Tag: Box Office Bomb

House of the Dead Preview

Jamie sits nervously in Judge Stranger’s Chambers, Ms. LaRouche at his side. “Ahem, well, given the testimony we just heard in the courtroom, I urge the prosecution to drop the case,” the judge says bluntly and Jamie holds his breath. “We agree,” the prosecutor says with deep seriousness. Jamie and Ms. LaRouche jump to their feet and hug. A cheer can be heard from outside as the news is relayed to the growing crowd. “We agree,” the prosecutor continues, “because we are prepared to charge a different suspect.” Now Jamie is a bit confused. He looks to Ms. LaRouche to share in this confusion, but is even more confused when he finds that she seems decidedly not confused. Suddenly the prosecutor jumps forward and slaps handcuffs on Jamie’s wrists. “What thuuuuuu,” Jamie says dumbly. Suddenly it all becomes clear. The whole time Jamie thought he was cleverly building a case to find a poor young man innocent, when he was really building a case against himself. “Right down to the well toned parkour muscles,” he grumbles in wonder, giving said muscles a quick squeeze to see if they might pop the handcuffs clean off. Alas. The judge looks at a calendar and pauses thoughtfully. “I think we shall set the trial start date for October 31st.” Jamie is startled. “But that’s three months away,” he sputters. “Yes, not nearly enough time for the prosecution to prepare,” the prosecutor says even more seriously than before, “I’d prefer the fourth Thursday of the following month, if possible.” The judge ponders this and gives a quick nod and waves them out of his chambers. As two police officers grab Jamie by the arms, he asks where they’re taking him. They chuckle and reply, “We call it… the House of the Dead.” That’s right! We are starting off the ‘Why are we watching this?’ cycle with the Uwe Boll film House of the Dead. This cycle will be top to bottom trash that we don’t want to watch. Uwe Boll fits the bill. Yay? Let’s go!

House of the Dead (2003) – BMeTric: 90.1; Notability: 29

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.8%; Notability: top 26.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 1.7%; Higher BMeT: The Room, Gigli; Higher Notability: Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Gods and Generals, Bad Boys II, The Matrix Revolutions, Hollywood Homicide, Scary Movie 3, Brother Bear, Cheaper by the Dozen, Duplex, Timeline, Agent Cody Banks, View from the Top, Marci X, Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, National Security, Cradle 2 the Grave, Head of State, Malibu’s Most Wanted, Mona Lisa Smile, Daddy Day Care, and 47 more; Lower RT: Dorm Daze, The Foreigner, Hangman’s Curse, Gold Diggers; Notes: I did confirm, Uwe Boll never played on television in the 90s, which makes sense, all of his major films came in the 00s basically. Seen both the higher BMeTs, but I haven’t seen any of the lover RTs which is crazy. Well … not that crazy, I don’t think any of those four were released widely, so they’d have to be Friends.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – Low-grade horror movie, based on the video-game series, which charts the all-to-predictable fates of some addle-brained young people drawn to an island inhabited by zombies. Sloppily made and mind-numbingly inept. Prochnow’s character is named Captain Kirk. How clever! Followed by a TV movie, House of the Dead 2.

(Slammed. I had to snag the maltin review for this one since I knew it would be a BOMB. They’ve been so rare over time I feel like.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htx3igt0ksk/

(Brought to you by SEGA lol. “Awful zombies”. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. “They are everywhere” lol. This trailer is hilarious.)

Directors – Uwe Boll – ( Known For: Postal; Assault on Wall Street; Rampage; Far Cry; Seed; Rampage: Capital Punishment; In the Name of the King: Two Worlds; 1968 Tunnel Rats; Rampage: President Down; Stoic; Blubberella; Attack on Darfur; Heart of America; In the Name of the King: The Last Mission; Blackwoods; The Final Storm; First Shift; Auschwitz; Sanctimony; Amoklauf; Future BMT: BloodRayne; BMT: In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale; Alone in the Dark; House of the Dead; Notes: My understanding is his big budget career ended the instant they closed a German loophole for film financing. My vague understanding of how it would work: A person makes, say $200 million and owes $100 million in taxes. Instead though they “invest” $100 million in a Uwe Boll production which in turn is paid back to the production studio in various ways. The movie makes no money and The entire $100 million is a tax write off, but you make money from the back end and also in various payments during production as well for catering and stuff. Am I right? No idea, but it makes some sense. But alas, no longer possible either way. Only one more to go, phew.)

Writers – Mark A. Altman – ( Known For: Room 6; Free Enterprise; All Souls Day: Dia de los Muertos; The Thirst; BMT: House of the Dead; Notes: Wrote for Dead or Alive 3, the video game, which is maybe how he ended up writing the screenplay for this.)

Dan Bates – (Notes: Apparently worked in the music industry prior to becoming a producer. This was the last film he produced.)

Dave Parker – ( Known For: Tales of Halloween; BMT: House of the Dead; Notes: Mostly an editor, and almost exclusively for horror films.)

Actors – Jonathan Cherry – ( Known For: Final Destination 2; Goon; What If; Goon: Last of the Enforcers; Wolfcop; The Novice; Die Alone; Another WolfCop; Love on the Side; Dark Match; SuperGrid; Future BMT: Kin; They; BMT: House of the Dead; Notes: Still acts in stuff, although I don’t specifically recognize anything. Love for Starters looks fun/dumb: “To save her father’s lake-front restaurant, a talented interior designer must partner with the celebrity chef her father hired without her knowledge to revamp the place before time runs out.” He’s the chef.)

Tyron Leitso – ( Known For: Assault on Wall Street; Far Cry; Seed; BMT: House of the Dead; Notes: Was one of the main characters in Wonderfalls, a show that looked so interesting and good back in the day, then no one watched it and it got cancelled.)

Clint Howard – ( Known For: Solo: A Star Wars Story; Apollo 13; How the Grinch Stole Christmas; Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery; Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me; Austin Powers in Goldmember; Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian; The Jungle Book; Cinderella Man; Frost/Nixon; Backdraft; Splash; That Thing You Do!; Cocoon; Far and Away; The Rocketeer; Parenthood; Terrifier 3; Edtv; The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh; Future BMT: The Waterboy; Fun with Dick and Jane; Gung Ho; BMT: Halloween; Tango & Cash; Little Nicky; The Cat in the Hat; The Dilemma; House of the Dead; Barb Wire; Notes: He has the best career. Just does random stuff and looks weird doing it half the time. He was in Seinfeld, when the go to L.A., in in Star Trek, in Terrifier 3. Just great stuff.)

Budget/Gross – $12,000,000 / Domestic: $10,249,719 (Worldwide: $13,818,181)

(Hmmmm, yeah that sounds right I guess. Doesn’t really jive with what I said, but possibly the idea is the Budget is $12 million, but the investment is larger or something? I don’t really get how you avoid taxes when you don’t lose that much money, but maybe it is to avoid like … $1 million in taxes?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 3% (2/59): A grungy, disjointed, mostly brainless mess of a film, House of the Dead is nonetheless loaded with unintentional laughs.

(I mean, I don’t really agree, in that I find Uwe Boll films to be surprisingly humorless, intentional or not. It just makes you sad to realize there was this machine consuming IP and spitting out garbage intentionally.)

Reviewer Highlight: To properly convey the jaw-dropping shoddiness of this videogame-based ‘horror’ ‘movie,’ one must approach what scientists call Absolute Stupid. – Scott Brown, Entertainment Weekly

Poster – House of the Judge Dredd

(It’s funny this came out in 2003 because I remember being kind of creeped out by the DVD box in the local video store. Tells you how far I’ve come with horror as a genre. Anyway, I actually like the red tone and the font. Doesn’t give a whole lot, but it’s still perfectly fine. B.)

Tagline(s) – You won’t last the night (C-)

(Given what I now know about this film, the tagline and the poster are very strange. Definitely seems like they made everything based on the video game and then Uwe Boll just… did what he wanted. That’s fine, probably, as reading about the plot of the video game makes me think they might have been sued by the makers of Resident Evil if they hewed too closely. Oh and the tagline is meh.)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

Top 10: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Snow White (2025), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Green Lantern (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Ghost Rider (2007), The Happening (2008), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

Future BMT: 99.4 Snow White (2025), 96.4 Disaster Movie (2008), 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 90.7 Vampires Suck (2010), 89.1 BloodRayne (2005), 88.1 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 86.9 Street Fighter (1994), 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.1 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.6 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.8 Shark Night (2011), 78.2 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 78.2 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.2 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), House of the Dead (2003), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Slender Man (2018), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Crossroads (2002), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007), … 

Best Options (Uwe Boll): 90.2 House of the Dead (2003), 89.1 BloodRayne (2005)

(Yup, now we only have one more to go (and then however many of his other films we’d consider doing as Friends, which is maybe only one or two I think, although there are quite a few direct-to-video sequels which we’d have to think about).)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 22) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jürgen Prochnow is No. 9 billed in House of the Dead and No. 4 billed in Primeval, which also stars Orlando Jones (No. 3 billed) who is in Say It Isn’t So (No. 3 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (9 + 4) + (3 + 3) + (1 + 2) = 22. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 20.

Notes – Reviews were so bad that Danish cinemas refused to show it.

This is the last film to use the turn-table technique for 360° shots. The risk of actors being hurt or killed by the fast-moving camera was too high.

Jonathan Cherry burned 30% of his hand on the second day of shooting. The scene on the bridge, where he hurts his hand, was shot later, to explain the bandage he had to wear.

Thirty-two video clips from the original game appear in several parts of the movie. Twenty-six appear during the 10-minute battle in front of the house. The remaining 6 are used as transitions prior to the battle.

When asked how she felt about getting naked for the first time onscreen in her swimming scene, Erica Durance said, “I was working on a show once where I had to play a character who was needy and whimsical, which was very different from my personality. That was more embarrassing because you really have to be vulnerable with your inner thoughts, whereas nudity is just about your body. It’s easier to shut yourself off outside than to really reveal your inner thoughts.”

Kraven the Hunter Preview

Jamie and Patrick can’t hide their anxiety as they sit through the third hour of a marathon Hallston town meeting. Following the disastrous library committee meeting, Jamie insisted that they start breaking the rules. A few soothing words, a reminder that rulez=coolz and a stirring rendition of Your Body is a Wonderland by John Mayer helps bring him back to reality. When the library decision was announced as part of the next town meeting agenda their hearts swelled. These have to be the rulez they are looking for! If they could just show their schematic demonstrating that the chasm (or abyss) was nowhere close to the library, but rather dangerously close to compromising the previously mentioned insane asylum, then they would Save the Library (as their new bumper stickers stated (and in smaller letters: But We Should Probably Do Something About That Insane Asylum)). Finally the vote on the library question comes up. The moderator swiftly moves to bring the question to a vote without discussion. Jamie and Patrick leap to their feet to protest, but just as quickly the moderator shouts them down. “Sirs… sirs, please. I’m sorry, but there is no more to discuss,” the moderator says, holding up numerous engineering reports. “Well, if you would look in the town ordinances you will see that in 1745 Hallston enacted the Library Discussion Act which requires that all matters concerning the library go up for discussion,” Jamie says, approaching the lectern. The air is electric and the crowd is buzzing. The selectboard looks shaken, but suddenly relief washes over their faces. A gasp escapes the crowd. Jamie and Patrick turn and see that international acting super star Matt Craven has entered the room. “What’s Matt Craven doing here?” Patrick murmurs in wonder. Unfortunately we didn’t get to partake in Matt Craven: The Hunter, the 10-part docuseries I produced about Matt Craven. Instead we had to watch Kraven: The Hunter that wishes it was Madame Web. Let’s go!

Kraven the Hunter (2024) – BMeTric: 50.9; Notability: 59

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 9.6%; Notability: top 1.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.6%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, Borderlands, The American Society of Magical Negroes, The Crow, Uglies, The Strangers: Chapter 1, Night Swim, Tarot, Trigger Warning, The Exorcism, Imaginary, Joker: Folie à Deux, Hellboy: The Crooked Man, Mother of the Bride, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Time Cut, Mea Culpa, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, The Deliverance, Breathe, and 4 more; Higher Notability: Joker: Folie à Deux, Unfrosted, Reagan; Lower RT: Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Borderlands, Madame Web, Mother of the Bride, Breathe, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two; Notes: Now that we are at the end of our 2024 journey let’s check the BMeT. Of that top 20 We’ve seen 9. So not bad, but also there are a surprising number of trash films that either didn’t qualify or we didn’t see … I heard that Megamind one was a catastrophe.

RogerEbert.com – 1 star –  Hacky clichés and contrivances abound, making it harder to enjoy when characters say something so gaspingly silly that you have to wonder: wait, did the Foreigner just explain his nickname by saying, “Because I’m not from around?” “Kraven the Hunter” is not, in other words, as mediocre or watchable as the average entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Instead, Sony’s latest Spidey yarn is a charmless stinker that’s only well-polished enough to make you resent the stench.

(Charmless stinker … so you’re telling me it ain’t Madame Web. Wait, what did RogerEbert.com give that film? Two and a half stars. Nice.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hR1-ihzff3I/

(The instant you see the guy intentionally going into prison to get to someone you know the movie is going to be terrible. And the movie didn’t disappoint.)

Directors – J.C. Chandor – ( Known For: Triple Frontier; Margin Call; All Is Lost; A Most Violent Year; BMT: Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Margin Call. He is writing and directing a TV show remake of The Conversation? That seems like a bad idea.)

Writers – Richard Wenk – ( Known For: The Equalizer; The Expendables 2; The Magnificent Seven; The Equalizer 2; The Mechanic; The Equalizer 3; 16 Blocks; The Protégé; Fast Charlie; American Renegades; Vamp; Just the Ticket; Countdown; Future BMT: Jack Reacher: Never Go Back; BMT: Kraven the Hunter; Notes: )

Art Marcum and Matt Holloway – ( Known For: Iron Man; Uncharted; BMT: Transformers: The Last Knight; Men in Black: International; Punisher: War Zone; Kraven the Hunter; Notes: This is a crazy career. I wonder if I went back to watch Shadow of Fear I would find the true writers deep inside the IP facade.)

Stan Lee and Steve Ditko – ( Known For: The Avengers; Avengers: Endgame; Avengers: Infinity War; Iron Man; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Spider-Man: No Way Home; Thor; Iron Man 3; Spider-Man; Iron Man 2; Black Panther; Thor: Ragnarok; Doctor Strange; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Thor: The Dark World; Ant-Man; Spider-Man 2; The Amazing Spider-Man; Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Fantastic Four; Madame Web; Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Stan Lee’s filmography, but these two are the creators of Spider-man so naturally they get a credit.)

Actors – Aaron Taylor-Johnson – ( Known For: Avengers: Age of Ultron; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; Tenet; Kick-Ass; Bullet Train; Godzilla; The Illusionist; Nocturnal Animals; The Fall Guy; The King’s Man; Nosferatu; Savages; Shanghai Knights; Anna Karenina; Outlaw King; Nowhere Boy; The Wall; Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging; Albert Nobbs; Chatroom; Future BMT: Kick-Ass 2; BMT: Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Has been suggested for Bond a ton in the past. He certainly has the build. And he seems like he would be willing to do the thing that a lot of people seem to want to try (a Dalton / book version of Bond). Could work.)

Ariana DeBose – ( Known For: Hamilton; West Side Story; Wish; The Prom; I.S.S.; House of Spoils; Company; Future BMT: Love Hurts; BMT: Argylle; Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Notably  has had a string of stinkers since winning an Oscar for West Side Story. Is going to be in a TV show called Scarpetta which is maybe based on a book series, so I’ll be reading those terrible books.)

Fred Hechinger – ( Known For: Gladiator II; The Pale Blue Eye; Fear Street: Part One – 1994; News of the World; The Woman in the Window; Eighth Grade; Fear Street: Part Two – 1978; Fear Street: Part Three – 1666; Thelma; Vox Lux; Alex Strangelove; Nickel Boys; Let Them All Talk; Human Capital; Butcher’s Crossing; Italian Studies; Hell of a Summer; Pavements; BMT: Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Insane year. This, Gladiator II, Nickel Boys. Legit the full gamut of bad, mediocre, and great. I think he’ll win an Oscar at some point. He’ll find the perfect role.)

Budget/Gross – $110 million / Domestic: $25,026,310 (Worldwide: $61,989,190)

(Yeah a disaster obviously. I don’t know how these make money though. Like, $100 million, means it needs to make $200 million … in what universe does Kraven make $200 million?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 15% (24/155): Claiming no trophies with its rote story and shoddy special effects, Kraven the Hunter turns out to be a paper tiger.

(Hmmmm … I wonder if these are going to become AI generated. I wonder if they already are. The paper tiger bit just seems like a weird turn of phrase.)

Reviewer Highlight: Built on brawn, J.C. Chandor’s action sci-fi picture “Kraven the Hunter” is limited by incomprehensible plotting and dodgy one-liners delivered by a cast who seem to be practicing their worst Russian accents. – Robert Daniels, New York Times

Poster – Cravin’ The Hunter

(I’m just going to repeat my old man take from Joker on this one. Why is everything so zoomed in nowadays. Why do I need to be so zoomed in on his face for a poster for a movie. What is this? Face: The Movie. Is it about a dude wearing a furry jacket and nothing else? Bah. C+.)

Tagline(s) – Villains aren’t born. They’re made. (D)

(Not quite as bad a Joker. At least they do a little switch-em-up with Villains and Heroes. But it’s still just too too generic. Where have all the artists gone? Does no one care about posters and taglines anymore?)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Deadpool & Wolverine (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), The Substance (2024), Alien: Romulus (2024), Civil War (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), Gladiator II (2024), Inside Out 2 (2024), Longlegs (2024)

Future BMT: 72.3 Singham Again (2024), 64.5 The Exorcism (2024), 62.6 Imaginary (2024), 47.5 Afraid (2024), 30.3 Slingshot (2024), 29.3 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 28.3 Devara Part 1 (2024), 26.0 Fighter (2024), 24.5 Red One (2024), 24.2 Summer Camp (2024), 21.7 The Fabulous Four (2024), 20.0 Reagan (2024), 19.9 Here (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Night Swim (2024), Tarot (2024), Kraven the Hunter (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024), Back to Black (2024), Joker: Folie à Deux (2024)

Best Options (superhero): 50.9 Kraven the Hunter (2024)

(Boom, smashed out those superhero films this year. It is like a treadmill, you have to just keep on keeping up. As far as Future BMT is concerned though … Randomly watching like Red One is maybe the best we’ll do I feel like.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 22) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Russell Crowe is No. 6 billed in Kraven the Hunter and No. 2 billed in Virtuosity, which also stars William Forsythe (No. 5 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 5 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (6 + 2) + (5 + 5) + (3 + 1) = 22. If we were to watch The Eye we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – Previous attempts to bring Kraven the Hunter to the big screen had failed. Sam Raimi wanted to include him in Spider-Man 4 before it was canceled, and Kraven’s spear was seen in The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) as a tease for his planned appearance in the Sinister Six film, which was also canceled. Ryan Coogler wanted to include him in Black Panther (2018), taking inspiration from Christopher Priest’s Black Panther comic book, but he couldn’t secure the rights. Jon Watts wanted Kraven to be the backup villain for Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) in case the multiverse story didn’t pan out.

The original release date of January 13, 2023 was delayed to October 6, 2023, then to August 30, 2024 due to strikes, then to December 13, 2024.

Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s six pack abs displayed prominently on the poster are real and not photoshopped. Photographer Gavin Bond who took the original picture confirmed saying, “Yes those abs are real, this young man put in some serious hours at the gym.”

In his more human looking form, Rhino wears glasses. In nature, rhinos have terrible eyesight.

The first Marvel movie from Sony to be released with an “R” rating.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Ariana DeBose)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Richard Wenk, Art Marcum, Matt Holloway)

Joker: Folie à Deux Preview

A week later Jamie and Patrick wring their hands as the meeting of Hallston’s Library Committee begins. The strangers they saw in the ASoMN weren’t just any strangers. They were The Strangers… of Stranger & Stranger Construction. The biggest construction company in town. It became clear from the equipment they had hidden in the erotic thriller section of ASoMN that they were there to scope out the place for something and Jamie and Patrick needed to find out what. Unfortunately, Jacques insisted that they weren’t going to get anywhere by following the rules and had already been Jokerfied. They hadn’t seen him since. As the meeting begins it becomes clear that the news is not going to be good. “We just got a detailed report from the local inspector and given the massive tunnel system under the library, it appears that the library could collapse into a chasm or abyss of some kind at any moment.” Jamie rises to try to show schematics detailing how the chasm (or abyss) was in fact under a nearby insane asylum, so the library was perfectly safe, but the committee chair bangs his gavel loudly to silence him. When Jamie looks at the name placard in front of the chairman his heart sinks. “As I was saying,” Chairman Stranger continues, staring daggers at Jamie, “Stranger & Stranger Construction has been nice enough to find a buyer for the land and so we move to accept.” Jamie and Patrick jump to their feet. “But what about the library?!” They shout. Chairman Stranger bangs his gavel several more times and with a dramatic pause announces, “There shall be no more library.” The audience gasps and Patrick can tell from the dull glint in Jamie’s dead doll eyes that he is one step away from becoming Jokerfied himself. That’s right! We’re being Jokerfied this week by watching Joker: Folie à Deux. It’s got Joker! It’s got Harley Quinn! It’s got song and dance! So it’s pretty much got everything. Let’s go!

Joker: Folie à Deux (2024) – BMeTric: 62.0; Notability: 73

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.4%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.2%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, Borderlands, The American Society of Magical Negroes, The Crow, Uglies, The Strangers: Chapter 1, Night Swim, Tarot, Trigger Warning, The Exorcism, Imaginary; Lower RT: Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Borderlands, Madame Web, Mother of the Bride, Breathe, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two, Kraven the Hunter, Uglies, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Tarot, Reagan, Killer Heat, Canary Black, Mea Culpa, Atlas, Night Swim, Trigger Warning, The Strangers: Chapter 1, The Crow, Afraid, and 18 more; Notes: That is a crazy BMeT and Notability. I wonder if you multiply those numbers together what you’d find … could be interesting. I’ve probably done it.

Variety –  Did the critics, with “Joker,” turn into cautious executive scolds? In my opinion, they did. But the upshot is that Todd Phillips, making what I think is a huge mistake, listened to them. “Joker: Folie à Deux” may be ambitious and superficially outrageous, but at heart it’s an overly cautious sequel. Phillips has made a movie in which Arthur really is just poor Arthur; he does nothing wrong and isn’t going to threaten anyone’s moral sensibilities. In fact, he actually blows the only good thing that ever happened to him — winning the love of Lee’s Harley Quinn — because he denies the Joker in himself. He’s now just a singing-and-dancing puppet clown living in his imagination. Is that entertainment? Audiences, I suspect, will still turn out in droves to see “Folie à Deux.” But when it comes to bold mainstream filmmaking, it’s the scolds who are having the last laugh.

(Narrator: They did not. This ended up being a fantastic bomb. I disagree with people being scolds. The film itself just isn’t particularly good. Phoenix is good. But the film is cribbing from several other better films.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiqqAI0e4Nc/

(That movie looks dope. The movie that actually resulted? Boring and weird apparently. But that movies looks dope.)

Directors – Todd Phillips – ( Known For: Joker; The Hangover; War Dogs; Old School; Road Trip; Starsky & Hutch; Bittersweet Motel; Frat House; Future BMT: The Hangover Part II; Due Date; The Hangover Part III; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; School for Scoundrels; Notes: Famously made a boatload with the Hangover films. Famously made a boatload from Joker too. He’s nominated for Oscars for writing Borat (?) and for three categories for Joker, but didn’t win.)

Writers – Scott Silver – ( Known For: Joker; The Fighter; 8 Mile; The Finest Hours; Johns; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; The Mod Squad; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Joker and The Fighter. His career is wild. The Mod Squad to 8 Mile? Wild.)

Todd Phillips – ( Known For: Joker; Borat; War Dogs; Old School; Road Trip; Starsky & Hutch; Future BMT: The Hangover Part II; Due Date; The Hangover Part III; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; School for Scoundrels; Notes: He has a story credit on Borat? Oh yeah, he was the original director, but he left after the Rodeo scene and then Larry Charles took over.)

Bob Kane and Bill Finger and Jerry Robinson – ( Known For: The Dark Knight; The Dark Knight Rises; Batman Begins; Joker; The Batman; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Batman; Batman Returns; The Flash; The Lego Batman Movie; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; DC League of Super-Pets; Batman: Mask of the Phantasm; Batman: The Movie; Son of Batman; Batman Ninja; Teen Titans GO! To the Movies; Reign of the Supermen; Batman and Harley Quinn; Batman: Soul of the Dragon; Future BMT: Batman: The Killing Joke; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Justice League; Batman & Robin; Batman Forever; Joker: Folie à Deux; Catwoman; Notes: This is Bob Kane’s filmography, but I grouped them because they are just here because they make Joker as a character.)

Paul Dini and Bruce Timm – ( Known For: Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn; Batman: Mask of the Phantasm; Batman Ninja; Batman and Harley Quinn; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; Double Dragon; Notes: Similarly, he appears to have a lot of stuff with the cartoons, and so he managed to get a credit through that?)

Actors – Joaquin Phoenix – ( Known For: Gladiator; Joker; Her; Signs; Hotel Rwanda; The Village; Walk the Line; The Master; Napoleon; You Were Never Really Here; Inherent Vice; We Own the Night; The Sisters Brothers; Beau Is Afraid; Irrational Man; Ladder 49; Quills; Parenthood; To Die For; U Turn; Future BMT: 8MM; Brother Bear; Inventing the Abbotts; Russkies; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; Notes: Gave one of the most hilarious (IMO) Oscar speeches ever for Joker. Was nominated three other times (Walk the Line, The Master, and Gladiator). If you haven’t seen Beau is Afraid, watch it. It is insane in the best way.)

Lady Gaga – ( Known For: A Star Is Born; Sin City: A Dame to Kill For; House of Gucci; Muppets Most Wanted; Gaga: Five Foot Two; Quincy; Risk; Gaga Chromatica Ball; Bettie Page Reveals All; The Zen of Bennett; Future BMT: Machete Kills; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; Notes: Weird to think she’s an Oscar winner (for the song “Shallow”). But was also nominated for two other songs (The Hunting Ground, and Top Gun: Maverick), and a performance (A Star is Born).)

Brendan Gleeson – ( Known For: Braveheart; Edge of Tomorrow; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire; Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1; Troy; Gangs of New York; In Bruges; 28 Days Later; Mission: Impossible II; A.I. Artificial Intelligence; The Village; The Banshees of Inisherin; Safe House; Beowulf; The Ballad of Buster Scruggs; Cold Mountain; In the Heart of the Sea; Green Zone; Paddington 2; Future BMT: Kingdom of Heaven; The Raven; Live by Night; The Smurfs 2; BMT: Assassin’s Creed; Joker: Folie à Deux; Turbulence; Notes: IT is crazy he’s only been nominated for The Banshees of Inishirin. Is apparently in the upcoming Spider-Noir series with Nic Cage.)

Budget/Gross – $190–200 million / Domestic: $58,300,287 (Worldwide: $207,500,287)

(Yeah that is an incredible bomb. One of the largest of the year. It makes sense it costs that much … but why the production didn’t seem to have any control on what was being produced is beyond me.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 31% (113/362): Joaquin Phoenix’s eponymous Joker takes the stand in a sequel that dances around while the story remains still, although Lady Gaga’s wildcard energy gives Folie á Deux some verve.

(Yeah I can see that. The most interesting stuff in the movie is the DC stuff, but they seem so dead set on not allowing the film become a Batman film it ends up kind of being a letdown.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s startlingly dull, a pointless procedural that seems to disdain its audience. – Richard Lawson, Vanity Fair

Poster – Midnight Toker 2: Stroker’s Ace

(A very modern poster. Got some art to it. I do like the odd coloring and they at least try a little with the font. But this also gives me an opportunity to sound like an old curmudgeon for a second. Why is everything so zoomed in nowadays? What’s with that? B-)

Tagline(s) – The world is a stage. (F)

(Get out of here with that shit.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Deadpool & Wolverine (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), The Substance (2024), Alien: Romulus (2024), Civil War (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), Gladiator II (2024), Inside Out 2 (2024), Longlegs (2024)

Future BMT: 72.3 Singham Again (2024), 64.5 The Exorcism (2024), 62.6 Imaginary (2024), 50.9 Kraven the Hunter (2024), 47.5 Afraid (2024), 30.3 Slingshot (2024), 29.3 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 28.3 Devara Part 1 (2024), 26.0 Fighter (2024), 24.5 Red One (2024), 24.2 Summer Camp (2024), 21.7 The Fabulous Four (2024), 20.0 Reagan (2024), 19.9 Here (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Night Swim (2024), Tarot (2024), Joker: Folie à Deux (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024), Back to Black (2024)

Best Options (imdb-keyword-jukebox-musical): 62.1 Joker: Folie à Deux (2024)

(Haha, well yeah, it is the only jukebox musical I suppose. I unironically love that keyword.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Brendan Gleeson is No. 3 billed in Joker: Folie à Deux and No. 3 billed in Turbulence, which also stars Ray Liotta (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 2 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (3 + 3) + (1 + 2) + (3 + 1) = 13. If we were to watch 8MM we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The film’s subtitle “Folie a Deux” means “Madness of Two” in French. This initially led to speculation about Harley Quinn’s appearance in the film, which was shortly thereafter confirmed. The name Folie a Deux comes from the 19th century French psychiatrists Charles Lasègue and Jules Falret. The term was coined to refer to two or more people that share the same madness or delusion. It is also known as Lasègue-Falret syndrome.

This is Joaquin Phoenix’s first sequel in all his career.

During the opening “Me and My Shadow” cartoon sequence one of the crowd outside the theatre has the “Everything Must Go” sign that Arthur Fleck had stolen from him in the first Joker movie.

This was the first major DC Comics film to be released under the new “DC Elseworlds” banner. The term was first created in 1991 by DC Comics for the stories out of the canon, set in alternate realities.

Dropped 81.4% in its second weekend at the box office, more than any other comic book film, surpassing The Marvels (2023), with 78.1%.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Todd Phillips, Joseph Garner, Emma Tillinger Koskoff)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Todd Phillips)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Joaquin Phoenix)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Lady Gaga)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Combo (Joaquin Phoenix, Lady Gaga)

The American Society of Magical Negroes Preview

You could always count on the librarians to have the answers. After listening to Black to Black over and over for a week, Jamie finally agreed to come with Patrick to the ‘brary to return it. “Maybe you can pick up some more death metal… or really anything,” Patrick says brimming with excitement as they neared the library. “Anything?” Jamie says skeptically, but Patrick is already speed walking to the door. He waves hello to Denise and Denise as he enters and points in excitement at Jamie. “You wanna look at some old newspapers? The library even has those. They’ve got all kinds of cool things in them like TV listings and… mostly that really.” Jamie nods. That is kind of cool. But looking around he gets a crackerjack idea. “What about a VHS copy of Crackerjack?” He says, suddenly hopeful. Patrick nods hesitantly and looks at Nathaniel. Nathaniel shakes his beak quickly. “Uh, let’s ask Denise,” Patrick says approaching the front desk, his eyes pleading with either of the Denises to think of something. “Well, unfortunately back in 2003, around the time that a fun, but quite bad, Celtics team was getting swept by the Pacers,” Jamie and Patrick wince, “we actually discontinued and disposed of all…” but just as she’s about to destroy everything Patrick has worked for, she’s interrupted by a loud creaking of a nearby door. “Ahem…” a small, wizened old man coughs, “Perhaps I can be of assistance, Denise.” The Denises look at each other in confusion. They’d never seen this man in their life… in fact, they’ve never seen the door he’s come out of before and they’ve been working the ‘brary scene for nigh 25 years. A small placard on the door says that it leads to The American Society of… That’s right! We’re watching The American Society of Magical Negroes. You’re probably thinking “That sounds like a bad idea.” You’d probably be right. Let’s go!

The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024) – BMeTric: 68.9; Notability: 18

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.8%; Notability: top 12.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 12.4%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, Borderlands; Higher Notability: Joker: Folie à Deux, Reagan, Borderlands, The Garfield Movie, Madame Web, Back to Black, Here, Argylle, Kraven the Hunter, Lift, Red One, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Jackpot!, Atlas, The Union, The Crow, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two, My Spy The Eternal City, Harold and the Purple Crayon, A Family Affair, and 10 more; Lower RT: Tyler Perry’s Divorce in the Black, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Borderlands, Madame Web, Mother of the Bride, Kraven the Hunter, Breathe, Uglies, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two, Tarot, Reagan, Killer Heat, Canary Black, Mea Culpa, Atlas, Night Swim, Dear Santa, Trigger Warning, The Strangers: Chapter 1, and 8 more; Notes: The BMeTric is not surprisingly off the chain. Fun fact: not that bad of a movie, just a bit tepid and boring.

Variety – “The American Society of Magical Negroes,” a comedy of racial images that’s every bit as witty and scandalous as “American Fiction” (it almost feels like a kind of cousin to Cord Jefferson’s film), only this one follows through on the outrage. The writer-director, Kobi Libii, wants to make us laugh and twist our heads at the same time. He brings it off. “The American Society of Magical Negroes” is a deftly observant fantasy comedy that stays true to its own irreverence.

(Nice. I kind of genuinely agree. The film is satire. Whether it bites is really up to whether you find any of it even remotely amusing.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gizIbhk5Eu4/

(This trailer looks dumb except when it goes real extreme. The White Tears meter is objectively funny. But mostly it looks dumb and like a generic romantic comedy.)

Directors – Kobi Libii – ( BMT: The American Society of Magical Negroes; Notes: He was actually an actor in real television shows, like Madam Secretary and Alpha House.)

Writers – Kobi Libii – ( BMT: The American Society of Magical Negroes; Notes: He wrote a V show with Jordan Klepper on Comedy Central which I’ve never heard of.)

Actors – Justice Smith – ( Known For: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves; Pokémon: Detective Pikachu; Paper Towns; Ron’s Gone Wrong; All the Bright Places; The Voyeurs; Sharper; I Saw the TV Glow; Every Day; BMT: Jurassic World Dominion; The American Society of Magical Negroes; Notes: To have this and then I Saw the TV Glow in the same year is something. I really like him, although I can understand why someone might not. He has a flat affectation. Works for me.)

Zachary Barton – ( Known For: Kajillionaire; BMT: The American Society of Magical Negroes; Notes: Oh yeah … these are fake. This is the first time in a long time where they did the actual credits order (which is by appearance).)

Anthony Coons – ( BMT: The American Society of Magical Negroes; Notes: The last time this happened was, I believe, Barb Wire. I’m choosing not to alter it.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $2,480,645 (Worldwide: $2,496,248)

(This certainly lost quite a bit of money. Justice Smith probably got paid enough to put this in the red.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (20/79): The American Society of Magical Negroes has a promising premise, but is too timid to fully engage with its most provocative ideas.

(Yeah, I can actually see that. It is a little quiet and timid, but that is kind of what you get from Justice Smith. I would have thought somewhere between 30-50% though, that is low.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s not only utterly bereft of magic, but what it lacks it’s that sense of anarchic strangeness or weirdness… – Mark Kermode

Poster – American Society of Movie Nerds

(Did they not have a budget? Don’t mind the font and at least a little artistic. C+.)

Tagline(s) – Saving the damn world. (B-)

(I get what they’re up to here. I won’t say it’s good. But it’s subtle and I can appreciate that.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Deadpool & Wolverine (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), Civil War (2024), Inside Out 2 (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), Alien: Romulus (2024), Road House (2024), The Substance (2024), The Beekeeper (2024)

Future BMT: 62.3 The Exorcism (2024), 61.6 Imaginary (2024), 61.6 Joker: Folie à Deux (2024), 36.0 Singham Again (2024), 27.4 Slingshot (2024), 27.2 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 25.9 Fighter (2024), 24.8 Devara Part 1 (2024), 19.0 Reagan (2024), 16.7 Here (2024), 11.6 Red One (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), Night Swim (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Tarot (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024), Back to Black (2024)

Best Options (From the Hip): 69.1 The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024)

(Yup, we really painted ourselves in a corner with this one. I remember having to very specifically work backwards and forwards a ton to eventually get the full chain to even work out. Thank god for David Alan Greer.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 22) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: David Alan Grier is No. 2 billed in The American Society of Magical Negroes and No. 8 billed in Tiptoes, which also stars Kate Beckinsale (No. 4 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 2 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (2 + 8) + (4 + 2) + (3 + 3) = 22. If we were to watch Blankman we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – The film was pulled from theaters after three weeks.

Spike Lee coined the term “magical negro” around 2000. It refers to a stereotypical Black supporting character who exists solely to aid a white protagonist. Examples include Forrest Gump (1994), The Green Mile (1999), and The Legend of Bagger Vance (2000).

The film premiered at the Sundance Film Festival.

This is Kobi Libii’s feature film directorial and screenwriting debut.

Back to Black Preview

Patrick sadly returns the copy of Tarot to the shelves of the ‘brary. He waves to Denise and Denise, the two librarians, who flash him a thumbs up. Since he’s been around so much they’ve started letting him return things to the shelves himself. “Caw,” Nathaniel caws. “Meow,” Mr. Whiskers meows. “I know,” Patrick says like a human. He wasn’t sad because Tarot was bad, it was exactly what he needed after bathing in Jamie’s eternal Night Swim. He was sad because everything he had tried hadn’t worked. What man could resist a cat, a crow and some chills? It didn’t make sense. “Hey Patrick,” one of the Denises says handing him a few more DVDs to stock. “I couldn’t help but overhear what you’ve been going through.” Patrick nods in appreciation. “It’s just,” she continues, “your crow and cat are delightful.” ‘Obviously’, Patrick silently scoffs in his head. “And Tarot is something the whole family can enjoy to unwind after a long week of not watching Tarot,” she says carefully. Patrick is confused as to why Denise insists on wasting his valuable restocking time telling him a bunch of obvious things. “But did you think maybe Jamie doesn’t want delightful things?” Denise finishes, hoping that Patrick was listening. Oh Patrick was listening all right. He was listening and thinking. Everyone knows what Jamie likes to listen to when he’s feeling up (Your Body is a Wonderland by John Mayer, duh), but what was his wallow music? And where would he find it? Suddenly he hears the distinctive “Caw!” of Nathaniel. “No fudging way,” he says, looking at the crow pecking at the CD by the very sad Norwegian death metal band Black to Black sitting right there on the glorious shelf of the glorious ‘brary. That’s right! You probably guessed it, but we are watching the Amy Winehouse biopic Back to Black. You might be asking, ‘Why?’ We would also be asking that. Let’s go!

Back to Black (2024) – BMeTric: 21.0; Notability: 45

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 18.8%; Notability: top 2.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.6%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, Borderlands, The American Society of Magical Negroes, Uglies, The Crow, Night Swim, The Strangers: Chapter 1, Tarot, Trigger Warning, The Exorcism, Imaginary, Joker: Folie à Deux, Mother of the Bride, Hellboy: The Crooked Man, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Mea Culpa, The Deliverance, Breathe, Time Cut, and 27 more; Higher Notability: Joker: Folie à Deux, Reagan, Borderlands, The Garfield Movie, Madame Web; Lower RT: Tyler Perry’s Divorce in the Black, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Borderlands, Madame Web, Mother of the Bride, Kraven the Hunter, Breathe, Uglies, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two, Tarot, Reagan, Killer Heat, Canary Black, Mea Culpa, Atlas, Night Swim, Dear Santa, Trigger Warning, The Strangers: Chapter 1, and 22 more; Notes:

Variety – Amy, contrary to her mythology, does end up in rehab. Near the end of her life, she gets clean, as Janis Joplin did. But that isn’t enough to keep her from becoming a member of the cautionary club of pop stars who died at 27 (Janis, Jimi, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain). Her self-destruction is on full display in “Back to Black.” Yet the film presents it, even revels in it, without giving you the sense that it fully understands it.

(At one point I recall there being some issue with the involvement of either the ex-husband of Winehouse (unlikely) or her father, which made the film potentially a response to the Amy documentary which I think was very critical of her father. Given that I fully expected the critical response to be poor.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlW-jEscGgM/

(There was a better trailer (one where it seemed a little like there was a more traditional path to stardom … so I suppose deceptive maybe), but this one is still good. The music and singing seem killer.)

Directors – Sam Taylor-Johnson – ( Known For: Nowhere Boy; A Million Little Pieces; Destricted; BMT: Fifty Shades of Grey; Back to Black; Notes: She’s kind of a weird director in that she seems to fully be in the “paycheck” movie phase. She has nothing on the docket at the moment.)

Writers – Matt Greenhalgh – ( Known For: Control; Nowhere Boy; Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool; The Look of Love; BMT: Back to Black; Notes: Well, that at least explains why Taylor-Johnson is involved, he wrote Nowhere Boy.)

Actors – Marisa Abela – ( Known For: Barbie; Rogue Agent; She Is Love; BMT: Back to Black; Notes: Well known for Industry, the only real laudets for the movie were in her singing which is, indeed, pretty impressive. She is in Black Bag which is interesting.)

Eddie Marsan – ( Known For: V for Vendetta; Deadpool 2; Sherlock Holmes; Hancock; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows; Gangs of New York; The Gentlemen; Mission: Impossible III; The Illusionist; Snow White and the Huntsman; The World’s End; 21 Grams; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; Match Point; Wrath of Man; Atomic Blonde; War Horse; Vice; Jack the Giant Slayer; Miami Vice; Future BMT: The Man Who Knew Too Little; 7 Days in Entebbe; BMT: Back to Black; Notes: I recognize him from Happy-Go-Lucky. He’s in a ton of TV at the moment, and is pencilled in for the probably-never-going-to-happen Sherlock Holmes 3 still.)

Jack O’Connell – ( Known For: 300: Rise of an Empire; Unbroken; This Is England; Money Monster; Eden Lake; Harry Brown; ’71; Ferrari; Starred Up; Lady Chatterley’s Lover; The Man with the Iron Heart; United; Trial by Fire; Seberg; The Liability; Little Fish; Jungleland; Tower Block; Weekender; Private Peaceful; Future BMT: Tulip Fever; BMT: Back to Black; Notes: He’s in both 28 Years Later and Sinners this year which … either of those could be good. The trailer for 28 Years Later at least looks incredible.)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $6,157,705 (Worldwide: $50,979,416)

(Not great. Kind of weird the budget is so high, maybe because of the concert stuff and paying the Winehouse Estate? Just seems crazy considering there is really no stars.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 35% (63/181): Back to Black’s sympathetic approach to its subject’s story is an overdue antidote to the tabloid treatment she often received in life, even if the end results are disappointingly pedestrian.

(Again, the issue is being sympathetic to Amy Winehouse is one thing, but the documentary, fairly or unfairly, makes the treatment of the father in the film seem a little off somehow.)

Reviewer Highlight: Much like the rabid tabloid coverage Winehouse faced, Back to Black is a lazy attempt to capitalize on both the success and struggles of a great artist. – Emma Oxnevad, Chicago Reader

Poster – Back to Bakula

(I mean, I guess if I was super into Amy Winehouse this poster would make me excited for it. Despite being serviceable, I’m going to give it right in the middle because the font is the worst I’ve ever seen. C.)

Tagline(s) – Her music. Her life. Her legacy. (C+)

(I like the classic structure of this. It is extremely generic, though. Like why couldn’t this be the tagline to Selena?)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Deadpool & Wolverine (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), Civil War (2024), Inside Out 2 (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), Alien: Romulus (2024), Road House (2024), The Substance (2024), The Beekeeper (2024)

Future BMT: 62.3 The Exorcism (2024), 61.6 Imaginary (2024), 61.6 Joker: Folie à Deux (2024), 36.0 Singham Again (2024), 27.4 Slingshot (2024), 27.2 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 25.9 Fighter (2024), 24.8 Devara Part 1 (2024), 19.0 Reagan (2024), 16.7 Here (2024), 11.6 Red One (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), Night Swim (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Tarot (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024)

Best Options (Romance): 21.0 Back to Black (2024)

(Arguably this is our Romance film, but clearly that is in lieu of any other option. Is Romance dead? As a genre I mean, not in general.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 58) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Bronson Webb is No. 26 billed in Back to Black and No. 19 billed in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, which also stars Penélope Cruz (No. 2 billed) who is in Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (No. 2 billed) which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (26 + 19) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 58. If we were to watch Entebbe, Surrogates, The Jackal, Nights in Rodanthe, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 21.

Notes – Marisa Abela had done most of the singing in this film herself. She trained extensively to mimic Amy Winehouse’s vocals.

Scenes were filmed at Ronnie Scott’s Jazz Club at 47 Frith Street, Soho, London W1D 4HT, England and outside Winehouse’s first flat in Camden Town, and at Primrose Hill, London. In February, scenes were filmed inside the Metropolis Studios in Chiswick, London.

Jeff Tunke claimed he was cast as Mark Ronson and his scenes were deleted. However, director Sam Taylor-Johnson said Ronson was never a character in the film.

Following the death of Winehouse on July 23, 2011, several filmmakers attempted to create biopic projects but none of them progressed. By 2022, StudioCanal UK moved forward with production, and filming took place in London from January to April 2023.

The Crow (2024) Preview

The cat was a rousing success. His name was Mr. Whiskers and Patrick loved him with all his heart. The cat loved Mondays and hated lasagna, which went against everything he knew about cats, but he was a perfect pet despite these deficiencies. So Jamie didn’t take to the cat. So what? All that meant was that Patrick and Mr. Whiskers could spend so much more time at the Hallston Public Library. As Patrick spins around the stacks revelling in all the knowledge he could gain, Mr. Whiskers gives out a loud “Meow.” “What is it boy,” Patrick says, hurrying to a corner of the library he hadn’t yet explored. He comes to a screeching halt near Mr. Whiskers and gives out a gasp. “My word, they have comic books too?!” Patrick says. “What doesn’t this place have?!” A nearby nerd gives a snort and goes back to his comic. Patrick narrows his eyes. But there is no time to pound some dweebs. He goes to where Mr. Whiskers is crouched and his eyes alight on the comic (or more accurately, the graphic novel) that he is pawing. “But that can’t be right, Mr. Whiskers,” Patrick says confused. “It looks too sad. Jamie needs something happy.” But Mr. Whiskers is insistent, pawing and meowing even more urgently. Patrick thinks for a moment and the lightbulb goes off. “Mr. Whiskers, you are a genius.” A week later he surprises Jamie during one of his many naps. “Hey buddy,” Patrick says softly, shaking his shoulder and bringing a crate onto his bed. “You wanna say hello to my other little friend?” Jamie just rolls over and pretends not to hear him, but shoots upright as the creature in the cage gives out a loud “Caw!” That’s right! That’s the ‘Caw!’ of The Crow remake. I had my eye on this for ages, but we had to bide out time for the end of the year cycle. It’s just too good. Let’s go! 

The Crow (2024) – BMeTric: 67.8; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 5.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 9.3%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, Borderlands, The American Society of Magical Negroes, Uglies; Higher Notability: Joker: Folie à Deux, Reagan, Borderlands, The Garfield Movie, Madame Web, Back to Black, Here, Argylle, Kraven the Hunter, Lift, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Red One, Jackpot!, Atlas; Lower RT: Tyler Perry’s Divorce in the Black, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Borderlands, Madame Web, Air Force One Down, Mother of the Bride, Kraven the Hunter, Breathe, Uglies, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two, Tarot, Reagan, Killer Heat, Canary Black, Mea Culpa, Atlas, Night Swim, Dear Santa, Trigger Warning, and 1 more; Notes: Tyler Perry had a film this year? It got 0 good reviews out of 17, that is incredible. Welp, we’ll never watch that.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars –  There’s a scene in the movie where Eric and Shelly are walking across a bridge and Shelly not-really-jokingly talks about jumping, and they envision a double-jump ending in their deaths, and Shelly imagines that teenagers would make shrines to them. I think that in time, teenagers will make their own shrines to this movie, in their own ways. It’s the kind of movie where, if you saw it when you were 14, you’d see it ten or twenty more times, and be inspired to check out books from the library, maybe memorize some poetry.

(Oh wowza, I really really disagree with that. That feels like a ludicrous take. No teenager is watching this film. And the idea that watching the two worst people you’ve ever met read poetry would inspire someone to do the same is a terrifying prospect indeed.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CLE3pWAAr8/

(“Quite brilliantly broken”, immediately I find these characters obnoxious. That fundamentally is the issue with the film. I always describe it as: Imagine if the worst people you’ve ever met became superheroes. Rough stuff.)

Directors – Rupert Sanders – ( Known For: Snow White and the Huntsman; Ghost in the Shell; BMT: The Crow; Notes: My god, that is a pretty dire career. Amazing that he’s only managed one BMT film.)

Writers – James O’Barr – ( Known For: The Crow; The Crow: Salvation; The Crow: Wicked Prayer; Future BMT: The Crow: City of Angels; BMT: The Crow; Notes: The writer of the comic book. His story is pretty interesting, it is worth a read, a true blue independent comic book creator.)

Zach Baylin – ( Known For: King Richard; Gran Turismo; Creed III; Bob Marley: One Love; The Order; BMT: The Crow; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for King Richard. Again a little surprised he only has one … Creed III is pretty rough.)

William Josef Schneider – ( BMT: The Crow; Notes: Kind of weird, he is an executive producer, and this is all he has basically in his filmography.)

Actors – Bill Skarsgård – ( Known For: Deadpool 2; It; Eternals; John Wick: Chapter 4; It Chapter Two; Atomic Blonde; Barbarian; The Devil All the Time; Anna Karenina; Boy Kills World; Assassination Nation; Villains; Nine Days; Simple Simon; Arn: The Kingdom at the End of the Road; Behind Blue Skies; Naked Singularity; Simon och ekarna; The Crown Jewels; Kenny Begins; Future BMT: Allegiant; BMT: The Crow; Notes: Swedish. I did like him in It. And nice, he voiced the Deviant Kro in the MCU… I wonder when that is coming back.)

FKA twigs – ( Known For: Honey Boy; BMT: The Crow; Notes: Really no offense, but she was perplexing in this movie. I’ve heard good things about Honey Boy though, maybe I should watch that to get a better sense of her range.)

Danny Huston – ( Known For: Wonder Woman; Children of Men; The Aviator; Robin Hood; Game Night; 21 Grams; 30 Days of Night; The Constant Gardener; Leaving Las Vegas; The Kingdom; Marie Antoinette; Big Eyes; Edge of Darkness; Hitchcock; The Proposition; Stolen; Birth; Stan & Ollie; The Professor; IO; Future BMT: How to Lose Friends & Alienate People; The Warrior’s Way; Marlowe; BMT: X-Men Origins: Wolverine; Clash of the Titans; The Number 23; Wrath of the Titans; Angel Has Fallen; The Crow; Notes: He plays the bad guy. I feel like I know his as big bads in things like Angel Has Fallen. He’s apparently in the new Naked Gun starring Liam Neeson. That could be wild.)

Budget/Gross – $50 million / Domestic: $9,275,659 (Worldwide: $23,999,106)

(I mean, horrific. The idea of making The Crow at all is one thing, but making it like this? Then you deserve to lose money. This movie is actually genuinely kind of offensive towards the source material.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (29/134): Dreary and poorly paced, this reimagining of The Crow doesn’t have enough personality or pulse to merit the resurrection.

(It doesn’t. But also it changes everything about it to something worse. You might think I’m joking but it literally takes every single thing about the original movie and makes it worse.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s like an anti-entertainment protest. – Robert Abele, Los Angeles Times

Poster – The Bro

(Boy that’s bad. I like the font, but only because it’s drawn. But this just doesn’t look professional to me. Like fan art or something. C-.)

Tagline(s) – True love never dies. (C+)

(This is almost comically generic, but it’s also appropriate, so I’m a bit torn. I’ll boost it up a bit. But really the general concept of a film isn’t also its tagline usually.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Deadpool & Wolverine (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), Civil War (2024), Inside Out 2 (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), Alien: Romulus (2024), Road House (2024), The Substance (2024), The Beekeeper (2024)

Future BMT: 62.3 The Exorcism (2024), 61.6 Imaginary (2024), 61.6 Joker: Folie à Deux (2024), 36.0 Singham Again (2024), 27.4 Slingshot (2024), 27.2 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 25.9 Fighter (2024), 24.8 Devara Part 1 (2024), 19.0 Reagan (2024), 16.7 Here (2024), 11.6 Red One (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), Night Swim (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Tarot (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024), Back to Black (2024)

Best Options (Action): 67.6 The Crow (2024), 36.0 Singham Again (2024), 25.9 Fighter (2024), 24.8 Devara Part 1 (2024), 11.6 Red One (2024)

(This was by far the best one. And Again, when we watched this Red One wasn’t out yet, otherwise … well, we would have probably watched both because we would have moved this one somewhere else. There was no way we were missing out on The Crow.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Danny Huston is No. 3 billed in The Crow and No. 4 billed in The Number 23, which also stars Virginia Madsen (No. 2 billed) who is in Firewall (No. 3 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (3 + 4) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 19. If we were to watch Marlowe we can get the HoE Number down to 17.

Notes – When asked if he had seen the trailer for this film, Ernie Hudson replied, “I haven’t seen it. The actor – who I can’t name – is playing the lead, I love and respect. But for me, ‘The Crow’ is Brandon Lee. I can’t imagine… let’s hope they don’t try to redo him, that they do their own thing with it and take it in a different direction. I haven’t seen [the trailer]. I haven’t seen any of the other ‘Crow’ [movies] because of what happened to Brandon.” In an earlier interview in 2021, Hudson explained he hadn’t even seen the 1994 original, saying, “It breaks my heart, and I can’t get past it. So much of it was action stuff, but Brandon and I got a chance to work together.”

Luke Evans, while still working on the production of The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014), held a live Facebook Q&A. During some of the questions that he personally responded to, when asked about joining the “The Crow” reboot as the leading character, Evans stated that he felt inclined to drop out from the project as he felt “unworthy” of portraying the late Brandon Lee’s most iconic role.

F. Javier Gutiérrez was at one point courted to direct the film, but not as a remake. Crow creator J. O’Barr admitted in an interview that he was impressed when he saw that Gutierrez’s take would be a black-and-white shot-for-shot remake of the original graphic novel using both panels and dialogue directly from the source material for story-boarding to be as faithful as humanly possible to the comic. Due to production troubles and delays in shooting, Gutierrez dropped out to direct Rings (2017).

At one point the Crow film was intended to be called “The Crow Reborn” based on a screenplay by Cliff Dorfman being an original story about an undead police officer returning to avenge his family. The script attracted the attention of Jason Momoa, who was then cast in the lead role, but the production fell through when Momoa left because he didn’t like the constant rewrites which wore away any semblance of the Dorfman script, turning it into more of a remake of the 1994 film and less the original story he signed on for. Dorman himself disowned the resulting film after seeing a screening, posting his response to possible fan skepticism of the film’s quality writing simply, “It is. And don’t.”

During a Reddit AMA, Shannon Lee, sister of Brandon Lee was asked if there should be a remake of The Crow (1994) to which she responded, “I don’t think they should remake ‘The Crow.’ Booooo!”

From the Hip Preview

“In my dream (a rather small dream now that I recall it) we are running through a forest. It’s a forest of lies, but also those lies/trees are birch trees… We are just like swinging around dem birches, right? Swinging all over the place and it feels pretty damn good. Then we swing on up to the top of a hill and we are smooching… hard. We make out for a while. This is actually most of my dream. It was in actuality a large dream just in terms of duration, but small if you write out the plot or recount it like I’m doing now. Because you can just say ‘and then we smooched… hard’ and that covers like 95% of the dream. Anyway, once we are done smooching you turn your head away in anguish. I try to pull you back to the birch trees so we can swing around a bunch more, but you say you can’t. You cradle your elbow and say that you’ve been trying to tell me something but I never listen. Then you begin to tell me what has been bothering you, but at this point I’m remembering swinging around in the birch trees and smooching and then I’m like ‘woah, am I daydreaming within this dream?’ and you’d think that by acknowledging the dream that it would end, right? But no. When I stop daydreaming you are looking peeved and say ‘Perhaps this will make you listen.’ When I look down you’ve pulled a tiny gun from your hip pocket. It’s so tiny that I actually start to laugh, but then you shoot! You shoot me with the little gun! And I wake up!” Jamie stands staring back at Samantha, appearing rather pleased with himself. Samantha is bewildered. That’s right! That connection was a bit of a stretch, but we are watching the Judd Nelson vehicle that everyone remembers, From the Hip… yup, that movie that you can just imagine because you remember it so well. As for the Friend, we are pairing that with a classic of the genre in Surf Nazis Must Die. We saw this for the first time in high school, but not since. Interested in how it holds up all these years later. Let’s go!

From the Hip (1987) – BMeTric: 13.1; Notability: 26

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 17.6%; Notability: top 12.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.6%; Higher BMeT: Jaws: The Revenge, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Teen Wolf Too, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, Leonard Part 6, Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol, Surf Nazis Must Die, Who’s That Girl, Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, Masters of the Universe, Ghoulies II, Return to Horror High, House II: The Second Story, Death Wish 4: The Crackdown, Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Over the Top, Burglar, Cherry 2000, Flowers in the Attic, and 24 more; Higher Notability: Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Masters of the Universe, Who’s That Girl, Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol, Jaws: The Revenge, Fatal Beauty, Leonard Part 6, Cherry 2000, Blind Date, Burglar, Over the Top, The Sicilian, House II: The Second Story, My Demon Lover, Death Wish 4: The Crackdown, The Believers, Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, Hot Pursuit, Slam Dance, Rent-a-Cop, and 12 more; Lower RT: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, Hot Pursuit, Return to Horror High, Rent-a-Cop, My Demon Lover, The Allnighter, Jaws: The Revenge, Leonard Part 6, Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, House II: The Second Story, Teen Wolf Too, Hello Again, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, The Sicilian, Ghoulies II, Russkies, The Squeeze, Surf Nazis Must Die, Siesta, and 19 more; Notes: I’m actually a little surprised this only played 13 times on cable in the 90s, this seems perfect for filling up a random cinemax slot. We’ve watched 6 of the top 10 for 1987, and I’m going to guess Teen Wolf Too has an insane number of cable plays (74! I knew it, that movie was on all the time). Surf Nazis Must Die played 16 times, more than From the Hip! I only knew of it because for some reason my brother knew enough about it to rent it for a bad movie night.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – I have a notion that a lot of moviegoers in Nelson’s generation will respond to his performance. There’s so much insecurity around right now, so much desperate competition for success, that the notion of a rebel inside corporate America is curiously attractive. If I am right and if our society is poised once again on the brink of a rerun of the 1960s, if Reagan is our Eisenhower, if the campuses are primed to revolt, then “From the Hip” is “The Graduate” of 1987. If I’m wrong, of course, it’s just a very silly movie. Somehow I think I’m wrong.

(This seems to be a trend in some of the reviews of the film: that yeah, people liked Nelson’s performance in this. The film is more fun than it has any right to be, quite similar to …And Justice for All.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPjkWFB4FwY/

(I must say the fact that this isn’t about someone who holds a dog bone in their mouth at any point is crazy considering the poster. I’ll also say … isn’t this the plot of And Just For All… more on that in the recap I suppose.)

Directors – Bob Clark – ( Known For: A Christmas Story; Black Christmas; Murder by Decree; Dead of Night; Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things; Blonde and Blonder; My Summer Story; Tribute; I’ll Remember April; Now & Forever; She-Man: A Story of Fixation; Breaking Point; Future BMT: Porky’s; Porky’s II: The Next Day; Loose Cannons; Turk 182; BMT: Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2; Baby Geniuses; Rhinestone; From the Hip; Notes: Him slipping into kids films and then his career exploding after Baby Geniuses is something else indeed. We have to do Porky’s at some point, maybe I’ll buy it on VHS.)

Writers – Bob Clark – ( Known For: A Christmas Story; Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things; My Summer Story; She-Man: A Story of Fixation; Future BMT: Porky’s; Porky’s II: The Next Day; Porky’s Revenge; Loose Cannons; BMT: Baby Geniuses; From the Hip; Notes: He died in 2007. Apparently he is one of only two directors who had a movie on both the Loved and Hated lists by Ebert (the other was Reiner).)

David E. Kelley – ( Known For: Lake Placid; Future BMT: Mystery, Alaska; To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday; BMT: From the Hip; Notes: One of the big names in television still to this day. He’s been nominated for 25 Emmys, and won 11, variously for Big Little Lies, Ally McBeal, The Practice, Picket Fences, and L.A. Law. Is this movie a proto-L.A. Law? L.A. Law started in 1986, but this script may have existed for a while prior to that.)

Actors – Judd Nelson – ( Known For: The Breakfast Club; Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back; The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day; St. Elmo’s Fire; The Transformers: The Movie; New Jack City; Billionaire Boys Club; Nurse; Fandango; Have a Good Trip; Brats; The Dark Backward; Bad Kids Go to Hell; Madness in the Method; Never on Tuesday; Relentless; Making the Grade; The Freediver; Netherbeast Incorporated; Hail Caesar; Future BMT: Airheads; Light It Up; BMT: Steel; From the Hip; Blue City; Notes: Y’all know Judd. His post-Brat Pack career is weird. I am very very excited to eventually watch Airheads again though, it is a very fun and genuinely good movie.)

Elizabeth Perkins – ( Known For: Finding Nemo; Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse; Ghostbusters; Big; Cats & Dogs; Miracle on 34th Street; Speak; About Last Night; Fierce People; Avalon; Try Seventeen; Indian Summer; The Doctor; My Little Pony: A New Generation; Jiminy Glick in Lalawood; The Thing About My Folks; Love at Large; Sweet Hearts Dance; Enid Is Sleeping; I’m Losing You; Future BMT: 28 Days; Hop; Must Love Dogs; Crazy in Alabama; He Said, She Said; Moonlight and Valentino; Kids in America; BMT: The Ring Two; The Flintstones; From the Hip; Notes: Man, she was huge back in the day. I got very confused for a second about who she was in Ghostbusters, but that is the 2016 Ghostbusters. Nominated for 3 Emmys for Weeds.)

John Hurt – ( Known For: V for Vendetta; Alien; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2; Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1; Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull; Snowpiercer; Hellboy; Contact; Hellboy II: The Golden Army; Perfume: The Story of a Murderer; The Elephant Man; Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy; Spaceballs; Melancholia; Immortals; Hercules; Dogville; Only Lovers Left Alive; Dead Man; Future BMT: The Skeleton Key; Valiant; Thumbelina; King Ralph; Lost Souls; Partners; Jake Speed; BMT: Captain Corelli’s Mandolin; Wild Bill; From the Hip; Notes: Nominated for two Oscars for The Elephant Man, and Midnight Express. I still need to watch Midnight Express. I read the book and it was just on the wrong side of depressing so I needed some time to process before watching the movie.)

Budget/Gross – $9 million / Domestic: $9,518,342 (Worldwide: $9,518,342)

(Not what you want. I wonder how much of the budget went into some of the location shoots. The locations in this film are quite fun, but probably cost a bit to film at.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 30% (7/23): From the Hip finds Judd Nelson flexing previously unseen acting muscles, but this legal comedy is too grating to pass the bar.

(Too grating?! I guess I can see it, but that is the point. Again, it isn’t that much different than …And Justice For All where the main character is defending a monster and has to vaguely figure out how to get out of the situation deftly.)

New York Times Description: A showoff rookie lawyer in Boston.

Poster – Dog Lawyer

(You may not remember this film, but this is a very well known poster in my head. It’s such an F- it comes all the way around and is an A+. What a disaster. Who made this?)

Tagline(s) – Getting To The Top Means Working Like A Dog! (F)

The way he practices law should be a crime (A-)

(The first makes no sense and yet they turned around and made it the basis of the whole thing. The second one is actually not bad. Just needs to be a little tighter.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Back to the Future (1985), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), Die Hard (1988), The Terminator (1984), Scarface (1983), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Future BMT: 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.5 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 61.1 Staying Alive (1983), 59.1 Suburban Commando (1991), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.6 Ghost Dad (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Who’s That Girl (1987), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 53.5 Graffiti Bridge (1990), 52.5 Johnny Be Good (1988), 52.5 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.4 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 49.3 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.7 Hercules (1983), 48.6 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)

BMT: Jaws: The Revenge (1987), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Jaws 3-D (1983), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Going Overboard (1989), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989), Mac and Me (1988), Caddyshack II (1988), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Howard the Duck (1986), Supergirl (1984), Cool as Ice (1991), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987), Leonard Part 6 (1987), Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989), Superman III (1983), Poltergeist III (1988), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987), Wild Orchid (1989), …

Best Options (Flintstones): 57.6 Ghost Dad (1990), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988), 44.8 King Ralph (1991), 42.0 Club Paradise (1986), 41.6 Loose Cannons (1990), 41.0 Death Wish 4: The Crackdown (1987), 37.9 Invaders from Mars (1986), 36.5 Burglar (1987), 34.0 Hero and the Terror (1988), 31.0 Jetsons: The Movie (1990), 29.0 He Said, She Said (1991), 28.4 The Presidio (1988), 27.2 Flight of the Intruder (1991), 26.0 Bad Dreams (1988), 24.6 The Survivors (1983), 24.5 Sunset (1988), 21.6 Dead Heat (1988), 20.6 Spies Like Us (1985), 20.3 Strictly Business (1991), 18.9 Head Office (1985), 17.9 Brewster’s Millions (1985), 17.7 Skin Deep (1989), 15.9 Worth Winning (1989), 13.6 Stella (1990), 13.0 From the Hip (1987)

(Ha! Well, what you didn’t know is that we needed to do From the Hip in order to chain up into 2024. These days bad movies are at such a premium they pretty much dictate any and all chain films for the back half of the year.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: John Hurt is No. 3 billed in From the Hip and No. 3 billed in Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (3 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 15. If we were to watch Must Love Dogs, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – At his son’s elementary school, writer-produce-director Bob Clark offered a silent auction prize allowing the winner to go to Charlotte in North Carolina and go behind the scenes during the filming of this movie. After friends of the family won the auction, Clark allowed the entire family to be extras / background artists in a scene rather than just observers.

TV producer Steven Bochco hired writer David E. Kelley to write for his television series L.A. Law (1986) after reading this script.

Star Judd Nelson was Razzie Award nominated for this movie in the category of Worst Actor at the 1988 Golden Raspberry Awards but lost out Bill Cosby for Leonard Part 6 (1987).

Attorney David E. Kelley showed his spec screenplay to his law firm’s client, Indian Neck Productions, who optioned it and then recruited the film’s director Bob Clark.

This legal courtroom comedy drama was written by David E. Kelley who was actually a law attorney in Boston, Massachusetts, USA.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Judd Nelson)

Major League: Back to the Minors Preview

Patrick scans the crowd of BMTverse denizens that surrounded him in The Waste, all ready to send him on whatever ludicrous adventure they had in mind. Stonewall Jackson? Nah. Pistachio Disguisey? Definitely not. The Punisher? He shakes his head. Suddenly, far in the back he finds what he’s looking for. “You!” Patrick yells, pointing at Freddie Prinze Jr. “Which one are you?” he asks seriously. “My name’s Ryan Dunne and I seem to have lost my stuff. If you could just…’ At this point Patrick cuts him off. “Great, perfect. You got your glove and a ball? Great, nice.” He moves people out of the way and stands approximately 60 feet from FPJ. “The best way to get back your stuff is to believe in yourself. It’s been inside you the whole time, etc. etc.” At that, Patrick bends over, still looking at FPJ. “Now show me what you got,” Patrick says, waggling his head at the ready for a fastball directly to his dome. FPJ shrugs his shoulders and despite some questionable mechanics delivers a strike that knocks Patrick on his ass.

Patrick awakens and as his vision clears he’s shocked to see the marquee of the wildlife theater come back into view. Cobra is now properly playing, but that’s not the shocking part. Below that are the words “Cobra 2: Crimedemic, World Premier!” He turns to Kyle and asks whether he’s still dreaming. Kyle shakes his head and pats him on the back. “You were glorious,” he assures Patrick without elaborating on how exactly he helped make this a reality. The owner of the theater rushes up to him and pumps his hand enthusiastically. “We made it. My little theater has finally made the major leagues thanks to you and, of course, your best friend Sly Stallone.” That’s right! We are going back to back again, Jack. Major League is one of the best sports comedies of all time. Major League II is not. Major League: Back to the Minors is… also not. Let’s go!

Major League: Back to the Minors (1998) – BMeTric: 52.3; Notability: 41

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.0%; Notability: top 14.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.4%; Higher BMeT: The Avengers, 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain, Species II, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, The Patriot, Lost in Space, Knock Off, Holy Man, Ringmaster, Godzilla; Higher Notability: Godzilla, Lost in Space, 54, Deep Rising, Soldier, Patch Adams, U.S. Marshals, Mercury Rising, Jack Frost, Great Expectations, Senseless, My Giant, Practical Magic, Mafia!, The Avengers, Species II, The Waterboy, The Replacement Killers, Phantoms, Wrongfully Accused, and 17 more; Lower RT: 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain, A Murder of Crows, The Curve, Lulu on the Bridge, The Avengers, Almost Heroes, Tarzan and the Lost City, Senseless, Strangeland, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, Species II, Phantoms, Knock Off, Woo, Meet the Deedles, A Night at the Roxbury, The Proposition, Firestorm, Holy Man, Hush, and 25 more; Notes: Played 23 times on cable in the 90s. Ridiculous. If you look at all of the higher BMeT films, that is actually quite high (tied with The Avengers for the most). We are also 12 of 15 for those films for BMT which is amazing. We really have crushed the late 90s. Holy Man is the big blind spot really, Ringmaster and the 3 Ninjas sequels are kind of not movies.

Variety – This third outing in the “Major League” series, which opened unceremoniously without press screenings, won’t set any box office records.

(My god! I wonder how many of the BMT films we’ve done didn’t do press screenings. That would be something that is probably impossible to figure out.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6-wczHGRHk/

(Jesus, the baseball trill at the beginning is so loud! I don’t get this film. Remember that film that you liked? And the sequel you … tolerated. This is a totally different team with all the most aggravating characters being the only ones we brought back.)

Directors – John Warren – ( BMT: Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: Oh wow, he directed and wrote the very early Pauly Shore film The Curse of the Inferno. How wild. Played like 10 times on television too improbably.)

Writers – David S. Ward – ( Known For: The Sting; Sleepless in Seattle; Major League; The Program; The Milagro Beanfield War; Cannery Row; I’ll Find You; Steelyard Blues; Saving Grace; Future BMT: Flyboys; King Ralph; The Sting II; BMT: Major League II; Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: This would just be for the characters I imagine from the originals. The Program is a wild film which I will be watching soon. Remember all the controversy surrounding that? Read about it.)

John Warren – ( Known For: Naked in New York; Flashfire; Girl in the Cadillac; BMT: Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: Flashfire starring Billy Zane with Harry. I genuinely kind of watch to watch it, it is probably terrible enough to be a friend.)

Actors – Scott Bakula – ( Known For: American Beauty; Source Code; The Informant!; Life as a House; Behind the Candelabra; Lord of Illusions; Cats Don’t Dance; Geography Club; My Family/Mi familia; Elsa & Fred; The Captains; Basmati Blues; Summertime; Me Him Her; Divinity; Enter the Dangerous Mind; A Passion to Kill; Future BMT: Necessary Roughness; Sibling Rivalry; BMT: Color of Night; Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: Nominated for five Emmys, four times for Quantum Leap, and for Behind the Candelabra. Again, I genuinely kind of want to watch A Passion to Kill, a weirdo obscure 90s thriller.)

Corbin Bernsen – ( Known For: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang; Major League; The Big Year; King Kong; The Hating Game; Lay the Favorite; The Dentist; The Great White Hype; Tales from the Hood; S.O.B.; The Dentist 2; Suing the Devil; Clambake; Disorganized Crime; Dead Air; Left Behind: Rise of the Antichrist; Sunrise in Heaven; Christian Mingle; Three the Hard Way; Roe v. Wade; Future BMT: Shattered; Radioland Murders; Hello Again; BMT: Major League II; Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: All of his future BMT are lame, but like … The Dentist series will have to be done in some capacity at some point. The Franchise Man demands it.)

Dennis Haysbert – ( Known For: Heat; Wreck-It Ralph; Kung Fu Panda 2; Ted 2; Jarhead; Sin City: A Dame to Kill For; Mr. Peabody & Sherman; Major League; Breach; Absolute Power; Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas; Far from Heaven; Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers; No Exit; Dear White People; Love & Basketball; Secret Obsession; Naked; Kodachrome; Experimenter; Future BMT: The Thirteenth Floor; Men, Women & Children; Think Like a Man Too; Playing with Fire; Mr. Baseball; Summer Camp; BMT: The Dark Tower; Fist Fight; Major League II; Random Hearts; Navy Seals; Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: I’m surprised he wasn’t nominated even once for 24, the second season would have made a lot of sense. And wow, he was also in Mr. Baseball. So into baseball.)

Budget/Gross – $18 million / Domestic: $3,572,443 (Worldwide: $3,572,443)

(That is hilariously low, but not surprising. I remember renting this from All-Star Video. I suppose as a kid I watched the first two on television, and then this came out and I was like yes yes yes …. No! That’s my reaction when I watch it finally.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (4/18)

(Wow, way higher than the second. Let’s see about a consensus: Dull and unwatchable. An ignominious end to an already dumb series.)

Reviewer Highlight: Yogi, it’s deja vu all over again.

Poster – Majorly Ugh: We’re Back, Jack!

(Honestly better than the second one. I’m not as embarrassed for this poster because they (rightfully) went back to the basics. That font on “Back to the Minors” though is unfortunate. I believe it is meant to convey that this isn’t your daddy’s Major League. C+)

Tagline(s) – They’re Just Nine Players Short of a Dream Team (A)

(Ha! It’s long but I feel like it can only lose the “Just” so I just have to admit defeat. This is a god damn masterpiece. I’m still chuckling about it! A tagline! Beautiful.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Top 10: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993), The Bone Collector (1999)

Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 83.0 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.4 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 68.1 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.1 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.8 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.6 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.5 The Mangler (1995), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 59.9 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.6 Jury Duty (1995), 59.0 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Wild Wild West (1999), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), Cool as Ice (1991), Wing Commander (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), On Deadly Ground (1994), Dudley Do-Right (1999), Double Team (1997), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), The Flintstones (1994), The Haunting (1999), Leprechaun (1993), Bats (1999), Fair Game (1995), Cool World (1992), North (1994), Body of Evidence (1993), Problem Child 2 (1991), …

Best Options (franchise): 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 72.4 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 68.1 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.5 The Mangler (1995), 59.9 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.2 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994), 56.1 Son of the Pink Panther (1993), 52.3 Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1995), 52.3 Major League: Back to the Minors (1998), …

(Someday we’ll smash out some Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and it will be … well not glorious, but it’ll be something. The first was one of the first films we watched in theaters as a kid. The first was Hook. I fell asleep.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dennis Haysbert is No. 3 billed in Major League: Back to the Minors and No. 5 billed in Random Hearts, which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (3 + 5) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 15. If we were to watch Necessary Roughness, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Roger Dorn (Bernsen), Pedro Cerrano (Haysbert), Duke Temple (Yeager) and Harry Doyle (Uecker) are the only characters to appear in all three films in the Major League series.

In Roger Dorn’s Minnesota Twins owner suite, a number 4 Lou Collins jersey hangs in a case, a reference to Timothy Busfield’s character in Little Big League (1994).

Shot in early October in Charleston, South Carolina, 1997, during an unseasonably cool fall. All of the night scenes were made to look as though the games were being played during hot mid-summer nights, when in actuality, temperatures dipped into the 30’s.

The “South Carolina Buzz” were actually the Salt Lake Buzz – which was the Pacific Coast League farm team of the Minnesota Twins. Formerly the Portland Beavers, the franchise moved to Utah in 1994 and had 7 straight winning seasons. In 2001, the team became part of the Anaheim Angels organization under the name Salt Lake Stingers. Both team were named in honor of the Salt Lake Bees, who originally played in SLC on and off from 1915 to 1970. Since 2006, the team is once again called the Salt Lake Bees.

During a Milwaukee Brewers broadcast, Bob Uecker once talked about this film to his partner in the booth and asked him is he’d seen it. When the partner said he hadn’t, Uecker told him “Well don’t. That movie was so bad that it opened in airplanes the week we finished it.”

Major League II Preview

Patrick scans the crowd of BMTverse denizens that surrounded him in The Waste, all ready to send him on whatever ludicrous adventure they had in mind. Stonewall Jackson? Nah. Pistachio Disguisey? Definitely not. The Punisher? He shakes his head. Suddenly, far in the back he finds what he’s looking for. “You!” Patrick yells, pointing at Freddie Prinze Jr. “Which one are you?” he asks seriously. “My name’s Ryan Dunne and I seem to have lost my stuff. If you could just…’ At this point Patrick cuts him off. “Great, perfect. You got your glove and a ball? Great, nice.” He moves people out of the way and stands approximately 60 feet from FPJ. “The best way to get back your stuff is to believe in yourself. It’s been inside you the whole time, etc. etc.” At that, Patrick bends over, still looking at FPJ. “Now show me what you got,” Patrick says, waggling his head at the ready for a fastball directly to his dome. FPJ shrugs his shoulders and despite some questionable mechanics delivers a strike that knocks Patrick on his ass.

Patrick awakens and as his vision clears he’s shocked to see the marquee of the wildlife theater come back into view. Cobra is now properly playing, but that’s not the shocking part. Below that are the words “Cobra 2: Crimedemic, World Premier!” He turns to Kyle and asks whether he’s still dreaming. Kyle shakes his head and pats him on the back. “You were glorious,” he assures Patrick without elaborating on how exactly he helped make this a reality. The owner of the theater rushes up to him and pumps his hand enthusiastically. “We made it. My little theater has finally made the major leagues thanks to you and, of course, your best friend Sly Stallone.” That’s right! We are going back to back again, Jack. Major League is one of the best sports comedies of all time. Major League II is not. Major League: Back to the Minors is… also not. Let’s go!

Major League II (1994) – BMeTric: 42.5; Notability: 51

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 12.8%; Notability: top 8.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 4.1%; Higher BMeT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, Street Fighter, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Junior, The Next Karate Kid, It’s Pat: The Movie, Double Dragon, On Deadly Ground, The Flintstones, North, The Fantastic Four, Leprechaun 2, 3 Ninjas Kick Back, Exit to Eden, In the Army Now, Color of Night, Car 54, Where Are You?, Richie Rich, Beverly Hills Cop III, Blank Check, and 12 more; Higher Notability: The Flintstones, Wyatt Earp, The Shadow, Beverly Hills Cop III, Ready to Wear, Love Affair, North, Radioland Murders, The Pagemaster, I Love Trouble, On Deadly Ground, Exit to Eden, Street Fighter, The Scout, Drop Zone, Blown Away, Speechless, Junior, D2: The Mighty Ducks, Baby’s Day Out, and 1 more; Lower RT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, It’s Pat: The Movie, Death Wish: The Face of Death, Wagons East, The Silence of the Hams, House Party 3, Car 54, Where Are You?, Holy Matrimony, Getting Even with Dad, A Low Down Dirty Shame; Notes: Major League II was shown 67 times in the 90s, that’s pretty crazy. Compare that to 52 to Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, 6 for Street Fighter, and 10 for Texas Chainsaw: The Next Generation. This is definitely a huuuuuuuuuge cable film around the time. You best belieb we’ve watched Silence of the Hams as well … on VHS. It is exclusive to VHS. Man, 1994 was a wild time.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – Fans of “Major League” (1989) may want to see “Major League II.” I did not see the first film and am not in that category. Nor is there anything in “Major League II” that inspires me to go back and catch up on the earlier film. … There’s one bright spot: On the basis of this dismal attempt, the team will probably not be back next season.

(Ha! Wrong on that count. I can’t believe he didn’t see the first. It is a good film though, so I wonder if he ever did. There still isn’t a review of the original on the website.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGnW5gh4WZE/

(Hahaha, the voice over. The number of people they replaced is sunny. Honestly Epps is arguably better than Snipes. But making the dumb fans a bigger deal with Randy Quaid is one of the many mistakes this film makes.)

Directors – David S. Ward – ( Known For: Major League; The Program; Cannery Row; Future BMT: Down Periscope; King Ralph; BMT: Major League II; Notes: Man, should I read Cannery Row? Steinbeck. Tempting. All of his directorial efforts were huge 90s television hits.)

Writers – David S. Ward – ( Known For: The Sting; Sleepless in Seattle; Major League; The Program; The Milagro Beanfield War; Cannery Row; I’ll Find You; Steelyard Blues; Saving Grace; Future BMT: Flyboys; King Ralph; The Sting II; BMT: Major League II; Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: He won the Oscar for The Sting, and was nominated for Sleepless in Seattle. King Ralph, we are coming for you.)

R.J. Stewart – ( Known For: The Rundown; And God Created Woman; BMT: Major League II; Notes: And God Created Woman seems like a ridiculous film. “Robin marries Billy to get out of jail” … how does that follow?)

Tom S. Parker and Jim Jennewein – ( Known For: Stay Tuned; Future BMT: Richie Rich; Getting Even with Dad; BMT: The Flintstones; Major League II; Notes: Stay Tuned is a wild wild film. And wait, Jeffery Jones was in that and Mom and Dad Save the World? Two ridiculous ideas.)

Actors – Charlie Sheen – ( Known For: Platoon; Ferris Bueller’s Day Off; Being John Malkovich; Wall Street; Hot Shots!; Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps; Hot Shots! Part Deux; Badlands; Major League; Young Guns; Red Dawn; The Arrival; Eight Men Out; The Chase; The Wraith; Lucas; Foodfight!; Beyond the Law; Good Advice; Cadence; Future BMT: Due Date; Scary Movie 3; Scary Movie 4; Machete Kills; The Three Musketeers; Loaded Weapon 1; Money Talks; The Rookie; Men at Work; The Big Bounce; Madea’s Witness Protection; All Dogs Go to Heaven 2; Shadow Conspiracy; BMT: Scary Movie V; Major League II; Navy Seals; Terminal Velocity; Notes: Nominated for four Emmys all for Two and a Half Men. Cadence. A real film starring Charlie and Martin Sheen that played on television 66 times in the 90s.)

Tom Berenger – ( Known For: Inception; Training Day; Platoon; Born on the Fourth of July; Faster; Major League; The Big Chill; Gettysburg; Eye See You; The Substitute; Shoot to Kill; The Sentinel; Brake; Someone to Watch Over Me; The Gingerbread Man; The Dogs of War; Bad Country; A Murder of Crows; Looking for Mr. Goodbar; Eddie and the Cruisers; Future BMT: Sniper; Shattered; Chasers; Betrayed; Rustlers’ Rhapsody; BMT: Sliver; Major League II; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Platoon. I just watched him in Fear City. His hair was incredible, but not enough Billy Dee Williams.)

Corbin Bernsen – ( Known For: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang; Major League; The Big Year; King Kong; The Hating Game; Lay the Favorite; The Dentist; The Great White Hype; Tales from the Hood; S.O.B.; The Dentist 2; Suing the Devil; Clambake; Disorganized Crime; Dead Air; Left Behind: Rise of the Antichrist; Sunrise in Heaven; Christian Mingle; Three the Hard Way; Roe v. Wade; Future BMT: Shattered; Radioland Murders; Hello Again; BMT: Major League II; Major League: Back to the Minors; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for L.A. Law. He really was in some junk in the 90s. Like Aurora: Operation Intercept … what is that? Played 16 times on television, so it was a real film people could have watched.)

Budget/Gross – $25 million / Domestic: $30,626,182 (Worldwide: $30,626,182)

(That is terrible. Like … really terrible. The only odd thing is Major League only made $50 million. How did it become such a phenomenon. I would have definitely guessed it was one of those $100 million comedies of the 90s.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 5% (1/21): Striking out on every joke, Major League II is a lazy sequel that belongs on the bench.

(My god that is low. I’m not surprised. The film is genuinely quite racist and weird. It isn’t funny, and is just annoying. I guess I’m saying that the percentage makes sense.)

Reviewer Highlight: Baseball’s wild bunch from Cleveland take the field again. Plods ahead with cliches. Pleasantly predictable. – New York Times listings

Poster – Majorly Ugh 2

(I’m actually embarrassed for this poster. At least it’s got that beautiful, beautiful font and crazy baseball mascot. C)

Tagline(s) – The dream team is back! (F)

(Nooooooooooooo! The dream team is back?! Nooooooooooo! I seriously would have given it a D if they added a “Jack” to the end.)

Keyword(s) – 1991-1999

Top 10: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992), Hook (1991), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), Big Daddy (1999), Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), Godzilla (1998), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993), The Bone Collector (1999)

Future BMT: 86.8 Street Fighter (1994), 83.0 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 72.4 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 71.9 Mr. Magoo (1997), 68.1 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.1 Mr. Nanny (1993), 63.5 Showgirls (1995), 61.8 Pet Sematary II (1992), 61.6 Cop & ½ (1993), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.5 The Mangler (1995), 60.1 Spawn (1997), 59.9 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 59.6 Jury Duty (1995), 59.0 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), The Avengers (1998), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), Barb Wire (1996), Kazaam (1996), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992), Steel (1997), Bio-Dome (1996), Striptease (1996), Species II (1998), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Wild Wild West (1999), Double Dragon (1994), Anaconda (1997), It’s Pat: The Movie (1994), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995), Cool as Ice (1991), Wing Commander (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), On Deadly Ground (1994), Dudley Do-Right (1999), Double Team (1997), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), The Flintstones (1994), The Haunting (1999), Leprechaun (1993), Bats (1999), Fair Game (1995), Cool World (1992), North (1994), Body of Evidence (1993), Problem Child 2 (1991), …

Best Options (franchise): 79.3 Home Alone 3 (1997), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 72.4 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 68.1 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.2 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 60.5 The Mangler (1995), 59.9 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 58.2 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 57.2 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994), 56.1 Son of the Pink Panther (1993), 52.3 Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1995), 52.3 Major League: Back to the Minors (1998), 50.4 3 Ninjas (1992), …

(This is a bonus. Back to the Minors is the actual choice and is pretty solid. 50+. We did consider Children of the Corn at one point.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Dennis Haysbert is No. 4 billed in Major League II and No. 5 billed in Random Hearts, which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (4 + 5) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 16. If we were to watch In Too Deep we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Baker’s inability to throw the ball back to the pitcher was based on former New York Mets catcher Mackey Sasser. Sasser was very successful at throwing out runners attempting to steal second, but had a mental block causing him to flinch several times when trying to throw the ball back to the pitcher. Many baserunners took advantage of this affliction and stole bases while he was triple pumping his throw, and/or lollipopping the throw back.

While Camden Yards doubled as Cleveland Municipal Stadium, scenes depicting Indians road games were filmed mostly at nearby Baltimore Memorial Stadium.

The character Isuro Tanaka was something of an anomaly of that time. At the time of the film’s release, there were no Japanese players in the Major Leagues, and only one Japanese player had ever played (briefly) for a ML team. The influx of Japanese players in US Major League baseball didn’t begin until a few years after the film’s release.

Wesley Snipes wasn’t able to reprise his role of Willie Mays Hayes, and was replaced with Omar Epps

Kevin Hickey, who plays Indians pitcher Schoup, made his major debut in 1981 as a pitcher for the Chicago White Sox, the very team the fictional pitcher Schoup plays against in the film.

Borderlands Preview

“Oh, I didn’t really mean you should come over to set right now,” Kevin James says, rubbing his neck. He’s dressed as Barney Rubble opposite Sly Stallone’s Fred Flintstone in what seemed to be a film where Fred and Barney are transported to the present day. “So there aren’t any dinosaurs at all?” Kyle says in wonder, looking at the very normal looking suburban set. “No… it’s a fish-out-of-water story. Guys, really, It’s not a great time,” Kevin James says nervously and looks over at Sly’s trailer where a group of PA’s are knocking furiously at his door. “Aha, Sly is being Sly, I see,” Patrick says, rubbing his hands together. “Classic Sly.” Kevin James tries to distract them with the craft services table, pointing out the many ways in which sandwiches can be constructed. Kyle is more interested in a prop newspaper with the headline ‘Fred Flintstone Elected Mayor: Promises to Solve Town’s Water Treatment Issue,’ and a date of April 22nd, 1998. His head is spinning. Patrick is still distracted by Sly Stallone’s trailer. “You want me to talk to him?” He asks Kevin James, who tries to grab him by the arm. “I’m going to go talk to him,” Patrick says with a smirk and strolls up to the trailer, scattering PA’s in his wake. “Yo! Adrian!” Patrick yells at the trailer door and then turns back to Kevin James. “That’s just something we do. It’s fun,” he says, smirking even harder. “Stop! Or my mom will shoot!” Patrick continues and at that the trailer door slams open, smashing directly into Patrick’s face.

He wakes up in a desert landscape he recognizes. Strange people surround him. “Welcome to The Waste,” they say, but Patrick springs up immediately. “Nah, this is just the borders of my imagination.” That’s right! We are going Live! for the smash bomb of the year in Borderlands. This is the live action adaptation of the video game Borderlands, which I’ve never played and possibly never even seen a clip from. You think that will hinder or help my enjoyment here? Let’s go!

Borderlands (2024) – BMeTric: 68.3; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.4%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.7%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web; Lower RT: Tyler Perry’s Divorce in the Black, The Painter, Wanted Man, Summer Camp, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate; Notes: Rare is it that we actually manage to hit at not one but two top BMT films of a year as Live entries. Madame Web and Borderlands were so astonishing they were inevitable and I’m quite glad we watched both in theaters as they were intended.

RogerEbert.com – 1 star –  Roth, a director I’ve defended in the horror genre a few times, is remarkably inept at directing action. When the film bursts into gunfire, to call these sequences incoherent would be polite. I’m not sure if cinematographer Rogier Stoffers and/or editors Julian Clarke & Evan Henke deserve some of the blame, but the fight scenes are baffling in their construction. They’re cut in a way that makes it impossible to know the geography of an action scene, or really to care about what happens in them. It may sound picky, but a movie based on an action video game needs at least to provide visceral, escapist entertainment in the guns-and-punches department. There’s not a single memorable action beat in this movie. Not one.

(Yeah, also the film is cut to shit. It is clear that they had a film of film and just had to do something to get it out in a reasonably understandable form. Even if that meant janky voiceover where scenes you can SEE are from later in the film are shown out of order for no real reason. It is insane. It needs to be seen to be believed.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Icnysn53neU/

(Oh jesus this trailer is so loud. I feel like I’ve seen this trailer a thousand times before. And none of those movies were good. I have no idea what they were thinking with this dumb movie.)

Directors – Eli Roth – ( Known For: Hostel; Grindhouse; Knock Knock; Hostel: Part II; Cabin Fever; Thanksgiving; The House with a Clock in Its Walls; Fin; Future BMT: The Green Inferno; BMT: Death Wish; Borderlands; Notes: Famously his role in Inglorious Basterds was supposed to be taken by Adam Sandler, which would have been pretty cool I think.)

Writers – Eli Roth – ( Known For: Hostel; Grindhouse; Knock Knock; Hostel: Part II; Cabin Fever; The Man with the Iron Fists; Thanksgiving; Aftershock; Cabin Fever; Future BMT: The Green Inferno; BMT: Borderlands; Notes: That is kind of amazing. Something tells me we aren’t getting to Green Inferno anytime soon. Honestly, Roth isn’t really my style in general.)

Joe Crombie – ( Notes: He genuinely seems to have a writing credit. He’s mostly credited as an editor.)

Actors – Cate Blanchett – ( Known For: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring; The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King; The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers; The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey; Thor: Ragnarok; The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug; The Curious Case of Benjamin Button; Don’t Look Up; The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies; Hot Fuzz; Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull; The Aviator; Eyes Wide Shut; How to Train Your Dragon 2; Babel; Robin Hood; The Talented Mr. Ripley; Ocean’s Eight; Blue Jasmine; The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou; Future BMT: The Monuments Men; Elizabeth: The Golden Age; BMT: Borderlands; Notes: I do love looking deep into someone’s filmography and seeing those weirdo films people must have forgotten about (right?). Pushing Tin? Cate Blanchett was in Pushing Tin?)

Kevin Hart – ( Known For: The 40-Year-Old Virgin; Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle; This Is the End; Jumanji: The Next Level; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; The Secret Life of Pets; Central Intelligence; The Five-Year Engagement; DC League of Super-Pets; The Secret Life of Pets 2; The Upside; The Man from Toronto; Death at a Funeral; Think Like a Man; Lift; Fatherhood; Me Time; Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie; Top Five; About Last Night; Future BMT: Scary Movie 3; Get Hard; Along Came Polly; Scary Movie 4; Little Fockers; Superhero Movie; Drillbit Taylor; Night School; Meet Dave; Soul Plane; Think Like a Man Too; In the Mix; Not Easily Broken; Back on the Strip; BMT: Ride Along; Epic Movie; Fool’s Gold; The Wedding Ringer; Ride Along 2; Grudge Match; Borderlands; Notes: What do you think the chances are that any of the following upcoming projects actually happen: Monopoly, Ride Along 3, The Great Outdoors, Planes, Trains & Automobiles. I guess I could see Ride Along 3 (finally!), but the other ones feel unlikely.)

Edgar Ramírez – ( Known For: The Bourne Ultimatum; Zero Dark Thirty; Jungle Cruise; Bright; The Girl on the Train; Joy; Gold; Yes Day; Hands of Stone; The Last Days of American Crime; Wasp Network; Resistance; The Liberator; Furlough; Emilia Pérez; The Quietude; Saluda al diablo de mi parte; An Open Heart; A Dot and a Line; Cyrano Fernández; Future BMT: Vantage Point; The Counselor; Deliver Us from Evil; Domino; The 355; BMT: Wrath of the Titans; Point Break; Borderlands; Notes: From Venezuela. Who could forget his role in Point Break! Such a memorable role indeed.)

Budget/Gross – $110–120 million / Domestic: $15,460,525 (Worldwide: $30,951,794)

(Mein gott! But yeah, they filmed this film at least twice and there is abundant CGI, so obviously a $100 million film was inevitable. But you’d think if WB was onto something they would have eaten it to get tax breaks or something instead of releasing it at all.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 10% (15/154): Glitching out in every department, Borderlands is balderdash.

(Woooooooo, sub-10% films are so rare, i sure do hope it stays that low. And yep, although consensus which boils down to: this is incoherent nonsense.)

Reviewer Highlight: Like the original first-person shooter game, “Borderlands” is set on a junkyard planet named Pandora that was once a home base for an advanced alien species, but has since been overrun by violent marauders and women with formidable push-up bras. – Amy Nicholson, New York Times

Poster – Moreboredlands

(There is too much going on here and the font is terrible, but I kind of dig how weird the color of the title is.That neon yellow like color is very unusual. C-)

Tagline(s) – Chaos loves company. (B+)

(This is a classic BMT tagline. It’s following my rules very closely. Playing on a common phrase, short, and something to do with the film… ish. I actually like it. Just a little generic.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Deadpool & Wolverine (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), Civil War (2024), Road House (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), The Beekeeper (2024), Inside Out 2 (2024), Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024), Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)

Future BMT: 68.4 The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), 65.9 Night Swim (2024), 64.2 The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), 62.9 Tarot (2024), 59.0 Imaginary (2024), 57.9 The Exorcism (2024), 48.0 The Crow (2024), 35.4 The Garfield Movie (2024), 19.8 Back to Black (2024), 16.0 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024)

Best Options (wiki-video game): 65.7 Borderlands (2024)

(Video game films are fun. We actually basically have three left (Uncharted, Prince of Persia, and Street Fighter), a few Uwe Boll films (BloodRayne and House of the Dead), and the entire Resident Evil series. Then we are basically done. Throw in Ratchet & Clank because it features the dulcet tones of one Sylvester Stallone and we got a stew cooking.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Kevin Hart is No. 2 billed in Borderlands and No. 5 billed in Grudge Match, which also stars Robert De Niro (No. 1 billed) who is in Righteous Kill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 5) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 16. If we were to watch Elizabeth: The Golden Age we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The movie was shot in the summer of 2021 and Eli Roth’s first director’s cut was reportedly finished in early 2022. However, it was shelved for over two years due to extreme studio interference while the film was in post-production. Appalled by the film’s extreme violence, the studio wanted the film to be marketed as a blockbuster and hired Tim Miller to do extensive reshoots on the project. These reshoots ended up comprising so much of the final movie that Steve Jablonsky had to write an entirely new musical score, as the original score by Nathan Barr no longer fit the film.

Eli Roth originally shot the movie with a planned hard R-rating, keeping in vein with the original game’s M-rating for mature audiences. However, last-minute rewrites, heavy edits, and reshoots from Tim Miller dialed the film back to a PG-13. This is only Roth’s second film to receive a rating other than R, after The House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018), which was PG.

Lilith’s main gun is called “Vladof Infinity” by Marcus, and in the video game, it is a legendary pistol with infinite ammo, which explains why she never runs out and never need to reload it.

Upon its release, the film debuted at an incredibly rare 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Tim Miller directed the re-shoots in Eli Roth’s place as Roth was preoccupied with Thanksgiving (2023), which also stars Gina Gershon.