Tag: 50+ BMeTric

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd Preview

“I ain’t afraid of no gh-gh-ghosts,” Jamie says, looking at the stately manor that Patrick has taken them to. Patrick tells him that he had graduated from the Style Section of Love 101 and was ready to ‘Get all the feels.’ “And by feels I mean time to seal the deal with what every woman wants,” Patrick explains. Jamie nods in understanding. “A firm handshake,” he says matter of factly. “Only the firmest,” Patrick agrees. Kyle looks wistful for a moment remembering when he and Rachel shared their first firm handshake. “But what does this have to do with a ghost house (with the most house)?” Jamie asks. Patrick chuckles. “What’s a better way to strengthen those handshake muscles than busting ghosts?” He says, handing proton packs to Jamie and Kyle. “Wait a second, where’s your proton pack?” Jamie asks. Patrick slaps him on the shoulder and assures him that he’s been shaking hands with his lady since 1982. As they approach the house Jamie is just glad that Samantha had that European tour set for her new book. It sure does look spooky and he wouldn’t like her to see how scared he is. Just when he is about to declare this lesson to be the dumbest one yet, Patrick pipes up jovially. “This actually reminds me of when we all first met,” he says. “You mean in jail?” Kyle asks, his voice hitching in fear.  “Oh yeah,” Jamie says, momentarily distracted from how hauntingly spooktacular the house looks, “we had to clean out the basement of the jail, remember? Now that you mention it, that was way scarier than this.” Suddenly he’s not feeling so bad. “Yeah,” Patrick says remembering, “we were all just too young and dumb to be scared.” That’s right! We are doing a double dose of “dumb” with a healthy serving of “meet” by watching the Dumb and Dumber prequel and sequel: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd and Dumb and Dumber To. We saw the prequel in theaters oh so many years ago and it has always been a point of pride. This cycle seemed like the perfect time to break it out by pairing it with the sequel that is a surprising BMT qualifier. Let’s go!

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003) – BMeTric: 88.8; Notability: 40

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 22.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.2%; Higher BMeT: The Room, Gigli, House of the Dead, … Higher Notability: The Matrix Revolutions, Bad Boys II, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Brother Bear, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Scary Movie 3, The Haunted Mansion, The Cat in the Hat, Gods and Generals, Timeline, Hollywood Homicide, Tears of the Sun, The Core, Agent Cody Banks, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle of Life, Cradle 2 the Grave, Duplex, Paycheck, Beyond Borders, Wonderland, and 36 more; Lower RT: Dorm Daze, The Foreigner, Hangman’s Curse, Gold Diggers, House of the Dead, Gigli, Kangaroo Jack, From Justin to Kelly, My Boss’s Daughter, Grind, Marci X, Gods and Generals, The Cat in the Hat, The Order, Darkness Falls; Notes: Jesus, that is one high BMeT. And the best bit is that there are apparently three others that beat it? We still haven’t seen House of the Dead, although it was at one point on the docket for 2003 as horror for the next cycle. I think we nixed it ultimately, so it’ll have to wait still.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB –  Desperate prequel to the 1994 comedy hit shows the two oafish friends meeting up in high school and becoming pawns in their slimy principal’s scheme to get funding for a special education class – and abscond with the funds. The actors playing younger versions of Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels do a good job, but this movie is appallingly unfunny; a particular waste of Levy and Oteri’s comedy talents.

(He really can’t help himself, he needs to add in that semicolon. This is probably the first BOMB in quite a while. He doesn’t throw them out willy nilly.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdjX8Voj5vI/

(Wow, remember when trailers would make fun of other movies like Lord of the Rings. Kind of weird that Richardson was hired first because I think he looks much worse as a young Harry as Olsen does as Lloyd.)

Directors – Troy Miller – ( Known For: Run Ronnie Run; Kathy Griffin: A Hell of a Story; Future BMT: Jack Frost; BMT: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Nominated for 7 Emmys for things like editing a movie for the Emmys, but also for Flight of the Conchords. He’s directed a ton of random television like Arrested Development and Brooklyn Nine-nine.)

Writers – Peter Farrelly and  Bobby Farrelly – ( Known For: Green Book; Dumb and Dumber; There’s Something About Mary; Me, Myself & Irene; Shallow Hal; Stuck on You; The Three Stooges; The Greatest Beer Run Ever; Ricky Stanicky; Outside Providence; Future BMT: Hall Pass; The Heartbreak Kid; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Obviously just got a credit for the characters.)

Bennett Yellin – ( Known For: Dumb and Dumber; In the Blood; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Also just characters, but looking through his filmography reminds me that there is a Dumb and Dumber cartoon … should I watch that?)

Robert Brener – ( BMT: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Was also an executive producer on the movie.)

Troy Miller – ( BMT: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Pretty much his only actual screenplay credit. What a bizarre movie. I think both of these guys only wrote this and nothing else in their careers.)

Actors – Derek Richardson – ( Known For: Hostel; Hostel: Part II; Reeker; The Power of Few; Home; BMT: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Is married to Franka Potente from The Bourne Identity. Was the original actor cast in the film.)

Eric Christian Olsen – ( Known For: Cellular; Sunshine Cleaning; Beerfest; Battle of the Sexes; The Last Kiss; Celeste & Jesse Forever; Band of Robbers; The Six Wives of Henry Lefay; Sun Dogs; Local Boys; The Relationtrip; Future BMT: Eagle Eye; The Thing; Not Another Teen Movie; The Hot Chick; The Back-up Plan; Fired Up!; The Comebacks; BMT: Pearl Harbor; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; License to Wed; Notes: Has been in over 300 episodes of NCIS: Los Angeles.)

Eugene Levy – ( Known For: American Pie; Finding Dory; American Pie 2; American Reunion; American Wedding; Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian; Over the Hedge; Serendipity; Vacation; Goon; Father of the Bride; Splash; Best in Show; Father of the Bride Part II; Astro Boy; Heavy Metal; Multiplicity; Waiting for Guffman; Taking Woodstock; A Mighty Wind; Future BMT: The Man; Down to Earth; Holy Man; Almost Heroes; The Ladies Man; Armed and Dangerous; I Love Trouble; Madea’s Witness Protection; Club Paradise; Once Upon a Crime…; Speed Zone; BMT: Cheaper by the Dozen 2; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Bringing Down the House; New York Minute; Notes: Famously on SCTV and was nominated for 13 Emmys, 9 for SCTV (won two) and 4 for Schitt’s Creek (won two).)

Budget/Gross – $19,000,000 / Domestic: $26,276,465 (Worldwide: $39,267,515)

(like … close, but yeah, probably pretty bad. But I should say, we gave them like $10 I’m sure. I distinctly remember seeing this in theaters. What a wild life I’ve led.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 10% (12/119): This lame prequel induces more groans than laughs. Rent the original instead.

(Man, just a shade over 10% here. That seems like a crime. How does this have any good reviews?)

Reviewer Highlight: While Dumb and Dumber possessed a bracing, genuine vulgarity, this new film is more often merely disgusting as it piles up jokes involving various bodily discharges and the unpleasant things that can be done with them. – David Kehr, New York Times

Poster – Sklog and Sklogerer: When Jamie Met Patrick

(I distinctly remember this poster from when it came out. It is terrible. You could fire this off in powerpoint in an afternoon. D.)

Tagline(s) – The evolution of dumb… (B-)

(I’m OK with this. I just have one question. Is this actually supposed to be a play on ‘The evolution of man’ but with ‘dumb’ replacing ‘man’? I assume so, but I can’t tell if that is a good or bad thing.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Top 10: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), The Hangover Part II (2011), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Terminator Salvation (2009), Due Date (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.3 Prom Night (2008), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 78.0 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.6 The Last Exorcism Part II (2013), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 72.0 Dance Flick (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (2011), Getaway (2013), …

Best Options (Comedy): 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 72.0 Dance Flick (2009), 70.2 Delta Farce (2007), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 69.4 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 69.1 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 68.5 Yogi Bear (2010), 65.1 An American Carol (2008), 64.8 Sex Tape (2014), 64.7 The Comebacks (2007), 64.6 Tooth Fairy (2010), 63.7 Underdog (2007), 63.5 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.1 Space Chimps (2008), 61.1 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.9 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 60.8 Meet Dave (2008), 60.7 College (2008), 60.0 Code Name: The Cleaner (2007), 60.0 Witless Protection (2008), 60.0 Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (2011), …

(What a bonus. Out of all the ones we’ve done (and it is way more than just those listed) probably In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is the craziest. Although part of me wants to say Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li is probably the biggest bang for your buck.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Mimi Rogers is No. 3 billed in Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd and No. 4 billed in Lost in Space, which also stars Heather Graham (No. 7 billed) who is in Say It Isn’t So (No. 2 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (3 + 4) + (7 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 19. If we were to watch Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Early on, South Park (1997) creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone were lined up to write the prequel for $1.5 million. They later decided to not work on the project and returned all of the money to New Line.

Due to events that retroactively occur/are stated in Dumb and Dumber To (2014), When Harry Met Lloyd is no longer canon.

The truck that pulls in front of Jessica as she is chasing the short school bus is hauling “Turbo Lax”, the same laxative Lloyd gives Harry in the original Dumb and Dumber (1994).

Lin Shaye was the only cast member to star in both the original Dumb and Dumber (1994) and the prequel.

Eric Christian Olsen was repeatedly denied the role of Lloyd because the producers thought he was “too good-looking”. It was only after seeing some home-video footage of Eric in full make-up improvising a scene with already-cast Derek Richardson that they gave him the role.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Couple (Eric Christian Olsen, Derek Richardson)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake or Sequel

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Robert Brener, Troy Miller)

Poltergeist (2015) Preview

“That was amazing,” Jamie says and then turns to everyone else. “Wasn’t that am…” he stops, looking bewildered. Apparently while he was listening to Sam’s story they were let out of jail. He looks up at a banner hanging above him that reads “The Men in Black Take London: Fashion Made Simply Complicated.” Next to that nonsense is a picture of Kyle, Jamie and Patrick posed like Charlie’s Angels in tuxedos. “What thuuuuu,” Jamie says dumbly. “Finally, the prodigal son has returned,” Patrick says from behind him. Jamie swings around to find Kyle and Patrick smirking at him. How dare they smirk like a couple Sir Smirks-a-lots at him! Outrageous! “And by prodigal son I mean your brain since you’ve been listening blankly to Sam recite that (I have to admit, quite good) book for the last 48 hours.” Sam blushes at the compliment given by one of their generation’s great American writers. “Meanwhile, Kyle here has been putting in the work,” Patrick says, patting Kyle on the back. It’s time for him to blush. “The Fashion Police weren’t such bad guys and with the help of Rachel they all agreed that it was all a misunderstanding.” Patrick elbows him in the ribs. Kyle continues, “And maybe the Fashion Police invited me to be part of their softball team and then maybe I mentioned my idea for a tuxedo that was not just hard to put on, but almost impossible.” Patrick butts in, “It’s a tuxedo that’s like an escape room, except you’re trying to escape into the tuxedo!” Patrick’s eyes are shining maniacally. “Ahem, anyway,” Patrick says, “our work here is about done.” Then gathering himself and pulling Jamie aside. “ But your work is just beginning,” he says softly, “How do you feel about ghosts?” That’s right! Busting makes us feel good, and by that I mean we like to bust up franchises that we haven’t quite finished for BMT. In this case we fairly recently watched Poltergeist II (crazy ending) and Poltergeist III (Ammmaaaazzziinnnggg) and that completed the original trilogy. But we still had one disastrous remake left. Poltergeist (2015). Let’s go!  

Poltergeist (2015) – BMeTric: 68.6; Notability: 38

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.6%; Notability: top 12.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 25.8%; Higher BMeT: Fifty Shades of Grey, Fantastic Four, The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, The Gallows, The Boy Next Door, Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension, Knock Knock, The Ridiculous 6; Higher Notability: Entourage, Jupiter Ascending, Pixels, Pan, Terminator Genisys, The Divergent Series: Insurgent, Point Break, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip, Fantastic Four, Blackhat, Mortdecai, The Last Witch Hunter, Child 44, The Wedding Ringer, Fifty Shades of Grey, Unfinished Business, Little Boy, Daddy’s Home, The Ridiculous 6, Victor Frankenstein, and 10 more; Lower RT: The Ridiculous 6, Freaks of Nature, Home Sweet Hell, Extraction, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, Rock the Kasbah, Survivor, Hot Pursuit, Hitman: Agent 47, Fantastic Four, Pay the Ghost, Unfinished Business, Point Break, Mortdecai, The Boy Next Door, Area 51, Hot Tub Time Machine 2, Return to Sender, Sinister 2, Regression, and 43 more; Notes: Out of the Higher BMeT we’ve seen all but three. And oh man … you remember Unfinished Business? My god. It was like the Waiting For Forever of its era. Remember Waiting For Forever?

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – Rarely has a remake felt more contractually obligated than the 2015 version of “Poltergeist.” There are a few decent performances, a nice riff on the technology fears that drove the original movie, and a centerpiece of horror that works, but never once do you get the feeling that the people behind this remake are here because of artistic passion or creative drive. They’re here because, well, somebody had to be here, so why not them? With remakes of “Nightmare on Elm Street,” “Friday the 13th,” “Evil Dead,” and more already on the books, “Poltergeist” is even arguably a bit late to the party. And they didn’t bring a gift.

(Sounds correct. What a wild time the early 2010s were with horror. I feel like we are in the same place today. They are trying to kick start big budget mainstream horror and something is tripping them up. Probably that real horror-heads expect things that are more extreme than what the mainstream is willing to handle. So you end up with Scream 6 or M3GAN as the big hits (i.e. borderline horror-comedy).)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HD2sz9RVzfM/

(“We can’t call the cops, what are we going to tell them?” Uh, that your daughter is missing? Good to see Jared Harris though.)

Directors – Gil Kenan – ( Known For: Monster House; City of Ember; A Boy Called Christmas; Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire; BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: Holy shit, the director of Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire … that makes a lot of sense. Nominated for an Oscar for Monster House.)

Writers – David Lindsay-Abaire – ( Known For: Oz the Great and Powerful; Rise of the Guardians; Robots; Rabbit Hole; The Family Fang; Future BMT: Inkheart; BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: Frankly, the fact that they seemed to have gotten kids’ film writers and directors for this film is probably all you need to know about it. Apparently did a pass on Kung Fu Panda 4.)

Steven Spielberg – ( Known For: A.I. Artificial Intelligence; The Goonies; Close Encounters of the Third Kind; Poltergeist; What Lies Beneath; The Fabelmans; The Sugarland Express; Ace Eli and Rodger of the Skies; BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: The rest are just the people who wrote the original including Spielberg himself. At one point he was running all of WB’s cartoon division back in the day, trying to resurrect Looney Tunes and creating Roger Rabbit.)

Michael Grais and Mark Victor – ( Known For: Poltergeist; Death Hunt; Future BMT: Marked for Death; BMT: Poltergeist; Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Cool World; Notes: Cool World! They got credits on the video game which I now feel like I should play.)

Actors – Sam Rockwell – ( Known For: The Green Mile; Iron Man 2; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri; Jojo Rabbit; Moon; Seven Psychopaths; Cowboys & Aliens; The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; Charlie’s Angels; The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford; Galaxy Quest; Vice; The Way Way Back; Matchstick Men; Frost/Nixon; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Richard Jewell; Confessions of a Dangerous Mind; Everybody’s Fine; See How They Run; Future BMT: The Sitter; G-Force; Strictly Business; BMT: Poltergeist; Argylle; Notes: Interesting career in that he really doesn’t seem like he is ever in bad films, and then we watch two in quick succession. Won an Oscar for Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. Nominated for another for Vice.)

Rosemarie DeWitt – ( Known For: La La Land; Cinderella Man; Rachel Getting Married; Kill the Messenger; The Company Men; Promised Land; The Professor; A Little Bit of Heaven; Your Sister’s Sister; Margaret; Sweet Virginia; Arizona; Digging for Fire; Nobody Walks; Afterschool; The Estate; Touchy Feely; Purple Violets; Tenure; The Great New Wonderful; Future BMT: The Watch; The Odd Life of Timothy Green; Men, Women & Children; BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: I don’t know why but she gives me heavy television energy, but really she’s only been in things like Unite States of Tara, but mostly does movies. It feels like she plays “mothers” a lot.)

Kennedi Clements – ( BMT: Poltergeist; Notes: She hasn’t been doing much, but probably is in school and junk.)

Budget/Gross – $35,000,000 / Domestic: $47,425,125 (Worldwide: $95,437,994)

(Yeah, pretty bad. Always bad when the original makes a ton more than the remake 35 years later.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (40/136): Paying competent homage without adding anything of real value to the original Poltergeist, this remake proves just as ephemeral (but half as haunting) as its titular spirit.

(Sounds correct. Although I might challenge the concept that it was competent.)

Reviewer Highlight: [A] professionally executed yet bloodless film … an act of homage that hews reverently to its source material while missing the essential spirit and vitality that once powered it. – Andrew Barker, Variety

Poster – Poo-tergeist

(Yeah, well… they all can’t be winners. I don’t like how dim this is. Also it takes the least scary part of the first film and puts it front and center. That clown was always ridiculous. C-.)

Tagline(s) – They know what scares you. (C)

(Cool. ‘They’re back’ would have sufficed. This is accurate and short. That’s what I got.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021), The Revenant (2015)

Future BMT: 85.5 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.4 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.0 Black Christmas (2019), 76.4 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.7 The Grudge (2019), 73.7 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.8 Norm of the North (2016), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.5 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.9 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.5 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.9 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.2 Like a Boss (2020), 61.1 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 59.5 Jem and the Holograms (2015)

BMT: Cats (2019), The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Poltergeist (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Morbius (2022), After We Fell (2021), Moonfall (2022), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), …

Best Options (2015): 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 68.6 Poltergeist (2015), 63.5 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 61.1 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 59.5 Jem and the Holograms (2015), 58.0 The Lazarus Effect (2015), 57.8 The Transporter Refueled (2015), 56.0 Sinister 2 (2015), 53.2 Aloha (2015), 49.5 Blackhat (2015), 42.7 Pan (2015), 39.2 Rock the Kasbah (2015), 38.9 Masterminds (2015), 38.1 90 Minutes in Heaven (2015), 35.7 Love the Coopers (2015), 35.6 Victor Frankenstein (2015), 35.4 The Perfect Guy (2015), …

(Goddddddamn, Pan. We’ve seen Hot Tub Time Machine 2 actually … in theaters. Probably the worst decision we made at the time. Real dumb film and I don’t look forward to watching it again.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sam Rockwell is No. 1 billed in Poltergeist and No. 2 billed in Argylle, which also stars Henry Cavill (No. 5 billed) who is in Justice League (No. 2 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (5 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 18. If we were to watch G-Force we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – Rosemarie DeWitt wanted to do the film, after she experienced the engaged and lively audience reaction at the premiere of The Conjuring (2013), which she attended because it featured her husband Ron Livingston.

(at around 1h 26 mins) The bumper sticker on the Bowen vehicle during the last scene of the film says: Hooper High School. This is a direct reference to Tobe Hooper, who directed the 1982 original version.

In a Q&A, Saxon Sharbino admitted that she had never seen the original Poltergeist (1982) until filming was complete on this production.

The original cut ran for 101 minutes with 7-8 minutes of footage missing from the theatrical cut. This footage was released as a director’s cut on the DVD and Blu-ray release.

Parapsychologist/Anomalist Christopher Chacon, one of the world’s foremost authorities on “poltergeists”, was utilized by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer/20th Century Fox studios as their official expert on the phenomenon to internationally publicize and promote the release of the movie.

Madame Web Preview

“That was beautiful,” Jamie says, tears in his eyes. “Yeah, I know,” Samantha replies, “but I think we should escape the Fashion Police before going into more detail about how great it is.” When they turn to run, though, they find themselves in a jail cell with the rest of the gang. “What thuuuu,” Jamie says dumbly. “Yeah, well this is what happens when you read a full book to each other when we should be running from the Fashion Police,” Patrick says, his voice dripping with disdain. “So what do we do now? You don’t think *gasp* we could be put to death for our Fashion Crimes?” Jamie says, his knees quaking. “Nah, I got a lawyer,” Kyle mumbles through a mouthful of apple fritter the jailer snuck him because everyone loves Kyle. “Rachel,” he finishes. Jamie and Patrick gawk at him. “The pretzel girl… er… I mean, you’re wife/pretzel girl!” Jamie exclaims. Kyle nods, taking a filet mignon from the jailer. “That’s right,” he says proudly, “turns out the pretzels, while delicious, were funding her law degree.” “Great!” Samantha says, “then we’ll be out in no time.” Kyle coughs through a mouthful of creme brulee. “Well, uh, maybe not no time,” he says, “more like once she’s done with the other cases on her docket.” Jamie and Patrick cannot believe how boring this all is. “This is so boring,” Jamie says exasperated, “if this were a book and someone had to read it they wouldn’t even believe just how boring it is and would wonder why they were even reading it.” Now it’s time for Samantha to cough. “We could always read something that everyone agrees isn’t boring,” she says, tapping her next Holly Ween book, Holly Ween’s Llama Drama. That’s right! It’s not llama drama for us, but rather another LIVE! BMT. You know we couldn’t pass up some Madame Web action. It’s Madame Web! Let’s go!

Madame Web (2024) – BMeTric: 77.8; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.0%; Notability: top 0.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.7%; Higher Notability: Argylle, Lift; Lower RT: Air Force One Down, The Painter, Wanted Man; Notes: Hellllllll yeah. That BMeTric ain’t never going down. This is probably one of the only 75+ in years. One second. Only the fourth since 2020. Space Jam 2 is the one very notable one.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – “Madame Web” is not the unmitigated disaster that its clunky trailer or its calendar spot in February would suggest. It’s the big, noisy action sequences that bog “Madame Web” down. Yes, they’re crucial to the genre, but they’re also the least interesting part. And you don’t need to be clairvoyant to know that more movies in this series are in store.

(Uuuuuuuh, I think that might be wrong. This franchise seems directly on the DCEU path of getting thrown right into the dumpster. Like … why make Madame Web 2 again? Why have like a Kraven the Hunter and Morbius team up again? It doesn’t make sense.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_76M4c4LTo/

(“He was with my mother in the Amazon when she was researching spiders right before she died,” is officially an iconic film quote. Not really for the reason you would imagine, but it was joked about not once but twice at the 2024 Oscars.)

Directors – S.J. Clarkson – ( BMT: Madame Web; Notes: Directed a ton of television, but this was her shot at a bit film. She has nothing on the docket so … I don’t know that it was a very successful debut.)

Writers – Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless– ( Known For: Power Rangers; Future BMT: Dracula Untold; BMT: Morbius; Gods of Egypt; The Last Witch Hunter; Madame Web; Notes: Also wrote Morbius, so they are clearly in a major position for the bizarro Sony Spiderman universe they are building.)

Claire Parker – ( Notes: A producer of a bunch of British shows. I assume she got into writing this since she shares a background with Clarkson to some degree.)

S.J. Clarkson – ( BMT: Madame Web; Notes: The only thing she’s written is a British series called Mistresses. And she got credit for the American story based on that.)

Kerem Sanga – ( Known For: First Girl I Loved; The Violent Heart; The Young Kieslowski; BMT: Madame Web; Notes: This writing room is wild. Like … I don’t know any of these films and then suddenly Madame Web out of nowhere.)

Actors – Dakota Johnson – ( Known For: The Social Network; 21 Jump Street; Black Mass; Bad Times at the El Royale; The Five-Year Engagement; The Peanut Butter Falcon; How to Be Single; Suspiria; The Lost Daughter; Persuasion; A Bigger Splash; Cha Cha Real Smooth; Wounds; Our Friend; The High Note; Date and Switch; Goats; Cymbeline; For Ellen; Chloe and Theo; Future BMT: Crazy in Alabama; BMT: Fifty Shades of Grey; Need for Speed; Fifty Shades Darker; Beastly; Fifty Shades Freed; Madame Web; Notes: People deny it, but it is true, there is an effortless charisma to Dakota Johnson that I can’t explain. It is wild that she was in the Fifty Shades films. It is also crazy that we’ve almost seen all of her BMT films.)

Sydney Sweeney – ( Known For: Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood; Under the Silver Lake; The Ward; Anyone But You; The Voyeurs; Night Teeth; Reality; Big Time Adolescence; Nocturne; Spiders; ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction; Dead Ant; Clementine; Angels in Stardust; The Martial Arts Kid; Americana; BMT: Madame Web; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for Euphoria and The White Lotus. Amazing that two of the biggest stars currently are both from that show.)

Isabela Merced – ( Known For: Sicario: Day of the Soldado; Instant Family; Sweet Girl; Dora and the Lost City of Gold; Let It Snow; Migration; Father of the Bride; Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life; Rosaline; Spirit Untamed; The House That Jack Built; Future BMT: The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature; BMT: Transformers: The Last Knight; Madame Web; Notes: Was a Nickelodeon star and was Dora in the live action film. Do we ever do The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature? Who knows.)

Budget/Gross – $80 million / Domestic: $27,783,405 (Worldwide: $53,576,774)

(Of course this is a disaster. There was no other way it could go. I honestly can’t believe they actually produced this film and released it to theaters.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 13% (27/208): Madame Web’s earnest approach to the title character’s origin story has a certain appeal, but its predictable plot and uneven execution make for a forgettable superhero adventure.

(What is this consensus. Give the people what they want! This film is a disaster area and seems almost like a parody orchestrated by the same person who put those limes in Dakota Johnson’s house. That’s my consensus.)

Reviewer Highlight: “Madame Web” is a dud, but it’s one that Johnson transcends long before the final credits roll. – Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Poster – Madame Sklog

(Yes. Yes. Yes. That is a mess in the most delightful way. Nice font though. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Her web connects them all (C-)

(Sure, why not? A perfect amount of laziness in that tagline. It’s like Dakota Johnson wrote it herself.)

Keyword(s) – year 2024

Top 10: The Beekeeper (2024), Teri Baaton Mein Aisa Uljha Jiya (2024), Color of Victory (2024), Fighter (2024), Lift (2024), Argylle (2024), Merry Christmas (2024), Guntur Kaaram (2024), Hanu Man (2024), Madame Web (2024)

Future BMT: 57.3 Night Swim (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Argylle (2024)

Best Options: 75.4 Madame Web (2024), 57.3 Night Swim (2024)

(Helllllllll yeah, we couldn’t miss a 75+, it was impossible. We had to pull the trigger on a second Live early in the year. Quite rare. But also, we have been doing a good job hitting big films during the year. I think these have both been good choices.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dakota Johnson is No. 1 billed in Madame Web and No. 6 billed in Beastly, which also stars Alex Pettyfer (No. 1 billed) who is in Endless Love (No. 1 billed) which also stars Bruce Greenwood (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 6 billed) => (1 + 6) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 6) = 18. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – According to Dakota Johnson in an interview with The Wrap, the screenplay underwent extensive rewrites, saying, “There were drastic changes, and I can’t even tell you what they were”. The original screenplay, which was described as darker and “very ‘Terminator’ inspired,” would have seen Madame Web and the Spider-Women trying to protect a pregnant Mary Parker from Ezekiel Sims, who wants to kill her to prevent the birth of Peter Parker.

Dakota Johnson said, “I’ve never really done a movie where you are on a blue screen, and there’s fake explosions going off, and someone’s going, ‘Explosion!’ and you act like there’s an explosion. That, to me, was absolutely psychotic. I was like, ‘I don’t know if this is going to be good at all! I hope that I did an OK job!’ But I trusted [director S.J. Clarkson]. She works so hard, and she has not taken her eyes off this movie since we started.”

Dakota Johnson left her agency WME in favor of CAA less than a week after the first trailer for this movie dropped. According to Variety, this “raised industry eyebrows,” and generated unfounded rumors that Johnson didn’t like the movie. However, The Hollywood Reporter found that “since CAA was also willing to represent her production company, TeaTime Pictures, along with her indie film, ‘Daddio'” which will be released by Sony Pictures Classics, it is likely the seemingly suspicious timing for the move was nothing more than film-business shuffling.

Dakota Johnson did much of the stunt driving in the film herself, including that of the taxi and the ambulance. She expressed she wanted to perform the stunt where the vehicle drives into a diner but the stunt team wouldn’t let her.

Halloween Kills Preview

Jane is just a plain ol’ girl living a plain ol’ life. Other than the fact that she’s the big time author of the tween rom com hit Holly Ween the Scream Queen. Oh, Holly is everything that she isn’t. Cool, calm, and beautiful. Sigh. One day she returns home to find her latest manuscript stolen and a note demanding that she hand over Holly in exchange for the book. But Holly isn’t real… is she? Only one way to find out. Returning home to the high school where she spent four mortifying years as Plain Jane Never-Been-Kissed she dons a Holly Ween disguise and reenters school as a 25-year-old senior who just got out of a 7 year coma. And wait… is she suddenly hot and cool? Must be just the disguise because she’ll never be anything but Plain Jane Never-Been-Kissed at heart… or will she? Cause in walks captain of the football team Brad who also just got out of a 7 year coma so is also 25-years-old. Just when he is about to ask her to the Homecoming Dance the book thieves take over the school demanding that Jane hand over Holly. Uh oh! She can’t have Brad finding out she’s actually Plain Jane! She’s got to think quickly! In a snap she gets the Homecoming committee to change the dance to a Halloween Costume Bash and dons a Plain Jane disguise. During the dance she is able to smooch Brad, convince the thieves that Holly is on her way, and set up a trap with the help of all her friends. Turns out that Holly was inside Jane the whole time and her new book Holly Ween Slays is a huge hit. 

“Wow,” Jamie says, thinking that Holly Ween doesn’t just slay… Samantha does too. That’s right! We are watching the second (and only qualifying) entry in the new Halloween trilogy. Don’t be tricked by the title, though, as it seems from the reviews that this Halloween didn’t quite kill. Let’s go!

Halloween Kills (2021) – BMeTric: 50.6; Notability: 42

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 8.4%; Notability: top 3.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.6%; Higher BMeT: Space Jam: A New Legacy, Home Sweet Home Alone, Cosmic Sin, Thunder Force, He’s All That, Deadly Illusions, Music, The Misfits, After We Fell, The Kissing Booth 3, Awake, Mother/Android, Apex, Spiral, Midnight in the Switchgrass, The Unholy, Tom & Jerry, Things Heard & Seen, Outside the Wire, Snake Eyes, and 1 more; Higher Notability: Space Jam: A New Legacy, Tom & Jerry, Chaos Walking, Music, Infinite, The Addams Family 2, Home Sweet Home Alone, Dear Evan Hansen; Lower RT: Cosmic Sin, Music, Midnight in the Switchgrass, After We Fell, Breaking News in Yuba County, Apex, Home Sweet Home Alone, Infinite, The Misfits, Intrusion, The Virtuoso, The Starling, Every Breath You Take, Deadly Illusions, Chaos Walking, Thunder Force, Awake, Sweet Girl, The Kissing Booth 3, Hypnotic, and 24 more; Notes: Wow, we really haven’t seen that many 2021 films, but I suppose that is because a lot of them are on streaming now. Remember Music … that’s a wild film.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – My feeling about David Gordon Green’s reboot of “Halloween” in 2018 was that the talented director fundamentally misunderstood what worked about the John Carpenter original, draining the project of actual tension, despite a few solid set pieces. Having seen his follow-up, “Halloween Kills,” I think I was right. This film muddies its entire concept with a bizarre, unrefined commentary on mob mentality that is quite simply some of the worst material in either Green’s career and the history of this rocky franchise (which is saying something if you’ve seen, say, “Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers”). It’s a shame too because, once again, there are set pieces that work—and the ones here are particularly brutal—but campy dialogue that calls attention to itself, too much fan service in the references department, sidelining Laurie Strode herself for most of the project, and truly inconsistent characters lead to a final result that definitely doesn’t kill. It barely even wounds.

(Wow … I actually agree. The first has a few interesting bits, but at the same time it mostly is a bunch of bits from the prior films strung together. The second is bad and has the single most embarrassing moment in the history of the franchise. Which, indeed, is saying something.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL6R3HmQfPc/

(Immediately off to a bad start with the firefighter scene. I feel like if anything the first deftly replicated the less violent and more tense version that Rob Zombie abandoned. But not this one. Not at all.)

Directors – David Gordon Green – ( Known For: Pineapple Express; Halloween; Halloween Ends; Joe; Stronger; Prince Avalanche; Snow Angels; All the Real Girls; Undertow; George Washington; Manglehorn; Future BMT: Your Highness; The Sitter; Our Brand Is Crisis; BMT: Halloween Kills; The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: Now that he’s out for Exorcist: Deceiver I do wonder what he’ll be up to. Seems like maybe it is time for another smaller film … but something tells me he’s going to be roped into another big production where people mess with his film and it ends up sucking.)

Writers – John Carpenter – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween; Escape from New York; They Live; The Fog; Assault on Precinct 13; Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; Escape from L.A.; Halloween Ends; Assault on Precinct 13; Prince of Darkness; Dark Star; Eyes of Laura Mars; Black Moon Rising; BMT: Halloween; Halloween II; Halloween Kills; Ghosts of Mars; Halloween: Resurrection; Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers; Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers; The Fog; Notes: Ha, we’ve seen all his BMT films. Surprisingly few, given how many bad Halloween films there are.)

Debra Hill – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween; The Fog; Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; Escape from L.A.; Halloween Ends; BMT: Halloween; Halloween II; Halloween Kills; Halloween: Resurrection; Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers; Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers; The Fog; Notes: Worked with Carpenter for years, so naturally we also got her completely done for BMT as well.)

Scott Teems – ( Known For: The Quarry; That Evening Sun; Future BMT: Insidious: The Red Door; BMT: Halloween Kills; The Exorcist: Believer; Firestarter; Notes: Seems like just one of those guys brought in to write modern horror films.)

Danny McBride – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween Ends; The Foot Fist Way; The Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter; Future BMT: Your Highness; BMT: Halloween Kills; The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: Y’all know Danny McBride. Friends with Green, and they have written a bunch of modern horror now as well … to mixed effect.)

David Gordon Green – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween Ends; Prince Avalanche; Snow Angels; All the Real Girls; Undertow; George Washington; Goat; BMT: Halloween Kills; The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: Yeah, at some point it seems like the horror films he writes and directs just lack soul.)

Actors – Jamie Lee Curtis – ( Known For: Knives Out; Everything Everywhere All at Once; Halloween; True Lies; Halloween; Trading Places; Escape from New York; A Fish Called Wanda; Freaky Friday; My Girl; The Fog; Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; Halloween Ends; Veronica Mars; Forever Young; The Tailor of Panama; Beverly Hills Chihuahua; Fierce Creatures; Prom Night; Blue Steel; Future BMT: You Again; My Girl 2; Drowning Mona; House Arrest; BMT: Halloween II; Halloween Kills; Halloween III: Season of the Witch; Christmas with the Kranks; Halloween: Resurrection; Haunted Mansion; Virus; Perfect; Notes: That’s Oscar winner Jamie Lee Curtis to you. The daughter of Tony Curtis, she is in many ways the original Scream Queen.)

Judy Greer – ( Known For: Ant-Man; Jurassic World; Dawn of the Planet of the Apes; Ant-Man and the Wasp; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; War for the Planet of the Apes; The Village; The Descendants; Love & Other Drugs; What Women Want; 13 Going on 30; Adaptation.; Tomorrowland; Three Kings; 27 Dresses; Halloween; Carrie; Halloween Ends; Jeff, Who Lives at Home; Where’d You Go, Bernadette; Future BMT: Entourage; Elizabethtown; Cursed; Love Happens; Men, Women & Children; Jawbreaker; American Dreamz; Playing with Fire; Kissing a Fool; BMT: Halloween Kills; The Wedding Planner; The 15:17 to Paris; Playing for Keeps; Marmaduke; Notes: I’ll always know her as Kitty from Arrested Development. Oh boy do I not want to watch the Entourage movie ever.)

Andi Matichak – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween Ends; Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List; Son; Assimilate; Miles; Foxhole; BMT: Halloween Kills; Notes: Yeah, doesn’t seem to have many other credits. Like she’s been in movies, but not much television and has nothing on the docket. Quite surprising. I thought she was fine in the whole trilogy.)

Budget/Gross – $20,000,000 / Domestic: $92,002,155 (Worldwide: $134,292,082)

(That is obviously quite good. I can’t imagine they are hugely disappointed with the trilogy as a whole, so it makes sense that they gave Green The Exorcist … seems like that was a mistake though.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 39% (108/278): Halloween Kills should satisfy fans in search of brute slasher thrills, but in terms of advancing the franchise, it’s a bit less than the sum of its bloody parts.

(Soooooooo close, but it did make it. And well deserved. I can’t imagine this really satisfies any slasher fans, so I don’t get that point.)

Reviewer Highlight: An indolent, narratively impoverished mess that substitutes corpses for characters and slogans for dialogue. – Jeannette Catsoulis, New York Times

Poster – Holly Ween Slays

(I do like how tactile it is. But a bit boring otherwise. Still… it’s doing its job. You have to give it credit from that aspect. B-)

Tagline(s) – Three generations Strode strong (Ha!)

(Wait… that’s not real, right? That’s not on the poster so normally I would delete it but this is so funny that I’ll just leave it here.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Joker (2019), Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015)

Future BMT: 85.1 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.9 Black Christmas (2019), 76.1 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.6 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.8 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.2 Like a Boss (2020), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)

BMT: The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Firestarter (2022), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Morbius (2022), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), …

Best Options (franchise): 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.9 Black Christmas (2019), 76.1 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 59.8 Spiral (2021), 52.3 Boo 2! A Madea Halloween (2017), 50.7 Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016), 50.6 Halloween Kills (2021), 48.2 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 43.4 Jigsaw (2017), 42.8 Insidious: The Last Key (2018)

(I refused to watch Jeepers Creepers III ever. Which leaves not many actual franchise horror films which worked. Was exciting to catch up on Halloween though.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jamie Lee Curtis is No. 1 billed in Halloween Kills and No. 2 billed in Christmas with the Kranks, which also stars Tim Allen (No. 1 billed) who is in Jungle 2 Jungle (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 9 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (9 + 1) = 15. If we were to watch Love Happens, and The Black Dahlia we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Jamie Lee Curtis, Charles Cyphers, Kyle Richards, Nancy Stephens, and Nick Castle were all in the original Halloween (1978) and all returned for this sequel. The characters of Tommy Doyle and Lonnie Elam from the original also returned, but were recast with Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Longstreet, because Brian Andrews has retired from acting since 2015, and Brent Le Page never acted again after the original Halloween.

David Gordon Green recalled that when they attempted to find a yearbook photo of one of Michael Myers’ victims from the 1978 film, he came across a yearbook photo of Bob Odenkirk that he thought resembled original actor John Michael Graham. The rights issues were resolved so that Green could use Odenkirk’s photo instead of the actual actor. Odenkirk is therefore credited as ‘Bob,’ despite not physically appearing in it.

In the flashback scene to 1978, Michael attacks deputy McCabe (Jim Cummings) with a rope. In the original Halloween (1978), Sheriff Leigh Brackett (Charles Cyphers) responded to an alarm in a hardware store, and reported that a rope, some Halloween masks and a set of knives were stolen.

Twelve pumpkins are featured in the opening title sequence with the last one indicating Halloween Kills as the twelfth Halloween film.

Early in the movie, the wagon stolen by Michael Myers from Dr. Loomis and Nurse Marion Chambers at the Smith Grove Sanitarium in Halloween (1978) can be seen parked behind Young Hawkins and Pete McCabe during one of the flashback sequences to 1978.

The New Mutants Preview

After catching the eye of the saleswoman, Patrick and Kyle watch as Jamie tries on a series of outfits, each one seemingly more outrageous than the last. Jamie seems particularly taken with a very classy Canadian tuxedo he found in the back of the store, but it is also summarily rejected. Sadly he trudges out of the changing room in a non-Canadian tuxedo, complete with tails, bowtie, monocle, and top hat. This outfit gets an emphatic thumbs up from Kyle and a slight, but approving, nod from Patrick. Jamie isn’t so sure. Suddenly they hear a gasp and the smashing of a champagne glass nearby. “Sacre bleu!” a woman shrieks, “he’s beautiful.” A man joins her and, looking closely at Jamie, puts his hands up as if it were a camera lens. “Yes, he is perfect. The outfit is so classy and yet… he’s brutish. As if his body could explode out of the fabric at any moment.” Jamie is confused. Sure his body could explode out of the fabric any time he wanted, but why would he want that? That’s why he needs sturdy denim capable of withstanding whatever his body brings. The woman approaches. “Hello, we love you, we must have you. We’re from Big Modeling Talent Agency and we’re having trouble filling out our latest fashion show at Fashion Week. Are you interested?” Jamie’s head spins, imaging the celebs that might be at Fashion Week. Rumor around the block was that Billy Zane was hoping to attend this year! “The idea is: ‘These ain’t your daddy’s models.’” the woman says, flashing her hands dramatically as if the words should blow your mind. Patrick scoffs, but Jamie seems to be digging it. He nods in wonder and whispers, “Yeah, like… ‘The New Models.’” That’s right! We aren’t watching the New Models, but rather the X-Men spinoff, The New Mutants. This was dumped in the pandemic after being shelved for years. That’s a recipe for success. Let’s go!

The New Mutants (2020) – BMeTric: 57.4; Notability: 28

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.4%; Notability: top 4.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 20.3%; Higher BMeT: Breach, Hard Kill, Artemis Fowl, The Grudge, The Turning, The Last Days of American Crime, Jiu Jitsu, The Last Thing He Wanted, Fantasy Island, Survive the Night, The 2nd, Brahms: The Boy II, After We Collided, Like a Boss, Force of Nature, The Tax Collector; Higher Notability: Dolittle, Artemis Fowl, The Rhythm Section, Bloodshot, Rebecca, The War with Grandpa, Spenser Confidential, Hillbilly Elegy, Fantasy Island, The Turning, The Wrong Missy, Superintelligence; Lower RT: Hard Kill, The Last Days of American Crime, The 2nd, The F**k-It List, The Last Thing He Wanted, Force of Nature, Artemis Fowl, Fantasy Island, Songbird, A Nice Girl Like You, Brahms: The Boy II, The Turning, After We Collided, Survive the Night, Dolittle, Desperados, A Fall from Grace, 2 Hearts, The Tax Collector, Fatal Affair, and 29 more; Notes: Yeah, 2020 was going to be a struggle because it was kind of a dumping ground. I did at one point float doing Artemis Fowl as a friend. That movie seems absurd.

AV Club – C –  Even a mangled bit of Whedonese about a toad struck by lightning could benefit a superhero story this starved for character.

(I had to just find a random one here. AV Club fit the bill. The only thing I really know about this film is that it was dumped. There were times when it looked like it was going to go Batgirl style and just get completely buried.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_vJhUAOFpI/

(Genuinely bullshit. Like … that isn’t the plot of the film! The plot is that the main girl is causing the fear dreams, the hospital isn’t there to do it to them. Absurd. Also, this film was legit poised to be a kind of good version of the film Fear from last year. Which is wild shit.)

Directors – Josh Boone – ( Known For: The Fault in Our Stars; Stuck in Love.; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: The Fault in Our Stars to this is wild. It feels like he was brought in at a time when this was going to be a more indie-ish property, and then eventually it was twisted into a semi-horror film at one point.)

Writers – Josh Boone – ( Known For: Stuck in Love.; All We Had; The Pretenders; BMT: He seems to have been somewhat tied up with The Stand since. His most recent producing project is some weird time travel film involving a mix-tape … yup.)

Knate Lee – ( Known For: Jackass 3D; Jackass Forever; Cardboard Boxer; Future BMT: Kidnap; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: “Writes” a lot of the Jackass films somehow? I don’t get that. Seems like a crazy person to bring in to write your X-Men adject IP.)

Actors – Maisie Williams – ( Known For: iBoy; Early Man; Mary Shelley; Then Came You; The Owners; The Falling; The Book of Love; Gold; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: You know her from Game of Thrones, where she was nominated for two Emmys. She is fully back to doing TV which is good, she’s solid in television roles.)

Anya Taylor-Joy – ( Known For: Split; The Menu; The Witch; The Northman; The Super Mario Bros. Movie; Last Night in Soho; Emma.; Thoroughbreds; Marrowbone; Radioactive; Barry; Love, Antosha; Here Are the Young Men; Future BMT: Morgan; Playmobil: The Movie; BMT: Glass; Amsterdam; The New Mutants; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Queen’s Gambit which is her most famous role, until this year maybe since she’s the star of the new Mad Max film.)

Charlie Heaton – ( Known For: Marrowbone; The Souvenir: Part II; As You Are; No Future; Future BMT: Shut In; BMT: The New Mutants; Notes: Mostly just doing those Stranger Things stuff. This movie was really a who’s who of TV work. Has a maybe interesting upcoming project with Al Pacino and Patrick Schwarzeneggar. I mean … didn’t say good, just interesting.)

Budget/Gross – $67–80 million / Domestic: $23,852,659 (Worldwide: $49,169,594)

(Yeah obviously terrible, but that budget seems fake. This is a one location film with four or five TV stars right? Where is this budget going? CGI I suppose would be the counter, but I’m not sure I believe it. Seems like accounting shenanigans more likely.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 36% (50/139): Rendering a list of potentially explosive ingredients mostly inert, The New Mutants is a franchise spinoff that’s less than the sum of its super-powered parts.

(Yeah, seems like a formula for some bodice success (horror film spin off from a popular franchise). Problem is when you create a horror film you need to stick to the budget: $15 million. It would have been a decent success if they could have pulled that off.)

NY Times Review: The original New Mutants comics debuted in 1983, the year Johnny Ramone howled for “Psycho Therapy,” and its punkish, expressionistic pages wafted spray paint. Boone’s version is set in the 1990s and wallows in Gen-X ennui. – Amy Nicholson, The New York Times

Poster – Not Your Daddy’s Mutants

(I appreciate the style. I very much appreciate the font and the color scheme. But it’s a little basic… like it’s just a bunch of heads all stylized up. B+)

Tagline(s) – It’s time to face your demons. (C-)

(Nah. That’s generic. Could be applied to a bunch of movies.)

Keyword(s) – 2015-2023

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Future BMT: 84.9 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.8 Black Christmas (2019), 76.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.4 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.7 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.1 Like a Boss (2020), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)

BMT: The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Firestarter (2022), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Moonfall (2022), After We Fell (2021), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Morbius (2022), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), Hellboy (2019), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), … (and many more)

Best Options (Horror): 84.9 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.3 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.8 Black Christmas (2019), 76.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.6 The Grudge (2020), 73.6 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 64.7 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 58.0 The Lazarus Effect (2015), 57.3 The New Mutants (2020), 56.1 The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018), 56.0 Sinister 2 (2015), 55.9 Wish Upon (2017), 55.1 Umma (2022), 54.7 Friend Request (2016), 54.0 The Possession of Hannah Grace (2018), 52.2 Boo 2! A Madea Halloween (2017), 50.7 Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016), 50.6 Halloween Kills (2021), 48.1 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 45.6 Incarnate (2016), 44.9 Separation (2021), 43.4 Jigsaw (2017), 42.8 Insidious: The Last Key (2018), 42.7 Hell Fest (2018), 38.1 Morgan (2016), 37.4 The Devil Conspiracy (2022), 35.6 Victor Frankenstein (2015), 26.6 Acrimony (2018), 18.6 Nefarious (2023)

(Again, 2020 was going to be tough. Brahms: The Boy II and some other random annoying ones were the other options. This was more fun.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Alice Braga is No. 6 billed in The New Mutants and No. 2 billed in Hypnotic, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (6 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 16. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The vision Dani sees of mutant children contains some reused footage from Logan (2017).

Josh Boone intended this film to be the first in a trilogy, with the second film to be an alien invasion movie featuring the alien mutant Warlock, and then the third and final installment to be a supernatural, apocalyptic horror movie based on the X-Men comic event “Inferno” (demons invade the Earth and Magik plays a major role). After Disney’s purchase of Fox, all X-Men-related films in development were cancelled, including Boone’s trilogy.

Josh Boone admitted that he found shooting to be stressful, as he felt “a bit neutered” because he had to tone down the film from his original “full horror” ideas.

The last Marvel film to be released with Stan Lee as an executive producer.

The film had five release dates. It was originally slated to debut on April 13, 2018, but was first delayed to February 19, 2019, in order to conduct reshoots. Later, it was pushed back to August 2, 2019, while Disney finalized its purchase of Fox. The film was pushed back yet again to April 3, 2020, to make room for the release of Dark Phoenix (2019). On March 12, 2020, it was postponed due to the COVID-19 pandemic. On May 13, 2020, its new release date of August 28, 2020 was announced, and the film was finally released in theaters on that date.

The Exorcist: Believer Preview

The next day, Patrick twirls his fake mustache in a very believable way. “Yes, well I think that room would do just fine.” He tells Jamie, pointing at a map of Fool’s Paradise, the first and only operating B&B in the interdimensional hell they now reside. Jamie is eyeing him suspiciously. “But you haven’t even seen the rooms yet,” Jamie says, confused. “Well, ahem, yes, well, once I see it, I mean… I’m sure it’ll be quite indubitably satisfactory,” Patrick says, using his substantial improv skillz to save the plan. All he needs to do is show Jamie the book. “Chapter 1: Escaping the Maze” makes it very clear exactly how they can get back to the real world. Jamie narrows his eyes and nods his head back towards the inventory closet. “Are you sure you don’t want this room?” he asks in a hushed tone. At that he grabs Patrick by the arms and pulls him into the closet. He flips on the light and rips the mustache from Patrick’s face. “My mustache! You must be a magician to have pulled a real mustache clean off like that!” Patrick exclaims, nailing the improv once again. Jamie grabs the book from Patrick knapsack and holds it up to the light. “I know when I found it that you must have the other piece of the puzzle,” he says, a note of sadness in his voice. He opens the book to the final page of Chapter 1 and places it in its proper place. Patrick looks back at what the book is saying: “To get out of the maze you must recite these words:” That’s where it had ended. Patrick assumed they could just kind of wing it, but now the words are clear: “The Prayer of Reverse Exorcism.” That’s right! We are doing our own reverse exorcism this week. In that we are watching The Exorcist: Believer and it’s the reverse of being good. A-yo. Let’s go! 

The Exorcist: Believer (2023) – BMeTric: 67.0; Notability: 25

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.4%; Notability: top 6.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.5%; Higher Notability: Rebel Moon: Part One – A Child of Fire, Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, Expend4bles, House Party, Haunted Mansion, Heart of Stone, The Out-Laws, Meg 2: The Trench, Old Dads, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, 65, Your Place or Mine, White Men Can’t Jump, Vacation Friends 2; Lower RT: Freelance, The Ritual Killer, 57 Seconds, Expend4bles, In the Fire, On a Wing and a Prayer, Fool’s Paradise, The Tutor, Vacation Friends 2, Robots, The Re-Education of Molly Singer, The Out-Laws, Knights of the Zodiac, Mafia Mamma; Notes: The finale for the year. Not a bad crop, but still, we’ll probably have to think through something eventually. It just isn’t pleasurable or sustainable to get 30 films a year and be scrambling around trying desperately to fill out a good slate.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – Friedkin excelled on both fronts: the drama and the whammies. The original is still effective because it takes its sweet time establishing characters who seem like real people, then puts them and the audience through a prolonged, brutal ordeal together—one that, at the time, no one had ever seen on a screen before. Clocking in at a relatively breezy 121 minutes in length, “The Exorcist: Believer” is a rare case where a long cut would play better than a short one. Given that the hero and his late wife were photographers, you’d expect photography to play into this film the way sound recording did in the first one, but either the script isn’t interested or just part of the movie got cut down to almost nothing. And there are a lot of underdeveloped themes and elements, including the notion that a culturally divided America needs to come together for the sake of the children, as well as oddly off-brand positive exhortations that everything happens as it should, even trauma, and there would be less evil in the world if we were more emotionally connected to one another. The message at the end isn’t, “The real exorcist is love,” but it almost seems that way.

(Oh boy. Yeah, that jives with a few other reviews I listened to / read. Mainly that it is a little unbelievable that (knowing the filmmakers) the idea is that aw shucks can’t we all just get along … but the movie seems maybe to lean that way unintentionally. Personally I don’t think that is the real message, but I’ll get to that in the recap.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r71FmJBoSDs/

(I thought the trailer was quite effective and was genuinely pretty surprised when it didn’t hit at least a little bit. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised (horror fans are so persnickety about their favorite franchises, and this is kind of maybe the best of the best in that regard), but I still was.)

Directors – David Gordon Green – ( Known For: Pineapple Express; Halloween; Halloween Ends; Joe; Stronger; Prince Avalanche; Snow Angels; All the Real Girls; Undertow; George Washington; Manglehorn; Future BMT: Your Highness; Halloween Kills; The Sitter; Our Brand Is Crisis; BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: I’m not sure where he goes from here with his direction. One would hope he’d find something that maybe he could put his stamp on, but it really seems like his last few not hitting could become a problem.)

Writers – Peter Sattler – ( Known For: Camp X-Ray; BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: Kind of a weird filmography. Camp X-Ray is from 2014, and then this is the only other thing really and he directed Camp X-Ray as well.)

David Gordon Green – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween Ends; Prince Avalanche; Snow Angels; All the Real Girls; Undertow; George Washington; Goat; Future BMT: Halloween Kills; BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: Grew up in Arkansas, but went to college in North Carolina where he met McBride. A lot of the comedians of a specific era came from North Carolina for some reason.)

Scott Teems – ( Known For: The Quarry; That Evening Sun;; Future BMT: Halloween Kills; Insidious: The Red Door; BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; Firestarter; Notes: Oooof Firestarter. Seems like a Horror punch up guy, which maybe points to one of my theories on the recent Halloween films and this: the studios are maybe noting and overwriting these things and being too careful. But I guess we’ll see if the second Exorcist ever happens and if the series can recover.)

Danny McBride – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween Ends; The Foot Fist Way; The Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter; Future BMT: Your Highness; Halloween Kills; BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: I find it so weird that he is now one of the faces of modern horror. Just given that he is also a face of modern high-concept comedy as well.)

Actors – Leslie Odom Jr. – ( Known For: Glass Onion; Murder on the Orient Express; Hamilton; The Many Saints of Newark; Red Tails; One Night in Miami…; Harriet; Music; Only; Needle in a Timestack; BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: Nominated for 2 Oscars, and seems to have been in the original cast of Hamilton as Aaron Burr. Both Oscars were for One Night in Miami… for which he wrote an original song.)

Lidya Jewett – (Known For: Hidden Figures; Wonder; Vivo; Feel the Beat; Nightbooks; BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; The Darkest Minds; Notes: Has been in a trilogy of films called Ivy + Bean.)

Olivia O’Neill – (BMT: The Exorcist: Believer; Notes: Legit this is the only thing she’s really been in, but since the IMDb has the cast list all messed up I figured I would throw her in here since the two possessed girls seemed like important characters.)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $65,537,395 (Worldwide: $136,169,912)

(That is really good … The budget was only $30 million? That’s incredible. They are definitely making the next film. I’m honestly surprised there are even rumors the director is going to step away given what a miracle that budget seems to be.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (55/248): The Exorcist: Believer earns points for trying to take the franchise back to its terrifying roots, but a lack of new ideas — and scares — make this an inauspicious start to a planned new trilogy.

(Hmmmmmm, yeah you would think the beginning of a trilogy is the easy bit. It is the middle and (mostly) sticking the landing in the third that is the problem. Bodes poorly.)

Reviewer Highlight: [Green’s former] patience and sensitivity has now been sacrificed to the cannibalism of recycled ideas; and while I don’t begrudge him his success, I do miss the filmmaker he used to be. – Jeannette Catsoulis, New York Times

Poster – The Exorcist: Belieber

(F. That is awful. Why is it sideways? Why does it appear to be a hastily cropped image from the film? Why is everything else about it boring?)

Tagline(s) – Body and the Blood. (D+)

(So just the thing they say in the trailer? It’s got a little flow to it (thus why it is in the movie) but otherwise I’m not sure what it’s up to. Can’t tell if I’m being a little harsh and it should be a C- or if it’s just bad.)

Keyword(s) – Year 2023

Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Barbie (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023), The Flash (2023)

Future BMT: 84.6 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 48.0 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 43.8 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 43.5 House Party (2023), 37.2 Paint (2023), 35.8 Freelance (2023), 31.6 The Machine (2023), 27.7 Love Again (2023), 24.9 Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023), 20.9 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023), 18.4 Nefarious (2023), 9.1 The Shift (2023), 9.1 Camp Hideout (2023), 8.8 Back on the Strip (2023), 8.3 Sweetwater (2023)

BMT: The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Expend4bles (2023), 65 (2023), Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), Retribution (2023), Hypnotic (2023), My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), Mafia Mamma (2023), About My Father (2023), Haunted Mansion (2023), Fear (2023)

Best Options (2015-2023): 84.6 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 67.0 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 48.0 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 43.8 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 43.5 House Party (2023), 35.8 Freelance (2023), 31.6 The Machine (2023), 27.7 Love Again (2023), 24.9 Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023), 20.9 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023), 9.1 The Shift (2023), 9.1 Camp Hideout (2023), 8.8 Back on the Strip (2023), 8.3 Sweetwater (2023)

(There was no way we were doing Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey. As a matter of fact. That might be the last film we ever do for BMT as they pry it from our cold dead fingers.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Ellen Burstyn is No. 10 billed in The Exorcist: Believer and No. 2 billed in The Wicker Man, which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (10 + 2) + (6 + 1) = 19. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – On William Friedkin’s passing, writer and film critic Ed Whitfield posted this on Twitter(X) and Facebook : “William Friedkin once said to me, ‘Ed, the guy who made those new Halloween sequels is about to make one to my movie, The Exorcist (1973). That’s right, my signature film is about to be extended by the man who made Pineapple Express (2008). I don’t want to be around when that happens. But if there’s a spirit world, and I can come back, I plan to possess David Gordon Green and make his life a living hell.'” Friedkin actually died two months before the movie was released.

Ellen Burstyn had turned down reprising her role and was then offered double the salary. Burstyn thought, “I feel like the devil is asking my price.” She eventually accepted, using the salary to fund an MFA scholarship for actors at Pace University where the Actors Studio teaches the program. Burstyn is a lifelong member of the Actors Studio and a co-president.

Ellen Burstyn stated in an interview shortly before filming began that she accepted the offer to return solely for the money, which she donated to her charity.

Linda Blair, Regan in the original 1973 film, was an advisor on set to the actresses portraying the possessed girls in this film.

At the beginning of the movie, a small sculpted creature can be seen in Angela’s room. This is the same creature Regan drew with wings in the first movie (1973).

Five Nights at Freddy’s Preview

Patrick crashes through the swinging doors of the kitchen only to find himself back in the fancy restaurant, now even fancier as it is the site of Jamie’s wedding. “The great thing about this wedding is that it’s not just one wedding. Because I couldn’t choose just one bride. Isn’t that great!” Jamie says to the amusement of his guests. He sees Patrick and comes scurrying over. “Where have you been?” For a moment Jamie appears angry but then his face softens. “I’m really nervous,” he admits. Patrick looks around at the guests and finds that he’s also nervous. They are horrific creatures of darkness that only know suffering and pain (or is it pleasure?). “Hey can we talk about this?” Patrick says quietly, but Jamie isn’t listening. “Sure, sure, but first I got two weddings to get to. Three if you count your vow renewal ceremony. Your wife is coming, right?” Patrick stares back at him blankly. “Perfect. Just perfect,” Jamie glowers, “well more wedding for me.” With that he hops up on stage and snaps at the demon priestess to get the show on the road. Rusty hooks fly out from the walls and stab into Jamie’s flash. The priestess places what looks like a tiny bear trap on Jamie’s finger and he stammers out how much he loves Nerdy Demon and a weak, “This sure is nice. I’m getting so much pleasure from this.” Tears stream down his face as he turns to Sultry Demon and can only whimper, “Jesus wept.” The demon brides, delighted, tear at Jamie with their claws to complete the ceremony. Jamie turns painfully to Patrick and holds up some tickets. “And as a final present I want you and yours to join us on the honeymoon. A relaxing five nights at….” That’s right! Five Nights at Freddy’s! You’re probably all like “But wait, I know your cycle inside and out and how in the world is Five Nights at Freddy’s in the Achievement slot? The answer is ‘why not?’ We already completed the year. That’s the achievement. So let us do one of the biggest critical flops of the year that doubles as one of the biggest surprise hits of the year. Let’s go!

Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023) – BMeTric: 50.1; Notability: 17

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.6%; Notability: top 12.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.8%; Higher BMeT: The Exorcist: Believer, Meg 2: The Trench, Expend4bles, The Black Demon, Knights of the Zodiac, Best. Christmas. Ever!, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, 65, The Ritual Killer; Higher Notability: Rebel Moon: Part One – A Child of Fire, Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, Expend4bles, House Party, Haunted Mansion, Heart of Stone, The Out-Laws, Meg 2: The Trench, Old Dads, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, 65, Your Place or Mine, White Men Can’t Jump, Vacation Friends 2, The Exorcist: Believer, About My Father, The Family Plan, Insidious: The Red Door, and 10 more; Lower RT: Freelance, The Ritual Killer, 57 Seconds, Expend4bles, In the Fire, On a Wing and a Prayer, Fool’s Paradise, The Tutor, Vacation Friends 2, Robots, The Re-Education of Molly Singer, The Out-Laws, Knights of the Zodiac, Mafia Mamma, The Exorcist: Believer, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, Pain Hustlers, The Family Plan, God Is a Bullet, Rebel Moon: Part One – A Child of Fire, and 16 more; Notes: We had to pivot to this to some extent because we watched Fear … possibly the biggest blunder in recent BMT history. This movie seems far more fun even if it is probably “better”.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – You ultimately don’t need to care that much about why Abby bonds so quickly with Freddy and the gang, or why Vanessa knows so much about Freddy. But it might have helped if the movie’s programmatic jump scares and mostly unremarkable performances were more memorable. As it is, the movie is both too fast and too slow to be either shocking or moving enough. “Five Nights at Freddy’s” might satisfy the series’ established fans, but everyone else will have to look elsewhere for fun.

(Yup, this is exactly what I heard, that the film was very solid for people who knew the games (and the lore) but no so much otherwise. And I do know stuff about the games since I’ve vaguely watched videos of people playing it. So maybe that bodes well.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4d_v-HyR4o/

(I wonder if the kind-of-too-famous guy in the trailer is the bad guy … looks kind of fun, but I can already tell it ends up being more silly than scary in reality. The kill where the girl gets eaten by the robot seems potentially fun though.)

Directors – Emma Tammi – ( Known For: The Wind; BMT: Five Nights at Freddy’s; Notes: She wrote this as well and will be writing I think both a second and third film maybe.)

Writers – Scott Cawthon – ( BMT: Five Nights at Freddy’s; Notes: Huh. The video game creator, but also back in the 90s he used to make bad looking CGI Christian films. So he seems like a 3D artist.)

Seth Cuddeback – ( BMT: Five Nights at Freddy’s; Notes: Nothing else of note, I think the weird bit is that all of these people have future credits on the sequels. I would assume at least a few just did a pass on the first, so I don’t know why IMDb would be thinking they would be attached to the second unless they either are, or there is some default thing happening.)

Emma Tammi – ( BMT: Five Nights at Freddy’s; Notes: She also directed a bit of Into the Dark which is a horror anthology television show.)

Chris Lee Hill – ( Known For: Tragedy Girls; V/H/S/99; Patchwork; Blowing Up Right Now; BMT: Five Nights at Freddy’s; Notes: Alright, here we go. This person definitely was a “horror” person they had do a pass on the script since they are not attached to the sequels.)

Tyler MacIntyre – ( Known For: Tragedy Girls; V/H/S/99; Patchwork; BMT: Five Nights at Freddy’s; Notes: Huh, was mostly an editor (and not even of horror films necessarily), but seems to have tacked to writing pretty high profile horror in the past few years.)

Actors – Josh Hutcherson – ( Known For: The Hunger Games; The Hunger Games: Catching Fire; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; The Polar Express; Bridge to Terabithia; The Disaster Artist; The Kids Are All Right; Journey to the Center of the Earth; Zathura: A Space Adventure; Journey 2: The Mysterious Island; Epic; American Splendor; Kicking & Screaming; Little Manhattan; Escobar: Paradise Lost; Detention; Tragedy Girls; Winged Creatures; Burn; Future BMT: RV; Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant; Firehouse Dog; BMT: Red Dawn; Five Nights at Freddy’s; Notes: He is in probably one of the more anticipated early year BMT films, The Beekeeper starring Jason Statham. I really hope that hits so we can get a nice Winter Season live in.)

Piper Rubio – ( BMT: Five Nights at Freddy’s; Notes: Probably most notable for a recent four episode turn on For All Mankind.)

Elizabeth Lail – ( Known For: Gonzo Girl; Future BMT: Mack & Rita; BMT: Five Nights at Freddy’s; Countdown; Notes: Was recently in You (the Netflix show) which I think must be finished by now since I think it was intended to only go four seasons.)

Budget/Gross – $20 million / Domestic: $137,275,620 (Worldwide: $290,501,123)

(Jesus Christ … I mean … Jesus Christ. Yeah, that’s why you play the game. Horror can really just print money. This film only cost $20 million (basically a set and some dark hard to see CGI I guess, only need one reasonably priced star), so that is a lot of dough.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 31% (66/211): Loaded with Easter eggs, Five Nights at Freddy’s may be fun to watch for fans of the game, but most viewers of any other persuasion will find this adaptation muddled and decidedly unscary.

(Yes. This is everything I’ve heard about the film. That it isn’t a good film, but (as Ebert used to say) it is good for what it is. Although I actually think the reviews are like: it’s bad for what it is but also the fans will like it.)

Reviewer Highlight: You may chuckle, but it’s hard to tell if the movie is laughing with you. – Natalia Winkelman, New York Times

Poster – Five Crazy Nights

(I find this surprisingly boring. I like the sign, obviously, but otherwise seems a little ‘blah’ for a film about a killer Chuck E. Cheese or whatever. Some of the alternated are better. C+.)

Tagline(s) – Can you survive? (D)

(Nah. That’s no fun. Think of how many films this could apply to.)

Keyword(s) – Year 2023

Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Barbie (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023), The Flash (2023)

Future BMT: 84.6 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 67.0 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 48.0 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 43.8 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 43.5 House Party (2023), 37.2 Paint (2023), 35.8 Freelance (2023), 31.6 The Machine (2023), 28.1 Haunted Mansion (2023), 27.7 Love Again (2023), 24.9 Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023), 20.9 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023), 18.4 Nefarious (2023), 9.1 The Shift (2023), 9.1 Camp Hideout (2023), 8.8 Back on the Strip (2023), 8.3 Sweetwater (2023)

BMT: Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Expend4bles (2023), 65 (2023), Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), Retribution (2023), Hypnotic (2023), My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), Mafia Mamma (2023), About My Father (2023), Fear (2023)

Best Options (imdb-keyword-based-on-video-game): 50.1 Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023)

(I didn’t expect to see another video game film available. I was just curious. Given the success of the Super Mario Bros. this year though I guess I wouldn’t have been survived if I forgot some other film was based on a video game.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 11) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Matthew Lillard is No. 4 billed in Five Nights at Freddy’s and No. 3 billed in Wicker Park, which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (4 + 3) + (1 + 3) = 11. If we were to watch Firehouse Dog we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – Because of Foxy’s skeletal-like structure, he was built as a full-body animatronic puppet and performed by Russ Walko, along with a group of puppeteers from Jim Henson’s Creature Shop. In shots where Foxy walked, it took as many as six puppeteers to accomplish his full range of movements.

Unlike most studios using CGI for bringing creatures to life, Jim Henson’s Creature Shop was responsible for the creation of the Fazbear animatronics.

The animatronic characters were performed by puppeteers from Jim Henson’s Creature Shop. For shots where the characters weren’t moving, the puppeteers would control both the head and body movements. In the rare instances where a character would walk or dance, a stunt performer would don the costume while the puppeteers controlled the heads remotely.

Even before the movie was released, producer Jason Blum said that it had already made back its budget from selling the streaming and theatrical distribution rights.

In August 2018, Scott Cawthon said that if the first film were to be successful, there could be a second and third film, following the events of the second and third games, respectively. In January 2023, in an interview on the podcast WeeklyMTG, Matthew Lillard revealed he signed a three-picture deal with the studios.

View from the Top Preview

“Glimmer Man, reveal yourself!” Patrick yells, trying to imbue his voice with a sense of confidence. But it’s all false bravado. They had to wonder, were their twin chops as potent without BMT? They jump as they suddenly hear a clatter from above. “He must be heading for the roof,” Jamie murmurs. Patrick smirks. “Guess this guy doesn’t know us very well.” Five minutes and half a jar of margarine later and Jamie and Patrick are slip-sliding their way through the steam pipes of the arena. It’s classic Bad Movie Twins, their abs creating sweet rhythms on every bump and seam in the pipe like a robot walking along a cobblestone street. Using their knowledge of advanced physics they shoot their way to the roof of the arena and burst out of the pipe right in front of their watcher. They go in for a devastating Twin Chop but pause mere inches from the man’s jugular. Their mouths drop open in surprise. “Kyle?!” they exclaim and Kyle smiles. “Classic Bad Movie Twins,” he says, taking one look at their margarine greased abs. Jamie and Patrick are speechless and Kyle becomes serious. “I’m sorry I had to play this game of cat and mouse with you, but I had to get you away from the Dudikoff’s. They aren’t who you think they are,” Kyle says. Jamie and Patrick begin to protest, but Kyle instead pulls them in for a hug. “Listen to me. I’m also not who you think I am… I’m here to show you your future.” Suddenly Jamie and Patrick realize why it was so hard to catch Kyle. “You’re a ghost?” They ask and he nods. “Now take my hand, and look to the horizon,” Kyle says, and with that they jump from the roof of the arena. That’s right! We are taking in a view from the top by watching, you guessed it, View from the Top. It’s always surprised me just how bad the reviews for this film were, so let’s see if it lives up to its BMT billing. Let’s go!

View from the Top (2003) – BMeTric: 51.7; Notability: 53

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 9.6%; Notability: top 10.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.6%; Higher BMeT: The Room, Gigli, House of the Dead, The Cat in the Hat, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, From Justin to Kelly, Kangaroo Jack, Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, My Boss’s Daughter, Darkness Falls, The Foreigner, Biker Boyz, The Haunted Mansion, Agent Cody Banks, Cold Creek Manor, The Medallion, Marci X, Honey, Hollywood Homicide, The Order, and 4 more; Higher Notability: The Matrix Revolutions, Bad Boys II, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Scary Movie 3, Brother Bear, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The Haunted Mansion, Timeline, The Cat in the Hat, Gods and Generals, Hollywood Homicide, Tears of the Sun, The Core, Paycheck, Cradle 2 the Grave, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle of Life, Duplex, Agent Cody Banks, Wonderland, Beyond Borders, and 7 more; Lower RT: Dorm Daze, The Foreigner, Hangman’s Curse, Gold Diggers, House of the Dead, Gigli, Kangaroo Jack, From Justin to Kelly, Grind, My Boss’s Daughter, Gods and Generals, Marci X, Darkness Falls, The Cat in the Hat, The Order, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, A Man Apart, Alex & Emma, National Security, Cold Creek Manor, and 5 more; Notes: I’m pretty stunned at the number of high BMeT films from 2003 we haven’t seen (officially) for BMT. I guess there thing is I’ve seen Dumb and Dumberer and Darkness Falls on my own. Still though, a bunch I haven’t seen. Very impressive 50-50 BMeT + Notability. The 100 club.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – The movie, directed by Bruno Barreto and written by Eric Wald, is surprising for what it doesn’t contain: No scenes involving mile-high clubs, lecherous businessmen or randy pilots, but the sincere story of a woman who finds her career is almost but not quite enough. Adult audiences may be underwhelmed. Not younger teenage girls, who will be completely fascinated.

(Awwwww, I do love sentimental Roger. He is probably at least somewhat right, but it is stunning when he comes off the top rope with “this movie isn’t for all of you” to his fellow critics. I checked and Leonard gave it a 2 specifically calling out Meyers for seemingly coming from a different film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elF04ebuXHI/

(Ha I remember this trailer. I find it crazy how prominent they make Meyers in a film which, in reality, is not that much of a comedy. But I imagine they realized they had to capitalize on him being one of the biggest comedic stars at the time.)

Directors – Bruno Barreto – ( Known For: Gabriela; Dona Flor and Her Two Husbands; Reaching for the Moon; Carried Away; Four Days in September; Última Parada 174; A Show of Force; One Tough Cop; Bossa Nova; Happily Ever After; Romeo & Juliet …Get Married; Tati; The Story of Fausta; BMT: View from the Top; Notes: He seems to have mostly done Brazilian (adjacent at least) films, then this, and then went back to Brazilian films maybe. Was the second husband of Steven Spielberg’s first wife.)

Writers – Eric Wald – ( BMT: View from the Top; Notes: Wrote this script in a class at film school. He created and wrote a television series called Sirens which seemingly ran for multiple seasons.)

Actors – Gwyneth Paltrow – ( Known For: Avengers: Endgame; Se7en; Avengers: Infinity War; Iron Man; Spider-Man: Homecoming; The Avengers; The Royal Tenenbaums; Iron Man Three; Iron Man 2; The Talented Mr. Ripley; Shakespeare in Love; Contagion; Shallow Hal; Austin Powers in Goldmember; Sliding Doors; Emma; A Perfect Murder; Hard Eight; Malice; Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow; Future BMT: Hook; Great Expectations; Moonlight and Valentino; Country Strong; Hush; Shout; BMT: View from the Top; Mortdecai; Notes: Possibly even more famous for Goop than being an actress at this point. She seems a little like a kook if I’m being honest, but to each their own. Won an Oscar for Shakespeare in Love.)

Christina Applegate – ( Known For: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy; Mars Attacks!; Bad Moms; The Book of Life; Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues; The Rocker; Going the Distance; Wonderland; Nowhere; The Big Hit; Employee of the Month; Crash Pad; Streets; Grand Theft Parsons; Sol Goode; Youth in Oregon; Farce of the Penguins; Jaws of Satan; Out in Fifty; Claudine’s Return; Future BMT: Vacation; Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead; Hall Pass; Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel; Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked; A Bad Moms Christmas; Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip; Mafia!; Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore; Just Visiting; Surviving Christmas; BMT: The Sweetest Thing; View from the Top; Wild Bill; Notes: She’s had a fun career. Nominated 8 times for Emmys (won once for a guest spot on Friends). She was launched to television stardom for Married with Children (over 250 episodes), and is still a huge television star.)

Kelly Preston – ( Known For: Jerry Maguire; From Dusk Till Dawn; Sky High; Twins; Gotti; Christine; SpaceCamp; Mischief; For Love of the Game; Amazon Women on the Moon; 10 to Midnight; Waiting to Exhale; Citizen Ruth; 52 Pick-Up; Addicted to Love; Off the Rails; Spellbinder; The Experts; Eulogy; Daddy and Them; Future BMT: What a Girl Wants; Death Sentence; From Paris with Love; The Last Song; Nothing to Lose; Secret Admirer; Jack Frost; Holy Man; Run; BMT: The Cat in the Hat; Battlefield Earth; View from the Top; Old Dogs; Notes: She was married to John Travolta for years and years and sadly died from cancer a few years ago.)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $15,614,000 (Worldwide: $19,526,014)

(Yeah that’s rough. I remember when this came out and it was a huge bomb.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 14% (17/125): Uneven in tone and badly edited, A View From the Top wastes the talents of its cast and condescends to its characters.

(Badly edited. Boy howdy, I need to see this now! That seems like a rare consensus critique to come out of RT.)

NY Times Short Review: The satire is toothless, the romance … tepid, the portrait of stewardesses is dumb, jiggly babes anachronistic. Mike Myers has a  small,  unfunny role as a flight-attendant trainer with a crossed eye.

Poster – View from the Sklog

(I like the colors and I like the font. Don’t like much else about it. It also tells you almost nothing about the film… like why would anyone want to see this? The whole aesthetic is odd, as well. For so long I thought this was a period piece, presumably because of this poster. I also thought Ewan McGregor was in it… presumably because this aesthetic reminded me of Down with Love. C+)

Tagline(s) – Don’t stop till you reach the top. (B)

(How about… once you top the fun don’t stop? No? Well this is OK, I guess. Reminds me of a song, which is nice and it’s nice and short. It actually does kind of tell you what the film is about: corporate ladder climbing. OK.)

Keyword(s) – canada

Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), Venom (2018), The Butterfly Effect (2004), Armageddon (1998), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

Future BMT: 90.3 Vampires Suck (2010), 89.9 House of the Dead (2003), 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 79.6 Shark Night (2011), 78.9 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.9 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 74.0 The Spirit (2008), 73.9 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 73.1 The Turning (2020), 72.5 Mr. Magoo (1997), 71.8 Dance Flick (2009), 71.7 Zoom (2006), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.8 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 68.6 Captivity (2007), 68.3 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.3 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.0 The Flintstones (1994)

BMT: Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Wicker Man (2006), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Movie 43 (2013), Barb Wire (1996), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Jason X (2001), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Little Man (2006), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), After Earth (2013), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Caddyshack II (1988), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), Jonah Hex (2010), Species II (1998), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), … (and many more)

Best Options (Romance): 74.9 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 53.3 Abandon (2002), 53.2 Aloha (2015), 52.1 Loser (2000), 51.7 View from the Top (2003), 49.4 Monster-in-Law (2005), 49.4 The Perfect Man (2005), 48.1 Surviving Christmas (2004), 47.7 Sleepover (2004), 47.0 On the Line (2001), 46.7 You, Me and Dupree (2006), 46.5 40 Days and 40 Nights (2002), 46.3 Slackers (2002), 45.1 The Ex (2006), 45.0 Home Fries (1998), 43.3 John Tucker Must Die (2006), 42.2 Autumn in New York (2000), 42.0 You Again (2010), 40.4 Intersection (1994), 40.3 Admission (2013), 40.3 Soul Man (1986), 40.2 Bubble Boy (2001), … (and many more)

(Yeah finally we actually got one that starred a bone fide born-in-Canada Canadian! This is night and high up on the list, and we had to pick out a Meyers to go somewhere.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Gwyneth Paltrow is No. 1 billed in View from the Top and No. 2 billed in Mortdecai, which also stars Paul Bettany (No. 4 billed) who is in Firewall (No. 2 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (4 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 16. If we were to watch Moonlight and Valentino, Must Love Dogs, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The segment where the trainee flight attendants at Royalty Airways are undergoing training by John Witney (Mike Myers) included a lesson on how to deal with terrorists. The scene was cut from the film, and was not included on the DVD release as a deleted scene.

In 2019, British actor/writer/director Richard Ayoade found “View from the Top” so appallingly awful in every way that he wrote a book dedicated to the film, “Ayoade on Top.” He stated that he wanted to analyze the film as if it were Citizen Kane (1941).

This film wrapped filming in 2001, and was originally scheduled for a Christmas 2001 release, then after initial tests, an April 2002 release. However, after the terrorist attacks on the U.S. of September 11, 2001, the studio felt it was not appropriate to release a comedy which made light of airline flight crews. After another year in the can, and another round of edits which cut out cameo appearances by Robert Stack and Regis Philbin, the film was finally released in summer 2003. It promptly flopped and disappeared.

The character of John Whitney, played by Mike Myers, was cross-eyed. His office features photos of prominent real life figures with eye afflictions: Sammy Davis Jr. (who lost left eye in a car accident), Marty Feldman (had Graves’ ophthalmopathy, causing his eyes to protrude and become misaligned), and Peter Falk (His right eye was surgically removed when he was three because of a retinoblastoma, he wore an artificial eye for most of his life)

In an interview Gwyneth Paltrow admitted that she thought this was a terrible movie. This interview can be seen as a bonus feature on the DVD release of Thanks for Sharing (2012).

The Watcher Preview

“Yo, Mr. 305!” Jamie and Patrick yell to Pitbull, but he’s already up on stage. The audience had been in a mournful state listening to just how sorry Jamie and Patrick were, but quickly get to their feet for the funky fresh beats of Mr. Worldwide. “What a goddamn pro,” they marvel. As they race into the audience, trying their best not to trip over the numerous steaming cups of Tim Horton’s coffee their fans are enjoying, they get to the location where the green light was coming from, but only find an empty seat. They grab a nearby fan by the shirt and scream into his face “Tell me who was sitting here.” The man is terrified by this classic Tantrum Twin behavior and shakily confirms that someone was there but disappeared once the concert got bumping. “Like… like some gh-gh-gh-gh-ghost,” he stammers out at last. Jamie and Patrick toss the poor soul to the side and glance around trying to find any clue about the green light. Suddenly from the corner of their eye they see a glimmer, as if some Glimmer Man has quickly run across their peripheral vision. They follow where the suspected Glimmer Man must have been heading and find themselves in a series of steam tunnels underneath the arena. “Patrick, I’m sc-sc-sc-scared,” Jamie says, licking his lips. “I know,” Patrick says, “but we can’t let fear win the day.” Despite the confidence in his words, Patrick’s own fear is revealed when a loud clatter rings out in the tunnel and he and Jamie hug each other in terror. “Who… who’s there?” they yell out, but no one reveals themselves. The hairs on their necks stand on end. They may not be able to see this Glimmer Man, but they know he’s watching. That’s right! We are jumping to The Watcher starring noted Canadian Keanu Reeves. You know, The Watcher… the film we all know and love. Let’s go!

The Watcher (2000) – BMeTric: 51.7; Notability: 28

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 8.4%; Notability: top 26.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.9%; Higher BMeT: Battlefield Earth, Dungeons & Dragons, Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, Urban Legends: Final Cut, 102 Dalmatians, Highlander: Endgame, Dracula 2000, Supernova, Big Momma’s House, Get Carter, Little Nicky, The Next Best Thing, Hanging Up, Lost Souls, Down to You, The Crow: Salvation, Fortress 2: Re-Entry, Loser, and 1 more; Higher Notability: Gone in 60 Seconds, Little Nicky, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Coyote Ugly, Mission to Mars, Ready to Rumble, Lost Souls, Proof of Life, Reindeer Games, Rules of Engagement, 102 Dalmatians, Hollow Man, Thomas and the Magic Railroad, Bless the Child, Supernova, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, Final Destination, Dracula 2000, Get Carter, Dude, Where’s My Car?, and 45 more; Lower RT: 3 Strikes, My 5 Wives, Fortress 2: Re-Entry, The in Crowd, Battlefield Earth, Bless the Child, Down to You, Lost Souls, Turn It Up, Dungeons & Dragons, The Skulls, Urban Legends: Final Cut, Supernova, I Dreamed of Africa, Ed Gein, Screwed; Notes: That 50+ BMeTric is pretty funny for this film I’ve never heard of. Of the 20 higher BMeT films we’ve seen 10 I think, which is kind of weak. We need to hit up 2000 more often.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – “The Watcher” is about still another serial killer whose existence centers on staging elaborate scenarios for the cops. If these weirdos would just become screenwriters in the first place, think of the lives that could be saved. Keanu Reeves stars as Griffin, a murderer who follows an FBI agent named Campbell (James Spader) from Los Angeles to Chicago, complaining about the cold weather but explaining he had to move because “things didn’t work out with your successor.” Killing just wasn’t the same without Campbell to bug.

(Huge zinger there. And again, I’m a little perplexed. I guess Ebert did think Spader and Tomei were effective in their limiting roles, but still, that review feels like it should be lower than 2 somehow, and yet here we are.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-n9lMbUGQc/

(Haunt? Is … Kenau a gh-gh-gh-gh-gh-gh-ghost? A Glimmer Man? Jokes aside, this trailer is really long and lame, and you can distinctly tell that Keanu is half-assing the whole thing.)

Directors – Joe Charbanic – ( Known For: The Last Time I Committed Suicide; BMT: The Watcher; Notes: There is very little about this guy on IMDb. His first few credits are music videos though, and that is presumably how he got the gig.)

Writers – Darcy Meyers – ( BMT: The Watcher; Notes: Wrote 13 episodes of JAG. Seems to have got her start writing for Silk Stockings.)

David Elliot – ( Known For: Four Brothers; Catacombs; Future BMT: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra; BMT: The Watcher; Notes: Created and wrote the show Proven Innocent which aired in 2019. I think it was a one and done.)

Clay Ayers – (BMT: The Watcher; Notes: Really nothing on this guy. Wrote Sword of Honor which I think he acted in as well. Has around 167 votes on IMDb, played around eight times on television in the late 90s.)

Actors – James Spader – ( Known For: Secretary; Pretty in Pink; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Stargate; Lincoln; Crash; Wall Street; Wolf; Less Than Zero; Sex, Lies, and Videotape; Baby Boom; The Homesman; 2 Days in the Valley; Dream Lover; Bad Influence; White Palace; Shorts; The New Kids; Jack’s Back; Bob Roberts; Future BMT: Tuff Turf; BMT: Endless Love; Mannequin; Supernova; The Watcher; Notes: Won three Emmys for The Practice and Boston Legal. I’m surprised he was never nominated for Blacklist which is probably what he’s most famous for now.)

Keanu Reeves – ( Known For: John Wick: Chapter 4; John Wick; The Matrix; Knock Knock; John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum; John Wick: Chapter 2; Point Break; The Matrix Resurrections; Bram Stoker’s Dracula; The Devil’s Advocate; Speed; Constantine; DC League of Super-Pets; Toy Story 4; Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure; The Matrix Reloaded; The Neon Demon; My Own Private Idaho; The Gift; The Bad Batch; Future BMT: 47 Ronin; The Matrix Revolutions; Street Kings; Chain Reaction; Sweet November; Feeling Minnesota; BMT: The Day the Earth Stood Still; Johnny Mnemonic; The Lake House; Replicas; The Watcher; Notes: Y’all know Keanu. One of the weird films he did between The Matrix and the sequel. Now he kills it in John Wick.)

Marisa Tomei – ( Known For: The Lincoln Lawyer; Spider-Man: No Way Home; Avengers: Endgame; The Big Short; Crazy, Stupid, Love.; Spider-Man: Homecoming; My Cousin Vinny; Captain America: Civil War; Spider-Man: Far from Home; The King of Staten Island; The Wrestler; What Women Want; Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead; Trainwreck; The Ides of March; Chaplin; Anger Management; Four Rooms; The Toxic Avenger; Slums of Beverly Hills; Future BMT: Parental Guidance; Love the Coopers; BMT: Wild Hogs; Oscar; The Watcher; Notes: Oscar winner for My Cousin Vinny, but nominated two other times (In the Bedroom and The Wrestler). Now notable for playing Aunt May in the MCU.)

Budget/Gross – $30,000,000 / Domestic: $28,946,615 (Worldwide: $47,267,829)

(That is bad, but not nearly as bad as I would have expected … like $30 million is like four times as much as I would have imagined this movie I didn’t know existed made back in the early 2000s.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (10/92): The Watcher has Keanu Reeves cast against type, but the movie is short on thrills, suspense, and believability.

(That RT consensus is actually pretty mild. Considering Keanu is terrible in it and the movie sucks and looks like crap. Oh, I’m stepping on my recap, sorry.)

NYT Short Review: F.B.I. agent, serial killer and therapist. Damp, morose, thrill-free thriller.

Poster – Who Watches the Watcher?

(Ahhhhhahahahah. Well I guess I have a good example for my Movie Poster Art and Artistry course I’ll be teaching. Color schemes is a theme and someone could ask, “obviously a poster can be too bright and white, but can you make one too dark?” The answer appears to be yes. This is incomprehensible. D+. )

Tagline(s) – Don’t go home alone. (Uh… what?)

(Uh… OK. Spoiler alert, I’ve already seen this movie and I have no idea why this would be the tagline for it. Everyone The Watcher is watching is always alone… home or not… that’s kind of the point.)

Keyword(s) – canada

Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), Venom (2018), The Butterfly Effect (2004), Armageddon (1998), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

Future BMT: 90.3 Vampires Suck (2010), 89.9 House of the Dead (2003), 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.1 Prom Night (2008), 79.6 Shark Night (2011), 78.9 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.9 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 74.0 The Spirit (2008), 73.9 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 73.1 The Turning (2020), 72.5 Mr. Magoo (1997), 71.8 Dance Flick (2009), 71.7 Zoom (2006), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.8 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 68.6 Captivity (2007), 68.3 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.3 The Crow: City of Angels (1996)

BMT: Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Wicker Man (2006), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Movie 43 (2013), Barb Wire (1996), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Jason X (2001), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Little Man (2006), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), After Earth (2013), The Bye Bye Man (2017), … (and many more)

Best Options (Thriller): 65.7 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 63.6 Valentine (2001), 59.1 Cold Creek Manor (2003), 57.4 They (2002), 56.6 Shutter (2008), 54.9 Lost Souls (2000), 54.8 Eye of the Beholder (1999), 53.7 The Possession of Hannah Grace (2018), 50.1 House at the End of the Street (2012), 50.0 Collateral Damage (2002), 45.0 Big Bully (1996), 44.2 Maximum Risk (1996), 43.8 The Stepfather (2009), 43.3 Jigsaw (2017), 42.3 Red Planet (2000), 40.9 Shadow Conspiracy (1997), 40.9 The Marksman (2021), 40.6 The Forsaken (2001), 37.9 Hideaway (1995), 37.3 Saw IV (2007), 36.2 The In-Laws (2003), 35.2 The Perfect Guy (2015), 35.1 Passenger 57 (1992), 33.6 Saw VI (2009), 32.7 Dream House (2011), 31.0 Masterminds (1997), 30.3 Gossip (2000), 29.9 Wrongfully Accused (1998), 29.5 Most Wanted (1997), 29.3 Murder by Numbers (2002), 28.9 The Sentinel (2006), 28.3 The Temp (1993), 27.5 Next (2007), 27.0 Taking Lives (2004), 27.0 Case 39 (2009), 26.9 American Assassin (2017), 26.5 Knockaround Guys (2001), 26.2 The Puppet Masters (1994), 24.6 Surrogates (2009), 24.2 Visiting Hours (1982), 23.7 Criminal (2016), 23.3 Don’t Say a Word (2001), 22.6 Eye for an Eye (1996), 20.7 Stand Up Guys (2012), 20.7 Mad City (1997), 20.5 Rules of Engagement (2000), 19.8 Trial by Jury (1994), 18.9 Whispers in the Dark (1992), 17.4 Instinct (1999), 16.8 Wrong Is Right (1982), 14.9 The Book of Henry (2017), 14.8 In Time (2011), 14.7 Final Destination (2000), 12.8 The Island (2005), 12.4 Run (1991), 11.5 Firstborn (1984), 3.1 The Butterfly Effect (2004), 3.1 Seven Pounds (2008)

(Right, this isn’t in the dataset because Keanu isn’t “Canadian” according to IMDb. He was born in Lebanon and has an impressively varied ancestry. He grew up in Canada, and also acted in Youngblood as a French-Canadian goalie, which is all I really needed to know to know Keanu is a maple-blooded Canadian.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Marisa Tomei is No. 3 billed in The Watcher and No. 2 billed in Oscar, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (3 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Reeves has stated that he was not interested in the script but was forced into doing the film when his assistant Brian forged his signature on a contract. He performed the role rather than get involved in a lengthy legal battle. He was contractually prevented from disclosing this until 12 months after the film’s US release.

Keanu Reeves was contracted by the studio not to say anything negative until a year after the film’s release. He waited the full year to publicly bash the movie and revealed how someone forged his signature on the contract to star in the film.

Third-billed Keanu Reeves gave his verbal agreement to director Joe Charbanic several years before production started, after reading his original script. With his involvement, the filmmakers were able to attract a bigger cast and budget than originally envisioned, and Reeves’ part (originally little more than a cameo) was substantially re-written to feature him more prominently. Reportedly, Keanu Reeves, who would be paid scale while his co-stars James Spader and Marisa Tomei would get one million dollar paychecks, tried to drop out of the film, but eventually changed his mind (apparently influenced by the legal precedent of the Kim Basinger/Boxing Helena (1993) debacle). He eventually agreed to do the picture, and abstain from badmouthing it in interviews, on the condition that his involvement in the film be downplayed in all promotional material for the film, including trailers. Universal also asked the film’s financiers to enhance Reeves’ profit participation, which led Reeves to ultimately receive (at least) additional $2 million.

The Watcher was directed by Joe Charbanic, a buddy of Keanu who has also filmed the actor on tour with his rock band Dogstar.

Keanu Reeves disliked the movie so much he refused to do any press for the films release.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Keanu Reeves)

The Animal Preview

Jamie and Patrick lay on their deathbeds. The whole Hartford Whalers family surrounds them with tears streaming down their faces. Even the mascot weeps so loudly that you can hear it through his oversized Headless Kevin James costume. It was a joyous ride being the owners of what was now known as the most successful sports franchise in history. Kyle was at first derided as a buffoon with no coaching experience, but soon the players came to understand the secret ingredient to winning: Love. The love Kyle had for his players took them from bottom of the barrel to top of the league in their very first season and from there they won 33 of the last 50 Stanley Cups. And yet… when they should feel most at peace, both Jamie and Patrick couldn’t help but think back on the moment when they kicked Kevin James’ head clean off. Was it right? Was it true? Maybe Kevin James was a secret serial killer so it was OK that they kicked his head clean off. But it wasn’t the case. Kevin James was not a secret serial killer. He wasn’t even a secret serial killer who only killed serial killers. No, Kevin James was just a successful actor that people liked to watch. And they were just the two guys who kicked his head clean off and rode that to the greatest success mankind had ever witnessed. They look at each other and whisper what only they can understand, “We shouldn’t have kicked Kevin James’ head clean off.” With that they die.

Jamie and Patrick wake up from their daydream to find themselves face-to-face with Kevin James, now finished with his satirical comedy act. They tense, their animal instincts gearing up for the fight that they no longer wanted to have. That’s right! Speaking of animal instincts we are jumping like glorious leopards onto the easy prey that is The Animal starring Rob Schneider. I can’t remember if we saw this in theaters, but it’s possible given that I’ve seen the film more than a few times. It serves a nice transition from the Choice Awards cycle (Teen Choice Award nominees for Choice Wipeout) to the Sooooory Cycle starring all our favorite Canadian actors. In this case, Norm MacDonald shows up in a small part. Let’s go! 

The Animal (2001) – BMeTric: 71.4; Notability: 52

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 8.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 28.6%; Higher BMeT: Glitter, Jason X, Freddy Got Fingered, Driven; Higher Notability: Pearl Harbor, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Monkeybone, Hannibal, Impostor, Not Another Teen Movie, Ghosts of Mars, Swordfish, Bubble Boy, Scary Movie 2, 15 Minutes, The One, The Affair of the Necklace, Town & Country, I Am Sam, 3000 Miles to Graceland, America’s Sweethearts, Along Came a Spider, Texas Rangers, Don’t Say a Word, and 1 more; Lower RT: Texas Rangers, Soul Survivors, Glitter, All the Queen’s Men, Corky Romano, The Forsaken, Summer Catch, The Wash, Out Cold, Say It Isn’t So, Joe Dirt, Megiddo: The Omega Code 2, What’s the Worst That Could Happen?, Head Over Heels, Freddy Got Fingered, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Perfume, The Musketeer, Valentine, Double Take, and 48 more; Notes: Let’s see. We’ve seen all the higher BMeTs, and 10 of the top 20 lowest Rotten Tomatoes. Doing pretty well on 2001 it would seem.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB –  A pathetic nobody awakens after a car accident to find that his body organs have been replaced by those of animals (a dog, a dolphin, a horse, etc.). Filled to the brim with bathroom humor, offensive dialogue, gratuitous nudity … everything by genuine comedy. Schneider cowrote; Sandals co-executive produced.

(Shocker there is no mention of Colleen Haskell. That is by far the most notable thing about this film. Anyways, love the BOMB, they are so rare.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBwcksgKcFs/

(They ruin a decent gag right at the start with the garage door wall. Having seen this movie a bunch of times, a ton of that trailer isn’t in the movie. Him coming out of the dog house for example. Also … is it being from the producers of Deuce Bigelow supposed to entice me to watch this film?)

Directors – Luke Greenfield – ( Known For: The Girl Next Door; Future BMT: Let’s Be Cops; Half Brothers; BMT: The Animal; Something Borrowed; Notes: The fact that Half Brothers qualifies is a bit nuts to be honest, I have never heard of it at all. He has two upcoming projects but his last major film was Let’s Be Cops which I’m pretty sure was a financial nothing film.)

Writers – Tom Brady – ( Future BMT: The Hot Chick; BMT: The Animal; Notes: Went to Harvard, claims to have discovered Rachel McAdams, and doesn’t have much in the pipeline except a TV show that is maybe coming out next year.)

Rob Schneider – ( Future BMT: The Hot Chick; BMT: Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo; The Animal; Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo; Notes: Much like Sandler seemed to get writing credits on the films he was involved in in the early 2000s. He was of the SNL class that was derided (and fired), but then ended up being considered the best class they had in the 90s.)

Actors – Rob Schneider – ( Known For: 50 First Dates; The Wrong Missy; Home Team; Hubie Halloween; Daddy Daughter Trip; Big Stan; Sandy Wexler; American Virgin; Muppets from Space; You May Not Kiss the Bride; InAPPropriate Comedy; The Reef; Wild Cherry; The Adventures of Panda Warrior; Susan’s Plan; Outback; The Reef 2: High Tide; Wings; Frog Kingdom; Martians Go Home; Future BMT: Click; Big Daddy; The Hot Chick; The Longest Yard; The Waterboy; Mr. Deeds; You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; Grandma’s Boy; Home Alone 2: Lost in New York; Bedtime Stories; Down Periscope; Surf Ninjas; Necessary Roughness; Norm of the North; Eight Crazy Nights; The Adventures of Pinocchio; BMT: Grown Ups; Demolition Man; The Benchwarmers; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Judge Dredd; Little Nicky; Little Man; Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo; The Beverly Hillbillies; The Ridiculous 6; Around the World in 80 Days; The Animal; Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo; Knock Off; Notes: He’s a bit of a crank. Heavily anti-vaccine, although that’s been going on for a long time. I can’t tell, but the trailer for Daddy Daughter Trip is harrowing … is it makeup, or does he just look that way now? I have no idea.)

Colleen Haskell – ( BMT: The Animal; Notes: She was 6th in Survivor Season 1, and this is her one and only attempt at acting. Apparently she didn’t like the experience. Five people have wiki pages from season 1, of which she is one.)

John C. McGinley – ( Known For: Se7en; Office Space; Point Break; The Rock; Platoon; Identity; Any Given Sunday; Born on the Fourth of July; Wall Street; 42; The Belko Experiment; World Trade Center; Battle of the Sexes; Fat Man and Little Boy; Set It Off; Get a Job; Nixon; A Midnight Clear; Talk Radio; Mother; Future BMT: Nothing to Lose; Three to Tango; Born to Be Wild; Stealing Harvard; Hear No Evil; BMT: Wild Hogs; The Animal; Summer Catch; Get Carter; Surviving the Game; Alex Cross; On Deadly Ground; Highlander II: The Quickening; Wagons East; Are We Done Yet?; Car 54, Where Are You?; Notes: Hell yeah. He’s a BMT All Star. This is the 11th of his films we’ve done, five. That’s easy peasy. Let’s get on it.)

Budget/Gross – $47,000,000 / Domestic: $57,743,062 (Worldwide: $85,191,134)

(Probably made its money back to some degree … but not by much and it depends on what they got internationally. No wonder The Animal 2 wasn’t even in the cards, even without Haskell.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 30% (25/84): While less offensive and more charming than recent gross-humored comedies, The Animal is still rather mediocre.

(Wow, that is a far more mild review than I would have expected. Huh. It is vaguely funny, and at least has a unique viewpoint I suppose. And looking at the New York Times review I suppose I get it.)

NYT Short Review: The goofy new Rob Schneider comedy isn’t the gross-out farce that its title suggests. … Mr. Schneider brings an endearing innocence to a role that others would have played with a nasty leer.

Poster – The Manimal

(I like some of the bold colors on this, but this is really a classic example of a common poster type in the 2000’s. I’ll call it the Knocked Up. In the Knocked Up they make the not traditionally handsome comedic leading man look slightly stupid and then are basically like “yeah… we really made this guy our leading actor… isn’t that hilarious?”… Knocked Up is the one that really stuck in my mind, but in reality pretty much every Rob Schneider vehicle has this exact poster. C.)

Tagline(s) – He wasn’t much of a man… Now he’s not much of an animal. (C+)

(I understand the first part, I’m not sure I understand the second part very well. But it sounds and feels like a tagline. Just not a particularly great one.)

Keyword(s) – wisdom

Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Forrest Gump (1994), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Batman Begins (2005), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

Future BMT: 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.0 Prom Night (2008), 83.7 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 82.2 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.6 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 78.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.6 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 72.3 Bewitched (2005), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 65.7 Halloween Ends (2022), 65.7 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.3 Fat Albert (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.7 The Grudge 2 (2006), 64.5 Darkness Falls (2003)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Last Airbender (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Norbit (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), From Justin to Kelly (2003), The Master of Disguise (2002), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Taxi (2004), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Zoolander 2 (2016), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Boy Next Door (2015), Wild Wild West (1999), The Animal (2001), Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000), Year One (2009), Are We There Yet? (2005), Marmaduke (2010), Big Momma’s House 2 (2006), The Roommate (2011), Tammy (2014), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), … (and many more)

Best Options (canada): 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.0 Prom Night (2008), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 71.4 The Animal (2001), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 65.7 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 63.6 Valentine (2001), 61.5 Scooby-Doo (2002), 58.7 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 54.6 The Smurfs 2 (2013), 53.9 Annie (2014), 53.1 Aloha (2015), 52.1 Loser (2000), 51.7 View from the Top (2003), 51.5 Scary Movie 3 (2003), 50.8 Saw 3D (2010), 50.8 Racing Stripes (2005), 49.4 Monster-in-Law (2005), 48.5 White Noise (2005), 48.2 You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (2008), 47.8 Dumb and Dumber To (2014), 47.0 On the Line (2001), 46.7 You, Me and Dupree (2006), 46.5 40 Days and 40 Nights (2002), 43.8 Not Another Teen Movie (2001), 43.8 The Stepfather (2009), 43.6 Chicken Little (2005), 43.3 John Tucker Must Die (2006), 40.9 Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010), 40.6 The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013), 39.8 Semi-Pro (2008), 37.8 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 36.9 The Amityville Horror (2005), 36.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016), 36.2 The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (2013), 35.4 Rugrats Go Wild (2003), 33.2 The Last Song (2010), 27.9 Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), 27.7 Dracula Untold (2014), 27.0 Taking Lives (2004), 25.7 Idle Hands (1999), 24.8 Terminator Genisys (2015), 24.7 The Internship (2013), 22.5 The Shack (2017), 20.9 Charlie St. Cloud (2010), 19.4 Terminator Salvation (2009), 19.4 Kick-Ass 2 (2013), 19.1 Life as We Know It (2010), 17.0 Saw II (2005), 14.8 The Matrix Revolutions (2003), 14.5 If I Stay (2014), 12.8 Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), 12.8 The Island (2005), 12.7 The Vow (2012), 9.0 The Longest Ride (2015), 7.8 The Time Traveler’s Wife (2009), 3.1 The Butterfly Effect (2004)

(We went high up for this guy. Norm is only kind of in it, but it counts! And obviously The Animal was awards some Kids’ Choice. How could Kids not love this stuff, he almost has sex with a goat!)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Rob Schneider is No. 1 billed in The Animal and No. 1 billed in Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, which also stars William Forsythe (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 5 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 5) + (3 + 1) = 13. If we were to watch Norm of the North we can get the HoE Number down to 9.

Notes – This is Colleen Haskell’s debut as an actress after being one of the final contenders in the first season of Survivor (2000). Rob Schneider said that working with Haskell was one of the unexpected pleasures of making the film.

The newspaper clipping of Marvin’s father features the face of Rob Schneider’s actual father, Marvin (to whom the movie is dedicated) photoshopped onto a police officer. Also, the car in which the lead character has his road accident was originally owned by Marvin Schneider (although several duplicates were also used in the crash sequence).

In both audio commentaries on the Uncut version of the DVD, it is mentioned that Harry Dean Stanton played the part of a hunter staking out the Man-Beast in the forest, but nearly all of the footage ended up on the cutting room floor. He can still be seen, uncredited, being attacked in once scene after Marvin asks Rianna to tie him up.

In June 2001, Newsweek revealed that print ads for at least four movies released by Columbia Pictures, including this one and A Knight’s Tale (2001), contained glowing comments from a film reviewer who didn’t exist. The fake critic, “David Manning,” was the friend of someone who worked in Columbia’s advertising department, and agreed to let his friend use his name. Manning was misrepresented as a reviewer for the Ridgefield Press, a real-life weekly paper out of Ridgefield, Connecticut.

Director Luke Greenfield’s mother deliberately hung around on-set because she was a big fan of Edward Asner.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor of the Decade (Rob Schneider)