Mother’s Day Preview

This week we get to enjoy the worst reviewed romantic film of the year (as long as you don’t count Fifty Shades of Black). That would be the Garry Marshall film Mother’s Day, which garnered truly horrifying reviews (7% on 133 reviews, woof). This also represents our first completed BMTrilogy: New Years’ Eve, Valentine’s Day, and Mother’s Day is the Garry Marshall holiday ensemble cast trilogy, and they now represent three separate BMT weeks. Of the five hundred famous actors in the film I’m most looking forward to seeing BMT fave Timothy Olyphant. His fourth BMT film! That actually seems a bit low. He feels like an old BMT friend. Let’s go!

Mother’s Day (2016) – BMeTric: 32.2



(I do not know what the archive wouldn’t have anything prior to the release dat … but whatever. Standard, kind of boring. I’ll have to think up something else to do with these if this trend continues. I feel like there just isn’t much interesting in these graphs recently.)

Leonard Maltin – 0.5 stars –  Do you like films that are so wildly overstuffed with characters and subplots that the finale requires a child’s life-threatening asthma attack, a karaoke-related injury and a recalcitrant vending machine to bring two characters together at last? Are you okay with movies that feature characters who are unabashedly racist, so long as they are wacky racists? Have you lain awake late at night wondering what Julia Roberts might look like if she happened to be sporting Moe Howard’s hairdo? If so, then “Mother’s Day” may just be the movie for you.

(It feels like Garry Marshall was pretty in-tune to 2016. Unabashedly racist, wacky people are pretty popular with 46.2% of the US population.)

Trailer –

(Right off the bat we get a “Hello, Atlanta!” It’s like they know the key to my heart. Also, just to point out, this film was cast, set, and filmed in one of the biggest African-American majority cities in the nation and there is nary a single Black person in the cast. Oh, wait! There is a Black grocery clerk… so… you’re all good, Hollywood. Never change.)

Directors – Garry Marshall – (Known For: Pretty Woman; The Princess Diaries; Overboard; Runaway Bride; Frankie and Johnny; Nothing in Common; The Flamingo Kid; BMT: Exit to Eden; Valentine’s Day (BMT); New Year’s Eve (BMT); The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement; Mother’s Day; Georgia Rule (BMT); Raising Helen; Notes: Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2012 for Worst Director for New Year’s Eve; Most famous for creating Happy Days. His entire family are directors, Penny Marshall (sister) and Scott Marshall (son) for example.)

Writers – Anya Kochoff (screenplay) (as Anya Kochoff Romano) – (BMT: Monster-in-Law; Mother’s Day; Notes: Oddly she’s the younger sister of Kristina Kell who appeared as a State Trooper in the BMT classic Nothing But Trouble and was a contestant on Survivor.)

Matthew Walker (screenplay) (as Matt Walker & story) (as Matt Walker) – (BMT: Mother’s Day; Notes: Even weirder, this dude is primarily an actor (I recently saw him as Spitz in Halloween 5), and has collaborated with Garry Marshall on 6 films since 2004)

Tom Hines (screenplay & story) – (BMT: Mother’s Day; Notes:  While he has limited credits he clearly has been heavily involved with Marshall’s recent projects. He had a bit part with The Princess Diaries, but was probably an assistant or producer of some kind. And he is directing and writing a documentary focused on Marshall in the next few years)

Lily Hollander (story) – (BMT: Mother’s Day; Notes:  She has literally nothing else on her IMDb or on the internet. A mystery. I look forward to rediscovering her in some other weird movie in like 3 years.)

Garry Marshall (story) – (Known For: Nothing in Common; The Flamingo Kid; BMT: Mother’s Day; The Other Sister; Notes: I find it insane that he decided to write the third movie in this series at the age of 80 after not getting a screenwriting credit for 17 years. It boggles my mind. But maybe it is a technical thing, he just happened to do enogh work on this one they had to do it.)

Actors – Jennifer Aniston – (Known For: Storks; We’re the Millers; Office Space; Horrible Bosses; He’s Just Not That Into You; The Switch; The Iron Giant; Wanderlust; Bruce Almighty; Cake; Marley & Me; Friends with Money; Rock Star; The Good Girl; Life of Crime; The Object of My Affection; She’s the One; Picture Perfect; BMT: Leprechaun (BMT); The Bounty Hunter (BMT); Rumor Has It…; The Break-Up; Love Happens; Along Came Polly; Mother’s Day; ‘Til There Was You; Horrible Bosses 2; Just Go with It (BMT); Notes:  Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2011 for Worst Actress for The Switch, and The Bounty Hunter; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2012 for Worst Screen Couple for Just Go with It, and in 2011 for The Bounty Hunter; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1997 for Worst New Star for She’s the One; A veritable BMT star. Bounty Hunter is an amazing terrible Romance. I still maintain that The Break-up is one of the most unpleasant and terrible movies I’ve ever seen.)

Kate Hudson – (Known For: Deepwater Horizon; Kung Fu Panda 3; Almost Famous; How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days; Wish I Was Here; The Killer Inside Me; The Four Feathers; The Reluctant Fundamentalist; Dr. T & the Women; BMT: Bride Wars (BMT); Le divorce; You, Me and Dupree; Fool’s Gold (BMT); Good People; Nine; Mother’s Day; Something Borrowed (BMT); Alex & Emma; My Best Friend’s Girl; Rock the Kasbah; Raising Helen; 200 Cigarettes; Gossip; A Little Bit of Heaven; The Skeleton Key; Notes:  Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2009 for Worst Actress for Fool’s Gold, and My Best Friend’s Girl. Somewhat of a secret BMT star as well. Obviously most well known for founding the athletic brand Fabletics.)

Julia Roberts – (Known For: Money Monster; Pretty Woman; Ocean’s Eleven; Erin Brockovich; Notting Hill; Charlie Wilson’s War; Closer; Ocean’s Twelve; August: Osage County; Steel Magnolias; My Best Friend’s Wedding; Mirror Mirror: The Untold Adventures of Snow White; Mystic Pizza; Charlotte’s Web; Stepmom; and many more; BMT: Full Frontal; Prêt-à-Porter; Valentine’s Day (BMT); Love, Wedding, Marriage; Eat Pray Love; I Love Trouble; America’s Sweethearts; Mother’s Day; Something to Talk About; Mary Reilly; Larry Crowne; Sleeping with the Enemy; Dying Young; Secret in Their Eyes; Mona Lisa Smile; Hook; Notes:  Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1997 for Worst Actress for Mary Reilly; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1992 for Worst Supporting Actress for Hook. Oh Hook, amazingly controversial (I love it, but it is terrible). We need to start working through her BMT filmography, it is gigantic.)

Budget/Gross – $25 million / Domestic: $32,492,859 (Worldwide: $32,492,859)

#21 on the Worst Openings – Super Saturated Adjusted chart

(Pretty bad, but honestly they made a horrible release decision here. Mother’s Day is a thing in Europe, it is just on a different day. And yet it was released in the UK like two months later. It was released too, and no, it didn’t make $0 dollars, so that must be a mistake. Regardless this was a bomb, this was like Hitman: Agent 47)

#12 for the Mother genre


(Weird that this genre would collapse in the late 2000s. Otherwise it has been pretty consistent. Looking throgh the actual list there were zero last year and only two this year, which is rather small, so whatever this genre is is again a little out of fashion.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 7% (9/133): Arguably well-intended yet thoroughly misguided, Mother’s Day is the cinematic equivalent of a last-minute gift that only underscores its embarrassing lack of effort.

(This is kind of a strange overview considering (1) This was Marshall’s first screenwriting credit in 17 years and (2) the movie came out within 3 months of his death. Last-minute gift indeed. I do wonder whether whatever health issues he may have been having influenced the production at all. Seems extreme to direct/write/produce a huge ensemble peace at the age of 80.)

Poster – Mother’s Sklog (C-)


(I don’t hate it, but it doesn’t really say mother’s day. Is that what the flowers in the center supposed to be. I feel like I hate them, but they are also the only interesting thing in the poster. Otherwise it is just a few faces and stupid simple title and a white background.)

Tagline(s) – Celebrate the one day that connects us all (D)

Come celebrate the mother of all holidays (F)

(The “mother of all holidays” is horrific. The first one it just kind of stupid. What about Father’s Day? Is this something people say about Mother’s Day?)

Keyword(s) – holiday in title; Top Ten by BMeTric: 62.9 Saving Christmas (2014); 49.8 Christmas with the Kranks (2004); 43.2 I Hate Valentine’s Day (2009); 40.7 Four Christmases (2008); 40.1 Valentine’s Day (I) (2010); 32.3 Mother’s Day (2016); 29.6 I’ll Be Home for Christmas (1998); 29.4 A Merry Friggin’ Christmas (2014); 19.3 Christmas in Wonderland (2007); 18.9 A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (2011);

(Is this what Garry Marshall discovered before making this trilogy? This also makes me think we need to do a full blown Holiday cycle at some point. Get Boo! A Madea Halloween and a bunch of others. Sci Fi would be the hardest? IS there an action film with a holiday in the title? Too bad we are doing Independence Day 2 in this cycle, it is kind of perfect.)

Notes – Julia Roberts’ three children (Hazel, Phinneas and Henry) all appear in the film.

Julia Roberts earned $3 million for four days work. (gross)

There is a reference to Pretty Woman (1990) when Hector Elizondo tells Julia Roberts that she finally figured out the salad fork as she’s eating in the train station cafe. (Also not fun. I suppose some huge GarryHeads will be all over the reference)

The wig Julia Roberts wears is the wig she wore in the movie Notting Hill (1999) for a scene about a space movie. She mentioned it in an interview on the Ellen: The Ellen DeGeneres Show (2003), May 2016. She even said she was ”recycling”. (fun fact. I love fun facts)

The film is Julia Roberts’ fourth collaboration with director Garry Marshall, the first three being Pretty Woman (1990), Runaway Bride (1999) and Valentine’s Day (2010).

Jennifer Aniston and Jason Sudeikis fifth movie together. They also acted together in The Bounty Hunter (2010), Horrible Bosses (2011) , We’re the Millers (2013), and Horrible Bosses 2 (2014). (Wow, sometimes I wonder how something like that happens. Is it producers kind of pushing them together and saying it is a money maker? Do the actors like working together and suggest each other for parts? Do they have the same agent who likes to kill two birds with one stone? Fascinating stuff)


The Forest Recap


A few personal thoughts before getting to the overview. It’s my opinion is that this film is awful. Really, really bad, even by horror standards. Particularly the last third of the film, which felt like it was straight out of The Haunting or An American Haunting or The Haunting in Connecticut… one of the hauntings from the early 2000’s, anyway. But as the Razzies are wont to do, it will probably not even appear on the pre-nomination list. Oh well. Let’s get into it.

What?! Sara Price’s sister Jess has entered the “suicide forest” of Japan and disappeared. Unwilling to accept that she’s gone, Sara enters the forest only to find that the spirits that dwell within may be coming after her next. The Forest!

Why?! Every horror film has you asking, ‘Why? Why are you going into the spooky ghost forest?’ And usually the answer is wholly unsatisfying. Not this time! She does it because they’re twins! Sara knows that Jess isn’t dead because they have a special twin connection, so she feels she must venture in to find her. It’s the best reason of them all! It also forced me and Patrick to confront the tough question: what would we do? The answer? Wait for the authorities and perhaps leave a note for Patrick at the edge of the forest. It would read, “Sorry, bro. I don’t fuck with ghost forests.”

How?! Fortunately for a young woman hoping to take a stroll through the ghost forest there are multiple people that are willing to help her with that ill-advised venture. These include the smarmy (or is he?) travel writer, Aiden, and his Japanese guide, Michi. Michi is the token smart person in the film and warns Sara that she’s got sadness in her heart and the forest will try to use it against her. Guess what? She doesn’t listen and the forest uses it against her. Surprise, surprise. God… they were all so dumb in this film.

Who?! I feel like when talking about a horror film the only ‘who’ you really care about is the monster. In this case the whole forest is the monster. It uses spirits and illusions to trick people into killing themselves and each other. So while the forest seems to be a suicide forest, it is hinted that the victims of the forest may have instead been manipulated into killing themselves. It’s actually pretty clever. Unfortunately, it’s also as scary as the other BMT film where trees are the primary antagonist, The Happening.

Where?! Uh, Japan. Duh. Haven’t you been playing attention? This is a clear A and bordering on A+, depending on how generous you’re feeling with the title. I think it’s an A.

When?! This is the second film in a row where the month and day that it takes place doesn’t seem readily apparent. Unlike London Has Fallen, though, this is probably just a matter of circumstances given that 95% of the film takes place in the middle of a ghost forest where everyone knows time doesn’t exist. That’s common ghost forest knowledge. Still an F.

Now that you know the details Patrick will give a little review.


‘Ello everyone! The Forest? More like the Borest, amirite? It’s twin time (and Mt. Fuji), it is twin time and Mt. Fuji. Those of you familiar with the Twin Time song (nearly none of you reading) will know the tune, feel free to sing along. This might be the greatest twin movie we’ve ever done. It at the very least gives I Know Who Killed Me a run for its money. Arguably both involve stigmata twins. Fun fact: Jamie and I are stigmata twins. But only in a specific way. When someone asks me “hey, if I punch you does it hurt your brother” Jamie instinctively says “No, that’s ridiculous nonsense”. Let’s get into it!

  • The Good – The first act in a way. The set up to this film is somewhat better that recent terrible horror fare. The protagonist has a reason to go to Japan, you get the sense of loneliness and isolation that is meant to compel you towards the forest. Thick on jump scares, but otherwise I thought it was a decent setup to a decent idea.
  • The Bad – The rest of the goddamned movie. Thiiiiick on jump scares. So thick that might as well have been the only type of scare they had. The third act is just a catastrophe. It makes no sense. All the characters are dumb. Rumor is that the Japanese suicide forest is alive and tricks its victims into killing themselves by showing this movie to them over and over until they shout “No, why would you insist on washing up when you literally just saw ghosts in a weird forest hole?! Run out of the forest lady!!!” and end it all.
  • The BMT – No. I wish I was bold enough to end it there, but no. Horror/Thrillers that are BMT make you laugh. This is just sad and morose and makes you sad, for both the characters and the state of horror today.

Game game game game game … Jamie has already alluded to it, but let’s Sklogify this movie! Open the movie, I awake in a cold sweat. From across the Atlantic I can feel that my Jamie is in trouble! I travel to the spooky midwestern forest where he was last seen and the guide says: “Beware, this forest is haunted and will trick you into killing yourself best just leave a note”. And I say “yes, that is a prudent suggestion. Thank you forest guide I have entrusted with my life.” I write a nice note, Jamie finds it, comes out of the forest a day later and fin. Horror fans wonder “wait … what?”.


The Sklogs

The Forest Preview

This week we continue our 2016 pre-Razzies festivities with the worst Horror/Thriller we haven’t watched. (“Boo! A Madea Halloween?” shouts the crowd). Unfortunately no. Won’t be on DVD for a while… sigh. Usually this is a slam dunk category even without a Madea film, but this year was oddly bereft of bad horror. Everyone did an adequate or good job with totally random films like Ouija 2. So we were left with the traditional January horror film release. This year that spot was taken by a film called The Forest. The most interesting thing about this film is that it’s the third film in four years that involves the Aokigahara Forest in Japan. These are The Forest, 47 Ronin, and The Sea of Trees. It’s a natural BMTril-oh-geez! One step at a time. Let’s go!

The Forest (2016) – BMeTric: 58.9



(The BMeTric is startlingly high. Like crazy. Horror films have a very large built in audience (another reason it is very easy to generate return in the genre) but also tend to be, in general, rated worse than other genres. The triple regime is back, although I think I know what in this case. The first section is domestic theatrical release, the second bump is the foreign release (you can almost see two bumps too, Germany on February 4th and then UK/Spain on February 25th), and then the final section is VOD release.) – 1.5 stars –  The admiration for the little that Zada does differently in the early sections of “The Forest” does not last for long, as the movie repeatedly hits the same beats over and over again. Zada’s film ends up feeling like an extended journey to a predestined shrug of a conclusion.

(This review was interesting because it describes the debut filmmaker’s approach as rather refreshing to start. As a matter of fact this is something I’ve been hearing a lot recently. That the crop of new horror filmmakers have brought life to things that shouldn’t have life (Ouija 2 is a perfect example, a prequel to an absolutely horrible horror film shouldn’t be good let alone great!). I’ve been hearing chirps about this new generation being tapped to revitalize a set of classic horror franchises (like Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, etc.). It’s an interesting, although I think misguided, idea. In reality I would like to see the franchise paradigm come back. It has to an extent, but I mean with a progressively fleshed out and explored primary villain like Freddy, Jason or Michael Myers. We’ll see if Zada is part of the crew who will be doing some of that in the coming years.)

Trailer –

(Yeah, I don’t think this movie is scary. I think that is the ultimate problem. You can kind of get that feeling. I like that it seems like it goes more for the eerie over the jump scares (that’s what I’m getting here), but it doesn’t seem like it is going to work ultimately.)

Directors – Jason Zada – (BMT: The Forest; Notes: Zada started as a digital marketeer. He was the creative lead for what ultimately because a 65-person agency and has lead projects for Office Max and government PSA. He left the company to pursue a film career starting with music videos. This is his first feature film.)

Writers – Nick Antosca (writer) – (BMT: The Forest; Notes: He is a novelist actually, with five books in his bibliography. Besides that though he appears to be a huge horror film guy, writing to CW’s Teen Wolf, operating SyFy’s Channel Zero, and producing 13 episodes of Hannibal. He has been tapped to write the new Friday the 13th (so there we go, the new generation, although directed by the guy who directed The Last Witch Hunter, feels like an uninspired choice))

Sarah Cornwell (writer) – (BMT: The Forest; Notes: Another novelist she has written a single book and this is her one and only screenwriting credit. She has a website in which it talks about how she’s from Pennsylvania and I think went to UT-Austin, but nothing stands out really. The book is supernatural so I wouldn’t be surprised if she is eventually tapped for another supernatural horror gig)

Ben Ketai (writer) – (BMT: The Forest; Notes: Started out with horror shorts and web series and eventually landed a few projects with Crackle and SyFy mostly focused around ghost stories. There isn’t much about him personally floating around, but he is tapped for the sequel to the well-regarded recent horror film The Strangers. I’m going to be honest, this seems like a pretty solid set of young writers and a solid directing choice given the budget, I’m surprised that with Dormer in the lead role it didn’t come together at least slightly better.)

Actors – Natalie Dormer – (Known For: The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; Captain America: The First Avenger; Rush; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; The Riot Club; Casanova; Flawless; BMT: The Forest; The Counsellor; W.E.; Notes: Basically the only person we should talk about with regards to this film. She is well known for her roles in The Tudors and Game of Thrones. She is engaged to Anthony Byrne who has directed multiple episodes of many British television series including Mr. Selfridge and Ripper Street. She is one of the first Game of Thrones alums to start testing the waters in leading film roles, specifically this movie. We’ll see if she can make the transition more successfully than someone like Richard Madden who, outside of Cinderella has somewhat retreated back into smaller television roles.)

Budget/Gross – $10 million / Domestic: $26,594,261 (Worldwide: $37,608,299)

(It is pretty easy to make bank on horror films. You make them for $10 million or less and you’ll get a return if you can release it. With Dormer in the lead role (and her prominent role on Game of Thrones) I would think this would get released no matter the quality, just had to get something on film.)

#75 for the Horror – Supernatural genre


(Holy shit! What could have possibly happened in 1999 to precipitate that? Oh yeah, Blair Witch and The Sixth Sense came out within a month of each other. My guess is that line will just keep on rising until the green lines starts dropping. The more movies they make it doesn’t seem to affect the gross per movie so … why would they stop? #75 puts it right near One Missed Call! Classic, we need to watch that at some point for sure. )

Rotten Tomatoes – 10% (12/120): The Forest offers Natalie Dormer a few chances to showcase her range in a dual role, but they aren’t enough to offset the fact that the movie’s simply not all that scary.

(Boo. I kind of expected this, but at the same time it is kind of annoying when a movie is just gross, or just boring. I have a feeling this will be more gross than boring in the end, which is worse for me to be honest. We’ll see though.)

Poster – The Manuel F. Correllus Sklog Forest (A-)


(It is a striking poster. Love the silhouette forest that makes up the edge of the face. Love how they subverted the idea of the normally off-putting flesh coloring of the human face by making the entire poster a light tan color (although I still don’t love the color itself). Could have done a little better with the text font… there seems to be a slight fading, but not unique enough. It’s a beautiful poster that tells a story.)

Tagline(s) – Everyone comes here looking for a way out (B+)

(Daaaaaaaaaang. Check out the pun on this guy. It is pretty fucking clever. I was going to give it an A+ but then it kind of rattled around in my brain. It doesn’t really make as much sense as you would hope given how clever it is. Like it makes perfect sense for suicide, but for the alternate meaning of “looking for a way out,” it falls apart… because no one goes somewhere looking to find a way out of where they went. Damn. Still, it sounds great.)

Keyword(s) – suicide forest; Top Ten by BMeTric: 58.9 The Forest (I) (2016); 19.2 The Sea of Trees (2015);

(BTW I think this is a record: there are zero keywords marked relevant for this film. I let this guy fly because it seemed to appropriate and I was curious about the outcome … yeah, there aren’t really any other movies with this keyword. The other one there also got 10% on rotten tomatoes, oof!)

Notes – Natalie Dormer actually went to the Suicide Forest with her Japanese driver for research. She ventured five meters off the path to take photos and her Japanese driver would not step half an inch over the path.

Aokigahara, known as the Suicide Forest or Sea of Trees, is a 35-square-kilometre forest lying at the north-west base of Mount Fuji in Japan. The forest has an association with demons in Japanese mythology, and is a common suicide site; a sign at the start of the main trail urges suicidal visitors to contact a suicide prevention association. There have been two recent movies inspired by this premise, Grave Halloween (2013) and The Sea of Trees (2015), both released before The Forest. (Will there ever been a well received film with this forest as a prominent plot point? Scientists maintain we may never know)

When Natalie Dormer’s character is first browsing information about the Aokigahara forest, the photos on her screen are real, taken from actual recovery parties that, annually, scan the forest to retrieve human remains. Among the pictures (though blurred) is the infamous “half face” man that also inspired the film’s poster.

The poster for the film features Natalie Dormer’s face with the bottom half removed, and the dividing line forming a silhouette of treetops and dangling nooses. This bears a clear resemblance to an infamous image of the body of an actual suicide victim of the forest, a bald man found in such a decomposed state that his jaw had fallen off and strips of flesh were hanging from where it had been. The image is also replicated in the film, albeit in a slightly less grotesque form. (gross)

In order to differentiate the twin sisters, Natalie Dormer had to dye her hair black while playing Jess and keep blonde hair as Sara. This was also to insert ying-yang symbolism; Sara was always the more innocent and pure sister, hence her blonde hair, while Jess was always more psychologically troubled and sad, hence her black hair. (Didn’t think that was going to be interesting, but it was.)

London Has Fallen Recap


‘Ello everyone! London Has Fallen? More like Mundane and Rotten! Man, I’m all about the half-rhymes recently. Looking back at some old examples we are a far cry from the peak of this mini-game … Paul Fart Mall Crap, that is the best I’m ever going to do. Anyways, what do you get when you cross Michael Bay with the grossest parts of the torture debate surrounding the show 24? This movie. Mike Bannon is a sociopath, y’heard?

Before getting into let’s say a few words about the original Olympus Has Fallen. It doesn’t qualify at the moment (48% on rotten tomatoes), but I rewatched it as prep and … it is the most violent action film I’ve ever seen I think. Really rather gross. Mike Bannon is a sociopathic Jack Bauer wannabe who just tortures everyone (and it totally works, natch, just horseshit). The CGI is middling to bad. And the president might be one of the dumbest fictional presidents in history. I could go on for days at how inadequate this movie is, but that isn’t really here nor there. I just needed to set the stage a bit before we got into it … let’s get into it.

  • The Good – I mean, action. If you like explosions, and dirtbikes, and guns, and helicopter crashes, and headshots from Gerard Butler from 40 feet away on the run, and explosions, and your brain slowly dying as doctors look on perplexed, then this is the movie for you!
  • The Bad – The CGI is terrible. Eckhart is still the dumbest fictional president in the universe. Bannon is still a sociopath. Morgan Freeman is still the only good thing about this movie. The use of London is nothing more than an excuse to blow up well know (but not American) landmarks. The movie is indeed racist, but not in the way I expected. I mean, yeah, the basic Muslim enemy is over the top, but what really shines is the Italian Prime Minister with his mistress at Westminster and the French President intentionally being late (and the terrorists building that into their plans!). I’m sure there were a few more with the Canadian, German, and Japanese heads of state all getting some airtime, but those two were just mind blowing. Almost as good as the jabs they took at Russia early on! I’ll leave it there.
  • The BMT – Hell yes. This movie is so turn-your-brain-off dumb that you could pretty easily psych yourself into watching it edited for cable any day. I want to see Bannon become instant besties with the SAS lieutenant every day! You see, I would include the man’s name, but on IMDb he’s literally called “SAS Lieutenant”!!! This movie can be fun … you just have to be all about torture like early 2000’s Jack Bauer. Then you are golden. Easily a 40 BMeTric though. Easily. Officially amped for the trilogy.

I’ll actually leave it there. The BMT-view with Olympus Has Fallen will be my game this week.


Seriously, I can now understand why Eckhart isn’t coming back for the third film. He seems to get stupider and stupider each time around. But let’s get to the root of this thing with the 6W’s.

What?! Mike Bannon, our hero from Olympus Has Fallen, is back on the beat as the President’s number one serial killer. When many of the world’s leaders are lured into a deadly trap in London, he’s the only one who stands in the way of their ultimate goal of killing the President of the United States. London Has Fallen!

Why?! Presumably you are asking, “But, why? Why do the terrorists want to do this to us? Is it our freedom?” Good question. The answer is the same answer to why Mike Bannon does anything in the film: vengeance. The UK government/world coalition took out the main bad guy’s family during a wedding ceremony and he now wants to kill the President on national television to prove a… what’s that? Did I say ‘wedding ceremony’? Uh… yes. The government killed his family while they were celebrating a wedding with several hundred innocent civilians. But don’t worry. Morgan Freeman totally said they had no idea it was a wedding… although the agent who ordered the bombing was disguised as a caterer for the wedding, so…. Just gotta take his word for it. Besides, in the grand scheme of the ethical questions that arise in these films this is small potatoes. Our hero is a sociopath.

How?! For the most part the audience is left in the dark on this one. Just have to trust that it’s the biggest conspiracy ever, involving hundreds of people infiltrating all levels of the UK government and entirely taking over one of the biggest cities in the world. By the end they throw you a little bone and reveal that a dude high up in MI6 was in on the plan. Still, Olympus Has Fallen is already hard to believe and this is 10x bigger and more complicated.

Who?! Gotta give a shoutout to Bryan Larkin, a Scottish actor who plays the head of an SAS elite squad that helps Bannon in the end. Besides looking and sounding like a buff Alan Cumming to the point where both Patrick and I thought to ourselves, “Gee, Alan Cumming is really taking some weird roles,” he also immediately becomes Bannon’s best friend. After knowing each other for about four minutes they are already exchanging one-liners at the end of the film. He hits a 5 on the Planchet scale.

Where?! Easy A+ for this one. Obviously takes place in London. It’s in the title! The only thing to add is that there are at least three scenes that take place in the country of Yemen. If we ever did a worldwide this is good for that. We can’t use Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. It was too well reviewed.

When?! We actually don’t know. Patrick swears that it has to be when it’s cold cause the President is running in tights at the beginning of the film. But perhaps more experienced DC residents can watch the film and shed some light on the subject. Overall they did a good job of totally obscuring any and all indication of what month or day this took place. F.


The Sklogs

London Has Fallen Preview

This week we must steel ourselves for witnessing gore than no human should be forced to see. No it’s not horror week. But we are watching London Has Fallen for action. This is the film series where Gerard Butler plays a sociopath who tortures everyone he sees and stabs them in the face when he is done with them. The first film was rough stuff and I’ve heard that this one is even crazier. Basically just Olympus Has Fallen, but more racist. Cool. Let’s go!

London Has Fallen (2016) – BMeTric: 32.4



(I’m not really sure what to make of the vote plot. There seem to be three regimes (theater, limite VOD, full VOD/Blu Ray?) and the entire thing just kind of increases at the same rate. Maybe this is more like an “action” plot compared to last week’s comedy plot? Anyways, the ratings went a tumbling, and we are at 32.4, an extremely respectable score for a movie released this year.)

Leonard Maltin – 0.5 stars –  “Olympus Has Fallen” was a pornographically violent crapfest … [and] we now have “London Has Fallen,” a horrible and wildly unnecessary follow-up that might actually be worse than its predecessor. … [S]erving as proof that Gerard Butler can make movies that are even worse than “Gods of Egypt” (not that this should be encouraged), there is absolutely nothing of value to “London Has Fallen” … Unless you have some insane desire to see what will surely go down as one of the very worst films of 2016, you would be far better served staying at home.

(It was hard to even parse out the best parts of that incredibly destructive review. The last sentence just about nails it. I’m also now very interested in the review system. The thumbs down is zero stars and they have 0.5 and 1 star ratings! Such a panoply of options. Three major releases (as I would classify it) have gotten zero stars: Nine Lives, Dirty Grandpa, and Alice Through the Looking Glass. Besides the last one we should easily be able to get all zero and 0.5 star movies. Bully for us.)

Trailer –

(Ugh. Just coming off of Olympus Has Fallen this looks like more of the same. So violent. Jingoistic to the extreme. Unpleasant. I don’t know … I wonder how much I can turn my brain off.)

Directors – Babak Najafi – (Known For: Easy Money II: Hard to Kill; BMT: London Has Fallen; Notes:  An Iranian refugee who settled in Sweden at 11. Studying direction this is his first english language film. Awww, for reals I’m sad about the things I’m going to say about this movie now …)

Writers – Creighton Rothenberger and Katrin Benedikt (based on characters created by & story by & screenplay) – (Known For: Olympus Has Fallen; BMT: London Has Fallen; The Expendables 3; Notes: Awesome these two have been married for ten years now. She is Icelandic and he is American, they met in screenwriting class. Seem to have made a healthy living on blockbuster action films)

Christian Gudegast (screenplay) – (BMT: London Has Fallen; A Man Apart; Notes: Son of Eric Braeden most well known for his single story arc on Murder She Wrote (fine, maybe only I would only know him from that, he’s in Titanic and is a giant Soap Opera star).)

Chad St. John (screenplay) – (BMT: London Has Fallen; Notes: Wait wait wait … this guy wrote xXx: The Return of Xander Cage!? Have you seen this horrible poster? Have you watched this horrible trailer? I am so pumped to watch and hate this movie … except I bet reviewers will be like “good for what it is” and it’ll get 50% on rotten tomatoes or something. Or, even worse, it’ll *gasp* go unreleased in the UK.)

Actors – Gerard Butler – (Known For: 300; Olympus Has Fallen; How to Train Your Dragon; RocknRolla; How to Train Your Dragon 2; Reign of Fire; Tomorrow Never Dies; Nim’s Island; Coriolanus; Beowulf & Grendel; Mrs Brown; Dear Frankie; Harrison’s Flowers; The Cherry Orchard; BMT: Movie 43 (BMT); Dracula 2001; Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life; The Bounty Hunter (BMT); Gods of Egypt; Timeline (BMT); Gamer (BMT); Tale of the Mummy; Playing for Keeps (BMT); London Has Fallen; The Ugly Truth; Notes:  Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2011 for Worst Actor and Worst Screen Couple/Worst Screen Ensemble for The Bounty Hunter; My God, what a legend. And two movies this year because of Gods of Egypt. A BMT legend in the highest regard. And a big movie star too, it is really impressive. Big Celtic fan and part owner of a Caribbean Cricket team.)

Aaron Eckhart – (Known For: Sully: Miracle on the Hudson; Bleed for This; The Dark Knight; Olympus Has Fallen; Erin Brockovich; The Missing; Any Given Sunday; Thank You for Smoking; The Core; The Rum Diary; No Reservations; The Pledge; Rabbit Hole; Nothing Is Private; Possession; Nurse Betty; In the Company of Men; Conversations with Other Women; Your Friends & Neighbors; BMT: The Wicker Man (BMT); I, Frankenstein (BMT); The Black Dahlia; Battle Los Angeles (BMT); Love Happens; London Has Fallen; Suspect Zero; Erased; Paycheck (BMT); Notes: Alright, this might be the best bad movie street cred film ever. Aaron Eckhart is a secret BMT legend as well. He is Mormon, but is open about not being active in the faith.)

Morgan Freeman – (Known For: The Shawshank Redemption; The Dark Knight; The Dark Knight Rises; Se7en; Now You See Me; Batman Begins; Oblivion; Lucy; Unforgiven; The Lego Movie; Olympus Has Fallen; Ted 2; War of the Worlds; Gone Baby Gone; Million Dollar Baby; Wanted; RED; Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves; Lucky Number Slevin; Deep Impact; Glory; Bruce Almighty; Last Vegas; Invictus; The Sum of All Fears; The Bucket List; Amistad; Driving Miss Daisy; Outbreak; BMT: Conan the Barbarian; Evan Almighty; Dreamcatcher (BMT); Chain Reaction; The Bonfire of the Vanities (BMT); Edison; London Has Fallen; The Contract; Hard Rain (BMT); Momentum; Ben-Hur; Transcendence (BMT); Last Knights; Along Came a Spider; High Crimes; Now You See Me 2; Kiss the Girls; Notes: Every single one of these actors has been in at least four other BMT films! Owns and operated a blues bar in Clarksdale, Mississippi. He’s converted his 124-acre ranch into a bee sanctuary. Sounds like an interesting dude.)

Budget/Gross – $60 million / Domestic: $62,524,260 (Worldwide: $195,725,584)

(An international success, but a moderate domestic dud. Although Olympus has fallen didn’t do much better ($90M on a $70M budget), so a bit confused as to what exactly was expected here … Anyways, internationally did better than the previous film, so maybe could see a sequel. I have no idea why any of the actors would do that to themselves though.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 26% (43/168): London Has Fallen traps a talented cast — and all who dare to see it — in a mid-1990s basic-cable nightmare of a film loaded with xenophobia and threadbare action-thriller clichés.

(Yiiiiiiiiis, I love me some classic 90s xenophobia and threadbare action-thriller cliches. The script is going to be atrocious. I can feel it. Excitement officially rising.)

Poster – London Has Sklogen (C-)


(I appreciate the work put into this, but it’s one step away from being The Avengers busy. Look at all the unnecessary garbage going on in this one. Scrap it all and just have Gerard in front of the flag. Kudos to the faded font on the title. At least we have that. Like the red focus, but wish it wasn’t washed out by all the shit going on.)

Tagline(s) – Prepare for bloody hell. (B+)

(Well that’s foreboding. Why not just make the tagline ‘Ready to see some murder?’ Gets credit for being short and sweet and the nice British play on words. Nothing to put it over the top though.)

Keyword(s) – funeral; Top Ten by BMeTric: 77.0 xXx²: The Next Level (2005); 75.0 Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994); 74.2 Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959); 73.7 Superhero Movie (2008); 73.4 One Missed Call (2008); 70.6 Ouija (II) (2014); 67.1 The Spirit (2008); 61.9 Jennifer’s Body (2009); 60.1 Stealth (2005); 60.0 Bodyguard (2011);

(Shockingly great list. Indeed, like other recent films the keywords section has many listed (nearly 300), but only a handful even one vote of relevance. Funeral seemed fine though, and hilarious that another terrorists-attack-the-president (xXx2) film is on this list. What a nice eclectic group as well.)

Notes – Olympus Has Fallen (2013) director Antoine Fuqua refused to direct this sequel because he didn’t like the script. (ha! Good choice)

Due to scheduling conflicts, Morgan Freeman and Gerard Butler don’t appear in the same scene together in person. The scene in the hallway at the White House uses body doubles, and doesn’t show faces. (Say what, that is awesome)

The jogging sequence at the start of the film was filmed in Kensington Gardens in central London. (I know where that is. I’ll be on the lookout. Such an awesome settings film)

Morgan Freeman added his voice to the directions mobile app ‘Waze’ to support the release of this movie. (What … I don’t even understand this note)

The rear entrance/exit to PINDAR (The UK equivalent to the US PEOC) is allegedly based on one the platforms at Charing Cross Station. It is assumed that it’s there to necessitate access to a railway or the Underground if the government needs to escape the capital. It is classed as a “Military Citadel.” Others include the conspicuous one at the back of Horse Guards/The Mall, the abandoned one at Dollis Hill, the old Cabinet War Rooms under the Treasury, and what used to be called Q-Whitehall. (Actually a pretty cool note. Notes like this is how an entire alternative IMDb gets set up, like the one for cars or the one for firearms. This would be like the internet movie location database or something, and I would love that).

Dirty Grandpa Recap


Trying out something new with my part. I’m gonna try to use the 6W’s (Who, What, Where, When, hoW, and Why) to explain the what and how of the film at hand. With that in mind I’m going to keep my part totally intact rather than throw it to Patrick in the middle. So get prepared for some text.

What?! Zac Efron is roped into driving his foul-mouthed grandpa (Robert De Niro) to Boca the week before his wedding, but gets sidetracked and ends up in Daytona Beach during spring break, much to the dismay of his fiancee.

Why?! The apparent impetus of the film changes throughout because De Niro’s character constantly lies about his intentions. At first it is simply that Robert De Niro needs a ride to his house in Boca… gotta say, not the best film idea. Just driving an old person around (although, that’s basically the plot of Nebraska and Driving Miss Daisy and they were both nominated for Best Picture, so what do I know). Once that lie is revealed Robert De Niro claims he just wants to get laid and took him along as a wingman. Ha! Get it? It’s funny because he’s old and he wants to have sex. Ha! But that also turns out to be a lie. Finally he admits he actually roped Efron into the trip because he was a shitty dad who raised a shitty son (Efron’s dad) and doesn’t want Efron to turn out the same by marrying the wrong girl and being a shitty lawyer. Awwwww… or something.

How? Funny you should ask. If not for a wildly improbable coincidence (they meet an acquaintance of Efron’s on the way to Florida and they immediately fall in love) then the plan wouldn’t have worked out so well for De Niro. If you follow the storyline closely you’ll see that De Niro’s original plan seems to be that he is going to get Efron totally shitfaced at spring break and take compromising photos of him. Then at his rehearsal brunch he would put those photos up and ruin his wedding and get him fired. Apparently Efron is supposed to then be ecstatic and thankful for losing his job and fiancee. The real version of this film is that Efron ends up just hating his grandpa… probably almost as much as I hated this film. Instead he loses his job and fiancee but is OK with it because he realized he’s actually in love with someone else.

Who!? Rather than listing off character in the film (which would be somewhat dry), I’m going to highlight a smaller character in the film that I surprisingly like or really hated. I actually liked Jason Mantzoukas’ turn as Pam. The character is just Rafi from The League and guess what? I like Rafi from The League. If it wasn’t for him I probably wouldn’t have laughed at all. I think the screenwriters knew this as well since what seems like a super minor character shows up like 8 different times and plays a vital role in the climax of the film.

Where!? Dirty Grandpa really did a doozy on its settings. If you weren’t close watching like I was then you may have become very confused as Efron zipped around the Southeastern seaboard. We started pretty clearly in Atlanta. De Niro needed a ride to Boca so we know we’re going to spend most of the film in Florida. They then immediately make a detour to spring break in Daytona Beach. How do we know? Why an obese gentleman rubs his breasts on Efron’s car while screaming “Daytona Beach!!!” Obviously. Once the shit hits the fan we see Efron drive back to Atlanta, only to find out that his heart belongs in Florida and we drive immediately back (conveniently passing a ‘Welcome to Florida’ sign). Phew. This certainly borders on A territory. Like Justin and Kelly before it Spring Break almost becomes a character in itself in the course of the film. But it’s just not quite vital enough. I’m going to put it at B. Better than C territory, but not important enough to the plot.

When?! This is the funniest question to answer. Whoever was in charge of the continuity in the film dropped the ball a little bit. We are given a beautiful exact date for the film. Reading from a newspaper a character explains that Efron is getting married, “This weekend. Saturday, March 27th.” It is perfection. However, when you ponder for a minute March 27th wasn’t on a Saturday in 2016… the two closest years are 2010 and 2021 because of the leap year. We know it can’t take place in the future because De Niro’s driver’s license is valid, yet expires in 2018. So it’s either a 2010 period piece or they screwed up the day of the week. I would guess the latter. It was probably in the script when it was written in 2010 and they just didn’t change that random date. How could they possibly know that a crazy person would come along and rain on their stupid parade. Anyway, it gets an A- for how specific and weirdly vital the late-March setting is.

Jesus, we really blew this one out. Maybe I need to rethink the rhetorical question method (called RhetorWrecked… boom). Luckily no one reads this anyways so who cares?


‘Ello everyone! Dirty Grandpa?! More like Shitty, Bland, Flawed! (I made a list of half-rhymes, I’m pretty proud of myself). Only one question racing through my mind during this film: Am I Unfinished Business angry or just regular bad-comedy angry? Actually to be more exact the phrasing was “Am I like … unfinished business naaaaaangry?” My brain was just trying to entertain itself at the time … let’s get into it.

  • The Good – Efron can sing well. Jason Mantzoukas as Pam was indeed a delight if you like The League. He just plays Rafi the entire time, so that works fine.
  • The Bad – I have a little sklognalysis below about what was really getting me naaaaaangry during this film. But De Niro’s character might as well have just been a string of curses strung between “heart warming” I’m-old family stuff. His character kind of doesn’t make any sense. Efron is boring and his trajectory is unbelievable. The entire temporal and geographic landscape of the film is also just weird. They’re in Atlanta, then Florida, and they are there for what seems like five days (they were supposed to be gone for one). There are many many things to dislike about the film, but the cardinal sin? I laughed zero times.
  • The BMT – Yes and no. Yes because I would put this with Tammy and Unfinished Business as another example of an anti-comedy where comedy is replaced with anger and cursing. No because it is an unfunny garbage comedy.

And I’ll close with a little Sklognalysis deep dive. There were two cop characters in the film. Their introduction is promising (they are joshing around, but in a “you are dumb, you are in jail, have fun being an idiot in jail” kind of way), but then Pam (Mantzoukas) pops out and they are just like “oh, you were selling crack to children, but we like you Pam, so it’s all cool!” Their characters aggravated me to no end. Why? Because they were absurd, but taken in wildly different directions from moment to moment whenever convenient.

Exhibit A: Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle – The cop parody in this film extends along the Keystone Kops vector of idiocy, and along the Arrested Development vector of humorous brutality (if there is such a thing these days), etc. They are taken along the vector of past comedies and, perhaps, real life experiences to their logical conclusion. Along the vector.

Exhibit B: Superbad – Inverting expectations. McLovin’s expectations are that the police are going to arrest him and be jerks. They instead end up as fun loving and helpful. It works by playing off a common experience in an unexpected way.

Exhibit C: Dirty Grandpa – In this film Pam himself represents the logical conclusion for a drug dealer (or at least a common portrayal, fun loving and harmless). And that’s where the juxtaposition falls apart. The cops are at turns corrupt, but understanding to Pam. They are mean, but not really to Pam, and not really in general. They are inconsistent, but worse yet … they are not consistently along the “cop parody” trajectories you’d expect, but rather switch between the two aforementioned types: fun loving, and brutally idiotic.

Going against type can be refreshing, but here it doesn’t work because they aren’t consistent. It was aggravating and broke me out of the movie. Their ubiquitous presence also throws the balance of the film off in a way as well because it makes Daytona (and eventually the southeast US in general) feel very small. Without them the film would be more dull. But with them it fails at being at the very least self-consistent.

I call it the Along The Vector theory of parody. Without a solid case of reverting expectations, always default to parody in the direction of expectations. When when you choose a vector, stick with it.


The Sklogs

Dirty Grandpa Preview

Wow, we really breezed through those two films. I’m ready to dive headfirst into the worst of the worst of 2016. For that reason we’re just watching Nine Lives eight weeks in a row. JK (but we’re definitely watching Nine Lives though. Kevin Spacey is a cat! Come on! How is that even made?). We start with comedy and there was one film whose reviews really made it stand out. Dirty Grandpa starring Zac Efron and Robert De Niro… wait, that’s how Zac Efron spells his name? Weird. Even weirder? My text editor marked it as a misspelling. Meaning that Zac Efron is in its dictionary. Double weird. Let’s go!

Dirty Grandpa (2016) – BMeTric: 27.9



(Yeah, that VOD bounce though, so sweet, so cold (getting so hot and bothered I’m dropping William Carlos Williams poems on you). And this graph is also nice because you can pretty plainly see a couple of things. First, the about 20% of a movie’s votes from its first year of release will be prior to VOD release (sample size of one naturally). Second, the VOD release occurs about three months after (80 days in this case) and at that point we could have possibly made a pretty good guess at its BMeTric 9 months later (same rating, multiply the votes by five). And third, that the rate of vote decelerates four times slower in the VOD period than in the theatrical period. The movie hasn’t been out long enough to know whether it settles into a long term more constant slope and whether that point in consistent across other movies. But something to look at more closely in the future I think.) – 0 stars (thumbs down) –  The actor Bela Lugosi appeared in some landmark, perhaps even great, films at the beginning of his Hollywood career in the 1930s. They include Browning’s “Dracula” and Ulmer’s “The Black Cat.” Lugosi’s final film was 1959’s “Plan 9 From Outer Space,” frequently cited as the worst film ever made. The cinematic landmarks of De Niro’s career include films such as Coppola’s “The Godfather, Part II” and Scorsese’s “Raging Bull.” He has been featured in a good number of very bad films in the years since. But this? This might just be his own “Plan 9.”

(I had to include that whole paragraph. That is an incredible slam. Most other reviews are similar, all agreeing that this is likely De Niro’s worst film bar none. I fully expect this to be a dull and humorless affair, but these reviews give me some hope that it will shock us in its terribleness. We shall see.)

Trailer –

(a …. Dull and humorless affair. Likely with uncomfortable objectification of women, De Niro mugging and cursing into the camera, and Efron’s sweet Baywatch bod. Sigh. Mantzoukas will be a pleasant respite in the middle it looks like. In another universe this movie is like the Hangover and hilarious. Just not in our universe.)

Directors – Dan Mazer – (Known For: I Give It a Year; BMT: Dirty Grandpa; Notes: Producer, director, and writer for the Da Ali G show and other project (Borat and Bruno). Also the writer of this year’s smash hit sequel Bridget Jones’ Baby. It looks like this was his first Hollywood foray. )

Writers – John Phillips (written by) (as John M. Phillips) – (BMT: Dirty Grandpa; Notes: UCB alum this was his first full length screenplay. He also just sold a pilot to NBC with Phil Lord and co-wrote the soon-to-be-released sequel Bad Santa 2. He is described as a “rising star” for a reason I guess.)

Actors – Robert De Niro – (Known For: Joy; Goodfellas; The Godfather: Part II; The Intern; Taxi Driver; American Hustle; Stardust; Once Upon a Time in America; Silver Linings Playbook; Heat; The Deer Hunter; Limitless; Casino; Jackie Brown; The Untouchables; Cape Fear; Machete; The Good Shepherd; Hands of Stone; Raging Bull; Sleepers; A Bronx Tale; Brazil; Last Vegas; Ronin; Backdraft; Angel Heart; Meet the Parents; Awakenings; The Score; The Mission; This Boy’s Life; Mean Streets; Men of Honour; Being Flynn; Cop Land; Stone; Wag the Dog; Midnight Run; Everybody’s Fine; Novecento; Analyze This; The King of Comedy; Falling in Love; New York, New York; The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle; BMT: Godsend; Little Fockers; Showtime; Killing Season; The Carrier; The Big Wedding (BMT); New Year’s Eve (BMT); The Fan; Hide and Seek; Analyze That; Shark Tale; Righteous Kill; Dirty Grandpa; The Bridge of San Luis Rey; Arthur et les Minimoys; 15 Minutes; Red Lights; Meet the Fockers; Heist; The Family; Grudge Match (BMT); Notes:  Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2003 for Worst Screen Couple for Showtime. Is there anything more to say about De Niro? Let’s go with more recent new then. He was replaced on the long awaited American debut of director Olivier Assayas, Idol’s Eye, by Sylvester Stallone which is interesting. And he refused to pose in pictures with Arnold Schwarzenegger apparently after a heated discussion about Donald Trump. Fun times.)

Zac Efron – (Known For: Bad Neighbours 2; Bad Neighbours; 17 Again; Hairspray; We Are Your Friends; The Lorax; High School Musical 3: Senior Year; The Paperboy; Parkland; Liberal Arts; At Any Price; Me and Orson Welles; BMT: New Year’s Eve (BMT); Dirty Grandpa; That Awkward Moment; Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates; The Lucky One; The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud; Notes: Surged to fame with the High School Musical series (which you might be shocked to hear, doesn’t qualify as it is a television movie). He’s going to be in Baywatch, and obviously has seen a lot of recent success in a few comedies.)

Also stars Zoey Deutch and Aubrey Plaza.

Budget/Gross – $11.5 million / Domestic: $35,593,113 (Worldwide: $94,073,028)

(Uh yeah …. That’s solid. Who’s excited for Dirty Grandpa 2? Dirtier Grandpa? Dirty Grandson? Oh shit … Dirty Fockers it’s a cross over this needs to be done. Regardless, a January hit, so I wonder what is next for the franchise. Dirty Grandpa Universe (DGU)? Alright, I’m done.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (13/122): Like a Werther’s Original dropped down a sewer drain, Dirty Grandpa represents the careless fumbling of a classic talent that once brought pleasure to millions.

(Coooooooooold bloooooooooooded. Jesus, that is straight wrecked son. Is Werther’s Original an old person joke? Think on that for a second. There isn’t even much to really figure out with this review, it is simply summed up as “garbage”. But is it boring? Is it unpleasant? Is it just gross? We’ll have to watch to find out!)

Poster – Dirty GrandSklog (D)


(I was actually tempted to give this an F, but the consistent grey-red coloring scheme saved it. The spacing is bad, symmetry is bad, too much focus on the people, and I don’t like Robert De Niro’s face… it’s mesmerizing how terrible it is. By the way there are like 5 major posters for this film. There are several better ones than this, but I remember this being the main one used in theaters.)

Tagline(s) – Lose your way. Find your manhood. (B)

(And every individual poster had its own unique tagline too. They worked hard on this shit. While the main poster was one of the worst, its tagline was actually one of the better ones. Concise and used the clever combination of ‘lose’ and ‘find.’ Unfortunately, the two phrases don’t connect as much as they would hope so starting to veer towards “sound like a tagline, but is it a tagline” category.)

Keyword(s) – grandfather grandson relationship; Top Ten by BMeTric: 78.9 In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007); 75.4 Troll 2 (1990); 70.0 The Master of Disguise (2002); 63.7 Daddy Day Camp (2007); 59.9 Problem Child 2 (1991); 47.4 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994); 47.1 Little Fockers (2010); 46.6 Caligula (1979); 44.4 The Resident (2011); 44.3 3 Ninja Kids (1992);

(I have a feeling we are going to get a weird list of keywords for recent film. There are 246 keywords for Dirty Grandpa and only six of them have received a vote of relevant (all exactly one vote). The other keywords: compromising photograph, man wearing a g string, gay character, male nudity, homophobia … spectacular. By the way I guess Jamie and I have actually seen 3 Ninjas Kick Back because I think we were 3 Ninjas completionists at the time. Oh and great list.)

Notes – For the film’s theatrical poster, Robert De Niro lifted Zac Efron on his back without any help. Efron confirmed it while promoting the film on Instagram. (De Niro seems like a cool dude)

Aubrey Plaza, who plays a 21-year-old college student, was 31 when the film was released.

The screenplay was featured in the 2011 Blacklist, a list of the “most liked” unmade scripts of the year. (Interesting. I listen to that podcast. The movies they read tend to be … not great, and the guy certainly like crass comedies, so this would fit right in. I can just imagine myself grimacing while listening to this script)

Zac Efron performed all of his own nude scenes except for the embarrassing beach sequence. Director John Phillips states on the commentary that it was one of the most expensive scenes to make in the film. Zac wasn’t actually nude at all and wore flesh-colored briefs which were edited out during the post-production process. A stunt penis was also placed over his crotch using CGI for the split-second frames where he is most exposed. Phillips mentioned that when the restricted German trailer was released onto the internet that a community of online fans were trying to grab frames on the actor’s penis. Subsequently, it turns out this is the one nude scene in the film that isn’t actually him. (ha, I do love extremely expensive stunt penises)