Bad Movie Twins

Crossroads Preview

Arriving in Bolivia we make our way to the Isla del Sol. It’s here that we will find what we covet, the mysterious liquid that will power the Ivory Socket. We find a tunnel leading deep into the ground but come to a fork in the road. Dusty words reveal another riddle “At the shores of the shining lake, twins must split with goals in sight. One must fight the mighty snake. The other a flower that blooms at night.” We split up … Patrick, who is deathly afraid of rare flowers, opts to fight what must be a dangerous foe. When he comes upon a small subterranean lake he is greeted by a voice. It’s Mr. Slithers, the friendly snake! They quickly become best of friends and Patrick soon forgets himself. He no longer cares whether he is human or snake. Mr. Slithers asks him to become blood brothers but… didn’t he already have a brother? He stares at his hand as he remembers the patented Twin Chop and horrified quickly stuns the snake and steals a cup of venom. He runs, tears streaming down his face, to the entrance to the cave to await Jamie’s return …

With quaking knees I venture down the underground tunnel alone, having been separated from Patrick in our quest to power the Ivory Socket. The only solace is the fact that Patrick has chosen to fight a large and dangerous snake in my stead, leaving me to pick some flower that sounds like it’ll be NBD. As I enter a large cavern I am enthralled by the ethereal glow that lights the entire room. In the center is a gigantic flower in full bloom. Suddenly the flower uproots itself, rippling muscles glistening in the sunlight. It’s eyes gleam red, it knows nothing but death and destruction. We grapple for what seems like hours as the giant man-like flower beats the shit out of me. I play dead, hoping to momentarily appease the flower, but the flower relentlessly pummels my face as I wish only for the sweet release of death. The light … it is so harsh on my wounds. But wait! Light? A shaft of light shines down from a hole in the ceiling. That must be where the flower is getting its power! With my last bit of strength I pitch a perfect 98 mph fastball into the crevice, and with a rumble the gap closes. The flower wilts, melting into a puddle of sickly sweet nectar that burns my bent and broken body. Sure to die, I only hope Patrick wasn’t instantly killed by what must have been an even more fearsome snake and can continue our quest alone. As darkness fills my eyes I hear a distant and familiar voice: “Not yet my friend.” I awaken hours later and stumble from the cave, thrilled to find Patrick unharmed and with a cup of the snake’s venom in hand (and yet an odd distant look in his eyes).

Soon Jamie stumbles up from the other path battered, bruised, and soaked in blood. With glee we combine the snake venom and flower nectar. The serum glows red with power and we pour the contents into the Ivory Socket… which opens a compartment containing another riddle. Great. “Having defeated the mighty beast, you quest is nearly won. The trophy is your final piece, once you win a famous run.” Damn… guess we gotta find some way back to the good ol’ USA to win a race. As we head to port we see a sign that reads “Karaoke inside. Cash prizes.” Patrick and I know what must be done. That’s right! We’re watching Crossroads starring Britney, bitch. Patrick and I have obviously seen this film before (who hasn’t?) but like Anaconda before it we’d like to give it the full BMT treatment. Let’s go!

Crossroads (2002) – BMeTric: 87.3 (#44 bottom IMDb)

Crossroads_BMeT

Crossroads_RV

(Huh, what an absolutely fascinating plot. I imagine it first drops because non-fans watching Crossroads is somewhat rare prior to 2010. And then rises as more casual fans enter IMDb and, well … not all of them can give the movie less than 2, and thus it rises with the vote number. That’s all I got. Maybe it has to do with some separation between when Britney had her troubles (2007ish) and when she started to recover her image a bit (2011ish)?)

Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars – Teenage girl who’s always followed Daddy’s wishes finally cuts loose by taking a cross-country road trip with two girlhood friends and a guy with a 1973 Buick convertible. Her goal: to meet the mother who abandoned her when she was three. Debut vehicle for pop star Spears doesn’t waste time showing her in her underwear – and also gives her a couple of songs. Innocuous, predictable teen fare with a few serious moments.

(Yeah, so … the underwear thing feeeeeeeel exploitative. A lot of this film feeeeeeels exploitative. But I like this review. Leonard is always one to apologize for innocuousness, which I’m fine with. Two and a half stars is pushing it, but it’s fine. Like a Monte Carlo maybe.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vb398BOlv0Q

(Bad choice putting Anson Mount’s freakout with the car in the trailer. Probably the worst moment in the film. And yeah … it feeeels exploitative still. That soundtrack seems fun though, and Britney doesn’t seem like too terrible of an actress.)

Directors – Tamra Davis – (Known For: Billy Madison; CB4; Guncrazy; Future BMT: Best Men; Half Baked; BMT: Crossroads; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director for Crossroads in 2003; Notes: Married to Mike D of the Beastie Boys and was the original director of Bad Girls before getting replaced.)

Writers – Shonda Rhimes (written by) – (Future BMT: The Princess Diaries 2; BMT: Crossroads; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Crossroads in 2003; Notes: Wait… WHAT?!? The very same Shonda Rhimes who has created some of the biggest shows on television and just signed a giant contract with Netflix. The more you know.)

Actors – Britney Spears – (Known For: Austin Powers in Goldmember; Pauly Shore Is Dead; BMT: Crossroads; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actress in 2003 for Crossroads; Winner for Worst Supporting Actress for Fahrenheit 9/11 in 2005; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for Crossroads in 2003; Notes: She’s Britney, bitch. One of the biggest pop stars of all time and a Mouseketeer so you know she’s got the acting chops.)

Anson Mount – (Known For: All the Boys Love Mandy Lane; Non-Stop; Straw Dogs; Mr. Right; Safe; Last Night; Boiler Room; In Her Shoes; City by the Sea; Tully; The Battle of Shaker Heights; Future BMT: Urban Legends: Final Cut; Visions; Hood of Horror; Hick; The Forger; Burning Palms; Supremacy; BMT: Crossroads; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for Crossroads in 2003; Notes: His mother was a pro golfer. Also he claimed he didn’t want to take the role in Crossroads but Robert De Niro encouraged him to do so… liar.)

Zoe Saldana – (Known For: Avengers: Infinity War; Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2; Guardians of the Galaxy; Avatar; Star Trek Beyond; I Kill Giants; Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl; Star Trek; Star Trek into Darkness; The Terminal; The Book of Life; The Losers; My Little Pony: The Movie; Out of the Furnace; Center Stage; Death at a Funeral; Guess Who; Drumline; Blood Ties; Get Over It; Future BMT: Dirty Deeds; Takers; Haven; Nina; Burning Palms; Colombiana; The Skeptic; Live by Night; Vantage Point; Constellation; BMT: Crossroads; Notes: Megastar now having roles in both the Avengers, Star Trek, and Avatar franchises. That ain’t bad considering this was one of her first films.)

Budget/Gross – $12 million / Domestic: $37,191,304 (Worldwide: $61,141,030)

(That’s fine. That’s more than fine actually. That seems great. Surprising they never gave her more to do, but maybe the genre plots will tell us a little more about the state of play at the time.)

#18 for the Pop Star Debuts genre

crossroads_popstardebuts

(There it is! So this came right at a peak of making pop stars star in films. Sure, for the first time, but overall the trend for pop stars in movies is probably the same. So Britney probably didn’t get another film because by the time the cycle of putting singers in films came back she was married / having trouble with her life. And then by the time she got things back together it was too late. We’ve seen seven of these films. Spice World is the most BMT, Glitter is the worst, Cool as Ice is the raddest. Battleship is the most profitable, starring Rihanna naturally, because why wouldn’t it?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 14% (15/104): A cliched and silly pop star vanity project, Crossroads is strictly for Britney fans only.

(A vanity project?! Britney Spears was 20 at the time. This is some producers doing and has nothing to do with vanity on Spears’ part if that is what they are suggesting. This isn’t only for Britney fans either, this is for the world! Reviewer Highlight: She’s not yet an actress, not quite a singer… – Richard Roeper, Ebert & Roeper)

Poster – Sklogroads (D)

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(Nah. I appreciate the font but this straight up looks like it’s from the 90s. Also, none of the other actresses get their name at the top of the poster? Just Britney, bitch?)

Tagline(s) – Dreams change. Friends are forever. (B)

(Are they, though? Anyway, good cadence and it gets to the root of the plot. All around pretty good but just a little nonsense.)

Keyword(s) – audition; Top Ten by BMeTric: 87.3 Crossroads (I) (2002); 75.7 Daniel der Zauberer (2004); 71.5 Bewitched (2005); 69.5 Dance Flick (2009); 69.3 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004); 64.6 Seed of Chucky (2004); 62.4 Staying Alive (1983); 58.9 Dirty Love (2005); 57.6 The Three Stooges (2012); 52.9 Hollywood Homicide (2003);

(Number one! Number one! Seed of Chucky is weirdly the most likely I think, mainly because we are always thinking of adding another rotation of classic horror film series. Surprisingly only two of the seven Child’s Play films qualify for BMT.)

Movie Stub – Crossroads (GA-class) – Ha, all of the Talk notes are about how fans wrote the entire page and made it sound like a masterpiece. There really isn’t much to do on the page, it is (naturally) quite in depth.

Notes – Anson Mount was initially reluctant to accept the role of Ben – finding the script to be “cheesy” and “lame” – but was encouraged by Robert De Niro, with whom he was working at the time on City by the Sea (2002). De Niro turned out to be a huge Britney Spears fan. They went over scenes from ‘Crossroads’ on breaks from ‘City by the Sea,’ with Mount reading his lines and De Niro reading Spears’. (Oh no …)

At one point in the movie, the girls sing “Bye Bye Bye,” which was a hit song by *NSYNC. This was an inside joke referencing the well-publicized romance between N’Sync member Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears.

When Lucy’s Dad is talking to Lucy in the hospital, a picture of Britney Spears can be seen on a copy of USA Today that a man is reading in the waiting room. (booooo.)

One of the most highest grossing movies in Japan, due to Britney Spears’ popularity in Japan.

Bowling for Soup, the band who features in the film and have 3 songs in the film, belong to Britney Spears’ record company, Jive Records, as do *NSYNC (the band featuring Spears’ then boyfriend Justin Timberlake) who also have a song that features in the film. (Good to know, they are the band at the party in the beginning)

The set used for the hospital scene is that from TV Series Scrubs (2001). (These facts sure are fun)

The young Lucy in the opening scene is played by Britney Spears’ younger sister Jamie Lynn Spears. (Whaaaaa, and I didn’t recognize her?!)

The pictures in Lucy’s locket are actual pictures of Britney Spears when she was younger. (I mean … what else would they be. That’s how they do)

Dan Aykroyd created a detailed back-story for his character and his life in the navy. He even had a friend draw a navy tattoo on his arm (which can be seen in the scene where he is working on the car in the garage). (You also get that from the dialogue, so duh)

The Britney Spears songs in the film all went on to become singles and were featured on her third album, “Britney,” which was released shortly before the film.

No Coca-Cola products are ever used. Instead, Pepsi products are featured prominently, e.g. Mimi drinks from a Pepsi can in the hotel room after their karaoke win. Britney Spears, of course, endorses Pepsi-Cola. (Of course)

Melissa Joan Hart was considered for the role of Mimi. (Oh, that would have been interesting)

The scene where the group stop to watch the sunset before camping is filmed in Red Rock Canyon outside Las Vegas

Ben’s car is a Buick Skylark custom convertible. (Like the two protagonists from My Cousin Vinny!)

Was originally titled, “What Friends Are For.” (hmmm, I’m rolling that around in my brain to see how it feels… I think Crossroads is still better).

Awards – Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Britney Spears, Madonna, 2003)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Original Song (Max Martin, Rami Yacoub, Dido, 2003)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (2003)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Most Flatulent Teen-Targeted Movie (2003)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Tamra Davis, 2003)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Shonda Rhimes, 2003)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Original Song (Max Martin, Rami Yacoub, 2003)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Couple (Britney Spears, Anson Mount, 2003)

Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid Recap

Jamie

When a company discovers that a rare flower is the key to eternal life they send a group of scientists to find it. They hire a boat to go into a remote region of Papua New Guinea but soon find themselves trying to escape a large number of giant anacondas. Will they get out before it’s too late? Find out in… Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid.

How?! A bunch of scientists are totes excited about a chemical they’ve discovered in a flower called the blood orchid that will greatly extend life. Unfortunately this flower only blooms once every seven years or some shit and only in a remote area in Borneo. They head on out there, hire a boat, and then wonder whether they’ve heard this story before because it sure is ringing some bells. Anyway, they are sailing smoothly along until flooding looks like it is too bad to continue. “No way!” says a definitely-not-evil scientist and offers the captain some more money to continue on. This is a mistake as they immediately go over a waterfall. With their boat trashed they have only one option: trek through the jungle to try to find help. This is also a mistake as they begin to be eaten by giant anacondas… which makes no sense but whatever. Eventually they find their way to a village that has been ravaged by anacondas and they use the remnants of the huts to build a raft. However, the evvvviiiilll scientist is like “No way!” and kills one of the crew and steals the raft. Once again the only recourse is to trek through the jungle to steal the raft back and once again this is a mistake as several more people are eaten by anacondas. Finally they corner the evvviiiillll scientist in the blood orchid garden who falls like a dumbo into a writhing mating ball of anacondas (their words, not mine). They then blow up all those snakes and jet away on their raft. THE END.

Why? MacGuffin. baby! They just want that sweet, sweet blood orchid to make bank on a drug that extends life. Interestingly, unlike the first anaconda film they also provide a reason that the snakes are so huge. Since the blood orchid extends life and anacondas continue to grow bigger over time they are huge because they feed on the orchid. Unfortunately they never explain how anacondas are in Indonesia. It really seems like they wrote a random python movie and then were like “yo, wait. You remember that smash hit that came out seven years ago? What if…”

What?! A+ MacGuffin here as it even appears in the title of the film! The Blood Orchid is so classic that you could use it as a joke to exemplify a terrible and hilarious title to a film. Like Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. Or actually the recent Speed 2: Cruise Control. We are kind of on a subtitle roll at the moment.

Who?! Despite a rather large animal part in this film for a monkey named Kong, we unfortunately didn’t get a credit for Kong himself. We did get a credit for a monkey trainer named Tim Williams. He trained animals on the BMT films Cradle 2 the Grave, Failure to Launch, Transformers, and Zookeeper (an underrated classic). Training that gorilla to sing Apple Bottom Jeans must have been really hard.

Where?! It is very clearly set in Borneo… they say it a whole bunch. We also get a map that places it clearly in the Indonesian area of the island. Just a great great great mapl.de.map location. Although it makes no sense as anacondas are not indigenous to Indonesia. Or even anywhere outside of the Americas. Really this should have been giant reticulated pythons (already the largest snakes in the world). B+.

When?! There is nothing more I could have wished for than for this to be a secret holiday film. Like they’re floating up the river and one of the doctors remarks that he can’t believe he’s spending Christmas in Borneo. As it is, the best we get is one of the technologists saying that he’s missing a Knicks game so October to April (I’m not including playoffs since it’s the Knicks. BOOOOOOM!). F.

This fits nicely into a certain type of BMT film we stumble upon rather frequently (most recently Righteous Kill). It’s a film that by all accounts should have been a direct-to-video release, but somehow made it onto the release schedule. In this case it was probably just an opening in the schedule and they thought “what the hell, the first one did really well.” All things considered this should have just ended up on video and we shouldn’t have ever seen it. But we did… and it’s kind of boring. I will say that there is a level of insanity (especially at the end) that could be entertaining at times. The production quality just wasn’t there. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Remember that film you made like … 5 years ago? No, you remember it, is had Ice Cube and a big snake or something. Wasn’t it popular? Screw it, let’s make a sequel. Let’s get into it.

The Good – I learned why you don’t watch borderline-straight-to-video sequels to films made in the mid-2000s. There is an adorable monkey in the film. They really flesh out the Anaconda mythos (joking, read the rant).

P’s View of the Preview – Generating the preview the thing that really struck me was how everyone in the film was television actors. So watching what one could put together with a television budget, cast, and (honestly) plot was going to be interesting. Oh, and of course just how Borneo the film is is always a fun settings time. This is one of those films I just never really imagined I would watch … it was shocking to realize it is nominated for a Razzie and thus an inevitable addition to BMT.

The Bad – Where to even start with this pile of garbage. The story involving magic flower anti-aging medicine is dumb. The CGI is awful. The obvious evil scientist twist is obvious. They say mating ball multiple times. They far too quickly dispatch the best character in the film, the boat named Bloody Mary … it is a surreal experience watching such a pointless film. It is hard to even put into words how very strange I found this film. How was this released to theaters and not just directly to the SyFy channel?

Get Yo Rant On – This is like the Halloween franchise problem all over again. There is no need to explain why Anacondas are big. They are big snakes. Reports (probably apocryphal) of enormous Anacondas have been reported throughout history. So why invent some magic flower as a MacGuffin which doubles as a bizarre explanation for why there are big snakes? No one cares. Why can’t Michael Myers just want to kill Laurie Strode … wait, wrong movie, one second … Why can’t I just have a big snake that likes to kill humans for sport without getting into why this snake is big? End Rant.

The BMT – This could end up being the most pointless sequel I’ve ever seen … is that a reason for being though? I guess. I can’t imagine ever recommending this film for anything. It just isn’t very fun … besides them saying “mating ball” like sixteen times … which is pretty awesome I have to admit. But no, terrible BMT film in my opinion.

Welcome to Earf – I need a little help to get started. So main badass Johnny Messner it turns out is in The Whole Ten Yards with Natasha Henstridge who was in Ghosts of Mars with Ice Cube who was in Anaconda which we know we can get back to Here on Earth with … but for posterity, Anaconda has Owen Wilson who was in I Spy with Eddie Murphy who was in Norbit with Terry Crews who was in Blended with Adam Sandler who was in Jack and Jill with Al Pacino who was in 88 Minutes with Leelee Sobieski who was in Here on Earth. Welcome to Earf!!

StreetCreditReport.com – Nothing! Not that surprising. Who cares about the second Anaconda film? It kind of barely exists. I would have hoped it could make some worst sequel list, but not really. No hope with creature feature lists since there are a million terrible SyFy films available. How did this thing get nominated for a Razzie?

We did indeed watch both films for this installment, so the only other real homework I could have done would be the two straight-to-video sequels they made … thanks but no thanks.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Anaconda Recap

Jamie

Terri Flores is a documentary film director searching for a mysterious Amazon tribe. Her and her film crew take a boat down the river only to pick up a mysterious stranger who immediately leads them astray. Can they survive his maniacal obsession with capturing a giant and dangerous anaconda and get back to safety before it’s too late? Find out in… Anaconda.

How?! The title and concept of the film would lead you to believe that a giant (perhaps mutant) anaconda is in fact the main foe at the center of this film. Alas you would be wrong. After a film crew (complete with nerdy professor and pompous British host) hire a boat to take them into the Amazon in search of a mysterious tribe called the Shirishamas, they stumble upon Serone, a Paraguayan snake hunter. He is obviously quite evil and is in actuality their main foe. He starts to murder, maim, and manipulate all the dumb dumbs on the boat to get it to go exactly where he wants to go: to face off against a giant anaconda mano a… uuuhhhh…. not mano. You see, the snake is not mutant or different at all. In fact it’s not even just one snake. They are clearly stumbling upon multiple giant anacondas. If they had stayed out of its lair everyone would have been just fine. But alas, Serone has different ideas. Once Serone has subdued the main scientist via a wasp in his scuba equipment (classic Serone) he gets them to go down a tributary that has been blocked off (presumably because there are giant snakes there). There he begins to hunt the snakes and the snakes begin to hunt them. By the end we get a climactic scene of Serone attempting to use Flores as bait in a snake trap. This backfires and Serone is eaten by the anaconda only to be thrown up to wink at the camera one last time. Flores and her cameraman then lay a trap for the anaconda and they blow it up. As they find their way out of the jungle they get a final shot of the Shirishamas which will win them an Oscar (although given how much they were able to shoot they’ll probably have to move the submission from documentary feature to the short subject category). THE END.

Why?! The crew just wants some sweet shots of that missing tribe. Serone just wants to bag a giant anaconda and will stop at nothing to attain this goal. The weird thing is to try to figure out Serone’s plan. Him and the riverboat captain are already in cahoots before the film starts. So in reality they could have taken the boat and hunted anacondas wheneva. But perhaps they needed the documentary crew’s funding to do so… then why trick them into allowing Serone onto the boat in the first place? Just have him be part of the riverboat crew. Also, why not just dump the crew when they get far enough up river? Seems like a terrible idea to keep all these people around who could sabotage Serone’s ultimate aim. Anyway, this leads me to conclude that secretly Serone wanted to be famous. He wanted to board the ship with the documentary crew on there, woo then with his knowledge and screen presence, and eventually shift the focus of the documentary to Serone: Anaconda Hunter. It’s the only logical conclusion.

What?! I don’t recall any product placements of significance. The anaconda is definitely Serone’s MacGuffin, but no one else wants to find that guy. Really the Shirishamas are closer to a MacGuffin as the audience is told that they are somehow important and mysterious, but little else is known about them. They are just an object of great interest to our characters because…

Who?! Uh… JLo? Ice Cube? Evah heard of them? I’ve been interested in finding some examples of a double musician-turned-actor film in anticipation of watching Edison Force starring LLCoolJ and Justin Timberlake, but totally forgot that we were literally watching one of those very films this week.

Where?! Brazil babbbbyyyyyyyyy. We get an intertitle and a map scene and the whole thing. Also anacondas are only found in South America and primarily in the Amazon, so pretty strictly has to be set in Brazil. I mean it would be totally ridiculous to set a film elsewhere and imply that there are anacondas there *slowly looks towards the DVD copy of Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid*. I’m leaning towards A-.

When?! Serone has no concept of time. There is only the time before he catches the giant snake and the time after he catches the giant snake (during which he is planning how to trick people into helping him find another giant snake). What I’m saying is that I don’t know when this takes place. F.

This film is actually a lot more fun than almost anything else we watch. Yeah the plot doesn’t make a huge amount of sense. Yeah the anaconda looks like garbage most of the time. But it’s kind of like a home invasion film where the main character keeps doing super dumb stuff and you just want to yell “don’t do that! He’s evil!” and it’s fun enough to go along with. It may not win any Smaddies Baddies in the end, but I found the whole experience satisfactory. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! What happens when you very intensely watch a film you’ve not only seen before, but you’ve seen multiple times and was one of the first “horror” films you ever watched in your life (in theaters no less)? Come into my mind and find out, let’s go!

The Good – I actually genuinely (hey, why are you laughing? I’m serious) liked this film in a weird way. Sure Voight is a bit over the top at (all) times, but the ensemble cast all seem pretty ready to fake interact with fake snakes and the scenery is amazing. With a strong willingness to just lazily float down the anaconda filled amazon tributary with our heroes I don’t see why you can’t have fun with this film.

P’s View on the Preview – Obviously I was here for one thing and one thing only from a bad movie perspective: Jon Voight. His performance is kind of legendary. From the weird accent, to him mugging for the camera, to the final regurgitated wink, the entire thing was a beautiful symphony. Fun fact: As the moment approached I started to convince myself that I had imagined the wink Jon Voight’s corpse performs after being regurgitated by the Anaconda … I did not, and, appropriately, I burst out laughing when it happened.

The Bad – Owen Wilson and Kari Wuhrer were probably the weakest in the cast, mostly there to betray everyone (in Wilson’s case), cry (in Wuhrer’s case), then die (both of them). The snake looks like complete crap I want to say … 90% of the time. They kill off by far the best character (the British dandy of a host who ends up becoming a one-with-the-jungle badass). And … well, I think it is time for a rant.

Get Yo Rant On – Seriously though … what the hell are creature features supposed to be? This movie isn’t scary, so is it really a “horror” film? There isn’t really a single moment that is scary at all, and it is hard to tell whether they are even trying to make it scary. So are they thrillers? Action films? The classic creature features are things like Frankenstein. The quintessential one is Jaws. People thought Jaws was scary at the time, but it isn’t really now … so are people merely mimicking that feeling of tension? It is a confusing genre, especially with things like Godzilla and King Kong really going all out with the action version, and things like Meg which is the (new very popular) action-comedy I think. I just don’t know how to feel about it in the end. End rant.

The BMT – It certainly is a new twist on BMT. I don’t think Anaconda will go down in history, but I think this could be on the first examples of us rewatching a film. It … wasn’t wholly successful I don’t think. My previous watches definitely left me slightly less interested than I often am. But we have a few more coming up, so we’ll see how it goes. It is also just a little too good to be a classic. But I would watch it if someone offered, and we’d laugh heartily at it. So that is a win.

Welcome to Earf – Weirdly an easy one: Owen Wilson is in I Spy with Eddie Murphy, who was in Norbit with Terry Crews, who was in Blended with Adam Sandler, who was in Jack and Jill with Al Pacino, who was in 88 Minutes with Leelee Sobieski, who was in Here on Earth Welcome to Earf!

StreetCreditReport.com – Not surprisingly it doesn’t get any play from what I can tell. But this was kind of before worst of lists became popular. Funny enough it is mentioned as one of Ebert’s worst reviews. Honestly, this is exactly the type of movie Ebert would be a huge apologist for. Goofy fun which was never really intended to be taken seriously. I disagree with the attitude in general, but I respect the consistency with which Ebert went about his argument for it.

No homework because we were ballers and watched both Anacondas. Go check out what I thought about the completely pointless (spoilees!) sequel!

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid Quiz

If you’ve seen Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid then I just have two words for you: mating ball. After that I have four more words:

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) The research group wants that sweet no-research-needed botanical panacea, and they think they’ve got it with the super rare Blood Orchid. For how long does the Blood Orchid bloom, and how many years between blooms?

2) Give me the name of either of captain of the ship Johnny Messner’s true loves. His pet monkey. Or his super janky ship.

3) During the course of their travels they meet a cute little spider friend that might just nab them a pretty penny on the medical drug market. What is the name of the spider and what are the symptoms from it’s bite?

4) After crashing and trekking through the jungle to check out a tribe of headhunters, they discover proof (!) that the blood orchid does what they hope it will do, provide a fountain of youth to extend life. What is the proof?

5) How many people survive the mating ball to live another day in Indonesia?

Answers

Anaconda Quiz

Aw hell naw, I thought we were just going on a relaxing Brazilian riverboat cruise, and now there’s a big ass snake?! There is only one way to kill it, and that’s with a quiz!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Eric Stoltz is leading a mission to find a legendary Amazonian tribe. How many people does he take on this pleasure cruise?

2) Soon they pick up a stranded priest / snake hunter / accent consultant played by Jon Voight who, hey, just wants to stage a very tiny (you won’t even notice it) mutiny. Not everything is as it seems, Jon Voight secretly knows someone on the boat who is is working with. Who and why?

3) Jon Voight is sneaky and creepy like a snake and takes over the ship. The first stage of the mutiny is to incapacitate El Capitan Stoltz. How does he do this?

4) Jon Voight gets the boat turned around and going up the Anaconda filled tributary, and they soon reach a wall blocking their way. Naturally, as documentarians, they decide “Fuck it” and blow that shit up. What was the wall filled with though?

5) Our British film host ends up being quite the useful badass in the end. But most charmingly he gives Ice Cube a little lesson on how to drive a boat. So … how much do you remember about how to drive a boat?

Answers

Anacondas: Hunt for the Blood Orchid Preview

NOTE: This is a BONUS film watched in conjunction with Anaconda. I’ve reprinted The Adventures of the Bad Movie Twins installment from the preview here:

Finally Patrick and I get a chance for a little R&R while travelling to Bolivia via cruise ship. We pay no mind to the man arguing over his lost bagpipes and hit the pool like a couple of relaxed dudez. That’s weird, though, that same guy seems to have no interest in the nouveau-Scottish ska band rocking out on board. How suspicious. Suddenly the cruise ship lurches and we are told to evacuate the ship. Patrick’s spidey senses are a-tingling, though. Was that Bagpipes McGee he saw running the opposite way from the designated evacuation route? We better set him straight. When we confront him he reveals that he is in fact a maniacal eco-terrorist who hid a bunch of bombs inside his bagpipes. He’s hell bent on turning the cruise liner into a pirate war ship capable to disrupting the world’s shipping lanes that are the source of so much of our world’s pollution. Also he got bit by a whale as a child and contracted a whale-specific chronic blood condition that requires the use of diamonds to clean his blood… because there are also diamonds on the cruise ship so that’s also part of the plan. We quickly tire of his exposition so we give him a patented Twin Chop to the neck and save the day (“This was supposed to be our vacation!” we say with a sly smirk). Bagpipes McGee is taken away by the Sea Police (all rights reserved) and we continue on our way to Bolivia with the sweet dulcet tones of Reggae music pleasing our ears. “This is great!” I say to Patrick. “Yeah, super relaxing!” he says, “The only thing that could ruin this trip is if we encounter one or both of my greatest fears: snakes and rare flowers.” That’s right! We’re doing a double dose this week as we knock out both theatrical releases in the Anaconda franchise. Anaconda is a classic bad film and smash hit released in 1997. Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid was released seven years later and was neither of those things. Let’s go!

Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (2004) – BMeTric: 69.2

(Twenty thousand votes is absolutely astonishing. And no one hates horror films like horror fans so naturally this just does incredibly with the BMeTric.)

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – The original Anaconda had Jennifer Lopez tied up to Ice Cube and a snake-regurgitated Jon Voight; in this sequel, we have Chestnut getting woozy after a rare spider gives him a 151-proof bite. Still, that’s an apparent occupational hazard for anyone trekking the Borneo jungle seeking a fountain-of-youth plant right near the spot where snakes converge for mating season. There’s a jolt or two to satisfy diehards.

(Uh oh … would I be considered a die hard at this point? Maybe, I do prefer horror films with jolts rather than not, so I guess I’m a diehard. Solid semicolon work as always Leonard.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtBq5lox-1Q

(Lol this looks like complete trash. I do kind of like the Jaws theme joke. Since all creature features are inherently knock offs of Jaws in one way or another poking fun at it is kind of funny at least.)

Directors – Dwight H. Little – (Known For: Last Rampage: The Escape of Gary Tison; Future BMT: Tekken; Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home; Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers; Marked for Death; Murder at 1600; The Phantom of the Opera; Rapid Fire; BMT: Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid; Notes: Has been doing television almost exclusively for years including many episodes of Bones.)

Writers – Hans Bauer (1997 screenplay & story) – (Known For: Titan A.E.; Future BMT: Highwaymen; BMT: Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid; Anaconda; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Anaconda in 1998; Notes: He wrote the original. Additionally, he is a photographer and has has been involved in multiple group and one-man shows in LA)

Jim Cash and Jack Epps Jr. (1997 screenplay & story) – (Known For: Top Gun; Dick Tracy; Turner & Hooch; The Secret of My Succe$s; Legal Eagles; Future BMT: The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; BMT: Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid; Anaconda; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Anaconda in 1998; Notes: See the Anaconda preview for info on these guys. They only have a credit because they wrote Anaconda)

John Claflin (screenplay) – (Future BMT: Inhale; BMT: Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid; Fool’s Gold; Notes: I can find nothing about him beyond that he worked with Zelman on an unproduced horror film called The Watch in 2004 and then they didn’t seem to work together since.)

Daniel Zelman (screenplay) – (BMT: Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid; Fool’s Gold; Notes: Worked with Claflin until it looks like this film, since Zelman has gone on to create Damages and Bloodline in the television world.)

Michael Miner (screenplay) – (Known For: RoboCop; RoboCop (2014); Future BMT: Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace; BMT: RoboCop 3; Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid; RoboCop 2; Notes: Claims to be a technophobe and has a second career as a large format landscape photographer.)

Edward Neumeier (screenplay) (as Ed Neumeier) – (Known For: Starship Troopers; RoboCop; RoboCop (2014); BMT: RoboCop 3; Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid; RoboCop 2; Notes: He wrote the original screenplay for Starship Troopers when it was called Bug Hunt at Outpost Nine … good title change. It was not originally attached to the Starship Troopers book at all.)

Actors – Morris Chestnut – (Known For: Girls Trip; Boyz n the Hood; G.I. Jane; The Last Boy Scout; Like Mike; The Call; Think Like a Man; Higher Learning; The Best Man Holiday; Ladder 49; Confidence: After Dark; The Best Man; The Brothers; Two Can Play That Game; Scenes of the Crime; Future BMT: Half Past Dead; The Cave; Under Siege 2: Dark Territory; Identity Thief; The Perfect Holiday; When the Bough Breaks; The Perfect Guy; Breakin’ All the Rules; Heist; The Game Plan; Kick-Ass 2; Not Easily Broken; BMT: Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid; Notes: Most famous for winning the 1998 Madden Bowl. Has recently been on television including the title role in Rosewood.)

KaDee Strickland – (Known For: The Sixth Sense; American Gangster; Girl, Interrupted; Something’s Gotta Give; The Perfect Catch; Anything Else; The Family That Preys; Diamond Men; Future BMT: The Stepford Wives; The Grudge; BMT: Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid; Notes: Starred in over one hundred episodes of Private Practice.)

Eugene Byrd – (Known For: Sleepers; 8 Mile; Dead Man; Julia; One Point O; Easier with Practice; Went to Coney Island on a Mission from God… Be Back by Five; Future BMT: Whiteboyz; BMT: Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid; Notes: Starred in Bones and was a voice in Lego Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures as well. All three of these actors are primarily television actors.)

Budget/Gross – $20–25 million / Domestic: $32,238,923 (Worldwide: $70,992,898)

(Hmmmmm. Given the stated budget it isn’t superb, but also isn’t a complete disaster.)

#40 for the Creature Feature genre

(The Anaconda films are the eleventh and twelfth creature feature we’ve seen for BMT. I think Bats is my favorite one I’ve seen.)

#10 for the Horror – Terror in the Water genre

(As I mentioned in the Anaconda preview this plot is just weird. I’m probably most excited to watch Deepstar Six on the list, it is an older film that is pretty notorious for being terrible.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (30/118): A cheesy monster B-movie.

(Higher than one would expect. On a side note after looking at the Rotten Tomatoes page … I have a feeling the actors above are kind of just randomly chosen. At least the main guy in all of the pictures is not one of those three people I don’t think. Reviewer Highlight: This movie looks like it was no fun to make. It certainly was no fun to watch. – Richard Roeper, Ebert & Roeper)

Poster – Sklogs Don’t Mess With No Snakes 2: The Hunt for a MacGuffin (C)

(Not nearly as good as the previous one, but not the worst in my opinion. Green tone with the snake skin is a good idea… it’s just the skull is nonsense and thus makes the whole poster kind of nonsense and boring.)

Tagline(s) – The hunters will become the hunted. (C)

(Not sure where this tagline came from. The poster doesn’t have one so maybe the DVD (?). Too cliched to really hit the marks. It’s short and sweet and has some rhythm, but you can’t get too many points by just spouting off a common phrase.)

Keyword(s) – blood; Top Ten by BMeTric: 95.5 Disaster Movie (2008); 93.8 Dragonball Evolution (2009); 91.0 Gigli (2003); 90.9 The Room (2003); 90.2 Alone in the Dark (2005); 89.5 The Wicker Man (2006); 88.8 Vampires Suck (2010); 88.7 House of the Dead (2003); 88.6 Street Fighter (1994); 87.5 BloodRayne (2005);

(I think any film that has people with blood in them will get this keyword I guess. What a dumb keyword. Who are these people who just added blood to every film on IMDb one day?)

Movie Stub – Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (Start class) – Shockingly detailed … and still a Start class? I’m 95% sure that wikipedia doesn’t really have a real review process. I think given that I can basically edit anything on wikipedia at will at this point that I could just declare this C-class and be done with it. So tempting.

Notes – The First Hollywood movie to have its premiere in Fiji. (fun fact)

Nerida Tyson-Chew’s score was nominated for Best Soundtrack Album at the 2005 Screen Music Awards (Australia). (WHAT)

When they captured the stone spider, the character mentions it first as “laba-laba batu”, the Indonesian for “stone spider”.

The character of Cole played by Eugene Byrd mentions a documentary crew who were also hunted by Anacondas which the other characters dismiss as a story, this is in fact a reference to the film ‘Anaconda’, the first film in the series which stars Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube. (Lame as shit)

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake or Sequel (2005) (I cannot believe this was actually nominated! That is crazy!)

Anaconda Preview

Anaconda (1997) – BMeTric: 75.4

(Below 5.0 is actually quite shocking. I saw this in the theaters when I was like eleven years old and I never really got the sense that it was a terrible film … how did movies work back then? Why would my entire family go out and watch Anaconda one night on a whim. We must have known it was just utter and complete garbage. What else was on? One second … We could have seen Liar Liar. I bet it was my older brother who wanted to watch Anaconda though.)

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Documentary film crew adrift on the Amazon is besieged by a giant killer snake. Hokey special effects and an expositionless script detract, but there’s campy fun in the form of Voight’s demonic snake poacher, who speaks with a bad Brandoesque drawl and strangles human victims between his knees. FIlm makes most of beautiful Brazilian rainforest locale, yet the big serpentine climax looks strangely like deepest, darkest Arcadia. (In fact, it’s the Arboretum in L.A. County.) Followed by Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid and two TV sequels.

(Did someone say TV sequels? Voight is definitely the highpoint of the film. And I love the inside baseball fact with the filming locale. Definitely a place Leonard Maltin would end up at some point.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkX5t5ZJLEk

(Boom. The Anaconda looks fine in most of those shots although by all accounts it looks like complete trash for the most part. That murderer’s row of actors though, phew. Complete with Ice Cube declaring that he wants to go back to LA? Sign me up.)

Directors – Luis Llosa – (Known For: Sniper; Future BMT: The Specialist; BMT: Anaconda; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director for Anaconda in 1998; Notes: Peruvian. He’s had a winding career going from film critic to low-budget exploitation film producer, to action director. He seems to now produce television in his native country.)

Writers – Hans Bauer (written by) – (Known For: Titan A.E.; Future BMT: Highwaymen; BMT: Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid; Anaconda; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Anaconda in 1998; Notes: The man behind the movie. He made this as his first script. And then wrote a book (!) about his original vision for the movie. He loves Anaconda.)

Jim Cash and Jack Epps Jr. (written by) – (Known For: Top Gun; Dick Tracy; Turner & Hooch; The Secret of My Succe$s; Legal Eagles; Future BMT: The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; BMT: Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid; Anaconda; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Anaconda in 1998; Notes: Writing partners since college they worked together for twenty years until Cash’s death. Epps hasn’t seemed to have done anything after that. Anacondas is just a story credit.)

Actors – Jon Voight – (Known For: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them; Heat; Transformers; Mission: Impossible; Tropic Thunder; National Treasure; Deliverance; Holes; Zoolander; Midnight Cowboy; Enemy of the State; U Turn; Varsity Blues; The Manchurian Candidate; The Champ; The Rainmaker; Ali; Catch-22; Glory Road; Runaway Train; Future BMT: Big Fat Important Movie; Four Christmases; Pearl Harbor; Most Wanted; National Treasure: Book of Secrets; Pride and Glory; BMT: Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2; Bratz; Anaconda; Getaway; Lara Croft: Tomb Raider; September Dawn; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor, and Worst Screen Couple for Anaconda in 1998; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor in 1998 for Most Wanted, and U Turn; in 2005 for Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2; and in 2008 for Bratz, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, September Dawn, and Transformers; Notes: Occasionally in the news for all the wrong reasons. Like, currently he’s in the news because he’s in an anti-abortion film called Roe v. Wade with Milo Yiannopoulos which is so blatantly disingenuous that even Christian-film stalwarts like Kevin Sorbo dropped out once they got the completed script.)

Jennifer Lopez – (Known For: Parker; The Cell; Selena; Out of Sight; Antz; U Turn; Home; Shall We Dance; Jersey Girl; An Unfinished Life; My Family; Lila & Eve; Blood and Wine; Future BMT: Maid in Manhattan; The Wedding Planner; The Back-up Plan; Monster-in-Law; Money Train; Ice Age: Collision Course; Angel Eyes; Enough; Jack; El cantante; Ice Age: Continental Drift; BMT: Gigli; Anaconda; The Boy Next Door; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actress, and Worst Screen Couple for Gigli in 2004; Nominee for Worst Actress in 2002 for Angel Eyes, and The Wedding Planner; in 2003 for Enough, and Maid in Manhattan; in 2006 for Monster-in-Law; and in 2016 for The Boy Next Door; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress in 2005 for Jersey Girl; and in 2013 for What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Nominee for Worst Actress of the Decade in 2010 for Angel Eyes, Enough, Gigli, Jersey Girl, Maid in Manhattan, Monster-in-Law, and The Wedding Planner; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for Jersey Girl in 2005; Notes: You know, sometimes I forget that Alex Rodriguez was a person until I read about him dating Jennifer Lopez and the stunning pinstripe pants suit she wore for a date. Thank you J-Lo.)

Eric Stoltz – (Known For: Pulp Fiction; Fast Times at Ridgemont High; Jerry Maguire; Little Women; Mask; 2 Days in the Valley; Say Anything…; Some Kind of Wonderful; The Rules of Attraction; Singles; Rob Roy; 5 to 7; Memphis Belle; The Prophecy; Kicking and Screaming; Class Rank; The House of Mirth; The Rachel Papers; Naked in New York; Grace of My Heart; Future BMT: The Honeymooners; The Fly II; Harvard Man; Keys to Tulsa; Sleep with Me; Killing Zoe; A Murder of Crows; BMT: Anaconda; Notes: Famously dropped from Back to the Future after five weeks of filming for being too intense for the character. You can even see some of it in the documentary they made.)

Budget/Gross – $45 million / Domestic: $65,885,767 (Worldwide: $136,885,767)

(Smashed it. Kind of weird they waited so long for a sequel, although perhaps the reviews were so terrible they couldn’t lure the main players back and they had to wait a bit for people to forget who was in the original.)

#19 for the Creature Feature genre

(Huge recent surge in the genre with Alien, Predator, Jurassic Park, Godzilla and King Kong all coming back. Alien Vs. Predator might be the saddest highest grossing BMT film I’ve ever heard for the genre. A Sound of Thunder being the lowest is quite nice.)

#4 for the Horror – Terror in the Water genre

(If not for the clockwork like way water-based-horror comes back every 5 years I wouldn’t have even shown this … why would that be. Regardless, this is now the highest grossing we’ve seen. Jaws 3D is the only other one.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 39% (19/49): No consensus yet.

(Oooo I’ll have to write one. Corny with some of the worst effects you’ll ever see. And yet … who doesn’t love a snake that eats everything? Reviewer Highlight: The monster looks like a maniacal garden hose in a couple of sequences. Still, it delivers the necessary thrills and chills. – Carol Buckland, CNN)

Poster – Sklogs Don’t Mess With No Snakes (A-)

(I enjoy this. A masterfully made poster. The font is shit – can’t even give me some snake skin pattern on that? – but besides that I think this is great.)

Tagline(s) – When you can’t breathe you can’t scream (B+)

(A little cliche at this point. Almost a joke in the end at just how easy this tagline would be to predict. Also a little clunky, but still, it’s a classic for a reason.)

Keyword(s) – monster movie; Top Ten by BMeTric: 90.2 Alone in the Dark (2005); 84.5 Piranha 3DD (2012); 75.4 Anaconda (1997); 69.2 Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (2004); 60.5 Cursed (2005); 58.7 Godzilla (I) (1998); 58.6 The Cave (2005); 55.8 Primeval (2007); 53.6 Bride of the Monster (1955); 51.3 The Mummy (2017);

(I’m unreasonably excited about The Cave. A very rare spelunking film we’ve never really gotten around to.)

Movie Stub – Anaconda (Start class) – I absolutely love the Soundtrack section, which is somehow both rare, and weirdly common … I mean, who remembers or cares about the Anaconda soundtrack? And it doesn’t even seem to have Ice Cube or J-Lo songs on it, it mainly seems to be the score! Anyways, the lacking section is the production (a common theme on wiki it seems). Perhaps I’ll peruse Variety a bit and try and bolster it over the next few days.

Notes – During the filming of one scene the controls for the animatronic Anaconda shorted out, causing it to completely lose control. Some of the footage is included in the movie. (Oh terrible)

The Amazonian film shoot was occasionally disrupted by the fact that a number of the cast were incredibly afraid of snakes. (I would refuse to shoot in the Amazon entirely personally. I would be too afraid of getting sick)

The CGI for the Anacondas cost $100,000 a second. (Awful, and I would imagine completely untrue. That would mean a minute of footage would be $6 million)

The film makes mention of the Candiru, a tiny catfish (also known as the Vampirefish) which has been attributed with the peculiar behavior of swimming into the human body through the urethra (in men) or the vagina (in women), where it lodges itself with its spines. This is not as common an occurrence as the film implies. Only one such incident is known to have happened to a man where a small catfish traveled into the urethra whilst he was urinating in a river. This account has been corroborated by Jeremy Wade in River Monsters – Amazon Flesh Eaters. (Another reason I wouldn’t shoot in the Amazon)

This film is listed among the 100 Most Enjoyably Bad Movies Ever Made in Golden Raspberry Award founder John Wilson’s book The Official Razzie Movie Guide. (Huh)

In the theatrical trailer, when Gary is attacked by the Anaconda, the CGI snake had not yet been put in, so he was falling backwards with nothing grabbing him. (Fun fact)

Contains two allusions to Ice Cube’s musical career. His first line of dialogue is “Today is a good day,” referring to his 1992 hit “It Was A Good Day.” There is a scene of him listening to Mack 10’s song “Foe Life,” which he co-wrote. (Fine, you do you Ice Cube)

Anaconda was not filmed in the Dominican Republic. The majority of the river scenes were filmed on the Rio Negro, in the vicinity of Manaus, Brazil. The remainder were filmed at the Los Angeles Arboretum. (As Leonard Maltin said)

Jean Reno was considered for the part of Paul Serone. (Would have been a better choice)

Most of the river scenes were filmed in LA Romana, Dominican Republic, tours are available to this area. (Wait one second! But that other note said it wasn’t. I’m starting to think these IMDb notes might be written by random people! …)

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Verna Harrah, Leonard Rabinowitz, Carole Little, 1998)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Jon Voight, 1998)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Couple (Jon Voight, 1998)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Luis Llosa, 1998)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Hans Bauer, Jim Cash, Jack Epps Jr., 1998)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst New Star (1998)

Speed 2: Cruise Control Recap

Jamie

Annie is back, Jack! And now she has a new boyfriend, Alex, who is in no way similar to her much more famous ex-boyfriend. They decide to go on a cruise, but uh oh! It gets hijacked by a terrorist hell bent on revenge against the cruise ship navigation company that did him wrong (wait, what?). Can Annie stop him before it’s too late? Find out in Speed 2: Cruise Control.

What?! Annie is still the same old girl we knew and loved from Speed. Can’t drive and is always joking around. Boy oh boy, sure do love Annie from Speed. She has a new boyfriend, Alex, who swears he’s a bike cop but is actually a SWAT team member… just like her last boyfriend. Hmmm, almost as if his role was written for someone else. The discovery of this fact throws their relationship into turmoil and you know what that means: vacay time! They hop on a Caribbean cruise ready for some fun in the sun and that’s pretty much all they get…. besides some light international terrorism! John Geiger, a former programmer for the company that makes the navigation system on the cruise ship, is on board and he’s got an axe to grind. That’s because he got sick and the company was like “no way, we don’t like sick people” and dropped him. He plants all kinds of bombs all over the ship and then takes over controls. He forces the captain to abandon ship, but Annie and Alex have a bad feeling about it and throw his plan into flux by being total bosses. Realizing his plan is going awry at the hands of a super cop, Geiger starts to target Alex and try to take him out. Fat chance, jokester. Alex is totes cool and just as famous and awesome as Keanu Reeves, don’t worry about it. They realize that Geiger is controlling the ship and attempt to flood the ballasts to slow them down. They then try to jam the propellers when they realize that the ship is aimed directly at an oil tanker but Geiger ambushes them and escapes with Annie as a hostage. Desperate, Alex used the bow thrusters to turn the ship away from the tanker and crash it into land. He then hops on a speedboat and chases after Geiger who is attempting to fly away in a plane. Fat chance, sucker. Alex is on your tail and he totally takes him out and smooches Annie. THE END.

Why?! Oh boy, this is going to be good. So, our main man Geiger is totes sick because he worked on computers for the navigation system. The electromagnetic waves and prolonged exposure to computer parts gave him copper poisoning. This turned into some kind of chronic condition so in a very Philadelphia-like scenario he is fired by the company. Unlike Philadelphia, though, Geiger doesn’t aim to remediate this through litigation, but rather by becoming a domestic terrorist that will end with him escaping an exploding cruise ship with millions and millions of dollars in stolen diamonds… the whole thing is crazy and pretty much amazing.

What?! In a shocking twist there is not a MacGuffin in this film. There are a bunch of diamonds but not the MacGuffin’s Jewel or some such that is super valuable. There were a couple different movies shown on screen, which is always fun. We saw both The Enemy Below (another film where a boat crashes into another boat) and Lolita (another film where a grown man has an inappropriate relationship with a young girl). I kid of course, as Alex does not in fact have a relationship with the deaf 14-year-old girl in the film but there were all these weird things in the film that made you think that he might.

Who?! No less than three musicians/bands appear in this film. The smallest part goes to Carlinhos Brown, who performs A Namorada in the film. We also see the band UB40, which performs Tell Me Is It True and has a Speed 2 themed music video:

Finally we have the mononymous Tamia who actually appeared in the film as the character Sheri Silver and performed Make Tonight Beautiful… it was her only feature film role ever.

Where?! I thought for a while we would have a vague “Caribbean” setting, but fortunately near the end it’s revealed that the ultimate target of Geiger is the island of Saint Martin where the tanker is docked. Not even the first film we’ve seen set there. The island was also the setting of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.

When?! Buckle your seatbelts because this is my favorite temporal setting of all time. That’s because Geiger gets his bombs on board disguised as golf balls. When the cruise temporarily loses his clubs he is freaking out. Alex and Annie see this and are totally confused and a little suspicious when then this apparent golf nut has no interest in The Players Championship at Sawgrass. This would place the events of the film at the end of March… it’s just so good. It’s so randomly vital to the plot. I’m giving it an A-.

This may in fact be the lamest film ever. It’s sooooo 90’s and has like 3 different smooth R&B/Ska bands that play in the beginning of the film. Jason Patric may not have been wearing mom jeans in reality, but I pretty much remember him that way because this film was so lame. I feel like someone made it as a joke… but I don’t think they did. I just think they didn’t really know what made Speed such a success (or didn’t care) so they just made something dumb because they had to make something. Should I even talk about the strange Lolita storyline they had in the film? Nah, I could write a novel about that storyline because it’s bonkers. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Speed 2: Cruise Control? More like Speed 2: Snooze Control amirite? A bunch of people unwisely signed a contract promising a sequel to the smash action hit Speed. Now, I’m not saying they intentionally botched it, but … let’s get into it!

The Good – There is a kernel of a good movie here (see Get Yo Rant On below). Sandy Bullock is as charming and beautiful as ever. Dafoe knows what he’s gotten himself into and acts accordingly. The grand island-crushing finale is satisfyingly grand, even though these days you’d be able to do the same thing for pennies on the dollar using special effects.

P’s View on the Preview – We had both seen this film before (many times in bits and pieces over the years on cable as well). Re-watching films has, up until recently, been a very rare occurrence. I was immediately interested in knowing how BMT would hold up in the face of these prior experiences. Would it end up being kind of boring as I know the beats of the film (which has happened with one or two of the Hall of Fame films), or would the non-stop pulse-pounding Jason Patric action take (cruise) control.

The Bad – This film is straight up nonsense. Dafoe has copper poisoning from working with computer systems for years? He uses leeches to clean his blood? His plan is to steal a bunch of diamonds from a cruise ship? Did he intend to crash it into an oil tanker? Why didn’t Jason Patric turn the boat completely around when they were manually steering it with the bow thrusters? Why didn’t they manually steer the boat initially instead of trying to stop the propellers? What was the point of Bullock or any of the other non-essential characters? Are we to believe the same person who had his car commandeered and crashed in Speed lives in Saint Martin and then also gets his boat commandeered and crashed in Speed 2?! Forget all of the other questions, I’m most concerned about the last one, the man only known as … Tune Man.

Get Yo Rant On – This movie could have been a fine Die Hard knockoff. A couple, a cop who can’t relax and his straight talking girlfriend, go on a cruise. He plans on proposing, but can’t find the right time. During the ballroom show one night the cop gets seasick and goes to his cabin. At that moment a group of criminals take control of the boat. Under the guise of eco terrorists hell bent on crashing the (diesel guzzling) ship into a (environment destroying) tourist island, they are actually after the diamonds stored deep in the belly of the ship. Little to they know that our hero, overlooked initially, is roaming the ocean liner foiling their every move. Can the cop stop the disaster, kill the bad guy, and pop the question? Don’t you know it! All aboard, Cruise Control!

Welcome to Earth – Straight off the dome, this is a long one! Sandy Bullock is in both Speed 2: Cruise Control and Miss Congeniality, which stars Benjamin Bratt who is also in Catwoman, which stars Halle Berry who is also in Swordfish, which stars John Travolta (who by the way is in Battlefield Earth, welcome to Earf) who is also in Old Dogs, which stars Robin Williams who is also in Big Wedding, which stars Robert De Niro who is also in Righteous Kill, which stars Al Pacino who is also in 88 Minutes, which stars Leelee Sobieski who is also in Here on Earth. Welcome to Earf!

The BMT – The more I think about this film the more enamored I become. The initial watch was just kind of blah. It is pretty dull if you don’t psych yourself into it. But after a lengthy discussion with Jamie about it I came around a bit just because the film itself is so ludicrous. Absolutely nothing in this film makes sense, and it is kind of beautiful. I don’t know if it’ll end up being much more than a I’ve-seen-this-film-a-few-times-and-it-is-dumb-fun film, but I wouldn’t not watch it again if asked. It’s legacy, I think, might end up being that it is the worst sequel ever made and thus was required viewing for any good Bad Movie Twin.

StreetCreditReport.com – This is considered one of the worst films ever made. It is number two on this list for the worst of the 90s! And number twenty on this other one. It is number one on the worst sequels ever made list! Amazingly we’ve only seen 20 of those 50, some outside of BMT even. It mainly gets play on worst of sequels lists, which I think is fair. It is very arguably this is the worst sequel ever made.

Did I re-watch Speed? No, I watched it about a month ago randomly anyways, so it was fresh enough in my mind that I could pull refs like Tune Man on the fly. No regrets. Speed is a good movie, but, in my opinion, it is not a great movie. The last third sinks it hard. You end up wanting to shut it off once they get off of the bus.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Speed 2: Cruise Control Quiz

Speed is so classic it was where the name of this quiz is from. Speed 2 took that formula … subtracted Keanu … and put it on a ship … Do you remember anything about this film? Neither does the producer who was probably high on cocaine the entire time!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Start with a crazy one, no way you can get this, but Willem Dafoe says the name of the cruise liner they are on multiple times in this film … do you remember the name of the ship?

2) Why does Jason Patric know sign language? Quite handy for communicating with a deaf 14 year old on the ship, and doesn’t make him at all look like a Creepy McCreepster.

3) During the course of the film you see people watching two other films within the film. Name at least one of these films.

4) Why does Willem Dafoe have so many cute leech pets in his cabin?

5) Besides the fact that he is macking the mack with Sandy B, what else makes Jason Patric suspicious of Willem Dafoe’s character right off the bat?

Answers

Speed 2: Cruise Control Preview

We sit on our perch, chilling with the night security guard, Ed, while he protects the Ivory Socket. We discuss at length his hopes and dreams. His passions, his loves and his greatest fears. He asks if we would like a cracker. Ed, you devil, you always know just what would hit the spot. As we munch on our crackers Ed asks us when we plan to steal the Socket. We freeze… cracker crumbs spilling down out parrot costumes. How did he know? Of course, he always knew (the devil), for we are full grown adult humans in parrot costumes. But he enjoyed our company and thought he’d delay our arrest for as long as he could. Today was supposed to be the day he finally turned us in, but he just can’t. We’ve changed his life (and honestly, Ed has changed ours too). He hands us the Ivory Socket and tells us to go, throwing rocks at us to goad us on. “I never even liked you stupid birds!” He screams with tears streaming down his face and we squawk our way out of the Royal Library. When we attempt to use the Socket to destroy the Dongle we find it’s port jammed with a note. “Before you make two pieces one, a sacred liquid must be found. Venture to the isle of sun, and find it deep within the ground.” Wait… another MacGuffin? Or is the Socket still the only MacGuffin and the sacred liquid is like… part of it that helps power it? Regardless, the riddle is trash (suspiciously so, hmmmmmm) and obviously points to the Isla del Sol in Bolivia. Time to catch a boat and get some R&R on a relaxing cruise where nothing super crazy should happen along the way. That’s right! We’re watching Speed 2: Cruise Control. This is one of the most critically reviled sequels in film history with an well deserved place on our Calendar. We’ve obviously seen it before, but probably not since its release so I remember almost none of it. Let’s go!

Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) – BMeTric: 89.5

(Notorious, but I think it gets a bit of a pass as an action film with a charming and still-loved lead in Bullock. It’ll rise steadily with more votes, although I’m not sure it’ll ever actually get to 4.0 … I mean, it would need people to give it a 5/10 at least … are people giving Speed 2 ratings of 5 or above? That would be crazy.)

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – Mind-numbingly stupid action yarn opens with a chase scene that makes no sense, and never improves. Bullock (whose character here is especially annoying) agrees to go on a Caribbean cruise with boyfriend Patric, an L.A.P.D. officer. When a madman Dafoe takes control of the ship, Patric feels it’s his duty to try and stop him. Did anyone read the script before signing on for this one?

(Keanu Reeves did. That’s why he then skipped out on it. The director had to do it, and I think Bullock was at an early point in here career where she still needed the job/money. Patric … well this kind of derailed whatever career he had I think, so yeah, he should have thought this guy through.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVsHrIEIlbs

(My word. Loud, choppy cuts, one liners out the wazoo. C’mon now, this is going to be amazing. Dafoe is also just completely ridiculous as well. Get hyped.)

Directors – Jan de Bont – (Known For: Twister; Speed; Future BMT: Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life; BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control; The Haunting; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director in 1998 for Speed 2: Cruise Control; and in 2000 for The Haunting; and Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Speed 2: Cruise Control in 1998; Notes: There is very little explanation as to why he basically retired after Lara Croft 2. He was a cinematographer for years before becoming, briefly, one of the most in demand action directors of the late 90s.)

Writers – Graham Yost (characters) – (Known For: Speed; Broken Arrow; The Last Castle; Future BMT: Mission to Mars; BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control; Hard Rain; Notes: Writes and produces television now. Only credited because he wrote the original Speed screenplay.)

Jan de Bont (story) – (BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director in 1998 for Speed 2: Cruise Control; and in 2000 for The Haunting; and Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Speed 2: Cruise Control in 1998; Notes: The only film he has a story credit for, presumably because it is based off of a dream he had (? Read the notes below).)

Randall McCormick (story & screenplay) – (Known For: Titan A.E.; BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Speed 2: Cruise Control in 1998; Notes: This was his first screenplay after getting the Nicholl Fellowship in Screenwriting from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences.)

Jeff Nathanson (screenplay) – (Known For: Catch Me If You Can; Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull; The Terminal; Rush Hour 2; Tower Heist; The Last Shot; Future BMT: Rush Hour 3; New York, I Love You; BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control; Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Speed 2: Cruise Control in 1998; Notes: Apparently was an uncredited screenwriter on Twister (also directed by de Bont) along with Joss Whedon, which I imagine is how he got attached to this film. Is somewhat famous for uncredited rewrites of many notable projects.)

Actors – Sandra Bullock – (Known For: Ocean’s Eight; The Proposal; Gravity; Crash; Minions; The Heat; Miss Congeniality; Speed; While You Were Sleeping; The Prince of Egypt; A Time to Kill; Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close; Two Weeks Notice; Forces of Nature; The Vanishing; The Thing Called Love; Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood; Infamous; Wrestling Ernest Hemingway; Future BMT: Premonition; Love Potion No. 9; The Net; Stolen Hearts; Hope Floats; 28 Days; Murder by Numbers; Gun Shy; Practical Magic; Our Brand Is Crisis; Loverboy; In Love and War; BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control; All About Steve; Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous; Demolition Man; The Lake House; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actress, Worst Actress, and Worst Screen Couple for All About Steve in 2010; Nominee for Worst Actress, and Worst Screen Couple for Speed 2: Cruise Control in 1998; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress for Demolition Man in 1994; Notes: She’s opened up recently about sexism and other tough subjects in Hollywood. But she does give a good shout out to de Bont whom she credits with giving her her big break when no one else would.)

Jason Patric – (Known For: The Yellow Birds; The Lost Boys; Sleepers; The Losers; My Sister’s Keeper; In the Valley of Elah; Rush; Narc; Geronimo: An American Legend; The Confines; Roger Corman’s Frankenstein Unbound; Your Friends & Neighbors; After Dark, My Sweet; The Journey of August King; Keyhole; Expired; Three Days of Rain; Future BMT: The Prince; Cavemen; The Outsider; The Alamo; Downloading Nancy; BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control; Solarbabies; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for Speed 2: Cruise Control in 1998; Notes: Was a sort of child actor in things like Solarbabies. His father was nominated for an Oscar for The Exorcist.)

Willem Dafoe – (Known For: Murder on the Orient Express; John Wick; Finding Nemo; Spider-Man 3; The Florida Project; What Happened to Monday; The Grand Budapest Hotel; Spider-Man; Finding Dory; American Psycho; Platoon; The Fault in our Stars; Inside Man; Spider-Man 2; Death Note; John Carter; Fantastic Mr. Fox; The Aviator; Antichrist; The English Patient; Future BMT: New Rose Hotel; Anamorph; Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant; The Great Wall; Tomorrow You’re Gone; Flight of the Intruder; The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day; Jiminy Glick in Lalawood; Fireflies in the Garden; Lulu on the Bridge; A Family Man; Adam Resurrected; The Reckoning; Miral; Odd Thomas; BMT: Speed 2: Cruise Control; xXx²: The Next Level; Body of Evidence; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor for Body of Evidence in 1994; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for Speed 2: Cruise Control in 1998; Notes: He’s playing the villain in the upcoming Aquaman film. There are tons of rumors about him as the Joker as well, although that obviously seems pretty unlikely … since he’s the villain in Aquaman.)

Budget/Gross – $110 million (official) $135–160 million (estimated) / Domestic: $48,608,066 (Worldwide: $164,508,066)

(That is pretty catastrophic. Ultimately that is likely in the $30-50 million write off range if my admittedly amateur box office math works correctly. Although, this movie was a pretty long time ago so who knows how this all worked back then.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 3% (2/69): Speed 2 falls far short of its predecessor, thanks to laughable dialogue, thin characterization, unsurprisingly familiar plot devices, and action sequences that fail to generate any excitement.

(One of the worst reviewed films ever I would presume, 3% is quite low. Given the first has a RT score above 95% this also certainly qualifies as one of the worst sequels of all time (if not the worst sequel ever made). Reviewer Highlight: An ear-splitting amusement-park attraction posing as a movie. – Jamie Bernard, New York Daily News)

Poster – Speed 2: Sklog Control (D)

(Wow. A true tragedy nearly on the level of 1998’s The Avengers, which has become my watermark for how bad a poster can be. Look at those two electric colors and… like, rain or something across everything. Truly misguided. Does have unique font though and it’s not super cluttered like some posters can be, so just above the bottom of the barrel.)

Tagline(s) – Rush hour hits the water. (D+)

(Ha! For some reason this is very amusing to me. The idea that this would deal with some kind of boat traffic or whatever. It’s got fine construction, but is just so stupid that it’s funny.)

Keyword(s) – time bomb; Top Ten by BMeTric: 90.2 Alone in the Dark (2005); 89.5 Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997); 88.6 Street Fighter (1994); 85.4 Spice World (1997); 83.6 RoboCop 3 (1993); 78.9 Torque (2004); 78.0 Universal Soldier: The Return (1999); 70.3 On Deadly Ground (1994); 68.2 Double Team (1997); 64.4 Fair Game (1995);

(Awesome. We do have to go back and smash Street Fighter at one point. We stupidly didn’t do it when we did Legend of Chun Li or again when we inducted that into the Hall of Fame. Although that would have required a outside of the box Bonus, which we’ve never done … this is some pretty niche BMT behind the scenes talk)

Movie Stub – Speed 2: Cruise Control (GA-class) – Look at this beauty. There isn’t much in the talk page, although there is a pretty thorough review commentary which I plan on looking at as some point. No specific public notes on improvements, nor do I think it needs any, so I’ll leave it be for now.

Notes – The original script was intended to be the third film in the “Die Hard” series. After the success of the first film though, the script was reworked into a Speed sequel instead. (Huh. Vengeance is a much better idea for that (and Vengeance’s script was supposed to be a Lethal Weapon sequel)).

In a 2000 interview, Sandra Bullock jokingly referred to this movie as “the biggest piece of crap ever made.” (Not really, but it isn’t great)

Gary Oldman turned down the role of the villain, and instead chose to make Air Force One (1997). (Great choice)

Although the movie was close to being universally panned by film critics, Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel were among the very few critics to give the movie a positive review. Before his death, Ebert stated that this was the review he had to defend more than any other he had written, and that it was the one most often cited as an example of him being a poor film critic. (Ebert was a rare critic who could make a convincing argument for “it’s good for what it is”. It worked for him because he rarely deployed it for really dire films and also didn’t tend to bump films up that much using the excuse. It is understandable he’d be criticized here though, it is quite a leap to call this movie anything but garbage IMO)

Keanu Reeves turned down the movie to go on tour with his band Dogstar. (FAKE NEWS. According to Keanu. See the note below)

Matthew McConaughey was one of the male stars considered once Keanu Reeves bailed. (Would have been 1000x better. Sorry Jason)

Sandra Bullock’s character Annie was not given a last name at all in Speed (1994). movie. Here, it is revealed to be Porter. (Coooool)

Sandra Bullock agreed to star in this film in order to get financing for her pet project Hope Floats (1998). (Get yo money Sandra)

Jason Patric only agreed to make the film contingent on some major script changes being made. However, when he eventually arrived onset three months later, he found that the script hadn’t changed at all and he was contractually obligated to make the film. He found the whole experience to be thoroughly miserable and depressing. (Awwwww)

Susan Barnes plays Constance in this film. In the first Speed film, she plays the frozen-in-fear female executive who is the last one out of the perilous elevator. In this film, her character is seen calmly sitting down smoking while being trapped among others in a life-threatening situation. This may allude to her character’s survival from the first film. She is one of four people to appear in both films. (Nooooooo)

Jon Bon Jovi, ‘Patrick Muldoon’, and Christian Slater were also considered for the male lead. (Jon Bon Jovi might have worked, especially if they recast Bullock as well)

The oil tanker bears the name “Eindhoven”, the Dutch hometown of director Jan de Bont. (ooooo fun fact)

The device labeled “Fiber Optic Converter” used by the hacker is really a mechanical KVM switch (a device used to operate several PCs with one set of keyboard, mouse and monitor). (Who knows these kinds of things?)

Keanu Reeves passed on the role to star in the horror film The Devil’s Advocate (1997), which was filmed at the same time as Speed 2, and subsequently toured with his band, Dogstar. Reeves said that Fox was “furious” with his decision and released “propaganda” against him, falsely claiming that he turned down the role to tour with his band.

The sequence where the Seabourn Legend rams into port was, at the time, the most expensive stunt ever filmed, accounting for $25,000,000 of the film’s $110,000,000 budget. (holy shit)

Director Jan de Bont initially felt that Speed (1994) had no sequel potential, but he was contractually obliged to direct a sequel when it was green-lit after the success of the first movie. Many ideas were pitched, including a plane which cannot ascend above a certain altitude without exploding. Finally, de Bont used an idea of his own after he had recurrent nightmares about a cruise ship crashing into an island. (Oooof. The airplane idea is much better. Should have also recast once Keanu dropped, would have made it a bit more believable maybe.)

When Annie is retaking her driving test at the end of the film, a bus identical to the one in the original Speed passes by on the highway. Annie notes to her instructor about the bus “going way too fast”.

When the oil tanker explodes, what looks like a cow can be seen flying out with the rest of the debris from the tanker, possibly a reference to the flying cow from Twister (1996). (Noooooooo)

A total of 3 different ships were used in this film: Seaborn Legend (actual cruise liner; used for most exterior shots of the ship) “Bridge Ship” (Sturgeon Atlantic freighter ship built with a false hull and bridge; used for bridge scenes and the boat crashes in the marina) “Rail Ship” (false hull built on an underwater rail; used for the island crash finale scene). All other shots of the ship were complete computer graphic effects. (Super interesting. This is what I live for)

Awards – Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake or Sequel (1998)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Jan de Bont, 1998)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Sandra Bullock, 1998)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Couple (Sandra Bullock, Jason Patric, 1998)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Willem Dafoe, 1998)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Jan de Bont, 1998)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Randall McCormick, Jeff Nathanson, Jan de Bont, 1998)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Original Song (1998)