Tag: 50+ Notability

D2: The Mighty Ducks Preview

And by back-up plan he means bringing “back up” all the points he was already making (and more). Soon Jamie is back in the courtroom, having cited Resolution 4125 from 1933, whereby Hallston established that jury members had the right to cross examine witnesses. The entire third grade classroom of Dark Territory Elementary is shown a super rad video of Jamie himself performing samurai moves with his sword and then asked simple memory-based questions. They all fail. The teacher intervenes. “But sir, I was not distracted by the rad/horrifying nature of the murder,” she insists. Jamie scoffs. He measures out 300 yards between the teacher and the accused and asks for identification. No problem. He then stands, shirtless, next to the young man. The teacher’s eyes widen and a murmur can be heard from the gallery. The teacher has to admit, “It’s uncanny. I can’t tell the difference.” Three more of the witnesses give him a thumbs up. It’s now 9-3 for ‘not guilty.’ Suddenly, a hubbub can be heard in the back of the room. Ms. LaRouche’s boss, Mr. Duckworth, is loudly whispering and making dramatic hand gestures at her. “I demand to know what is going on here. I understand we want to set this young man free, but do we need this… this…” They hear him hiss, pointing at Jamie, “riff raff being the one doing it? We’ll never work in this town again!” Ms. LaRouche is trying to calm him down, but the damage is done. The jury can now smell blood in the water. They must be on the right track when even the big wig defense lawyers are getting cold feet. Two more votes change. Just one more hold out… Wrestlemania. “Thank you, Mr. Duckworth,” Jamie says softly and Ms. LaRouche smiles slyly. That’s right! Thank you, indeed, Mr. Ducksworth. Without you forcing Gordon Bombay into coaching hockey, we wouldn’t get to watch all three for BMT. Let’s go!

D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994) – BMeTric: 28.5; Notability: 55

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 22.0%; Notability: top 6.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.9%; Higher BMeT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, Street Fighter, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Junior, The Next Karate Kid, It’s Pat: The Movie, Double Dragon, On Deadly Ground, The Flintstones, North, The Fantastic Four, Leprechaun 2, 3 Ninjas Kick Back, Exit to Eden, Color of Night, In the Army Now, Car 54, Where Are You?, Richie Rich, Beverly Hills Cop III, Death Wish: The Face of Death, and 35 more; Higher Notability: The Flintstones, Wyatt Earp, The Shadow, Beverly Hills Cop III, Ready to Wear, Love Affair, The Scout, North, Radioland Murders, I Love Trouble, The Pagemaster, On Deadly Ground, Street Fighter, Exit to Eden, Blown Away, Drop Zone, Speechless; Lower RT: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, It’s Pat: The Movie, Death Wish: The Face of Death, Wagons East, The Silence of the Hams, House Party 3, Car 54, Where Are You?, Holy Matrimony, Getting Even with Dad, A Low Down Dirty Shame, Major League II, Exit to Eden, Lightning Jack, Leprechaun 2, S.F.W., The Next Karate Kid, Trial by Jury, Blank Check, Intersection, The Specialist, and 26 more; Notes: This time the BMT classic Clifford is the surprising one. Played 92 times on television, only being beat by Clear and Present Danger. This played 30 times. We’ve seen 14 of the top 20 in this case, which is quite good. What is up with 1992, why have we not seen anything from 1992? So weird.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Having led his rag-tag hockey team to surprise victory in The Might Ducks, Estevez now gets a chance to coach Team USA (incorporating his former Ducks) in the Junior Goodwill Games – and make a bundle of money as  a potential celebrity. The kind of film gives “contrivance” a bad name”: a Disney movie with mixed messages about competition, commercialism, puberty, and sportsmanship. Kids may like it anyway. Sports stars ranging from Wayne Gretzky to KAreem Abdul Jabbar make cameo appearances.

(The mixed messages! This is a particular thing that we ended up noting on this rewatch as adults with adult brains. The film seems to have a hard time grappling with how to introduce a message about commercialism in sports without making Bombay look like a dick. And for no reason, they have a ready and willing eeeeeeeevil hockey equipment manufacturer right there! It is wild.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OI9PFPLwEcE/

(It is like they compressed the video in 1994. What the hell? This movie is so stupid, but also like with a lot of series, often the worst film is actually the one you love the most as a kid. Wait … does it just play the Back to the Future theme in the middle of the trailer?)

Directors – Sam Weisman – ( Known For: George of the Jungle; Future BMT: What’s the Worst That Could Happen?; Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; The Out-of-Towners; BMT: D2: The Mighty Ducks; Bye Bye Love; Notes: Nominated for three Emmys for directing an episode of L.A. Law, and for producing and directing Brooklyn Bridge. Younger brother of David Weisman who produced Kiss of the Spider Woman.)

Writers – Steven Brill – ( Known For: Walk of Shame; Heavyweights; Future BMT: Ready to Rumble; BMT: Little Nicky; The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks;  D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Whoa! He directed the second as well. That was unexpected. I was sure he would only have character credits for the rest of the series.)

Actors – Emilio Estevez – ( Known For: Mission: Impossible; The Breakfast Club; The Outsiders; Badlands; Young Guns; St. Elmo’s Fire; Bobby; Repo Man; The Way; Stakeout; Brats; The Public; Wisdom; The War at Home; Tex; Never on Tuesday; The L.A. Riot Spectacular; Sand; Future BMT: Loaded Weapon 1; Arthur and the Invisibles; Men at Work; Judgment Night; Another Stakeout; Nightmares; That Was Then… This Is Now; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Young Guns II; Maximum Overdrive; Freejack; Notes: What else is there to say about Emilio really. Part of the Brat Pack, which I guess reminds me I should watch St. Elmo’s Fire at some point.)

Kathryn Erbe – ( Known For: Stir of Echoes; What About Bob?; Mistress America; Assassination Nation; Kiss of Death; Alex Strangelove; The Addiction; The Good House; Speaking of Sex; Entropy; Dream with the Fishes; Rich in Love; 3 Backyards; Death of a Unicorn; Worst Friends; Love from Ground Zero; BMT: D2: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: I Pretty much exclusively know here as the Watson to D’Onofrio’s Holmes in Law & Order: Criminal Intent. She ended up being in more episodes than D’Onofrio, because I forgot he was replaced by Goldblum for a short time.)

Michael Tucker – ( Known For: The Purple Rose of Cairo; Radio Days; Diner; Eyes of Laura Mars; Cold Souls; Tin Men; An Unmarried Woman; Checking Out; A Night Full of Rain; 25 Hill; Future BMT: For Love or Money; ‘Til There Was You; BMT: D2: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Nominated for three Emmys, all for L.A. Law, which I suppose is probably why he ended up being cast, as the director also worked on that show. What the hell, there was an L.A. Law TV Movie in 2002. That is wild.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $45,610,410 (Worldwide: $45,610,410)

(Not that much less than the first. For a Kids’ film I think that is a win? I don’t know if there is the same expectations for Kids’ films as there would be for a comedy where you maybe think the home video can parlay the theatrical to a higher gross.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 20% (3/15)

(Uh a consensus: Somehow a film that flirts with a moral against excessive commercialization is a soulless commercial cash grab.)

Reviewer Highlight: The Sequel is even more banal than the original. And it’s difficult to take seriously the new film’s position against the commercialism of sports, given Disney’s NHL ties. – Lois Alter Mark, EW

Poster – B2: The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

(You can tell they know exactly what’s up by putting the craziest team in the whole film, Trinidad and Tabago, on the poster with their tie-dye shirts. This looks a little rough compared to the first. Or should I say rushed. C-)

Tagline(s) – The Puck Stops Here! (C+)

(I like the effort. Obviously much better than the first. But like… what does this mean?)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

Top 10: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Green Lantern (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Ghost Rider (2007), The Happening (2008), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), The Mummy (2017)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 90.7 Vampires Suck (2010), 90.1 House of the Dead (2003), 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 87.9 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 86.9 Street Fighter (1994), 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.7 Shark Night (2011), 78.2 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.1 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Slender Man (2018), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007), …

Best Options (franchise): 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 76.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 75.3 The Grudge (2019), 74.8 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 74.6 God’s Not Dead (2014), 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.6 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 72.3 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 71.6 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 71.1 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 69.5 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 69.4 Black Christmas (2006), 69.3 Pulse (2006), 68.2 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 68.1 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 67.7 Seed of Chucky (2004), 67.4 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 66.9 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 65.1 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.9 The Final Destination (2009), 64.8 Blair Witch (2016), 64.4 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 64.2 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 62.2 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 61.8 The Grudge 2 (2006), 61.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 61.3 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 61.2 Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014), 60.7 The Mangler (1995), 60.4 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 60.2 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 60.1 Spiral (2021)

(Again, these are beloved films so the BMeTric will be muted. I wonder if we’ll ever actually watch all of the Madea films though.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Emilio Estevez is No. 1 billed in D2: The Mighty Ducks and No. 1 billed in Young Guns II: Blaze of Glory, which also stars Christian Slater (No. 4 billed) who is in Mindhunters (No. 4 billed) which also stars LL Cool J (No. 3 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 2 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (1 + 1) + (4 + 4) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 18. If we were to watch Judgment Night we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – The Ducks who appeared in the first film but did not return for this one are: Dave Karp (Aaron Schwartz), Peter Mark (J.D. Daniels), Terry Hall (Jussie Smollett), Tammy Duncan (Jane Plank), and Tommy Duncan (Danny Tamberelli).

The scene after the first game with Iceland where Coach Bombay makes the team do sprints is based on Herb Brooks’ 1980 US Olympic team when they tied the Norwegian national team in an exhibition game. The team skated for about an hour even though the rink manager had turned the lights off.

Joss Ackland was apparently unavailable to reprise his role as Hans, and his position in the film was replaced by Jan Rubes as Jan, Hans’ brother. Hans’ non-appearance in the film was explained as him going back to Germany to visit his mother.

Maria Ellingsen, the actress who plays the Iceland trainer, was in fact born in Reykjavík, Iceland and taught the actors playing the Icelandic hockey team how to speak her native tongue.

Iceland’s uniforms are the same colors of the Hawks in The Mighty Ducks (1992).

The Mighty Ducks Preview

And by back-up plan he means bringing “back up” all the points he was already making (and more). Soon Jamie is back in the courtroom, having cited Resolution 4125 from 1933, whereby Hallston established that jury members had the right to cross examine witnesses. The entire third grade classroom of Dark Territory Elementary is shown a super rad video of Jamie himself performing samurai moves with his sword and then asked simple memory-based questions. They all fail. The teacher intervenes. “But sir, I was not distracted by the rad/horrifying nature of the murder,” she insists. Jamie scoffs. He measures out 300 yards between the teacher and the accused and asks for identification. No problem. He then stands, shirtless, next to the young man. The teacher’s eyes widen and a murmur can be heard from the gallery. The teacher has to admit, “It’s uncanny. I can’t tell the difference.” Three more of the witnesses give him a thumbs up. It’s now 9-3 for ‘not guilty.’ Suddenly, a hubbub can be heard in the back of the room. Ms. LaRouche’s boss, Mr. Duckworth, is loudly whispering and making dramatic hand gestures at her. “I demand to know what is going on here. I understand we want to set this young man free, but do we need this… this…” They hear him hiss, pointing at Jamie, “riff raff being the one doing it? We’ll never work in this town again!” Ms. LaRouche is trying to calm him down, but the damage is done. The jury can now smell blood in the water. They must be on the right track when even the big wig defense lawyers are getting cold feet. Two more votes change. Just one more hold out… Wrestlemania. “Thank you, Mr. Duckworth,” Jamie says softly and Ms. LaRouche smiles slyly. That’s right! Thank you, indeed, Mr. Ducksworth. Without you forcing Gordon Bombay into coaching hockey, we wouldn’t get to watch all three for BMT. Let’s go!

The Mighty Ducks (1992) – BMeTric: 16.3; Notability: 50

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 20.4%; Notability: top 5.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 15.3%; Higher BMeT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (22), Honey, I Blew Up the Kid (47), Cool World (58), Pet Sematary II (29), Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (34), Toys (56), 3 Ninjas (60), Sleepwalkers (54), Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (42), Poison Ivy (37), Freejack (29), Evil Toons (19), Sidekicks (101), Aces: Iron Eagle III (54), Beethoven (18), Tom and Jerry: The Movie (1), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (44), Christopher Columbus: The Discovery (27), Dr. Giggles (14), Encino Man (59), and 31 more; Higher Notability: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Toys, Cool World, Newsies, The Bodyguard, Honey, I Blew Up the Kid, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Freejack, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Universal Soldier, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Innocent Blood; Lower RT: Once Upon a Crime…, Live Wire, Folks!, Year of the Comet, Love Crimes, Frozen Assets, Cool World, Man Trouble, The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them, Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, Passed Away, Mr. Baseball, Mom and Dad Save the World, The Distinguished Gentleman, Ladybugs, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Aces: Iron Eagle III, The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag, Mo’ Money, and 16 more; Notes: Sidekicks is incredible. A League of Their Own, A River Runs Through It, and the somewhat odd film Hero are the only others which breaks the 100 plays from 1992. But Sidekicks?! Man, Chuck Norris had some juice! We’ve only seen 7 of those top 20 by BMeTric which is somewhat unimpressive. Quite surprising.

Leonard Maltin – 2 Stars – Harmless, cliched Disney yarn of self-centered yuppie lawyer Estevez who’s busted for drunk-driving, ordered to do community service, and assigned to coach a ragtag inner-city peewee hockey team. Guess what happens next. (Anaheim-based pro hockey team was formed by Disney in 1993 called … you guessed it.) Followed by D2: The Mighty Ducks, D3: The Mighty Ducks, an animated series, and a TVM based on that series.  

(Oh yeah, there was a movie based on the show. It has 700 votes on IMDb, so not exactly tearing it up. And bullshit, it isn’t even a real movie. It is just the first three episodes of the show! Maltin, you have to do better man.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um_JU7HpSYQ/

(Ha, the quality of this trailer is insane. I assume it was ripped off of a VHS. Even then … reducing it to 720x480ish it still is completely ridiculous looking. Oh the trailer? Looks fun as fuck.)

Directors – Stephen Herek – ( Known For: Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure; Rock Star; Mr. Holland’s Opus; Critters; Our Little Secret; Afterlife of the Party; Dog Gone; The Chaperone; The Great Gilly Hopkins; Future BMT: 101 Dalmatians; The Three Musketeers; Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead; Life or Something Like It; Man of the House; Holy Man; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Still directs. He was a producer and director on the MacGyver reboot, which seems to have kept him busy.)

Writers – Steven Brill – ( Known For: Walk of Shame; Heavyweights; Future BMT: Ready to Rumble; BMT: Little Nicky; The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: I don’t know how, but somehow he got hooked into the Sandler machine prior to Little Nicky in bit parts, and then wrote Little Nicky and has continued to act a bit in random Sandler films.)

Actors – Emilio Estevez – ( Known For: Mission: Impossible; The Breakfast Club; The Outsiders; Badlands; Young Guns; St. Elmo’s Fire; Bobby; Repo Man; The Way; Stakeout; Brats; The Public; Wisdom; The War at Home; Tex; Never on Tuesday; The L.A. Riot Spectacular; Sand; Future BMT: Loaded Weapon 1; Arthur and the Invisibles; Men at Work; Judgment Night; Another Stakeout; Nightmares; That Was Then… This Is Now; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; D2: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Young Guns II; Maximum Overdrive; Freejack; Notes: Mostly directs now, and apparently is planning on directing a third Young Guns film? Not sure how that’s going to work.)

Joss Ackland – ( Known For: The Hunt for Red October; Lethal Weapon 2; Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey; K-19: The Widowmaker; Miracle on 34th Street; Watership Down; Flawless; The Three Musketeers; The Four Musketeers: Milady’s Revenge; The House That Dripped Blood; Surviving Picasso; No Good Deed; A Zed & Two Noughts; Lady Jane; The Sicilian; Asylum; Firelight; The Thief and the Cobbler; The Little Prince; Mother’s Boys; Future BMT: Nowhere to Run; My Giant; A Kid in King Arthur’s Court; Once Upon a Crime…; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; D3: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: I randomly watched The Hunt for Red October and Lethal Weapon 2 pretty much back to back and I did a double take. He probably has the best villain in any Lethal Weapon film.)

Lane Smith – ( Known For: Network; My Cousin Vinny; Red Dawn; The Legend of Bagger Vance; Places in the Heart; Rooster Cogburn; Blue Collar; Prince of the City; Frances; Over the Edge; Prison; The Hi-Lo Country; The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training; Resurrection; The Last American Hero; Honeysuckle Rose; Between the Lines; Night Game; Purple Hearts; Weeds; Future BMT: Air America; Son in Law; The Distinguished Gentleman; The Scout; BMT: The Mighty Ducks; Notes: Died in 2005. Apparently he sang songs on the Lois & Clark tv show in the 90s? Something tells me that is maybe a fake credit. There is no mention of this on Wikipedia. Maybe he just sang a song in the show or something.)

Budget/Gross – $10,000,000 / Domestic: $50,752,337 (Worldwide: $50,755,845)

(And that is how a phenomenon is born. Sigh, where have all the $10 million films gone. For real, look at this film … looks at how many actors are there. Half of them become like actually famous actors when they grow up. How do you make this for $10 million? The ice time alone!)

Rotten Tomatoes – 27% (8/30): The Mighty Ducks has feel-good goals but only scores a penalty shot for predictability.

(Booooooooooooooooooooooo. This is a good movie. These days if this film was released people’s heads would explode. It would get like 90% on RT and top the Netflix charts.)

Reviewer Highlight: It must be said that this movie is sweet and innocent, and that at a certain level it might appeal to younger kids. I doubt if its ambitions reach much beyond that. – Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Poster – The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

(They really cannot quit Goldberg. I don’t blame them. Chunky kids were my jam in kid’s comedy. Ham from The Sandlot. Larry from The Big Green. Zach from Son-in-law. I like the creativity with the poster. Very modern too. Extreme closeups are very common now. Font is nice with the speed streaks. I’m not in love with it, but I also don’t hate it. B-.)

Tagline(s) – He’s never coached. They’ve never won. Together they’ll learn everything about winning! (D)

(My word. No! Won and winning? You kidding?)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

Top 10: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Green Lantern (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Ghost Rider (2007), The Happening (2008), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), The Mummy (2017)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 90.7 Vampires Suck (2010), 90.1 House of the Dead (2003), 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 87.9 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 86.9 Street Fighter (1994), 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.7 Shark Night (2011), 78.2 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.1 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Slender Man (2018), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007), …

Best Options (franchise): 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 77.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 76.0 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 75.3 The Grudge (2019), 74.8 Paranormal Activity 4 (2012), 74.6 God’s Not Dead (2014), 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.6 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 72.3 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), 71.6 Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015), 71.1 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 69.5 The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006), 69.4 Black Christmas (2006), 69.3 Pulse (2006), 68.2 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 68.1 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 67.7 Seed of Chucky (2004), 67.4 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 66.9 God’s Not Dead 2 (2016), 65.1 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 64.9 The Final Destination (2009), 64.8 Blair Witch (2016), 64.4 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 64.2 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017), 62.2 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 61.8 The Grudge 2 (2006), 61.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 61.3 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 61.2 Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014), 60.7 The Mangler (1995), 60.4 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 60.2 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992), 60.1 Spiral (2021)

(Well yeah … because these are good films. We could have done an actual bad film for this, but what’s the fun in that? I think if I were to pick a franchise to smash here it would have been Karate Kid. The back two are genuine stinkers. Hot take: The second one sucks too, it is so dumb.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Emilio Estevez is No. 1 billed in The Mighty Ducks and No. 1 billed in Young Guns II: Blaze of Glory, which also stars Christian Slater (No. 4 billed) who is in Mindhunters (No. 4 billed) which also stars LL Cool J (No. 3 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 2 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (1 + 1) + (4 + 4) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 18. If we were to watch Judgment Night we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – Jake Gyllenhaal, who was unknown at the time, auditioned for the role of Charlie Conway, but his parents wouldn’t let him do the movie so the producers ended up casting Joshua Jackson.

Before Emilio Estevez was offered and accepted the role of Gordon Bombay, Charlie Sheen, his brother, was offered the role, but turned it down.

Leonardo DiCaprio auditioned for the part of Charlie Conway but lost out to Joshua Jackson. In similar fashion, Juliette Lewis tried out for the part of Connie, but lost out to Marguerite Moreau.

The original premise of Mighty Ducks was much darker with very little comedy about an ex-NHL player turned alcoholic who seeks revenge on his old coach by coaching opposite him. The main idea stayed when Disney bought the rights to the movie, but some elements were changed (such as Bombay is now a lawyer, who never played in the NHL, who must do community service for a DUI), including much more emphasis on comedy and downplaying most of the adult themes.

Vincent LaRusso wasn’t given the role of Adam Banks initially, but later it was given to him when the child who originally played Banks became too difficult to work with.

The Back-up Plan Preview

After the sword trick, Jamie had two jury members on his side. But as Wrestlemania continued to point out, that was hardly the only piece of evidence. “What about the hideous and distinctive body scar that the young man had?” One of the other jury members asks, now intrigued by the discussion. “Luckily he wasn’t wearing a shirt… er… because it helped identify him,” a lady chimes in, blushing as they all chuckle. “But seriously,” Wrestlemania needles, turning from the window, “it’s not every day you glance out the window and see a man shirtless with a large, distinctive scar on his chest.” The rest of the jury murmurs their agreement. “Not every day, I give you that,” Jamie says with a solemn look on his face, “But would you be so kind as to open the curtains there.” Wrestlemania freezes. He gets the sense that he’s not going to like what he sees on the other side of that curtain. As he pulls them back, an audible gasp arises from the group. There, in Hallston Town Square, is Patrick. Like clockwork he is practicing his blade art at one in the afternoon, shirtless, his previously mentioned torso scar visible to them all. “What thuuuuu…” Wrestlemania says dumbly. Before anyone even challenges this as merely circumstantial, Jamie proceeds to remove his own shirt. It reveals a well-toned dancer’s body, it is true. It also reveals a previously unmentioned large, distinctive torso scar identical to the one that both Patrick and the accused possess. A proceeding vote finds the vote now split. This shocks Jamie, who knew Wrestlemania would hold out, but was sure that he’d now have a strong majority on his side. This is going to be harder than he thought. He’d have to move to his back-up plan. That’s right! We’re also moving on to our back-up plan: The Back-up Plan starring JLo and equally famous Alex O’Loughlin. Let’s go!

The Back-up Plan (2010) – BMeTric: 55.5; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.2%; Notability: top 7.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.3%; Higher BMeT: The Last Airbender, Vampires Suck, Birdemic: Shock and Terror, Skyline, Sex and the City 2, Furry Vengeance, Jonah Hex, Marmaduke, Gulliver’s Travels, Yogi Bear, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Tekken, Tooth Fairy, My Soul to Take, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Legion, Why Did I Get Married Too?, Passion Play; Higher Notability: Clash of the Titans, The Wolfman, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, Sex and the City 2, The Tourist, Valentine’s Day, Gulliver’s Travels, Marmaduke, The Last Airbender, Little Fockers, All Good Things, Tooth Fairy, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Shanghai, Eat Pray Love, Burlesque, Jonah Hex, Takers, London Boulevard; Lower RT: Tekken, Father of Invention, Passion Play, Twelve, 6 Souls, Shanghai, Vampires Suck, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, The Last Airbender, Waiting for Forever, The Tortured, 13, Furry Vengeance, Crazy on the Outside, Saw 3D, Marmaduke, Little Fockers, Grown Ups, Killers, My Soul to Take, and 13 more; Notes: Amazingly, we’ve seen 7 of the top 10 BMeT films, but then only 8 of the top 18. As usual, we have the natural tendency of hitting up the worst of the worst, but then basically totally ignoring the 11-20 spots. Do we really have to do Vampires Suck though? Or like … Yogi Bear?

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – Some movies are no better than second-rate sitcoms. Other movies are no better than third-rate sitcoms. “The Back-up Plan” doesn’t deserve comparison with sitcoms. It plays like an unendurable TV commercial about beautiful people with great lifestyles and not a thought in their empty little heads. So timid is this film that when it finally arrives at its inevitable childbirth scene, it bails out after two “pushes”!

(Ha! I do like the idea of like: if you are going to go for it, at least give us a good birth scene, but they couldn’t even do that. They just bail without even bothering.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cut4IW0oz1w/

(She is like … the most attractive person in the world, and he’s …. Fine. The movie looks aggressively dumb. A throwback to a 90s idea for a movie where they just add more mean spirited and lewd humor and go “is this good? Is this comedy?”)

Directors – Alan Poul – ( BMT: The Back-up Plan; Notes: Is a television director through and through. I guess the sitcom comparison above makes sense. Directed all the big HBO series for a bit.)

Writers – Kate Angelo – ( Known For: Easter Sunday; Future BMT: Sex Tape; BMT: The Back-up Plan; Notes: Single writer! It feels like Sex Tape destroyed her career for a while. Was story editor for a chunk of Becker.)

Actors – Jennifer Lopez – ( Known For: Antz; Parker; Home; The Cell; Hustlers; Out of Sight; Jersey Girl; U Turn; Atlas; Shall We Dance?; The Mother; Marry Me; Shotgun Wedding; An Unfinished Life; Selena; Second Act; Bordertown; Blood and Wine; Lila & Eve; This Is Me… Now; Future BMT: Ice Age: Continental Drift; Maid in Manhattan; Ice Age: Collision Course; Monster-in-Law; Jack; Enough; Angel Eyes; Feel the Noise; BMT: Anaconda; The Wedding Planner; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; The Back-up Plan; Gigli; The Boy Next Door; Money Train; Notes: Weird career which seemed to be going in the toilet for a bit (Atlas anyone?). But rumor is she’s incredible in the upcoming Kiss of the Spider Woman film and people are tipping her as a potential Best Actress nominee. She was nominated for an Emmy for her Super Bowl Halftime Show.)

Alex O’Loughlin – ( Known For: The Holiday; Man-Thing; Feed; Oyster Farmer; Future BMT: August Rush; The Invisible; BMT: The Back-up Plan; Whiteout; Notes: He is genuinely mostly well known for Hawaii Five-0 which he starred in for 240 episodes. He started the series right when this film came out and hasn’t done a feature since.)

Michaela Watkins – ( Known For: Good Boys; Wanderlust; Enough Said; The Way Back; In a World…; Thanks for Sharing; Werewolves Within; They Came Together; Brittany Runs a Marathon; Ibiza; How to Be a Latin Lover; Brigsby Bear; You Hurt My Feelings; Heart Eyes; Afternoon Delight; Dude; Sword of Trust; The House of Tomorrow; Lazy Eye; Person to Person; Future BMT: The House; Paint; BMT: The Back-up Plan; The American Society of Magical Negroes; Notes: She was very briefly on SNL it seems. She is all over television, I think I remember her recently from The Unicorn, but she was also in one of the Wet Hot American Summer television shows.)

Budget/Gross – $35,000,000 / Domestic: $37,490,007 (Worldwide: $77,477,008)

(That is pretty okay for Worldwide … I wonder why this would be reasonably popular overseas. I suppose it is because of J-Lo. I recall from the Wicked stuff that pop stars are huge in Europe as far as Box Office prospects.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 17% (26/149): Jennifer Lopez is as appealing as ever, but The Back-Up Plan smothers its star with unrelatable characters and a predictable plot.

(It is true. Much like with Money Train there is something crazy about how attractive J-Lo was between the mid-90s to around this film, 2010. It like … boggles the mind.)

Reviewer Highlight: Someone involved in the making of The Back-Up Plan, a not very good and yet painless waste of time, has certainly thought through some life and love questions. – Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Poster – The Snack-up Plan

(I don’t really understand the layout of this poster. Is there a reason that the words are going down like that separating them? Or did they just need something to do with the two stars of a rom-com that needs to sell purely on the stars? Not great but not catastrophic. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Fall in love.* Get married. Have a baby. *Not necessarily in that order. (B+)

(The tagline in words actually is better than on the poster. They shouldn’t have drawn the arrows. This is long, but in a necessary way. I like it. Nice little subversion. I would have put the star after “baby” on the poster, though. Having it after the first one doesn’t make sense.)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

Top 10: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Green Lantern (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Ghost Rider (2007), The Happening (2008), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), The Mummy (2017)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 90.7 Vampires Suck (2010), 90.1 House of the Dead (2003), 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 87.9 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 86.9 Street Fighter (1994), 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.7 Shark Night (2011), 78.2 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.1 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Slender Man (2018), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007), …

Best Options (TASoMN): 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.4 Dance Flick (2009), 65.3 An American Carol (2008), 61.3 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 60.5 Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (2011), 59.7 Deck the Halls (2006), 55.5 The Back-up Plan (2010), 55.1 Evan Almighty (2007), 51.7 McHale’s Navy (1997), 50.4 The Last Legion (2007)

(This one just seemed like the most “how haven’t we done this?!” film of the bunch. It is kind of nuts that we haven’t watched all of the J-Lo films. Oh, and a lot of these are also precluded because we went to The American Society for Magical Negroes via David Alan Greer so we are technically not allowed to do a third in a row.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 11) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jennifer Lopez is No. 1 billed in The Back-up Plan and No. 2 billed in Gigli, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 11. If we were to watch Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – Jennifer Lopez was first attracted to the script as she had just gone through her twins’ pregnancy. Screenwriter Kate Angelo too had just been pregnant. The two had actually met at a post-birth aerobics class.

Three different dogs played Nuts.

Tom Bosley’s final performance.

Jennifer Lopez’s character Zoe is seen reading the book, What to Expect When You’re Expecting. She later played the role of Holly in the film adaptation of the same name.

Jennifer Lopez’s first major role in five years.

Staying Alive Preview

“Alright, well this looks like a slam dunk,” says one of the elderly jurors, “which is good because I have tickets to Wrestlemania tonight in the city.” He holds up a pair of tickets and walks to stare out the window. The field trip to Dark Territory was fun, but reality was setting in now that they were back in the jury room. “Let’s vote,” says the foreman and hands out small pieces of paper. Poor kid. But you just can’t go slashing a sheriff with a samurai sword and get away with it. You just can’t! As the ‘guilty’ votes are read, they begin to pack up. Suddenly a ‘not guilty’ vote rings out. Everyone stops and looks at Jamie. He takes a moment before acknowledging that yes, it was him. “I just think there should be a discussion, maybe,” he says sheepishly. “I don’t think so, bub,” says Wrestlemania, fuming. Several other jurors also demand he change his vote. “Ok, ok, how about this,” Jamie says, holding up his hands. “Let me ask you all just one thing.” They begrudgingly agree. “The murder weapon…” Jamie begins and Wrestlemania jumps on it immediately. “Exactly,” he says, “They found him with the murder weapon. A samurai sword! With an eagle on the handle!” The rest of the jury nod. “Oh really,” Jamie says and pulls his own samurai sword from his back scabbard and flips it in the air to land point down in the table. The jurors gasp and look at each other in disbelief. It’s an exact replica. “I guess,” says the foreman, “a little discussion won’t hurt.” “My god. That kid out there is probably laughing at us,” fumes Wrestlemania. But Jamie doesn’t think he’s laughing at all. He’s too busy just staying alive. That’s right! If you thought we would do Stay Alive and not take that opportunity to smash cut directly into the Saturday Night Fever sequel Staying Alive then… I don’t know what to say. It would mean you didn’t know us at all and that’s pretty sad. Let’s go!

Staying Alive (1983) – BMeTric: 61.1; Notability: 52

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.3%; Notability: top 3.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 0.0%; Higher BMeT: Jaws 3-D, Smokey and the Bandit Part 3, Superman III; Higher Notability: Superman III, Curse of the Pink Panther, Krull, Deal of the Century, Doctor Detroit, Flashdance, The Sting II, D.C. Cab; Notes: Don’t worry, Smokey and the Bandit Part III is on the docket. Looking at the 90s television data is kind of funny. The three Smokey and the Bandit films played 81, 47, and 20 times. Almost perfectly 50% of the prior one. The first is a classic obviously.

New York Times – Janet Maslin –  ONLY the presence of John Travolta turns ”Staying Alive” from an unqualified disaster into a qualified one. Mr. Travolta is able to radiate warmth and sweetness even under the direst of circumstances, which are certainly the ones in which he finds himself here. As directed by Sylvester Stallone, who is also co-writer and coproducer, ”Staying Alive” is a sequel with no understanding of what made its predecessor work. The first film was funny and touching, powered by a phenomenally successful score. This one is clumsy, mean spirited and amazingly unmusical.

(Janet is right about everything here. This is exactly the issue with the film. It is just kind of depressing and joyless and misses everything that made the original work.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfCaqIudqbE/

(Give me that music up top, c’mon … yeah there it is. Hoooooooooo doggy Travolta looking sexy in this trailer. What more is there to say, 10/10 trailer on the Travolta Sexiness scale.)

Directors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: The Expendables; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Paradise Alley; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; Staying Alive; Notes: Welp, we finished his directorial efforts. Stallone, get behind the lens, you know you want to.)

Writers – Nik Cohn – ( Known For: Saturday Night Fever; BMT: Staying Alive; Notes: He was the writer of the article that Saturday Night Fever was based on.)

Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Rocky; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Homefront; Creed III; F.I.S.T.; Paradise Alley; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Rambo: Last Blood; Cobra; Over the Top; Driven; Staying Alive; Rhinestone; Notes: And, yup, we also finished up Stallone’s writing credits. Fuck you A Working Man, why did you have to ruin the dream.)

Norman Wexler – ( Known For: Serpico; Saturday Night Fever; Joe; Mandingo; Drum; BMT: Raw Deal; Staying Alive; Notes: Was born in New Bedford, huh. He was nominated for two Oscars, one for the movie Joe, and the other for Serpico. For real though … like Joe? I haven’t heard of this film.)

Actors – John Travolta – ( Known For: Pulp Fiction; Face/Off; Grease; Bolt; Austin Powers in Goldmember; Carrie; The Taking of Pelham 123; The Thin Red Line; Hairspray; Savages; Broken Arrow; Get Shorty; Saturday Night Fever; Look Who’s Talking; Phenomenon; Blow Out; Ladder 49; Killing Season; A Civil Action; Primary Colors; Future BMT: The Punisher; From Paris with Love; Basic; The General’s Daughter; Look Who’s Talking Too; Michael; Look Who’s Talking Now; Domestic Disturbance; Mad City; Lucky Numbers; White Man’s Burden; Shout; BMT: Swordfish; Wild Hogs; Battlefield Earth; Be Cool; Old Dogs; Staying Alive; Perfect; Two of a Kind; Notes: Man, we didn’t do The Punisher? But like … how have we done the other ones? Is that right? That is the craziest bit of flotsam we have. Actually strike that, having done Scary Movie 5 and not registering the first four as BMT films was the craziest bit of flotsam.)

Cynthia Rhodes – ( Known For: Dirty Dancing; Runaway; Curse of the Crystal Eye; BMT: Flashdance; Staying Alive; Notes: She seems to have quit the business when she married Richard Marx. Except of course the ridiculous film Curse of the Crystal Eye (never played on television).)

Finola Hughes – ( Known For: Like Crazy; Above Suspicion; Intrepid; Nutcracker; Future BMT: Aspen Extreme; BMT: Staying Alive; Notes: Aspen Extreme! Hol up … we HAVE to do Aspen Extreme. That movie is one of those perfect “they don’t release em like they used to” BMT gems.)

Budget/Gross – $22 million / Domestic: $64,892,670 (Worldwide: $64,893,329)

(That is obviously solid. I imagine it is the terrible reviews that made them not go for the trilogy. Maybe Stallone should start brushing off scripts, I think Travolta’s still got it.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 0% (0/30): This sequel to Saturday Night Fever is shockingly embarrassing and unnecessary, trading the original’s dramatic depth for a series of uninspired dance sequences.

(ZERO OUT OF THIRTY?! What the hell. Is this the crown jewel of How the Hell Haven’t We Done This Yet?! cycle.)

NY Times Short Review: Lackluster sequel to “Saturday Night Fever”. (… yeah that sums it up NYT).

Poster – Dancin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo

(I have never seen a poster that would turn me off of a film more than this one. If I saw this in a theater I would say “nope” and turn right around. But… I am in love with that font. This might be the best poster font we’ve seen in quite a while. I hate this poster but that font rescues it. C.)

Tagline(s) – Tony Manero knows the old days are over. But nobody’s gonna tell him he can’t feel that good again. (D)

(No way. No how. I gave it a D because it’s actually so weird that it’s kind of funny.)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

Top 10: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Green Lantern (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Ghost Rider (2007), The Happening (2008), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), The Mummy (2017)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 90.7 Vampires Suck (2010), 90.1 House of the Dead (2003), 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 87.9 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 86.9 Street Fighter (1994), 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.7 Shark Night (2011), 78.2 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.1 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Slender Man (2018), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007), …

Best Options (Romance): 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 77.9 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 75.5 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 74.9 Junior (1994), 74.6 God’s Not Dead (2014), 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.4 Bewitched (2005), 72.3 Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006), 64.9 Sex Tape (2014), 64.4 Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006), 62.9 The Honeymooners (2005), 62.3 Obsessed (2009), 61.2 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993), 61.2 Staying Alive (1983), 57.8 The Next Best Thing (2000), 56.0 Why Did I Get Married Too? (2010), 55.9 Radhe Shyam (2022), 55.7 Fame (2009), 55.5 The Back-up Plan (2010), 55.3 Who’s That Girl (1987), 55.0 Honey (2003), 54.3 The Bachelor (1999), 54.2 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 54.1 The Divorce (2003), 53.7 Abandon (2002), 53.7 Meet the Browns (2008), 53.4 Aloha (2015), 52.4 Loser (2000), 52.4 How Do You Know (2010), 52.3 Superstar (1999), 52.2 Addicted (2014), 51.1 Over Her Dead Body (2008), 51.1 Little Fockers (2010)

(Again, would Junior have been a better option? Maybe, but the idea of finishing up Stallone basically was too alluring. We only have one Stallone film left. This was our 25th Stallone film. It is crazy stuff.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: John Travolta is No. 1 billed in Staying Alive and No. 2 billed in Wild Hogs, which also stars Ray Liotta (No. 5 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 2 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (5 + 2) + (3 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch Shout we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – John Travolta has claimed his favorite director to work with was Sylvester Stallone. He said Stallone knew how to make him look the best on screen.

Under Sylvester Stallone’s supervision, John Travolta spent five months doing rigorous training to develop a dancer’s physique for this film, losing 20 pounds in the process.

DIRECTOR_CAMEO(Sylvester Stallone): Bumping into Tony Manero as he walks down the sidewalk in a crowd. They turn to look at each other for a moment.

This was one of 1983’s most successful films at the box office.

This was the last non-“Rocky” film Sylvester Stallone directed until Rambo (2008).

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (John Travolta)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Finola Hughes)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst New Star (Finola Hughes)

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory Preview

Turns out she was right and by “now” she meant at this current moment. In a little known bylaw from 1897, Hallston had made it possible to get on a jury simply by asking. When Jamie showed up at the courthouse, Ms. LaRouche gave the thumbs up and the county prosecutor begrudgingly agreed as well because Jamie seemed so sad (like really sad). Besides, the case was a slam dunk. That’s how Jamie found himself sequestered in a motel, Patrick miles away in a farmhouse writing his thrillers (and erotic thrillers under a pseudonym) in peace. “Do you know what this case is about?” Jamie asks his neighbor in the jury box, an elderly man with white hair, a mustache and wearing a plaid shirt. The man says nothing. Jamie turns to his other neighbor, an elderly man with white hair, a mustache and wearing a plaid shirt. Same result. He attempts to get Ms. LaRouche’s attention. “Psst,” he pssts loudly. She pretends not to hear him. He guesses he’ll have to actually pay attention to find out and begins to regret having joined jury duty. Probably be boring. “… and the prosecution will, of course, be seeking the death penalty,” the prosecutor suddenly says and Jamie stands up in shock. “Yes?” asks the judge, annoyed. “Uh,” Jamie says, flustered. He looks at Ms. LaRouche for help and sees she’s holding up a pad of paper with the words “murder scene.” “May I see the murder scene?” he asks timidly. The judge looks at Jamie to scold him and pound his gavel… hard, but then he sees how ridiculously sad Jamie looks. ‘What the hell,’ he thinks. The case is a slam dunk, right? “Alright, alright. Pack up this jury and we’ll head out to Dark Territory.” Ms. LaRouche smiles slyly. That’s right! Finally! Finally we are picking up one of the Steven Seagal films we have hanging. This is by far his biggest BMT. A sequel to a smash hit and one of the best subtitles of all time. Under Siege 2: Dark Territory. It’s beautiful. Let’s go!

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995) – BMeTric: 45.2; Notability: 79

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.6%; Notability: top 0.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 29.0%; Higher BMeT: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace, Vampire in Brooklyn, Fair Game, Showgirls, Jury Duty, Theodore Rex, Congo, The Babysitter, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, Judge Dredd, The Scarlet Letter, Nine Months, Virtuosity, Johnny Mnemonic, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh, Jade, Top Dog; Higher Notability: Congo, Judge Dredd; Lower RT: The Big Green, Jury Duty, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, Theodore Rex, Top Dog, Delta of Venus, Born to Be Wild, A Pyromaniac’s Love Story, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, The Hunted, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, It Takes Two, The Tie That Binds, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Vampire in Brooklyn, Fair Game, The Scarlet Letter, Four Rooms, Man of the House, Three Wishes, and 51 more; Notes: Huge Notability. The others, Congo (played 59 times) and Judge Dredd (played 27 times), were both big on 90s television. This guy ran 32 times, which is pretty good. Premiered on HBO primetime on July 20th, 1996. That is almost exactly one year after release. Things were so simple those days…

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – There is always the possibility of being surprised at the movies. … I was also amused by the film. It isn’t as good as the original “Under Siege,” but it moves quickly, has great stunts and special effects, and is a lot of fun. And I want one of those little Newtons. I need it for writing my memoirs and stuff.

(I love this version of Roger Ebert. He did have a way of being like … this is a fun action film right? Can’t we just all agree it is a fun action film though?)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LorQZ4TfbTQ/

(For the record the satellite does not have nuclear capabilities. I know you have to give a reference to the audience, but it would be nuclear-like capabilities. “The cook from Under Siege is back”. … “This time, the sky’s the limit” WAIT, you can’t think of a good train pun. C’mon! This time, he’s engineering justice. Something dumb. I don’t care. The sky’s the limit? What does that have to do with trains?)

Directors – Geoff Murphy – ( Known For: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring; The Quiet Earth; Fortress 2: Re-Entry; Utu; Goodbye Pork Pie; Never Say Die; Spooked; Mauri; BMT: xXx: State of the Union; Under Siege 2: Dark Territory; Young Guns II; Freejack; Notes: Second unit director for Dante’s Peak. From New Zealand. Feels pretty sweet to complete this guy’s filmography … wait a tic, TMDb thinks he directed The Lord of the Rings? He was second unit director for the record.)

Writers – Richard Hatem – ( Known For: The Mothman Prophecies; BMT: Under Siege 2: Dark Territory; Notes: Those were his first two writing credits, and he basically did only television from that point forward.)

Matt Reeves – ( Known For: The Batman; War for the Planet of the Apes; Let Me In; The Yards; The Pallbearer; BMT: Under Siege 2: Dark Territory; Notes: Matt Reeves?! Genuinely like … how did Matt Reeves make it in Hollywood. All of his stuff is not super great until all of a sudden he writes Let Me In years after creating Felicity.)

J.F. Lawton – ( Known For: Pretty Woman; Under Siege; DOA: Dead or Alive; Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death; Mistress; Pizza Man; Future BMT: Chain Reaction; Blankman; The Hunted; BMT: Under Siege 2: Dark Territory; Notes: DOA is a crazy, but you know what I’m most excited for? The Hunted starring Christopher Lambert.)

Actors – Steven Seagal – ( Known For: Machete; Under Siege; Executive Decision; Above the Law; The Onion Movie; The Patriot; Into the Sun; Ticker; Maximum Conviction; The Foreigner; The Keeper; Born to Raise Hell; Absolution; Sniper: Special Ops; Force of Execution; Beyond the Law; Code of Honor; The Perfect Weapon; End of a Gun; Contract to Kill; Future BMT: Out for Justice; Marked for Death; My Giant; BMT: Under Siege 2: Dark Territory; Exit Wounds; Hard to Kill; On Deadly Ground; The Glimmer Man; Fire Down Below; Half Past Dead; Notes: He seems like nightmare. I’ll say that every time. He seems like a genuinely bad person. Was a fun action hero of his time though.)

Eric Bogosian – ( Known For: Uncut Gems; Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle; Reptile; Beavis and Butt-Head Do America; Dolores Claiborne; Deconstructing Harry; Igby Goes Down; Wonderland; Cadillac Records; The Stuff; Talk Radio; Ararat; Rebel in the Rye; Listen Up Philip; The Thief and the Cobbler; Heights; Safe Men; Office Killer; Born in Flames; Naked in New York; Future BMT: Blade: Trinity; Gossip; BMT: Under Siege 2: Dark Territory; Notes: Massachusetts guy. I was just looking up Blade: Trinity this week because it is a franchise with only one qualifying entry … quite an amusing potential cycle. I just don’t know if there is a romance option.)

Everett McGill – ( Known For: Licence to Kill; The Straight Story; Heartbreak Ridge; The People Under the Stairs; Silver Bullet; Quest for Fire; Brubaker; My Fellow Americans; Twin Peaks: The Missing Pieces; Yanks; Iguana; Union City; Jezebel’s Kiss; Field of Honor; Future BMT: Dune; BMT: Under Siege 2: Dark Territory; Notes: Twin Peaks is the main thing for this guy in my opinion … fine he did a few David Lynch things.)

Budget/Gross – $60 million / Domestic: $50,024,083 (Worldwide: $104,324,083)

(Hmmm, I mean, it does explain why it didn’t get a third film set on a plane I suppose. That is probably half of what you want.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 35% (11/31): Utterly forgettable and completely unnecessary, Under Siege 2 represents a steep comedown from its predecessor — and an unfortunate return to form for its star.

(Ha! Yeah, that sounds about right. I don’t think it is forgettable though. The train setting and the insanity of the villain is actually quite entertaining. It is just also unintentionally hilarious.)

NY Times Short Review: Dark and spectacularly dumb, with Travis vs. monstrous, grunning computer nerd. Feh.

Poster – Trains, Planes and Submerains

(It’s not wrong that I think this is dope, right? Even if it’s basically a giant picture of notable terrible person Steven Seagal. Look at that little satellite blasting a train. It’s like a work of action art. A train themed font would have made this an A. But it’s still a solid B+.)

Tagline(s) – A top secret nuclear satellite. A team of international terrorists. A government held hostage. An undetectable moving headquarters. Only one hero stands in the way. (Zzzz)

(Sorry I fell asleep and couldn’t grade this. In fact I still haven’t read the whole thing and I think I’ll choose not to.)

Keyword(s) – top BMeT

Top 10: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Green Lantern (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Batman Forever (1995), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Ghost Rider (2007), The Happening (2008), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), The Mummy (2017)

Future BMT: 96.3 Disaster Movie (2008), 93.6 Date Movie (2006), 90.7 Vampires Suck (2010), 90.1 House of the Dead (2003), 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 87.9 Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 86.9 Street Fighter (1994), 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 81.5 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 80.0 Jeepers Creepers III (2017), 79.5 Daddy Day Camp (2007), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 79.3 Boogeyman (2005), 78.7 Shark Night (2011), 78.2 The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012), 78.1 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 78.0 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Meet the Spartans (2008), Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Catwoman (2004), Jack and Jill (2011), Batman & Robin (1997), Son of the Mask (2005), The Room (2003), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cats (2019), Gigli (2003), Scary Movie V (2013), Alone in the Dark (2005), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Last Airbender (2010), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), The Wicker Man (2006), Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Madame Web (2024), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Slender Man (2018), Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), Jaws 3-D (1983), Troll 2 (1990), The Love Guru (2008), Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004), In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007), The Cat in the Hat (2003), The Avengers (1998), Crossroads (2002), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), The Fog (2005), Fantastic Four (2015), Rollerball (2002), Baby Geniuses (1999), Spice World (1997), From Justin to Kelly (2003), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Norbit (2007), …

Best Options (Action): 90.1 House of the Dead (2003), 89.0 BloodRayne (2005), 86.9 Street Fighter (1994), 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 84.1 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 83.1 Inspector Gadget (1999), 79.4 Home Alone 3 (1997), 78.7 Shark Night (2011), 75.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 74.2 The Spirit (2008), 72.6 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 72.4 Dance Flick (2009), 72.3 Zoom (2006), 72.3 Singham Again (2024), 70.9 Snatched (2017), 69.8 Delta Farce (2007), 69.1 Crossover (2006), 68.2 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 68.1 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 68.1 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010), 67.8 Thunderbirds (2004), 67.4 Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), 67.3 Max Steel (2016), 67.3 Mr. Nanny (1993), 66.1 The Cold Light of Day (2012), 64.2 Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London (2004), 64.0 Underdog (2007), 63.9 Skinwalkers (2006), 62.2 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 60.5 Biker Boyz (2003), 60.3 Code Name: The Cleaner (2007), 59.9 Agent Cody Banks (2003), 59.3 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.6 Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), 58.2 See No Evil (2006), 58.0 Legion (2010), 58.0 The Transporter Refueled (2015), 57.4 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994), 57.2 Robin Hood (2018), 56.9 Land of the Lost (2009), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 54.4 The Counselor (2013), 54.2 Spy Hard (1996), 52.4 Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1995), 52.3 Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (2010), 51.7 McHale’s Navy (1997), 51.7 Kull the Conqueror (1997), 50.9 The Core (2003), 50.8 Your Highness (2011), 50.8 Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016), 50.6 Megaforce (1982), 50.5 3 Ninjas (1992), 50.5 Cop Out (2010), 50.4 The Last Legion (2007)

(But wait a minute, this movie isn’t there?! Yeah, you see the actual cycle is “How haven’t se done this?!” but that like … isn’t a thing. So for now I just wanted to get a sense of how we were doing on the 50+ BMeTric films. This is probably the best we had, with something like The Karate Kid Part III or Biker Boyz being pretty decent alternatives.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Steven Seagal is No. 1 billed in Under Siege 2: Dark Territory and No. 1 billed in Exit Wounds, which also stars Isaiah Washington (No. 3 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 5 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 1) + (3 + 5) + (2 + 3) = 15. If we were to watch Out for Justice we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Producer Jon Peters drew the ire of Steven Seagal after the action star returned from a vacation in Indonesia and discovered that Peters had hired Gary Busey to play the villain – Busey famously played one of the villains in the first film, who was dispatched via explosion. Matters got worse when it was discovered that Busey had a “pay-or-play” deal which meant he got his fee if he was in the film or not. Ultimately, Busey was paid his $750,000 dollar salary – which allegedly came out of Seagal’s pocket as a producer – but didn’t work a day on the picture.

Original screenplay title, before being converted into a sequel to “Under Siege”, was “In Dark Territory”.

During this production Steven Seagal started wearing a girdle to contain his blubbery stomach. This was apparently a temporary fix, as he intended to lose the excess weight eventually. This has not occurred.

The scene of the destroyed industrial facility in China recycles unused footage from On Deadly Ground (1994) (another Steven Seagal movie). In On Deadly Ground, it’s the burning Aegis Oil facility.

Filmmakers pioneered a new technique that enabled them to film all the interior train scenes (practically all the film) in the studio. Tennis balls glued on the studio walls were used as reference points to allow computers to insert footage of Colorado scenery, even when the camera moved around.

Kraven the Hunter Preview

Jamie and Patrick can’t hide their anxiety as they sit through the third hour of a marathon Hallston town meeting. Following the disastrous library committee meeting, Jamie insisted that they start breaking the rules. A few soothing words, a reminder that rulez=coolz and a stirring rendition of Your Body is a Wonderland by John Mayer helps bring him back to reality. When the library decision was announced as part of the next town meeting agenda their hearts swelled. These have to be the rulez they are looking for! If they could just show their schematic demonstrating that the chasm (or abyss) was nowhere close to the library, but rather dangerously close to compromising the previously mentioned insane asylum, then they would Save the Library (as their new bumper stickers stated (and in smaller letters: But We Should Probably Do Something About That Insane Asylum)). Finally the vote on the library question comes up. The moderator swiftly moves to bring the question to a vote without discussion. Jamie and Patrick leap to their feet to protest, but just as quickly the moderator shouts them down. “Sirs… sirs, please. I’m sorry, but there is no more to discuss,” the moderator says, holding up numerous engineering reports. “Well, if you would look in the town ordinances you will see that in 1745 Hallston enacted the Library Discussion Act which requires that all matters concerning the library go up for discussion,” Jamie says, approaching the lectern. The air is electric and the crowd is buzzing. The selectboard looks shaken, but suddenly relief washes over their faces. A gasp escapes the crowd. Jamie and Patrick turn and see that international acting super star Matt Craven has entered the room. “What’s Matt Craven doing here?” Patrick murmurs in wonder. Unfortunately we didn’t get to partake in Matt Craven: The Hunter, the 10-part docuseries I produced about Matt Craven. Instead we had to watch Kraven: The Hunter that wishes it was Madame Web. Let’s go!

Kraven the Hunter (2024) – BMeTric: 50.9; Notability: 59

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 9.6%; Notability: top 1.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.6%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, Borderlands, The American Society of Magical Negroes, The Crow, Uglies, The Strangers: Chapter 1, Night Swim, Tarot, Trigger Warning, The Exorcism, Imaginary, Joker: Folie à Deux, Hellboy: The Crooked Man, Mother of the Bride, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Time Cut, Mea Culpa, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, The Deliverance, Breathe, and 4 more; Higher Notability: Joker: Folie à Deux, Unfrosted, Reagan; Lower RT: Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Borderlands, Madame Web, Mother of the Bride, Breathe, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two; Notes: Now that we are at the end of our 2024 journey let’s check the BMeT. Of that top 20 We’ve seen 9. So not bad, but also there are a surprising number of trash films that either didn’t qualify or we didn’t see … I heard that Megamind one was a catastrophe.

RogerEbert.com – 1 star –  Hacky clichés and contrivances abound, making it harder to enjoy when characters say something so gaspingly silly that you have to wonder: wait, did the Foreigner just explain his nickname by saying, “Because I’m not from around?” “Kraven the Hunter” is not, in other words, as mediocre or watchable as the average entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Instead, Sony’s latest Spidey yarn is a charmless stinker that’s only well-polished enough to make you resent the stench.

(Charmless stinker … so you’re telling me it ain’t Madame Web. Wait, what did RogerEbert.com give that film? Two and a half stars. Nice.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hR1-ihzff3I/

(The instant you see the guy intentionally going into prison to get to someone you know the movie is going to be terrible. And the movie didn’t disappoint.)

Directors – J.C. Chandor – ( Known For: Triple Frontier; Margin Call; All Is Lost; A Most Violent Year; BMT: Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Margin Call. He is writing and directing a TV show remake of The Conversation? That seems like a bad idea.)

Writers – Richard Wenk – ( Known For: The Equalizer; The Expendables 2; The Magnificent Seven; The Equalizer 2; The Mechanic; The Equalizer 3; 16 Blocks; The Protégé; Fast Charlie; American Renegades; Vamp; Just the Ticket; Countdown; Future BMT: Jack Reacher: Never Go Back; BMT: Kraven the Hunter; Notes: )

Art Marcum and Matt Holloway – ( Known For: Iron Man; Uncharted; BMT: Transformers: The Last Knight; Men in Black: International; Punisher: War Zone; Kraven the Hunter; Notes: This is a crazy career. I wonder if I went back to watch Shadow of Fear I would find the true writers deep inside the IP facade.)

Stan Lee and Steve Ditko – ( Known For: The Avengers; Avengers: Endgame; Avengers: Infinity War; Iron Man; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Spider-Man: No Way Home; Thor; Iron Man 3; Spider-Man; Iron Man 2; Black Panther; Thor: Ragnarok; Doctor Strange; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Thor: The Dark World; Ant-Man; Spider-Man 2; The Amazing Spider-Man; Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Fantastic Four; Madame Web; Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Stan Lee’s filmography, but these two are the creators of Spider-man so naturally they get a credit.)

Actors – Aaron Taylor-Johnson – ( Known For: Avengers: Age of Ultron; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; Tenet; Kick-Ass; Bullet Train; Godzilla; The Illusionist; Nocturnal Animals; The Fall Guy; The King’s Man; Nosferatu; Savages; Shanghai Knights; Anna Karenina; Outlaw King; Nowhere Boy; The Wall; Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging; Albert Nobbs; Chatroom; Future BMT: Kick-Ass 2; BMT: Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Has been suggested for Bond a ton in the past. He certainly has the build. And he seems like he would be willing to do the thing that a lot of people seem to want to try (a Dalton / book version of Bond). Could work.)

Ariana DeBose – ( Known For: Hamilton; West Side Story; Wish; The Prom; I.S.S.; House of Spoils; Company; Future BMT: Love Hurts; BMT: Argylle; Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Notably  has had a string of stinkers since winning an Oscar for West Side Story. Is going to be in a TV show called Scarpetta which is maybe based on a book series, so I’ll be reading those terrible books.)

Fred Hechinger – ( Known For: Gladiator II; The Pale Blue Eye; Fear Street: Part One – 1994; News of the World; The Woman in the Window; Eighth Grade; Fear Street: Part Two – 1978; Fear Street: Part Three – 1666; Thelma; Vox Lux; Alex Strangelove; Nickel Boys; Let Them All Talk; Human Capital; Butcher’s Crossing; Italian Studies; Hell of a Summer; Pavements; BMT: Kraven the Hunter; Notes: Insane year. This, Gladiator II, Nickel Boys. Legit the full gamut of bad, mediocre, and great. I think he’ll win an Oscar at some point. He’ll find the perfect role.)

Budget/Gross – $110 million / Domestic: $25,026,310 (Worldwide: $61,989,190)

(Yeah a disaster obviously. I don’t know how these make money though. Like, $100 million, means it needs to make $200 million … in what universe does Kraven make $200 million?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 15% (24/155): Claiming no trophies with its rote story and shoddy special effects, Kraven the Hunter turns out to be a paper tiger.

(Hmmmm … I wonder if these are going to become AI generated. I wonder if they already are. The paper tiger bit just seems like a weird turn of phrase.)

Reviewer Highlight: Built on brawn, J.C. Chandor’s action sci-fi picture “Kraven the Hunter” is limited by incomprehensible plotting and dodgy one-liners delivered by a cast who seem to be practicing their worst Russian accents. – Robert Daniels, New York Times

Poster – Cravin’ The Hunter

(I’m just going to repeat my old man take from Joker on this one. Why is everything so zoomed in nowadays. Why do I need to be so zoomed in on his face for a poster for a movie. What is this? Face: The Movie. Is it about a dude wearing a furry jacket and nothing else? Bah. C+.)

Tagline(s) – Villains aren’t born. They’re made. (D)

(Not quite as bad a Joker. At least they do a little switch-em-up with Villains and Heroes. But it’s still just too too generic. Where have all the artists gone? Does no one care about posters and taglines anymore?)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Deadpool & Wolverine (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), The Substance (2024), Alien: Romulus (2024), Civil War (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), Gladiator II (2024), Inside Out 2 (2024), Longlegs (2024)

Future BMT: 72.3 Singham Again (2024), 64.5 The Exorcism (2024), 62.6 Imaginary (2024), 47.5 Afraid (2024), 30.3 Slingshot (2024), 29.3 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 28.3 Devara Part 1 (2024), 26.0 Fighter (2024), 24.5 Red One (2024), 24.2 Summer Camp (2024), 21.7 The Fabulous Four (2024), 20.0 Reagan (2024), 19.9 Here (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Night Swim (2024), Tarot (2024), Kraven the Hunter (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024), Back to Black (2024), Joker: Folie à Deux (2024)

Best Options (superhero): 50.9 Kraven the Hunter (2024)

(Boom, smashed out those superhero films this year. It is like a treadmill, you have to just keep on keeping up. As far as Future BMT is concerned though … Randomly watching like Red One is maybe the best we’ll do I feel like.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 22) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Russell Crowe is No. 6 billed in Kraven the Hunter and No. 2 billed in Virtuosity, which also stars William Forsythe (No. 5 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 5 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (6 + 2) + (5 + 5) + (3 + 1) = 22. If we were to watch The Eye we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – Previous attempts to bring Kraven the Hunter to the big screen had failed. Sam Raimi wanted to include him in Spider-Man 4 before it was canceled, and Kraven’s spear was seen in The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) as a tease for his planned appearance in the Sinister Six film, which was also canceled. Ryan Coogler wanted to include him in Black Panther (2018), taking inspiration from Christopher Priest’s Black Panther comic book, but he couldn’t secure the rights. Jon Watts wanted Kraven to be the backup villain for Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) in case the multiverse story didn’t pan out.

The original release date of January 13, 2023 was delayed to October 6, 2023, then to August 30, 2024 due to strikes, then to December 13, 2024.

Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s six pack abs displayed prominently on the poster are real and not photoshopped. Photographer Gavin Bond who took the original picture confirmed saying, “Yes those abs are real, this young man put in some serious hours at the gym.”

In his more human looking form, Rhino wears glasses. In nature, rhinos have terrible eyesight.

The first Marvel movie from Sony to be released with an “R” rating.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Ariana DeBose)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Richard Wenk, Art Marcum, Matt Holloway)

Joker: Folie à Deux Preview

A week later Jamie and Patrick wring their hands as the meeting of Hallston’s Library Committee begins. The strangers they saw in the ASoMN weren’t just any strangers. They were The Strangers… of Stranger & Stranger Construction. The biggest construction company in town. It became clear from the equipment they had hidden in the erotic thriller section of ASoMN that they were there to scope out the place for something and Jamie and Patrick needed to find out what. Unfortunately, Jacques insisted that they weren’t going to get anywhere by following the rules and had already been Jokerfied. They hadn’t seen him since. As the meeting begins it becomes clear that the news is not going to be good. “We just got a detailed report from the local inspector and given the massive tunnel system under the library, it appears that the library could collapse into a chasm or abyss of some kind at any moment.” Jamie rises to try to show schematics detailing how the chasm (or abyss) was in fact under a nearby insane asylum, so the library was perfectly safe, but the committee chair bangs his gavel loudly to silence him. When Jamie looks at the name placard in front of the chairman his heart sinks. “As I was saying,” Chairman Stranger continues, staring daggers at Jamie, “Stranger & Stranger Construction has been nice enough to find a buyer for the land and so we move to accept.” Jamie and Patrick jump to their feet. “But what about the library?!” They shout. Chairman Stranger bangs his gavel several more times and with a dramatic pause announces, “There shall be no more library.” The audience gasps and Patrick can tell from the dull glint in Jamie’s dead doll eyes that he is one step away from becoming Jokerfied himself. That’s right! We’re being Jokerfied this week by watching Joker: Folie à Deux. It’s got Joker! It’s got Harley Quinn! It’s got song and dance! So it’s pretty much got everything. Let’s go!

Joker: Folie à Deux (2024) – BMeTric: 62.0; Notability: 73

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 4.4%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.2%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, Borderlands, The American Society of Magical Negroes, The Crow, Uglies, The Strangers: Chapter 1, Night Swim, Tarot, Trigger Warning, The Exorcism, Imaginary; Lower RT: Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Borderlands, Madame Web, Mother of the Bride, Breathe, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two, Kraven the Hunter, Uglies, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Tarot, Reagan, Killer Heat, Canary Black, Mea Culpa, Atlas, Night Swim, Trigger Warning, The Strangers: Chapter 1, The Crow, Afraid, and 18 more; Notes: That is a crazy BMeT and Notability. I wonder if you multiply those numbers together what you’d find … could be interesting. I’ve probably done it.

Variety –  Did the critics, with “Joker,” turn into cautious executive scolds? In my opinion, they did. But the upshot is that Todd Phillips, making what I think is a huge mistake, listened to them. “Joker: Folie à Deux” may be ambitious and superficially outrageous, but at heart it’s an overly cautious sequel. Phillips has made a movie in which Arthur really is just poor Arthur; he does nothing wrong and isn’t going to threaten anyone’s moral sensibilities. In fact, he actually blows the only good thing that ever happened to him — winning the love of Lee’s Harley Quinn — because he denies the Joker in himself. He’s now just a singing-and-dancing puppet clown living in his imagination. Is that entertainment? Audiences, I suspect, will still turn out in droves to see “Folie à Deux.” But when it comes to bold mainstream filmmaking, it’s the scolds who are having the last laugh.

(Narrator: They did not. This ended up being a fantastic bomb. I disagree with people being scolds. The film itself just isn’t particularly good. Phoenix is good. But the film is cribbing from several other better films.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiqqAI0e4Nc/

(That movie looks dope. The movie that actually resulted? Boring and weird apparently. But that movies looks dope.)

Directors – Todd Phillips – ( Known For: Joker; The Hangover; War Dogs; Old School; Road Trip; Starsky & Hutch; Bittersweet Motel; Frat House; Future BMT: The Hangover Part II; Due Date; The Hangover Part III; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; School for Scoundrels; Notes: Famously made a boatload with the Hangover films. Famously made a boatload from Joker too. He’s nominated for Oscars for writing Borat (?) and for three categories for Joker, but didn’t win.)

Writers – Scott Silver – ( Known For: Joker; The Fighter; 8 Mile; The Finest Hours; Johns; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; The Mod Squad; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Joker and The Fighter. His career is wild. The Mod Squad to 8 Mile? Wild.)

Todd Phillips – ( Known For: Joker; Borat; War Dogs; Old School; Road Trip; Starsky & Hutch; Future BMT: The Hangover Part II; Due Date; The Hangover Part III; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; School for Scoundrels; Notes: He has a story credit on Borat? Oh yeah, he was the original director, but he left after the Rodeo scene and then Larry Charles took over.)

Bob Kane and Bill Finger and Jerry Robinson – ( Known For: The Dark Knight; The Dark Knight Rises; Batman Begins; Joker; The Batman; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Batman; Batman Returns; The Flash; The Lego Batman Movie; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; DC League of Super-Pets; Batman: Mask of the Phantasm; Batman: The Movie; Son of Batman; Batman Ninja; Teen Titans GO! To the Movies; Reign of the Supermen; Batman and Harley Quinn; Batman: Soul of the Dragon; Future BMT: Batman: The Killing Joke; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Justice League; Batman & Robin; Batman Forever; Joker: Folie à Deux; Catwoman; Notes: This is Bob Kane’s filmography, but I grouped them because they are just here because they make Joker as a character.)

Paul Dini and Bruce Timm – ( Known For: Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn; Batman: Mask of the Phantasm; Batman Ninja; Batman and Harley Quinn; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; Double Dragon; Notes: Similarly, he appears to have a lot of stuff with the cartoons, and so he managed to get a credit through that?)

Actors – Joaquin Phoenix – ( Known For: Gladiator; Joker; Her; Signs; Hotel Rwanda; The Village; Walk the Line; The Master; Napoleon; You Were Never Really Here; Inherent Vice; We Own the Night; The Sisters Brothers; Beau Is Afraid; Irrational Man; Ladder 49; Quills; Parenthood; To Die For; U Turn; Future BMT: 8MM; Brother Bear; Inventing the Abbotts; Russkies; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; Notes: Gave one of the most hilarious (IMO) Oscar speeches ever for Joker. Was nominated three other times (Walk the Line, The Master, and Gladiator). If you haven’t seen Beau is Afraid, watch it. It is insane in the best way.)

Lady Gaga – ( Known For: A Star Is Born; Sin City: A Dame to Kill For; House of Gucci; Muppets Most Wanted; Gaga: Five Foot Two; Quincy; Risk; Gaga Chromatica Ball; Bettie Page Reveals All; The Zen of Bennett; Future BMT: Machete Kills; BMT: Joker: Folie à Deux; Notes: Weird to think she’s an Oscar winner (for the song “Shallow”). But was also nominated for two other songs (The Hunting Ground, and Top Gun: Maverick), and a performance (A Star is Born).)

Brendan Gleeson – ( Known For: Braveheart; Edge of Tomorrow; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire; Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1; Troy; Gangs of New York; In Bruges; 28 Days Later; Mission: Impossible II; A.I. Artificial Intelligence; The Village; The Banshees of Inisherin; Safe House; Beowulf; The Ballad of Buster Scruggs; Cold Mountain; In the Heart of the Sea; Green Zone; Paddington 2; Future BMT: Kingdom of Heaven; The Raven; Live by Night; The Smurfs 2; BMT: Assassin’s Creed; Joker: Folie à Deux; Turbulence; Notes: IT is crazy he’s only been nominated for The Banshees of Inishirin. Is apparently in the upcoming Spider-Noir series with Nic Cage.)

Budget/Gross – $190–200 million / Domestic: $58,300,287 (Worldwide: $207,500,287)

(Yeah that is an incredible bomb. One of the largest of the year. It makes sense it costs that much … but why the production didn’t seem to have any control on what was being produced is beyond me.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 31% (113/362): Joaquin Phoenix’s eponymous Joker takes the stand in a sequel that dances around while the story remains still, although Lady Gaga’s wildcard energy gives Folie á Deux some verve.

(Yeah I can see that. The most interesting stuff in the movie is the DC stuff, but they seem so dead set on not allowing the film become a Batman film it ends up kind of being a letdown.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s startlingly dull, a pointless procedural that seems to disdain its audience. – Richard Lawson, Vanity Fair

Poster – Midnight Toker 2: Stroker’s Ace

(A very modern poster. Got some art to it. I do like the odd coloring and they at least try a little with the font. But this also gives me an opportunity to sound like an old curmudgeon for a second. Why is everything so zoomed in nowadays? What’s with that? B-)

Tagline(s) – The world is a stage. (F)

(Get out of here with that shit.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Deadpool & Wolverine (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), The Substance (2024), Alien: Romulus (2024), Civil War (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), Gladiator II (2024), Inside Out 2 (2024), Longlegs (2024)

Future BMT: 72.3 Singham Again (2024), 64.5 The Exorcism (2024), 62.6 Imaginary (2024), 50.9 Kraven the Hunter (2024), 47.5 Afraid (2024), 30.3 Slingshot (2024), 29.3 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 28.3 Devara Part 1 (2024), 26.0 Fighter (2024), 24.5 Red One (2024), 24.2 Summer Camp (2024), 21.7 The Fabulous Four (2024), 20.0 Reagan (2024), 19.9 Here (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Night Swim (2024), Tarot (2024), Joker: Folie à Deux (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024), Back to Black (2024)

Best Options (imdb-keyword-jukebox-musical): 62.1 Joker: Folie à Deux (2024)

(Haha, well yeah, it is the only jukebox musical I suppose. I unironically love that keyword.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Brendan Gleeson is No. 3 billed in Joker: Folie à Deux and No. 3 billed in Turbulence, which also stars Ray Liotta (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 2 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (3 + 3) + (1 + 2) + (3 + 1) = 13. If we were to watch 8MM we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The film’s subtitle “Folie a Deux” means “Madness of Two” in French. This initially led to speculation about Harley Quinn’s appearance in the film, which was shortly thereafter confirmed. The name Folie a Deux comes from the 19th century French psychiatrists Charles Lasègue and Jules Falret. The term was coined to refer to two or more people that share the same madness or delusion. It is also known as Lasègue-Falret syndrome.

This is Joaquin Phoenix’s first sequel in all his career.

During the opening “Me and My Shadow” cartoon sequence one of the crowd outside the theatre has the “Everything Must Go” sign that Arthur Fleck had stolen from him in the first Joker movie.

This was the first major DC Comics film to be released under the new “DC Elseworlds” banner. The term was first created in 1991 by DC Comics for the stories out of the canon, set in alternate realities.

Dropped 81.4% in its second weekend at the box office, more than any other comic book film, surpassing The Marvels (2023), with 78.1%.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Todd Phillips, Joseph Garner, Emma Tillinger Koskoff)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Todd Phillips)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Joaquin Phoenix)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Lady Gaga)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Combo (Joaquin Phoenix, Lady Gaga)

The Garfield Movie Preview

Jamie was clearly depressed. While it had seemed that he had gone through all the stages of grief in a matter of moments and lived his life to the fullest with Samantha, it now was clear that that was all a mask. That he was stuck at stage four and couldn’t shake it. Patrick tried everything. He baked him his favorite cake (an inverse cake where the cake was actually the icing and the icing was the cake), but he barely took a nibble. He showed him his favorite film (not a film, really, but just the motorcycle sex scene from Woman of Desire), but he didn’t even crack a smile. He read him his favorite poem (the poem that Rocky reads Adrian in Rocky II), but his eyes remained dry. Even during their daily gymnastics/dance workout Patrick barely gave it his all and called it a day after just two and half hours. “I don’t know what to do,” Patrick says sadly over the phone to Kyle. Kyle couldn’t move to Hallston with his burgeoning family back home but was able to offer at least one piece of advice. “You know, maybe if the usual things aren’t working you have to look outside your own experiences.” After hanging up, Patrick walks to Hallston’s local public library and looks in the “Sad” section. There he finds a book “Are You Sad?” After flipping through it for a moment his eyes alight on a page that makes his eyes gleam. “Library, you’ve done it again, you glorious bastard.” A week later he surprises Jamie at home during one of his lengthy wall-staring sessions and opens a small crate. “Say hello to my little friend,” Patrick says, coining a wholly original phrase. From the box comes a tiny meow. That’s right! It’s the 2024 cycle and we’re doing the hottest cat movie around. Unfortunately 2024 still hasn’t delivered the Heathcliff movie the Gucci crowd is clamoring for, so we’ll settle for The Garfield Movie… ah… well. Alas. Let’s go!

The Garfield Movie (2024) – BMeTric: 37.4; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 13.6%; Notability: top 1.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.7%; Higher BMeT: Madame Web, Borderlands, The American Society of Magical Negroes, Uglies, The Crow, Night Swim, The Strangers: Chapter 1, Tarot, Trigger Warning, The Exorcism, Imaginary, Joker: Folie à Deux, Mother of the Bride, Hellboy: The Crooked Man, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Mea Culpa, The Deliverance, Breathe, Time Cut, and 14 more; Higher Notability: Joker: Folie à Deux, Reagan, Borderlands; Lower RT: Tyler Perry’s Divorce in the Black, Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate, Borderlands, Madame Web, Mother of the Bride, Kraven the Hunter, Breathe, Uglies, Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver, Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths – Part Two, Tarot, Reagan, Killer Heat, Canary Black, Mea Culpa, Atlas, Night Swim, Dear Santa, Trigger Warning, The Strangers: Chapter 1, and 25 more; Notes: The Notability is insane on this. Only Joker 2, Borderlands, and … Reagan? Wait, Reagan had over 50 people involved in it with a wikipedia page? That makes no sense.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars –  I cannot think of a single reason for another Garfield movie, and apparently, the people who made this couldn’t, either. It reminds me of the legendary comment about “Nancy,” which, like “Garfield,” was originally a comic strip known for the spareness of its design and the helium-weight lightness of its humor. When asked to explain “Nancy,” someone once said, “It takes less energy to read it than to skip it.” Those who have children pestering them to see “Garfield” will feel the same way about this film. It’s not awful. It may be too much to say that kids will enjoy it, but it is probably fair to say they will feel that they have been entertained. But those accompanying the children may feel dispirited by the emptiness that emanates from a film that is just an IP cash grab. And parents may have some concerns, discussed below.

(That quote about Nancy is hilarious. And yeah, that is basically how this film feels. It was easier just to watch it than to try and think about something else to watch.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yk2Ej59DnrE/

(Is this trailer real …. Am I going crazy. It is just repeating over and over with a song behind it. Are they going to grow up and the movie explained a little at all? Am I going crazy? It is on the Sony Pictures Entertainment channel … It tags Snoop Dogg, so he would have done something about it if it was fake. It says Final Trailer. I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW IS THIS A TRAILER WHY IS THIS MAKING ME WANT TO WATCH THIS FILM. This is infuriating.)

Directors – Mark Dindal – ( Known For: The Emperor’s New Groove; Cats Don’t Dance; Future BMT: Chicken Little; BMT: The Garfield Movie; Notes: It is kind of weird … because I felt like Chicken Little was relatively well received, but actually it qualifies. He was like the main guy behind The Emperor’s New Groove, which was excellent, but also apparently was a mess behind the scenes.)

Writers – Mark Torgove and Paul A. Kaplan – ( BMT: The Garfield Movie; Notes: He wrote for television, and even then mostly an episode at a time. Seems like an interesting career path.)

David Reynolds – ( Known For: Finding Nemo; Mulan; The Emperor’s New Groove; Atlantis: The Lost Empire; Fantasia 2000; Future BMT: Chicken Little; BMT: The Garfield Movie; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Finding Nemo. Weird he didn’t get a credit for Finding Dory. He has some sort of TV Movie series called Captain Jokes Parrot … Oh I get it, Captain Jack Sparrow.)

Jim Davis – ( BMT: Garfield: The Movie; Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties; The Garfield Movie; Notes: He made the comic strip. Watch the I Think You Should Leave sketch about the woman who bought his house.)

Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg – ( Known For: Bad Teacher; Good Boys; BMT: Year One; Notes: Genuinely curious if they are actually going to make a Bad Teacher 2 ever. Seems unlikely. Isn’t Cameron Diaz semi-retired?)

Actors – Chris Pratt – ( Known For: Avengers: Endgame; Guardians of the Galaxy; Avengers: Infinity War; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Jurassic World; Her; Moneyball; Thor: Love and Thunder; Wanted; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; The Lego Movie; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; Zero Dark Thirty; The Super Mario Bros. Movie; The Tomorrow War; The Magnificent Seven; Onward; Jennifer’s Body; The Five-Year Engagement; Delivery Man; Future BMT: Passengers; What’s Your Number?; Take Me Home Tonight; Jem and the Holograms; BMT: Jurassic World Dominion; Bride Wars; Movie 43; The Garfield Movie; Notes: His career path is incredible. By which I mean it has now crossed over and become a bit embarrassing. I mean, I would take the money, but like The Electric State I think maybe marks him crossing the Rubicon into Bruce Willis cash grab territory.)

Samuel L. Jackson – ( Known For: Pulp Fiction; Django Unchained; Inglourious Basterds; The Avengers; Avengers: Endgame; Goodfellas; Avengers: Infinity War; Iron Man; Jurassic Park; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Thor; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; Captain America: The First Avenger; Iron Man 2; Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace; Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith; The Incredibles; Kill Bill: Vol. 2; Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones; Kingsman: The Secret Service; Future BMT: The Legend of Tarzan; Sphere; Star Wars: The Clone Wars; Spiral; Basic; The Spirit; Loaded Weapon 1; Formula 51; The Man; One Eight Seven; Life Itself; Freedomland; Amos & Andrew; Fluke; Strictly Business; BMT: Jumper; Glass; Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard; Argylle; xXx: State of the Union; Shaft; Twisted; The Garfield Movie; Notes: It is kind of crazy to realize he was nominated for an Oscar for Pulp Fiction. I guess I never quite realized how mainstream it was. Three acting nominations is crazy.)

Hannah Waddingham – ( Known For: Les Misérables; The Fall Guy; Hocus Pocus 2; Winter Ridge; Future BMT: How to Lose Friends & Alienate People; BMT: The Hustle; The Garfield Movie; Notes: Won a Primetime Emmy for Ted Lasso (3 nominations) and nominated again for Krapopolis as a voice actor. Hocus Pocus 2 was awful, I really don’t get how they botch those legacy-quels so consistently.)

Budget/Gross – $60 million / Domestic: $91,956,547 (Worldwide: $257,211,519)

(That isn’t bad at all. Not at all. And that is why making a dumb Garfield movie can never be a bad deal. Even when the plot is about reuniting Garfield with the father no one knew about because he wasn’t in the comic strip at all.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 37% (50/136): The Garfield Movie rolls along at a zany enough clip to be diverting for kids, but this animated adventure doesn’t much resemble Jim Davis’ iconically grumpy creation.

(It does not, and that is the main crime. It is one thing to be trite and dumb. It is another to be trite and dumb and also not to resemble the thing you are trying desperately to mimic.)

Reviewer Highlight: Hyperkinetic stuff, lots of famous voice stars, almost no relationship to the original source… it just left me thinking of Bill Murray. – Mark Kermode

Poster – Heathcliff: The Movie

(It’s very orange. I like that. I like the font. It’s clever in some ways. It’s not perfect, obviously, but I like what they did here. B+.)

Tagline(s) – He gets bigger. (C+)

(My brain isn’t totally comprehending what we have here but… I think I like it… I think. Like he’s a fat cat, right? And this is a movie, which is bigger than a comic strip, right? OK. Are we sure this shouldn’t have been “He gets even bigger”? I’m going to be kind to this one.)

Keyword(s) – 2024-2024

Top 10: Dune: Part Two (2024), Deadpool & Wolverine (2024), Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), Civil War (2024), Inside Out 2 (2024), The Fall Guy (2024), Alien: Romulus (2024), Road House (2024), The Substance (2024), The Beekeeper (2024)

Future BMT: 62.3 The Exorcism (2024), 61.6 Imaginary (2024), 61.6 Joker: Folie à Deux (2024), 36.0 Singham Again (2024), 27.4 Slingshot (2024), 27.2 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 25.9 Fighter (2024), 24.8 Devara Part 1 (2024), 19.0 Reagan (2024), 16.7 Here (2024), 11.6 Red One (2024)

BMT: Madame Web (2024), Borderlands (2024), The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024), The Crow (2024), Night Swim (2024), The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Tarot (2024), Argylle (2024), The Watchers (2024), The Garfield Movie (2024), Back to Black (2024)

Best Options (Comedy): 37.4 The Garfield Movie (2024), 27.2 Harold and the Purple Crayon (2024), 11.6 Red One (2024)

(Rest Assured, Red One wasn’t out yet when we watched this movie. So Harold and the Purple Crayon was the other one and there was no way I was watching that. That somehow looked even more trite than this did.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Samuel L. Jackson is No. 2 billed in The Garfield Movie and No. 3 billed in Jumper, which also stars Michael Rooker (No. 5 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 4 billed) => (2 + 3) + (5 + 4) = 14. If we were to watch The Spirit, and The Black Dahlia we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Garfield shown as a kitten crosses the street there is a place he passes by called Lorenzo’s Music Store which is a nod to Garfield’s original voice actor Lorenzo Music.

Frank Welker, who’s voiced Garfield since 2007, expressed his disappointment at not being asked to voice the character for this film.

The code that Garfield uses to unlock his phone is ‘061978’, the date of the first “Garfield” comic strip.

The number on the waste container where Garfield is left behind is the date of the very first Garfield comic strip, 06-19-78.

The scene of Jon bathing Garfield is reminiscent of the September 5, 1978 strip, where Jon is also seen wearing a helmet and gloves while giving him a bath. Likewise, the follow-up comic has Jon dry up Garfield, which results in Garfield being all fluffed up, much like in the movie.

Rocky V Preview

Jamie, Samantha, Patrick and Kyle all quadruple group hug. Tears and snot mingle on their shirts. For a brief shining moment Samantha sees her roller rink beaus looking down from heaven nodding and giving her a thumbs up. “I couldn’t help but overhear,” Patrick says, when the group hug had run its course, putting emphasis on the word ‘overhear’ in order to really hammer home the lessons they all learned that day. “But what ever happened to Alajandro and Brad?” Samantha smiles sadly. “In a wild coincidence they also had vague terminal illnesses. It was part of why they were engaging in the particularly risky activities of drag racing and rollerskating on the day I met them. They each, separately and unknown to the other, had nothing left to live for… I guess that is until they met little ol’ me. And then once they were gone,” with that her voice catches and she runs her hand across a faded heart carved in the Wall of Lovers. “Once they were gone I also didn’t have much to live for and so why not take part in an obvious sham Fashion Week? Why not dress as half a horse? I just didn’t count on meeting my actual other half that day.” Jamie and Samantha share a passionate kiss. The smooch goes on and on, seemingly (and in actuality) for hours. It would have been extremely uncomfortable for Patrick and Kyle to stand there watching them if it wasn’t so beautiful. A beautiful unique tragic love. A tear runs down Kyle’s face as he ponders the beautiful unique mannequin he will craft to remember this moment by. Samantha and Jamie break their kiss and with eyes shining Samantha asks, “You wanted to know what was next?” Jamie nods. “It’s time to Rock.” That’s right! It is time to rock. Rocky IV and Rocky V that is. Rocky IV hasn’t always qualified, so we are jumping at that chance. Rocky V? That’s always qualified. For a Friend we are bringing along The Invisible Maniac. It’s about a maniac that turns himself invisible. It’s all there in the title. Let’s go!

Rocky V (1990) – BMeTric: 55.1; Notability: 52

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 2.0%; Notability: top 4.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.7%; Higher BMeT: Captain America, Look Who’s Talking Too, The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter, Ghost Dad, Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III; Higher Notability: RoboCop 2, The Bonfire of the Vanities, Predator 2, Days of Thunder, Jetsons: The Movie, Young Guns II, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, Air America, Marked for Death, The Rookie, Captain America, Stella; Lower RT: Problem Child, Death Warrant, Graveyard Shift, Repossessed, Loose Cannons, Soultaker, Madhouse, Funny About Love, Captain America, Ghost Dad, Fire Birds, Spaced Invaders, Meet the Applegates, Where the Heart Is, Heart Condition, Ernest Goes to Jail, Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection, Look Who’s Talking Too, Air America, Everybody Wins, and 27 more; Notes: I literally cannot believe Rocky V played on television as much as it did (72 times). It is also interesting that the top BMeT films are often just not that popular. Here Captain America played 17 times, but the next three after played 66, 51, and 32 times. Robocop 2 also played 54 times. Anyways, of all the Rocky films this is the big gun from a Notability and BMeT perspective.

New York Times – Rocky, Buffeted by Fists and Life, Returns to His Roots –  HIDDEN in the attic at the Balboa manor house are a black leather jacket, an old sweatshirt and a porkpie hat, relics of the Rocky of yore. Early in “Rocky V,” the humbled ex-champ is forced to take these things, put them back on and go home to palookaville (in this case, South Philadelphia), as if he had never been noisily and conspicuously on top of the world. … It’s a smart move. There’s life in the old boy yet.

(MY GOD. How embarrassing for the New York Times. And that’s Janet Maslin, that ain’t no scrub watching this film. I can see the point … it just doesn’t square with the last 10 minutes of the film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2_k8p3RQx4/

(An unscrupulous promoter ehhhhhhhhh. It is kind of insane that they don’t actually fight in the film. It is ridiculous that they don’t even have the fight. It is effectively what Rocky Balboa is about.)

Directors – John G. Avildsen – ( Known For: Rocky; The Karate Kid; The Karate Kid Part II; Lean on Me; Inferno; The Power of One; Neighbors; Save the Tiger; Joe; The Formula; A Night in Heaven; Hurry Sundown; W.W. and the Dixie Dancekings; Happy New Year; Cry Uncle; Guess What We Learned in School Today?; Slow Dancing in the Big City; Foreplay; The Stoolie; Future BMT: The Karate Kid Part III; 8 Seconds; For Keeps?; BMT: Rocky V; Notes: Nominated for Traveling Hopefully, and won Best Director for Rocky. Kind of amazing he managed to make both the best and worst Rocky film.)

Writers – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Rocky; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Homefront; Creed III; F.I.S.T.; Paradise Alley; Future BMT: Staying Alive; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Rambo: Last Blood; Cobra; Over the Top; Driven; Rhinestone; Notes: He has only ever been nominated for Rocky films. Which … I mean looking at his writing credits, that makes perfect sense.)

Actors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Rocky; Men in Black; The Suicide Squad; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Escape Plan; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Antz; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Cop Land; M*A*S*H; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Samaritan; Future BMT: Staying Alive; Ratchet & Clank; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Demolition Man; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Judge Dredd; Tango & Cash; Rambo: Last Blood; Assassins; Cobra; Daylight; The Specialist; Zookeeper; Grudge Match; Over the Top; Lock Up; The Expendables 4; Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Driven; Get Carter; Oscar; Rhinestone; Notes: Although, I do think people think Cop Land is the one people point to and say: that is where he should have been nominated or even won. I do like the performance, but the film is just a little blah.)

Talia Shire – ( Known For: The Godfather; The Godfather Part II; Rocky; The Godfather Part III; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; I Heart Huckabees; Palo Alto; Megalopolis; New York Stories; Sly; She’s So Lovely; Rad; Prophecy; The Sparks Brothers; The Dunwich Horror; Deadfall; Homo Erectus; Gas! -Or- It Became Necessary to Destroy the World in Order to Save It.; BMT: Rocky IV; Rocky V; Notes: I did not realize Talia Shire was in Rad. She played Mrs. Jones. And now I need to see this film.)

Burt Young – ( Known For: Rocky; Once Upon a Time in America; Chinatown; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Win Win; New York, I Love You; Transamerica; Mickey Blue Eyes; Back to School; Convoy; Sly; Rob the Mob; The Pope of Greenwich Village; She’s So Lovely; The Killer Elite; Across 110th Street; Last Exit to Brooklyn; The Gambler; BMT: Rocky IV; Rocky V; The Adventures of Pluto Nash; Going Overboard; Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: I find it crazy he was third billed here, it obviously should have been Stallone’s son. His son’s performance is crazy in this, but also it is quite bad.)

Budget/Gross – $42 million / Domestic: $40,946,358 (Worldwide: $119,946,358)

(This isn’t bad, but yeah, it is obvious the series had ended once the domestic take didn’t hit $100 million. I can’t imagine what Rocky VI would have been though … I guess him training his son?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (12/38): Rocky V’s attempts to recapture the original’s working-class grit are as transparently phony as each of the thuddingly obvious plot developments in a misguided installment that sent the franchise flailing into longterm limbo.

(I cannot believe this has a 32% on Rotten Tomatoes. This film is genuinely horrid. And yeah, Rocky V is exclusively the reason this franchise went dark for years.)

New york Times Description: Scraping the barrel. Sweaty and juiceless.

Poster – Rock ’em Sock ’em V: Maybe Lay Off the Socking For a Bit

(Really terrible. Also very funny that the whole film is based on the idea that he’s training the next big Rocky sensation, but the poster is more or less “not so fast.” D.)

Tagline(s) – Go for it! (F)

(Not this one. Go back to the one that implies the fight in the film is actually on the level of a world war.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Back to the Future (1985), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), Die Hard (1988), The Terminator (1984), Scarface (1983), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Future BMT: 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.5 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 61.1 Staying Alive (1983), 59.1 Suburban Commando (1991), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.6 Ghost Dad (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Who’s That Girl (1987), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 53.5 Graffiti Bridge (1990), 52.5 Johnny Be Good (1988), 52.5 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.4 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 49.3 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.7 Hercules (1983), 48.6 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)

BMT: Jaws: The Revenge (1987), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Jaws 3-D (1983), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Going Overboard (1989), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989), Mac and Me (1988), Caddyshack II (1988), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Howard the Duck (1986), Supergirl (1984), Cool as Ice (1991), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987), Leonard Part 6 (1987), Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989), Superman III (1983), Poltergeist III (1988), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987), Wild Orchid (1989), …

Best Options (franchise): 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Rocky V (1990), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 52.5 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.4 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), …

(Kind of crazy this isn’t one of the tops. The only one worth anything there I think is The Karate Kid Part III. That series really really goes off the rails.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 9) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sylvester Stallone is No. 1 billed in Rocky V and No. 1 billed in The Expendables 3, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 9. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – Sylvester Stallone originally planned to make the effects of Rocky’s brain damage much more visible and painful to see, but altered these plans after watching a few days of footage because the sight of Rocky like that was “like seeing your favorite dog with dysplasia.”

During shooting, John G. Avildsen felt that cinematographer Steven Poster was over-lighting many scenes. He told Poster he wanted the film to look more like Rocky (1976), in which James Crabe often used a single spotlight to light an entire scene (such as the opening boxing match). Poster told Avildsen that the original film “looked like a cheap documentary”. Avildsen smiled and said, “Exactly”.

In an interview with Jonathan Ross, Sylvester Stallone was asked to rate each of the “Rocky” movies out of 10. He gave this movie zero.

Sylvester Stallone originally toyed with the idea of killing Rocky off at the end of the film. The plan was that Rocky would die in an ambulance on its way to the hospital with Adrian by his side. At the hospital, she would have announced to the world of his passing and his spirit would live on with a final flashback of the famous scene of him running up the steps. Stallone ultimately abandoned this concept and rewrote the ending.

This is the first movie where Rocky’s real name, Robert, is used. When Rocky first meets Tommy Gunn, as George Washington Duke pulls up in his limo, Duke says “Mr. Robert ‘Rocky’ Balboa!”

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Irwin Winkler, Robert Chartoff)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Sylvester Stallone)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Talia Shire)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Burt Young)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (John G. Avildsen)

Rocky IV Preview

Jamie, Samantha, Patrick and Kyle all quadruple group hug. Tears and snot mingle on their shirts. For a brief shining moment Samantha sees her roller rink beaus looking down from heaven nodding and giving her a thumbs up. “I couldn’t help but overhear,” Patrick says, when the group hug had run its course, putting emphasis on the word ‘overhear’ in order to really hammer home the lessons they all learned that day. “But what ever happened to Alajandro and Brad?” Samantha smiles sadly. “In a wild coincidence they also had vague terminal illnesses. It was part of why they were engaging in the particularly risky activities of drag racing and rollerskating on the day I met them. They each, separately and unknown to the other, had nothing left to live for… I guess that is until they met little ol’ me. And then once they were gone,” with that her voice catches and she runs her hand across a faded heart carved in the Wall of Lovers. “Once they were gone I also didn’t have much to live for and so why not take part in an obvious sham Fashion Week? Why not dress as half a horse? I just didn’t count on meeting my actual other half that day.” Jamie and Samantha share a passionate kiss. The smooch goes on and on, seemingly (and in actuality) for hours. It would have been extremely uncomfortable for Patrick and Kyle to stand there watching them if it wasn’t so beautiful. A beautiful unique tragic love. A tear runs down Kyle’s face as he ponders the beautiful unique mannequin he will craft to remember this moment by. Samantha and Jamie break their kiss and with eyes shining Samantha asks, “You wanted to know what was next?” Jamie nods. “It’s time to Rock.” That’s right! It is time to rock. Rocky IV and Rocky V that is. Rocky IV hasn’t always qualified, so we are jumping at that chance. Rocky V? That’s always qualified. For a Friend we are bringing along The Invisible Maniac. It’s about a maniac that turns himself invisible. It’s all there in the title. Let’s go!

Rocky IV (1985) – BMeTric: 10.9; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 16.0%; Notability: top 3.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.6%; Higher BMeT: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, Howling II: … Your Sister Is a Werewolf, Red Sonja, Porky’s Revenge, King Solomon’s Mines, Perfect, Transylvania 6-5000, Creature, Gymkata, American Ninja, Private Resort, Invasion U.S.A., Once Bitten, Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment, Death Wish 3, Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend, Avenging Angel, National Lampoon’s European Vacation, King David, A View to a Kill, and 20 more; Higher Notability: A View to a Kill, Spies Like Us, My Science Project, King David, Maxie, National Lampoon’s European Vacation, Santa Claus, Perfect; Lower RT: American Ninja, That Was Then… This Is Now, Head Office, Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer, The Slugger’s Wife, Maxie, Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend, King Solomon’s Mines, King David, Once Bitten, My Science Project, Private Resort, Fever Pitch, Death Wish 3, Summer Rental, Tuff Turf, Gymkata, Rustlers’ Rhapsody, Perfect, Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, and 24 more; Notes: Obviously quite low BMeTric. If you look at the top 10 there, this guy played the most in the 90s (63 times), but Red Sonja is close behind (62 times). I do love that Gymkata played 35 times. There is something about that movie which felt like it was a modern 2000s rediscovery, but presumably a ton of people watched it in the 90s and that is how it became a cult film.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – The “Rocky” series is finally losing its legs. It’s been a long run, one hit movie after another, but “Rocky IV” is a last gasp, a film so predictable that viewing it is like watching one of those old sitcoms where the characters never change and the same situations turn up again and again. Even Sylvester Stallone seems to be getting tired of the series; as the writer and director, as well as the star, he puts himself through the same old paces.

(I suppose the irony would be that Rocky as a series is basically still going, and not only that but the third Creed film is making all the same mistakes as Ebert is pointing out here. Time is a flat circle.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kp1e9ReSD0E/

(Apollo nooooooooooooooooo! Insane that they just mention that in the first trailer. The music sting at the end though is immediately a classic. The movie looks insane and amazing. Which it is.)

Directors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: The Expendables; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Paradise Alley; Future BMT: Staying Alive; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; Notes: He didn’t direct as much as I really remember, although he directed more Rockys than I would have thought. He is likely to never direct again as well, he seems to be doing smaller films plus writing these days.)

Writers – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Rocky; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Homefront; Creed III; F.I.S.T.; Paradise Alley; Future BMT: Staying Alive; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Rambo: Last Blood; Cobra; Over the Top; Driven; Rhinestone; Notes: Staying Alive is upcoming and yeah … that means we are going to legit be done with Sly the writer and director. He does have an upcoming writing gig though, but I’m somewhat convinced that will be review-proof to some degree.)

Actors – Sylvester Stallone – ( Known For: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Rocky; Men in Black; The Suicide Squad; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; The Expendables; The Expendables 2; Creed; First Blood; Escape Plan; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Antz; Creed II; Cliffhanger; Cop Land; M*A*S*H; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Samaritan; Future BMT: Staying Alive; Ratchet & Clank; BMT: Rambo; Rocky IV; The Expendables 3; Demolition Man; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Rocky V; Rambo III; Judge Dredd; Tango & Cash; Rambo: Last Blood; Assassins; Cobra; Daylight; The Specialist; Zookeeper; Grudge Match; Over the Top; Lock Up; The Expendables 4; Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Driven; Get Carter; Oscar; Rhinestone; Notes: And then there will be only Ratchet & Clank in the new year. When we watch Staying Alive that will be our 25th Stallone film. Insane. He seems a bit busy with Tulsa King these days to churn out stinkers.)

Talia Shire – ( Known For: The Godfather; The Godfather Part II; Rocky; The Godfather Part III; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; I Heart Huckabees; Palo Alto; Megalopolis; New York Stories; Sly; She’s So Lovely; Rad; Prophecy; The Sparks Brothers; The Dunwich Horror; Deadfall; Homo Erectus; Gas! -Or- It Became Necessary to Destroy the World in Order to Save It.; BMT: Rocky IV; Rocky V; Notes: Nominated twice for Oscars for The Godfather Part II and Rocky. She was amazing in The Godfather Part II, and she is by far the best thing in some of these later Rocky films even though she doesn’t get much to do and people make fun of her for it.)

Burt Young – ( Known For: Rocky; Once Upon a Time in America; Chinatown; Rocky II; Rocky Balboa; Rocky III; Win Win; New York, I Love You; Transamerica; Mickey Blue Eyes; Back to School; Convoy; Sly; Rob the Mob; The Pope of Greenwich Village; She’s So Lovely; The Killer Elite; Across 110th Street; Last Exit to Brooklyn; The Gambler; BMT: Rocky IV; Rocky V; The Adventures of Pluto Nash; Going Overboard; Amityville II: The Possession; Notes: Oh wow, we finished off Burt Young. I suppose I just always expected there to be another random weird 80s Burt Young to go to in the end. Rocky was really a phenomenon, he was also nominated for an Oscar for it.)

Budget/Gross – $28 million / Domestic: $127,873,716 (Worldwide: $300,473,716)

(Gigantic. Rocky V truly is so terrible is scared even the money-making machines of Hollywood away from the series for a decade or two. This isn’t even a good movie and it just easily breaks $250 million in the 80s.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 39% (20/51): Rocky IV inflates the action to absurd heights, but it ultimately rings hollow thanks to a story that hits the same basic beats as the first three entries in the franchise.

(Juuuuuuust right there. Indeed it hasn’t qualified for years, but just a few months ago that switched and Rocky IV became a qualifier again. We would have watched it regardless.)

New York Times Description: This time he boxes a Soviet giant. Guess who wins.

Poster – Rock ’em Sock ’em IV: Sockin’ Again

(Spoiler alert! It’s OK. Just wish it didn’t spoil the end. S for spoilees.)

Tagline(s) – Get ready for the next world war. (B+)

(Holy shit. That’s not clever but it is great. I want to give it an A, but I’m a stickler for the tagline as everyone knows.)

Keyword(s) – 1983-1991

Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Back to the Future (1985), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), Die Hard (1988), The Terminator (1984), Scarface (1983), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Future BMT: 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 72.5 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 61.1 Staying Alive (1983), 59.1 Suburban Commando (1991), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 57.6 Ghost Dad (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Who’s That Girl (1987), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 53.5 Graffiti Bridge (1990), 52.5 Johnny Be Good (1988), 52.5 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.4 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 49.3 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 48.7 Hercules (1983), 48.6 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 48.6 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)

BMT: Jaws: The Revenge (1987), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Jaws 3-D (1983), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Going Overboard (1989), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989), Mac and Me (1988), Caddyshack II (1988), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Howard the Duck (1986), Supergirl (1984), Cool as Ice (1991), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987), Leonard Part 6 (1987), Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989), Superman III (1983), Poltergeist III (1988), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987), Wild Orchid (1989), …

Best Options (franchise): 72.7 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990), 67.9 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983), 57.7 The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), 56.7 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.1 Rocky V (1990), 54.8 Curse of the Pink Panther (1983), 52.5 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 52.4 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.2 Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), 51.8 Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), 48.6 Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), 47.2 Big Top Pee-wee (1988), 45.7 Children of the Corn (1984), 44.8 American Ninja (1985), 44.7 Missing in Action (1984), 41.9 House II: The Second Story (1987), 41.4 Speed Zone (1989), 41.0 Death Wish 4: The Crackdown (1987), 40.9 The Delta Force (1986), 38.0 House Party 2 (1991), 37.7 Return of the Living Dead II (1988), 34.0 Ernest Saves Christmas (1988), 33.4 Death Wish 3 (1985), 31.3 Ernest Scared Stupid (1991), 31.0 Jetsons: The Movie (1990), 30.1 Creepshow 2 (1987), 26.6 National Lampoon’s European Vacation (1985), 24.2 A View to a Kill (1985), 24.1 Oh, God! You Devil (1984), 17.7 Phantasm II (1988), 17.4 Best of the Best (1989), 15.1 The Black Stallion Returns (1983), 10.9 Rocky IV (1985)

(This isn’t the one we did, we did Rocky V for this. It is kind of crazy Rocky V isn’t more reviled. It is actually truly trash, and bizarre to boot.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 9) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sylvester Stallone is No. 1 billed in Rocky IV and No. 1 billed in The Expendables 3, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 9. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – Sylvester Stallone decided that for the shooting of the fight, he and Dolph Lundgren should hit one another for real, so as to increase the intensity of the scene. After doing three takes of Rocky taking shots to ribs, Stallone felt a burning in his chest, but ignored it. Later that night, he had difficulty breathing and was taken to a nearby emergency room. It was discovered that his blood pressure was over 200, and he had to be flown on a low-altitude flight from Vancouver, Canada to St. John’s Hospital in Santa Monica, where he remained in intensive care for four days. What had happened was that Lundgren had punched him so hard in the chest, Stallone’s heart had slammed up against his breastbone and began to swell, cutting off the blood supply and restricting the oxygen flow throughout the body. . However, when asked about whether or not it really happened while answering a series of fan questions in a 2021 interview with the Guardian, Lundgren claimed to have no recollection of the incident. “I don’t know,” he said. “[Stallone] keeps talking about it, so maybe he’s right. He did go to the hospital, but I don’t know whether it was my punches or the fact that he was so overworked as the director, actor and writer. We shot those 15 rounds over two or three weeks, eight or 12 hours a day, so you’re throwing thousands of punches. If you don’t connect, it looks a bit fake, but it doesn’t mean you want to hurt the other guy. But there were no hard feelings.” He went on to explain that stand-ins and stunt doubles were rarely used, and that he has performed the majority of his own stunts and fight scenes–but that this has changed in more recent years. “Back in the day, you had to do it all yourself: Rocky IV, The Punisher, Masters of the Universe, all the Expendables,” he said. “I’ve jumped from a motorcycle to a truck; dangerous things I would never do now. Staying physically fit over the years has been nice. There aren’t many actors who can stay physically fit for a long time. Part of the game is trying to look fit, at least.”

“Rocky IV” became the highest-grossing film in the “Rocky” series to date, taking in just over 300 million dollars worldwide.

During filming, Dolph Lundgren and Carl Weathers really did not get along and got into an altercation. Lundgren threw Weathers into a corner of the boxing ring. After that, Weathers shouted profanities at Lundgren while leaving the ring and announced that he was calling his agent and quitting the movie. Only after Sylvester Stallone forced the two actors to reconcile did the movie continue. This event caused a four-day work stoppage while Weathers was talked back into the part and Lundgren agreed to tone down his aggressiveness.

James Brown is seen performing the song “Living In America” prior to the Creed vs. Drago match. The song was released as a single from the movie’s soundtrack and became Brown’s first Top 40 single in eleven years, and the last of his career.

Over 8,000 people auditioned for the part of Ivan Drago. Dolph Lundgren was first turned down by the casting directors for being too tall but later on, he got the chance to send photos and meet Sylvester Stallone who told him he had a good chance to get the part, but advised him to gain twenty pounds of muscle. In total, it took Lundgren several months to win the part.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Irwin Winkler, Robert Chartoff)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Sylvester Stallone)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Burt Young)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Brigitte Nielsen)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Talia Shire)