50+ BMeTric – Bad Movie Twins

House of the Dead Preview

Jamie sits nervously in Judge Stranger’s Chambers, Ms. LaRouche at his side. “Ahem, well, given the testimony we just heard in the courtroom, I urge the prosecution to drop the case,” the judge says bluntly and Jamie holds his breath. “We agree,” the prosecutor says with deep seriousness. Jamie and Ms. LaRouche jump to their feet and hug. A cheer can be heard from outside as the news is relayed to the growing crowd. “We agree,” the prosecutor continues, “because we are prepared to charge a different suspect.” Now Jamie is a bit confused. He looks to Ms. LaRouche to share in this confusion, but is even more confused when he finds that she seems decidedly not confused. Suddenly the prosecutor jumps forward and slaps handcuffs on Jamie’s wrists. “What thuuuuuu,” Jamie says dumbly. Suddenly it all becomes clear. The whole time Jamie thought he was cleverly building a case to find a poor young man innocent, when he was really building a case against himself. “Right down to the well toned parkour muscles,” he grumbles in wonder, giving said muscles a quick squeeze to see if they might pop the handcuffs clean off. Alas. The judge looks at a calendar and pauses thoughtfully. “I think we shall set the trial start date for October 31st.” Jamie is startled. “But that’s three months away,” he sputters. “Yes, not nearly enough time for the prosecution to prepare,” the prosecutor says even more seriously than before, “I’d prefer the fourth Thursday of the following month, if possible.” The judge ponders this and gives a quick nod and waves them out of his chambers. As two police officers grab Jamie by the arms, he asks where they’re taking him. They chuckle and reply, “We call it… the House of the Dead.” That’s right! We are starting off the ‘Why are we watching this?’ cycle with the Uwe Boll film House of the Dead. This cycle will be top to bottom trash that we don’t want to watch. Uwe Boll fits the bill. Yay? Let’s go!

House of the Dead (2003) – BMeTric: 90.1; Notability: 29

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.8%; Notability: top 26.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 1.7%; Higher BMeT: The Room, Gigli; Higher Notability: Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Gods and Generals, Bad Boys II, The Matrix Revolutions, Hollywood Homicide, Scary Movie 3, Brother Bear, Cheaper by the Dozen, Duplex, Timeline, Agent Cody Banks, View from the Top, Marci X, Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, National Security, Cradle 2 the Grave, Head of State, Malibu’s Most Wanted, Mona Lisa Smile, Daddy Day Care, and 47 more; Lower RT: Dorm Daze, The Foreigner, Hangman’s Curse, Gold Diggers; Notes: I did confirm, Uwe Boll never played on television in the 90s, which makes sense, all of his major films came in the 00s basically. Seen both the higher BMeTs, but I haven’t seen any of the lover RTs which is crazy. Well … not that crazy, I don’t think any of those four were released widely, so they’d have to be Friends.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – Low-grade horror movie, based on the video-game series, which charts the all-to-predictable fates of some addle-brained young people drawn to an island inhabited by zombies. Sloppily made and mind-numbingly inept. Prochnow’s character is named Captain Kirk. How clever! Followed by a TV movie, House of the Dead 2.

(Slammed. I had to snag the maltin review for this one since I knew it would be a BOMB. They’ve been so rare over time I feel like.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htx3igt0ksk/

(Brought to you by SEGA lol. “Awful zombies”. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. “They are everywhere” lol. This trailer is hilarious.)

Directors – Uwe Boll – ( Known For: Postal; Assault on Wall Street; Rampage; Far Cry; Seed; Rampage: Capital Punishment; In the Name of the King: Two Worlds; 1968 Tunnel Rats; Rampage: President Down; Stoic; Blubberella; Attack on Darfur; Heart of America; In the Name of the King: The Last Mission; Blackwoods; The Final Storm; First Shift; Auschwitz; Sanctimony; Amoklauf; Future BMT: BloodRayne; BMT: In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale; Alone in the Dark; House of the Dead; Notes: My understanding is his big budget career ended the instant they closed a German loophole for film financing. My vague understanding of how it would work: A person makes, say $200 million and owes $100 million in taxes. Instead though they “invest” $100 million in a Uwe Boll production which in turn is paid back to the production studio in various ways. The movie makes no money and The entire $100 million is a tax write off, but you make money from the back end and also in various payments during production as well for catering and stuff. Am I right? No idea, but it makes some sense. But alas, no longer possible either way. Only one more to go, phew.)

Writers – Mark A. Altman – ( Known For: Room 6; Free Enterprise; All Souls Day: Dia de los Muertos; The Thirst; BMT: House of the Dead; Notes: Wrote for Dead or Alive 3, the video game, which is maybe how he ended up writing the screenplay for this.)

Dan Bates – (Notes: Apparently worked in the music industry prior to becoming a producer. This was the last film he produced.)

Dave Parker – ( Known For: Tales of Halloween; BMT: House of the Dead; Notes: Mostly an editor, and almost exclusively for horror films.)

Actors – Jonathan Cherry – ( Known For: Final Destination 2; Goon; What If; Goon: Last of the Enforcers; Wolfcop; The Novice; Die Alone; Another WolfCop; Love on the Side; Dark Match; SuperGrid; Future BMT: Kin; They; BMT: House of the Dead; Notes: Still acts in stuff, although I don’t specifically recognize anything. Love for Starters looks fun/dumb: “To save her father’s lake-front restaurant, a talented interior designer must partner with the celebrity chef her father hired without her knowledge to revamp the place before time runs out.” He’s the chef.)

Tyron Leitso – ( Known For: Assault on Wall Street; Far Cry; Seed; BMT: House of the Dead; Notes: Was one of the main characters in Wonderfalls, a show that looked so interesting and good back in the day, then no one watched it and it got cancelled.)

Clint Howard – ( Known For: Solo: A Star Wars Story; Apollo 13; How the Grinch Stole Christmas; Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery; Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me; Austin Powers in Goldmember; Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian; The Jungle Book; Cinderella Man; Frost/Nixon; Backdraft; Splash; That Thing You Do!; Cocoon; Far and Away; The Rocketeer; Parenthood; Terrifier 3; Edtv; The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh; Future BMT: The Waterboy; Fun with Dick and Jane; Gung Ho; BMT: Halloween; Tango & Cash; Little Nicky; The Cat in the Hat; The Dilemma; House of the Dead; Barb Wire; Notes: He has the best career. Just does random stuff and looks weird doing it half the time. He was in Seinfeld, when the go to L.A., in in Star Trek, in Terrifier 3. Just great stuff.)

Budget/Gross – $12,000,000 / Domestic: $10,249,719 (Worldwide: $13,818,181)

(Hmmmm, yeah that sounds right I guess. Doesn’t really jive with what I said, but possibly the idea is the Budget is $12 million, but the investment is larger or something? I don’t really get how you avoid taxes when you don’t lose that much money, but maybe it is to avoid like … $1 million in taxes?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 3% (2/59): A grungy, disjointed, mostly brainless mess of a film, House of the Dead is nonetheless loaded with unintentional laughs.

(I mean, I don’t really agree, in that I find Uwe Boll films to be surprisingly humorless, intentional or not. It just makes you sad to realize there was this machine consuming IP and spitting out garbage intentionally.)

Reviewer Highlight: To properly convey the jaw-dropping shoddiness of this videogame-based ‘horror’ ‘movie,’ one must approach what scientists call Absolute Stupid. – Scott Brown, Entertainment Weekly

Poster – House of the Judge Dredd

(It’s funny this came out in 2003 because I remember being kind of creeped out by the DVD box in the local video store. Tells you how far I’ve come with horror as a genre. Anyway, I actually like the red tone and the font. Doesn’t give a whole lot, but it’s still perfectly fine. B.)

Tagline(s) – You won’t last the night (C-)

(Given what I now know about this film, the tagline and the poster are very strange. Definitely seems like they made everything based on the video game and then Uwe Boll just… did what he wanted. That’s fine, probably, as reading about the plot of the video game makes me think they might have been sued by the makers of Resident Evil if they hewed too closely. Oh and the tagline is meh.)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

Top 10: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Snow White (2025), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Green Lantern (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Ghost Rider (2007), The Happening (2008), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

Future BMT: 99.4 Snow White (2025), 96.4 Disaster Movie (2008), 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 90.7 Vampires Suck (2010), 89.1 BloodRayne (2005), 88.1 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 86.9 Street Fighter (1994), 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.1 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.6 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.8 Shark Night (2011), 78.2 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 78.2 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.2 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), House of the Dead (2003), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Crossroads (2002), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007), …

Best Options (Uwe Boll): 90.2 House of the Dead (2003), 89.1 BloodRayne (2005)

(Yup, now we only have one more to go (and then however many of his other films we’d consider doing as Friends, which is maybe only one or two I think, although there are quite a few direct-to-video sequels which we’d have to think about).)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 22) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jürgen Prochnow is No. 9 billed in House of the Dead and No. 4 billed in Primeval, which also stars Orlando Jones (No. 3 billed) who is in Say It Isn’t So (No. 3 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (9 + 4) + (3 + 3) + (1 + 2) = 22. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 20.

Notes – Reviews were so bad that Danish cinemas refused to show it.

This is the last film to use the turn-table technique for 360° shots. The risk of actors being hurt or killed by the fast-moving camera was too high.

Jonathan Cherry burned 30% of his hand on the second day of shooting. The scene on the bridge, where he hurts his hand, was shot later, to explain the bandage he had to wear.

Thirty-two video clips from the original game appear in several parts of the movie. Twenty-six appear during the 10-minute battle in front of the house. The remaining 6 are used as transitions prior to the battle.

When asked how she felt about getting naked for the first time onscreen in her swimming scene, Erica Durance said, “I was working on a show once where I had to play a character who was needy and whimsical, which was very different from my personality. That was more embarrassing because you really have to be vulnerable with your inner thoughts, whereas nudity is just about your body. It’s easier to shut yourself off outside than to really reveal your inner thoughts.”

The Back-up Plan Preview

After the sword trick, Jamie had two jury members on his side. But as Wrestlemania continued to point out, that was hardly the only piece of evidence. “What about the hideous and distinctive body scar that the young man had?” One of the other jury members asks, now intrigued by the discussion. “Luckily he wasn’t wearing a shirt… er… because it helped identify him,” a lady chimes in, blushing as they all chuckle. “But seriously,” Wrestlemania needles, turning from the window, “it’s not every day you glance out the window and see a man shirtless with a large, distinctive scar on his chest.” The rest of the jury murmurs their agreement. “Not every day, I give you that,” Jamie says with a solemn look on his face, “But would you be so kind as to open the curtains there.” Wrestlemania freezes. He gets the sense that he’s not going to like what he sees on the other side of that curtain. As he pulls them back, an audible gasp arises from the group. There, in Hallston Town Square, is Patrick. Like clockwork he is practicing his blade art at one in the afternoon, shirtless, his previously mentioned torso scar visible to them all. “What thuuuuu…” Wrestlemania says dumbly. Before anyone even challenges this as merely circumstantial, Jamie proceeds to remove his own shirt. It reveals a well-toned dancer’s body, it is true. It also reveals a previously unmentioned large, distinctive torso scar identical to the one that both Patrick and the accused possess. A proceeding vote finds the vote now split. This shocks Jamie, who knew Wrestlemania would hold out, but was sure that he’d now have a strong majority on his side. This is going to be harder than he thought. He’d have to move to his back-up plan. That’s right! We’re also moving on to our back-up plan: The Back-up Plan starring JLo and equally famous Alex O’Loughlin. Let’s go!

The Back-up Plan (2010) – BMeTric: 55.5; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.2%; Notability: top 7.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.3%; Higher BMeT: The Last Airbender, Vampires Suck, Birdemic: Shock and Terror, Skyline, Sex and the City 2, Furry Vengeance, Jonah Hex, Marmaduke, Gulliver’s Travels, Yogi Bear, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Tekken, Tooth Fairy, My Soul to Take, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Legion, Why Did I Get Married Too?, Passion Play; Higher Notability: Clash of the Titans, The Wolfman, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, Sex and the City 2, The Tourist, Valentine’s Day, Gulliver’s Travels, Marmaduke, The Last Airbender, Little Fockers, All Good Things, Tooth Fairy, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Shanghai, Eat Pray Love, Burlesque, Jonah Hex, Takers, London Boulevard; Lower RT: Tekken, Father of Invention, Passion Play, Twelve, 6 Souls, Shanghai, Vampires Suck, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, The Last Airbender, Waiting for Forever, The Tortured, 13, Furry Vengeance, Crazy on the Outside, Saw 3D, Marmaduke, Little Fockers, Grown Ups, Killers, My Soul to Take, and 13 more; Notes: Amazingly, we’ve seen 7 of the top 10 BMeT films, but then only 8 of the top 18. As usual, we have the natural tendency of hitting up the worst of the worst, but then basically totally ignoring the 11-20 spots. Do we really have to do Vampires Suck though? Or like … Yogi Bear?

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – Some movies are no better than second-rate sitcoms. Other movies are no better than third-rate sitcoms. “The Back-up Plan” doesn’t deserve comparison with sitcoms. It plays like an unendurable TV commercial about beautiful people with great lifestyles and not a thought in their empty little heads. So timid is this film that when it finally arrives at its inevitable childbirth scene, it bails out after two “pushes”!

(Ha! I do like the idea of like: if you are going to go for it, at least give us a good birth scene, but they couldn’t even do that. They just bail without even bothering.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cut4IW0oz1w/

(She is like … the most attractive person in the world, and he’s …. Fine. The movie looks aggressively dumb. A throwback to a 90s idea for a movie where they just add more mean spirited and lewd humor and go “is this good? Is this comedy?”)

Directors – Alan Poul – ( BMT: The Back-up Plan; Notes: Is a television director through and through. I guess the sitcom comparison above makes sense. Directed all the big HBO series for a bit.)

Writers – Kate Angelo – ( Known For: Easter Sunday; Future BMT: Sex Tape; BMT: The Back-up Plan; Notes: Single writer! It feels like Sex Tape destroyed her career for a while. Was story editor for a chunk of Becker.)

Actors – Jennifer Lopez – ( Known For: Antz; Parker; Home; The Cell; Hustlers; Out of Sight; Jersey Girl; U Turn; Atlas; Shall We Dance?; The Mother; Marry Me; Shotgun Wedding; An Unfinished Life; Selena; Second Act; Bordertown; Blood and Wine; Lila & Eve; This Is Me… Now; Future BMT: Ice Age: Continental Drift; Maid in Manhattan; Ice Age: Collision Course; Monster-in-Law; Jack; Enough; Angel Eyes; Feel the Noise; BMT: Anaconda; The Wedding Planner; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; The Back-up Plan; Gigli; The Boy Next Door; Money Train; Notes: Weird career which seemed to be going in the toilet for a bit (Atlas anyone?). But rumor is she’s incredible in the upcoming Kiss of the Spider Woman film and people are tipping her as a potential Best Actress nominee. She was nominated for an Emmy for her Super Bowl Halftime Show.)

Alex O’Loughlin – ( Known For: The Holiday; Man-Thing; Feed; Oyster Farmer; Future BMT: August Rush; The Invisible; BMT: The Back-up Plan; Whiteout; Notes: He is genuinely mostly well known for Hawaii Five-0 which he starred in for 240 episodes. He started the series right when this film came out and hasn’t done a feature since.)

Michaela Watkins – ( Known For: Good Boys; Wanderlust; Enough Said; The Way Back; In a World…; Thanks for Sharing; Werewolves Within; They Came Together; Brittany Runs a Marathon; Ibiza; How to Be a Latin Lover; Brigsby Bear; You Hurt My Feelings; Heart Eyes; Afternoon Delight; Dude; Sword of Trust; The House of Tomorrow; Lazy Eye; Person to Person; Future BMT: The House; Paint; BMT: The Back-up Plan; The American Society of Magical Negroes; Notes: She was very briefly on SNL it seems. She is all over television, I think I remember her recently from The Unicorn, but she was also in one of the Wet Hot American Summer television shows.)

Budget/Gross – $35,000,000 / Domestic: $37,490,007 (Worldwide: $77,477,008)

(That is pretty okay for Worldwide … I wonder why this would be reasonably popular overseas. I suppose it is because of J-Lo. I recall from the Wicked stuff that pop stars are huge in Europe as far as Box Office prospects.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 17% (26/149): Jennifer Lopez is as appealing as ever, but The Back-Up Plan smothers its star with unrelatable characters and a predictable plot.

(It is true. Much like with Money Train there is something crazy about how attractive J-Lo was between the mid-90s to around this film, 2010. It like … boggles the mind.)

Reviewer Highlight: Someone involved in the making of The Back-Up Plan, a not very good and yet painless waste of time, has certainly thought through some life and love questions. – Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Poster – The Snack-up Plan

(I don’t really understand the layout of this poster. Is there a reason that the words are going down like that separating them? Or did they just need something to do with the two stars of a rom-com that needs to sell purely on the stars? Not great but not catastrophic. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Fall in love.* Get married. Have a baby. *Not necessarily in that order. (B+)

(The tagline in words actually is better than on the poster. They shouldn’t have drawn the arrows. This is long, but in a necessary way. I like it. Nice little subversion. I would have put the star after “baby” on the poster, though. Having it after the first one doesn’t make sense.)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

Top 10: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Green Lantern (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Ghost Rider (2007), The Happening (2008), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), The Mummy (2017)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 90.7 Vampires Suck (2010), 90.1 House of the Dead (2003), 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 87.9 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 86.9 Street Fighter (1994), 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.7 Shark Night (2011), 78.2 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.1 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Slender Man (2018), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007), …

Best Options (TASoMN): 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.4 Dance Flick (2009), 65.3 An American Carol (2008), 61.3 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 60.5 Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (2011), 59.7 Deck the Halls (2006), 55.5 The Back-up Plan (2010), 55.1 Evan Almighty (2007), 51.7 McHale’s Navy (1997), 50.4 The Last Legion (2007)

(This one just seemed like the most “how haven’t we done this?!” film of the bunch. It is kind of nuts that we haven’t watched all of the J-Lo films. Oh, and a lot of these are also precluded because we went to The American Society for Magical Negroes via David Alan Greer so we are technically not allowed to do a third in a row.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 11) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jennifer Lopez is No. 1 billed in The Back-up Plan and No. 2 billed in Gigli, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 11. If we were to watch Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – Jennifer Lopez was first attracted to the script as she had just gone through her twins’ pregnancy. Screenwriter Kate Angelo too had just been pregnant. The two had actually met at a post-birth aerobics class.

Three different dogs played Nuts.

Tom Bosley’s final performance.

Jennifer Lopez’s character Zoe is seen reading the book, What to Expect When You’re Expecting. She later played the role of Holly in the film adaptation of the same name.

Jennifer Lopez’s first major role in five years.

Staying Alive Preview

“Alright, well this looks like a slam dunk,” says one of the elderly jurors, “which is good because I have tickets to Wrestlemania tonight in the city.” He holds up a pair of tickets and walks to stare out the window. The field trip to Dark Territory was fun, but reality was setting in now that they were back in the jury room. “Let’s vote,” says the foreman and hands out small pieces of paper. Poor kid. But you just can’t go slashing a sheriff with a samurai sword and get away with it. You just can’t! As the ‘guilty’ votes are read, they begin to pack up. Suddenly a ‘not guilty’ vote rings out. Everyone stops and looks at Jamie. He takes a moment before acknowledging that yes, it was him. “I just think there should be a discussion, maybe,” he says sheepishly. “I don’t think so, bub,” says Wrestlemania, fuming. Several other jurors also demand he change his vote. “Ok, ok, how about this,” Jamie says, holding up his hands. “Let me ask you all just one thing.” They begrudgingly agree. “The murder weapon…” Jamie begins and Wrestlemania jumps on it immediately. “Exactly,” he says, “They found him with the murder weapon. A samurai sword! With an eagle on the handle!” The rest of the jury nod. “Oh really,” Jamie says and pulls his own samurai sword from his back scabbard and flips it in the air to land point down in the table. The jurors gasp and look at each other in disbelief. It’s an exact replica. “I guess,” says the foreman, “a little discussion won’t hurt.” “My god. That kid out there is probably laughing at us,” fumes Wrestlemania. But Jamie doesn’t think he’s laughing at all. He’s too busy just staying alive. That’s right! If you thought we would do Stay Alive and not take that opportunity to smash cut directly into the Saturday Night Fever sequel Staying Alive then… I don’t know what to say. It would mean you didn’t know us at all and that’s pretty sad. Let’s go!

Staying Alive (1983) – BMeTric: 61.1; Notability: 52

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.3%; Notability: top 3.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 0.0%; Higher BMeT: Jaws 3-D, Smokey and the Bandit Part 3, Superman III; Higher Notability: Superman III, Curse of the Pink Panther, Krull, Deal of the Century, Doctor Detroit, Flashdance, The Sting II, D.C. Cab; Notes: Don’t worry, Smokey and the Bandit Part III is on the docket. Looking at the 90s television data is kind of funny. The three Smokey and the Bandit films played 81, 47, and 20 times. Almost perfectly 50% of the prior one. The first is a classic obviously.

New York Times – Janet Maslin – ONLY the presence of John Travolta turns ”Staying Alive” from an unqualified disaster into a qualified one. Mr. Travolta is able to radiate warmth and sweetness even under the direst of circumstances, which are certainly the ones in which he finds himself here. As directed by Sylvester Stallone, who is also co-writer and coproducer, ”Staying Alive” is a sequel with no understanding of what made its predecessor work. The first film was funny and touching, powered by a phenomenally successful score. This one is clumsy, mean spirited and amazingly unmusical.

(Janet is right about everything here. This is exactly the issue with the film. It is just kind of depressing and joyless and misses everything that made the original work.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfCaqIudqbE/

(Give me that music up top, c’mon … yeah there it is. Hoooooooooo doggy Travolta looking sexy in this trailer. What more is there to say, 10/10 trailer on the Travolta Sexiness scale.)

Directors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: The Expendables; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Paradise Alley; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; Staying Alive; Notes: Welp, we finished his directorial efforts. Stallone, get behind the lens, you know you want to.)

Writers – Nik Cohn – ( Known For: Saturday Night Fever; BMT: Staying Alive; Notes: He was the writer of the article that Saturday Night Fever was based on.)

Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Rocky; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Homefront; Creed III; F.I.S.T.; Paradise Alley; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Rambo: Last Blood; Cobra; Over the Top; Driven; Staying Alive; Rhinestone; Notes: And, yup, we also finished up Stallone’s writing credits. Fuck you A Working Man, why did you have to ruin the dream.)

Norman Wexler – ( Known For: Serpico; Saturday Night Fever; Joe; Mandingo; Drum; BMT: Raw Deal; Staying Alive; Notes: Was born in New Bedford, huh. He was nominated for two Oscars, one for the movie Joe, and the other for Serpico. For real though … like Joe? I haven’t heard of this film.)

Actors – John Travolta – ( Known For: Pulp Fiction; Face/Off; Grease; Bolt; Austin Powers in Goldmember; Carrie; The Taking of Pelham 123; The Thin Red Line; Hairspray; Savages; Broken Arrow; Get Shorty; Saturday Night Fever; Look Who’s Talking; Phenomenon; Blow Out; Ladder 49; Killing Season; A Civil Action; Primary Colors; Future BMT: The Punisher; From Paris with Love; Basic; The General’s Daughter; Look Who’s Talking Too; Michael; Look Who’s Talking Now; Domestic Disturbance; Mad City; Lucky Numbers; White Man’s Burden; Shout; BMT: Swordfish; Wild Hogs; Battlefield Earth; Be Cool; Old Dogs; Staying Alive; Perfect; Two of a Kind; Notes: Man, we didn’t do The Punisher? But like … how have we done the other ones? Is that right? That is the craziest bit of flotsam we have. Actually strike that, having done Scary Movie 5 and not registering the first four as BMT films was the craziest bit of flotsam.)

Cynthia Rhodes – ( Known For: Dirty Dancing; Runaway; Curse of the Crystal Eye; BMT: Flashdance; Staying Alive; Notes: She seems to have quit the business when she married Richard Marx. Except of course the ridiculous film Curse of the Crystal Eye (never played on television).)

Finola Hughes – ( Known For: Like Crazy; Above Suspicion; Intrepid; Nutcracker; Future BMT: Aspen Extreme; BMT: Staying Alive; Notes: Aspen Extreme! Hol up … we HAVE to do Aspen Extreme. That movie is one of those perfect “they don’t release em like they used to” BMT gems.)

Budget/Gross – $22 million / Domestic: $64,892,670 (Worldwide: $64,893,329)

(That is obviously solid. I imagine it is the terrible reviews that made them not go for the trilogy. Maybe Stallone should start brushing off scripts, I think Travolta’s still got it.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 0% (0/30): This sequel to Saturday Night Fever is shockingly embarrassing and unnecessary, trading the original’s dramatic depth for a series of uninspired dance sequences.

(ZERO OUT OF THIRTY?! What the hell. Is this the crown jewel of How the Hell Haven’t We Done This Yet?! cycle.)

NY Times Short Review: Lackluster sequel to “Saturday Night Fever”. (… yeah that sums it up NYT).

Poster – Dancin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo

(I have never seen a poster that would turn me off of a film more than this one. If I saw this in a theater I would say “nope” and turn right around. But… I am in love with that font. This might be the best poster font we’ve seen in quite a while. I hate this poster but that font rescues it. C.)

Tagline(s) – Tony Manero knows the old days are over. But nobody’s gonna tell him he can’t feel that good again. (D)

(No way. No how. I gave it a D because it’s actually so weird that it’s kind of funny.)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Slender Man (2018), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007), …

Best Options (Romance): 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 77.9 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 74.6 God’s Not Dead (2014), 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.3 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 64.9 Sex Tape (2014), 64.4 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 62.9 The Honeymooners (2005), 62.3 Obsessed (2009), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 61.2 Staying Alive (1983), 57.8 The Next Best Thing (2000), 56.0 Why Did I Get Married Too? (2010), 55.9 Radhe Shyam (2022), 55.7 Fame (2009), 55.5 The Back-up Plan (2010), 55.3 Who’s That Girl (1987), 55.0 Honey (2003), 54.3 The Bachelor (1999), 54.2 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 54.1 The Divorce (2003), 53.7 Abandon (2002), 53.7 Meet the Browns (2008), 53.4 Aloha (2015), 52.4 Loser (2000), 52.4 How Do You Know (2010), 52.3 Superstar (1999), 52.2 Addicted (2014), 51.1 Over Her Dead Body (2008), 51.1 Little Fockers (2010)

(Again, would Junior have been a better option? Maybe, but the idea of finishing up Stallone basically was too alluring. We only have one Stallone film left. This was our 25th Stallone film. It is crazy stuff.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: John Travolta is No. 1 billed in Staying Alive and No. 2 billed in Wild Hogs, which also stars Ray Liotta (No. 5 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 2 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (5 + 2) + (3 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch Shout we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – John Travolta has claimed his favorite director to work with was Sylvester Stallone. He said Stallone knew how to make him look the best on screen.

Under Sylvester Stallone’s supervision, John Travolta spent five months doing rigorous training to develop a dancer’s physique for this film, losing 20 pounds in the process.

DIRECTOR_CAMEO(Sylvester Stallone): Bumping into Tony Manero as he walks down the sidewalk in a crowd. They turn to look at each other for a moment.

This was one of 1983’s most successful films at the box office.

This was the last non-“Rocky” film Sylvester Stallone directed until Rambo (2008).

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (John Travolta)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Finola Hughes)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst New Star (Finola Hughes)

Stay Alive Preview

Jamie and the rest of the jury wander around Dark Territory, a neighboring village in the same county as Hallston named after its twin founders Terri and Tory Dark. “So he murdered the sheriff right here in the town square?” Jamie asks. The county prosecutor nods. “He slashed him with a samurai sword, shirtless, so his distinctive and hideous chest scar was fully visible?” Correct again. “Visible to that school house 300 yards away filled with witnesses?” Yes, yes, yes. “Then he parkoured onto the roof of the bank and escaped into Hallston?” This is all a matter of public record. “Then he was picked up at a Hallston motel with a samurai sword wiped clean and claims to have no memory at all of where he was that whole day, thus having no alibi?” The country prosecutor is losing patience. “Sounds like a slam dunk,” Jamie finishes and the prosecutor sighs and walks away. This incredibly sad person is getting on his nerves. Jamie looks at the accused, who is sitting solemnly with Ms. LaRouche. He looks him up and down and snorts incredulously. He looks at the school and thinks about how confusing it must have seemed to those kids. Both horrifying and yet rad. He snorts again. He kneels down and tastes the dirt. He raises his nose and sniffs the air. This doesn’t taste or smell right at all. His drop dead gorgeous mind starts whirring a mile a minute. The pieces fall into place and he murmurs, “my god.” It’s his turn to write something on a pad of paper. But he’s not showing it to Ms. LaRouche. He’s showing it to that young man who stands accused of this murder most foul. The paper reads, ‘Stay alive.” Ms. LaRouche smiles slyly. That’s right! We are staying alive with Stay Alive. This killer video game horror film is peak 2000’s and has been on my watch list for ages. A classic, “Wait, that was in theaters?” film. Let’s go!

Stay Alive (2006) – BMeTric: 62.3; Notability: 29

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 9.2%; Notability: top 34.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.9%; Higher BMeT: Date Movie, The Wicker Man, Ultraviolet, Pledge This!, Little Man, Basic Instinct 2, Material Girls, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Zoom, The Shaggy Dog, Big Momma’s House 2, DOA: Dead or Alive, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, Black Christmas, Pulse, Crossover, The Marine, Phat Girlz, Scary Movie 4, Eragon, and 3 more; Higher Notability: Poseidon, The Da Vinci Code, Eragon, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, Scary Movie 4, The Wild, Click, The Pink Panther, Smokin’ Aces, Zoom, The Guardian, The Black Dahlia, School for Scoundrels, The Shaggy Dog, Just My Luck, All the King’s Men, Happily N’Ever After, Lady in the Water, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, Factory Girl, and 66 more; Lower RT: The Contract, Pledge This!, Crossover, Material Girls, The Covenant, Zoom, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Big Momma’s House 2, Basic Instinct 2, Deck the Halls, Happily N’Ever After, Date Movie, Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj, When a Stranger Calls, Ultraviolet, See No Evil, Annapolis; Notes: We’ve seen 8 of those 20 higher BMeT films, but I’ve seen Santa Clause 3 and Scary Movie 4 on my own time. We’ll have to get back to those at some point. The 00s were nuts though, those are some terrible movies.

New York Times – Neil Genzlinger – The star of “Stay Alive” is a cutting-edge video game, but the film still has hackneyed horror at its heart. And worse, it’s not even the stylishly, wittily executed hackneyed horror of the “Scream” movies.

(That title is incredible. I wouldn’t have really thought “beta” would have worked as an insult in 2006, go figure.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjzqGzuZSfI/

(my God it looks awful. Just, really, one of the worst trailers I’ve seen in a while. Sometimes we watch things where it is truly like how did this get made? Or more importantly, how did this get released to theaters as a real movie you had to play for.)

Directors – William Brent Bell – ( Known For: Orphan: First Kill; Wer; Lord of Misrule; Future BMT: The Boy; Brahms: The Boy II; Separation; BMT: The Devil Inside; Stay Alive; Notes: Mein got, The Devil Inside. Maybe the worst horror film I’ve ever seen, with the worst ending I’ve ever seen. Legend!)

Writers – William Brent Bell – ( Known For: Wer; BMT: The Devil Inside; Stay Alive; Notes: Not surprising he wasn’t allowed to write his own stuff eventually, those are his first three films! And obviously Wer is tiny. After that he did The Boy, and then that kind of wrote a ticket for a bunch of mediocre horror films.)

Matthew Peterman – ( Known For: Wer; BMT: The Devil Inside; Stay Alive; Notes: Maybe the writing partner of Bell? He has no other credits than those three, and never did any directing.)

Actors – Jon Foster – ( Known For: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines; Thirteen Days; Life as a House; Rampart; Like Father; The Informers; The Door in the Floor; Tenderness; Mr. Jones; Brotherhood; The Mysteries of Pittsburgh; The Last Rites of Ransom Pride; Poor Boy; Future BMT: Pandorum; BMT: Stay Alive; Notes: He is Ben Foster’s brother, which makes sense. He seems semi-retired at this point. If I’m reading this thing right, his wife played young Steven Tyler in an Aerosmith music video? … Can that be right?)

Samaire Armstrong – ( Known For: It’s a Boy Girl Thing; Rise: Blood Hunter; The 2nd; Terror on the Prairie; Windsor Drive; A Winter Rose; Future BMT: Not Another Teen Movie; Just My Luck; BMT: Stay Alive; Notes: You know Samaire Armstrong! Oh you don’t? She was the losing leg of the season one love triangle in The O.C. involving Seth and Summer. She is also a kook, calling BLM a terrorist organization, voting for Trump, and doing God’s Not Dead movies.)

Frankie Muniz – ( Known For: Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story; Stuck on You; Dr. Dolittle 2; Big Fat Liar; My Dog Skip; Extreme Movie; It Had to Be You; The Black String; Pizza Man; My Sexiest Year; Future BMT: Agent Cody Banks; Racing Stripes; Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London; Deuces Wild; BMT: Stay Alive; Lost & Found; Notes: Y’all know Frankie Muniz … you know, the racecar driver. His career was short and sweet, and now he’s coming back for a Malcolm in the Middle reunion.)

Budget/Gross – $20 million / Domestic: $23,086,480 (Worldwide: $27,298,695)

(That is terrible, but also I don’t understand why this would cost $20 million … is it possible that a dumb company would overspend on producing the crap video game cutscenes? Maybe.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (6/57): A by-the-numbers teen horror flick, Stay Alive fails to exploit its premise for any real scares.

(Six good reviews is beyond anything I could have imagined for this. So are 57 genuine reviews. I am often stunned by the films that got giant releases back in the day.)

Reviewer Highlight: Teen fodder like this isn’t known for sophistication or storytelling depth, but the filmmakers seem to take the film’s video-game theme as permission to eschew even the horror genre’s exceedingly lenient minimums for characterization. – Nathan Rabin, AV Club

Poster – Game Over

(I like the visual. I like the bold color. I like the font. But overall, this is also dumb as rocks. Still, there is a lot to like. B.)

Tagline(s) – You Die In The Game – You Die For Real (B)

Play It To Death (C-)

(I like the first one as a hook, even if it’s not all that clever. The second is blessedly short and I do know what they were going for. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Slender Man (2018), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007), …

Best Options (Horror): 90.7 Vampires Suck (2010), 90.1 House of the Dead (2003), 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 87.9 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.7 Shark Night (2011), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 75.4 The Apparition (2012), 75.3 The Grudge (2019), 74.8 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 74.4 The Turning (2020), 73.9 The Last Exorcism Part II (2013), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.6 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 71.1 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.4 The Pyramid (2014), 69.4 Black Christmas (2006), 69.3 Pulse (2006), 68.8 Captivity (2007), 68.4 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.7 Seed of Chucky (2004), 67.6 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.9 The Darkness (2016), 66.4 The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (2014), 66.2 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.5 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.9 The Final Destination (2009), 64.8 Blair Witch (2016), 64.5 The Exorcism (2024), 64.0 Valentine (2001), 63.9 Skinwalkers (2006), 63.4 My Soul to Take (2010), 63.1 The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007), 62.6 Imaginary (2024), 62.3 Stay Alive (2006), 62.2 Darkness Falls (2003), 61.9 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.8 The Grudge 2 (2006), 61.6 When a Stranger Calls (2006), 61.2 Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014), 60.7 The Mangler (1995), 60.4 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 60.2 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 60.1 Spiral (2021), …

(This was chosen a while back. A crazy horror film with a killer video game. How haven’t we done this before?!)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 27) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Milo Ventimiglia is No. 8 billed in Stay Alive and No. 6 billed in Cursed, which also stars Jesse Eisenberg (No. 2 billed) who is in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (No. 3 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (8 + 6) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 27. If we were to watch Racing Stripes we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Countess Elizabeth Bathory did actually exist. However, for the perspective of the film, her story takes place in New Orleans, whereas historically she was located in Hungary.

It was Disney’s only slasher film.

Video game reference: The old-fashioned camera that Abigail uses in the film is a reference to the popular “Fatal Frame” (known as “Rei Zero” in it’s native Japan, and as “Project Zero” in Europe) series of horror/survival games, upon which the “Stay Alive” concept is partially based.

Milo Ventimiglia had to wear contacts in order to see through his glasses.

Ben Foster was going to play the role of Hutch O’Neill, but gave the role to his brother Jon Foster instead because he thought it was better suited for him.

Jury Duty Preview

Matt Craven stands solemnly at the lectern. Head bowed. A hushed silence in the room. Suddenly he looks up and shouts, “Are you hunting for savings?” The crowd is blown back by his energy and showmanship. “Are you craving for deals like you’ve never seen?” he continues, pulling back a curtain revealing a poster-sized schematic of the library teetering precariously over the alleged chasm (or abyss). With flair, he tears off a portion of the schematic to reveal a brilliant future where the chasm (or abyss) has been filled with unwanted waste products and the library replaced with a mall-type building labelled Matt Craven’s Craving Hunting Palace. So Matt Craven was using his considerable influence to buy the land cheap, bulldoze the library and build a mini-mall. And they’d be willing to bet that Stranger & Stranger Construction would be doing the bulldozing and building. What a scheme! The room is rocking and before they know it the vote comes up and is nearly unanimous. Jamie looks across the room and sees that the only other ‘no’ vote was from a woman wearing a scowl on her face to go with her fetching pantsuit and briefcase. “Let’s get out of here,” Patrick says with disgust. “Just one second,” Jamie says and catches the woman before she leaves the auditorium. It becomes clear that she is not willing to give up the fight so easily. Jamie realizes he isn’t either. “Where can I meet you to talk more about this?” he asks and she smiles. “Well, we’re always looking for good people like you to serve on a jury,” she says as she hands him her card. It reads ‘Gertrude LaRouche, Attorney-at-Law.’ “Is that how that works?” Jamie asks, perplexed, and with a wink Ms. LaRouche smiles again. “It is now.” That’s right! We’re doing our civic duty and serving on a jury of its peers to judge Jury Duty, the Pauly Shore flick best known for being the film I thought the quote “That’s nice, Peanut” came from rather than the correct answer: Celtic Pride. My mind is just too beautiful. Let’s go!

Jury Duty (1995) – BMeTric: 59.8; Notability: 43

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 2.0%; Notability: top 10.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 0.0%; Higher BMeT: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace, Vampire in Brooklyn, Fair Game, Showgirls; Higher Notability: Congo, Judge Dredd, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Virtuosity, Money Train, Showgirls, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Stuart Saves His Family, Panther, Four Rooms, Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead, Steal Big Steal Little, Tommy Boy, Assassins, Hackers, Jefferson in Paris, Canadian Bacon, Jade, Nine Months, Just Cause, and 7 more; Notes: Showgirls is a giant blindspot for us, but I’ve seen it multiple times and I also find it profoundly depressing, so there is that. This would have been the era where playing on television was a bit touch and go. Halloween 6 played only 3 times, Lawnmower Man 2 only 4 times, Vampire in Brooklyn was decent at 21, Fair Game was 28, Showgirls a shocking 25 times, and of course this played 64 times. Showgirls though … it played a lot on Showtime at 9PM which seems incredibly early. But I guess I’m a prude.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – The comedian Pauly Shore and I would find ourselves in agreement on one thing: The characters he plays are obnoxious. We part company, alas, on whether they are funny. I say they are not. … The screenplay, by Neil Tolkin, Barbara Williams and Samantha Adams, has some good lines, of which my favorite is, “Oh, to be young and on Death Row!” There are also many uses of anatomical terms, the usual toilet jokes, and ridicule of tabloid TV types who are, and I quote, “bottom-feeders who suckle on the juice of human tragedy.” I’m not sure the makers of this film should include themselves out.

(I’m not surprised Ebert hated it, and I appreciate that the review seems rather measured. Much more so than I would have imagined. Ah, to live in the day where it wasn’t all about dunking on people, even when those people are Pauly Shore in Jury Duty.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdKOtQlUS6s/

(I love the front part of this trailer. Like the film looks incredibly stupid, but I love the headfake on the serious film in the beginning. Just, they like don’t make ‘em like they used to. Also two OJ jokes in the trailer! THE TRAILER!!)

Directors – John Fortenberry – ( Future BMT: A Night at the Roxbury; BMT: Jury Duty; Notes: Does a ton of television, including Arrested Development, Psych, etc. A little odd he did any films at all … he maybe got this based on The Ben Stiller Show?)

Writers – Barbara Williams – ( BMT: Jury Duty; Notes: For whatever reason White House Down didn’t show up here, but it does seem like she has a credit on that. Might not be on TMDb.)

Samantha Adams – ( BMT: Jury Duty; Notes: Now this person only has Jury Duty. As a matter of fact this is the only information at all on her profile.)

Neil Tolkin – ( Known For: The Emperor’s Club; Future BMT: Richie Rich; License to Drive; BMT: Jury Duty; Notes: License to Drive is quite old, but he seems to have still been working a bit. Did the Magnum P.I. reboot.)

Actors – Pauly Shore – ( Known For: Sandy Wexler; Pauly Shore Is Dead; How It Ends; Heckler; Guest House; Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge; My Big Fat Independent Movie; Lost Angels; Opposite Day; Adopted; Pauly Shore Stands Alone; The Junior Defenders; Future BMT: Encino Man; Son in Law; Class Act; The Wash; For Keeps?; 18 Again!; BMT: Bio-Dome; In the Army Now; Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star; Jury Duty; Notes: Things like Class Act and The Wash are bizarre. He has an amazing career. Bio-Dome, Jury Duty, In the Army Now, Encino Man, Son in Law. Five leading films, and then he completely flamed out. Maybe because he was difficult? Maybe the only person ever considered difficult for just being incredibly annoying?)

Tia Carrere – ( Known For: True Lies; Lilo & Stitch; Wayne’s World; Wayne’s World 2; Showdown in Little Tokyo; You May Not Kiss the Bride; Zombie Nightmare; Easter Sunday; My Teacher’s Wife; Hollow Point; Showdown in Manila; Wild Cherry; Gutshot Straight; 20 Dates; The Legend of Hallowaiian; The Immortals; Hard Breakers; Top of the World; Scar City; Merlin: The Return; Future BMT: Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man; Kull the Conqueror; BMT: Rising Sun; High School High; Jury Duty; Notes: Was a regular on General Hospital. She almost only does voice work now. She was, weirdly, the star of a syndicated show called Relic Hunter I’ve never heard of. Ran for 66 episodes. First-run syndication was nuts back in the day.)

Stanley Tucci – ( Known For: The Hunger Games; Captain America: The First Avenger; The Hunger Games: Catching Fire; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; Spotlight; The Terminal; The Devil Wears Prada; Easy A; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; Beauty and the Beast; Lucky Number Slevin; Road to Perdition; The King’s Man; Robots; Margin Call; Jack the Giant Slayer; Julie & Julia; Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters; Conclave; The Pelican Brief; Future BMT: The Lovely Bones; The Core; Maid in Manhattan; Beethoven; America’s Sweethearts; The Fifth Estate; Swing Vote; Billy Bathgate; Space Chimps; Who’s That Girl; Undercover Blues; In Too Deep; The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag; BMT: Transformers: Age of Extinction; Transformers: The Last Knight; Burlesque; Jury Duty; Show Dogs; Notes: The Tucc! Did you see the image of him when he was a Levi model or something. Absolute gun show.)

Budget/Gross – $21 million / Domestic: $17,014,653 (Worldwide: $17,014,653)

(Not what you want. I wonder why it cost so much … do you think it could be the rights to 12 Angry Men? It is almost explicitly a remake. Probably it is just that Shore cost a chunk of change by then.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 0% (0/14)

(Wow, incredible. But not surprising. If you want a consensus: The only thing amusing about this film is that is released during the O.J. Simpson trial.)

NYTimes Short Review: Loafer disrupts murder trial. Painfully unfunny.

Poster – Cutey Patooty

(Remember when that was a thing? No? Guess you weren’t watching Rosie O’Donnell like the cool kids. This is probably the best case scenario in what is a very unartistic style of poster. Wish the font was better, but it is getting the idea across. It’s funny because Pauly Shore is an idiot and now is involved in justice. B+)

Tagline(s) – For truth. For justice. For five bucks a day. (A+)

(Yes, please! This is great and fits perfectly into the rubric of what I look for. Unapologetic for the grade.)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Slender Man (2018), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007),…

Best Options (Comedy): 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 90.7 Vampires Suck (2010), 86.9 Street Fighter (1994), 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 78.1 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.9 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 76.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 75.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.6 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.4 Dance Flick (2009), 72.3 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.3 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.3 Zoom (2006), 72.1 Mr. Magoo (1997), 70.9 Snatched (2017), 70.8 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 69.8 Delta Farce (2007), 69.8 College Road Trip (2008), 69.5 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 69.5 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.5 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 69.3 Soul Plane (2004), 69.2 Norm of the North (2016), 68.8 Yogi Bear (2010), 68.4 Meet the Blacks (2016), 68.1 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 68.1 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 67.8 Thunderbirds (2004), 67.7 Seed of Chucky (2004), 67.6 Phat Girlz (2006), 67.3 Mr. Nanny (1993), 66.7 In the Mix (2005), 66.2 102 Dalmatians (2000), 65.3 An American Carol (2008), 65.1 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.9 The Comebacks (2007), 64.9 Sex Tape (2014), 64.7 Tooth Fairy (2010), 64.7 Fat Albert (2004), 64.6 Boat Trip (2002), 64.4 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 64.2 Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London (2004), 64.2 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 64.0 Underdog (2007), 63.8 The Dukes of Hazzard (2005), 63.7 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.9 The Honeymooners (2005), 62.7 Space Chimps (2008), 61.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 61.7 Like a Boss (2020), 61.7 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.3 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 61.0 Meet Dave (2008), 60.8 College (2008), 60.7 Happily N’Ever After (2006), 60.5 Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (2011), 60.3 Witless Protection (2008), 60.3 Code Name: The Cleaner (2007), 59.9 Agent Cody Banks (2003), 59.8 First Sunday (2008), 59.7 Jury Duty (1995), …

(Junior was probably the other one were could have gone with here, but it is crazy that we haven’t watched the Pauly Shore films basically straight out.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Charles Napier is No. 6 billed in Jury Duty and No. 3 billed in Rambo: First Blood Part II, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (6 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 18. If we were to watch Encino Man, and Extraordinary Measures we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Stanley Tucci hated the movie and was so frustrated during filming that he started writing his own screenplay just to give himself a good part. That screenplay later became Big Night (1996), his acclaimed directorial debut film.

The character Tom[my] Collins is named after the mixed drink of the same name.

Shelley Winters’ last US Studio film.

Failed to recoup its budget ($21 million + marketing costs) and brought in only $17 million in ticket sales, making it a box office bomb.

The first Pauly Shore comedy to not star Brendan Fraser in any capacity.

Awards – Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Pauly Shore)

Kraven the Hunter Preview

Jamie and Patrick can’t hide their anxiety as they sit through the third hour of a marathon Hallston town meeting. Following the disastrous library committee meeting, Jamie insisted that they start breaking the rules. A few soothing words, a reminder that rulez=coolz and a stirring rendition of Your Body is a Wonderland by John Mayer helps bring him back to reality. When the library decision was announced as part of the next town meeting agenda their hearts swelled. These have to be the rulez they are looking for! If they could just show their schematic demonstrating that the chasm (or abyss) was nowhere close to the library, but rather dangerously close to compromising the previously mentioned insane asylum, then they would Save the Library (as their new bumper stickers stated (and in smaller letters: But We Should Probably Do Something About That Insane Asylum)). Finally the vote on the library question comes up. The moderator swiftly moves to bring the question to a vote without discussion. Jamie and Patrick leap to their feet to protest, but just as quickly the moderator shouts them down. “Sirs… sirs, please. I’m sorry, but there is no more to discuss,” the moderator says, holding up numerous engineering reports. “Well, if you would look in the town ordinances you will see that in 1745 Hallston enacted the Library Discussion Act which requires that all matters concerning the library go up for discussion,” Jamie says, approaching the lectern. The air is electric and the crowd is buzzing. The selectboard looks shaken, but suddenly relief washes over their faces. A gasp escapes the crowd. Jamie and Patrick turn and see that international acting super star Matt Craven has entered the room. “What’s Matt Craven doing here?” Patrick murmurs in wonder. Unfortunately we didn’t get to partake in Matt Craven: The Hunter, the 10-part docuseries I produced about Matt Craven. Instead we had to watch Kraven: The Hunter that wishes it was Madame Web. Let’s go!

Kraven the Hunter (2024) – BMeTric: 50.9; Notability: 59

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 9.6%; Notability: top 1.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.6%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, Borderlands, The American Society of Magical Negroes, The Crow, Uglies, The Strangers: Chapter 1, Night Swim, Tarot, Trigger Warning, The Exorcism, Imaginary, Joker: Folie à Deux, Hellboy: The Crooked Man, Mother of the Bride, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Time Cut, Mea Culpa, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, The Deliverance, Breathe, and 4 more; Higher Notability: Joker: Folie à Deux, Unfrosted, Reagan; Lower RT: Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Borderlands, Madame Web, Mother of the Bride, Breathe, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two; Notes: Now that we are at the end of our 2024 journey let’s check the BMeT. Of that top 20 We’ve seen 9. So not bad, but also there are a surprising number of trash films that either didn’t qualify or we didn’t see … I heard that Megamind one was a catastrophe.

RogerEbert.com – 1 star – Hacky clichés and contrivances abound, making it harder to enjoy when characters say something so gaspingly silly that you have to wonder: wait, did the Foreigner just explain his nickname by saying, “Because I’m not from around?” “Kraven the Hunter” is not, in other words, as mediocre or watchable as the average entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Instead, Sony’s latest Spidey yarn is a charmless stinker that’s only well-polished enough to make you resent the stench.

(Charmless stinker … so you’re telling me it ain’t Madame Web. Wait, what did RogerEbert.com give that film? Two and a half stars. Nice.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hR1-ihzff3I/

(The instant you see the guy intentionally going into prison to get to someone you know the movie is going to be terrible. And the movie didn’t disappoint.)

Directors – J.C. Chandor – ( Known For: Triple Frontier; Margin Call; All Is Lost; A Most Violent Year; BMT: Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Margin Call. He is writing and directing a TV show remake of The Conversation? That seems like a bad idea.)

Writers – Richard Wenk – ( Known For: The Equalizer; The Expendables 2; The Magnificent Seven; The Equalizer 2; The Mechanic; The Equalizer 3; 16 Blocks; The Protégé; Fast Charlie; American Renegades; Vamp; Just the Ticket; Countdown; Future BMT: Jack Reacher: Never Go Back; BMT: Kraven the Hunter; Notes: )

Art Marcum and Matt Holloway – ( Known For: Iron Man; Uncharted; BMT: Transformers: The Last Knight; Men in Black: International; Punisher: War Zone; Kraven the Hunter; Notes: This is a crazy career. I wonder if I went back to watch Shadow of Fear I would find the true writers deep inside the IP facade.)

Stan Lee and Steve Ditko – ( Known For: The Avengers; Avengers: Endgame; Avengers: Infinity War; Iron Man; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Spider-Man: No Way Home; Thor; Iron Man 3; Spider-Man; Iron Man 2; Black Panther; Thor: Ragnarok; Doctor Strange; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Thor: The Dark World; Ant-Man; Spider-Man 2; The Amazing Spider-Man; Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Fantastic Four; Madame Web; Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Stan Lee’s filmography, but these two are the creators of Spider-man so naturally they get a credit.)

Actors – Aaron Taylor-Johnson – ( Known For: Avengers: Age of Ultron; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; Tenet; Kick-Ass; Bullet Train; Godzilla; The Illusionist; Nocturnal Animals; The Fall Guy; The King’s Man; Nosferatu; Savages; Shanghai Knights; Anna Karenina; Outlaw King; Nowhere Boy; The Wall; Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging; Albert Nobbs; Chatroom; Future BMT: Kick-Ass 2; BMT: Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Has been suggested for Bond a ton in the past. He certainly has the build. And he seems like he would be willing to do the thing that a lot of people seem to want to try (a Dalton / book version of Bond). Could work.)

Ariana DeBose – ( Known For: Hamilton; West Side Story; Wish; The Prom; I.S.S.; House of Spoils; Company; Future BMT: Love Hurts; BMT: Argylle; Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Notably has had a string of stinkers since winning an Oscar for West Side Story. Is going to be in a TV show called Scarpetta which is maybe based on a book series, so I’ll be reading those terrible books.)

Fred Hechinger – ( Known For: Gladiator II; The Pale Blue Eye; Fear Street: Part One – 1994; News of the World; The Woman in the Window; Eighth Grade; Fear Street: Part Two – 1978; Fear Street: Part Three – 1666; Thelma; Vox Lux; Alex Strangelove; Nickel Boys; Let Them All Talk; Human Capital; Butcher’s Crossing; Italian Studies; Hell of a Summer; Pavements; BMT: Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Insane year. This, Gladiator II, Nickel Boys. Legit the full gamut of bad, mediocre, and great. I think he’ll win an Oscar at some point. He’ll find the perfect role.)

Budget/Gross – $110 million / Domestic: $25,026,310 (Worldwide: $61,989,190)

(Yeah a disaster obviously. I don’t know how these make money though. Like, $100 million, means it needs to make $200 million … in what universe does Kraven make $200 million?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 15% (24/155): Claiming no trophies with its rote story and shoddy special effects, Kraven the Hunter turns out to be a paper tiger.

(Hmmmm … I wonder if these are going to become AI generated. I wonder if they already are. The paper tiger bit just seems like a weird turn of phrase.)

Reviewer Highlight: Built on brawn, J.C. Chandor’s action sci-fi picture “Kraven the Hunter” is limited by incomprehensible plotting and dodgy one-liners delivered by a cast who seem to be practicing their worst Russian accents. – Robert Daniels, New York Times

Poster – Cravin’ The Hunter

(I’m just going to repeat my old man take from Joker on this one. Why is everything so zoomed in nowadays. Why do I need to be so zoomed in on his face for a poster for a movie. What is this? Face: The Movie. Is it about a dude wearing a furry jacket and nothing else? Bah. C+.)

Tagline(s) – Villains aren’t born. They’re made. (D)

(Not quite as bad a Joker. At least they do a little switch-em-up with Villains and Heroes. But it’s still just too too generic. Where have all the artists gone? Does no one care about posters and taglines anymore?)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Deadpool & Wolverine (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), The Substance (2024), Alien: Romulus (2024), Civil War (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), Gladiator II (2024), Inside Out 2 (2024), Longlegs (2024)

Future BMT: 72.3 Singham Again (2024), 64.5 The Exorcism (2024), 62.6 Imaginary (2024), 47.5 Afraid (2024), 30.3 Slingshot (2024), 29.3 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 28.3 Devara Part 1 (2024), 26.0 Fighter (2024), 24.5 Red One (2024), 24.2 Summer Camp (2024), 21.7 The Fabulous Four (2024), 20.0 Reagan (2024), 19.9 Here (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Night Swim (2024), Tarot (2024), Kraven the Hunter (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024), Back to Black (2024), Joker: Folie à Deux (2024)

Best Options (superhero): 50.9 Kraven the Hunter (2024)

(Boom, smashed out those superhero films this year. It is like a treadmill, you have to just keep on keeping up. As far as Future BMT is concerned though … Randomly watching like Red One is maybe the best we’ll do I feel like.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 22) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Russell Crowe is No. 6 billed in Kraven the Hunter and No. 2 billed in Virtuosity, which also stars William Forsythe (No. 5 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 5 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (6 + 2) + (5 + 5) + (3 + 1) = 22. If we were to watch The Eye we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – Previous attempts to bring Kraven the Hunter to the big screen had failed. Sam Raimi wanted to include him in Spider-Man 4 before it was canceled, and Kraven’s spear was seen in The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) as a tease for his planned appearance in the Sinister Six film, which was also canceled. Ryan Coogler wanted to include him in Black Panther (2018), taking inspiration from Christopher Priest’s Black Panther comic book, but he couldn’t secure the rights. Jon Watts wanted Kraven to be the backup villain for Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) in case the multiverse story didn’t pan out.

The original release date of January 13, 2023 was delayed to October 6, 2023, then to August 30, 2024 due to strikes, then to December 13, 2024.

Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s six pack abs displayed prominently on the poster are real and not photoshopped. Photographer Gavin Bond who took the original picture confirmed saying, “Yes those abs are real, this young man put in some serious hours at the gym.”

In his more human looking form, Rhino wears glasses. In nature, rhinos have terrible eyesight.

The first Marvel movie from Sony to be released with an “R” rating.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Ariana DeBose)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Richard Wenk, Art Marcum, Matt Holloway)

Joker: Folie à Deux Preview

A week later Jamie and Patrick wring their hands as the meeting of Hallston’s Library Committee begins. The strangers they saw in the ASoMN weren’t just any strangers. They were The Strangers… of Stranger & Stranger Construction. The biggest construction company in town. It became clear from the equipment they had hidden in the erotic thriller section of ASoMN that they were there to scope out the place for something and Jamie and Patrick needed to find out what. Unfortunately, Jacques insisted that they weren’t going to get anywhere by following the rules and had already been Jokerfied. They hadn’t seen him since. As the meeting begins it becomes clear that the news is not going to be good. “We just got a detailed report from the local inspector and given the massive tunnel system under the library, it appears that the library could collapse into a chasm or abyss of some kind at any moment.” Jamie rises to try to show schematics detailing how the chasm (or abyss) was in fact under a nearby insane asylum, so the library was perfectly safe, but the committee chair bangs his gavel loudly to silence him. When Jamie looks at the name placard in front of the chairman his heart sinks. “As I was saying,” Chairman Stranger continues, staring daggers at Jamie, “Stranger & Stranger Construction has been nice enough to find a buyer for the land and so we move to accept.” Jamie and Patrick jump to their feet. “But what about the library?!” They shout. Chairman Stranger bangs his gavel several more times and with a dramatic pause announces, “There shall be no more library.” The audience gasps and Patrick can tell from the dull glint in Jamie’s dead doll eyes that he is one step away from becoming Jokerfied himself. That’s right! We’re being Jokerfied this week by watching Joker: Folie à Deux. It’s got Joker! It’s got Harley Quinn! It’s got song and dance! So it’s pretty much got everything. Let’s go!

Joker: Folie à Deux (2024) – BMeTric: 62.0; Notability: 73

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.4%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.2%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, Borderlands, The American Society of Magical Negroes, The Crow, Uglies, The Strangers: Chapter 1, Night Swim, Tarot, Trigger Warning, The Exorcism, Imaginary; Lower RT: Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Borderlands, Madame Web, Mother of the Bride, Breathe, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two, Kraven the Hunter, Uglies, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Tarot, Reagan, Killer Heat, Canary Black, Mea Culpa, Atlas, Night Swim, Trigger Warning, The Strangers: Chapter 1, The Crow, Afraid, and 18 more; Notes: That is a crazy BMeT and Notability. I wonder if you multiply those numbers together what you’d find … could be interesting. I’ve probably done it.

Variety – Did the critics, with “Joker,” turn into cautious executive scolds? In my opinion, they did. But the upshot is that Todd Phillips, making what I think is a huge mistake, listened to them. “Joker: Folie à Deux” may be ambitious and superficially outrageous, but at heart it’s an overly cautious sequel. Phillips has made a movie in which Arthur really is just poor Arthur; he does nothing wrong and isn’t going to threaten anyone’s moral sensibilities. In fact, he actually blows the only good thing that ever happened to him — winning the love of Lee’s Harley Quinn — because he denies the Joker in himself. He’s now just a singing-and-dancing puppet clown living in his imagination. Is that entertainment? Audiences, I suspect, will still turn out in droves to see “Folie à Deux.” But when it comes to bold mainstream filmmaking, it’s the scolds who are having the last laugh.

(Narrator: They did not. This ended up being a fantastic bomb. I disagree with people being scolds. The film itself just isn’t particularly good. Phoenix is good. But the film is cribbing from several other better films.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiqqAI0e4Nc/

(That movie looks dope. The movie that actually resulted? Boring and weird apparently. But that movies looks dope.)

Directors – Todd Phillips – ( Known For: Joker; The Hangover; War Dogs; Old School; Road Trip; Starsky & Hutch; Bittersweet Motel; Frat House; Future BMT: The Hangover Part II; Due Date; The Hangover Part III; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; School for Scoundrels; Notes: Famously made a boatload with the Hangover films. Famously made a boatload from Joker too. He’s nominated for Oscars for writing Borat (?) and for three categories for Joker, but didn’t win.)

Writers – Scott Silver – ( Known For: Joker; The Fighter; 8 Mile; The Finest Hours; Johns; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; The Mod Squad; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Joker and The Fighter. His career is wild. The Mod Squad to 8 Mile? Wild.)

Todd Phillips – ( Known For: Joker; Borat; War Dogs; Old School; Road Trip; Starsky & Hutch; Future BMT: The Hangover Part II; Due Date; The Hangover Part III; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; School for Scoundrels; Notes: He has a story credit on Borat? Oh yeah, he was the original director, but he left after the Rodeo scene and then Larry Charles took over.)

Bob Kane and Bill Finger and Jerry Robinson – ( Known For: The Dark Knight; The Dark Knight Rises; Batman Begins; Joker; The Batman; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Batman; Batman Returns; The Flash; The Lego Batman Movie; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; DC League of Super-Pets; Batman: Mask of the Phantasm; Batman: The Movie; Son of Batman; Batman Ninja; Teen Titans GO! To the Movies; Reign of the Supermen; Batman and Harley Quinn; Batman: Soul of the Dragon; Future BMT: Batman: The Killing Joke; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Justice League; Batman & Robin; Batman Forever; Joker: Folie à Deux; Catwoman; Notes: This is Bob Kane’s filmography, but I grouped them because they are just here because they make Joker as a character.)

Paul Dini and Bruce Timm – ( Known For: Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn; Batman: Mask of the Phantasm; Batman Ninja; Batman and Harley Quinn; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; Double Dragon; Notes: Similarly, he appears to have a lot of stuff with the cartoons, and so he managed to get a credit through that?)

Actors – Joaquin Phoenix – ( Known For: Gladiator; Joker; Her; Signs; Hotel Rwanda; The Village; Walk the Line; The Master; Napoleon; You Were Never Really Here; Inherent Vice; We Own the Night; The Sisters Brothers; Beau Is Afraid; Irrational Man; Ladder 49; Quills; Parenthood; To Die For; U Turn; Future BMT: 8MM; Brother Bear; Inventing the Abbotts; Russkies; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; Notes: Gave one of the most hilarious (IMO) Oscar speeches ever for Joker. Was nominated three other times (Walk the Line, The Master, and Gladiator). If you haven’t seen Beau is Afraid, watch it. It is insane in the best way.)

Lady Gaga – ( Known For: A Star Is Born; Sin City: A Dame to Kill For; House of Gucci; Muppets Most Wanted; Gaga: Five Foot Two; Quincy; Risk; Gaga Chromatica Ball; Bettie Page Reveals All; The Zen of Bennett; Future BMT: Machete Kills; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; Notes: Weird to think she’s an Oscar winner (for the song “Shallow”). But was also nominated for two other songs (The Hunting Ground, and Top Gun: Maverick), and a performance (A Star is Born).)

Brendan Gleeson – ( Known For: Braveheart; Edge of Tomorrow; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire; Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1; Troy; Gangs of New York; In Bruges; 28 Days Later; Mission: Impossible II; A.I. Artificial Intelligence; The Village; The Banshees of Inisherin; Safe House; Beowulf; The Ballad of Buster Scruggs; Cold Mountain; In the Heart of the Sea; Green Zone; Paddington 2; Future BMT: Kingdom of Heaven; The Raven; Live by Night; The Smurfs 2; BMT: Assassin’s Creed; Joker: Folie à Deux; Turbulence; Notes: IT is crazy he’s only been nominated for The Banshees of Inishirin. Is apparently in the upcoming Spider-Noir series with Nic Cage.)

Budget/Gross – $190–200 million / Domestic: $58,300,287 (Worldwide: $207,500,287)

(Yeah that is an incredible bomb. One of the largest of the year. It makes sense it costs that much … but why the production didn’t seem to have any control on what was being produced is beyond me.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 31% (113/362): Joaquin Phoenix’s eponymous Joker takes the stand in a sequel that dances around while the story remains still, although Lady Gaga’s wildcard energy gives Folie á Deux some verve.

(Yeah I can see that. The most interesting stuff in the movie is the DC stuff, but they seem so dead set on not allowing the film become a Batman film it ends up kind of being a letdown.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s startlingly dull, a pointless procedural that seems to disdain its audience. – Richard Lawson, Vanity Fair

Poster – Midnight Toker 2: Stroker’s Ace

(A very modern poster. Got some art to it. I do like the odd coloring and they at least try a little with the font. But this also gives me an opportunity to sound like an old curmudgeon for a second. Why is everything so zoomed in nowadays? What’s with that? B-)

Tagline(s) – The world is a stage. (F)

(Get out of here with that shit.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Future BMT: 72.3 Singham Again (2024), 64.5 The Exorcism (2024), 62.6 Imaginary (2024), 50.9 Kraven the Hunter (2024), 47.5 Afraid (2024), 30.3 Slingshot (2024), 29.3 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 28.3 Devara Part 1 (2024), 26.0 Fighter (2024), 24.5 Red One (2024), 24.2 Summer Camp (2024), 21.7 The Fabulous Four (2024), 20.0 Reagan (2024), 19.9 Here (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Night Swim (2024), Tarot (2024), Joker: Folie à Deux (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024), Back to Black (2024)

Best Options (imdb-keyword-jukebox-musical): 62.1 Joker: Folie à Deux (2024)

(Haha, well yeah, it is the only jukebox musical I suppose. I unironically love that keyword.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Brendan Gleeson is No. 3 billed in Joker: Folie à Deux and No. 3 billed in Turbulence, which also stars Ray Liotta (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 2 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (3 + 3) + (1 + 2) + (3 + 1) = 13. If we were to watch 8MM we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The film’s subtitle “Folie a Deux” means “Madness of Two” in French. This initially led to speculation about Harley Quinn’s appearance in the film, which was shortly thereafter confirmed. The name Folie a Deux comes from the 19th century French psychiatrists Charles Lasègue and Jules Falret. The term was coined to refer to two or more people that share the same madness or delusion. It is also known as Lasègue-Falret syndrome.

This is Joaquin Phoenix’s first sequel in all his career.

During the opening “Me and My Shadow” cartoon sequence one of the crowd outside the theatre has the “Everything Must Go” sign that Arthur Fleck had stolen from him in the first Joker movie.

This was the first major DC Comics film to be released under the new “DC Elseworlds” banner. The term was first created in 1991 by DC Comics for the stories out of the canon, set in alternate realities.

Dropped 81.4% in its second weekend at the box office, more than any other comic book film, surpassing The Marvels (2023), with 78.1%.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Todd Phillips, Joseph Garner, Emma Tillinger Koskoff)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Todd Phillips)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Joaquin Phoenix)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Lady Gaga)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Combo (Joaquin Phoenix, Lady Gaga)

The Strangers: Chapter 1 Preview

“The what?!” Jamie and Patrick say in shock. “The American Society of Movie Nerds,” the man says, rubbing some dirt from the placard as he passes through the door, “Why? What did you think it said?” Patrick and Jamie look at each other. “So, what is this place?” Jamie says after an unnecessarily long pause. They appear to be in a tunnel system of some sort. “Oh, just a place where movie nerds can get together and crunch the numbers on movies,” says the man, who they will come to know as Jacques. But neither of them are listening. For they have just entered a room full of the most wondrous sights. With a trembling hand Jamie reaches for a nearby shelf and gently grabs a VHS copy of Crackerjack. A tear rolls down his face. Jacques dabs his cheeks with a handkerchief. “Careful there,” he says soothingly, “you don’t want to damage the box with your tears.” Have they found their soul mate? They can feel the memory of Kyle fading like a photo of Marty McFly. After Jacques shows them a couple rare VHS copies of lesser known Canadian T&A comedies, Jamie, for the first time, sees a light at the end of his tunnel of grief. He turns to Jacques to ask if he might volunteer here, but Jacques is distracted. Jamie and Patrick huddle with him and see that he’s looking at a couple of fellow nerds. But there is something… off about these nerds. “Huh, that’s funny…” Patrick muses, “why are they so focused on the Star Wars and Star Trek stuff and not…” “the rare stuff,” they all say in unison. “Those aren’t nerds at all!” Jacques says in a panic before pulling an alarm and yelling, “There are strangers among us!” That’s right! There are Strangers among us. The Strangers: Prey at Night and The Strangers: Chapter 1, the two sequels to The Strangers. I’ve never seen any of them so I better buckle up. Let’s go!

The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024) – BMeTric: 67.8; Notability: 22

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 2.0%; Notability: top 9.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 7.2%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, Borderlands, The American Society of Magical Negroes, The Crow, Uglies; Higher Notability: Joker: Folie à Deux, Unfrosted, Reagan, Kraven the Hunter, Borderlands, The Garfield Movie, Madame Web, Here, Back to Black, Argylle, Red One, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Atlas, Lift, Jackpot!, The Union, The Crow, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two, Uglies, Dear Santa, and 4 more; Lower RT: Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Borderlands, Madame Web, Mother of the Bride, Breathe, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two, Kraven the Hunter, Uglies, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Tarot, Reagan, Killer Heat, Canary Black, Mea Culpa, Atlas, Night Swim, Trigger Warning; Notes: Madame Web. Hell yeah. It is entirely possible I’ve said exactly that in another preview. Don’t care. The BMeT on this thing is still absurd. So it the one for American Society. That film was fine.

Variety – [I]t’s still somewhat refreshing, in this age of lore-heavy expanded universes, that even here the filmmakers (including Bertino, who has a story credit) refuse to tell us anything about the Strangers. The nihilistic randomness of the violence is what makes the film connect on a visceral level; to give them a backstory, or even real names, would be to go against the premise’s central appeal. “Chapter 1” can’t help feeling like an ersatz imitation at times, but it seems the franchise’s well hasn’t run dry just yet. But while it might change in the next two installments, to date nothing in the series has been more chilling than the original intruders’ response when asked why they were doing this: “Because you were home.”

(I actually 100% agree with it. The issue is partially that even the first one wasn’t that good? The premise was interesting, but the acting was kind of insane and everything took way way too long to develop. The later installments don’t really solve the second problem. Unfortunately the solution (more people, more kills) also takes the franchise further from its isolated roots.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pZUQmZdOi4/

(Is this the same movie as the first? The kids are there … it is kind of a weird trick. Like, making a new trilogy as a reboot? Smart. Acting like this isn’t just a reboot of the first one … weird.)

Directors – Renny Harlin – ( Known For: Die Hard 2; Deep Blue Sea; Cliffhanger; The Long Kiss Goodnight; A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master; Cleaner; Devil’s Pass; Skiptrace; The Misfits; 5 Days of War; The Bricklayer; Prison; Born American; Bodies at Rest; Class Reunion 3; Legend of the Ancient Sword; Future BMT: Exorcist: The Beginning; 12 Rounds; BMT: Mindhunters; The Legend of Hercules; The Covenant; Driven; Cutthroat Island; The Strangers: Chapter 1; The Adventures of Ford Fairlane; Notes: It is very weird that they got him for this. He has two more installments, one of which is already completed, so I guess we’ll see where it goes.)

Writers – Alan Freedland and Alan R. Cohen – ( Future BMT: Due Date; BMT: The Strangers: Chapter 1; Notes: They wrote a few different animated things, and specifically ended up being being nominated for three Emmys for King of the Hill, winning one. They seem to have specialized in Bobby-centric episodes.)

Bryan Bertino – ( Known For: The Strangers; The Dark and the Wicked; The Monster; Mockingbird; BMT: The Strangers: Prey at Night; The Strangers: Chapter 1; Notes: He wrote and directed the original. He is a horror director through and through.)

Actors – Madelaine Petsch – ( Known For: Polaroid; About Fate; Sightless; F*&% the Prom; The Curse of Sleeping Beauty; The Hive; Hotel for the Holidays; Jane; BMT: The Strangers: Chapter 1; Notes: She’s in the second and third film I guess. It did show that she survived at the end. She was in 131 episodes of Riverdale.)

Ryan Bown – ( Known For: Palm Beach; Notes: BTW his character suuuuuucks. He is also involved in some shark movie Harlin is directing called Deep Water?)

Matus Lajcak – ( Notes: Scarecrow. He is actually mostly a stunt performer (the usual for horror films). Nothing major though, like, Game of Thrones for one episode.)

Budget/Gross – $8.5 million / Domestic: $35,202,562 (Worldwide: $48,166,448)

(Huge. Will obviously continue to make them, and hopefully the later ones do something a bit more interesting with the concept. Please don’t be another Purge.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 21% (22/106): Lacking the chilling suspense of the original The Strangers and proving to be just unpleasant, this Chapter 1 closes the book on itself.

(Unpleasant is correct. Specifically, for whatever reason, the two main characters appear to be people who don’t particularly like each other but are in a relationship and I really don’t understand that.)

Reviewer Highlight: Once we’re able to see Harlin’s new trilogy as a whole, “Chapter 1” might feel more essential to the 4.5-hour experience. Right now, it just feels overly familiar. – Brian Tallerico, RogerEbert.com

Poster – The Sklogs: Now We’re Dumbos

(This legit looks like trash. It has crossed from mildly annoying to hurting my eyes. The positive is that the eye hurting is in pursuit of something artistic. I’m a little crossed up here. C.)

Tagline(s) – They don’t need a reason. (D)

(This is just kind of the idea of the first film and it’s not clever or interesting. But it’s short. Bless their hearts.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Future BMT: 72.3 Singham Again (2024), 64.5 The Exorcism (2024), 62.6 Imaginary (2024), 62.1 Joker: Folie à Deux (2024), 50.9 Kraven the Hunter (2024), 47.5 Afraid (2024), 30.3 Slingshot (2024), 29.3 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 28.3 Devara Part 1 (2024), 26.0 Fighter (2024), 24.5 Red One (2024), 24.2 Summer Camp (2024), 21.7 The Fabulous Four (2024), 20.0 Reagan (2024), 19.9 Here (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Night Swim (2024), Tarot (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024), Back to Black (2024)

Best Options (franchise): 50.9 Kraven the Hunter (2024)

(As said, this does actually qualify as a franchise and beats Kraven (somehow), but due to a quirk in the email generation it thinks we already watched it … because we did, months ago. A little peak behind the curtain of BMTHQ here.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 25) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Richard Brake is No. 5 billed in The Strangers: Chapter 1 and No. 7 billed in Doom, which also stars Karl Urban (No. 1 billed) who is in Priest (No. 2 billed) which also stars Paul Bettany (No. 1 billed) who is in Firewall (No. 2 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (5 + 7) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 25. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Renny Harlin simultaneously filmed all three films of this trilogy. The producer explained that the lead star would film scenes for the first film in the morning and scenes for the second in the afternoon, commuting to many different locations for filming several times a day.

According to Froy Gutierrez, filming of all three films took place in Fall of 2022 over a 52-day shoot.

The film’s script was originally 280 pages long based off of notes and ideas which director Renny Harlin and producer Courtney Solomon juggled between each other. They then separated the screenplay into three parts which is now planned to be a trilogy of interlocked stories.

The third film of a series and the first film of a new trilogy. All films of the trilogy are directed by Renny Harlin.

The title suggests that it might be a prequel to the 2008 original, but it isn’t. “The Strangers: Chapter 1” is actually the start of a new trilogy, with two subsequent chapters on the way. It is a new trilogy, only inspired by Bertino’s original.

The Strangers: Prey at Night Preview

The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018) – BMeTric: 53.7; Notability: 13

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.4%; Notability: top 24.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 24.6%; Higher BMeT: Slender Man, The Open House, Holmes & Watson, Escape Plan 2: Hades, Fifty Shades Freed, Siberia, The Titan, How It Ends, Gotti, Truth or Dare, Fahrenheit 451, The Predator, Robin Hood, The Nun, The Possession of Hannah Grace, The Week Of; Higher Notability: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, Venom, The Predator, The Nutcracker and the Four Realms, The Happytime Murders, Hunter Killer, Holmes & Watson, Mortal Engines, Death Wish, The Cloverfield Paradox, Fifty Shades Freed, Game Over, Man!, 7 Days in Entebbe, Johnny English Strikes Again, Overboard, The Girl in the Spider’s Web, The 15:17 to Paris, Gringo, Welcome to Marwen, The Darkest Minds, and 40 more; Lower RT: Gotti, The Open House, Billionaire Boys Club, Escape Plan 2: Hades, Slender Man, Replicas, Holmes & Watson, The Professor, Fifty Shades Freed, Winchester, Siberia, Little Italy, Peppermint, Life Itself, The Outsider, Robin Hood, The Darkest Minds, Truth or Dare, Look Away, The Kissing Booth, and 41 more; Notes: Slender Man, oh, the promise of the Bye Bye Man vibes, but just never really got there. Amazing it appears to have the highest BMeT of any film from 2018. That’s wild. Someday Gotti. Someday.

RogerEbert.com – 3.5 stars – Ten years is a long gap between a movie and its sequel, especially for a horror movie. That gap, though, seems as if it was enough time for the filmmakers of “The Strangers: Prey at Night” to get it right.

(Oh snap. The odd thing about Prey at Night is just that. I thought it was like … well received. Then it turned out it wasn’t? Kind of wild. Have we ever done a four star RogerEbert.com film? I venture to say no, although it is more possible since his passing and specifically a Horror film I would think.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNQrKls7k-Q/

(So … the same movie as before? I guess that is the allure of franchises like this. The same thing but more extreme and weirder over and over and over again. Like Saw.)

Directors – Johannes Roberts – ( Known For: 47 Meters Down; 47 Meters Down: Uncaged; The Other Side of the Door; V/H/S/99; Storage 24; F; Forest of the Damned; Hellbreeder; BMT: Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City; The Strangers: Prey at Night; Notes: Man, Racoon City, remember that one? Oh snap, she has an upcoming film called Primate which is effectively just Cujo with a chimp.)

Writers – Bryan Bertino – ( Known For: The Strangers; The Dark and the Wicked; The Monster; Mockingbird; BMT: The Strangers: Prey at Night; The Strangers: Chapter 1; Notes: Writer for the original. He has a film coming out this year (it claims) called Vicious with Dakota Fanning.)

Ben Ketai – ( Known For: Malevolent; River Wild; Johnny Frank Garrett’s Last Word; BMT: The Forest; The Strangers: Prey at Night; Notes: He has some Crackle show called StartUp with Ron Perlman he created and wrote 30 episodes for. Television is wild man.)

Actors – Christina Hendricks – ( Known For: Drive; Toy Story 4; The Neon Demon; Detachment; Dark Places; Scoob!; Crooked House; Lost River; Struck by Lightning; God’s Pocket; Ginger & Rosa; American Woman; Candy Jar; Pottersville; The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry; The Family Tree; Company; Egg; Leonie; South of Pico; Future BMT: Life as We Know It; Bad Santa 2; BMT: Zoolander 2; Fist Fight; The Strangers: Prey at Night; I Don’t Know How She Does It; Notes: Remember Man Men? She is still doing a ton of television (lots of voice work), and has some mini-series upcoming. She was nominated for six Emmys. Never won. Which seems crazy. I think she ran into a buzzsaw of Justified, The Good Wife, and Downton Abbey. Still … at the very least the second season right?)

Martin Henderson – ( Known For: The Ring; Everest; X; Miracles from Heaven; Bride & Prejudice; Battle in Seattle; Little Fish; Skagerrak; Cedar Boys; The Moment; Kick; Future BMT: Smokin’ Aces; Windtalkers; Flyboys; BMT: The Strangers: Prey at Night; Torque; Devil’s Knot; Notes: Is very much in some television series called Virgin River. And then has something called Alphas in post-production.)

Bailee Madison – ( Known For: Bridge to Terabithia; Brothers; Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark; Conviction; Lonely Hearts; Phoebe in Wonderland; A Week Away; Play Dead; An Invisible Sign; Look; Cowgirls ‘n Angels; Saving Sarah Cain; A Cinderella Story: Starstruck; A Cowgirl’s Story; Watercolor Postcards; 25 Hill; Future BMT: Parental Guidance; Letters to God; BMT: Just Go with It; The Strangers: Prey at Night; Notes: Was in 57 episodes of some series called Good Witch. And she’s in the Pretty Little Liars … spin off? I have no idea what Original Sin is.)

Budget/Gross – $5 million / Domestic: $24,586,708 (Worldwide: $31,039,126)

(That’s great. I don’t really understand why it took so long to make a sequel and why it took so long to just go for the trilogy … then again, the new one is apparently terrible.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 40% (49/124): The Strangers: Prey at Night may appeal to fans of the original who’ve been jonesing for a sequel, but its thin story and ironic embrace of genre tropes add up to a bloody step back.

(Juuuuuuuust barely qualifies. Pretty silly. For years it didn’t, but then I think they got rid of one of the reviews or something? The lack of clarity on Rotten Tomatoes is quite frustrating. It really should operate a lot more like wikipedia than … whatever it is.)

Reviewer Highlight: Two films in, The Strangers has already become a horribly familiar franchise. – Clack Collis, EW

Poster – The Sklogs: Rich and Poe

(This is treating The Strangers like it’s Texas Chainsaw. Otherwise it’s… still kind of bad. Bad font. Looks kind of cheap. I don’t like it much at all. But it doesn’t hurt my eyes. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Let us prey. (B-)

(I mean, yes. I will ding it for being too generic.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Night Swim (2024), Tarot (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024), Back to Black (2024)

Best Options (franchise): 50.9 Kraven the Hunter (2024)

(Since this is a bonus it won’t show up. And also because of how I generated the email it also thinks we haven’t seen The Strangers: Chapter 1. But it is one of two good options, and Kraven was a bonus Live we did right at the last minute, so this was the best option.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Bailee Madison is No. 1 billed in The Strangers: Prey at Night and No. 6 billed in Just Go with It, which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 6) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 16. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Before the script was re-written, Kristen McKay (Liv Tyler) from the first film was going to return for only for the opening scene, where she would be killed.

This film was announced back in 2009.

There’s a scene in the movie where Luke puts down a pistol on top of a book. The title of the book was “A Stranger is Watching.”

The Man In The Mask is the only killer in the film to not have any lines of dialogue.

The director admittedly doesn’t like slasher movies or home invasion movies.

The American Society of Magical Negroes Preview

You could always count on the librarians to have the answers. After listening to Black to Black over and over for a week, Jamie finally agreed to come with Patrick to the ‘brary to return it. “Maybe you can pick up some more death metal… or really anything,” Patrick says brimming with excitement as they neared the library. “Anything?” Jamie says skeptically, but Patrick is already speed walking to the door. He waves hello to Denise and Denise as he enters and points in excitement at Jamie. “You wanna look at some old newspapers? The library even has those. They’ve got all kinds of cool things in them like TV listings and… mostly that really.” Jamie nods. That is kind of cool. But looking around he gets a crackerjack idea. “What about a VHS copy of Crackerjack?” He says, suddenly hopeful. Patrick nods hesitantly and looks at Nathaniel. Nathaniel shakes his beak quickly. “Uh, let’s ask Denise,” Patrick says approaching the front desk, his eyes pleading with either of the Denises to think of something. “Well, unfortunately back in 2003, around the time that a fun, but quite bad, Celtics team was getting swept by the Pacers,” Jamie and Patrick wince, “we actually discontinued and disposed of all…” but just as she’s about to destroy everything Patrick has worked for, she’s interrupted by a loud creaking of a nearby door. “Ahem…” a small, wizened old man coughs, “Perhaps I can be of assistance, Denise.” The Denises look at each other in confusion. They’d never seen this man in their life… in fact, they’ve never seen the door he’s come out of before and they’ve been working the ‘brary scene for nigh 25 years. A small placard on the door says that it leads to The American Society of… That’s right! We’re watching The American Society of Magical Negroes. You’re probably thinking “That sounds like a bad idea.” You’d probably be right. Let’s go!

The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024) – BMeTric: 68.9; Notability: 18

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.8%; Notability: top 12.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 12.4%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, Borderlands; Higher Notability: Joker: Folie à Deux, Reagan, Borderlands, The Garfield Movie, Madame Web, Back to Black, Here, Argylle, Kraven the Hunter, Lift, Red One, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Jackpot!, Atlas, The Union, The Crow, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two, My Spy The Eternal City, Harold and the Purple Crayon, A Family Affair, and 10 more; Lower RT: Tyler Perry’s Divorce in the Black, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Borderlands, Madame Web, Mother of the Bride, Kraven the Hunter, Breathe, Uglies, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two, Tarot, Reagan, Killer Heat, Canary Black, Mea Culpa, Atlas, Night Swim, Dear Santa, Trigger Warning, The Strangers: Chapter 1, and 8 more; Notes: The BMeTric is not surprisingly off the chain. Fun fact: not that bad of a movie, just a bit tepid and boring.

Variety – “The American Society of Magical Negroes,” a comedy of racial images that’s every bit as witty and scandalous as “American Fiction” (it almost feels like a kind of cousin to Cord Jefferson’s film), only this one follows through on the outrage. The writer-director, Kobi Libii, wants to make us laugh and twist our heads at the same time. He brings it off. “The American Society of Magical Negroes” is a deftly observant fantasy comedy that stays true to its own irreverence.

(Nice. I kind of genuinely agree. The film is satire. Whether it bites is really up to whether you find any of it even remotely amusing.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gizIbhk5Eu4/

(This trailer looks dumb except when it goes real extreme. The White Tears meter is objectively funny. But mostly it looks dumb and like a generic romantic comedy.)

Directors – Kobi Libii – ( BMT: The American Society of Magical Negroes; Notes: He was actually an actor in real television shows, like Madam Secretary and Alpha House.)

Writers – Kobi Libii – ( BMT: The American Society of Magical Negroes; Notes: He wrote a V show with Jordan Klepper on Comedy Central which I’ve never heard of.)

Actors – Justice Smith – ( Known For: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves; Pokémon: Detective Pikachu; Paper Towns; Ron’s Gone Wrong; All the Bright Places; The Voyeurs; Sharper; I Saw the TV Glow; Every Day; BMT: Jurassic World Dominion; The American Society of Magical Negroes; Notes: To have this and then I Saw the TV Glow in the same year is something. I really like him, although I can understand why someone might not. He has a flat affectation. Works for me.)

Zachary Barton – ( Known For: Kajillionaire; BMT: The American Society of Magical Negroes; Notes: Oh yeah … these are fake. This is the first time in a long time where they did the actual credits order (which is by appearance).)

Anthony Coons – ( BMT: The American Society of Magical Negroes; Notes: The last time this happened was, I believe, Barb Wire. I’m choosing not to alter it.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $2,480,645 (Worldwide: $2,496,248)

(This certainly lost quite a bit of money. Justice Smith probably got paid enough to put this in the red.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (20/79): The American Society of Magical Negroes has a promising premise, but is too timid to fully engage with its most provocative ideas.

(Yeah, I can actually see that. It is a little quiet and timid, but that is kind of what you get from Justice Smith. I would have thought somewhere between 30-50% though, that is low.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s not only utterly bereft of magic, but what it lacks it’s that sense of anarchic strangeness or weirdness… – Mark Kermode

Poster – American Society of Movie Nerds

(Did they not have a budget? Don’t mind the font and at least a little artistic. C+.)

Tagline(s) – Saving the damn world. (B-)

(I get what they’re up to here. I won’t say it’s good. But it’s subtle and I can appreciate that.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Deadpool & Wolverine (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), Civil War (2024), Inside Out 2 (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), Alien: Romulus (2024), Road House (2024), The Substance (2024), The Beekeeper (2024)

Future BMT: 62.3 The Exorcism (2024), 61.6 Imaginary (2024), 61.6 Joker: Folie à Deux (2024), 36.0 Singham Again (2024), 27.4 Slingshot (2024), 27.2 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 25.9 Fighter (2024), 24.8 Devara Part 1 (2024), 19.0 Reagan (2024), 16.7 Here (2024), 11.6 Red One (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), Night Swim (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Tarot (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024), Back to Black (2024)

Best Options (From the Hip): 69.1 The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024)

(Yup, we really painted ourselves in a corner with this one. I remember having to very specifically work backwards and forwards a ton to eventually get the full chain to even work out. Thank god for David Alan Greer.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 22) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: David Alan Grier is No. 2 billed in The American Society of Magical Negroes and No. 8 billed in Tiptoes, which also stars Kate Beckinsale (No. 4 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 2 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (2 + 8) + (4 + 2) + (3 + 3) = 22. If we were to watch Blankman we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – The film was pulled from theaters after three weeks.

Spike Lee coined the term “magical negro” around 2000. It refers to a stereotypical Black supporting character who exists solely to aid a white protagonist. Examples include Forrest Gump (1994), The Green Mile (1999), and The Legend of Bagger Vance (2000).

The film premiered at the Sundance Film Festival.

This is Kobi Libii’s feature film directorial and screenwriting debut.