Tag: number in title

1492: Conquest of Paradise Preview

Patrick puts on his glasses, but then remembers that he’s Stallone and has perfect 20/20 vision, naturally. His beautiful mind goes into overdrive and his fingers dance over the keyboard of the Apple IIe that Kyle had set up in his room. With only BASIC available and 64Kb of memory at his disposal, what he is doing is anything but basic. It’s a full blown Jamie simulation. “Hello, Patrick. So glad we can be together again,” the simulation says and the breath catches in Patrick’s throat. It’s perfect. “How can we tell if you are you?” he asks the simulation which cryptically answers “try me.” Patrick thinks long and hard and eventually has an idea. He sets up millions of situations where Jamie and Kyle meet. Try him, they will. He puts the cursor over the program he’s entitled “ConquestOfParadise.exe” and takes a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

“Welcome to the hurt locker,” Kyle says as he pulls off the blindfold he’s had Jamie wear for the trip. Jamie’s knees are quaking at the thought of his worst nightmare, but when his eyes refocus he is surprised to see they’ve arrived at the hottest waterpark in town, The River of Death. It’s 24/7/365 lazy river action at The River of Death. Kyle shrugs and admits it was all a ruse. “Let’s have some fun today… maybe that’ll loosen things up in the ol’ noggin’”. Off they rush and have quite the day. Lazy River Amazon, Lazy River Nile, Lazy River Hudson. By the end of the Danube they are Lazy River pooped. “Oh wait, now I remember what I was thinking,” Jamie says as they walk out of the park. Kyle was right, the stress of time travel really was messing with his head. “His car.”

That’s right! We are conquesting some paradise by watching the Christopher Columbus epic we know and love, 1942: Conquest of Paradise… or at least one of the Christopher Columbus epics we know and love. I’ve never really thought about watching this film, but with Ridley Scott directing it’s worth it. Pairing that up with another film with a year in the title, we are watching Knight Rider 2000. I also never really thought about watching this film, but I’m not sure why. It sounds amazing. Let’s go!

1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992) – BMeTric: 19.5; Notability: 50

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 19.6%; Notability: top 4.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 21.1%; Higher BMeT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Body of Evidence, Cool World, Pet Sematary II, Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice, Toys, The Lawnmower Man, Sleepwalkers, 3 Ninjas, Sidekicks, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Freejack, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Beethoven, Aces: Iron Eagle III, Evil Toons, Ladybugs, Dr. Giggles, Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, Encino Man, and 29 more; Higher Notability: Toys, Cool World, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Newsies, Freejack, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, The Bodyguard, Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Innocent Blood, Universal Soldier; Lower RT: Once Upon a Crime…, Live Wire, Folks!, Frozen Assets, Love Crimes, Year of the Comet, Cool World, Man Trouble, Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them, Body of Evidence, Claire of the Moon, Passed Away, Ladybugs, Mr. Baseball, Mom and Dad Save the World, The Distinguished Gentleman, The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, and 28 more; Notes: Surprisingly high Notability there, for a historical epic starring Depardieu at least. Otherwise not a super amount of cred.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – Still, in its own way and up to a certain point, “1492” is a satisfactory film. Depardieu lends it gravity, the supporting performances are convincing, the locations are realistic, and we are inspired to reflect that it did indeed take a certain nerve to sail off into nowhere just because an orange was round.

(Ebert liked this one as well?! That’s a stunner. I would definitely have thought sheer boredom would have doomed it for him. I can’t imagine it is “good for what it is” in any capacity.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmnLrzG2zKw/

(Is this a real trailer? This film gets a weird hip hop beat trailer, and a “ONE MAN” voiceover. That is insane.)

Directors – Ridley Scott – ( Known For: Gladiator; Alien; House of Gucci; The Last Duel; Robin Hood; Blade Runner; Prometheus; Legend; Thelma & Louise; The Martian; Alien: Covenant; Black Hawk Down; American Gangster; G.I. Jane; Body of Lies; All the Money in the World; Black Rain; Matchstick Men; The Duellists; White Squall; Future BMT: Hannibal; Kingdom of Heaven; Exodus: Gods and Kings; The Counselor; A Good Year; BMT: 1492: Conquest of Paradise; Notes: Nominated for four Oscars (The Martian, Black Hawk Down, Gladiator, and Thelma & Louise). His brother Tony Scott was also a big name director.)

Writers – Rose Bosch – ( Known For: The Roundup; My Summer in Provence; Bimboland; BMT: 1492: Conquest of Paradise; Notes: Wow, so she is Spanish and came across Columbus’ correspondences while in Seville as a reporter. The film was then created specifically to coincide with the 500th anniversary of Columbus landing in the Americas. That’s a crazy story.)

Actors – Gérard Depardieu – ( Known For: Life of Pi; Going Places; Hamlet; Last Holiday; Lost Illusions; Asterix & Obelix: Mission Cleopatra; La Vie en Rose; 1900; Paris, je t’aime; Maigret; Cyrano de Bergerac; Asterix and Obelix vs. Caesar; Green Card; Nathalie…; Let the Sunshine In; How Much Do You Love Me?; Mesrine: Killer Instinct; Jean de Florette; Asterix at the Olympic Games; City of Ghosts; Future BMT: The Man in the Iron Mask; 102 Dalmatians; My Father the Hero; BMT: 1492: Conquest of Paradise; Babylon A.D.; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Cyrano de Bergerac. That was 1990, so this film really is just coming on the heels of that when his cred is sky high with American audiences. It should be said that he’s said in interviews that he has raped people and that things were different in the 80s or whatever. It is pretty nuts. Read his wiki if you are curious.)

Armand Assante – ( Known For: American Gangster; The Road to El Dorado; Smile; Private Benjamin; Little Darlings; Prophecy; The Lords of Flatbush; Dead Man Down; Hoffa; Q&A; Paradise Alley; When Nietzsche Wept; The Match; The Mambo Kings; I, the Jury; Funny Money; Diamond Cartel; The Neighborhood; Chicago Overcoat; The Line; Future BMT: Two for the Money; Unfaithfully Yours; Trial by Jury; BMT: Striptease; Judge Dredd; 1492: Conquest of Paradise; Fatal Instinct; The Marrying Man; Notes: Won an Emmy for Gotti (playing Gotti) and was nominated for Jack the Ripper as well. He’s one of those actors who was huge in the 90s and then just dropped right off into straight-to-video in the 00s almost immediately.)

Sigourney Weaver – ( Known For: Avatar; Ghostbusters; Ghostbusters: Afterlife; The Good House; Alien; The Cabin in the Woods; Aliens; Call Jane; Ghostbusters: Answer the Call; Ghostbusters II; The Village; WALL·E; Holes; Alien³; Galaxy Quest; Alien: Resurrection; Master Gardener; Working Girl; Paul; Annie Hall; Future BMT: Exodus: Gods and Kings; Chappie; You Again; Vantage Point; The Cold Light of Day; Happily N’Ever After; Deal of the Century; BMT: 1492: Conquest of Paradise; Abduction; Notes: Nominated for three Oscars (Gorillas in the Mist, Working Girl, and Aliens). The first two were in the same year too. She’s playing like a kid in the next Avatar? It is insanity.)

Budget/Gross – $47,000,000 / Domestic: $7,191,399 (Worldwide: $7,191,399)

(What a disaster. What a complete disaster. But how? How is a realistic film about Columbus making like $100 million?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (7/22): Historically inaccurate and dramatically inert, Ridley Scott’s retelling of Christopher Columbus’ exploits is an epic without grandeur or insight.

(Yeah for a film that wants to be gritty and realistic the stories about them just making stuff up is kind of wild in the end.)

Reviewer Highlight: This $50 million spectacle must be one of the least entertaining epic films ever made. – David Ansen, Newsweek

Poster – 1492: Close Enough

(I like the vibrant colors, but the whole poster seems like a bunch of nonsense. Just like a due with a sword running through some water and some terrible font. C+.)

Tagline(s) – Centuries before the exploration of space, there was another voyage into the unknown. (F is for Funny)

(Wooooooah. Legendary. It’s like a little short story. Really crazy this is the tagline. I like to extend this analogy out a little. It’s like Topher Columbus going around to the US government and being like “Yo, I think Mars is way closer than the math says, let me try to get there.” And then him flying to the moon and being like “Wooooah, I found Mars!” Make that the tagline.)

Keyword(s) – past

Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), Forrest Gump (1994), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Gladiator (2000), Inglourious Basterds (2009), Saving Private Ryan (1998), Schindler’s List (1993), The Prestige (2006), Shutter Island (2010)

Future BMT: 88.7 BloodRayne (2005), 73.0 The Unborn (2009), 70.4 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.2 Black Christmas (2006), 67.4 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 66.0 The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (2014), 64.6 The Final Destination (2009), 62.1 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 59.8 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 56.8 Robin Hood (2018), 55.1 Annabelle (2014), 54.9 The Quiet Ones (2014), 54.5 Snow Dogs (2002), 53.8 Spy Hard (1996), 53.2 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.4 2016: Obama’s America (2012), 52.1 Radhe Shyam (2022), 51.6 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 50.2 Halloween Kills (2021), 50.2 The Last Legion (2007)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Fog (2005), Movie 43 (2013), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Glitter (2001), Holmes & Watson (2018), The Master of Disguise (2002), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Grease 2 (1982), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Jonah Hex (2010), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Wild Wild West (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Black Knight (2001), Chernobyl Diaries (2012), A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), The Musketeer (2001), An American Haunting (2005), Apollo 18 (2011), Ishtar (1987), The Curse of La Llorona (2019), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), The Nun (2018), Pinocchio (2002), Bolero (1984), Bones (2001), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), House of Wax (2005), Season of the Witch (2011), The Tuxedo (2002), Mannequin: On the Move (1991), Pompeii (2014), Ghost Ship (2002), Assassin’s Creed (2016), The Scarlet Letter (1995), Dolittle (2020), Timeline (2003), The Quest (1996), X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019), Wagons East (1994), The Three Musketeers (2011), Diana (2013), Ben-Hur (2016), Rambo III (1988), Around the World in 80 Days (2004), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006), The Blue Lagoon (1980), Cutthroat Island (1995), Texas Rangers (2001), Sucker Punch (2011), Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001), Jobs (2013), Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004), Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), Original Sin (2001), Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013), American Outlaws (2001), Universal Soldier (1992), Winter’s Tale (2014), Harlem Nights (1989), I Dreamed of Africa (2000), Pearl Harbor (2001), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), The Identical (2014), The Chamber (1996), The Marrying Man (1991), Wild Bill (1995), In Love and War (1996), Sleepaway Camp (1983), Gods and Generals (2003), The Lone Ranger (2013), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992), Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017), Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985), Halloween II (1981), September Dawn (2007), Young Guns II (1990), Oscar (1991), Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), Evening (2007), The 13th Warrior (1999), White Comanche (1968), Gangster Squad (2013), Now and Then (1995), A Dog’s Purpose (2017)

Best Options (year-in-title): 19.5 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992)

(The best option sub cycle thing is kind of fake. That is, I knew I wanted to do films with a year in the title (aka an A+ film set in the past), but I also knew the option of 1492 already existed. The eventual choice of Knight Rider 2000 was with the knowledge that we obviously also had good straight-to-video / tv movie options for films set in the future as well.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Armand Assante is No. 2 billed in 1492: Conquest of Paradise and No. 3 billed in Judge Dredd, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – The replicas of Columbus’ ships used in the film were built in Spain between 1990 and 1992. In 1992 they sailed the route of Columbus’ first voyage to commemorate to 500th anniversary of the discovery of America. Today they are exhibited in Palos de la Frontera, Spain, and they are visited by approximately 200.000 people each year.

Hans Zimmer was originally chosen to compose the music for the film until Sir Ridley Scott decided to approach Vangelis.

Screenwriter Rose Bosch got the idea for the project when she discovered millions of untranslated parchments while researching an article on Columbus. After joining forces with a French film executive, she finally found an interested director in Sir Ridley Scott, who had always wanted to make a movie about Columbus. Scott agreed to direct the film on one condition: Columbus must be played by Gérard Depardieu. Depardieu was contacted, and eager to take the part.

The film was released in France on October 12, 1992, 500 years to the day after Christopher Columbus’ expedition made landfall in the Caribbean and landed on the island of Guanahani. This was the first land in the New World sighted and visited by Columbus.

The film shot for 16 weeks.

The original title was simply “Columbus”.

This project was concurrently developed with Alexander and Ilya Salkind’s Christopher Columbus: The Discovery (1992) to be released on time for the 500th anniversary of Columbus’ voyage. The Salkinds’ first choice for director for their film was Sir Ridley Scott. Four months after rejecting their offer, Scott started working on a rival “Christopher Columbus” project which ultimately became 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992). As a consequence of this, the Salkinds unsuccessfully tried to sue Scott for stealing their idea. They were forced to drop their lawsuit when it was proved that “1492”s producer Alain Goldman and writer Roselyne Bosch’s first proposal of a Christopher Columbus project predated theirs.

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Apollo 18 Preview

Patrick stops his car in the parking lot of a local Bob’s Big Boy. He shudders at the thought of the unhealthy cuisine held within, but knows that’s just the Stallone talking. He looks over in the front seat at young Kyle and wonders how long the rap for kidnapping is in 1989. If Tango & Cash is any indication, jail isn’t a place for Sly Stallone. “Kid, I got a lot of explaining to do.” Over the next four hours or so he details the history of BMT and the role he eventually plays in it. By the end the child looks up at him in wonder. “Mr. Stallone,” he squeaks, “that’s a great story and all, but what am I supposed to do about it?” What indeed? As he looks around he sees an ad in the window of the Big Boy detailing “out of this world prices.” Out of the world? Space? Space and time! “Kid,” he says to Kyle, “buckle up cause we’re going galactic.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you,” Kyle says, concern etched on his face. At first he had listened to Jamie’s claim that he wasn’t actually Frank Stallone with curiosity, but when the Dongle came up his face darkened. Jamie doesn’t know what he can do, frustration builds until he does the only thing that comes naturally and belts out the first verse of Your Body is a Wonderland by John Mayer. Kyle is moved. Not only is the song a beautiful soft rock ode to the human form, but channeled through the voice of Frank Stallone it takes on an otherworldly beauty. Kyle stops in his tracks. When he turns Jamie sees tears in his eyes. “Alright,” he sighs, “but I can’t make any promises.” 

That’s right! We’re going galactic for the otherworldly beauty of Apollo 18, one of the lesser titles in the found footage surge we experienced following The Blair Witch Project. We are pairing that with a moon-centric straight-to-video horror The Dark Side of the Moon from 1990. Gotta love the moon… seriously, what are you some animal who hates the moon? It does so much for us and asks so little. Let’s go!

Apollo 18 (2011) – BMeTric: 59.0; Notability: 23

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.8%; Notability: top 28.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.7%; Higher BMeT: Jack and Jill, The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Shark Night, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, The Darkest Hour, The Roommate, Hellraiser: Revelations, Conan the Barbarian, Abduction, I Don’t Know How She Does It, Zookeeper, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil; Higher Notability: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Green Lantern, Cars 2, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, Hop, Your Highness, New Year’s Eve, Jack and Jill, The Smurfs, Battle Los Angeles, Red Riding Hood, Sucker Punch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, I Am Number Four, The Hangover Part II, In Time, Johnny English Reborn, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Season of the Witch, and 51 more; Lower RT: Hellraiser: Revelations, Faces in the Crowd, Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Roommate, A Little Bit of Heaven, Hick, Abduction, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Dream House, New Year’s Eve, Trespass, Red Riding Hood, Season of the Witch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Atlas Shrugged: Part I, The Darkest Hour, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, There Be Dragons, The Moth Diaries, and 27 more; Notes: Fantastic BMeTric there. We talking about Zookeeper level? That’s impressive.

Entertainment Weekly – D+ –  In space no one can hear you scream. Or groan. Apollo 18 hopes to tap into the same shivery, voyeuristic vein as its found-footage predecessors The Blair Witch Project and Paranormal Activity, but it doesn’t seem to understand how those films managed to get under our skin. While their half-a-shoestring budgets forced them to be inventive — transforming mundane sights like shaking tents and swinging doors into conductors of genuine fright — this purported documentary of the final, secret moon landing is just a Hollywood production playing pauper: the grainy 16mm film doesn?t mask the fact that the movie is put together with the same juddering editing and bad characterization as most traditionally shot thrillers.

(“I doubt many will be checking the far corners of their lunar modules.” And that right there’s the rub, right? Why is this scary when the monsters exist on the dark side of the moon and are so remote as to be unknown to even the biggest conspiracy nuts for 40 years?)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RGhKzUUaME/

(Excuse me? In the years that followed there was unconfirmed evidence of Apollo 18. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-but the film itself purports that they got the evidence only after some hero posted it on the internet! Looks terrible.)

Directors – Gonzalo López-Gallego – ( Known For: Open Grave; The Hollow Point; El rey de la montaña; BMT: Apollo 18; Notes: He’s mostly an Editor. He, for example. Edited the BMT classic Backdraft 2 …)

Writers – Brian Miller – ( BMT: Apollo 18; Notes: There is literally nothing about this guy. He wrote and directed a short called Paracusia.)

Cory Goodman – ( Future BMT: Underworld: Blood Wars; BMT: The Last Witch Hunter; Priest; Apollo 18; Notes: Do yourself a favor and look at the posters for all of the movies this guy wrote … they look all the same. Dark with shades of blue/green.)

Actors – Warren Christie – ( Known For: Land; Gray Matters; Beneath; Magic Flute Diaries; BMT: This Means War; Apollo 18; Notes: Huh, he played Bruce Wayne in the Batwoman series. From Ireland.)

Lloyd Owen – ( Known For: The Man with the Iron Heart; Free Ride; Miss Potter; Thugs of Hindostan; The Republic of Love; BMT: Apollo 18; Notes: I thought I recognized him! He’s Elendil in Rings of Power! Funny. Didn’t recognize him without the beard.)

Ryan Robbins – ( Known For: Dangerous; Spectral; Life on the Line; Passengers; Coffee & Kareem; The Confirmation; Reasonable Doubt; Vampire; Scorched Earth; Wrecked; Boundaries; Liberty Stands Still; Stark Raving Mad; Manson, My Name Is Evil; Unrivaled; Marilyn; Cold Blooded; Future BMT: The Shack; BMT: Warcraft; Seventh Son; Walking Tall; Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem; Catwoman; Paycheck; Apollo 18; Notes: Mostly a television actor I think. He was in 26 episodes of Riverdale. Although, he is a seemingly big character names Zero in the Sniper series.)

Budget/Gross – $5,000,000 / Domestic: $17,687,709 (Worldwide: $26,236,153)

(And here you see why this film was made. A cool profit, easy peasy, and if it had ended up being even remotely good they’d be swimming in sequels and making money hand over fist.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 24% (18/75): A boring, suspense-free Paranormal Activity rip-off that feels long even at just 90 minutes.

(Oooooooooooof. Something feeling long at 90 minutes is a bad sign. And I HATE found footage already.)

Reviewer Highlight: Make no mistake, Apollo 18 is a *terrible* movie. – Keith Phipps, AV Club

Poster – Sklog-pollo 18

(I like the font, but like… come on. Even looking at the poster I’m thinking “you can’t be serious.” But they were… they were serious. C+.)

Tagline(s) – There’s a reason we’ve never gone back to the moon. (C+)

(Yeah… money. It does the job. Wish it was more clever.)

Keyword(s) – past

Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), Forrest Gump (1994), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Gladiator (2000), Inglourious Basterds (2009), Saving Private Ryan (1998), Schindler’s List (1993), The Prestige (2006), Shutter Island (2010)

Future BMT: 88.6 BloodRayne (2005), 72.9 The Unborn (2009), 70.3 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 Black Christmas (2006), 69.7 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 65.8 The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (2014), 64.5 The Final Destination (2009), 62.1 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 59.7 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 57.6 Bolero (1984)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Fog (2005), Movie 43 (2013), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Glitter (2001), Holmes & Watson (2018), The Master of Disguise (2002), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Grease 2 (1982), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Jonah Hex (2010), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Wild Wild West (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Black Knight (2001), Chernobyl Diaries (2012), A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), The Musketeer (2001), An American Haunting (2005), Apollo 18 (2011), Ishtar (1987), The Nun (2018), The Curse of La Llorona (2019), Pinocchio (2002), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Bones (2001), Shanghai Surprise (1986), House of Wax (2005), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), Season of the Witch (2011), The Tuxedo (2002), Mannequin: On the Move (1991), Pompeii (2014), Ghost Ship (2002), Assassin’s Creed (2016), The Scarlet Letter (1995), Timeline (2003), Dolittle (2020), The Quest (1996), X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019), Wagons East (1994), The Three Musketeers (2011), Diana (2013), Ben-Hur (2016), Rambo III (1988), Around the World in 80 Days (2004), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006), The Blue Lagoon (1980), Cutthroat Island (1995), Texas Rangers (2001), Sucker Punch (2011), Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001), Jobs (2013), Universal Soldier (1992), Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004), Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), Original Sin (2001), Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013), American Outlaws (2001), Winter’s Tale (2014), Harlem Nights (1989), The Identical (2014), I Dreamed of Africa (2000), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), The Chamber (1996), The Marrying Man (1991), Wild Bill (1995), In Love and War (1996), Sleepaway Camp (1983), Gods and Generals (2003), The Lone Ranger (2013), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017), Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985), Halloween II (1981), September Dawn (2007), Young Guns II (1990), Oscar (1991), Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), Evening (2007), The 13th Warrior (1999), White Comanche (1968), Gangster Squad (2013), Now and Then (1995), A Dog’s Purpose (2017)

Best Options (Horror): 88.6 BloodRayne (2005), 72.9 The Unborn (2009), 70.3 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 Black Christmas (2006), 65.8 The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (2014), 62.1 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 59.7 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 59.0 Apollo 18 (2011), 55.1 Annabelle (2014), 54.9 The Quiet Ones (2014),… (and many more)

(As you can see there were a lot of options. Probably the other one that we might have done would have been the notorious Exorcist: The Beginning, but Apollo 18, having come out the year we started BMT, has been on the table for so long we had to do it.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 26) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Warren Christie is No. 2 billed in Apollo 18 and No. 7 billed in This Means War, which also stars Reese Witherspoon (No. 1 billed) who is in Devil’s Knot (No. 1 billed) which also stars Bruce Greenwood (No. 9 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 6 billed) => (2 + 7) + (1 + 1) + (9 + 6) = 26. If we were to watch Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde we can get the HoE Number down to 20.

Notes – This film was shot using old camera lenses from the 70s.

The prologue text at the beginning of the movie states that the documented footage of the secret Apollo 18 mission was uploaded to the website “www.lunartruth.com”. When the movie was in theaters, if you typed that address into your browser, it would redirect you to “apollo18movie.net”, which was the movie’s official website. Both sites have since been shut down.

This film has no score.

NASA’s liaison for multimedia, Bert Ulrich, has officially stated that “Apollo 18 is not a documentary … the film is a work of fiction.”

The actual Apollo 18 lunar mission flight crew would have been the Apollo 15 backup crew: Richard Gordon (Commander), Vance Brand (Command Module Pilot), and Harrison Schmitt (Lunar Module Pilot). Because of his expertise in geology, Schmitt was moved to Apollo 17 after Apollo 18, 19, and 20 were canceled.

Not screened in advance for critics.

Gerry Griffin, who worked as a Flight Director for every manned Apollo mission, is a technical advisor.

The release date was moved several times, from March 4, 2011 to April 22, 2011, then an almost entire year to January 6, 2012, then it was advanced to August 26, 2011 and finally was released on September 2, 2012.

An earlier version of the movie had giant moon rock monsters in it. Although they do not feature explicitly in the final cut, some brief glimpses of much larger rock spider creatures can be seen as the lunar rover carrying Captain Anderson (Warren Christie) and Lieutenant Walker (Lloyd Owen) flips over; and just before Walker is killed, a large shadow approaches him, and his body is quickly dragged away afterwards, suggesting a much larger creature.

Dracula 2000 Preview

“Gruber?” Rich whisper, but instead of the mad man one of the groundskeepers steps into view. Suddenly the man’s suit glows blue and a virus begins to download onto their computer. Poe and Brock rush into the room out of breath. “Stop! Rich… the groundskeepers. They are lawnmower men.” A gasp goes through the room. How could such monstrous beings be hiding right under their noses? No wonder Gruber wanted the tech so badly. A virus that controls lawnmower men would be devastating. Rich turns to his colleagues. “Now I understand. It’s so obvious. Gruber wanted us to find the virus, once we found it it activated the lawnmower men who then came and downloaded the virus from our computer. It’s all a frame job. Made to look like we released lawnmower men on the world.” My God! It’s all so clear! The lawnmower men cackle in glee as they run forwards and jack into the internet and enter cyberspace. Just then Poe has an idea. “Get me the virus file and a laptop. It’s time to get spectechular.” They all high five at his appropriate use of teen lingo. Putting on some sweet VR head gear they all get hacking and hack like they’ve never hacked before. Finally they find the garbage file and isolate the virus. “Tell me the name,” Poe yells, “we need to understand the code and then we can jack into cyberspace and take it down.” Rich reconstructs the degraded file and gasps, “It’s a money-making scheme meant to bleed the school dry of funds before escaping to the Caribbean.” It’s Poe’s turn to gasp as he understands the implications, “you don’t mean…” But Rich nods, “It’s a Dracula Virus. FangTime2000. And we’re on the hook. It’s time to jack in.” That’s right! We are going back in time to the far past of 2000 where just adding that number to a film’s name meant you were in for a wild ride. No better exemplified than with Dracula 2000, which attempted to move the well-worn property into the new millennium. We’ve been eyeing this one mostly for the opportunity to see a tiny Gerard Butler when he was just a wee lad. Jonny Lee Miller gave us the opportunity. Let’s go!

Meanwhile… having subdued the security guards using their country bumpkin disguises the two hooded figures finally remove their hoods. Gasp! It’s Sticks and Stones! The wiley Z-universe twin cops. On brand, they are up to no good and gaze upon their final destination: the BMTVerse Jackdrive. They activate the screen and up pops their BMTverse partner in crime. “We’re ready to jack in, Dr. Vampiro.” That’s right! We’re watching Dracula 3000 as the delightful pairing for the Bring a Friend cycle. This is a terrible film that makes me sad to even think about watching. Yay! Let’s go!

Dracula 2000 (2000) – BMeTric: 64.0 

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Dracula2000IMDb_RV

(Extremely consistent which is a good sign. As usual I feel like what this means is that over time people are still looking at this film and thinking “this is garbage”. Sub 4.0 is really low. Promising.)

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars –  Miller heads to New Orleans to save a sweet young thing from the charms of cinema’s most famous bloodsucker (Butler). Perhaps the only film in history that manages to get its producer’s name, lead character and release date all in the official title, this modern-day take on the vampire classic shows why some characters are best left in their own era. Has a few good moments and better performances than you might expect. Followed by two direct-to-video sequels.

(Oooof, no Oxford comma Leonard? That is really just too bad, I’m a huge proponent of the Oxford comma. Whatever, I don’t think Leonard watched this film, this review is too generic. A few good moments? Naw, I bet this movie is garbage. Just speculating.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=py_sPdBmstA/

(My God, this looks like the rudest tudest late-90s / early 00s trash remake in history. Just spit right in the face of Dracula fans. I cannot wait, this is going to be so dumb.)

Directors – Patrick Lussier – (Known For: My Bloody Valentine; White Noise: The Light; BMT: Dracula 2000; Drive Angry; Notes: Started as a television editor, specifically on MacGyver. His son is also involved in film editing.)

Writers – Joel Soisson (story & screenplay) – (Known For: Trick or Treat; Future BMT: Piranha 3DD; Highlander: Endgame; Cam2Cam; BMT: Dracula 2000; Notes: Wrote the straight-to-video sequel Hellraiser: Hellworld. His wife Claudia Templeton often cameos in his films.)

Patrick Lussier (story) – (Future BMT: Terminator Genisys; BMT: Dracula 2000; Drive Angry; Notes: Also wrote straight-to-video sequels Dracula II: Ascension and Dracula III: Legacy. Despite the different names they are indeed sequels to this film.)

Actors – Gerard Butler – (Known For: How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World; 300; Den of Thieves; Olympus Has Fallen; RocknRolla; How to Train Your Dragon; The Vanishing; How to Train Your Dragon 2; Tomorrow Never Dies; Reign of Fire; Nim’s Island; Coriolanus; Beowulf & Grendel; Mrs Brown; Dear Frankie; Harrison’s Flowers; The Cherry Orchard; Future BMT: Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life; Tale of the Mummy; The Ugly Truth; A Family Man; The Game of Their Lives; Machine Gun Preacher; BMT: Movie 43; Dracula 2000; Geostorm; Gods of Egypt; The Bounty Hunter; Timeline; Gamer; Playing for Keeps; London Has Fallen; Hunter Killer; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor in 2011 for The Bounty Hunter; and in 2017 for Gods of Egypt, and London Has Fallen; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple/Worst Screen Ensemble for The Bounty Hunter in 2011; Notes: His home was apparently destroyed in the Woolsey Fire, all of the recent news is dominated by press concerning his soon-to-be-released Angel Has Fallen.)

Justine Waddell – (Known For: The Fall; Mansfield Park; Killing Bono; Future BMT: Thr3e; Anna Karenina; BMT: Dracula 2000; Notes: Daughter of Gordon Waddell former captain of the Scottish rugby union team.)

Jonny Lee Miller – (Known For: Trainspotting; T2 Trainspotting; Mansfield Park; Byzantium; Melinda and Melinda; Afterglow; Endgame; The Flying Scotsman; Future BMT: Dark Shadows; Hackers; Mindhunters; Plunkett & Macleane; Love, Honour and Obey; BMT: Dracula 2000; Æon Flux; Notes: Star of Hackers, he is English and dropped out of school at 17 to pursue acting.)

Budget/Gross – $54 million / Domestic: $33,022,767 (Worldwide: $47,053,625)

(Not good. I’m stunned it had a 50+ million dollar budget at this point in time. That is really high, and for what? A remake of one of the classically overdone tales in cinema history. This is like how they keep making Robin Hood films that almost always bomb / suck.)

#128 for the Horror – R-Rated genre

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(Came right at the end of an initial peak. As far as gross goes, it comes in right around Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter … which is not a very good look. That movie was the 3rd sequel of a cheap 80s horror franchise. This cost $50 million dollars.)

#25 for the Vampire genre

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(Our fourth vampire film for BMT. This came before the Twilight boom, but I’m pretty surprised at how consistently vampire films have been made throughout history.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 18% (12/68): This retelling trys [sic] to offer a different spin on the origin of Dracula. Unfortunately, there’s nothing here audiences haven’t seen before.

(That misspelling is just incredible. And now I’m getting a bit concerned this is just going to be boring. I still have hope this will be completely trash. Reviewer Highlight: A thudding, suspense-free montage of unshocking shock effects and more severed heads than toppled during the French Revolution. – Stephen Holden, New York Times)

Poster – Spectacula 2000 (B+)

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(I like the feel of it. The color and framing particularly. The font is less interesting, but has a kind of shine to it. Overall pretty solid stuff.)

Tagline(s) – The Most Seductive Evil of All Time Has Now Been Unleashed in Ours. (D)

(If I wanted to read this much I’d buy a book. Also this is nonsense. Just stop reading it. It’s just gonna make less and less sense.)

Keyword(s) – number in title; Top Ten by BMeTric: 94.8 Battlefield Earth (2000); 90.4 Fifty Shades of Grey (2015); 89.8 Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997); 86.4 Troll 2 (1990); 85.9 Fantastic Four (2015); 85.9 Piranha 3DD (2012); 84.6 Movie 43 (2013); 83.9 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005); 83.8 The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011); 83.0 RoboCop 3 (1993);

(Oh shit. Well we have to watch Piranha 3DD at some point (it will be unpleasant). Human Centipede is never happening though. It is amazing how many terrible films have numbers in the title. I like the inclusion of Battlefield Earth which is sometimes subtitled “A Saga in the Year 3000”.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Gerard Butler is No. 1 billed in Dracula 2000 and No. 1 billed in The Bounty Hunter, which also stars Jennifer Aniston (No. 2 billed) who is in Just Go With It (No. 2 billed), which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed), which also stars Al Pacino (No. 3 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 1 + 2 + 2 + 1 + 1 + 3 + 1 + 3 + 1 = 16. If we were to watch Must Love Dogs, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – The name of Van Helsing’s antique business, “Carfax Abbey” is also the name of house Dracula moves into in Bram Stoker’s book “Dracula”.

The line in the film where Jonny Lee Miller playing Simon Sheppard says, “Never, ever fuck with an antiques dealer,” was a line the actor would say on set as a joke. The director liked it and incorporated it into the scene. (Oh no!)

Dracula says, “I don’t drink… coffee,” in one scene. This is a spoof of “I never drink… wine” from Dracula (1931).

Script doctor Scott Derrickson told the story of how he got the job working on this film. Harvey Weinstein called him, saying, “I just bought this script, called, ‘Dracula 2000’.” Derrickson replied, “Oh, yeah? Is it good?” Weinstein replied, “It stinks!” Derrickson asked, “So why did you buy it?”, and Weinstein replied “Because it’s called, ‘Dracula 2000’.” Derrickson did the re-write, which Weinstein discarded. Ehren Kruger did the next rewrite. (Jesus Christ)

The typeface used on the title screen is a variation of the same typeface used on the first release of the Dracula novel in 1897. (Cool)

Nathan Fillion plays a priest in this movie. He would also go on to play Caleb, an evil Priest on the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997) (Must be a young Nathan Fillion)

The doctor who screams as Dracula approaches him in the police station is named Dr. Seward, a reference to the Book. (Cool)

The character Lucy Westerman’s name is a reference to the character Lucy Westenra from Bram Stoker’s book. She is in the movie, as in the book, the best friend of the main character Mina (book)/Mary (movie). (Alright, it is starting to feel like the writers just read the book and shoehorned a bunch of shit in this thing)

Gerard Butler was given a break from filming The Cherry Orchard (1999) so that he could play Dracula in “Dracula 2000”.

Director Patrick Lussier remarked in an interview that the Father Uffizi character played by Jason Scott Lee in Dracula II: Ascension (2003) and Dracula III: Legacy (2005) was originally written into this film. (Huh, so a more direct sequel than I thought)

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning Preview

Uh oh, what you talking about, of course we are hitting up two films this week. Otherwise we wouldn’t see Jason X for years. We are returning to Crystal Lake (uh … again) to hit up the fifth in the Friday the 13th series, Friday the 13th: A New Beginning. See the preview for the fourth film … right before this. I bet there is even a link at the bottom of the page. These count as the coveted “:” entry in the cycle, which could have been any number of films. We had so much fun watching the first three entries in the sequel cycle that we couldn’t resist returning to the well for some more. At this rate we’ll be watching Jason X in no time. Let’s go!

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985) – BMeTric: 60.8

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FridayThe13thANewBeginning_RV

(Genuinely terrible, especially when considering the previous installment. Kind of strange, but the reviews are also quite down. My guess: it is boring, stupid, and doesn’t have the same kill/Jason presence as the previous installments. I’m mostly interested to see how much of a reboot it is. This I would classify as a Popular and poorly rated film. The number of votes is impressive and despite the regression to the mean it is very much below average.)

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – A clever title (after … the final chapter) for more gore galore, a gruesome and disgusting as ever. Fifth in the series.

(As gruesome and disgusting as ever would be a good review for fans of the series I suppose. I bet he didn’t even watch this. He certainly gave zero details.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_q7Pz2HNJc

(Alright, that trailer wasn’t good. Just a bunch of voiceover, show a few kills, show most of the final fight (clearly). Looks cheap, and doesn’t look scary in the least. If we graded trailers this would get an F for just not getting me amped up for watching this movie.)

Directors – Danny Steinmann – (BMT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning; Notes: Ha! His IMDb page crows about how his first film (High Rise) is a hardcore porn flick. He ended up getting into horror films, and this movie was supposed to be his break into the big time. After stories of the troubled set got out they all fell through and then a bicycle accident caused him to retire from directing.)

Writers – Victor Miller, Sean S. Cunningham (character creator) – (Not sure why Kurz lost his credit at this point, but these guys are the original creators and there isn’t much more to say. Read the preview for Part 2 and Part III if you want to know more.)

Martin Kitrosser (story & screenplay) – (BMT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning; Friday the 13th Part III; Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter; Notes: Career script supervisor. His next movie? Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. He has a crazy impressive resume.)

David Cohen (story & screenplay) – (BMT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning; Notes: Wrote only three movies. One of them, Hollywood Zap which he also directed, is described thusly: Story of two friends, one searching for his father, the other searching for the ultimate sexual video game competition. … … I think Steinmann might have gotten this guy from one of his porn movies.)

Danny Steinmann (screenplay) – (BMT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning; Notes: As far as I can tell this basically ended his career in Hollywood. Let this sink in for a second: Steinmann and Cohen are the director and both main writers for this film and both evidently quite involved in the porn industry either before or after the film (maybe I’m overblowing Hollywood Zap’s porn credentials, but it sounds like a porno). And the reviews describe this as the most nudity filled of the series. Let the idea behind these hires sink in for a second … at least Kinnaman seemed game.)

John Shepherd (contributing writer) (uncredited) – (BMT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning; Notes: I’m a tad bit skeptical about this only because he didn’t get an official credit for seven more years. I do wonder sometimes where information about uncredited work comes from. A producer now, he hasn’t written a screenplay in over 15 years.)

Actors – Melanie Kinnaman – (BMT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning; Notes: Was supposed to also star in the sixth film, but at the last second they changed their mind about the direction of the series (this is a trend, I’m not sure any if the movies go beyond cameo for the leading role rolling over). Claims she spent most of fifth movie trying not to laugh because it was so ridiculous.)

John Shepherd – (Known For: The Hunt for Red October; Deep Cover; BMT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning; Bless the Child; Down Periscope; Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius; Notes: He is now one of the main producers at MPower Pictures. I am 95% sure this is a company that does Christian productions, although it is hard to be sure. He appears to have retired from acting over a decade ago.)

Anthony Barrile – (Known For: Hamburger Hill; Kiss Me, Guido; BMT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning; Notes: Performed with Ben Stiller as 12-year-olds as part of New York City’s Mini-Meri Players. About a decade ago sold a screenplay that was ultimately never produced.)

Budget/Gross – $2.2 million / Domestic: $21,930,418

(Just free money. Even back then low-budget horror was just like printing money. I suppose the issue is that the fans are brutal (along with the critics) so it is probably not the most credible genre to break into the business with. Otherwise … makes sense that is where something like Blumhouse initially focused, free money.)

#38 for the Horror – Slasher genre

slasher_38

(Again, I’ll mostly ignore the plot since we’ve seen it before. But more interesting is that this is just a shade higher than Friday the 13th Part 2, and Urban Legends: The Final Cut! Now that is a movie we have to watch some time.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 16% (3/19): No consensus yet.

(Making a consensus: More nudity than any of the others, but also dumber. Out of the entire series this manages to bring the least to the table. People call it dull, dumb, and no fun … can’t wait to judge for myself. I have a feeling this one contributes to the lore more than they are letting on.)

Poster – Friday the 13th: A Sklog Beginning (F)

friday_the_thirteenth_a_new_beginning

(I almost have to go back and chance Part IV’s poster to a D- because this is somehow, someway worse. Why a gradient, guys? It’s embarrassing.)

Tagline(s) – If Jason still haunts you, you’re not alone! (D+)

(What if Jason doesn’t haunt me because I watched him get killed in the last film? Should I still be interested? Clunky and not clever. A slight hint at the plot, but that’s all its got.)

Keyword(s) – murder; Top Ten by BMeTric: 92.8 Batman & Robin (1997); 90.7 Epic Movie (2007); 89.7 Catwoman (2004); 87.8 Battlefield Earth (2000); 86.5 Dragonball: Evolution (2009); 83.7 Fantastic Four (2015); 83.5 The Wicker Man (2006); 81.9 Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011); 81.5 Alone in the Dark (2005); 81.1 Movie 43 (2013);

(We are …. Killing movies with murder in it. Batman & Robin though? Like Catwoman murder is primary to the story, but not really a lot of these. This is actually more like “the worst movies of the last 20 years”. But whatever.)

Notes – This is the first film in the series where Jason is actually referred to by his full name: Jason Voorhees. In Friday the 13th (1980) and Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), he is only referred to as Jason, while he is not referred to by name at all in Friday the 13th Part III (1982). (Another landmark for the series. I’ve been trying to keep track of the metamorphosis of the character. First, he was a boy in a lake. Then a full grown man. Then he gets his mask. I think he maybe gets the machete as a more standard weapon in the fourth? Good to see they nail down the name here)

The film was originally written to have Corey Feldman as the star, reprising the role of Tommy Jarvis. However, he was already working on The Goonies (1985), therefore the script was rewritten to have Feldman’s appearance limited to a cameo. (Classic Friday the 13th. Can’t nail down a lead to reprise a role)

One month prior to the film’s release in the United States, the MPAA demanded that sixteen scenes featuring sex or graphic violence be edited in order to merit an “R” rating instead of an “X”. The film ultimately required nine trips to the MPAA before finally being granted an “R” rating. (Ooof. I hope we have the unrated version)

Although “Part V” appears on all promotional material, it does not appear in the actual film. The opening credits simply read: “Friday the 13th: A New Beginning”. (Got to get that exact title yo)

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter Preview

While we had looked forward to watching Hansel & Gretel for years, the horror/thriller entry in the punctuation film cycle is one that we’ve been looking forward to for a whole 2 months. That’s right! We are returning to Crystal Lake to hit up the fourth and fifth in the Friday the 13th series, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter and Friday the 13th: A New Beginning. These count as the coveted “:” entry in the cycle, which could have been any number of films. We had so much fun watching the first three entries in the sequel cycle that we couldn’t resist returning to the well for some more. At this rate we’ll be watching Jason X in no time. Let’s go!

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984) – BMeTric: 28.4

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FridayThe13thTheFinalChapter_RV

(I do think this movie is benefiting from some reflection by the horror community. Perhaps it is a sense that it was the third installment to start where the previous left off and thus could be viewed as putting an appropriate button on the series. Specifically that the last three were a trilogy of the murderous rampage of Jason one weekend in New Jersey. And that nice little trilogy kind of ruined by the later installments, which can now mostly be ignored after what? Fifteen plus years since the last of this run of the character? I don’t know, that rise to near 6.0 IMDb score isn’t what I would personally call natural, it is more than regression to the mean.)

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – Why bother with a new script? Jason finally gets his — except that (title notwithstanding) the door is left open for yet another sequel!

(Ha! Leonard Maltin notoriously hates horror films, and for the initial three films the claim to fame was low budget, high body count, and inventive kills. Not exactly up his alley. But a BOMB is always fun.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBme5lOcZF4

(That is pretty spoilerific I must say. Gives away at least a bit of what? Like 6 of the kills? Suggests Jason dies, indicates who kills him, etc. But back then you’d see this like once and then see the movie a few weeks later so who’d remember. Kind of like the voiceover and the idea though.)

Directors – Joseph Zito – (Known For: The Prowler; BMT: Red Scorpion; Missing in Action; Invasion USA; Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter; Notes: Known for working with Chuck Norris and being heavily influential in the slasher genre with The Prowler (1975, so quite early). But most interesting to me? He did a year of pre-production on a live action Spider-Man that never came to be. Here’s a teaser trailer:

)

Writers – Victor Miller, Ron Kurz, Sean S. Cunningham (character creator) – (I’m going to just put this at the top. We’ve already covered these guys and they’re going to show up in every subsequent preview as well. Just go look at Part II or III if you want fun facts. They wrote the first film and are credited for the character exclusively after that)

Martin Kitrosser (character creator) – (BMT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning; Friday the 13th Part III; Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter; Notes: Last time I mentioned he was a long time script supervisor who worked with Tarantino on his films. He wrote Part III and has character credits on The Final Chapter and A New Beginning. His directorial debut was the fifth Silent Night Deadly Night movie.)

Carol Watson (character creator) – (BMT: Friday the 13th Part III; Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter; Notes: Hard to find info given her generic name, but I do know she is a credited screenwriter for the second Meatballs movie (which doesn’t qualify for BMT unfortunately))

Barney Cohen (screenplay) – (BMT: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter; Notes: Speaking of that 1986 Spider Man film! This guy was one of the screenwriters for that! He suggested that Doctor Octopus be called Doc Ock, have an assistant named Weiner, get bitten by a spider and claim to be the true Spider-Man, and that Weiner was Uncle Ben’s killer. Oh, and Doc Ock says “okey-dokey” throughout the script. Best IMDb note ever.)

Bruce Hidemi Sakow (story) – (BMT: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter; Notes: A veteran screenwriter whose IMDb claims he’s sold fifteen scripts with four ultimately being produced. Basically Zito must have had complete control of this project because Sakow wrote one of his other projects Quarantine (which appears to have never been made) and apparently personally hired him to write this movie.)

Actors – Erich Anderson – (Known For: Unfaithful; Officer Downe; Without Limits; Bat*21; The Glass Shield; Infinity; Special; Auggie Rose; BMT: Missing in Action; Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter; Nightwatch; Notes: A character actor across television and film. He really has very little as far as things I know on his resume … besides Murder, She Wrote. In another life I would be a person who blogs every episode of Murder, She Wrote. That blog is live! The most recent post was about three weeks ago.)

Judie Aronson – (Known For: Weird Science; Kiss Kiss Bang Bang; Lisa Picard Is Famous; BMT: American Ninja; Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter; Hannibal; Notes: She got hypothermia while filming a scene in a lake for this movie. The stuntman playing Jason threatened to quit over the incident. Both the fourth and fifth films appear to have issues with the directing it would seem.)

Peter Barton – (Known For: Hell Night; BMT: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter; Notes: Named one of the 10 sexiest guys in soaps by Playgirl. Might have to check out his turn in the revival of 60’s detective series Burke’s Law.)

Budget/Gross – $2.6 million / Domestic: $32,980,880 (N/A)

(Free money. Get yo free money. I wonder when the run will end. This is basically the fourth in a row where the return on investment was probably like 1000%, but at some point that has to end otherwise they would have just kept doing it right?)

#28 for the Horror – Slasher genre

slasher_28

(The plot is somewhat uninteresting because we’ve obviously seen this plot twice before for the other two Friday the 13ths we did for BMT. This is the beginning of the end for the series as this made less than its predecessor and no Jason movie (until they added the far more popular Freddy Kruger to the mix) made more than Friday the 13th Part III after. Kind of insane to think about actually)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (6/24): No consensus yet.

(I do love me some consensus making: Retroactively becoming a joke the fourth installment is shockingly coherent in context. It doesn’t mean it is good, and the subsequent flogging of the series reflects poorly on what could have been a clean ending to the series. Most reviews are from around now, so it really is colored by modern attitudes towards the franchise. But people seem fairly positive about the movie in its context, it just … wasn’t the final chapter.)

Poster – Friday the Sklogteenth: The Final Chapter (F)

friday_the_thirteenth_the_final_chapter

(Oh blah. They went from shockingly artistic for the first three films to “just throw some words on a page. People will come and watch anyway.” The font and the stark red on black would normally score points, but not with this.)

Tagline(s) – Three Times Before You Have Felt The Terror, Known The Madness, Lived The Horror. But This Is The One You’ve Been Screaming For. (F)

Friday April 13th is Jason’s Unlucky Day (A-)

(The first one is hardly a tagline except that they actually put that monstrosity on a poster! Gross. The second is actually pretty clever. Short, sweet, and clever. Hints that Jason will die. Only thing working against it is that it uses the release date in the title… slightly meta as it is clear that the story doesn’t take place on that date.)

Keyword(s) – morgue; Top Ten by BMeTric: 76.6 The Fog (2005); 73.9 Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007); 73.6 One Missed Call (2008); 72.9 Striptease (1996); 72.2 Halloween: Resurrection (2002); 69.2 Feardotcom (2002); 60.9 Black Christmas (2006); 56.6 Double Dragon (1994); 53.4 The Transporter Refueled (2015); 51.2 Rage (2014);

(Oooo digging this list. The Fog is amazing. One Missed Call is apparently legendary. Good mix of recent and different genres from the 90’s. Morgues man, I don’t remember it in Striptease, but whatevs.)

Notes – The strange dance which Jimbo performs at the party was contributed by actor, Crispin Glover, and was based on the eccentric way he actually danced in clubs. On the set, he was dancing to “Back in Black” by AC/DC, as the scene was filmed. In the film, an edited version of “Love Is a Lie”, by Lion, was dubbed into the scene. (Ooooo I love this fun fact. This reminds me of the Giovanni Ribisi dance from Tes and Million Ways to Die in the West)

Director Joseph Zito was opposed to using clips from previous installments at the beginning of the film. (Good on you Zito. Probably one of the weaker traits of the series is the way they kind of force-stitched everything together and wasted a whole chunk of time replaying a movie people probably already watched)

The video which Axel watches is called Aerobicise (1982), and stars Darcy DeMoss, who went on to play Nikki in Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives. (Also a great fun fact. I’m going to go ahead and muse about the shared Friday the 13th universe for a while)

During filming, Kimberly Beck, who plays Trish, experienced strange occurrences, including a man watching her while she ran in the park and strange phone calls at all hours. This stopped when production was over. (Actresses being stalked seemed to be a sinister running issue with this series. The actress from the first film was stalked and had to quit the series as well)

The nurse’s name tag reads “R. Morgan, RN,” an homage to actress Robbi Morgan, who played Annie in Friday the 13th (1980).

Corey Feldman was legitimately terrified during the window shot. As per series tradition, Jason was played by yet another stuntman in The Final Chapter, this time Ted White, a seasoned veteran of 40 years who had doubled for John Wayne and Clark Cable. He did not like Corey Feldman, calling him the “meanest goddamn little kid” he’d ever dealt with. When it came time to film the famous scene near the end when Jason reaches through a broken window to pull Tommy out of a house White got to act out his frustration. They had worked out the timing of when White would grab Feldman beforehand, but during filming White waited a couple of beats to the point that Feldman assumed the stunt had gone wrong. So, just as he let his guard down White grabbed him exactly as you see in the film, meaning Feldman’s screams of horror were completely authentic. (I didn’t like this note very much, but I left it in because of the “meanest little kid” thing which I find interesting. Maybe at some point we’ll do a famous child actors rotation and hit up Feldman’s other classic Meatballs 4)

This is the only film in the series to shoot new footage using sets and locations from a previous film. The beginning takes place on the set of Friday the 13th Part III (1982), before moving to a new location.

Car 54, Where Are You? Preview

The big question as we head into the comedy entry of the What the ?!&%*# cycle is what punctuation mark we’ll go for next? It’s a question that we’re going to answer with a question. That’s right, we’re watching Car 54, Where Are You? (the crowd boos vociferously as they realize that we’re not watching Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot). Hold on! Sly Stallone flicks are like gold. You don’t throw gold around willy-nilly. Need to save it for when it’s truly needed. Anywho, the most interesting thing about this film is that it was nearly impossible to find. It is not free or rentable on any streaming service and is not available from Netflix DVD. I was lucky enough to find that there was a single copy in the MN Public Library system up in Mountain Iron, MN (real name, real place. Pop. 2886). Once it arrived in the mail I could see that the DVD was absolutely pristine. I might in fact be the only person to ever watch this film. It’s like they ordered it new just for me. Thank you, local public library system. I love you. Let’s go!

Car 54, Where Are You? (1994) – BMeTric: 42.1

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(A classic extreme rating example of these types of plots where despite only having a few thousand votes it still manages an impressive 40+ based solely on its sub-3.0 rating. Kind of cool that you can see the BMeTric go through the inflection. Also like any good street cred BMT film the rating stays solidly low despite increased votes suggesting only bad movie aficionados are watching and reviewing the film at this point.)

Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars –  This retread of the hilarious 1960s TV show about N.Y.C. cops with a hefty Keystone quotient is a woefully embarrassing assemblage of gags that would bring up the read in Police Academy. O’Donnell (her screen debut), Drescher, and Piven acquit themselves well, under the circumstances. Despite presence of Al Lewis – reprising his Schnauzer role from the original Nat Hiken series – this turkey sat on the shelf after completion in 1991.

(Not a BOMB! Not a BOMB! Not a BOMB! And oh wow, I forgot this is a rare example of very delayed wide release films. Leonard tips his hand a bit that he is an old man by doting on the original. I’ve seen clips and it is funny I suppose, but I wouldn’t laugh out loud as you would imagine. This should be an experience though. Makes me truly wonder where the half star comes from … from the actors who acquit themselves well I suppose.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh2_IWz50jM

(From the people who didn’t bring you Lethal Weapon?… that film came out seven years before this one. Weird. Otherwise this just looks like a cheap comedy almost in the same vein as Weekend at Bernies. Looks boring.)

Directors – Bill Fishman – (Known For: Tapeheads; My Dinner with Jimi; BMT: Car 54, Where Are You?; Notes: Mainly a music video director this was a rare foray into features. His videography is impressive, and it isn’t too surprising he was chosen considering the movie was apparently initially supposed to be a musical (see notes below).)

Writers – Nat Hiken (television series) – (BMT: Car 54, Where Are You?; Sgt. Bilko; Notes: He died in 1968 so years before two of his shows (Car 54 and the Phil Silvers Show which became Sgt. Bilko) became movies. Well known as a songwriter as well.)

Erik Tarloff (story & screenplay) – (Known For: Cheetah; BMT: Car 54, Where Are You?; Notes:  Chiefly a television writer in the 70s and 80s this marked the end of his Hollywood writing career. He is married to Laura Tyson who was chief economic advisor to the Clinton Administration, and his brother-in-law is Alan D’Andrea a cancer researcher at Harvard Medical School.)

Ebbe Roe Smith (screenplay) – (Known For: Falling Down; BMT: Car 54, Where Are You?; Notes: He wrote Falling Down solo which is kind of nuts. Mostly an actor all the way up to today where he’ll appear on occasion on Portlandia as characters such as Swinger Husband.)

Peter McCarthy (screenplay) – (Known For: Tapeheads; Floundering; BMT: Car 54, Where Are You?; Notes: Not much on him. On variety his news is dominated by his directoral debut Floundering which was released to some acclaim at Sundance with a cast including John Cusack, Ethan Hawke, and Jeremy Piven)

Peter Crabbe (screenplay) – (BMT: McHale’s Navy; Car 54, Where Are You?; Notes: Almost nothing to say about this guy beyond that it appears he parlayed his involvement in this film into another 60s television adaptation McHale’s Navy, so congrats to him for that.)

Actors – David Johansen – (Known For: Married to the Mob; Scrooged; A Very Murray Christmas; Cats Don’t Dance; Glass Chin; Naked in New York; The Tic Code; Candy Mountain; BMT: Mr. Nanny; Car 54, Where Are You?; Freejack; 200 Cigarettes; Tales from the Darkside: The Movie; Notes: Started the bands New York Dolls and David Johansen Group in addition to touring under as the character Buster Poindexter producing a total of twelve albums across the three acts. He appeared on SNL six times as Buster Poindexter, and has a surprisingly extensive acting career considering he’s first and foremost a singer.)

John C. McGinley – (Known For: The Belko Experiment; Se7en; The Rock; Platoon; Point Break; Office Space; Identity; 42; Any Given Sunday; Wall Street; Born on the Fourth of July; World Trade Center; Set It Off; Nixon; Kid Cannabis; Shadow Makers; Talk Radio; Mother’s Boys; A Midnight Clear; The Discoverers; Mother; Shakedown; Article 99; Sweet Liberty; Crazy as Hell; Johns; BMT: Highlander II: The Quickening (BMT); The Animal; Are We Done Yet? (BMT); On Deadly Ground (BMT); Alex Cross (BMT); Get Carter (BMT); Summer Catch; Stealing Harvard; Car 54, Where Are You?; Get a Job; Wagons East; Wild Hogs (BMT); Three to Tango; Surviving the Game; Hear No Evil; Nothing to Lose; Truth or Consequences, N.M.; Notes: Our seventh McGinley film and we could easily get to ten if we wanted to by adding The Animal, Wagons East!, and Summer Catch. He was on the celebrity version of American Gladiators in 1994.)

Fran Drescher – (Known For: This Is Spinal Tap; Hotel Transylvania; Hotel Transylvania 2; Saturday Night Fever; Ragtime; UHF; Cadillac Man; Doctor Detroit; The Big Picture; BMT: Car 54, Where Are You?; Jack; The Beautician and the Beast; Notes:  Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1998 for Worst Actress for The Beautician and the Beast. Well known for her distinctive voice. I knew her best as Pamela Finklestein from UHF growing up. But her work on TV’s The Nanny is probably her claim to fame.)

Budget/Gross – $10.7 million / Domestic: $1,238,080 (N/A)

(Obviously brutal, but what else would you imagine considering this is a film based on a 60’s television show, it was shelved for three years, and by all accounts was cut to shit. For the number of theaters it was released to (over 600) this is also a ridiculously low number. $2K per theater is just insane.)

#85 for the TV Adaptation (Live Action) genre

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(I feel like I shouldn’t be, and yet I am surprised by how many films are based on television shows these days and how successful they are. Probably in no small part due to things like Star Trek. This was on the leading edge of a boom that then settled into a more consistent value overall, and is literally the lowest grossing wide release on the list.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 0% (0/16): No consensus yet.

(Obviously of special note because it is one of maybe 70 films with 15+ reviews and 0% on rotten tomatoes. I shall make a consensus: Simply not funny and only of note as an example of a truly terrible film. As one reviewer said: If you paid money to see this you are stupid. Coooooold Bloooooooded.)

Poster – Sklog 54, Where Are You? (C+)

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(This also seems very 80’s… like the Meatballs poster or something. OK blue and yellow color. OK font. Interesting sketch style. Ultimately too busy to really get a great grade, but not bad.)

Tagline(s) – An Arresting Comedy (D)

(Cliche pun alert. This is more suitable for a review of the film by a time-strapped and not very creative film critic. Nothing more to say. It’s not worth the effort as they clearly didn’t expend any.)

Keyword(s) – number in title; Top Ten by BMeTric: 89.9 Fifty Shades of Grey (2015); 87.8 Battlefield Earth (2000); 84.8 Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997); 83.7 Fantastic Four (2015); 81.1 Movie 43 (2013); 78.6 Sex and the City 2 (2010); 77.4 RoboCop 3 (1993); 76.9 Piranha 3DD (2012); 76.0 Highlander II: The Quickening (1991); 74.4 Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959);

(We’ve done a few of these, although that isn’t surprising considering something on the order of 5000 films on IMDb have this tag (so basically it has to be real bad to get on the list in the first place). You might be saying “hey wait a minute, Battlefield Earth doesn’t have a number in the title. Bullshit”. But it is also known as Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 which is the title of the book. I wouldn’t necessarily call that official though.)

Notes – John C. McGinley worked on this film and Article 99 (1992) at the same time. He would work on this film Monday to Wednesday and the other film Thursday to Friday. (That seems like it suggested that one or both films were going to be terrible …)

Al Lewis and Nipsey Russell were in the original Car 54, Where Are You? (1961) TV series, playing Officer Leo Schnauser and Officer Dave Anderson, respectively. Here they play the same characters years older, as if this film were a sequel to the original series, rather than the updated and (otherwise) recast remake that it is. (As if the film was a sequel. What a weird choice).

According to a recent interview with John C. McGinley (AV Club’s Random Roles- April 2013), the film was original shot as a musical with full musical numbers. After editing, only two musical numbers remained. McGinley was unsure of why specifically the numbers were cut or by whom, but McGinley mused that he found the film in its’ present form an incoherent mess. (wait …. What? Wait wait wait. This movie is a musical. Wait … what?)

During Gunther Toody’s dream sequence he is wearing the same uniform that was worn by his character in the original show. (fun. fact.)

Awards – Won the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Rosie O’Donnell)