Preview – Page 5 – Bad Movie Twins

Major League II Preview

Patrick scans the crowd of BMTverse denizens that surrounded him in The Waste, all ready to send him on whatever ludicrous adventure they had in mind. Stonewall Jackson? Nah. Pistachio Disguisey? Definitely not. The Punisher? He shakes his head. Suddenly, far in the back he finds what he’s looking for. “You!” Patrick yells, pointing at Freddie Prinze Jr. “Which one are you?” he asks seriously. “My name’s Ryan Dunne and I seem to have lost my stuff. If you could just…’ At this point Patrick cuts him off. “Great, perfect. You got your glove and a ball? Great, nice.” He moves people out of the way and stands approximately 60 feet from FPJ. “The best way to get back your stuff is to believe in yourself. It’s been inside you the whole time, etc. etc.” At that, Patrick bends over, still looking at FPJ. “Now show me what you got,” Patrick says, waggling his head at the ready for a fastball directly to his dome. FPJ shrugs his shoulders and despite some questionable mechanics delivers a strike that knocks Patrick on his ass.

Patrick awakens and as his vision clears he’s shocked to see the marquee of the wildlife theater come back into view. Cobra is now properly playing, but that’s not the shocking part. Below that are the words “Cobra 2: Crimedemic, World Premier!” He turns to Kyle and asks whether he’s still dreaming. Kyle shakes his head and pats him on the back. “You were glorious,” he assures Patrick without elaborating on how exactly he helped make this a reality. The owner of the theater rushes up to him and pumps his hand enthusiastically. “We made it. My little theater has finally made the major leagues thanks to you and, of course, your best friend Sly Stallone.” That’s right! We are going back to back again, Jack. Major League is one of the best sports comedies of all time. Major League II is not. Major League: Back to the Minors is… also not. Let’s go!

Major League II (1994) – BMeTric: 42.5; Notability: 51

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 12.8%; Notability: top 8.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 4.1%; Higher BMeT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, Street Fighter, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Junior, The Next Karate Kid, It’s Pat: The Movie, Double Dragon, On Deadly Ground, The Flintstones, North, The Fantastic Four, Leprechaun 2, 3 Ninjas Kick Back, Exit to Eden, In the Army Now, Color of Night, Car 54, Where Are You?, Richie Rich, Beverly Hills Cop III, Blank Check, and 12 more; Higher Notability: The Flintstones, Wyatt Earp, The Shadow, Beverly Hills Cop III, Ready to Wear, Love Affair, North, Radioland Murders, The Pagemaster, I Love Trouble, On Deadly Ground, Exit to Eden, Street Fighter, The Scout, Drop Zone, Blown Away, Speechless, Junior, D2: The Mighty Ducks, Baby’s Day Out, and 1 more; Lower RT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, It’s Pat: The Movie, Death Wish: The Face of Death, Wagons East, The Silence of the Hams, House Party 3, Car 54, Where Are You?, Holy Matrimony, Getting Even with Dad, A Low Down Dirty Shame; Notes: Major League II was shown 67 times in the 90s, that’s pretty crazy. Compare that to 52 to Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, 6 for Street Fighter, and 10 for Texas Chainsaw: The Next Generation. This is definitely a huuuuuuuuuge cable film around the time. You best belieb we’ve watched Silence of the Hams as well … on VHS. It is exclusive to VHS. Man, 1994 was a wild time.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – Fans of “Major League” (1989) may want to see “Major League II.” I did not see the first film and am not in that category. Nor is there anything in “Major League II” that inspires me to go back and catch up on the earlier film. … There’s one bright spot: On the basis of this dismal attempt, the team will probably not be back next season.

(Ha! Wrong on that count. I can’t believe he didn’t see the first. It is a good film though, so I wonder if he ever did. There still isn’t a review of the original on the website.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGnW5gh4WZE/

(Hahaha, the voice over. The number of people they replaced is sunny. Honestly Epps is arguably better than Snipes. But making the dumb fans a bigger deal with Randy Quaid is one of the many mistakes this film makes.)

Directors – David S. Ward – ( Known For: Major League; The Program; Cannery Row; Future BMT: Down Periscope; King Ralph; BMT: Major League II; Notes: Man, should I read Cannery Row? Steinbeck. Tempting. All of his directorial efforts were huge 90s television hits.)

Writers – David S. Ward – ( Known For: The Sting; Sleepless in Seattle; Major League; The Program; The Milagro Beanfield War; Cannery Row; I’ll Find You; Steelyard Blues; Saving Grace; Future BMT: Flyboys; King Ralph; The Sting II; BMT: Major League II; Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: He won the Oscar for The Sting, and was nominated for Sleepless in Seattle. King Ralph, we are coming for you.)

R.J. Stewart – ( Known For: The Rundown; And God Created Woman; BMT: Major League II; Notes: And God Created Woman seems like a ridiculous film. “Robin marries Billy to get out of jail” … how does that follow?)

Tom S. Parker and Jim Jennewein – ( Known For: Stay Tuned; Future BMT: Richie Rich; Getting Even with Dad; BMT: The Flintstones; Major League II; Notes: Stay Tuned is a wild wild film. And wait, Jeffery Jones was in that and Mom and Dad Save the World? Two ridiculous ideas.)

Actors – Charlie Sheen – ( Known For: Platoon; Ferris Bueller’s Day Off; Being John Malkovich; Wall Street; Hot Shots!; Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps; Hot Shots! Part Deux; Badlands; Major League; Young Guns; Red Dawn; The Arrival; Eight Men Out; The Chase; The Wraith; Lucas; Foodfight!; Beyond the Law; Good Advice; Cadence; Future BMT: Due Date; Scary Movie 3; Scary Movie 4; Machete Kills; The Three Musketeers; Loaded Weapon 1; Money Talks; The Rookie; Men at Work; The Big Bounce; Madea’s Witness Protection; All Dogs Go to Heaven 2; Shadow Conspiracy; BMT: Scary Movie V; Major League II; Navy Seals; Terminal Velocity; Notes: Nominated for four Emmys all for Two and a Half Men. Cadence. A real film starring Charlie and Martin Sheen that played on television 66 times in the 90s.)

Tom Berenger – ( Known For: Inception; Training Day; Platoon; Born on the Fourth of July; Faster; Major League; The Big Chill; Gettysburg; Eye See You; The Substitute; Shoot to Kill; The Sentinel; Brake; Someone to Watch Over Me; The Gingerbread Man; The Dogs of War; Bad Country; A Murder of Crows; Looking for Mr. Goodbar; Eddie and the Cruisers; Future BMT: Sniper; Shattered; Chasers; Betrayed; Rustlers’ Rhapsody; BMT: Sliver; Major League II; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Platoon. I just watched him in Fear City. His hair was incredible, but not enough Billy Dee Williams.)

Corbin Bernsen – ( Known For: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang; Major League; The Big Year; King Kong; The Hating Game; Lay the Favorite; The Dentist; The Great White Hype; Tales from the Hood; S.O.B.; The Dentist 2; Suing the Devil; Clambake; Disorganized Crime; Dead Air; Left Behind: Rise of the Antichrist; Sunrise in Heaven; Christian Mingle; Three the Hard Way; Roe v. Wade; Future BMT: Shattered; Radioland Murders; Hello Again; BMT: Major League II; Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for L.A. Law. He really was in some junk in the 90s. Like Aurora: Operation Intercept … what is that? Played 16 times on television, so it was a real film people could have watched.)

Budget/Gross – $25 million / Domestic: $30,626,182 (Worldwide: $30,626,182)

(That is terrible. Like … really terrible. The only odd thing is Major League only made $50 million. How did it become such a phenomenon. I would have definitely guessed it was one of those $100 million comedies of the 90s.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 5% (1/21): Striking out on every joke, Major League II is a lazy sequel that belongs on the bench.

(My god that is low. I’m not surprised. The film is genuinely quite racist and weird. It isn’t funny, and is just annoying. I guess I’m saying that the percentage makes sense.)

Reviewer Highlight: Baseball’s wild bunch from Cleveland take the field again. Plods ahead with cliches. Pleasantly predictable. – New York Times listings

Poster – Majorly Ugh 2

(I’m actually embarrassed for this poster. At least it’s got that beautiful, beautiful font and crazy baseball mascot. C)

Tagline(s) – The dream team is back! (F)

(Nooooooooooooo! The dream team is back?! Nooooooooooo! I seriously would have given it a D if they added a “Jack” to the end.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Top 10: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993), The Bone Collector (1999)

Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 83.0 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.4 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 68.1 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.1 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.8 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.6 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.5 The Mangler (1995), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 59.9 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.6 Jury Duty (1995), 59.0 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Wild Wild West (1999), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), Cool as Ice (1991), Wing Commander (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), On Deadly Ground (1994), Dudley Do-Right (1999), Double Team (1997), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), The Flintstones (1994), The Haunting (1999), Leprechaun (1993), Bats (1999), Fair Game (1995), Cool World (1992), North (1994), Body of Evidence (1993), Problem Child 2 (1991), …

Best Options (franchise): 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 72.4 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 68.1 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.5 The Mangler (1995), 59.9 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.2 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994), 56.1 Son of the Pink Panther (1993), 52.3 Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1995), 52.3 Major League: Back to the Minors (1998), 50.4 3 Ninjas (1992), …

(This is a bonus. Back to the Minors is the actual choice and is pretty solid. 50+. We did consider Children of the Corn at one point.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dennis Haysbert is No. 4 billed in Major League II and No. 5 billed in Random Hearts, which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (4 + 5) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 16. If we were to watch In Too Deep we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Baker’s inability to throw the ball back to the pitcher was based on former New York Mets catcher Mackey Sasser. Sasser was very successful at throwing out runners attempting to steal second, but had a mental block causing him to flinch several times when trying to throw the ball back to the pitcher. Many baserunners took advantage of this affliction and stole bases while he was triple pumping his throw, and/or lollipopping the throw back.

While Camden Yards doubled as Cleveland Municipal Stadium, scenes depicting Indians road games were filmed mostly at nearby Baltimore Memorial Stadium.

The character Isuro Tanaka was something of an anomaly of that time. At the time of the film’s release, there were no Japanese players in the Major Leagues, and only one Japanese player had ever played (briefly) for a ML team. The influx of Japanese players in US Major League baseball didn’t begin until a few years after the film’s release.

Wesley Snipes wasn’t able to reprise his role of Willie Mays Hayes, and was replaced with Omar Epps

Kevin Hickey, who plays Indians pitcher Schoup, made his major debut in 1981 as a pitcher for the Chicago White Sox, the very team the fictional pitcher Schoup plays against in the film.

Borderlands Preview

“Oh, I didn’t really mean you should come over to set right now,” Kevin James says, rubbing his neck. He’s dressed as Barney Rubble opposite Sly Stallone’s Fred Flintstone in what seemed to be a film where Fred and Barney are transported to the present day. “So there aren’t any dinosaurs at all?” Kyle says in wonder, looking at the very normal looking suburban set. “No… it’s a fish-out-of-water story. Guys, really, It’s not a great time,” Kevin James says nervously and looks over at Sly’s trailer where a group of PA’s are knocking furiously at his door. “Aha, Sly is being Sly, I see,” Patrick says, rubbing his hands together. “Classic Sly.” Kevin James tries to distract them with the craft services table, pointing out the many ways in which sandwiches can be constructed. Kyle is more interested in a prop newspaper with the headline ‘Fred Flintstone Elected Mayor: Promises to Solve Town’s Water Treatment Issue,’ and a date of April 22nd, 1998. His head is spinning. Patrick is still distracted by Sly Stallone’s trailer. “You want me to talk to him?” He asks Kevin James, who tries to grab him by the arm. “I’m going to go talk to him,” Patrick says with a smirk and strolls up to the trailer, scattering PA’s in his wake. “Yo! Adrian!” Patrick yells at the trailer door and then turns back to Kevin James. “That’s just something we do. It’s fun,” he says, smirking even harder. “Stop! Or my mom will shoot!” Patrick continues and at that the trailer door slams open, smashing directly into Patrick’s face.

He wakes up in a desert landscape he recognizes. Strange people surround him. “Welcome to The Waste,” they say, but Patrick springs up immediately. “Nah, this is just the borders of my imagination.” That’s right! We are going Live! for the smash bomb of the year in Borderlands. This is the live action adaptation of the video game Borderlands, which I’ve never played and possibly never even seen a clip from. You think that will hinder or help my enjoyment here? Let’s go!

Borderlands (2024) – BMeTric: 68.3; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.4%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.7%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web; Lower RT: Tyler Perry’s Divorce in the Black, The Painter, Wanted Man, Summer Camp, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate; Notes: Rare is it that we actually manage to hit at not one but two top BMT films of a year as Live entries. Madame Web and Borderlands were so astonishing they were inevitable and I’m quite glad we watched both in theaters as they were intended.

RogerEbert.com – 1 star – Roth, a director I’ve defended in the horror genre a few times, is remarkably inept at directing action. When the film bursts into gunfire, to call these sequences incoherent would be polite. I’m not sure if cinematographer Rogier Stoffers and/or editors Julian Clarke & Evan Henke deserve some of the blame, but the fight scenes are baffling in their construction. They’re cut in a way that makes it impossible to know the geography of an action scene, or really to care about what happens in them. It may sound picky, but a movie based on an action video game needs at least to provide visceral, escapist entertainment in the guns-and-punches department. There’s not a single memorable action beat in this movie. Not one.

(Yeah, also the film is cut to shit. It is clear that they had a film of film and just had to do something to get it out in a reasonably understandable form. Even if that meant janky voiceover where scenes you can SEE are from later in the film are shown out of order for no real reason. It is insane. It needs to be seen to be believed.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Icnysn53neU/

(Oh jesus this trailer is so loud. I feel like I’ve seen this trailer a thousand times before. And none of those movies were good. I have no idea what they were thinking with this dumb movie.)

Directors – Eli Roth – ( Known For: Hostel; Grindhouse; Knock Knock; Hostel: Part II; Cabin Fever; Thanksgiving; The House with a Clock in Its Walls; Fin; Future BMT: The Green Inferno; BMT: Death Wish; Borderlands; Notes: Famously his role in Inglorious Basterds was supposed to be taken by Adam Sandler, which would have been pretty cool I think.)

Writers – Eli Roth – ( Known For: Hostel; Grindhouse; Knock Knock; Hostel: Part II; Cabin Fever; The Man with the Iron Fists; Thanksgiving; Aftershock; Cabin Fever; Future BMT: The Green Inferno; BMT: Borderlands; Notes: That is kind of amazing. Something tells me we aren’t getting to Green Inferno anytime soon. Honestly, Roth isn’t really my style in general.)

Joe Crombie – ( Notes: He genuinely seems to have a writing credit. He’s mostly credited as an editor.)

Actors – Cate Blanchett – ( Known For: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring; The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King; The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers; The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey; Thor: Ragnarok; The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug; The Curious Case of Benjamin Button; Don’t Look Up; The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies; Hot Fuzz; Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull; The Aviator; Eyes Wide Shut; How to Train Your Dragon 2; Babel; Robin Hood; The Talented Mr. Ripley; Ocean’s Eight; Blue Jasmine; The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou; Future BMT: The Monuments Men; Elizabeth: The Golden Age; BMT: Borderlands; Notes: I do love looking deep into someone’s filmography and seeing those weirdo films people must have forgotten about (right?). Pushing Tin? Cate Blanchett was in Pushing Tin?)

Kevin Hart – ( Known For: The 40-Year-Old Virgin; Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle; This Is the End; Jumanji: The Next Level; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; The Secret Life of Pets; Central Intelligence; The Five-Year Engagement; DC League of Super-Pets; The Secret Life of Pets 2; The Upside; The Man from Toronto; Death at a Funeral; Think Like a Man; Lift; Fatherhood; Me Time; Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie; Top Five; About Last Night; Future BMT: Scary Movie 3; Get Hard; Along Came Polly; Scary Movie 4; Little Fockers; Superhero Movie; Drillbit Taylor; Night School; Meet Dave; Soul Plane; Think Like a Man Too; In the Mix; Not Easily Broken; Back on the Strip; BMT: Ride Along; Epic Movie; Fool’s Gold; The Wedding Ringer; Ride Along 2; Grudge Match; Borderlands; Notes: What do you think the chances are that any of the following upcoming projects actually happen: Monopoly, Ride Along 3, The Great Outdoors, Planes, Trains & Automobiles. I guess I could see Ride Along 3 (finally!), but the other ones feel unlikely.)

Edgar Ramírez – ( Known For: The Bourne Ultimatum; Zero Dark Thirty; Jungle Cruise; Bright; The Girl on the Train; Joy; Gold; Yes Day; Hands of Stone; The Last Days of American Crime; Wasp Network; Resistance; The Liberator; Furlough; Emilia Pérez; The Quietude; Saluda al diablo de mi parte; An Open Heart; A Dot and a Line; Cyrano Fernández; Future BMT: Vantage Point; The Counselor; Deliver Us from Evil; Domino; The 355; BMT: Wrath of the Titans; Point Break; Borderlands; Notes: From Venezuela. Who could forget his role in Point Break! Such a memorable role indeed.)

Budget/Gross – $110–120 million / Domestic: $15,460,525 (Worldwide: $30,951,794)

(Mein gott! But yeah, they filmed this film at least twice and there is abundant CGI, so obviously a $100 million film was inevitable. But you’d think if WB was onto something they would have eaten it to get tax breaks or something instead of releasing it at all.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 10% (15/154): Glitching out in every department, Borderlands is balderdash.

(Woooooooo, sub-10% films are so rare, i sure do hope it stays that low. And yep, although consensus which boils down to: this is incoherent nonsense.)

Reviewer Highlight: Like the original first-person shooter game, “Borderlands” is set on a junkyard planet named Pandora that was once a home base for an advanced alien species, but has since been overrun by violent marauders and women with formidable push-up bras. – Amy Nicholson, New York Times

Poster – Moreboredlands

(There is too much going on here and the font is terrible, but I kind of dig how weird the color of the title is.That neon yellow like color is very unusual. C-)

Tagline(s) – Chaos loves company. (B+)

(This is a classic BMT tagline. It’s following my rules very closely. Playing on a common phrase, short, and something to do with the film… ish. I actually like it. Just a little generic.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Deadpool & Wolverine (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), Civil War (2024), Road House (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), The Beekeeper (2024), Inside Out 2 (2024), Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024), Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)

Future BMT: 68.4 The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), 65.9 Night Swim (2024), 64.2 The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), 62.9 Tarot (2024), 59.0 Imaginary (2024), 57.9 The Exorcism (2024), 48.0 The Crow (2024), 35.4 The Garfield Movie (2024), 19.8 Back to Black (2024), 16.0 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024)

Best Options (wiki-video game): 65.7 Borderlands (2024)

(Video game films are fun. We actually basically have three left (Uncharted, Prince of Persia, and Street Fighter), a few Uwe Boll films (BloodRayne and House of the Dead), and the entire Resident Evil series. Then we are basically done. Throw in Ratchet & Clank because it features the dulcet tones of one Sylvester Stallone and we got a stew cooking.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Kevin Hart is No. 2 billed in Borderlands and No. 5 billed in Grudge Match, which also stars Robert De Niro (No. 1 billed) who is in Righteous Kill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 5) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 16. If we were to watch Elizabeth: The Golden Age we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The movie was shot in the summer of 2021 and Eli Roth’s first director’s cut was reportedly finished in early 2022. However, it was shelved for over two years due to extreme studio interference while the film was in post-production. Appalled by the film’s extreme violence, the studio wanted the film to be marketed as a blockbuster and hired Tim Miller to do extensive reshoots on the project. These reshoots ended up comprising so much of the final movie that Steve Jablonsky had to write an entirely new musical score, as the original score by Nathan Barr no longer fit the film.

Eli Roth originally shot the movie with a planned hard R-rating, keeping in vein with the original game’s M-rating for mature audiences. However, last-minute rewrites, heavy edits, and reshoots from Tim Miller dialed the film back to a PG-13. This is only Roth’s second film to receive a rating other than R, after The House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018), which was PG.

Lilith’s main gun is called “Vladof Infinity” by Marcus, and in the video game, it is a legendary pistol with infinite ammo, which explains why she never runs out and never need to reload it.

Upon its release, the film debuted at an incredibly rare 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Tim Miller directed the re-shoots in Eli Roth’s place as Roth was preoccupied with Thanksgiving (2023), which also stars Gina Gershon.

The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas Preview

“Sorry, I didn’t mean indecent. I meant impossible,” the theater owner says, correcting himself. “It’s just that I can’t possibly afford a showing of Cobra at my theater.” Patrick thinks for a moment, contemplating how long it might take to boost the profile of this small theater using the Bad Movie Twins bodacious brand. He looks back through the window of the restaurant where Jamie and Samantha are eating and observes that the make out session has progressed from ‘proper necking’ to ‘hot and heavy.’ He slams his fist into the table. “There just isn’t time,” he rasps through gritted teeth. “Maybe if you ask Sylvester Stallone nicely he’ll do you a solid,” Kyle suggests. Patrick scoffs. Sure he was a social acquaintance of Sly, but one didn’t just ask Sly politely for anything. “Or maybe a friend of a friend,” he adds. Patrick is about to double scoff directly in Kyle’s face, but suddenly has a thought. Unless it was one of the many very realistic daydreams he and Jamie have had recently, he’s pretty sure Kevin James was now one of their best friends. He checks his phone and he finds that KJ is indeed in his contacts (and not headless as a result of a well placed Twin Kick). Hooray! He speed dials the number and gets the man himself on the horn. After briefly confirming that they never kicked him in the head, he asks after Sly. KJ laughs, “That old dog? Did you know that he didn’t even have to show up to the set of Zookeeper but he insisted on wearing the Lion costume every day.” Patrick laughs. Classic Sly. “We’re actually doing a new film together. Why don’t you swing by the set sometime? You can check out Bedrock for yourself.” That’s right! We are finally doing it. The double dose of Flintstones action that is The Flintstones and The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas. There isn’t much more to say (other than yabba-dabba-do, I guess). Let’s go!

The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000) – BMeTric: 82.0; Notability: 96

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.2%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 23.2%; Higher BMeT: Battlefield Earth, Dungeons & Dragons, Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2; Lower RT: Fortress 2: Re-Entry, 3 Strikes, My 5 Wives, The in Crowd, Battlefield Earth, Down to You, Bless the Child, Lost Souls, Heavy Metal 2000, Dungeons & Dragons, Circus, The Skulls, I Dreamed of Africa, Ed Gein, Screwed, Urban Legends: Final Cut, The Watcher, Supernova, Boys and Girls, The Ladies Man, and 37 more; Notes: For BMeTric it is 8/10 watched and 14/20 which is quite good I think. The 10-20 films are weird though. Loser, Hanging Up, Lost Souls, The Next Best Thing? I literally cannot believe that Notability either … for The Flintstones sequel!

RogerEbert.com – 0.5 Stars – “The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas” has dinosaurs that lumber along crushing everything in their path. The movie’s screenplay works sort of the same way. Think of every possible pun involving stones, rocks and prehistoric times, and link them to a pea-brained story that creaks and groans on its laborious march through unspeakably obvious, labored and idiotic humor.

(Really close to the very rare 0 star film from Roger Ebert (which is a straight thumbs down). And yeah, compared to the first this one is ultra dumb and the first was effectively Shakespeare.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eu3zeVVu3ME/

(Oh wow, and then this one looks like absolute garbage. Fred and Barney are just the worse immediately. Only Betty is any good. Oh man, Gazoo looks horrifying.)

Directors – Brian Levant – ( Known For: Max 2: White House Hero; Future BMT: Beethoven; The Spy Next Door; Snow Dogs; BMT: Jingle All the Way; The Flintstones; Are We There Yet?; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Problem Child 2; Notes: I’m a little bowled over they got the same director back. Snow Dogs … that will be an 00s crown jewel once we get around to it.)

Writers – William Hanna and Joseph Barbera – ( Known For: The Man Called Flintstone; Hey There, It’s Yogi Bear; Tom and Jerry: Cowboy Up!; Tom and Jerry: Snowman’s Land; Future BMT: Tom and Jerry: The Movie; BMT: Tom & Jerry; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Notes: They made all of the cartoons obviously back in the day. Amazingly, only one of their films played on television in the 90s at all since they didn’t get a credit on the first film. It was Tom & Jerry: The Movie which played exactly once, in 1996. I’m not sure I totally buy it, it maybe was just called Tom & Jerry places, but still a fun fact.)

Deborah Kaplan and Harry Elfont – ( Known For: Can’t Hardly Wait; Josie and the Pussycats; A Very Brady Sequel; Future BMT: Leap Year; Surviving Christmas; BMT: Made of Honor; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Notes: Oooo Can’t Hardly Wait. Honestly … not a super great movie, but only because there is a huge bit in the middle where he leaves the party and it really deflates things. Watched it on Criterion. Wild stuff.)

Jim Cash and Jack Epps Jr. – ( Known For: Top Gun: Maverick; Top Gun; Turner & Hooch; Dick Tracy; The Secret of My Success; Legal Eagles; BMT: Anaconda; Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Notes: All of their 80s/90s films played a ton on tv. Cash died in 2000 and Epps seemed to maybe retire afterwards. Their Anacondas 2 credit is for characters only.)

Actors – Mark Addy – ( Known For: Robin Hood; A Knight’s Tale; The Full Monty; Mary Poppins Returns; Downton Abbey; Barney’s Version; The Lost King; It’s a Wonderful Afterlife; Heartlands; Lies We Tell; The Runaways; Future BMT: The Time Machine; Jack Frost; Down to Earth; The Order; BMT: Around the World in 80 Days; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Notes: Remember when The Full Monty was just absolutely the hugest thing in the world … I guess it is again since they are doing some weird American TV special for whatever reason.)

Stephen Baldwin – ( Known For: The Usual Suspects; Born on the Fourth of July; Casualties of War; The Beast of War; Last Exit to Brooklyn; A Simple Twist of Fate; Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle; Sky Kids; The Sex Monster; Homeboy; Xchange; Mercy; Magi; Shark in Venice; Fall Time; The Genius Club; I’m in Love with a Church Girl; Back to the Jurassic; Friends & Lovers; Six: The Mark Unleashed; Future BMT: Half Baked; Fred Claus; Threesome; Fled; 8 Seconds; Posse; BMT: Bio-Dome; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Notes: Alec apparently told him that going Bio-Dome would ruin his career. It really did. Went from Usual Suspects to Bio-Dome to … well, this I suppose.)

Kristen Johnston – ( Known For: Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me; Austin Powers in Goldmember; Music and Lyrics; Swiped; Vamps; Strangers with Candy; Life Happens; The Wedding Year; Lovesick; Finding Bliss; Hurricane Bianca: From Russia with Hate; For the Love of George; Bad Parents; Small Town Wisconsin; Colin Fitz Lives!; Thrill Ride; BMT: Bride Wars; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Notes: Obviously huge on 3rd Rock From the Sun. She was Ivana Humpalot in the Austin Powers films. I didn’t recognize her with black hair, I was wracking my brain trying to figure out who she played.)

Budget/Gross – $83,000,000 / Domestic: $35,268,275 (Worldwide: $59,468,275)

(Oooooof. The budget was kind of unavoidable. You have to make giant sets and costumes and pay for the rights and everything. And then this just tanked. And they have never thought of a live-action version again. You think they’ll ever do The Jetsons.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (18/72): The prequel to the first full-length feature set in Bedrock, Viva Rock Vegas is a surprising improvement over The Flintstones. Aimed towards an audience of adults and children alike, critics feel Viva will appeal to a broad range of viewers.

(WHAT. A surprising improvement? AND IMPROVEMENT?! Ludicrous. You having a laugh?)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s not delightful or funny or exciting, and for long stretches, it looks exactly like hapless actors standing in front of big rocks and reciting sitcom dialogue. – Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Poster – The Flintsklogs in Viva Sklog Vegas

(Remember when I said I was a sucker for a drawn poster? This isn’t exactly what I meant. Still. It could be way worse than this if they had went for photos of the actors and the font is still good. The car, though… it’s tough. C+)

Tagline(s) – Get ready to rock! (D+)

(No. To generic. Too lame. Not into it.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.4 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.3 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 67.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.1 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.0 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.7 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.5 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.1 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.4 The Mangler (1995), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 59.7 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.5 Jury Duty (1995), 58.1 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.9 Holy Man (1998)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Wild Wild West (1999), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Cool as Ice (1991), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), Wing Commander (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), On Deadly Ground (1994), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), Dudley Do-Right (1999), Double Team (1997), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Ed (1996), The Flintstones (1994), The Haunting (1999), Leprechaun (1993), Bats (1999), Fair Game (1995), Cool World (1992), Body of Evidence (1993), Problem Child 2 (1991), Chairman of the Board (1997), The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999), The Mod Squad (1999), Lost in Space (1998), Sliver (1993), Toys (1992), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993), …

Best Options (Gothika): 67.1 The Flintstones (1994), 55.0 Eye of the Beholder (1999), 46.8 B*A*P*S (1997), 41.9 Black & White (1999), 41.0 Feeling Minnesota (1996), 39.9 In Dreams (1999), 37.0 Girl 6 (1996), 35.2 The Fan (1996), 34.7 Father Hood (1993), 30.3 The Distinguished Gentleman (1992), 28.5 The Rich Man’s Wife (1996), 26.7 The Pagemaster (1994), 26.4 Race the Sun (1996), 24.9 A Low Down Dirty Shame (1994), 22.9 Nick of Time (1995), 21.9 Screamers (1995), 20.2 Strictly Business (1991), 16.6 U.S. Marshals (1998), 14.7 The Bone Collector (1999)

(We watched this as a BONUS because we were going through Halle Berry. I’ve actually already seen the Bone Collector. It is incredibly silly … and I kind of want to read the books. I’m sure they are equally ludicrous.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 20) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Alan Cumming is No. 7 billed in The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas and No. 4 billed in Get Carter, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 4 (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (7 + 4) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 20. If we were to watch The Sin Eater, and 40 Days and 40 Nights we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Although he died eleven years prior to this movie’s release, Mel Blanc received credit for the voice of Baby Dino. The voice was re-used from The Flintstones (1960).

Harvey Korman (Colonel Slaghoople) was the original voice of The Great Gazoo on The Flintstones (1960).

The creators of the original animated series, William Hanna and Joseph Barbera, can be seen briefly during the wedding scene at the end of this movie. There’s one quick shot of the two of them together singing along to the Flintstones theme song.

The producers opted for the prequel approach in this second movie mainly due to John Goodman’s refusal to reprise his role as Fred Flintstone.

On the shelf in Betty O’Shale’s (Jane Krakowski’s) kitchen is a box of Post Fruity Pebbles, a real-life breakfast cereal derived from the original animated series.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Stephen Baldwin)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Joan Collins)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake or Sequel

The Flintstones Preview

The Flintstones (1994) – BMeTric: 67.1; Notability: 105

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.2%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 24.2%; Higher BMeT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (52), Street Fighter (6), Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (10), Junior (2), The Next Karate Kid (89), It’s Pat: The Movie (13), Double Dragon (11), On Deadly Ground (36); Lower RT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (52), It’s Pat: The Movie (13), Death Wish: The Face of Death (31), Wagons East (9), The Silence of the Hams (11), House Party 3 (24), Car 54, Where Are You? (71), Holy Matrimony (61), Getting Even with Dad (52), A Low Down Dirty Shame (49), Major League II (66), Exit to Eden (38), Lightning Jack (58), Leprechaun 2 (9), The Next Karate Kid (89), Trial by Jury (38), Blank Check (50), Intersection (28), The Specialist (33), Trapped in Paradise (47), and 39 more; Notes: I filled in all the counts in parenthesis in this one. The Flintstones, much like a lot of big films in the late 90s, seemed to resist showing too much on television. Only twice in 1997 and once in 1999. You can see with the higher BMeT films that the bigger ones (Street Fighter, Junior) counter-intuitively played fewer times on television. Top Notability though, that’s sweet. FYI I’m not going to fill in the counts for all of them, too much work, but fun still.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – If “The Flintstones” had been able to devise a story as interesting as its production values, it would have been some kind of wonderful. This is a great-looking movie, a triumph of set design and special effects, creating a fantasy world halfway between suburbia and a prehistoric cartoon. The frame is filled with delightful and inventive notions, all based on the idea that modern America might somehow be reconstructed out of rocks. Just watching it is fun. … Maybe kids just plain won’t mind; they’ll disregard the story and enjoy the stone age gags. But “The Flintstones” does so well with the hard part of creating its world that it’s a shame the earlier part – putting a story into it – doesn’t measure up.

(I can tell you … I didn’t give a shit when I was a kid. This movie was fucking dope. I still can’t believe it is considered a bad movie.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-uN0rHF7Ig/

(Jeez, Moranis and Goodman are so good. I really hate the bait and switch at the beginning, but my god this looks incredible. People must have been like shit we can just make cartoons now.)

Directors – Brian Levant – ( Known For: Max 2: White House Hero; Future BMT: Beethoven; The Spy Next Door; Snow Dogs; BMT: Jingle All the Way; The Flintstones; Are We There Yet?; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Problem Child 2; Notes: Kind of incredible that Jingle All the Way was I think by far his biggest film. He was doing something right. We need to smash out all of the Beethoven films at some point … well, maybe not all of them.)

Writers – Tom S. Parker and Jim Jennewein – ( Known For: Stay Tuned; Future BMT: Richie Rich; Major League II; Getting Even with Dad; BMT: The Flintstones; Notes: Wait … we are watching two of their films in this cycle alone? That’s nuts. Getting Even with Dad, Richie Rich, and Major League II both came out in ‘94 and were huge cable hits. Crazy.)

Steven E. de Souza – ( Known For: Die Hard; Die Hard 2; Commando; The Running Man; 48 Hrs.; Ricochet; Blast; The Return of Captain Invincible; Future BMT: Street Fighter; Bad Dreams; BMT: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle of Life; Judge Dredd; Beverly Hills Cop III; The Flintstones; Hudson Hawk; Another 48 Hrs.; Knock Off; Notes: It is incredible we are almost done with this filmography. As a matter of fact … I just have to watch Blast, Bad Dreams, and The Return of Captain Invincible to seemingly finish off his filmography personally. That’s crazy.)

Actors – John Goodman – ( Known For: Monsters, Inc.; The Big Lebowski; Argo; Cars; Monsters University; Flight; 10 Cloverfield Lane; Kong: Skull Island; O Brother, Where Art Thou?; The Artist; The Emperor’s New Groove; Atomic Blonde; Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets; Bee Movie; The Princess and the Frog; Inside Llewyn Davis; Raising Arizona; The Campaign; Barton Fink; Patriots Day; Future BMT: The Hangover Part III; The Internship; Evan Almighty; The Monuments Men; Coyote Ugly; Death Sentence; One Night at McCool’s; Dirty Work; Love the Coopers; The Jungle Book 2; King Ralph; We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story; Ratchet & Clank; The Survivors; Burglar; Born Yesterday; Stella; BMT: Transformers: Age of Extinction; Transformers: The Last Knight; The Flintstones; Confessions of a Shopaholic; Notes: Guess which one of his many films played the most on television in the 90s? That’s right, let’s say it together … Born Yesterday? Huh. Literally the second least popular available BMT qualifier for him, but played over 90 times in the 90s. That’s patently insane.)

Rick Moranis – ( Known For: Ghostbusters; Ghostbusters II; Spaceballs; Honey, I Shrunk the Kids; Little Shop of Horrors; Parenthood; Honey, I Blew Up the Kid; L.A. Story; Little Giants; Streets of Fire; My Blue Heaven; Strange Brew; The Wild Life; Howard; Future BMT: Brother Bear; Brewster’s Millions; Club Paradise; Big Bully; Splitting Heirs; Head Office; BMT: The Flintstones; Notes: It is insane that Ghostbusters II played over 200 times on television in the 90s. Moranis is such an incredible 90s actor. If his films played on different days each time then over 30% of the dates in the 90s would have a Moranis film playing. What?!)

Rosie O’Donnell – ( Known For: Tarzan; Sleepless in Seattle; Pitch Perfect 2; A League of Their Own; Hedwig and the Angry Inch; Beautiful Girls; A Very Brady Sequel; Harriet the Spy; Being Elmo: A Puppeteer’s Journey; Wide Awake; I’ll Do Anything; I’m Going to Tell You a Secret; Teenage Paparazzo; The Undefeated; The Twilight of the Golds; Everything Is Copy; Being Mary Tyler Moore; ShowBusiness: The Road to Broadway; Future BMT: Another Stakeout; BMT: The Flintstones; Now and Then; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Fatal Instinct; Exit to Eden; Car 54, Where Are You?; Notes: She gets a bunch of plays on television in supporting roles … but the weirdest one is The Twilight of the Golds. I think I even brought this one up before, it is about a debate a family has about an unborn child which genetic will be born gay. Like WHAT?!)

Budget/Gross – $46,000,000 / Domestic: $130,531,208 (Worldwide: $341,631,208)

(Holy shit, that is a lot of money. Not surprising. The film is genuinely good and everyone else was dumb and wrong at the time.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 23% (11/48): The Flintstones wastes beloved source material and imaginative production design on a tepid script that plunks Bedrock’s favorite family into a cynical story awash with lame puns.

(Fine, alright … yeah, it is kind of a waste. They aren’t wrong about that. But man, imagine the sequel we could have gotten with the original awesome cast? Phew.)

Reviewer Highlight: Mostly rock jokes stretched to feature length – New York Times listing

Poster – The Flintsklogs

(There is a lot going on in this poster, but I am a sucker for a classic drawn poster. Like look at that detail! It’s pretty great. Nice font. The only thing I’d do is 86 the bird. It’s too much. Keep it to the main characters. A-)

Tagline(s) – Yabba-Dabba-Doo! (C)

(That’s a fastball right down the middle. Can’t blame them. Can’t reward them.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

(Wowza. Amazing it is the best option because we really started to have our hands tied going back in time and then jumping back up to a 2024 film. But yeah, this was a blockbuster (in the BMT sense))

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Elizabeth Perkins is No. 2 billed in The Flintstones and No. 4 billed in The Ring Two, which also stars Naomi Watts (No. 1 billed) who is in Diana (No. 1 billed) which also stars Naveen Andrews (No. 2 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 4 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (2 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 4) + (1 + 2) = 17. If we were to watch Must Love Dogs, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – Danny DeVito was Steven Spielberg ‘s first choice for the part of Barney. DeVito felt his acting style was too gruff to properly portray Barney, and turned the part down. Subsequently, DeVito recommended Rick Moranis for the part.

Since the entire cast performed barefoot, glassware was banned from the set to prevent injuries.

The appearance of the Flintstones’ sabre-toothed cat marks one of the first times for a furry CG character in a feature film. A specific, complex algorithm (for its time) had to be developed to calculate the movement of every single hair of the fur.

On Dame Elizabeth Taylor’s first day onset, she was greeted with 30 bouquets of flowers, a Cartier watch, a prehistoric bowling ball with her name engraved on it and a bottle of her Passion perfume, redesigned in Bedrock-style fashion. The same bottle appears in the film.

Mel Blanc receives a credit for the voice of Dino five years after his death. The dialogue is taken directly from The Flintstones (1960).

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake or Sequel (Bruce Cohen)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Rosie O’Donnell)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Elizabeth Taylor)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Tom S. Parker, Jim Jennewein, Steven E. de Souza, Al Aidekman, Kate Barker, Cindy Begel, Ruth Bennett, Bruce Cohen, Robert Conte, Rob Dames, Lon Diamond, Michael J. Di Gaetano, Fred Fox Jr., Lloyd Garver, Daniel Goldin, Joshua Goldin, Richard Gurman, Jason Hoffs, Brian Levant, Babaloo Mandel, Mitch Markowitz, Ron Osborn, Jeff Reno, David Richardson, Leonard Ripps, Gary Ross, Dava Savel, David Silverman, Nancy Steen, Stephen Sustarsic, Roy Teicher, Neil Thompson, Michael G. Wilson, Peter Wortmann)

Indecent Proposal Preview

“I guess I’m surprised. Given how you guys talk about that film, I expected something a bit more exciting… and for Sylvester Stallone to show up more than once,” Kyle says, confused. Patrick grabs him by the shirt and growls, “That wasn’t Cobra. I don’t know what the hell that was, but it wasn’t Cobra and don’t you forget it.” His eyes search wildly around on the ground until they find what they’re looking for. “Aha,” he howls and picks up the ‘S’ that had fallen from the marquee. The film they had just spent the last 87 minutes watching was actually ‘Cobras.’ “Saboteur!” Patrick yells and runs back into the theater. He finds the owner enjoying one of his small pleasures in what was otherwise a fairly dull life running a small theater specializing in wildlife films, a small bucket of buttered popcorn. “Check this shit out,” Patrick says with a sneer and throws the ‘S’ at him, knocking over the bucket and spilling the popcorn everywhere. The theater owner sighs. “Ah yes,” he says, sighing loudly again, “that ‘S’ has given me all kinds of trouble.” But as he reaches for it Patrick slaps his hand away. “Don’t you dare pretend you didn’t know. I don’t think Sly Stallone would appreciate you riding his coattails to an unwarranted financial windfall and I certainly don’t think theatergoers like ourselves appreciate getting duped by false promises of unparalleled Sly Stallone action.” He waits a beat before dropping the bomb. “I’m going to sue you. I’m going to sue you for false advertising and ruin you.” Kyle is aghast. He’s never seen Patrick like this. “Unless,” Patrick continues cryptically and then whispers a proposal into the theater owner’s ear. The poor man gasps. “My heavens, man! That’s indecent!” That’s right! We are watching one of the biggest BMT qualifying films of all time. It’s got stars! It’s got box office boffo! It’s got an indecent proposal. It’s Indecent Proposal. Let’s go!

Indecent Proposal (1993) – BMeTric: 33.0; Notability: 60

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 13.6%; Notability: top 4.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 27.0%; Higher BMeT: Super Mario Bros., RoboCop 3, Jason Goes to Hell, Look Who’s Talking Now, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, Leprechaun, Mr. Nanny, Body of Evidence, Cop & ½, Beethoven’s 2nd, Sliver, Boxing Helena, Weekend at Bernie’s II, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, The Beverly Hillbillies, Son of the Pink Panther, Made in America, Coneheads, Carnosaur, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, and 14 more; Higher Notability: Hocus Pocus, The Meteor Man, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit, Coneheads, RoboCop 3, We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story, Rising Sun, The Three Musketeers, Son of the Pink Panther, Life with Mikey; Lower RT: Look Who’s Talking Now, Warlock: The Armageddon, Deadfall, Golden Gate, Son of the Pink Panther, Mr. Nanny, Body of Evidence, RoboCop 3, Hexed, Best of the Best II, Ghost in the Machine, Father Hood, Calendar Girl, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, Weekend at Bernie’s II, My Boyfriend’s Back, Cop & ½, Only the Strong, Ernest Rides Again, Gunmen, and 45 more; Notes: A true blue rewatchable, played 48 times on television in the 90s. High notability as well. We are 10/10 for the top 20 there on BMeT, which is pretty good, but points to us needing to still get out and do some 90s films … except not Boxing Helena, I never want to see that film.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – “Indecent Proposal” is in a very old tradition, in which love is put to the test of need and desire and triumphs in the end, although not without a great many moments when it seems quite willing to cave in to passion. It is artificial and manipulative, and in the real world this sort of thing would never happen in this way, but then that’s why we line up at the ticket window: We want to leave the real world, for a couple of hours, anyway.

(Hell yeah, Ebert. This is what I’m talking about. Indecent Proposal is a cult classic and Ebert recognized it for the amazing slop it was. Bring it on.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ad98qFf7PTE/

(Ooooof the music. If they did a remake I wonder how much the money would be … $10 million maybe. The point is that it is enough to buy a house straight up. And a nice one. So you would have to have an idea of it buying something like oceanside real estate in LA. $10 million I think.)

Directors – Adrian Lyne – ( Known For: Jacob’s Ladder; Fatal Attraction; Unfaithful; Lolita; Deep Water; 9½ Weeks; Foxes; BMT: Indecent Proposal; Flashdance; Notes: Genuinely, it is a bit unbelievable that a guy could just go for (effectively) erotic thrillers. And he got away with it! Even made Deep Water. He was nominated for an Oscar for Fatal Attraction, arguably the OG erotic thriller.)

Writers – Jack Engelhard – ( BMT: Indecent Proposal; Notes: I didn’t realize it was based on a book. The author himself doesn’t have a wikipedia page so something tells me he was something of a one hit wonder there.)

Amy Holden Jones – ( Known For: Mystic Pizza; The Slumber Party Massacre; Maid to Order; Love Letters; Future BMT: Beethoven; The Relic; Beethoven’s 2nd; The Getaway; The Rich Man’s Wife; BMT: Indecent Proposal; Notes: Big television person now, wrote/created The Resident. She still gets random Beethoven credits, like for Beethoven’s Treasure Trail.)

Actors – Robert Redford – ( Known For: Avengers: Endgame; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; The Sting; Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid; Spy Game; All the President’s Men; Out of Africa; The Last Castle; All Is Lost; A River Runs Through It; Three Days of the Condor; Sneakers; A Bridge Too Far; Pete’s Dragon; The Old Man & the Gun; Charlotte’s Web; The Horse Whisperer; The Discovery; Jeremiah Johnson; The Company You Keep; Future BMT: Lions for Lambs; Up Close & Personal; Havana; BMT: Indecent Proposal; Notes: I have to be honest … of the four films Redford acted in which qualify I genuinely kind of only recognize this one. Won an Oscar for directing Ordinary People, but was nominated for three more (acting in The Sting, and directing/producing Quiz Show). He also has an honorary Oscar.)

Demi Moore – ( Known For: A Few Good Men; Ghost; The Hunchback of Notre Dame; The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent; Mr. Brooks; Margin Call; Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle; G.I. Jane; Beavis and Butt-Head Do America; LOL; Rough Night; Disclosure; St. Elmo’s Fire; Deconstructing Harry; Bobby; The Joneses; Flawless; We’re No Angels; Bunraku; About Last Night; Future BMT: The Juror; The Seventh Sign; The Butcher’s Wife; Young Doctors in Love; BMT: Indecent Proposal; Striptease; Now and Then; Nothing But Trouble; The Scarlet Letter; Blame It on Rio; Notes: We’ve basically seen her big ones, The Juror probably being outstanding. Was nominated for an Emmy for If These Walls Could Talk, and getting a lot of buzz for The Substance. Was married to Bruce Willis for a long time.)

Woody Harrelson – ( Known For: No Country for Old Men; The Hunger Games; The Hunger Games: Catching Fire; Now You See Me; Zombieland; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; Friends with Benefits; Solo: A Star Wars Story; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; War for the Planet of the Apes; Seven Psychopaths; Venom: Let There Be Carnage; Natural Born Killers; Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me; Anger Management; Zombieland: Double Tap; The Thin Red Line; Triangle of Sadness; The Edge of Seventeen; Future BMT: Venom; Now You See Me 2; Seven Pounds; Semi-Pro; After the Sunset; Free Birds; Wildcats; Play It to the Bone; The Cowboy Way; Palmetto; BMT: 2012; Indecent Proposal; Money Train; Notes: Nominated for three Oscars (The People vs. Larry Flint, The Messenger, and Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri). Probably most notably broke out on the scene with Cheers, and again (in television) with the first season of True Detective.)

Budget/Gross – $38 million / Domestic: $106,614,059 (Worldwide: $266,614,059)

(That is a bonafide phenomenon. Not much room for a sequel. Isn’t that always the case with erotic thrillers. And when they buck the trend (I’m looking at you Basic Instinct), they are awful.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 34% (16/47): Lurid but acted with gusto, Indecent Proposal has difficulty keeping it up beyond its initial titillating premise.

(All I need is that titillating premise baby! What are these people on, we are just here for the vague suggestion that Robert Redford has a giant dick, and also some wealth porn with him having a gaudy house and a yacht. It ain’t complicated.)

Reviewer Highlight: Not once in the whole silly exercise does he approximate a genuine emotion. Unable to dramatize marital love, he sells it, as if he were pitching perfume. Having nothing credible to play, Moore and Harrelson strike poses of love and anguish. – David Ansen, Newsweek

Poster – Sklogtastic Proposition

(This poster always made me think that Harrelson was the one making the proposal… and then I’d be like “wait, Demi Moore is married to Robert Redford in this movie?” Never made sense and now I know why. I think the poster is intriguing because it’s steamy, but it’s not interesting. C.)

Tagline(s) – A husband. A wife. A millionaire. A proposal. (A+)

(Man that’s good. That’s as good as it gets (but not the film As Good As It Gets, which is not about a millionaire proposing to have sex with someone’s wife)… but just to pick at this a bit. He’s just a millionaire? I guess given that he’s betting a million on single rolls and giving away millions to have sex with people that he would be somewhere in the low billions, even back in the 90’s.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Best Options (Romance): 75.4 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 61.1 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 54.2 The Bachelor (1999), 52.2 Superstar (1999), 45.4 Home Fries (1998), 44.7 King Ralph (1991), 44.6 I Love Trouble (1994), 38.8 Nowhere to Run (1993), 38.5 My Father the Hero (1994), 38.5 Intersection (1994), 38.4 If Lucy Fell (1996), 38.1 The Butcher’s Wife (1991), 37.7 Mad Love (1995), 36.9 The Beautician and the Beast (1997), 36.8 Milk Money (1994), 36.5 Two If by Sea (1996), 36.4 Booty Call (1997), 35.5 Something to Talk About (1995), 34.8 The Crush (1993), 34.6 Drive Me Crazy (1999), 34.3 Woo (1998), 33.7 ‘Til There Was You (1997), 33.4 Career Opportunities (1991), 33.0 Indecent Proposal (1993), …

(Couldn’t pass up the opportunity to do an erotic thriller classic. But yeah, The Bachelor would have been something else indeed. Does that movie even really exist? Some day people will ask wait … Chris O’Donnell was in movies?)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Demi Moore is No. 2 billed in Indecent Proposal and No. 1 billed in Striptease, which also stars Burt Reynolds (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 5 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 1) + (2 + 5) + (3 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch Havana we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – Director Adrian Lyne was originally dismissive of casting Woody Harrelson as David, but changed his mind after watching White Men Can’t Jump (1992). Harrelson said in one interview that doing love scenes with Demi Moore was uncomfortable because he was good friends with Moore’s then-husband, Bruce Willis.

Director Adrian Lyne and Demi Moore often fought on-set over her character, with Woody Harrelson trying to be mediator between the two. Lyne had argued that he wanted Moore to show vulnerability, while the actress defended herself. It was later while Lyne was editing this movie that he realized she was portraying what he wanted all along, and he soon apologized to Moore.

During the auction scene, John Gage (Robert Redford) is to leave the room. Redford kept missing his cue because he was listening to the jokes that auction emcee Sir Billy Connolly was saying.

Demi Moore’s black cut-out Thierry Mugler-designed dress generated such immense interest after the movie’s release, it was often copied by other designers.

The tears shed by Demi Moore in the touching “girl that got away scene” in which Gage describes a past chance meeting with a beautiful girl are genuine. This scene was filmed without co-star Moore knowing any of Redfords dialogue, instead just being told to listen.

Awards – Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Sherry Lansing)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Robert Redford)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Demi Moore)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Woody Harrelson)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Adrian Lyne)

Sleepwalkers Preview

Patrick and Kyle sit in the back of the kitchen watching Jamie and Samantha enjoy their PB&J sandwiches (aka The Assassins) while staring dreamily into each other’s eyes. “Boy, young love sure is amazing,” Patrick says. “Yeah,” Kyle agrees, “almost as amazing as the fact that I’ve never seen Cobra starring Sylvester Stallone.” The color drains from Patrick’s face and he recoils in disgust at this unexpected segue. He tries to remember back to when they first hired Kyle onto Bad Movie Twins and whether they went through their typical rigorous background check. Apparently not as determining Sly Stallone street cred was one of the primary ways in which they would separate the wheat from the chaff in the hiring process. “That’s OK,” Patrick croaks, but things weren’t OK at all. How was he going to get rid of Kyle? Before he could craft a plan to remove Kyle from the equation he notices Kyle is trying to get his attention. “What is it?” he snaps. “I just was saying, isn’t it funny that I mentioned Cobra and it happened to be playing at the theater across the street?” Indeed, when Patrick looks out the window of the kitchen he sees those beautiful words: “Cobra special 12:30pm showing”. Thank god! Patrick looks over at Jamie and is relieved to see that after finishing the PB&J sandwiches he and Samantha have started smooching pretty hard. That should progress into a full on make out session and that should give them the necessary 87 minutes to take in Cobra in all its glory. “Grab your shit,” Patrick says rudely and drags him across the street. Exactly 87 minutes later they stumble back into the sunlight. They are both stunned into silence, the glazed look of sleepwalkers on their face. That’s right! We are watching the Stephen King penned film Sleepwalkers which is about incestuous werecats shapeshifters. Totally normal film for a couple of totally normal guys like us. Let’s go!

Sleepwalkers (1992) – BMeTric: 50.9; Notability: 41

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 2.0%; Notability: top 8.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 17.9%; Higher BMeT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Cool World, Pet Sematary II, Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice, Toys; Higher Notability: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Toys, Cool World, Newsies, The Bodyguard, Freejack, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Universal Soldier, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Mighty Ducks, Innocent Blood, The Distinguished Gentleman, Radio Flyer, This Is My Life, Kuffs, Man Trouble, Encino Man, Mom and Dad Save the World, and 1 more; Lower RT: Once Upon a Crime…, Live Wire, Folks!, Year of the Comet, Love Crimes, Frozen Assets, Cool World, Man Trouble, The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them, Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, Passed Away, Mr. Baseball, Mom and Dad Save the World, The Distinguished Gentleman, Ladybugs, The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Aces: Iron Eagle III, Mo’ Money, and 22 more; Notes: We really are hitting some top BMeT and Notability films. This having a Notability of 40+ in particular is wild. This played an amazing 54 times on television. Was this a rewatchable film? Unclear. Premiered Cinemax primetime on May 12, 1993, a Wednesday, which indeed was the “premiere” slot for Cinemax 8 P.M. in 1992. As for the rest of the high BMeT, just those two horror sequels left, Pet Sematary II and Children of the Corn II.

Variety – Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers is an idiotic horror potboiler. New approach to the vampire legend is really a variation on TriStar’s 1988 flop The Kiss. Brian Krause and mom Alice Krige are incestuous monsters called Sleepwalkers who survive by draining the life force from virgin girls. – Staff

(Wait wait wait … what’s The Kiss now? Do I need to watch The Kiss?! Do I have homework?! Anyways, I do like the sound of “idiotic”, give me that all day.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ge6_zTJPhUc/

(That is glorious in an 80s kind of way. A very 80s cast. A Stephen King cameo in the trailer seems like something special. I wonder how many trailers he’s been in.)

Directors – Mick Garris – ( Known For: Riding the Bullet; Nightmare Cinema; BMT: Sleepwalkers; Critters 2: The Main Course; Notes: What a wild career. Was hired as the secretary for the Star Wars Company when it started, then he hosted some Z-Channel interview show, then he did Making Of shorts for a bunch of films, and then he started doing Stephen King stuff. He directed The Shining mini-series that King thought was better than the Kubrick one.)

Writers – Stephen King – ( Known For: The Shawshank Redemption; The Green Mile; The Shining; It; Stand by Me; The Mist; It Chapter Two; 1408; Misery; Doctor Sleep; Secret Window; Carrie; The Running Man; Carrie; Gerald’s Game; Pet Sematary; Pet Sematary; Christine; The Dead Zone; 1922; Future BMT: Children of the Corn; Thinner; Creepshow 2; Needful Things; The Mangler; Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice; BMT: The Dark Tower; Dreamcatcher; The Lawnmower Man; Firestarter; Maximum Overdrive; Sleepwalkers; Firestarter; The Rage: Carrie 2; Graveyard Shift; Notes: Oh wow he straight up wrote this. That’s … nuts. One sec. Yeah, so this is the first film written by King to not be based on one of his preexisting works. Also there is only one other film where he was the sole writer, Maximum Overdrive being the other.)

Actors – Brian Krause – ( Known For: Growth; Hollywood.Con; Plan 9; Naked Souls; Red Sky; Poseidon Rex; Toolbox Murders 2; Cyrus; Triloquist; Alien Rising; Protecting the King; Absolute Killers; BMT: Sleepwalkers; Return to the Blue Lagoon; Notes: Still acting, although, honestly in what appears to be a whole lotta schlock. He was in 145 episodes of Charmed.)

Mädchen Amick – ( Known For: Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me; Twin Peaks: The Missing Pieces; Dream Lover; The Boyfriend School; The Borrower; Scenes of the Crime; Bombshell; French Exit; Future BMT: Trapped in Paradise; BMT: Priest; Sleepwalkers; Notes: Still acts, most notably in 117 episodes of Riverdale. I recognized her from Twin Peaks.)

Alice Krige – ( Known For: Thor: The Dark World; Reign of Fire; Star Trek: First Contact; Solomon Kane; Chariots of Fire; Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Gretel & Hansel; The Contract; Lonely Hearts; Barfly; A Christmas Prince; A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding; The Little Vampire; A Christmas Prince: The Royal Baby; Skin; Will; She Will; The Bay of Silence; The Betrayed; The Calling; Future BMT: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice; Ghost Story; King David; BMT: Silent Hill; Sleepwalkers; Notes: Ah ha! It’s the Borg Queen from Star Trek: First Contact. That’s incredible. She does have a look. She did the voice in the Picard show as well.)

Budget/Gross – $15 million / Domestic: $30,524,763 (Worldwide: $30,524,763)

(This actually is an interesting about of money. King always seemed like a difficult person to make a movie with so I doubt a sequel of any kind would have been in the cards … is a little weird he never got the shot to write another original though.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (5/17)

(The consensus is funny really, it is basically: Same old stuff, feels like King just cashed that check … he probably did. It’ll be over 40% soon I think, every recent review is good.)

Reviewer Highlight: As it sleepwalks towards its ungrand finale, the new King invention falls back on familiar things. – Malcolm Johnson, Hartford Courant

Poster – Sklogwalkers

(This is fun. Like the cover of an old school paperback. I love it. Maybe just a tad more of the dusk sky would have made it pop a little more. Still, it’s great. A.)

Tagline(s) – They feast on your fear – and it’s dinner time. (C-)

(Wait… what? They eat your fear? I don’t think that’s true. I think they eat you… like physically consume you. So this tagline is lying to you. Do not believe it.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Top 10: Armageddon (1998), Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993)

Best Options (Horror): 61.7 Pet Sematary II (1992), 60.4 The Mangler (1995), 59.7 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 58.1 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.5 An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), 50.8 Sleepwalkers (1992), 48.7 Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (1995), 46.9 Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992), 45.8 House on Haunted Hill (1999), 44.1 Bordello of Blood (1996), 43.9 Diabolique (1996), 43.4 Village of the Damned (1995), 42.1 Ghost in the Machine (1993), 41.7 Disturbing Behavior (1998), 40.4 End of Days (1999), 39.9 In Dreams (1999), 38.7 Dr. Giggles (1992), 38.6 Hideaway (1995), 38.1 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 36.9 Thinner (1996), 36.4 The Relic (1997), 35.3 Warlock: The Armageddon (1993), 35.1 Man’s Best Friend (1993), 32.6 Mary Reilly (1996), 31.4 My Boyfriend’s Back (1993), 28.4 Deep Rising (1998), 27.7 Bad Moon (1996), 26.6 Stigmata (1999), 26.5 The Puppet Masters (1994), 26.0 Brainscan (1994), 25.8 Idle Hands (1999), 23.2 Popcorn (1991), 21.9 Screamers (1995)

(Those are some solid options, and … Jesus, so many of them are King horror films. This one is fun though because it just looks wild.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Ron Perlman is No. 6 billed in Sleepwalkers and No. 2 billed in Season of the Witch, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (6 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch King David, Nights in Rodanthe, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – Lyman Ward and Cindy Pickett, who played Tanya’s parents, were also married in real life at the time of filming. (They had met when they appeared in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986), where they also played a married couple).

Both Mick Garris and Mädchen Amick are allergic to cats, as revealed in the recent Scream Factory Blu-ray release. Amick didn’t reveal this to anyone until right as the film went into production.

According to director Mick Garris, Stephen King’s wife Tabitha King wrote a treatment for a sequel that would have involved a women’s basketball team.

During a Q&A celebrating the film’s 25th anniversary, director Mick Garris revealed the Enya song “Boadicea” was chosen for the film only because, of all the songs provided to him by Sony Music at the time for cross-promotion, it was the one song he felt fit the tone of the film.

Mick Garris cast Alice Krige as Mary Brady after remembering her appearance in Ghost Story (1981), which he had publicized when he worked as a publicist for Universal Pictures.

Assassins Preview

Jamie leaves the kitchen and gasps. Samantha is sitting at the dinner table and she’s beautiful. His hands would be shaking so hard that he would be worried he’d drop the first course of their 2003 Celtics themed dinner… that is if he were actually holding the platter. Patrick and Kyle each have one of their arms looped under Jamie’s armpits. It’s how they cooked the entire meal given just how love sick Jamie was. “You look beautiful,” Patrick whispers, crouching behind him, trying to guide him through the presentation. “You look… b…bountiful,” Jamie stammers and Samantha giggles. “Here is our first course,” Kyle whispers, but this time Jamie doesn’t even attempt to say the words. Kyle slowly reaches his hand around Jamie’s face and smears some peanut butter on his lips. While Jamie smacks and licks, trying to clear the delicious peanut buttery goodness away, Kyle quickly ventriloquizes “Here is our first course.” Just three additional applications of peanut butter later and they’ve finally complimented Samantha again and gotten the food on the table, not that Jamie will have any hope of enjoying it given that his appetite has now been ruined. “So tell me what this dish represents?” Samantha helpfully coaxes. “Ahem,” Jamie begins, finally on a subject he’s more comfortable with (as opposed to the most dangerous subject… love). “This is a PB&J sandwich. That’s the double headed dragon of Paul Pierce and Ricky ‘Buckets’ Davis combined with the shot that everyone is jelly of, Jiri Welsch’s Grape Jelly slamma jamma.” Samantha claps at his enthusiasm and even Patrick can’t help but smile a little. It was all absurd, but it appeared to be working. Jamie holds up his hand. He’s not finished. “I call it… the Assassins.” That’s right! We are finally watching one of the few missing pieces of the Sly Stallone puzzle that is our life. This one costars Antonio Banderas and we should be arrested for never having seen it. Let’s go!

Assassins (1995) – BMeTric: 24.0; Notability: 55

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 18.4%; Notability: top 4.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 11.0%; Higher BMeT: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace, Vampire in Brooklyn, Fair Game, Showgirls, Jury Duty, Congo, Theodore Rex, The Babysitter, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Judge Dredd, Nine Months, The Scarlet Letter, Johnny Mnemonic, Virtuosity, Jade, Man of the House, and 26 more; Higher Notability: Congo, Judge Dredd, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Virtuosity, Showgirls, Money Train, Stuart Saves His Family, Four Rooms, Steal Big Steal Little, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead; Lower RT: The Big Green, Jury Duty, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, Theodore Rex, Top Dog, Delta of Venus, Born to Be Wild, A Pyromaniac’s Love Story, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, The Hunted, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, It Takes Two, The Tie That Binds, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Vampire in Brooklyn, Fair Game, Four Rooms, The Scarlet Letter, Man of the House, Moonlight and Valentino, and 7 more; Notes: Played 30 times on television which is solid, and that Notability is quite good. Anyways, we’ve seen 12/20 for the top BMeT which is pretty solid. Is 1995 an incredible bad movie year? Seems like it.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – Believe me, I know how to believe stuff when it happens in the movies. I believe bicycles can fly. I believe sharks can eat boats. I even believe pigs can talk. But I do not believe “Assassins,” because this movie is filled with such preposterous impossibilities that Forrest Gump could have improved it with a quick rewrite.

(What does the Forrest Gump thing mean? I guess he’s dumb and so even a dumb person could improve the script? Weird nonetheless.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCuD8Q_Y10Q/

(Assassins baby! Back in the day I remember my brothers went to see it and then came back describing the gun in the arm cast (which is near to the beginning of the film). I hate saddo Stallone though. Luckily Banderas is on one and salvages the film a bit.)

Directors – Richard Donner – ( Known For: The Goonies; Lethal Weapon; Lethal Weapon 2; Superman; Lethal Weapon 3; Lethal Weapon 4; The Omen; 16 Blocks; Maverick; Scrooged; Conspiracy Theory; Ladyhawke; Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut; Inside Moves; London Affair; Salt and Pepper; X-15; Future BMT: The Toy; Radio Flyer; BMT: Assassins; Timeline; Notes: He retired after 16 Blocks and died only a few years ago at 91. The Goonies and Superman are both in the National Film Registry.)

Writers – Lilly Wachowski – ( Known For: The Matrix; V for Vendetta; The Matrix Reloaded; Cloud Atlas; The Matrix Resurrections; Speed Racer; Bound; Future BMT: The Matrix Revolutions; BMT: Jupiter Ascending; Assassins; Notes: Apparently their script was effectively not used for this film and completely rewritten. They failed to get their names removed.)

Lana Wachowski – ( Known For: The Matrix; V for Vendetta; The Matrix Reloaded; Cloud Atlas; The Matrix Resurrections; Speed Racer; Bound; Future BMT: The Matrix Revolutions; BMT: Jupiter Ascending; Assassins; Notes: Their directing career appears to be mostly over after the back-to-back releases of Jupiter Ascending and the somewhat disappointing Matrix: Resurrections.)

Brian Helgeland – ( Known For: L.A. Confidential; Mystic River; Robin Hood; The Taking of Pelham 123; Legend; A Knight’s Tale; Payback; Green Zone; Conspiracy Theory; 42; Spenser Confidential; A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master; Blood Work; Finestkind; 976-EVIL; Highway to Hell; The Killer; 976-Evil II; Future BMT: Man on Fire; Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant; The Order; BMT: Assassins; The Postman; Notes: He won an Oscar for writing L.A. Confidential, and was nominated for another for Mystic River. Those were both after completely rewriting this film. Amazing.)

Actors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Rocky; Men in Black; The Suicide Squad; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Escape Plan; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky IV; Rocky III; Antz; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Cop Land; M*A*S*H; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Future BMT: Rocky V; Staying Alive; Ratchet & Clank; BMT: Rambo; The Expendables 3; Demolition Man; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rambo III; Judge Dredd; Tango & Cash; Rambo: Last Blood; Assassins; Cobra; Daylight; The Specialist; Zookeeper; Grudge Match; Over the Top; Lock Up; Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; The Expendables 4; Driven; Get Carter; Oscar; Rhinestone; Notes: Y’all know Sly. Incredible. We have plans to watch Rocky V this year and then Staying Alive early next year which means we’ll be only a Ratchet & Clank away from completing Sly’s BMT filmography … b-b-b-b-b-b-but what are we going to do about Stallone Day!)

Antonio Banderas – ( Known For: Shrek 2; Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles; Shrek the Third; Uncharted; Philadelphia; Shrek Forever After; Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny; The Mask of Zorro; Desperado; Puss in Boots; Puss in Boots: The Last Wish; Once Upon a Time in Mexico; The Skin I Live In; Spy Kids; Four Rooms; Ruby Sparks; Frida; Haywire; Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Future BMT: The Legend of Zorro; Machete Kills; Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World; Life Itself; Play It to the Bone; BMT: The Expendables 3; The 13th Warrior; Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard; Assassins; Dolittle; Original Sin; Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever; Never Talk to Strangers; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Pain and Glory in 2020. I just finished watching all of the Shrek films (and the spin-offs) … animated franchises are wild man. They really are kind of nothing. The second Puss in Boots being the best movie of the bunch was a surprise though, it at least has interesting animation.)

Julianne Moore – ( Known For: The Big Lebowski; Crazy, Stupid, Love.; Children of Men; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; The Lost World: Jurassic Park; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; Kingsman: The Golden Circle; Magnolia; The Fugitive; Boogie Nights; Non-Stop; Don Jon; Carrie; Still Alice; The Hours; Evolution; The Kids Are All Right; A Single Man; The Woman in the Window; Chloe; Future BMT: Hannibal; Eagle Eye; Next; The Forgotten; Suburbicon; Laws of Attraction; Dear Evan Hansen; Freedomland; Roommates; The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag; BMT: Assassins; Seventh Son; Nine Months; Body of Evidence; The Ladies Man; Notes: Nominated for five Oscars (Boogie Nights, The End of the Affair, The Hours, Far From Heaven, and finally winning for Still Alice). I cannot believe how many more films we have for BMT for her … she does do some weird stuff (like Assassins).)

Budget/Gross – $50,000,000 / Domestic: $30,303,072 (Worldwide: $30,303,072)

(Disastrous naturally. Sly really was struggling to transition to his late career at this point. He really should have started writing again at this point and probably looking to direct a young actor or something. Instead he made Driven.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 16% (8/49)

(Nice I get to think through a consensus. Donner fails to provide any action to what appears to be a more contemplative actioner in the Sly oeuvre. That does seem to be the main complaint, just too much dead air.)

Reviewer Highlight: A not-much-fun high-tech actioner. – Jonathan Taylor, Variety

Poster – Sklogsassins

(I find the inclusion of the brick and concrete walls to be so insane that I love it. A+++++ that’s really like a C-. The font is horrible.)

Tagline(s) – In the shadows of life, In the business of death, One man found a reason to live… (D)

(This is so amazing that you would think I would have written it as a joke. It’s like a perfect: this is what a tagline is, right? Kind of tagline. Like gotta have those three things. Life. Death. Uh… Life. Can I make this any longer? YOLO.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Wild Wild West (1999), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Cool as Ice (1991), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), Wing Commander (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), On Deadly Ground (1994), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), Dudley Do-Right (1999), Double Team (1997), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Ed (1996), The Flintstones (1994), The Haunting (1999), Leprechaun (1993), Bats (1999), Fair Game (1995), Cool World (1992), Body of Evidence (1993), Problem Child 2 (1991), …

Best Options (Action): 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 72.3 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 67.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.1 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.0 Mr. Nanny (1993), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 57.1 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994), 54.1 Spy Hard (1996), 53.0 McHale’s Navy (1997), 52.3 Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1995), 51.5 Kull the Conqueror (1997), 50.4 3 Ninjas (1992), …, 24.0 Assassins (1995), ….

(I’m stunned at how low that BMeTric is. But then again, I guess people love Sly? Spawn is the obvious one we could have done. Spoiler: We’re still going to do it.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 9) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sylvester Stallone is No. 1 billed in Assassins and No. 2 billed in The Expendables 4, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 9. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – During production, Brian Helgeland was brought in to rewrite the script. The Wachowskis, unsatisfied with the rewrites, petitioned to have their names removed from the credits, but were denied this request by the WGA.

Sylvester Stallone’s paycheck was $15 million.

When Miguel Bain is arrested by the police after the cemetery shoot-out and being driven in the back of a police car, as the cops are inspecting his weapons he says “Cuidado con las armas, que las carga el diablo”. This roughly translates to: “Be careful with the guns, they were loaded by the devil”.

Electra’s cat seen in the film is a Maine Coon. The same cat appears in the film The Specialist (1994), also starring Sylvester Stallone.

Richard Donner claims the film would have worked better if he swapped Sylvester Stallone and Antonio Banderas.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Sylvester Stallone)

Celtic Pride Preview

“You guys really are the Mud Squad!” Pierre says, eyes shining with excitement. “How was that?” He asks, practicing his lines for the latest commercial for The Mud Squad Spa and Perfumery, the hog themed relaxation hotspot that they replaced the cursed hog farm with. They lie to him and say it was fine, then shake hands and bid him adieu. Before their flight back to New York, Jamie and Samantha sit canoodling in the corner whispering sweet nothings into their very undeaf ears. “Awww,” Kyle says, touched by his own memories of young love with Rachel the Pretzel Girl. “Looks like we won’t need four lessons after all, eh?” He continues, assuming that Jamie has already sealed the deal. Patrick chuckles. “Wrong again, old friend. This is puppy love. Jamie was looking for love love. And there’s only one way to a woman’s heart.” Kyle’s nods, picking up what he’s putting down. “Lesson #4: Putting (Meats and Cheeses) on the Ritz (Cracker).” Back in NYC, Patrick and Kyle recognize that Jamie is simply too in love to do the cooking himself. They decide to Ratatouille this shit and be his arms, eyes, ears, and nose for the Love Meal they got brewing. “The only thing we won’t be is your mouth, because that’ll be busy smooching.” Patrick says with a wink and they all triple high five. “But we can’t do a Love Meal without an intricate theme,” Kyle chimes in. He’s right, and Patrick turns to Jamie to hear his brilliant idea. “I like the Boston Celtics,” he says shrugging. Patrick is a bit bemused, but it’s Jamie’s Love Meal and so he’ll do his best. Besides, a good team should make for a good meal. “The 2003 Boston Celtics,” Jamie finishes smiling. Patrick is horrified. That’s right! We are watching the best Boston Celtics themed comedy of the 90’s and doing a real classic with Celtic Pride. All I remember about this is that the Celtics should have won in the end. We must avenge them. Let’s go!

Celtic Pride (1996) – BMeTric: 43.0; Notability: 45

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 10.0%; Notability: top 12.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 8.2%; Higher BMeT: Barb Wire, Kazaam, Bio-Dome, Striptease, The Island of Dr. Moreau, The Crow: City of Angels, Ed, Hellraiser: Bloodline, The Stupids, Mr. Wrong, Spy Hard, Solo, Adrenalin: Fear the Rush, First Kid, Eddie, The Glimmer Man, D3: The Mighty Ducks, Chain Reaction, Maximum Risk, Big Bully, and 5 more; Higher Notability: Jingle All the Way, The Fan, Spy Hard, Chain Reaction, Mulholland Falls, Daylight, 101 Dalmatians, Eye for an Eye, Up Close & Personal, Eddie, The Associate, Dear God, The Island of Dr. Moreau, Sgt. Bilko, The Crow: City of Angels, The Adventures of Pinocchio, In Love and War, Space Truckers, Girl 6, Larger Than Life, and 11 more; Lower RT: The Dentist, Big Bully, Adrenalin: Fear the Rush, Getting Away with Murder, Bio-Dome, Kazaam, Ed, Faithful, Mr. Wrong, Spy Hard, Eye for an Eye, Bulletproof, Solo, Curdled, House Arrest, The Glimmer Man, In Love and War, Larger Than Life, Down Periscope, Dear God; Notes: I actually cannot believe this, but Celtic Pride apparently didn’t ever play on television in the 90s … that seems impossible. I personally watched it on television multiple times, but it must have been in the 2000s or something. I’m still hunting around. We are 10/10 on the top 20 BMeT films, which is solid. We really have hit around 50% of the entire 90s it would seem.

New York Times – There is more hysterical screaming in “Celtic Pride” than you will find in a dozen horror movies, but not an ax murderer in sight. The screamers in this stridently unfunny comedy about sports obsession are Boston Celtic fans whose rabid devotion to the basketball team amounts to a self-destructive addiction. – Stephen Holden

(Man, eviscerating it. But he ain’t wrong, there are very few actual jokes in the film. Mostly the jokes are just people insulting each other quite seriously and you are (I guess) supposed to laugh at them instead of with them? Doesn’t really work.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnQFSfapPl8/

(Goddamn I watched this film all the time back in the day. I do love how in this film there is basically like one black guy in the NBA and he’s an asshole. Not exactly a good look haha. “That’s nice peanut” is something I say all the time, and until recently I had kind of assumed it was from maybe The Wedding Singer, but a pleasant surprised to remember it was from this weirdo film.)

Directors – Tom DeCerchio – ( Known For: Boys Life 2; BMT: Celtic Pride; Notes: Apparently was supposed to direct Ace Ventura 2 but left abruptly.)

Writers – Judd Apatow – ( Known For: The 40-Year-Old Virgin; Knocked Up; Pineapple Express; This Is 40; Funny People; Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story; The King of Staten Island; Heavyweights; The Bubble; Future BMT: You Don’t Mess with the Zohan; Fun with Dick and Jane; BMT: Celtic Pride; Notes: Nominated for 13 Emmys. Won for The Ben Stiller Show, The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling, and George Carlin’s American Dream. Somewhat notably had a very very experience with this film which was almost certainly intended to be a Knicks film. But you can’t pass up filming in the decommissioned Boston Garden before it was demolished.)

Colin Quinn – ( BMT: Celtic Pride; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Colin Quinn: Long Story Short. I used to watch Tough Crowd all the time. I wonder how much of a disaster some of those episodes seem these days … I don’t care to find out.)

Actors – Damon Wayans – ( Known For: Beverly Hills Cop; Last Action Hero; The Last Boy Scout; Roxanne; Colors; Earth Girls Are Easy; I’m Gonna Git You Sucka; Bamboozled; The Great White Hype; Punchline; Hollywood Shuffle; Farce of the Penguins; Richard Pryor: Omit the Logic; Cinnamon; Why We Laugh: Black Comedians on Black Comedy; Future BMT: Look Who’s Talking Too; Major Payne; Blankman; Mo’ Money; Marci X; BMT: Bulletproof; Celtic Pride; Notes: Nominated for 4 Emmys for In Living Color. The Lethal Weapon series he was part of had issues with the person playing Riggs who was killed off, it was a whole thing. I think it was the Riggs’ guy’s fault, but the series was basically doomed at that point.)

Daniel Stern – ( Known For: Home Alone; The Next Three Days; Hannah and Her Sisters; Whip It; City Slickers; Very Bad Things; Game Over, Man!; Rookie of the Year; Breaking Away; Stardust Memories; Blue Thunder; Diner; My Blue Heaven; Little Monsters; C.H.U.D.; D.O.A.; The Milagro Beanfield War; Born in East L.A.; Otis; The Last Time; Future BMT: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York; City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold; Bushwhacked; BMT: Leviathan; Celtic Pride; Notes: Was a huge star in the 90s and then just kind of disappeared. I feared I would figure out there was something quite bad that caused this, but nope, it seems like he just soft retired or did theater acting or something. It is a little hard to tell.)

Dan Aykroyd – ( Known For: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom; Ghostbusters; 50 First Dates; Ghostbusters; Ghostbusters II; Ghostbusters: Afterlife; The Blues Brothers; Trading Places; Antz; Casper; The Campaign; Evolution; Driving Miss Daisy; Grosse Pointe Blank; Tommy Boy; My Girl; Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire; Sneakers; Chaplin; The Great Outdoors; Future BMT: Coneheads; Spies Like Us; Loser; My Stepmother Is an Alien; Sgt. Bilko; Yogi Bear; My Girl 2; Feeling Minnesota; Doctor Detroit; The Couch Trip; Loose Cannons; BMT: Pearl Harbor; Pixels; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Christmas with the Kranks; Tammy; Crossroads; Nothing But Trouble; Canadian Bacon; Caddyshack II; North; Celtic Pride; Exit to Eden; Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return; Notes: Y’all know Aykroyd. You know? The guy who makes that skull shaped vodka. Anyways, yeah, was an OG member of SNL, became a huge comedy star in the 80s and 90s, and now mostly just pops up here and there doing guest spots (and selling vodka). Somewhat embarrassingly his sole Oscar nomination was for Driving Miss Daisy. Was nominated for five Emmys for SNL and won one in 1977.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $9,255,027 (Worldwide: $9,255,027)

(Seems bad. There is no way the stars plus the Garden didn’t blow up this budget. Also filming in Boston? Yeah, going to be tough to recoup that.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 12% (3/25)

(Oh I haven’t written a consensus in a long while. Loud, offensive, and short on laughs, Celtic Pride gives sports comedies a bad name.)

Reviewer Highlight: An uneven but largely likable basketball-themed comedy. – Jon Leydon, Variety

Poster – Celtics Should Have Won

(This honestly looks like a joke poster for a joke movie designed to make people angry. I know there are things like Fever Pitch and Angels in the Outfield and things like that, but this is objectively an absurd concept for a film. The poster is fine. A lot going on and not all of it is good or bad. I think I’m going to punt and give it a C.)

Tagline(s) – If you can’t beat ’em… steal him. (A)

(Ha! OK, I kind of like that. Funny too, because originally the tagline as written here had an exclamation point at the end. I didn’t like that. It’s like texting with exclamation points. Too exuberant. Tone it down. But when you look at the poster it doesn’t have one. Phew. Good.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Wild Wild West (1999), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Cool as Ice (1991), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), Wing Commander (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), On Deadly Ground (1994), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), Dudley Do-Right (1999), Double Team (1997), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Ed (1996), The Flintstones (1994), The Haunting (1999), Leprechaun (1993), Bats (1999), Fair Game (1995), Cool World (1992), North (1994), Body of Evidence (1993), …

Best Options (Comedy): 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.4 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 67.0 Mr. Nanny (1993), 61.5 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.1 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 59.5 Jury Duty (1995), 57.9 Holy Man (1998), 57.6 Flubber (1997), 57.5 An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), 57.1 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994), 56.2 Ringmaster (1998), 55.8 Son of the Pink Panther (1993), 55.8 The Stupids (1996), 54.3 Gone Fishin’ (1997), 54.1 Spy Hard (1996), 53.6 Made in America (1993), 53.4 Richie Rich (1994), 53.0 McHale’s Navy (1997), 52.5 Coneheads (1993), 52.3 The Pest (1997), 52.2 Major League: Back to the Minors (1998), 52.2 Superstar (1999), 51.3 My Favorite Martian (1999), 50.9 Jack Frost (1998), 50.4 3 Ninjas (1992), 50.0 Blank Check (1994), 49.8 Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999), 49.7 Ready to Wear (1994), 49.5 My Girl 2 (1994), 49.4 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 49.3 A Kid in King Arthur’s Court (1995), 49.0 Simply Irresistible (1999), 48.0 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 47.6 Blankman (1994), 46.8 B*A*P*S (1997), 46.2 First Kid (1996), 45.9 House Party 3 (1994), 45.6 D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996), 45.4 Home Fries (1998), 45.2 Surf Ninjas (1993), 45.0 Man of the House (1995), 44.8 Top Dog (1995), 44.7 King Ralph (1991), 44.6 Beverly Hills Ninja (1997), 44.6 I Love Trouble (1994), 44.5 My Giant (1998), 44.3 Sidekicks (1992), 44.2 Big Bully (1996), 44.1 Operation Dumbo Drop (1995), 44.1 Bordello of Blood (1996), 43.9 101 Dalmatians (1996), 43.5 That Darn Cat (1997), 43.1 Excess Baggage (1997), 43.1 Beethoven (1992), 43.0 The Meteor Man (1993), 42.7 Celtic Pride (1996), …

(Alright, not the best comedy we could have done, but a solid 1996. Sure we could have done the Stupids, or Big Bully. But like … what if we didn’t want to watch a Tom Arnold film? Then what?)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Damon Wayans is No. 1 billed in Celtic Pride and No. 1 billed in Bulletproof, which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 2 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – One of two films that writer/director Judd Apatow wrote the screenplay for in 1996. The other was The Cable Guy starring Jim Carrey and Matthew Broderick which he fought hard to get credit in a battle with the WGA after rewriting the majority of the script for both Carrey and director Ben Stiller. He still got a producer’s credit despite it.

Stay tuned after the film’s end credits for a shot of the old Boston Garden being imploded for demolition since both the Boston Celtics basketball team and the Boston Bruins NHL hockey team both moved to the Fleet Center, which was located not far from the old arena for the start of their respective 1995-96 seasons. The film was released towards the end of the regular season and beginning of the playoffs in both sports.

The first film that director Tom DeCerchio accepted after he was fired from Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls by Warner Bros. early in 1995.

The scenes that were shot in the Boston Garden were actually created by the film’s production designer Stephen Marsh that was about 90% close to what the old Boston Garden looked like at the time.

One of three movies with Damon Wayans release in 1996. The other two were The Great White Hype and Bulletproof.

The Mod Squad Preview

“But… but…” Patrick stammers, “it can’t be. Porcina Romano? You must be like 200 years old!” Kyle and Patrick recoil in fear, as the only other possibility is that Samantha was actually a gh-gh-gh-ghost. “No, dummies. I’m just the great great great grandchild of the great Planchet Romano. This cursed farm is my family’s legacy and sadly it was also your downfall.” A tear streams down her face. It was quite the coincidence. In fact, if you thought about it too hard you’d think it was too much of a coincidence to be believed. But they had to believe it… because they were living it and it was very real. “So, given the level of coincidence we are dealing with here, I have to ask… Do you know how to break the curse?” Kyle asks hopefully, but Samantha shakes her head sadly. They return to Miserable Jamie’s room, Samantha now in her Porcina Romano costume. “Aha, secrets secrets are no fun, unless you are a part of one,” Jamie taunts in the most annoying way possible. “Jamie, this is Porky Romano. She is here to help you,” Patrick sighs, all hope leaving his voice. “Come wallow with me,” Jamie says. “Come wallow in the mud where I belong.” Jamie flops into the mud and with a look of tenderness in her eyes Samantha joins him in the mud. “I’d wallow with you any day,” she says and kisses him full on the mouth. A thunderclap rings out and peace crosses over Jamie’s face. “Yes,” he says, “be with me in the mud. We are the Mud Squad together.” They hug… hard. Patrick and Kyle cry out at the beauty and strength of the brand that Jamie just coined. “So that was the cure,” Patrick says with relief. “Love.” That’s right! We are watching The Mod Squad, a truly reviled film adaptation of a classic television show. Given the cast and concept it’s hard to believe they messed this up so badly. Let’s find out how. Let’s go!

The Mod Squad (1999) – BMeTric: 60.9; Notability: 46

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.8%; Notability: top 13.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.5%; Higher BMeT: Baby Geniuses, Inspector Gadget, Universal Soldier: The Return, Wild Wild West, Wing Commander, Beowulf, Dudley Do-Right, Bats, The Haunting, Simon Sez, The Rage: Carrie 2, Virus; Higher Notability: Wild Wild West, Inspector Gadget, The 13th Warrior, Snow Falling on Cedars, The Haunting, The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc, My Favorite Martian, End of Days, Idle Hands, Play It to the Bone, Bicentennial Man, Pokémon the Movie 2000, The Out-of-Towners, The Story of Us, Random Hearts, Double Jeopardy, The Bone Collector, Instinct, Stigmata, In Too Deep, and 13 more; Lower RT: Beowulf, Inferno, Foolish, Simon Sez, The Suburbans, Baby Geniuses; Notes: Too late for it to have been on television in the 90s. The BMeT is amazing though. I think we’ve seen 11/12 for the higher BMeT which is incredible, with just Inspector Gadget to go. Which means if we watch that we’ll have watched the top 13 at least which is awesome haha. We really have covered such a good slice of BMT films.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – “The Mod Squad” has an intriguing cast, a director who knows how to use his camera and a lot of sly humor. Shame about the story. When you see this many of the right elements in a lame movie, you wonder how close they came to making a better one. The director, Scott Silver, co-wrote the script himself, and has to take some of the blame: This is a classy production and deserves better.

(Lol, shame about the story. It really does come across as a failed pilot for a reboot or something. The mystery just seems so slight and the result so tepid it doesn’t make much sense as a big budget ($50 million!) film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67cdXuWnRKs/

(Oh gosh, Ribisi is on one. You can almost tell there isn’t a story. They can barely cut a trailer properly from the nothing they shot. Oh man, and the needle drop at the end is horrible too.)

Directors – Scott Silver – ( Known For: Johns; BMT: The Mod Squad; Notes: From Worcester, MA. Mostly a writer, and an accomplished one too.)

Writers – Buddy Ruskin – ( Notes: Created the original Mod Squad … and somehow not much else. Dined out on that for his entire career I guess.)

Stephen Kay – ( Known For: The Last Time I Committed Suicide; BMT: The Mod Squad; Notes: From New Zealand and married to Piper Parebo. And yeah, he produced, directed, and wrote on Covert Affairs. I’m not sure if that was before or after marrying Parebo.)

Scott Silver – ( Known For: Joker; The Fighter; 8 Mile; The Finest Hours; Johns; BMT: The Mod Squad; Notes: As said above, quite accomplished. Has been nominated for two Oscars for writing for Joker and The Fighter.)

Kate Lanier – ( Known For: What’s Love Got to Do with It; Set It Off; Future BMT: Beauty Shop; BMT: Glitter; The Mod Squad; Notes: Going The Mod Squad and Glitter back to back is something else, that’s one way to be put in writer jail.)

Actors – Claire Danes – ( Known For: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines; Stardust; Romeo + Juliet; The Hours; The Rainmaker; The Family Stone; Little Women; U Turn; Les Misérables; Igby Goes Down; Shopgirl; Brigsby Bear; Home for the Holidays; How to Make an American Quilt; The Flock; Me and Orson Welles; Stage Beauty; It’s All About Love; As Cool as I Am; A Kid Like Jake; Future BMT: Brokedown Palace; To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday; BMT: Evening; The Mod Squad; Notes: Very much known as a television actress with both My So Called Life and Homeland being major successes. Nominated for 10 Emmys and won two for Homeland and one for the miniseries Temple Grandin.)

Omar Epps – ( Known For: Scream 2; Alfie; Juice; Brother; Love & Basketball; Big Trouble; Higher Learning; The Program; The Wood; Breakfast of Champions; Almost Christmas; Fatal Affair; 3022; Trick; The Deliverance; Perfume; A Day in the Life; Future BMT: Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood; Major League II; Traffik; Against the Ropes; In Too Deep; BMT: Dracula 2000; The Mod Squad; Notes: oh, Major League II is coming up. I’m going to be honest, despite the series going bananas late in its run, I’m a little surprised he was never nominated for House. Laurie got nominated a bunch of times and Epps was the best of his assistants.)

Giovanni Ribisi – ( Known For: Saving Private Ryan; Avatar; Ted; Avatar: The Way of Water; Lost in Translation; Public Enemies; Ted 2; The Virgin Suicides; Cold Mountain; Lost Highway; Contraband; The Rum Diary; Selma; Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow; The Gift; That Thing You Do!; Boiler Room; Middle Men; The Bad Batch; Heaven; Future BMT: A Million Ways to Die in the West; Basic; Flight of the Phoenix; The Other Sister; BMT: Gone in 60 Seconds; Gangster Squad; The Postman; Perfect Stranger; The Mod Squad; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for a guest spot on My Name is Earl of all things. He is particularly bad in this film, I don’t understand at all what he’s doing here.)

Budget/Gross – $50,000,000 / Domestic: $13,263,993 (Worldwide: $13,263,993)

(Disaster. But what did they expect? Why are they spending $50 million on a 60s television series movie? The Fugitive this ain’t.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 3% (2/65): The Mod Squad aims for stylish cool and thrilling adventure, but collapses in an incoherent jumble of dated source material and unintentional hilarity.

(Holy good god. Three percent is something else. That is astonishing. I’ve been doing good reviews as a highlight recently, and luckily this does actually have one. And it is a major one too.)

Reviewer Highlight: A great-looking picture that zips along with grace, light on its feet but possessed of just enough gravity to allow us to take its people rather than its old TV series premise seriously. – Kevin Thomas, Los Angeles Times

Poster – The Sklog Squad

(I like the boldness of the colors and the vertical “THE”. There is some art to this for what is otherwise a rather boring poster. It also makes me ask the question: were these actors big enough stars to actually justify this poster? Hard to believe. B-.)

Tagline(s) – Undercover. (F)

(That is embarrassing. What the hell is going on?)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), The Butterfly Effect (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Men in Black II (2002), Man on Fire (2004), Click (2006), Pearl Harbor (2001), Fantastic Four (2005), Kingdom of Heaven (2005)

Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 86.4 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.2 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.2 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.2 Zoom (2006), 71.2 Soul Plane (2004), 70.6 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 69.1 Pulse (2006)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), The Master of Disguise (2002), Bratz (2007), Ultraviolet (2006), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), Taxi (2004), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), Freddy Got Fingered (2001),…

Best Options (1999-1999): 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 60.8 The Mod Squad (1999), 55.0 Eye of the Beholder (1999), 54.2 The Bachelor (1999), 52.2 Superstar (1999), 51.3 My Favorite Martian (1999), 49.8 Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999), 49.0 Simply Irresistible (1999), 45.8 House on Haunted Hill (1999), 45.0 The King and I (1999), 41.9 Black & White (1999), 40.8 The Out-of-Towners (1999), 40.4 Gloria (1999), 40.4 End of Days (1999), 39.9 In Dreams (1999), 39.4 Jawbreaker (1999), 39.0 Play It to the Bone (1999), 35.1 Doug’s 1st Movie (1999), 34.6 Drive Me Crazy (1999), 32.7 Held Up (1999), 29.4 The Story of Us (1999), 28.5 The Love Letter (1999), 27.3 200 Cigarettes (1999), 26.6 Stigmata (1999), 26.6 At First Sight (1999), 26.5 Pokémon the Movie 2000 (1999), 26.2 Love Stinks (1999), 25.8 Idle Hands (1999), 25.7 Three to Tango (1999), 24.1 Blue Streak (1999), 22.0 Big Daddy (1999), 21.0 The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc (1999), 20.9 The General’s Daughter (1999), 18.9 Double Jeopardy (1999), 18.8 Brokedown Palace (1999), 18.0 Crazy in Alabama (1999), 17.8 In Too Deep (1999), 17.5 Light It Up (1999), 17.4 Instinct (1999), 17.2 Trippin’ (1999), 16.8 8MM (1999), 16.7 The Other Sister (1999), 15.8 Jakob the Liar (1999), 14.7 The Bone Collector (1999), 12.9 Mystery, Alaska (1999), 11.5 Snow Falling on Cedars (1999), 10.7 Bicentennial Man (1999), 8.9 The Thirteenth Floor (1999), 6.4 A Dog of Flanders (1999)

(Should we have done Inspector Gadget? I don’t think so. IG will always be there. We needed to hit up this craziness while the getting was good.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Giovanni Ribisi is No. 2 billed in The Mod Squad and No. 2 billed in Gone in Sixty Seconds, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 13. If we were to watch In Too Deep we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – Omar Epps mentioned in several interviews that he greatly disliked the denim Levi’s clothes he and the cast had to wear because the jeans were very tight. He mentioned that there are several moments captured on screen during film where he wears a frown and grimace facial expression due to his jeans being too tight. The clothing in the film was specifically customized and provided by Levi’s. When the film was released, Levi’s put out denim commercials featuring Epps, Danes, and Ribisi.

Sarah Michelle Gellar and Milla Jovovich were among the actresses considered for the role of Julie Barnes.

Melissa Joan Hart was considered for the role of Julie Barnes.

Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris turned down the offer to direct.

The film was poorly received by critics. Many viewers of the old series felt it was ‘Mod Squad’ –in name (of title and characters) only.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Stephen Kay, Scott Silver, Kate Lanier)

Corky Romano Preview

Before them sat Jamie just as they had left him, but now he was not alone. There was a slight man in there with him and the man was… “Is he washing him?” Kyle asks, bile rising in his throat. Indeed this impish figure was washing Jamie and in his other free hand he held a pair of jorts. Tears were streaming down Jamie’s face in thanks. “They don’t care anymore,” he wailed, “They don’t care that I’m deaf and have no jorts. But you care, sweet little troll or whatever you are. Are you a hobbit? Don’t answer because I’m deaf and I won’t hear you and it will annoy me.” This carries on as Patrick and Kyle enter the room and the little man’s eyes widen in fear. He holds up a finger to his lips and Patrick and Kyle understand. They let him finish and afterwards Jamie is clean and bejorted and slightly less miserable. The little man leans in and gives Jamie a small kiss on the cheek, who swats at him and gets back to his typical whining about the lack of adequate v-neck depth in the shirts of today’s youths. The little elf man creeps into the other room and beckons them over. Once safely away from Jamie, he quickly takes off his disguise. “My word, it’s no hobbit or whatever, it’s Samantha!” Kyle exclaims. Indeed Samantha, having heard about Jamie’s affliction had returned and begun secretly taking care of him. “But you can’t reveal the secret to him. He’s never let me help if he knew it was me because of his hearing. He’s ashamed.” They understand, but what should they call her? “You shall call me by my birth name, Porky Romano.” Patrick gasps. That’s right! We aren’t watching Porky Romano, but rather the much more popular and famous Corky Romano which I believe was the most popular film of 2001. Although, I could be wrong about that. We are pairing that with one of the (unfortunately many) Razzie Worst Picture winners that never got a theatrical release. This time it’s Dirty Love starring Jenny McCarthy. Cool. Let’s go!

Corky Romano (2001) – BMeTric: 60.1; Notability: 44

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.8%; Notability: top 16.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 1.6%; Higher BMeT: Glitter, Jason X, Driven, Freddy Got Fingered, The Animal, Ghosts of Mars, Black Knight, Soul Survivors, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Valentine, Monkeybone, The Musketeer; Higher Notability: Pearl Harbor, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Monkeybone, Hannibal, Impostor, Not Another Teen Movie, Ghosts of Mars, Bubble Boy, Swordfish, Along Came a Spider, The One, 15 Minutes, Scary Movie 2, The Affair of the Necklace, America’s Sweethearts, Town & Country, I Am Sam, Don’t Say a Word, 3000 Miles to Graceland, Just Visiting, and 21 more; Lower RT: Texas Rangers, Soul Survivors, Glitter, All the Queen’s Men; Notes: Wow we watched 10 of the 12 films above this by BMeT and all but All the Queen’s Men (which is a bizarre British cross dressing film) for RT. That BMeT is not surprisingly quite good though.

RogerEbert.com – 0.5 stars – ‘Corky Romano” continues the “Saturday Night Live” Jinx, which in recent years has frustrated the talented members of the TV program in their efforts to make watchable movies. It’s a desperately unfunny gangster spoof, starring Chris Kattan as the kid brother in a Mafia family, so trusting and naive he really does believe his father is in the landscaping business. … “Corky Romano” is like a dead zone of comedy. The concept is exhausted, the ideas are tired, the physical gags are routine, the story is labored, the actors look like they can barely contain their doubts about the project.

(I’m honestly a little surprised this didn’t get a thumbs down. This feels perfect for that. A movie that is barely a movie with (quite literally) no script. That seems ripe for Ebert to reject wholesale.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LlHmJ3xqHM/

(Lol Peter Falk. Man I remember this trailer so well. IN A DAY OR TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO. IT was on all the time at the time. “Hi, you guys want some cookies.” Jesus Christ, it is imprinted in my mind.)

Directors – Rob Pritts – ( BMT: Corky Romano; Notes: So my understanding was they needed to get this movie done TODAY. Not tomorrow. Not in a week. It had to be done NOW. And this guy was the guy who said he could do it. And he did, in some incredible short amount of time, which is why the film seems so weirdly improvisational.)

Writers – David Garrett and Jason Ward – ( BMT: Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo; Corky Romano; Notes: I’m not joking when I say I think we were this close to having the one and only BMT film without credited screenwriters if the stories about how this film was “written” were to be believed. But yeah, look at that BMT murderer’s row.)

Actors – Chris Kattan – ( Known For: Hotel Transylvania 2; Leo; Undercover Brother; Nancy Drew; Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters; Foodfight!; Santa’s Slay; Guns, Girls and Gambling; Tanner Hall; Adam & Steve; Guest House; Christmas in Wonderland; Undead or Alive: A Zombedy; Hard Breakers; Slightly Single in L.A.; Walk of Fame; The Making of ‘…and God Spoke’; The Last Film Festival; Future BMT: A Night at the Roxbury; House on Haunted Hill; Delgo; BMT: The Ridiculous 6; Monkeybone; Corky Romano; Notes: Obviously most famous for Saturday Night Live, which he left in 2003. Does mostly voice stuff now from what I can tell.)

Peter Falk – ( Known For: The Princess Bride; Wings of Desire; The Player; It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World; Murder by Death; Undisputed; A Woman Under the Influence; The Great Race; Made; The Great Muppet Caper; Opening Night; The In-Laws; Faraway, So Close!; Pocketful of Miracles; Husbands; Mikey and Nicky; The Cheap Detective; Robin and the 7 Hoods; Anzio; The Brink’s Job; Future BMT: Shark Tale; Next; Vibes; Roommates; BMT: Corky Romano; Notes: Just one more thing. Colombo! His film work is always funny, especially the late stuff where it is like … why are you in Corky Romano again?)

Vinessa Shaw – ( Known For: Eyes Wide Shut; 3:10 to Yuma; Side Effects; The Hills Have Eyes; Two Lovers; Cold in July; Melinda and Melinda; Puncture; Big Miracle; The Weight of Water; Clinical; 12 Mighty Orphans; We Need to Do Something; Garden Party; Stag Night; Come Out and Play; Family Blood; L.A. Without a Map; After the Fall; Electric Slide; Future BMT: Hocus Pocus; 40 Days and 40 Nights; Ladybugs; BMT: Corky Romano; Notes: The girl from Hocus Pocus. I saw that recently … not as good as I remember, but probably better than most people remember.)

Budget/Gross – $11 million / Domestic: $23,980,304 (Worldwide: $25,272,752)

(That isn’t bad. Especially considering, again, that is seemed like it was barely a movie.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 7% (6/84): Corky Romano continues the trend of bad movies featuring SNL members. The jokes are tired and unfunny, and the slapstick feels forced.

(Wowza, I do love <10% RT films. Knocking all of those off eventually would be a good goal. The wide releases I mean. Although even the non-wide releases might be tenable if we just focused on the 90s/00s. Only big films got 5+ reviews back then I think.)

Reviewer Highlight: With a great many contemporary comedies mistaking excess for invention and hyperactivity for dynamism, Corky Romano displays genuine heart. – Miles Beller, Los Angeles Times

Poster – Skloggins Romano

(I mean… I like how bright and ridiculous it is. It’s actually very reminiscent of the famous Knocked Up poster that was actually very good. But I’m not sure the face of Chris Kattan is as intriguing as that. C+.)

Tagline(s) – Who is Corky Romano? (D)

(Yeah… right? This doesn’t work.)

Keyword(s) – 1999-2007

Future BMT: 93.5 Date Movie (2006), 90.0 House of the Dead (2003), 88.9 BloodRayne (2005), 87.1 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.9 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.8 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000), 81.4 You Got Served (2004), 79.3 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.1 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.8 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 72.6 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.2 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 72.1 Zoom (2006), 71.1 Soul Plane (2004), 70.6 The Shaggy Dog (2006), 70.3 Delta Farce (2007), 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 69.2 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Son of the Mask (2005), Gigli (2003), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Norbit (2007), The Master of Disguise (2002), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Glitter (2001), Ultraviolet (2006), Bratz (2007), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), Feardotcom (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Torque (2004), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Material Girls (2006), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Little Man (2006), Basic Instinct 2 (2006), Elektra (2005), Taxi (2004), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), Wild Wild West (1999), …

Best Options (wiki-snl): 52.1 Superstar (1999)

(I just wanted to see what was available for SNL films. Superstar is a fun one, but unfortunately 1999 was spoken for. Corky Romano is not an SNL film, but it is kind of close enough to it to be fun.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Chris Kattan is No. 1 billed in Corky Romano and No. 4 billed in Monkeybone, which also stars Brendan Fraser (No. 1 billed) who is in Escape from Planet Earth (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jessica Alba (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch 40 Days and 40 Nights we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – According to the screenwriters on Selling Your Screenplay podcast #81, the only reason the film was greenlit was due to a pending Actor strike in Sept 2000, so it was written in 10 days in May, filmed in June and wrapped in August- unheard of for a major studio film.

In his 2019 autobiography “Baby Don’t Hurt Me”, Chris Kattan noted that Paul Thomas Anderson (writer-director of Boogie Nights and Magnolia) and Richard LaGravenese (screenwriter of The Fisher King) each assisted with rewriting the script for Corky Romano, and they received no official credit. SNL writers Matt Piedmont and Scott Wainio also contributed to the rewrites.

One of Robert Pattinson’s favorite films.

Originally advertised as Corky Romano: ‘Special’ Agent, the movie was released as simply Corky Romano. The term ‘special’ with the marks around it was thought be making fun of a character’s mental disability.

According to Chris Kattan , he originally portrayed Corky Romano more realistic and less like a caricature. But after Disney executive Peter Schneider fell asleep while watching the first rough ensemble of a footage shot during the first three weeks of production, producer Robert Simonds ordered all the footage that had been assembled at that time to be re-shot. Because of the tight budget, these re-shoots could not be done separately but had to be incorporated into the rest of the shoot, and Simonds insisted that Kattan play the lead in a much more cartoony way, smiling constantly.