BOMB – Bad Movie Twins

House of the Dead Preview

Jamie sits nervously in Judge Stranger’s Chambers, Ms. LaRouche at his side. “Ahem, well, given the testimony we just heard in the courtroom, I urge the prosecution to drop the case,” the judge says bluntly and Jamie holds his breath. “We agree,” the prosecutor says with deep seriousness. Jamie and Ms. LaRouche jump to their feet and hug. A cheer can be heard from outside as the news is relayed to the growing crowd. “We agree,” the prosecutor continues, “because we are prepared to charge a different suspect.” Now Jamie is a bit confused. He looks to Ms. LaRouche to share in this confusion, but is even more confused when he finds that she seems decidedly not confused. Suddenly the prosecutor jumps forward and slaps handcuffs on Jamie’s wrists. “What thuuuuuu,” Jamie says dumbly. Suddenly it all becomes clear. The whole time Jamie thought he was cleverly building a case to find a poor young man innocent, when he was really building a case against himself. “Right down to the well toned parkour muscles,” he grumbles in wonder, giving said muscles a quick squeeze to see if they might pop the handcuffs clean off. Alas. The judge looks at a calendar and pauses thoughtfully. “I think we shall set the trial start date for October 31st.” Jamie is startled. “But that’s three months away,” he sputters. “Yes, not nearly enough time for the prosecution to prepare,” the prosecutor says even more seriously than before, “I’d prefer the fourth Thursday of the following month, if possible.” The judge ponders this and gives a quick nod and waves them out of his chambers. As two police officers grab Jamie by the arms, he asks where they’re taking him. They chuckle and reply, “We call it… the House of the Dead.” That’s right! We are starting off the ‘Why are we watching this?’ cycle with the Uwe Boll film House of the Dead. This cycle will be top to bottom trash that we don’t want to watch. Uwe Boll fits the bill. Yay? Let’s go!

House of the Dead (2003) – BMeTric: 90.1; Notability: 29

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.8%; Notability: top 26.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 1.7%; Higher BMeT: The Room, Gigli; Higher Notability: Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Gods and Generals, Bad Boys II, The Matrix Revolutions, Hollywood Homicide, Scary Movie 3, Brother Bear, Cheaper by the Dozen, Duplex, Timeline, Agent Cody Banks, View from the Top, Marci X, Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, National Security, Cradle 2 the Grave, Head of State, Malibu’s Most Wanted, Mona Lisa Smile, Daddy Day Care, and 47 more; Lower RT: Dorm Daze, The Foreigner, Hangman’s Curse, Gold Diggers; Notes: I did confirm, Uwe Boll never played on television in the 90s, which makes sense, all of his major films came in the 00s basically. Seen both the higher BMeTs, but I haven’t seen any of the lover RTs which is crazy. Well … not that crazy, I don’t think any of those four were released widely, so they’d have to be Friends.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – Low-grade horror movie, based on the video-game series, which charts the all-to-predictable fates of some addle-brained young people drawn to an island inhabited by zombies. Sloppily made and mind-numbingly inept. Prochnow’s character is named Captain Kirk. How clever! Followed by a TV movie, House of the Dead 2.

(Slammed. I had to snag the maltin review for this one since I knew it would be a BOMB. They’ve been so rare over time I feel like.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htx3igt0ksk/

(Brought to you by SEGA lol. “Awful zombies”. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. “They are everywhere” lol. This trailer is hilarious.)

Directors – Uwe Boll – ( Known For: Postal; Assault on Wall Street; Rampage; Far Cry; Seed; Rampage: Capital Punishment; In the Name of the King: Two Worlds; 1968 Tunnel Rats; Rampage: President Down; Stoic; Blubberella; Attack on Darfur; Heart of America; In the Name of the King: The Last Mission; Blackwoods; The Final Storm; First Shift; Auschwitz; Sanctimony; Amoklauf; Future BMT: BloodRayne; BMT: In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale; Alone in the Dark; House of the Dead; Notes: My understanding is his big budget career ended the instant they closed a German loophole for film financing. My vague understanding of how it would work: A person makes, say $200 million and owes $100 million in taxes. Instead though they “invest” $100 million in a Uwe Boll production which in turn is paid back to the production studio in various ways. The movie makes no money and The entire $100 million is a tax write off, but you make money from the back end and also in various payments during production as well for catering and stuff. Am I right? No idea, but it makes some sense. But alas, no longer possible either way. Only one more to go, phew.)

Writers – Mark A. Altman – ( Known For: Room 6; Free Enterprise; All Souls Day: Dia de los Muertos; The Thirst; BMT: House of the Dead; Notes: Wrote for Dead or Alive 3, the video game, which is maybe how he ended up writing the screenplay for this.)

Dan Bates – (Notes: Apparently worked in the music industry prior to becoming a producer. This was the last film he produced.)

Dave Parker – ( Known For: Tales of Halloween; BMT: House of the Dead; Notes: Mostly an editor, and almost exclusively for horror films.)

Actors – Jonathan Cherry – ( Known For: Final Destination 2; Goon; What If; Goon: Last of the Enforcers; Wolfcop; The Novice; Die Alone; Another WolfCop; Love on the Side; Dark Match; SuperGrid; Future BMT: Kin; They; BMT: House of the Dead; Notes: Still acts in stuff, although I don’t specifically recognize anything. Love for Starters looks fun/dumb: “To save her father’s lake-front restaurant, a talented interior designer must partner with the celebrity chef her father hired without her knowledge to revamp the place before time runs out.” He’s the chef.)

Tyron Leitso – ( Known For: Assault on Wall Street; Far Cry; Seed; BMT: House of the Dead; Notes: Was one of the main characters in Wonderfalls, a show that looked so interesting and good back in the day, then no one watched it and it got cancelled.)

Clint Howard – ( Known For: Solo: A Star Wars Story; Apollo 13; How the Grinch Stole Christmas; Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery; Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me; Austin Powers in Goldmember; Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian; The Jungle Book; Cinderella Man; Frost/Nixon; Backdraft; Splash; That Thing You Do!; Cocoon; Far and Away; The Rocketeer; Parenthood; Terrifier 3; Edtv; The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh; Future BMT: The Waterboy; Fun with Dick and Jane; Gung Ho; BMT: Halloween; Tango & Cash; Little Nicky; The Cat in the Hat; The Dilemma; House of the Dead; Barb Wire; Notes: He has the best career. Just does random stuff and looks weird doing it half the time. He was in Seinfeld, when the go to L.A., in in Star Trek, in Terrifier 3. Just great stuff.)

Budget/Gross – $12,000,000 / Domestic: $10,249,719 (Worldwide: $13,818,181)

(Hmmmm, yeah that sounds right I guess. Doesn’t really jive with what I said, but possibly the idea is the Budget is $12 million, but the investment is larger or something? I don’t really get how you avoid taxes when you don’t lose that much money, but maybe it is to avoid like … $1 million in taxes?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 3% (2/59): A grungy, disjointed, mostly brainless mess of a film, House of the Dead is nonetheless loaded with unintentional laughs.

(I mean, I don’t really agree, in that I find Uwe Boll films to be surprisingly humorless, intentional or not. It just makes you sad to realize there was this machine consuming IP and spitting out garbage intentionally.)

Reviewer Highlight: To properly convey the jaw-dropping shoddiness of this videogame-based ‘horror’ ‘movie,’ one must approach what scientists call Absolute Stupid. – Scott Brown, Entertainment Weekly

Poster – House of the Judge Dredd

(It’s funny this came out in 2003 because I remember being kind of creeped out by the DVD box in the local video store. Tells you how far I’ve come with horror as a genre. Anyway, I actually like the red tone and the font. Doesn’t give a whole lot, but it’s still perfectly fine. B.)

Tagline(s) – You won’t last the night (C-)

(Given what I now know about this film, the tagline and the poster are very strange. Definitely seems like they made everything based on the video game and then Uwe Boll just… did what he wanted. That’s fine, probably, as reading about the plot of the video game makes me think they might have been sued by the makers of Resident Evil if they hewed too closely. Oh and the tagline is meh.)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

Top 10: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Snow White (2025), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Green Lantern (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Ghost Rider (2007), The Happening (2008), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

Future BMT: 99.4 Snow White (2025), 96.4 Disaster Movie (2008), 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 90.7 Vampires Suck (2010), 89.1 BloodRayne (2005), 88.1 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 86.9 Street Fighter (1994), 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.1 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.6 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.8 Shark Night (2011), 78.2 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 78.2 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.2 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), House of the Dead (2003), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Crossroads (2002), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007), …

Best Options (Uwe Boll): 90.2 House of the Dead (2003), 89.1 BloodRayne (2005)

(Yup, now we only have one more to go (and then however many of his other films we’d consider doing as Friends, which is maybe only one or two I think, although there are quite a few direct-to-video sequels which we’d have to think about).)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 22) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jürgen Prochnow is No. 9 billed in House of the Dead and No. 4 billed in Primeval, which also stars Orlando Jones (No. 3 billed) who is in Say It Isn’t So (No. 3 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (9 + 4) + (3 + 3) + (1 + 2) = 22. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 20.

Notes – Reviews were so bad that Danish cinemas refused to show it.

This is the last film to use the turn-table technique for 360° shots. The risk of actors being hurt or killed by the fast-moving camera was too high.

Jonathan Cherry burned 30% of his hand on the second day of shooting. The scene on the bridge, where he hurts his hand, was shot later, to explain the bandage he had to wear.

Thirty-two video clips from the original game appear in several parts of the movie. Twenty-six appear during the 10-minute battle in front of the house. The remaining 6 are used as transitions prior to the battle.

When asked how she felt about getting naked for the first time onscreen in her swimming scene, Erica Durance said, “I was working on a show once where I had to play a character who was needy and whimsical, which was very different from my personality. That was more embarrassing because you really have to be vulnerable with your inner thoughts, whereas nudity is just about your body. It’s easier to shut yourself off outside than to really reveal your inner thoughts.”

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd Preview

“I ain’t afraid of no gh-gh-ghosts,” Jamie says, looking at the stately manor that Patrick has taken them to. Patrick tells him that he had graduated from the Style Section of Love 101 and was ready to ‘Get all the feels.’ “And by feels I mean time to seal the deal with what every woman wants,” Patrick explains. Jamie nods in understanding. “A firm handshake,” he says matter of factly. “Only the firmest,” Patrick agrees. Kyle looks wistful for a moment remembering when he and Rachel shared their first firm handshake. “But what does this have to do with a ghost house (with the most house)?” Jamie asks. Patrick chuckles. “What’s a better way to strengthen those handshake muscles than busting ghosts?” He says, handing proton packs to Jamie and Kyle. “Wait a second, where’s your proton pack?” Jamie asks. Patrick slaps him on the shoulder and assures him that he’s been shaking hands with his lady since 1982. As they approach the house Jamie is just glad that Samantha had that European tour set for her new book. It sure does look spooky and he wouldn’t like her to see how scared he is. Just when he is about to declare this lesson to be the dumbest one yet, Patrick pipes up jovially. “This actually reminds me of when we all first met,” he says. “You mean in jail?” Kyle asks, his voice hitching in fear. “Oh yeah,” Jamie says, momentarily distracted from how hauntingly spooktacular the house looks, “we had to clean out the basement of the jail, remember? Now that you mention it, that was way scarier than this.” Suddenly he’s not feeling so bad. “Yeah,” Patrick says remembering, “we were all just too young and dumb to be scared.” That’s right! We are doing a double dose of “dumb” with a healthy serving of “meet” by watching the Dumb and Dumber prequel and sequel: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd and Dumb and Dumber To. We saw the prequel in theaters oh so many years ago and it has always been a point of pride. This cycle seemed like the perfect time to break it out by pairing it with the sequel that is a surprising BMT qualifier. Let’s go!

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003) – BMeTric: 88.8; Notability: 40

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 22.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.2%; Higher BMeT: The Room, Gigli, House of the Dead, … Higher Notability: The Matrix Revolutions, Bad Boys II, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Brother Bear, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Scary Movie 3, The Haunted Mansion, The Cat in the Hat, Gods and Generals, Timeline, Hollywood Homicide, Tears of the Sun, The Core, Agent Cody Banks, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle of Life, Cradle 2 the Grave, Duplex, Paycheck, Beyond Borders, Wonderland, and 36 more; Lower RT: Dorm Daze, The Foreigner, Hangman’s Curse, Gold Diggers, House of the Dead, Gigli, Kangaroo Jack, From Justin to Kelly, My Boss’s Daughter, Grind, Marci X, Gods and Generals, The Cat in the Hat, The Order, Darkness Falls; Notes: Jesus, that is one high BMeT. And the best bit is that there are apparently three others that beat it? We still haven’t seen House of the Dead, although it was at one point on the docket for 2003 as horror for the next cycle. I think we nixed it ultimately, so it’ll have to wait still.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – Desperate prequel to the 1994 comedy hit shows the two oafish friends meeting up in high school and becoming pawns in their slimy principal’s scheme to get funding for a special education class – and abscond with the funds. The actors playing younger versions of Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels do a good job, but this movie is appallingly unfunny; a particular waste of Levy and Oteri’s comedy talents.

(He really can’t help himself, he needs to add in that semicolon. This is probably the first BOMB in quite a while. He doesn’t throw them out willy nilly.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdjX8Voj5vI/

(Wow, remember when trailers would make fun of other movies like Lord of the Rings. Kind of weird that Richardson was hired first because I think he looks much worse as a young Harry as Olsen does as Lloyd.)

Directors – Troy Miller – ( Known For: Run Ronnie Run; Kathy Griffin: A Hell of a Story; Future BMT: Jack Frost; BMT: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Nominated for 7 Emmys for things like editing a movie for the Emmys, but also for Flight of the Conchords. He’s directed a ton of random television like Arrested Development and Brooklyn Nine-nine.)

Writers – Peter Farrelly and Bobby Farrelly – ( Known For: Green Book; Dumb and Dumber; There’s Something About Mary; Me, Myself & Irene; Shallow Hal; Stuck on You; The Three Stooges; The Greatest Beer Run Ever; Ricky Stanicky; Outside Providence; Future BMT: Hall Pass; The Heartbreak Kid; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Obviously just got a credit for the characters.)

Bennett Yellin – ( Known For: Dumb and Dumber; In the Blood; BMT: Dumb and Dumber To; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Also just characters, but looking through his filmography reminds me that there is a Dumb and Dumber cartoon … should I watch that?)

Robert Brener – ( BMT: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Was also an executive producer on the movie.)

Troy Miller – ( BMT: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Pretty much his only actual screenplay credit. What a bizarre movie. I think both of these guys only wrote this and nothing else in their careers.)

Actors – Derek Richardson – ( Known For: Hostel; Hostel: Part II; Reeker; The Power of Few; Home; BMT: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Notes: Is married to Franka Potente from The Bourne Identity. Was the original actor cast in the film.)

Eric Christian Olsen – ( Known For: Cellular; Sunshine Cleaning; Beerfest; Battle of the Sexes; The Last Kiss; Celeste & Jesse Forever; Band of Robbers; The Six Wives of Henry Lefay; Sun Dogs; Local Boys; The Relationtrip; Future BMT: Eagle Eye; The Thing; Not Another Teen Movie; The Hot Chick; The Back-up Plan; Fired Up!; The Comebacks; BMT: Pearl Harbor; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; License to Wed; Notes: Has been in over 300 episodes of NCIS: Los Angeles.)

Eugene Levy – ( Known For: American Pie; Finding Dory; American Pie 2; American Reunion; American Wedding; Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian; Over the Hedge; Serendipity; Vacation; Goon; Father of the Bride; Splash; Best in Show; Father of the Bride Part II; Astro Boy; Heavy Metal; Multiplicity; Waiting for Guffman; Taking Woodstock; A Mighty Wind; Future BMT: The Man; Down to Earth; Holy Man; Almost Heroes; The Ladies Man; Armed and Dangerous; I Love Trouble; Madea’s Witness Protection; Club Paradise; Once Upon a Crime…; Speed Zone; BMT: Cheaper by the Dozen 2; Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd; Bringing Down the House; New York Minute; Notes: Famously on SCTV and was nominated for 13 Emmys, 9 for SCTV (won two) and 4 for Schitt’s Creek (won two).)

Budget/Gross – $19,000,000 / Domestic: $26,276,465 (Worldwide: $39,267,515)

(like … close, but yeah, probably pretty bad. But I should say, we gave them like $10 I’m sure. I distinctly remember seeing this in theaters. What a wild life I’ve led.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 10% (12/119): This lame prequel induces more groans than laughs. Rent the original instead.

(Man, just a shade over 10% here. That seems like a crime. How does this have any good reviews?)

Reviewer Highlight: While Dumb and Dumber possessed a bracing, genuine vulgarity, this new film is more often merely disgusting as it piles up jokes involving various bodily discharges and the unpleasant things that can be done with them. – David Kehr, New York Times

Poster – Sklog and Sklogerer: When Jamie Met Patrick

(I distinctly remember this poster from when it came out. It is terrible. You could fire this off in powerpoint in an afternoon. D.)

Tagline(s) – The evolution of dumb… (B-)

(I’m OK with this. I just have one question. Is this actually supposed to be a play on ‘The evolution of man’ but with ‘dumb’ replacing ‘man’? I assume so, but I can’t tell if that is a good or bad thing.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Top 10: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), The Hangover Part II (2011), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Terminator Salvation (2009), Due Date (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.3 Prom Night (2008), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 78.0 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.6 The Last Exorcism Part II (2013), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 72.0 Dance Flick (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (2011), Getaway (2013), …

Best Options (Comedy): 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 72.0 Dance Flick (2009), 70.2 Delta Farce (2007), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 69.4 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 69.1 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 68.5 Yogi Bear (2010), 65.1 An American Carol (2008), 64.8 Sex Tape (2014), 64.7 The Comebacks (2007), 64.6 Tooth Fairy (2010), 63.7 Underdog (2007), 63.5 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 62.1 Space Chimps (2008), 61.1 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.9 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 60.8 Meet Dave (2008), 60.7 College (2008), 60.0 Code Name: The Cleaner (2007), 60.0 Witless Protection (2008), 60.0 Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (2011), …

(What a bonus. Out of all the ones we’ve done (and it is way more than just those listed) probably In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is the craziest. Although part of me wants to say Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li is probably the biggest bang for your buck.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Mimi Rogers is No. 3 billed in Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd and No. 4 billed in Lost in Space, which also stars Heather Graham (No. 7 billed) who is in Say It Isn’t So (No. 2 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (3 + 4) + (7 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 19. If we were to watch Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Early on, South Park (1997) creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone were lined up to write the prequel for $1.5 million. They later decided to not work on the project and returned all of the money to New Line.

Due to events that retroactively occur/are stated in Dumb and Dumber To (2014), When Harry Met Lloyd is no longer canon.

The truck that pulls in front of Jessica as she is chasing the short school bus is hauling “Turbo Lax”, the same laxative Lloyd gives Harry in the original Dumb and Dumber (1994).

Lin Shaye was the only cast member to star in both the original Dumb and Dumber (1994) and the prequel.

Eric Christian Olsen was repeatedly denied the role of Lloyd because the producers thought he was “too good-looking”. It was only after seeing some home-video footage of Eric in full make-up improvising a scene with already-cast Derek Richardson that they gave him the role.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Couple (Eric Christian Olsen, Derek Richardson)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake or Sequel

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Robert Brener, Troy Miller)

Once Bitten Preview

Jamie and Patrick are 12-years-old on a field trip to the Aquarium of Dangerous Animals. “Someday I’m going to be a pretty good diver, but then transition my skillz into being the top action star of my day,” Jamie explains as they look into a tank containing the Bolivian Rhino Piranha. Patrick thinks this is pretty ambitious (top ten seems more like it) but lets Jamie have his little dream. He daren’t speak of his own secret dream: the one where he dons his cable knit sweater and writes genre-busting novels. Jamie would probably laugh. “Drink break,” the teacher calls and hands out bottled water to Jamie, Patrick and the rest of their classmates. “Drink up, because it’s time for the big show,” the teacher says excitedly. A murmur arises from the kids. It’s time for the Velocishark, a recently rediscovered shark that was previously thought to be the bold artistic vision of caveman imaginations. But those cave paintings were now known to be all too real. As they approach the Velocishark’s tank the kids crowd the edge and one child drops his water bottle into the water below. He leans precariously over the edge. “Yo, you know you can just drink water out of the tap,” Patrick says scornfully. Just then the kid momentarily loses balance and with flailing arms knocks the water bottles from Jamie and Patrick’s hands for a double splash directly on their crotches. No doubt about it, it looks like they peed their pants and everyone knows it.

Jamie and Patrick shake their heads. Horrible. They then let Metaphorical Kyle know they are ready to go. “Once bitten, twice shy, no more Mr. Nice Guy,” Jamie and Patrick say, coining in that moment what scientists contend is the perfect catchphrase. Time to pound some dweebs. That’s right! We are watching the early Jim Carrey vehicle Once Bitten. The movie played a number of times on Comedy Central back in the day, but I don’t recall ever sitting all the way through it. Mostly because I didn’t think it was funny. Or maybe I was super sc-sc-sc-scared. We are pairing that with the little known T&A comedy Summer Job, which aired on TV the same day as the primetime premier of Once Bitten (January 30, 1991). Despite how small the film is, it somehow ended up airing 39 times on TV in the 90’s (credit to Patrick who does all the legwork on our recent TV listing obsession). Let’s go!

Once Bitten (1985) – BMeTric: 41.3; Notability: 36

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.8%; Notability: top 9.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 3.6%; Higher BMeT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, Howling II: … Your Sister Is a Werewolf, Red Sonja, Porky’s Revenge, King Solomon’s Mines, Transylvania 6-5000, Gymkata, Perfect, Creature, American Ninja, Private Resort, Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment; Higher Notability: A View to a Kill, Spies Like Us, King David, National Lampoon’s European Vacation, Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment, Perfect, Head Office, Brewster’s Millions, My Science Project, Santa Claus: The Movie, Turk 182, Invasion U.S.A., Rocky IV, The Slugger’s Wife, Death Wish 3, Warning Sign, Heaven Help Us, Maxie, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Creator, and 4 more; Lower RT: American Ninja, That Was Then… This Is Now, The Slugger’s Wife, Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer, Head Office, Maxie, King Solomon’s Mines, King David; Notes: This was on an amazing 45 times, including its prime time network premiere on January 30, 1991 (the same day at Summer Job, our friend). Full page ad in the New York Times on page C7 on November 15, 1985 (quarter for week 2 and 3, then a small 16th in week 4, then done). Nothing super funny on it, besides maybe it suggesting you buy the soundtrack. The song “Once Bitten” was written by 3-Speed which unfortunately doesn’t have a wiki page. “3 Speed enjoyed considerable success after the release of the Once Bitten soundtrack; at one point they were even opening for Pat Benatar.” They were from Boston and never wrote an album, instead recording songs for the Rad and Savage Streets soundtracks.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – Inept comedy about Vampires (Hutton) who intrudes on amorous pursuits of some teenagers because she needs the blood of a virgin to maintain her youthful glow. Pretty anemic; Carrey is very restrained.

(Fits with what I heard which is Carrey is bizarrely not … Carrey in this. And love the play on words with “anemic” and, of course, the semicolon. I’ve missed Leonard’s cheeky semicolons since I’ve switched to Ebert for the most part.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qmgspdr_fwY/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qmgspdr_fwY/

(Wait … that was the actual trailer? Seems like it. So, I guess that is what happens when you don’t have any money to make actual television / preview spots? Is that what Canadian trailers used to be? More seriously I wonder if that was a radio spot and the graphics were added more recently.)

Directors – Howard Storm – ( BMT: Once Bitten; Notes: Was part of a comedy duo called Gale and Storm with his roommate Lou Alexander.)

Writers – Dimitri Villard – ( BMT: Once Bitten; In Love and War; Notes: Actually quite an accomplished producer in the 80s, founder of New Star Entertainment.)

David Hines and Jeffrey Hause – ( BMT: Once Bitten; Notes: Wrote an episode of the cartoon Tales from the Cryptkeeper which I had never heard of.)

Jonathan Roberts – ( Known For: The Lion King; The Lion King; The Hunchback of Notre Dame; James and the Giant Peach; The Sure Thing; Khumba; Future BMT: Jack Frost; BMT: Once Bitten; Notes: Obviously most famous for writing five episodes of 90210. The Sure Thing stars Daphne Zuniga which I just watched in Vision Quest weirdly, and we just saw in The Fly II. Maybe I should try and complete her filmography.)

Actors – Lauren Hutton – ( Known For: American Gigolo; The Joneses; Gator; Little Fauss and Big Halsy; The Gambler; Zorro: The Gay Blade; A Wedding; Lassiter; Welcome to L.A.; The Chant of Jimmie Blacksmith; Paternity; Viva Knievel!; Paper Lion; Forbidden Sun; Just a Little Harmless Sex; Pieces of Dreams; Millions; Tout feu tout flamme; Loser Love; Missing Pieces; Future BMT: 54; I Feel Pretty; My Father the Hero; Malone; BMT: Once Bitten; Perfect; Notes: Had a talk show in 1995, and was a Playboy Bunny way back. Last worked in 2018.)

Jim Carrey – ( Known For: The Truman Show; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; Liar Liar; Ace Ventura: Pet Detective; The Mask; Sonic the Hedgehog 2; Dumb and Dumber; Sonic the Hedgehog; Bruce Almighty; Dark Crimes; Yes Man; Me, Myself & Irene; The Bad Batch; A Series of Unfortunate Events; How the Grinch Stole Christmas; The Cable Guy; Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues; Earth Girls Are Easy; Horton Hears a Who!; Man on the Moon; Future BMT: Kick-Ass 2; Dumb and Dumber To; Fun with Dick and Jane; The Incredible Burt Wonderstone; Pink Cadillac; BMT: Batman Forever; Once Bitten; Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls; The Number 23; Notes: Y’all know Carrey, we just saw him in the Ace Ventura films. Honestly we’ve done all his good BMTs, but someday we’ll finish him off I suppose. Check out his career, really never a lull, it is incredibly impressive.)

Karen Kopins – ( Known For: Fast Forward; Future BMT: Troop Beverly Hills; Creator; Jake Speed; BMT: Once Bitten; Notes: Jake Speed is crazy. Never on television in the 90s, but did get play in the late 80s. About 800 theaters, 1000 votes on IMDb, and just got a fifth review a few years ago. Would be quite the borderline BMT if we ever do it. Miss Connecticut 1977, still lives there with her high school sweetheart and four kids. Was going to be a Charlie’s Angel but the 1988 pilot wasn’t picked up. Stopped acting in 1994.)

Budget/Gross – $3.2 million / Domestic: $10,000,000 (Worldwide: $10,000,000)

(Surprisingly okay, but like … do I believe it? I want to see the data. This? $10 million? How?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 10% (1/10)

(There isn’t really a consensus because no one had a snippet outside of the one good review and then one bad review. I did enjoy the bad review which called the movie icky and disturbing essentially. Having watched the film I can’t say that isn’t accurate.)

NYT Short Review: Vampire countess seeks male virgin. Too many Bloody Mary jokes.

Poster – Once Smitten Kitten

(I like the little bat, but that’s about it. There’s not really a cohesion to it. Like why is the vampire see through? I don’t get it. I do find it amusing that the title has a tiny “Samuel Goldwyn Jr.’s” at the top. You know I wasn’t gonna catch this flick but once I found out Sammy G Jr. did this one I was all in. Odd. He’s the Executive Producer. C-)

Tagline(s) – Mark Kendall just found out that his one-night stand has been around for centuries. (C-)

A tasty comedy. (D+)

(I was going to give the first one an F, but then I think I saw what they were going for. One-night vs. centuries. At least a little interesting, if extremely long. So I upgraded it. The short one under the title is nonsense. Tasty because a vampire bites people? I mean sure. But regular people also find things tasty. That’s not a vampire exclusive.)

Keyword(s) – canada

Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), Venom (2018), The Butterfly Effect (2004), Armageddon (1998), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

Future BMT: 90.3 Vampires Suck (2010), 89.9 House of the Dead (2003), 88.7 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.1 Prom Night (2008), 79.6 Shark Night (2011), 78.9 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 77.3 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.9 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 74.0 The Spirit (2008), 74.0 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 73.2 The Turning (2020), 72.5 Mr. Magoo (1997), 71.8 Dance Flick (2009), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 69.0 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.9 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 68.8 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 68.6 Captivity (2007), 68.3 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.3 The Crow: City of Angels (1996)

BMT: Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Movie 43 (2013), Barb Wire (1996), RoboCop 3 (1993), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Jason X (2001), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), After Earth (2013), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Caddyshack II (1988), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), Jonah Hex (2010), Species II (1998), … (and many more)

Best Options (Vampire): 90.3 Vampires Suck (2010), 41.5 Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992), 41.2 Once Bitten (1985), 40.9 Blade: Trinity (2004), 40.6 The Forsaken (2001), 40.6 The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013), 37.9 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 27.7 Dracula Untold (2014), 24.6 Underworld: Awakening (2012), 20.0 Innocent Blood (1992)

(I’m a bit stunned at just how many vampire films there are. I suppose the question is: will we ever watch them all? I can’t see why we wouldn’t. That would be wild.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jim Carrey is No. 1 billed in Once Bitten and No. 1 billed in The Number 23, which also stars Virginia Madsen (No. 2 billed) who is in Firewall (No. 3 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 14. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The role of the Countess was written for Cassandra Peterson, better known as TV horror-hostess Elvira.

By the time the film was released, writer Jeffrey Hause had blown through his initial earnings and had to take a job as a video store clerk. One day an oblivious customer remarked of the film, “Whoever wrote this shouldn’t be working in Hollywood,” and an incensed Hause retorted, “YOU GOT YOUR WISH!”

During the chase scene when Robin punches a vampire, she actually hit him in one take and knocked his fake teeth out.

Screenwriter Jeffrey Hause campaigned for Michael J. Fox to star in the film, but executive producer Samuel Goldwyn Jr. was convinced that Fox would never be able to carry a big-screen movie.

The tune Mark’s ice cream truck plays is a variation on the “Peter” theme of Sergei Prokofiev’s “Peter and the Wolf.”

The Animal Preview

Jamie and Patrick lay on their deathbeds. The whole Hartford Whalers family surrounds them with tears streaming down their faces. Even the mascot weeps so loudly that you can hear it through his oversized Headless Kevin James costume. It was a joyous ride being the owners of what was now known as the most successful sports franchise in history. Kyle was at first derided as a buffoon with no coaching experience, but soon the players came to understand the secret ingredient to winning: Love. The love Kyle had for his players took them from bottom of the barrel to top of the league in their very first season and from there they won 33 of the last 50 Stanley Cups. And yet… when they should feel most at peace, both Jamie and Patrick couldn’t help but think back on the moment when they kicked Kevin James’ head clean off. Was it right? Was it true? Maybe Kevin James was a secret serial killer so it was OK that they kicked his head clean off. But it wasn’t the case. Kevin James was not a secret serial killer. He wasn’t even a secret serial killer who only killed serial killers. No, Kevin James was just a successful actor that people liked to watch. And they were just the two guys who kicked his head clean off and rode that to the greatest success mankind had ever witnessed. They look at each other and whisper what only they can understand, “We shouldn’t have kicked Kevin James’ head clean off.” With that they die.

Jamie and Patrick wake up from their daydream to find themselves face-to-face with Kevin James, now finished with his satirical comedy act. They tense, their animal instincts gearing up for the fight that they no longer wanted to have. That’s right! Speaking of animal instincts we are jumping like glorious leopards onto the easy prey that is The Animal starring Rob Schneider. I can’t remember if we saw this in theaters, but it’s possible given that I’ve seen the film more than a few times. It serves a nice transition from the Choice Awards cycle (Teen Choice Award nominees for Choice Wipeout) to the Sooooory Cycle starring all our favorite Canadian actors. In this case, Norm MacDonald shows up in a small part. Let’s go!

The Animal (2001) – BMeTric: 71.4; Notability: 52

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 8.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 28.6%; Higher BMeT: Glitter, Jason X, Freddy Got Fingered, Driven; Higher Notability: Pearl Harbor, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Monkeybone, Hannibal, Impostor, Not Another Teen Movie, Ghosts of Mars, Swordfish, Bubble Boy, Scary Movie 2, 15 Minutes, The One, The Affair of the Necklace, Town & Country, I Am Sam, 3000 Miles to Graceland, America’s Sweethearts, Along Came a Spider, Texas Rangers, Don’t Say a Word, and 1 more; Lower RT: Texas Rangers, Soul Survivors, Glitter, All the Queen’s Men, Corky Romano, The Forsaken, Summer Catch, The Wash, Out Cold, Say It Isn’t So, Joe Dirt, Megiddo: The Omega Code 2, What’s the Worst That Could Happen?, Head Over Heels, Freddy Got Fingered, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Perfume, The Musketeer, Valentine, Double Take, and 48 more; Notes: Let’s see. We’ve seen all the higher BMeTs, and 10 of the top 20 lowest Rotten Tomatoes. Doing pretty well on 2001 it would seem.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – A pathetic nobody awakens after a car accident to find that his body organs have been replaced by those of animals (a dog, a dolphin, a horse, etc.). Filled to the brim with bathroom humor, offensive dialogue, gratuitous nudity … everything by genuine comedy. Schneider cowrote; Sandals co-executive produced.

(Shocker there is no mention of Colleen Haskell. That is by far the most notable thing about this film. Anyways, love the BOMB, they are so rare.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBwcksgKcFs/

(They ruin a decent gag right at the start with the garage door wall. Having seen this movie a bunch of times, a ton of that trailer isn’t in the movie. Him coming out of the dog house for example. Also … is it being from the producers of Deuce Bigelow supposed to entice me to watch this film?)

Directors – Luke Greenfield – ( Known For: The Girl Next Door; Future BMT: Let’s Be Cops; Half Brothers; BMT: The Animal; Something Borrowed; Notes: The fact that Half Brothers qualifies is a bit nuts to be honest, I have never heard of it at all. He has two upcoming projects but his last major film was Let’s Be Cops which I’m pretty sure was a financial nothing film.)

Writers – Tom Brady – ( Future BMT: The Hot Chick; BMT: The Animal; Notes: Went to Harvard, claims to have discovered Rachel McAdams, and doesn’t have much in the pipeline except a TV show that is maybe coming out next year.)

Rob Schneider – ( Future BMT: The Hot Chick; BMT: Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo; The Animal; Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo; Notes: Much like Sandler seemed to get writing credits on the films he was involved in in the early 2000s. He was of the SNL class that was derided (and fired), but then ended up being considered the best class they had in the 90s.)

Actors – Rob Schneider – ( Known For: 50 First Dates; The Wrong Missy; Home Team; Hubie Halloween; Daddy Daughter Trip; Big Stan; Sandy Wexler; American Virgin; Muppets from Space; You May Not Kiss the Bride; InAPPropriate Comedy; The Reef; Wild Cherry; The Adventures of Panda Warrior; Susan’s Plan; Outback; The Reef 2: High Tide; Wings; Frog Kingdom; Martians Go Home; Future BMT: Click; Big Daddy; The Hot Chick; The Longest Yard; The Waterboy; Mr. Deeds; You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; Grandma’s Boy; Home Alone 2: Lost in New York; Bedtime Stories; Down Periscope; Surf Ninjas; Necessary Roughness; Norm of the North; Eight Crazy Nights; The Adventures of Pinocchio; BMT: Grown Ups; Demolition Man; The Benchwarmers; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Judge Dredd; Little Nicky; Little Man; Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo; The Beverly Hillbillies; The Ridiculous 6; Around the World in 80 Days; The Animal; Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo; Knock Off; Notes: He’s a bit of a crank. Heavily anti-vaccine, although that’s been going on for a long time. I can’t tell, but the trailer for Daddy Daughter Trip is harrowing … is it makeup, or does he just look that way now? I have no idea.)

Colleen Haskell – ( BMT: The Animal; Notes: She was 6th in Survivor Season 1, and this is her one and only attempt at acting. Apparently she didn’t like the experience. Five people have wiki pages from season 1, of which she is one.)

John C. McGinley – ( Known For: Se7en; Office Space; Point Break; The Rock; Platoon; Identity; Any Given Sunday; Born on the Fourth of July; Wall Street; 42; The Belko Experiment; World Trade Center; Battle of the Sexes; Fat Man and Little Boy; Set It Off; Get a Job; Nixon; A Midnight Clear; Talk Radio; Mother; Future BMT: Nothing to Lose; Three to Tango; Born to Be Wild; Stealing Harvard; Hear No Evil; BMT: Wild Hogs; The Animal; Summer Catch; Get Carter; Surviving the Game; Alex Cross; On Deadly Ground; Highlander II: The Quickening; Wagons East; Are We Done Yet?; Car 54, Where Are You?; Notes: Hell yeah. He’s a BMT All Star. This is the 11th of his films we’ve done, five. That’s easy peasy. Let’s get on it.)

Budget/Gross – $47,000,000 / Domestic: $57,743,062 (Worldwide: $85,191,134)

(Probably made its money back to some degree … but not by much and it depends on what they got internationally. No wonder The Animal 2 wasn’t even in the cards, even without Haskell.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 30% (25/84): While less offensive and more charming than recent gross-humored comedies, The Animal is still rather mediocre.

(Wow, that is a far more mild review than I would have expected. Huh. It is vaguely funny, and at least has a unique viewpoint I suppose. And looking at the New York Times review I suppose I get it.)

NYT Short Review: The goofy new Rob Schneider comedy isn’t the gross-out farce that its title suggests. … Mr. Schneider brings an endearing innocence to a role that others would have played with a nasty leer.

Poster – The Manimal

(I like some of the bold colors on this, but this is really a classic example of a common poster type in the 2000’s. I’ll call it the Knocked Up. In the Knocked Up they make the not traditionally handsome comedic leading man look slightly stupid and then are basically like “yeah… we really made this guy our leading actor… isn’t that hilarious?”… Knocked Up is the one that really stuck in my mind, but in reality pretty much every Rob Schneider vehicle has this exact poster. C.)

Tagline(s) – He wasn’t much of a man… Now he’s not much of an animal. (C+)

(I understand the first part, I’m not sure I understand the second part very well. But it sounds and feels like a tagline. Just not a particularly great one.)

Keyword(s) – wisdom

Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Forrest Gump (1994), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Batman Begins (2005), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

Future BMT: 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.0 Prom Night (2008), 83.7 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 82.2 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.6 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 78.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.6 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 72.3 Bewitched (2005), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.5 Poltergeist (2015), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 65.7 Halloween Ends (2022), 65.7 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.3 Fat Albert (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.7 The Grudge 2 (2006), 64.5 Darkness Falls (2003)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Last Airbender (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Norbit (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), From Justin to Kelly (2003), The Master of Disguise (2002), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Taxi (2004), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Zoolander 2 (2016), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Boy Next Door (2015), Wild Wild West (1999), The Animal (2001), Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000), Year One (2009), Are We There Yet? (2005), Marmaduke (2010), Big Momma’s House 2 (2006), The Roommate (2011), Tammy (2014), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), … (and many more)

Best Options (canada): 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.0 Prom Night (2008), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 71.4 The Animal (2001), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 65.7 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 63.6 Valentine (2001), 61.5 Scooby-Doo (2002), 58.7 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 54.6 The Smurfs 2 (2013), 53.9 Annie (2014), 53.1 Aloha (2015), 52.1 Loser (2000), 51.7 View from the Top (2003), 51.5 Scary Movie 3 (2003), 50.8 Saw 3D (2010), 50.8 Racing Stripes (2005), 49.4 Monster-in-Law (2005), 48.5 White Noise (2005), 48.2 You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (2008), 47.8 Dumb and Dumber To (2014), 47.0 On the Line (2001), 46.7 You, Me and Dupree (2006), 46.5 40 Days and 40 Nights (2002), 43.8 Not Another Teen Movie (2001), 43.8 The Stepfather (2009), 43.6 Chicken Little (2005), 43.3 John Tucker Must Die (2006), 40.9 Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010), 40.6 The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013), 39.8 Semi-Pro (2008), 37.8 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 36.9 The Amityville Horror (2005), 36.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016), 36.2 The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (2013), 35.4 Rugrats Go Wild (2003), 33.2 The Last Song (2010), 27.9 Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), 27.7 Dracula Untold (2014), 27.0 Taking Lives (2004), 25.7 Idle Hands (1999), 24.8 Terminator Genisys (2015), 24.7 The Internship (2013), 22.5 The Shack (2017), 20.9 Charlie St. Cloud (2010), 19.4 Terminator Salvation (2009), 19.4 Kick-Ass 2 (2013), 19.1 Life as We Know It (2010), 17.0 Saw II (2005), 14.8 The Matrix Revolutions (2003), 14.5 If I Stay (2014), 12.8 Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), 12.8 The Island (2005), 12.7 The Vow (2012), 9.0 The Longest Ride (2015), 7.8 The Time Traveler’s Wife (2009), 3.1 The Butterfly Effect (2004)

(We went high up for this guy. Norm is only kind of in it, but it counts! And obviously The Animal was awards some Kids’ Choice. How could Kids not love this stuff, he almost has sex with a goat!)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Rob Schneider is No. 1 billed in The Animal and No. 1 billed in Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, which also stars William Forsythe (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 5 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 5) + (3 + 1) = 13. If we were to watch Norm of the North we can get the HoE Number down to 9.

Notes – This is Colleen Haskell’s debut as an actress after being one of the final contenders in the first season of Survivor (2000). Rob Schneider said that working with Haskell was one of the unexpected pleasures of making the film.

The newspaper clipping of Marvin’s father features the face of Rob Schneider’s actual father, Marvin (to whom the movie is dedicated) photoshopped onto a police officer. Also, the car in which the lead character has his road accident was originally owned by Marvin Schneider (although several duplicates were also used in the crash sequence).

In both audio commentaries on the Uncut version of the DVD, it is mentioned that Harry Dean Stanton played the part of a hunter staking out the Man-Beast in the forest, but nearly all of the footage ended up on the cutting room floor. He can still be seen, uncredited, being attacked in once scene after Marvin asks Rianna to tie him up.

In June 2001, Newsweek revealed that print ads for at least four movies released by Columbia Pictures, including this one and A Knight’s Tale (2001), contained glowing comments from a film reviewer who didn’t exist. The fake critic, “David Manning,” was the friend of someone who worked in Columbia’s advertising department, and agreed to let his friend use his name. Manning was misrepresented as a reviewer for the Ridgefield Press, a real-life weekly paper out of Ridgefield, Connecticut.

Director Luke Greenfield’s mother deliberately hung around on-set because she was a big fan of Edward Asner.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor of the Decade (Rob Schneider)

The Fly II Preview

“I guess we’re having a little trouble with #4,” Jamie says, hoping to get some Good Movie insight from their new elderly friend. It seems right up his alley since it has to do with friendship: Rule #4 – Animal Friends/Animal Enemies. But the old man isn’t listening, he just keeps staring at a door at the back of the train that has a big money sign painted on it. “Why are you staring at the train’s treasure room?” Patrick asks, once again suspicious of this stereotypical old man. “Oh, I don’t know…” the old man starts before dramatically pulling off his disguise and drawing a gun on them. “Maybe because you’re gonna help me rob this train of its jewels,” he finishes. “He’s got a gun!” a nearby passenger screams. Panic ensues and the passengers flee, leaving the train car empty except for them. The young man explains how he saw them at the train station and knew it was his opportunity to use them to help him get away with his heist. He says something about forcing them to dance in order to distract the train police, but at that point Jamie and Patrick have stopped listening. They half-heartedly twin chop the gun out of his hand and backflip their way between him and the treasure room. “No, we’re not going to help you with this scheme. We’re not even going to get ourselves wrapped up in some complicated quest to stop you and your dastardly deeds. That was the old Movie Twins. The Bad Movie Twins. Now we’re the Good Movie Twins. In fact, we’re not just Good…” Patrick says and Jamie finishes, “We’re fly. And that’s exactly what you’re about to do.” At that they Twin Kick the faux geezer out of the moving train. That’s right! We are picking up a classic… and then we’ll watch that classic’s dumb sequel. It’s The Fly and The Fly II. The first one is a Cronenberg classic. The second is the one directed by the dude who did the creature effects for the first film… I’m not joking… that’s what happened because they probably thought, “whatever, this is just a cash grab anyway.” Let’s go!

The Fly II (1989) – BMeTric: 56.0; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.2%; Notability: top 14.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.1%; Higher BMeT: Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, Wild Orchid, Cyborg, The Karate Kid Part III; Higher Notability: Tango & Cash, Troop Beverly Hills, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Fletch Lives, Harlem Nights, Leviathan, Listen to Me, Lock Up, Pink Cadillac, Family Business, Millennium, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Three Fugitives, Dead Bang, Let It Ride, Renegades, Slaves of New York, The Karate Kid Part III, and 16 more; Lower RT: Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Stepfather II: Make Room for Daddy, The Toxic Avenger Part II, The Horror Show, Worth Winning, Night Game, Second Sight, Wired, Dream a Little Dream, No Holds Barred, Wild Orchid, She’s Out of Control, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Millennium, Chattahoochee, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland, The Blood of Heroes, The Lemon Sisters, and 25 more; Notes: We are doing okay with 1989 now I think, just look at the Top BMeT list. This will be 7 of the top 8 watched for BMT, with only Karate Kid III outstanding there. I have a subtle goal which is to watch the top 10 BMeT films of every year from 1980 to now. I think the early 80s can be done if we loosen up the restrictions, but I already have ideas about that.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – A case of “like father, like son”; too bad director Walas isn’t like David Cronenberg. Stoltz, son of deceased Jeff Goldblum, has attained puberty at five with the intellect to match; now he’s being unknowingly exploited by – here’s a novel twist – the scientists in whose care he’s entrusted. Alternatively sull and messy but mostly dull.

(First, double semi-colon. Jesus Christ Leonard, you’d outdone even yourself. Second, like father like son? You talking like Big Momma and his (her?) son? I’m surprised “mostly dull” gets a BOMB. BOMBs are ultra rare.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yS6E2EXlnI/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yS6E2EXlnI/

(Horrible horrible horrible. I hate it. Annoying and not scary or good. The last bit of the trailer does get you a bit amped and teases the puppet at least.)

Directors – Chris Walas – ( Known For: The Vagrant; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: The Vagrant looks absolutely wild. Anyways, he did the makeup for the original Fly (and was nominated for an Oscar for it). This seemed to be his one and only attempt at a truly major release, although he is a genuinely famous special effects artist working on Return of the Jedi, Enemy Mine, and Gremlins.)

Writers – Mick Garris – ( Known For: Hocus Pocus 2; *batteries not included; Nightmare Cinema; Riding the Bullet; Future BMT: Hocus Pocus; BMT: Critters 2; The Fly II; Notes: Very notably was a secretary at the Star Wars Corporation in 1977. He’s a pretty big name horror director from the 80s)

Jim Wheat and Ken Wheat– ( Known For: Pitch Black; A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master; The Silent Scream; After Midnight; The Return; Future BMT: The Chronicles of Riddick; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: Under the fold is the incredible revelation that they are the directors of Ewoks: The Battle for Endor. They are brothers and writing partners.)

Frank Darabont – ( Known For: The Shawshank Redemption; The Green Mile; The Mist; The Blob; Frankenstein; A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: I feel like he’s mostly notable for the big issues he’s had with The Walking Dead and getting paid for that … but yeah, also he’s the director for Shawshank. I’m a little stunned all of these credits are for exclusively The Fly II with not credit for the original writers or anything?)

George Langelaan – (Known For: The Fly, Return of the Fly; Curse of the Fly, The Fly; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: They obviously had to credit him for the story and characters. But again, a little crazy that Cronenberg gets nothing on the sequel? It makes no sense.)

Actors – Eric Stoltz – ( Known For: Pulp Fiction; Back to the Future; Jerry Maguire; Fast Times at Ridgemont High; Little Women; Some Kind of Wonderful; Mask; Say Anything; The Prophecy; The Rules of Attraction; Singles; Kicking and Screaming; 2 Days in the Valley; Memphis Belle; Rob Roy; Her Smell; 5 to 7; The House of Mirth; The Wild Life; Killing Zoe; Future BMT: The Butterfly Effect; The Honeymooners; Fluke; Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer; BMT: Anaconda; The Fly II; Notes: Famously the original Marty McFly in Back to the Future (still uncredited there presumably because he’s still included in some wide shots?). Mostly does small things and television spots, but was also a star of the Battlestar Galactica spinoff Caprica it looks like.)

Daphne Zuniga – ( Known For: Spaceballs; Vision Quest; The Sure Thing; The Initiation; Modern Girls; The Dorm That Dripped Blood; Staying Together; Last Rites; Heartbeats; Gone Missing; Charlie’s Ghost Story; Mad at the Moon; Who’s Driving Doug; Enemies of Laughter; Summer Forever; Future BMT: Gross Anatomy; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: I obviously know her from Spaceballs. She’s continued to do a lot of stuff, mostly guest spots on television, but she was also on 40 episodes of One Tree Hill.)

Lee Richardson – ( Known For: Network; The Exorcist III; Prizzi’s Honor; Prince of the City; Brubaker; Q&A; Daniel; Middle of the Night; Tiger Warsaw; I Am the Cheese; Future BMT: The Believers; A Stranger Among Us; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: Uncredited as FDR in the Truman television movie. Was nominated for a Tony Award for Vivat! Vivat Rgina! In 1972. Died in 1999.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $20,021,322 (Worldwide: $38,903,179)

(That seems bad considering how much must have went into effects. A little odd that there is no info at all about how much this movie costs seemingly.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (5/17)

(Oh a consensus: Often horribly graphic and … well just horrible, The Fly II exchanges the creepy for the just plain gross.)

Reviewer Highlight: Worthless sequel to a very good film – Ken Hanke, Mountain Xpress

Poster – The Fly II: Superfly

(Christ, they just knocked off the first film’s poster. Really was a cash grab. Although then again there is a rich history of just trotting out the same thing for a sequel. Back to the Future comes to mind. I like the tone, wish the font was a little better, and can’t give it much of a score since it is a knockoff. C.)

Tagline(s) – Like father, like son. (F)

(We talking Big Momma’s House 3? I sometimes wonder when we have a tagline this generic whether we could build a trilogy of films with the exact same tagline.)

Keyword(s) – good

Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), The Nice Guys (2016)

Future BMT: 67.3 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 51.7 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.0 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.6 The Hot Chick (2002), 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.1 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.4 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.6 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), The Fly II (1989), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Hunter Killer (2018)

Best Options (Horror): 56.2 The Fly II (1989), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014)

(Yeah, no very good options here, until you pulled in some Thrillers. At the very least The Good Son would have been an option … but spoilers, we are doing that later.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Eric Stoltz is No. 1 billed in The Fly II and No. 4 billed in Anaconda, which also stars Jennifer Lopez (No. 1 billed) who is in Gigli (No. 2 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 16. If we were to watch Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – Chris Walas wanted Geena Davis to reprise her role as Veronica Quaife for the birth scene at the beginning of the film. Geena Davis declined, because she had found the maggot-baby dream sequence in the original film emotionally upsetting and was replaced by Saffron Henderson, despite being 10 years younger than Davis.

The first videotape of Seth Brundle (Jeff Goldblum) (where he theorizes that the teleporter improved him) is actually part of a deleted scene from The Fly (1986). The scene was slightly edited for this film, and Veronica’s (Geena Davis) voice was dubbed over by Saffron Henderson (who plays Veronica at the beginning of The Fly II (1989)).

The Telepod props from The Fly (1986) were destroyed after filming was completed and had to be rebuilt.

John Getz (Stathis Borans) is the only actor reprising a role from the The Fly (1986).

The green flashes of light between each credit in the title sequence were actually borrowed from an alternate, unused title sequence for The Fly (1986).

In at least one draft of the script, Martin was going to see yet another videotape of Seth Brundle (this time nearing the end of his transformation), in which Seth talks about his “cure”. This would have required brand-new footage of Jeff Goldblum in makeup from the previous film, and the concept was subsequently dropped from the script.

The movie was originally given an X rating by the MPAA because of the graphic scene where Hargis’ head is crushed underneath an elevator. Director Chris Walas appealed the decision, and the MPAA gave the film an R rating without any edits to the scene.

In some US states, theaters playing The Fly II (1989) had a nurse on hand for the audience’s reactions to its content.

Mel Brooks suggested to Chris Walas that Daphne Zuniga play Beth Logan, after Zuniga starred as Princess Vespa in Brook’s “Star Wars” spoof Spaceballs (1987).

The book next to the sleeping technician in the control room at the beginning of the film is “The Shape of Rage”, an anthology of writings about the films of David Cronenberg, who directed this film’s predecessor.

A scene was taken out of the film which reveals the reason why Bartok and his scientists can’t get the Telepods to work is because Stathis took the operating disc from the Telepods and all the research on it to ensure the Telepods couldn’t cause any more damage than they already had.

Although “The Fly III” never happened, a comic book sequel, “The Fly: Outbreak” by Brandon Seifert, was published in 2015. “Outbreak” takes place years after The Fly II (1989) and it follows Martin Brundle attempting to cure Anton Bartok of his mutant condition.

Originally, writer Mick Garris’s script was about Veronica being convinced not to abort her baby by a religious cult who would keep and raise Martin after he was born. The rapidly aging Martin is joined by a group of kids with their own unique abilities or deformities and Martin could discover he could communicate with insects and would lead the kids to escape the cult and live in the outskirts of L.A.. This premise was abandoned for being too strange and family friendly. Another draft included Bartok scientists using cloning technology to resurrect Seth Brundle, still stuck as BrundleFly at first, and would discover that his son Martin (who was originally meant to be a child/teenager throughout the film) could communicate with him. Chris Walas disliked this version of the story as he thought it was too odd of a premise to the point where it came off like a family-friendly horror film about a boy and his bug monster. He even threatened to walk off the project if the script wasn’t changed, so the Fox executives relented and hired Frank Darabont to overhaul the script.

There had been a change in management at Fox between The Fly (1986) and this sequel, and the new head of Fox hadn’t even seen the previous film. Director Chris Walas claims that they wanted the film to explore themes of defying destiny and what it means to be a son, but the Fox executives ordered them to ditch the existential themes and make the film a standard, gory movie that teens could enjoy on their date. Mel Brooks would later remark that he had never seen so much studio interference on a movie before.

Imposter Preview

“You senseless idiot!” Patrick says in dismay. Kyle was their last chance to save the world. He had already come to the conclusion that the HoE dimension was so powerful that it would burn out any time machine that found its way there. Kyle’s story only confirmed it. Now they were all stuck here. “Well that’s OK, Patrick, it’s really not so bad here. Unexpectedly pleasant in fact,” Kyle says, sharing a sweet moment with his beloved Rachel. Rachel smiles back, but after a second her smile starts to waver and she begins to weep. Kyle is shocked. “It’s just so wonderful here. What if we go back and our family can’t…” Rachel’s voice breaks. Kyle reassures her that they don’t have to go anywhere, but Jamie and Patrick have a job to do. “We have to help them if we can. Isn’t that why we went back in the first place?” She nods and tells them about the Hallston Academy building. Kids come and go, real baseball games during the day, imaginary baseball games at night. “Classic high school stuff, go on,” Patrick encourages. But when Rachel picks up the kids at school she’s noticed another building. One down by the lake. No one ever comes. No one ever goes. “And armed guards are always nearby,” Rachel finishes, her voice now a whisper. But Kyle sadly shakes his head, “it’s been fifteen years, Rachel, I can know when you are holding back. You need to tell them.” She takes a deep breath. “There are two people I’ve seen come and go. I’m sorry I never told you, dear, but I didn’t want to spoil our dream. Those people were…” and suddenly she looks straight at Jamie and Patrick, “the bad movie twins!” Kyle turns to them, enraged. “Imposters!” That’s right! We are watching the classic *checks notes* Gary Sinise vehicle… wait, that can’t be right… alright, well the Gary Sinise sci-fi vehicle we all know and love. He’s an imposter… or is he? You better believe they’re gonna try to twist us up. Let’s go!

Impostor (2001) – BMeTric: 23.7; Notability: 67

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 25.6%; Notability: top 1.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 22.2%; Higher BMeT: Glitter, Jason X, Freddy Got Fingered, Driven, The Animal, Ghosts of Mars, Black Knight, Valentine, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Soul Survivors, Monkeybone, The Musketeer, Corky Romano, Scary Movie 2, The Wedding Planner, Bones, Summer Catch, The Order, Say It Isn’t So, The Wash, and 44 more; Higher Notability: Pearl Harbor, Monkeybone, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Hannibal; Lower RT: Texas Rangers, Soul Survivors, Glitter, Corky Romano, The Forsaken, Summer Catch, The Wash, Out Cold, Say It Isn’t So, Joe Dirt, Head Over Heels, Megiddo: The Omega Code 2, What’s the Worst That Could Happen?, Freddy Got Fingered, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Perfume, The Musketeer, Valentine, Double Take, Original Sin, and 33 more; Notes: I’m not surprised at how high the rating is here. I am shocked by how high the Notability. Jeez Louise! It is on Hannibal or Tomb Raider levels! That’s nuts.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – Is Sinise an alien spy impersonating a scientist married to Stowe in 2079? The movie’s distributor apparently didn’t think anyone cared enough to find out, because this malnourished Philip K. Dick adaptation sat on the shelf for more than a year. Most interesting features are the near home appliances in the early scenes, which include a voice-activated wall-screen TV that shuts off on command. You should be so lucky when watching this movie at home.

(Wow! Harsh. I would have never expected this to get a BOMB from Leonard. It seems maybe light-fare or boring, but he’s given really terrible horror films 1.5 just being like “I didn’t vomit while watching this film which is a plus.” But this is malnourished? A BOMB it is I guess.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vh6xFG7l8ss/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vh6xFG7l8ss/

(The trailer is very weird. It makes it look incredibly cheap and poorly put together. Which is maybe why Leonard gave it a BOMB I suppose.)

Directors – Gary Fleder – ( Known For: Runaway Jury; Homefront; Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead; The Express; Future BMT: Don’t Say a Word; BMT: Kiss the Girls; Impostor; Notes: Hmmm, he still does a lot of television (and maybe movies, although I’m skeptical his In Production work will be actually released in the end). In particular he did a Lincoln Rhyme television series which is basically the Bone Collector, which is rather intriguing … although me having never heard of it is probably a bad sign for its quality.)

Writers – Philip K. Dick – ( Known For: Blade Runner 2049; Blade Runner; Minority Report; Total Recall; The Adjustment Bureau; A Scanner Darkly; Radio Free Albemuth; Natural City; Morning Patrol; Barjo; Future BMT: Next; Screamers; BMT: Paycheck; Impostor; Notes: Probably a top ten most famous sci-fi writers ever. He won a Hugo Award for The Man in the High Castle, and was nominated for five Nebula Awards. Given that we’ve almost completed his BMT filmography with two films, his work tends to produce good films as well.)

Scott Rosenberg – ( Known For: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle; Jumanji: The Next Level; Con Air; High Fidelity; Beautiful Girls; Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead; Highway; Future BMT: Venom; Disturbing Behavior; BMT: Gone in 60 Seconds; Kangaroo Jack; Impostor; Notes: He mostly does blockbusters, and he did a lot of television from 2000-2015. Good friends with Fleder who he went to Boston University with. Somewhat notably was the “other person” involved in a bar brawl where Steve Buscemi was stabbed three times.)

Caroline Case – ( BMT: Impostor; Notes: Was a television writer on The Tom Show and The Army Show, but besides that she mostly did script and continuity work on Gary Fleder films. He also produced her documentary on William Goldman.)

Ehren Kruger – ( Known For: Top Gun: Maverick; The Ring; Ghost in the Shell; Scream 3; Dumbo; Arlington Road; New World Disorder; Future BMT: Transformers: Dark of the Moon; Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen; The Skeleton Key; The Brothers Grimm; Blood and Chocolate; BMT: Transformers: Age of Extinction; The Ring Two; Reindeer Games; Impostor; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screenplay for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in 2010; and Nominee for Worst Screenplay in 2012 for Transformers: Dark of the Moon; and in 2015 for Transformers: Age of Extinction; Notes: The writer of the biggest movie of the year! He is a blockbuster machine, and that will likely continue to be the case given that Top Gun 2 is going to make more than a billion dollars.)

David Twohy – ( Known For: The Fugitive; Waterworld; Pitch Black; Riddick; G.I. Jane; A Perfect Getaway; The Arrival; Below; Warlock; Grand Tour: Disaster in Time; Arrival II; Future BMT: The Chronicles of Riddick; Warlock: The Armageddon; BMT: Critters 2; Terminal Velocity; Impostor; Notes: Wait they got the writer of the Fugitive to get involved with this? That’s nuts. He has a film coming out called Ice Moon Rising which seems insane.)

Actors – Shane Brolly – ( Known For: Spread; Room 6; Flypaper; Rennie’s Landing; Devil’s Highway; 48 Angels; Future BMT: Underworld; Underworld: Evolution; Underworld: Rise of the Lycans; BMT: Impostor; Notes: Wow, it’s been a while since we got someone who is definitely not a lead actor sneaking into a preview. I’m going to leave it. He wrote a book called “You’d Think There Would Be More Suicides Around Here”.)

Vincent D’Onofrio – ( Known For: Jurassic World; Full Metal Jacket; The Magnificent Seven; Sinister; The Unforgivable; The Eyes of Tammy Faye; Men in Black; Ed Wood; Adventures in Babysitting; JFK; The Cell; Escape Plan; The Judge; The Player; Mystic Pizza; Strange Days; Run All Night; The Salton Sea; Chained; Kill the Irishman; Future BMT: The Break-Up; The Thirteenth Floor; Dying Young; Feeling Minnesota; BMT: Death Wish; CHIPS; Rings; Impostor; Stuart Saves His Family; Notes: Somewhat notable now as Kingpin and being one of the rare examples of an actor crossing from the Netflix Marvel series (Daredevil) into the Disney canonical series (Hawkeye). He was nominated for an Emmy for Homicide: Life on the Street, and then spent a decade as the lead in Law & Order: Criminal Intent.)

Gary Sinise – ( Known For: Forrest Gump; The Green Mile; Apollo 13; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; The Quick and the Dead; Joe Bell; Of Mice and Men; Ransom; I Still Believe; Open Season; Snake Eyes; The Human Stain; Albino Alligator; The Big Bounce; A Midnight Clear; A Wedding; SGT. Will Gardner; Bruno; All the Rage; Future BMT: Mission to Mars; The Forgotten; Jack the Bear; BMT: Reindeer Games; Impostor; Notes: I’m willing to bet a huge number of people know his exclusively from Forrest Gump (for which he was nominated for an Oscar), but he is an extremely notable actor (from things as lauded as Of Mice and Men for example). He was nominated for two Emmys (and won one of them) for Truman and George Wallace as the titular characters in both. He was the lead in nearly 200 episodes of CSI: NY and for the single season of Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders.)

Budget/Gross – $30,000,000 / Domestic: $6,285,176 (Worldwide: $8,694,320)

(Horrible. It sat on the shelf for a year, probably because they didn’t know what to do with it or how to advertise it. I bet the $30 million figure it accurate given the behind the scenes stuff I saw, it seemed really expensive from a set perspective. But I’m sure they just dumped it with no advertising campaign at all as well.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 24% (23/96): With its low production value and uninspired direction, Impostor comes off as a mixture of The Fugitive and Blade Runner, only not as good or as involving.

(Yeah, it does seem like it is just a future Fugitive with less compelling leads. And if the trailer is to be believed it definitely looks cheap as well. So fair all around.)

Reviewer Highlight: Pushes the same old cliches in Blade Runner packaging. – Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

Poster – Alium Copycat

(I find this poster both nicely made and hilarious. Nicely made because the artistry of it is interesting, the color scheme is good, and it hits in a nice “classic poster” kind of way. Hilarious because of the tiny Gary Sinise running out of an explosion. If I wanted a funny poster based project to embark on it would be posters like this where an actor appears more than once. Double Sinise. Font is bad, which is a shame. B-.)

Tagline(s) – In the Future, not everyone is who they seem to be. (F)

(My God, unacceptable. Usually something that is total nonsense is at least fun cause it’s nonsense. This is boring nonsense. Booooo.)

Keyword(s) – dimension

Top 10: Sin City (2005), Spectre (2015), The Others (2001), Scream (1996), Equilibrium (2002), From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), The Mist (2007), Death Proof (2007), 1408 (2007), Scary Movie (2000)

Future BMT: 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.8 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 77.5 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 70.1 Black Christmas (2006), 68.6 Pulse (2006), 66.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 64.9 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 61.8 Cursed (2005), 59.0 Apollo 18 (2011)

BMT: Scary Movie V (2013), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), Halloween II (2009), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), My Boss’s Daughter (2003), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Dracula 2000 (2000), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Phantoms (1998), Boys and Girls (2000), Texas Rangers (2001), Reindeer Games (2000), Halloween (2007), Senseless (1998), Impostor (2001), Mindhunters (2004)

Best Options (future): 33.0 Fortress (1992), 23.7 Impostor (2001)

(The question kind of is whether we’ll ever watch a 2005 or 2006 film … Looking at the list the prognosis is negative. We just love the 90s and early 2000s so much! You might be shocked (shocked!) that we didn’t pick the Christopher Lambert future prison movie classic, Fortress, but no worries, that is next week.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Gary Sinise is No. 1 billed in Impostor and No. 2 billed in Reindeer Games, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Gigli (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 7 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (7 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch Pearl Harbor we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – Young Spencer Olham is played by Mac Sinise, Gary Sinise’s son.

The adaptation of Philip K. Dick’s short story “The Impostor” was originally planned to be one segment (about forty minutes) of a three-part science fiction movie. The production company liked the early “dailies” so much, that the idea was fleshed out into a feature-length film. The other segments grew into the features Mimic (1997) and Alien Love Triangle (2008).

In the opening scene of the movie, footage of soldiers is taken from the 1997 film Starship Troopers (1997); and footage of a crater, with other explosions is taken from the film Armageddon.

A street scene is filmed in a courtyard of Cal Poly Pomona’s administration building, the same one used for Jude Law’s apartment building in Gattaca (1997). Several students and staff of Cal Poly Pomona were used as extras for this scene.

Spencer Olham is said to be “very good at integral and differential calculus.” This is a tongue-in-cheek reference to Gilbert and Sullivan’s musical “Pirates of Penzance” from the famously silly patter-song “Modern Major General.” (The line from the song is, “I am very good at integral and differential calculus, I know the scientific names of being animalculus…”)

The operating room set was also used in Logan’s Run.

Maya Olham watches a televised news report that refers to a Ballard space institute – a reference to J.G. Ballard, the British science fiction writer.

The helmets that security forces wears are also the helmets worn in Starship Troopers (1997).

The film takes place in 2079.

Originally intended to be Miramax’s big Christmas movie for 2001, the film got delayed to January just days before it was set to open due to last-minute edits on Kate & Leopold (2001), which forced that film to take this film’s original date.

Halloween II (2009) Preview

“Looks like New Years come early for you two,” Officer Mash says with a smirk as he clangs the jail door shut. Jamie and Patrick beg them to listen to their story. Sure it sounds totally crazy, but they have to trust them. They are there for a reason… to change someone’s life… to help. But Bongo and Mash scoff at the suggestion. “Nothing is wrong in this town. It’s perfect,” Bongo says matter of factly. “Yeah, perfect,” agrees Mash, “you know, except for…” But before he can finish Bongo shushes him and reiterates that the town is a perfect example of perfection. Jamie and Patrick see their opening, but no matter how much they try to explain, it’s like talking to two rule-abiding walls. Mash chuckles at their attempts and silently mocks them to his partner. “I don’t know what kind of yuletide cheer you’ve gotten into, but there isn’t anything wrong with the town. Rules are just rules. So you boys just stay right there. We gotta go patrol the Halloween Jamboree.” Jamie and Patrick look at each other in confusion. Halloween? Didn’t he use the phrase ‘yuletide cheer’ just a second before? Officer Mash rubs his hands together in anticipation. “I heard this year they got Mikey Myers (of the Mikey Mikes fame) to perform and they are doing some spooktacular novelty songs.” Jamie and Patrick leap up. “Wait!” shouts Jamie, “We’re the Mikey Mikes.” Patrick nods his head excitedly and just as Bongo and Mash are about to wave them off he blurts out, “We can prove it! Let us give you a sneak peak at a double dose of spooktacular novelty songs!” Bongo and Mash look at each other and finally relent, “Ehhhh, OK. But just don’t make them too scary.” That’s right! We are doing a double dose of spooktacular action with both of Rob Zombie’s Halloween films. We are well ahead of schedule in our Halloween franchise pursuit with only Halloween Kills (currently qualifying) left. Let’s go!

Halloween II (2009) – BMeTric: 70.7; Notability: 69

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.2%; Notability: top 4.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.5%; Higher BMeT: Dragonball Evolution, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel, Stan Helsing, S. Darko, The Unborn, Dance Flick; Higher Notability: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, 2012, Angels & Demons, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Terminator Salvation, The Lovely Bones, Nine, Fast & Furious, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Surrogates; Lower RT: Labor Pains, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, Miss March, Old Dogs, All About Steve, Whiteout, Beyond a Reasonable Doubt, Echelon Conspiracy, Post Grad, My Life in Ruins, The Unborn, Couples Retreat, Bride Wars, Did You Hear About the Morgans?, The Stepfather, S. Darko, The Pink Panther 2, I Love You, Beth Cooper, The Ugly Truth, Year One, and 20 more; Notes: Man we have a lot of high BMeTric films on the table … can’t same I’m super excited about any of those though. Nearly 70+ for both BMeTric and Notability is pretty impressive though.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – Michael Myers is back on the gory warpath in this lumbering sequel to Zombie’s 2007 Halloween. There are pitifully few genuine scares … just a lot of blood and utterances of the “f” word. Unrated director’s cut runs 119m.

(That’s what I’m talking about Leonard! YES! I think this might be the first BOMB in the actual series, the only other one being Halloween III (which is now a cult classic). Stunning that it managed it when even Halloween: Resurrection didn’t.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXkcgqmKZ2Y/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXkcgqmKZ2Y/

(This trailer makes it look a lot more normal that I think this film actually is. I’m pretty sure this film is a gross film I don’t like. But this makes it look like an actual slasher film (a genre I generally like). So that’s confusing.)

Directors – Rob Zombie – ( Known For: 3 from Hell; The Devil’s Rejects; Grindhouse; 31; The Lords of Salem; Future BMT: House of 1000 Corpses; BMT: Halloween; Halloween II; Notes: Real name Robert Cummings. Was most well known as a singer headlining the heavy metal band White Zombie.)

Writers – Rob Zombie – ( Known For: 3 from Hell; The Devil’s Rejects; Grindhouse; 31; The Lords of Salem; Future BMT: House of 1000 Corpses; BMT: Halloween; Halloween II; Notes: Is writing and directing the horror-comedy film version of The Munsters.)

Actors – Scout Taylor-Compton – ( Known For: 13 Going on 30; Chariot; The Runaways; An American Crime; The Long Night; Return to Sender; Flight 7500; 247°F; Love Ranch; Triple Dog; Ghost House; An Intrusion; Wicked Little Things; Love at First Hiccup; Andover; Get the Girl; Future BMT: Sleepover; Obsessed; BMT: Halloween; Halloween II; Notes: Was a teen actress as she was only 15 when she was in 13 going on 30.)

Tyler Mane – ( Known For: Troy; X-Men; The Scorpion King; The Devil’s Rejects; 247°F; Victor Crowley; Gunless; Black Mask 2: City of Masks; Compound Fracture; Devil May Call; Future BMT: Joe Dirt; Playing with Fire; BMT: Halloween; Halloween II; Notes: A former wrestler, his ring name was Big Sky.)

Malcolm McDowell – ( Known For: Father Stu; A Clockwork Orange; Caligula; O Lucky Man!; Bombshell; Easy A; The Book of Eli; Blue Thunder; Doomsday; The Player; In Good Company; 31; Bolt; Cat People; The Artist; Star Trek: Generations; Hidalgo; Excision; Time After Time; American Satan; Future BMT: Tank Girl; Milk Money; Mr. Magoo; Just Visiting; Sunset; Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius; Delgo; BMT: Halloween; Silent Hill: Revelation; Halloween II; I Spy; Notes: He’s in a million things at this point. The most intriguing upcoming project is Wizardream where he plays the role of The Wizard Mangodor.)

Budget/Gross – $15,000,000 / Domestic: $33,392,973 (Worldwide: $39,421,467)

(Actually, still not that bad. But I’m sure the reception was less than warm and ultimately they began looking for a new direction to take the rebooted series after this one.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (18/81): Zombie shows flashes of vision in the follow-up to his Halloween reboot, but they’re smothered by mountains of gore and hackneyed, brutal violence.

(That is way way way higher than I would have thought! I legit would have thought there would have been wholesale rejection of the Hastel-esque direction Zombie took with full creative control, but 20% isn’t that bad.)

Reviewer Highlight: Let’s float a notion: Rob Zombie is the greatest horror-movie director never to make a great movie. – Keith Phipps, AV Club

Poster – Hostel-ween 2: Even Hostel-ier

(Certainly shocking and so it’s doing its job. I can see that hanging in a theater and it grabbing the right people’s attentions. I don’t love all the gray, but the orange pops and the font is good. I think it’s good. Better than the first in its simplicity. A-.)

Tagline(s) – Family Is Forever (C+)

(Boy oh boy. They just don’t seem to care about these tag lines and that’s a shame. Slightly better than the first. Even though it’s generic there is a whiff of cleverness… “family is forever” is a wholesome phrase and they turn it around. But I don’t really appreciate just stating a generic phrase ironically. Gotta do something with it.)

Keyword(s) – dimension

Top 10: Sin City (2005), Spectre (2015), The Others (2001), Scream (1996), Equilibrium (2002), From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), The Mist (2007), Death Proof (2007), 1408 (2007), Scary Movie (2000)

Future BMT: 86.5 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.8 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 77.4 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 76.9 Superhero Movie (2008), 70.1 Black Christmas (2006), 68.6 Pulse (2006), 66.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 64.9 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 61.8 Cursed (2005), 58.9 Apollo 18 (2011)

BMT: Scary Movie V (2013), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), Halloween II (2009), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), My Boss’s Daughter (2003), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Dracula 2000 (2000), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Phantoms (1998), Texas Rangers (2001), Halloween (2007), Mindhunters (2004)

Best Options (Horror): 70.6 Halloween II (2009), 70.1 Black Christmas (2006), 68.6 Pulse (2006), 61.8 Cursed (2005), 58.9 Apollo 18 (2011), 58.6 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 56.9 They (2002), 45.9 Darkness (2002), 36.9 The Amityville Horror (2005), 33.6 Halloween (2007)

(Apollo 18 is one of those films that has been on the tip of BMT forever. Probably because it came out the year we started BMT. So it was always there, but we obviously had the classics to get through and he didn’t have as sophisticated an infrastructure to identify the merde de la merde of bad movies. Anyways, missed again, but we’ll get there.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Scout Taylor-Compton is No. 1 billed in Halloween II and No. 1 billed in Halloween, which also stars William Forsythe (No. 8 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 5 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (8 + 5) + (3 + 1) = 19. If we were to watch Sunset, The Jackal, Nights in Rodanthe, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – John Carpenter was offered a cameo in the film by Rob Zombie, but he turned it down.

First Halloween movie to include Michael clearly walking around without his mask on.

Daeg Faerch filmed scenes reprising his role of Young Michael Myers but was replaced and the scenes reshot after it became apparent that Faerch had noticeably grown up since the last installment and no longer looked the same age.

Rob Zombie originally stated he would never do a sequel to Halloween (2007), until the studio decided to make it. Then he signed on to write and direct, because he didn’t want someone else to ruin his vision.

While writing Sam Loomis for the sequel, Rob Zombie based his egotistical and self-absorbed personality on Dr. Phil and his talk show.

Malcolm McDowell quotes Alex Delarge, the character he played in A Clockwork Orange (1971), during the press conference when he says “Let’s get things nice and sparkling clear”.

The decision to give Laurie the name ‘Angel’ as her real name was meant to emphasize her as an extreme opposite to Michael. Laurie Strode’s birth name in the original films was Cynthia Myers.

Tyler Mane is only the second actor to portray Michael Myers twice. George P. Wilbur previously portrayed Michael in Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988) and Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995). Mane is the first actor to portray Myers two movies in a row.

In the scenes shot at the exterior of the hospital parking lot, the location of the emergency room entrance to the hospital was actually the entrance to the Spinal Cord Injury Clinic at the now-defunct Sepulveda Veterans Administration Hospital in the San Fernando Valley, California.

The characterisation of Dr Loomis as a greedy, unlikeable egotist was Malcolm McDowell’s idea. He told Rob Zombie he didn’t want to give the same performance from the first film.

In addition to the studio interference that compromised production, Rob Zombie also strongly suspected that crew members were actually stealing money from the film’s production budget.

Rob Zombie had nearly every main character killed off in the ending, including Michael Myers and Laurie (though she only dies in the Director’s Cut), to finally ensure that another film could not be made. Despite this, Dimension Films insisted on a third film and Zombie walked away from such plans, not wanting to be involved with it. This film ultimately underperformed financially and was panned by fans and critics alike, casting doubt on a sequel. After years of no development, Dimension Films and The Weinstein Company finally surrendered the rights to the franchise to Universal Pictures and Blumhouse, resulting in Halloween (2018).

My Boss’s Daughter Preview

When the time machine settles, the crew look at each other in trepidation. What the hell just happened? One second it looked like they were gonna make it home and now… where are they? Outside appears to be none other than… “Rallston Academy?” Patrick says in disbelief. They all recognize the legendary front gates of Kelley Morse’s private high school from Here on Earth. But when they look closer the gates don’t say “Rallston” at all. They say “Hallston.” Weird. In the distance they see the husk of what was once a place called Table’s Table, now burned down. Just outside are two young men, shirtless and scarfing down some sandwiches. Just a couple of best friends without a care in the world. “No, no, no, this is all wrong! Hallston? Table’s Table? Kelley and Jasper are supposed to hate each other! We have to go back!” Jamie screams, but as he attempts to mash the buttons of the time machine he realizes that the whole thing is as burned out as Table’s Table, the local… table shop? “Maybe this is OK.” Patrick says hopefully, “See? There’s the sheriff. He’s probably going to give Kelley a real once over about dating his daughter Sam.” But after piling out of the time machine and making their way over to Table’s Table they are appalled by what they find. Not one but two sheriffs. Opposite, and yet both so against the rulez. On their chests gleam badges with the names “Bangers” and “Mash” in big gold letters. And they’re not insisting Kelley and Jasper can’t date their daughters… they’re insisting that they DO date their daughters (both of course named Sam). Jamie’s eyes are wild, looking for an escape, but Patrick stops him. “This is why we’re here,” he says calmly. That’s right! While Jamie and Patrick are dealing with some Sheriff daughter problems in another dimension, we are dealing with My Boss’s Daughter, an early 2000’s laugh riot from Dimension Films starring Ashton Kutcher. Looks like a hoot (spoiler alert). Let’s go!

My Boss’s Daughter (2003) – BMeTric: 68.5; Notability: 43

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.6%; Notability: top 15.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 3.4%; Higher BMeT: The Room, Gigli, House of the Dead, The Cat in the Hat, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, From Justin to Kelly, Kangaroo Jack, Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde; Higher Notability: The Matrix Revolutions, Bad Boys II, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Brother Bear, Scary Movie 3, Timeline, Hollywood Homicide, Gods and Generals, Tears of the Sun, The Cat in the Hat, Paycheck, The Haunted Mansion, Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, Cradle 2 the Grave, Duplex, Wonderland, Agent Cody Banks, The Jungle Book 2, Dreamcatcher, and 19 more; Lower RT: Dorm Daze, The Foreigner, Hangman’s Curse, Gold Diggers, House of the Dead, Gigli, Kangaroo Jack, From Justin to Kelly; Notes: Wow, still three pretty excellently bad films left from 2000 with a higher BMeTric. This is a very high BMeTric. Not surprising, just a bit off the radar since I can’t think of another time I thought of doing this film. Really high Notability for a comedy as well I think.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – Smitten with the title girl of his dreams (Reid), Kutcher is trapped into house-sitting for her wealthy father, a clean-freak who warns him against letting the inevitable happen: the thorough trashing of the family mansion. The leads have no chemistry in this trendily crude comedy that makes a short running time seem longer than the uncut Greed. This sat on the shelf for a couple of years before being dumped on the market.

(Greed is a 1924 film by Erich von Strodhein based on the novel McTeague. The original cut was nearly 9 hours long, but is now lost, sometimes claimed to be the greatest film ever made (at least by that time). A four hour reconstruction was created in 1999. Oh … this film? It looks like trash, but amazing that Leonard pulls in a ref to Greed while reviewing My Boss’s Daughter starring Tara Reid.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kubIMUboWs/

(The music! Oh boy they spoil the only good joke in the film with the owl names OJ after OJ Simpson while being oblivious to him being accused of murder. And yeah, looks like unfunny garbage of course.)

Directors – David Zucker – ( Known For: Airplane!; The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!; Top Secret!; BASEketball; The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear; Ruthless People; Future BMT: Scary Movie 3; Scary Movie 4; An American Carol; BMT: Scary Movie V; My Boss’s Daughter; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Police Squad! As is obvious he was the BIG name in spoof films in the 80s, but ultimately his career craters in the 90s.)

Writers – David Dorfman – ( Known For: Anger Management; BMT: My Boss’s Daughter; Notes: I forgot that they made an Anger Management television series starring Charlie Sheen a few years ago.)

Actors – Ashton Kutcher – ( Known For: No Strings Attached; Spread; Open Season; Guess Who; A Lot Like Love; Bobby; Personal Effects; Coming Soon; Future BMT: The Butterfly Effect; Annie; Dude, Where’s My Car?; Just Married; Reindeer Games; BMT: Cheaper by the Dozen; Killers; The Guardian; What Happens in Vegas; New Year’s Eve; Valentine’s Day; Jobs; Down to You; My Boss’s Daughter; Texas Rangers; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actor in 2011 for Killers, and Valentine’s Day; Nominee for Worst Actor in 2004 for Cheaper by the Dozen, Just Married, and My Boss’s Daughter; and in 2014 for Jobs; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for What Happens in Vegas in 2009; Notes: His last feature film that actually came out was in 2014. He seems like he is basically a venture capitalist at this point. He does have a few different films slated to come out in the next few years though.)

Tara Reid – ( Known For: American Pie; The Big Lebowski; American Pie 2; Cruel Intentions; American Reunion; The Hungover Games; Josie and the Pussycats; The Crow: Wicked Prayer; A Return to Salem’s Lot; Body Shots; Dr. T & the Women; Ouija House; Charlie’s Farm; Girl; Last Call; Devil’s Pond; I Woke Up Early the Day I Died; The Fields; Knots; Andy the Talking Hedgehog; Future BMT: Van Wilder; Just Visiting; BMT: Urban Legend; Alone in the Dark; My Boss’s Daughter; Notes: Her brother has his own production company. She’s basically just in terrible non-films like Sharknado now.)

Andy Richter – ( Known For: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty; Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby; Madagascar; Marcel the Shell with Shoes On; Blades of Glory; Elf; Penguins of Madagascar; Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted; Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa; The Cat Returns; Big Trouble; Dr. Dolittle 2; Girlfriend’s Day; Cabin Boy; Run Ronnie Run; Dr. T & the Women; Lenny the Wonder Dog; Seeing Other People; The Thin Pink Line; Frank McKlusky, C.I.; Future BMT: Scary Movie 2; Semi-Pro; Pootie Tang; Aliens in the Attic; BMT: New York Minute; My Boss’s Daughter; Notes: Long time co-host for Conan, he had quite a few television shows of his own, including Andy Barker P.I. As part of Conan he was nominated for seven Emmy awards, although never won.)

Budget/Gross – $14,000,000 / Domestic: $15,550,605 (Worldwide: $18,191,005)

(I mean, that is terrible. No wonder we never got that hotly anticipated sequel to My Boss’s Daughter. That would have definitely been My Boss’s Granddaughter right?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 8% (6/74): Offensive, incoherent, and ineptly acted and directed.

(Oh boy. Offensive is the worst. How many slurs do you think I hear while watching this film. Over/under an even dozen?)

Reviewer Highlight: Zucker … directs this mess like a substitute teacher soldiering through a day’s work for a day’s pay at a decertified school. – Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly

Poster – Tom Stanfield’s Great Owl Adventure

(This is like a poster for a kids movie… but worse. I dare say nothing about this is good other than the fact that it doesn’t burn my eyes like acid. D-.)

Tagline(s) – There are some things you just don’t do. (D+)

(Oh boy… I mean this one hurts. No, I understand it. It’s just really a poor choice aesthetically. It honestly doesn’t even work in the way that they want it to. Like I think it’s one of those taglines where you are meant to read it along with the title and they mix together to create a beautiful stew. But the “you” in the tagline and the “My” in the title are like oil and water. Boooooo. There is just enough cleverness here to save it from really basement level stuff, but barely.)

Keyword(s) – dimension

Top 10: Sin City (2005), Spectre (2015), The Others (2001), Scream (1996), Equilibrium (2002), From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), The Mist (2007), Death Proof (2007), 1408 (2007), Scary Movie (2000)

Future BMT: 86.5 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.8 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 77.4 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 76.9 Superhero Movie (2008), 70.6 Halloween II (2009), 70.1 Black Christmas (2006), 68.6 Pulse (2006), 66.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 64.9 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 61.8 Cursed (2005)

BMT: Scary Movie V (2013), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), My Boss’s Daughter (2003), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Dracula 2000 (2000), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Phantoms (1998), Texas Rangers (2001), Mindhunters (2004)

Best Options (Comedy): 86.5 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.8 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 77.4 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 76.9 Superhero Movie (2008), 68.6 My Boss’s Daughter (2003), 64.9 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 61.8 Cursed (2005), 58.6 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 55.3 Fame (2009), 51.4 Scary Movie 3 (2003), 49.3 Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999), 44.6 Boys and Girls (2000), 41.7 Bad Santa 2 (2016), 37.0 The Brothers Grimm (2005), 35.3 I Got the Hook Up (1998), 33.1 School for Scoundrels (2006), 30.5 Gunmen (1993), 27.3 Senseless (1998), 18.2 Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood (1996)

(And there we are again, hitting up probably the best actual film for the category. Who’s Your Caddy is like a fake film. Really cleaning up that ‘00 to ‘05 era of Dimension.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Tara Reid is No. 2 billed in My Boss’s Daughter and No. 6 billed in Urban Legend, which also stars Alicia Witt (No. 1 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 2 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 6) + (1 + 2) + (3 + 1) = 15. If we were to watch Must Love Dogs, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – The 16 March 2001 draft of the screenplay lists David Zucker and Peter Tilden as writers. Tilden is not credited in the final film and Zucker only receives a directing credit.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Ashton Kutcher, 2004)

Bio-Dome Preview

And just as suddenly as it started, they stopped falling. “Where…where are we?” stammers Jamie, disoriented from their final plunge. Patrick doesn’t know where they are either, and even worse, he doesn’t know why. To travel somewhere in time to deconvolute their lives? To destroy the Dongle at the source? To warn their past selves about the perils of stealing the Dongle in the first place? “Where’s not the question,” Patrick concludes after these scattered thoughts, “it’s why. So keep your head on a swivel and go with the flow.” With that Jamie and Patrick press a button and exit their tiny time travel dome and find themselves in… a much larger dome? “What thuuuuuu…” Jamie exclaims, “this must be the future! The world has devolved into a hellscape no longer able to support human life. My god,” he wails in anguish, “do you think this all happened because we had the Dongle stolen from us?” He grips Patrick shirt hard, pleading for him to tell him it isn’t so. “It isn’t so,” Patrick reassures him. There is something vaguely familiar about where they are. Something from their youth, something comforting. Within the dome they are surrounded by a dense jungle. Patrick points to a river and they begin to follow it. At a nearby hill he parts some shrubbery to get a better look at their location and notices a small placard on the ground. ‘Samanthius Kellibronicus,’ it reads, ‘The Lover’s Knot.’ With that, Patrick’s first impression is confirmed. They aren’t in the future. They actually aren’t very far in the past either. He points it out to Jamie. “Wait, is this…” Jamie starts and Patrick nods his head. “The gardens of the Donald C. Tillman Water Reclamation Plant,” Patrick finishes. No wonder it looked so familiar. That’s right! We are finishing 2021 and starting 2022 off hot with a classic from our youth. The theme for this cycle is Short & Sweet a.k.a. films under 90 minutes. Bio-Dome sure does fit the bill and was marking its 25 year anniversary in 2021 to boot. Let’s see how this one holds up. Let’s go!

Bio-Dome (1996) – BMeTric: 72.1; Notability: 42

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 14.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 1.7%; Higher BMeT: Barb Wire, Kazaam, Striptease; Higher Notability: Eraser, The Fan, Jingle All the Way, Spy Hard, Chain Reaction, Daylight, Mulholland Falls, Eddie, The Associate, Up Close & Personal, Dear God, Sgt. Bilko, The Island of Dr. Moreau, Eye for an Eye, The Crow: City of Angels, The Adventures of Pinocchio, Space Truckers, In Love and War, Larger Than Life, The Glimmer Man, and 17 more; Lower RT: The Dentist, Big Bully, Ed, Ripe; Notes: You love to see the clean sweep on the BMeT for the year. We are pretty close to hitting up the top 10 for that year if I recall correctly. And 70+ BMeTric? Yes please, that is the highest in recent memory. I honestly find it a bit odd the rating for this one isn’t in the 3’s, that is where I would expect it.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – Two lay-abouts from Tuscon are sealed up for a year inside a Biosphere-like experimental habitat and drive the scientists in charge bonkers. A good comedy premise is trashed through crude writing, inept plotting, and having as heroes two worthless jerks we’re supposed to find lovable.

(You better believe this is a BOMB. There was a 0% chance Maltin would like it. Fun fact, this film has a 1 on Metacritic … a 1!)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EWikCCfHJw/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EWikCCfHJw/

(Wow the soundtrack … yeah as bad I remember it. This movie is a hilarious catastrophe. I can’t wait to watch it again.)

Directors – Jason Bloom – ( Known For: Viva Las Nowhere; BMT: Bio-Dome; Notes: In mostly a television director. He directed four episodes of Veronica Mars and nine episodes of iZombie.)

Writers – Adam Leff – ( Known For: Last Action Hero; PCU; BMT: Bio-Dome; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Last Action Hero in 1994; Notes: He has a story credit for some animated short based on Last Action Hero.)

Mitchell Peck – ( BMT: Bio-Dome; Notes: He produced the film Priest.)

Jason Blumenthal – ( BMT: Bio-Dome; Notes: A huge producer including the television show Dr. Death and the upcoming Masters of the Universe film.)

Kip Koenig – ( Known For: How to Make the Cruelest Month; BMT: Bio-Dome; Notes: Wrote three episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and as a producer was nominated for two Emmys for that show.)

Scott Marcano – ( Known For: Sanitarium; BMT: Bio-Dome; Notes: Became a pretty big documentary filmmaker it seems, writing 10 short documentaries in 2015. They seem to be focused on police reform.)

Actors – Pauly Shore – ( Known For: A Goofy Movie; How It Ends; Sandy Wexler; Guest House; Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge; Lost Angels; Opposite Day; Pauly Shore Is Dead; The Big Trip; Adopted; Future BMT: Encino Man; Son in Law; Class Act; The Wash; For Keeps?; 18 Again!; Jury Duty; BMT: Bio-Dome; Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star; In the Army Now; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actor in 1996 for Jury Duty; and in 1997 for Big Bully, Bio-Dome, Carpool, and The Stupids; Winner for Worst New Star of the Decade in 2000 for Bio-Dome, Encino Man, and Jury Duty; Winner for Worst New Star for Encino Man in 1993; and Nominee for Worst Actor of the Century in 2000 for Bio-Dome, Encino Man, and Jury Duty; Notes: The Weasel! He was a big presence on MTV from 1990 and then a movie star from 1992 to 1997. He really didn’t appear in a major motion picture after that, it was a surprisingly short period of time that he was famous.)

Stephen Baldwin – ( Known For: The Usual Suspects; Born on the Fourth of July; Casualties of War; A Simple Twist of Fate; The Beast of War; The Sex Monster; Last Exit to Brooklyn; Magi; Sky Kids; I’m in Love with a Church Girl; Friends & Lovers; Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle; Bitter Harvest; Mercy; The Least of These: The Graham Staines Story; Six: The Mark Unleashed; Homeboy; Faith of Our Fathers; Back to the Jurassic; Fall Time; Future BMT: Fred Claus; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Half Baked; Threesome; 8 Seconds; Posse; Fled; BMT: Bio-Dome; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas in 2001; Notes: Now maybe most famous as Justin Bieber’s father-in-law (lol). Asked his brother Alec whether he should do this movie and Alec told him it would likely end his career and he did it anyways.)

William Atherton – ( Known For: Die Hard; Die Hard 2; Ghostbusters; The Girl Next Door; The Last Samurai; Real Genius; The Pelican Brief; The Sugarland Express; Looking for Mr. Goodbar; Hoodlum; The Hindenburg; Clinical; The Day of the Locust; Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie; The Crow: Salvation; Into the Sun; The New Centurions; Class of ’44; Jinn; Frank & Jesse; Future BMT: Oscar; Mad City; BMT: Bio-Dome; No Mercy; Notes: Known for playing scoundrels, he was born on the exact same date as Arnold Schwarzenegger.)

Budget/Gross – $8.5 million / Domestic: $13,427,615 (Worldwide: $13,427,615)

(Whoops, terrible. You can’t really make money without making like $20 million with actual actors in a film, right?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 4% (1/25): Like its two obnoxious protagonists, this dreadfully unfunny Pauly Shore vehicle should remain separated from society.

(I honestly can’t believe it has any good reviews. I have to read this thing … boo, it isn’t really available. Remove it from the record Rotten Tomatoes, if you don’t you’re cowards.)

Reviewer Highlight: Brain-dead. Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin are slackers who drag their junk-food lives into the Bio-Dome, an experiment in ecologically correct living in Bio-Dome. On the scale of bottom-dwelling ne’er-do-wells, these two would have to rank somewhere between Beavis and microbial fungus. – Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly

Poster – Bio-Sklog

(It does feel like Pauly Shore either had some level of control in making the film, or the people making it at least attempted to understand the appeal of Shore’s stardome. There is no other explanation for this poster. It’s wild, but is trying to mimic the comedy stylings of Shore in a way that is at least interesting. Hate the colors, like the font, and everything else is insane. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Your dome away from home. (A+ for kookiness. D cause it’s literal nonsense.)

(Wooooahhhhh. Yeah! Hell yeah! This is going for it. So weird and I don’t get it, but yeah, give me more like this any day. It is terrible though… we all get that, right?)

Keyword(s) – environmentalism

Top 10: Avatar (2009), 21 Jump Street (2012), Holiday in the Wild (2019), Waterworld (1995), Point Break (2015), The Green Inferno (2013), Before Sunset (2004), The Pelican Brief (1993), Apostle (2018), First Reformed (2017)

Future BMT: 54.4 The Green Inferno (2013), 34.8 Hoot (2006), 31.1 Larger Than Life (1996), 11.3 Once Upon a Forest (1993)

BMT: Point Break (2015), Bio-Dome (1996), Fire Down Below (1997), Furry Vengeance (2010)

Matches: Bio-Dome (1996), The Ballad of Jack and Rose (2005), The Last Winter (2006)

(Is it just me or do they only release these films when Democratic presidents are in office … whatever. Hoot is a legendary film, I think it is one of the lowest grossing major releases ever. It made $8 million and was released to 3000 theaters.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 24) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Pauly Shore is No. 1 billed in Bio-Dome and No. 1 billed in In the Army Now, which also stars Art LaFleur (No. 7 billed) who is in Cobra (No. 6 billed) which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (7 + 6) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 24. If we were to watch Encino Man, and Extraordinary Measures we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Alec Baldwin told his brother, Stephen Baldwin, that doing this movie could end his acting career.

Kylie Minogue has called this film her “worst career move”. She said it’s the only thing she has done in her professional life that her father ridicules her for.

In real life, Jack Black and Kyle Gass perform together as the musical group Tenacious D.

The Biodome compound is the Donald C. Tillman Water Reclamation Plant in Van Nuys, California, which has been used in dozens of other movies and television shows.

The motto of the community college Jen and Monique attend is “nothing to be ashamed of.”

According to an interview on Last Call with Carson Daly: Episode dated 5 November 2008 (2008),Dana Gould and Harland Williams were the original stars of this film.” As Williams described it, “…They did an open-ended cattle call for Bio-Dome. And I guess Dana and myself were kind of like the emerging funny guys around town … they whittled it down, wildfingers, and it got down to me and the wildcat over here. . . We were locked in, and then me and Dana would go over to some diner on Larchmont, sit in the booth, and eat corned beef, and recite our lines.” Gould and Williams recall a deal memo for them to have the job, and the two were deep in planning for the roles. Williams bought fake bugs to practice for a bug eating scene and Gould simply dreamed of “What will it be like when we’ve done it – when we’ve made it!” Gould expanded on Williams’ testimony, saying, “It was a new director, I think his name was Steven Brill.” It is unclear from the interview if Gould remembered the name incorrectly or if plans for a director changed. “And he was like, ‘Yeah, I’m going to do this movie, and you guys are going to be it, you’re like unknowns, we’re going to break you and it’s going to be great!’ And then what apparently happened was that he went to the studio and said, ‘I’ve got these two unknowns…’ and they went, ”Naw, we have these guys to deals,’ and he went, ‘Okay!’ “

Roger Clinton: Professor Bloom, who presumably teaches at the film’s fictional college, Arizona Tech. He is wearing a shirt with the phrase “Thriving on Chaos” written on top of caricatured drawings of Bud and Doyle. After Jen autographs his shirt, he mentions to her and Monique that he’s writing a song about Bud and Doyle.

During the final sequence with the remote control and the exploding coconuts, the timers on the remote and the computer sync up with the time in the film.

Awards – Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Pauly Shore, Tom Arnold, 1997)

Bulletproof (1996) Preview

“Welcome to Raccoon City!” exclaims, Lou, the head of the Raccoon City Apartment Complex Welcoming Committee (RCACWC). He smiles at both Jamie and Patrick and then frowns a little at Kyle. “Uh, is he OK? You look a little green around the gills.” Kyle shrugs and Jamie and Patrick explain that he’s just a little love sick. “No need to worry. It’s not some big time zombie virus.” At that they all laugh and laugh and laugh. “But seriously, Mr. Cash, we need a little help. We need a little adventure. We just sit around this apartment all day and our heads are spinning. Can the RCACWC help?” Lou Cash smirks, reminiscing about the last great adventure he had. “The year was 1998,” he begins and proceeds to launch into a very long story about his days on the police force and a time that he had to investigate an old rich person’s house. “Were there ghosts?” Jamie asks out of nowhere. “Uh, no,” Lou responds confused and Kyle yawns in disappointment. Reading the room, Lou speeds through the latter half of his story, “and so you see, adventure is what you make of it and perhaps… it’s been staring you in the face this whole time.” He smiles and waits expectedly. But Jamie, Patrick and Kyle are now in the mood for ghosts and are already plucking their copy of Ghost off the shelf. Perhaps the rare combination of Patrick Swayze’s guide to love and a high stakes thrill-a-minute money laundering plot line will solve all of their problems. Lou is left forgotten at the door. He throws his hands up in exasperation and pulls a gun out of his pocket. “He’s got a gun!” screams Jamie. They wanted adventure and now Lou Cash is delivering. That’s right! We are going back 25 years to pick up an early Adam Sandler. It’s an old school buddy cop(ish) storyline with a Sandler/Wayans flair. Let’s hope its just as offensive as I think it might be. Let’s go!

Bulletproof (1996) – BMeTric: 37.4; Notability: 40

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 15.2%; Notability: top 17.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 3.3%; Higher BMeT: Barb Wire, Kazaam, Striptease, Bio-Dome, The Island of Dr. Moreau, Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace, Ed, The Crow: City of Angels, Hellraiser: Bloodline, The Stupids, Mr. Wrong, Spy Hard, Poison Ivy II, Solo, The Glimmer Man, Eddie, D3: The Mighty Ducks, Maximum Risk, Jingle All the Way, Bordello of Blood, and 18 more; Higher Notability: Eraser, The Fan, Jingle All the Way, Spy Hard, Chain Reaction, Daylight, Mulholland Falls, Eddie, The Associate, Up Close & Personal, Dear God, Sgt. Bilko, The Island of Dr. Moreau, Eye for an Eye, The Crow: City of Angels, The Adventures of Pinocchio, Space Truckers, In Love and War, Larger Than Life, Joe’s Apartment, and 23 more; Lower RT: Big Bully, The Dentist, Ed, Ripe, Bio-Dome, Kazaam, Mr. Wrong, Spy Hard; Notes: I do like it when films remind me that IMDb did something in 2014 on the new year to make some films’ ratings jump a ridiculous degree. Anyways, you can tell we still have a ton of work to do on 1996 when we have Bio-Dome and Big Bully sitting on the table.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – A racial inversion of 48HRS. without the redeeming craft. Undercover cop Wayans teams up with Sandler, the crook he’s trying to bust. Their fortunes and ambitions are unified – often acrimoniously – by a vindictive drug kingpin/car dealer played by a pitifully hammy Caan. Once great cinematographer Dickerson squanders his talent here directing a sociopathic mix of graphic violence and slapstick. A catastrophe of continuity to boot.

(First, I’ve never seen a review go so hard on continuity in a film. But “sociopathic mix of graphic violence and slapstick” is one of the greatest things I’ve ever heard. Honestly, I think a lot of action films these days are getting pretty close to that as well. Shoot someone in the face and sprinkle in some quips, boys.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfzAGAQvsz8/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfzAGAQvsz8/

(The guitar licks at the end!! It looks really terrible. Quips by Sandler, way too much punching, and just seems like a worse version of Midnight Run.)

Directors – Ernest R. Dickerson – ( Known For: Juice; Ambushed; Double Play; Blind Faith; Future BMT: Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight; Surviving the Game; Bones; BMT: Bulletproof; Never Die Alone; Notes: Worked as the cinematographer for Spike Lee for his early films, whom he bet at Howard University.)

Writers – Joe Gayton – ( Known For: Faster; Uncommon Valor; Sweet Jane; Shout; Warm Summer Rain; BMT: Bulletproof; Notes: His brother is also a screenwriter, they both wrote on Hell on Wheels and have written a few movies together.)

Lewis Colick – ( Known For: October Sky; Unlawful Entry; Ladder 49; Ghosts of Mississippi; Beyond the Sea; The Dirt Bike Kid; Future BMT: Charlie St. Cloud; Judgment Night; Domestic Disturbance; BMT: Bulletproof; Notes: He wrote a ton of films in the 80s and 90s. His last film was in 2010, but he is attached to both the Flaming Hot Cheetos movie and the Chicken Soup for the Soul film.)

Actors – Damon Wayans – ( Known For: Last Action Hero; Beverly Hills Cop; The Last Boy Scout; Roxanne; Earth Girls Are Easy; Colors; I’m Gonna Git You Sucka; Bamboozled; Hollywood Shuffle; Punchline; The Great White Hype; Farce of the Penguins; Future BMT: Major Payne; Look Who’s Talking Too; Celtic Pride; Blankman; Mo’ Money; Marci X; BMT: Bulletproof; Notes: As part of In Living Color he was nominated for three Emmys. His family is filled with comedians including his three brothers and his son.)

Adam Sandler – ( Known For: Uncut Gems; Punch-Drunk Love; The Wedding Singer; Murder Mystery; Happy Gilmore; Billy Madison; Hotel Transylvania; 50 First Dates; Hubie Halloween; Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation; Anger Management; The Do-Over; Reign Over Me; Funny People; The Meyerowitz Stories; Hotel Transylvania 2; Spanglish; The Cobbler; The Week Of; Sandy Wexler; Future BMT: The Longest Yard; Eight Crazy Nights; Mixed Nuts; The Waterboy; Big Daddy; Click; Coneheads; You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; The Hot Chick; Mr. Deeds; Airheads; Men, Women & Children; The Animal; Bedtime Stories; Dirty Work; BMT: That’s My Boy; Grown Ups; Just Go with It; Grown Ups 2; Blended; Pixels; Little Nicky; The Ridiculous 6; Jack and Jill; Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Zookeeper; Going Overboard; Bulletproof; Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screenplay, Worst Actor, Worst Actress, and Worst Screen Couple for Jack and Jill in 2012; Winner for Worst Actor in 2000 for Big Daddy; in 2012 for Just Go with It; and in 2013 for That’s My Boy; Nominee for Worst Screenplay in 2000 for Big Daddy; in 2001 for Little Nicky; in 2012 for Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star; and in 2014 for Grown Ups 2; Nominee for Worst Actor in 1997 for Bulletproof, and Happy Gilmore; in 1999 for The Waterboy; in 2001 for Little Nicky; in 2003 for Eight Crazy Nights, and Mr. Deeds; in 2008 for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; in 2014 for Grown Ups 2; in 2015 for Blended; in 2016 for Pixels, and The Cobbler; and in 2021 for Hubie Halloween; Nominee for Worst Screen Combo in 2016 for The Cobbler; and in 2021 for Hubie Halloween; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 2008 for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; in 2012 for Just Go with It; and in 2013 for That’s My Boy; Notes: Our 15th Sandler film for BMT and we have 15 to go … my god, he’s made so many. Someday Sandler, someday we will complete your filmography!)

James Caan – ( Known For: Elf; The Godfather; The Godfather: Part II; Misery; Santa’s Slay; A Bridge Too Far; Dick Tracy; Dogville; Queen Bees; Get Smart; Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs; 1941; Bottle Rocket; Detachment; Thief; El Dorado; Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2; The Yards; Middle Men; The Tale of The Princess Kaguya; BMT: That’s My Boy; Eraser; Bulletproof; Notes: Played football for Michigan State and is the father of Scott Caan. Was apparently on the professional rodeo circuit for nine years.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $21,576,954 (Worldwide: $22,611,954)

(That seems okay for 1998. You’d want more, but that doesn’t seem too catastrophic as Sandler at the time must have been relatively cheap.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 8% (3/39): In addition to its ability to deflect gunfire, Bulletproof proves sadly impervious to humor, logic, or worthwhile viewing.

(Shots fired. That seems to be the general gist of things. That it is just a preposterous story with negative laughs.)

Reviewer Highlight: The film’s action elements are so preposterous that the sequence of events seems almost improvised. – Stephen Holden, New York Times

Poster – Bulletproof to the Head

(Classic poster. I can even imagine walking by it in the hallway of a theater. That’s mostly what it has going for it cause the color scheme is nonexistent and the font boring. I think the framing is the most interesting aspect. Looking down that long desert highway. C.)

Tagline(s) – Tough cop. Hostile witness. (C-)

(Yeah and? I’m not sure if this is a play on something and I’m missing it? Just seems like they are pointing out that one is a tough cop and the other is a hostile witness, which is indeed the plot of the film. Doesn’t offend my senses though.)

Keyword(s) – undercover-cop

Top 10: Baby Driver (2017), Spiral (2021), 21 Jump Street (2012), The Whole Nine Yards (2000), Sin City (2005), Memento (2000), Batman Begins (2005), Reservoir Dogs (1992), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Bad Boys for Life (2020)

Future BMT: 59.8 The Mod Squad (1999), 54.2 Spiral (2021), 49.3 Showtime (2002), 46.9 Cop Out (2010), 45.3 Tomcats (2001), 41.5 Boiling Point (1993), 41.0 Brick Mansions (2014), 38.1 Fled (1996), 37.7 Action Jackson (1988), 36.5 Death Warrant (1990)

BMT: The Fast and the Furious (2001), Fast & Furious (2009), Gone in 60 Seconds (2000), Gangster Squad (2013), Ride Along (2014), Hard to Kill (1990), Beverly Hills Cop III (1994), Exit to Eden (1994), Exit Wounds (2001), Ride Along 2 (2016), Stone Cold (1991), Bulletproof (1996), No Mercy (1986)

Matches: Reservoir Dogs (1992), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Fast & Furious (2009), City of Lies (2018), Street Kings (2008), A Scanner Darkly (2006), Undercover Brother (2002), Exit to Eden (1994), Nighthawks (1981), Rush (1991), Superfast! (2015), Bulletproof (1996), The Mod Squad (1999), Renegades (1989), Ten Violent Women (1982), Bloodsport: The Dark Kumite (1999), The Proposal (2001), Jill Rips (2000), Lowball (1996), Strapped for Danger II: Undercover Vice (2020), Narx (2011), Black Lightning (2008)

(Done a bunch of these now. Given we are about to watch another JCVD film I’m pretty excited to eventually watch Death Warrant.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 11) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Adam Sandler is No. 2 billed in Bulletproof and No. 1 billed in Jack and Jill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 3 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 11. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – James Caan said of working with the leads, “playing the heavy between these two clowns took a lot of serious concentration.”

Colton’s mansion is the same one used in Beverly Hills Cop (1984). Damon Wayans had a minor role in that film as the server who gave Eddie Murphy the bananas.

Director Ernest R. Dickerson was very critical about the movie, saying the movie was “castrated” because of the producers.

When Damon Wayans hosted Saturday Night Live (1975) in 1994, Adam Sandler had an idea to do an action movie together. A year later, he sent Wayans the script for this film.

James Woods was originally chosen to play Frank Colton. He had to drop out due to scheduling conflicts with Ghosts of Mississippi (1996).

Producer Robert Simonds knew Damon Wayans could be a leading man after seeing The Last Boy Scout (1991). “That’s what we needed, a leading man who could get the laughs when he had to.”

Ernest R. Dickerson said that film was trying to be 48 Hrs. (1982) for the 1990s.

Body Count: 26.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Adam Sandler, 1997)