Remake – Bad Movie Twins

The Crow (2024) Preview

The cat was a rousing success. His name was Mr. Whiskers and Patrick loved him with all his heart. The cat loved Mondays and hated lasagna, which went against everything he knew about cats, but he was a perfect pet despite these deficiencies. So Jamie didn’t take to the cat. So what? All that meant was that Patrick and Mr. Whiskers could spend so much more time at the Hallston Public Library. As Patrick spins around the stacks revelling in all the knowledge he could gain, Mr. Whiskers gives out a loud “Meow.” “What is it boy,” Patrick says, hurrying to a corner of the library he hadn’t yet explored. He comes to a screeching halt near Mr. Whiskers and gives out a gasp. “My word, they have comic books too?!” Patrick says. “What doesn’t this place have?!” A nearby nerd gives a snort and goes back to his comic. Patrick narrows his eyes. But there is no time to pound some dweebs. He goes to where Mr. Whiskers is crouched and his eyes alight on the comic (or more accurately, the graphic novel) that he is pawing. “But that can’t be right, Mr. Whiskers,” Patrick says confused. “It looks too sad. Jamie needs something happy.” But Mr. Whiskers is insistent, pawing and meowing even more urgently. Patrick thinks for a moment and the lightbulb goes off. “Mr. Whiskers, you are a genius.” A week later he surprises Jamie during one of his many naps. “Hey buddy,” Patrick says softly, shaking his shoulder and bringing a crate onto his bed. “You wanna say hello to my other little friend?” Jamie just rolls over and pretends not to hear him, but shoots upright as the creature in the cage gives out a loud “Caw!” That’s right! That’s the ‘Caw!’ of The Crow remake. I had my eye on this for ages, but we had to bide out time for the end of the year cycle. It’s just too good. Let’s go!

The Crow (2024) – BMeTric: 67.8; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 5.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 9.3%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, Borderlands, The American Society of Magical Negroes, Uglies; Higher Notability: Joker: Folie à Deux, Reagan, Borderlands, The Garfield Movie, Madame Web, Back to Black, Here, Argylle, Kraven the Hunter, Lift, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Red One, Jackpot!, Atlas; Lower RT: Tyler Perry’s Divorce in the Black, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Borderlands, Madame Web, Air Force One Down, Mother of the Bride, Kraven the Hunter, Breathe, Uglies, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two, Tarot, Reagan, Killer Heat, Canary Black, Mea Culpa, Atlas, Night Swim, Dear Santa, Trigger Warning, and 1 more; Notes: Tyler Perry had a film this year? It got 0 good reviews out of 17, that is incredible. Welp, we’ll never watch that.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – There’s a scene in the movie where Eric and Shelly are walking across a bridge and Shelly not-really-jokingly talks about jumping, and they envision a double-jump ending in their deaths, and Shelly imagines that teenagers would make shrines to them. I think that in time, teenagers will make their own shrines to this movie, in their own ways. It’s the kind of movie where, if you saw it when you were 14, you’d see it ten or twenty more times, and be inspired to check out books from the library, maybe memorize some poetry.

(Oh wowza, I really really disagree with that. That feels like a ludicrous take. No teenager is watching this film. And the idea that watching the two worst people you’ve ever met read poetry would inspire someone to do the same is a terrifying prospect indeed.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CLE3pWAAr8/

(“Quite brilliantly broken”, immediately I find these characters obnoxious. That fundamentally is the issue with the film. I always describe it as: Imagine if the worst people you’ve ever met became superheroes. Rough stuff.)

Directors – Rupert Sanders – ( Known For: Snow White and the Huntsman; Ghost in the Shell; BMT: The Crow; Notes: My god, that is a pretty dire career. Amazing that he’s only managed one BMT film.)

Writers – James O’Barr – ( Known For: The Crow; The Crow: Salvation; The Crow: Wicked Prayer; Future BMT: The Crow: City of Angels; BMT: The Crow; Notes: The writer of the comic book. His story is pretty interesting, it is worth a read, a true blue independent comic book creator.)

Zach Baylin – ( Known For: King Richard; Gran Turismo; Creed III; Bob Marley: One Love; The Order; BMT: The Crow; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for King Richard. Again a little surprised he only has one … Creed III is pretty rough.)

William Josef Schneider – ( BMT: The Crow; Notes: Kind of weird, he is an executive producer, and this is all he has basically in his filmography.)

Actors – Bill Skarsgård – ( Known For: Deadpool 2; It; Eternals; John Wick: Chapter 4; It Chapter Two; Atomic Blonde; Barbarian; The Devil All the Time; Anna Karenina; Boy Kills World; Assassination Nation; Villains; Nine Days; Simple Simon; Arn: The Kingdom at the End of the Road; Behind Blue Skies; Naked Singularity; Simon och ekarna; The Crown Jewels; Kenny Begins; Future BMT: Allegiant; BMT: The Crow; Notes: Swedish. I did like him in It. And nice, he voiced the Deviant Kro in the MCU… I wonder when that is coming back.)

FKA twigs – ( Known For: Honey Boy; BMT: The Crow; Notes: Really no offense, but she was perplexing in this movie. I’ve heard good things about Honey Boy though, maybe I should watch that to get a better sense of her range.)

Danny Huston – ( Known For: Wonder Woman; Children of Men; The Aviator; Robin Hood; Game Night; 21 Grams; 30 Days of Night; The Constant Gardener; Leaving Las Vegas; The Kingdom; Marie Antoinette; Big Eyes; Edge of Darkness; Hitchcock; The Proposition; Stolen; Birth; Stan & Ollie; The Professor; IO; Future BMT: How to Lose Friends & Alienate People; The Warrior’s Way; Marlowe; BMT: X-Men Origins: Wolverine; Clash of the Titans; The Number 23; Wrath of the Titans; Angel Has Fallen; The Crow; Notes: He plays the bad guy. I feel like I know his as big bads in things like Angel Has Fallen. He’s apparently in the new Naked Gun starring Liam Neeson. That could be wild.)

Budget/Gross – $50 million / Domestic: $9,275,659 (Worldwide: $23,999,106)

(I mean, horrific. The idea of making The Crow at all is one thing, but making it like this? Then you deserve to lose money. This movie is actually genuinely kind of offensive towards the source material.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (29/134): Dreary and poorly paced, this reimagining of The Crow doesn’t have enough personality or pulse to merit the resurrection.

(It doesn’t. But also it changes everything about it to something worse. You might think I’m joking but it literally takes every single thing about the original movie and makes it worse.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s like an anti-entertainment protest. – Robert Abele, Los Angeles Times

Poster – The Bro

(Boy that’s bad. I like the font, but only because it’s drawn. But this just doesn’t look professional to me. Like fan art or something. C-.)

Tagline(s) – True love never dies. (C+)

(This is almost comically generic, but it’s also appropriate, so I’m a bit torn. I’ll boost it up a bit. But really the general concept of a film isn’t also its tagline usually.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Deadpool & Wolverine (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), Civil War (2024), Inside Out 2 (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), Alien: Romulus (2024), Road House (2024), The Substance (2024), The Beekeeper (2024)

Future BMT: 62.3 The Exorcism (2024), 61.6 Imaginary (2024), 61.6 Joker: Folie à Deux (2024), 36.0 Singham Again (2024), 27.4 Slingshot (2024), 27.2 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 25.9 Fighter (2024), 24.8 Devara Part 1 (2024), 19.0 Reagan (2024), 16.7 Here (2024), 11.6 Red One (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), Night Swim (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Tarot (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024), Back to Black (2024)

Best Options (Action): 67.6 The Crow (2024), 36.0 Singham Again (2024), 25.9 Fighter (2024), 24.8 Devara Part 1 (2024), 11.6 Red One (2024)

(This was by far the best one. And Again, when we watched this Red One wasn’t out yet, otherwise … well, we would have probably watched both because we would have moved this one somewhere else. There was no way we were missing out on The Crow.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Danny Huston is No. 3 billed in The Crow and No. 4 billed in The Number 23, which also stars Virginia Madsen (No. 2 billed) who is in Firewall (No. 3 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (3 + 4) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 19. If we were to watch Marlowe we can get the HoE Number down to 17.

Notes – When asked if he had seen the trailer for this film, Ernie Hudson replied, “I haven’t seen it. The actor – who I can’t name – is playing the lead, I love and respect. But for me, ‘The Crow’ is Brandon Lee. I can’t imagine… let’s hope they don’t try to redo him, that they do their own thing with it and take it in a different direction. I haven’t seen [the trailer]. I haven’t seen any of the other ‘Crow’ [movies] because of what happened to Brandon.” In an earlier interview in 2021, Hudson explained he hadn’t even seen the 1994 original, saying, “It breaks my heart, and I can’t get past it. So much of it was action stuff, but Brandon and I got a chance to work together.”

Luke Evans, while still working on the production of The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014), held a live Facebook Q&A. During some of the questions that he personally responded to, when asked about joining the “The Crow” reboot as the leading character, Evans stated that he felt inclined to drop out from the project as he felt “unworthy” of portraying the late Brandon Lee’s most iconic role.

F. Javier Gutiérrez was at one point courted to direct the film, but not as a remake. Crow creator J. O’Barr admitted in an interview that he was impressed when he saw that Gutierrez’s take would be a black-and-white shot-for-shot remake of the original graphic novel using both panels and dialogue directly from the source material for story-boarding to be as faithful as humanly possible to the comic. Due to production troubles and delays in shooting, Gutierrez dropped out to direct Rings (2017).

At one point the Crow film was intended to be called “The Crow Reborn” based on a screenplay by Cliff Dorfman being an original story about an undead police officer returning to avenge his family. The script attracted the attention of Jason Momoa, who was then cast in the lead role, but the production fell through when Momoa left because he didn’t like the constant rewrites which wore away any semblance of the Dorfman script, turning it into more of a remake of the 1994 film and less the original story he signed on for. Dorman himself disowned the resulting film after seeing a screening, posting his response to possible fan skepticism of the film’s quality writing simply, “It is. And don’t.”

During a Reddit AMA, Shannon Lee, sister of Brandon Lee was asked if there should be a remake of The Crow (1994) to which she responded, “I don’t think they should remake ‘The Crow.’ Booooo!”

Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) Preview

“Ahhhhhhhhh,” Kyle screams. “Ahhhhhhh, you’re super gross. Ahhhhhhh.” It’s the best he can muster given that he will assuredly die at the hands of the horrific winged rat that has come to murder him. Jorge runs screaming down a nearby corridor, which appears to distress the rat monster. It sighs. “No one comes back from the catacombs. Time works differently in the catacombs,” it mumbles. It turns back to Kyle. “So how is my beautiful boy? Have you made my meat friends beautiful for me?” Kyle stops screaming and looks around the room. There are large sculptures of bones, hair, and meat scattered about. They are oddly beautiful creatures. “Oh joy!” the rat monster exclaims, “they are beautiful indeed. Wonder of wonders. You are truly my beautiful boy, Kyle. And more than that. You are my beautiful friend.” Kyle is extremely confused. The rat monster continues to explain helpfully. “As promised I will give you back your meat friends for my meat friends and thank you. No one ever makes them for me. They always run screaming into the catacombs and time works differently there. They don’t come back. But your friends fainted after I snatched them and then you seemed to think I was someone else. Usually they just run into the catacombs and…” Kyle stops paying attention. It appears the catacombs are the way the prison has gotten rid of unwanted prisoners. Or perhaps they thought it was the monster. It’s a bit confusing really. Regardless, it appears that in his haze he had satisfied some contract with the monster and everything was actually OK. “Where are my… meat friends?” He asks. The rat monster brightens. “Oh, I stashed them over there,” it says, and points at the catacombs. Kyle sighs. This is going to be a nightmare. That’s right! We are entering the final nightmare by watching the Nightmare on Elm Street remake from 2010. Seems like a bad idea at the time and it was. Great. Let’s go!

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) – BMeTric: 61.3; Notability: 51

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 5.6%; Notability: top 9.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.2%; Higher BMeT: The Last Airbender, Vampires Suck, Birdemic: Shock and Terror, Skyline, Sex and the City 2, Furry Vengeance, Jonah Hex, Marmaduke, Gulliver’s Travels, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Yogi Bear, Tekken, My Soul to Take, Tooth Fairy; Higher Notability: Clash of the Titans, The Wolfman, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Sex and the City 2, The Tourist, Valentine’s Day, Gulliver’s Travels, Marmaduke, Little Fockers, Tooth Fairy, The Last Airbender, Shanghai, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Eat Pray Love, All Good Things, Jonah Hex, Burlesque, Takers, When in Rome, and 3 more; Lower RT: Tekken, Father of Invention, Passion Play, Twelve, Shanghai, Vampires Suck, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, The Last Airbender, Waiting for Forever, The Tortured, 13, 6 Souls, Furry Vengeance, Crazy on the Outside, Saw 3D, Marmaduke, Little Fockers, Killers, Grown Ups, My Soul to Take, and 5 more; Notes: Let’s see. Another crazy high Notability and BMeTric. 7/14 for higher BMeTric, but get this … it was 7/7 for the top seven and then nothing for the next seven which is kind of funny. 9/20 for the top 20 Notabilities. The biggest crime is probably us not biting the bullet and doing all the Meet the Parents films.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – Forget about the plot, the actors and the director. What you require to make a new “Nightmare on Elm Street” are these three off-the-shelf sound effects: 1. A sudden, loud clanging noise mixed with a musical chord. 2. Snicker-snack sounds, which Freddy Krueger’s steel finger claws make every time they are seen. 3. A voice deepener, to drop Freddy’s speaking voice to an ominous level. … I stared at “A Nightmare on Elm Street” with weary resignation. The movie consists of a series of teenagers who are introduced, haunted by nightmares and then slashed to death by Freddy. So what? Are we supposed to be scared? Is the sudden clanging chord supposed to evoke a fearful Pavlovian response? For Rufus, maybe, but not for me. Here, boy.

(I kind of agree. The issue with the film is that it doesn’t really bring much new stuff to the table and what is new isn’t usually great. So why? Why remake the series. Why not just split off as a direct sequel to the original or something. I feel like Halloween ultimately had the write idea even if the execution left something to be desired.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNWZVIYGapI/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNWZVIYGapI/

(Boom, the Ohio flag front and center. So they at least got that right. You have to firmly established what state this movie is in. Otherwise it is no fun. Oh, I remember seeing the makeup in like Entertainment Weekly or something and just being very unimpressed.)

Directors – Samuel Bayer – ( BMT: A Nightmare on Elm Street; Notes: From what I can tell he has over 100 directing credits and this is the only feature. They are basically all music videos.)

Writers – Wesley Strick – ( Known For: Cape Fear; Arachnophobia; Wolf; Return to Paradise; Final Analysis; True Believer; Love Is the Drug; Future BMT: The Saint; The Glass House; BMT: Doom; A Nightmare on Elm Street; The Loft; Notes: Wrote seven episodes of The Man in the High Castle more recently. His last feature was the BMT film The Loft.)

Eric Heisserer – ( Known For: Arrival; Bird Box; Lights Out; Final Destination 5; Extinction; Hours; Future BMT: The Thing; BMT: A Nightmare on Elm Street; Bloodshot; Notes: Apparently attached to a new Van Helsing film. Has written and developed the Shadow and Bone television show.)

Wes Craven – ( Known For: A Nightmare on Elm Street; The Hills Have Eyes; Freddy vs. Jason; The Last House on the Left; A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors; A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge; Paris, I Love You; New Nightmare; A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master; The Last House on the Left; The People Under the Stairs; The Hills Have Eyes; Swamp Thing; The Hills Have Eyes Part II; Deadly Blessing; Future BMT: The Hills Have Eyes 2; Pulse; My Soul to Take; Shocker; BMT: A Nightmare on Elm Street; Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare; A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child; Notes: Obviously a character credit only. I would probably think it is cool to finish Wes Craven’s filmography at some point … but I kind of don’t want to watch The Hills Have Eyes.)

Actors – Jackie Earle Haley – ( Known For: Shutter Island; Watchmen; Alita: Battle Angel; Lincoln; RoboCop; Little Children; Breaking Away; The Bad News Bears; The Birth of a Nation; Parkland; Criminal Activities; Winged Creatures; The Retirement Plan; Nemesis; The Day of the Locust; Damnation Alley; Losin’ It; Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence; The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training; My Father’s Dragon; Future BMT: Dark Shadows; Semi-Pro; All the King’s Men; BMT: London Has Fallen; The Dark Tower; A Nightmare on Elm Street; Hypnotic; Notes: Former child actor most notably for The Bad News Bears. He’s all over the place still, although I don’t recognize the four projects he has in production. Nominated for an Oscar for Little Children.)

Rooney Mara – ( Known For: The Social Network; Her; The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo; Lion; Side Effects; Nightmare Alley; Carol; Kubo and the Two Strings; A Ghost Story; Youth in Revolt; Women Talking; The Discovery; Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot; Trash; Ain’t Them Bodies Saints; Song to Song; Una; Mary Magdalene; The Secret Scripture; The Winning Season; Future BMT: Pan; BMT: A Nightmare on Elm Street; Notes: Wow that’s an impressive filmography light on qualifiers. She’s somehow related for both Rooney and Mara the owners of the Steelers and Jets.)

Kyle Gallner – ( Known For: American Sniper; Smile; Scream; Jennifer’s Body; Red Eye; Beautiful Creatures; The Finest Hours; Red State; Wet Hot American Summer; Dear White People; Just Before I Go; Smashed; Red; Ghosts of War; CBGB; The Cleansing Hour; Beautiful Boy; The Passenger; Dinner in America; Little Birds; BMT: A Nightmare on Elm Street; The Haunting in Connecticut; Notes: I mostly know him for Veronica Mars, season 2. Although now I do realize he’s the swimming kid who loses his buddy in Wet Hot American Summer.)

Budget/Gross – $35,000,000 / Domestic: $63,075,011 (Worldwide: $115,695,339)

(That’s actually not bad considering the budget. See? Horror prints money. Even bad horror. It is a wonder they didn’t just charge forward with a sequel.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 14% (26/184): Visually faithful but lacking the depth and subversive twists that made the original so memorable, the Nightmare on Elm Street remake lives up to its title in the worst possible way.

(Yeah, that is it right? The original had a few very in your face moments. The body bag, the electric claws, the rotating room, the man eating bed, the elastic wall, etc. A ton. This either copied all of those or just didn’t bring anything new or interesting to the table.)

Reviewer Highlight: Traffics in overly familiar scare tactics, setting up predictable false alarms and telegraphing in advance just when Freddy will pop into the frame and utter one of his labored witticisms. – A.O. Scott, New York Times

Poster – Frightmare on Sklog Street

(Sure why not. I’m not going to knock them going for a classic. A touch of font to spice it up. I’m cool with it. B+.)

Tagline(s) – Welcome to Your New Nightmare. (C-)

(Nah. You can’t take the title of the last movie and just use it as the tagline.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Top 10: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), The Hangover Part II (2011), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), In Time (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 2012 (2009), Terminator Salvation (2009), Due Date (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.6 Shark Night (2011), 78.0 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 78.0 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.6 The Last Exorcism Part II (2013), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 72.1 Dance Flick (2009), 71.3 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Prom Night (2008), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), …

Best Options (franchise): 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 71.3 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 64.8 The Final Destination (2009), 64.1 Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014), 62.2 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 61.3 Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), 61.2 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 61.0 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 60.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 58.5 Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), 57.9 The Transporter Refueled (2015), 55.2 Annabelle (2014), 53.3 Meet the Browns (2008), 53.0 Madea’s Witness Protection (2012), 51.1 Madea’s Big Happy Family (2011), 51.1 Little Fockers (2010), 50.9 Saw 3D (2010), …

(We could have done Paranormal Activity 4 but that would have been a disaster. This was an option that finished off a major franchise, didn’t have a ton of homework, and was considered terrible. By far the best option.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jackie Earle Haley is No. 1 billed in A Nightmare on Elm Street and No. 6 billed in Hypnotic, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 6) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 15. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Freddy’s sweater was knitted by Judy Graham, the same woman who knitted Freddy’s sweater in the original A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984).

Kyle Gallner suffered a cut to his abdomen when the glove Jackie Earle Haley had been wearing failed to bend back down, leaving one of the knives still extended. Haley didn’t realize this until the scene was finished.

For his big scene in the opening sequence, Kellan Lutz chose not to sleep for a few days to get himself into character.

When Jackie Earle Haley was asked what put him in the right mindset to play Freddy Krueger, he said “sitting in the makeup chair for three hours. After that, you feel like you could kill someone.”

Freddy says that the human brain will still function well over seven minutes after death. This is actually true, the human brain will function nearly ten minutes after death. Note: This is not true. If the brain is still functioning, you are, by definition, not dead. You may dying, but those are not the same things.

Prom Night (2008) Preview

Kyle creeps down the darkened stairs, his flashlight flickering. “Damn prison batteries,” he mutters, his breath starting to puff out in front of him. It’s cold down there… too cold. He can feel the presence of the Big BM. “Hey you… you big dummy. Let go of my friends!” He yells, trying to summon all his courage. A deep scratchy laugh begins to echo from further in the basement, like the laugh of a very large man with a sore throat. Perhaps the man had spent the previous day in meetings trying to figure out a high profile merger or trying to close a deal to buy a local amusement park. Regardless of the reason, this man had spent the entire previous afternoon talking loudly and lot more than usual and then maybe celebrated the merger/purchase of the amusement park with friends… so now his deep voice was scratchier than usual. Such was the laugh of the Big BM. Suddenly Kyle bumps into something. My god! It’s a man! No wait… it’s a mannequin. What thuuuu….? The laugh begins to echo again and it suddenly dawns on Kyle where he is. “It… it can’t be,” he stutters. The lights come on and he finds himself in his childhood room. He’s surrounded by the mannequins his parents kept there. His mother is there yelling at him. Telling him he can’t go to prom. “There’s too much work in the mannequin factory, Kyle. You must help with the mannequins. Make them beautiful my beautiful boy,” she yells before sweeping out of the room. He wants to cry. Can’t she see they are already beautiful? “The most beautiful in the world,” he mutters. He turns to his favorite and nervously asks, “will you go to prom with me?” She says yes. That’s right! We are watching the 2008 horror classic Prom Night. This hits a sweet spot for me in that it is a high school/college horror film. Nothing better. Let’s go!

Prom Night (2008) – BMeTric: 84.3; Notability: 40

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 16.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 4.5%; Higher BMeT: Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, The Hottie & the Nottie, The Love Guru; Higher Notability: The Day the Earth Stood Still, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Eagle Eye, New York, I Love You, Miracle at St. Anna, You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, Meet Dave, Jumper, Bedtime Stories, Semi-Pro, Drillbit Taylor, An American Carol, 10,000 BC, The Happening, Made of Honor, The Love Guru, Superhero Movie, Repo! The Genetic Opera, Seven Pounds, Four Christmases, and 20 more; Lower RT: One Missed Call, Surfer, Dude, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, Strange Wilderness, The Haunting of Molly Hartley, College, The Accidental Husband, The Hottie & the Nottie, Babylon A.D., Bangkok Dangerous; Notes: That is a huge BMeTric. The four with higher BMeTrics are something else indeed. We’ve only seen four of the films with lover RTs as well, so much to look forward to.

Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars – Three years after a homicidally obsessive teacher (Schaech) murdered her family, a lovely high-schooler (Snow) is stalked by an unwanted admirer on the night of her senior prom. A nominal remake of the post-Halloween slasher film, this better-than-average teen-skewing thriller relies on minimal graphic violence to sustain suspense.

(Wow, he actually liked it! He hates horror films, but … wait a minute, “minimal graphic violence”!! There it is. Of course he likes it well enough.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayvHRgYNvzU/

(Oh man the music!!!! Jesus I would watch a thousand of these films. It looks so dumb and amazing. Hell yes.)

Directors – Nelson McCormick – ( Future BMT: The Stepfather; BMT: Prom Night; Notes: A television director through and through. Directed such classics as Prison Break.)

Writers – J.S. Cardone – ( Known For: Alien Hunter; The Slayer; Shadowzone; Outside Ozona; True Blue; Black Day Blue Night; Exit in Red; Thunder Alley; A Climate for Killing; Future BMT: The Stepfather; The Forsaken; BMT: The Covenant; Prom Night; Notes: He wrote some truly sublime junk in his day. Sniper 3? Yes, please.)

Actors – Brittany Snow – ( Known For: Pitch Perfect; X; Pitch Perfect 2; Hairspray; Would You Rather; Someone Great; Hangman; Bushwick; Syrup; The Late Bloomer; The Vicious Kind; Finding Amanda; 96 Minutes; Janie Jones; Hooking Up; Christmas with the Campbells; On the Doll; Dial a Prayer; Always Woodstock; Petunia; Future BMT: John Tucker Must Die; Pitch Perfect 3; BMT: The Pacifier; Prom Night; Notes: Has six things in production at the moment. One is simply called It’s Christmas! Which I think is about someone dying or something … crazy if true.)

Scott Porter – ( Known For: Music and Lyrics; Speed Racer; The To Do List; 10 Years; Bandslam; The Good Guy; Descent; Brampton’s Own; Future BMT: Dear John; BMT: Prom Night; Notes: You best believe that is Jason Street! He does a lot of voice stuff these days, and more television like Up Here on Hulu.)

Jessica Stroup – ( Known For: Ted; The Informers; This Christmas; Homecoming; Broken; Pray for Morning; Future BMT: Jack Reacher: Never Go Back; The Hills Have Eyes 2; BMT: Prom Night; School for Scoundrels; Notes: Was in Iron Fist, the television series, but since that got canceled she really hasn’t done much. She got married in 2022 which could explain her career slowing a bit.)

Budget/Gross – $20,000,000 / Domestic: $43,869,350 (Worldwide: $57,197,876)

(That is pretty good. Man, horror really just prints money.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 9% (6/69): A dim and predictable remake of an already dull slasher film, this Prom Night fails to be memorable.

(Already a dull slasher film?! How dare … oh wait, yeah … I guess it does take the original like an hour to even get a kill cooking. So I guess that is fair.)

Reviewer Highlight: For a film about erotomania, Prom Night is a curiously flaccid affair. – Jeannette Catsoulis, New York Times

Poster – Sklog Night

(I don’t like the poster mostly because it feels like it’s lying. It looks more like a torture porn film like Captivity or something. But it’s not. Way more fun that what this looks like. But it’s also not like it’s exactly bad, either. B.)

Tagline(s) – A Night To Die For. (A-)

(Sure. I mean, it’s not going to win any awards for originality, but it’s trying for the clever angle that I appreciate.)

Keyword(s) – 2007-2015

Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Interstellar (2014), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), The Avengers (2012), Shutter Island (2010), Avatar (2009)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.2 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.2 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 75.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.4 God’s Not Dead (2014), 74.1 The Spirit (2008), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 The Pyramid (2014), 69.6 College Road Trip (2008), 69.4 Gulliver’s Travels (2010), 69.2 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 68.7 Captivity (2007)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Jack and Jill (2011), Scary Movie V (2013), The Last Airbender (2010), Left Behind (2014), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Love Guru (2008), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Norbit (2007), Movie 43 (2013), I Know Who Killed Me (2007), Prom Night (2008), Bratz (2007), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Dragon Wars: D-War (2007), One Missed Call (2008), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Skyline (2010), The Devil Inside (2012), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Ouija (2014), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Furry Vengeance (2010), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), After Earth (2013), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011), The Gallows (2015), Jonah Hex (2010), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Getaway (2013), …

Best Options (Horror): 90.5 Vampires Suck (2010), 84.3 Prom Night (2008), 78.5 Shark Night (2011), 77.1 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 75.2 The Apparition (2012), 73.2 The Unborn (2009), 71.2 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 70.9 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 The Pyramid (2014), 68.7 Captivity (2007), 66.3 The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (2014), 65.5 My Soul to Take (2010), 64.8 The Final Destination (2009), 64.0 Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014), 63.0 The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007), 61.3 A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), 58.8 Sorority Row (2009), 58.5 Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), 58.0 The Lazarus Effect (2015), 58.0 Legion (2010), 56.8 Shutter (2008), 56.0 Sinister 2 (2015), 55.2 Annabelle (2014), 55.1 The Green Inferno (2013), 54.2 The Messengers (2007), 52.4 The Eye (2008), 50.9 Saw 3D (2010), 50.2 House at the End of the Street (2012), …

(Hellllll yeah. I don’t even think Vampires Suck is even a horror film, so this one is (by far) the best option. I think crushing the Paranormal Activity films will be exciting in the future.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 19) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Brittany Snow is No. 1 billed in Prom Night and No. 4 billed in The Pacifier, which also stars Vin Diesel (No. 1 billed) who is in Babylon A.D. (No. 1 billed) which also stars Michelle Yeoh (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 4 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 19. If we were to watch Sinister 2, and 40 Days and 40 Nights we can get the HoE Number down to 19.

Notes – Aside from the title and the concept of teenagers being stalked by a killer at prom, this film shares no connection to the original Prom Night (1980).

During the scene at the hair salon, the original Myers house from the original Halloween (1978) can be seen outside the window . Jamie Lee Curtis, who starred in Halloween, also starred in the original Prom Night (1980).

Nelson McCormick had done extensive research into proms going as far back as where and when the first prom was ever held in American history in the film, compiling detailed portfolios for the cast and crew, which had an introduction on the origin of the prom and what it represents. However, writer J.S. Cardone, when going over what would be the titular prom with McCormick, ultimately decided on a prom which, apart from the music and dancing of the Bridgeport seniors, was beyond the scale or budget of a standard American prom.

Scott Porter is 7 years older than Brittany Snow, while playing high school seniors who are the same age.

Johnathon Schaech (Richard Fenton) and Jana Kramer (April) met on the set of this movie and were married between 2010-2011.

Haunted Mansion (2023) Preview

Five days later, Patrick wakes up at Freddy’s Resort, Spa and Pizzeria. It’s actually been a fairly routine four days. Relaxing by the maze, sightseeing in the maze, and all the za you can eat. Each night Patrick expects to awake to whatever nightmare Freddy’s has to offer, but so far no scares to be found. “I’m telling you, Freddy’s isn’t scary,” Jamie insists when he sees the look of concern return to Patrick’s face as night falls. “The only thing scary is how dope this za is,” he says before scarfing down another slice of The Hellraiser. While he wouldn’t normally like a pizza who’s only topping is five pounds of ghost peppers, Patrick has to admit that it’s oddly pleasurable to consume. “Yeah, I’m sorry man. I’ve just been on edge ever since we’ve ended up in this puzzle box to an interdimensional hell,” Patrick admits. “I think I lost sight of what’s important, and that is that you found love with Demon #1 and Demon #2.” He slaps Jamie on the back, who winces in pain. Four night of pleasure (or is it pain?) has left his back shredded like Shredder from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Jamie smiles, but then his face turns serious. Patrick is suddenly afraid that the other shoe is finally going to drop. “Patrick,” Jamie says, “I have to tell you something.” Patrick holds his breath. “We just… we love it so much here. Freddy’s is a dream and really, what do we have to go back to in the maze?” Jamie’s eyes are filling with tears. “We’re… we’re moving here. We’re… moving there. And I need to do it on my own,” Jamie is pointing at what is clearly a very haunted house. “Say what?” Patrick asks incredulously. That’s right! We are indeed watching a very haunted movie in Haunted Mansion. No, not the Eddie Murphy one (we’ll pick that up at some point), but the new one. You know, the one that would have gone straight to Disney+ a year ago. We are pairing that with Ghosted, a blockbuster Chris Evans/Ana de Armas vehicle that went straight to Apple+ (in this economy?). It was the biggest, baddest streamer we could find. Let’s go!

Haunted Mansion (2023) – BMeTric: 28.2; Notability: 34

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 15.6%; Notability: top 2.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 22.4%; Higher BMeT: The Exorcist: Believer, Meg 2: The Trench, Expend4bles, The Black Demon, Knights of the Zodiac, Best. Christmas. Ever!, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, 65, The Ritual Killer, Five Nights at Freddy’s, The Out-Laws, Insidious: The Red Door, Maybe I Do, In the Fire, White Men Can’t Jump, Retribution, Hypnotic, Fool’s Paradise, House Party, Locked In, and 19 more; Higher Notability: Rebel Moon: Part One – A Child of Fire, Fool’s Paradise, Ghosted, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, Expend4bles, House Party; Lower RT: Freelance, The Ritual Killer, 57 Seconds, Expend4bles, In the Fire, On a Wing and a Prayer, Fool’s Paradise, The Tutor, Vacation Friends 2, Robots, The Re-Education of Molly Singer, The Out-Laws, Knights of the Zodiac, Mafia Mamma, The Exorcist: Believer, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines, Pain Hustlers, The Family Plan, God Is a Bullet, Rebel Moon: Part One – A Child of Fire, and 28 more; Notes: This year has been a bit odd still. I do hope things return a bit more to normal in 2024 as far as the cinema goes, but with the writer’s strike I fear we are in for another weirdo year of stuff getting pushed around and jockeying for space.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – “Haunted Mansion” is constructed with the familiar bricks of a Gothic tale, down to the theme of grief that runs throughout. There’s a thoughtful examination of how grief makes us vulnerable while also being able to harness the power of that love to connect with one another and appreciate the lives we lead. There’s also value for family audiences in the nostalgic spookiness that rides along the surface. But with a repeated sourness in the film’s comedic efforts and a tragically misused ensemble, “Haunted Mansion” misses the chance to become a Halloween classic.

(This is a better review than I expected. Spoiler: I mostly agree. The film is more entertaining than it has any right to be, but it also is a lot worse than it needed to be. Some fatal misteps which were entirely avoidable.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB_1o3c19y0/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB_1o3c19y0/

(Wait … that’s Jared Leto? How weird. The film looks very interesting actually, but (spoiler) … yeah they show most of the good parts. The problem with the film is it takes ages before you actually see any ghosts which is pretty unfortunate. The ghosts are the most fun part!)

Directors – Justin Simien – ( Known For: Dear White People; Bad Hair; BMT: Haunted Mansion; Notes: I’ve heard the series Dear White People is pretty good. He seems really young, although his age isn’t on his IMDb.)

Writers – Katie Dippold – ( Known For: Ghostbusters; The Heat; Future BMT: Snatched; BMT: Haunted Mansion; Notes: Wrote 31 episodes of Parks and Rec. Kind of weird she has a solo credit here all things considered. I would think Disney would want to get a few more cooks in there.)

Actors – LaKeith Stanfield – ( Known For: Knives Out; Get Out; Uncut Gems; Straight Outta Compton; Snowden; The Purge: Anarchy; Selma; Short Term 12; Death Note; Judas and the Black Messiah; Dope; Sorry to Bother You; The Harder They Fall; War Machine; Someone Great; Miles Ahead; The Incredible Jessica James; The Photograph; Crown Heights; Come Sunday; Future BMT: The Girl in the Spider’s Web; BMT: Haunted Mansion; Notes: I forgot his was nominated for an Oscar for Judas and the Black Messiah. Played a major role on Atlanta as well.)

Rosario Dawson – ( Known For: Sin City; Death Proof; Unstoppable; Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief; Zombieland: Double Tap; Grindhouse; 25th Hour; Sin City: A Dame to Kill For; The Lego Batman Movie; Clerks II; Trance; The Rundown; Sorry to Bother You; Kids; Rent; He Got Game; Shattered Glass; The Captive; Jay and Silent Bob Reboot; Top Five; Future BMT: Seven Pounds; Eagle Eye; Alexander; Unforgettable; Ratchet & Clank; Light It Up; BMT: Men in Black II; Space Jam: A New Legacy; Zookeeper; Haunted Mansion; The Adventures of Pluto Nash; Down to You; Notes: A crazy year for her, ended up in Ashoka as well. All over that Disney brand. She was a rare addition to the Rent film adaptation since the original castmember was pregnant and couldn’t do the role.)

Owen Wilson – ( Known For: The Grand Budapest Hotel; Cars; Midnight in Paris; Wedding Crashers; Night at the Museum; Meet the Parents; The Royal Tenenbaums; Zoolander; Fantastic Mr. Fox; Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania; The Darjeeling Limited; Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian; The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou; The Cable Guy; Wonder; Marley & Me; Starsky & Hutch; The French Dispatch; Shanghai Noon; Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb; Future BMT: Meet the Fockers; The Internship; Cars 2; Hall Pass; Little Fockers; You, Me and Dupree; Drillbit Taylor; Masterminds; How Do You Know; Free Birds; Paint; BMT: Armageddon; Behind Enemy Lines; Anaconda; Around the World in 80 Days; The Haunting; Zoolander 2; I Spy; Haunted Mansion; Father Figures; Marmaduke; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for playing Lightning McQueen in Cars. Joking, he was nominated for writing The Royal Tenenbaums with his long time collaborator Wes Anderson. They met in college in Texas.)

Budget/Gross – $150 million / Domestic: $67,653,287 (Worldwide: $117,449,790)

(Yeah that is quite bad, but the whole streaming thing muddles all this stuff. But it seems doubtful this necessarily moved the needle for Disney in any way. Also weird that they released two different Haunted Mansion films pretty close together.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 37% (94/253): Haunted Mansion’s talented cast makes the movie a pleasant enough destination, although it’s neither scary nor funny enough to wholeheartedly recommend.

(I don’t think it would ever be scary. But yes, I would have imagined it should have been funny. It should have had like … a ghost sidekick or something.)

Reviewer Highlight: There is a mansion, it is haunted, boo, blah, the end. – Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Poster – A Haunting in Orlando

(I’m not sure the cast warrants this poster. You would think the mansion is the star and yet it’s just a little itty bitty thing in the crystal ball. Mistake. Nice font and colors, though. B-.)

Tagline(s) – Home is where the haunt is. (A+++)

(Noooooooo. I appreciate the effort though. I have to make that very clear. I would take a terrible, horrific pun 100 out of 100 times over some generic bullshit. So obviously this gets an A+++)

Keyword(s) – Year 2023

Top 10: Oppenheimer (2023), Barbie (2023), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023), Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023), Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023), The Flash (2023)

Future BMT: 84.6 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 67.0 The Exorcist: Believer (2023), 48.0 Insidious: The Red Door (2023), 43.8 Fool’s Paradise (2023), 43.5 House Party (2023), 37.2 Paint (2023), 35.8 Freelance (2023), 31.6 The Machine (2023), 27.7 Love Again (2023), 24.9 Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023), 20.9 The Marsh King’s Daughter (2023), 18.4 Nefarious (2023), 9.1 The Shift (2023), 9.1 Camp Hideout (2023), 8.8 Back on the Strip (2023), 8.3 Sweetwater (2023)

BMT: Meg 2: The Trench (2023), Expend4bles (2023), 65 (2023), Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023), Retribution (2023), Hypnotic (2023), My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023), Mafia Mamma (2023), About My Father (2023), Haunted Mansion (2023), Fear (2023)

Best Options (imdb-keyword-haunted-house): 28.1 Haunted Mansion (2023)

(I genuinely thought maybe there would be some odd Haunted House one there, but naw, this was the only one. Whatever,)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Rosario Dawson is No. 1 billed in Haunted Mansion and No. 2 billed in Zookeeper, which also stars Kevin James (No. 1 billed) who is in Pixels (No. 2 billed) which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 15. If we were to watch Like a Boss we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Gracey Manor is modeled after the original Disneyland Haunted Mansion. Crump Manor is modeled after Magic Kingdom’s Haunted Mansion at Walt Disney World.

The namesake of “William Gracey” and the “Gracey Manor” (the Haunted Mansion’s mansion name), stems from Yale Gracey, a Disney Imagineer and member of the Academy of Magical Arts (their clubhouse is The Magic Castle in Hollywood, CA). Yale was the one who created a modernized version of “Pepper’s Ghost Illusion.” He showed a model to Walt Disney, who loved it and honored Yale by calling the mansion “The Gracey Mansion.” Today, the attraction still holds the largest display of Pepper’s Ghost Illusion in the world (it is the dining room scene with the ghosts flying around the table). The original, working, model is still on display at The Magic Castle in Hollywood, California.

The chair in which Harriet is seated at the spirit session, and in which she is later expelled from the Mansion, resembles the ride vehicles, known as “Doombuggies”, in the Haunted Mansion ride in the Disney parks.

Eddie Murphy, star of The Haunted Mansion (2003), was invited back to make a cameo appearance but was turned down when he demanded $500,000 for one days work.

Vic, the cohost at Crump Manor, can be briefly heard to play the theme to another Disney attraction, “it’s a Small World,” on the piano.

Arthur (2011) Preview

September 1st, 1992

Jamie and Patrick are looking bodacious. Pants? Lycra. Shirt? Absent. Tips? Frosted. Their summer had been spent watching Tango & Cash on repeat as research for a ‘zine idea they had brewing. Rumor on the block was ‘zines were the next big thing. Their dad had one word of advice for them as they navigate this crazy thing we call life: “The rumor around my block is natuuuure.” With that he swept his arm in the general direction of a nearby mountain and called it ‘nature’s movie.’ Despite this being wrong (Nature’s movie is Ewoks: The Battle for Endor) they venture forth and soon find themselves scaling the rocky crags of Mt. Mountain. “Maybe our ‘zine can be about mountains… in movies. Movie Mountains? Is that something?” Jamie asks as he swings himself from one rocky outcrop to another. “But why would someone want to read what we say about Movie Mountains?” Patrick ponders. Just as he’s going to suggest Bad Movie Mountains, though, they are buzzed by a remote control airplane. They look far below them and see a bunch of middle schoolers laughing as they dive bomb them in increasingly dangerous fashion. “Sacre bleu!” Jamie says, using one of his more famous catchphrases. “We’re trapped,” Patrick says, gritting his teeth in rage, “Like Perret trapped Tango and Cash… a couple mice in a maze.” They look at each other in despair. They are far too young to have any patented Twin Memories to harken back to for a solution. This looks like a very early end for the Bad Movie Twins. Suddenly they hear a faint voice “the rumor around my block is natuuuure.” Patrick’s eyes widen. Jamie simply whispers “Coolz.” With that their eyes glaze over and they enter a patented Arthur Memory. That’s right! We are completing the Arthur circle by watching the 2011 remake of the comedy classic starring Russel Brand and Best Director nominee Greta Gerwig (but not for this… she didn’t direct 2011’s Arthur). Talk about two people whose careers are going in two different directions. We are pairing it with Replicant starring JCVD. This film will complete the second leg of the “JCVD plays dual roles” trilogy, leaving just Maximum Risk. Let’s go!

Arthur (2011) – BMeTric: 41.9; Notability: 52

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 16.4%; Notability: top 10.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 22.1%; Higher BMeT: Jack and Jill, The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Shark Night, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, The Roommate, The Darkest Hour, Hellraiser: Revelations, Conan the Barbarian, Abduction, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Zookeeper, Apollo 18, I Don’t Know How She Does It, Twixt, The Dilemma, and 21 more; Higher Notability: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Green Lantern, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, Cars 2, New Year’s Eve, The Smurfs, Hop, Red Riding Hood, Your Highness, Jack and Jill, Battle Los Angeles, The Hangover Part II, Sucker Punch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, I Am Number Four, Larry Crowne, In Time, Johnny English Reborn, Season of the Witch, and 5 more; Lower RT: Hellraiser: Revelations, You May Not Kiss the Bride, Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Roommate, A Little Bit of Heaven, Hick, Abduction, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Dream House, New Year’s Eve, Trespass, Honey 2, Red Riding Hood, Season of the Witch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, The Darkest Hour, Atlas Shrugged: Part I, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, The Moth Diaries, and 33 more; Notes: Kind of amusing how few of those top BMeT films I’ve seen. We’ve seen 12 of the 20 listed there, which is pretty good, but only two in the top 5, so we are somehow leaving some heavy hitters. Although, 2011 is an incredible bad movie year I believe, one of the best, so perhaps it is impossible to watch enough bad movies to seem impressive.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – The thing about Moore, who people persisted in calling “Cuddly Dudley” although he hated it, is that he was just plain lovable. The thing about Russell Brand is that he isn’t, not much, and he should get credit here for at least being a good deal more likable than he usually chooses to seem. He plays the alcoholic zillionaire Arthur Bach as a man who wants to party with the world and pick up the check.

(Yes, this was my impression as well. The less the said about Russell Brand the better at the moment, but his high pitched affectation and general antics in this film do seem reasonably charming. Surprisingly so.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoJN7k1BMYg/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoJN7k1BMYg/

(Jesus the overused Rebel Rebel riff and then All Night Long and then Pressure!! The trailer almost comes across as a parody and just seems sad.)

Directors – Jason Winer – ( Known For: Ode to Joy; BMT: Arthur; Notes: Won an Emmy for Modern Family which is produced in addition to directing multiple episodes. HE is directing The Santa Clauses at the moment.)

Writers – Peter Baynham – ( Known For: Hotel Transylvania; Borat; Borat Subsequent Moviefilm; Brüno; Ron’s Gone Wrong; Alan Partridge; Arthur Christmas; Future BMT: The Brothers Grimsby; BMT: Arthur; Notes: Probably British considering he appears to work very closely with Sasha Baron Cohen and Steve Coogan on their projects. Nominated for 2 Oscars for the Borat films.)

Steve Gordon – ( Known For: Arthur; The One and Only; BMT: Arthur; Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Notes: Died in 1982, between the two Arthur films, he wrote the original Arthur for which he was nominated for an Oscar.)

Actors – Russell Brand – ( Known For: Death on the Nile; Forgetting Sarah Marshall; Trolls; Despicable Me; Minions: The Rise of Gru; Despicable Me 2; Rock of Ages; Get Him to the Greek; Penelope; St. Trinian’s; Catherine Called Birdy; Army of One; The Tempest; Four Kids and It; Paradise; The Fight; Future BMT: Bedtime Stories; Hop; BMT: Arthur; Notes: Yeah no, I ain’t falling for this trap. He is currently notably under investigation for sexual assault, some of the allegations coming from the set of this specific film.)

Helen Mirren – ( Known For: Barbie; Fast X; Golda; Shazam! Fury of the Gods; Caligula; F9: The Fast Saga; The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; The Prince of Egypt; Excalibur; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; RED; State of Play; Age of Consent; The Fate of the Furious; Woman in Gold; The Pledge; Monsters University; The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover; Gosford Park; 2010: The Year We Make Contact; Future BMT: Anna; Winchester; Inkheart; National Treasure: Book of Secrets; The Nutcracker and the Four Realms; Collateral Beauty; Raising Helen; Teaching Mrs. Tingle; BMT: Arthur; Notes: Won and Oscar for The Queen and is in general a national British treasure. She was nominated for three other Oscars as well for The Madness of King George, Gosford Park, and The Last Station.)

Jennifer Garner – ( Known For: Catch Me If You Can; Juno; 13 Going on 30; The Adam Project; Dallas Buyers Club; Daredevil; Love, Simon; Draft Day; The Kingdom; The Invention of Lying; Miracles from Heaven; Yes Day; Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day; Deconstructing Harry; Butter; Danny Collins; Wakefield; The Tribes of Palos Verdes; A Happening of Monumental Proportions; Washington Square; Future BMT: Peppermint; Dude, Where’s My Car?; Men, Women & Children; The Odd Life of Timothy Green; Wonder Park; Catch and Release; Mr. Magoo; BMT: Pearl Harbor; Mother’s Day; Valentine’s Day; Ghosts of Girlfriends Past; Elektra; Arthur; Nine Lives; Notes: Nominated for four Emmy for Alias, but she never won. Was married to Ben Affleck for a time.)

Budget/Gross – $40,000,000 / Domestic: $33,035,397 (Worldwide: $48,147,945)

(That ain’t great. You want more than that. But I also can’t imagine why a remake of Arthur was going to make $100 million, so I don’t know what they were thinking.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 27% (52/195): An irritating, unnecessary remake that demonstrates the libertine charm Russell Brand exudes in supporting roles turn against him when he’s star of the show.

(Irritating is the name of the game. I really don’t know how you make an Arthur film without Dudley Moore and have Arthur come across as anything but supremely irritating. The reviewer below kind of gets it right too, this pretty much killed Brand as a leading man.)

Reviewer Highlight: Russell Brand gives a career-killing performance. – David Edelstein, New York Magazine/Vulture

Poster – 2011’s Arthur

(I don’t understand two things about this poster. Why is Arthur’s hat being held up like that? Does it mean something? Was that hat supposed to be a “thing”? Second, how is it that Greta Gerwig isn’t on this poster? Garner gets the spot playing the primary antagonist. Why? Anyway, I don’t love it. I don’t even like it, really. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Meet the world’s only loveable billionaire. (D+)

(I can’t really tell if this is really bad or just really not good. Like it’s a little long and not clever in the least. It appears to think him being “loveable” (to some people, I guess) is clever when put next to the word “billionaire.” I don’t understand why. I guess it does tell you a little of what to expect from the movie. So that’s nice.)

Keyword(s) – daddio

Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), The Godfather (1972), Scarface (1983), 12 Angry Men (1957), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Back to the Future Part II (1989), Dead Poets Society (1989), Citizen Kane (1941), The Game (1997), Dumb and Dumber (1994)

Future BMT: 79.0 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 58.9 Jury Duty (1995), 57.4 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.1 Ghost Dad (1990), 50.8 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.5 Sleepwalkers (1992), 49.3 My Girl 2 (1994), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.6 Man of the House (1995), 41.6 My Baby’s Daddy (2004), 41.6 Speed Zone (1989), 41.3 Club Paradise (1986), 38.9 Fled (1996), 38.3 My Father the Hero (1994), 38.0 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 37.0 Desperate Hours (1990), 35.9 Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984), 35.8 I Got the Hook Up (1998), 34.3 Spring Break (1983), 34.1 Father Hood (1993)

BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Cool as Ice (1991), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), Poltergeist III (1988), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Fire Birds (1990), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989), Virtuosity (1995), Double Impact (1991), Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985), Navy Seals (1990), Iron Eagle (1986), Rambo III (1988), High School High (1996), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Clifford (1994), Man Trouble (1992), Leviathan (1989), Universal Soldier (1992), Days of Thunder (1990), No Mercy (1986), The Postman (1997), Fools Rush In (1997), Eraser (1996), Hackers (1995), Rising Sun (1993), Magic in the Water (1995), Lock Up (1989), The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)

(We had to finish up Arthur for the cycle, so here we are. Luckily I don’t think there were many others I was really clamoring for in its place.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 20) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jennifer Garner is No. 4 billed in Arthur and No. 2 billed in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, which also stars Matthew McConaughey (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wedding Planner (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jennifer Lopez (No. 1 billed) who is in Gigli (No. 2 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (4 + 2) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 20. If we were to watch Two for the Money we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – Arthur states his father died at the age of forty-four in an homage to Steve Gordon, who directed Arthur (1981), and also died at the age of forty-four.

While sulking in his Batmobile after Hobson (Dame Helen Mirren) gives him an aspirin and vitamin, Arthur (Russell Brand) scrolls through his phone to look for Naomi’s number and we briefly see Katy Perry, Brand’s then-wife, listed as a contact.

During the dinner scene at Grand Central Station, the background music that is playing is an instrumental version of the Christopher Cross song, “Arthur (1981)’s Theme (Best That You Can Do)”.

In the final scene, where there is a collection of movie cars, the car displayed on the far right is the Rolls-Royce from Arthur (1981).

In order to see the dedication in Naomi’s book, Arthur moves a pop-up moon over a Manhattan skyline scene. This is a tribute to the line “If you get caught between the moon and New York City”, in Christopher Cross’ “Arthur (1981)’s Theme” song.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Russell Brand)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel

Angels in the Outfield Preview

September 1st, 1993

Jamie and Patrick are looking badical. Jacket? Leather. Pants? Shredded. Chains? Thick. Their summer had been spent writing their bad movie ‘zine Film Psychos and gathering tens of subscribers. Their dad had one word of advice for them as they navigate this crazy thing we call life: “What’s a ‘zine?” With that he swept his arm in the general direction of the nearby cave system and called it ‘nature’s movie.’ Despite this being wrong (Nature’s movie is Gorillas in the Mist) they venture forth and soon find themselves lost in the labyrinthian caves. “Boy, this is spooky,” Jamie says and Patrick thinks how this is one case where they would love to have the older bullies around to help them out. Just when they fear that they will die in the caves they see a faint glow up ahead. They shield their eyes against the blinding light as they approach and for a moment an angelic voice appears to be coming from a beautiful white stallion. “A talking horse?!” Jamie says in awe. But as the light comes closer it becomes clear it’s not a talking horse at all, but a man in long white flowing robes. “It is not your time,” the man says, “to get out of the cave system you must remember the two mice in a maze.” With that the man winks out of existence. He then winks back again, “Oh and I forgot, you know your neighbor, Bill?” They nod their heads. “He has cancer,” and then disappears again. “Wow, that’s a real Coolz Foolz,” Jamie says with a smirk and Patrick nods before getting down to remembering things. “Mice. Mazes. Talk to me, people!” he yells and with that their eyes glaze over and they enter a patented Twin Memory. That’s right! We’re watching Angels in the Outfield. It’s a classic Disney channel staple from our childhood about a kid, some angels, and the California Angels (the team we all know and love). I remember even making fun of the film as a kid cause the main character looks like a dope flapping his arms whenever he sees an angel. Certainly it won’t be nearly as dopey as our Bring a Friend, Heaven Sent, though. I do believe that is a film, but I can’t be totally sure yet. Let’s go!

Angels in the Outfield (1994) – BMeTric: 24.9; Notability: 47

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 25.6%; Notability: top 13.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 34.0%; Higher BMeT: Street Fighter, Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Junior, The Next Karate Kid, Double Dragon, It’s Pat: The Movie, On Deadly Ground, The Flintstones, North, The Fantastic Four, Leprechaun 2, 3 Ninjas Kick Back, Exit to Eden, In the Army Now, Color of Night, Richie Rich, Car 54, Where Are You?, Getting Even with Dad, Beverly Hills Cop III, and 44 more; Higher Notability: The Flintstones, Wyatt Earp, The Shadow, Beverly Hills Cop III, Love Affair, Ready to Wear, North, Radioland Murders, I Love Trouble, The Pagemaster, Little Giants, Exit to Eden, Street Fighter, Drop Zone, D2: The Mighty Ducks, Junior, On Deadly Ground, Speechless, The Puppet Masters, The Scout, and 13 more; Lower RT: Wagons East, Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, It’s Pat: The Movie, Death Wish: The Face of Death, House Party 3, The Silence of the Hams, Holy Matrimony, Car 54, Where Are You?, Erotique, Getting Even with Dad, A Low Down Dirty Shame, Major League II, Exit to Eden, Lightning Jack, Leprechaun 2, In the Army Now, The Next Karate Kid, Trial by Jury, Blank Check, Intersection, and 60 more; Notes: In case one was curious about the top 10 in 90s Listing Plays for qualifying films: Clifford (91); The Next Karate Kid (82); Angels in the Outfield (76); City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold (74); Renaissance Man (73); Airheads (72); Car 54, Where Are You? (70); Blankman (70); The Scout (69); Major League II (65). I think the amazing thing is just how few we’ve watched. Clifford (this year), Car 54, Where Are you?, and now this … that is it. Partly it is because I’ve seen Blankman, Airheads (a lot), City Slickers II (a lot), and Clifford and this (a lot). So we always veered away from those before. Still, lots to do in the 90s still, and hopefully the listings will help give the people what they want.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – “Angels in the Outfield” closely follows another movie about kids and baseball, “Little Big League.” Both are about how small boys control the destinies of major league teams. But while “Little Big League” is a smart movie about a kid who really understands baseball, “Angels” is a dumb movie about soppy sentimentality. The choice is clear.

(Whoa. I didn’t expect the … what’s the opposite of “stray”? Like all of a sudden huge props for Little Big League out of nowhere? Smart movie? That’s praise.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wok7pG9_vX8/

(Ha. That was the whole movie. Like literally, his father telling him he’s off. The wish. The angels showing up for the first time. Most of the angel stuff. The press conference. And then literally the end of the pennant game. Might as well have shown the big twist ending. Why not?)

Directors – William Dear – ( Known For: Harry and the Hendersons; The Perfect Game; Simon Says; Timerider: The Adventure of Lyle Swann; The Foursome; Northville Cemetery Massacre; Free Style; Politics of Love; Nymph; Future BMT: Wild America; If Looks Could Kill; BMT: Angels in the Outfield; Notes: Hasn’t done much recently, but he was really plugged into the kids stuff back in the day. Harry and the Hendersons, the show of the same name, and then Dinosaurs pretty close together.)

Writers – Dorothy Kingsley – ( Known For: Angels in the Outfield; Valley of the Dolls; Seven Brides for Seven Brothers; Kiss Me Kate; Pal Joey; Green Mansions; Can-Can; Bathing Beauty; Dangerous When Wet; Pepe; Neptune’s Daughter; On an Island with You; A Date with Judy; Two Weeks with Love; It’s a Big Country: An American Anthology; Small Town Girl; Jupiter’s Darling; Don’t Go Near the Water; Easy to Wed; Broadway Rhythm; BMT: Angels in the Outfield; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar in 1955 for adapting Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Oh you didn’t know Angels in the Outfield was originally a 1951 film? It was about the Pittsburgh Pirates.)

George Wells – ( Known For: Angels in the Outfield; Where the Boys Are; Lovely to Look At; Summer Stock; Penelope; Designing Woman; Take Me Out to the Ball Game; Three Little Words; Party Girl; Ask Any Girl; I Love Melvin; Three Bites of the Apple; It’s a Big Country: An American Anthology; The Gazebo; The Honeymoon Machine; The Hucksters; Everything I Have Is Yours; Don’t Go Near the Water; Cover Me Babe; The Toast of New Orleans; BMT: Angels in the Outfield; Notes: Same, wrote a bunch of stuff and then retired to sail and wrote a new novels.)

Richard Conlin – ( Known For: Angels in the Outfield; BMT: Angels in the Outfield; Notes: Somehow out of the three (who were all born prior to 1910) he was the only one who didn’t live to see this film released. He died in 1989. Seemed to have been a big Disney writer.)

Holly Goldberg Sloan – ( Known For: The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course; Pure Country Pure Heart; Whispers: An Elephant’s Tale; The Secret Life of Girls; Future BMT: The Big Green; Made in America; BMT: Angels in the Outfield; Notes: I think it is pretty clear the success of adapting this kids’ film rolled right into The Big Green which was her first “writing” credit.)

Actors – Danny Glover – ( Known For: Saw; Shooter; The Color Purple; The Prince of Egypt; The Royal Tenenbaums; Jumanji: The Next Level; Lethal Weapon; The Dead Don’t Die; Witness; Sorry to Bother You; The Old Man & the Gun; Lethal Weapon 2; The Rainmaker; Dreamgirls; Silverado; Maverick; Escape from Alcatraz; Antz; Places in the Heart; Lethal Weapon 4; Future BMT: Barnyard; Wild America; Monster Trucks; Switchback; Pure Luck; The Shaggy Dog; Gone Fishin’; Flight of the Intruder; Operation Dumbo Drop; The Cookout; BMT: 2012; Angels in the Outfield; Dirty Grandpa; Predator 2; Alpha and Omega; Proud Mary; Notes: Claims he is going to be in Lethal Weapon 5 which has been in development for ever. We’ll see. He was too old for this shit in the 90s.)

Brenda Fricker – ( Known For: The Miracle Club; A Time to Kill; So I Married an Axe Murderer; My Left Foot; The Field; Albert Nobbs; Veronica Guerin; Closing the Ring; Trauma; Moll Flanders; Rory O’Shea Was Here; Stone of Destiny; Cloudburst; Locked In; The Intended; War Bride; How About You; A Man of No Importance; Tara Road; Conspiracy of Silence; Future BMT: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York; Masterminds; BMT: Angels in the Outfield; Notes: You’d probably know her from Home Alone 2 as the bird lady. I know her from So I Married an Axe Murderer which she played the mother. A huge character actor, but she won an Oscar for Support Actress for My Left Foot.)

Tony Danza – ( Known For: Crash; Don Jon; The Hollywood Knights; Rumble; Darby and the Dead; Glam; Cloud 9; Going Ape!; A Brooklyn State of Mind; Illtown; The Nail: The Story of Joey Nardone; Future BMT: She’s Out of Control; Meet Wally Sparks; Dear God; BMT: Angels in the Outfield; Cannonball Run II; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy as a Guest Star in The Practice. Huge TV star though in Taxi and Who’s the Boss? He actually was playing age appropriate as a definitely over the hill pitcher.)

Budget/Gross – $31 million / Domestic: $50,236,831 (Worldwide: $50,236,831)

(That is pretty good, but not excellent. I’m a bit skeptical of that budget though. I know you have to film in stadiums and stuff, but over 30 million for a kids’ film in the 90s? That seems nuts.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (9/28): A queasy mishmash of poignant drama and slapstick fantasy, Angels in the Outfield strikes out as worthy family entertainment.

(If you don’t mention the ending then I don’t know what to say. The ending is really the only bit that strikes out.)

NYT Review: Big, dripping scoop of marshmallow sentiment, topped with whipped-cream spirituality.

Poster – Wranglers in the Outback Commercial

(Looks like the angel in the poster is totally flubbing that catch. What an idiot. That’s a better movie. Should have been a bunch of angels come down to stop the California Angels due to their blasphemous name and the team has to rally to beat them. Perfect. Oh, but the poster is a C+.)

Tagline(s) – It Could Happen. (C)

Ya Gotta Believe! (F)

(The first one is essentially the catchphrase of the main character’s sidekick in the film. It’s lame, but makes sense and is short. Hard pass on the second one.)

Keyword(s) – daddio

Future BMT: 79.0 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 58.9 Jury Duty (1995), 57.4 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.1 Ghost Dad (1990), 50.8 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.5 Sleepwalkers (1992), 49.3 My Girl 2 (1994), 46.4 Daddy Day Care (2003), 44.6 Man of the House (1995), 41.6 My Baby’s Daddy (2004), 41.6 Speed Zone (1989), 41.3 Club Paradise (1986), 38.9 Fled (1996), 38.3 My Father the Hero (1994), 38.0 Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), 36.9 Desperate Hours (1990), 35.9 Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984), 35.8 I Got the Hook Up (1998), 34.3 Spring Break (1983), 34.1 Father Hood (1993)

Best Options (Serving Sara): 33.3 The Jerky Boys (1995), 26.1 Airheads (1994), 26.1 Feds (1988), 20.1 Art School Confidential (2006), 17.3 Hexed (1993), 16.7 Mr. Destiny (1990), 8.0 Let It Ride (1989)

(Ah right, that doesn’t appear because we had to scour the internet to find a way from Serving Sara to the 2023 cycle. This film played in 2002, I suppose somewhat ironically right before the Angels actually won the World Series. Amazing that you really can’t get to 2023 at all with a real 90s film though.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Danny Glover is No. 1 billed in Angels in the Outfield and No. 3 billed in Proud Mary, which also stars Neal McDonough (No. 5 billed) who is in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (No. 3 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (1 + 3) + (5 + 3) + (2 + 2) = 16. If we were to watch Operation Dumbo Drop we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – Former A’s and Cardinals player Tony LaRussa and his family make a cameo appearance in the owner’s box, during the last game.

This film was not the only connection between Disney and the Angels. Two years after the film’s release, the Walt Disney Corporation bought the Angels, and owned the team until 2003. In addition, Walt Disney was one of the Angels’ original board members.

The character of Hank Murphy, the Angels’ owner, is loosely based on owner, actor and country music star Gene Autry, right down to the cowboy hat. Autry passed away October 1998. When the Anaheim Angels won the 2002 World Series, they dedicated their win to Autry.

Two of the actors who played Angels players, Adrien Brody and Matthew McConaughey, would go on to win Academy Awards for Best Actor.

At the time of its production and release, the Angels, who entered the American League in 1961 had never won an AL pennant or appeared in a World Series and were best known for their collapses in the ALCS. The Angels would lose their appearances in 1979, 1982 and 1986. Eight years after the film’s release, the Angels won both the franchise’s first AL Pennant and World Series championship in 2002.

Clash of the Titans (2010) Preview

“Why are we still here?” asks Jamie, a dark pall hanging over his features. “Because,” Michael explains, “you are meant to reconnect with people. Kevin James connects with people. If you understand that then we can leave. Beep boop” Patrick scoffs. “I think the answer to that starts with a ‘D’ and ends with an ‘uh.’ We aren’t total idiots, we know Paul Blart was a sensation.” They get up to leave. “Is that so?” Michael robot scoffs right back at them, “Then why did you spend,” he pauses, a mechanical whirring sound intensifying as he performs a quick numerical calculation, “1,146 words talking about Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 on BadMovieTwins.com and conclude, and I quote, ‘it’s trash.’ Beep boop?” This robot is asking for another punch to its robot chest. Jamie and Patrick clench their fists, but eventually sit back down. When he’s right, he’s right… and also they installed a titanium plate over his chest in the rebuild. Their fists would likely splinter in a cloud of pink mist if they attempted a similar punch a second time. They turn their attention back at the stage where Kevin James has launched into his third (and hopefully final) impression of who he calls Itch and Blow: The Dope-elgangers. The crowd is loving it. “Look at my abs! Look at my greasy abs!” Kevin James is screaming and the crowd wails. “Oh man, my balls are itchy,” he continues as Itch. The crowd gobbles it up. Jamie and Patrick grit their teeth and laugh along with the crowd. Whatever it takes to satisfy Michael. It’s working until Kevin James looks at them again and mouths “You stink, Bad Movie Twins.” That’s it! “Let’s pound some dweebs,” they say in unison, getting up from their chairs. That’s right! It’s a double this week with Clash of the Titans and Wrath of the Titans. If you wondered what Sam Worthington used his Avatar cache on, well… it was this. Let’s go!

Clash of the Titans (2010) – BMeTric: 41.2; Notability: 110

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 15.2%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 23.8%; Higher BMeT: The Last Airbender, Vampires Suck, Birdemic: Shock and Terror, Skyline, Sex and the City 2, Furry Vengeance, Jonah Hex, Marmaduke, Gulliver’s Travels, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Yogi Bear, Tekken, My Soul to Take, Tooth Fairy, Legion, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Passion Play, The Back-up Plan, Why Did I Get Married Too?, Killers, and 18 more; Lower RT: Tekken, Passion Play, Twelve, 6 Souls, Shanghai, Vampires Suck, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, The Last Airbender, The Tortured, Waiting for Forever, 13, Furry Vengeance, Crazy on the Outside, Saw 3D, Marmaduke, Little Fockers, My Soul to Take, Killers, Grown Ups, Virginia, and 38 more; Notes: My god. A 100+ Notability. There can’t be very many of those we haven’t seen. Although we do tend to avoid the barely-qualifying big boys in general. Case in point: Justice League, coming up.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – There are too many Greek gods for me to keep straight, since as a child I didn’t have action figures as a learning tool. I was prepared to take notes during “Clash of the Titans” but only wrote down a single one: “Release the Kraken!” — Conan O’Brien. I know I was intended to be terrified by the release of the Kraken, but all I could think of was O’Brien shouting “Release the bear!” and then some guy in a bear suit runs out and sits on the lap of a guest. In this case, the Kraken is the nuclear option for Zeus, who has been persuaded by Hades to put down a revolt by the upstart mortals of Argos.

(Genuinely good review. I think that makes sense. The first is an adaptation of a good movie, and an adaptation of a real myth. It really depends on how much you can tolerate CGI nonsense. And at this point Ebert happily tolerated a bunch of that.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfyunOnMGqM/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfyunOnMGqM/

(Possibly the most iconic line in trailer history? Which is bizarre to think about. Anyways, it looks rad, but I hate the heavy metal soundtrack. Hate hate hate it.)

Directors – Louis Leterrier – ( Known For: Fast X; The Incredible Hulk; Now You See Me; The Transporter; Transporter 2; Unleashed; The Takedown; Future BMT: The Brothers Grimsby; BMT: Clash of the Titans; Notes: Won an Emmy for The Dark Crystal television show. And as you can see, in the news now since he is the director of Fast X.)

Writers – Travis Beacham – ( Known For: Pacific Rim; Pacific Rim: Uprising; Dog Days of Summer; BMT: Clash of the Titans; Notes: Mostly has been writing for TV recently, specifically Carnival Row.)

Phil Hay and Matt Manfredi – ( Known For: The Invitation; Destroyer; Crazy/Beautiful; BMT: Clash of the Titans; R.I.P.D.; Æon Flux; Ride Along; The Tuxedo; Ride Along 2; Notes: Also mostly television writers now, although in this case on a show I’ve never heard of, The Mysterious Benedict Society.)

Beverley Cross – ( Known For: Clash of the Titans; Jason and the Argonauts; Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger; The Long Ships; Genghis Khan; Half a Sixpence; BMT: Wrath of the Titans; Notes: Nominated for several Tony Awards in 1965 for Half a Sixpence. Wrote the original Clash of the Titans, and was married to Maggie Smith.)

Actors – Sam Worthington – ( Known For: Simulant; Avatar: The Way of Water; Avatar; Hacksaw Ridge; Everest; Fractured; Last Night; Rogue; Cake; The Titan; Lansky; The Debt; The Last Son; Texas Killing Fields; 9 Bullets; Hart’s War; The Keeping Room; The Hunter’s Prayer; Kidnapping Mr. Heineken; Paper Planes; Future BMT: Terminator Salvation; The Shack; Man on a Ledge; The Great Raid; BMT: Clash of the Titans; Wrath of the Titans; Sabotage; Notes: Y’all know Sam Worthington … wait do you? He’s Australian, and an ultimate “that guy.” Seemed like he was going to be a big star, and then ended up “merely” being the somewhat faceless star of the Avatar series.)

Liam Neeson – ( Known For: Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace; Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; Schindler’s List; The Dark Knight Rises; Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; Batman Begins; Love Actually; The Ballad of Buster Scruggs; Gangs of New York; Taken; Excalibur; The Lego Movie; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader; The A-Team; Widows; The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian; Silence; Run All Night; Ted 2; Future BMT: Marlowe; Kingdom of Heaven; Men in Black: International; The Marksman; Krull; Taken 3; A Million Ways to Die in the West; Taken 2; Entourage; The Huntsman: Winter’s War; Daddy’s Home 2; High Spirits; The Nut Job; Before and After; BMT: Battleship; Memory; Clash of the Titans; Blacklight; The Haunting; Wrath of the Titans; Notes: Now, you definitely know Liam Neeson. Makes a bunch of garbage now, but … no wait, he’s always made garbage. Check out his 80s and 90s. It is bonkers. He’s Irish. Nominated for an Oscar for Schindler’s List.)

Ralph Fiennes – ( Known For: The Menu; Schindler’s List; The Grand Budapest Hotel; No Time to Die; The King’s Man; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2; The Hurt Locker; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1; In Bruges; Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix; Red Dragon; Skyfall; Spectre; The Reader; Official Secrets; The Forgiven; The Lego Batman Movie; The English Patient; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Future BMT: Maid in Manhattan; BMT: Clash of the Titans; Dolittle; Wrath of the Titans; The Avengers; Holmes & Watson; Notes: Nominated for two Oscars (Schindler’s List and The English Patient). He’s English and you best believe he’s related to Hero Fiennes Tiffin (his nephew).)

Budget/Gross – $125,000,000 / Domestic: $163,214,888 (Worldwide: $493,214,993)

(That’s a solid haul. It would probably be considered a huge disaster now for dumb reasons, but at the time I’m sure getting to around half a billion and with home video sales it was a solid take.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 27% (72/266): An obviously affectionate remake of the 1981 original, Louis Leterrier’s Clash of the Titans doesn’t offer enough visual thrills to offset the deficiencies of its script.

(I mean, some people would disagree, namely Roger Ebert, ever head of him? Having watched it, the CGI is actually quite good with one exception which is the giant scorpions which look like trash.)

NY Times Short Review: A remake of a 1981 film features swords, sandals and monsters, this time around in 3-D.

Poster – Clash of the Tight Twins

(Too bland. But good font and honestly it would have been a crime if they didn’t make a poster like this following the success of 300. Would have been gross negligence. B.)

Tagline(s) – The Clash Begins 2.4.2010 (F)

(Booooooooooooooo.)

Keyword(s) – wisdom

Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Forrest Gump (1994), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Batman Begins (2005), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

Future BMT: 88.5 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.0 Prom Night (2008), 83.5 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 82.2 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.6 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 78.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 72.3 Bewitched (2005), 71.4 The Animal (2001), 69.3 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.4 Poltergeist (2015), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 65.6 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.6 Halloween Ends (2022), 65.3 Fat Albert (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Last Airbender (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Norbit (2007), From Justin to Kelly (2003), The Master of Disguise (2002), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Taxi (2004), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Zoolander 2 (2016), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Boy Next Door (2015), Wild Wild West (1999), Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000), Year One (2009), Are We There Yet? (2005), Big Momma’s House 2 (2006), Marmaduke (2010), The Roommate (2011), Tammy (2014), Abduction (2011), Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), New York Minute (2004), Hot Pursuit (2015), Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009), Big Momma’s House (2000), An American Haunting (2005),… (and many more)

Best Options (Action): 83.5 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 67.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 56.8 Land of the Lost (2009), 48.2 You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (2008), 47.8 Men in Black: International (2019), 44.6 G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009), 44.5 Wrath of the Titans (2012), 44.0 Allegiant (2016), 41.2 Clash of the Titans (2010), 40.9 Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010), 40.6 The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013), 37.8 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), 36.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016), 34.3 Van Helsing (2004), 34.2 The Tourist (2010), 34.1 Taken 3 (2014), 33.4 Sahara (2005), 32.3 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991), 31.1 Justice League (2017), 30.3 The Huntsman: Winter’s War (2016), 29.4 Waist Deep (2006), 27.9 Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), 27.8 The Divergent Series: Insurgent (2015), 27.7 Dracula Untold (2014), 27.6 Rush Hour 3 (2007), 27.3 Antitrust (2001), 27.0 War (2007), 25.6 Pokémon: The First Movie – Mewtwo Strikes Back (1998), 24.8 Terminator Genisys (2015), 24.6 King Arthur (2004), 22.0 Now You See Me 2 (2016), 21.7 Let’s Be Cops (2014), 21.0 Act of Valor (2012), 19.4 Terminator Salvation (2009), 19.4 Kick-Ass 2 (2013), 17.0 Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2010), 16.9 Eagle Eye (2008), 16.7 Tears of the Sun (2003), 14.8 The Matrix Revolutions (2003), 14.8 Angels & Demons (2009), 12.8 The Island (2005), 9.3 Underworld (2003), 6.6 Kingdom of Heaven (2005)

(We went for a two-fer here. Totally worth it, even after my brain melted at hour four of this CGI nonsense.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Gemma Arterton is No. 2 billed in Clash of the Titans and No. 2 billed in Runner Runner, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Emma Thompson almost made an accidental uncredited cameo in this movie while visiting friend Liam Neeson on the set. Thompson, who’d been filming Nanny McPhee Returns (2010) in an adjacent studio, went to visit Neeson during a break, just as Neeson was about to shoot a scene with Ralph Fiennes and Danny Huston. Unable to exit the set fast enough as the cameras began to roll, Thompson, in her clumsy Nanny McPhee costume, had to hide behind Huston’s throne during the take so she would not be picked up by the cameras.

The language of Djinn is actually Arabic.

The word Kraken (sea monster) is Norwegian/Swedish, not Greek. Early script drafts considered changing it to its Hebrew counterpart Leviathan (famous from the Bible hymn of Job 41). It was changed back to Kraken as a tribute to the original Clash of the Titans (1981) tagline “Release the Kraken!” Surprisingly, the creature’s Greek name, Cetus, was never considered.

Sam Worthington’s sandals are Nike Trainers with toes painted on them. He didn’t wear sandals because he needed shoes to perform the stunts well.

In Greek mythology, Io is Perseus’ great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother, and an old flame of his father Zeus.

Although Greek mythology contains different versions of the story of Perseus, the film deviates from all of them in some parts. Perseus supposedly flew to an island using winged sandals he borrowed from Hermes, and Medusa was only one of three Gorgons (i.e. half-woman half snake creatures with serpents for hair, the other two were called Stheno and Euryale).

The mechanical owl Bubo, from Clash of the Titans (1981), has a cameo as the toy Perseus picks up before he leaves on his quest. According to the filmmakers, the cameo was widely debated as to whether to keep it in the film, or not. It was eventually decided to keep it in the film, to please the fans of the original film.

Originally, Perseus was envisioned as being more of a young slender man. Louis Leterrier had watched Sam Worthington in the film Somersault (2004), and thought that he would be ideal, and was therefore somewhat taken aback when he met Worthington. The actor had bulked up considerably for his roles in Avatar (2009) and Terminator Salvation (2009).

The Stygian Witches were actually played by men.

The volcano scenes were shot at the Dinorwic Slate Quarry in Wales. This is a famous location, used for fantasies like Willow (1988) and Street Fighter (1994).

Firestarter (2022) Preview

“Wow, that was a really great memory,” Jamie says, wiping tears from his face. “It’s true, we had so many very good memories, but that was the most emotional and exciting of all of them,” Patrick agrees. They both wish other people could hear about the very good adventure they remembered, but alas, there is no one around to share the memory with. Suddenly they hear a familiar voice, “Hey, guys, do you need someone to share that very good memory with?” They whirl around and are stunned to see Kyle. “Kyle!” they exclaim in glee. “We’re so glad you’re here,” Patricks says, while Jamie nods his head vigorously, “there was a moment where we were concerned we were actually bad, but it turned out to be a false alarm.” They go to hug Kyle but he steps back, a look of concern on his face. “No really, share the good memory because the only thing I’ve seen from you lately is pretty gosh darn bad.” At that he pulls out his phone and shows them a viral meme of their Dino World temper tantrum. “They’re calling you the Tantrum Twins,” Kyle says solemnly. Jamie and Patrick hang their heads in shame, but also make a mental note to trademark Tantrum Twins, which is very marketable. “I don’t know what’s happening, Kyle,” Patrick admits, “It’s like we’re lost without our BMT true north. Being good is hard.” Kyle ponders this for a moment. “Well what made being bad so easy?” he poses. Jamie and Patrick look at each other, inspiration growing bright on their faces. “The rules! Rulez are coolz!” they say excitedly. “We just have to do the same thing, but for… good stuff… Good Movie Twins.” Patrick says, eyes gleaming. “Good Movie Twins,” Jamie whispers, “that’s fire.” That’s right! We are transitioning to a new year of BMT with “good” films. Oh ho, don’t get it twisted, these are still BMT films, just ones where the title suggests they could be good. We start off with the Firestarter twins, Firestarter (1984) and this year’s FIrestarter (2022). Both are not “fire” as the name suggests. Let’s go!

Firestarter (2022) – BMeTric: 63.9; Notability: 22

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 7.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.8%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Bubble, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Firestarter; Higher Notability: Black Adam, Jurassic World: Dominion, Pinocchio, Amsterdam, Morbius, Disenchanted, The School for Good and Evil, The Bubble, Moonfall, Deep Water, The Man from Toronto, Spiderhead, Don’t Worry Darling, The 355, Where the Crawdads Sing, Blacklight, Slumberland, Samaritan, Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Lower RT: After Ever Happy, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Me Time, Poker Face, Blacklight; Notes: Yup, a huge BMeTric for the year. And will probably stay up there, it seems to be genuinely reviled.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – The Stephen King novel on which the new version of “Firestarter” is based was published in 1980 during a phase of the horror master’s career in which the writer seemed fascinated by kids with inexplicable powers. Charlie, played by Drew Barrymore in the 1984 film and Ryan Kiera Armstrong in this one, is cut from similar cloth as Danny from “The Shining” and the title character in “Carrie”—people who discover they’re not like normal kids. There’s nothing scarier than an out-of-control child. Trust me. King’s work would inspire generations—Elle in “Stranger Things” owes a great deal to Charlie, for one—which made a remake of this 40-year-old tale of pyromania inevitable. And yet, once again, inevitability doesn’t equal creativity. So often remakes feel more like contractual requirements than artistic explorations or updates of timeless themes. There is no better recent example of this than “Firestarter,” a film that goes through the motions with such apathetic predictability and pure cinematic laziness that you may want to set whatever device you’re watching it on ablaze.

(Uh oh, that sounds perhaps just a tad bit boring instead of horrible, no good, nonsense. Which I admit, is all I want really.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v_8ATW_3yI/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v_8ATW_3yI/

(An alternate ending!? And holy shit, they put “liar, liar, pants on fire” in the trailer! Just for that I’m giving this trailer an F. For shame. For shame.)

Directors – Keith Thomas – ( Known For: The Vigil; BMT: Firestarter; Notes: Has a degree in Religious Education which is interesting. Otherwise really nothing on him. He directed an episode of Guillermo del Toro’s Cabinet of Curiosities.)

Writers – Stephen King – ( Known For: The Shawshank Redemption; Stand by Me; Mr. Harrigan’s Phone; The Green Mile; The Shining; It; The Mist; Doctor Sleep; Misery; Gerald’s Game; Carrie; It Chapter Two; The Running Man; Christine; Carrie; 1408; 1922; Pet Sematary; Dolores Claiborne; Cujo; Future BMT: The Dark Tower; Children of the Corn; Sleepwalkers; Creepshow 2; Thinner; Needful Things; The Mangler; Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice; BMT: Firestarter (2022); Firestarter (1984); Dreamcatcher; The Lawnmower Man; Maximum Overdrive; The Rage: Carrie 2; Graveyard Shift; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director for Maximum Overdrive in 1987; Notes: Ah a classic. I do need to read more of his books and I wish I could have read this prior to watching the films. He somewhat notably almost died in a car accident which completely changed how he approached writing (and life) if I recall and ended up with him starring in Dark Tower ultimately in a bizarre way. Something like that, I haven’t read those either.)

Scott Teems – ( Known For: The Quarry; That Evening Sun; Future BMT: Halloween Kills; BMT: Firestarter; Notes: Seems like a horror writer through and through, also has a credit in Halloween Kills.)

Actors – Zac Efron – ( Known For: The Greatest Showman; The Greatest Beer Run Ever; Hairspray; 17 Again; Neighbors; The Disaster Artist; Gold; Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile; The Beach Bum; The Lorax; Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising; The Paperboy; Scoob!; High School Musical 3: Senior Year; Liberal Arts; Parkland; Me and Orson Welles; At Any Price; The Derby Stallion; Melinda’s World; Future BMT: That Awkward Moment; Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates; The Lucky One; Charlie St. Cloud; We Are Your Friends; BMT: Baywatch; New Year’s Eve; Firestarter; Dirty Grandpa; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor for Baywatch in 2018; Notes: A Disney kid with High School Musical, which made him famous. I like him, although I can’t say his track record in recent years has been spotless. Very BMT-ful.)

Ryan Kiera Armstrong – ( Known For: Black Widow; The Tomorrow War; It Chapter Two; The Art of Racing in the Rain; The Glorias; BMT: Firestarter; Notes: Daughter of Dean Armstrong who is a legit actor. Was in Anne With An E.)

Sydney Lemmon – ( Known For: Tár; Velvet Buzzsaw; BMT: Firestarter; Notes: Has done mostly television work, although she was in Tar this year. The granddaughter of Jack Lemmon.)

Budget/Gross – $12 million / Domestic: $9,589,250 (Worldwide: $14,889,250)

(Ehhhhh, actually not as bad as you would expect because it was so cheap. Additionally, given it was on Netflix and is now I Prime I assume they are partially making their money optioning it.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 10% (16/157): There was plenty of room to improve on the original, but Firestarter trips over that low bar and tumbles toward the bottom of the long list of Stephen King adaptations.

(Juuuuuust a shade over 10% which is too bad. I usually don’t go for smaller publications for the highlight, but this was decently funny.)

Reviewer Highlight: At least this one is mercifully short. – Radheyan Simonpillai, NOW Toronto

Poster – Firesklogger: It’s Fire

(Is it bad just cause it’s the same as the original? I say no. Still works. Orange color scheme pops and the font is delightfully different. Eye catching and gives you a taste. All around pretty good. I think the only suggestion would be to go a little more artistic. Newer posters can have a bit of an Instagram sheen sometimes. Going old school would have worked nicely. A-.)

Tagline(s) – None

(Booooo. F. Although I can also imagine if they did something dumb like “She’s fire” I would have been forced to give it an F-, so a win from that angle.)

Keyword(s) – year 2022

Top 10: The Batman (2022), The Kashmir Files (2022), Top Gun: Maverick (2022), Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022), Thor: Love and Thunder (2022), Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022), Bullet Train (2022), Uncharted (2022), The Adam Project (2022), The Northman (2022)

Future BMT: 65.8 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 52.1 Radhe Shyam (2022), 50.5 Umma (2022), 45.9 The 355 (2022), 19.2 Black Adam (2022)

BMT: Firestarter (2022), Moonfall (2022), Morbius (2022), Blacklight (2022), The Invitation (2022), After Ever Happy (2022), Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), Prey for the Devil (2022), Memory (2022), The King’s Daughter (2022), Amsterdam (2022), Don’t Worry Darling (2022), Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)

Best Options (good): 63.9 Firestarter (2022)

(A new cycle! We won’t be able to see that graph until next week though. This does complete our 2022 year. We watched 13 films, which is pretty good I think, although also the absolute minimum we can watch in a year. But better than last year, and puts us on a good footing for the future. I think Umma maybe, and Black Adam definitely are the only two we really missed out on.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Zac Efron is No. 2 billed in Firestarter and No. 1 billed in Dirty Grandpa, which also stars Robert De Niro (No. 2 billed) who is in Righteous Kill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – John Carpenter, who did the music for this film, was set to direct the original Firestarter (1984), but was replaced when his previous film, The Thing (1982), failed at the box office. He would instead direct another Stephen King adaptation, Christine (1983).

Final film for Executive Producer Martha De Laurentiis, who died December 4, 2021. Her first film as a producer was the original Firestarter (1984), and she would go on to produce several other Stephen King adaptations with her husband, Dino De Laurentiis.

In the back alley when Charlie sees a stray cat there is a dumpster for the waste removal company “Joyland” referencing Stephen King’s book of the same name.

The beer that Irv offers Andy is labeled ‘Ayuh’, a northeastern phrase akin to ‘yep’ that is heavily present in the writing of Stephen King.

Ryan Kiera Armstrong previously appeared in It Chapter Two (2019), another Stephen King adaption.

Ben-Hur (2016) Preview

Patrick walks through campus deep in thought. Where do you go when you are Sly Stallone in 1989? He said ‘school’ so that’s where he went. People point and gawk at the sad lonely walk of a Sly Stallone. A crowd forms and soon he’s surrounded by looky loos. “Sly! Flex for us,” one shouts. “Yo, Adrian! Where’s Adrian?” another chides playfully. In a sudden panic he tries to escape the taunts, but he can’t break through. He cocks back his arm, ready to use his age-appropriate muscles crafted from years of exercise and eating well. Before he can pulverize an innocent fan he feels a tiny hand on his arm and a quiet voice asking “Sly, sir, may I get an autograph?” He looks down to see a child, no more than three or four. He’s dressed in the colors of the college, ready to root on his favorite team, “Gladiators” splashed across his chest. Patrick’s eyes widen. “Kyle?” he gasps.

Jamie walks through campus deep in thought. Frankie Jr. is popping b-gum (as the kids now call it) and strutting around the school. “Yo, pops, you’re cramping my style.” Jamie just murmurs sorry and continues to think. If he’s here, where is Patrick? Who is Patrick? He looks around in panic, suddenly gripped by paranoia. Who is anyone? He grabs a nearby student and screams, “Who are you?” much to the horror of Frankie Jr. He feels a hand on his shoulder and turns around, his arm cocked back, old skin drooping down from years of hard living. The principal stands in front of him, an old man with gray hair and beard. He’s dressed in the colors of the school, “The New Gladiators” splashes across his chest. Jamie’s eyes widen. “Kyle?” he gasps.

That’s right! It’s a double gladiator week as we catch the 2016 remake of Ben-Hur and pair it with an Italian sci-fi picture, The New Gladiators. Remaking Ben-Hur was always a mistake. It’s also appropriate we catch at least one Italian film in this cycle as they played such a big role in the type of future/action genre of the times. Let’s go!

Ben-Hur (2016) – BMeTric: 41.2; Notability: 61

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 16.4%; Notability: top 4.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 20.4%; Higher BMeT: Fifty Shades of Black, Zoolander 2, Cell, The Forest, Exposed, Yoga Hosers, Meet the Blacks, Cabin Fever, Max Steel, The Darkness, Dark Crimes, Blair Witch, Independence Day: Resurgence, The 5th Wave, Urge, Shut In, Boo! A Madea Halloween, Gods of Egypt, Get a Job, The Assignment, and 21 more; Higher Notability: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Suicide Squad, Zoolander 2, Independence Day: Resurgence, The Brothers Grimsby, Alice Through the Looking Glass, Warcraft, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows, Allegiant, The Huntsman: Winter’s War, Ice Age: Collision Course; Lower RT: Cabin Fever, Dark Crimes, Term Life, Urge, Max Steel, Amateur Night, The Darkness, Fifty Shades of Black, Shut In, Misconduct, Mother’s Day, Exposed, The Do-Over, Get a Job, I.T., Dirty Grandpa, The Forest, Cell, Allegiant, The Choice, and 30 more; Notes: The notability is off the hook here. It’s 2016, so obviously there are going to be huge ones coming out around then, but it is near The Huntsman sequel? That’s big.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – Does the movie radically re-arrange both its source material and that material’s most famous adaptation? It sure as hell does. But I doubt that many contemporary viewers consider either of those as holy writ. This is a “Ben-Hur” of and for its time, but also a little better than its time, it turns out. I’m not qualified to say whether it’s an effective delivery system for its Christian message, but I think I can credibly pronounce it a good popcorn movie.

(My God. One of the big pluses for this film according to this review is: it’s shorter than the previous 4 hour epic. Alright. For the record I liked the previous adaptation. It is long, but has some really interesting stuff in it. Somehow I still doubt this stands up.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLJdzky63BA/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLJdzky63BA/

(Wow, the hard rock soundtrack is an interesting take. Also, absolutely nothing about Jesus in the whole trailer? Just hard core chariot action? I would be down if that were the case. Unfortunately, it is not.)

Directors – Timur Bekmambetov – ( Known For: Wanted; Profile; Night Watch; Day Watch; V2. Escape from Hell; The Arena; The Irony of Fate 2; Yolki 5; Six Degrees of Celebration; Yolki 1914; Peshawar Waltz; Future BMT: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter; BMT: Ben-Hur; Notes: He was born in what is now Kazakhstan. Night Watch and Day Watch are a series about vampires that made him famous.)

Writers – Lew Wallace – ( Known For: Ben-Hur; Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ; BMT: Ben-Hur; Notes: He’s the author of the original book. He died in 1905. He was also the governor of the New Mexico Territory and later minister to Turkey besides being an author.)

Keith R. Clarke – ( Known For: The Way Back; BMT: Ben-Hur; Notes: Not much about him. He has an upcoming movie which sounds like Catch-22 but concerning redeployment to Afghanistan.)

John Ridley – ( Known For: 12 Years a Slave; Three Kings; U Turn; Needle in a Timestack; Red Tails; Undercover Brother; Jimi: All Is by My Side; Cold Around the Heart; BMT: Ben-Hur; Notes: He won an Oscar for 12 Years a Slave. He wrote a draft for Beverly Hills Cop 4 which apparently was rejected.)

Actors – Jack Huston – ( Known For: House of Gucci; The Irishman; American Hustle; Pride and Prejudice and Zombies; The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; Hail, Caesar!; Their Finest; Antebellum; Above Suspicion; Kill Your Darlings; Outlander; Factory Girl; Earthquake Bird; Shrink; Night Train to Lisbon; Shrooms; The Yellow Birds; Boogie Woogie; Not Fade Away; Mr. Nice; Future BMT: The Longest Ride; BMT: Ben-Hur; Notes: For a while I was convinced this was Jack Heston, as in a stunt cast to cast Charlton Heston’s son. Nope, this is Anjelica Huston’s nephew and thus John Huston’s grandson. Heston does have a son, he directed the box office bomb Alaska.)

Toby Kebbell – ( Known For: RocknRolla; Kong: Skull Island; War for the Planet of the Apes; Match Point; Dawn of the Planet of the Apes; Gold; Dead Man’s Shoes; A Monster Calls; War Horse; The Sorcerer’s Apprentice; Destroyer; Control; The East; The Conspirator; Chéri; The Angel; The Hurricane Heist; Held for Ransom; Wilderness; Becoming; Future BMT: Alexander; Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time; The Counselor; Wrath of the Titans; BMT: Fantastic Four; Warcraft; Bloodshot; Ben-Hur; Notes: He’s English and was nominated as a Rising Star at the BAFTAs.)

Rodrigo Santoro – ( Known For: 300; Love Actually; Focus; 300: Rise of an Empire; Rio; Project Power; Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle; 7 Prisoners; The Last Stand; Rio 2; I Love You Phillip Morris; The 33; Jane Got a Gun; Pele: Birth of a Legend; Redbelt; Carandiru; There Be Dragons; Rio, I Love You; Last Call; Monica and Friends: Bonds; Future BMT: Post Grad; BMT: What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Ben-Hur; Notes: From Brazil, and most notable for his role in Westworld. He also was the voice of Stuart Little in the Brazilian dubbed version of both movies.)

Budget/Gross – $100,000,000 / Domestic: $26,410,477 (Worldwide: $94,061,311)

(My god, what a bomb. I’m telling you, they should have got James Cameron to do it. That would have been the way to make a Ben-Hur film.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (47/191): How do you fight an idea? By filming a remake that has too few of its own, and tries to cover it up with choppy editing and CGI.

(Jamie had to point out to me that “how do you fight an idea” is a big part of the previous Ben-Hur film. I’ve seen that film. But I didn’t remember the quote. The Rotten Tomatoes consensus hitting that up hard in a tongue in cheek manner is weird, but at least now it makes sense to my brain instead of sounding like actual gibberish.)

Reviewer Highlight: Very rarely does it try to impress us, or overwhelm us, shock us, move us. – K. Austin Collins, The Ringer

Poster – Jesus: The Movie

(It’s an exciting picture from the film, but not exactly poster material. Nice font, though. Comes out just about even. C.)

Tagline(s) – Brother against brother. Slave against empire. (B)

(I can’t fault it for passing up the rule of three. Would have gotten pretty long if you tried to add another one. But needs something more to get to the next level. “Crime against God” doesn’t work, but that’s the kind of clever third entry they could have tried. Just merely good as it is.)

Keyword(s) – past

Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), Forrest Gump (1994), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Gladiator (2000), Inglourious Basterds (2009), Saving Private Ryan (1998), Schindler’s List (1993), The Prestige (2006), Shutter Island (2010)

Future BMT: 88.6 BloodRayne (2005), 72.9 The Unborn (2009), 70.3 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 Black Christmas (2006), 69.7 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 65.8 The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (2014), 64.5 The Final Destination (2009), 62.1 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 59.7 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 59.0 Apollo 18 (2011)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Fog (2005), Movie 43 (2013), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Glitter (2001), Holmes & Watson (2018), The Master of Disguise (2002), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Grease 2 (1982), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Jonah Hex (2010), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Wild Wild West (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Black Knight (2001), Chernobyl Diaries (2012), A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), The Musketeer (2001), An American Haunting (2005), Ishtar (1987), The Nun (2018), The Curse of La Llorona (2019), Pinocchio (2002), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Bones (2001), Shanghai Surprise (1986), House of Wax (2005), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), Season of the Witch (2011), The Tuxedo (2002), Mannequin: On the Move (1991), Pompeii (2014), Ghost Ship (2002), Assassin’s Creed (2016), The Scarlet Letter (1995), Timeline (2003), Dolittle (2020), The Quest (1996), X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019), Wagons East (1994), The Three Musketeers (2011), Diana (2013), Ben-Hur (2016), Rambo III (1988), Around the World in 80 Days (2004), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006), The Blue Lagoon (1980), Cutthroat Island (1995), Texas Rangers (2001), Sucker Punch (2011), Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001), Jobs (2013), Universal Soldier (1992), Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004), Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), Original Sin (2001), Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013), American Outlaws (2001), Winter’s Tale (2014), Harlem Nights (1989), The Identical (2014), I Dreamed of Africa (2000), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), The Chamber (1996), The Marrying Man (1991), Wild Bill (1995), In Love and War (1996), Sleepaway Camp (1983), Gods and Generals (2003), The Lone Ranger (2013), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017), Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985), Halloween II (1981), September Dawn (2007), Young Guns II (1990), Oscar (1991), Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), Evening (2007), The 13th Warrior (1999), White Comanche (1968), Gangster Squad (2013), Now and Then (1995), A Dog’s Purpose (2017)

Best Options (Action): 88.6 BloodRayne (2005), 69.7 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 64.5 The Final Destination (2009), 62.1 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 56.7 Robin Hood (2018), 53.7 Spy Hard (1996), 50.1 The Last Legion (2007), 48.2 You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (2008), 48.0 Alexander (2004), 47.9 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 47.7 The Dark Tower (2017), 47.1 Bad Girls (1994), 45.9 Samson (2018), 45.5 Operation Dumbo Drop (1995), 45.3 Red Scorpion (1988), 44.6 G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009), 43.6 Top Dog (1995), 43.5 Missing in Action (1984), 43.3 The Kitchen (2019), 43.2 Iron Eagle (1986), 42.5 Pan (2015), 41.3 Ben-Hur (2016), 40.9 The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003), 40.3 End of Days (1999), 40.2 The Delta Force (1986), (and many more)

(We went far down here, but actually really like … look at the options. The only other one I could have maybe went for was the other notorious bomb, Alexander. There are just so many films sent in the past that are terrible.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Morgan Freeman is No. 4 billed in Ben-Hur and No. 1 billed in Kiss the Girls, which also stars Ashley Judd (No. 2 billed) who is in The Identical (No. 2 billed) which also stars Ray Liotta (No. 3 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 2 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (4 + 1) + (2 + 2) + (3 + 2) + (3 + 1) = 18. If we were to watch Just Getting Started we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – Director Timur Bekmambetov insisted that the chariot circus be built for real, and be realized with as little computer graphics imagery as possible. He felt it was absolutely necessary to make the chariot race look and feel realistic.

This version of the story is 87 minutes shorter than the previous version, Ben-Hur (1959).

Timur Bekmambetov explained the film’s adaptation in an interview with “Collider”: “When we say ‘original “Ben-Hur”,’ we have to be very concrete about which original version we are talking about. There were two big-screen versions made, in 1925 [Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ (1925)] and 1959 [Ben-Hur (1959)]. These are the two most famous ones. There was also a Broadway stage version at the beginning of the 20th century. There have been a lot of television versions. The Ben-Hur story reminds me of ‘Romeo and Juliet’, ‘Hamlet’ and any story written by [Anton Chekhov]. It is timeless, so every new generation wants to go back to it in order to adapt it for the new world. The screen version made in 1959 runs for four hours, and there [are] only a small number of people who can actually stay through the whole movie. It is about people different from us. And it’s normal, because people used to be different. The audience was different, too, as well as the cinema language the film was made in. The 1959 movie was about revenge, not about forgiveness. For me that was the main problem, as I think that the novel is mainly about forgiveness, about the fact that a human being learned how to forgive. I got so excited about the project when I read John Ridley’s script. I understood that John’s vision of the story has so much light to it, and that he shares the same thoughts about certain morals as I do. We talked with him about our modern world, which actually reminds me very much of a huge Roman Empire. In the Roman Empire the most important values were pride, rivalry, power, strength, the dictatorship of power and self-love. This kind of world does not have any prospects today. Humanity has to learn how to love and forgive. This would be our only solution.”

The film was originally set for release on February 26, 2016. In October 2015 it was pushed back to August 12, 2016.

Oscar Preview

“This is your original sin,” Mikey says, staring daggers at Jamie and Patrick. “You have to pick it up,” he continues, “pick it up so I can finally end this.” It would seem the chase has finally driven Mikey mad. Jamie and Patrick rack their brains. If they don’t pick it up Mikey will surely shoot them anyways. Perhaps their only chance is to hope their lightning quick reflexes can turn the tables on him at the last moment. Sweat drips down their abs as they reach for the Dongle. Suddenly the door bursts open and Kyle and the past bad movie twins rush in. “Not so fast!” screams Kyle. Mikey seems momentarily flummoxed. “But… but the Gram told me you were in Greece!” he cries in disbelief. Kyle shrugs slyly. “Greece is for the birds,” he says, trying out a new catchphrase where he declared various things are “for the birds.” This further flummoxes Mikey. With a double flummox in place Jamie and Patrick see their chance and grab for the Dongle. But just as they grasp it in their hands they realize that it’s not just two hands on the Dongle… it’s four! Jamie and Patrick stare at their past selves simultaneously in possession of the Dongle. They turn to look at Mikey, whose eyes widen in horror. Kyle, realizing that maybe the Dongle is decidedly not for the birds, quickly grabs for the Dongle as well just as the world disappears in a flash of brilliant white. Rubbing his eyes, Kyle looks around. He is now alone in the apartment, Mikey having been disintegrated by the temporal paradox experienced by the Dongle and the twins… gone. He looks down at the Dongle in his hand and knows they are still alive… somewhere… somewhen? That’s right! We are transitioning to the climactic penultimate cycle of the year with the recent tradition of running a Bring a Friend cycle. This year it’ll be films set in the past paired with nonqualifying films set in the future. Get ready for some postapocalyptic bullshit. To start we are going for a classic Sly Stallone vehicle, Oscar, paired with Arena, a very fun looking alien boxing movie. Let’s go!

Oscar (1991) – BMeTric: 17.2; Notability: 47

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 23.2%; Notability: top 4.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 5.0%; Higher BMeT: Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, Cool as Ice, Problem Child 2, Critters 3, Child’s Play 3, Nothing But Trouble, Suburban Commando, Return to the Blue Lagoon, Mannequin: On the Move, Kickboxer 2: The Road Back, Double Impact, King Ralph, Zandalee, Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time, Hudson Hawk, V.I. Warshawski, House Party 2, The Butcher’s Wife, Curly Sue, Drop Dead Fred, and 38 more; Higher Notability: Hook, Hudson Hawk, Mobsters, Switch, Rock-A-Doodle, Flight of the Intruder, Life Stinks, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze, Out for Justice, The Marrying Man, Necessary Roughness, The Five Heartbeats; Lower RT: Return to the Blue Lagoon, Critters 3, The Super, Run, Cool as Ice, Another You, Mobsters, All I Want for Christmas, Problem Child 2, The Marrying Man, Strictly Business, Drop Dead Fred; Notes: The IMDb rating of 6.5 is crazy high. The European Remake cycle has been wild with some of these. For a 1991 comedy the notability is pretty high.

Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars – Stallone is surprisingly enjoyable in a comic change-of-pace, playing 1930s gangster Angelo “Snaps” Provolone, who’s trying to go straight, despite the domestic and financial chaos that surrounds him. Farcical comedy, complete with mistaken identities and slamming doors, offers showcases for Palminteri as Snaps’ henchman, Curry as a priggish speech teacher, Bracken as a stuttering stoolie, and Shearer and Ferrero as the Finuccis but never quite takes wing. Based on a French play, filmed before in 1967 with Louis de Funes.

(Surprisingly solid review by Leonard. Although, I suppose it isn’t that surprising once you consider that Maltin is a sucker for old Hollywood in many regards. It does seem like something he would ultimately appreciate.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbfVZBsgC4s/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbfVZBsgC4s/

(Huh, kind of an odd trailer. Since that is only one of three or four plots floating around in this film. The actual plot is that Snaps is trying to go straight, but everything in his life (on this particular day) seems to be trying to stop him from doing so. His daughter’s potential marriage is just one of those things.)

Directors – John Landis – ( Known For: National Lampoon’s Animal House; The Blues Brothers; Coming to America; Trading Places; An American Werewolf in London; Three Amigos!; Twilight Zone: The Movie; The Kentucky Fried Movie; Blues Brothers 2000; Amazon Women on the Moon; Into the Night; Burke and Hare; Schlock; Susan’s Plan; Future BMT: Spies Like Us; Innocent Blood; The Stupids; BMT: Beverly Hills Cop III; Oscar; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director in 1992 for Oscar; in 1995 for Beverly Hills Cop III; and in 1997 for The Stupids; Notes: He won an Emmy for Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project. Probably, sadly, most notable for directing the segment of The Twilight Zone Movie where several people were killed in a helicopter stunt.)

Writers – Claude Magnier – ( Known For: Oscar; Jo; Where Were You When the Lights Went Out?; Oskar; BMT: Oscar; Notes: A playwright, he wrote the play which both the French original and this are based on.)

Michael Barrie – ( Known For: Bad Boys; Amazon Women on the Moon; …All the Marbles; BMT: Oscar; Notes: The writing partner with Mulholland. He is not in the film though.)

Jim Mulholland – ( Known For: Bad Boys; Amazon Women on the Moon; …All the Marbles; BMT: Oscar; Notes: He actually plays the titular Oscar who is only seen for a moment at the end of the film. He has 20 Emmy nominations, for The Tonight Show and The Late Show. Amazingly, they never won.)

Actors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: The Suicide Squad; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Rocky; The Expendables; First Blood; Cliffhanger; The Expendables 2; Creed; Rocky III; Cop Land; Creed II; Escape Plan; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Rocky Balboa; Death Race 2000; Eye See You; Rocky II; The Lords of Flatbush; Antz; Escape Plan 2: Hades; Future BMT: Rocky IV; Staying Alive; Rocky V; Assassins; Ratchet & Clank; BMT: The Expendables 3; Rambo; Rambo: Last Blood; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Demolition Man; Cobra; Over the Top; Tango & Cash; Rambo III; The Specialist; Judge Dredd; Daylight; Oscar; Lock Up; Driven; Get Carter; Zookeeper; Grudge Match; Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Rhinestone; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Director, and Worst Actor for Rocky IV in 1986; Winner for Worst Screenplay, and Worst Actor for Rambo: First Blood Part II in 1986; Winner for Worst Actor in 1985 for Rhinestone; in 1989 for Rambo III; and in 1993 for Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Winner for Worst Supporting Actor for Spy Kids 3: Game Over in 2004; Winner for Worst Screen Couple in 1995 for Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles, and The Specialist; Winner for Worst Actor of the Decade in 1990 for Cobra, Cobra, Lock Up, Lock Up, Over the Top, Over the Top, Rambo III, Rambo III, Rambo: First Blood Part II, Rambo: First Blood Part II, Rhinestone, Rocky IV, and Tango & Cash; Nominee for Worst Director for The Expendables in 2011; Nominee for Worst Screenplay in 1985 for Rhinestone; in 1986 for Rocky IV; in 1987 for Cobra; in 1989 for Rambo III; in 1991 for Rocky V; in 1994 for Cliffhanger; in 2002 for Driven; and in 2020 for Rambo: Last Blood; Nominee for Worst Actor in 1987 for Cobra; in 1988 for Over the Top; in 1990 for Lock Up, and Tango & Cash; in 1991 for Rocky V; in 1992 for Oscar; in 1995 for The Specialist; in 1996 for Assassins, and Judge Dredd; in 1997 for Daylight; in 2001 for Get Carter; in 2014 for Bullet to the Head, Escape Plan, and Grudge Match; and in 2020 for Rambo: Last Blood; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor, and Worst Screen Couple for Driven in 2002; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn in 1999; and Nominee for Worst Screen Combo for Rambo: Last Blood in 2020; Notes: He has a television show coming out, which I think is crazy. Tulsa King.)

Ornella Muti – ( Known For: Flash Gordon; The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things; To Rome with Love; Appassionata; The Last Woman; Storie di ordinaria follia; Oasis of Fear; Swann in Love; La stanza del vescovo; Romanzo popolare; The Girl from Trieste; Hotel; Death of a Corrupt Man; Madly in Love; Il bisbetico domato; La moglie più bella; First Love; Magical Nights; Love & Money; Viva Italia!; Future BMT: Once Upon a Crime…; BMT: Oscar; Notes: Italian. She was voted the most beautiful woman in the world in 1994 in a poll.)

Peter Riegert – ( Known For: National Lampoon’s Animal House; The Mask; Traffic; We Bought a Zoo; Local Hero; Pie in the Sky; American Pastoral; At Middleton; Crossing Delancey; A Shock to the System; A Man in Love; Movie Madness; Infinity; Americathon; Coldblooded; Passed Away; Passion of Mind; That’s Adequate; The Object of Beauty; Chilly Scenes of Winter; BMT: Oscar; Notes: Was nominated for an Oscar for a short film By Courier, and for an Emmy for Barbarians at the Gate. Still working, a recent notable role in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.)

Budget/Gross – $35 million / Domestic: $23,562,716 (Worldwide: $23,562,716)

(Yeah, this is considered a catastrophic bomb for a reason. That is a very bad performance indeed. I’m a bit surprised they didn’t release the film into France and Italy though. I think they could have gotten a bit from both places. This is very French humor at the time.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 12% (2/17)

(Oh, I get to make a consensus: Stallone isn’t funny. That’s the be all and end all of the reviews on that page really.)

Reviewer Highlight: Sylvester Stallone isn’t completely without a sense of humor (he showed a comic instinct in Rocky), but the last place he belongs is at the center of a classically structured farce – Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly

Poster – Sklogster

(This is a very funny poster. Artistic in an old timey way. It also doesn’t make a lot of sense. They make it seem like the film is a race against time. But not really… it just happens to be the day of a big meeting for “Snaps” Provolone. Font is meh, but overall aesthetic is good. B-.)

Tagline(s) – In crime and comedy, timing is everything. (C)

Gangster “Snaps” Provolone has until noon to become an honest man. (D-)

(I feel like they were almost there with a timing is everything riff. It would have been better if it was just that, really. But adding more words they take away some of the punch. The second is bad. Like that’s just a phrase about what the movie is about (kind of)… like would appear in the Leonard Maltin book or something.)

Keyword(s) – European Remake

Top 10: 12 Monkeys (1995), The Italian Job (2003), Insomnia (2002), Scent of a Woman (1992), Clash of the Titans (2010), Some Like It Hot (1959), Vanilla Sky (2001), True Lies (1994), Dawn of the Dead (2004), The Tourist (2010)

Future BMT: 54.5 Eye of the Beholder (1999), 54.0 Downhill (2020), 49.2 The Omen (2006), 44.8 Catch That Kid (2004), 43.1 Diabolique (1996), 43.0 Village of the Damned (1995), 41.8 I Think I Love My Wife (2007), 41.2 Clash of the Titans (2010), 41.2 Mixed Nuts (1994), 39.8 Intersection (1994)

BMT: The Wicker Man (2006), Taxi (2004), The Haunting (1999), Get Carter (2000), Jungle 2 Jungle (1997), Pathfinder (2007), Fathers’ Day (1997), Nine Months (1995), The Big Wedding (2013), Brick Mansions (2014), Sleepless (2017), The Blue Lagoon (1980), School for Scoundrels (2006), Original Sin (2001), Blame It on Rio (1984), The Loft (2014), Oscar (1991), Vanilla Sky (2001), Wicker Park (2004)

Best Options (past): 21.7 The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking (1988), 17.2 Oscar (1991), 15.6 Jakob the Liar (1999), 8.9 The Thirteenth Floor (1999)

(Obviously the transition is going to be a tough ask, and yet there were four movies which were remakes of European films and also set in the past? I think The Thirteenth Floor might be a tough one though, I think it is only like “virtually” in the past or something.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 9) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sylvester Stallone is No. 1 billed in Oscar and No. 1 billed in The Expendables 3, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 9. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – At the AFI Life Achievement Award in 1991 which went to Kirk Douglas, Sylvester Stallone in his tribute to Douglas recalled the filming of the scene where he hits Stallone in the face. After a swing and miss, Stallone jokingly told Douglas to slap him hard. “Let me have your best”, whereupon Douglas proceeded to beat Stallone silly. Stallone said “I learned the hard way: never spar with Spartacus.”

One night, after filming wrapped, a fire destroyed several sets, many of the actors’ trailers (among them Tim Curry’s), all of the costumes, and twenty-one valuable vintage cars. Production was halted for two weeks while they were remaking all of the costumes. A Universal security guard hired to guard the cars later admitted to setting the fire.

Appearing as the title character Oscar, this is Jim Mulholland’s only movie.

In the early 1980s, this movie was originally proposed as another project for director John Landis and John Belushi, who was pencilled in for the Angelo “Snaps” Provolone role. The project was abandoned once Belushi died, but resuscitated later, this time with Sylvester Stallone in the lead.

This movie was based on the 1958 French play “Oscar” by Claude Magnier.

Kirk Douglas and Sylvester Stallone had only appeared in one movie together previously, and it had not been a happy experience. Douglas had started out as Colonel Trautman in First Blood (1982), but quit after a dispute over whether Rambo should live or die at the end. It was not an amicable departure.

The name of the horse on which one of Snaps’ henchmen places a bet is High Hat, the name of the horse ridden by Harpo Marx in A Day at the Races (1937).

When Anthony Rossano C.P.A. (Vincent Spano) first appears at Angelo “Snaps” Provolone’s (Sylvester Stallone’s) door, Aldo (Peter Riegert) says “it’s Little Anthony” he looks behind him “and his Imperial”. Little Anthony and the Imperials was a rock band in the 1950s.

Snaps and his men quip that they were last in Chicago on Valentine’s Day, most likely referring to the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre.

The poster is an homage to the iconic scene from Safety Last! (1923).

The film takes place in 1931.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Sylvester Stallone, 1992)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Marisa Tomei, 1992)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (John Landis, 1992)