Plain Jane is back, Jack! Her new boo, Brad, is away on a big ski vacay with the boys for Xmas break. Holiday blues, anyone? Brain blitz! How about a working vacation for a solo girl on the move? Off she jets to Peru to research her new book: Holly Ween’s Llama Drama. On her way there she has a startling thought: ‘New country, new you.’ With that she dons her Holly Ween disguise and soon she’s the toast of first class. You can take the girl out of the country, but you can’t take the Plain Jane out the girl, apparently, as the first thing she does getting off the airplane is crash right into Alejandro. No one told her that her llama wrangler was going to be so darn tootin’ hot. There’s no crime against flirting is there? After a hijinks-filled tour of Peru, they arrive at their destination, Alejandro’s llama farm. It’s Xmas and Holly Ween and Alejandro soon find themselves under some mistletoe. Just as they are about to share a chaste smooch, Alejandro pulls back. Did he finally see the Plain Jane inside of her? With a pained look he decides to reveal his three darkest secrets. The first is that he actually hates llamas ever since his mother was killed while researching them in the Peruvian jungle. The second is that this wasn’t a chance job assignment. He made a bet with his guy pals that he could make anyone his girlfriend before Xmas and she was the lucky loser. Before she can storm off in disgust he reveals his third secret. He’s in love with her. Oh dear! Plain Jane’s in trouble this time.
“Wow,” Jamie says. Holly Ween’s love story went international… but his is standing right in front of him. That’s right! We are going international with a little Men in Black: International. The last of the MIB saga (people call it that, right?), this one made the mistake of a) not bringing back Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones and b) being terrible. Adding to the mix is our Bring a Friend, which is also ending a significant cultural touchstone. That’s right! After Everything, the concluding chapter of the After series. There were some claims that this had some theatrical release but not according to any reputable news source. Good enough for us. I love After! Let’s go!
Men in Black: International (2019) – BMeTric: 47.8; Notability: 70
StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 8.8%; Notability: top 0.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.1%; Higher BMeT: Cats, Black Christmas, The Grudge, Secret Obsession, Escape Plan: The Extractors, IO, Trauma Center, The Fanatic, Hellboy, After, The Curse of La Llorona, The Silence, The Poison Rose, Tall Girl, Rim of the World, The Hustle, Primal, Polaroid, Playing with Fire, Serenity, and 2 more; Higher Notability: Dark Phoenix, Maleficent: Mistress of Evil; Lower RT: Polaroid, The Coldest Game, The Poison Rose, The Hustle, The Fanatic, Hellboy, After, Polar, Cats, The Grudge, Trauma Center, Serenity, Jexi, Miss Bala, Dark Phoenix; Notes: Wow … I kind of forgot this film came out so recently. Only five years ago? And I also forgot the second Maleficent film qualified. That’s wild. We saw some weird films that year, Hellboy? After? Serenity? Weird.
RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – Most of what’s enjoyable about this sequel have been cribbed from other movies, like the star pairing from “Thor: Ragnarok,” the villains’ similarity to the Twins in “The Matrix Reloaded” and the many references to the original “Men in Black,” including the score and the basic character arcs of a rookie learning the ropes from a top agent. Without its stars’ chemistry, there’s little life left on this sequel planet besides surface-level jokes, too-cute aliens and a convoluted story.
(Makes sense for a spin-off especially in light of the third ultimately concluding the series in a reasonably satisfying manner. What’s left is to try and spin as far away from the series as one can … but then you have to ground it with the basic plot and soundscape and junk. Only way to do it.)
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3lJwV7ZIIk/
(Even our own agents … spoiler alert that isn’t the plot of this film. I mean, it is, but not in the way it is indicated with like a thousand agents all pointing guns at them. This trailer is soulless trash (in my opinion), hate the music.)
Directors – F. Gary Gray – ( Known For: The Italian Job; The Fate of the Furious; Straight Outta Compton; The Negotiator; Friday; Lift; Set It Off; Future BMT: Law Abiding Citizen; A Man Apart; BMT: Men in Black: International; Be Cool; Notes: He directed “Waterfalls” by TLC. So … like one of the best directors ever I suppose.)
Writers – Matt Holloway and Art Marcum – ( Known For: Iron Man; Future BMT: Uncharted; BMT: Transformers: The Last Knight; Men in Black: International; Punisher: War Zone; Notes: Oh snap, they are credited with Kraven the Hunter later this year. That could be exciting.)
Lowell Cunningham – ( Known For: Men in Black; Men in Black 3; BMT: Men in Black II; Men in Black: International; Notes: He’s the comic writer. I’m surprised the other writers of Men in Black didn’t get a credit.)
Actors – Chris Hemsworth – ( Known For: The Avengers; Avengers: Endgame; Avengers: Infinity War; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Thor; Thor: Ragnarok; Doctor Strange; Thor: The Dark World; Star Trek; Rush; The Cabin in the Woods; Thor: Love and Thunder; Snow White and the Huntsman; Extraction; Ghostbusters; Bad Times at the El Royale; In the Heart of the Sea; Extraction II; 12 Strong; A Perfect Getaway; Future BMT: Vacation; The Huntsman: Winter’s War; Blackhat; BMT: Men in Black: International; Red Dawn; Notes: Oh shoot, he’s Optimus Prime in the new animated Transformers film. That’s going to be dumb.)
Tessa Thompson – ( Known For: Avengers: Endgame; Thor: Ragnarok; Thor: Love and Thunder; Annihilation; Creed; Creed II; The Marvels; Selma; Creed III; Sorry to Bother You; Between Two Ferns: The Movie; Dear White People; Lady and the Tramp; War on Everyone; Passing; Make It Happen; Sylvie’s Love; Little Woods; The Human Contract; Furlough; Future BMT: When a Stranger Calls; For Colored Girls; BMT: Men in Black: International; Notes: Wait they are making a Creed IV? This series is nuts. Nominated for an Emmy as a producer of the TV Movie Sylvie’s Love.)
Kumail Nanjiani – ( Known For: Eternals; Central Intelligence; The Big Sick; The Five-Year Engagement; The Kings of Summer; Stuber; The Lego Ninjago Movie; The Lovebirds; Hello, My Name Is Doris; Migration; The Late Bloomer; Hell Baby; Bad Milo; Hell and Back; Money Shot: The Pornhub Story; Duck Butter; Addicted to Fresno; Brother Nature; A Happening of Monumental Proportions; Flock of Dudes; Future BMT: Life as We Know It; Sex Tape; Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates; Hot Tub Time Machine 2; BMT: Men in Black: International; Dolittle; Fist Fight; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for writing The Big Sick. He’s in four movies this year, and seems like he comes in and punches them up because he’s quite funny it turns out.)
Budget/Gross – $110,000,000 / Domestic: $80,001,807 (Worldwide: $253,890,701)
(That actually isn’t bad. I wonder if they’ll make another attempt eventually. The brand is probably due to a restart. I wonder in the wake of The Slap whether Will Smith could be convinced to reprise in a passing the torch sequel.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 23% (74/320): Amiable yet forgettable, MiB International grinds its stars’ substantial chemistry through the gears of a franchise running low on reasons to continue.
(No! I don’t accept it. MIB3 shows just how easy it is to make random alien jokes work. The film is still fun and funny and feels like something that isn’t really made. That is a surprisingly low rating overall.)
Reviewer Highlight: Nearly everything here reminds you of something else, often better, cleverer, funnier. – Manohla Dargis, New York Times
Poster – Men in Black: After Everything
(This smacks of them not really knowing what people want. You want the pug? You want the bug aliens? Spoiler Alert: those two things are barely in the film. Also this poster kind of hurts my eyes. The mixture of large white spaces and humans in general doesn’t work on posters. At least it looks like someone put some care into it though. C.)
Tagline(s) – The world’s not going to save itself (D+)
(This tagline is also not going to save itself. Is this supposed to be funny? Or is it merely meant to exist? I can’t tell.)
Keyword(s) – 2015-2023
Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Deadpool (2016), Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015), Parasite (2019), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), The Martian (2015), The Revenant (2015), Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
Future BMT: 85.3 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 79.4 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.9 Black Christmas (2019), 76.3 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.7 The Grudge (2019), 73.7 The Turning (2020), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.7 Snatched (2017), 68.7 Norm of the North (2016), 68.6 Poltergeist (2015), 68.3 Meet the Blacks (2016), 67.0 Max Steel (2016), 66.4 The Disappointments Room (2016), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.8 Brahms: The Boy II (2020), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 63.5 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.8 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.2 Like a Boss (2020), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015)
BMT: Cats (2019), The Emoji Movie (2017), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Fantastic Four (2015), Holmes & Watson (2018), Fifty Shades of Black (2016), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Rings (2017), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Zoolander 2 (2016), The Gallows (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Fantasy Island (2020), The Exorcist: Believer (2023), Expend4bles (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), After We Fell (2021), Moonfall (2022), Blacklight (2022), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Morbius (2022), Hot Pursuit (2015), The 5th Wave (2016), The Snowman (2017), Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021), …
Best Options (franchise): 79.4 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 78.9 Black Christmas (2019), 76.3 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 74.7 The Grudge (2019), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 66.3 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 64.5 Blair Witch (2016), 62.8 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 59.8 Spiral (2021), 57.8 The Transporter Refueled (2015), 52.3 Boo 2! A Madea Halloween (2017), 50.7 Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016), 48.4 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 47.8 Men in Black: International (2019), 45.4 God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness (2018), 44.1 Allegiant (2016), 43.6 A Madea Family Funeral (2019), 43.4 Jigsaw (2017), 43.2 Underworld: Blood Wars (2016), 42.9 Ice Age: Collision Course (2016), 42.8 Insidious: The Last Key (2018), 42.2 Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023), 39.4 Pitch Perfect 3 (2017), 30.4 Vacation (2015), 27.8 The Divergent Series: Insurgent (2015), 27.6 Inferno (2016), 19.4 Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018), 17.1 Venom (2018), 16.1 Pokémon the Movie: I Choose You! (2017)
(Kind of mid table, but it felt like an opportunity to finish off a franchise we just recently visited with the second film. I wonder when we are going to deal with God’s Not Dead.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Chris Hemsworth is No. 1 billed in Men in Black: International and No. 1 billed in Red Dawn, which also stars Josh Hutcherson (No. 3 billed) who is in Five Nights at Freddy’s (No. 1 billed) which also stars Matthew Lillard (No. 4 billed) who is in Wicker Park (No. 3 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) + (4 + 3) + (1 + 3) = 17. If we were to watch The Huntsman: Winter’s War we can get the HoE Number down to 14.
Notes – Frank the Pug (voiced by Tim Blaney) and the Worm Guys (voiced by Thom Fountain) are the only characters from Men in Black (1997) and Men in Black II (2002) to also physically appear in this one. Although they have a prominent place on the movie’s poster, these characters have less than a minute of screentime.
The MiB Agents have been wearing the same standard issue Hamilton Ventura watch since the beginning. The iconic Ventura watch was first released in 1957.
There is a secret apartment at the top of the Eiffel Tower where Gustave Eiffel entertained famous guests like Thomas Edison.
Tessa Thompson loves the character of Pawny and knew that Kumail Nanjiani would be perfect for the role. Although his character is all CGI, Nanjiani flew out to London so he could read with Thompson and Chris Hemsworth in person, making the character interactions feel more dynamic.
Sir Paul Smith, who helped design the suits for the MiB Agents in this movie, appears as the typewriter repairman at the secret entrance to London’s MiB Headquarters.