Category: Preview

Men in Black: International Preview

Plain Jane is back, Jack! Her new boo, Brad, is away on a big ski vacay with the boys for Xmas break. Holiday blues, anyone? Brain blitz! How about a working vacation for a solo girl on the move? Off she jets to Peru to research her new book: Holly Ween’s Llama Drama. On her way there she has a startling thought: ‘New country, new you.’ With that she dons her Holly Ween disguise and soon she’s the toast of first class. You can take the girl out of the country, but you can’t take the Plain Jane out the girl, apparently, as the first thing she does getting off the airplane is crash right into Alejandro. No one told her that her llama wrangler was going to be so darn tootin’ hot. There’s no crime against flirting is there? After a hijinks-filled tour of Peru, they arrive at their destination, Alejandro’s llama farm. It’s Xmas and Holly Ween and Alejandro soon find themselves under some mistletoe. Just as they are about to share a chaste smooch, Alejandro pulls back. Did he finally see the Plain Jane inside of her? With a pained look he decides to reveal his three darkest secrets. The first is that he actually hates llamas ever since his mother was killed while researching them in the Peruvian jungle. The second is that this wasn’t a chance job assignment. He made a bet with his guy pals that he could make anyone his girlfriend before Xmas and she was the lucky loser. Before she can storm off in disgust he reveals his third secret. He’s in love with her. Oh dear! Plain Jane’s in trouble this time.

“Wow,” Jamie says. Holly Ween’s love story went international… but his is standing right in front of him. That’s right! We are going international with a little Men in Black: International. The last of the MIB saga (people call it that, right?), this one made the mistake of a) not bringing back Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones and b) being terrible. Adding to the mix is our Bring a Friend, which is also ending a significant cultural touchstone. That’s right! After Everything, the concluding chapter of the After series. There were some claims that this had some theatrical release but not according to any reputable news source. Good enough for us. I love After! Let’s go!

Men in Black: International (2019) – BMeTric: 47.8; Notability: 70

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 8.8%; Notability: top 0.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.1%; Higher BMeT: Cats, Black Christmas, The Grudge, Secret Obsession, Escape Plan: The Extractors, IO, Trauma Center, The Fanatic, Hellboy, After, The Curse of La Llorona, The Silence, The Poison Rose, Tall Girl, Rim of the World, The Hustle, Primal, Polaroid, Playing with Fire, Serenity, and 2 more; Higher Notability: Dark Phoenix, Maleficent: Mistress of Evil; Lower RT: Polaroid, The Coldest Game, The Poison Rose, The Hustle, The Fanatic, Hellboy, After, Polar, Cats, The Grudge, Trauma Center, Serenity, Jexi, Miss Bala, Dark Phoenix; Notes: Wow … I kind of forgot this film came out so recently. Only five years ago? And I also forgot the second Maleficent film qualified. That’s wild. We saw some weird films that year, Hellboy? After? Serenity? Weird.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – Most of what’s enjoyable about this sequel have been cribbed from other movies, like the star pairing from “Thor: Ragnarok,” the villains’ similarity to the Twins in “The Matrix Reloaded” and the many references to the original “Men in Black,” including the score and the basic character arcs of a rookie learning the ropes from a top agent. Without its stars’ chemistry, there’s little life left on this sequel planet besides surface-level jokes, too-cute aliens and a convoluted story.

(Makes sense for a spin-off especially in light of the third ultimately concluding the series in a reasonably satisfying manner. What’s left is to try and spin as far away from the series as one can … but then you have to ground it with the basic plot and soundscape and junk. Only way to do it.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3lJwV7ZIIk/

(Even our own agents … spoiler alert that isn’t the plot of this film. I mean, it is, but not in the way it is indicated with like a thousand agents all pointing guns at them. This trailer is soulless trash (in my opinion), hate the music.)

Directors – F. Gary Gray – ( Known For: The Italian Job; The Fate of the Furious; Straight Outta Compton; The Negotiator; Friday; Lift; Set It Off; Future BMT: Law Abiding Citizen; A Man Apart; BMT: Men in Black: International; Be Cool; Notes: He directed “Waterfalls” by TLC. So … like one of the best directors ever I suppose.)

Writers – Matt Holloway and Art Marcum  – ( Known For: Iron Man; Future BMT: Uncharted; BMT: Transformers: The Last Knight; Men in Black: International; Punisher: War Zone; Notes: Oh snap, they are credited with Kraven the Hunter later this year. That could be exciting.)

Lowell Cunningham – ( Known For: Men in Black; Men in Black 3; BMT: Men in Black II; Men in Black: International; Notes: He’s the comic writer. I’m surprised the other writers of Men in Black didn’t get a credit.)

Actors – Chris Hemsworth – ( Known For: The Avengers; Avengers: Endgame; Avengers: Infinity War; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Thor; Thor: Ragnarok; Doctor Strange; Thor: The Dark World; Star Trek; Rush; The Cabin in the Woods; Thor: Love and Thunder; Snow White and the Huntsman; Extraction; Ghostbusters; Bad Times at the El Royale; In the Heart of the Sea; Extraction II; 12 Strong; A Perfect Getaway; Future BMT: Vacation; The Huntsman: Winter’s War; Blackhat; BMT: Men in Black: International; Red Dawn; Notes: Oh shoot, he’s Optimus Prime in the new animated Transformers film. That’s going to be dumb.)

Tessa Thompson – ( Known For: Avengers: Endgame; Thor: Ragnarok; Thor: Love and Thunder; Annihilation; Creed; Creed II; The Marvels; Selma; Creed III; Sorry to Bother You; Between Two Ferns: The Movie; Dear White People; Lady and the Tramp; War on Everyone; Passing; Make It Happen; Sylvie’s Love; Little Woods; The Human Contract; Furlough; Future BMT: When a Stranger Calls; For Colored Girls; BMT: Men in Black: International; Notes: Wait they are making a Creed IV? This series is nuts. Nominated for an Emmy as a producer of the TV Movie Sylvie’s Love.)

Kumail Nanjiani – ( Known For: Eternals; Central Intelligence; The Big Sick; The Five-Year Engagement; The Kings of Summer; Stuber; The Lego Ninjago Movie; The Lovebirds; Hello, My Name Is Doris; Migration; The Late Bloomer; Hell Baby; Bad Milo; Hell and Back; Money Shot: The Pornhub Story; Duck Butter; Addicted to Fresno; Brother Nature; A Happening of Monumental Proportions; Flock of Dudes; Future BMT: Life as We Know It; Sex Tape; Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates; Hot Tub Time Machine 2; BMT: Men in Black: International; Dolittle; Fist Fight; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for writing The Big Sick. He’s in four movies this year, and seems like he comes in and punches them up because he’s quite funny it turns out.)

Budget/Gross – $110,000,000 / Domestic: $80,001,807 (Worldwide: $253,890,701)

(That actually isn’t bad. I wonder if they’ll make another attempt eventually. The brand is probably due to a restart. I wonder in the wake of The Slap whether Will Smith could be convinced to reprise in a passing the torch sequel.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 23% (74/320): Amiable yet forgettable, MiB International grinds its stars’ substantial chemistry through the gears of a franchise running low on reasons to continue.

(No! I don’t accept it. MIB3 shows just how easy it is to make random alien jokes work. The film is still fun and funny and feels like something that isn’t really made. That is a surprisingly low rating overall.)

Reviewer Highlight: Nearly everything here reminds you of something else, often better, cleverer, funnier. – Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Poster – Men in Black: After Everything

(This smacks of them not really knowing what people want. You want the pug? You want the bug aliens? Spoiler Alert: those two things are barely in the film. Also this poster kind of hurts my eyes. The mixture of large white spaces and humans in general doesn’t work on posters. At least it looks like someone put some care into it though. C.)

Tagline(s) – The world’s not going to save itself (D+)

(This tagline is also not going to save itself. Is this supposed to be funny? Or is it merely meant to exist? I can’t tell.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Future BMT: 85.3 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.4 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.9 Black Christmas (2019), 76.3 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.7 The Grudge (2019), 73.7 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.6 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.8 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.5 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.8 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.2 Like a Boss (2020), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)

BMT: Cats (2019), The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), After We Fell (2021), Moonfall (2022), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Morbius (2022), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), …

Best Options (franchise): 79.4 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.9 Black Christmas (2019), 76.3 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.7 The Grudge (2019), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 62.8 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 59.8 Spiral (2021), 57.8 The Transporter Refueled (2015), 52.3 Boo 2! A Madea Halloween (2017), 50.7 Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016), 48.4 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 47.8 Men in Black: International (2019), 45.4 God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness (2018), 44.1 Allegiant (2016), 43.6 A Madea Family Funeral (2019), 43.4 Jigsaw (2017), 43.2 Underworld: Blood Wars (2016), 42.9 Ice Age: Collision Course (2016), 42.8 Insidious: The Last Key (2018), 42.2 Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023), 39.4 Pitch Perfect 3 (2017), 30.4 Vacation (2015), 27.8 The Divergent Series: Insurgent (2015), 27.6 Inferno (2016), 19.4 Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018), 17.1 Venom (2018), 16.1 Pokémon the Movie: I Choose You! (2017)

(Kind of mid table, but it felt like an opportunity to finish off a franchise we just recently visited with the second film. I wonder when we are going to deal with God’s Not Dead.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Chris Hemsworth is No. 1 billed in Men in Black: International and No. 1 billed in Red Dawn, which also stars Josh Hutcherson (No. 3 billed) who is in Five Nights at Freddy’s (No. 1 billed) which also stars Matthew Lillard (No. 4 billed) who is in Wicker Park (No. 3 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) + (4 + 3) + (1 + 3) = 17. If we were to watch The Huntsman: Winter’s War we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Frank the Pug (voiced by Tim Blaney) and the Worm Guys (voiced by Thom Fountain) are the only characters from Men in Black (1997) and Men in Black II (2002) to also physically appear in this one. Although they have a prominent place on the movie’s poster, these characters have less than a minute of screentime.

The MiB Agents have been wearing the same standard issue Hamilton Ventura watch since the beginning. The iconic Ventura watch was first released in 1957.

There is a secret apartment at the top of the Eiffel Tower where Gustave Eiffel entertained famous guests like Thomas Edison.

Tessa Thompson loves the character of Pawny and knew that Kumail Nanjiani would be perfect for the role. Although his character is all CGI, Nanjiani flew out to London so he could read with Thompson and Chris Hemsworth in person, making the character interactions feel more dynamic.

Sir Paul Smith, who helped design the suits for the MiB Agents in this movie, appears as the typewriter repairman at the secret entrance to London’s MiB Headquarters.

Madame Web Preview

“That was beautiful,” Jamie says, tears in his eyes. “Yeah, I know,” Samantha replies, “but I think we should escape the Fashion Police before going into more detail about how great it is.” When they turn to run, though, they find themselves in a jail cell with the rest of the gang. “What thuuuu,” Jamie says dumbly. “Yeah, well this is what happens when you read a full book to each other when we should be running from the Fashion Police,” Patrick says, his voice dripping with disdain. “So what do we do now? You don’t think *gasp* we could be put to death for our Fashion Crimes?” Jamie says, his knees quaking. “Nah, I got a lawyer,” Kyle mumbles through a mouthful of apple fritter the jailer snuck him because everyone loves Kyle. “Rachel,” he finishes. Jamie and Patrick gawk at him. “The pretzel girl… er… I mean, you’re wife/pretzel girl!” Jamie exclaims. Kyle nods, taking a filet mignon from the jailer. “That’s right,” he says proudly, “turns out the pretzels, while delicious, were funding her law degree.” “Great!” Samantha says, “then we’ll be out in no time.” Kyle coughs through a mouthful of creme brulee. “Well, uh, maybe not no time,” he says, “more like once she’s done with the other cases on her docket.” Jamie and Patrick cannot believe how boring this all is. “This is so boring,” Jamie says exasperated, “if this were a book and someone had to read it they wouldn’t even believe just how boring it is and would wonder why they were even reading it.” Now it’s time for Samantha to cough. “We could always read something that everyone agrees isn’t boring,” she says, tapping her next Holly Ween book, Holly Ween’s Llama Drama. That’s right! It’s not llama drama for us, but rather another LIVE! BMT. You know we couldn’t pass up some Madame Web action. It’s Madame Web! Let’s go!

Madame Web (2024) – BMeTric: 77.8; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.0%; Notability: top 0.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.7%; Higher Notability: Argylle, Lift; Lower RT: Air Force One Down, The Painter, Wanted Man; Notes: Hellllllll yeah. That BMeTric ain’t never going down. This is probably one of the only 75+ in years. One second. Only the fourth since 2020. Space Jam 2 is the one very notable one.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – “Madame Web” is not the unmitigated disaster that its clunky trailer or its calendar spot in February would suggest. It’s the big, noisy action sequences that bog “Madame Web” down. Yes, they’re crucial to the genre, but they’re also the least interesting part. And you don’t need to be clairvoyant to know that more movies in this series are in store.

(Uuuuuuuh, I think that might be wrong. This franchise seems directly on the DCEU path of getting thrown right into the dumpster. Like … why make Madame Web 2 again? Why have like a Kraven the Hunter and Morbius team up again? It doesn’t make sense.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_76M4c4LTo/

(“He was with my mother in the Amazon when she was researching spiders right before she died,” is officially an iconic film quote. Not really for the reason you would imagine, but it was joked about not once but twice at the 2024 Oscars.)

Directors – S.J. Clarkson – ( BMT: Madame Web; Notes: Directed a ton of television, but this was her shot at a bit film. She has nothing on the docket so … I don’t know that it was a very successful debut.)

Writers – Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless– ( Known For: Power Rangers; Future BMT: Dracula Untold; BMT: Morbius; Gods of Egypt; The Last Witch Hunter; Madame Web; Notes: Also wrote Morbius, so they are clearly in a major position for the bizarro Sony Spiderman universe they are building.)

Claire Parker – ( Notes: A producer of a bunch of British shows. I assume she got into writing this since she shares a background with Clarkson to some degree.)

S.J. Clarkson – ( BMT: Madame Web; Notes: The only thing she’s written is a British series called Mistresses. And she got credit for the American story based on that.)

Kerem Sanga – ( Known For: First Girl I Loved; The Violent Heart; The Young Kieslowski; BMT: Madame Web; Notes: This writing room is wild. Like … I don’t know any of these films and then suddenly Madame Web out of nowhere.)

Actors – Dakota Johnson – ( Known For: The Social Network; 21 Jump Street; Black Mass; Bad Times at the El Royale; The Five-Year Engagement; The Peanut Butter Falcon; How to Be Single; Suspiria; The Lost Daughter; Persuasion; A Bigger Splash; Cha Cha Real Smooth; Wounds; Our Friend; The High Note; Date and Switch; Goats; Cymbeline; For Ellen; Chloe and Theo; Future BMT: Crazy in Alabama; BMT: Fifty Shades of Grey; Need for Speed; Fifty Shades Darker; Beastly; Fifty Shades Freed; Madame Web; Notes: People deny it, but it is true, there is an effortless charisma to Dakota Johnson that I can’t explain. It is wild that she was in the Fifty Shades films. It is also crazy that we’ve almost seen all of her BMT films.)

Sydney Sweeney – ( Known For: Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood; Under the Silver Lake; The Ward; Anyone But You; The Voyeurs; Night Teeth; Reality; Big Time Adolescence; Nocturne; Spiders; ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction; Dead Ant; Clementine; Angels in Stardust; The Martial Arts Kid; Americana; BMT: Madame Web; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for Euphoria and The White Lotus. Amazing that two of the biggest stars currently are both from that show.)

Isabela Merced – ( Known For: Sicario: Day of the Soldado; Instant Family; Sweet Girl; Dora and the Lost City of Gold; Let It Snow; Migration; Father of the Bride; Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life; Rosaline; Spirit Untamed; The House That Jack Built; Future BMT: The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature; BMT: Transformers: The Last Knight; Madame Web; Notes: Was a Nickelodeon star and was Dora in the live action film. Do we ever do The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature? Who knows.)

Budget/Gross – $80 million / Domestic: $27,783,405 (Worldwide: $53,576,774)

(Of course this is a disaster. There was no other way it could go. I honestly can’t believe they actually produced this film and released it to theaters.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 13% (27/208): Madame Web’s earnest approach to the title character’s origin story has a certain appeal, but its predictable plot and uneven execution make for a forgettable superhero adventure.

(What is this consensus. Give the people what they want! This film is a disaster area and seems almost like a parody orchestrated by the same person who put those limes in Dakota Johnson’s house. That’s my consensus.)

Reviewer Highlight: “Madame Web” is a dud, but it’s one that Johnson transcends long before the final credits roll. – Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Poster – Madame Sklog

(Yes. Yes. Yes. That is a mess in the most delightful way. Nice font though. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Her web connects them all (C-)

(Sure, why not? A perfect amount of laziness in that tagline. It’s like Dakota Johnson wrote it herself.)

Keyword(s) – year 2024

Top 10: The Beekeeper (2024), Teri Baaton Mein Aisa Uljha Jiya (2024), Color of Victory (2024), Fighter (2024), Lift (2024), Argylle (2024), Merry Christmas (2024), Guntur Kaaram (2024), Hanu Man (2024), Madame Web (2024)

Future BMT: 57.3 Night Swim (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Argylle (2024)

Best Options: 75.4 Madame Web (2024), 57.3 Night Swim (2024)

(Helllllllll yeah, we couldn’t miss a 75+, it was impossible. We had to pull the trigger on a second Live early in the year. Quite rare. But also, we have been doing a good job hitting big films during the year. I think these have both been good choices.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dakota Johnson is No. 1 billed in Madame Web and No. 6 billed in Beastly, which also stars Alex Pettyfer (No. 1 billed) who is in Endless Love (No. 1 billed) which also stars Bruce Greenwood (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 6 billed) => (1 + 6) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 6) = 18. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – According to Dakota Johnson in an interview with The Wrap, the screenplay underwent extensive rewrites, saying, “There were drastic changes, and I can’t even tell you what they were”. The original screenplay, which was described as darker and “very ‘Terminator’ inspired,” would have seen Madame Web and the Spider-Women trying to protect a pregnant Mary Parker from Ezekiel Sims, who wants to kill her to prevent the birth of Peter Parker.

Dakota Johnson said, “I’ve never really done a movie where you are on a blue screen, and there’s fake explosions going off, and someone’s going, ‘Explosion!’ and you act like there’s an explosion. That, to me, was absolutely psychotic. I was like, ‘I don’t know if this is going to be good at all! I hope that I did an OK job!’ But I trusted [director S.J. Clarkson]. She works so hard, and she has not taken her eyes off this movie since we started.”

Dakota Johnson left her agency WME in favor of CAA less than a week after the first trailer for this movie dropped. According to Variety, this “raised industry eyebrows,” and generated unfounded rumors that Johnson didn’t like the movie. However, The Hollywood Reporter found that “since CAA was also willing to represent her production company, TeaTime Pictures, along with her indie film, ‘Daddio'” which will be released by Sony Pictures Classics, it is likely the seemingly suspicious timing for the move was nothing more than film-business shuffling.

Dakota Johnson did much of the stunt driving in the film herself, including that of the taxi and the ambulance. She expressed she wanted to perform the stunt where the vehicle drives into a diner but the stunt team wouldn’t let her.

Halloween Kills Preview

Jane is just a plain ol’ girl living a plain ol’ life. Other than the fact that she’s the big time author of the tween rom com hit Holly Ween the Scream Queen. Oh, Holly is everything that she isn’t. Cool, calm, and beautiful. Sigh. One day she returns home to find her latest manuscript stolen and a note demanding that she hand over Holly in exchange for the book. But Holly isn’t real… is she? Only one way to find out. Returning home to the high school where she spent four mortifying years as Plain Jane Never-Been-Kissed she dons a Holly Ween disguise and reenters school as a 25-year-old senior who just got out of a 7 year coma. And wait… is she suddenly hot and cool? Must be just the disguise because she’ll never be anything but Plain Jane Never-Been-Kissed at heart… or will she? Cause in walks captain of the football team Brad who also just got out of a 7 year coma so is also 25-years-old. Just when he is about to ask her to the Homecoming Dance the book thieves take over the school demanding that Jane hand over Holly. Uh oh! She can’t have Brad finding out she’s actually Plain Jane! She’s got to think quickly! In a snap she gets the Homecoming committee to change the dance to a Halloween Costume Bash and dons a Plain Jane disguise. During the dance she is able to smooch Brad, convince the thieves that Holly is on her way, and set up a trap with the help of all her friends. Turns out that Holly was inside Jane the whole time and her new book Holly Ween Slays is a huge hit. 

“Wow,” Jamie says, thinking that Holly Ween doesn’t just slay… Samantha does too. That’s right! We are watching the second (and only qualifying) entry in the new Halloween trilogy. Don’t be tricked by the title, though, as it seems from the reviews that this Halloween didn’t quite kill. Let’s go!

Halloween Kills (2021) – BMeTric: 50.6; Notability: 42

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 8.4%; Notability: top 3.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.6%; Higher BMeT: Space Jam: A New Legacy, Home Sweet Home Alone, Cosmic Sin, Thunder Force, He’s All That, Deadly Illusions, Music, The Misfits, After We Fell, The Kissing Booth 3, Awake, Mother/Android, Apex, Spiral, Midnight in the Switchgrass, The Unholy, Tom & Jerry, Things Heard & Seen, Outside the Wire, Snake Eyes, and 1 more; Higher Notability: Space Jam: A New Legacy, Tom & Jerry, Chaos Walking, Music, Infinite, The Addams Family 2, Home Sweet Home Alone, Dear Evan Hansen; Lower RT: Cosmic Sin, Music, Midnight in the Switchgrass, After We Fell, Breaking News in Yuba County, Apex, Home Sweet Home Alone, Infinite, The Misfits, Intrusion, The Virtuoso, The Starling, Every Breath You Take, Deadly Illusions, Chaos Walking, Thunder Force, Awake, Sweet Girl, The Kissing Booth 3, Hypnotic, and 24 more; Notes: Wow, we really haven’t seen that many 2021 films, but I suppose that is because a lot of them are on streaming now. Remember Music … that’s a wild film.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – My feeling about David Gordon Green’s reboot of “Halloween” in 2018 was that the talented director fundamentally misunderstood what worked about the John Carpenter original, draining the project of actual tension, despite a few solid set pieces. Having seen his follow-up, “Halloween Kills,” I think I was right. This film muddies its entire concept with a bizarre, unrefined commentary on mob mentality that is quite simply some of the worst material in either Green’s career and the history of this rocky franchise (which is saying something if you’ve seen, say, “Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers”). It’s a shame too because, once again, there are set pieces that work—and the ones here are particularly brutal—but campy dialogue that calls attention to itself, too much fan service in the references department, sidelining Laurie Strode herself for most of the project, and truly inconsistent characters lead to a final result that definitely doesn’t kill. It barely even wounds.

(Wow … I actually agree. The first has a few interesting bits, but at the same time it mostly is a bunch of bits from the prior films strung together. The second is bad and has the single most embarrassing moment in the history of the franchise. Which, indeed, is saying something.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL6R3HmQfPc/

(Immediately off to a bad start with the firefighter scene. I feel like if anything the first deftly replicated the less violent and more tense version that Rob Zombie abandoned. But not this one. Not at all.)

Directors – David Gordon Green – ( Known For: Pineapple Express; Halloween; Halloween Ends; Joe; Stronger; Prince Avalanche; Snow Angels; All the Real Girls; Undertow; George Washington; Manglehorn; Future BMT: Your Highness; The Sitter; Our Brand Is Crisis; BMT: Halloween Kills; The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: Now that he’s out for Exorcist: Deceiver I do wonder what he’ll be up to. Seems like maybe it is time for another smaller film … but something tells me he’s going to be roped into another big production where people mess with his film and it ends up sucking.)

Writers – John Carpenter – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween; Escape from New York; They Live; The Fog; Assault on Precinct 13; Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; Escape from L.A.; Halloween Ends; Assault on Precinct 13; Prince of Darkness; Dark Star; Eyes of Laura Mars; Black Moon Rising; BMT: Halloween; Halloween II; Halloween Kills; Ghosts of Mars; Halloween: Resurrection; Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers; Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers; The Fog; Notes: Ha, we’ve seen all his BMT films. Surprisingly few, given how many bad Halloween films there are.)

Debra Hill – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween; The Fog; Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; Escape from L.A.; Halloween Ends; BMT: Halloween; Halloween II; Halloween Kills; Halloween: Resurrection; Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers; Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers; The Fog; Notes: Worked with Carpenter for years, so naturally we also got her completely done for BMT as well.)

Scott Teems – ( Known For: The Quarry; That Evening Sun; Future BMT: Insidious: The Red Door; BMT: Halloween Kills; The Exorcist: Believer; Firestarter; Notes: Seems like just one of those guys brought in to write modern horror films.)

Danny McBride – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween Ends; The Foot Fist Way; The Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter; Future BMT: Your Highness; BMT: Halloween Kills; The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: Y’all know Danny McBride. Friends with Green, and they have written a bunch of modern horror now as well … to mixed effect.)

David Gordon Green – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween Ends; Prince Avalanche; Snow Angels; All the Real Girls; Undertow; George Washington; Goat; BMT: Halloween Kills; The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: Yeah, at some point it seems like the horror films he writes and directs just lack soul.)

Actors – Jamie Lee Curtis – ( Known For: Knives Out; Everything Everywhere All at Once; Halloween; True Lies; Halloween; Trading Places; Escape from New York; A Fish Called Wanda; Freaky Friday; My Girl; The Fog; Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; Halloween Ends; Veronica Mars; Forever Young; The Tailor of Panama; Beverly Hills Chihuahua; Fierce Creatures; Prom Night; Blue Steel; Future BMT: You Again; My Girl 2; Drowning Mona; House Arrest; BMT: Halloween II; Halloween Kills; Halloween III: Season of the Witch; Christmas with the Kranks; Halloween: Resurrection; Haunted Mansion; Virus; Perfect; Notes: That’s Oscar winner Jamie Lee Curtis to you. The daughter of Tony Curtis, she is in many ways the original Scream Queen.)

Judy Greer – ( Known For: Ant-Man; Jurassic World; Dawn of the Planet of the Apes; Ant-Man and the Wasp; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; War for the Planet of the Apes; The Village; The Descendants; Love & Other Drugs; What Women Want; 13 Going on 30; Adaptation.; Tomorrowland; Three Kings; 27 Dresses; Halloween; Carrie; Halloween Ends; Jeff, Who Lives at Home; Where’d You Go, Bernadette; Future BMT: Entourage; Elizabethtown; Cursed; Love Happens; Men, Women & Children; Jawbreaker; American Dreamz; Playing with Fire; Kissing a Fool; BMT: Halloween Kills; The Wedding Planner; The 15:17 to Paris; Playing for Keeps; Marmaduke; Notes: I’ll always know her as Kitty from Arrested Development. Oh boy do I not want to watch the Entourage movie ever.)

Andi Matichak – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween Ends; Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List; Son; Assimilate; Miles; Foxhole; BMT: Halloween Kills; Notes: Yeah, doesn’t seem to have many other credits. Like she’s been in movies, but not much television and has nothing on the docket. Quite surprising. I thought she was fine in the whole trilogy.)

Budget/Gross – $20,000,000 / Domestic: $92,002,155 (Worldwide: $134,292,082)

(That is obviously quite good. I can’t imagine they are hugely disappointed with the trilogy as a whole, so it makes sense that they gave Green The Exorcist … seems like that was a mistake though.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 39% (108/278): Halloween Kills should satisfy fans in search of brute slasher thrills, but in terms of advancing the franchise, it’s a bit less than the sum of its bloody parts.

(Soooooooo close, but it did make it. And well deserved. I can’t imagine this really satisfies any slasher fans, so I don’t get that point.)

Reviewer Highlight: An indolent, narratively impoverished mess that substitutes corpses for characters and slogans for dialogue. – Jeannette Catsoulis, New York Times

Poster – Holly Ween Slays

(I do like how tactile it is. But a bit boring otherwise. Still… it’s doing its job. You have to give it credit from that aspect. B-)

Tagline(s) – Three generations Strode strong (Ha!)

(Wait… that’s not real, right? That’s not on the poster so normally I would delete it but this is so funny that I’ll just leave it here.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Joker (2019), Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015)

Future BMT: 85.1 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.9 Black Christmas (2019), 76.1 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.6 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.8 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.2 Like a Boss (2020), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)

BMT: The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Firestarter (2022), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Morbius (2022), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), …

Best Options (franchise): 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.9 Black Christmas (2019), 76.1 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 59.8 Spiral (2021), 52.3 Boo 2! A Madea Halloween (2017), 50.7 Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016), 50.6 Halloween Kills (2021), 48.2 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 43.4 Jigsaw (2017), 42.8 Insidious: The Last Key (2018)

(I refused to watch Jeepers Creepers III ever. Which leaves not many actual franchise horror films which worked. Was exciting to catch up on Halloween though.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jamie Lee Curtis is No. 1 billed in Halloween Kills and No. 2 billed in Christmas with the Kranks, which also stars Tim Allen (No. 1 billed) who is in Jungle 2 Jungle (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 9 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (9 + 1) = 15. If we were to watch Love Happens, and The Black Dahlia we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Jamie Lee Curtis, Charles Cyphers, Kyle Richards, Nancy Stephens, and Nick Castle were all in the original Halloween (1978) and all returned for this sequel. The characters of Tommy Doyle and Lonnie Elam from the original also returned, but were recast with Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Longstreet, because Brian Andrews has retired from acting since 2015, and Brent Le Page never acted again after the original Halloween.

David Gordon Green recalled that when they attempted to find a yearbook photo of one of Michael Myers’ victims from the 1978 film, he came across a yearbook photo of Bob Odenkirk that he thought resembled original actor John Michael Graham. The rights issues were resolved so that Green could use Odenkirk’s photo instead of the actual actor. Odenkirk is therefore credited as ‘Bob,’ despite not physically appearing in it.

In the flashback scene to 1978, Michael attacks deputy McCabe (Jim Cummings) with a rope. In the original Halloween (1978), Sheriff Leigh Brackett (Charles Cyphers) responded to an alarm in a hardware store, and reported that a rope, some Halloween masks and a set of knives were stolen.

Twelve pumpkins are featured in the opening title sequence with the last one indicating Halloween Kills as the twelfth Halloween film.

Early in the movie, the wagon stolen by Michael Myers from Dr. Loomis and Nurse Marion Chambers at the Smith Grove Sanitarium in Halloween (1978) can be seen parked behind Young Hawkins and Pete McCabe during one of the flashback sequences to 1978.

Argylle Preview

Jamie and Patrick bust through the doors backstage and immediately stop their fist fight. They shake hands and agree that pretending to be real mad at each other so they could escape the fashion show was a perfect plan. “I just hope Kyle and Samantha are OK,” Jamie says wistfully. Just then Kyle and Samantha bust through the door engaged in what looks like a violent bout of fisticuffs. They also immediately stop and Samantha turns to shake Jamie’s hand. “Great idea pretending to be real mad at each other. Hopefully no one else realizes that you two are clearly great twins that would never fight like that.” Patrick is impressed by Samantha’s quick grasp of their twin dynamics. Generally he’s been skeptical of the many demons that Jamie has been interested in, but Samantha seems different. She seems… “Are you a demon?” he blurts out quickly. “Good question,” Samantha responds cooly, “And no, I’m just a regular old former track star from a small town in Massachusetts. Sure my life has had some ups and downs, but,” she looks over at Jamie, “things are starting to look up.” Awwwww. “That’s cool,” Jamie says, trying to act tough. Patrick, though, wants a little more clarity on these “ups and downs” she’s talking about, but before he can get it they see the Fashion Police hot on their tails. Before they hightail it, Samantha turns to grab something from her bag. It’s a manuscript for her latest novel. “Oh, you’re an author? Uh… so am I, kind of. I’d love to hear about it some time,” Jamie says, stars in his eyes. “Sure,” Samantha responds breathlessly, “How about now?” Patrick wants to tell them that there just isn’t the time, but Kyle stops him. It’s just so romantic. That’s right! Speaking of fake books we’re taking a BMT Live! detour to catch the Taylor Swift film Argylle in theaters… what’s that? Taylor Swift didn’t write Argylle? So why are we watching it? Let’s go!

Argylle (2024) – BMeTric: 27.2; Notability: 40

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.8%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 9.5%; Higher BMeT: Night Swim, Lift; Lower RT: The Painter, Wanted Man, Night Swim, Lift, Sunrise, Miller’s Girl; Notes: It does make sense that 40 would be the highest Notability for the year so far. I assume Madam Web is coming and will beat it out. Hopefully it beats it out for everything because that film is going to be hilarious.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – “Argylle,” the stumbling, overcooked action flick from director Matthew Vaughn, begins with a kind of joke. … It’s a shame. “Argylle” had the potential to be a whip-smart parody. It unfortunately just seems to get tired of being the butt of the joke before it can deliver the punchline. But in attempting to avoid becoming a gag—laboring to connect this film with the Kingsman franchise—Vaughn imbues his film with anonymity, making it merely forgettable.

(Yeah, that does feel like what happened. Vaughn couldn’t quite decide if he wanted to do comedy-action or action-comedy and got stuck in the dead zone in the middle where the film does neither very well.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sy6eNs3EW3E/

(This is genuinely one of the worst trailers I’ve seen in theaters in a while. I could tell it was all style and no substance right from the garbage needle drop.)

Directors – Matthew Vaughn – ( Known For: X-Men: First Class; Kingsman: The Secret Service; Kick-Ass; Kingsman: The Golden Circle; Stardust; Layer Cake; The King’s Man; BMT: Argylle; Notes: I mostly knew him for Kick-Ass which was quite fun. He’s kind of wrapped himself all up in Kingsman properties (of which this is one?) and has two separate Kingsman things in production, not to mention the teaser after this movie about an Argylle prequel which I feel like now will never happen.)

Writers – Jason Fuchs – ( Known For: Wonder Woman; I Still See You; Future BMT: Ice Age: Continental Drift; Pan; BMT: Argylle; Notes: Was/is an actor primarily and does a lot of voices. Is writing an upcoming television series which serves as a prequel to Stephen King’s IT.)

Actors – Henry Cavill – ( Known For: Man of Steel; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Mission: Impossible – Fallout; The Man from U.N.C.L.E.; Stardust; Enola Holmes; Immortals; The Count of Monte Cristo; Enola Holmes 2; Whatever Works; Sand Castle; Night Hunter; Blood Creek; I Capture the Castle; Red Riding Hood; The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare; Future BMT: Tristan + Isolde; The Cold Light of Day; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Justice League; Black Adam; Argylle; Notes: Surprisingly British, was at points rumored to be up for Bond. Is going to be the main character in a remake of Highlander. I don’t care … right up until his faithful remake of Highlander II.)

Bryce Dallas Howard – ( Known For: A Beautiful Mind; Jurassic World; Spider-Man 3; The Help; 50/50; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; How the Grinch Stole Christmas; The Village; The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; Rocketman; Hereafter; Gold; Pete’s Dragon; Manderlay; A Dog’s Way Home; Good Dick; To Each His Own Cinema; As You Like It; The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond; Book of Love; Future BMT: Terminator Salvation; BMT: Jurassic World Dominion; Lady in the Water; Argylle; Notes: Is going to be in some television adaptation of Witch Mountain it looks like. The daughter of Ron Howard obviously.)

Sam Rockwell – ( Known For: The Green Mile; Iron Man 2; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri; Jojo Rabbit; Moon; Seven Psychopaths; Cowboys & Aliens; The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; Charlie’s Angels; The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford; Galaxy Quest; Vice; The Way Way Back; Matchstick Men; Frost/Nixon; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Richard Jewell; Confessions of a Dangerous Mind; Everybody’s Fine; See How They Run; Future BMT: The Sitter; Poltergeist; G-Force; Strictly Business; BMT: Argylle; Notes: Nominated for two Oscars and won for Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, the other was Vice. Has a few upcoming projects, most significantly probably being IF with Ryan Reynolds.)

Budget/Gross – $200–250 million / Domestic: $21,431,025 (Worldwide: $38,292,025)

(Absolutely brutal. It’ll make like $50. I suppose there is an argument that as an Apple film it doesn’t matter. But I imagine they thought it was going to be a theatrical release, otherwise why wouldn’t you just Ghosted it?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 33% (82/251): Argylle gets some mileage out of its silly, energetic spin on the spy thriller, but ultimately wears out its welcome with a convoluted plot and overlong runtime.

(IMO the issue with the convoluted plot is that it is only convoluted because they insisted on the twist that leads into the third act which then makes the third act abominable. If they had just stuck to their guns with the fish out of water story and hired a comedian as the lead then I think it could have kind of worked.)

Reviewer Highlight: What you’re left with as the credits roll is just the realization that time keeps marching on — and you’ve just lost 139 minutes of it. – Alissa Wilkinson, New York Times

Poster – Tárgylle 

(That was what I wanted the memification of the film to be. Where we start a trend #Tárgylle and people go to the movie dressed a Lydia Tár. But that seems a little too manufactured. The tweens would see right through that. Patrick nailed it, though, and we’ll save that for the recap. Meanwhile this poster could rub people the wrong way, but just based on its work as a poster I think it’s pretty good. A-.)

Tagline(s) – Once you know the secret don’t let the cat out of the bag. (D)

(Boy, no. Why are they so focused on this cat and the bag? Just because TSwift made it a sensation and made people think she wrote the movie?)

Keyword(s) – Year 2024

Top 10: The Beekeeper (2024), Fighter (2024), Lift (2024), Merry Christmas (2024), Guntur Kaaram (2024), Hanu Man (2024), Argylle (2024), Mean Girls (2024), Night Swim (2024), Badland Hunters (2024)

Future BMT: 53.2 Night Swim (2024)

BMT: Argylle (2024)

Best Options: 53.2 Night Swim (2024), 24.0 Argylle (2024)

(Yeah Night Swim is coming for the final cycle, which is exciting. In a way we probably should have saved Argylle as well … Should BMT Live be canceled? Should we replace it with something else?)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Henry Cavill is No. 5 billed in Argylle and No. 2 billed in Justice League, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (5 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 15. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Matthew Vaughn cast Henry Cavill because “he needed someone who was born to play James Bond – which Henry is – and then nick him before Bond’s studio did.” Cavill was in fact a finalist to play Bond in Casino Royale (2006), but was rejected for being too young (he was then 22).

Alfie the Cat is played by Chip, owned by Matthew Vaughn’s wife Claudia Schiffer.

The font seen on the posters was commissioned specifically for the movie. It was created by the Walden Font Company.

Matthew Vaughn secured the rights to The Beatles’ song “Now and Then” a year before it was released. The song was being developed by Giles Martin, the son of longtime Beatles producer Sir George Martin, and Giles also served as music producer on Argylle. Vaughn recalled, “I was with [Giles] and I said, ‘I’m really struggling to find what I call the romantic song of the movie, ’cause I need it to be sad, but hopeful…’ And he said, ‘Do you want to hear a new Beatles song?’ And Giles has got a hell of a sense of humor, so I was like, ‘Yeah, yeah. Whatever.’ And he goes, ‘No, I’m being deadly serious.’ He played it to me, and it was as if Lennon had seen the film… We just slapped it on the movie, and we didn’t have to edit anything – it just fitted the picture.”

Argylle is named after the limo driver from the first Die Hard movie.

The Dark Tower Preview

The beautiful lady introduces herself as Samantha and Patrick can tell by the look in Jamie’s eyes that he’s already a goner. Patrick looks at Jamie’s half horse costume and wonders whether “The Eyes are the Window to the Soul” lesson has already gone too far off the tracks. Although, the way that Samantha is eying how the horse’s costume behind hugs Jamie’s own behind makes Patrick think that all is not lost. He sidles up to Jamie and whispers out of the side of his mouth, “I hope you got jorts under that horse costume, cause we’re gonna razzle dazzle with a patented Twin California Two Step.” Before Jamie can nod, Kyle sidles up on his other side and whispers, “Hope you guys know the Triplet Ohio Three Step, cause we’re all in this together.” This is thoroughly confusing. As everyone knows, there is no Triplet Ohio Three Step and Kyle has never danced in his life. Before they can utter a “What thuuu…,” though, Samantha grabs Jamie’s arm and alerts him to the music cue indicating that their time on stage is now. “This is really important to me,” she says breathlessly and no more convincing is needed to get Jamie and Samantha galloping their way to the stage. “Welp, Kyle, good thing the Twin California Two Step has a variation involving a horse.” With that they jump on to stage and “razzle dazzle” would be an understatement. The crowd is stunned. The horse is grooving while Patrick flings Kyle from one side of the catwalk to the other. Just as they are about to finish, though, Jamie bursts from the costume and grabs Patrick by his jean jacket. “What’s the deal, man, you trying to steal my girl?” Looks like things are about to get rough. That’s right! We are actually doubling up for next week by watching not just 2017’s Fist Fight, but also 2017’s The Dark Tower. Why? Is there some hidden connection between these two apparently unrelated films? Nope. They are indeed unrelated. It’s just that we needed Fist Fight for a connection to Fool’s Paradise and I couldn’t handle not watching the Stephen King adaptation disaster. So why not both? Let’s go!

The Dark Tower (2017) – BMeTric: 47.8; Notability: 51

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 10.8%; Notability: top 6.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 5.6%; Higher BMeT: The Emoji Movie, Jeepers Creepers III, Fifty Shades Darker, Death Note, Tubelight, Rings, The Bye Bye Man, Day of the Dead: Bloodline, Snatched, Transformers: The Last Knight, The Humanity Bureau, Leatherface, The Layover, The Snowman, Amityville: The Awakening, Flatliners, Geostorm, The Circle, Wish Upon, The Mummy, and 7 more; Higher Notability: Transformers: The Last Knight, Justice League, Sandy Wexler, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, The Mummy, The Emoji Movie, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, Bright, The Current War, Geostorm, CHIPS, Tulip Fever, Suburbicon, Baywatch, American Assassin; Lower RT: Naked, The Layover, Flatliners, Hangman, The Emoji Movie, The Snowman, Rings, Tulip Fever, American Renegades, Fifty Shades Darker, Day of the Dead: Bloodline, The Vanishing of Sidney Hall, First Kill, The Mummy; Notes: I already ran through the top ones in the Fist Fight preview. I’ll say, a little surprised Amityville: The Awakening could even drum up enough interest to get a halfway decent BMeT. There’s 15K votes on IMDb, which seems absurd. It is just one of the many random Amityville “sequels” made in the last 10 years.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – “The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.” With that great opening line, an obsession began for millions of readers of Stephen King’s series of books that would eventually be known as The Dark Tower. … I only mention all of this to place the failure of the long-delayed “The Dark Tower” in the right perspective: this isn’t just a mediocre movie—although it is most definitely that—it is a wasted opportunity to fulfill the promise of that opening line from 35 years ago. … “The Dark Tower” is hollow. It is soulless. It is a film that never quite figured out what it wanted to be, and so elected to be nothing much at all. Worst of all, it’s clearly been chopped up by those reported reshoots and test screening edits. 

(This review appears to be from a genuine fan who was somewhat distraught by what the movie was. Which is interesting. I have heard the last part of the series gets a bit wonky, so that does seem to bear it out. The first is kind of a world building exercise. Then there is an excellent sci-fi- trilogy, and then a wonky concluding almost-meta trilogy I think.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZC5FoJ-cPU/

(Looks pretty okay, and got some good actors. Doing a decent job hiding the fact that the main character is actually the kid … which causes some issues for the film I feel like. Should have started from the first book honestly.)

Directors – Nikolaj Arcel – ( Known For: A Royal Affair; The Promised Land; Kongekabale; De fortabte sjæles ø; Truth About Men; BMT: The Dark Tower; Notes: )

Writers – Akiva Goldsman – ( Known For: A Beautiful Mind; I Am Legend; I, Robot; Cinderella Man; A Time to Kill; The Client; Future BMT: The Da Vinci Code; Angels & Demons; The Divergent Series: Insurgent; Practical Magic; Silent Fall; BMT: Batman & Robin; Batman Forever; Transformers: The Last Knight; The Dark Tower; The 5th Wave; Lost in Space; Winter’s Tale; Rings; Notes: From the man who butchered I, Robot I suppose. He seems like a guy who is often brought in for heavy adaptations. Won an Oscar for A Beautiful Mind.)

Jeff Pinkner – ( Known For: The Amazing Spider-Man 2; Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle; Jumanji: The Next Level; Future BMT: Venom; BMT: The Dark Tower; The 5th Wave; Notes: Classic career. Went from 90s television, to regular script work, to now being enlisted for big adaptations of random franchises. He’s apparently writing an adaptation of the cartoon M.A.S.K. It seems quite far along, has other writers and a director attached including Michael Chabon.)

Anders Thomas Jensen – ( Known For: Brothers; Antichrist; The Duchess; Riders of Justice; Adam’s Apples; The Salvation; In a Better World; After the Wedding; The Green Butchers; Flickering Lights; In China They Eat Dogs; Love Is All You Need; Men & Chicken; Red Road; Brothers; Open Hearts; Gamle mænd i nye biler; The Promised Land; Wilbur Wants to Kill Himself; Mifune; BMT: The Dark Tower; Notes: Oh he wrote The Promised Land. That is supposed to be quite good. Stars Mads Mikkelsen, and this guy actually kind of looks like him.)

Nikolaj Arcel – ( Known For: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo; Riders of Justice; A Royal Affair; Department Q: The Keeper of Lost Causes; Department Q: The Absent One; Department Q: A Conspiracy of Faith; The Promised Land; Kongekabale; Rejsen til Saturn; De fortabte sjæles ø; Fighter; Truth About Men; A Death Sentence; Cecilie; Future BMT: Catch That Kid; BMT: The Dark Tower; Notes: The Director of The Promised Land … I’m going to guess this wasn’t a super great experience in Hollywood. At least Arcel made Catch that Kid and a few other maybe more normal Hollywood experiences.)

Stephen King – ( Known For: The Shawshank Redemption; The Green Mile; The Shining; It; Stand by Me; The Mist; It Chapter Two; 1408; Misery; Doctor Sleep; Secret Window; Carrie; The Running Man; Carrie; Gerald’s Game; Pet Sematary; Pet Sematary; Christine; The Dead Zone; 1922; Future BMT: Children of the Corn; Thinner; Creepshow 2; Needful Things; Sleepwalkers; The Mangler; Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice; BMT: The Dark Tower; Dreamcatcher; The Lawnmower Man; Firestarter; Maximum Overdrive; Firestarter; The Rage: Carrie 2; Graveyard Shift; Notes: Our 9th King eh. And seven to go. I think we can knock that down to at least 5 this year. I remembering reading somewhere that the meta elements from these books grew out of his experience of almost dying after getting hit by a car in Maine.)

Actors – Idris Elba – ( Known For: Avengers: Infinity War; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Thor; Thor: Ragnarok; Thor: The Dark World; Prometheus; Zootopia; Pacific Rim; American Gangster; The Suicide Squad; Thor: Love and Thunder; Finding Dory; 28 Weeks Later; The Jungle Book; RocknRolla; Star Trek Beyond; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; Molly’s Game; Extraction II; The Losers; Future BMT: The Mountain Between Us; Takers; The Unborn; The Reaping; Prom Night; Obsessed; No Good Deed; Daddy’s Little Girls; The Gospel; BMT: The Dark Tower; Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance; Cats; The Gunman; Notes: Nominated for five Emmys, mostly for Luther. Was always swirling around as a possible Bond guy, and obviously quite famous for playing Stringer Bell in The Wire.)

Matthew McConaughey – ( Known For: Interstellar; The Wolf of Wall Street; Dallas Buyers Club; Tropic Thunder; The Gentlemen; Contact; How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days; The Lincoln Lawyer; Dazed and Confused; Sing; Mud; A Time to Kill; Magic Mike; Reign of Fire; Kubo and the Two Strings; Frailty; U-571; Sing 2; Killer Joe; Amistad; Future BMT: Sahara; Two for the Money; Paparazzi; Larger Than Life; My Boyfriend’s Back; BMT: The Dark Tower; Ghosts of Girlfriends Past; The Wedding Planner; Failure to Launch; Fool’s Gold; Serenity; Angels in the Outfield; Tiptoes; Notes: Famously a true blue Texas guy. He had the McConaughissaince a few years ago after years of doing romantic movies and being in the wilderness a bit, starting from winning the Oscar for Dallas Buyers Club. Now I think he mostly sells Lincolns? I was joking until I saw his upcoming projects, he’s kind of done nothing of note for the last few years and doesn’t have much upcoming either.)

Tom Taylor – ( Known For: The Kid Who Would Be King; BMT: The Dark Tower; Notes: Kid actor in this film, he’s been cast in the next season of House of the Dragon as a Stark.)

Budget/Gross – $60,000,000 / Domestic: $50,701,325 (Worldwide: $113,232,316)

(Pretty disastrous, at least bad enough that I’m not surprised they nixed all film and television projects related to it. Surprisingly low budget.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 15% (43/279): Go then, there are other Stephen King adaptations than these.

(Wow, 15% is quite a bit lower than I expected. And there certainly a lot of Stephen King adaptations to potentially avoid watching bad ones.)

Reviewer Highlight: About the only thing holding it together is Idris Elba, whose irrepressible magnetism and man-of-stone solidity anchors this mess but can’t redeem it. – Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Poster – The Dork Tower

(Inception, ever heard of it? Trying to incept our minds into thinking we want to see this film. C.)

Tagline(s) – There are other worlds than these (D)

(Cool story, bro.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Future BMT: 85.1 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.9 Black Christmas (2019), 76.1 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.6 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.7 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.2 Like a Boss (2020), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)

BMT: The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Firestarter (2022), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Morbius (2022), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021),…

Best Options (Fools Paradise): 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 48.2 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 44.7 Fist Fight (2017), 43.8 House Party (2023), 43.2 Underworld: Blood Wars (2016), 38.9 Masterminds (2015), 31.0 Wonder Park (2019), 30.4 Vacation (2015), 27.3 The Comedian (2016), 23.2 Secret in Their Eyes (2015), 18.7 Entourage (2015), 18.5 Peppermint (2018), 14.9 The Book of Henry (2017)

(And there’s the rub. You see, we wanted to do The Dark Tower, but we couldn’t fit it into the cycle as the 2017 entry because that had to be used in the Chain … so we cheated a bit and did it as a bonus. No regrets.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Idris Elba is No. 1 billed in The Dark Tower and No. 4 billed in Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch Two for the Money we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – The Dark Tower is a series of eight books which span an entire connected universe which links several other books and stories by Stephen King, including Bag of Bones, The Talisman, Black House, The Stand, Everything’s Eventual, From a Buick 8, Hearts in Atlantis, Insomnia, The Eyes of the Dragon, and ‘Salem’s Lot, with minor references to IT, The Mist, and The Shining.

During the first act of the film, several Stephen King Easter eggs are visible. The twins from The Shining (1980), the hotel from The Shining (but in a photograph), the family (including the dog) from Cujo (1983), and the car from Christine (1983) (as the toy pushed by Jake in his room) are each shown briefly. Toward the end, there is the Rita Hayworth picture from The Shawshank Redemption (1994). Not to mention the ‘Pennywise’ theme park. The portal that Jake’s told to remember as his way back is 1408, title of 1408 (2007).

According to an introduction by Stephen King in one of his books, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966) along with the “Lord of the Rings” book series, is the primary influence for his book series: “The Dark Tower.”

Roland sees a TV commercial with talking raccoons and asks Jake if ‘animals still talk here’. This is a nod to the character Oy in the books; a talking raccoon-like creature called a Billy Bumbler whom Jake befriends.

Dr. Hotchkiss, Jake’s psychiatrist, has a picture in his office of the Overlook Hotel, from The Shining (1980), another film based on a Stephen King novel.

Fist Fight Preview

The beautiful lady introduces herself as Samantha and Patrick can tell by the look in Jamie’s eyes that he’s already a goner. Patrick looks at Jamie’s half horse costume and wonders whether “The Eyes are the Window to the Soul” lesson has already gone too far off the tracks. Although, the way that Samantha is eying how the horse’s costume behind hugs Jamie’s own behind makes Patrick think that all is not lost. He sidles up to Jamie and whispers out of the side of his mouth, “I hope you got jorts under that horse costume, cause we’re gonna razzle dazzle with a patented Twin California Two Step.” Before Jamie can nod, Kyle sidles up on his other side and whispers, “Hope you guys know the Triplet Ohio Three Step, cause we’re all in this together.” This is thoroughly confusing. As everyone knows, there is no Triplet Ohio Three Step and Kyle has never danced in his life. Before they can utter a “What thuuu…,” though, Samantha grabs Jamie’s arm and alerts him to the music cue indicating that their time on stage is now. “This is really important to me,” she says breathlessly and no more convincing is needed to get Jamie and Samantha galloping their way to the stage. “Welp, Kyle, good thing the Twin California Two Step has a variation involving a horse.” With that they jump on to stage and “razzle dazzle” would be an understatement. The crowd is stunned. The horse is grooving while Patrick flings Kyle from one side of the catwalk to the other. Just as they are about to finish, though, Jamie bursts from the costume and grabs Patrick by his jean jacket. “What’s the deal, man, you trying to steal my girl?” Looks like things are about to get rough. That’s right! We are actually doubling up for next week by watching not just 2017’s Fist Fight, but also 2017’s The Dark Tower. Why? Is there some hidden connection between these two apparently unrelated films? Nope. They are indeed unrelated. It’s just that we needed Fist Fight for a connection to Fool’s Paradise and I couldn’t handle not watching the Stephen King adaptation disaster. So why not both? Let’s go!

Fist Fight (2017) – BMeTric: 44.7; Notability: 32

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 13.2%; Notability: top 15.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.7%; Higher BMeT: The Emoji Movie, Jeepers Creepers III, Fifty Shades Darker, Death Note, Tubelight, Rings, The Bye Bye Man, Day of the Dead: Bloodline, Snatched, Transformers: The Last Knight, The Humanity Bureau, Leatherface, The Layover, The Snowman, Amityville: The Awakening, Flatliners, Geostorm, The Circle, Wish Upon, The Mummy, and 13 more; Higher Notability: Transformers: The Last Knight, Justice League, Sandy Wexler, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, The Mummy, The Emoji Movie, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, Bright, The Current War, Geostorm, CHIPS, Tulip Fever, Suburbicon, Baywatch, American Assassin, The Dark Tower, Fifty Shades Darker, Pitch Perfect 3, The House, The Circle, and 19 more; Lower RT: Naked, The Layover, Flatliners, Hangman, The Emoji Movie, The Snowman, Rings, Tulip Fever, American Renegades, Fifty Shades Darker, Day of the Dead: Bloodline, The Vanishing of Sidney Hall, First Kill, The Mummy, The Dark Tower, Transformers: The Last Knight, The Circle, The Space Between Us, Jeepers Creepers III, Father Figures, and 14 more; Notes: Let’s see we save 5 of the top 10 by BMeT which I guess isn’t terrible, some of them don’t qualify I don’t think. I think I’ve also seen 6 of the top 10 by Notability. And 5 of the top 10 for RT. So yeah, kind of halfway on 2017 which makes sense. Late-2010s are just weak in general.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – Given this movie’s punchily obvious trailers, given the fact that its theme is similar to that of a lot of subpar entertainments, given that the producing entitites of Warner Brothers and New Line have teamed up to concoct a large number of cruddy comedies over the past ten years (“Life As We Know It” and “Due Date” spring to mind/are stuck in my craw depending on how you wanna look at it), and given the fact that said studios didn’t deign to show this movie for critics until Wednesday evening, it might be reasonable to infer that “Fist Fight” is gonna be a reasonably weak and mediocre crude yuk fest. …  [G]rateful for the fact that “Fist Fight” feels like a movie—a narrative with a beginning, a middle, and an end that all have something to do with each other, … “Fist Fight” stands up, at least a little bit, for storytelling.

(Amazing. I do love when films unexpectedly get decent praise. Just heartening that you can look back at a time when films managed to qualify despite people being like “WHAT? This is genuinely good.”)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXIzrcHduAw/

(Actually makes it look pretty funny. Although it also seems like a script I would have written in creative writing class in high school. Open: a high school, some funny shit and then uh oh a fist fight! Uh ………… then a bunch of other stuff and then … I guess a fist fight?)

Directors – Richie Keen – ( BMT: Fist Fight; Notes: Kind of crazy because he is a huge director for television with a ton of credits, but nothing as far as movies. Seems to have a TV Movie on his slate though which is fun.)

Writers – Van Robichaux and Evan Susser – ( BMT: Fist Fight; Notes: Same thing, a good amount of writing work, but all television, video, shorts stuff. They are apparently on the team trying to develop Wedding Crashers 2.)

Max Greenfield – ( BMT: Fist Fight; Notes: Wait … what the hell? He’s Schmidt from New Girl. That’s nuts. And yeah, he only credit at all for just the “story” so maybe an old spec script they refashioned?)

Actors – Ice Cube – ( Known For: 21 Jump Street; 22 Jump Street; Three Kings; Boyz n the Hood; Friday; xXx: Return of Xander Cage; The Book of Life; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem; Barbershop; Rampart; Higher Learning; Barbershop: The Next Cut; Barbershop 2: Back in Business; Trespass; The High Note; CB4; The Longshots; Something from Nothing: The Art of Rap; The Glass Shield; The Janky Promoters; Future BMT: Next Friday; Friday After Next; All About the Benjamins; First Sunday; Lottery Ticket; The Players Club; I Got the Hook Up; Dangerous Ground; BMT: Ride Along; Anaconda; xXx: State of the Union; Ride Along 2; Ghosts of Mars; Fist Fight; Are We There Yet?; Torque; Are We Done Yet?; Notes: Y’all know Ice Cube. What a career. Is apparently up for some War of the Worlds remake, and of course I do imagine Ride Along 3 will eventually round out the trilogy.)

Charlie Day – ( Known For: Pacific Rim; Horrible Bosses; Monsters University; The Lego Movie; The Super Mario Bros. Movie; Pacific Rim: Uprising; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Going the Distance; Hotel Artemis; I Want You Back; The Hollars; I Love You, Daddy; How It Ends; A Quiet Little Marriage; Future BMT: Horrible Bosses 2; Vacation; BMT: Fist Fight; Fool’s Paradise; Notes: Fool’s Paradise I imagine is quite bad for his directing prospects. He seems to have a few movies in the pipeline, but nothing notable. I imagine they’ll be finishing up It’s Always Sunny at some point.)

Tracy Morgan – ( Known For: The Other Guys; Rio; Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back; Rio 2; The Night Before; Coming 2 America; The Boxtrolls; Death at a Funeral; Spirited; What Men Want; Scoob!; Top Five; The Son of No One; The Star; Accidental Love; The Clapper; Why Stop Now?; Farce of the Penguins; Deep in the Valley; The Undefeated; Future BMT: The Longest Yard; Cop Out; Superhero Movie; Half Baked; G-Force; Head of State; First Sunday; A Thin Line Between Love and Hate; BMT: How High; Little Man; Fist Fight; Are We There Yet?; Notes: Nominated for 2 Emmys for SNL and 30 Rock. I think this was his first major role after his quite bad traffic accident he had in 2014.)

Budget/Gross – $22–25 million / Domestic: $32,187,017 (Worldwide: $41,187,017)

(That actually isn’t that bad. Which I suppose makes sense because Charlie Day was still considered a viable comedic lead afterwards.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (33/133): Fist Fight boasts a surplus of comedic muscle but flails lazily, and far too few of its jokes land with enough force to register.

(The fact that any jokes land is something that would be praised today I feel like. Hell … Argyle is at like 35% still. The movie is terrible and is not funny even by accident. How times have changed.)

Reviewer Highlight: It did give me something I needed. Not catharsis or uplift but a bracing dose of profane, sloppy, reasonably well-directed hostility. We take what we can get. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – Sklog Fight

(It’s a tad boring, but it’s at least putting in some effort on top of that very boring base. I’ll throw it a bone and give it a C+.)

Tagline(s) – After school. Parking lot. It’s on. (C)

(The structure looks like it’s going to be good, but then it’s not. At least it’s original and relevant, but that’s about it.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Joker (2019), Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015)

Future BMT: 85.1 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.9 Black Christmas (2019), 76.1 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.6 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.7 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.2 Like a Boss (2020), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)

BMT: Cats (2019), The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Firestarter (2022), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Morbius (2022), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), …

Best Options (Fools Paradise): 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 48.2 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 44.8 The House (2017), 44.7 Fist Fight (2017), 43.8 House Party (2023), 43.2 Underworld: Blood Wars (2016), 41.0 The Kitchen (2019), 38.9 Masterminds (2015), 31.0 Wonder Park (2019), 30.4 Vacation (2015), 27.3 The Comedian (2016), 23.2 Secret in Their Eyes (2015), 18.7 Entourage (2015), 18.5 Peppermint (2018), 14.9 The Book of Henry (2017)

(Yeah it was a bit tough to reason about it because we really didn’t want to do Fool’s Paradise in the first place and then even though is seems like it should lead into a ton of places it somehow really doesn’t in the end. So we ended up splitting the difference here: Do Fist Fight as the actual, and then pick up The Dark Tower as a bonus.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Ice Cube is No. 2 billed in Fist Fight and No. 2 billed in Ghosts of Mars, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 4 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 2) + (4 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – According to Ice Cube, the actual fight sequence took 8 days to shoot.

Tracy Morgan’s first film after his car accident.

Just before being arrested, Ice Cube (Mr. Strickland) says “f**k the police” a reference to a song of the same name by his former rap group N.W.A.

Andy’s reaction to Holly hitting him is the same as Brad Pitts “you got me in the ear” reaction to being hit in Fight Club

Charlie Day and director Richie Keen worked together on FX/FXX’s It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Collateral Beauty Preview

Later that evening, Jamie, Patrick and Kyle approach the fashion show and glance at the programs they are handed. “Fashion Week: One man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” it reads. “What does that even me…” but before Patrick can finish his thought Jamie is whisked backstage. Taking a seat, Kyle and Patrick are startled by the whispers around them. “I’ve heard these so-called New Models are just trash,” one says and another agrees. “Yes, they are all street urchins from what I understand. Like sea urchins but instead of living in the sea they live in the street.” “Hmmm, right, like trash urchins.” Patrick quickly grabs Kyle and pulls him to the side of the catwalk. “We need to get Jamie and get out of here. This isn’t Fashion Week at all. Look around. Are we in Paris? Do you see Billy Zane? Do you even see Lisa Zane?” Kyle looks around. Indeed. He doesn’t see any Zanes and no Zanes saw him. His only conclusion was that there weren’t any Zanes. They look closer at the program. What they thought had said “Fashion Week” didn’t say that at all! It said “Fashion, Weak”! Saboteur! They rush backstage and find Jamie half dressed in a half horse costume (and I’m not talking the front half). They grab his arms and attempt to get him out of there before the embarrassment starts, but he doesn’t budge. With his rock hard abs tensed, he’s like a statue. “Oh hi fellas, I’m just standing here not flexing with my natural body,” Jamie says with a wink. Confused, they look around and notice that Jamie isn’t alone. A beautiful woman has been cast as his better horse half in this production and it looks like Jamie has found beauty in the most unexpected place. That’s right! It’s a bit of a stretch for that connection, but what does Collateral Beauty even mean? No one knows. Just like how no one knows why this movie was made. This is the Will Smith drama with the jellyfish, right? (It’s not). Let’s go!

Collateral Beauty (2016) – BMeTric: 12.4; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 26.4%; Notability: top 12.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 8.0%; Higher BMeT: Fifty Shades of Black, Cell, Zoolander 2, The Forest, Exposed, Cabin Fever, Yoga Hosers, Meet the Blacks, Max Steel, The Darkness, Dark Crimes, Blair Witch, Independence Day: Resurgence, Shut In, Get a Job, The Boss, The Other Side of the Door, USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage, Incarnate, Marauders, and 46 more; Higher Notability: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Suicide Squad, Zoolander 2, Independence Day: Resurgence, The Brothers Grimsby, Warcraft, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows, Allegiant, Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV, The Huntsman: Winter’s War, Ben-Hur, Now You See Me 2, The Legend of Tarzan, The Great Wall, Criminal, Live by Night, Ride Along 2, Jack Reacher: Never Go Back, Mother’s Day, Monster Trucks, and 12 more; Lower RT: Max Steel, Dark Crimes, Hacker, Cabin Fever, The Darkness, Fifty Shades of Black, Shut In, Mother’s Day, Exposed, The Do-Over, Get a Job, I.T., I Am Wrath, The Forest, Dirty Grandpa, Cell, The Choice, Allegiant, Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV, Brain on Fire; Notes: Isn’t really big on any of them I suppose. Looking at the low RT options we’ve so many. Max Steel is always there though. Truly a delight we still have that as an option, that’ll be quite an odd film to witness finally I feel like.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – I don’t think I’ve witnessed a film this year that managed to so completely and utterly collapse into crass garbage in its last few minutes while abusing what little goodwill it has. Sort of the way a shaky line of dominoes can tumble down in a flash. Forget “Collateral Beauty,” whatever that means. This is “Collateral Schmaltz,” the kind that has the power to close rather than open your heart as you rush out of the theater while the terribly named OneRepublic ballad, “Let’s Hurt Tonight,” provides exit music.

(Oh snap. We got a real The Call situation on our hands? That would be fun. If for a solid 2 hours I watch this with reasonable delight, and then watch the final minutes in horror. Please let this happen.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1tfLWxcEzw/

(Oh my god, this trailer is horrible haha. Also they completely pull the punch … you don’t know at all that this is all kind of a set up by Will Smith’s friends in a craven attempt to get money … yeah, that’s the plot of this film.)

Directors – David Frankel – ( Known For: The Devil Wears Prada; Marley & Me; The Big Year; Hope Springs; Jerry and Marge Go Large; One Chance; Miami Rhapsody; BMT: Collateral Beauty; Notes: His short won an Oscar in 1997. Still directs, although mostly television. His father was a notably executive editor of the New York Times back in the day.)

Writers – Allan Loeb – ( Known For: The Switch; Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps; Here Comes the Boom; Rock of Ages; Things We Lost in the Fire; So Undercover; The Only Living Boy in New York; Future BMT: 21; BMT: Just Go with It; Collateral Beauty; The Dilemma; The Space Between Us; Notes: Hasn’t written anything since, but has three projects in the works in some capacity.)

Actors – Will Smith – ( Known For: I Am Legend; Men in Black; Independence Day; I, Robot; The Pursuit of Happyness; Hancock; Men in Black 3; Hitch; Aladdin; Bad Boys; Focus; Enemy of the State; Bright; Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues; Bad Boys for Life; King Richard; Ali; Concussion; Jersey Girl; The Legend of Bagger Vance; Future BMT: Seven Pounds; Bad Boys II; Shark Tale; Gemini Man; Made in America; BMT: Suicide Squad; Men in Black II; After Earth; Wild Wild West; Collateral Beauty; Winter’s Tale; Notes: Nominated three times for Oscars, finally winning for King Richard (something else happened that night … I can’t recall). Has 5 upcoming projects still. Notably was selected by Quincy Jones specifically for Fresh Prince.)

Edward Norton – ( Known For: Fight Club; American History X; The Grand Budapest Hotel; Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance); The Incredible Hulk; Glass Onion; The Illusionist; The Italian Job; Moonrise Kingdom; The Dictator; The Bourne Legacy; Alita: Battle Angel; Red Dragon; Primal Fear; Sausage Party; Isle of Dogs; 25th Hour; Rounders; The Invention of Lying; The French Dispatch; Future BMT: Kingdom of Heaven; Pride and Glory; After the Sunset; BMT: Collateral Beauty; Notes: Nominated for three Oscars, most recently for Birdman. Notoriously difficult to work with and notable for re-editing several films he was involved with after the fact, American History X being the most significant story.)

Kate Winslet – ( Known For: Titanic; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; Divergent; Avatar: The Way of Water; The Holiday; Contagion; The Reader; Revolutionary Road; Finding Neverland; Steve Jobs; Flushed Away; Carnage; The Life of David Gale; Sense and Sensibility; Little Children; Triple 9; Heavenly Creatures; The Dressmaker; Quills; Labor Day; Future BMT: The Divergent Series: Insurgent; The Mountain Between Us; How to Lose Friends & Alienate People; All the King’s Men; BMT: Movie 43; Collateral Beauty; Notes: She’s been nominated 7 times for an Oscar, and won (surprisingly I think) for The Reader. Is going to be in an upcoming based on a true story film about some cryptocoin scam.)

Budget/Gross – $36,000,000 / Domestic: $31,016,021 (Worldwide: $88,616,021)

(Eh, probably wasn’t a huge loser. But a Will Smith film probably wants to look at $60+ if not $100+ domestic for the stacked cast it is putting out there.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 13% (25/187): Well-meaning but fundamentally flawed, Collateral Beauty aims for uplift but collapses in unintentional hilarity.

(Ooooooo. Although, something tells me you had to have seen it at the time to get it. An earnest romantic drama getting into theaters these days? Impossible. And thus it might just feel pretty charming.)

Reviewer Highlight: The five stages of grief sometimes seem applicable to movie reviewing, except that I usually skip denial, rarely get around to acceptance and generally just settle into anger, which is where I am with “Collateral Beauty.” – Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Poster – Collateral Booty

(Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. F.)

Tagline(s) – We are all connected (D)

(Nooooo. Nooooo. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Future BMT: 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.8 Black Christmas (2019), 76.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.6 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.7 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.2 Like a Boss (2020), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 59.4 Jem and the Holograms (2015)

BMT: Cats (2019), The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Morbius (2022), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), … (and many more)

Best Options (Romance): 55.6 Radhe Shyam (2022), 53.2 Aloha (2015), 46.0 Nobody’s Fool (2018), 45.6 I Feel Pretty (2018), 38.3 The Perfect Match (2016), 37.0 Home Again (2017), 35.8 Reminiscence (2021), 35.7 Love the Coopers (2015), 35.3 The Perfect Guy (2015), 33.3 Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016), 31.3 Overboard (2018), 30.3 Jexi (2019), 27.3 The Comedian (2016), 26.6 Acrimony (2018), 25.4 We Are Your Friends (2015), 23.5 Tulip Fever (2017), 17.0 2 Hearts (2020), 16.1 A Journal for Jordan (2021), 12.4 Collateral Beauty (2016), 11.6 God Bless the Broken Road (2018), 11.0 Redeeming Love (2022), 9.3 Life Itself (2018), 9.3 Passengers (2016), 9.0 The Longest Ride (2015)

(Oh man, low. But it is the most “interesting” option as it is a Will Smith film made right as his fortunes were turning a bit. Although … well I guess he won an Oscar after, but still, his commercial films tended to start not doing as well around then if I recall correctly.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Michael Peña is No. 4 billed in Collateral Beauty and No. 1 billed in Fantasy Island, which also stars Michael Rooker (No. 4 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 4 billed) => (4 + 1) + (4 + 4) = 13. If we were to watch Shark Tale we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – Will Smith’s father, Willard Carroll Smith, Sr., was dying while Smith researched this role. He has said that working on this movie was extremely therapeutic in helping him deal with the ultimate loss of his dad.

Will Smith praised the whole cast by saying, “If we are all judged by the company we keep … then I want this cast with me for life!”

When Will Smith heard about co-star Naomie Harris’ mom Lisselle Kayla’s Jamaican cooking during this shoot, he invited himself to her house, and dined with Naomie and her extended family.

Hugh Jackman was originally attached to star, but dropped out due to scheduling conflicts, and was later replaced by Will Smith. Both actors were born in 1968 but were only in a month and seventeen days apart from each other. Smith was born on September 25th and Jackman was born on October 12th.

The theater Amy enters is the Hegel theater. Hegel regarded history as an intelligible process moving towards a specific condition – the realization of human freedom. Howard goes through the process freeing himself (or being freed) from grief.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Combo

The New Mutants Preview

After catching the eye of the saleswoman, Patrick and Kyle watch as Jamie tries on a series of outfits, each one seemingly more outrageous than the last. Jamie seems particularly taken with a very classy Canadian tuxedo he found in the back of the store, but it is also summarily rejected. Sadly he trudges out of the changing room in a non-Canadian tuxedo, complete with tails, bowtie, monocle, and top hat. This outfit gets an emphatic thumbs up from Kyle and a slight, but approving, nod from Patrick. Jamie isn’t so sure. Suddenly they hear a gasp and the smashing of a champagne glass nearby. “Sacre bleu!” a woman shrieks, “he’s beautiful.” A man joins her and, looking closely at Jamie, puts his hands up as if it were a camera lens. “Yes, he is perfect. The outfit is so classy and yet… he’s brutish. As if his body could explode out of the fabric at any moment.” Jamie is confused. Sure his body could explode out of the fabric any time he wanted, but why would he want that? That’s why he needs sturdy denim capable of withstanding whatever his body brings. The woman approaches. “Hello, we love you, we must have you. We’re from Big Modeling Talent Agency and we’re having trouble filling out our latest fashion show at Fashion Week. Are you interested?” Jamie’s head spins, imaging the celebs that might be at Fashion Week. Rumor around the block was that Billy Zane was hoping to attend this year! “The idea is: ‘These ain’t your daddy’s models.’” the woman says, flashing her hands dramatically as if the words should blow your mind. Patrick scoffs, but Jamie seems to be digging it. He nods in wonder and whispers, “Yeah, like… ‘The New Models.’” That’s right! We aren’t watching the New Models, but rather the X-Men spinoff, The New Mutants. This was dumped in the pandemic after being shelved for years. That’s a recipe for success. Let’s go!

The New Mutants (2020) – BMeTric: 57.4; Notability: 28

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.4%; Notability: top 4.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 20.3%; Higher BMeT: Breach, Hard Kill, Artemis Fowl, The Grudge, The Turning, The Last Days of American Crime, Jiu Jitsu, The Last Thing He Wanted, Fantasy Island, Survive the Night, The 2nd, Brahms: The Boy II, After We Collided, Like a Boss, Force of Nature, The Tax Collector; Higher Notability: Dolittle, Artemis Fowl, The Rhythm Section, Bloodshot, Rebecca, The War with Grandpa, Spenser Confidential, Hillbilly Elegy, Fantasy Island, The Turning, The Wrong Missy, Superintelligence; Lower RT: Hard Kill, The Last Days of American Crime, The 2nd, The F**k-It List, The Last Thing He Wanted, Force of Nature, Artemis Fowl, Fantasy Island, Songbird, A Nice Girl Like You, Brahms: The Boy II, The Turning, After We Collided, Survive the Night, Dolittle, Desperados, A Fall from Grace, 2 Hearts, The Tax Collector, Fatal Affair, and 29 more; Notes: Yeah, 2020 was going to be a struggle because it was kind of a dumping ground. I did at one point float doing Artemis Fowl as a friend. That movie seems absurd.

AV Club – C –  Even a mangled bit of Whedonese about a toad struck by lightning could benefit a superhero story this starved for character.

(I had to just find a random one here. AV Club fit the bill. The only thing I really know about this film is that it was dumped. There were times when it looked like it was going to go Batgirl style and just get completely buried.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_vJhUAOFpI/

(Genuinely bullshit. Like … that isn’t the plot of the film! The plot is that the main girl is causing the fear dreams, the hospital isn’t there to do it to them. Absurd. Also, this film was legit poised to be a kind of good version of the film Fear from last year. Which is wild shit.)

Directors – Josh Boone – ( Known For: The Fault in Our Stars; Stuck in Love.; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: The Fault in Our Stars to this is wild. It feels like he was brought in at a time when this was going to be a more indie-ish property, and then eventually it was twisted into a semi-horror film at one point.)

Writers – Josh Boone – ( Known For: Stuck in Love.; All We Had; The Pretenders; BMT: He seems to have been somewhat tied up with The Stand since. His most recent producing project is some weird time travel film involving a mix-tape … yup.)

Knate Lee – ( Known For: Jackass 3D; Jackass Forever; Cardboard Boxer; Future BMT: Kidnap; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: “Writes” a lot of the Jackass films somehow? I don’t get that. Seems like a crazy person to bring in to write your X-Men adject IP.)

Actors – Maisie Williams – ( Known For: iBoy; Early Man; Mary Shelley; Then Came You; The Owners; The Falling; The Book of Love; Gold; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: You know her from Game of Thrones, where she was nominated for two Emmys. She is fully back to doing TV which is good, she’s solid in television roles.)

Anya Taylor-Joy – ( Known For: Split; The Menu; The Witch; The Northman; The Super Mario Bros. Movie; Last Night in Soho; Emma.; Thoroughbreds; Marrowbone; Radioactive; Barry; Love, Antosha; Here Are the Young Men; Future BMT: Morgan; Playmobil: The Movie; BMT: Glass; Amsterdam; The New Mutants; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Queen’s Gambit which is her most famous role, until this year maybe since she’s the star of the new Mad Max film.)

Charlie Heaton – ( Known For: Marrowbone; The Souvenir: Part II; As You Are; No Future; Future BMT: Shut In; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: Mostly just doing those Stranger Things stuff. This movie was really a who’s who of TV work. Has a maybe interesting upcoming project with Al Pacino and Patrick Schwarzeneggar. I mean … didn’t say good, just interesting.)

Budget/Gross – $67–80 million / Domestic: $23,852,659 (Worldwide: $49,169,594)

(Yeah obviously terrible, but that budget seems fake. This is a one location film with four or five TV stars right? Where is this budget going? CGI I suppose would be the counter, but I’m not sure I believe it. Seems like accounting shenanigans more likely.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 36% (50/139): Rendering a list of potentially explosive ingredients mostly inert, The New Mutants is a franchise spinoff that’s less than the sum of its super-powered parts.

(Yeah, seems like a formula for some bodice success (horror film spin off from a popular franchise). Problem is when you create a horror film you need to stick to the budget: $15 million. It would have been a decent success if they could have pulled that off.)

NY Times Review: The original New Mutants comics debuted in 1983, the year Johnny Ramone howled for “Psycho Therapy,” and its punkish, expressionistic pages wafted spray paint. Boone’s version is set in the 1990s and wallows in Gen-X ennui. – Amy Nicholson, The New York Times

Poster – Not Your Daddy’s Mutants

(I appreciate the style. I very much appreciate the font and the color scheme. But it’s a little basic… like it’s just a bunch of heads all stylized up. B+)

Tagline(s) – It’s time to face your demons. (C-)

(Nah. That’s generic. Could be applied to a bunch of movies.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Future BMT: 84.9 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.8 Black Christmas (2019), 76.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.7 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.1 Like a Boss (2020), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)

BMT: The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Firestarter (2022), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Morbius (2022), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), … (and many more)

Best Options (Horror): 84.9 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.8 Black Christmas (2019), 76.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 58.0 The Lazarus Effect (2015), 57.3 The New Mutants (2020), 56.1 The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018), 56.0 Sinister 2 (2015), 55.9 Wish Upon (2017), 55.1 Umma (2022), 54.7 Friend Request (2016), 54.0 The Possession of Hannah Grace (2018), 52.2 Boo 2! A Madea Halloween (2017), 50.7 Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016), 50.6 Halloween Kills (2021), 48.1 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 45.6 Incarnate (2016), 44.9 Separation (2021), 43.4 Jigsaw (2017), 42.8 Insidious: The Last Key (2018), 42.7 Hell Fest (2018), 38.1 Morgan (2016), 37.4 The Devil Conspiracy (2022), 35.6 Victor Frankenstein (2015), 26.6 Acrimony (2018), 18.6 Nefarious (2023)

(Again, 2020 was going to be tough. Brahms: The Boy II and some other random annoying ones were the other options. This was more fun.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Alice Braga is No. 6 billed in The New Mutants and No. 2 billed in Hypnotic, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (6 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 16. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The vision Dani sees of mutant children contains some reused footage from Logan (2017).

Josh Boone intended this film to be the first in a trilogy, with the second film to be an alien invasion movie featuring the alien mutant Warlock, and then the third and final installment to be a supernatural, apocalyptic horror movie based on the X-Men comic event “Inferno” (demons invade the Earth and Magik plays a major role). After Disney’s purchase of Fox, all X-Men-related films in development were cancelled, including Boone’s trilogy.

Josh Boone admitted that he found shooting to be stressful, as he felt “a bit neutered” because he had to tone down the film from his original “full horror” ideas.

The last Marvel film to be released with Stan Lee as an executive producer.

The film had five release dates. It was originally slated to debut on April 13, 2018, but was first delayed to February 19, 2019, in order to conduct reshoots. Later, it was pushed back to August 2, 2019, while Disney finalized its purchase of Fox. The film was pushed back yet again to April 3, 2020, to make room for the release of Dark Phoenix (2019). On March 12, 2020, it was postponed due to the COVID-19 pandemic. On May 13, 2020, its new release date of August 28, 2020 was announced, and the film was finally released in theaters on that date.

Black Adam Preview

One year, one blockbuster film, and one Pulitzer later and Patrick and Jamie are ready to launch Project: Jamie in Love (awww). “This is exciting,” Kyle says, bouncing on his heels near where they are preparing their backpacks. “You guys will have to write and tell me all about all the hijinks you get into.” Jamie and Patrick smile. “Why would we write when you’re right there with us?” Kyle’s eyes glitter and he has trouble speaking due to the emotion. “Gee. But… BMT…?” he stammers. Patrick just sweeps his arm across the buzzing BMTHQ offices. “This old place? I think it can handle itself. Love is just a bit important.” They all laugh a whole bunch even though it’s not really a joke. “The key to love is just four easy steps,” Patrick then explains, “That’s how me and the wife found love that has lasted.” “Yeah,” Kyle responds with a smirk, “Lasted a millennium.” They laugh again. God they are killing it. A short time later Jamie and Kyle are following Patrick through Brooklyn. Despite having packed for a long trip it appears that lesson one is right in their backyard (although Jamie can’t say he’s ever been this deep in the back alleys of the city). They stop in front of a store and Patrick turns to face Jamie and Kyle. “The eyes are the windows to the soul,” Patrick announces. “So Lesson #1: Style.” Jamie looks down at his clothes. Sure he’s wearing a sweatshirt from high school… and his sweatpants are also just a different sweatshirt from high school he’s fashioned into rudimentary pants. “But that’s kind of stylish, right?” He asks hopefully and Kyle shakes his head. Jamie looks up at the store: Black Adam’s Black Ties. “Here goes nothing.” That’s right! We are also shopping at Black Adam this week as we use this very special yearlong cycle to smash out some of the greatest franchises we ever missed. Black Adam is the only DC film we had left that qualified for BMT… that is until Aquaman 2 came out. But at least this gets us that one step closer. So for 2022: Black Adam. Let’s go!

Black Adam (2022) – BMeTric: 27.8; Notability: 98

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 15.6%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.3%; Higher BMeT: Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Ice Age Adventures of Buck Wild, The Bubble, Brazen, Firestarter, They/Them, Moonfall, Blacklight, Morbius, Pinocchio, Me Time, After Ever Happy, Grimcutty, Umma, The Invitation, Cheaper by the Dozen, Spiderhead, Deep Water, Jurassic World Dominion, and 19 more; Lower RT: Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, After Ever Happy, Me Time, Poker Face, Firestarter, Redeeming Love, Blacklight, Brazen, Last Seen Alive, Morbius, Prey for the Devil, The Ice Age Adventures of Buck Wild, Prizefighter: The Life of Jem Belcher, The Bubble, On the Line, Home Team, The Man from Toronto, Senior Year, The 355, Grimcutty, and 22 more; Notes: The top Notability. Nice. A lower BMeTric than I would have expected, but I guess fans maybe liked it.

RogerEbert.com – 3.5 stars – “Black Adam” is a superlative and clever example of this sort of movie, coloring within the lines while drawing fascinating doodles on the margins. In its brash, relentless, overscaled way, Collet-Serra’s film respects its audience and wants to be respected by it. “Black Adam” gives the audience everything they wanted, along with things they never expected.

(Wow, we have a few of these. I wonder if we’ve done a four star film before. I wonder how many qualifying four star films there are. Imagine. Imagine if RogerEbert.com gave it four stars.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkomfZHG5q4/

(The Justice Society gets more play in this trailer than I expected. I would have imagined they would have been a bit more cagey about making the film introduce like five individual superheroes in a first film. Honestly, this should have been Shazam 2 and it was real dumb they went with the thing they did eventually, but also this stinks of desperately trying to parlay The Suicide Squad into something and failing.)

Directors – Jaume Collet-Serra – (Known For: Non-Stop; Unknown; Orphan; Jungle Cruise; The Shallows; The Commuter; Run All Night; Goal II: Living the Dream; BMT: Black Adam; House of Wax; Notes: He’s basically Liam Neeson and now Dwayne Johnson’s director. It is kind of wild, has done multiple for each and has upcoming films for both.)

Writers – Adam Sztykiel – (Known For: Rampage; Scoob!; Family Switch; Future BMT: Due Date; Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip; BMT: Black Adam; Made of Honor; Notes: Rampage was trach. Family Switch I think may have been a set up for We’re the Millers 2 which he has on the docket.)

Rory Haines and Sohrab Noshirvani – (Known For: The Mauritanian; BMT: Black Adam; Notes: The Mauritanian was quite well received and even had some awards buzz from what I remember.)

Bill Parker and C.C. Beck – (Notes: They were co-creators of the Marvel Family and many other Fawcett properties. So they have credits on a bunch of these.)

Jack Kirby – (Known For: The Avengers; Avengers: Endgame; Avengers: Infinity War; Iron Man; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Thor; Iron Man 3; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; Iron Man 2; Captain America: Civil War; Black Panther; Thor: Ragnarok; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Thor: The Dark World; Ant-Man; Captain Marvel; The Incredible Hulk; Ant-Man and the Wasp; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Thor: Love and Thunder; BMT: Justice League; Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Fantastic Four; Notes: Ah, you know Kirby by now. I’ve probably written like four bios for him. He’s arguably the best comic book writer in history.)

Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster– (Known For: Man of Steel; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Superman Returns; Superman; The Lego Batman Movie; Superman II; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Teen Titans GO! To the Movies; Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut; The Death and Return of Superman; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Justice League; Superman III; Superman IV: The Quest for Peace; Notes: C’mon now. They created Superman. So … yeah, they were the big DC guys before there was even DC.)

Actors – Dwayne Johnson – (Known For: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle; Free Guy; Fast & Furious 6; Furious 7; Fast Five; Moana; The Mummy Returns; Red Notice; The Other Guys; Jumanji: The Next Level; San Andreas; The Fate of the Furious; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; Pain & Gain; Get Smart; Central Intelligence; Jungle Cruise; Rampage; Hercules; The Scorpion King; Future BMT: Planet 51; You Again; Tooth Fairy; Reno 911!: Miami; Why Did I Get Married Too?; Jem and the Holograms; BMT: Black Adam; Baywatch; G.I. Joe: Retaliation; Doom; Walking Tall; The Game Plan; Be Cool; Notes: Apparently tapped to portray Doc Savage, so he is running it back it would seem. Not a real superhero, but was a “superman” or sorts. Then he has like twenty sequels in various stages of development.)

Aldis Hodge – ( Known For: Die Hard with a Vengeance; Hidden Figures; The Invisible Man; Straight Outta Compton; Happy Feet; The Ladykillers; The East; One Night in Miami…; What Men Want; Edmond; Brian Banks; Clemency; Magic Camp; Green Lantern: Beware My Power; Red Sands; The Birthday Cake; The Tenants; Little Athens; Future BMT: Jack Reacher: Never Go Back; American Dreamz; Bed of Roses; BMT: Black Adam; A Good Day to Die Hard; Big Momma’s House; Notes: Oddly played two different people in the two Die Hard films he appeared in.)

Pierce Brosnan – ( Known For: The World’s End; Mrs. Doubtfire; Mamma Mia!; GoldenEye; Mars Attacks!; Die Another Day; The World Is Not Enough; Tomorrow Never Dies; Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief; The Ghost Writer; The Foreigner; Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again; Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga; The Thomas Crown Affair; No Escape; The Matador; Cinderella; Survivor; A Long Way Down; The Out-Laws; Future BMT: Remember Me; Dante’s Peak; The November Man; After the Sunset; Laws of Attraction; I Don’t Know How She Does It; Love Affair; BMT: Black Adam; The Lawnmower Man; The King’s Daughter; Notes: Mother flipping Dante’s Peak. Excited for that eventually. He was James Bond. His first wife is a sad story, both her and her daughter died of ovarian cancer at 41.)

Budget/Gross – $190–260 million / Domestic: $168,152,111 (Worldwide: $393,452,111)

(Like … kind of okay actually? Domestically weak, but overall if it is hitting that lower budget number it is kind of okay. Better than I expected given what I remembered from the release.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 38% (117/304): Black Adam may end up pointing the way to an exciting future for DC films, but as a standalone experience, it’s a wildly uneven letdown.

(It … did not. As a matter of fact, it was pretty much a death knell in the end, because any good will they got from The Suicide Squad disappeared and the DCEU was basically immediately handed over to James Gunn.)

Reviewer Highlight: A dull, listless superhero movie that hits all the expected touchstones of the genre under the guise of a transgressive new antihero story. – Maya Phillips, New York Times

Poster – Bad Saddo

(The Rock starring other people. I do like the effort here, though. Artistic flair and some nice font. No idea what this would be about though. What is a Black Adam, I would ponder. B-)

Tagline(s) – Power born from rage. (C)

(Meh.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Joker (2019), Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015)

Future BMT: 84.8 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.8 Black Christmas (2019), 75.9 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.2 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.7 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.1 Like a Boss (2020), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)

BMT: The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Firestarter (2022), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Expend4bles (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Hot Pursuit (2015), Morbius (2022), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), … (and many more)

Best Options (Action): 70.7 Snatched (2017), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 57.8 The Transporter Refueled (2015), 57.3 The New Mutants (2020), 57.0 Robin Hood (2018), 50.7 Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016), 50.6 Halloween Kills (2021), 49.4 Blackhat (2015), 48.3 Vanguard (2020), 47.8 Men in Black: International (2019), 47.8 The Dark Tower (2017), 46.1 Samson (2018), 45.8 The Rhythm Section (2020), 44.9 A-X-L (2018), 44.1 Allegiant (2016), 44.0 Gemini Man (2019), 43.7 The 355 (2022), 43.1 Underworld: Blood Wars (2016), 42.7 Pan (2015), 42.1 Chaos Walking (2021), 41.6 Breaking In (2018), 41.1 The Marksman (2021), 40.9 The Kitchen (2019), 38.4 Ratchet & Clank (2016), 38.1 Morgan (2016), 38.0 Freelance (2023), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 36.7 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016), 36.6 Monster Trucks (2016), 36.0 Collide (2016), 35.6 Captive (2015), 33.6 Kin (2018), 32.3 Honest Thief (2020), 31.8 The Machine (2023), 31.5 Traffik (2018), 30.9 Miss Bala (2019), 30.7 Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016), 30.5 Mortal Engines (2018), 30.5 Birth of the Dragon (2016), 30.4 The Huntsman: Winter’s War (2016), 30.3 7 Days in Entebbe (2018), 29.5 Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023), 28.9 The Girl in the Spider’s Web (2018), 28.0 Medieval (2022), 27.8 Black Adam (2022), … (and many more)

(So that’s the thing, it is probably actually the best 2022 option. And we love franchises, so finally having an excuse to watch a boatload of DCEU films was too hard to pass up. If you can’t tell, we are doing one movie for each year, so 2022 was needed and was a weak year.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dwayne Johnson is No. 1 billed in Black Adam and No. 1 billed in Walking Tall, which also stars Neal McDonough (No. 3 billed) who is in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (No. 3 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) + (2 + 2) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Jordan Peele was originally offered the chance to direct the film when it was first announced in 2017, but Peele declined, saying, “I’m not a fan of superhero movies and I’d hate to take that chance away from a director who is passionate about them.”

While Black Adam and Captain Marvel speak the same name of the wizard Shazam as an acronym to activate their powers, in the case of Captain Marvel the acronym stands for the wisdom of Solomon, the strength of Hercules, the stamina of Atlas, the power of Zeus, the courage of Achilles, and the speed of Mercury. In the case of Black Adam, the acronym stands for the stamina of Shu, the swiftness of Horus, the strength of Amon, the wisdom of Zehuti, the power of Aton, and the courage of Mehen.

Dwayne Johnson once asked his fans which character he should play, superhero Shazam or supervillain Black Adam. His fans chose Black Adam.

Black Adam was originally going to appear in Shazam! (2019), but it was later decided he would debut in his own film.

The film originally received an R rating due to several gruesome death scenes. A majority of these deaths had to be cut before the film could receive the more commercially viable PG-13 rating.

The Happytime Murders Preview

“I’m sorry,” Patrick says, seeing how much it was hurting Jamie to leave his maze brides behind. “I know,” he answers, eyes looking longingly into the middle distance. “Just when it seems I find love it turns out to be too good to be true. It just hurts so much.” Patrick puts a hand on his shoulder. “It only hurts because you experienced true love. Love blurs the lines between pain and pleasure.” With that they steel themselves and go through the Reverse Exorcism process.

Suddenly, Jamie and Patrick awaken from their hypnotic slumber in the Antiquities Room. They immediately transition into a patented Twin Chop, only to stop themselves inches from totally owning the valet’s jugular. “Where’s Luigi? Where’s our mother?” They ask, looking frantically around the room. They are informed that shortly after entering a fugue state their mother entered and fired Luigi as part of her long con to get him indicted for fraud in Italy’s high court. Luigi was unceremoniously carted off and they proceeded to have an hour long conversation with their mother. This conversation went well, they all had dinner together, and then they were returned to the Antiquities Room so that once they awoke they wouldn’t be startled by their surroundings and tear their own eyes out. “So did she tell us what to do?” Patrick asks with great anticipation. The valet nods. “Do what you love,” he answers simply. Halfway through putting on his cable knit sweater, though, Patrick notices that Jamie isn’t doing the same. “BMT is what we love,” he says encouragingly and Jamie nods. “I know, but I don’t just want to do what I love… I want love.” Patrick understands. They agree to get BMT running and then they’ll venture forth to find Jamie true happiness. True love. That’s right! We are finding true happiness with the “muppets gone bad” film, The Happytime Murders. This is the beginning of 2024’s experiment in cycles. For the first time all the cycles are connected. We are proceeding through time picking up some of the best BMT films we missed from each year going back to 1983. The Happytime Murders is the 2018 entry for the 2015-2023 cycle. Let’s go!

The Happytime Murders (2018) – BMeTric: 45.9; Notability: 60

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 11.2%; Notability: top 1.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.4%; Higher BMeT: Slender Man, The Open House, Holmes & Watson, Escape Plan 2: Hades, Fifty Shades Freed, Swiped, Siberia, The Titan, How It Ends, Gotti, Truth or Dare, The Nun, The Predator, Fahrenheit 451, Robin Hood, The Strangers: Prey at Night, The Possession of Hannah Grace, The Week Of, The 15:17 to Paris, Replicas, and 8 more; Higher Notability: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, Venom, The Predator, The Nutcracker and the Four Realms; Lower RT: Gotti, Father of the Year, Billionaire Boys Club, Escape Plan 2: Hades, Slender Man, Holmes & Watson, The Professor, Replicas, Fifty Shades Freed, Siberia, Peppermint, The Open House, Little Italy, Winchester, Life Itself, Robin Hood, The Darkest Minds, The Kissing Booth, Look Away, Truth or Dare, and 13 more; Notes: The higher Notability films are hilarious, we’ve basically not seen any of those. I actually can’t believe we haven’t seen Gotti yet … kind of too bad we didn’t hit up After Everything last cycle because I think Gotti would be an obvious choice. Barely doesn’t qualify with a 503 widest release. The Notability on this film is off the chain though.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – One doesn’t need to concern oneself too much with plot, what with all the puppet hijinks. They begin with the foul language, but in due time, we see puppets whose forms are pretty familiar—fluffy bunnies, frisky doggies, a porn shop proprietor that looks like a relative of Sam The Eagle gone severely to seed, and so on—doing generally unexpected things, like flashing pubic hair and ejaculating. Is this funny? The screening I attended did not exactly rollick with laughter, and I found scenes of humorous human interaction, such as an evidence hunt embarked on by McCarthy and Maya Rudolph, playing Phil’s loyal secretary, more amusing than the puppet stuff. But I don’t want to come down too hard on this movie, because even though it doesn’t work, the high spirits with which it was made seem unaffected. Which means that if you’re susceptible to such an atmosphere, particularly such a one as McCarthy and friends can create (other human cast members include Elizabeth Banks and Joel McHale; among the puppeteers is Kevin Clash, one of the original handlers of Elmo), you might get a kick out of it. But don’t bring the kids. Seriously. Just don’t.

(I think this review. I think this film is going to end up being “amusing, but not funny, with a conceit so out there you desperately hope it is funny” … and you end up quite disappointed which is where the bad reviews come from. That’s what I hope at least.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eks8LG72uo/

(Yeah that trailer only doesn’t really work because you would, presumably, want to bust out one actually good joke if you had one. It makes me suspicious that this is a joke-free shock comedy which tends to just be aggravating.)

Directors – Brian Henson – ( Known For: The Muppet Christmas Carol; Muppet Treasure Island; BMT: The Happytime Murders; Notes: Yeah the son of Jim Henson, and this was supposed to start a series of alternative muppet films (basically) but it never happened after this financially flopped.)

Writers – Todd Berger – ( Known For: The Curse of Bridge Hollow; It’s a Disaster; The Scenesters; BMT: The Happytime Murders; Notes: From New Orleans and started his production company Voodoo Productions there while in high school and he still uses the name.)

Dee Austin Robertson – (BMT: The Happytime Murders; Notes: An interesting case, she has two different The Movie Database profiles … wait, did I say interesting?)

Actors – Melissa McCarthy – ( Known For: Thor: Love and Thunder; Bridesmaids; Spy; Ghostbusters; Central Intelligence; Charlie’s Angels; The Heat; This Is 40; The Little Mermaid; Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle; St. Vincent; Go; Can You Ever Forgive Me?; Thunder Force; The Kid; The Nines; White Oleander; The Starling; Superintelligence; Pumpkin; Future BMT: The Hangover Part III; Identity Thief; Life as We Know It; The Life of David Gale; The Back-up Plan; The Boss; Life of the Party; The Kitchen; Drowning Mona; BMT: Tammy; The Happytime Murders; Notes: An odd career. Obviously cut her teeth on television in things like Gilmore Girls and Mike & Molly. Then had her big break with Bridesmaids. Became a bona fide comedy A-lister, but that kind of crapped out with her husband often at the helm. But meanwhile she has had a rather impressive dramatic career now in things like Can You Ever Forgive Me? Just very interesting.)

Elizabeth Banks – ( Known For: Catch Me If You Can; The Hunger Games; Spider-Man; The Hunger Games: Catching Fire; Spider-Man 2; Spider-Man 3; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; The 40-Year-Old Virgin; The Lego Movie; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; Pitch Perfect; Role Models; The Next Three Days; Zack and Miri Make a Porno; Definitely, Maybe; Pitch Perfect 2; Power Rangers; Brightburn; Our Idiot Brother; Slither; Future BMT: Man on a Ledge; The Uninvited; Pitch Perfect 3; Fred Claus; Meet Dave; BMT: Movie 43; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; The Happytime Murders; Notes: Now a pretty major director with things like Pitch Perfect 3 and Cocaine Bear. I wouldn’t be surprised if she busts out a fairly serious Indie hit in the next few years that gets her some serious awards consideration … or maybe she’ll just be a director for hire and make a boatload making things like Cocaine Bear.)

Maya Rudolph – ( Known For: Big Hero 6; 50 First Dates; Shrek the Third; Gattaca; As Good as It Gets; Bridesmaids; Luca; Idiocracy; The Way Way Back; Licorice Pizza; Booksmart; The Mitchells vs the Machines; Inherent Vice; Turbo; The Angry Birds Movie; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Sisters; Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping; Hubie Halloween; Away We Go; Future BMT: Duplex; Life of the Party; The Nut Job; Strange Magic; The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature; BMT: Grown Ups; Grown Ups 2; The Emoji Movie; Zookeeper; CHIPS; The Happytime Murders; Notes: She’s hilarious in everything. I particularly like her ad the dead wife in MacGruber, but she is all over the place writing and acting. Oh and she’s married to Paul Thomas Anderson.)

Budget/Gross – $40,000,000 / Domestic: $20,706,452 (Worldwide: $27,506,452)

(Yeah catastrophic. At least I can imagine where the money goes to. Making puppets and elaborate sets for puppeteers to operate in.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 23% (58/248): The Happytime Murders wastes its intriguingly transgressive premise on a witless comedy that blindly pushes buttons instead of attempting to tell an entertaining story.

(Boo. This is exactly what one would fear it would be. Hopefully with a bit of distance and lowered expectations the film can still be a bit entertaining at least.)

Reviewer Highlight: The plot should be an excuse for comic invention, but it mostly just gets in the way, which makes me think that a feature film isn’t really what Phil and his ilk need or deserve. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – The Happy Sklog Murders

(I don’t mind this. Color, font, and puppets. All intriguing so it does its job despite being a typical star-driven, not artistic style poster. I kinda wish it was more old school… playing on the muppets more. But this is fine. Just not much flair. C+.)

Tagline(s) – No Sesame. All Street. (A)

Sex. Murder. Puppets. (A-)

(The first one is the one they got in trouble for. The second one is what replaced it. I think both are pretty good actually. Fun, short, and clever. The first one is the better of the two… unfortunately for their legal team.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Future BMT: 84.6 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.7 Black Christmas (2019), 75.9 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.1 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.6 Norm of the North (2016), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.2 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.6 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.6 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.1 Like a Boss (2020), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)

BMT: Cats (2019), The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Expend4bles (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Hot Pursuit (2015), Morbius (2022), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), Truth or Dare (2018), The Curse of La Llorona (2019), … (and many more)

Best Options (Comedy): 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.6 Norm of the North (2016), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.6 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.1 Like a Boss (2020), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 53.8 Just Getting Started (2017), 53.2 Aloha (2015), 52.3 Playing with Fire (2019), 52.2 Boo 2! A Madea Halloween (2017), 51.7 The Boss (2016), 49.2 Action Point (2018), 48.3 Vanguard (2020), 48.1 Sherlock Gnomes (2018), 47.8 Men in Black: International (2019), 46.0 Nobody’s Fool (2018), 45.9 The Happytime Murders (2018), … (and many more)

(Not as far down as I would imagine. We were somewhat limited to 2018 in the end and the other options (Action Point and Sherlock Gnomes) were borderline as far as genre in my opinion. This has some serious Razzie cred though, so it works. I do like that we are pretty even on all the years, and it does truly show the issue we are facing with BMT going forward.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Melissa McCarthy is No. 1 billed in The Happytime Murders and No. 1 billed in Tammy, which also stars Susan Sarandon (No. 2 billed) who is in That’s My Boy (No. 3 billed) which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 16. If we were to watch The Kitchen, and Like a Boss we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Sesame Workshop sued the team behind the film for the tagline, “No sesame. All street,” claiming that the film tarnishes their reputation. The suit was rejected on May 30, 2018. Soon after, STX issued a brief statement, “We fluffing love Sesame Street (1969) and we’re obviously very pleased that the ruling reinforced what STX’s intention was from the very beginning – to honor the heritage of The Jim Henson Company’s previous award-winning creations while drawing a clear distinction between any Muppets or Sesame Street characters and the new world Brian Henson and team created. We believe we accomplished that with the very straightforward NO SESAME, ALL STREET tagline. We look forward to continued happytimes as we prepare to release Happytime Murders this summer.” Some TV spots for the film started with “From the studio that was sued by Sesame Street…”

A total of 125 puppets are in the film, with 40 specifically created for it. All of the sets were built so that puppeteers could stand on the floor and operate the puppets as if they were standing with straight arms. The floor of the sets came up in pieces, so the human actors had a two-foot margin to stay on their path.

Officer Donny, the cop, is Melissa McCarthy’s real-life husband, Ben Falcone. The couple has appeared in several movies together including: The Nines (2007), Bridesmaids (2011), Identity Thief (2013), The Heat (2013), Tammy (2014), Spy (2015) and The Boss (2016), The Life of The Party (2018).

This is the first theatrical film Brian Henson has directed since Muppet Treasure Island (1996).

Brian Henson’s worst day on set was when he had to play Crab. He had to be inside a trash can so that he could direct while operating and voice Crab. While he was in there, he suddenly felt something cold and liquid creeping down his back. A crew member who thought it was a real trash can had carelessly thrown in a half-full bottle of beer.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Melissa McCarthy)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Joel McHale)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Combo

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Brian Henson)