Preview – Page 5 – Bad Movie Twins

Assassins Preview

Jamie leaves the kitchen and gasps. Samantha is sitting at the dinner table and she’s beautiful. His hands would be shaking so hard that he would be worried he’d drop the first course of their 2003 Celtics themed dinner… that is if he were actually holding the platter. Patrick and Kyle each have one of their arms looped under Jamie’s armpits. It’s how they cooked the entire meal given just how love sick Jamie was. “You look beautiful,” Patrick whispers, crouching behind him, trying to guide him through the presentation. “You look… b…bountiful,” Jamie stammers and Samantha giggles. “Here is our first course,” Kyle whispers, but this time Jamie doesn’t even attempt to say the words. Kyle slowly reaches his hand around Jamie’s face and smears some peanut butter on his lips. While Jamie smacks and licks, trying to clear the delicious peanut buttery goodness away, Kyle quickly ventriloquizes “Here is our first course.” Just three additional applications of peanut butter later and they’ve finally complimented Samantha again and gotten the food on the table, not that Jamie will have any hope of enjoying it given that his appetite has now been ruined. “So tell me what this dish represents?” Samantha helpfully coaxes. “Ahem,” Jamie begins, finally on a subject he’s more comfortable with (as opposed to the most dangerous subject… love). “This is a PB&J sandwich. That’s the double headed dragon of Paul Pierce and Ricky ‘Buckets’ Davis combined with the shot that everyone is jelly of, Jiri Welsch’s Grape Jelly slamma jamma.” Samantha claps at his enthusiasm and even Patrick can’t help but smile a little. It was all absurd, but it appeared to be working. Jamie holds up his hand. He’s not finished. “I call it… the Assassins.” That’s right! We are finally watching one of the few missing pieces of the Sly Stallone puzzle that is our life. This one costars Antonio Banderas and we should be arrested for never having seen it. Let’s go!

Assassins (1995) – BMeTric: 24.0; Notability: 55

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 18.4%; Notability: top 4.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 11.0%; Higher BMeT: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace, Vampire in Brooklyn, Fair Game, Showgirls, Jury Duty, Congo, Theodore Rex, The Babysitter, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Judge Dredd, Nine Months, The Scarlet Letter, Johnny Mnemonic, Virtuosity, Jade, Man of the House, and 26 more; Higher Notability: Congo, Judge Dredd, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Virtuosity, Showgirls, Money Train, Stuart Saves His Family, Four Rooms, Steal Big Steal Little, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead; Lower RT: The Big Green, Jury Duty, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, Theodore Rex, Top Dog, Delta of Venus, Born to Be Wild, A Pyromaniac’s Love Story, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, The Hunted, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, It Takes Two, The Tie That Binds, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Vampire in Brooklyn, Fair Game, Four Rooms, The Scarlet Letter, Man of the House, Moonlight and Valentino, and 7 more; Notes: Played 30 times on television which is solid, and that Notability is quite good. Anyways, we’ve seen 12/20 for the top BMeT which is pretty solid. Is 1995 an incredible bad movie year? Seems like it.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – Believe me, I know how to believe stuff when it happens in the movies. I believe bicycles can fly. I believe sharks can eat boats. I even believe pigs can talk. But I do not believe “Assassins,” because this movie is filled with such preposterous impossibilities that Forrest Gump could have improved it with a quick rewrite.

(What does the Forrest Gump thing mean? I guess he’s dumb and so even a dumb person could improve the script? Weird nonetheless.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCuD8Q_Y10Q/

(Assassins baby! Back in the day I remember my brothers went to see it and then came back describing the gun in the arm cast (which is near to the beginning of the film). I hate saddo Stallone though. Luckily Banderas is on one and salvages the film a bit.)

Directors – Richard Donner – ( Known For: The Goonies; Lethal Weapon; Lethal Weapon 2; Superman; Lethal Weapon 3; Lethal Weapon 4; The Omen; 16 Blocks; Maverick; Scrooged; Conspiracy Theory; Ladyhawke; Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut; Inside Moves; London Affair; Salt and Pepper; X-15; Future BMT: The Toy; Radio Flyer; BMT: Assassins; Timeline; Notes: He retired after 16 Blocks and died only a few years ago at 91. The Goonies and Superman are both in the National Film Registry.)

Writers – Lilly Wachowski – ( Known For: The Matrix; V for Vendetta; The Matrix Reloaded; Cloud Atlas; The Matrix Resurrections; Speed Racer; Bound; Future BMT: The Matrix Revolutions; BMT: Jupiter Ascending; Assassins; Notes: Apparently their script was effectively not used for this film and completely rewritten. They failed to get their names removed.)

Lana Wachowski – ( Known For: The Matrix; V for Vendetta; The Matrix Reloaded; Cloud Atlas; The Matrix Resurrections; Speed Racer; Bound; Future BMT: The Matrix Revolutions; BMT: Jupiter Ascending; Assassins; Notes: Their directing career appears to be mostly over after the back-to-back releases of Jupiter Ascending and the somewhat disappointing Matrix: Resurrections.)

Brian Helgeland – ( Known For: L.A. Confidential; Mystic River; Robin Hood; The Taking of Pelham 123; Legend; A Knight’s Tale; Payback; Green Zone; Conspiracy Theory; 42; Spenser Confidential; A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master; Blood Work; Finestkind; 976-EVIL; Highway to Hell; The Killer; 976-Evil II; Future BMT: Man on Fire; Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant; The Order; BMT: Assassins; The Postman; Notes: He won an Oscar for writing L.A. Confidential, and was nominated for another for Mystic River. Those were both after completely rewriting this film. Amazing.)

Actors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Rocky; Men in Black; The Suicide Squad; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Escape Plan; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky IV; Rocky III; Antz; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Cop Land; M*A*S*H; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Future BMT: Rocky V; Staying Alive; Ratchet & Clank; BMT: Rambo; The Expendables 3; Demolition Man; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rambo III; Judge Dredd; Tango & Cash; Rambo: Last Blood; Assassins; Cobra; Daylight; The Specialist; Zookeeper; Grudge Match; Over the Top; Lock Up; Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; The Expendables 4; Driven; Get Carter; Oscar; Rhinestone; Notes: Y’all know Sly. Incredible. We have plans to watch Rocky V this year and then Staying Alive early next year which means we’ll be only a Ratchet & Clank away from completing Sly’s BMT filmography … b-b-b-b-b-b-but what are we going to do about Stallone Day!)

Antonio Banderas – ( Known For: Shrek 2; Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles; Shrek the Third; Uncharted; Philadelphia; Shrek Forever After; Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny; The Mask of Zorro; Desperado; Puss in Boots; Puss in Boots: The Last Wish; Once Upon a Time in Mexico; The Skin I Live In; Spy Kids; Four Rooms; Ruby Sparks; Frida; Haywire; Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Future BMT: The Legend of Zorro; Machete Kills; Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World; Life Itself; Play It to the Bone; BMT: The Expendables 3; The 13th Warrior; Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard; Assassins; Dolittle; Original Sin; Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever; Never Talk to Strangers; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Pain and Glory in 2020. I just finished watching all of the Shrek films (and the spin-offs) … animated franchises are wild man. They really are kind of nothing. The second Puss in Boots being the best movie of the bunch was a surprise though, it at least has interesting animation.)

Julianne Moore – ( Known For: The Big Lebowski; Crazy, Stupid, Love.; Children of Men; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; The Lost World: Jurassic Park; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; Kingsman: The Golden Circle; Magnolia; The Fugitive; Boogie Nights; Non-Stop; Don Jon; Carrie; Still Alice; The Hours; Evolution; The Kids Are All Right; A Single Man; The Woman in the Window; Chloe; Future BMT: Hannibal; Eagle Eye; Next; The Forgotten; Suburbicon; Laws of Attraction; Dear Evan Hansen; Freedomland; Roommates; The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag; BMT: Assassins; Seventh Son; Nine Months; Body of Evidence; The Ladies Man; Notes: Nominated for five Oscars (Boogie Nights, The End of the Affair, The Hours, Far From Heaven, and finally winning for Still Alice). I cannot believe how many more films we have for BMT for her … she does do some weird stuff (like Assassins).)

Budget/Gross – $50,000,000 / Domestic: $30,303,072 (Worldwide: $30,303,072)

(Disastrous naturally. Sly really was struggling to transition to his late career at this point. He really should have started writing again at this point and probably looking to direct a young actor or something. Instead he made Driven.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 16% (8/49)

(Nice I get to think through a consensus. Donner fails to provide any action to what appears to be a more contemplative actioner in the Sly oeuvre. That does seem to be the main complaint, just too much dead air.)

Reviewer Highlight: A not-much-fun high-tech actioner. – Jonathan Taylor, Variety

Poster – Sklogsassins

(I find the inclusion of the brick and concrete walls to be so insane that I love it. A+++++ that’s really like a C-. The font is horrible.)

Tagline(s) – In the shadows of life, In the business of death, One man found a reason to live… (D)

(This is so amazing that you would think I would have written it as a joke. It’s like a perfect: this is what a tagline is, right? Kind of tagline. Like gotta have those three things. Life. Death. Uh… Life. Can I make this any longer? YOLO.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Top 10: Armageddon (1998), Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993)

Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.4 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.3 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 67.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.1 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.0 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.7 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.5 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.1 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.4 The Mangler (1995), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 59.7 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.5 Jury Duty (1995), 58.1 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.9 Holy Man (1998)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Wild Wild West (1999), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Cool as Ice (1991), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), Wing Commander (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), On Deadly Ground (1994), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), Dudley Do-Right (1999), Double Team (1997), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Ed (1996), The Flintstones (1994), The Haunting (1999), Leprechaun (1993), Bats (1999), Fair Game (1995), Cool World (1992), Body of Evidence (1993), Problem Child 2 (1991), …

Best Options (Action): 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 72.3 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 67.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.1 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.0 Mr. Nanny (1993), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 57.1 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994), 54.1 Spy Hard (1996), 53.0 McHale’s Navy (1997), 52.3 Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1995), 51.5 Kull the Conqueror (1997), 50.4 3 Ninjas (1992), …, 24.0 Assassins (1995), ….

(I’m stunned at how low that BMeTric is. But then again, I guess people love Sly? Spawn is the obvious one we could have done. Spoiler: We’re still going to do it.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 9) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sylvester Stallone is No. 1 billed in Assassins and No. 2 billed in The Expendables 4, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 9. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – During production, Brian Helgeland was brought in to rewrite the script. The Wachowskis, unsatisfied with the rewrites, petitioned to have their names removed from the credits, but were denied this request by the WGA.

Sylvester Stallone’s paycheck was $15 million.

When Miguel Bain is arrested by the police after the cemetery shoot-out and being driven in the back of a police car, as the cops are inspecting his weapons he says “Cuidado con las armas, que las carga el diablo”. This roughly translates to: “Be careful with the guns, they were loaded by the devil”.

Electra’s cat seen in the film is a Maine Coon. The same cat appears in the film The Specialist (1994), also starring Sylvester Stallone.

Richard Donner claims the film would have worked better if he swapped Sylvester Stallone and Antonio Banderas.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Sylvester Stallone)

Celtic Pride Preview

“You guys really are the Mud Squad!” Pierre says, eyes shining with excitement. “How was that?” He asks, practicing his lines for the latest commercial for The Mud Squad Spa and Perfumery, the hog themed relaxation hotspot that they replaced the cursed hog farm with. They lie to him and say it was fine, then shake hands and bid him adieu. Before their flight back to New York, Jamie and Samantha sit canoodling in the corner whispering sweet nothings into their very undeaf ears. “Awww,” Kyle says, touched by his own memories of young love with Rachel the Pretzel Girl. “Looks like we won’t need four lessons after all, eh?” He continues, assuming that Jamie has already sealed the deal. Patrick chuckles. “Wrong again, old friend. This is puppy love. Jamie was looking for love love. And there’s only one way to a woman’s heart.” Kyle’s nods, picking up what he’s putting down. “Lesson #4: Putting (Meats and Cheeses) on the Ritz (Cracker).” Back in NYC, Patrick and Kyle recognize that Jamie is simply too in love to do the cooking himself. They decide to Ratatouille this shit and be his arms, eyes, ears, and nose for the Love Meal they got brewing. “The only thing we won’t be is your mouth, because that’ll be busy smooching.” Patrick says with a wink and they all triple high five. “But we can’t do a Love Meal without an intricate theme,” Kyle chimes in. He’s right, and Patrick turns to Jamie to hear his brilliant idea. “I like the Boston Celtics,” he says shrugging. Patrick is a bit bemused, but it’s Jamie’s Love Meal and so he’ll do his best. Besides, a good team should make for a good meal. “The 2003 Boston Celtics,” Jamie finishes smiling. Patrick is horrified. That’s right! We are watching the best Boston Celtics themed comedy of the 90’s and doing a real classic with Celtic Pride. All I remember about this is that the Celtics should have won in the end. We must avenge them. Let’s go!

Celtic Pride (1996) – BMeTric: 43.0; Notability: 45

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 10.0%; Notability: top 12.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 8.2%; Higher BMeT: Barb Wire, Kazaam, Bio-Dome, Striptease, The Island of Dr. Moreau, The Crow: City of Angels, Ed, Hellraiser: Bloodline, The Stupids, Mr. Wrong, Spy Hard, Solo, Adrenalin: Fear the Rush, First Kid, Eddie, The Glimmer Man, D3: The Mighty Ducks, Chain Reaction, Maximum Risk, Big Bully, and 5 more; Higher Notability: Jingle All the Way, The Fan, Spy Hard, Chain Reaction, Mulholland Falls, Daylight, 101 Dalmatians, Eye for an Eye, Up Close & Personal, Eddie, The Associate, Dear God, The Island of Dr. Moreau, Sgt. Bilko, The Crow: City of Angels, The Adventures of Pinocchio, In Love and War, Space Truckers, Girl 6, Larger Than Life, and 11 more; Lower RT: The Dentist, Big Bully, Adrenalin: Fear the Rush, Getting Away with Murder, Bio-Dome, Kazaam, Ed, Faithful, Mr. Wrong, Spy Hard, Eye for an Eye, Bulletproof, Solo, Curdled, House Arrest, The Glimmer Man, In Love and War, Larger Than Life, Down Periscope, Dear God; Notes: I actually cannot believe this, but Celtic Pride apparently didn’t ever play on television in the 90s … that seems impossible. I personally watched it on television multiple times, but it must have been in the 2000s or something. I’m still hunting around. We are 10/10 on the top 20 BMeT films, which is solid. We really have hit around 50% of the entire 90s it would seem.

New York Times – There is more hysterical screaming in “Celtic Pride” than you will find in a dozen horror movies, but not an ax murderer in sight. The screamers in this stridently unfunny comedy about sports obsession are Boston Celtic fans whose rabid devotion to the basketball team amounts to a self-destructive addiction. – Stephen Holden

(Man, eviscerating it. But he ain’t wrong, there are very few actual jokes in the film. Mostly the jokes are just people insulting each other quite seriously and you are (I guess) supposed to laugh at them instead of with them? Doesn’t really work.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnQFSfapPl8/

(Goddamn I watched this film all the time back in the day. I do love how in this film there is basically like one black guy in the NBA and he’s an asshole. Not exactly a good look haha. “That’s nice peanut” is something I say all the time, and until recently I had kind of assumed it was from maybe The Wedding Singer, but a pleasant surprised to remember it was from this weirdo film.)

Directors – Tom DeCerchio – ( Known For: Boys Life 2; BMT: Celtic Pride; Notes: Apparently was supposed to direct Ace Ventura 2 but left abruptly.)

Writers – Judd Apatow – ( Known For: The 40-Year-Old Virgin; Knocked Up; Pineapple Express; This Is 40; Funny People; Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story; The King of Staten Island; Heavyweights; The Bubble; Future BMT: You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; Fun with Dick and Jane; BMT: Celtic Pride; Notes: Nominated for 13 Emmys. Won for The Ben Stiller Show, The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling, and George Carlin’s American Dream. Somewhat notably had a very very experience with this film which was almost certainly intended to be a Knicks film. But you can’t pass up filming in the decommissioned Boston Garden before it was demolished.)

Colin Quinn – ( BMT: Celtic Pride; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Colin Quinn: Long Story Short. I used to watch Tough Crowd all the time. I wonder how much of a disaster some of those episodes seem these days … I don’t care to find out.)

Actors – Damon Wayans – ( Known For: Beverly Hills Cop; Last Action Hero; The Last Boy Scout; Roxanne; Colors; Earth Girls Are Easy; I’m Gonna Git You Sucka; Bamboozled; The Great White Hype; Punchline; Hollywood Shuffle; Farce of the Penguins; Richard Pryor: Omit the Logic; Cinnamon; Why We Laugh: Black Comedians on Black Comedy; Future BMT: Look Who’s Talking Too; Major Payne; Blankman; Mo’ Money; Marci X; BMT: Bulletproof; Celtic Pride; Notes: Nominated for 4 Emmys for In Living Color. The Lethal Weapon series he was part of had issues with the person playing Riggs who was killed off, it was a whole thing. I think it was the Riggs’ guy’s fault, but the series was basically doomed at that point.)

Daniel Stern – ( Known For: Home Alone; The Next Three Days; Hannah and Her Sisters; Whip It; City Slickers; Very Bad Things; Game Over, Man!; Rookie of the Year; Breaking Away; Stardust Memories; Blue Thunder; Diner; My Blue Heaven; Little Monsters; C.H.U.D.; D.O.A.; The Milagro Beanfield War; Born in East L.A.; Otis; The Last Time; Future BMT: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York; City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold; Bushwhacked; BMT: Leviathan; Celtic Pride; Notes: Was a huge star in the 90s and then just kind of disappeared. I feared I would figure out there was something quite bad that caused this, but nope, it seems like he just soft retired or did theater acting or something. It is a little hard to tell.)

Dan Aykroyd – ( Known For: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom; Ghostbusters; 50 First Dates; Ghostbusters; Ghostbusters II; Ghostbusters: Afterlife; The Blues Brothers; Trading Places; Antz; Casper; The Campaign; Evolution; Driving Miss Daisy; Grosse Pointe Blank; Tommy Boy; My Girl; Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire; Sneakers; Chaplin; The Great Outdoors; Future BMT: Coneheads; Spies Like Us; Loser; My Stepmother Is an Alien; Sgt. Bilko; Yogi Bear; My Girl 2; Feeling Minnesota; Doctor Detroit; The Couch Trip; Loose Cannons; BMT: Pearl Harbor; Pixels; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Christmas with the Kranks; Tammy; Crossroads; Nothing But Trouble; Canadian Bacon; Caddyshack II; North; Celtic Pride; Exit to Eden; Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return; Notes: Y’all know Aykroyd. You know? The guy who makes that skull shaped vodka. Anyways, yeah, was an OG member of SNL, became a huge comedy star in the 80s and 90s, and now mostly just pops up here and there doing guest spots (and selling vodka). Somewhat embarrassingly his sole Oscar nomination was for Driving Miss Daisy. Was nominated for five Emmys for SNL and won one in 1977.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $9,255,027 (Worldwide: $9,255,027)

(Seems bad. There is no way the stars plus the Garden didn’t blow up this budget. Also filming in Boston? Yeah, going to be tough to recoup that.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 12% (3/25)

(Oh I haven’t written a consensus in a long while. Loud, offensive, and short on laughs, Celtic Pride gives sports comedies a bad name.)

Reviewer Highlight: An uneven but largely likable basketball-themed comedy. – Jon Leydon, Variety

Poster – Celtics Should Have Won

(This honestly looks like a joke poster for a joke movie designed to make people angry. I know there are things like Fever Pitch and Angels in the Outfield and things like that, but this is objectively an absurd concept for a film. The poster is fine. A lot going on and not all of it is good or bad. I think I’m going to punt and give it a C.)

Tagline(s) – If you can’t beat ’em… steal him. (A)

(Ha! OK, I kind of like that. Funny too, because originally the tagline as written here had an exclamation point at the end. I didn’t like that. It’s like texting with exclamation points. Too exuberant. Tone it down. But when you look at the poster it doesn’t have one. Phew. Good.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Top 10: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993), The Bone Collector (1999)

Best Options (Comedy): 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.4 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 67.0 Mr. Nanny (1993), 61.5 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.1 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 59.5 Jury Duty (1995), 57.9 Holy Man (1998), 57.6 Flubber (1997), 57.5 An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), 57.1 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994), 56.2 Ringmaster (1998), 55.8 Son of the Pink Panther (1993), 55.8 The Stupids (1996), 54.3 Gone Fishin’ (1997), 54.1 Spy Hard (1996), 53.6 Made in America (1993), 53.4 Richie Rich (1994), 53.0 McHale’s Navy (1997), 52.5 Coneheads (1993), 52.3 The Pest (1997), 52.2 Major League: Back to the Minors (1998), 52.2 Superstar (1999), 51.3 My Favorite Martian (1999), 50.9 Jack Frost (1998), 50.4 3 Ninjas (1992), 50.0 Blank Check (1994), 49.8 Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999), 49.7 Ready to Wear (1994), 49.5 My Girl 2 (1994), 49.4 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 49.3 A Kid in King Arthur’s Court (1995), 49.0 Simply Irresistible (1999), 48.0 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 47.6 Blankman (1994), 46.8 B*A*P*S (1997), 46.2 First Kid (1996), 45.9 House Party 3 (1994), 45.6 D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996), 45.4 Home Fries (1998), 45.2 Surf Ninjas (1993), 45.0 Man of the House (1995), 44.8 Top Dog (1995), 44.7 King Ralph (1991), 44.6 Beverly Hills Ninja (1997), 44.6 I Love Trouble (1994), 44.5 My Giant (1998), 44.3 Sidekicks (1992), 44.2 Big Bully (1996), 44.1 Operation Dumbo Drop (1995), 44.1 Bordello of Blood (1996), 43.9 101 Dalmatians (1996), 43.5 That Darn Cat (1997), 43.1 Excess Baggage (1997), 43.1 Beethoven (1992), 43.0 The Meteor Man (1993), 42.7 Celtic Pride (1996), …

(Alright, not the best comedy we could have done, but a solid 1996. Sure we could have done the Stupids, or Big Bully. But like … what if we didn’t want to watch a Tom Arnold film? Then what?)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Damon Wayans is No. 1 billed in Celtic Pride and No. 1 billed in Bulletproof, which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 2 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – One of two films that writer/director Judd Apatow wrote the screenplay for in 1996. The other was The Cable Guy starring Jim Carrey and Matthew Broderick which he fought hard to get credit in a battle with the WGA after rewriting the majority of the script for both Carrey and director Ben Stiller. He still got a producer’s credit despite it.

Stay tuned after the film’s end credits for a shot of the old Boston Garden being imploded for demolition since both the Boston Celtics basketball team and the Boston Bruins NHL hockey team both moved to the Fleet Center, which was located not far from the old arena for the start of their respective 1995-96 seasons. The film was released towards the end of the regular season and beginning of the playoffs in both sports.

The first film that director Tom DeCerchio accepted after he was fired from Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls by Warner Bros. early in 1995.

The scenes that were shot in the Boston Garden were actually created by the film’s production designer Stephen Marsh that was about 90% close to what the old Boston Garden looked like at the time.

One of three movies with Damon Wayans release in 1996. The other two were The Great White Hype and Bulletproof.

The Mod Squad Preview

“But… but…” Patrick stammers, “it can’t be. Porcina Romano? You must be like 200 years old!” Kyle and Patrick recoil in fear, as the only other possibility is that Samantha was actually a gh-gh-gh-ghost. “No, dummies. I’m just the great great great grandchild of the great Planchet Romano. This cursed farm is my family’s legacy and sadly it was also your downfall.” A tear streams down her face. It was quite the coincidence. In fact, if you thought about it too hard you’d think it was too much of a coincidence to be believed. But they had to believe it… because they were living it and it was very real. “So, given the level of coincidence we are dealing with here, I have to ask… Do you know how to break the curse?” Kyle asks hopefully, but Samantha shakes her head sadly. They return to Miserable Jamie’s room, Samantha now in her Porcina Romano costume. “Aha, secrets secrets are no fun, unless you are a part of one,” Jamie taunts in the most annoying way possible. “Jamie, this is Porky Romano. She is here to help you,” Patrick sighs, all hope leaving his voice. “Come wallow with me,” Jamie says. “Come wallow in the mud where I belong.” Jamie flops into the mud and with a look of tenderness in her eyes Samantha joins him in the mud. “I’d wallow with you any day,” she says and kisses him full on the mouth. A thunderclap rings out and peace crosses over Jamie’s face. “Yes,” he says, “be with me in the mud. We are the Mud Squad together.” They hug… hard. Patrick and Kyle cry out at the beauty and strength of the brand that Jamie just coined. “So that was the cure,” Patrick says with relief. “Love.” That’s right! We are watching The Mod Squad, a truly reviled film adaptation of a classic television show. Given the cast and concept it’s hard to believe they messed this up so badly. Let’s find out how. Let’s go!

The Mod Squad (1999) – BMeTric: 60.9; Notability: 46

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.8%; Notability: top 13.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.5%; Higher BMeT: Baby Geniuses, Inspector Gadget, Universal Soldier: The Return, Wild Wild West, Wing Commander, Beowulf, Dudley Do-Right, Bats, The Haunting, Simon Sez, The Rage: Carrie 2, Virus; Higher Notability: Wild Wild West, Inspector Gadget, The 13th Warrior, Snow Falling on Cedars, The Haunting, The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc, My Favorite Martian, End of Days, Idle Hands, Play It to the Bone, Bicentennial Man, Pokémon the Movie 2000, The Out-of-Towners, The Story of Us, Random Hearts, Double Jeopardy, The Bone Collector, Instinct, Stigmata, In Too Deep, and 13 more; Lower RT: Beowulf, Inferno, Foolish, Simon Sez, The Suburbans, Baby Geniuses; Notes: Too late for it to have been on television in the 90s. The BMeT is amazing though. I think we’ve seen 11/12 for the higher BMeT which is incredible, with just Inspector Gadget to go. Which means if we watch that we’ll have watched the top 13 at least which is awesome haha. We really have covered such a good slice of BMT films.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – “The Mod Squad” has an intriguing cast, a director who knows how to use his camera and a lot of sly humor. Shame about the story. When you see this many of the right elements in a lame movie, you wonder how close they came to making a better one. The director, Scott Silver, co-wrote the script himself, and has to take some of the blame: This is a classy production and deserves better.

(Lol, shame about the story. It really does come across as a failed pilot for a reboot or something. The mystery just seems so slight and the result so tepid it doesn’t make much sense as a big budget ($50 million!) film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67cdXuWnRKs/

(Oh gosh, Ribisi is on one. You can almost tell there isn’t a story. They can barely cut a trailer properly from the nothing they shot. Oh man, and the needle drop at the end is horrible too.)

Directors – Scott Silver – ( Known For: Johns; BMT: The Mod Squad; Notes: From Worcester, MA. Mostly a writer, and an accomplished one too.)

Writers – Buddy Ruskin – ( Notes: Created the original Mod Squad … and somehow not much else. Dined out on that for his entire career I guess.)

Stephen Kay – ( Known For: The Last Time I Committed Suicide; BMT: The Mod Squad; Notes: From New Zealand and married to Piper Parebo. And yeah, he produced, directed, and wrote on Covert Affairs. I’m not sure if that was before or after marrying Parebo.)

Scott Silver – ( Known For: Joker; The Fighter; 8 Mile; The Finest Hours; Johns; BMT: The Mod Squad; Notes: As said above, quite accomplished. Has been nominated for two Oscars for writing for Joker and The Fighter.)

Kate Lanier – ( Known For: What’s Love Got to Do with It; Set It Off; Future BMT: Beauty Shop; BMT: Glitter; The Mod Squad; Notes: Going The Mod Squad and Glitter back to back is something else, that’s one way to be put in writer jail.)

Actors – Claire Danes – ( Known For: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines; Stardust; Romeo + Juliet; The Hours; The Rainmaker; The Family Stone; Little Women; U Turn; Les Misérables; Igby Goes Down; Shopgirl; Brigsby Bear; Home for the Holidays; How to Make an American Quilt; The Flock; Me and Orson Welles; Stage Beauty; It’s All About Love; As Cool as I Am; A Kid Like Jake; Future BMT: Brokedown Palace; To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday; BMT: Evening; The Mod Squad; Notes: Very much known as a television actress with both My So Called Life and Homeland being major successes. Nominated for 10 Emmys and won two for Homeland and one for the miniseries Temple Grandin.)

Omar Epps – ( Known For: Scream 2; Alfie; Juice; Brother; Love & Basketball; Big Trouble; Higher Learning; The Program; The Wood; Breakfast of Champions; Almost Christmas; Fatal Affair; 3022; Trick; The Deliverance; Perfume; A Day in the Life; Future BMT: Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood; Major League II; Traffik; Against the Ropes; In Too Deep; BMT: Dracula 2000; The Mod Squad; Notes: oh, Major League II is coming up. I’m going to be honest, despite the series going bananas late in its run, I’m a little surprised he was never nominated for House. Laurie got nominated a bunch of times and Epps was the best of his assistants.)

Giovanni Ribisi – ( Known For: Saving Private Ryan; Avatar; Ted; Avatar: The Way of Water; Lost in Translation; Public Enemies; Ted 2; The Virgin Suicides; Cold Mountain; Lost Highway; Contraband; The Rum Diary; Selma; Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow; The Gift; That Thing You Do!; Boiler Room; Middle Men; The Bad Batch; Heaven; Future BMT: A Million Ways to Die in the West; Basic; Flight of the Phoenix; The Other Sister; BMT: Gone in 60 Seconds; Gangster Squad; The Postman; Perfect Stranger; The Mod Squad; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for a guest spot on My Name is Earl of all things. He is particularly bad in this film, I don’t understand at all what he’s doing here.)

Budget/Gross – $50,000,000 / Domestic: $13,263,993 (Worldwide: $13,263,993)

(Disaster. But what did they expect? Why are they spending $50 million on a 60s television series movie? The Fugitive this ain’t.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 3% (2/65): The Mod Squad aims for stylish cool and thrilling adventure, but collapses in an incoherent jumble of dated source material and unintentional hilarity.

(Holy good god. Three percent is something else. That is astonishing. I’ve been doing good reviews as a highlight recently, and luckily this does actually have one. And it is a major one too.)

Reviewer Highlight: A great-looking picture that zips along with grace, light on its feet but possessed of just enough gravity to allow us to take its people rather than its old TV series premise seriously. – Kevin Thomas, Los Angeles Times

Poster – The Sklog Squad

(I like the boldness of the colors and the vertical “THE”. There is some art to this for what is otherwise a rather boring poster. It also makes me ask the question: were these actors big enough stars to actually justify this poster? Hard to believe. B-.)

Tagline(s) – Undercover. (F)

(That is embarrassing. What the hell is going on?)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), The Butterfly Effect (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Men in Black II (2002), Man on Fire (2004), Click (2006), Pearl Harbor (2001), Fantastic Four (2005), Kingdom of Heaven (2005)

Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 86.4 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.2 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.2 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.2 Zoom (2006), 71.2 Soul Plane (2004), 70.6 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 69.1 Pulse (2006)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), The Master of Disguise (2002), Bratz (2007), Ultraviolet (2006), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), Taxi (2004), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), Freddy Got Fingered (2001),…

Best Options (1999-1999): 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 60.8 The Mod Squad (1999), 55.0 Eye of the Beholder (1999), 54.2 The Bachelor (1999), 52.2 Superstar (1999), 51.3 My Favorite Martian (1999), 49.8 Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999), 49.0 Simply Irresistible (1999), 45.8 House on Haunted Hill (1999), 45.0 The King and I (1999), 41.9 Black & White (1999), 40.8 The Out-of-Towners (1999), 40.4 Gloria (1999), 40.4 End of Days (1999), 39.9 In Dreams (1999), 39.4 Jawbreaker (1999), 39.0 Play It to the Bone (1999), 35.1 Doug’s 1st Movie (1999), 34.6 Drive Me Crazy (1999), 32.7 Held Up (1999), 29.4 The Story of Us (1999), 28.5 The Love Letter (1999), 27.3 200 Cigarettes (1999), 26.6 Stigmata (1999), 26.6 At First Sight (1999), 26.5 Pokémon the Movie 2000 (1999), 26.2 Love Stinks (1999), 25.8 Idle Hands (1999), 25.7 Three to Tango (1999), 24.1 Blue Streak (1999), 22.0 Big Daddy (1999), 21.0 The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc (1999), 20.9 The General’s Daughter (1999), 18.9 Double Jeopardy (1999), 18.8 Brokedown Palace (1999), 18.0 Crazy in Alabama (1999), 17.8 In Too Deep (1999), 17.5 Light It Up (1999), 17.4 Instinct (1999), 17.2 Trippin’ (1999), 16.8 8MM (1999), 16.7 The Other Sister (1999), 15.8 Jakob the Liar (1999), 14.7 The Bone Collector (1999), 12.9 Mystery, Alaska (1999), 11.5 Snow Falling on Cedars (1999), 10.7 Bicentennial Man (1999), 8.9 The Thirteenth Floor (1999), 6.4 A Dog of Flanders (1999)

(Should we have done Inspector Gadget? I don’t think so. IG will always be there. We needed to hit up this craziness while the getting was good.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Giovanni Ribisi is No. 2 billed in The Mod Squad and No. 2 billed in Gone in Sixty Seconds, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 13. If we were to watch In Too Deep we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – Omar Epps mentioned in several interviews that he greatly disliked the denim Levi’s clothes he and the cast had to wear because the jeans were very tight. He mentioned that there are several moments captured on screen during film where he wears a frown and grimace facial expression due to his jeans being too tight. The clothing in the film was specifically customized and provided by Levi’s. When the film was released, Levi’s put out denim commercials featuring Epps, Danes, and Ribisi.

Sarah Michelle Gellar and Milla Jovovich were among the actresses considered for the role of Julie Barnes.

Melissa Joan Hart was considered for the role of Julie Barnes.

Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris turned down the offer to direct.

The film was poorly received by critics. Many viewers of the old series felt it was ‘Mod Squad’ –in name (of title and characters) only.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Stephen Kay, Scott Silver, Kate Lanier)

Corky Romano Preview

Before them sat Jamie just as they had left him, but now he was not alone. There was a slight man in there with him and the man was… “Is he washing him?” Kyle asks, bile rising in his throat. Indeed this impish figure was washing Jamie and in his other free hand he held a pair of jorts. Tears were streaming down Jamie’s face in thanks. “They don’t care anymore,” he wailed, “They don’t care that I’m deaf and have no jorts. But you care, sweet little troll or whatever you are. Are you a hobbit? Don’t answer because I’m deaf and I won’t hear you and it will annoy me.” This carries on as Patrick and Kyle enter the room and the little man’s eyes widen in fear. He holds up a finger to his lips and Patrick and Kyle understand. They let him finish and afterwards Jamie is clean and bejorted and slightly less miserable. The little man leans in and gives Jamie a small kiss on the cheek, who swats at him and gets back to his typical whining about the lack of adequate v-neck depth in the shirts of today’s youths. The little elf man creeps into the other room and beckons them over. Once safely away from Jamie, he quickly takes off his disguise. “My word, it’s no hobbit or whatever, it’s Samantha!” Kyle exclaims. Indeed Samantha, having heard about Jamie’s affliction had returned and begun secretly taking care of him. “But you can’t reveal the secret to him. He’s never let me help if he knew it was me because of his hearing. He’s ashamed.” They understand, but what should they call her? “You shall call me by my birth name, Porky Romano.” Patrick gasps. That’s right! We aren’t watching Porky Romano, but rather the much more popular and famous Corky Romano which I believe was the most popular film of 2001. Although, I could be wrong about that. We are pairing that with one of the (unfortunately many) Razzie Worst Picture winners that never got a theatrical release. This time it’s Dirty Love starring Jenny McCarthy. Cool. Let’s go!

Corky Romano (2001) – BMeTric: 60.1; Notability: 44

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.8%; Notability: top 16.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 1.6%; Higher BMeT: Glitter, Jason X, Driven, Freddy Got Fingered, The Animal, Ghosts of Mars, Black Knight, Soul Survivors, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Valentine, Monkeybone, The Musketeer; Higher Notability: Pearl Harbor, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Monkeybone, Hannibal, Impostor, Not Another Teen Movie, Ghosts of Mars, Bubble Boy, Swordfish, Along Came a Spider, The One, 15 Minutes, Scary Movie 2, The Affair of the Necklace, America’s Sweethearts, Town & Country, I Am Sam, Don’t Say a Word, 3000 Miles to Graceland, Just Visiting, and 21 more; Lower RT: Texas Rangers, Soul Survivors, Glitter, All the Queen’s Men; Notes: Wow we watched 10 of the 12 films above this by BMeT and all but All the Queen’s Men (which is a bizarre British cross dressing film) for RT. That BMeT is not surprisingly quite good though.

RogerEbert.com – 0.5 stars – ‘Corky Romano” continues the “Saturday Night Live” Jinx, which in recent years has frustrated the talented members of the TV program in their efforts to make watchable movies. It’s a desperately unfunny gangster spoof, starring Chris Kattan as the kid brother in a Mafia family, so trusting and naive he really does believe his father is in the landscaping business. … “Corky Romano” is like a dead zone of comedy. The concept is exhausted, the ideas are tired, the physical gags are routine, the story is labored, the actors look like they can barely contain their doubts about the project.

(I’m honestly a little surprised this didn’t get a thumbs down. This feels perfect for that. A movie that is barely a movie with (quite literally) no script. That seems ripe for Ebert to reject wholesale.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LlHmJ3xqHM/

(Lol Peter Falk. Man I remember this trailer so well. IN A DAY OR TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO. IT was on all the time at the time. “Hi, you guys want some cookies.” Jesus Christ, it is imprinted in my mind.)

Directors – Rob Pritts – ( BMT: Corky Romano; Notes: So my understanding was they needed to get this movie done TODAY. Not tomorrow. Not in a week. It had to be done NOW. And this guy was the guy who said he could do it. And he did, in some incredible short amount of time, which is why the film seems so weirdly improvisational.)

Writers – David Garrett and Jason Ward – ( BMT: Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo; Corky Romano; Notes: I’m not joking when I say I think we were this close to having the one and only BMT film without credited screenwriters if the stories about how this film was “written” were to be believed. But yeah, look at that BMT murderer’s row.)

Actors – Chris Kattan – ( Known For: Hotel Transylvania 2; Leo; Undercover Brother; Nancy Drew; Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters; Foodfight!; Santa’s Slay; Guns, Girls and Gambling; Tanner Hall; Adam & Steve; Guest House; Christmas in Wonderland; Undead or Alive: A Zombedy; Hard Breakers; Slightly Single in L.A.; Walk of Fame; The Making of ‘…and God Spoke’; The Last Film Festival; Future BMT: A Night at the Roxbury; House on Haunted Hill; Delgo; BMT: The Ridiculous 6; Monkeybone; Corky Romano; Notes: Obviously most famous for Saturday Night Live, which he left in 2003. Does mostly voice stuff now from what I can tell.)

Peter Falk – ( Known For: The Princess Bride; Wings of Desire; The Player; It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World; Murder by Death; Undisputed; A Woman Under the Influence; The Great Race; Made; The Great Muppet Caper; Opening Night; The In-Laws; Faraway, So Close!; Pocketful of Miracles; Husbands; Mikey and Nicky; The Cheap Detective; Robin and the 7 Hoods; Anzio; The Brink’s Job; Future BMT: Shark Tale; Next; Vibes; Roommates; BMT: Corky Romano; Notes: Just one more thing. Colombo! His film work is always funny, especially the late stuff where it is like … why are you in Corky Romano again?)

Vinessa Shaw – ( Known For: Eyes Wide Shut; 3:10 to Yuma; Side Effects; The Hills Have Eyes; Two Lovers; Cold in July; Melinda and Melinda; Puncture; Big Miracle; The Weight of Water; Clinical; 12 Mighty Orphans; We Need to Do Something; Garden Party; Stag Night; Come Out and Play; Family Blood; L.A. Without a Map; After the Fall; Electric Slide; Future BMT: Hocus Pocus; 40 Days and 40 Nights; Ladybugs; BMT: Corky Romano; Notes: The girl from Hocus Pocus. I saw that recently … not as good as I remember, but probably better than most people remember.)

Budget/Gross – $11 million / Domestic: $23,980,304 (Worldwide: $25,272,752)

(That isn’t bad. Especially considering, again, that is seemed like it was barely a movie.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 7% (6/84): Corky Romano continues the trend of bad movies featuring SNL members. The jokes are tired and unfunny, and the slapstick feels forced.

(Wowza, I do love <10% RT films. Knocking all of those off eventually would be a good goal. The wide releases I mean. Although even the non-wide releases might be tenable if we just focused on the 90s/00s. Only big films got 5+ reviews back then I think.)

Reviewer Highlight: With a great many contemporary comedies mistaking excess for invention and hyperactivity for dynamism, Corky Romano displays genuine heart. – Miles Beller, Los Angeles Times

Poster – Skloggins Romano

(I mean… I like how bright and ridiculous it is. It’s actually very reminiscent of the famous Knocked Up poster that was actually very good. But I’m not sure the face of Chris Kattan is as intriguing as that. C+.)

Tagline(s) – Who is Corky Romano? (D)

(Yeah… right? This doesn’t work.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.6 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), Taxi (2004), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), Wild Wild West (1999), …

Best Options (wiki-snl): 52.1 Superstar (1999)

(I just wanted to see what was available for SNL films. Superstar is a fun one, but unfortunately 1999 was spoken for. Corky Romano is not an SNL film, but it is kind of close enough to it to be fun.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Chris Kattan is No. 1 billed in Corky Romano and No. 4 billed in Monkeybone, which also stars Brendan Fraser (No. 1 billed) who is in Escape from Planet Earth (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jessica Alba (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch 40 Days and 40 Nights we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – According to the screenwriters on Selling Your Screenplay podcast #81, the only reason the film was greenlit was due to a pending Actor strike in Sept 2000, so it was written in 10 days in May, filmed in June and wrapped in August- unheard of for a major studio film.

In his 2019 autobiography “Baby Don’t Hurt Me”, Chris Kattan noted that Paul Thomas Anderson (writer-director of Boogie Nights and Magnolia) and Richard LaGravenese (screenwriter of The Fisher King) each assisted with rewriting the script for Corky Romano, and they received no official credit. SNL writers Matt Piedmont and Scott Wainio also contributed to the rewrites.

One of Robert Pattinson’s favorite films.

Originally advertised as Corky Romano: ‘Special’ Agent, the movie was released as simply Corky Romano. The term ‘special’ with the marks around it was thought be making fun of a character’s mental disability.

According to Chris Kattan , he originally portrayed Corky Romano more realistic and less like a caricature. But after Disney executive Peter Schneider fell asleep while watching the first rough ensemble of a footage shot during the first three weeks of production, producer Robert Simonds ordered all the footage that had been assembled at that time to be re-shot. Because of the tight budget, these re-shoots could not be done separately but had to be incorporated into the rest of the shoot, and Simonds insisted that Kattan play the lead in a much more cartoony way, smiling constantly.

Saw III Preview

In the following weeks, Patrick and Kyle hatch a plan to catch whoever it was that was watching them. Perhaps this mysterious person had some insight into their predicament. They would have included Jamie in the plans, but without any jorts to wear he sat around in his deafness, covered in mud and wearing only a shirt. “He could at least wear a shirt that wasn’t skin-tight,” grumbled Kyle. They hear Jamie whine from the other room, “are you talking about me? Are you talking about my tight shirt? It’s the only one I have where the v-neck is deep enough. You can’t expect me to be deaf and unfashionable.” They move further away from Jamie’s lair to continue hatching the plan. “Remember how we caught Santa Claus?” Patrick asks, but Kyle gives him a blank look. “Oh right, that was with Jamie. Shit.” This is going terribly. Suddenly the hairs on Patrick’s neck stand up again and he shushes Kyle. “Do you feel that?” He asks and Kyle nods his head vigorously. The feeling was right behind them… as if whoever it was was actually watching Jamie and not them at all. They sneak around the side of the house and look through the window. Kyle quickly turns away and tries to stop Patrick. His eyes are wide at what he just saw. “Don’t. Please,” he begs, “it’s horrible. You won’t be able to shake what you have seen.” But this only intrigues Patrick. Sure he liked seeing romantic things or funny things, but there was something almost irresistible about seeing something horrific on occasion. He pushes Kyle out of the way and takes a gander through the window. “My god,” he whispers, his face frozen in a mask of terror at what he saw too. That’s right! We are watching Saw II (and Saw III). This entire venture has been to try to get some franchises going that have somehow escaped our prying eyes. No more! Let’s go!

Saw III (2006) – BMeTric: 27.7; Notability: 37

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 28.0%; Notability: top 26.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 27.8%; Higher BMeT: Date Movie, The Wicker Man, Ultraviolet, Pledge This!, Material Girls, Little Man, Basic Instinct 2, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Zoom, The Shaggy Dog, The Marine, Big Momma’s House 2, DOA: Dead or Alive, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, Pulse, Black Christmas, Crossover, Phat Girlz, Eragon, Scary Movie 4, and 50 more; Higher Notability: Poseidon, Eragon, The Da Vinci Code, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, Scary Movie 4, The Wild, The Pink Panther, Click, Smokin’ Aces, The Guardian, The Black Dahlia, All the King’s Men, Zoom, Just My Luck, School for Scoundrels, The Shaggy Dog, Happily N’Ever After, Lady in the Water, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, Factory Girl, and 47 more; Lower RT: The Contract, Pledge This!, Crossover, Material Girls, The Covenant, Zoom, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Big Momma’s House 2, Deck the Halls, Basic Instinct 2, Happily N’Ever After, Date Movie, Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj, Ultraviolet, When a Stranger Calls, Annapolis, Stay Alive, See No Evil, Pulse, The Grudge 2, and 49 more; Notes: Only 8 of the top 20 by BMeT and I think only 4 of the top 20 by RT. Quite a sparse year for us somehow. Even looking through just nothing really jumps out as a must see beyond The Wicker Man. Bizarre.

New York Times – The “Saw” franchise rasps on with “Saw III,” a deadening barrage of grungy rooms, mortified flesh and elaborate torture. … The most depressing thing about this series is not the creativity of the bloodletting but the bleak view of human nature, specifically our talent for ruining the present to avenge the past. In the opening scene, a man frees himself from an ankle restraint by pulverizing his foot with a brick; fortunately, all we have to do is get up and leave.- Jeannette Catsoulis

(Yeah, so isn’t this often the case. Jamie’s favorite example is in the book Sliver the author basically keeps saying: hey don’t you just want to spy on people and peep on them? And as you are reading the reader is, I imagine, mostly like “no you weirdo.” Saw is similar. It is like “What choice would you make? Kill four people who harmed your family, or forgive them and live your life.” And I’m like … uh, forgive? Why would I murder some people? And yet these questions are often asked as if it is the trolly problem or something. The choices in Saw are rarely difficult: save people and be a good person. And yet everyone in these films suffer from a severe case of garbage-person-itis it would seem. Go figure.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLLDDSknHaI/

(Do you want to play a game? Not really. Also these games seem dumb. As usual it is like: if you want to live all you have to do is melt all your fingers off with acid. And I would be like … no thanks. This trailer is also very close to the joke Jamie makes about the films: “Want to hear my impression of the Saw films? ARGGGHHHHHHH ARGH ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH”. Aggravating.)

Directors – Darren Lynn Bousman – ( Known For: Repo! The Genetic Opera; Mother’s Day; Tales of Halloween; 11-11-11; Death of Me; St. Agatha; The Barrens; Abattoir; The Cello; Alleluia! The Devil’s Carnival; Future BMT: Saw IV; Spiral; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: Oh snap, I didn’t even realize above that he directed two through four. That’s wild. All of them sucked apparently. Got nixed on the writing credit this time it seems.)

Writers – Leigh Whannell – ( Known For: Saw; Insidious; The Invisible Man; Upgrade; Insidious: Chapter 3; Saw X; Cooties; The Mule; Future BMT: Insidious: Chapter 2; Saw IV; Saw V; Saw VI; Saw 3D; Dead Silence; Jigsaw; Insidious: The Last Key; Spiral; Insidious: The Red Door; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: He back baby. I wonder how many of these he has sole writing credit on.)

James Wan – ( Known For: Aquaman; Saw; The Conjuring 2; M3GAN; The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It; Malignant; Annabelle Comes Home; Saw X; The Nun II; Future BMT: Insidious: Chapter 2; Saw IV; Saw V; Saw VI; Saw 3D; Dead Silence; Jigsaw; Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom; Spiral; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; The Nun; Notes: Only story credit, but kind of weird he didn’t get one for the second and then pops back in for the third. I wonder if it points to them trying to get the franchise back on track … didn’t seem to work. Don’t worry, soon they’ll realize that all they need to be is as extreme as possible and they are good to go.)

Actors – Tobin Bell – ( Known For: Goodfellas; Saw; The Firm; Manhattan; Tootsie; In the Line of Fire; Mississippi Burning; The Road to El Dorado; The Quick and the Dead; Saw X; Sophie’s Choice; The Verdict; Malice; 12 Feet Deep; Boogeyman 2; An Innocent Man; The 4th Floor; Boogeyman 3; The Call; Belzebuth; Future BMT: Saw IV; Saw V; Saw VI; Saw 3D; Jigsaw; Boiling Point; Loose Cannons; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: Helllllll yeah Tobin. He was nearly 50 when he really broke into film. There is very little about what he did prior to getting bit roles in 1979, but at that point he was already well into his 30s, so maybe he was getting an advanced degree or was a teacher or something? Wild career.)

Shawnee Smith – ( Known For: Saw; The Island; Leaving Las Vegas; Saw X; Annie; The Blob; Summer School; The Grudge 3; Breakfast of Champions; Grace Unplugged; Jayne Mansfield’s Car; Bloodline Killer; Female Perversions; Carnival of Souls; Kill Speed; A Slipping-Down Life; The Low Life; Dogtown; Men; Christmas vs. The Walters; Future BMT: Saw IV; Saw VI; Who’s Harry Crumb?; Desperate Hours; Believe; BMT: Armageddon; Saw II; Saw III; Iron Eagle; Notes: She was a kid actor (and acted in Iron Eagle, amazing). The actors in the franchise are so interesting, she was around 35 when she was in the first one. She’s old enough to have been a young 24 year old actress in an episode of Murder She Wrote.)

Angus Macfadyen – ( Known For: Braveheart; Equilibrium; We Bought a Zoo; The Lost City of Z; Titus; Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood; Cradle Will Rock; .45; Horizon: An American Saga – Chapter 1; 3022; Robert the Bruce; Still Breathing; Hirokin: The Last Samurai; Steel Rain 2; Copperhead; Unnatural Causes; The Pleasure Drivers; The Brylcreem Boys; The Lost Language of Cranes; Fatwa; Future BMT: Saw IV; Saw VI; Warriors of Virtue; BMT: Saw III; Redline; Notes: Oh snap, this guy is in Horizon? Buckle up, I have three hours of a boring Western to watch. Scottish, and so yeah, famous for being Robert the Bruce in Braveheart.)

Budget/Gross – $10,000,000 / Domestic: $80,238,724 (Worldwide: $164,874,275)

(Prints. Money. Horror franchises are ridiculous, and it is kind of sad that something like this got famous and then people tried to emulate it because honestly it is not scary, not gross, and mostly just dumb. Hot take.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (28/95): Saw III does little beyond repeating its predecessor’s tropes on a gorier level.

(Yes, and? Oh, yeah, right, that’s a bad thing. I 100% agree though, the franchise becomes less interesting and grosser the longer it goes on. The exception seems to be (and isn’t it always) once they take an extended break things can realign a bit with people realizing what is actually interesting about the films instead of focusing on one upping themselves.)

Reviewer Highlight: Saw III is gross and squirmy, but it’s got a lot of brains and heart to go along with its guts. Better than Saw and Saw II combined. – Steve Tilley, Toronto Sun

Poster – Death Spa 3: Blood Bath

(I actually don’t even understand this from the point of view of Saw… was the trap that someone had a saw attached to three teeth? Or maybe this was hanging in front of them and balanced in some way and Jigsaw was like “You want to play a game? You have to pull out all your teeth and attach it to the saw to keep it balanced or else it’ll fall and cut your femoral artery. You have 25 seconds.” C-)

Tagline(s) – This Halloween He’s Pulling Out All The Stops (C-)

(Hahahahahaha. Now that’s some funny shit.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), …

(Ah yeah, I suppose people thought this was the worse of the two … I think I agree. Saw III has dumb people making dumb decisions and ruining their own lives mostly. The second one at least has some interesting ideas and played with time a bit.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Tobin Bell is No. 1 billed in Saw III and No. 1 billed in Saw II, which also stars Donnie Wahlberg (No. 2 billed) who is in Righteous Kill (No. 6 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 6) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch Saw V, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 17.

Notes – The producers of this film asked the producers of Scary Movie 4 (2006) if they could use their bathroom set for this film as it was an exact replica of the sets used in Saw (2004) and Saw II (2005). They were given permission to use it.

As with the previous two films, only the actors who appeared in the final scene were given the complete script.

The film’s most graphic scene – Jigsaw’s brain surgery – remained completely uncut by the MPAA. The filmmakers argued that it was no different from what people would see in any medical documentary on TV.

During the brain surgery scene prop master James R. Murray had to hold Bahar Soomekh’s arms still for the close-up shots because she was unable to steady herself and keep the tool under control.

Costas Mandylor’s character – Detective Hoffman – is named as a tribute to the first two films’ late producer Gregg Hoffman.

Saw II Preview

Saw II (2005) – BMeTric: 17.0; Notability: 37

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 30.8%; Notability: top 23.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 33.2%; Higher BMeT: Son of the Mask, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, The Fog, xXx: State of the Union, Boogeyman, Elektra, A Sound of Thunder, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Bewitched, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Are We There Yet?, In the Mix, The Dukes of Hazzard, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, The Honeymooners, Dirty Love, Cursed, Stealth, and 57 more; Higher Notability: Kingdom of Heaven, Fantastic Four, Be Cool, Domino, Fun with Dick and Jane, Bewitched, xXx: State of the Union, Memoirs of a Geisha, Chicken Little, The Longest Yard, Son of the Mask, The Great Raid, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, Stealth, Cursed, Flightplan, The Dukes of Hazzard, Æon Flux, The Ring Two, The Legend of Zorro, and 38 more; Lower RT: The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, Yours, Mine & Ours, Son of the Mask, Underclassman, A Sound of Thunder, The Perfect Man, Dirty Love, White Noise, Dirty Deeds, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Man of the House, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Æon Flux, Elektra, Edison, Are We There Yet?, The Wedding Date, and 62 more; Notes: Horror films are strange beasts. On the one hand fans are usually the harshest critics and so a lot of them have gaudy BMeT numbers. But then fans of specific series end up loving them all. We’ve seen 12/20 of the top BMeT for the year, which is fun.

New York Times – Last year’s mercilessly unpleasant “Saw” was an unexpected Halloween treat for horror fans fed up with the genre’s recent shift toward tongue-in-cheek. “Saw II,” directed by a newcomer, Darren Lynn Bousman, delivers similar hard-core, practically humorless frights and hair-raising tension, but only after getting past a shaky beginning that plays more like a forensics-themed television show than a scary movie. … By the time the final twists start exposing themselves and the title tool makes a welcome cameo appearance, it’s fully apparent that this sequel is more trick than treat and doesn’t really compare to its fine predecessor – though it still manages to be eye-opening (and sometimes positively nauseating) in itself. – Laura Kern

(Yeah, the film seems like a CSI knock-off version of Saw. Saw is a weird film (in that the acting is well and truly dire) but is somewhat intriguing in stripping down horror to its basest pieces. Saw II takes all the bad bits and amplifies it, straining credulity in the end.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y979drB7EEI/

(ARRRRGH ARGH ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. Classic Saw. These films are so bad and annoying haha. And this trailer makes this one look even worse than I would have imagined.)

Directors – Darren Lynn Bousman – ( Known For: Repo! The Genetic Opera; Mother’s Day; Tales of Halloween; 11-11-11; Death of Me; St. Agatha; The Barrens; Abattoir; The Cello; Alleluia! The Devil’s Carnival; Future BMT: Saw IV; Spiral; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: Can you guess what The Cello is about? Dang, yeah, it’s about a haunted cello, how did you know? The only other thing I’m going to say about this guy is that he needs a new haircut or imdb picture stat!)

Writers – Leigh Whannell – ( Known For: Saw; Insidious; The Invisible Man; Upgrade; Insidious: Chapter 3; Saw X; Cooties; The Mule; Future BMT: Insidious: Chapter 2; Saw IV; Saw V; Saw VI; Saw 3D; Dead Silence; Jigsaw; Insidious: The Last Key; Spiral; Insidious: The Red Door; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: He’s in the original film and maybe it is because it is low budget, or maybe because he’s Australian, but he is dire in it. Amazing he also wrote Insidious.)

Darren Lynn Bousman – ( Known For: Tales of Halloween; 11-11-11; The Barrens; BMT: Saw II; Notes: Kind of strange he got a credit, it was basically his first feature credit, and he walked into an already established franchise.)

Actors – Donnie Wahlberg – ( Known For: The Sixth Sense; Ransom; What Doesn’t Kill You; Bullet; Marilyn Hotchkiss’ Ballroom Dancing & Charm School; 1 1/2 Ritter – Auf der Suche nach der hinreißenden Herzelinde; Body Count; Diamond Men; Tooken; Triggermen; Southie; Black Circle Boys; Bullfighter; Butter; Future BMT: Saw IV; Dead Silence; Annapolis; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Dreamcatcher; Righteous Kill; Zookeeper; Notes: You know Donnie … of New Kids on the Block? … Mark’s older brother? … Blue Bloods star? There it is, yeah, he’s famous for being in Blue Bloods. And this I guess. And five seconds of The Sixth Sense.)

Beverley Mitchell – ( Known For: Extreme Movie; Snowmen; Dance Baby Dance; Future BMT: The Crow: City of Angels; BMT: Saw II; Notes: You might ask yourself, was she on nearly 250 episodes of 7th Heaven? Yes she was. And you best believe I’m watching Candy Cane Christmas someday, looks amazing.)

Franky G – ( Known For: The Italian Job; Dead Man Down; Confidence; Wonderland; The Devil’s Tomb; The Birthday Cake; Manito; 36 Saints; Future BMT: Saw 3D; BMT: Saw II; Saw III; Notes: Probably most famous for the tv show Power. Actual name: Frank Gonzalez.)

Budget/Gross – $4,000,000 / Domestic: $87,039,965 (Worldwide: $147,748,505)

(This is why you make horror films. This film is genuinely terrible and it made a 30x return or whatever. Printing money.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 37% (46/124): Saw II is likely to please the gore-happy fans of the original, though it may be too gruesome for those not familiar with first film’s premise.

(Who is going into Saw II being like “I wonder what this is about?” I don’t think any of the early Saw films satisfy the people actually looking for crazy stuff. Mostly, people are in situations where if they used their brains for five seconds they would get out of it. The needle bit in this one is maybe the worst of it though, so there is something there.)

Reviewer Highlight: Saw II has teeth, and this house-of-horrors franchise has legs, though they’re manacled to the radiator. – Kyle Smith, New York Post

Poster – Death Spa 2: Skin Peel

(God, if there were ever a set of posters that perfectly explained how much the Saw films are not my kind of films, these are the ones. Just like “you want to see people break their fingernails trying to get out of impossible traps?” and it’s like not really. It’s just so bland too. C+.)

Tagline(s) – Oh, yes. There will be blood. (B-)

(My word. I also had to look up and see which came first, this tagline or the film. This tagline predating There Will Be Blood. It appears to be a biblical quote, but really much funnier to think that PTA saw the poster for Saw II and was like “That would be a good title.” So I’ll be kind to it.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

Best Options (franchise): 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 69.1 Black Christmas (2006), 67.5 Seed of Chucky (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.8 The Grudge 2 (2006), 64.3 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.3 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 59.7 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004), 58.8 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 58.2 Scooby-Doo (2002), 55.0 Honey (2003), 51.5 Scary Movie 3 (2003), 49.4 The Omen (2006), 49.0 Thomas and the Magic Railroad (2000), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.7 The Hitcher (2007), 42.8 Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003), 41.0 Blade: Trinity (2004), 39.6 The Art of War (2000), 39.6 Beauty Shop (2005), 37.3 Saw IV (2007), 37.2 Just Visiting (2001), 37.0 The Amityville Horror (2005), 36.6 A Cinderella Story (2004), 36.4 Friday After Next (2002), 33.3 Rugrats Go Wild (2003), 33.3 House of 1000 Corpses (2003), 32.4 Pokémon 3 the Movie: Spell of the Unown (2000), 31.3 Arthur and the Invisibles (2006), 30.8 Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004), 30.3 Hannibal Rising (2007), 28.5 Next Friday (2000), 27.7 Saw III (2006), 27.7 Resident Evil: Extinction (2007), 27.6 Rush Hour 3 (2007), 26.6 TMNT (2007), 26.4 Pokémon the Movie 2000 (1999), 24.8 Meet the Fockers (2004), 24.6 Johnny English (2003), 22.7 Digimon: The Movie (2000), 21.8 The Punisher (2004), 21.6 Van Wilder (2002), 21.3 Star Trek: Nemesis (2002), 19.1 Step Up (2006), 17.0 The Da Vinci Code (2006), 17.0 Resident Evil (2002), 17.0 Saw II (2005), 17.0 Bad Boys II (2003), 16.9 The Chronicles of Riddick (2004), 14.8 The Matrix Revolutions (2003), 14.8 Final Destination (2000), 14.7 Underworld: Evolution (2006), 12.7 Hannibal (2001), 9.3 Underworld (2003), 3.1 The Butterfly Effect (2004)

(Pretty low. So, why did we do it? Well we wanted a horror franchise and this one has a ton of movies, so it was nice to knock off two now while the getting was good.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Donnie Wahlberg is No. 2 billed in Saw II and No. 6 billed in Righteous Kill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 6) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 15. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – To conceal the ending, most of the actors were not given the last 25 pages of the script. Only the principal actors involved in the sequence knew.

It took four days for four people to replace all of the syringe tips with fiber tips for the “Needle Pit” trap.

The bathroom, which was the main set for Saw (2004), had to be recreated for this film.

Five alternate endings were shot.

Shawnee Smith was pregnant during filming, but kept it a secret from everyone, including the director, Darren Lynn Bousman. Her daughter gave the secret away one day during lunch, but only to Darren Lynn Bousman.

The Watchers Preview

Gothika was experiencing the hottest month of record in June of 1843, but Monsieur Planchet was cool as a cucumber given the success of his hog farm. “Oui!,” he cried, “Oui, oui.” He cooled himself using the gold coins kept in his treasury and even his hogs got ice in their troughs (and we know what the French think of freely available ice). One day, as he was enjoying his gold, his daughter Porcina came by to tell him some splendid news. She was getting married to Henri! “Henri!” Monsieur Planchet cried, “No, no.” He stamped his feet and criticized Henri’s hog farming abilities. Look at his arms: so puny. Look at his legs: too long. “No, no,” he cried again. But Procina was in love and that night she stole away with Henri and eloped. “No, no!” Monsieur Planchet cried and finding Henri he again explained about the arms and legs. Henri was insulted. “I shall be the best hog farmer in Grand Paris,” he shouted at Monsieur Planchet who let out an astonished “No.” Henri put a finger in his face and uttered one word: “Oui.” Later that year, just as the heat broke, Monsieur Planchet opened his copy of Hog Weekly and was astonished to find that his name was no longer at the top. Henri! And in record time! Monsieur Planchet stormed into Paris to confront Henri and in the ensuing scuffle Henri was knocked into the industrial sausage maker. Porcina, in her despair, cursed her father and hog farming as an occupation.

After hearing the story, Patrick is led by the librarian to Henri’s old farm. Turns out that it is the very farm that Pierre had them working! The hairs stand up on his neck. Is it just him or are they being… watched. That’s right we are back in the BMT Live! Taking advantage of the latest film by M. Night Shyamalan… oh, hold up… actually no, this is by his daughter Ishana Night Shyamalan… uh oh. Let’s go!

The Watchers (2024) – BMeTric: 35.9; Notability: 18

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.2%; Notability: top 4.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.1%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, The American Society of Magical Negroes, Night Swim, Trigger Warning, The Strangers: Chapter 1, Tarot, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Imaginary, Mother of the Bride, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Mea Culpa, Miller’s Girl, Lift, Atlas, A Family Affair, Argylle, Role Play, Damaged; Higher Notability: The Garfield Movie, Argylle, Back to Black, Madame Web, Lift, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Atlas, A Family Affair, The Strangers: Chapter 1, Summer Camp, Lights Out; Lower RT: The Painter, Wanted Man, Summer Camp, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Air Force One Down, Not Another Church Movie, Madame Web, Mother of the Bride, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Woody Woodpecker Goes to Camp, Mea Culpa, Breathe, Atlas, Tarot, Trigger Warning, Camp Pleasant Lake, Night Swim, Cash Out, The Strangers: Chapter 1, Imaginary, and 9 more; Notes: Yeah always tough with Lives to figure out what is up. The Notability will be tiny forever, but that BMeT is pretty good. I think we’ll have at least 10/12 top BMeT films by the time all is said and done.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – When it comes to kooky, creative thrillers, Shyamalan is practically a brand. Though M. Night is the present precedent for this surname, his daughter Ishana hopes to carry the torch into the next generation, making a name for herself in a similar genre. … Shyamalan falters in picking between a fairytale and a horror story, and the film’s potential gets lost in her indecision. Though ideas and attempts at depth are present, they’re thin, and the film fails to stand its ground. “The Watchers” prompts curiosity that’s never entirely fulfilled, displaying a director who is ambitious but still very much at the foundational levels of her artistry.

(I’m actually a bit surprised this is a 2/4 star film based on this excerpt. It feels slightly lower. Just feels like the vibe is: fails to be interesting in any way … mid-tier. Reviewers need to remember what a bad film is. This is a bad film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYo91Fq9tKY/

(Oh I hate the music. And yeah, this is just a classic Shyamalan film vibe. Looks pretty good, but just really thinking a lot of itself without earning it.)

Directors – Ishana Shyamalan – ( Known For: Old; BMT: The Watchers; Notes: For Old she was second unit obviously. The daughter of M. Night. Both of his daughters featured in films this year.)

Writers – Ishana Shyamalan – ( BMT: The Watchers; Notes: She also wrote a television series called The Servant which I’ve never heard of. Reading the description it also has that specific Twilight Zone / Shyamalan vibe to it.)

A.M. Shine – ( BMT: The Watchers; Notes: The author of the book this is based on.)

Actors – Dakota Fanning – ( Known For: Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood; War of the Worlds; Coraline; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; Ocean’s Eight; The Equalizer 3; The Runaways; Charlotte’s Web; Brimstone; Now Is Good; The Secret Life of Bees; American Pastoral; Night Moves; Very Good Girls; Please Stand By; Dreamer; Every Secret Thing; Winged Creatures; Nine Lives; Future BMT: Man on Fire; I Am Sam; Push; Hide and Seek; Uptown Girls; Trapped; Tomcats; BMT: The Twilight Saga: New Moon; Sweet Home Alabama; The Cat in the Hat; The Watchers; Notes: A famous child actor, I remember her specifically for War of the Worlds and Man on Fire. Spoiler: I thought she was terrible in this film, but then she’s nominated for an Emmy for Ripley this year, so go figure.)

Georgina Campbell – ( Known For: Barbarian; Bird Box: Barcelona; All My Friends Hate Me; T.I.M.; Lovely, Dark, and Deep; Future BMT: King Arthur: Legend of the Sword; BMT: The Watchers; Notes: I don’t really recognize her from anything. She’s British, and given she was in the Bird Box sequel I assume she’s fully plugged into the Netflix zone.)

Olwen Fouéré – ( Known For: The Northman; Mandy; Texas Chainsaw Massacre; This Must Be the Place; The Survivalist; Beast; Sea Fever; Space Truckers; Zone 414; She Will; Animals; Cult Killer; Joyride; Sunrise; The Sleep of Death; Future BMT: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald; Tarot; BMT: The Watchers; Notes: I think we’ll see her again in Tarot at the end of the year funny enough. She might also be the only actor from Ireland proper in the whole film? Even Oliver Finnegan seems like he’s British and either putting on the accent, or he’s from Northern Ireland, it is hard to tell.)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $19,024,487 (Worldwide: $51,224,487)

(That worldwide number isn’t too bad. I cannot figure out how this film would have cost $30 million though. M. Night usually is pretty good at keeping costs down since he tends to finance his own stuff at least in part. Maybe not the case with his daughter.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (54/169): Heavy on eerie mood but undone by an obtuse script, The Watchers can only hold the gaze for so long before tedium sets in.

(Sounds about right. Given this is in the 30s I’m a bit surprised in retrospect that we chose to watch it, but we always get a bit skittish and we had a glut of Horror films available to us, so probably will end up being smart in the end.)

Reviewer Highlight: The Watchers is not nearly as cerebral; it’s less a political (or showbiz) allegory than a fable about our shared capacity for change. It’s a theme that’s ultimately addressed so plangently that it has the opposite effect and borders on goofiness… – Adam Nayman, The Ringer

Poster – Dem Peepers

(Cooooooool. This time I am being a bit ironic. It looks like a 2003 album cover for a nu metal band. In other words, super rad. C-)

Tagline(s) – Let Them See You (C-)

(Blessedly short, but without the context of the film this is totally meaningless. It’s just a line from the film.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Road House (2024), Civil War (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), The Beekeeper (2024), Damsel (2024), Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024), Argylle (2024), Challengers (2024)

Future BMT: 67.5 The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), 64.5 Night Swim (2024), 59.2 The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), 58.3 Tarot (2024), 57.5 Imaginary (2024), 30.3 The Exorcism (2024), 28.8 The Garfield Movie (2024), 21.0 Not Another Church Movie (2024), 16.8 Back to Black (2024), 10.5 Summer Camp (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024)

Best Options (imdb-keyword-creature): 35.1 The Watchers (2024)

(Hooray, the only one! Realistically though you can look and see we still got Tarot and Night Swim available for horror, so it was good to smash one of these out.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dakota Fanning is No. 1 billed in The Watchers and No. 2 billed in The Cat in the Hat, which also stars Mike Myers (No. 1 billed) who is in The Love Guru (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jessica Alba (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 15. If we were to watch Hide and Seek we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – Based on the book ‘The Watchers’ by A.M. Shine.

Originally titled as ‘The Watchers’, it was later changed to ‘The Watched’ in the UK and Ireland to avoid confusion with the Netflix series ‘The Watcher’.

Ishana Shyamalan’s directorial debut in a feature movie. She also directed some episodes of the series Servant.

Mina and her sister Lucy appear to have been named after the best friends from Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

This is the first film from New Line to debut the 2024 New Line Cinema logo with the fanfare.

Gothika Preview

Weeks later they were still the best hog farmers in all of Grand Paris, but Jamie’s hearing hadn’t improved. In fact things had been going pretty poorly. First he found that all his jorts had holes in them. Then when he took them to the jorts repair shop he found that his credit cards had been declined because he had misread his jorts budget for last month and spent 10x what had been allocated. Then when he tried to sell some of his excess jorts he found that Kyle had been using them to model his latest mannequin technology and ruined their resale value. “They have to be mint,” Jamie told him, seething. Kyle tries to apologize but that just gets an angry, “Don’t you remember? I cannot hear,” from Jamie, screamed at the loudest possible volume. At this rate Jamie would never get Samantha back as he was increasingly unpleasant to be around and smelled of a hog farm. This needed to be fixed and fast. Patrick scours the local public library, pouring through volume after volume of hog farming history. Panic rises in his throat as he reads the bizarre and tragic stories of all the former number one hog farmers in Grand Paris. That is until he hits the year 1843 when suddenly it appears that the top hog farmer was finishing up an unprecedented 35 year run at number one. “Monsieur Planchet,” he murmurs, prompting a sharp gasp to his left. When he wheels around he finds one of the assistant librarians standing there, a look of shock on her face. “Do you know him?” Patrick asks desperately. The librarian turns to flee, but the look on Patrick’s face makes her hesitate. Finally she says softly, “Oui, it all started in a small town… Gothika.” That’s right! We are watching Gothika, a film probably most notable for not being Catwoman. In the sense that it came out after Monster’s Ball but before Catwoman and yet everyone has associated Halle Berry’s post-Oscar swoon with Catwoman instead. Let’s go!

Gothika (2003) – BMeTric: 40.4; Notability: 49

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 17.2%; Notability: top 14.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.8%; Higher BMeT: The Room, Gigli, House of the Dead, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, The Cat in the Hat, From Justin to Kelly, Kangaroo Jack, Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, My Boss’s Daughter, The Foreigner, Darkness Falls, Biker Boyz, Agent Cody Banks, Cold Creek Manor, The Haunted Mansion, The Medallion, Marci X, Honey, The Order, Hollywood Homicide, and 23 more; Higher Notability: The Matrix Revolutions, Bad Boys II, Brother Bear, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Scary Movie 3, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The Core, The Cat in the Hat, The Haunted Mansion, Gods and Generals, Timeline, Hollywood Homicide, Agent Cody Banks, Tears of the Sun, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle of Life, Paycheck, Cradle 2 the Grave, Beyond Borders, Dreamcatcher, Duplex, and 17 more; Lower RT: Dorm Daze, The Foreigner, Hangman’s Curse, Gold Diggers, House of the Dead, Gigli, From Justin to Kelly, My Boss’s Daughter, Grind, Marci X, Gods and Generals, Kangaroo Jack, The Cat in the Hat, The Order, Darkness Falls, A Man Apart, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, Alex & Emma, National Security, Cold Creek Manor, and 6 more; Notes: Aw, one away from the 50+ Notability. We’ve only seen 8 of the top 20 BMeT which is a surprise. Six of the top ten though. Six of the top 20 RT as well.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – The sainted Pauline Kael taught us: The movies are so rarely great art that if we cannot appreciate great trash, we might as well stop going. I don’t know if she would have defined “Gothika” as great trash, but in trash as in art there is no accounting for taste, and reader, I cherished this movie in all of its lurid glory.

(I love this review. This must have been right when Ebert was like fuck it I like what I like, this is good for what it is! He ain’t wrong, even though it is slowly destroying BMT.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STxbF5tl5T0/

(I distinctly remember this trailer at the time. Not least of which because Halle Berry had just won the Oscar for Best Actress. Should I finally watch Monster’s Ball? Maybe. Decent trailer though, like quite high intensity and people love supernatural series killer stuff.)

Directors – Mathieu Kassovitz – ( Known For: La haine; The Crimson Rivers; Rebellion; Assassin(s); Café au lait; BMT: Gothika; Babylon A.D.; Notes: He’s French which makes sense with Babylon A.D. Still acts, but his directing career seems to have ended.)

Writers – Sebastian Gutierrez – ( Known For: Snakes on a Plane; The Big Bounce; Rise: Blood Hunter; Elizabeth Harvest; Elektra Luxx; Women in Trouble; Girl Walks Into a Bar; Judas Kiss; Hotel Noir; Future BMT: The Eye; BMT: Gothika; Notes: Him having written this and The Eye is classic. Snakes on a Plane … never before or since have I been more disappointed in a film than that one.)

Actors – Halle Berry – ( Known For: X-Men: Days of Future Past; X-Men; X2: X-Men United; X-Men: The Last Stand; John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum; Cloud Atlas; Kingsman: The Golden Circle; Die Another Day; Robots; The Call; The Last Boy Scout; Monster’s Ball; Executive Decision; Boomerang; Things We Lost in the Fire; Bulworth; Jungle Fever; Bruised; The Program; CB4; Future BMT: The Flintstones; Kidnap; Girl 6; B*A*P*S; The Rich Man’s Wife; Father Hood; Race the Sun; Strictly Business; BMT: Swordfish; Catwoman; Gothika; Movie 43; Moonfall; New Year’s Eve; Perfect Stranger; Notes: Won an Oscar (famously the first black woman to win Best Actress) for Monster’s Ball. Also famously was in Catwoman the same year.)

Penélope Cruz – ( Known For: Murder on the Orient Express; Blow; Vicky Cristina Barcelona; Volver; All About My Mother; To Rome with Love; Open Your Eyes; Pain and Glory; Ferrari; Broken Embraces; Everybody Knows; Bandidas; Parallel Mothers; Live Flesh; I’m So Excited!; Elegy; Loving Pablo; Twice Born; Head in the Clouds; Jamón, Jamón; Future BMT: The Brothers Grimsby; The Counselor; Sahara; Nine; The 355; All the Pretty Horses; Woman on Top; BMT: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides; Vanilla Sky; Gothika; Sex and the City 2; Zoolander 2; G-Force; Captain Corelli’s Mandolin; Notes: Also won an Oscar, for Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Nominated for three more (including Nine which is weird). Married to Javier Bardem.)

Robert Downey Jr. – ( Known For: The Avengers; Avengers: Endgame; Avengers: Infinity War; Iron Man; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Iron Man 3; Iron Man 2; Captain America: Civil War; Oppenheimer; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Sherlock Holmes; Zodiac; The Incredible Hulk; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows; Tropic Thunder; Natural Born Killers; Kiss Kiss Bang Bang; Chef; The Judge; A Scanner Darkly; Future BMT: Due Date; U.S. Marshals; Air America; Lucky You; The Shaggy Dog; In Dreams; Johnny Be Good; Black & White; Tuff Turf; Firstborn; BMT: Gothika; Dolittle; Notes: Also just won an Oscar for Oppenheimer, nominated for two others (Tropic Thunder and Chaplin). The rare top three Oscar winners here. Do yourself a favor and watch The Judge, it is demented what he was planning to try and win an Oscar after Marvel started to wrap up.)

Budget/Gross – $40,000,000 / Domestic: $59,694,580 (Worldwide: $141,591,324)

(My god, that’s a good amount of money. How did that happen? That’s a nuts amount of money.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 15% (25/168): Berry’s acting talents can’t save Gothika from its preposterous plot and bad dialogue.

(Preposterous?! Sign me up. That is so low, but for some reason I thought it was lower haha.)

Reviewer Highlight: It is a thoroughly synthetic confection, compounded of cliches drawn from a half-dozen genres and subgenres that for a while might almost persuade its audience, as it apparently convinced its makers, that it is something more. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – Mothrika

(Tight. And I’m not even being ironic. Look at the font. Look at the blue. Look at the highlighting of the star while also being at least interesting. Look at all the… uh… rain I guess. B+.)

Tagline(s) – Because someone is dead doesn’t mean they’re gone. (C-)

(Wake me up when the tagline is done. Little bit of a spoiler alert too. Obviously we can assume we are dealing with something supernatural, but this make it pretty clear it’s a gh-gh-gh-ghost.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), Taxi (2004), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), …

Best Options (G-Force): 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 64.7 The Comebacks (2007), 61.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.1 Code Name: The Cleaner (2007), 59.9 Corky Romano (2001), 59.7 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004), 55.1 Evan Almighty (2007), 54.2 The Bachelor (1999), 54.1 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 52.3 Malibu’s Most Wanted (2003), 51.1 Racing Stripes (2005), 47.9 Man of the House (2005), 47.2 The Hot Chick (2002), 46.5 Slackers (2002), 46.1 Monster-in-Law (2005), 46.0 RV (2006), 43.6 Head of State (2003), 43.5 The Brothers Solomon (2007), 43.0 Woman on Top (2000), 42.4 Domestic Disturbance (2001), 42.1 I Think I Love My Wife (2007), 40.7 Mr. Deeds (2002), 40.6 The Break-Up (2006), 40.4 Gothika (2003), 40.3 Bubble Boy (2001), 36.0 Domino (2005), 32.9 Reno 911!: Miami (2007), 32.7 Let’s Go to Prison (2006), 32.5 All the Pretty Horses (2000), 31.9 A Man Apart (2003), 30.2 Sahara (2005), 29.7 Windtalkers (2002), 29.1 28 Days (2000), 29.0 15 Minutes (2001), 27.6 Next (2007), 27.5 Fun with Dick and Jane (2005), 26.6 TMNT (2007), 23.8 Elizabethtown (2005), 22.0 Big Daddy (1999), 21.9 The Longest Yard (2005), 20.1 Art School Confidential (2006), 19.4 National Treasure: Book of Secrets (2007), 16.7 8MM (1999), 14.7 Underworld: Evolution (2006), 14.3 Hot Rod (2007), 9.3 Underworld (2003), 5.4 Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)

(Right in the middle. The Chain is always weird because you have to connect forward. So sure, I would want to watch The Bachelor, but then … where would we go from there. There’s only so much Chris O’Donnell films to watch.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Charles S. Dutton is No. 3 billed in Gothika and No. 3 billed in Random Hearts, which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (3 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Robert Downey Jr. broke Halle Berry’s arm during the hospital interrogation scene. Downey was supposed to grab Berry’s arm and twist, but twisted too hard and her arm snapped. Production was halted for eight weeks.

The scene in the pool was not scripted, but was added as a suspense sequence by director Mathieu Kassovitz.

Robert Downey Jr. and producer Susan Downey first met on the set and fell in love. They got married in August 27, 2005 and later started their production company Team Downey.

The title of the film, Gothika (can also be spelled gothica), is an unofficial term used to describe a form of purgatorial state of mind, a situation in which someone sees or feels things that no one else does, and those who don’t think those who can, are crazy. They simply have a connection to the supernatural world.

Although it was not the first Dark Castle Entertainment horror film to be critically panned, and wasn’t the last. It was the first, however, and still is, the highest grossing film to be released from the production company with a $141 million gross against a $40 million budget.

Raise Your Voice Preview

“Cursed schmershed,” Patrick says looking at the latest standings and beaming. It took them a few weeks of intense training best summarized in a montage, but eventually they got there. They were officially the best hog farmers in all of Grand Paris. Sure, the former number one team mysteriously came down with heat exhaustion after their air conditioning unit failed. And sure, that was because a family of squirrels dumped a whole mess of acorns into the cooling unit. And sure, the squirrels only moved into the cooling unit because their home was destroyed by the farmers’ tractor. And sure, the tractor only destroyed the squirrels’ home because it was fitted with the wrong sized harrow. And sure, they only had the wrong sized harrow because their harrow supplier had also gotten sick due to heat exhaustion (coincidentally by very similar circumstances). And sure, they only needed the new harrow because the old one was stolen after some local street toughs mistook it for valuable treasure. And sure, that mistake only happened because they painted the harrow gold for Mardi Gras. And sure, they decided to do that because… actually, they can’t remember why they thought a gold harrow was a good Mardi Gras float. “But that happens, right?” Kyle says out of nowhere. Patrick pretends like he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. When Patrick looks over to Jamie to confirm that they don’t know what Kyle is talking about, though, it seems like Jamie really doesn’t know what’s going on. Patrick gently touches Jamie’s elbow, startling him in the process. “You okay?” Patrick asks, which gets an even more startled look from Jamie. “Are you guys talking about something? I literally cannot hear you,” Jamie shouts. “Raise your…” *gasp* Suddenly they realize that Jamie has lost his hearing. That’s right! Talk about nostalgia. The Hilary Duff classic Raise Your Voice is right in the High School sweet spot when me and Patrick were no longer girls, but not yet women (and yes, I know that’s a Britney Spears song, I’m not an idiot). Let’s go!

Raise Your Voice (2004) – BMeTric: 36.1; Notability: 32

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 20.0%; Notability: top 28.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.1%; Higher BMeT: Catwoman, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, You Got Served, Torque, Taxi, Soul Plane, Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Thunderbirds, Seed of Chucky, Garfield: The Movie, Envy, Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London, Godsend, New York Minute, Exorcist: The Beginning, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, First Daughter, The Stepford Wives, Johnson Family Vacation, and 30 more; Higher Notability: Catwoman, Shark Tale, Van Helsing, The Chronicles of Riddick, King Arthur, Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, Alexander, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, After the Sunset, Blade: Trinity, Alien vs. Predator, She Hate Me, The Stepford Wives, Man on Fire, Meet the Fockers, The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, Around the World in 80 Days, Along Came Polly, Raising Helen, The Phantom of the Opera, and 52 more; Lower RT: Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, Twisted, Godsend, The Whole Ten Yards, The Cookout, Christmas with the Kranks, Johnson Family Vacation, My Baby’s Daddy, Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Movie – Pyramid of Light, Envy, Surviving Christmas, Catwoman, First Daughter, Taxi, House of D, Exorcist: The Beginning, A Cinderella Story, New York Minute, Employee of the Month, Against the Ropes, and 12 more; Notes: This is fairly mid-table, but has been on the docket since I somehow watched this in theaters in 2004. The girl I went with fell asleep four seconds into the movie as I watched this thing with the horrible realization that she was my ride and I couldn’t just leave.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – Does that mean (a) she comes home, right now, or (b) her mom and Aunt Nina work on dad, and, wouldn’t you know, the auditorium door opens and dad walks in just in time for his daughter to see him from the stage halfway through her big solo. The answer of course is (b), right down to the obligatory moment when the disapproving parent in the audience nods at the gifted child onstage and does the heartfelt little nod that means “you were right, honey.” But her dad was right about one thing. Something terrible did happen to her in Los Angeles. She made this movie.

(Kind of plucked out of the review, but I love the zinger right at the end and also just eviscerating the entire rote concept of the film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBntfOIjsRw/

(Ooooooooof they open with the movie. The movie looked like shit and I can’t believe the teacher was like this is what got you into the program. Ugh, and then the teacher plays the cello like an asshole and everyone is in love with him. This movie looks amazing and brutal.)

Directors – Sean McNamara – ( Known For: Soul Surfer; 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain; Spare Parts; The Miracle Season; On a Wing and a Prayer; Field of Lost Shoes; Cody the Robosapien; P.U.N.K.S.; Space Warriors; Race to Space; Treehouse Hostage; The Legend of Galgameth; Mighty Oak; Aliens Stole My Body; BMT: Raise Your Voice; Bratz; The King’s Daughter; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for That’s So Raven. He clearly was heavily involved in children’s programming in general as he produced and directed Even Stevens. I don’t like how much he seems involved with Jon Voight.)

Writers – Mitch Rotter – ( BMT: Raise Your Voice; Notes: Heavily involved with soundtracks and played a Folk Singer in this film. Which explains why this is his only credit I suppose. Was the soundtrack supervisor for Bones.)

Sam Schreiber – ( BMT: Raise Your Voice; Notes: Who knows what this guy does, he has a pre-production film he is a script consultant for, but something tells me that is fake.)

Actors – Hilary Duff – ( Known For: The Lizzie McGuire Movie; War, Inc.; Playing by Heart; Human Nature; Foodfight!; According to Greta; The Haunting of Sharon Tate; Stay Cool; She Wants Me; Bloodworth; Flock of Dudes; Wings; Future BMT: A Cinderella Story; Agent Cody Banks; The Perfect Man; BMT: Cheaper by the Dozen; Cheaper by the Dozen 2; Raise Your Voice; Material Girls; What Goes Up; Notes: Ooooooooh yeah, I forgot she was basically the main character in How I Met Your Father. Prior to that she starred in Younger as well. She has four kids.)

John Corbett – ( Known For: Tombstone; My Big Fat Greek Wedding; To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before; Serendipity; Volcano; The Silence; To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You; To All the Boys: Always and Forever; 47 Meters Down: Uncaged; Gully; The Burning Plain; Ramona and Beezus; I Hate Valentine’s Day; Dinner Rush; Baby on Board; Elvis Has Left the Building; The Lookalike; Dreamland; All Saints; Bigger Than the Sky; Future BMT: Street Kings; The Messengers; Raising Helen; Flight of the Intruder; God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness; BMT: Sex and the City 2; The Boy Next Door; My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2; Raise Your Voice; My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Northern Exposure. But I think he is obviously most famous for his continuing roles in the Sex and the City and My Big Fat Greek Wedding series.)

Rebecca De Mornay – ( Known For: Wedding Crashers; Identity; American Reunion; Risky Business; Flipped; Backdraft; Lords of Dogtown; The Hand That Rocks the Cradle; Runaway Train; Mother’s Day; I Am Wrath; One from the Heart; Testament; Apartment 1303 3D; Music Within; The Trip to Bountiful; Thick as Thieves; And God Created Woman; The Right Temptation; The Winner; Future BMT: The Three Musketeers; Guilty as Sin; Feds; The Slugger’s Wife; BMT: Raise Your Voice; Never Talk to Strangers; Notes: The only thing I really remember about her is that she had a huge amount of clout in the 90s and used all of it to produce and star in Never Talk to Strangers. Didn’t work out.)

Budget/Gross – $15,000,000 / Domestic: $10,411,980 (Worldwide: $14,867,514)

(You know, if you can make Pearl and X for $1 million, I just don’t see how this is $15 million. There is no way they thought this would make more than $15 million right? Make with the synergy with a Duff release the box office wasn’t a huge deal.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 16% (13/83): A bland, formulaic tween version of Fame.

(Fuck … yeah that nailed it. It is a formulaic bad version of Fame. I couldn’t put it better myself.)

Reviewer Highlight: Ms. Duff’s screen presence and the film’s infectious high spirits will make this piece of fluff appealing to young moviegoers without conveying any sinister messages. – Anita Gates, New York Times

Poster – Hilary “That’s Enough” Duff

(Sometimes a poster can be bad by just doing its job. There is no other poster Raise Your Voice can have… weird skewed font and all. Still, not good and far too busy. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Don’t hold back. Don’t give up. (C+)

(It’s generic, but it’s got some flow. Like they didn’t totally botch this. I’m also a sucker for messages like this. No matter how cheesy I like when films aimed at kids are basically like “work hard.” That seems good.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Taxi (2004), Elektra (2005), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), …

Best Options (Romance): 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 64.3 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 57.6 The Next Best Thing (2000), 54.9 Honey (2003), 54.2 The Bachelor (1999), 54.1 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 53.9 The Divorce (2003), 53.6 Abandon (2002), 52.8 Just My Luck (2006), 52.3 Loser (2000), 52.1 Superstar (1999), …

(This is a shockingly low BMeTric, but it was the most true and fun option I thought. There are tons available, but c’mon, Hilary Duff in Raise Your Voice! Crossroads here we come!)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: David Keith is No. 3 billed in Raise Your Voice and No. 2 billed in Firestarter, which also stars Drew Barrymore (No. 1 billed) who is in Blended (No. 2 billed) which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch The Perfect Man, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – Evan Rachel Wood and Jonathan Jackson were the original choices for the roles of Terri and Jay respectively, but both dropped out due to production changes, as did Annie Potts (who was set to play Terri’s mother) and director James Hayman. The story’s location was then changed from New York City to Los Angeles.

Was originally entitled “Heart of Summer”, but the film’s release date was pushed back from August to October, so the title was changed accordingly.

The rock band that Terri and her brother go see, is Three Days Grace and are singing “Are you Ready?”.

Hilary Duff (Teresa ‘Terri’ Fletcher) and Davida Williams (Lauren) were previously in Disney Channel’s Lizzie McGuire (2001). Hilary Duff played the lead role Lizzie McGuire and Davida played a recurring, minor character for 12 episodes.

Originally pitched as a “Christian Music Project” with Jaci Velasquez and Rachael Lampa suggested for the lead, and Kirk Franklin for the music teacher.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Hilary Duff)

Cursed Preview

Spending their days rebuilding Pierre’s premier perfume shop didn’t sound so bad to Patrick, Jamie and Kyle. It wasn’t until they had already scoped out a farmhouse to rent in a nearby winery that they were informed that they weren’t rebuilding the Perfume shop at all. “Where do you think I got all that wild hog musk?” Pierre says, pointing them to his premier hog farm that stood just down the block. “This is probably not going to help my scent,” Jamie says. “Unless…” he continues, but Patrick stops him. No, there was no “unless…” to that statement. A week later, as they muck out pen #3, Pierre enters the farm and slaps Jamie on the back. “You guys are doing a great job. I just can’t believe the latest standings!” He slaps his hand at the newsletter he’s holding. “What’s that?” Patrick asks, curious now at what ‘standings’ Pierre could be talking about. “The hog standings, of course,” Pierre says incredulously. “We’re all the way up to #2! I’ve never been able to get even up to #5 when it was just me mucking out all these pens and extracting the gallons of wild hog musk.” Now the competitive juices are flowing. Jamie, Patrick and Kyle start to chatter about getting all the way up to #1 in the standings. “No, no, no,” Pierre says, looking worried. “We don’t want to get up to #1. Being second is a perfect place to be, so let’s just stay right there.” Second place?! Jamie and Patrick stare at him in disbelief. Did Pierre really think they were second place kind of hog farmers? “No, I don’t think you are second place kind of hog farmers,” he reassures them, “it’s just that first place in the hog standings is… cursed.” *Gasp* That’s right! We are watching Cursed by Wes Craven. This is his take on the werewolf genre and unfortunately I don’t think Taylor Lautner was able to participate. Let’s go!

Cursed (2005) – BMeTric: 62.3; Notability: 71

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.2%; Notability: top 5.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.5%; Higher BMeT: Son of the Mask, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, The Fog, xXx: State of the Union, Boogeyman, Elektra, A Sound of Thunder, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Bewitched, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Are We There Yet?, In the Mix, The Dukes of Hazzard, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, The Honeymooners, Dirty Love; Higher Notability: Kingdom of Heaven, Fantastic Four, Be Cool, Domino, Fun with Dick and Jane, Bewitched, xXx: State of the Union, Memoirs of a Geisha, Chicken Little, The Longest Yard, Son of the Mask, The Great Raid, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, Stealth; Lower RT: The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, Yours, Mine & Ours, Son of the Mask, Underclassman, A Sound of Thunder, The Perfect Man, Dirty Love, White Noise, Dirty Deeds, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Man of the House, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Æon Flux, Elektra, Edison, The Mistress of Spices, Are We There Yet?, and 13 more; Notes: We are even on the higher BMeT films (seen 9 and haven’t seen 9), but at least one is coming up. Kingdom of Heaven is an exciting possibility. I should say … the Notability on this is off the chain. I don’t get it. It is nuts.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Contemporary werewolf-on-the-loose story is a rare miss in the thrills department from the SCREAM team of Craven and writer Kevin Williamson. Film starts out amusing but soon becomes ludicrous as the nubile young victims must fight back to become human again. Already dated picture is set at the now-defunct Craig Kilborn talk show, where Ricci is a producer spending what seems like days prepping an interview with Scott Baio. It’s that kind of movie, folks.

(Hahahahha, it is true though. Kilborn shows up and embarasses himself, and the Baio shit was also hilarious. The only thing I wish was Baio was either torn to shreds by the werewolf, or randomly was the werewolf in the end.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e56-jMfL9I/

(I can tell you that early scene where the wolf grabs the woman out of the car looks about as good in the actual film … which is to say like garbage. This film looks perfectly 2005 and that ain’t a compliment. The CGI dog is awful.)

Directors – Wes Craven – ( Known For: Scream; A Nightmare on Elm Street; Scream 2; Scream 4; Scream 3; Red Eye; Paris, I Love You; New Nightmare; The Last House on the Left; The People Under the Stairs; The Hills Have Eyes; The Serpent and the Rainbow; Swamp Thing; Music of the Heart; The Hills Have Eyes Part II; Deadly Blessing; Future BMT: My Soul to Take; Shocker; BMT: Cursed; Vampire in Brooklyn; Deadly Friend; Notes: Died in 2015, but still racking up those credits. His performance in New Nightmare is b-b-b-b-b-b-bonkers.)

Writers – Kevin Williamson – ( Known For: Scream; Scream 2; Scream 4; Scream 3; Scream; The Faculty; Scream VI; Sick; Future BMT: Teaching Mrs. Tingle; BMT: I Know What You Did Last Summer; Cursed; Notes: Kind of legendary as far as horror writers. The Faculty? How didn’t that qualify? It is hilarious.)

Actors – Christina Ricci – ( Known For: Sleepy Hollow; Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; The Matrix Resurrections; The Addams Family; Monster; Casper; Addams Family Values; Small Soldiers; Speed Racer; Black Snake Moan; Penelope; Buffalo ’66; The Ice Storm; New York, I Love You; After.Life; Mermaids; Anything Else; The Hard Way; The Opposite of Sex; Bel Ami; Future BMT: The Smurfs 2; 200 Cigarettes; That Darn Cat; BMT: Cursed; Now and Then; Bless the Child; Alpha and Omega; Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for Yellowjackets and Grey’s Anatomy. A true blue child star from my childhood. The Addams Family and Caspar in particular.)

Jesse Eisenberg – ( Known For: The Social Network; Now You See Me; Zombieland; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; The Village; Rio; Zombieland: Double Tap; Adventureland; 30 Minutes or Less; Rio 2; American Ultra; To Rome with Love; The Squid and the Whale; Café Society; Vivarium; The Double; The Art of Self-Defense; The End of the Tour; The Hunting Party; Roger Dodger; Future BMT: Now You See Me 2; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Justice League; Cursed; Notes: Remember Roger Dodger? What a weird film. Nominated for an Oscar for The Social Network, and his directorial effort in A Real Pain is getting tons of buzz.)

Portia de Rossi – ( Known For: Scream 2; Sirens; Dead & Breakfast; Who Is Cletis Tout?; Tab Hunter Confidential; Girl; I Witness; Unity; All the Way; Now Add Honey; Future BMT: Stigmata; BMT: Cursed; Notes: Known for Arrested Development and for being married to Ellen. Also she’s like … barely in this film, so wild she’s the third person listed on IMDb.)

Budget/Gross – $38,000,000 / Domestic: $19,297,522 (Worldwide: $29,621,722)

(That’s not great. Seems like a catastrophic production probably pushed the budget too high, and on a more normal horror budget maybe this works out okay.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 15% (15/98): A predictable plot and cheesy special effects make Cursed a less-than-scary experience.

(Cheesy special effect?! Well … fine, yeah, the first bit with the werewolf is real dumb looking and there are some real crazy effects in the big fight scene in the middle, and the dog looks bad … fine yeah, the special effects suck.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s not bad enough to make you curse, but you are likely to laugh when you should scream, and to roll your eyes when you are meant to laugh. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – Fred Durst’s Cursed

(I think this is fine. Nicely stylized with a twist on the font. I don’t know why, but it comes off a little boring to me even when it’s doing a lot of the things I like. B+.)

Tagline(s) – What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. (F)

(Wow. No. That is simply a common phrase and is completely unacceptable.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Taxi (2004), Elektra (2005), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), …

Best Options (Horror): 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 69.0 Black Christmas (2006), 68.7 Captivity (2007), 67.5 Seed of Chucky (2004), 64.8 The Grudge 2 (2006), 63.9 Valentine (2001), 63.6 Skinwalkers (2006), 63.0 The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007), 62.3 Cursed (2005), 62.1 Stay Alive (2006), 61.5 When a Stranger Calls (2006), 60.8 See No Evil (2006), 60.3 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 58.8 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 58.4 The Return (2005), 57.9 They (2002), 56.6 The Stepford Wives (2004), 55.2 Lost Souls (2000), 54.2 The Messengers (2007), 53.9 The Order (2003), 50.9 Turistas (2006), …

(Pretty pretty pretty good. I really don’t want to watch BloodRayne, although I know it will happen. Ha! Skinwalkers. Another werewolf film was right there too.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jesse Eisenberg is No. 2 billed in Cursed and No. 3 billed in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – In 2014, Judy Greer spoke of the film in an interview. Greer states, “I don’t know why that movie got so fucked up. I don’t understand it. I thought the script was fine. Honest to God, I didn’t get the big deal. I don’t know who kept making them fuck with it”. She goes on to say, “Then we shot the movie for, like, seven years. I think they said we had four movies worth of footage. It was so fun, but so weird. I don’t get it. I couldn’t figure it out.”

When the production was stalled, many cast members were cut, including Illeana Douglas, Heather Langenkamp, Scott Foley, Omar Epps, Robert Forster, James Brolin and Corey Feldman. All of these actors even filmed their scenes which were cut when the movie was re-written and re-shot.

In the original version, the film opened with the benefit party by PETA on the hotel roof. Parts of the scene were kept from the original shooting but in the final cut, that scene is at about 50 minutes from the beginning. Mya replaced Mandy Moore in this scene.

In 2008, Wes Craven was quoted saying; “… the Cursed experience was so screwed up. I mean, that went on for two-and-a-half years of my life for a film that wasn’t anything close to what it should have been. And another film that I was about to shoot having the plug pulled – Pulse – so it was like, I did learn from the Cursed experience not to do something for money. They said, ‘We know you want to do another film, we’ll pay you double.’ And we were 10 days from shooting, and I said fine. But I ended up working two-and-a-half years for double my fee, but I could have done two-and-a-half movies, and done movies that were out there making money. In general, I think it’s not worth it and part of the reason my phone hasn’t rung is that that story is pretty well known.

The original plot line had three strangers brought together by a car accident in the Hollywood Hills and the subsequent attack of a werewolf. The three characters were named Ellie Hudson (Christina Ricci), Vince Winston (Skeet Ulrich) and Jimmy Myers (Jesse Eisenberg). When the script was re-written, the plot changed and focused on two estranged siblings who had to fight a curse after a werewolf attack. Skeet Ulrich’s character was totally re-written and renamed Jake. Since Ellie and Jimmy became brother and sister, Ellie’s surname was deleted and became Myers.