Category: Preview

Big Momma’s House 2 Preview

We are starting up the Squeakuels category with one of the most hotly anticipated BMTs that I can remember. We watched the first entry in the trilogy in 2015 and are taking this opportunity to finish the series. That’s right! We’re watching Big Momma’s House 2 and Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son! You really can’t go wrong here. Especially considering Big Momma’s House already gave us one of the best MonoSklogs in history. It’s… it’s… beautiful. Let’s go!

Big Momma’s House 2 (2006) – BMeTric: 66.7

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(Fun fact: Big Momma’s House is the film that helped me discover the weird inflection in the 2011 IMDb vote plots. I saw the inflection while plotting votes for Big Momma’s House, but then realized (tragically) that Big Momma Like Father Like Son came out in 2011 and so it took like four more tests to make sure the bump wasn’t just related to sequels. Obviously 50+ BMeTric is an amazing benchmark, and we are hitting two in the same week! Squeakuel Please!!)

Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars –  FBI agent Lawrence again dons a fat suit and transforms himself into the title character; here, he poses as a nanny to spy on the alleged designer of a deadly computer worm. Gratuitous sequel is an uneasy mixture of stale humor and goopy sentiment.

(This plot is already 1000x more realistic than the first one, where we had to convince ourselves it was possible that a man dressed in a fat suit could dupe an entire town into believing he was Big Momma… including her own grandchild. The main hesitance I have is that this sounds almost identical to the plot of The Pacifier, which wasn’t nearly as solid a BMT as the first Big Momma’s.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RkSH3iCZDs

(Wow… just wow. There are a number crimes committed in this trailer that would put Martin Lawrence’s character on a sexual predator list. Also, his Big Momma costume has gotten so good at this point that he would have to spend hours every morning in makeup to apply it. He seemingly can traipse about in the nude and no one notices anything amiss.)

Directors – John Whitesell – (BMT: Big Momma’s House 2; Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son; Deck the Halls; Malibu’s Most Wanted; See Spot Run; Thunderstruck; Calendar Girl; Notes: Comes from a family of Hollywood heavyweights, including his brother Patrick Whitesell who is co-CEO of WME with Ari Emanuel.)

Writers – Don Rhymer (written by) – (Known For: The Santa Clause 2; Rio 2; Rio; Surf’s Up; BMT: Big Momma’s House 2; Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son; Big Momma’s House; Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London; Deck the Halls; The Honeymooners; Carpool; Notes: Interestingly is credited with ‘script revisions’ on Black Knight, the other Darryl Quarles film. So was a big part of bringing all of Quarles’ credits to screen in the end.)

Darryl Quarles (characters) – (BMT: Big Momma’s House 2; Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son; Black Knight; Big Momma’s House; Notes: This dude was big for a minute with Big Momma’s House and Black Knight being made back-to-back. Just a character credit for this one though.)

Actors – Martin Lawrence – (Known For: Bad Boys; Do the Right Thing; Life; Death at a Funeral; Open Season; House Party; Boomerang; BMT: Big Momma’s House 2; Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son; Black Knight; College Road Trip; Big Momma’s House (BMT) Rebound; National Security; Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins; What’s the Worst That Could Happen?; Wild Hogs (BMT); House Party 2; Blue Streak; A Thin Line Between Love and Hate; Bad Boys II; Notes:  Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2012 for Worst Actress for Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son. Kind of amazed he has only been nominated once. I grew up seeing him on Martin, but probably best known for things like Bad Boys. Has had a long history with over working (including collapsing while jogging in a fat suit in preparation for the original Big Momma’s House) resulting in several high profile hospitalizations and arrests.)

Emily Procter – (Known For: Jerry Maguire; Leaving Las Vegas; Barry Munday; The Big Tease; Guinevere; BMT: Big Momma’s House 2; Body Shots; Notes: A major star (over 200 episodes) of CSI Miami she has a shockingly small feature filmography. She sings in a 1980s cover band (formerly called White Lightning, it is now called Motion). Unfortunately I can’t seem to find their touring schedule online.)

Nia Long – (Known For: Keanu; Friday; Boyz n the Hood; The Best Man Holiday; Boiler Room; The Best Man; Alfie; Soul Food; Love Jones; The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy; Baadasssss!; BMT: Big Momma’s House 2; Are We Done Yet?; Are We There Yet?; Big Momma’s House; Made in America; Premonition; The Single Moms Club; Held Up; Stigmata; Notes: Most famous for Pringles Mom’s Club. Just joshing. Nothing too interesting outside of standard personal stuff, but her next project appears to be starring in a remake of the 1988 film Beaches alongside Idina Menzel.)

Budget/Gross – $40 million / Domestic: $70,165,972 (Worldwide: $138,259,062)

(A phenomenon! It really it very impressive how much money this movie made, although I would think they were hoping to crack $100 million like the original. Still, no wonder a third movie was made.)

#43 for the Comedy – Sequel (Live Action) genre

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(Recent viewings include Paul Blart 2 and Ride Along 2. I do love these plots because, and this will become more obvious in the next few weeks I think, previous plots suggest that sequels come in waves. I’ve said previously that it is like Hollywood must replenish their store of bad sequels. We are approaching a fall. It has just occurred to me that the Bad Movie Golden Age of 2005-2010 came during a sequel drought … perhaps truly inspired garbage films can only be made after being unshackled from money grabbing sequels. One can hope.)

#6 for the Cross Dressing / Gender Bending genre: Movies where it’s at the forefront, excluding animation and documentaries.

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(Oh shit! Right at the peak of the cross-dressing-ploitation phase of Hollywood (I presume … is my history of Hollywood off?). More seriously, nearly a quarter of all 40 movies listed here were made in 2004-2006 … which is astonishing. Having dropped financially from the heady heights of …. well, Mrs. Doubtfire I guess. But still, I assume this genre will go extinct. And honestly? I don’t see why it shouldn’t.)

#16 for the Comedy – Fat Suit genre

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(Everything about these charts is incredible. Yet another peak! One-third of all fat suit movies were made between 2004 and 2006. What is happening in this world!? This genre is also dying, the financial picture looks dire. You can basically plot a straight line down to zero on that plot.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 6% (4/71): Unfunny and unoriginal. In other words, a perfect piece of evidence for opponents of pointless movie sequels.

(Ooooof, sub-10% is stunning. And there is no way the third installment does significantly better either, so we are likely doubling up on sub-10% films this week. This has the faint whiff of White Chicks to me. Like … you know they’re going to basically make the fact that people pretending to be other people doesn’t work the way they portray it kind of part of the joke. Remember … how the White Chicks looked like horror film monsters and no one noticed? Like that.)

Poster – Big Momma’s Sklog 2 (D+)

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(Not a fan. What is even the framing in this poster? Just Big Momma standing in front of… sky? Is she on a cliff? Font is easy (Big Momma Sklog 2) and doesn’t tell me a story. Boo on all fronts. Nothing truly ugly, but nothing good either.)

Tagline(s) – The Momma of all Comedies is Back. (D+)

(Gross. Both the poster and tagline are just lazy. I hate these types of taglines. Unacceptable Big Momma’s House 2. We need more than this from you.)

Keyword(s) – undercover; Top Ten by BMeTric: 75.1 Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994); 72.4 Barb Wire (1996); 70.6 Taxi (I) (2004); 69.1 Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989); 66.7 Big Momma’s House 2 (2006); 63.9 Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011); 62.5 On Deadly Ground (1994); 61.3 Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (2005); 60.0 Big Momma’s House (2000); 57.8 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006);

(Besides the last one it is an impressive list. Speaking of Squeakuels if we just shined off Miss Congeniality and Police Academy (ugh) we would have basically shined off of this incredible list.)

Notes – Lowell Ganz, Babaloo Mandel & Nicholas Stoller provided uncredited rewrites to Don Rhymer’s script. (You know, I expected more better notes from this movie. Where are the notes about the producers trying to get Giamatti back or something?)

Old Dogs Preview

A small note prior to this post: Last July we decided to take a look back at the movies that we watched over five years ago and choose a Hall of Fame class, five movies that we thought embodied BMT in some way. Perhaps they were particularly bad, or an example of a specific bad movie trope, whatever, something made them stand out as special in our minds. Since we didn’t do email previews back in 2011 we also decided to provide a preview for the movie. This is the first in a series of five leading up to our yearly awards the Smaddies Baddies. A recap (Hall of Fame speech really) will follow immediate afterwards to explain why the movie was chosen, things we loved about the movie, and things we discovered upon second viewing. Enjoy!

Old Dogs (2009) – BMeTric: 44.4

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(That is a giant and sustained jump. Some may be surprised that a sub-50 BMeTric film would make it to the hall of fame (oh, only me?), but I would guess it being someone anonymous in bad movie circles lends itself to a slightly deflated vote count. Otherwise everything is pretty mundane by the looks of it, nothing to interesting here.)

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars –  Hoped-for sparks from a teaming Travolta and Williams never materialize as the pair play business partners whose big Japanese deal is disrupted when they unexpectedly inherit 7-year-old twins. The stars seem to be having a better time than the audience. Only the youngest kids are going to find this slapstick material (including Green’s antics with a lovesick gorilla) very funny. Notable only as the debut for Travolta’s daughter Ella Bleu and Mac’s final film appearance.

(Two stars?! This is the kind of harmless nothing movie Leonard wouldn’t mind. I still don’t quite understand two stars though, the movie is basically incomprehensible and terrible. How does that get two stars?)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhY8AP806tU

(My God, this movie doesn’t have a storyline! How incredibly cut up and weird that is. Of course they appear to have a 20 minute foray into a camp filled with caricatures, otherwise, how in the world would they punch up the script?)

Directors – Walt Becker – (BMT: Old Dogs; Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip; Wild Hogs (BMT); Van Wilder: Party Liaison (Seen it); Notes:  Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2010 for Worst Director for Old Dogs. Apparently his trademark (according to IMDb) is having characters sing I’m All Out of Love … Mostly works in television now including the one-season show Glory Daze.)

Writers – David Diamond (written by) – (Known For: The Family Man; Evolution; BMT: When in Rome (BMT); Old Dogs (BMT); Notes: Amazing, I’ve completed David Diamond’s filmography. The only information I can find on him is he collaborated with Weissman)

David Weissman (written by) – (Known For: The Family Man; Evolution; BMT: When in Rome (BMT); Old Dogs (BMT); Notes: Same here, how very odd, there is almost no information about these people. I would guess they are mostly producers now working for a studio on comedies. Amazingly if you look at variety you come up with this fun story. That … sounds suspiciously like Old Dogs. A raucous buddy comedy announced in 2006 to be released by Walt Disney? Most def.)

Actors – Robin Williams – (Known For: Good Will Hunting; Dead Poets Society; Jumanji; Aladdin; Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb; Insomnia; Mrs. Doubtfire; A.I. Artificial Intelligence; Night at the Museum; Night at the Museum 2; The Birdcage; The Butler; To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar; What Dreams May Come; Awakenings; One Hour Photo; Good Morning, Vietnam; Popeye; Robots; FernGully: The Last Rainforest; The Fisher King; Happy Feet; Hamlet; The Adventures of Baron Munchausen; World’s Greatest Dad; Boulevard; The World According to Garp; Happy Feet Two; Death to Smoochy; BMT: Flubber (seen it); Toys (seen it); License to Wed; Old Dogs; Nine Months; RV: Runaway Vacation; Fathers’ Day; The Big Wedding (BMT); Jack (seen it); Club Paradise; The Angriest Man in Brooklyn; A Merry Christmas Miracle; Absolutely Anything; Man of the Year; The Final Cut; The Best of Times; The Survivors; The Big White; Noel; Hook (seen it); Patch Adams (seen it); Jakob the Liar; Bicentennial Man (seen it); Notes:  Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2000 for Worst Actor for Bicentennial Man, and Jakob the Liar; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2003 for Worst Supporting Actor for Death to Smoochy; Obviously a legend and sadly recently took his own life. He was a staple of my childhood and also a brilliant and classically trained actor. There isn’t much more to say.)

John Travolta – (Known For: Pulp Fiction; Grease; Savages; Hairspray; Carrie; Face/Off; The Thin Red Line; In a Valley of Violence; Bolt; Saturday Night Fever; Criminal Activities; Look Who’s Talking; The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3; Phenomenon; Broken Arrow; Lonely Hearts; Urban Cowboy; Get Shorty; Blow Out; Ladder 49; Primary Colors; A Civil Action; BMT: Battlefield Earth; Look Who’s Talking Too; Look Who’s Talking Now; Staying Alive; Old Dogs; Killing Season; Lucky Numbers; Michael; Domestic Disturbance; Be Cool; Perfect; Wild Hogs; Two of a Kind; I Am Wrath; White Man’s Burden; The Devil’s Rain; The Forger; The General’s Daughter; Mad City; Swordfish; The Punisher; From Paris with Love; Basic; Notes:  Won the Razzie Award in 2001 for Worst Actor for Battlefield Earth, and Lucky Numbers; Won the Razzie Award in 2001 for Worst Screen Couple for Battlefield Earth; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2010 and 1990 for Worst Actor of the Decade; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2010 for Worst Actor for Old Dogs and in 2002 for Domestic Disturbance, and Swordfish, and in 1986 for Perfect, and in 1984 for Staying Alive, and Two of a Kind; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1992 for Worst Supporting Actor for Shout; A staple of BMT. This should be obvious though considering he is in two different Hall of Fame inductees. Look at that Razzie cred!)

Also stars Seth Green (Somewhat amazingly this was only his second BMT along with the other Travolta classic Be Cool)

Budget/Gross – $35 million / Domestic: $49,492,060 (Worldwide: $96,753,696)

(How did this move make so much money. Why would anyone overseas see this film? That is flabbergasting to say the least)

#22 for the Comedy – Fish-Out-of-Water Father genre

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(That is below Kicking and Screaming which is just about all you need to know about that. Oddly enough the last movie Box Office Mojo classified in this category was in 2013, which is a tad bit odd. Also listed for recent BMT film Cheaper By the Dozen 2 (which makes no sense, he has twelve children, how is he a fish out of water?). Anywho, this managed to get released literally in the nadir of a genre, impressive.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 5% (5/108): Its cast tries hard, but Old Dogs is a predictable, nearly witless attempt at physical comedy and moral uplift that misses the mark on both counts.

(5% is obviously extraordinarily low. Thinking about it and seeing the trailer I can certainly believe that the cast works hard. The screenwriters and director on the other hand …)

Poster – Old Sklogs (F)

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(I hate this poster. It is boring. It has no color or life to it. It suggests nothing about the film. Why not call it Old Dads? Honestly? Why ever suggest this movie is about dogs at all? They even put the dog front and center in the poster. I just don’t get it. I would love for someone to explain the logic, because I don’t get it.)

Tagline(s) – Sit. Stay. Play Dad. (A-)

(Besides being cheesy this is quite an excellent tagline. Plays into the title obviously, but also suggests a bit about the plot (him having to be a dad unexpectedly). I honestly wonder if the tagline itself inspired the title, because I can’t really think on why it is called Old Dogs … because there is an old dog in it … was the old dog a metaphor for something? I’m blowing my own mind over here, but I’ll save you the bother and not mention it)

Keyword(s) – twin; Top Ten by BMeTric: 72.9 I Know Who Killed Me (2007); 67.1 The Spirit (2008); 65.0 The Unborn (2009); 58.6 Seed of Chucky (2004); 57.1 Dr. T & the Women (2000); 55.1 New York Minute (I) (2004); 55.0 House of Wax (2005); 51.0 The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising (2007); 48.5 The Ten (2007); 48.2 Scary Movie 3 (2003);

(Oh yeah, my favorite keyword obviously. We’ve seen most of the amazing ones I think. Like the Spirit I think only has it because of clones (or something). The Seeker and I Know Who Killed Me are BMT classics though.)

Notes – The film’s release date was postponed three times. First, due to Bernie Mac’s untimely death. The second time was for the death of John Travolta and Kelly Preston’s son, Jett Travolta. The final time was because Robin Williams had a health scare that required surgery. All of the postponement ultimately caused the movie to be released more than a year after the original, intended release date, finally releasing on November 25, 2009. (Yes, this was something I vaguely knew before watching the film as well. It is funny to think that us “previewing” films did kind of start before the emails and recaps did, just because this movie in particular has an interesting backstory to it).

John Travolta and Robin Williams were close friends in real life.

Bernie Mac’s last released film. Soul Men (2008) was released first, but was the last film he made.

The film was originally 107 minutes long and adult-oriented with an R-rating being disturbed through Disney’s company Touchstone Pictures. After the test screening went poorly, Disney decided to distribute the film through Walt Disney Pictures and aim it toward children, cutting the film by 19 minutes and removing all adult jokes out so that it would be more acceptable for children. (Yes, this is also a rumor I had heard after watching the film. It does feel that way, although it makes you wonder how they did that when the focus of the film always had to be 60-year-old first time fathers. There was also rumors that the Japan storyline for Seth Green was at one point much larger and more detailed, although seeing as it was filmed in Connecticut that seems a little more unlikely).

The film is dedicated to both Bernie Mac and Jett Travolta, John Travolta and Kelly Preston’s eldest son who died unexpectedly earlier in 2009.

Although Kelly Preston is married to John Travolta, in this film she is paired with Robin Williams.

Majority of production, including most of Tokyo scenes (except for the Tokyo airport and Tokyo street scenes that were shot in New York City) were done in Connecticut, thanks to the 30% Film/TV production tax incentive that the State offered at that time. There was no overseas location shoot in this film. (See. I find it unlikely that they could have pulled off an “expanded” Japan storyline without actually filming in Japan for at least some exteriors)

One of the retouched pictures of Travolta and Williams, is actually from the shooting of Carrie (1976). Nancy Allen was replaced by Williams inside the car.

Awards – Nominated for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (John Travolta)

Nominated for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Kelly Preston)

Nominated for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Walt Becker)

Nominated for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor of the Decade (John Travolta)

Nominated for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture

Independence Day: Resurgence Preview

Finally we come to the end of the first year of the Stallonian calendar. This year (like most years) will end on a transition from the final “2016 in film” cycle into the first cycle of 2017. For that cycle we have selected [drumroll]…[still drumrollling]… [still]… [still]… [finished drumrolling]… [jk! Still going]… [now I’m done]… [or am I?]… [I am] Squeakuels Please! This is just a fancy way of saying that we are going to get a shitload of bonus films under our belt in the new year. That’s because many of the horrendous sequels we will be viewing also have equally horrendous first entries that must be watched. Hooray! That can’t be said for the transition film, though, as we are viewing 2016’s Independence Day 2. The first one was a work of art of my childhood. Probably seen it a dozen times. As a result the sequel stands as a perfect transition as it will likely find its way on the Razzie ballot by virtue of its name recognition, but also has a good chance of entertaining me. Let’s go!

Independence Day: Resurgence (2016) – BMeTric: 55.5

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(Ha! Definitely brigading at the start. I would assume that is a relatively new strategy from production houses to plant good reviews on blockbusters … or it has a passionate fanbase. One of the two. Who knows. Otherwise the only remarkable thing is that it is quite bad (50+) and very very quickly got there by just dive bombing below 6.0 almost immediately upon release.)

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars –  “Independence Day: Resurgence,” the sequel you probably didn’t want or need to the 1996 smash-hit blockbuster “Independence Day,” is all about the spectacle. And yes, all massive summer disaster pictures are like that—especially when they come from director Roland Emmerich, returning from the original “Independence Day.” Shock and awe are his bread and butter. But “Resurgence”—which, surprisingly, isn’t the title of a fourth “Divergent” movie—feels even more shiny and empty than most of these kinds of films.

(Sounds about right. That is the theme for the year actually and kind of a fitting end to the 2016 Bad Movie Season. Empty. The bad movies this year, besides Mechanic 2 which was banananananas, felt empty. A whole lot of nothing about nothing for no one. The good news: 2017 looks to be solid already with a chock full January and February schedule that promises a kick ass BMT Live! A boy can dream.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbduDRH2m2M

(I remember really disliking the marketing for this film. Thought it looked too Transformers-y. Everything looks fake and too futuristic. Like the first film was grounded in reality, a world you could imagine living in. This world is now too tied up in the events of the first film and alien technology.)

Directors – Roland Emmerich – (Known For: Independence Day; The Day After Tomorrow; The Patriot; Stargate; White House Down; Anonymous; BMT: 10,000 BC; Godzilla; Independence Day: Resurgence; 2012; Universal Soldier; Stonewall; Notes: Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1999 for Worst Director and Screenplay for Godzilla; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1997 for Worst Written Film Grossing Over $100 Million for Independence Day. Also created a television show with Dean Devlin called the Visitor that only lasted a season. Maybe I should give it a viewing… for science.)

Writers – Nicolas Wright and James A. Woods (screenplay & story by) – (BMT: Independence Day: Resurgence; Notes: Writing partners and oddly both are much bigger actors than writers in the television world. They have been tapped for the Stargate reboot, which should be coming out sometime in the future.)

Dean Devlin (screenplay & story by & based on characters created by) – (Known For: Independence Day; Stargate; Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning; BMT: Universal Soldier: The Return; Godzilla; Independence Day: Resurgence; Universal Soldier; Notes:  Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1999 for Worst Screenplay for Godzilla; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1997 for Worst Written Film Grossing Over $100 Million for Independence Day; Ha! He was an actor in Real Genius of all things. He’s also a producer and actor and the writer of the upcoming (hopefully) BMT smash hit Geostorm starring Gerard Butler. He is a major mover and shaker it would seem, producing all of the different iterations of the Librarian series)

Roland Emmerich (screenplay & story by & based on characters created by) – (Known For: Independence Day; The Day After Tomorrow; Stargate; BMT: 10,000 BC; Godzilla; Independence Day: Resurgence; 2012; Notes: See above for Razzie notes; Stargate put him on the map and with Independence Day 2 and the upcoming Stargate reboot it looks like he it returning to his roots. I vaguely enjoyed the ridiculousness of his films, but these types of action films tend to be rooted in a cynical irony these days that I don’t personally enjoy. Hopefully Emmerich keeps up the earnestness.)

James Vanderbilt (screenplay) – (Known For: The Amazing Spider-Man 2; The Amazing Spider-Man; Zodiac; White House Down; Truth; The Losers; The Rundown; BMT: Darkness Falls; Independence Day: Resurgence; Solace; Basic; Notes: It is kind of nuts how many different writers they got in on this screenplay. This guy is obviously huge for the Spider-man films, but has been consistently working since his debut with Darkness Falls. He is the writer for Meg, the giant shark movie starring Jason Statham coming out in 2018.)

Actors – Liam Hemsworth – (Known For: The Hunger Games; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; The Hunger Games: Catching Fire; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; The Dressmaker; Triangle; The Expendables 2; BMT: Independence Day: Resurgence; The Last Song; Paranoia; Knowing; Love and Honor; The Duel; Cut Bank; Notes: As far as his personal life is concerned he has been profoundly on-again-off-again with Miley Cyrus having been engaged twice now (they are currently engaged).)

Jeff Goldblum – (Known For: The Grand Budapest Hotel; Jurassic Park; Independence Day; The Lost World: Jurassic Park; Annie Hall; The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou; The Right Stuff; The Fly; The Prince of Egypt; Silverado; Morning Glory; The Switch; Powder; The Big Chill; The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension; Invasion of the Body Snatchers; Death Wish; The Player; Cats & Dogs; Earth Girls Are Easy; Nashville; Igby Goes Down; BMT: Independence Day: Resurgence; Holy Man; Mortdecai; Nine Months; Transylvania 6-5000; Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie; Hideaway; Man of the Year; Zambezia; Vibes; Thank God It’s Friday; Mad Dog Time; Notes: More recent notes concerning the legend involve his long-term relationship with Wes Anderson which seems to be going strong. He will be in the director’s upcoming project Isle of Dogs.)

Bill Pullman – (Known For: Independence Day; The Equalizer; While You Were Sleeping; Spaceballs; Sleepless in Seattle; A League of Their Own; American Ultra; Lake Placid; Casper; Lost Highway; Singles; Brother Nature; The Killer Inside Me; Wyatt Earp; LBJ; Titan A.E.; Ruthless People; Bottle Shock; Malice; Zero Effect; The Last Seduction; Igby Goes Down; BMT: Scary Movie 4; Independence Day: Resurgence; Mr. Wrong; Lucky Numbers; Cymbeline; The Grudge; Lola Versus; The End of Violence; The Favor; 29 Palms; Sibling Rivalry; Bringing Up Bobby; Newsies; Notes: I will always love him for his starring turn in Spaceballs. He’ll next be seen in a western: The Ballad of Lefty Brown.)

Budget/Gross – $165 million / Domestic: $103,144,286 (Worldwide: $389,681,935)

(Close to a success although incredibly disappointing from the original’s high bar. Taking a pretty standard half and third cut for domestic and foreign grosses you are looking at 150 million or so. You might come back with marketing, but I would assume it made that much and more back in product placement and eventual home video profits. Again, modest success. Curious to see if they do go for a third trying to make it a bit better launching off of the base they created here.)

#17 for the Sci-Fi – Alien Invasion genre

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(See, District 9 and Pacific Rim are the tale of two expectations. District 9 was a giant success because of a modest budget, whereas Pacific Rim is now getting a sequel geared almost exclusively to Chinese audiences. This is much closer to Pacific Rim, with almost identical domestic and foreign takes. We’ve seen another this year (5th Wave) which did a lot worse, and we are definitely coming off of a boom time from about 5 years ago. We’ll see what takes over from there. Thinking about Zombie, Spaceship, Wasteland I do think we are probably trying to enter an alien boom again. Wasteland I think died with Divergent’s fall, and Zombie is still just dominated by Walking Dead and a bit tired. We’ll see.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 31% (59/193): It’s undeniably visually impressive, but like its predecessor, Independence Day: Resurgence lacks enough emotional heft to support its end-of-the-world narrative stakes.

(This kind of encapsulates everything I’ve heard about the film. Most people I’ve talked to simply say,  “Was I entertained? Yeah.” So not sure how many people are looking for emotional heft in ID2.)

Poster – Independence Day: Sklogsurgence (B+)

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(While this poster doesn’t do a good job in some of the ways that I prefer (font and color), it is a very pretty poster. So you have to give it that. It also is incredible well spaced, so makes up for some of the shortcomings.)

Tagline(s) – We had twenty years to prepare. So did they. (D+)

(Can give it props for hinting at the plot but not much else. Pretty clunky and not super clever.)

Keyword(s) – alien; Top Ten by BMeTric: 87.7 Battlefield Earth (2000); 86.3 Dragonball: Evolution (2009); 81.4 Alone in the Dark (2005); 78.9 Skyline (2010); 76.6 Spice World (1997); 75.8 Highlander II: The Quickening (1991); 74.3 Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959); 73.8 Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007); 71.0 After Earth (2013); 67.2 Howard the Duck (1986);

(Well this list might convince me to watch Alone in the Dark finally. Great list, although …. Spice World prob doesn’t belong there. I vaguely remember an alien thing in it, but the keywords have to be tighter than that crap. But yeah, all above 65 and only one left? Aliens are clearly a recipe for hilarious BMT fun.)

Notes – Soon after the success of the first film, 20th Century Fox paid Dean Devlin a large sum of money to write a script for a sequel. However, after completing the script, Devlin didn’t turn in the script and instead gave the money back to the studio, as he felt the story didn’t live up to the first film. It was only approximately 15 years later, that Devlin met up with Roland Emmerich to try again, having felt that they had “cracked” a story for a sequel. (I feel like you hear this story for every sequel that comes out decades later. “We couldn’t figure it out at the time, but all of a sudden we had a story that was too good not to make… oh and $10 million dollars. That too.”)

Will Smith was supposed to reprise the role of Captain Steven Hiller, but Fox refused to meet his request for a $50 million salary for two sequels. Roland Emmerich confirmed Smith would not be returning for the sequel in June 2013 to Daily News, but mentioned that Jeff Goldblum would return to reprise his role as David Levinson. Smith later went on to star in Suicide Squad (2016). (A bit of a contentious issue. Will Smith claims it was not about the money, but that he was already committed to Suicide Squad.)

On the monument to The War of ’96 seen in Washington, D.C. towards the start of the film the name Russell Casse can be seen on a brick in the middle. Russell Casse was the name of Randy Quaid’s character who sacrificed himself to destroy the ship approaching Area 51 in Independence Day (1996). (That fact is fun)

Nine Lives Preview

While Gods of Egypt was the most anticipated film of BMT, it was probably not the most likely to actually earn a Razzie. That honor would go to Nine Lives, a film entirely focused on Kevin Spacey being transformed into a cat. You would call it “Razzie bait,” if there was such a term. So of course that’s exactly what we’re watching this week. Despite generally avoiding kids films there was something about this film that got me excited to watch it. Perhaps the fact that it WAS ENTIRELY FOCUSED ON KEVIN SPACEY BECOMING A CAT… Let’s go!

Nine Lives (2016) – BMeTric: 35.1

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(Huh, that is quite the regression to the mean. I do wonder whether this movie’s worthlessness was a little overblown. Would jive well with the second graph where the rating rose more significantly than I would imagine. Low 5’s isn’t great, but I wonder where among sub-20% rotten tomatoes movies that actually lies. That could be a good “rigorous” data study to do actually. Would be interesting to weight things and really try and get a good distribution for specific percentage (a situation that will be somewhat data sparse for sure).)

Rogerebert.com – Thumbs Down (0 Stars) – Which leads me to this question: Just who is supposed to be the target audience for “Nine Lives”? Certainly not feline fanciers, since we are told that, “Cats don’t care if you live or die.” Definitely not fans of Spacey, who did a much better coma on the most recent season of “House of Cards,” or Walken, whose trademark wild mass of hair seems more limp than usual.

(Hooray. I do like movies which are supposed to be kid’s movies but seem to just be a screenplay shoehorned into the body of a kid’s movie. Zero stars is also impressive, I love Thumbs Down rogerebert.com, like Leonard Maltin BOMBs they often reveal more about the critic in question’s tastes than the quality of the movie itself.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jHA97HzhxE

(Yes … quite bad. I do not look forward to this. Walkin reminds me of his part in Envy. A facilitator of mischief in a wholly bizarre and unsatisfying comedy.)

Directors – Barry Sonnenfeld – (Known For: Men in Black 3; Men in Black; The Addams Family; Addams Family Values; Big Trouble; Get Shorty; BMT: Wild Wild West (Watched); RV: Runaway Vacation; Nine Lives; Men in Black II (Watched); The Concierge; Notes: Won the Razzie Award in 2000 for Worst Director for Wild Wild West; We saw Get Shorty leading up to the atrocious Be Cool. Searching variety brought up this 1995 article about him inking a deal with Disney. Neither Swordfish (not that Swordfish) or the remake to Another Man’s Poison was ever made, and then Sonnenfeld swiftly moved on to the smash hit Men In Black. Go figure.)

Writers – Gwyn Lurie (screenplay) – (Known For: The Music Never Stopped; BMT: Nine Lives; Notes: Not much about her, buts he is a producer and looking through variety reveals a few funny entries from the early 90s like this one. A comedy film based on the Guinness book of world record attempt at eating a whole 747!? Brilliant enough to never be made. Very few actual movies by her which is interesting considering he has often been attached to films. Bad luck. Did also make Variety for a large and elaborate treehouse that her and her husband built on their property. That’s fun.)

Matt Allen and Caleb Wilson(screenplay) – (Known For: Soul Surfer; BMT: Four Christmases; Nine Lives; Notes: Screenwriting partners. The only note I can find outside of their main credits is this bizarre 2010 article about a new movie being developed. Basically at the same time as (BMT) What to Expect When You’re Expecting was being developed another parenting guide was also being developed by these guys. Yeah, it was never made.)

Dan Antoniazzi and Ben Shiffrin (screenplay) – (BMT: Nine Lives; Notes: Screenwriting partners. They wrote a RomCom/Serial Killer film “Heartstoppers” that made the 2008 Black List.)

Actors – Kevin Spacey – (Known For: American Beauty; The Usual Suspects; Se7en; Moon; The Ref; Superman Returns; L.A. Confidential; Horrible Bosses; Glengarry Glen Ross; A Time to Kill; The Negotiator; Elvis & Nixon; A Bug’s Life; Margin Call; Working Girl; K-PAX; Outbreak; The Men Who Stare at Goats; Henry & June; Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil; The Shipping News; Beyond the Sea; BMT: Edison; Fred Claus; Nine Lives; Father of Invention; Consenting Adults; Horrible Bosses 2; Casino Jack; Ordinary Decent Criminal; 21; Notes: Interesting only in the sense that we haven’t watched any of his BMT eligible films. Otherwise looking through recent notes he is basically only in the news for being involved with Relativity Media which emerged from bankruptcy to … well, immediately get embroiled in controversy. Whatever. Do you Spacey.)

Jennifer Garner – (Known For: Catch Me If You Can; Dallas Buyers Club; Juno; Daredevil; Miracles from Heaven; 13 Going on 30; The Kingdom; Draft Day; Danny Collins; The Invention of Lying; Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day; BMT: Elektra (BMT); Mr. Magoo; Dude, Where’s My Car?; Valentine’s Day (BMT); Ghosts of Girlfriends Past; Arthur; Nine Lives; Mother’s Day (BMT); Pearl Harbor; Catch and Release; Butter; The Odd Life of Timothy Green; Notes: What more is there to say about this secret BMT all-star? Nothing really is on the docket besides The Tribes of Palos Verdes with Mel Gibson’s son (no joke). She was honored with an award for her charity baby2baby so she’s got that going for her.)

Also stars Robbie Amell – (Seen in Cheaper by the Dozen 2)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $19,700,032 (Worldwide: $19,700,032)

(That is really really really rough. Amazing that the foreign take it totally absent, but I guess kid’s film with no IP attachment wouldn’t be much of a foreign draw. Huge bomb, but I would hope they kind of intended to play the long con with DVDs and product placement.)

#12 for the Comedy – Body Switch genre

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(Basically the worst post 1994 body switch film in history if we were to be honest with ourselves. Is it even a body switch? It isn’t like Kevin Spacey is a cat (he appears to be in a coma). Otherwise there are too few movies for this plot to be interesting.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (6/54): Not meow, not ever.

(Rough stuff rotten tomatoes. Just a shade above 10%, which is somewhat surprising. That 10% threshold it turns out is really hard to get, which I was somewhat surprised by. Even this (clearly one of the worst films of the year) couldn’t manage it.)

Poster – Nine Sklogs (B+)

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(This is actually a pretty solid poster. Nice balance, font, color scheme. I generally don’t like the cast each put in a small window on the poster, but even that is spiced up a bit with the cat highlighting Kevin Spacey. I like it.)

Tagline(s) – His life just got put on paws. (C+)

(Egad! That is a… cat-astrophe. Thank you. Thank you. But seriously, this isn’t necessarily bad from the point of view of sounding and feeling like a tagline, but the pun seems really forced and is like a kick in the stomach.)

Keyword(s) – cat; Top Ten by BMeTric: 89.6 Catwoman (2004); 84.9 Date Movie (2006); 81.0 Movie 43 (2013); 80.7 Home Alone 3 (1997); 80.7 Vampires Suck (2010); 78.3 The Cat in the Hat (2003); 76.6 Spice World (1997); 74.2 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000); 73.5 One Missed Call (2008); 71.5 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012);

(Oh yeah, Cat in the Hat for sure will be there. Actually a pretty solid list and most of these definitely have a cat in it in some way shape or form. Movie 43’s cat vignette was directed by Elizabeth Banks I think and was the reason she got Pitch Perfect 2 if I recall correctly.)

Notes – Up to 70% of Nine Lives was computer-generated. (Oh wow, that does explain a bit about how this was made)

A subplot involving catnip as an allegorical analogue for addiction was originally planned, but was cut both for time and because executives believed it would be too much for a PG children’s movie. (ha! This is going to be a kid’s movie)

The movie was released as Mr. Fuzzypants in United Arab Emirates. (makes sense, that is the cat’s name)

Five of the cast members have appeared in superhero productions. Marlina Weissman (Rebecca Brand) played Young Kara in the TV series of Supergirl, Teddy Sears (Josh Myers) & Robbie Amell (David Brand) starred in CW’s The Flash with Teddy as Hunter Soloman/Zoom & Robbie as Ronnie Raymond/Firestorm. Kevin Spacey portrayed Lex Luthor in Superman Returns and finally Jennifer Garner portrayed Elektra in the Daredevil & Elektra Marvel movies.

Rated the worst film of 2016 by Metacritic critics.

Gods of Egypt Preview

This week we finally get to do a film we were meant to watch almost a year ago. Destined to be the first BMT Live! of the Stallonian Calendar, it was cruelly yanked from the UK release schedule mere days before we were supposed to watch it. So we had to wait until now. Hopefully the excitement for 2016’s Gods of Egypt aged like a fine wine. Let’s go!

Gods of Egypt (2016) – BMeTric: 45.6

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(The main thing of interest here is that the rating went in the opposite direction as what you would expect. So truly the die hards liked it okay, and general audiences more reasonably thought it was definitely below average. Sixty thousand votes is incredible, as is a 45.6 BMeTric for the same year as release. Come on BMeTric, don’t fail me now.)

RogerEbert.com – 2 stars –  After a point, this proudly silly film about gods and mortals in ancient Egypt devolves into an sword-and-sorcery-flavored riff on a weak Marvel movie.

(I find this little soundbite strange, if only because it gives a lot more credit to the film than I expected. I knew a number of reviews would boil down to “good for what it is”, but a comparison to a Marvel movie is a bit bold. Isn’t Thor already a sword-and-sorcery riff on a Marvel movie?)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJBnK2wNQSo

(Oh, be still my beating heart. I saw this trailer when it came out and immediately I fell in love. The white washed egyptian populace, the terrible young actors, the literal saturation of CGI and action set pieces, Gerard Butler. Everything pointed towards achieving great heights with this film. How this didn’t get released to UK theaters until the summer is beyond me.)

Directors – Alex Proyas – (Known For: I, Robot; The Crow; Dark City; Garage Days; BMT: Gods of Egypt; Knowing; Notes: Was actually born in Egypt, which is interesting since he got a lot of flack for having an all-white cast for this film. The only Egyptian was behind the camera.)

Writers – Matt Sazama (written by) – (BMT: Gods of Egypt; The Last Witch Hunter; Dracula Untold; Notes: Wrote the story for the upcoming Power Ranger film. He also was an editorial assistant on BMT film Master of DIsguise, which is a bit of a coincidence.)

Burk Sharpless (written by) – (BMT: Gods of Egypt; The Last Witch Hunter; Dracula Untold; Notes: Writing partner of Sazama. Son of John Sharpless, a professor at the University of Wisconsin.)

Actors – Brenton Thwaites – (Known For: Maleficent; Oculus; The Signal; Son of a Gun; Ride; Ruben Guthrie; BMT: Gods of Egypt; The Giver; Notes: We’ll probably get to see him in the upcoming Pirates of the Caribbean. If history is any indicator.)

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau – (Known For: Black Hawk Down; Oblivion; Mama; Wimbledon; Enigma; A Second Chance; Blackthorn; BMT: Gods of Egypt; Firewall (BMT); The Other Woman (Seen); Notes: Obviously best known as my namesake Jaime Lannister in Game of Thrones.)

Gerard Butler – (Known For: 300; Olympus Has Fallen; How to Train Your Dragon; RocknRolla; How to Train Your Dragon 2; Reign of Fire; Tomorrow Never Dies; Coriolanus; Nim’s Island; Beowulf & Grendel; Mrs Brown; Dear Frankie; Harrison’s Flowers; The Cherry Orchard; BMT: Movie 43 (BMT); Dracula 2001; Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life; The Bounty Hunter (BMT); Gods of Egypt; Timeline (BMT); Gamer (BMT); Tale of the Mummy; Playing for Keeps (BMT); London Has Fallen (BMT); The Ugly Truth; Notes: We know it all. Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2011 for Worst Actor and Screen Couple for The Bounty Hunter;)

Budget/Gross – $140 million / Domestic: $31,153,464 (Worldwide: $150,680,864)

(Oooooooooooooof, that’s a lotta dough (to lose). This was probably something on the order of a $75 million write off, maybe a cool $100 if they spent a bunch on advertising. Who thought this was a good idea? Who thought a white washed action period piece heavy on CGI was just going to rake in dough? Didn’t they watch Pompeii!?)

#195 for the 3D genre

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(Last seen for Warcraft (#169 at the time of writing) I said of it that we might be seeing a bit of a downturn with the number of theaters since tentpoles were sucking all of them up … since they it has gone up again. I’m going to wonder aloud again: since I perform a rolling average up to a year ago, Warcraft didn’t include the summer. I wonder if, with the clear saturation of the 3D market, we’ll observe a clearer seasonal pattern emerge with more 3D theaters in peak summer blockbuster season … maybe, I don’t know. This guy was near RIPD for crying out loud, what a disaster!)

#68 for the Fantasy – Live Action genre

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(Right below the other recent unmitigated disaster Pan. Harry Potter kicked the genre into overdrive (after Lord of the Rings of course) and from that point forward it has been The Hobbit, Marvel, and soon more Harry Potter driven. It rakes in cash, if you can make the movie not horrible. Also last seen with Warcraft. It is going to be weird watching this movie with the understanding that Warcraft is universally considered to be the better of the two films. Without question.)

#173 for the IMAX (Feature-length) genre

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(Ah yes, this graph is great. Last seen for Day the Earth Stood Still: I almost didn’t even generate this one, but this is amazing! First how it just goes up and up. Second, because of how stable the monetary output from IMAX movies has been. If only all the genre plots had this much data too, so smooth and nice to look at. Still basically agree with that assessment. And the additional months of data hasn’t changed much, still just printing money basically.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 16% (26/161): Look on Gods of Egypt, ye filmgoers, and despair! Nothing beside remains. Round the decay of this colossal wreck, boundless and bare. The lone and level sands stretch far away. (Apologies to Shelley.)

(This is a classic rotten tomatoes consensus. So quippy. So snarky. Kind of pretentious? It isn’t like this got 0%. 16% of critics said “this is good for what it is, which is trash. It is king of trash mountain”. You can kind of tell they had this ready to rock before the reviews came in and pulled the trigger the instant it was certified rotten.)

Poster – Sklogs of Egypt (D-)

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(Oh my gods. That may be one of the worst things I’ve ever seen. Only redeeming feature is a general consistency in using a horrific color and some symmetry. I want to give this to Patrick as an Xmas present just because of how bad it is.)

Tagline(s) – The battle for eternity begins (C-)

(There are a number of taglines, but this is the one on the main poster. Underwhelming… at least it’s short? That’s all I got.)

Keyword(s) – egypt; Top Ten by BMeTric: 77.0 The Legend of Hercules (2014); 45.6 Gods of Egypt (2016); 37.9 G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009); 33.2 Tale of the Mummy (1998); 32.4 Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark (2014); 31.4 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009); 29.9 Orgy of the Dead (1965); 27.6 Jumper (2008); 27.1 Singh Is Kinng (2008); 26.7 Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014);

(Mmmmmm, this list is nice. A few are dumb fake films (mega shark, I’m looking at you), but those highlighted are all pretty solid bad films. Go get yo pyramids movie executives.)

Notes – Gerard Butler said that as soon as he read the word ‘God’ in the script to describe his character, he knew would have to embark on a huge bodybuilding process. He said he started his work-outs immediately because he plays a God in the film and ‘wanted to make sure he looked liked one by the time shooting began.’ (You’re an idiot Gerard Butler, no offense. “The instant I asked my agent if Gods wore shirts and he said ‘no’ I knew I had to hit the gym”)

Filmed in the Australian desert. Filming in the Sahara was considered too dangerous. (and less lucrative apparently, see the next note)

Lionsgate/Summit’s exposure on the production budget is only around $10 million, because Lionsgate/Summit were able to recoup most of the budget via international pre-sales and Australia tax incentives. (say what? Guess I was wrong, they made sooooo much money… maybe, I don’t know). I do usually assume big films already have made money with attached advertising. Rumor was that Quantum of Solace made its budget back with a single ad campaign with Heineken worth over a hundred million dollars. And it was widely considered to be a good deal for Heineken. Yeah, movies are kind of small potatoes next to something like alcohol companies. But I’m surprised a period piece could do it. Can’t really have Set open a budweiser in Horus’ empty eye socket or something.)

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau got down to 7% body fat for his role in the film. (lol, okay. Did he read the word God in the script and whisper “time to hit the gym”?)

The film features no Egyptian actors. (yuuuuuuup)

Ride Along 2 Preview

Alright, so this week we arrive back at our most misguided genre, the Chain Reaction. It was incredibly difficult jumping from 1986 to 2016. Not many actors, even big stars, are still making BMT films after 20 years. So jumping from 1986’s No Mercy to a 2016 film seemed an impossible task. Thank god for Bruce McGill. Unlike Richard Gere and Kim Basinger, McGill is still going strong, and allowed us to jump straight from No Mercy to 2016’s sequel du jour, Ride Along 2. This also means we got extra content this week as the original Ride Along is also BMT (and both DVDs have commentaries by director Tim Story). Lucky us. Let’s go!

Ride Along 2 (2016) – BMeTric: 28.8

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(Alright, like Ride Along this guy is also super stable. I love the giant drop at the end. Classic. The fans of the film give it 10’s, and then it gets a bunch of 1’s from idiots early, and then it bounces right to where it eventually lands at 5.9. Also pretty good considering its reviews. A BMeTric of 30 is solid considering it was released less than a year ago.)

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – This second helping of Hart’s hyper hijinks as rookie cop Ben, once more paired with Ice Cube’s glowering bulldog presence as rule-flouting veteran James, exists for the same reason that “Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens” does: money. Probably a good test of whether you should consider riding along with this low-rent version of “Bad Boys” meets “Rush Hour” is if you are tickled by Ben suggesting that he and James call themselves “The Brothers-in-Law.” Get it? They are brothers-in-law and they are “brothers” IN Law. OK. You can stop giggling now

(Sounds about right. But also something you could feasibly say about nearly any franchise comedy sequel. They exist for money. And if you like the jokes they are going to make you’ll like the movie. Groundbreaking. The reviewer does note that the film is more diverse which is nice.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWfmmwdCHTg

(Ha! This is basically the plot of Dirty Grandpa … not really, but weird that both start in Atlanta and go to Florida and the main character has to get back in time for his wedding while getting pulled into trouble by a relative. C’mon, that’s weird. What’s that I smell? Is that a Hollywood badass bar? I hope it is brightly lit with sparsely and even distributed dancers! I hope there is just no crowd around the bar area and getting a drink seems convenient!)

[NOTE: I just copied these notes from the Ride Along preview as these are literally all of the same people minus Jason Mantzoukas]

Directors – Tim Story – (Known For: Think Like a Man; Barbershop; BMT: Taxi (BMT); Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Fantastic Four; Think Like a Man Too; Ride Along 2; Ride Along; Notes:  From the Taxi preview: The top grossing African-American director of all time (domestic at least, not sure about worldwide). Actually just retook the top spot from Tyler Perry with Ride Along 2. I’ll add that he has announced he is directing Humbug starring Ice Cube as a real estate mogul in a modern retelling of A Christmas Carol. Be still my beating heart.)

Writers – Greg Coolidge (screenplay & story) – (BMT: Employee of the Month; Sorority Boys; Ride Along 2; Ride Along; Notes:  Not much about him online, but that is an incredible filmography. I need to see Sorority Boys at some point, just an absurd White Chicks-esque premise.)

Phil Hay and Matt Manfredi (screenplay) – (Known For: The Invitation; Crazy/Beautiful; BMT: The Tuxedo (BMT); Æon Flux (BMT); R.I.P.D. (BMT); Clash of the Titans; Ride Along 2; Ride Along; Notes: Legends. How does one go from Crazy/Beautiful to The Tuxedo exactly? If you want some insight this article is incredibly in depth. Turns out … you do one solid adaptation and you’ll basically be tapped for a million more. Honestly I don’t think the script was the problem with most of these movies so get yo money.)

Actors – Ice Cube – (Known For: 22 Jump Street; 21 Jump Street; Friday; The Book of Life; Boyz n the Hood; Barbershop: A Fresh Cut; Three Kings; Barbershop; Rampart; Higher Learning; Barbershop 2: Back in Business; Trespass; The Glass Shield; The Longshots; BMT: xXx²: State of the Union (BMT); Anaconda; Torque (BMT); Are We Done Yet?; Ghosts of Mars (BMT); Are We There Yet?; First Sunday; Lottery Ticket; Ride Along 2; Friday After Next; I Got the Hook Up; All About the Benjamins; Dangerous Ground; Ride Along; Next Friday; Notes: Cube! A legend in his own right if only for Ghosts of Mars, a secret BMT favorite. Most famous for being a primary player in NWA he has since become somewhat of a comedy staple. Started with Friday in the 90’s and then the Barbershop series in the 00’s, he’s a full blown comedian at this point. Impressive dude.)

Kevin Hart – (Known For: The Secret Life of Pets; Central Intelligence; This Is the End; The 40 Year-Old Virgin; Death at a Funeral; The Five-Year Engagement; Think Like a Man; Top Five; About Last Night; Death of a Dynasty; BMT: Epic Movie; Superhero Movie; Soul Plane; Scary Movie 4 (BMT); Meet Dave; In the Mix; Scary Movie 3 (BMT); Little Fockers; Fool’s Gold (BMT); Drillbit Taylor; Along Came Polly; Think Like a Man Too; Get Hard; Ride Along 2; Ride Along; Grudge Match (BMT); The Wedding Ringer (BMT); Notes: He exploded as one of the most prolific comedic actors a few years ago (and trust me, some people are not happy about that for some reason) with Ride Along, Get Hard, Central Intelligence, Ride Along 2, and the Wedding Ringer coming out in the last 3 years basically.)

With Tika Sumpter again (from Madea Christmas and now Ride Along … I’m going to be honest, I’m surprised she’s in this considering this movie takes place in Florida now. They could have easily kind of just said “she’s in Atlanta, don’t worry about it” kid-from-London-Has-Fallen style. Save some cash.)

Budget/Gross – $40 million / Domestic: $90,862,685 (Worldwide: $124,246,152)

(Definitive success if probably a disappointment considering the take of the original. Here I’ll highlight one thing. If you look through some big name multi-film series starring black actors there is a possibly-not-surprising trend. The Barbershop series has an average foreign percentage of gross of 1.6%. The Friday series has an average 2.6%. All of the Madea movies have an average of 1.1%. It is at least somewhat well known that films geared towards African American audiences basically don’t get released to foreign markets. This is probably because there is a cultural factor that is (perceived?) to not translate. Ride Along 2 though actually seems to have bucked the trend a bit taking 26.9% of its take overseas. Promising. Kevin Hart said he wanted to remove the stigma off films that are called “black films” and it seems like he is doing it.)

#19 for the Action – Buddy Comedy genre

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(Not much is going to change from the commentary from the Ride Along preview. I will say it has to be a bit disappointing to see the take slip a bit in the second installment for this genre considering how consistent Ice Cube’s other series 21 Jump Street has been. Being near Green Hornet is domestic take is not so hot.)

#27 for the Comedy – Sequel (Live Action) genre

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(Unfortunately this might reveal a bit of why this film as a disappointment as it sits near Sex and the City 2 and Madea Goes to Jail on the domestic charts, oooof. We most recently saw this chart with Cheaper By the Dozen 2 where we noted these bad ones tend to come as a peak is a-tumbling. And I have a feeling we’ve crossed the rubicon and we’ll be seeing a new crop of original comedy rise so that sequels can be made a plenty in about 5 years)

Rotten Tomatoes – 14% (15/104): Ride Along 2 presents a cop-comedy sequel whose well-matched stars can’t break the law of diminishing returns — or lock up a script that unabashedly steals from the original.

(Ooooooof. For an original that was in itself simplistic, linear, and predictable being forced to borrow from oneself is a bit rough. They painted themselves into a corner a bit I think. What movie are they intending to parody in this case (or set of movies). Miami Vice? 2 Fast 2 Furious? For a little more absurdist take there are a million directions to go in, but I can’t really think of what they can do here except drug dealer in Miami, he’s bad, brightly lit clubs, the end.)

Poster – Sklog Along 2: Sklog-ami Vice (D)

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(They really liked that first poster apparently. This is still drab and dull, but instead of of effectively using yellow they throw in some crazy pants and a blue car… that blue car really bums me out. Such simple things can ruins so much. Sklog Along 2 anyone?)

Tagline(s) – The brothers-in-law are back. (C+)

(I’m digging this one a little more than the first Ride Along tagline. Here they keep it more concise and have a couple b’s popping. A light pun on “brothers-in-law” that doesn’t work great visually. No plot at all though, other than the fact that it is a sequel.)

Keyword(s) – drugs; Top Ten by BMeTric: 89.0 Disaster Movie (2008); 75.7 LOL (2012); 72.6 Basic Instinct 2 (2006); 71.3 Showgirls (1995); 67.1 Year One (2009); 65.0 Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993); 62.5 Ghosts of Mars (2001); 59.3 Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991); 59.0 The Crow: City of Angels (1996); 56.0 Sliver (1993);

(… How is “drugs” a part of Jason Goes to Hell? I guess that is one of the smoke-weed-and-you-get-murdered tropes from horror franchises. Again, garbage list because the keyword is too general.)

Notes – The title “Ride 2gether” was strongly considered but they chose to remain with the original title. (This make come as a shock, but I think that is a horrible title. It isn’t close enough to actually remind you of the first smash hit film, so it would be difficult to pull off as a sequel)

In the beginning of the film Ben (Kevin Hart) is sitting in a surveillance van with “Packer” written on the side. This is named after the film’s producer Will Packer. (Fun facts are the best facts)

A “Gears of War 3” poster can be seen in Ben’s apartment when he is being asked to go to Miami. (okay)

Ashanti is seen as one of the party girls with Kevin Hart and Ken Joung at Ben’s bachelor party. (say what. That is weird. Sadly not many good notes for this film. Have to wait for those PAs to dish I guess)

Ride Along Preview

Alright, so this week we arrive back at our most misguided genre, the Chain Reaction. It was incredibly difficult jumping from 1986 to 2016. Not many actors, even big stars, are still making BMT films after 20 years. So jumping from 1986’s No Mercy to a 2016 film seemed an impossible task. Thank god for Bruce McGill. Unlike Richard Gere and Kim Basinger, McGill is still going strong, and allowed us to jump straight from No Mercy to 2016’s sequel du jour, Ride Along 2. This also means we got extra content this week as the original Ride Along is also BMT (and both DVDs have commentaries by director Tim Story). Lucky us. Let’s go!

Ride Along (2014) – BMeTric: 22.5

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(Kind of interesting BMeTric, so stable. That is unusual. Graphs like this come about when, against all odds, a movie’s rating doesn’t change and they were released after 2011 (so no potential for the 2011 bump). Except it isn’t really against all odds, 6.1 is literally the average rating on IMDb, so there is just no regression to the mean at all. Anyways, 6.0+ is more common than you think for BMT, but it is always fun to watch them … usually means that we are not the target audience. And with this movie … yeah, we aren’t the target audience.)

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars –  Intermittently funny vehicle for the fast-talking comedic talent of Hart finds him playing a motor-mouthed security guard who joins tough-as-nails cop Ice Cube on a 24-hour ride-along. Object: to prove himself not only worthy of fulfilling his dream of joining the department, but also of marrying his one-day partner’s sister. Nothing we haven’t seen before in buddy-cop movies, from 48Hrs. to Lethal Weapon, yet this one is apparently striving to be a comic version of Training Day. Cube is a perfect foil for Hart, who’s amusing in short spurts – but this movie provides an overdose.

(First, that is one long review. Second, nice hyphen game as usual Leonard (I’m convinced someone on his staff has a bet going to see how many hyphens they can fit into a short review, we’ve seen this before). And third, yeah, I would have blindly guess two stars from Maltin before reading this review. This movie is going to be vaguely funny, ten minutes too long, and occasionally aggravating. And not that bad. Book it.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5klp6rkHIks

(Meh. I obviously remember this trailer from when it came out and it looks meh. Does seem like they went the Training Day route which is fine. Do not like the portrayal of video games in this movie … that isn’t how they work, but whatever.)

Directors – Tim Story – (Known For: Think Like a Man; Barbershop; BMT: Taxi (BMT); Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Fantastic Four; Think Like a Man Too; Ride Along 2; Ride Along; Notes:  From the Taxi preview: The top grossing African-American director of all time (domestic at least, not sure about worldwide). Actually just retook the top spot from Tyler Perry with Ride Along 2. I’ll add that he has announced he is directing Humbug starring Ice Cube as a real estate mogul in a modern retelling of A Christmas Carol. Be still my beating heart.)

Writers – Greg Coolidge (screenplay & story) – (BMT: Employee of the Month; Sorority Boys; Ride Along 2; Ride Along; Notes:  Not much about him online, but that is an incredible filmography. I need to see Sorority Boys at some point, just an absurd White Chicks-esque premise.)

Jason Mantzoukas (screenplay) – (BMT: Ride Along; Notes:  WHAT. So apparently there is news reports about him getting hired to rewrite the script when it was about a hard boiled detective taking his potential brother-in-law on a ride along, but the brother was a uptight white psychiatrist. It was rewritten after though. Kind of surprised he hasn’t gotten writing credits on anything else. Obviously from The League and the How Did This Get Made podcast among many other things, but most recently seen in a major role in Dirty Grandpa. I love Jason Mantzoukas, he’s hilarious.)

Phil Hay and Matt Manfredi (screenplay) – (Known For: The Invitation; Crazy/Beautiful; BMT: The Tuxedo (BMT); Æon Flux (BMT); R.I.P.D. (BMT); Clash of the Titans; Ride Along 2; Ride Along; Notes: Legends. How does one go from Crazy/Beautiful to The Tuxedo exactly? If you want some insight this article is incredibly in depth. Turns out … you do one solid adaptation and you’ll basically be tapped for a million more. Honestly I don’t think the script was the problem with most of these movies so get yo money.)

Actors – Ice Cube – (Known For: 22 Jump Street; 21 Jump Street; Friday; The Book of Life; Boyz n the Hood; Barbershop: A Fresh Cut; Three Kings; Barbershop; Rampart; Higher Learning; Barbershop 2: Back in Business; Trespass; The Glass Shield; The Longshots; BMT: xXx²: State of the Union (BMT); Anaconda; Torque (BMT); Are We Done Yet?; Ghosts of Mars (BMT); Are We There Yet?; First Sunday; Lottery Ticket; Ride Along 2; Friday After Next; I Got the Hook Up; All About the Benjamins; Dangerous Ground; Ride Along; Next Friday; Notes: Cube! A legend in his own right if only for Ghosts of Mars, a secret BMT favorite. Most famous for being a primary player in NWA he has since become somewhat of a comedy staple. Started with Friday in the 90’s and then the Barbershop series in the 00’s, he’s a full blown comedian at this point. Impressive dude.)

Kevin Hart – (Known For: The Secret Life of Pets; Central Intelligence; This Is the End; The 40 Year-Old Virgin; Death at a Funeral; The Five-Year Engagement; Think Like a Man; Top Five; About Last Night; Death of a Dynasty; BMT: Epic Movie; Superhero Movie; Soul Plane; Scary Movie 4 (BMT); Meet Dave; In the Mix; Scary Movie 3 (BMT); Little Fockers; Fool’s Gold (BMT); Drillbit Taylor; Along Came Polly; Think Like a Man Too; Get Hard; Ride Along 2; Ride Along; Grudge Match (BMT); The Wedding Ringer (BMT); Notes: He exploded as one of the most prolific comedic actors a few years ago (and trust me, some people are not happy about that for some reason) with Ride Along, Get Hard, Central Intelligence, Ride Along 2, and the Wedding Ringer coming out in the last 3 years basically.)

Also stars Tika Sumpter (seen in A Madea Christmas!!! So exciting)

Budget/Gross – $25 million / Domestic: $134,938,200 (Worldwide: $154,468,902)

(A huge hit. No wonder they made a sequel and are planning on making it a trilogy. Tim Story is box office gold for a reason. And that reason seems to be he can wrangle comedians into making something that resembles a coherent comedic feature film. And he’s friends with Ice Cube who is also an amazing comedic actor it turns out.)

#13 for the Action – Buddy Comedy genre

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(Super successful. Between Lethal Weapon 4 and 21 Jump Street. Picking out an interesting era, 2000-2005 seems to be a little bit of a Buddy Comedy Rush. Strangely enough the common denominator is Jackie Chan, which is interesting. Rush Hour, Shanghai Noon and their sequels all came out at the tail end of the Lethal Weapon (and general buddy cop) era and may have ushered in more of a general dual lead action-comedy formula into Hollywood. A lot of the films of the subsequent era naturally plays on this: Central Intelligence, 21 and 22 Jump Street, and The Other Guys all play off of the 80s and 90s buddy comedy formula in interesting ways. And perhaps that is where this movie failed: it doesn’t play off of it, it plays into it, and chose to poke fun at the late 90s / early 00s cop dramas instead. We’ll see.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 19% (23/124): Kevin Hart’s livewire presence gives Ride Along a shot of necessary energy, but it isn’t enough to rescue this would-be comedy from the buddy-cop doldrums.

(Too bad I’m not a huge fan of Kevin Hart, otherwise there might be some hope. I just hoping to not be bored. Can you give me that Ride Along. Give me some horrible lines and stupid characters to make fun of, please.)

Poster – Sklog Along (D+)

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(Weird. This is like the opposite of my poster philosophy, detailed in my upcoming book Posterized! The Michael Jordan Story. It’s drab and dull with meager symmetry and a simplistic font that can easily be changed to Sklog Along. Get out of here. Only plus is that I like posters that use yellow effectively.)

Tagline(s) – Propose to this cop’s sister? Rookie mistake. (C-)

(They really shoehorn the plot right in there, huh? Wish it was more clever and had better flow.)

Keyword(s) – police; Top Ten by BMeTric: 92.8 Batman & Robin (1997); 89.5 Catwoman (2004); 84.6 Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997); 82.7 Street Fighter (1994); 80.6 Home Alone 3 (1997); 79.3 House of the Dead (2003); 78.7 Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966); 77.4 Super Mario Bros. (1993); 77.2 RoboCop 3 (1993); 75.8 Inspector Gadget (1999);

(Amazing and horrible list at the same time. This list should be movies like RIPD and the like, but they are drowned out by movies “with a police officer in it”. Bull. But whatever. I’m just thankful there is a relevant keyword at all for a recently released movie. The keywords are generally trash. At least this reminds me that I really want to watch Robocop 3)

Notes – Originally the movie intended for Dwayne Johnson to play James and Ryan Reynolds to play Ben. (say whaaaaaaaat, that might have been an incredible movie)

When Ben is surrounded by the group of bikers he quotes multiple lines from Denzel Washington’s speech in Training Day (2001), such as his line about playing basketball in Pelican Bay. This is one of many references to Training Day made throughout the film. (yup, it is supposed to be kind of a comedic take on it clearly)

When Ice Cube is talking in the conference room about the 126 experience, he says “today was a good day.” He is actually quoting one of his popular songs titled “It Was A Good Day.”

Ben is considered short. Kevin Hart is only 4.5 inches shorter than Ice Cube. (ha!)

While James’ car is an unmarked police car, throughout the film, James never turns on any siren or lights (however Ben attempts to). (okay … I was hoping to end it with a fun fact, but that is just kind of dumb)

Mother’s Day Preview

This week we get to enjoy the worst reviewed romantic film of the year (as long as you don’t count Fifty Shades of Black). That would be the Garry Marshall film Mother’s Day, which garnered truly horrifying reviews (7% on 133 reviews, woof). This also represents our first completed BMTrilogy: New Years’ Eve, Valentine’s Day, and Mother’s Day is the Garry Marshall holiday ensemble cast trilogy, and they now represent three separate BMT weeks. Of the five hundred famous actors in the film I’m most looking forward to seeing BMT fave Timothy Olyphant. His fourth BMT film! That actually seems a bit low. He feels like an old BMT friend. Let’s go!

Mother’s Day (2016) – BMeTric: 32.2

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(I do not know what the archive wouldn’t have anything prior to the release dat … but whatever. Standard, kind of boring. I’ll have to think up something else to do with these if this trend continues. I feel like there just isn’t much interesting in these graphs recently.)

Leonard Maltin – 0.5 stars –  Do you like films that are so wildly overstuffed with characters and subplots that the finale requires a child’s life-threatening asthma attack, a karaoke-related injury and a recalcitrant vending machine to bring two characters together at last? Are you okay with movies that feature characters who are unabashedly racist, so long as they are wacky racists? Have you lain awake late at night wondering what Julia Roberts might look like if she happened to be sporting Moe Howard’s hairdo? If so, then “Mother’s Day” may just be the movie for you.

(It feels like Garry Marshall was pretty in-tune to 2016. Unabashedly racist, wacky people are pretty popular with 46.2% of the US population.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BPr217zLps

(Right off the bat we get a “Hello, Atlanta!” It’s like they know the key to my heart. Also, just to point out, this film was cast, set, and filmed in one of the biggest African-American majority cities in the nation and there is nary a single Black person in the cast. Oh, wait! There is a Black grocery clerk… so… you’re all good, Hollywood. Never change.)

Directors – Garry Marshall – (Known For: Pretty Woman; The Princess Diaries; Overboard; Runaway Bride; Frankie and Johnny; Nothing in Common; The Flamingo Kid; BMT: Exit to Eden; Valentine’s Day (BMT); New Year’s Eve (BMT); The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement; Mother’s Day; Georgia Rule (BMT); Raising Helen; Notes: Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2012 for Worst Director for New Year’s Eve; Most famous for creating Happy Days. His entire family are directors, Penny Marshall (sister) and Scott Marshall (son) for example.)

Writers – Anya Kochoff (screenplay) (as Anya Kochoff Romano) – (BMT: Monster-in-Law; Mother’s Day; Notes: Oddly she’s the younger sister of Kristina Kell who appeared as a State Trooper in the BMT classic Nothing But Trouble and was a contestant on Survivor.)

Matthew Walker (screenplay) (as Matt Walker & story) (as Matt Walker) – (BMT: Mother’s Day; Notes: Even weirder, this dude is primarily an actor (I recently saw him as Spitz in Halloween 5), and has collaborated with Garry Marshall on 6 films since 2004)

Tom Hines (screenplay & story) – (BMT: Mother’s Day; Notes:  While he has limited credits he clearly has been heavily involved with Marshall’s recent projects. He had a bit part with The Princess Diaries, but was probably an assistant or producer of some kind. And he is directing and writing a documentary focused on Marshall in the next few years)

Lily Hollander (story) – (BMT: Mother’s Day; Notes:  She has literally nothing else on her IMDb or on the internet. A mystery. I look forward to rediscovering her in some other weird movie in like 3 years.)

Garry Marshall (story) – (Known For: Nothing in Common; The Flamingo Kid; BMT: Mother’s Day; The Other Sister; Notes: I find it insane that he decided to write the third movie in this series at the age of 80 after not getting a screenwriting credit for 17 years. It boggles my mind. But maybe it is a technical thing, he just happened to do enogh work on this one they had to do it.)

Actors – Jennifer Aniston – (Known For: Storks; We’re the Millers; Office Space; Horrible Bosses; He’s Just Not That Into You; The Switch; The Iron Giant; Wanderlust; Bruce Almighty; Cake; Marley & Me; Friends with Money; Rock Star; The Good Girl; Life of Crime; The Object of My Affection; She’s the One; Picture Perfect; BMT: Leprechaun (BMT); The Bounty Hunter (BMT); Rumor Has It…; The Break-Up; Love Happens; Along Came Polly; Mother’s Day; ‘Til There Was You; Horrible Bosses 2; Just Go with It (BMT); Notes:  Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2011 for Worst Actress for The Switch, and The Bounty Hunter; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2012 for Worst Screen Couple for Just Go with It, and in 2011 for The Bounty Hunter; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1997 for Worst New Star for She’s the One; A veritable BMT star. Bounty Hunter is an amazing terrible Romance. I still maintain that The Break-up is one of the most unpleasant and terrible movies I’ve ever seen.)

Kate Hudson – (Known For: Deepwater Horizon; Kung Fu Panda 3; Almost Famous; How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days; Wish I Was Here; The Killer Inside Me; The Four Feathers; The Reluctant Fundamentalist; Dr. T & the Women; BMT: Bride Wars (BMT); Le divorce; You, Me and Dupree; Fool’s Gold (BMT); Good People; Nine; Mother’s Day; Something Borrowed (BMT); Alex & Emma; My Best Friend’s Girl; Rock the Kasbah; Raising Helen; 200 Cigarettes; Gossip; A Little Bit of Heaven; The Skeleton Key; Notes:  Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2009 for Worst Actress for Fool’s Gold, and My Best Friend’s Girl. Somewhat of a secret BMT star as well. Obviously most well known for founding the athletic brand Fabletics.)

Julia Roberts – (Known For: Money Monster; Pretty Woman; Ocean’s Eleven; Erin Brockovich; Notting Hill; Charlie Wilson’s War; Closer; Ocean’s Twelve; August: Osage County; Steel Magnolias; My Best Friend’s Wedding; Mirror Mirror: The Untold Adventures of Snow White; Mystic Pizza; Charlotte’s Web; Stepmom; and many more; BMT: Full Frontal; Prêt-à-Porter; Valentine’s Day (BMT); Love, Wedding, Marriage; Eat Pray Love; I Love Trouble; America’s Sweethearts; Mother’s Day; Something to Talk About; Mary Reilly; Larry Crowne; Sleeping with the Enemy; Dying Young; Secret in Their Eyes; Mona Lisa Smile; Hook; Notes:  Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1997 for Worst Actress for Mary Reilly; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1992 for Worst Supporting Actress for Hook. Oh Hook, amazingly controversial (I love it, but it is terrible). We need to start working through her BMT filmography, it is gigantic.)

Budget/Gross – $25 million / Domestic: $32,492,859 (Worldwide: $32,492,859)

#21 on the Worst Openings – Super Saturated Adjusted chart

(Pretty bad, but honestly they made a horrible release decision here. Mother’s Day is a thing in Europe, it is just on a different day. And yet it was released in the UK like two months later. It was released too, and no, it didn’t make $0 dollars, so that must be a mistake. Regardless this was a bomb, this was like Hitman: Agent 47)

#12 for the Mother genre

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(Weird that this genre would collapse in the late 2000s. Otherwise it has been pretty consistent. Looking throgh the actual list there were zero last year and only two this year, which is rather small, so whatever this genre is is again a little out of fashion.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 7% (9/133): Arguably well-intended yet thoroughly misguided, Mother’s Day is the cinematic equivalent of a last-minute gift that only underscores its embarrassing lack of effort.

(This is kind of a strange overview considering (1) This was Marshall’s first screenwriting credit in 17 years and (2) the movie came out within 3 months of his death. Last-minute gift indeed. I do wonder whether whatever health issues he may have been having influenced the production at all. Seems extreme to direct/write/produce a huge ensemble peace at the age of 80.)

Poster – Mother’s Sklog (C-)

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(I don’t hate it, but it doesn’t really say mother’s day. Is that what the flowers in the center supposed to be. I feel like I hate them, but they are also the only interesting thing in the poster. Otherwise it is just a few faces and stupid simple title and a white background.)

Tagline(s) – Celebrate the one day that connects us all (D)

Come celebrate the mother of all holidays (F)

(The “mother of all holidays” is horrific. The first one it just kind of stupid. What about Father’s Day? Is this something people say about Mother’s Day?)

Keyword(s) – holiday in title; Top Ten by BMeTric: 62.9 Saving Christmas (2014); 49.8 Christmas with the Kranks (2004); 43.2 I Hate Valentine’s Day (2009); 40.7 Four Christmases (2008); 40.1 Valentine’s Day (I) (2010); 32.3 Mother’s Day (2016); 29.6 I’ll Be Home for Christmas (1998); 29.4 A Merry Friggin’ Christmas (2014); 19.3 Christmas in Wonderland (2007); 18.9 A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (2011);

(Is this what Garry Marshall discovered before making this trilogy? This also makes me think we need to do a full blown Holiday cycle at some point. Get Boo! A Madea Halloween and a bunch of others. Sci Fi would be the hardest? IS there an action film with a holiday in the title? Too bad we are doing Independence Day 2 in this cycle, it is kind of perfect.)

Notes – Julia Roberts’ three children (Hazel, Phinneas and Henry) all appear in the film.

Julia Roberts earned $3 million for four days work. (gross)

There is a reference to Pretty Woman (1990) when Hector Elizondo tells Julia Roberts that she finally figured out the salad fork as she’s eating in the train station cafe. (Also not fun. I suppose some huge GarryHeads will be all over the reference)

The wig Julia Roberts wears is the wig she wore in the movie Notting Hill (1999) for a scene about a space movie. She mentioned it in an interview on the Ellen: The Ellen DeGeneres Show (2003), May 2016. She even said she was ”recycling”. (fun fact. I love fun facts)

The film is Julia Roberts’ fourth collaboration with director Garry Marshall, the first three being Pretty Woman (1990), Runaway Bride (1999) and Valentine’s Day (2010).

Jennifer Aniston and Jason Sudeikis fifth movie together. They also acted together in The Bounty Hunter (2010), Horrible Bosses (2011) , We’re the Millers (2013), and Horrible Bosses 2 (2014). (Wow, sometimes I wonder how something like that happens. Is it producers kind of pushing them together and saying it is a money maker? Do the actors like working together and suggest each other for parts? Do they have the same agent who likes to kill two birds with one stone? Fascinating stuff)

The Forest Preview

This week we continue our 2016 pre-Razzies festivities with the worst Horror/Thriller we haven’t watched. (“Boo! A Madea Halloween?” shouts the crowd). Unfortunately no. Won’t be on DVD for a while… sigh. Usually this is a slam dunk category even without a Madea film, but this year was oddly bereft of bad horror. Everyone did an adequate or good job with totally random films like Ouija 2. So we were left with the traditional January horror film release. This year that spot was taken by a film called The Forest. The most interesting thing about this film is that it’s the third film in four years that involves the Aokigahara Forest in Japan. These are The Forest, 47 Ronin, and The Sea of Trees. It’s a natural BMTril-oh-geez! One step at a time. Let’s go!

The Forest (2016) – BMeTric: 58.9

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(The BMeTric is startlingly high. Like crazy. Horror films have a very large built in audience (another reason it is very easy to generate return in the genre) but also tend to be, in general, rated worse than other genres. The triple regime is back, although I think I know what in this case. The first section is domestic theatrical release, the second bump is the foreign release (you can almost see two bumps too, Germany on February 4th and then UK/Spain on February 25th), and then the final section is VOD release.)

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars –  The admiration for the little that Zada does differently in the early sections of “The Forest” does not last for long, as the movie repeatedly hits the same beats over and over again. Zada’s film ends up feeling like an extended journey to a predestined shrug of a conclusion.

(This review was interesting because it describes the debut filmmaker’s approach as rather refreshing to start. As a matter of fact this is something I’ve been hearing a lot recently. That the crop of new horror filmmakers have brought life to things that shouldn’t have life (Ouija 2 is a perfect example, a prequel to an absolutely horrible horror film shouldn’t be good let alone great!). I’ve been hearing chirps about this new generation being tapped to revitalize a set of classic horror franchises (like Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, etc.). It’s an interesting, although I think misguided, idea. In reality I would like to see the franchise paradigm come back. It has to an extent, but I mean with a progressively fleshed out and explored primary villain like Freddy, Jason or Michael Myers. We’ll see if Zada is part of the crew who will be doing some of that in the coming years.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDs_DYow7xA

(Yeah, I don’t think this movie is scary. I think that is the ultimate problem. You can kind of get that feeling. I like that it seems like it goes more for the eerie over the jump scares (that’s what I’m getting here), but it doesn’t seem like it is going to work ultimately.)

Directors – Jason Zada – (BMT: The Forest; Notes: Zada started as a digital marketeer. He was the creative lead for what ultimately because a 65-person agency and has lead projects for Office Max and government PSA. He left the company to pursue a film career starting with music videos. This is his first feature film.)

Writers – Nick Antosca (writer) – (BMT: The Forest; Notes: He is a novelist actually, with five books in his bibliography. Besides that though he appears to be a huge horror film guy, writing to CW’s Teen Wolf, operating SyFy’s Channel Zero, and producing 13 episodes of Hannibal. He has been tapped to write the new Friday the 13th (so there we go, the new generation, although directed by the guy who directed The Last Witch Hunter, feels like an uninspired choice))

Sarah Cornwell (writer) – (BMT: The Forest; Notes: Another novelist she has written a single book and this is her one and only screenwriting credit. She has a website in which it talks about how she’s from Pennsylvania and I think went to UT-Austin, but nothing stands out really. The book is supernatural so I wouldn’t be surprised if she is eventually tapped for another supernatural horror gig)

Ben Ketai (writer) – (BMT: The Forest; Notes: Started out with horror shorts and web series and eventually landed a few projects with Crackle and SyFy mostly focused around ghost stories. There isn’t much about him personally floating around, but he is tapped for the sequel to the well-regarded recent horror film The Strangers. I’m going to be honest, this seems like a pretty solid set of young writers and a solid directing choice given the budget, I’m surprised that with Dormer in the lead role it didn’t come together at least slightly better.)

Actors – Natalie Dormer – (Known For: The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; Captain America: The First Avenger; Rush; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; The Riot Club; Casanova; Flawless; BMT: The Forest; The Counsellor; W.E.; Notes: Basically the only person we should talk about with regards to this film. She is well known for her roles in The Tudors and Game of Thrones. She is engaged to Anthony Byrne who has directed multiple episodes of many British television series including Mr. Selfridge and Ripper Street. She is one of the first Game of Thrones alums to start testing the waters in leading film roles, specifically this movie. We’ll see if she can make the transition more successfully than someone like Richard Madden who, outside of Cinderella has somewhat retreated back into smaller television roles.)

Budget/Gross – $10 million / Domestic: $26,594,261 (Worldwide: $37,608,299)

(It is pretty easy to make bank on horror films. You make them for $10 million or less and you’ll get a return if you can release it. With Dormer in the lead role (and her prominent role on Game of Thrones) I would think this would get released no matter the quality, just had to get something on film.)

#75 for the Horror – Supernatural genre

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(Holy shit! What could have possibly happened in 1999 to precipitate that? Oh yeah, Blair Witch and The Sixth Sense came out within a month of each other. My guess is that line will just keep on rising until the green lines starts dropping. The more movies they make it doesn’t seem to affect the gross per movie so … why would they stop? #75 puts it right near One Missed Call! Classic, we need to watch that at some point for sure. )

Rotten Tomatoes – 10% (12/120): The Forest offers Natalie Dormer a few chances to showcase her range in a dual role, but they aren’t enough to offset the fact that the movie’s simply not all that scary.

(Boo. I kind of expected this, but at the same time it is kind of annoying when a movie is just gross, or just boring. I have a feeling this will be more gross than boring in the end, which is worse for me to be honest. We’ll see though.)

Poster – The Manuel F. Correllus Sklog Forest (A-)

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(It is a striking poster. Love the silhouette forest that makes up the edge of the face. Love how they subverted the idea of the normally off-putting flesh coloring of the human face by making the entire poster a light tan color (although I still don’t love the color itself). Could have done a little better with the text font… there seems to be a slight fading, but not unique enough. It’s a beautiful poster that tells a story.)

Tagline(s) – Everyone comes here looking for a way out (B+)

(Daaaaaaaaaang. Check out the pun on this guy. It is pretty fucking clever. I was going to give it an A+ but then it kind of rattled around in my brain. It doesn’t really make as much sense as you would hope given how clever it is. Like it makes perfect sense for suicide, but for the alternate meaning of “looking for a way out,” it falls apart… because no one goes somewhere looking to find a way out of where they went. Damn. Still, it sounds great.)

Keyword(s) – suicide forest; Top Ten by BMeTric: 58.9 The Forest (I) (2016); 19.2 The Sea of Trees (2015);

(BTW I think this is a record: there are zero keywords marked relevant for this film. I let this guy fly because it seemed to appropriate and I was curious about the outcome … yeah, there aren’t really any other movies with this keyword. The other one there also got 10% on rotten tomatoes, oof!)

Notes – Natalie Dormer actually went to the Suicide Forest with her Japanese driver for research. She ventured five meters off the path to take photos and her Japanese driver would not step half an inch over the path.

Aokigahara, known as the Suicide Forest or Sea of Trees, is a 35-square-kilometre forest lying at the north-west base of Mount Fuji in Japan. The forest has an association with demons in Japanese mythology, and is a common suicide site; a sign at the start of the main trail urges suicidal visitors to contact a suicide prevention association. There have been two recent movies inspired by this premise, Grave Halloween (2013) and The Sea of Trees (2015), both released before The Forest. (Will there ever been a well received film with this forest as a prominent plot point? Scientists maintain we may never know)

When Natalie Dormer’s character is first browsing information about the Aokigahara forest, the photos on her screen are real, taken from actual recovery parties that, annually, scan the forest to retrieve human remains. Among the pictures (though blurred) is the infamous “half face” man that also inspired the film’s poster.

The poster for the film features Natalie Dormer’s face with the bottom half removed, and the dividing line forming a silhouette of treetops and dangling nooses. This bears a clear resemblance to an infamous image of the body of an actual suicide victim of the forest, a bald man found in such a decomposed state that his jaw had fallen off and strips of flesh were hanging from where it had been. The image is also replicated in the film, albeit in a slightly less grotesque form. (gross)

In order to differentiate the twin sisters, Natalie Dormer had to dye her hair black while playing Jess and keep blonde hair as Sara. This was also to insert ying-yang symbolism; Sara was always the more innocent and pure sister, hence her blonde hair, while Jess was always more psychologically troubled and sad, hence her black hair. (Didn’t think that was going to be interesting, but it was.)

London Has Fallen Preview

This week we must steel ourselves for witnessing gore than no human should be forced to see. No it’s not horror week. But we are watching London Has Fallen for action. This is the film series where Gerard Butler plays a sociopath who tortures everyone he sees and stabs them in the face when he is done with them. The first film was rough stuff and I’ve heard that this one is even crazier. Basically just Olympus Has Fallen, but more racist. Cool. Let’s go!

London Has Fallen (2016) – BMeTric: 32.4

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(I’m not really sure what to make of the vote plot. There seem to be three regimes (theater, limite VOD, full VOD/Blu Ray?) and the entire thing just kind of increases at the same rate. Maybe this is more like an “action” plot compared to last week’s comedy plot? Anyways, the ratings went a tumbling, and we are at 32.4, an extremely respectable score for a movie released this year.)

Leonard Maltin – 0.5 stars –  “Olympus Has Fallen” was a pornographically violent crapfest … [and] we now have “London Has Fallen,” a horrible and wildly unnecessary follow-up that might actually be worse than its predecessor. … [S]erving as proof that Gerard Butler can make movies that are even worse than “Gods of Egypt” (not that this should be encouraged), there is absolutely nothing of value to “London Has Fallen” … Unless you have some insane desire to see what will surely go down as one of the very worst films of 2016, you would be far better served staying at home.

(It was hard to even parse out the best parts of that incredibly destructive review. The last sentence just about nails it. I’m also now very interested in the rogerebert.com review system. The thumbs down is zero stars and they have 0.5 and 1 star ratings! Such a panoply of options. Three major releases (as I would classify it) have gotten zero stars: Nine Lives, Dirty Grandpa, and Alice Through the Looking Glass. Besides the last one we should easily be able to get all zero and 0.5 star movies. Bully for us.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AsOdX7NcJs

(Ugh. Just coming off of Olympus Has Fallen this looks like more of the same. So violent. Jingoistic to the extreme. Unpleasant. I don’t know … I wonder how much I can turn my brain off.)

Directors – Babak Najafi – (Known For: Easy Money II: Hard to Kill; BMT: London Has Fallen; Notes:  An Iranian refugee who settled in Sweden at 11. Studying direction this is his first english language film. Awww, for reals I’m sad about the things I’m going to say about this movie now …)

Writers – Creighton Rothenberger and Katrin Benedikt (based on characters created by & story by & screenplay) – (Known For: Olympus Has Fallen; BMT: London Has Fallen; The Expendables 3; Notes: Awesome these two have been married for ten years now. She is Icelandic and he is American, they met in screenwriting class. Seem to have made a healthy living on blockbuster action films)

Christian Gudegast (screenplay) – (BMT: London Has Fallen; A Man Apart; Notes: Son of Eric Braeden most well known for his single story arc on Murder She Wrote (fine, maybe only I would only know him from that, he’s in Titanic and is a giant Soap Opera star).)

Chad St. John (screenplay) – (BMT: London Has Fallen; Notes: Wait wait wait … this guy wrote xXx: The Return of Xander Cage!? Have you seen this horrible poster? Have you watched this horrible trailer? I am so pumped to watch and hate this movie … except I bet reviewers will be like “good for what it is” and it’ll get 50% on rotten tomatoes or something. Or, even worse, it’ll *gasp* go unreleased in the UK.)

Actors – Gerard Butler – (Known For: 300; Olympus Has Fallen; How to Train Your Dragon; RocknRolla; How to Train Your Dragon 2; Reign of Fire; Tomorrow Never Dies; Nim’s Island; Coriolanus; Beowulf & Grendel; Mrs Brown; Dear Frankie; Harrison’s Flowers; The Cherry Orchard; BMT: Movie 43 (BMT); Dracula 2001; Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life; The Bounty Hunter (BMT); Gods of Egypt; Timeline (BMT); Gamer (BMT); Tale of the Mummy; Playing for Keeps (BMT); London Has Fallen; The Ugly Truth; Notes:  Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2011 for Worst Actor and Worst Screen Couple/Worst Screen Ensemble for The Bounty Hunter; My God, what a legend. And two movies this year because of Gods of Egypt. A BMT legend in the highest regard. And a big movie star too, it is really impressive. Big Celtic fan and part owner of a Caribbean Cricket team.)

Aaron Eckhart – (Known For: Sully: Miracle on the Hudson; Bleed for This; The Dark Knight; Olympus Has Fallen; Erin Brockovich; The Missing; Any Given Sunday; Thank You for Smoking; The Core; The Rum Diary; No Reservations; The Pledge; Rabbit Hole; Nothing Is Private; Possession; Nurse Betty; In the Company of Men; Conversations with Other Women; Your Friends & Neighbors; BMT: The Wicker Man (BMT); I, Frankenstein (BMT); The Black Dahlia; Battle Los Angeles (BMT); Love Happens; London Has Fallen; Suspect Zero; Erased; Paycheck (BMT); Notes: Alright, this might be the best bad movie street cred film ever. Aaron Eckhart is a secret BMT legend as well. He is Mormon, but is open about not being active in the faith.)

Morgan Freeman – (Known For: The Shawshank Redemption; The Dark Knight; The Dark Knight Rises; Se7en; Now You See Me; Batman Begins; Oblivion; Lucy; Unforgiven; The Lego Movie; Olympus Has Fallen; Ted 2; War of the Worlds; Gone Baby Gone; Million Dollar Baby; Wanted; RED; Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves; Lucky Number Slevin; Deep Impact; Glory; Bruce Almighty; Last Vegas; Invictus; The Sum of All Fears; The Bucket List; Amistad; Driving Miss Daisy; Outbreak; BMT: Conan the Barbarian; Evan Almighty; Dreamcatcher (BMT); Chain Reaction; The Bonfire of the Vanities (BMT); Edison; London Has Fallen; The Contract; Hard Rain (BMT); Momentum; Ben-Hur; Transcendence (BMT); Last Knights; Along Came a Spider; High Crimes; Now You See Me 2; Kiss the Girls; Notes: Every single one of these actors has been in at least four other BMT films! Owns and operated a blues bar in Clarksdale, Mississippi. He’s converted his 124-acre ranch into a bee sanctuary. Sounds like an interesting dude.)

Budget/Gross – $60 million / Domestic: $62,524,260 (Worldwide: $195,725,584)

(An international success, but a moderate domestic dud. Although Olympus has fallen didn’t do much better ($90M on a $70M budget), so a bit confused as to what exactly was expected here … Anyways, internationally did better than the previous film, so maybe could see a sequel. I have no idea why any of the actors would do that to themselves though.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 26% (43/168): London Has Fallen traps a talented cast — and all who dare to see it — in a mid-1990s basic-cable nightmare of a film loaded with xenophobia and threadbare action-thriller clichés.

(Yiiiiiiiiis, I love me some classic 90s xenophobia and threadbare action-thriller cliches. The script is going to be atrocious. I can feel it. Excitement officially rising.)

Poster – London Has Sklogen (C-)

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(I appreciate the work put into this, but it’s one step away from being The Avengers busy. Look at all the unnecessary garbage going on in this one. Scrap it all and just have Gerard in front of the flag. Kudos to the faded font on the title. At least we have that. Like the red focus, but wish it wasn’t washed out by all the shit going on.)

Tagline(s) – Prepare for bloody hell. (B+)

(Well that’s foreboding. Why not just make the tagline ‘Ready to see some murder?’ Gets credit for being short and sweet and the nice British play on words. Nothing to put it over the top though.)

Keyword(s) – funeral; Top Ten by BMeTric: 77.0 xXx²: The Next Level (2005); 75.0 Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994); 74.2 Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959); 73.7 Superhero Movie (2008); 73.4 One Missed Call (2008); 70.6 Ouija (II) (2014); 67.1 The Spirit (2008); 61.9 Jennifer’s Body (2009); 60.1 Stealth (2005); 60.0 Bodyguard (2011);

(Shockingly great list. Indeed, like other recent films the keywords section has many listed (nearly 300), but only a handful even one vote of relevance. Funeral seemed fine though, and hilarious that another terrorists-attack-the-president (xXx2) film is on this list. What a nice eclectic group as well.)

Notes – Olympus Has Fallen (2013) director Antoine Fuqua refused to direct this sequel because he didn’t like the script. (ha! Good choice)

Due to scheduling conflicts, Morgan Freeman and Gerard Butler don’t appear in the same scene together in person. The scene in the hallway at the White House uses body doubles, and doesn’t show faces. (Say what, that is awesome)

The jogging sequence at the start of the film was filmed in Kensington Gardens in central London. (I know where that is. I’ll be on the lookout. Such an awesome settings film)

Morgan Freeman added his voice to the directions mobile app ‘Waze’ to support the release of this movie. (What … I don’t even understand this note)

The rear entrance/exit to PINDAR (The UK equivalent to the US PEOC) is allegedly based on one the platforms at Charing Cross Station. It is assumed that it’s there to necessitate access to a railway or the Underground if the government needs to escape the capital. It is classed as a “Military Citadel.” Others include the conspicuous one at the back of Horse Guards/The Mall, the abandoned one at Dollis Hill, the old Cabinet War Rooms under the Treasury, and what used to be called Q-Whitehall. (Actually a pretty cool note. Notes like this is how an entire alternative IMDb gets set up, like the one for cars or the one for firearms. This would be like the internet movie location database or something, and I would love that).