Tag: Box Office Bomb

Arthur (2011) Preview

September 1st, 1992

Jamie and Patrick are looking bodacious. Pants? Lycra. Shirt? Absent. Tips? Frosted. Their summer had been spent watching Tango & Cash on repeat as research for a ‘zine idea they had brewing. Rumor on the block was ‘zines were the next big thing. Their dad had one word of advice for them as they navigate this crazy thing we call life: “The rumor around my block is natuuuure.” With that he swept his arm in the general direction of a nearby mountain and called it ‘nature’s movie.’ Despite this being wrong (Nature’s movie is Ewoks: The Battle for Endor) they venture forth and soon find themselves scaling the rocky crags of Mt. Mountain. “Maybe our ‘zine can be about mountains… in movies. Movie Mountains? Is that something?” Jamie asks as he swings himself from one rocky outcrop to another. “But why would someone want to read what we say about Movie Mountains?” Patrick ponders. Just as he’s going to suggest Bad Movie Mountains, though, they are buzzed by a remote control airplane. They look far below them and see a bunch of middle schoolers laughing as they dive bomb them in increasingly dangerous fashion. “Sacre bleu!” Jamie says, using one of his more famous catchphrases. “We’re trapped,” Patrick says, gritting his teeth in rage, “Like Perret trapped Tango and Cash… a couple mice in a maze.” They look at each other in despair. They are far too young to have any patented Twin Memories to harken back to for a solution. This looks like a very early end for the Bad Movie Twins. Suddenly they hear a faint voice “the rumor around my block is natuuuure.” Patrick’s eyes widen. Jamie simply whispers “Coolz.” With that their eyes glaze over and they enter a patented Arthur Memory. That’s right! We are completing the Arthur circle by watching the 2011 remake of the comedy classic starring Russel Brand and Best Director nominee Greta Gerwig (but not for this… she didn’t direct 2011’s Arthur). Talk about two people whose careers are going in two different directions. We are pairing it with Replicant starring JCVD. This film will complete the second leg of the “JCVD plays dual roles” trilogy, leaving just Maximum Risk. Let’s go!

Arthur (2011) – BMeTric: 41.9; Notability: 52

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 16.4%; Notability: top 10.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 22.1%; Higher BMeT: Jack and Jill, The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Shark Night, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, The Roommate, The Darkest Hour, Hellraiser: Revelations, Conan the Barbarian, Abduction, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Zookeeper, Apollo 18, I Don’t Know How She Does It, Twixt, The Dilemma, and 21 more; Higher Notability: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Green Lantern, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, Cars 2, New Year’s Eve, The Smurfs, Hop, Red Riding Hood, Your Highness, Jack and Jill, Battle Los Angeles, The Hangover Part II, Sucker Punch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, I Am Number Four, Larry Crowne, In Time, Johnny English Reborn, Season of the Witch, and 5 more; Lower RT: Hellraiser: Revelations, You May Not Kiss the Bride, Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Roommate, A Little Bit of Heaven, Hick, Abduction, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Dream House, New Year’s Eve, Trespass, Honey 2, Red Riding Hood, Season of the Witch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, The Darkest Hour, Atlas Shrugged: Part I, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, The Moth Diaries, and 33 more; Notes: Kind of amusing how few of those top BMeT films I’ve seen. We’ve seen 12 of the 20 listed there, which is pretty good, but only two in the top 5, so we are somehow leaving some heavy hitters. Although, 2011 is an incredible bad movie year I believe, one of the best, so perhaps it is impossible to watch enough bad movies to seem impressive.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – The thing about Moore, who people persisted in calling “Cuddly Dudley” although he hated it, is that he was just plain lovable. The thing about Russell Brand is that he isn’t, not much, and he should get credit here for at least being a good deal more likable than he usually chooses to seem. He plays the alcoholic zillionaire Arthur Bach as a man who wants to party with the world and pick up the check.

(Yes, this was my impression as well. The less the said about Russell Brand the better at the moment, but his high pitched affectation and general antics in this film do seem reasonably charming. Surprisingly so.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoJN7k1BMYg/

(Jesus the overused Rebel Rebel riff and then All Night Long and then Pressure!! The trailer almost comes across as a parody and just seems sad.)

Directors – Jason Winer – ( Known For: Ode to Joy; BMT: Arthur; Notes: Won an Emmy for Modern Family which is produced in addition to directing multiple episodes. HE is directing The Santa Clauses at the moment.)

Writers – Peter Baynham – ( Known For: Hotel Transylvania; Borat; Borat Subsequent Moviefilm; Brüno; Ron’s Gone Wrong; Alan Partridge; Arthur Christmas; Future BMT: The Brothers Grimsby; BMT: Arthur; Notes: Probably British considering he appears to work very closely with Sasha Baron Cohen and Steve Coogan on their projects. Nominated for 2 Oscars for the Borat films.)

Steve Gordon – ( Known For: Arthur; The One and Only; BMT: Arthur; Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Notes: Died in 1982, between the two Arthur films, he wrote the original Arthur for which he was nominated for an Oscar.)

Actors – Russell Brand – ( Known For: Death on the Nile; Forgetting Sarah Marshall; Trolls; Despicable Me; Minions: The Rise of Gru; Despicable Me 2; Rock of Ages; Get Him to the Greek; Penelope; St. Trinian’s; Catherine Called Birdy; Army of One; The Tempest; Four Kids and It; Paradise; The Fight; Future BMT: Bedtime Stories; Hop; BMT: Arthur; Notes: Yeah no, I ain’t falling for this trap. He is currently notably under investigation for sexual assault, some of the allegations coming from the set of this specific film.)

Helen Mirren – ( Known For: Barbie; Fast X; Golda; Shazam! Fury of the Gods; Caligula; F9: The Fast Saga; The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; The Prince of Egypt; Excalibur; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; RED; State of Play; Age of Consent; The Fate of the Furious; Woman in Gold; The Pledge; Monsters University; The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover; Gosford Park; 2010: The Year We Make Contact; Future BMT: Anna; Winchester; Inkheart; National Treasure: Book of Secrets; The Nutcracker and the Four Realms; Collateral Beauty; Raising Helen; Teaching Mrs. Tingle; BMT: Arthur; Notes: Won and Oscar for The Queen and is in general a national British treasure. She was nominated for three other Oscars as well for The Madness of King George, Gosford Park, and The Last Station.)

Jennifer Garner – ( Known For: Catch Me If You Can; Juno; 13 Going on 30; The Adam Project; Dallas Buyers Club; Daredevil; Love, Simon; Draft Day; The Kingdom; The Invention of Lying; Miracles from Heaven; Yes Day; Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day; Deconstructing Harry; Butter; Danny Collins; Wakefield; The Tribes of Palos Verdes; A Happening of Monumental Proportions; Washington Square; Future BMT: Peppermint; Dude, Where’s My Car?; Men, Women & Children; The Odd Life of Timothy Green; Wonder Park; Catch and Release; Mr. Magoo; BMT: Pearl Harbor; Mother’s Day; Valentine’s Day; Ghosts of Girlfriends Past; Elektra; Arthur; Nine Lives; Notes: Nominated for four Emmy for Alias, but she never won. Was married to Ben Affleck for a time.)

Budget/Gross – $40,000,000 / Domestic: $33,035,397 (Worldwide: $48,147,945)

(That ain’t great. You want more than that. But I also can’t imagine why a remake of Arthur was going to make $100 million, so I don’t know what they were thinking.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 27% (52/195): An irritating, unnecessary remake that demonstrates the libertine charm Russell Brand exudes in supporting roles turn against him when he’s star of the show.

(Irritating is the name of the game. I really don’t know how you make an Arthur film without Dudley Moore and have Arthur come across as anything but supremely irritating. The reviewer below kind of gets it right too, this pretty much killed Brand as a leading man.)

Reviewer Highlight: Russell Brand gives a career-killing performance. – David Edelstein, New York Magazine/Vulture

Poster – 2011’s Arthur

(I don’t understand two things about this poster. Why is Arthur’s hat being held up like that? Does it mean something? Was that hat supposed to be a “thing”? Second, how is it that Greta Gerwig isn’t on this poster? Garner gets the spot playing the primary antagonist. Why? Anyway, I don’t love it. I don’t even like it, really. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Meet the world’s only loveable billionaire. (D+)

(I can’t really tell if this is really bad or just really not good. Like it’s a little long and not clever in the least. It appears to think him being “loveable” (to some people, I guess) is clever when put next to the word “billionaire.” I don’t understand why. I guess it does tell you a little of what to expect from the movie. So that’s nice.)

Keyword(s) – daddio

Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), The Godfather (1972), Scarface (1983), 12 Angry Men (1957), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Back to the Future Part II (1989), Dead Poets Society (1989), Citizen Kane (1941), The Game (1997), Dumb and Dumber (1994)

Future BMT: 79.0 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 58.9 Jury Duty (1995), 57.4 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.1 Ghost Dad (1990), 50.8 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.5 Sleepwalkers (1992), 49.3 My Girl 2 (1994), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.6 Man of the House (1995), 41.6 My Baby’s Daddy (2004), 41.6 Speed Zone (1989), 41.3 Club Paradise (1986), 38.9 Fled (1996), 38.3 My Father the Hero (1994), 38.0 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 37.0 Desperate Hours (1990), 35.9 Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984), 35.8 I Got the Hook Up (1998), 34.3 Spring Break (1983), 34.1 Father Hood (1993)

BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Cool as Ice (1991), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Poltergeist III (1988), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Fire Birds (1990), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989), Virtuosity (1995), Double Impact (1991), Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985), Navy Seals (1990), Iron Eagle (1986), Rambo III (1988), High School High (1996), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Clifford (1994), Man Trouble (1992), Leviathan (1989), Universal Soldier (1992), Days of Thunder (1990), No Mercy (1986), The Postman (1997), Fools Rush In (1997), Eraser (1996), Hackers (1995), Rising Sun (1993), Magic in the Water (1995), Lock Up (1989), The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)

(We had to finish up Arthur for the cycle, so here we are. Luckily I don’t think there were many others I was really clamoring for in its place.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 20) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jennifer Garner is No. 4 billed in Arthur and No. 2 billed in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, which also stars Matthew McConaughey (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wedding Planner (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jennifer Lopez (No. 1 billed) who is in Gigli (No. 2 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (4 + 2) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 20. If we were to watch Two for the Money we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – Arthur states his father died at the age of forty-four in an homage to Steve Gordon, who directed Arthur (1981), and also died at the age of forty-four.

While sulking in his Batmobile after Hobson (Dame Helen Mirren) gives him an aspirin and vitamin, Arthur (Russell Brand) scrolls through his phone to look for Naomi’s number and we briefly see Katy Perry, Brand’s then-wife, listed as a contact.

During the dinner scene at Grand Central Station, the background music that is playing is an instrumental version of the Christopher Cross song, “Arthur (1981)’s Theme (Best That You Can Do)”.

In the final scene, where there is a collection of movie cars, the car displayed on the far right is the Rolls-Royce from Arthur (1981).

In order to see the dedication in Naomi’s book, Arthur moves a pop-up moon over a Manhattan skyline scene. This is a tribute to the line “If you get caught between the moon and New York City”, in Christopher Cross’ “Arthur (1981)’s Theme” song.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Russell Brand)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel

Expend4bles Preview

September 1st, 1995

Jamie and Patrick are looking wizard. Hat? Funky. Jeans? Fresh. Riding? Horses. They’re about to turn nine and are deep into the latest horse craze sweeping the nation. Their dad had one word of advice for them as they navigate this crazy thing we call life: “How do you have so much time to watch all this bad stuff while also taking care of that horse?” With that he swept his arm in the general direction of a nearby beautiful meadow and called it ‘nature’s movie.’ Despite this being wrong (Nature’s movie is Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest) they venture forth and find themselves knee deep in grass as Don, their horse, eats his fill. “This is nice, actually,” Jamie begins, running his hands through the tall grass. “It’s not quite as nice as water, but it’s close. Because in water no one can see you nude and in the water…” but before he can finish his thought on why water and the tall grass are similar in one specific way they hear the sound of horses approaching. They hop on Don, but it’s too late, they’re surrounded by a bunch of older kids on their own horses. “What are we going to do?” Don says, which is worrisome, because Don usually knows exactly what to do. “Nice horse,” one of the kids says, but before the compliment can land he pulls out a quick “NOT!” and everyone laughs. As the kids ride away, still laughing, Jamie and Patrick’s eyes narrow. “They are foolz and we are the cure for foolz,” Jamie says, pulling out a very cool phrase he coined. With that their eyes glaze over and they enter a patented Twin Memory in order to remember such a cure for foolz. That’s right! You might remember a similarly cool phrase uttered by Sly Stallone in Cobra. Well we aren’t watching that (unfortunately). Instead we are taking it LIVE and watching Expend4bles. I had been worried that the film might be so stupid that reviewers would be like “If you are real dumb you’ll like this. Who am I to judge? 2.5 stars.” But nope! This got some real real real bad reviews. Hooray! Let’s go!

Expend4bles (2023) – BMeTric: 42.8; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.0%; Notability: top 0.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 0.5%; Higher BMeT: Meg 2: The Trench, The Black Demon, Knights of the Zodiac, 65, The Ritual Killer, The Out-Laws, Insidious: The Red Door, White Men Can’t Jump, Hypnotic, Expend4bles; Higher Notability: Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted; Lower RT: The Ritual Killer; Notes: The BMeT ones are fascinating. The Black Demon? The Ritual Killer? The Out-Laws? Never heard of any of these. The Black Demon is, somehow, a knock off The Meg. The Ritual Killer is a Morgan Freeman film where it seems like a serial killer uses magic to kill people maybe? And now that I look at it I now remember that The Out-Laws is an Adam DeVine comedy about a bank robbery. I guess the point is: at some point we have to expand our horizons to include nonsense like The Out-Laws at least, so how should we do it? BMeT? Hardly. But something we have to think about.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – “The Expendables” had a simple enough concept—gather a bunch of ’80s-era action cinema icons, including Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Dolph Lundgren, and Mickey Rourke, and bring them together for an old-school-style shoot-em-up in which they, along with such current familiar faces (and pecs) as Jason Statham, Jet Li, Randy Couture, and Steve Austin, joined forces to blow things up real good. The film was no masterpiece, but the aggressively retro approach—it felt like exactly the kind of thing that the late great Cannon Films might have conjured up if they were still in business—had a certain lunkheaded charm, and it wound up being a surprise hit. Two sequels followed in 2012 and 2014, and while neither one lived up to the exceedingly mild promise of their predecessor, they served their purpose as B-movie fodder and a way for veteran action stars (including Harrison Ford, Chuck Norris, Wesley Snipes, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Antonio Banderas and, inexplicably, Kelsey Grammer) to kill a couple of adequately-paid weeks reliving the good old days—sort of the genre equivalent of a Hall of Fame game.

“Expend4bles” is just an embarrassment from start to finish, and the only positive thing to say about it is that it should pretty much put a nail in the coffin of a series that has clearly overstayed its welcome. At least for another decade.

(Yeah, that sounds about right. And finally. Something like this is bad for what it is, instead of merely good for what it is. Read the review. It put it into lunkheaded context and found it wanting even from the modest premise. More of that please.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cm3Z1jEjHHc/

(We heard who? Oh yeah, I forgot the whole advertising campaign revolved around how they were going to make this movie rated-R and that was supposed to make it better somehow.)

Directors – Scott Waugh – ( Known For: Hidden Strike; 6 Below: Miracle on the Mountain; Future BMT: Act of Valor; BMT: Expend4bles; Need for Speed; Notes: He is tapped for an upcoming Schwarzenegger film called Breakout (secret sequel to Escape Plan?). Also he is apparently directing a film starring a few wrestlers.)

Writers – Kurt Wimmer – ( Known For: Equilibrium; The Thomas Crown Affair; Salt; Children of the Corn; The Misfits; The Recruit; Spell; Double Trouble; The Neighbor; Relative Fear; Future BMT: Law Abiding Citizen; Total Recall; Street Kings; BMT: Expend4bles; Point Break; Ultraviolet; Notes: Wrote the original book the first film was based on … naw I’m joking. For his film Equilibrium he claims to have invented “Gun Kata” a fictional martial art discipline. He also wrote the upcoming Statham film The Beekeepers.)

Tad Daggerhart – (BMT: Expend4bles; Notes: One of those guys which are so new to the scene they don’t have a TMDB profile yet. He acted a bit, was in script continuity for a bit, but then wrote this and a non-film called Black Lotus this year.)

Max Adams – ( Known For: Heist; Extraction; Precious Cargo; BMT: Expend4bles; Notes: He served in the armed forces, so his writing credits definitely skew that direction.)

Spenser Cohen – ( Known For: Extinction; BMT: Expend4bles; Moonfall; Notes: He has an upcoming film he is writing-directing called Horrorscope in which (can you guess?) a group of teens begin dying based on their horoscope after getting their fortunes told.)

Dave Callaham – ( Known For: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse; The Expendables; Mortal Kombat; Wonder Woman 1984; Godzilla; Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings; Zombieland: Double Tap; Horsemen; America: The Motion Picture; Tell Tale; BMT: Expend4bles; The Expendables 3; Doom; Notes: Yeah, a big writer, mostly on big budget films and often comic book oriented. He is writing the new Masters of the Universe film.)

Actors – Jason Statham – ( Known For: Fast X; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; The Meg; Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre; Spy; Snatch; F9: The Fast Saga; Wrath of Man; Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels; Collateral; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; Furious 7; The Fate of the Furious; The Italian Job; Furious 6; Homefront; The Transporter; The Mechanic; Parker; Future BMT: The Pink Panther; The One; War; Turn It Up; BMT: Expend4bles; Meg 2: The Trench; The Expendables 3; Crank; Mechanic: Resurrection; Crank: High Voltage; Killer Elite; In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale; Ghosts of Mars; Notes: Wow, very close to our tenth Statham. He has three Hall of Fame films. I wonder if anyone else beats that (unofficial check: from what I can tell Travolta and Stallone also have three as of this year).)

50 Cent – ( Known For: Spy; Southpaw; Den of Thieves; Escape Plan; Morning Glory; Last Vegas; The Frozen Ground; Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping; Escape Plan: The Extractors; The Prince; Escape Plan 2: Hades; 13; Fire with Fire; Twelve; All Things Fall Apart; Freelancers; Home of the Brave; Setup; Gun; Dead Man Running; Future BMT: Get Rich or Die Tryin’; BMT: Expend4bles; Righteous Kill; Notes: An oddly charmed film career. Although some of the non-BMT films actually are just too small. Escape Plan 2 is absolutely dire, but it wasn’t released to theaters in the end.)

Megan Fox – ( Known For: Jennifer’s Body; This Is 40; Transformers; Till Death; Midnight in the Switchgrass; The Dictator; Night Teeth; Johnny & Clyde; Good Mourning; Above the Shadows; Zeroville; Rogue; Big Gold Brick; Taurus; Friends with Kids; The Battle of Jangsari; Think Like a Dog; Passion Play; Whore; Future BMT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows; Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen; Bad Boys II; Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen; How to Lose Friends & Alienate People; BMT: Expend4bles; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Jonah Hex; Notes: What is the opposite of an oddly charmed film career? Blasted onto the scene when Michael Bay cast her in multiple Transformers films. She’s stuck around though, and even has some cult classics floating around. Was married to Brian Austin Green for 10 years, they have three kids together, but divorced a few years ago.)

Budget/Gross – $100 million / Domestic: $14,336,200 (Worldwide: $26,064,529)

(Yeah it was disastrous. There is almost no way they continue with the series, despite Sly’s contention that there will be more. The last stunk, this stunk, and now it is box office poison. Not a chance.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 13% (15/119): Solid work from Jason Statham and some halfway decent set pieces aren’t enough to make up for Expend4bles’ lackluster action and cheap-looking effects.

(Solid work by Jason Statham sounded unlikely initially … but yeah, I suppose he is always game for a little action smash’em’up so it actually seems quite likely.)

Reviewer Highlight: The film’s last reel is so awful — so sneeringly contemptuous of our good-faith efforts to play along with these shenanigans — that we leave the theater still thinking of that shot of a corpse’s middle finger. It sure seemed pointed at us. – Amy Nicholson, The New York Times

Poster – Depend4bles

(Nailed it. Big ol’ meh to this guy. Just all the people and then zany colors for… I guess I don’t really know why. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Old blood meets new blood. (D)

(Nope. That ain’t it.)

Keyword(s) – year 2023

Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Barbie (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), The Flash (2023), Pathaan (2023)

Future BMT: 82.1 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 47.0 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 44.0 Hypnotic (2023), 42.6 House Party (2023), 37.8 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 35.5 Mafia Mamma (2023), 30.2 The Machine (2023), 30.1 About My Father (2023), 28.9 My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), 28.6 Love Again (2023), 25.2 Fear (2023), 21.7 Haunted Mansion (2023), 10.3 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 7.5 Sweetwater (2023)

BMT: Meg 2: The Trench (2023), 65 (2023), Expend4bles (2023), Retribution (2023)

Best Options (Action): 44.0 Hypnotic (2023), 42.0 Expend4bles (2023), 35.5 Mafia Mamma (2023), 30.2 The Machine (2023)

(Hypnotic will almost certainly be the action choice for the end of the year cycle, so we’ll have hit a solid set of bad guys by the end. We are not watching Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey though. I refuse.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 6) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jason Statham is No. 1 billed in Expend4bles and No. 1 billed in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 6. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Jason Statham has expressed his love for The Expendables. On co-star Sylvester Stallone, he said “Working with Sylvester Stallone is beyond a pinch yourself moment. I remember growing up watching his films, and to be directed by him, and to be in a movie that he’s produced, and to be shoulder to shoulder with Sly is a privilege any man who loves action movies would never turn their nose up at. I mean, it’s terrific. I’ll do as many as he wants.”

Sylvester Stallone while promoting The Expendables 3 (2014) DVD/Blu-ray release of the movie, Stallone commented that if a fourth film happens, it will definitely be R-rated unlike the PG-13 rated The Expendables 3 (2014) as he states on the matter: “Absolutely unequivocally yes,” he confirmed. “I believe it was a horrible miscalculation on everyone’s part in trying to reach a wider audience, but in doing such, diminish the violence that the audience expects. I’m quite certain it won’t happen again.”

Sylvester Stallone confirmed this is the first of a new trilogy.

Sylvester Stallone’s first choice for the villain was Jack Nicholson.

Jason Statham was the first actor, besides Sylvester Stallone, to say he will be returning for this film.

Leviathan Preview

September 1st, 1996

Jamie and Patrick are looking fresh. Earrings? Gold. Jeans? Gold. Apple juice? Gold. They’re about to turn ten and are setting the standard with their gold swag. Their dad had one word of advice for them as they navigate this crazy thing we call life: “How many times can you watch Tango and Cash?” With that he swept his arm in the general direction of their local swimming hole and called it ‘nature’s movie.’ Despite this being wrong (Nature’s movie is Baraka) they ventured forth and found themselves at Ralston’s Gulch. It’s cannonball central as they take the swimming hole by storm. Suddenly, right when they begin another one of their patented Twin Double Cannonballs, they feel a tug at their shorts and find themselves completely nude in the freezing waters. A couple of middle school bullies are laughing at them from the shore while holding their shorts above their heads. “Why don’t the little babies come out and playyyyy-ayyyy?” they yell, and all the other people at the gulch laugh. “We look like fools,” Jamie says and laments that he doesn’t have a shirt to rip clean off to fashion crude shorts out of. “Do you remember the last time we ended up completely nude in public?” Patrick reminds Jamie. He does, it was when those two hot dogging pilots at the air show buzzed them and the speed of the jets ripped all their clothes off. “And what did we do then?” Patrick continues. “Oh right, we took those foolz to schoolz,” Jamie says, pulling out a very cool phrase he coined. “We jumped in the water. Because in the water no one can see you nude and in the water…” With that their eyes glaze over and they enter a patented Twin Memory. That’s right! We are diving into Leviathan, an Alien/The Thing rip-off set underwater that if made just a few years later would have probably looked way cheaper and probably went straight to video. But instead it got a theatrical release. Good for us. We pair that with The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck, a weird little movie directed by David Keith… you know… before he realized he didn’t want to do that. Let’s go!

Leviathan (1989) – BMeTric: 34.7; Notability: 50

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 8.4%; Notability: top 2.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 14.6%; Higher BMeT: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child, Wild Orchid, Cyborg, The Karate Kid Part III, The Fly II, No Holds Barred, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Cutting Class, Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland, DeepStar Six, The Toxic Avenger Part II, Pink Cadillac, Shocker, Speed Zone, The Punisher, The January Man, The Horror Show, and 1 more; Higher Notability: Tango & Cash, Troop Beverly Hills, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child, See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Fletch Lives, Harlem Nights; Lower RT: The Horror Show, Speed Zone, Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects, The Toxic Avenger Part II, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Worth Winning, Night Game, Wired, Dream a Little Dream, Wild Orchid, No Holds Barred, She’s Out of Control, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Millennium, Chattahoochee, Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland, Cookie, Troop Beverly Hills, Three Fugitives, and 13 more; Notes: Played on television 40 times in the 90s, not bad. A lot of horror sequels in ‘89 as well, Friday the 13th 8 (played 27 times), Halloween 5 (15 times), Nightmare on Elm Street: Dream Child (39 times), and The Fly II (35 times). So this played more that those which is interesting. More interesting (maybe) is none of the Sleepaway Camps played at all on television in the 90s … that seems crazy, but I ran a check and it seems to be the case. Sleepaway Camp, it turns out, is a purely post-2000 cult horror sensation.

Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars –  Yet one more dreadful Alien clone, this one set underwater (like several other 1989 releases), with a team of men and women imperiled as they toil in the depths of the Atlantic. Skip it.

(Leonard, would you say that perhaps we should … spare ourselves? Anyways, you can tell two things from this review. First, the complete lack of interest by Leonard in horror films in general. And second, just how bad this film must be for him to not even bother to slam it very hard. Exciting.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2G2OSQyIjGc/

(Love the voiceover immediately. You can explicitly tell this is just The Thing + Alien = Leviathan though. Amusingly unoriginal.)

Directors – George P. Cosmatos – ( Known For: Tombstone; Escape to Athena; The Cassandra Crossing; Of Unknown Origin; The Day the Fish Came Out; Massacre in Rome; The Beloved; Future BMT: Shadow Conspiracy; BMT: Rambo: First Blood Part II; Cobra; Leviathan; Notes: Died in 2005, but was retired from 1997 I think. His son is also a director having directed Mandy.)

Writers – David Webb Peoples – ( Known For: Blade Runner; Unforgiven; 12 Monkeys; Ladyhawke; Hero; The Blood of Heroes; Unforgiven; BMT: Leviathan; Soldier; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Unforgiven. Seemingly still alive at around 83 years old, but he hasn’t done anything since 1997 either.)

Jeb Stuart – ( Known For: Die Hard; The Fugitive; Blood Done Sign My Name; Vital Signs; Future BMT: Just Cause; Switchback; BMT: Leviathan; Lock Up; Another 48 Hrs.; Fire Down Below; Notes: Created Vikings: Valhalla more recently, but also hasn’t written a feature since 1997. We need to watch Switchback, it’s a serial killer film I’ve barely heard of.)

Actors – Peter Weller – ( Known For: RoboCop; Star Trek Into Darkness; The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension; Naked Lunch; Mighty Aphrodite; Prey; Beyond the Clouds; Skin Trade; Of Unknown Origin; Shakedown; Cat Chaser; Butch and Sundance: The Early Days; Shoot the Moon; Just Tell Me What You Want; Repentance; Ivans xtc.; Dragon Eyes; The New Age; Shadow Hours; Top of the World; Future BMT: Screamers; The Order; Firstborn; Undiscovered; BMT: RoboCop 2; Leviathan; Notes: Was nominated for an Oscar for a short film, Partners, which is wild. He is obviously more well known for RoboCop because the rest of his filmography seems to alternate between Schlock and Cult Classics.)

Richard Crenna – ( Known For: First Blood; Sabrina; Body Heat; Hot Shots! Part Deux; Our Miss Brooks; Wait Until Dark; The Sand Pebbles; Death Ship; Jonathan Livingston Seagull; The Flamingo Kid; Breakheart Pass; The Evil; A Cop; Marooned; Doctors’ Wives; Table for Five; Star!; Catlow; Made in Paris; Stone Cold Dead; Future BMT: Summer Rental; Wrongfully Accused; BMT: Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rambo III; Leviathan; Jade; Notes: Nominated for four Emmys and won one for The Rape of Richard Beck. Almost certainly known to film lovers a as Colonel Trautman the man who “created” Rambo.)

Amanda Pays – ( Known For: The Kindred; Oxford Blues; Off Limits; A Grande Arte; Ablaze; Subterfuge; BMT: Leviathan; Notes: She was in a few episodes of The Flash, otherwise she appears to have been semi-retired for a while. Comes from an acting family, and is married to Corbin Bernsen. Which probably explains a bit role in Psych.)

Budget/Gross – $21 million / Domestic: $15,704,614 (Worldwide: $15,704,614)

(That is abominable. For a horror film especially. You design it for the $20 million budget expecting a $30-50 million return at least, but this is a bomb for sure.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 24% (6/25): A deep-sea thriller with an unusually strong cast and potent ideas, Leviathan quickly plunges into an abyss of weak thrills and lame kills.

(Sounds about right. The unusually strong cast is right, although with hindsight … well, let’s just say that Ernie Hudson and Peter Weller didn’t quite finish up the 90s as A-listers.)

NYT Short Review: Spare yourself. / Miners trapped on the ocean floor with a giant eel. / Adventure about metal mining on the ocean floor.

Poster – Leviasklog

(Very cool, although pretty unrealistic, poster. I’ve seen it before, but until you watch the movie you don’t really recognize how strange it is that they use an event from the end of the film to advertise the movie. A bit random. A.)

Tagline(s) – How long can you hold your breath? (C)

(Hmmmm, I guess this is not the worst it can be. It makes some sense and is intriguing. Although it doesn’t have much to do with the movie.)

Keyword(s) – daddio

Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), The Godfather (1972), Scarface (1983), 12 Angry Men (1957), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Back to the Future Part II (1989), Dead Poets Society (1989), Citizen Kane (1941), The Game (1997), Dumb and Dumber (1994)

Future BMT: 79.0 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 58.9 Jury Duty (1995), 57.4 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.1 Ghost Dad (1990), 50.8 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.5 Sleepwalkers (1992), 49.3 My Girl 2 (1994), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.6 Man of the House (1995), 41.6 My Baby’s Daddy (2004), 41.6 Speed Zone (1989), 41.3 Club Paradise (1986), 38.9 Fled (1996), 38.3 My Father the Hero (1994), 37.9 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 36.9 Desperate Hours (1990), 35.8 Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984), 35.8 I Got the Hook Up (1998), 34.3 Spring Break (1983), 34.1 Father Hood (1993)

BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Cool as Ice (1991), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Poltergeist III (1988), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Fire Birds (1990), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989), Virtuosity (1995), Double Impact (1991), Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985), Navy Seals (1990), Iron Eagle (1986), Rambo III (1988), High School High (1996), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Clifford (1994), Man Trouble (1992), Leviathan (1989), Universal Soldier (1992), Days of Thunder (1990), No Mercy (1986), The Postman (1997), Eraser (1996), Hackers (1995), Rising Sun (1993), Lock Up (1989), Magic in the Water (1995), The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)

Best Options (Horror): 50.5 Sleepwalkers (1992), 37.9 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 34.7 Leviathan (1989)

(This was a sparse category. Ultimately I think this was chosen because it was 1990 and was the only real good option from that year.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Richard Crenna is No. 2 billed in Leviathan and No. 2 billed in Rambo III, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 13. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The experience was an adventure and a joy for Stan Winston and his monster-making team. Not only did they get to live in Rome for four months during filming, and even learn scuba diving, a recreational activity many of them continue to pursue to this day, but they also got to work with a director who was unusually generous with inviting their input. In addition to producing the creature effects, Cosmatos trusted Winston to direct the second unit action sequences. “George Cosmatos always let us take the lead in how to shoot the creature,” noted Landon. “He was such a big-hearted person, he would throw up his hands, and say ‘I don’t know what I’m doing.’ He’d just admit it and let us do what we knew how to do. We know what our characters can do and we know the best way to use them. We’re thinking about what our characters are going to have to do on the set the entire time we’re building them. So we are goldmines of information and knowledge. Some directors recognize that, and really rely on us.”

The creature effects team encountered some language differences during the making of Aliens (1986) in England, but the challenges were much bigger in Italy. “I always keep a log of everything we order on shows, just in case accounting comes back later and asks about it,” noted lead creature effects mechanic and on-set technician Richard Landon. “In my log from that show, you can tell that there were some real language issues, because a lot of times, instead of words, I drew pictures of nuts or bolts or that kind of thing. I would quite often have to draw a picture just to make it clear what I was talking about.” There were cultural differences too, such as the Italian’s crew tendency to drink large amounts of red wine at lunch. “They’d say, ‘Here, have some wine!’ remembered Mahan, “and we’d say, ‘Uh, thanks, but we’re not allowed to drink while we’re working.’ Of course, every once in a while, we’d sneak a little, but nothing like the way those guys were drinking it down.”

Deep Star Six (1989) was the first release of several underwater-monster-themed feature films released during 1989-90, including The Abyss (1989), Leviathan (1989), The Evil Below (1989), and Lords of the Deep (1989), and ‘The Rift’ (aka ‘Endless Descent’, 1990). With the exception of ‘The Abyss’, none of these films were box office hits.

The movie is set in the year 2027

Once, during the underwater photography, John Rosengrant and other members of the SWS on-set crew were underwater for so long and at such depth, that they were unaware of a violent storm that had come in, threatening to rip the topside boat from its anchor and smash it against nearby rocks. “We had no idea all of this was going on, until we came to the surface and saw all this commotion,” recalled Rosengrant. “We all go out of the water and helped to push the boat away from the rocks and hold it steady in this storm.”

Retribution Preview

As they sit at their parents’ large dining room table in the cavernous guest breakfast nook, Jamie and Patrick reminisce about their youth. We see their eyes glaze over and enter a patented Twin Memory.

September 1, 1999.

Jamie and Patrick are looking fly. Hats? Backwards. Jeans? Baggy. Bubblegum? Poppin’. They’re entering 7th grade and it’s time to run the show. Their dad had one word of advice for them on this last week before the end of summer: “Maybe watch something good for once.” With that he swept his arm in the general direction of the forest and called it ‘nature’s movie.’ Despite that being wrong (nature’s movie is Microcosmos, obviously), they ventured forth and now found themselves breathing fresh air and basking in the sunshine filtering through the trees. “This isn’t nature’s movie, that would be Microcosmos, but it’s still pretty nice,” Jamie says, but before Patrick can agree with him (particularly about how Microcosmos is nature’s movie), they find themselves upside-down. Apparently, while they were busy thinking about nature’s movie, Microcosmos, they inadvertently sprung some sort of trap. Out from the forest rains a volley of pinecones and pebbles. Once the attack is over, the rope holding their legs is cut and they crash to the ground, laughter ringing out from the trees around them. Even in their dazed state, Jamie and Patrick know that this could only be the work of one group… the eighth graders. Their big mistake was leaving time for Jamie and Patrick to get retribution and cement their place atop the social pyramid. “Time to get even and rulez the schoolz,” Jamie says, pulling out a very cool phrase he coined. With that their eyes glaze over and they enter a patented Twin Memory in order to recall the perfect revenge. That’s right! We are getting our own retribution against ourselves by forcing us to watch the new Liam Neeson film, Retribution, in theaters. Take that, us! It was unexpectedly difficult to determine whether this film was a wide release or not, but rest assured, it is. Although not for very long. Let’s go!

Retribution (2023) – BMeTric: 14.9; Notability: 15

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 13.2%; Notability: top 7.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 11.2%; Higher BMeT: Knights of the Zodiac, Meg 2: The Trench, The Black Demon, 65, The Ritual Killer, The Out-Laws, Insidious: The Red Door, White Men Can’t Jump, Hypnotic, House Party, Heart of Stone, Maybe I Do, Your Place or Mine, Ghosted, Beautiful Disaster, Fool’s Paradise, The Tutor, Mafia Mamma, Paint, The Old Way, and 13 more; Higher Notability: Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted, House Party, Heart of Stone, Spinning Gold, Haunted Mansion, The Out-Laws, Meg 2: The Trench, Vacation Friends 2, 65, Your Place or Mine, White Men Can’t Jump, Insidious: The Red Door, About My Father, Love Again, One True Loves, Hypnotic, A Little White Lie, God Is a Bullet; Lower RT: Confidential Informant, Dead Man’s Hand, The Ritual Killer, Assassin Club, On a Wing and a Prayer, The Tutor, Fool’s Paradise, The Out-Laws, Vacation Friends 2, Robots, Fear, Mafia Mamma, Knights of the Zodiac, God Is a Bullet, One True Loves, Love Again, Ambush, Ghosted; Notes: For the BMeT ones we’ve seen two of the top 5, but obviously most of the real bad ones are streaming. The notability is suitably low, but that BMeT is going to rise for sure.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – “Retribution” is a dud destined to be erased from our cultural memory once it presumably departs theaters in a couple of weeks. According to the press release, the film promises “an immersive ticking clock thriller that straps audiences in for a high-octane ride of redemption and revenge.” It pretty much fails to deliver on all counts.

(Awesome. I’m so excited to watch this in a presumably empty theater. Sure to be pure and utter trash considering Blacklight and Memory from last year.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sxyzdo-RBKc/

(Looks like garbage. But at least they don’t make Liam Neeson run in this one (presumably). I’m sure it is very tense and not awful at all though, but I guess I’ll just have to see.)

Directors – Nimród Antal – ( Known For: Predators; Vacancy; Metallica Through the Never; Control; Armored; The Whiskey Bandit; BMT: Retribution; Notes: Very much a sci-fi guy I feel like, so this seems … like an odd choice. But I assume it is a pure money / work thing prior to a sci-fi film he’s currently working on.)

Writers – Alberto Marini – ( Known For: The Communion Girl; Fatum; Sleep Tight; Retribution; Extinction; Hard Hit; Your Son; Romasanta; El Lobo; Second Name; BMT: Retribution; Notes: Italian and it looks like he wrote the original film.)

Christopher Salmanpour – (BMT: Retribution; Notes: Basically no credits because it looks like he worked on the FBI series, so he’s not in TMDb yet.)

Actors – Liam Neeson – ( Known For: The Dark Knight Rises; Schindler’s List; Batman Begins; Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace; Taken; Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; The Ballad of Buster Scruggs; Love Actually; Non-Stop; Gangs of New York; Excalibur; The Lego Movie; The A-Team; Ted 2; Silence; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader; The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian; Breakfast on Pluto; Widows; Future BMT: Kingdom of Heaven; The Huntsman: Winter’s War; Marlowe; Men in Black: International; A Million Ways to Die in the West; Entourage; Taken 2; Krull; Taken 3; The Marksman; Daddy’s Home 2; Before and After; High Spirits; The Nut Job; BMT: Retribution; Battleship; Memory; Clash of the Titans; Blacklight; The Haunting; Wrath of the Titans; Notes: Y’all know Liam. The seventh film, but amazingly we’ve watched five of those in the last year. Plenty to go including the one that started them all (for the back half of his career), the Taken sequels. Krull is fun though.)

Noma Dumezweni – ( Known For: The Little Mermaid; Mary Poppins Returns; The Kid Who Would Be King; The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind; Dirty Pretty Things; BMT: Retribution; Notes: I was going to say, I just saw her in Only Murders in the Building season 3. She was actually quite good in a very small (so far) part, so that’s fun.)

Lilly Aspell – ( Known For: Wonder Woman; Wonder Woman 1984; Extinction; BMT: Retribution; Holmes & Watson; Notes: Oh wow, she was Diana age 8 in the film. For a kid actor quite a good performance if I’m remembering right. I like the cast of this film.)

Budget/Gross – $20 million / Domestic: $4,567,118 (Worldwide: $6,754,216)

(Yeah, it’ll maybe hit $20 million, although probably a bit of a stretch. But given the bona fides as a genuine dad film I’m sure it’ll make a mint on streaming.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 26% (18/69): Retribution may prove mildly diverting for hardcore fans of films depicting Liam Neeson as a parent in peril, but in most respects, this thriller is strictly standard stuff.

(Yeah, that sounds right. I mean, the trailer looks like trash pure and simple.)

NY Times Review: When will this genre escape its own tropes of sepia-tinted skies, italicized poster fonts and titles seemingly chosen by plopping a finger onto a page of the Old Testament? 

Poster – Just Don’t Make Me Run

(“This time he’s sitting” would be the tagline I put on this poster. After mercilessly making fun of the movie magic required to make it look like Neeson is running in his last couple BMT films, he really got us good by being like “oh yeah, this time I only sit.” I’m glad this is reflected in the poster. It’s actually better than I thought it would be. A little plain on the color and font side of things, but more interesting than I expected. C+.)

Tagline(s) – None

(F. You gotta have a tagline. If only to differentiate it from the 4 or 5 other Liam Neeson revenge films coming out this year.)

Keyword(s) – Year 2023

Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Barbie (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), The Flash (2023), Pathaan (2023)

Future BMT: 81.3 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 42.9 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 42.4 Hypnotic (2023), 42.1 House Party (2023), 36.3 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 34.0 Mafia Mamma (2023), 28.7 About My Father (2023), 28.5 The Machine (2023), 28.1 Love Again (2023), 23.0 Fear (2023), 20.3 Haunted Mansion (2023), 7.9 Sweetwater (2023), 0.6 The Hill (2023)

BMT: 65 (2023), Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Retribution (2023)

Best Options (Liam Neeson): 11.4 Retribution (2023)

(Bah, so Marlowe is actually a 2023 film, but it is listed as 2022 for IMDb so it doesn’t show up. But I thought it would be funny to be like I’m going to go with the year 2023 and it must be a Neeson film … we have two options! Anyways, the future BMT options look rough. Not looking forward to any of those.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Liam Neeson is No. 1 billed in Retribution and No. 1 billed in Memory, which also stars Guy Pearce (No. 2 billed) who is in Justice (No. 3 billed) which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 16. If we were to watch Marlowe we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The third remake of Spain’s Retribution (2015) after Germany’s Don’t. Get. Out! (2018) and South Korea’s Hard Hit (2021) but the first to use the original’s English title.

Liam Neeson and Embeth Davidtz had worked thirty years before in Schindler’s List, which came out in 1993.

Serving Sara Preview

“Yes, like I said, I’m the Ghost of BMT Future but like… you guys didn’t kill me. ‘Ghost’ might be the wrong term. I’m… a metaphor or whatever.” Kyle explains for the fourth time. Jamie and Patrick nod their heads, but look at each other incredulously. Kyle sighs. After flying around for a bit they finally landed at a skyscraper in Toronto where BMTHQ was now located. It seems impossible that they would give up the Big Apple for Toronto, but Kyle explained that after the Apologies Tour brought to you by Tim Horton’s ended they relocated to where the Dudikoff’s felt like BMT could do the most good. A scene plays out in front of them. The Dudikoff’s sign some papers and then, with a bit of hesitation, Jamie and Patrick also sign. “You just signed over half your company,” Kyle says, and the twins gasp. It couldn’t be, they’d never make such a boneheaded mistake. Jamie grabs the contract from the desk and looks it over. He lets out a sigh of relief. “This isn’t half the company. It’s a 60-40 split. We still each have 30%. A majority. It’s fine.” Jamie and Patrick literally pat themselves on the back in congratulations of their business savvy, but their future selves don’t notice… cause they’re metaphors or whatever. Suddenly, Kyle bursts into the room. An animated argument plays out and Kyle storms away, distraught. Jamie and Patrick’s faces fall. “Right, I guess we must have written Kyle out of the company… but we had to, right? It’s for the best.” Patrick says unconvincingly. “Is it?” Metaphor Kyle says, pulling some papers out of Drake’s pocket. Patrick reads them over and a look of panic crosses his face, “But no… I love my wife and six kids… I’d never… divorce?!” That’s right! We are going from the super sweet View from the Top to the… not quite as sweet divorce comedy Serving Sara. This was in the early 2000’s superstar run of Matthew Perry and bridges the gap from Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice through a very early Amy Adams role. Let’s go!

Serving Sara (2002) – BMeTric: 48.1; Notability: 36

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 13.2%; Notability: top 19.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 4.2%; Higher BMeT: Crossroads, Halloween: Resurrection, Rollerball, The Master of Disguise, Feardotcom, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, Boat Trip, Half Past Dead, Scooby-Doo, The Sweetest Thing, Queen of the Damned, Maid in Manhattan, They, Full Frontal, The Truth About Charlie, Swimfan, Snow Dogs, Vampires: Los Muertos, The Tuxedo, and 13 more; Higher Notability: Men in Black II, Scooby-Doo, The Time Machine, Star Trek: Nemesis, Collateral Damage, Dragonfly, John Q, The Master of Disguise, Unconditional Love, Showtime, I Spy, Queen of the Damned, Eight Crazy Nights, Rollerball, The Country Bears, The Truth About Charlie, Maid in Manhattan, The Tuxedo, The Sweetest Thing, Bad Company, and 29 more; Lower RT: Killing Me Softly, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, Hansel & Gretel, Ritual, State Property, The Master of Disguise, Deuces Wild, Feardotcom, Rollerball, Half Past Dead; Notes: Solid BMeTric for a film that is surely completely forgotten. Although I suppose Perry’s odd movie roles are often pretty good bets for BMT. We’ve see 12 of the top 20 BMeTs from 2002 including the top 7, which is pretty solid. Star Trek: Nemesis, we’re coming for you.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars –  Lackluster comedy about a N.Y.C. process server who makes a deal with his “mark” to find her philandering husband and serve him with her divorce papers – in return for half of her take. This takes them on a bumpy road to Texas. It’s a long way from It Happened One Night. Mike Judge appears unbilled as a motel clerk.

(I do love when he shouts out the classics. He’s a student of history after all. Maybe I should get that one and watch it instead … who am I kidding, at the very best I’ll just watch it as well.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH5LUdNfKb0/

(This trailer is an insane idea with the voiceover by the star. There was a strange time in the 2000s where process serving became a thing in movies and television. Feels like an odd glorification. And of course end with the abomination that is the vet joke.)

Directors – Reginald Hudlin – ( Known For: House Party; Boomerang; Marshall; The Great White Hype; Safety; Future BMT: The Ladies Man; BMT: Serving Sara; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for writing Django Unchained. Apparently while at Harvard he made the first version of what would become House Party.)

Writers – Jay Scherick and David Ronn – ( Known For: Clifford the Big Red Dog; Guess Who; Future BMT: The Smurfs; The Smurfs 2; National Security; BMT: Baywatch; Zookeeper; Norbit; Serving Sara; I Spy; Notes: I’m getting whiffs of Lennon and Garant here. These guys are all over the place and have a ton of credits, presumably because they are a writing team willing to take second or third passes at scripts that don’t quiiiiiiite work.)

Actors – Matthew Perry – ( Known For: 17 Again; The Whole Nine Yards; The Kid; Numb; Getting In; Birds of America; Future BMT: Fools Rush In; She’s Out of Control; Almost Heroes; A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon; Three to Tango; BMT: Serving Sara; The Whole Ten Yards; Notes: Y’all know Perry. He was on Friends? Invented sarcasm? Anyways, this film in particular has a bunch of notes about how he was publicly going through his drug issues at the time and it caused a lot of consternation.)

Elizabeth Hurley – ( Known For: Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery; Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me; Bedazzled; Aria; Edtv; The Weight of Water; Then Came You; Permanent Midnight; Father Christmas Is Back; Kill Cruise; Christmas in the Caribbean; Mad Dogs and Englishmen; Rowing with the Wind; Double Whammy; Method; An Elephant’s Journey; Bad Boy; Viktor; Made in Romania; The Long Winter; Future BMT: Passenger 57; My Favorite Martian; Dangerous Ground; BMT: Serving Sara; Notes: Remember when she was famous. I have to assume she just got rich and quite acting because … who wouldn’t? Then she’s come back more recently. She was in the TV show The Royals. You have to see that thing. It is absurd!)

Bruce Campbell – ( Known For: Evil Dead Rise; Spider-Man; Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness; Oz the Great and Powerful; Evil Dead; The Evil Dead; Spider-Man 3; Spider-Man 2; Sky High; Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs; The Quick and the Dead; Army of Darkness; Evil Dead II; Escape from L.A.; The Majestic; Darkman; The Ladykillers; The Hudsucker Proxy; Bubba Ho-Tep; The Escort; Future BMT: Cars 2; McHale’s Navy; BMT: Congo; Serving Sara; Notes: Is it possible that Bruce Campbell is only famous for Evil Dead? I feel like it might be. He tends to have bit roles, but often it is in Raimi films because Campbell is his guy obviously.)

Budget/Gross – $29,000,000 / Domestic: $16,930,185 (Worldwide: $20,146,150)

(Disastrous again! We are on a good streak of bombs I feel like. Sometimes things seem like they kind of get close to profitability, but there’s no way with this one.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 4% (5/113): A romantic comedy that’s neither funny nor particularly romantic, Serving Sara is a forgettable time waster.

(My god, that consensus is perfect. It is the epitome of the bad rom com. Like … All About Steve. Neither romantic or funny.)

NY Times Short Review: Mr. Perry’s blustery, charmless performance reaches a nadir when his character, posing as a veterinarian, must give a prostate massage to an impotent bull named Tornado. — Stephen Holden

Poster – Serving Silverman

(No, no, and no. The only thing good in this whole poster is the pop of pink. Otherwise it’s a complete disaster. No wonder you got such terrible reviews. It’s all about the poster, guys. D+.)

Tagline(s) – The One Thing That Could Bring Them Together Is Revenge. (C-)

(I don’t totally understand what they think is clever here. Because revenge never brings people together? Sure… I mean, in a rom com I guess that’s unusual. But it’s pretty standard fare in film. Whatever, it’s long and not clever, but I think they were trying to do something clever.)

Keyword(s) – canada

Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), Venom (2018), The Butterfly Effect (2004), Armageddon (1998), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

Future BMT: 90.3 Vampires Suck (2010), 89.9 House of the Dead (2003), 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.1 Prom Night (2008), 79.6 Shark Night (2011), 78.9 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 77.3 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.9 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 74.0 The Spirit (2008), 73.9 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 73.1 The Turning (2020), 72.5 Mr. Magoo (1997), 71.8 Dance Flick (2009), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 69.0 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.8 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 68.6 Captivity (2007), 68.3 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.3 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.0 The Flintstones (1994)

BMT: Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), Alone in the Dark (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Movie 43 (2013), Barb Wire (1996), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Jason X (2001), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Fifty Shades Darker (2017), Little Man (2006), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), After Earth (2013), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Caddyshack II (1988),… (and many more)

Best Options (Justice League): 77.3 Superhero Movie (2008), 62.1 Cursed (2005), 50.0 Collateral Damage (2002), 48.1 Surviving Christmas (2004), 47.8 Sleepover (2004), 45.9 RV (2006), 45.1 The Ex (2006), 41.9 Mixed Nuts (1994), 41.5 Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992), 40.9 The Marksman (2021), 38.8 Play It to the Bone (1999), 37.8 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 37.5 The Glass House (2001), 37.4 The Guilt Trip (2012), 36.7 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016), 34.2 Suspect Zero (2004), 33.6 Must Love Dogs (2005), 32.9 Indecent Proposal (1993), 32.6 Let’s Go to Prison (2006), 29.9 200 Cigarettes (1999), 29.8 The Night Listener (2006), 29.6 Nights in Rodanthe (2008), 28.2 Dragonfly (2002), 26.5 TMNT (2007), 25.4 We Are Your Friends (2015), 20.8 Batman: The Killing Joke (2016), 20.0 Art School Confidential (2006), 19.5 Terminator Salvation (2009), 18.7 Entourage (2015), 16.8 Smokin’ Aces (2006), 14.8 The Matrix Revolutions (2003), 13.8 Wyatt Earp (1994)

(Yeah, again, Matthew Perry while being Canadian is not in fact born in Canada. This whole section has been a bit of a shambles since we are obviously opting to hit up very Canadian people even if they were born outside of Canada, so it is a little wonky.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Matthew Perry is No. 1 billed in Serving Sara and No. 2 billed in The Whole Ten Yards, which also stars Bruce Willis (No. 1 billed) who is in Armageddon (No. 1 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 3 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 15. If we were to watch The Jackal, Nights in Rodanthe, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – During filming in 2002, ‘Matthew Perry’ spent some time in rehab due to an addiction to prescription painkillers. Production was slowed, but the filmmakers focused on filming scenes without Perry in them during his absence.

The outfit that Sara Moore wears throughout the second half was actually chosen by Elizabeth Hurley. The director liked it so much he decided that would be her costume.

Matthew Perry shot the scene where Joe is running from Tony who is driving a monster truck with a broken foot. According to director Reggie Hudlin if he had stumbled he would have been run over.

A good number of Joe’s witty sarcastic comments were improvised by Matthew Perry.

The hotel concierge is played by Mike Judge who is a last minute addition to the film. According to Reggie Hudlin the original actor fell ill and was unable to appear in the movie, so he phoned Mike Judge who agreed to play the part.

View from the Top Preview

“Glimmer Man, reveal yourself!” Patrick yells, trying to imbue his voice with a sense of confidence. But it’s all false bravado. They had to wonder, were their twin chops as potent without BMT? They jump as they suddenly hear a clatter from above. “He must be heading for the roof,” Jamie murmurs. Patrick smirks. “Guess this guy doesn’t know us very well.” Five minutes and half a jar of margarine later and Jamie and Patrick are slip-sliding their way through the steam pipes of the arena. It’s classic Bad Movie Twins, their abs creating sweet rhythms on every bump and seam in the pipe like a robot walking along a cobblestone street. Using their knowledge of advanced physics they shoot their way to the roof of the arena and burst out of the pipe right in front of their watcher. They go in for a devastating Twin Chop but pause mere inches from the man’s jugular. Their mouths drop open in surprise. “Kyle?!” they exclaim and Kyle smiles. “Classic Bad Movie Twins,” he says, taking one look at their margarine greased abs. Jamie and Patrick are speechless and Kyle becomes serious. “I’m sorry I had to play this game of cat and mouse with you, but I had to get you away from the Dudikoff’s. They aren’t who you think they are,” Kyle says. Jamie and Patrick begin to protest, but Kyle instead pulls them in for a hug. “Listen to me. I’m also not who you think I am… I’m here to show you your future.” Suddenly Jamie and Patrick realize why it was so hard to catch Kyle. “You’re a ghost?” They ask and he nods. “Now take my hand, and look to the horizon,” Kyle says, and with that they jump from the roof of the arena. That’s right! We are taking in a view from the top by watching, you guessed it, View from the Top. It’s always surprised me just how bad the reviews for this film were, so let’s see if it lives up to its BMT billing. Let’s go!

View from the Top (2003) – BMeTric: 51.7; Notability: 53

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 9.6%; Notability: top 10.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.6%; Higher BMeT: The Room, Gigli, House of the Dead, The Cat in the Hat, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, From Justin to Kelly, Kangaroo Jack, Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, My Boss’s Daughter, Darkness Falls, The Foreigner, Biker Boyz, The Haunted Mansion, Agent Cody Banks, Cold Creek Manor, The Medallion, Marci X, Honey, Hollywood Homicide, The Order, and 4 more; Higher Notability: The Matrix Revolutions, Bad Boys II, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Scary Movie 3, Brother Bear, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The Haunted Mansion, Timeline, The Cat in the Hat, Gods and Generals, Hollywood Homicide, Tears of the Sun, The Core, Paycheck, Cradle 2 the Grave, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle of Life, Duplex, Agent Cody Banks, Wonderland, Beyond Borders, and 7 more; Lower RT: Dorm Daze, The Foreigner, Hangman’s Curse, Gold Diggers, House of the Dead, Gigli, Kangaroo Jack, From Justin to Kelly, Grind, My Boss’s Daughter, Gods and Generals, Marci X, Darkness Falls, The Cat in the Hat, The Order, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, A Man Apart, Alex & Emma, National Security, Cold Creek Manor, and 5 more; Notes: I’m pretty stunned at the number of high BMeT films from 2003 we haven’t seen (officially) for BMT. I guess there thing is I’ve seen Dumb and Dumberer and Darkness Falls on my own. Still though, a bunch I haven’t seen. Very impressive 50-50 BMeT + Notability. The 100 club.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – The movie, directed by Bruno Barreto and written by Eric Wald, is surprising for what it doesn’t contain: No scenes involving mile-high clubs, lecherous businessmen or randy pilots, but the sincere story of a woman who finds her career is almost but not quite enough. Adult audiences may be underwhelmed. Not younger teenage girls, who will be completely fascinated.

(Awwwww, I do love sentimental Roger. He is probably at least somewhat right, but it is stunning when he comes off the top rope with “this movie isn’t for all of you” to his fellow critics. I checked and Leonard gave it a 2 specifically calling out Meyers for seemingly coming from a different film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elF04ebuXHI/

(Ha I remember this trailer. I find it crazy how prominent they make Meyers in a film which, in reality, is not that much of a comedy. But I imagine they realized they had to capitalize on him being one of the biggest comedic stars at the time.)

Directors – Bruno Barreto – ( Known For: Gabriela; Dona Flor and Her Two Husbands; Reaching for the Moon; Carried Away; Four Days in September; Última Parada 174; A Show of Force; One Tough Cop; Bossa Nova; Happily Ever After; Romeo & Juliet …Get Married; Tati; The Story of Fausta; BMT: View from the Top; Notes: He seems to have mostly done Brazilian (adjacent at least) films, then this, and then went back to Brazilian films maybe. Was the second husband of Steven Spielberg’s first wife.)

Writers – Eric Wald – ( BMT: View from the Top; Notes: Wrote this script in a class at film school. He created and wrote a television series called Sirens which seemingly ran for multiple seasons.)

Actors – Gwyneth Paltrow – ( Known For: Avengers: Endgame; Se7en; Avengers: Infinity War; Iron Man; Spider-Man: Homecoming; The Avengers; The Royal Tenenbaums; Iron Man Three; Iron Man 2; The Talented Mr. Ripley; Shakespeare in Love; Contagion; Shallow Hal; Austin Powers in Goldmember; Sliding Doors; Emma; A Perfect Murder; Hard Eight; Malice; Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow; Future BMT: Hook; Great Expectations; Moonlight and Valentino; Country Strong; Hush; Shout; BMT: View from the Top; Mortdecai; Notes: Possibly even more famous for Goop than being an actress at this point. She seems a little like a kook if I’m being honest, but to each their own. Won an Oscar for Shakespeare in Love.)

Christina Applegate – ( Known For: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy; Mars Attacks!; Bad Moms; The Book of Life; Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues; The Rocker; Going the Distance; Wonderland; Nowhere; The Big Hit; Employee of the Month; Crash Pad; Streets; Grand Theft Parsons; Sol Goode; Youth in Oregon; Farce of the Penguins; Jaws of Satan; Out in Fifty; Claudine’s Return; Future BMT: Vacation; Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead; Hall Pass; Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel; Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked; A Bad Moms Christmas; Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip; Mafia!; Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore; Just Visiting; Surviving Christmas; BMT: The Sweetest Thing; View from the Top; Wild Bill; Notes: She’s had a fun career. Nominated 8 times for Emmys (won once for a guest spot on Friends). She was launched to television stardom for Married with Children (over 250 episodes), and is still a huge television star.)

Kelly Preston – ( Known For: Jerry Maguire; From Dusk Till Dawn; Sky High; Twins; Gotti; Christine; SpaceCamp; Mischief; For Love of the Game; Amazon Women on the Moon; 10 to Midnight; Waiting to Exhale; Citizen Ruth; 52 Pick-Up; Addicted to Love; Off the Rails; Spellbinder; The Experts; Eulogy; Daddy and Them; Future BMT: What a Girl Wants; Death Sentence; From Paris with Love; The Last Song; Nothing to Lose; Secret Admirer; Jack Frost; Holy Man; Run; BMT: The Cat in the Hat; Battlefield Earth; View from the Top; Old Dogs; Notes: She was married to John Travolta for years and years and sadly died from cancer a few years ago.)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $15,614,000 (Worldwide: $19,526,014)

(Yeah that’s rough. I remember when this came out and it was a huge bomb.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 14% (17/125): Uneven in tone and badly edited, A View From the Top wastes the talents of its cast and condescends to its characters.

(Badly edited. Boy howdy, I need to see this now! That seems like a rare consensus critique to come out of RT.)

NY Times Short Review: The satire is toothless, the romance … tepid, the portrait of stewardesses is dumb, jiggly babes anachronistic. Mike Myers has a  small,  unfunny role as a flight-attendant trainer with a crossed eye.

Poster – View from the Sklog

(I like the colors and I like the font. Don’t like much else about it. It also tells you almost nothing about the film… like why would anyone want to see this? The whole aesthetic is odd, as well. For so long I thought this was a period piece, presumably because of this poster. I also thought Ewan McGregor was in it… presumably because this aesthetic reminded me of Down with Love. C+)

Tagline(s) – Don’t stop till you reach the top. (B)

(How about… once you top the fun don’t stop? No? Well this is OK, I guess. Reminds me of a song, which is nice and it’s nice and short. It actually does kind of tell you what the film is about: corporate ladder climbing. OK.)

Keyword(s) – canada

Top 10: The Matrix Revolutions (2003), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), Venom (2018), The Butterfly Effect (2004), Armageddon (1998), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

Future BMT: 90.3 Vampires Suck (2010), 89.9 House of the Dead (2003), 88.6 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 79.6 Shark Night (2011), 78.9 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.9 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 74.0 The Spirit (2008), 73.9 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 73.1 The Turning (2020), 72.5 Mr. Magoo (1997), 71.8 Dance Flick (2009), 71.7 Zoom (2006), 69.4 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.8 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 68.6 Captivity (2007), 68.3 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.3 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 67.0 The Flintstones (1994)

BMT: Battlefield Earth (2000), Catwoman (2004), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Wicker Man (2006), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Movie 43 (2013), Barb Wire (1996), RoboCop 3 (1993), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Jason X (2001), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002), Little Man (2006), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), After Earth (2013), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Caddyshack II (1988), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Driven (2001), Jonah Hex (2010), Species II (1998), Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), … (and many more)

Best Options (Romance): 74.9 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 53.3 Abandon (2002), 53.2 Aloha (2015), 52.1 Loser (2000), 51.7 View from the Top (2003), 49.4 Monster-in-Law (2005), 49.4 The Perfect Man (2005), 48.1 Surviving Christmas (2004), 47.7 Sleepover (2004), 47.0 On the Line (2001), 46.7 You, Me and Dupree (2006), 46.5 40 Days and 40 Nights (2002), 46.3 Slackers (2002), 45.1 The Ex (2006), 45.0 Home Fries (1998), 43.3 John Tucker Must Die (2006), 42.2 Autumn in New York (2000), 42.0 You Again (2010), 40.4 Intersection (1994), 40.3 Admission (2013), 40.3 Soul Man (1986), 40.2 Bubble Boy (2001), … (and many more)

(Yeah finally we actually got one that starred a bone fide born-in-Canada Canadian! This is night and high up on the list, and we had to pick out a Meyers to go somewhere.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Gwyneth Paltrow is No. 1 billed in View from the Top and No. 2 billed in Mortdecai, which also stars Paul Bettany (No. 4 billed) who is in Firewall (No. 2 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (4 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 16. If we were to watch Moonlight and Valentino, Must Love Dogs, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The segment where the trainee flight attendants at Royalty Airways are undergoing training by John Witney (Mike Myers) included a lesson on how to deal with terrorists. The scene was cut from the film, and was not included on the DVD release as a deleted scene.

In 2019, British actor/writer/director Richard Ayoade found “View from the Top” so appallingly awful in every way that he wrote a book dedicated to the film, “Ayoade on Top.” He stated that he wanted to analyze the film as if it were Citizen Kane (1941).

This film wrapped filming in 2001, and was originally scheduled for a Christmas 2001 release, then after initial tests, an April 2002 release. However, after the terrorist attacks on the U.S. of September 11, 2001, the studio felt it was not appropriate to release a comedy which made light of airline flight crews. After another year in the can, and another round of edits which cut out cameo appearances by Robert Stack and Regis Philbin, the film was finally released in summer 2003. It promptly flopped and disappeared.

The character of John Whitney, played by Mike Myers, was cross-eyed. His office features photos of prominent real life figures with eye afflictions: Sammy Davis Jr. (who lost left eye in a car accident), Marty Feldman (had Graves’ ophthalmopathy, causing his eyes to protrude and become misaligned), and Peter Falk (His right eye was surgically removed when he was three because of a retinoblastoma, he wore an artificial eye for most of his life)

In an interview Gwyneth Paltrow admitted that she thought this was a terrible movie. This interview can be seen as a bonus feature on the DVD release of Thanks for Sharing (2012).

Man Trouble Preview

“Not just one ghost… Two,” Michael reminds them for the fifth time. Jamie and Patrick nod in understanding. They get it. Not just one ghost. After telling them the story of Charlie and Drake Dudikoff (long story short: apparently they both became ghosts), he promised that he knows everything about this place and led them to a nearby secret passage. Since then they’ve been wandering the tunnels underneath the rehab center for hours, if not days, and Jamie and Patrick are starting to get concerned that Michael may have oversold his knowledge of the Testarossa. “Time is different here in the catacombs,” Michael says again. It’s as if he has only a handful of phrases he is able to say. “Right, right, time is different. Not just one ghost but two. Michael?” Jamie interjects, “how much longer do you think we’ll be wandering these catacombs? The ones where time is different.” Michael nods, “Just a little further. Time is different here in the catacombs. I’ve been here forever, so I know everything about this place.” Jamie and Patrick both sigh. But just then a doorway appears out of the gloom. Jamie and Patrick rush up to it and take a deep breath. “Finally we can help Gutes!” Jamie says just as Patrick says “Finally we can get back to Citizen Kane!” They look at each other in confusion as the door creaks open revealing a library adorned with rich mahogany. “Why hello,” a man says from a very comfortable chair. “Looks like you finally made it. Time works a little differently in the catacombs, but Michael always makes his way eventually.” The man nods to Michael. “You can leave now, Michael, I’ll take care of these two troublemakers. Let me introduce myself. I’m Drake Dudikoff. Welcome to my school.” That’s right! We might be causing a bit of trouble at the Dudikoff center but it’s nothing compared to all the trouble Jack Nicholson is causing in Man Trouble. It’s a movie… about a man… and boy… is he trouble. Probably that’s what it’s about. Let’s go!

Man Trouble (1992) – BMeTric: 36.5; Notability: 44

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 8.0%; Notability: top 6.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 3.0%; Higher BMeT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Body of Evidence, Cool World, Pet Sematary II, Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice, Toys, Sleepwalkers, 3 Ninjas, Sidekicks, Freejack, Beethoven, Aces: Iron Eagle III, Evil Toons, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Ladybugs, Dr. Giggles, Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, Encino Man, Man Trouble; Higher Notability: Toys, Cool World, Newsies, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, The Bodyguard, Freejack, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Innocent Blood, Universal Soldier, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Mighty Ducks, Radio Flyer, This Is My Life, Encino Man, The Distinguished Gentleman; Lower RT: Frozen Assets, Once Upon a Crime…, Love Crimes, Folks!, Live Wire, Year of the Comet, Cool World; Notes: I’ve barely heard of some of those lower RT films from 1992. Quite amazing that it only has 3K votes as well. But the Notability is so high! What a weird film.

Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars –  Opera singer Barkin is troubled by a frightening break-in and other harassment so she hires guard-dog specialist Nicholson to beef up security. This mongrel of a screwball comedy consistently misses the target. Particularly disappointing in the light of reteaming Nicholson with Five Easy Pieces director Rafelson and writer Carole Eastman. Way below par for all concerned.

(Yeah, looking at the notes, that is the main thing. That he re-teamed with them as a favor and then it ended up as a huge disaster.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1ho3wmu8Hk/

(Wow, that is just maybe the worst trailer I’ve ever seen. You can tell they didn’t even know what the film is about. They are trying to figure it out in the voice over and never quite get there.)

Directors – Bob Rafelson – ( Known For: Five Easy Pieces; The Postman Always Rings Twice; Stay Hungry; Blood and Wine; Black Widow; Head; The King of Marvin Gardens; Mountains of the Moon; No Good Deed; BMT: Man Trouble; Notes: Nominated for 2 Oscars, both for Five Easy Pieces. Which is basically the entire story behind this film. Also helped create The Monkees.)

Writers – Carole Eastman – ( Known For: Five Easy Pieces; The Shooting; The Fortune; Model Shop; Puzzle of a Downfall Child; BMT: Man Trouble; Notes: Met Nicholson in an acting class, and ultimately he starred in the majority of her written works.)

Actors – Jack Nicholson – ( Known For: The Departed; One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest; The Shining; Batman; A Few Good Men; As Good as It Gets; Chinatown; Mars Attacks!; The Witches of Eastwick; The Pledge; Easy Rider; Anger Management; Something’s Gotta Give; Terms of Endearment; The Bucket List; Five Easy Pieces; Carnal Knowledge; Tommy; The Postman Always Rings Twice; Goin’ South; Future BMT: How Do You Know; The Evening Star; BMT: Man Trouble; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor in 1993 for Hoffa, and Man Trouble; Notes: Y’all know Jack. Famous Lakers fan, he refused to allow anyone on the set of The Departed to wear a Red Sox hat. Apparently not retired from acting, although he hasn’t appeared in anything since 2010.)

Ellen Barkin – ( Known For: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; The Man from Toronto; Ocean’s Thirteen; Diner; Tender Mercies; This Boy’s Life; Drop Dead Gorgeous; The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension; The Cobbler; Sea of Love; Eddie and the Cruisers; Johnny Handsome; Brooklyn’s Finest; Breaking News in Yuba County; Down by Law; Hands of Stone; Someone Like You; Very Good Girls; The Big Easy; Twelve; Future BMT: The Fan; Switch; Harry & Son; BMT: Wild Bill; Mad Dog Time; Man Trouble; Notes: Won an Emmy for Before Women Had Wings. Starred in the tv show Animal Kingdom.)

Harry Dean Stanton – ( Known For: The Godfather Part II; Alien; The Green Mile; How the West Was Won; The Avengers; Red Dawn; Rango; Pretty in Pink; Seven Psychopaths; Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; Inland Empire; Escape from New York; Cool Hand Luke; Wild at Heart; Paris, Texas; The Pledge; Anger Management; The Last Temptation of Christ; Alpha Dog; Christine; Future BMT: Down Periscope; Dream a Little Dream; The Animal; You, Me and Dupree; Young Doctors in Love; BMT: Fire Down Below; Never Talk to Strangers; Man Trouble; Notes: Died at 91 a few years ago. All over the place as a character actor, and was the main antagonist of the show Big Love.)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $4,096,030 (Worldwide: $4,096,030)

(My god, that film had a family! That is a colossal bomb. Possibly the largest bomb of that year. And then people just forgot about it. Only 3000 votes on IMDb. It is crazy!)

Rotten Tomatoes – 7% (2/30): Man Trouble has brilliant stars and the germ of an interesting idea in its favor, which makes the scattered, unfunny results even more of a disappointment.

(Unfunny garbage? That’s my middle name. What a low RT score. I do wonder how many sub-10% RT films there are and how many we’ve seen … one sec. There are 372 qualifying films that fit the bill, and we’ve seen 175 … soon to be 176, but still, a ways to go is an understatement.)

NY Times Short Review: Love. A dog trainer and an opera singer. Sad mess of a romantic comedy.

Poster – Man, Trouble

(This honestly looks so much like the cover a self-help book that if I didn’t already know the plot of the film I would have thought it was a movie about a self-help guru who breaks all her own rules and falls in love with everything she advises her readers not to go after. The anti-catch…. That’s actually not half bad. I better start working on that script. I think I’ll call it… Man Trouble. Oh, the poster is a surprising C. If only for the pink font and the little pink doggie.)

Tagline(s) – She put her life in his hands. Unfortunately, his hands have a life of their own. (C+)

(My word. That is crazy like a fox. Obviously it takes far too long getting where it wants to go, but the use of the old fashioned “life of their own” phrasing to spin a pun is so ludicrous that I can’t help but respect it. Although I have to say I don’t love the word “unfortunately” here. GIves me the creeps.)

Keyword(s) – Citizen Kane

Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), The Terminator (1984), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987), Aliens (1986), Groundhog Day (1993)

Future BMT: 75.0 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 71.9 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 61.0 Pet Sematary II (1992), 59.6 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.5 Rocky V (1990), 56.4 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.6 Ringmaster (1998), 54.2 Who’s That Girl (1987), 53.2 Made in America (1993), 52.4 Blank Check (1994), 51.5 The Pest (1997), 50.5 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.0 Smokey and the Bandit II (1980), 49.9 3 Ninjas (1992), 49.1 My Girl 2 (1994), 48.3 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988), 47.9 Three Men and a Little Lady (1990), 46.7 House Party 3 (1994), 46.4 Zapped! (1982), 45.8 Sidekicks (1992)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Grease 2 (1982), Caddyshack II (1988), Bio-Dome (1996), Mac and Me (1988), Anaconda (1997), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996), Double Team (1997), Fair Game (1995), Leprechaun (1993), Body of Evidence (1992), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), Poltergeist III (1988), Wild Orchid (1989), Sliver (1993), Chairman of the Board (1997), Red Sonja (1985), Nothing But Trouble (1991), Ishtar (1987), Toys (1992), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Exit to Eden (1994), Fire Down Below (1997), Color of Night (1994), Graveyard Shift (1990), No Holds Barred (1989), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Maximum Overdrive (1986), Fire Birds (1990), Cocoon: The Return (1988), Jingle All the Way (1996), Raw Deal (1986), Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986), Crocodile Dundee II (1988), Hudson Hawk (1991), Navy Seals (1990), Critters 2: The Main Course (1988), Hot to Trot (1988), Rambo III (1988), Terminal Velocity (1994), Meatballs Part II (1984), Cobra (1986), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Man Trouble (1992), Hard to Kill (1990), Conan the Destroyer (1984), The Golden Child (1986), Another 48 Hrs. (1990), Hard Rain (1998), Under the Cherry Moon (1986), Mannequin (1987), K-9 (1989), Days of Thunder (1990), Blame It on Rio (1984), No Mercy (1986), Senseless (1998), The Wizard (1989), The Marrying Man (1991), Sleeping with the Enemy (1991), The Cannonball Run (1981), Stone Cold (1991), Tango & Cash (1989), Lock Up (1989), The Good Son (1993), 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992), Dangerous Minds (1995), Young Guns II (1990), Event Horizon (1997), Dutch (1991), Police Academy (1984), Road House (1989)

Best Options (Romance): 75.0 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 54.2 Who’s That Girl (1987), 46.7 House Party 3 (1994), 39.0 The Beautician and the Beast (1997), 36.7 Man Trouble (1992), 32.2 Born Yesterday (1993), 32.0 Blind Date (1987), 31.3 The Forbidden Dance (1990), 30.9 He Said, She Said (1991), 29.6 Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992), 28.9 Dream a Little Dream (1989), 27.9 The Favor (1994), 26.7 HouseSitter (1992), 26.7 Vibes (1988), 26.6 The Saint (1997), 26.2 Flashdance (1983), 26.1 The Bride (1985), 24.7 18 Again! (1988), 24.4 Poetic Justice (1993), 21.8 Funny About Love (1990), 21.3 Date with an Angel (1987), 21.0 For Keeps? (1988), 16.8 Listen to Me (1989), 16.6 Mr. Destiny (1990), 15.5 Aspen Extreme (1993), 15.2 Worth Winning (1989), 15.1 Unfaithfully Yours (1984), 14.6 Creator (1985), 13.2 Stella (1990), 10.7 Reckless (1984)

(What a wild set of options and a wild movie to choose. I should note about the graph, that peak in 1992? That’s real. It is because “Citizen Kane Days”, days when Citizen Kane played on television, had a huuuuuge peak in 1992 since that was the 50th anniversary. And since recent films are going to be playing the most in 1992 the peak will be around 1990-1992. Fun facts.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Ellen Barkin is No. 2 billed in Man Trouble and No. 2 billed in Wild Bill, which also stars Diane Lane (No. 4 billed) who is in Judge Dredd (No. 2 billed) which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 2) + (4 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 19. If we were to watch The Fan, Murder at 1600, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Jack Nicholson mainly agreed to make this film in an attempt to revive the careers of his old friends Bob Rafelson and Carole Eastman. Nicholson had worked successfully with the two on Five Easy Pieces (1970).

A promotional photo session featuring Ellen Barkin sporting a studded dog collar and attached to Jack Nicholson’s leash had American feminist organizations in an uproar.

Meryl Streep was initially intended for the role of Joan Spruance, but she withdrew when she became pregnant.

The first version of the script was written in the 1970s, and was to feature Jack Nicholson and Jeanne Moreau. At first, Caole Eastman hoped to direct her script herself.

Other pairings considered were Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson, then Robert De Niro and Jessica Lange, and then Al Pacino and Meryl Streep, before its final incarnation of Nicholson and Ellen Barkin.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Jack Nicholson, 1993)

Money Train Preview

Jamie and Patrick wait by the train tracks whistling a jaunty tune. Their bags are packed for Delaware and they are feeling good. Real good. Good Movie Twins is up and running and they even have their first movie picked out. Jamie stares down at their mint DVD copy of Citizen Kane. “What’s this one about again? I hope it’s a biopic of Carol Kane,” Jamie says hopefully before starting to get antsy. “Where is this train? When are we gonna get to Delllaawwwaarreeeee?” he whines and Patrick sighs. He pulls out their Good Movie Twins Rulez are Coolz card. “Rule #3 – Trains, Planes, and Cranes,” he mutters and Jamie perks up. “All those are great… is there a train, plane or crane in Citizen Kane?” he asks, but before Patrick can respond he feels a tap on his shoulder. “Hello, you young whippersnappers, I was hoping that perhaps you were a couple of good boys who could help an old man with his luggage.” Jamie and Patrick look at each other and then at the old man. He has a mass of frizzy white hair, tiny bifocals and a newsboy hat… in fact everything about him screams OLD… suspiciously so. But before Patrick can voice his skepticism the old man takes note of Jamie’s DVD. “Oh, boy Citizen Kane. That one is my favorite. No trains, planes or cranes. Although trains and planes are a big part of a lot of good films.” Suddenly Patrick sees an opportunity for GMT research. Instead of brushing off this suspicious old man he instead crosses off Cranes from Rule #3 and agrees to help him just as their train pulls in. With their moods only further enhanced, Patrick and Jamie put on their sunglasses. “This train is gonna be money.” That’s right! We’re watching the moniest of trains in Money Train. No it’s not a train made of money, it’s just an armored subway train that contains boatloads of money… specifically on New Years Eve. You ready for a countdown? Let’s go!

Money Train (1995) – BMeTric: 41.1; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 9.6%; Notability: top 4.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.7%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Vampire in Brooklyn, Showgirls, Fair Game, Jury Duty, Batman Forever, Congo, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Theodore Rex, The Babysitter, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh, Judge Dredd, Nine Months, The Scarlet Letter, Johnny Mnemonic, Virtuosity, Jade, and 4 more; Higher Notability: Batman Forever, Congo, Judge Dredd, Cutthroat Island, Virtuosity, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Showgirls, Stuart Saves His Family, Four Rooms, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers; Lower RT: National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, Delta of Venus, The Big Green, Jury Duty, Theodore Rex, The Walking Dead, Born to Be Wild, Top Dog, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, The Hunted, It Takes Two, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Bushwhacked, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Fair Game, Vampire in Brooklyn, Canadian Bacon, The Scarlet Letter, Four Rooms, Jade, and 19 more; Notes: Loving that notability for a 90s film. How we haven’t seen Under Siege 2: Dark Territory yet is beyond me. Same goes for Jury Duty.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars –  The costars of White Men Can’t Jump try to reignite their chemistry as randy N.Y.C. transit cops – and brothers (!) – who fight over the same woman, argue over Woody’s gambling fever, and get involved in the theft of a money-laden subway car. Violent, overly contrived buddy flick with some big subterranean action scenes. The stars are funny together, but Blake is way over the top as the boys’ megalomaniac supervisor. All in all, “token” entertainment.

(Token, get it? Like subway tokens. Blake is indeed insane, and gambling fever? Woody should get that checked out. I give this review 3 Maltins. That’s out of four. Needed mor esemi-colons.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Odo80-WFgM/

(I remember this trailer so well! I remember the explanation of them being brothers being on constantly. Have to say … this trailer is rocking. I’m amped to watch this movie now.)

Directors – Joseph Ruben – ( Known For: The Stepfather; Dreamscape; The Ottoman Lieutenant; Return to Paradise; Blindsided; The Pom Pom Girls; True Believer; The Sister in Law; Gorp; Joyride; Our Winning Season; Future BMT: The Good Son; The Forgotten; BMT: Sleeping with the Enemy; Money Train; Notes: This basically ended his major motion picture run he was one from 1987 to 1995. Wrote Dreamscape.)

Writers – Doug Richardson – ( Known For: Bad Boys; Die Hard 2; Future BMT: Hostage; BMT: Welcome to Mooseport; Money Train; Notes: His one-two punch of Money Train and Bad Boys in 1995 is something else. I assume he’s a script doctor, otherwise his credits make no sense.)

David Loughery – ( Known For: Shattered; Fatale; End of the Road; Lakeview Terrace; Nurse; Dreamscape; Blindsided; Flashback; Future BMT: The Three Musketeers; Obsessed; Passenger 57; Tom and Huck; BMT: Star Trek V: The Final Frontier; The Intruder; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Star Trek V: The Final Frontier in 1990; Notes: Tom and Huck and The Three Musketeers. He’s like a case study in adapting classic literature poorly.)

Actors – Wesley Snipes – ( Known For: Blade; Coming 2 America; Blade II; To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar; King of New York; Major League; New Jack City; White Men Can’t Jump; Dolemite Is My Name; Waiting to Exhale; Chaos; Jungle Fever; Brooklyn’s Finest; Undisputed; Cut Throat City; Gallowwalkers; Mo’ Better Blues; One Night Stand; Chi-Raq; The Recall; Future BMT: U.S. Marshals; Blade: Trinity; Passenger 57; Wildcats; Murder at 1600; The Fan; Drop Zone; The Art of War; Sugar Hill; Play It to the Bone; Boiling Point; Streets of Gold; BMT: The Expendables 3; Rising Sun; Demolition Man; Money Train; Notes: Back doing movies like Coming 2 America and was just in the mini series True Story. Spent a shade over two years in prison for tax evasion.)

Woody Harrelson – ( Known For: Triangle of Sadness; The Hunger Games; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri; No Country for Old Men; Out of the Furnace; Seven Psychopaths; The Hunger Games: Catching Fire; Solo: A Star Wars Story; Friends with Benefits; Zombieland; The Man from Toronto; Venom: Let There Be Carnage; Now You See Me; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; Midway; Natural Born Killers; The Edge of Seventeen; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; The Thin Red Line; Zombieland: Double Tap; Future BMT: Venom; Indecent Proposal; Now You See Me 2; Seven Pounds; Wildcats; Semi-Pro; After the Sunset; Free Birds; The Cowboy Way; Palmetto; Play It to the Bone; BMT: 2012; Money Train; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actor for Indecent Proposal in 1994; Notes: Made famous as Woody on Cheers. Nominated three times for Oscars for Three Billboards, The Messenger, and The People vs. Larry Flynt. Nominated 8 times for Emmys, five times for Cheers (he won once), and for Frasier, Game Change, and True Detective.)

Jennifer Lopez – ( Known For: Shotgun Wedding; Marry Me; Hustlers; Out of Sight; The Cell; Home; Second Act; Antz; U Turn; Parker; Selena; Jersey Girl; Shall We Dance; An Unfinished Life; My Family; Lila & Eve; Bordertown; Blood and Wine; El cantante; My Little Girl; Future BMT: Maid in Manhattan; Ice Age: Collision Course; Enough; Jack; Ice Age: Continental Drift; The Wedding Planner; The Back-up Plan; Monster-in-Law; Angel Eyes; Feel the Noise; BMT: The Boy Next Door; Anaconda; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Gigli; Money Train; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actress, and Worst Screen Couple for Gigli in 2004; Nominee for Worst Actress in 2002 for Angel Eyes, and The Wedding Planner; in 2003 for Enough, and Maid in Manhattan; in 2006 for Monster-in-Law; and in 2016 for The Boy Next Door; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress in 2005 for Jersey Girl; and in 2013 for What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Nominee for Worst Actress of the Decade in 2010 for Angel Eyes, Enough, Gigli, Jersey Girl, Maid in Manhattan, Monster-in-Law, and The Wedding Planner; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for Jersey Girl in 2005; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for her Super Bowl Halftime Show in 2020. Notably started as a fly girl on In Living Color.)

Budget/Gross – $68 million / Domestic: $35,431,113 (Worldwide: $35,431,113)

(Whoops, that’s terrible! I can see why it didn’t click with people though now that I’ve seen it, it is a bit too self-serious to work on the level of Con Air and others of that ilk.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (7/32): Loud, incoherent, and aimless, Money Train reunites Snipes and Harrelson — and proves that starring duos are far from immune to the law of diminishing returns.

(It is incoherent. I can give it that. You know? I completely forgot these two starred in White Men Can’t Jump. They don’t work as well here as a duo.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s stupid, but also breezier than the year’s other 12-score releases not worth a second look. – Mike Clark, USA Today

Poster – The Great Train Robbery

(If I could induct a film in the BMT HoF purely off a poster it would be this one. My word! This shit is off the rails (pun very much intended). Look at the majesty of two actors running from a fake train with a look on their faces like “What is this picture for?” The orange glow of the poster hurt my eyes and yet I’m drawn to it like a moth to a money train. Even the font is like “I’m gonna barely try but still be a little unique… just like Money Train.” I hate it… and yet I love it. Starts at a D and then comes all the way around to an A.)

Tagline(s) – Get on the fast track! (D)

(Ha! No! Sorry, that’s horrible. At least it’s short, I guess.)

Keyword(s) – good

Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), The Nice Guys (2016)

Future BMT: 67.3 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 56.2 The Fly II (1989), 51.7 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.0 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.6 The Hot Chick (2002), 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.1 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.4 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.6 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Hunter Killer (2018)

Best Options (Action): 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 41.0 Money Train (1995), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 31.3 The Nude Bomb (1980), 24.5 Money Talks (1997), 21.7 One Good Cop (1991), 21.7 Killer Elite (2011), 14.4 The Great Raid (2005), 2.5 Man on Fire (2004)

(Spoilees, we are doing the Fantastic Fours later on, so this was actually the best option. And honestly, it’s by a long shot, there was no way I was watching The Great Wall.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Wesley Snipes is No. 1 billed in Money Train and No. 2 billed in Demolition Man, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 12. If we were to watch Murder at 1600, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – Two days after the film opened, two men poured gasoline over a ticket booth on the Brooklyn subway and set it alight in an incident similar to the one depicted in the film. The booth attendant was burned and later died of his injuries. Consequently, New York City subway workers called for a boycott of the film and the removal of all the posters from every station. Senator Bob Dole quickly came out in support of them. Columbia Pictures refused to bow to their demands.

This boasts the distinction of having one of the longest sets ever constructed for a film. At over three thousand feet long, twenty feet high, and four railway tracks wide, the set was roughly the same size as two Empire State buildings lying side by side. The original plan was to film in the real New York City subway, but the logistics proved to be too problematic.

Twelve New York City subway cars were shipped over to Los Angeles to the film set. They were converted to run on propane so that the rails on the film set did not need to be electrified, a potential health hazard for all of the crew.

The prop train used for the money train was an actual retired New York City subway train that was destined to be scrapped. After the film was completed, it was donated to the New York City Transit Authority, and currently resides in the Coney Island Rapid Transit Yard.

Most of the subway scenes were filmed on a four thousand-foot-long set built to resemble a typical four-track New York City subway trunkline. It included three stations, all of which were built as local stops with the platforms on the outside of the outer tracks. Included were I-beams between each track, spaced five feet apart just as they are in New York City. The ceiling, however, was much higher than on any actual New York City subway line.

While there are scenes that show R30 class subway trains running on the IRT Lexington Avenue Line, this would be physically impossible in reality. Due to New York City’s subway having been constructed by competing companies, trains for the lettered lines would not fit on the numbered lines, as they are too wide. IRT trains are narrower and shorter than BMT/IND trains.

Robert Blake claims that his first meeting with Producer Jon Peters consisted of Peters wrestling Blake to the ground. At the premiere, Blake said Peters told him he wrestled with Blake to see if Blake would lose his temper.

Originally, the movie was developed by Director Tony Scott and Screenwriter Doug Richardson. After some time, Scott left the project and was replaced by Joseph Ruben, who fired Richardson and had the script re-written.

The sex scene between Wesley Snipes and Jennifer Lopez was not in the original script, but was added after filming had begun.

The Wall Street station scenes were filmed at the Union Square station on the IRT Lexington Avenue line. The 33rd Street station is the real one, on the same line. All scenes filmed on the subway set featured retired carbon steel R-30 subway cars, painted red. Scenes filmed on the actual New York City subway featured stainless steel R-62 cars.

The subway car used as the money train in the film is a modified R21 subway car. The car was modified by the Metropolitan Transit Authority and film crew in a way that looks absolutely nothing like the actual revenue collection trains used in the system.

Amsterdam Preview

It was a classic Bad Movie Twins dance. Abs? Gleaming. Jorts? Brimming. Legs? Akimbo. Just when Kevin James thought it would end, his hand hovering over his patented “Not Good Buzzer,” the routine would ratchet up a notch. Jamie and Patrick stared daggers at him, their muscles burning at 45 straight minutes of experimental dance the likes of which a national audience had never witnessed. Ratings were spiking as other networks hopped on the broadcast. Over 200 million Americans watched as Kevin James was dragged from the stage screaming that Jamie and Patrick were punks. Punks who needed Punk’ding. The producers scoffed at his antics. They wouldn’t let a personal vendetta stand in the way of them getting the opportunity to declare the once Bad Movie Twins the Very Good Twins. Imagine! America is Very Good will be the top talent show on TV in no time as long as the Very Good Twins were part of the team. “That… that was amazing,” Producer Frank Brow exclaims, “and you can take that to the bank,” he finishes with a flourish. He doesn’t let his disappointment show when it becomes clear that Jamie and Patrick don’t recognize a classic Brow-ism. “Yeah, well we’re good now,” Patrick says shrugging. “Very good,” Jamie chimes in with a wink and The Brow almost faints, dollar signs dancing in his vision. “So this is the button… the Not Good Buzzer. You guys can just press it together if you like. Or we can get a second one.” Jamie and Patrick are confused. “Mr. Brow. This seems like a good gig for some Very Good Twins, but I think we just won the show… so…” Brow is picking up what they’re putting down. “The Prize. Of course. How would you like a trip to …” That’s right! We’re heading off to Amsterdam for David O. Russell’s very big bomb Amsterdam. It’s not a movie I wanted to see… but here we are. Let’s go!

Amsterdam (2022) – BMeTric: 28.5; Notability: 50

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 10.8%; Notability: top 1.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 12.2%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Bubble, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Firestarter, Moonfall, Morbius, Blacklight, Pinocchio, Me Time, Spiderhead, Deep Water, The Invitation, After Ever Happy, Jurassic World: Dominion, Senior Year, Blackout, The 355, White Elephant, Samaritan, Prey for the Devil, and 7 more; Higher Notability: Black Adam, Jurassic World: Dominion, Pinocchio; Lower RT: After Ever Happy, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Me Time, Poker Face, Blacklight, Firestarter, White Elephant, Prey for the Devil, Morbius, The Last Manhunt, Blackout, The Bubble, The Man from Toronto, Senior Year, On the Line, The 355, The Invitation, Pinocchio, Memory, Jurassic World: Dominion, and 2 more; Notes: That notability is off the chain for real though. I need to watch Black Adam at some point, got to hit up those big Notability films.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – But despite these sporadic moments of enjoyment, “Amsterdam” is ultimately so convoluted and tedious that it obliterates such glimmers of goodwill. It’s so weighed down by its overlong running time and self-indulgent sense of importance that its core message about the simple need for human decency feels like a cynical afterthought. And whispering the word “Amsterdam” throughout, as several of the characters do, doesn’t even begin to cast the magic spell it seeks to conjure.

(Yeah that is what it feels like. But also, isn’t that kind of David O. Russell’s M.O. at this point? The huge ensemble cast desperately trying to hold an overblown ripped-from-the-headlines plot together? Or should I actually say the magnetic charisma of Christian Bale trying to kill such a plot afloat.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLs2xxM0e78/

(I watched this trailer when it came out. Looked good. Oh wait, I should be more specific. Christian Bale looked good. I was a little disappointed it apparently isn’t. Because I like Christian Bale. Such is life I suppose though.)

Directors – David O. Russell – ( Known For: American Hustle; Silver Linings Playbook; The Fighter; Joy; Three Kings; I Heart Huckabees; Spanking the Monkey; Flirting with Disaster; Accidental Love; BMT: Amsterdam; Notes: Nominated for five Oscars for writing/directing American Hustle, Silver Linings Playbook, and The Fighter. He might have defined Bradley Cooper as a serious dramatic actor.)

Writers – David O. Russell – ( Known For: American Hustle; Silver Linings Playbook; Joy; Three Kings; I Heart Huckabees; Spanking the Monkey; Flirting with Disaster; BMT: Amsterdam; Notes: Born in New York City, he went to Amherst College and got his start with a Documentary short about the Hispanic community of Boston.)

Actors – Christian Bale – ( Known For: The Pale Blue Eye; Thor: Love and Thunder; American Psycho; The Dark Knight; The Prestige; The Dark Knight Rises; Ford v Ferrari; Batman Begins; The Big Short; Little Women; Knight of Cups; 3:10 to Yuma; American Hustle; Out of the Furnace; Equilibrium; Hostiles; The Machinist; Empire of the Sun; The Fighter; Public Enemies; Future BMT: Terminator Salvation; Exodus: Gods and Kings; Newsies; BMT: Amsterdam; Captain Corelli’s Mandolin; Notes: He won an Oscar for The Fighter, but has been nominated four times in total. Welsh, he was a notable child actor (in things like Empire of the Sun) and starred in Newsies which was supposed to be the return of the big Hollywood musical … it was not.)

Margot Robbie – ( Known For: Babylon; Once Upon a Time in Hollywood; The Wolf of Wall Street; The Suicide Squad; About Time; The Big Short; Birds of Prey; Dreamland; Bombshell; I, Tonya; Focus; Mary Queen of Scots; Terminal; Whiskey Tango Foxtrot; Peter Rabbit; Suite Française; Slaughterhouse Rulez; Z for Zachariah; Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway; Goodbye Christopher Robin; Future BMT: Suicide Squad; The Legend of Tarzan; BMT: Amsterdam; Notes: Nominated for two Oscars for I, Tonya and Bombshell. Australian, she obviously started out on Neighbours. They all do.)

John David Washington – ( Known For: Tenet; BlacKkKlansman; Malcolm X; Malcolm & Marie; Beckett; The Old Man & the Gun; Devil in a Blue Dress; Monster; Monsters and Men; Love Beats Rhymes; BMT: Amsterdam; Notes: Wait … wait. He is Denzel Washington’s son. And he was a professional football player, albeit as the running back for the United Football League’s Sacramento Mountain Lions. But still, what the hell.)

Budget/Gross – $80 million / Domestic: $14,947,969 (Worldwide: $31,245,810)

(That is a colossal bomb, but not surprising. Everything that was kind of mid-budget (and not fantastic) bombed this year. Hopefully that will change a tiny bit next year, but we’ll see.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (79/244): Amsterdam has a bunch of big stars and a very busy plot, all of which amounts to painfully less than the sum of its dazzling parts.

(Awwww. This film feels like it was just on the cusp of being kind of okay. But ultimately yeah, whenever Bale isn’t the center of attention the film kind of gets away from itself.)

Reviewer Highlight: Jaw-droppingly terrible, interminably dull… – Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times

Poster – Amsterdaaaang

(I kind of dig this. Could use some better font, but the colors are interesting and the framing as well. Not the worst. C+)

Tagline(s) – Let the love, murder, and conspiracy begin. (A)

(Helllll yeah. Now that fits what we want. It’s giving a little hint. Short and sweet and rule of three. Even a little clever with the “Let the [blank] begin.” It’s good. You can’t claim otherwise.)

Keyword(s) – year 2022

Top 10: The Batman (2022), The Kashmir Files (2022), Top Gun: Maverick (2022), Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022), Thor: Love and Thunder (2022), Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022), Bullet Train (2022), Uncharted (2022), The Adam Project (2022), The Northman (2022)

Future BMT: 65.8 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 64.8 Halloween Ends (2022), 63.9 Firestarter (2022), 52.1 Radhe Shyam (2022), 50.5 Umma (2022), 45.9 The 355 (2022), 44.3 Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), 38.5 Memory (2022), 19.2 Black Adam (2022)

BMT: Moonfall (2022), Morbius (2022), Blacklight (2022), The Invitation (2022), After Ever Happy (2022), Prey for the Devil (2022), The King’s Daughter (2022), Amsterdam (2022), Don’t Worry Darling (2022), Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)

Best Options (pearl-harbor): 28.2 Amsterdam (2022)

(Hey there, I like that. Maybe the crown jewel of any cycle this year we left it out here and there (for comedy for example) entirely because we knew that if we could wait to juuuuuuust this week precisely it would come out on HBO Max. Perfecto.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Robert De Niro is No. 4 billed in Amsterdam and No. 1 billed in Righteous Kill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (4 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Christian Bale stopped talking to Chris Rock on set. He claimed that he was very funny, which made it hard for him to act.

The eye drops the characters use near the film’s end, are likely allusions to the cocaine eye drops that Adolf Hitler reportedly favored enthusiastically.

Of working with Anya Taylor-Joy on this film, David O. Russell said, “Anya is fearless and intuitively vulnerable and confident in a manner that is uniquely her own. She is different and strange in ways that are fascinating both toward darkness and toward light.”

Was a box office failure, losing the studio an estimated $97 million, according to Deadline.

A rumored title of the film was “Canterbury Glass.”

Was originally set to release on November 4, 2022, but was moved up to October 7 to avoid competition with Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022).

The cast includes three Oscar winners – Christian Bale, Rami Malek, and Robert De Niro – and two Oscar nominees – Margot Robbie and Michael Shannon.

Mike Myers also played a British military man with a similar look in Inglourious Basterds (2009).

This film was inspired by the Business Plot, a 1933 political conspiracy in which wealthy American businessmen and bankers plotted a military coup d’état to overthrow President Franklin D. Roosevelt and replace him with a fascist veterans’ organization headed by U.S. Marine Corps Major General Smedley Butler. Butler revealed the plot in a testimony under oath to the U.S. House of Representatives’ Special Committee on Un-American Activities in 1934. The committee concluded that a plot was indeed concocted, but none of the plotters were prosecuted. General Dillenbeck (Robert De Niro) is based on Butler.

Blacklight Preview

Jamie and Patrick find themselves back in their apartment. The door to Kyle’s room opens and he stops short, his eyes widening. “Did you decide not to leave?” he asks, hope in his voice, “Lou gave me the Dongle and this note and said I wouldn’t see you for a while.” He looks at the note, already covered in chocolate. “I guess I won’t have to follow you after all,” he concludes and attempts to give them back the Dongle. But Jamie and Patrick stop him and shake their heads. “You did follow us,” Patrick says solemnly, tears brimming in his eyes, “And you saved us.” They explain how Kyle is the key to the Dongle’s destruction. “We were going about it all wrong,” Jamie says, a little embarrassed, “we spent years trying to destroy the Dongle. We could never do that. But you can… just by keeping it.” Kyle bites his lip in trepidation. He looks back at his room. Having got up the courage to invite Rachel over, she now was waiting in his room ready to watch Ghost starring Patrick Swayze as their first date. They can see the concern in his eyes. If he has the Dongle will it put Rachel in danger? Does this mean he will never know love? “Don’t worry,” Jamie says smiling, “she’s also the key to all of this. And as a gift for all that you did we’d also like you two to take over BMT. It’s time for us to move on.” Kyle’s mouth falls open in surprise. “But what are you going to do now?” he asks, prompting Jamie and Patrick to look at each other. “We don’t know,” Patrick says, “something good… time to move out of the darkness and into the light.” That’s right! We’re moving away from the ironic and into the serious 2022 choices with one of two Liam Neeson action films that critically flopped this year. First up is Blacklight, which is about… an old person beating people up, I think. Let’s go!

Blacklight (2022) – BMeTric: 61.1; Notability: 27

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.2%; Notability: top 5.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.3%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Brazen, The Bubble, Moonfall, They/Them, Firestarter, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Morbius; Higher Notability: Jurassic World: Dominion, Black Adam, Pinocchio, Amsterdam, Morbius, The School for Good and Evil, The Bubble, Moonfall, Deep Water, The Man from Toronto, The King’s Daughter, Spiderhead, Don’t Worry Darling, The 355; Lower RT: After Ever Happy, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Me Time, On the Line; Notes: Kind of amazing that Moonfall of all things has a higher BMeT. Maybe because more people saw it? That would make sense. Still, I feel like Moonfall is one of those films which ten years from now will have a 6.3 on IMDb and confuse anyone who watches it.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – Another season, another “Liam Neeson Has Skills” movie. Some of the variants of his popular “Taken” movies (the last one, “Taken 3,” was all the way back in 2014, how times flies) have been reasonably clever and even cinematically worthwhile on a surprising level (see for instance 2019’s “Cold Pursuit”). Mark Williams’ “Blacklight,” alas, is not among them.

(So … basically this is just a basic Liam Neeson snoozefest of an action film. Jokes on you RogerEbert.com. I watched The Ice Road. I’m immune to Liam-Neeson-omnia.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_N9pU4FMOs/

(Is … Liam Neeson trying to do something like an American accent? Or is supposed to be an Irish person who works for the U.S. government and has been in the country for so long he’s vaguely lost his accent? Anyways, I unironically love that we’ve reached the point where Liam Neeson explicitly has a granddaughter who calls the action hero in the film “grandpa” in the trailer. A perfect encapsulation of the current state of Liam Neeson’s career.)

Directors – Mark Williams – ( Known For: A Family Man; Future BMT: Honest Thief; BMT: Blacklight; Notes: Kind of amazing we never watched Honest Thief. Executive Produced Ozark for which he was nominated for three Emmys.)

Writers – Nick May – (BMT: Blacklight; Notes: Nothing on IMDb, but if you search the trades you can find articles about this specific film. Kind of funny, but it looks like the update was right, May ultimately did get a writing credit on the film.)

Mark Williams – ( Known For: Copshop; Future BMT: Honest Thief; BMT: Blacklight; Notes: If the article above is to be believed him getting a writing credit is nuts, but then again, he did write some of it, probably re-wrote a bunch on set, and him not him getting a credit was probably unlikely.)

Brandon Reavis – (BMT: Blacklight; Notes: Nothing about this guy at all. Given he has a story credit I would imagine he is the writing partner of May in some capacity.)

Actors – Liam Neeson – ( Known For: Schindler’s List; Love Actually; The Dark Knight Rises; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; Batman Begins; Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace; Taken; The Ballad of Buster Scruggs; Widows; The Lego Movie; Gangs of New York; Excalibur; Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones; The A-Team; The Commuter; Marlowe; The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian; Ted 2; Silence; Future BMT: Memory; Kingdom of Heaven; A Million Ways to Die in the West; Clash of the Titans; The Huntsman: Winter’s War; Daddy’s Home 2; The Marksman; Men in Black: International; Taken 2; Wrath of the Titans; Krull; Taken 3; Entourage; Honest Thief; High Spirits; Before and After; The Nut Job; BMT: Blacklight; Battleship; The Haunting; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor in 2013 for Battleship, and Wrath of the Titans; Notes: Y’all know Liam Neeson. Nominated for an Oscar for Schindler’s List. He was just announced as the main character in a Naked Gun remake that is happening.)

Aidan Quinn – ( Known For: Legends of the Fall; The Handmaid’s Tale; Flipped; Frankenstein; The Mission; Unknown; Benny & Joon; Wild Child; Desperately Seeking Susan; Michael Collins; Stakeout; Song for a Raggy Boy; Avalon; Haunted; Music of the Heart; At Play in the Fields of the Lord; If I Were You; Songcatcher; The Assignment; Elle s’appelait Sarah; Future BMT: Practical Magic; Reckless; In Dreams; Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius; BMT: Blacklight; Jonah Hex; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for An Early Frost and Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee (both miniseries). He’s a classic “that guy”. He’s married to Elizabeth Bracco.)

Taylor John Smith – ( Known For: The Outpost; Shadow in the Cloud; Insidious: Chapter 3; You Get Me; Martyrs; Some Kind of Beautiful; Almost Friends; Wolves; Future BMT: Where the Crawdads Sing; BMT: Blacklight; Hunter Killer; Notes: We’ll see him again in Where the Crawdads Sing. There is shockingly little about him. Probably most notable for being in Sharp Objects.)

Budget/Gross – $43 million / Domestic: $9,591,094 (Worldwide: $15,902,207)

(Disastrous, but that’s what happens when you have a bad action film. Could be a bit of Hollywood accounting here as well though since according to the article above there were pretty specific commitments about compensation tied to the profit this film made. But who knows. $43 million seems absurd for a 2022 Liam Neeson film. It feels fake.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 10% (10/102): Turn it off.

(I actually genuinely hate the consensus. It makes little sense beyond that the word “light” is in the title. Anyways, actually a rare <10% Rotten Tomatoes film, although barely.)

Reviewer Highlight: One could even argue that it’s not a movie at all, only a rusted-out recycling bin of ill-fitting themes, notions, poses, conventions, affectations, tropes, tropelets and inert snippets of dialogue from other movies. – Joe Morgenstern, The Wall Street Journal

Poster – Skloglight

(I like the colors, but that’s about it. Tells me nothing about what I’m going to see, which is probably the point. Anyone who sees this poster and is intrigued is going to get exactly what they want: Old Man Neeson. C.)

Tagline(s) – They’re gonna need more men (C-)

(Meeehhhhhh. I guess it’s short in a somewhat pleasing way, but it’s far too generic to warrant any real credit. As a joke someone should take the last five Neeson films and photoshop the posters so they all have this tagline.)

Keyword(s) – year 2022

Top 10: The Batman (2022), The Kashmir Files (2022), Top Gun: Maverick (2022), Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022), Thor: Love and Thunder (2022), Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022), Uncharted (2022), The Adam Project (2022), The Northman (2022), The Gray Man (2022)

Future BMT: 63.3 Firestarter (2022), 62.6 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 52.1 Radhe Shyam (2022), 49.8 Umma (2022), 47.6 The Invitation (2022), 45.7 The 355 (2022), 44.2 Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), 37.7 Memory (2022), 24.7 Amsterdam (2022), 7.7 Black Adam (2022), 7.3 Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)

BMT: Moonfall (2022), Morbius (2022), Blacklight (2022), After Ever Happy (2022), The King’s Daughter (2022), Prey for the Devil (2022), Don’t Worry Darling (2022)

Best Options (Action): 60.8 Blacklight (2022), 45.7 The 355 (2022), 44.2 Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), 37.7 Memory (2022), 7.7 Black Adam (2022)

(Yup, the best of the bunch. But no worries. Jurassic World 3 and Memory are both currently on the docket, so we will be hitting up a good number of bangers from the year.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 22) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Liam Neeson is No. 1 billed in Blacklight and No. 2 billed in The Haunting, which also stars Virginia Madsen (No. 9 billed) who is in Firewall (No. 3 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (9 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 22. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – The lowest rated Liam Neeson action film on Rotten Tomatoes

Principal photography of the film started in November 2020 in Melbourne, Australia. In January 2021 it was announced that a car chase scene would be filmed in Canberra.

A cinematic technique of fast zoom in, out and in again (or the opposite) are used to increase the suspense of the story and symbolize Block’s obsessional compulsive disorder.