad, and, wouldn’t you know, the auditorium door opens and dad walks in just in time for his daughter to see him from the stage halfway through her big solo. The answer of course is (b), right down to the obligatory moment when the disapproving parent in the audience nods at the gifted child onstage and does the heartfelt little nod that means “you were right, honey.” But her dad was right about one thing. Something terrible did happen to her in Los Angeles. She made this movie.

(Kind of plucked out of the review, but I love the zinger right at the end and also just eviscerating the entire rote concept of the film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBntfOIjsRw/

(Ooooooooof they open with the movie. The movie looked like shit and I can’t believe the teacher was like this is what got you into the program. Ugh, and then the teacher plays the cello like an asshole and everyone is in love with him. This movie looks amazing and brutal.)

Directors – Sean McNamara – ( Known For: Soul Surfer; 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain; Spare Parts; The Miracle Season; On a Wing and a Prayer; Field of Lost Shoes; Cody the Robosapien; P.U.N.K.S.; Space Warriors; Race to Space; Treehouse Hostage; The Legend of Galgameth; Mighty Oak; Aliens Stole My Body; BMT: Raise Your Voice; Bratz; The King’s Daughter; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for That’s So Raven. He clearly was heavily involved in children’s programming in general as he produced and directed Even Stevens. I don’t like how much he seems involved with Jon Voight.)

Writers – Mitch Rotter – ( BMT: Raise Your Voice; Notes: Heavily involved with soundtracks and played a Folk Singer in this film. Which explains why this is his only credit I suppose. Was the soundtrack supervisor for Bones.)

Sam Schreiber – ( BMT: Raise Your Voice; Notes: Who knows what this guy does, he has a pre-production film he is a script consultant for, but something tells me that is fake.)

Actors – Hilary Duff – ( Known For: The Lizzie McGuire Movie; War, Inc.; Playing by Heart; Human Nature; Foodfight!; According to Greta; The Haunting of Sharon Tate; Stay Cool; She Wants Me; Bloodworth; Flock of Dudes; Wings; Future BMT: A Cinderella Story; Agent Cody Banks; The Perfect Man; BMT: Cheaper by the Dozen; Cheaper by the Dozen 2; Raise Your Voice; Material Girls; What Goes Up; Notes: Ooooooooh yeah, I forgot she was basically the main character in How I Met Your Father. Prior to that she starred in Younger as well. She has four kids.)

John Corbett – ( Known For: Tombstone; My Big Fat Greek Wedding; To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before; Serendipity; Volcano; The Silence; To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You; To All the Boys: Always and Forever; 47 Meters Down: Uncaged; Gully; The Burning Plain; Ramona and Beezus; I Hate Valentine’s Day; Dinner Rush; Baby on Board; Elvis Has Left the Building; The Lookalike; Dreamland; All Saints; Bigger Than the Sky; Future BMT: Street Kings; The Messengers; Raising Helen; Flight of the Intruder; God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness; BMT: Sex and the City 2; The Boy Next Door; My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2; Raise Your Voice; My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Northern Exposure. But I think he is obviously most famous for his continuing roles in the Sex and the City and My Big Fat Greek Wedding series.)

Rebecca De Mornay – ( Known For: Wedding Crashers; Identity; American Reunion; Risky Business; Flipped; Backdraft; Lords of Dogtown; The Hand That Rocks the Cradle; Runaway Train; Mother’s Day; I Am Wrath; One from the Heart; Testament; Apartment 1303 3D; Music Within; The Trip to Bountiful; Thick as Thieves; And God Created Woman; The Right Temptation; The Winner; Future BMT: The Three Musketeers; Guilty as Sin; Feds; The Slugger’s Wife; BMT: Raise Your Voice; Never Talk to Strangers; Notes: The only thing I really remember about her is that she had a huge amount of clout in the 90s and used all of it to produce and star in Never Talk to Strangers. Didn’t work out.)

Budget/Gross – $15,000,000 / Domestic: $10,411,980 (Worldwide: $14,867,514)

(You know, if you can make Pearl and X for $1 million, I just don’t see how this is $15 million. There is no way they thought this would make more than $15 million right? Make with the synergy with a Duff release the box office wasn’t a huge deal.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 16% (13/83): A bland, formulaic tween version of Fame.

(Fuck … yeah that nailed it. It is a formulaic bad version of Fame. I couldn’t put it better myself.)

Reviewer Highlight: Ms. Duff’s screen presence and the film’s infectious high spirits will make this piece of fluff appealing to young moviegoers without conveying any sinister messages. – Anita Gates, New York Times

Poster – Hilary “That’s Enough” Duff

(Sometimes a poster can be bad by just doing its job. There is no other poster Raise Your Voice can have… weird skewed font and all. Still, not good and far too busy. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Don’t hold back. Don’t give up. (C+)

(It’s generic, but it’s got some flow. Like they didn’t totally botch this. I’m also a sucker for messages like this. No matter how cheesy I like when films aimed at kids are basically like “work hard.” That seems good.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Taxi (2004), Elektra (2005), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), …

Best Options (Romance): 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 64.3 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 57.6 The Next Best Thing (2000), 54.9 Honey (2003), 54.2 The Bachelor (1999), 54.1 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 53.9 The Divorce (2003), 53.6 Abandon (2002), 52.8 Just My Luck (2006), 52.3 Loser (2000), 52.1 Superstar (1999), …

(This is a shockingly low BMeTric, but it was the most true and fun option I thought. There are tons available, but c’mon, Hilary Duff in Raise Your Voice! Crossroads here we come!)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: David Keith is No. 3 billed in Raise Your Voice and No. 2 billed in Firestarter, which also stars Drew Barrymore (No. 1 billed) who is in Blended (No. 2 billed) which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch The Perfect Man, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – Evan Rachel Wood and Jonathan Jackson were the original choices for the roles of Terri and Jay respectively, but both dropped out due to production changes, as did Annie Potts (who was set to play Terri’s mother) and director James Hayman. The story’s location was then changed from New York City to Los Angeles.

Was originally entitled “Heart of Summer”, but the film’s release date was pushed back from August to October, so the title was changed accordingly.

The rock band that Terri and her brother go see, is Three Days Grace and are singing “Are you Ready?”.

Hilary Duff (Teresa ‘Terri’ Fletcher) and Davida Williams (Lauren) were previously in Disney Channel’s Lizzie McGuire (2001). Hilary Duff played the lead role Lizzie McGuire and Davida played a recurring, minor character for 12 episodes.

Originally pitched as a “Christian Music Project” with Jaci Velasquez and Rachael Lampa suggested for the lead, and Kirk Franklin for the music teacher.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Hilary Duff)

Cursed Preview

Spending their days rebuilding Pierre’s premier perfume shop didn’t sound so bad to Patrick, Jamie and Kyle. It wasn’t until they had already scoped out a farmhouse to rent in a nearby winery that they were informed that they weren’t rebuilding the Perfume shop at all. “Where do you think I got all that wild hog musk?” Pierre says, pointing them to his premier hog farm that stood just down the block. “This is probably not going to help my scent,” Jamie says. “Unless…” he continues, but Patrick stops him. No, there was no “unless…” to that statement. A week later, as they muck out pen #3, Pierre enters the farm and slaps Jamie on the back. “You guys are doing a great job. I just can’t believe the latest standings!” He slaps his hand at the newsletter he’s holding. “What’s that?” Patrick asks, curious now at what ‘standings’ Pierre could be talking about. “The hog standings, of course,” Pierre says incredulously. “We’re all the way up to #2! I’ve never been able to get even up to #5 when it was just me mucking out all these pens and extracting the gallons of wild hog musk.” Now the competitive juices are flowing. Jamie, Patrick and Kyle start to chatter about getting all the way up to #1 in the standings. “No, no, no,” Pierre says, looking worried. “We don’t want to get up to #1. Being second is a perfect place to be, so let’s just stay right there.” Second place?! Jamie and Patrick stare at him in disbelief. Did Pierre really think they were second place kind of hog farmers? “No, I don’t think you are second place kind of hog farmers,” he reassures them, “it’s just that first place in the hog standings is… cursed.” *Gasp* That’s right! We are watching Cursed by Wes Craven. This is his take on the werewolf genre and unfortunately I don’t think Taylor Lautner was able to participate. Let’s go!

Cursed (2005) – BMeTric: 62.3; Notability: 71

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.2%; Notability: top 5.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.5%; Higher BMeT: Son of the Mask, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, The Fog, xXx: State of the Union, Boogeyman, Elektra, A Sound of Thunder, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Bewitched, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Are We There Yet?, In the Mix, The Dukes of Hazzard, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, The Honeymooners, Dirty Love; Higher Notability: Kingdom of Heaven, Fantastic Four, Be Cool, Domino, Fun with Dick and Jane, Bewitched, xXx: State of the Union, Memoirs of a Geisha, Chicken Little, The Longest Yard, Son of the Mask, The Great Raid, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, Stealth; Lower RT: The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, Yours, Mine & Ours, Son of the Mask, Underclassman, A Sound of Thunder, The Perfect Man, Dirty Love, White Noise, Dirty Deeds, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Man of the House, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Æon Flux, Elektra, Edison, The Mistress of Spices, Are We There Yet?, and 13 more; Notes: We are even on the higher BMeT films (seen 9 and haven’t seen 9), but at least one is coming up. Kingdom of Heaven is an exciting possibility. I should say … the Notability on this is off the chain. I don’t get it. It is nuts.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Contemporary werewolf-on-the-loose story is a rare miss in the thrills department from the SCREAM team of Craven and writer Kevin Williamson. Film starts out amusing but soon becomes ludicrous as the nubile young victims must fight back to become human again. Already dated picture is set at the now-defunct Craig Kilborn talk show, where Ricci is a producer spending what seems like days prepping an interview with Scott Baio. It’s that kind of movie, folks.

(Hahahahha, it is true though. Kilborn shows up and embarasses himself, and the Baio shit was also hilarious. The only thing I wish was Baio was either torn to shreds by the werewolf, or randomly was the werewolf in the end.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e56-jMfL9I/

(I can tell you that early scene where the wolf grabs the woman out of the car looks about as good in the actual film … which is to say like garbage. This film looks perfectly 2005 and that ain’t a compliment. The CGI dog is awful.)

Directors – Wes Craven – ( Known For: Scream; A Nightmare on Elm Street; Scream 2; Scream 4; Scream 3; Red Eye; Paris, I Love You; New Nightmare; The Last House on the Left; The People Under the Stairs; The Hills Have Eyes; The Serpent and the Rainbow; Swamp Thing; Music of the Heart; The Hills Have Eyes Part II; Deadly Blessing; Future BMT: My Soul to Take; Shocker; BMT: Cursed; Vampire in Brooklyn; Deadly Friend; Notes: Died in 2015, but still racking up those credits. His performance in New Nightmare is b-b-b-b-b-b-bonkers.)

Writers – Kevin Williamson – ( Known For: Scream; Scream 2; Scream 4; Scream 3; Scream; The Faculty; Scream VI; Sick; Future BMT: Teaching Mrs. Tingle; BMT: I Know What You Did Last Summer; Cursed; Notes: Kind of legendary as far as horror writers. The Faculty? How didn’t that qualify? It is hilarious.)

Actors – Christina Ricci – ( Known For: Sleepy Hollow; Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; The Matrix Resurrections; The Addams Family; Monster; Casper; Addams Family Values; Small Soldiers; Speed Racer; Black Snake Moan; Penelope; Buffalo ’66; The Ice Storm; New York, I Love You; After.Life; Mermaids; Anything Else; The Hard Way; The Opposite of Sex; Bel Ami; Future BMT: The Smurfs 2; 200 Cigarettes; That Darn Cat; BMT: Cursed; Now and Then; Bless the Child; Alpha and Omega; Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for Yellowjackets and Grey’s Anatomy. A true blue child star from my childhood. The Addams Family and Caspar in particular.)

Jesse Eisenberg – ( Known For: The Social Network; Now You See Me; Zombieland; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; The Village; Rio; Zombieland: Double Tap; Adventureland; 30 Minutes or Less; Rio 2; American Ultra; To Rome with Love; The Squid and the Whale; Café Society; Vivarium; The Double; The Art of Self-Defense; The End of the Tour; The Hunting Party; Roger Dodger; Future BMT: Now You See Me 2; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Justice League; Cursed; Notes: Remember Roger Dodger? What a weird film. Nominated for an Oscar for The Social Network, and his directorial effort in A Real Pain is getting tons of buzz.)

Portia de Rossi – ( Known For: Scream 2; Sirens; Dead & Breakfast; Who Is Cletis Tout?; Tab Hunter Confidential; Girl; I Witness; Unity; All the Way; Now Add Honey; Future BMT: Stigmata; BMT: Cursed; Notes: Known for Arrested Development and for being married to Ellen. Also she’s like … barely in this film, so wild she’s the third person listed on IMDb.)

Budget/Gross – $38,000,000 / Domestic: $19,297,522 (Worldwide: $29,621,722)

(That’s not great. Seems like a catastrophic production probably pushed the budget too high, and on a more normal horror budget maybe this works out okay.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 15% (15/98): A predictable plot and cheesy special effects make Cursed a less-than-scary experience.

(Cheesy special effect?! Well … fine, yeah, the first bit with the werewolf is real dumb looking and there are some real crazy effects in the big fight scene in the middle, and the dog looks bad … fine yeah, the special effects suck.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s not bad enough to make you curse, but you are likely to laugh when you should scream, and to roll your eyes when you are meant to laugh. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – Fred Durst’s Cursed

(I think this is fine. Nicely stylized with a twist on the font. I don’t know why, but it comes off a little boring to me even when it’s doing a lot of the things I like. B+.)

Tagline(s) – What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. (F)

(Wow. No. That is simply a common phrase and is completely unacceptable.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Taxi (2004), Elektra (2005), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), …

Best Options (Horror): 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 69.0 Black Christmas (2006), 68.7 Captivity (2007), 67.5 Seed of Chucky (2004), 64.8 The Grudge 2 (2006), 63.9 Valentine (2001), 63.6 Skinwalkers (2006), 63.0 The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007), 62.3 Cursed (2005), 62.1 Stay Alive (2006), 61.5 When a Stranger Calls (2006), 60.8 See No Evil (2006), 60.3 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 58.8 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 58.4 The Return (2005), 57.9 They (2002), 56.6 The Stepford Wives (2004), 55.2 Lost Souls (2000), 54.2 The Messengers (2007), 53.9 The Order (2003), 50.9 Turistas (2006), …

(Pretty pretty pretty good. I really don’t want to watch BloodRayne, although I know it will happen. Ha! Skinwalkers. Another werewolf film was right there too.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jesse Eisenberg is No. 2 billed in Cursed and No. 3 billed in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – In 2014, Judy Greer spoke of the film in an interview. Greer states, “I don’t know why that movie got so fucked up. I don’t understand it. I thought the script was fine. Honest to God, I didn’t get the big deal. I don’t know who kept making them fuck with it”. She goes on to say, “Then we shot the movie for, like, seven years. I think they said we had four movies worth of footage. It was so fun, but so weird. I don’t get it. I couldn’t figure it out.”

When the production was stalled, many cast members were cut, including Illeana Douglas, Heather Langenkamp, Scott Foley, Omar Epps, Robert Forster, James Brolin and Corey Feldman. All of these actors even filmed their scenes which were cut when the movie was re-written and re-shot.

In the original version, the film opened with the benefit party by PETA on the hotel roof. Parts of the scene were kept from the original shooting but in the final cut, that scene is at about 50 minutes from the beginning. Mya replaced Mandy Moore in this scene.

In 2008, Wes Craven was quoted saying; “… the Cursed experience was so screwed up. I mean, that went on for two-and-a-half years of my life for a film that wasn’t anything close to what it should have been. And another film that I was about to shoot having the plug pulled – Pulse – so it was like, I did learn from the Cursed experience not to do something for money. They said, ‘We know you want to do another film, we’ll pay you double.’ And we were 10 days from shooting, and I said fine. But I ended up working two-and-a-half years for double my fee, but I could have done two-and-a-half movies, and done movies that were out there making money. In general, I think it’s not worth it and part of the reason my phone hasn’t rung is that that story is pretty well known.

The original plot line had three strangers brought together by a car accident in the Hollywood Hills and the subsequent attack of a werewolf. The three characters were named Ellie Hudson (Christina Ricci), Vince Winston (Skeet Ulrich) and Jimmy Myers (Jesse Eisenberg). When the script was re-written, the plot changed and focused on two estranged siblings who had to fight a curse after a werewolf attack. Skeet Ulrich’s character was totally re-written and renamed Jake. Since Ellie and Jimmy became brother and sister, Ellie’s surname was deleted and became Myers.

Collateral Damage Preview

Lesson #3 is pretty simple as far as Patrick is concerned: there’s nothing that a nice cologne can’t mask, including the stench left over from their comments about Scott Bakula’s funeral mishap. So where better to start than his favorite cologne shop in grand Paris. He greets the owner, Pierre, warmly and asks what big time celeb he might have made smell great recently. “A perfumer never sprays and brays,” he says and Patrick smiles, secretly stewing that he didn’t come up with that himself. “So this is the man of the hour,” Pierre continues, looking at Jamie. “I feel like I have just the scent for…” but before he can finish something has caught Jamie’s eye. “Ooo, this one is Wild Hog Musk,” Jamie says, bending down to read the label closer, “guaranteed to bring the wild hogs running.” He notes to Patrick how funny it is that “wild hogs” isn’t capitalized in the tagline, but if he gets to smell like Tim Allen then sign him up. Pierre’s eyes widen as he realizes the common and understandable mistake that Jamie has made. Before he can stop him, though, the damage is done… literally. With one whiff of the wild hog musk the store is soon overrun with horrifyingly large hogs, all of which have only one thing on their mind: Jamie’s bodacious bod and its lovely hoggy musk. Hours later, after fending off the last of the hogs, Pierre looks around his store sadly. “This is, of course, the risk you take carrying such things in the store,” he says, “the collateral damage for me is my store. For you, though, it’s just your time,” and with that he taps a sign that explains that any musk mistakes must be paid back in time spent working for Pierre. That’s right! The collateral damage of watching Collateral Damage starring Arnold Schwarzeneggar is also just our time. Sigh. Let’s go!

Collateral Damage (2002) – BMeTric: 50.1; Notability: 73

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 11.2%; Notability: top 1.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 15.9%; Higher BMeT: Crossroads, Halloween: Resurrection, Rollerball, The Master of Disguise, Feardotcom, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, Half Past Dead, Boat Trip, Derailed, The Sweetest Thing, Scooby-Doo, They, Full Frontal, The Truth About Charlie, Queen of the Damned, Vampires: Los Muertos, Swimfan, Snow Dogs, Maid in Manhattan, and 8 more; Higher Notability: Men in Black II, Scooby-Doo, The Time Machine, Star Trek: Nemesis; Lower RT: Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, Killing Me Softly, Derailed, Try Seventeen, Hard Cash, The Master of Disguise, Deuces Wild, Feardotcom, Rollerball, Half Past Dead, Serving Sara, Darkness, New Best Friend, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Boat Trip, The New Guy, Dragonfly, Stealing Harvard, Juwanna Mann, Halloween: Resurrection, and 19 more; Notes: I love that gaudy Notability. We still have three of those to go. Then 11/20 for BMeT, although the top 8 we’ve done. What is that, like 50 films with sub-20% in 2002. Sigh.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – “Collateral Damage” is a relic from an earlier (if not kinder and gentler) time, a movie about terrorism made before terrorists became the subject of our national discourse. “You Americans are so naive,” says the movie’s terrorist villain. “You see a peasant with a gun, you change the channel. But you never ask why a peasant needs a gun.” Well, we still don’t wonder why the peasant needs the gun (we think we should have the gun), but we’re not so naive anymore.

(Interesting. Quite a high rating for what is kind of the movie that marked the end of Arnold’s action career. And yeah, the proximity to 9/11 was a very specific issue with this film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YywOMlbqLPo/

(Looks pretty rad if I’m being honest … unfortunately I don’t think this trailer is being entirely honest. It makes it seems like he’s going to go and chase down this guy and blow up and village and junk and kill him. WRONG. That isn’t the plot of this film. The plot of this film is unfortunately more boring. This trailer is pretty good though, I would watch that movie if it existed.)

Directors – Andrew Davis – ( Known For: The Fugitive; Holes; Under Siege; A Perfect Murder; Above the Law; The Package; Code of Silence; The Final Terror; Stony Island; Future BMT: Chain Reaction; Steal Big Steal Little; BMT: The Guardian; Collateral Damage; Notes: He has two upcoming projects … something tells me that given his last film was 2006 that is incorrect. Wrote a little movie called Steal Big Steal Little featuring Andy Garcia playing twin brothers.)

Writers – Ronald Roose – ( Known For: The Hessen Conspiracy; BMT: Collateral Damage; Notes: Do yourself a favor and go look at the poster for The Hessen Conspiracy. Just … one word: Billy Zane.)

David Griffiths – ( Known For: The Portrait; Future BMT: The Hunted; BMT: Collateral Damage; Notes: He was a VP at Goldman Sachs and was a founder of a software company. It seems that he then went back to UCLA with his brother to become a screenwriter.)

Peter Griffiths – ( Future BMT: The Hunted; BMT: Collateral Damage; Notes: I think he retired because David now writes by himself.)

Actors – Arnold Schwarzenegger – ( Known For: Terminator 2: Judgment Day; The Terminator; Predator; Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines; The Expendables; Total Recall; The Expendables 2; True Lies; Escape Plan; Terminator: Dark Fate; Commando; The Running Man; Last Action Hero; Kindergarten Cop; Conan the Barbarian; The Last Stand; The Rundown; Twins; The 6th Day; Red Heat; Future BMT: Terminator Genisys; End of Days; Junior; BMT: Batman & Robin; The Expendables 3; Eraser; Jingle All the Way; Around the World in 80 Days; Conan the Destroyer; Collateral Damage; Sabotage; Red Sonja; Raw Deal; Notes: Won an Emmy for producing a documentary. Was governor of California from 2004 to 2011. This is our 10th Arnold film, only three more to go as well.)

John Leguizamo – ( Known For: John Wick; Ice Age; John Wick: Chapter 2; The Menu; Die Hard 2; Moulin Rouge!; Ice Age: The Meltdown; Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs; Encanto; The Lincoln Lawyer; Romeo + Juliet; Carlito’s Way; Chef; Doctor Dolittle; Land of the Dead; Violent Night; American Ultra; Assault on Precinct 13; The Infiltrator; Sisters; Future BMT: Kick-Ass 2; Ice Age: Continental Drift; The Counselor; Ice Age: Collision Course; Spawn; The Fan; Out for Justice; Love in the Time of Cholera; Revenge; Miracle at St. Anna; What’s the Worst That Could Happen?; Playing with Fire; Walking with Dinosaurs 3D; The Pest; Empire; The Honeymooners; Whispers in the Dark; BMT: The Happening; Gamer; Ride Along; Repo Men; Righteous Kill; Collateral Damage; Super Mario Bros.; One for the Money; Notes: Leguizamo has been in 25 BMT films, my god. Won an Emmy for a comedy special, and nominated twice for supporting acting. I didn’t realize he was Bruno in Encanto, that’s interesting.)

Francesca Neri – ( Known For: Live Flesh; Captain America; The Ages of Lulu; The Rich, the Pauper and the Butler; Pensavo fosse amore… invece era un calesse; Una famiglia perfetta; Giovanna’s Father; Outrage; Al lupo al lupo; Ginostra; Sud; Flight of the Innocent; A Dinner for Them to Meet; Il siero della vanità; A Second Childhood; Il cielo è sempre più blu; Io amo Andrea; Ivo il tardivo; La mia generazione; La felicità non costa niente; Future BMT: Hannibal; BMT: Collateral Damage; Notes: Italian and indeed, she mostly has acted in Italy, even after breaking into American films … oh and yeah, that Captain America is the shit one from 1990.)

Budget/Gross – $85,000,000 / Domestic: $40,077,257 (Worldwide: $78,382,433)

(That … yeah, that’s terrible, but it isn’t really totally its fault. I was supposed to come out on like literally 9/11, so it was pushed to 2002 and I don’t think people had the appetite for it at that point.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 19% (27/142): Despite its timely subject matter, Collateral Damage is an unexceptional and formulaic action thriller.

(Timely was kind of the problem lol. People didn’t want to fret over whether Arnold was going to stop the terrorists from [checks notes] … blowing up a building. Great.)

Reviewer Highlight: An exhausted rehash of Mr. Schwarzenegger breaking through red tape to struggle against his nemesis of the moment. – Elvis Mitchell, New York Times

Poster – Cooooooohhhhhllateral

(a.k.a. Explosion Face. The only thing I can really say that is good about this is that it’s got a warm glow to it because of all the fire on the poster… just so much fire. That font makes me sad. C-)

Tagline(s) – Nothing is more dangerous than a man with nothing to lose (D)

(Is it over yet? That’s boring. That’s long. That’s boring and long. Think to yourself just how many movies that could be the tagline for.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Taxi (2004), Elektra (2005), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), …

Best Options (Action): 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 68.9 Crossover (2006), 67.6 Thunderbirds (2004), 65.7 Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London (2004), 63.8 Underdog (2007), 63.6 Skinwalkers (2006), 60.8 See No Evil (2006), 60.8 The Mod Squad (1999), 60.3 Biker Boyz (2003), 59.8 Agent Cody Banks (2003), 50.9 The Core (2003), 50.4 The Last Legion (2007), 50.1 Collateral Damage (2002), …

(Hey, 50+ that’s something. This is a true huge blockbuster action though, we couldn’t pass it up. I think Crossover is pretty intriguing, as is Biker Boyz. Those would have been the others I would be interested in. I’ve seen the Core a number of times, so we’ll eventually do that, but it isn’t pressing.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Arnold Schwarzenegger is No. 1 billed in Collateral Damage and No. 5 billed in The Expendables 3, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 5) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The movie was supposed to include the famous Colombian actress Sofía Vergara, who played an airplane hijacker. But after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attack, the scene where Vergara would hijack a plane was scratched from the movie. Moreover, scenes which might be considered unpatriotic have been excluded.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is never shown firing a gun on screen.

The film was originally scheduled to be released on October 5, 2001, but it was postponed due to its terrorism theme and eventually released on Friday, February 8, 2002.

After the terrorist attacks on the USA of 11 September 2001, Warner Bros. pulled all advertising of the film which had included a mock newspaper clipping alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger’s face featuring the word “bombing” and the tagline “What would you do if you lost everything?” and its Collateral Damage (2002) movie website that had included a game called “Hunting for the Wolf”. When the film was finally released in 2002, the film’s poster was revamped with shot of an explosion due to the U.S. subsequent invasion of Afghanistan in the background of Arnold’s face in the foreground and the film’s original tagline missing. The website was completely revamped with nothing but production stills, bios, the film’s synopsis, and cast and crew material. The games and other material that had been on the original version of the website were completely eliminated.

In an interview on Howard Stern in 2014, actor Bill Hader admits to being Arnold Schwarzenegger’s production assistant (PA) on Collateral Damage, although he was uncredited in the film.

The Ladies Man Preview

Jamie slicks his hair back real nice and prepares for the return of Samantha. He’s got chocolates in one hand, a robot hand ready to extend a bouquet of flowers, and his other hand free as a bird. “You sure you don’t need me to wipe down your handshake hand?” Kyle asks helpfully but Jamie waves him off. His hands are perfect, dry and flaky like a fresh croissant. The door to their apartment opens and in walks Sam looking beautiful. Upon seeing Jamie and his gifts, her face brightens and she runs towards him. Jamie crouches, but before he can rocket his hand forward she leaps into his arms and soon they are making out… hard. Patrick flips through his love manual. “My word, they’ve skipped right past Lesson #3! I’ve never seen anything like this!” He exclaims. After several hours, the make-out session peters out. “Well I guess you don’t need us any more,” Patrick says, tears in his eyes, but before he leaves all of their cell phones start buzzing. “Oh,” Jamie says, a bit puzzled, “it looks like Scott Bakula passed away while we were in England and there was a funeral… I wonder why so many people sent us the video?” They all simultaneously press the play button and are treated to a wild scene where Scott Bakula’s coffin accidentally opens and his head flies out. They burst out laughing. Sam is appalled. “Wasn’t he your dad?” she asks. “No, I don’t think so,” Jamie says. Patrick hesitantly agrees while trying to remember if that had definitely been established. “Still,” she says in disgust and storms out. Jamie hangs his head. “Smooth moves, Ladies man,” Patrick says and opens his manual again. “Time for Lesson #3: A Rose by Any Other Smell…” That’s right! We are watching one of the many SNL failures of the late 90’s/early 2000s. This was before they learned the lesson that maybe they shouldn’t make films based on sketches that are one-joke punchlines with no characters or plots. Let’s go!

The Ladies Man (2000) – BMeTric: 48.3; Notability: 41

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 9.6%; Notability: top 15.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.9%; Higher BMeT: Battlefield Earth, Dungeons & Dragons, Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, Urban Legends: Final Cut, 102 Dalmatians, Highlander: Endgame, Dracula 2000, Supernova, Big Momma’s House, Get Carter, Little Nicky, The Next Best Thing, Hanging Up, Down to You, Lost Souls, The Crow: Salvation, Fortress 2: Re-Entry, Loser, and 4 more; Higher Notability: The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Little Nicky, Gone in 60 Seconds, Mission to Mars, Coyote Ugly, Ready to Rumble, Supernova, Lost Souls, Proof of Life, Reindeer Games, Hollow Man, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, Rules of Engagement, 102 Dalmatians, Bless the Child, Isn’t She Great, Final Destination, 28 Days, Dracula 2000, Get Carter, and 19 more; Lower RT: Fortress 2: Re-Entry, 3 Strikes, My 5 Wives, The in Crowd, Battlefield Earth, Down to You, Bless the Child, Lost Souls, Heavy Metal 2000, Dungeons & Dragons, Circus, The Skulls, I Dreamed of Africa, Ed Gein, Screwed, Urban Legends: Final Cut, The Watcher; Notes: As far as over-50 BMeTric we’ve seen 13 out of 22 from the year 2000, which is both astonishing and distressing … how are there still nine? In our defense I guess things like The Next Best Thing and Hanging Up seem like real films, but I can assure you they are not. And don’t worry we’ll watch Viva Rock Vegas soon. Really The Nutty Professor II (which I’ve seen multiple times outside of BMT) is the big oversight here.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – “The Ladies Man” is yet another desperately unfunny feature-length spin-off from “Saturday Night Live,” a TV show that would not survive on local access if it were as bad as most of the movies it inspires. There have been good “SNL” movies, like “Wayne’s World,” “The Blues Brothers” and “Stuart Saves His Family.” They all have one thing in common: “SNL” producer Lorne Michaels was not primarily responsible for them.

(You mean BMT classic Stuart Saves His Family? But yeah, that actually was surprisingly good considering. But yeah, sometimes SNL films are just misunderstood. I think this one ain’t it. I remember enough about it to remember how weird and unfunny it is.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=by5n8coSofU/

(Yeah, that looks about right. By which I mean dumb and not funny. The trailer is completely void of plot, as is, I assume, the movie it is meant to represent.)

Directors – Reginald Hudlin – ( Known For: Boomerang; Marshall; Candy Cane Lane; House Party; The Great White Hype; Safety; The Black Godfather; Sidney; BMT: Serving Sara; The Ladies Man; Notes: Basically does a ton of television like The Bernie Mac Show. Nominated for an Oscar for writing Django Unchained.)

Writers – Tim Meadows – (BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: Indeed, the only actual film he has a credit on. Got nominated for an Emmy for SNL, but only once, which I’m surprised by. He was on the show for quite a while, so I’m surprised he moved out of writing so quickly.)

Dennis McNicholas – ( Future BMT: Land of the Lost; BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: Nominated for Emmys 10 times for SNL (won once). He also wrote for The Jon Stewart Show in 1995 which predated him taking over the Daily Show.)

Harper Steele – ( Known For: Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga; Casa de mi Padre; BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: Nominated for three Daytime Emmys for various event broadcasting. Was also nominated for Original Main Title Theme Music of all things for The Spoils of Babylon. And then nominated four times (won once) for SNL. Clearly moved for Funny or Die with Will Ferrell.)

Actors – Tim Meadows – ( Known For: Mean Girls; Trainwreck; Wayne’s World 2; Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story; Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping; Hubie Halloween; Dream Scenario; Mean Girls; GravyTrain; Wasabi Tuna; For Madmen Only: The Stories of Del Close; Future BMT: Semi-Pro; Coneheads; Aliens in the Attic; The Cookout; BMT: Grown Ups; Grown Ups 2; Jack and Jill; The Benchwarmers; The Ladies Man; It’s Pat: The Movie; Notes: He never stops working. Does voices, and films, and random one offs. Never stops. I’ll have to rewatch his I Think You Should Leave sketch.)

Karyn Parsons – ( Known For: Death Spa; 13 Moons; Mixing Nia; Future BMT: Major Payne; Class Act; BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: She plays Hilary in Fresh Prince obviously. She seems to have mostly retired after 2002.)

Billy Dee Williams – ( Known For: Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back; Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi; Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker; Batman; The Lego Movie; The Lego Batman Movie; The Conversation; Fanboys; Undercover Brother; Nighthawks; The Out of Towners; Quincy; Lady Sings the Blues; Barry Munday; Fear City; Hood of Horror; Terror in the Aisles; Mahogany; The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings; Is That Black Enough for You?!?; Future BMT: Woo; BMT: The Ladies Man; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Brian’s Song. Woo is a weird looking film, and it is a bit unbelievable that Billy Dee never floated around into other random garbage comedies and junk. We’ll see him in some friends I think: Fear City, Terror in the Aisles, Deadly Illusion, Number One with a Bullet. To name a few.)

Budget/Gross – $24,000,000 / Domestic: $13,616,610 (Worldwide: $13,743,212)

(My god, why would it cost $24 million? Insane idea that this would take in what? $50 million or something. Crazy dumb.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (8/72): The Ladies Man joins the growing list of mediocre movies based on SNL skits. It just doesn’t have enough material to last the length of the movie.

(I can’t believe this is above 10%. Premonition gets 8% and this gets 11%? Nuts. But yeah, again, it really did seem like this skit is a wild idea for a film. What were the skits about? Him giving bad advice on late night local radio? Insane idea.)

Reviewer Highlight: For what it is, a 90-minute spinoff of a Saturday Night Live sketch, Reginald Hudlin’s film The Ladies Man is not bad. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – The Ladies Sklog

(It’s hard to begrudge a poster that is simply doing its job. It is aiming to bring people into the theater for a film based on the Ladies Man sketch. So why wouldn’t you place that front and center with some courvoisier? What else were they supposed to do? I like the font too, so B-. Why not?)

Tagline(s) – He’s cool. He’s clean. He’s a love machine. (B-)

(Again, credit where credit is due. They want to go the traditional tagline route and while they are stretching a little with the “clean” part, I more or less get what they are going for. Not particularly clever though.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.7 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.7 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.5 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.2 Delta Farce (2007), 69.2 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Taxi (2004), Elektra (2005), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), Wild Wild West (1999), The Animal (2001), The Marine (2006), Wing Commander (1999), …

Best Options (Comedy): 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.7 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.7 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.5 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.2 Delta Farce (2007), 69.2 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 68.7 102 Dalmatians (2000), 67.7 Phat Girlz (2006), 67.5 Thunderbirds (2004), 67.5 Seed of Chucky (2004), 66.6 In the Mix (2005), 65.7 Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.7 The Comebacks (2007), 64.5 Boat Trip (2002), 64.4 Fat Albert (2004), 64.3 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 63.8 The Dukes of Hazzard (2005), 63.7 Underdog (2007), 63.0 The Honeymooners (2005), 62.3 Cursed (2005), 61.9 Deck the Halls (2006), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.4 Happily N’Ever After (2006), 60.1 Code Name: The Cleaner (2007), 59.9 Corky Romano (2001), 59.8 Agent Cody Banks (2003), 59.6 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004), 59.1 The Haunted Mansion (2003), 58.8 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 58.2 Scooby-Doo (2002), 57.6 The Next Best Thing (2000), 57.2 Hanging Up (2000), 57.1 Marci X (2003), 56.6 The Stepford Wives (2004), 55.8 Johnson Family Vacation (2004), 55.1 Evan Almighty (2007), 54.9 Snow Dogs (2002), 54.7 The Wild (2006), 54.7 Balls of Fury (2007), 54.2 The Bachelor (1999), 54.1 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 53.8 The Divorce (2003), 52.7 Just My Luck (2006), 52.3 Malibu’s Most Wanted (2003), 52.3 Loser (2000), 52.1 Kickin’ It Old Skool (2007), 52.1 Superstar (1999), 51.5 Scary Movie 3 (2003), 51.4 Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000), 51.2 My Favorite Martian (1999), 51.0 Eight Crazy Nights (2002), 51.0 Racing Stripes (2005), 50.7 Stealing Harvard (2002), 50.6 Rebound (2005), 49.9 Just Married (2003), 49.7 Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999), 49.5 Showtime (2002), 49.5 The Perfect Man (2005), 49.2 The Wash (2001), 49.1 Clockstoppers (2002), 49.0 Simply Irresistible (1999), 48.9 Tomcats (2001), 48.8 Thomas and the Magic Railroad (2000), 48.5 Little Black Book (2004), 48.3 The Ladies Man (2000) …

(Some might say we chose wrong. But others might say Thomas and the Magic Railroad being that bad is crazy. In reality there is a strong argument we should be watching The Klumps. But whatever. That’ll wait for another day.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Tim Meadows is No. 1 billed in The Ladies Man and No. 9 billed in Jack and Jill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 9) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch The Cookout, and Turn It Up we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Inna Korobkina’s on-screen debut.

David Wells appeared in a scene, but it was deleted.

The 10th movie based on a popular recurring character that originated on Saturday Night Live (1975), and the last movie until the release of MacGruber (2010).

The first movie from a Saturday Night Live skit to be rated R since Blues Brothers (1980).

With this movie, Reginald Hudlin is the first and only person of color to direct a movie based on a Saturday Night Live (1975) character.

Premonition (2007) Preview

Kyle, Jamie and Patrick wave goodbye to Ronnie and the 46 or so other Ronnies. “Oh wait,” Ronnie says, “you guys did say you were going to get a whole bunch of spoons, right?” Kyle, Jamie and Patrick all nod. “Well if you need any more there are like a thousand right over there.” Ronnie then points to the corner of the room where a few spooky skeletons are scattered. Behind the skeletons is a large divot in the stone wall where these poor wretches had apparently attempted to scrape their way free. Jamie goes up to the wall and places an ear against it. “I think I hear an air vent back there,” he says thoughtfully. Suddenly they have a plan. If the prison is willing to throw them away like trash, then away they will go. But first they need to gather some supplies in order to sharpen these spoons for the hard job ahead. “Kyle,” Patrick says, “you ever take a shiv?”

Patrick fades out from his memory. Boy those were trying times. It’s also a testament to Kyle’s storytelling ability that despite being wrapped in a cocoon for 99% of the story he is able to remember those parts as clearly as if he were Kyle himself. He looks around, hoping to find Kyle to pay him this compliment, and is surprised to see Jamie and him standing in front of the haunted house with several ghost traps smoking at their feet. “Oh, are you finished?” Patrick asks and they nod. “Was it scary?” They nod their heads again. Now it was time for the ultimate question. “You think you’re ready for that handshake?” Jamie thinks about it for a moment. “I think so, but the future’s so hard to know… you know?” he says. That’s right! We are watching a film where the future isn’t so hard to know, you know? It’s Premonition starring Sandra Bullock and I hear it’s quite good. Oh no, wait… I think I might have that backwards. Let’s go!

Premonition (2007) – BMeTric: 36.3; Notability: 29

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 18.4%; Notability: top 29.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 5.6%; Higher BMeT: Epic Movie, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Norbit, I Know Who Killed Me, Bratz, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, Daddy Day Camp, Who’s Your Caddy?, Are We Done Yet?, Delta Farce, Postal, Captivity, The Comebacks, Underdog, The Hills Have Eyes 2, The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Code Name: The Cleaner, Ghost Rider, Primeval, and 26 more; Higher Notability: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, Evan Almighty, Fred Claus, Elizabeth: The Golden Age, Rush Hour 3, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, Epic Movie, The Invasion, The Ten, The Comebacks, Lucky You, Ghost Rider, Underdog, TMNT, Lions for Lambs, August Rush, The Heartbreak Kid, Balls of Fury, and 54 more; Lower RT: Daddy Day Camp, Epic Movie, Code Name: The Cleaner, Because I Said So, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Delta Farce, 88 Minutes, Good Luck Chuck, Who’s Your Caddy?, Are We Done Yet?, Silk, License to Wed, The Number 23, The Reaping; Notes: Probably a rare year. As far as 50+ BMeTric films are concerned we’ve seen 14 of 31. The fact that there are 31 is amusing I suppose, we’d be lucky to get 31 qualifying films at all these days. Skinwalkers is probably the most interesting one. Lots of kids’ films in 2007 for some reason.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Bullock is a standard-issue perfect housewife and mother who suddenly seems to be experiencing another reality: she awakens to alternating universes every other day or so. Can she convince everyone that husband McMahon is in peril – or is she just losing her mind? Whatever Hitchcock could have done with this genre thriller is not apparent here, and neither Bullock nor the script are up to the task.

(I don’t know what the deal with the Hitchcock call out there is. I can’t see anything about it being a modified script or leftover or anything, so I guess it is just like … Hitchcockian in Leonard’s opinion maybe? There was an episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents (the second episode actually) called Premonition, but it doesn’t seem related.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ALLgKiE4gU/

(Goddamn, I remember this trailer so clearly. It played all the time, and then it got horrific reviews. That is maybe the start of me being like … I’m kind of intrigued and want to see this film. It’s been on the docket for a long time for that reason. Looks cool, apparently it isn’t.)

Directors – Mennan Yapo – ( Known For: Lautlos; BMT: Premonition; Notes: German. There is almost no information on IMDb about this guy. Had a (presumably) bit part in Goodbye Lenin!)

Writers – Bill Kelly – ( Known For: Enchanted; Blast from the Past; Disenchanted; BMT: Premonition; Notes: He seems to have been mostly making money off of Enchanted for years. He will have done two Cartoon Network shows in a row, Big City Greens and now Loud House (which I’ve never heard of).)

Actors – Sandra Bullock – ( Known For: Gravity; Crash; Bullet Train; Speed; Bird Box; The Blind Side; The Proposal; Minions; Ocean’s Eight; Miss Congeniality; A Time to Kill; The Heat; The Lost City; The Prince of Egypt; Two Weeks Notice; The Unforgivable; While You Were Sleeping; Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close; The Net; Forces of Nature; Future BMT: Practical Magic; Murder by Numbers; 28 Days; Hope Floats; Our Brand Is Crisis; Two If by Sea; BMT: Demolition Man; The Lake House; Speed 2: Cruise Control; Premonition; Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous; All About Steve; In Love and War; Notes: Apparently spent a lot of her childhood in Germany, I wonder if that is why this has a German director. Won the Oscar for The Blind Side, and was nominated for Gravity.)

Julian McMahon – ( Known For: RED; Fire with Fire; You’re Not You; Faces in the Crowd; Bait; Monster Party; Chasing Sleep; Swinging Safari; Meet Market; Wet and Wild Summer!; Magenta; Future BMT: Paranoia; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Premonition; Notes: His father was Prime Minister of Australia for a time. You would have obviously recognized him immediate as Dr. Doom in the Fantastic Four movies.)

Amber Valletta – ( Known For: Hitch; Transporter 2; What Lies Beneath; The Family Man; Man About Town; Girl Walks Into a Bar; The Last Time; Perfume; My Sexiest Year; Future BMT: Dead Silence; Duplex; The Spy Next Door; Raising Helen; Max Keeble’s Big Move; BMT: Gamer; Premonition; Notes: Was a model, and seems to have mostly stopped acting since her 15 episode run on Revenge ended in 2015.)

Budget/Gross – $20,000,000 / Domestic: $47,852,604 (Worldwide: $84,297,309)

(That isn’t bad all things considered. So why no Premonition 2? Premonition: I Can See the Future? I like that one, really tells you what it’s about.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 8% (13/161): Overdosing on flashbacks, and more portentous than profound, the overly obtuse Premonition weakly echoes such twisty classics as Memento, The Sixth Sense, and Groundhog Day.

(Ah the good old days where a crap thriller can come out and get sub-10% on RT. Just an absurdly low score.)

Reviewer Highlight: The sloppy, absent-minded Premonition is a step back in time and a giant leap backward for Sandra Bullock. – Stephen Holden, New York Times

Poster – Bad Feelings

(Ha! I mean, this is an insane poster. We can all agree on that. What does premonitions have to do with Sandra Bullock’s face being made from branches in a tree? Lunacy! At least it’s fun in its nonsense. C-.)

Tagline(s) – It’s not your imagination. (D+)

(Oh good, because I thought I was maybe imagining how horrible this tagline was. Zang! Wow a poster and tagline that both seem like total nonsense.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Top 10: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), The Hangover Part II (2011), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Terminator Salvation (2009), Due Date (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.6 Shark Night (2011), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 78.0 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.6 The Last Exorcism Part II (2013), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 72.1 Dance Flick (2009), 71.3 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Prom Night (2008), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), …

Best Options (2007-2007): 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 70.2 Delta Farce (2007), 68.7 Captivity (2007), 64.7 The Comebacks (2007), 63.7 Underdog (2007), 63.0 The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.1 Code Name: The Cleaner (2007), 55.1 Evan Almighty (2007), 54.7 Balls of Fury (2007), 54.2 Feel the Noise (2007), 54.2 The Messengers (2007), 52.1 Kickin’ It Old Skool (2007), 50.4 The Last Legion (2007), 48.2 Blood and Chocolate (2007), 48.2 Stomp the Yard (2007), 45.7 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.7 The Hitcher (2007), 44.6 The Reaping (2007), 43.5 The Brothers Solomon (2007), 42.0 I Think I Love My Wife (2007), 41.6 Fred Claus (2007), 40.1 The Heartbreak Kid (2007), 40.1 The Ten Commandments (2007), 37.3 Saw IV (2007), 36.4 The Invasion (2007), 36.3 Premonition (2007), …

(Yeah fine it isn’t the best we could have done, but I’m not doing Delta Farce, I’m just not! In reality it was chosen for its gaudy RT score … although an amazing number of films seem to have gone sub 10% in 2007. I just looked it up, there were 23 films in 2007 with a sub-10% on RT. I weep for the world, what a beautiful life.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sandra Bullock is No. 1 billed in Premonition and No. 3 billed in Demolition Man, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 4 (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 3) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 13. If we were to watch 28 Days, Must Love Dogs, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – (at around 39 mins) When Sandra Bullock was restrained and struggling in the hospital scene she really did cut herself by accident. So instead of using a body double for the injection, it really was Bullock who got the Tetanus shot in the scene.

The movie was shot in continuity, so Sandra Bullock had to meet with the crew every day so she could know what she knew on any given day.

The film was supposed to be shot in New Orleans, but Hurricane Katrina forced the filmmakers to choose another location.

Although they play mother and daughter in this movie, Kate Nelligan is only 14 years older than Sandra Bullock.

Shot in 45 days. DVD extras show scenes being filmed from late-February 2006 to 6 March 2006. It indicates the start of filming to be close to 19 January 2006.

47 Ronin (2013) Preview

“That actually wasn’t so bad, Ronnie,” Kyle says to the rat monster who’s name is actually Ronster, which is appropriate. While time did seem quite different in the catacombs, Ronster knew his way around and they soon had Jamie and Patrick out of the catacombs in a jiffy. Kyle looks down at Jamie and Patrick and asks Ronnie why he had preserved them in cocoons and what the cocoons were made of. Ronnie shrugs his shoulders and admits that he didn’t do that. “Sometimes people end up in cocoons,” he says matter of factly. They unwrap Jamie and Patrick, who begin to yawn and blink their eyes like a couple of Han Solos getting unfrozen from carbonite. “Whu.. where are we?” they shudder and Kyle tries to explain. About an hour later, the story is done and Jamie and Patrick still seem a little confused. “So is the basement clean?” Jamie asks, staring around with glassy doll-like eyes. Kyle admits that the basement is not clean at all. “It’s really very gross,” he says looking at the meat people he made and the rodents that continue to mill about. “Do we get our spoooooons?,” Patrick asks dumbly. Kyle says yes, but he’s not really sure. Kyle asks Ronnie if he should be concerned and Ronnie shakes his head and his wings. “No one comes out of the catacombs quite the same, nor do they come out quite different,” he says and apparently that’s all he has to say on the matter. “Welp, thanks,” Kyle says. “No problem,” a chorus of voices echo back. Kyle cocks his head as a large number of Ronnies emerge from the darkness to wave goodbye. “Wait, how many of you are there?” he asks. Ronnie shrugs his wings. “I don’t really remember… maybe around…” That’s right! We aren’t watching 47 Ronnies, but rather the Keanu classic 47 Ronin… hold up, I’m getting word that it isn’t actually a classic, but rather the opposite of that. Let’s go!

47 Ronin (2013) – BMeTric: 27.6; Notability: 89

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 20.4%; Notability: top 1.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 8.5%; Higher BMeT: Scary Movie V, Movie 43, The Starving Games, After Earth, The Last Exorcism Part II, Getaway, Texas Chainsaw, The Canyons, A Haunted House, A Good Day to Die Hard, Vehicle 19, Tarzan, Welcome to the Jungle, Grown Ups 2, The Green Inferno, The Colony, The Smurfs 2, The Counselor, Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor, Killing Season, and 31 more; Higher Notability: Movie 43, The Lone Ranger, Gangster Squad; Lower RT: I Spit on Your Grave 2, The Starving Games, Getaway, Scary Movie V, Movie 43, CBGB, The Big Wedding, Runner Runner, Paranoia, Grown Ups 2, Are You Here, A Haunted House, The Host, Killing Season, After Earth, R.I.P.D., Safe Haven, The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, The Smurfs 2, A Good Day to Die Hard, and 1 more; Notes: We’ve seen 8 of the 12 50+ BMeTric films. It is a little unbelievable we haven’t done The Last Exorcism Part II considering we love franchises and exorcism films. Remember The Canyons … that was weird.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – Spectacular goofiness should be expected of “47 Ronin,” an American film loosely based on the true story of 47 real-life master-less samurai who avenged their disgraced master’s death. As its ads promise, the film features a troll-looking dude with a mace, a giant in a samurai suit of armor, Keanu Reeves with a sword, a tattooed dude with two guns, a sexy lady who floats around in a sentient Snuggy/kimono, and a pissed-off fire-breathing dragon who kinda looks like “The Never-Ending Story”‘s Falkor. But in spite of its enjoyable, easy-to-exploit aspects, “47 Ronin” is a big budget spectacle hamstrung by its need to be at once flippant and respectful of its honor-driven source material.

(That is kind of a long review which at the core just says: this kind of sucks and is all spectacle and no substance. I am a tad bit surprised they aren’t like: Keanu … can we not? Which was the impression I got when the movie actually came out.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEoDulGTElE/

(BWAAAAAAAAAAAH! BWAAAAAAAAAH! Looks dumb. I can’t believe they thought this was a movie that looked good and made sense. It looks ridiculous.)

Directors – Carl Rinsch – ( BMT: 47 Ronin; Notes: Oh right … we actually had a theory that this guy was actually just a proxy for Keanu filming the film himself. He has no other credits and really hasn’t since either. Almost seems like a pseudonym, although there is a picture on IMDb so maybe that isn’t quite correct.)

Writers – Chris Morgan – ( Known For: Fast & Furious 6; Furious 7; Wanted; Fast Five; The Fate of the Furious; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; Shazam! Fury of the Gods; Cellular; The Vatican Tapes; Connected; Red One; BMT: Fast & Furious; The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift; 47 Ronin; Notes: Jeez, he’s got a lot on his plate. Another Fast & Furious film, a Conan film, a Gears of War film, and a Bride of Frankenstein film (?). That last one seems maybe like some weird holdover from when the Dark Universe was being developed.)

Hossein Amini – ( Known For: Drive; Snow White and the Huntsman; The Four Feathers; The Two Faces of January; Our Kind of Traitor; Killshot; The Wings of the Dove; Jude; Shanghai; BMT: 47 Ronin; The Snowman; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for The Wings of the Dove. I’m not joking when I say … I’ve never heard of that film, and it was nominated for a real award (writing) in a relatively recent year (1998). Bizarre. Writes a lot of television now including the Obi-Wan show.)

Walter Hamada – ( BMT: 47 Ronin; Notes: Kind of weird, I think this was maybe his spec script. But now he’s a huge producer overseeing all of the DC content for WB. Although I imagine that is now past-tense and he no longer does that. His only upcoming project is a live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film.)

Actors – Keanu Reeves – ( Known For: The Matrix; John Wick; The Matrix Reloaded; John Wick: Chapter 2; John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum; The Devil’s Advocate; Speed; Constantine; John Wick: Chapter 4; Toy Story 4; The Matrix Resurrections; Bram Stoker’s Dracula; Point Break; Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure; Something’s Gotta Give; A Scanner Darkly; Knock Knock; The Neon Demon; Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey; DC League of Super-Pets; Future BMT: The Matrix Revolutions; Street Kings; Sweet November; Chain Reaction; Feeling Minnesota; BMT: The Day the Earth Stood Still; 47 Ronin; The Lake House; Johnny Mnemonic; Replicas; The Watcher; Notes: Y’all know Keanu. Do you think they will ever actually make the Constantine sequel? I guess they could, he’s only become more famous and the film has something of a cult following which could work. Attached to a BRZRKR film which is weird.)

Hiroyuki Sanada – ( Known For: Avengers: Endgame; The Wolverine; The Last Samurai; Bullet Train; John Wick: Chapter 4; Sunshine; Minions; Life; Mortal Kombat; Army of the Dead; Army of Thieves; Speed Racer; Ringu; Mr. Holmes; The Railway Man; The Twilight Samurai; Minamata; Ring 2; The Catcher Was a Spy; The Promise; Future BMT: Rush Hour 3; BMT: 47 Ronin; Notes: Was in Shogun which is fun. Also was in John Wick 4 so seems to have continued a relationship with Keanu of some kind. Was scorpion in Mortal Kombat, I wonder if that sequel will ever happen.)

Kô Shibasaki – ( Known For: Battle Royale; The Boy and the Heron; One Missed Call; Kiraware Matsuko no isshô; Suspect X; Crying Out Love in the Center of the World; Go; Dororo; Tokyo Raiders; Over Your Dead Body; Detective Conan: Private Eye in the Distant Sea; Doomsday: The Sinking of Japan; Child of Kamiari Month; Shôrin shôjo; Scarecrow; Mezon do Himiko; Maiko haaaan!!!; Yomigaeri; Nobunaga Concerto: The Movie; Baragaki: Unbroken Samurai; BMT: 47 Ronin; Notes: Did a voice in The Boy and the Hero. Seems to be much more in the Japanese cinema scene at the moment.)

Budget/Gross – $175,000,000 / Domestic: $38,362,475 (Worldwide: $151,783,839)

(Yeah terrible. I remember when this came out and it was a notably huge bomb.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 16% (14/89): 47 Ronin is a surprisingly dull fantasy adventure, one that leaves its talented international cast stranded within one dimensional roles.

(Yeah seems about right. To me the supernatural elements being so in your face and CGI is an issue and it should have been much more grounded until they went off briefly to get the magic swords. But that’s just me.)

Reviewer Highlight: There’s nothing pretty or exciting about this movie (inexplicably, it’s in 3-D), even when all anyone’s doing is fighting. – Wesley Morris, Grantland

Poster – 47 Bone-in Steaks

(I like the pop of orange in the middle, but the fact that this is a poster for a movie featuring a large number of samurai (who knows how many) is crazy. Like that tattoo bone person is more important than the main character samurai? Really? Bizarre. C+)

Tagline(s) – This Christmas, seize eternity. (D-)

(Noooooooooo! If you have this as a tagline then you are required to feature Santa Claus. Is Santa Claus on of the 47 Ronin? The answer better be yes.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Best Options (2013-2013): 73.6 The Last Exorcism Part II (2013), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 55.1 The Green Inferno (2013), 54.8 The Smurfs 2 (2013), 54.4 The Counselor (2013), 46.7 Machete Kills (2013), 46.4 Walking with Dinosaurs 3D (2013), 46.4 Baggage Claim (2013), 44.2 Identity Thief (2013), 44.1 Paranoia (2013), 41.6 Planes (2013), 41.3 The Hangover Part III (2013), 40.6 The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013), 40.4 Admission (2013), 39.6 21 & Over (2013), 36.2 The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (2013), 35.6 Free Birds (2013), 31.5 Peeples (2013), 29.9 Broken City (2013), 27.6 47 Ronin (2013), 25.5 The Fifth Estate (2013), 24.7 The Internship (2013), 19.4 Kick-Ass 2 (2013), 19.3 Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013), 10.2 Labor Day (2013)

(Alright … well, we could have maybe don’t a better one here, but look through those films. 2013 was just chockablock full of nonsense! But yeah, something like Paranoia (which I’ve actually seen) or Labor Day could have been more interesting.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Keanu Reeves is No. 1 billed in 47 Ronin and No. 1 billed in The Lake House, which also stars Sandra Bullock (No. 2 billed) who is in Demolition Man (No. 3 billed) which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 4 (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 16. If we were to watch Sweet November we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – According to Keanu Reeves, filming was first done in Japanese for the sake of the supporting cast, and then filming was done in English.

Carl Rinsch clashed with Universal over the final vision of the film. Universal wanted to make an effects-driven fantasy blockbuster akin to Avatar (2009) or The Lord of the Rings, while Rinsch envisioned the film as more of a drama, such as Gladiator (2000), or Kingdom of Heaven (2005).

This is the seventh cinematic adaptation of the 47 Ronin incident, after The 47 Ronin (1941), The Loyal 47 Ronin (1958), Chushingura (1962), The Fall of Ako Castle (1978), 47 Ronin (1994), and The Last Ronin (2010). This is however the first Hollywood cinematic adaptation.

The film’s budget ballooned to $175 million because of complex re-shoots and a lengthy post-production period. While not a success in cinemas, it did well on VOD, DVD, and Blu-ray.

The character of Kai seems to be patterned after Minamoto Yoshitsune, a twelfth-century warrior said to have been trained in martial arts by Tengu.

Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) Preview

“Ahhhhhhhhh,” Kyle screams. “Ahhhhhhh, you’re super gross. Ahhhhhhh.” It’s the best he can muster given that he will assuredly die at the hands of the horrific winged rat that has come to murder him. Jorge runs screaming down a nearby corridor, which appears to distress the rat monster. It sighs. “No one comes back from the catacombs. Time works differently in the catacombs,” it mumbles. It turns back to Kyle. “So how is my beautiful boy? Have you made my meat friends beautiful for me?” Kyle stops screaming and looks around the room. There are large sculptures of bones, hair, and meat scattered about. They are oddly beautiful creatures. “Oh joy!” the rat monster exclaims, “they are beautiful indeed. Wonder of wonders. You are truly my beautiful boy, Kyle. And more than that. You are my beautiful friend.” Kyle is extremely confused. The rat monster continues to explain helpfully. “As promised I will give you back your meat friends for my meat friends and thank you. No one ever makes them for me. They always run screaming into the catacombs and time works differently there. They don’t come back. But your friends fainted after I snatched them and then you seemed to think I was someone else. Usually they just run into the catacombs and…” Kyle stops paying attention. It appears the catacombs are the way the prison has gotten rid of unwanted prisoners. Or perhaps they thought it was the monster. It’s a bit confusing really. Regardless, it appears that in his haze he had satisfied some contract with the monster and everything was actually OK. “Where are my… meat friends?” He asks. The rat monster brightens. “Oh, I stashed them over there,” it says, and points at the catacombs. Kyle sighs. This is going to be a nightmare. That’s right! We are entering the final nightmare by watching the Nightmare on Elm Street remake from 2010. Seems like a bad idea at the time and it was. Great. Let’s go!

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) – BMeTric: 61.3; Notability: 51

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 5.6%; Notability: top 9.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.2%; Higher BMeT: The Last Airbender, Vampires Suck, Birdemic: Shock and Terror, Skyline, Sex and the City 2, Furry Vengeance, Jonah Hex, Marmaduke, Gulliver’s Travels, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Yogi Bear, Tekken, My Soul to Take, Tooth Fairy; Higher Notability: Clash of the Titans, The Wolfman, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Sex and the City 2, The Tourist, Valentine’s Day, Gulliver’s Travels, Marmaduke, Little Fockers, Tooth Fairy, The Last Airbender, Shanghai, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Eat Pray Love, All Good Things, Jonah Hex, Burlesque, Takers, When in Rome, and 3 more; Lower RT: Tekken, Father of Invention, Passion Play, Twelve, Shanghai, Vampires Suck, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, The Last Airbender, Waiting for Forever, The Tortured, 13, 6 Souls, Furry Vengeance, Crazy on the Outside, Saw 3D, Marmaduke, Little Fockers, Killers, Grown Ups, My Soul to Take, and 5 more; Notes: Let’s see. Another crazy high Notability and BMeTric. 7/14 for higher BMeTric, but get this … it was 7/7 for the top seven and then nothing for the next seven which is kind of funny. 9/20 for the top 20 Notabilities. The biggest crime is probably us not biting the bullet and doing all the Meet the Parents films.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – Forget about the plot, the actors and the director. What you require to make a new “Nightmare on Elm Street” are these three off-the-shelf sound effects: 1. A sudden, loud clanging noise mixed with a musical chord. 2. Snicker-snack sounds, which Freddy Krueger’s steel finger claws make every time they are seen. 3. A voice deepener, to drop Freddy’s speaking voice to an ominous level. … I stared at “A Nightmare on Elm Street” with weary resignation. The movie consists of a series of teenagers who are introduced, haunted by nightmares and then slashed to death by Freddy. So what? Are we supposed to be scared? Is the sudden clanging chord supposed to evoke a fearful Pavlovian response? For Rufus, maybe, but not for me. Here, boy.

(I kind of agree. The issue with the film is that it doesn’t really bring much new stuff to the table and what is new isn’t usually great. So why? Why remake the series. Why not just split off as a direct sequel to the original or something. I feel like Halloween ultimately had the write idea even if the execution left something to be desired.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNWZVIYGapI/

(Boom, the Ohio flag front and center. So they at least got that right. You have to firmly established what state this movie is in. Otherwise it is no fun. Oh, I remember seeing the makeup in like Entertainment Weekly or something and just being very unimpressed.)

Directors – Samuel Bayer – ( BMT: A Nightmare on Elm Street; Notes: From what I can tell he has over 100 directing credits and this is the only feature. They are basically all music videos.)

Writers – Wesley Strick – ( Known For: Cape Fear; Arachnophobia; Wolf; Return to Paradise; Final Analysis; True Believer; Love Is the Drug; Future BMT: The Saint; The Glass House; BMT: Doom; A Nightmare on Elm Street; The Loft; Notes: Wrote seven episodes of The Man in the High Castle more recently. His last feature was the BMT film The Loft.)

Eric Heisserer – ( Known For: Arrival; Bird Box; Lights Out; Final Destination 5; Extinction; Hours; Future BMT: The Thing; BMT: A Nightmare on Elm Street; Bloodshot; Notes: Apparently attached to a new Van Helsing film. Has written and developed the Shadow and Bone television show.)

Wes Craven – ( Known For: A Nightmare on Elm Street; The Hills Have Eyes; Freddy vs. Jason; The Last House on the Left; A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors; A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge; Paris, I Love You; New Nightmare; A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master; The Last House on the Left; The People Under the Stairs; The Hills Have Eyes; Swamp Thing; The Hills Have Eyes Part II; Deadly Blessing; Future BMT: The Hills Have Eyes 2; Pulse; My Soul to Take; Shocker; BMT: A Nightmare on Elm Street; Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare; A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child; Notes: Obviously a character credit only. I would probably think it is cool to finish Wes Craven’s filmography at some point … but I kind of don’t want to watch The Hills Have Eyes.)

Actors – Jackie Earle Haley – ( Known For: Shutter Island; Watchmen; Alita: Battle Angel; Lincoln; RoboCop; Little Children; Breaking Away; The Bad News Bears; The Birth of a Nation; Parkland; Criminal Activities; Winged Creatures; The Retirement Plan; Nemesis; The Day of the Locust; Damnation Alley; Losin’ It; Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence; The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training; My Father’s Dragon; Future BMT: Dark Shadows; Semi-Pro; All the King’s Men; BMT: London Has Fallen; The Dark Tower; A Nightmare on Elm Street; Hypnotic; Notes: Former child actor most notably for The Bad News Bears. He’s all over the place still, although I don’t recognize the four projects he has in production. Nominated for an Oscar for Little Children.)

Rooney Mara – ( Known For: The Social Network; Her; The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo; Lion; Side Effects; Nightmare Alley; Carol; Kubo and the Two Strings; A Ghost Story; Youth in Revolt; Women Talking; The Discovery; Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot; Trash; Ain’t Them Bodies Saints; Song to Song; Una; Mary Magdalene; The Secret Scripture; The Winning Season; Future BMT: Pan; BMT: A Nightmare on Elm Street; Notes: Wow that’s an impressive filmography light on qualifiers. She’s somehow related for both Rooney and Mara the owners of the Steelers and Jets.)

Kyle Gallner – ( Known For: American Sniper; Smile; Scream; Jennifer’s Body; Red Eye; Beautiful Creatures; The Finest Hours; Red State; Wet Hot American Summer; Dear White People; Just Before I Go; Smashed; Red; Ghosts of War; CBGB; The Cleansing Hour; Beautiful Boy; The Passenger; Dinner in America; Little Birds; BMT: A Nightmare on Elm Street; The Haunting in Connecticut; Notes: I mostly know him for Veronica Mars, season 2. Although now I do realize he’s the swimming kid who loses his buddy in Wet Hot American Summer.)

Budget/Gross – $35,000,000 / Domestic: $63,075,011 (Worldwide: $115,695,339)

(That’s actually not bad considering the budget. See? Horror prints money. Even bad horror. It is a wonder they didn’t just charge forward with a sequel.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 14% (26/184): Visually faithful but lacking the depth and subversive twists that made the original so memorable, the Nightmare on Elm Street remake lives up to its title in the worst possible way.

(Yeah, that is it right? The original had a few very in your face moments. The body bag, the electric claws, the rotating room, the man eating bed, the elastic wall, etc. A ton. This either copied all of those or just didn’t bring anything new or interesting to the table.)

Reviewer Highlight: Traffics in overly familiar scare tactics, setting up predictable false alarms and telegraphing in advance just when Freddy will pop into the frame and utter one of his labored witticisms. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – Frightmare on Sklog Street

(Sure why not. I’m not going to knock them going for a classic. A touch of font to spice it up. I’m cool with it. B+.)

Tagline(s) – Welcome to Your New Nightmare. (C-)

(Nah. You can’t take the title of the last movie and just use it as the tagline.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Best Options (franchise): 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 71.3 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 64.8 The Final Destination (2009), 64.1 Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014), 62.2 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 61.3 Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), 61.2 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 61.0 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 58.5 Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), 57.9 The Transporter Refueled (2015), 55.2 Annabelle (2014), 53.3 Meet the Browns (2008), 53.0 Madea’s Witness Protection (2012), 51.1 Madea’s Big Happy Family (2011), 51.1 Little Fockers (2010), 50.9 Saw 3D (2010), …

(We could have done Paranormal Activity 4 but that would have been a disaster. This was an option that finished off a major franchise, didn’t have a ton of homework, and was considered terrible. By far the best option.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jackie Earle Haley is No. 1 billed in A Nightmare on Elm Street and No. 6 billed in Hypnotic, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 6) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 15. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Freddy’s sweater was knitted by Judy Graham, the same woman who knitted Freddy’s sweater in the original A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984).

Kyle Gallner suffered a cut to his abdomen when the glove Jackie Earle Haley had been wearing failed to bend back down, leaving one of the knives still extended. Haley didn’t realize this until the scene was finished.

For his big scene in the opening sequence, Kellan Lutz chose not to sleep for a few days to get himself into character.

When Jackie Earle Haley was asked what put him in the right mindset to play Freddy Krueger, he said “sitting in the makeup chair for three hours. After that, you feel like you could kill someone.”

Freddy says that the human brain will still function well over seven minutes after death. This is actually true, the human brain will function nearly ten minutes after death. Note: This is not true. If the brain is still functioning, you are, by definition, not dead. You may dying, but those are not the same things.

G-Force Preview

Between dancing with his mannequins and assuring his mother that he is making them beautiful for her (always for her) during one of her many unsettling visits to his room, Kyle slowly makes his way to the mannequin in the corner. “Pssst,” he whispers, not wanting to alert his mother or make the other mannequins jealous. “Is… is someone else there?” A shaky voice responds. He was right! This isn’t just a gorgeous mannequin, it’s a man trapped down here like him. He tells him what has happened. “Whu… Kyle? My god, it’s me, Jorge. How? We were sent down after you. Me and the other Dos Amigos. They’re gone. They’re dead.” Kyle is shaken. He doesn’t want to ask the question but he can’t help it. How long ago did they get sent down to the basement? The room grows colder. He could feel his mother returning. “Kyle… it’s been three weeks. They said you guys were fine. That you got all your spoons and we could too,” Jorge responds. Kyle quickly tries to explain. The hallucinations. The flashlight. Why is it happening to him? The questions are spilling out of him. They can hear the door creaking open. His mother! My god! Jorge grabs him by the shirt and shakes him hard. “Help me, you imbecile. You are just protecting yourself with your memories of a safe place. Your youthful mannequin factory. Snap out of it and help me!” At that, Jorge slaps him and his eyes clear. He is shocked and disgusted to find he’s not in a cozy mannequin factory at all. He’s in a dusty basement and numerous rodents are crawling around his feet. When he looks up he sees his mother… but now she’s a giant rat with wings and it is super gross. That’s right! We are watching a film full of super gross rodents. No, it’s not a rewatch of Graveyard Shift (I wish). It’s G-Force where a bunch of guinea pigs are on a secret mission to take money from unsuspecting parents of kids who like talking animals. Gross. Let’s go!

G-Force (2009) – BMeTric: 61.6; Notability: 71

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.8%; Notability: top 4.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 15.8%; Higher BMeT: Dragonball Evolution, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Stan Helsing, S. Darko, The Unborn, Dance Flick, Halloween II, Year One, All About Steve, Did You Hear About the Morgans?, The Final Destination, Bitch Slap, Survival of the Dead, Obsessed; Higher Notability: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, 2012, Angels & Demons, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Terminator Salvation, The Lovely Bones, Nine, Fast & Furious, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Land of the Lost; Lower RT: Labor Pains, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, Miss March, Old Dogs, All About Steve, Whiteout, Beyond a Reasonable Doubt, Echelon Conspiracy, Post Grad, My Life in Ruins, The Unborn, Bride Wars, Couples Retreat, Did You Hear About the Morgans?, The Pink Panther 2, The Stepfather, S. Darko, I Love You, Beth Cooper, The Ugly Truth, Year One, and 19 more; Notes: That Notability is insane. Is it because you have a whole cast of voice actors and regular actors? I am peronsonally 7/11 for the Notability ones and 8/17 on BMeTric, so still a ways to go on 2009.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – “G-Force” is a pleasant, inoffensive 3-D animated farce about a team of superspy guinea pigs who do battle with a mad billionaire who wants to conquer the earth by programming all the home appliances made by his corporation to follow his instructions. It will possibly be enjoyed by children of all ages.

(Children of all ages, huh? I disagree. It skews a bit young, especially the middle bit where it is just a bunch of CGI guinea pigs running around without a discernible plot.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AD_fezWiaZ0/

(They put the sexy guinea pig in the trailer! What are we teaching our kids? The cast is stacked though. This trailer is also so long, what the hell?)

Directors – Hoyt Yeatman – ( BMT: G-Force; Notes: A very well established visual effects guy. Still does stuff, he’s the supervisor on the show Schmigadoon! for example. Won an Oscar for The Abyss, and was nominated for Mighty Joe Young.)

Writers – Cormac Wibberley and Marianne Wibberley – ( Known For: National Treasure; Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle; The 6th Day; Motel Blue; Future BMT: Bad Boys II; National Treasure: Book of Secrets; The Shaggy Dog; BMT: I Spy; G-Force; Notes: Married, and they seem to have some relationship with Nic Cage maybe. Cormac’s father was a writer in his own right, including writing the novel The Mouse that Roared.)

Hoyt Yeatman – ( BMT: G-Force; Notes: He possibly has a second feature directing job lined up called Voyager 3D … but I’m skeptical.)

David P.I. James – ( BMT: G-Force; Notes: Also a visual effects guy, worked with Yeatman on at least Mission to Mars I think. He did effects on the BMT classic Ghosted.)

Actors – Will Arnett – ( Known For: Ratatouille; Despicable Me; The Lego Movie; Men in Black³; Ice Age: The Meltdown; Grindhouse; Blades of Glory; Monsters vs. Aliens; The Lego Batman Movie; Horton Hears a Who!; Minions: The Rise of Gru; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping; Wristcutters: A Love Story; Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers; The Rocker; Teen Titans GO! To the Movies; Next Goal Wins; Rumble; Series 7: The Contenders; Future BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows; Hot Rod; Semi-Pro; Monster-in-Law; RV; The Nut Job; Let’s Go to Prison; The Comebacks; The Brothers Solomon; The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature; BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; When in Rome; Jonah Hex; G-Force; Show Dogs; Notes: Nominated for 7 Emmys which I found kind of crazy because I couldn’t really think of what show he did that garnered that amount of love. It was once for Arrested Development, four times as a guest star on 30 Rock, and twice as the producer of Bojack Horseman. Kind of amazing he’s top billed.)

Penélope Cruz – ( Known For: Murder on the Orient Express; Blow; Vicky Cristina Barcelona; Volver; All About My Mother; To Rome with Love; Open Your Eyes; Pain and Glory; Broken Embraces; Ferrari; Everybody Knows; Bandidas; Parallel Mothers; Live Flesh; I’m So Excited!; Elegy; Loving Pablo; Twice Born; Head in the Clouds; Jamón, Jamón; Future BMT: Gothika; The Brothers Grimsby; The Counselor; Sahara; Nine; The 355; All the Pretty Horses; Woman on Top; BMT: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides; Vanilla Sky; Sex and the City 2; Zoolander 2; G-Force; Captain Corelli’s Mandolin; Notes: Kind of insane she is listed first among the voice actors! Won an Oscar for Vicky Cristina Barcelona, and was nominated three other times including for the future BMT film Nine which is bizarre to think about.)

Zach Galifianakis – ( Known For: The Hangover; Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance); Into the Wild; Up in the Air; Puss in Boots; The Lego Batman Movie; It’s Kind of a Funny Story; The Campaign; Dinner for Schmucks; The Muppets; Youth in Revolt; Heartbreakers; A Wrinkle in Time; Ron’s Gone Wrong; Muppets Most Wanted; Between Two Ferns: The Movie; Missing Link; Below; The Bob’s Burgers Movie; Justin Bieber’s Believe; Future BMT: The Hangover Part II; Due Date; The Hangover Part III; Masterminds; Bubble Boy; Tulip Fever; Corky Romano; BMT: What Happens in Vegas; Keeping Up with the Joneses; G-Force; Out Cold; Notes: His current career is kind of weird. Lots of voice acting at this point (including an upcoming Lilo & Stitch remake?). But then he does odd small comedies, and he’s playing himself (presumably as the penthouse resident) in the next season of Only Murders in the Building.)

Budget/Gross – $150,000,000 / Domestic: $119,436,770 (Worldwide: $292,817,898)

(See. I feel like the original budget for this was like $100 million and they would have been fine. A small profit, but still fine. $300 million worldwide and probably not making a ton is just not how children’s programming works I think.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (28/128): G-Force features manic action, but fails to come up with interesting characters or an inspired plot.

(Yeah that sounds correct. The rating is actually lover that I expected. Something about this film screams 30s. But 22% is really really solid.)

Reviewer Highlight: Pointing out G-Force’s plot holes would be redundant; it’s more hole than plot, and more videogame commercial and exhausted-old-trope clearinghouse than film. – Tasha Robinson, AV Club

Poster – skloG-Force

(Why in the world are they in a desert? And why are there helicopters in the background? Are they… are they implying that these guinea pigs are somehow involved in a ground war in the Middle East? My word. D)

Tagline(s) – The world needs bigger heroes (A-)

(Ha! I don’t like the poster at all, but I like this tagline. It’s funny. So sue me.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Prom Night (2008), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas (2014), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (2011), Getaway (2013), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Boy Next Door (2015), …

Best Options (Fist Fight): 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 64.8 Sex Tape (2014), 63.5 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 61.6 G-Force (2009), 59.4 First Sunday (2008), 55.1 Evan Almighty (2007), 54.4 The Counselor (2013), 52.3 How Do You Know (2010), 50.5 Cop Out (2010), 48.6 Lottery Ticket (2010), 43.9 Prom (2011), 42.8 12 Rounds (2009), 40.1 The Heartbreak Kid (2007), 37.9 Think Like a Man Too (2014), 37.1 Hall Pass (2011), 34.1 Taken 3 (2014), 30.4 Vacation (2015), 24.7 The Internship (2013), 24.7 The Change-Up (2011), 24.7 Horrible Bosses 2 (2014), 24.0 Before I Go to Sleep (2014), 23.2 Secret in Their Eyes (2015), 21.7 Let’s Be Cops (2014), 19.1 Life as We Know It (2010), 18.6 For Colored Girls (2010), 15.8 The Odd Life of Timothy Green (2012), 15.2 Men, Women & Children (2014), 14.8 Max (2015), 14.2 Death Sentence (2007), 13.6 When the Game Stands Tall (2014), 4.7 Little Boy (2015)

(Because it is really considered to be quite bad this is actually an impressive option. Spoiler: I’ve actually seen Sex Tape (a boring commercial for an iPad and Apple cloud storage) and Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (really unpleasant and unnecessary), so those were never in the cards. This gave the best through-line for the chain in the end.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Nicolas Cage is No. 5 billed in G-Force and No. 1 billed in The Wicker Man, which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (5 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Director Hoyt Yeatman’s son, Hoyt Yeatman IV, came up with the original idea for the film when he was five years old. Yeatman liked his son’s story so much that he brought it to producer Jerry Bruckheimer.

The “Coke” Ferris wheel shown in the movie is located on the island of Okinawa, Japan in a shopping and entertainment district called “American Village.”

This was Jerry Bruckheimer’s first 3-D film.

Nicolas Cage’s 2nd time voice acting in a theatrical film, after The Ant Bully (2006).

This is the second film that Nicolas Cage and Steve Buscemi made with Jerry Bruckheimer since Con Air (1997).

I Don’t Know How She Does It Preview

Oh, how they danced! Kyle and Sabrina twirled the night away. “This is the best prom evvvveerrrrrr,” Kyle screamed in glee. The lights! The decorations! The “Mannequin Factory After Dark” theme! Sweating, he asks if she would like to sit and have a drink. “The punch looks delicious,” he says. She gives no response. Playing coy, as usual. “Oh, you are incorrigible,” he says with a chuckle, “but I am tired so why don’t you take a seat and I’ll grab you a drink.” As he fetches the punch he realizes the flashlight in his hand is flickering. As he puts it up to his face to try to steady the beam it flashes again and briefly blinds him. In that moment he gets the sense that he’s not at the prom at all. It seemed instead that he was in some horrific underground lair. The floor is strewn with bones. The air is musty and cold. Worst of all he caught a glimpse of two men unconscious on the floor. While muscular, these men weren’t overly muscular but rather ideal in tone. They had the bodies of dancers and were exceptionally handsome to boot. He gasps when he realizes the most startling fact. They were identical. Identical just like his beautiful mannequins. He must save these mannequin-like men! But when he looks at his flashlight is now completely dead. He looks around the prom, but it’s again all beautiful dancing mannequins as far as the eye can see. How can such heaven also be such hell? Suddenly he sees a mannequin in the corner shaking with fear. She’s afraid. How strange. That’s it! This mannequin must be able to see the world for what it is… but how? “I don’t know how she does it,” Kyle mutters. That’s right! We are watching I Don’t Know How She Does It… more like I Don’t Know Why We’re Watching This, am I right? Let’s go!

I Don’t Know How She Does It (2011) – BMeTric: 57.9; Notability: 38

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.6%; Notability: top 16.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.6%; Higher BMeT: Jack and Jill, The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Shark Night, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, 11-11-11, Hellraiser: Revelations, The Roommate, The Darkest Hour, Conan the Barbarian, Abduction, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Zookeeper, Apollo 18, Twixt; Higher Notability: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Cars 2, Green Lantern, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, New Year’s Eve, The Smurfs, Hop, Red Riding Hood, Your Highness, Jack and Jill, Battle Los Angeles, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, The Hangover Part II, Sucker Punch, I Am Number Four, In Time, Larry Crowne, Johnny English Reborn, Just Go with It, and 21 more; Lower RT: Faces in the Crowd, Hellraiser: Revelations, Love, Wedding, Marriage, Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Roommate, A Little Bit of Heaven, Hick, Abduction, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Dream House, New Year’s Eve, 11-11-11, Trespass, Red Riding Hood, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Season of the Witch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, The Darkest Hour, Atlas Shrugged: Part I, and 6 more; Notes: We really are at almost exactly half of the big boys in this era, it is amazing. We have so many to do, but I would argue we really have hit up like 70% of the best options. Ugh, we have to rewatch the Transformer films at some point.

EW – D+ – I don’t know why she does it.

(That’s a classic zinger by Lisa Schwarzbaum from EW. I might have to buy the last Leonard Maltin guide. I can get the 2010 edition online (kind of), but I just miss this one and I am pretty curious as to what Ebert / Maltin thought of this. Alas this had to be a rare miss.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJPKOS9DZeg

(We talking about a secret Christmas film in New York?! I guess sign me up. Oh the movie? Looks lame.)

Directors – Douglas McGrath – ( Known For: Emma; Infamous; Nicholas Nickleby; Company Man; Becoming Mike Nichols; BMT: I Don’t Know How She Does It; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for writing Bullets Over Broadway. Died in 2022.)

Writers – Aline Brosh McKenna – ( Known For: The Devil Wears Prada; Cruella; 27 Dresses; We Bought a Zoo; Morning Glory; Your Place or Mine; Future BMT: Annie; Laws of Attraction; Three to Tango; BMT: I Don’t Know How She Does It; Notes: Created Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Was apparently the fifth person hired to adapt The Devil Wears Prada.)

Allison Pearson – ( BMT: I Don’t Know How She Does It; Notes: Apparently a columnist for The Daily Telegraph and supported Brexit.)

Actors – Sarah Jessica Parker – ( Known For: Mars Attacks!; Ed Wood; Sex and the City; Footloose; The Family Stone; The First Wives Club; Hocus Pocus 2; Flight of the Navigator; L.A. Story; Smart People; State and Main; Extreme Measures; Honeymoon in Vegas; Girls Just Want to Have Fun; Strangers with Candy; All Roads Lead to Rome; Miami Rhapsody; Here and Now; What She Said: The Art of Pauline Kael; Spinning Into Butter; Future BMT: Hocus Pocus; Striking Distance; If Lucy Fell; ‘Til There Was You; Firstborn; BMT: New Year’s Eve; Failure to Launch; Sex and the City 2; Did You Hear About the Morgans?; Escape from Planet Earth; I Don’t Know How She Does It; Dudley Do-Right; Notes: Nominated for 10 Emmys for Sex and the City, won two of them. Still doing it too, which is kind of a trip to think about.)

Pierce Brosnan – ( Known For: The World’s End; Mrs. Doubtfire; Mamma Mia!; GoldenEye; Mars Attacks!; Die Another Day; The World Is Not Enough; Tomorrow Never Dies; Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief; The Ghost Writer; The Foreigner; Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again; Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga; The Thomas Crown Affair; No Escape; Cinderella; The Matador; Survivor; The Out-Laws; A Long Way Down; Future BMT: Remember Me; Dante’s Peak; The November Man; After the Sunset; Laws of Attraction; Love Affair; BMT: Black Adam; The Lawnmower Man; I Don’t Know How She Does It; The King’s Daughter; Notes: I talked a bit about his family like in the Black Adam preview. He’s James Bond! Sure most of his Bond films weren’t very good, but GoldenEye is still great, and a great video game.)

Kelsey Grammer – ( Known For: X-Men: Days of Future Past; Toy Story 2; X-Men: The Last Stand; Anastasia; Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising; The Marvels; Storks; Middle Men; Like Father; Jesus Revolution; Father Christmas Is Back; Crazy on the Outside; Best of Enemies: Buckley vs. Vidal; Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans; Money Plane; Grand Isle; Even Money; The God Committee; The Big Empty; 7 Guardians of the Tomb; Future BMT: Entourage; 15 Minutes; Down Periscope; Think Like a Man Too; Just Visiting; Swing Vote; Fame; An American Carol; BMT: Transformers: Age of Extinction; The Expendables 3; I Don’t Know How She Does It; Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return; Notes: Won five Emmys. Was kind of famously a rare right wing Hollywood guy back when that was just considered an odd quirk of the Clinton era.)

Budget/Gross – $24,000,000 / Domestic: $9,662,284 (Worldwide: $31,410,151)

(Brutal return. But then again … I had never heard of this film until this very moment, so I guess that makes sense.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 17% (19/114): A limp comedy with a hopelessly outdated viewpoint on gender, featuring Sarah Jessica Parker in rote Carrie-mode.

(Yeah, it seems like the storyline seems a tad bit old fashioned. I fear I’m going to find out exactly why they got Kelsey Grammer for this film…)

Reviewer Highlight: “I Don’t Know How She Does It” seems stuck in the past. – Stephen Holden, New York Times

Poster – I Don’t Know Why We’re Watching This

(A joke so nice I’ll use it twice. I might even use it thrice. Stay tuned. So this is bad, but it’s artistic in a way that belies its badness. Does that make it good? Not exactly. But it rises all the way up to mediocrity. C.)

Tagline(s) – If it were easy, men would do it too. (F)

(I don’t… I don’t know what this means.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Interstellar (2014), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), The Avengers (2012), Shutter Island (2010), Avatar (2009)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 The Pyramid (2014), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 69.4 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 69.2 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 68.7 Captivity (2007)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Prom Night (2008), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Getaway (2013), …

Best Options (Romance): 64.8 Sex Tape (2014), 62.1 Obsessed (2009), 58.0 I Don’t Know How She Does It (2011), 55.4 The Back-up Plan (2010), 53.2 Aloha (2015), 52.3 How Do You Know (2010), 51.1 Little Fockers (2010), 51.0 Over Her Dead Body (2008), …

(yeah, relatively low, but I can see why we chose this. Obsessed is for another day I feel like (and I’m pretty sure Jamie already saw it), and I’ve definitely seen Sex Tape and that’s a comedy. This one is one of the rare true blue romantic comedies I think.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Greg Kinnear is No. 3 billed in I Don’t Know How She Does It and No. 1 billed in Godsend, which also stars Rebecca Romijn (No. 2 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 3 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (3 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 2) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The painting on the wall, when they are in the restaurant having dinner, is from famous painter Jean-Michel Basquiat.

Pierce Brosnan and Greg Kinnear appeared in The Matador (2005) and Salvation Boulevard (2011).

Sarah Jessica Parker and Pierce Brosnan appeared in Mars Attacks! (1996).

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Sarah Jessica Parker)