Seeing as Poltergeist III is a Daddio Special (a film that aired on September 1st, 1990) and Poltergeist II got dangerously close to a Twin Special (airing on October 3rd, 1991) I think I’ll just hop on over to October 9th, 1991 and see what we could have watched just six days after Poltergeist II for the Twin Special Celebration Spectacular. The answer seems obvious. Friday the 13th VII: The New Blood is not-so-secretly my favorite of the franchise and seems like a nice pairing with Poltergeist II which is… not my favorite Poltergeist film (spoiler alert). I have to admit it’s kind of hard to pass up The Sicilian, a Michael Cimino flop starring BMT fave Christopher Lambert and I have to shine a light on the short listings description written for past BMT film Shanghai Surprise: “Flat, watery egg-drop soup. Two at sea, by land.” Give The Times a god damn Pulitzer. It’s like a poem.
To recap, the Freelings are back, Jack! And now they’re sad! After the ghostly events of the first film, the family has moved into Diane’s mother’s house. They are poor because their house disappeared into nothing and the insurance company doesn’t cover that. Despite that (and the grandma who is all like “I know why you have ghosts. It’s because we’re ghost people.”) they are doing OK. That is until a creepy old-timey pastor comes stalking about looking for Carol Anne. Turns out there is a very detailed explanation for all the events of the first film (great!) that also doesn’t make much sense in the context of the first film (less great!). Basically this ghost pastor, Kane, was a crazy cult leader who went into the caves beneath the family’s house and killed themselves… so forget all that cemetery mumbo jumbo we told you about before. Grandma dies and everyone is sad and things are looking dire cause Kane is growing stronger. Thankfully a Native American shaman, Taylor, shows up to whip them into poltergeist battling shape. They seem to be doing OK until Taylor leaves. Kane shows up and they barely escape with their lives. They decide to battle Kane where he lives so they go to the caves and all get warped into the other side. From there it. Gets. Crazy. Like psychedelic bullshit. Almost unbelievable that there was a moment where you could sit in a theater and watch it with a bunch of people. It’s that ridiculous. Anyway, Craig T. Nelson gets thrown a spear by Taylor and he kills Kane with it. Carol Anne almost slips into the afterlife but good ol’ grandma shows up and is like “don’t worry ‘bout it.” THE END.
I think this entry in the series is specifically hurt by being the sequel to the much better Poltergeist. Some really good special effects (even nominated for an Oscar, which is something considering the reviews for the film itself) and a totally bonkers ending would have done quite well in the first of a lower budget series. Like a Wishmaster or Pumpkinhead. You could have imagined it garnering a loyal cult following in that context. But that’s hard to do when you are rehashing and rearranging aspects of a first (better) movie. So if you want to see a mediocre to slightly below average horror film with some wild and crazy stuff mixed in, then you just might be in the cult of Poltergeist II and you can refer to it as The Other Side and never compare it to the first one.
Hot Take Clam Bake! The lore in this film is actually better than the original. The first film is all about how the neighborhood they live in was built on top of a cemetery. They moved the headstones but not the bodies. I don’t get it though because they specifically go out of their way to say that the neighborhood allows you to do whatever you want on your property and our main characters are actively in the process of building a pool. So… where are all these bodies they should be digging up? Am I missing something? At the end we see them all up in that pool and popping out of the ground. So where were they before and why did it only impact the Freelings’ house? It really doesn’t make sense. Kane’s death cult burying themselves alive under the house and being activated by the family’s hereditary supernatural abilities somehow is the better explanation. So there you have it. Poltergeist II is the better movie. Hot Take Temperature: Swimming Pool.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Poltergeist II: The Other Side? More like Polter-gross Boo: Run and Hide. I mean … long title that kind of works. I should have just left it at Polter-gross Boo though. That’s killer. Let’s go!
The main thing this film has going for it is that it still has JoBeth Williams and Craig T. Nelson, who both continue to be great despite the decidedly sillier premise of the sequel.
It is a little shocking that even though they lampshaded the “Indian burial ground” explanation in the first film they … kind of do it for the second? They basically suggest that the bad guy, Kane, was a preacher who was butting heads with the local native people prior to him killing himself and his flock. It is much closer, an odd choice.
Taylor is fine in the film, but again, I just wish they hadn’t gone in the direction they did with the film with Kane.
I should probably get into Kane. Kane is to Poltergeist II and Jason is to Friday the 13th: Part II. He’s an attempt to tack from a defeated enemy of a hit horror film to something a bit more sustainable for a franchise. But yet, Kane is never ever discussed in the terms of horror villains. It is bizarre. Kane is, due to the sequels, inexorably a giant part of the franchise. And yet, you only vaguely hear about “They’re heeeeeeeeeere” and the vague notion of a house built on a cemetery. Nothing about Kane.
He’s an odd character. Honestly, he would have been a good character if he was hinted at at all in the first film.
Isn’t that the problem? The first film has a beautiful explanation that is tied up in the corporate greed of the time (“You moved the tombstones, but you didn’t move the bodies! Didn’t you!?”). They seem to indicate that there is kind of collective of lost souls on the other side which is tempting Carol Anne, which JoBeth Williams has to combat. I don’t know, the beauty of an explanation being unnecessary is a huge part of the charm of the film.
The second one, suddenly the house is built on top of a cemetery which is built on top of a chamber where a cult killed themselves? Now there is a preacher ghost named Kane who is obsessed with Carol Anne? Native Americans are tied up into the story? The film isn’t really that bad, but it isn’t good either.
As far as effects, some are quite good. I thought the braces monster was interesting, and a few of the larger effects as well. A lot is made of the vomit monster, but that was the least impressive to me. Clearly a triple or quadruple amputee in a costume. If they had went stop motion / reversing for some of the build up of the creature (a la Hellraiser) then it would be more impressive.
I guess I’ll throw half a review for the first film here: Loved it. The ability of Spielberg to get performances of very young actors is second to none. And for a film with a grand total of zero deaths, Poltergeist is funny in all the right places, and tense in all the right places, and surprising and unique, etc. I really liked it.
I think this qualifies for a Setting as a Character (Where?) for California. And honestly, I think Carol Anne is the living embodiment of the reverse MacGuffin (Why?) which I’ve just coined. It is basically the thing in a horror film where there is no explanation as to why the villains desperately want the person or thing, but boy golly do they want Carol Anne. This is probably closest to Good if I’m being honest, it still has enough of the original’s charm to coast on it, and some good special effects.
Read about the sequel Poltergeist III: Part 1: The Cult in the Quiz. Cheerios,
and super spooky this time. And yeah, I might have got bopped in the head by a coffee cup and now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Poltergeist III?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) So … why is Carol Anne in Chicago again?
2) Oooooooooh … I guess that makes sense. Well what real spooooooooky things are happening there on the day of Skerritt’s skyscraper grand opening?
3) In this film, naturally, we learn Carol Anne is both a genius and considered so disturbed as to be under the care of a psychiatrist. What does he believe is happening with Carol Anne and the hauntings?
4) As a matter of fact, I think it is time. How many people total died during the entirety of the original Poltergeist trilogy?
Oh man, so get this. I was taken to The Other Side. NBD. But turns out, it’s just like a place you float around. Anyways, something bopped me right on the head, and now I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Poltergeist II: The Other Side?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) We open with Carol Anne’s family living with her grandmother. Why? Like why specifically can’t they find another house to live in?
2) In the last movie Carol Anne speaks to the evil entity through the television. In this film what does she (kind of) use to communicate with them instead (since the family doesn’t have a television anymore)?
3) A Native American man by the name of Taylor shows up to help them. Why? Also, what event ultimately makes them trust him?
Jamie and Patrick are playing with their favorite toy dinosaurs. They’re mother stops by and pats them lovingly on the head. They’re father stoops down and spends some moments joining in on the imaginary fun. Jamie strains to see his father’s face but it’s clouded by an image of Scott Bakula. Imposter! But the joy of this dino adventure is enough and they continue to play together: Patrick, Jamie, and their imposter dad Scott Bakula. There is a knock at the door and there are two men in suits there. They are talking to Scott Bakula. They are pointing at a sheet of paper that says that all their measurables are off the charts. General Knowledge: 100th percentile. Gymnastics: 100th percentile. Martial Arts: 100th percentile. Dance: 100th percentile. Philosophy: 100th percentile. The list goes on and on. They frown at the list. Dinosaurs: 100th percentile is nowhere to be found. Not a list they care about. The men tell them they are going away, going to have everything because of this list. They cry. They hit these men with their dinosaur toys and try to run away.
Jamie shakes his head at the memory and jerks his arm away from Patrick and grabs one of the toy cars. “Michael!” he calls and the groundskeeper turns. “Why are these toys here? Whose toys are these?” he asks, his voice shaking with intensity. Michael chuckles a little. “Ah, so that’s what you’re sniffing around about. You’ve heard the stories,” he says but starts a little when he realizes they don’t know what he’s talking about. “You’re saying you’ve never heard the story of how this place is haunted?” Patrick and Jamie look at each other and shakily murmur, “A gh-gh-gh-ghost?” Michael nods. “Not just one ghost,” he continues, “Two.” That’s right! We’re watching not just one ghost film, but two. And they’re some big ones. We are tackling the two very poorly received sequels Poltergeist II: The Other Side and Poltergeist III… no subtitle for three, guys? That’s a shame. How about Poltergeist III: Tower of Terror? Let’s go!
Poltergeist III (1988) – BMeTric: 64.0; Notability: 34
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 10.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 9.0%; Higher BMeT: Caddyshack II, Mac and Me, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Poltergeist III; Higher Notability: Action Jackson, Sunset, High Spirits, Big Top Pee-wee, Caddyshack II, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Moving, Cocoon: The Return, The Couch Trip, License to Drive, Vibes, Cocktail, Arthur 2: On the Rocks, Hot to Trot, The Seventh Sign, Mac and Me, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Bad Dreams, The Presidio, Short Circuit 2, and 6 more; Lower RT: Two Moon Junction, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Johnny Be Good, Fresh Horses, Watchers, Return of the Killer Tomatoes!, Hero and the Terror, Hot to Trot, Illegally Yours, The Blue Iguana, War Party, Caddyshack II, Return of the Living Dead II, Mac and Me, Cocktail, Dead Heat, Vibes, Arthur 2: On the Rocks, Action Jackson, The Prince of Pennsylvania, and 2 more; Notes: Much lower Notability, much cheaper movie, much worse experience. It looks like maybe we probably watched the top five BMeTric of 1988. I wonder how many years we can say that about.
Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – O’Rourke moves in with uncle Skerritt and aunt Allen – and is still pursued by strange evil forces. Undistinguished and occasionally plodding; eerily young O’Rourke died four months before the film’s release.
(Absurd. This movie is terrible. Just horrifically bad. I could maybe understand if it you gave a shoutout to the surprisingly good debut by Lara Flynn Boyle, but I just don’t get 2 stars here. It feels like someone didn’t watch this film.)
(Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, Poltergeist in the city yo! Clearly a very very Chicago film … terrible trailer though. Literally shows nothing scary, just floating through the city. That’s it.)
Directors – Gary Sherman – ( Known For: Dead & Buried; Vice Squad; Death Line; Lisa; 39: A Film by Carroll McKane; Future BMT: Wanted: Dead or Alive; BMT: Poltergeist III; Notes: He used to basically make music videos prior to music videos being thing. Was a television commercial director prior to working in film and on television shows.)
Writers – Gary Sherman – ( Known For: Death Line; Lisa; Phobia; Future BMT: Wanted: Dead or Alive; BMT: Poltergeist III; Notes: Back in the 90s he wrote and directed and produced a procedural called Missing Persons. He also wrote an episode of the Poltergeist television series.)
Brian Taggert – ( Known For: The New Kids; Of Unknown Origin; Future BMT: Wanted: Dead or Alive; Visiting Hours; BMT: Poltergeist III; Notes: He had a long history of horror writing, including eventually Omen IV and Trucks, the television remake of Maximum Overdrive.)
Steve Feke – ( Known For: When a Stranger Calls; Hadley’s Rebellion; Future BMT: When a Stranger Calls; BMT: Mac and Me; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Mac and Me in 1989; Notes: Huge television writer in the 90s. Uncredited on this, probably was too busy working on Mac and Me.)
Actors – Heather O’Rourke – ( Known For: Poltergeist; BMT: Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Poltergeist III; Notes: Wow, top billing. She’s incredible in the first film, some of the finest child acting (at least for someone that young) ever. Given things like E.T. I imagine a lot of that has to do with Spielberg who, for whatever reason, seems incredibly good at guiding child performers.)
Tom Skerritt – ( Known For: Top Gun; Alien; Steel Magnolias; Ted; Contact; A River Runs Through It; M*A*S*H; The Dead Zone; Harold and Maude; Poison Ivy; Singles; Up in Smoke; Ice Castles; SpaceCamp; A Hologram for the King; Big Bad Mama; Lucky; Smoke Signals; Wild Orchid II: Two Shades of Blue; The Devil’s Rain; Future BMT: Tears of the Sun; The Rookie; The Other Sister; Fighting Back; BMT: Whiteout; Poltergeist III; Texas Rangers; Notes: Won an Emmy for Picket fences (nominated twice). He is a force to reckoned with in 90s direct-to-video and TV Movie work as well.)
Nancy Allen – ( Known For: RoboCop; Carrie; Out of Sight; Dressed to Kill; Blow Out; 1941; The Last Detail; The Philadelphia Experiment; I Wanna Hold Your Hand; Strange Invaders; Home Movies; The Buddy System; The Last Victim; Acting on Impulse; The Patriots; Not for Publication; Sweet Revenge; Kiss Toledo Goodbye; Against the Law; Circuit; BMT: RoboCop 2; RoboCop 3; Poltergeist III; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actress for Dressed to Kill in 1981; Notes: Was married to Brian De Palma for a hot second. Apparently she’s also the cousin of Jim Breuer.)
Budget/Gross – $9.5 million / Domestic: $14,114,488 (Worldwide: $14,114,488)
(See, they dropped the budget, but then it didn’t end up doing nearly as well. If it could have pulled $20 I bet they would have tried to reboot the whole thing with Kane terrorizing some other family. Probably try and keep with the eeeeeevil techmology angle.)
(This poster is bad but also I kind of want to hang it in my imaginary man cave. Fuck it, I’m giving it a B.)
Tagline(s) – No matter where Carol Anne goes… she never goes alone. (F)
(Noooooope. That is long and hurts my ears. It’s so clunky that the poster is better off not having a tagline than that tagline and that’s a crime.)
Keyword(s) – Citizen Kane
Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), The Terminator (1984), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987), Aliens (1986), Groundhog Day (1993)
Future BMT: 75.0 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 71.9 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 61.0 Pet Sematary II (1992), 59.6 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.5 Rocky V (1990), 56.4 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.6 Ringmaster (1998), 54.2 Who’s That Girl (1987), 53.2 Made in America (1993), 52.4 Blank Check (1994), 51.5 The Pest (1997), 50.5 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.0 Smokey and the Bandit II (1980), 49.9 3 Ninjas (1992), 49.1 My Girl 2 (1994), 48.3 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988), 47.9 Three Men and a Little Lady (1990), 46.7 House Party 3 (1994), 46.4 Zapped! (1982), 45.8 Sidekicks (1992)
BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Grease 2 (1982), Caddyshack II (1988), Bio-Dome (1996), Mac and Me (1988), Anaconda (1997), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996), Double Team (1997), Fair Game (1995), Leprechaun (1993), Body of Evidence (1992), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), Poltergeist III (1988), Wild Orchid (1989), Sliver (1993), Chairman of the Board (1997), Red Sonja (1985), Nothing But Trouble (1991), Ishtar (1987), Toys (1992), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Exit to Eden (1994), Fire Down Below (1997), Color of Night (1994), Graveyard Shift (1990), No Holds Barred (1989), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Maximum Overdrive (1986), Fire Birds (1990), Cocoon: The Return (1988), Jingle All the Way (1996), Raw Deal (1986), Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986), Crocodile Dundee II (1988), Hudson Hawk (1991), Navy Seals (1990), Critters 2: The Main Course (1988), Hot to Trot (1988), Rambo III (1988), Terminal Velocity (1994), Meatballs Part II (1984), Cobra (1986), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Hard to Kill (1990), Conan the Destroyer (1984), The Golden Child (1986), Another 48 Hrs. (1990), Hard Rain (1998), Under the Cherry Moon (1986), Mannequin (1987), K-9 (1989), Days of Thunder (1990), Blame It on Rio (1984), No Mercy (1986), Senseless (1998), The Wizard (1989), The Marrying Man (1991), Sleeping with the Enemy (1991), The Cannonball Run (1981), Stone Cold (1991), Tango & Cash (1989), Lock Up (1989), The Good Son (1993), 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992), Dangerous Minds (1995), Young Guns II (1990), Event Horizon (1997), Dutch (1991), Police Academy (1984), Road House (1989)
Best Options (Horror):64.2 Poltergeist III (1988), 61.0 Pet Sematary II (1992), 44.3 DeepStar Six (1989), 42.3 Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986), 34.6 Leviathan (1989), 32.2 The Seventh Sign (1988), 31.3 Student Bodies (1981), 28.1 Deep Rising (1998), 27.4 The Phantom of the Opera (1989), 26.1 The Bride (1985), 25.0 Bad Dreams (1988)
(Bam, finally. We finally hit up the top spot for one of these. And we love franchises, Jamie is the self-appointed Franchise Man. So this seemed like a perfect choice.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Tom Skerritt is No. 1 billed in Poltergeist III and No. 3 billed in Whiteout, which also stars Kate Beckinsale (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 2 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 3) + (1 + 2) + (3 + 3) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.
Notes – Craig T. Nelson was approached to play Steve Freeling again, but he declined. “Two was enough” he says.
Following the death of Heather O’Rourke in February of 1988 after she finished her work on the film (April-June 1987), it was the decision of director Gary Sherman to temporarily shelve the project during its post-production phase. However, due to the amount of money that had already been spent, MGM insisted that the film be finished and released as scheduled for June of 1988 or they would find someone else to do it. Apparently, after the film was given a PG rating by the MPAA in November 1987, the studio had already decided to have Sherman re-shoot the ending with more graphic scenes, in order to “up” the rating to PG-13. Planning for this re-shoot began in December 1987 and continued into January 1988, but was temporarily put on hold when O’Rourke died Feb. 1. The re-shoot (which used a stand-in for Heather) eventually took place in March, and the film was then “re-edited” and given a PG-13 by the MPAA in April 1988. Director Sherman would later claim that no such “re-shoot” took place, instead insisting that Heather died before they could film the “original ending” and that the current ending using the body double was what they hastily threw together when forced to “finish” the film by MGM. However, he is contradicted by at least six other people who also worked on the film who confirmed that the original ending was in fact filmed before Heather died and that the re-shoot of the ending took place after her passing. These people include producer Barry Bernardi, actor Kipley Wentz, assistant editor Jeanne Bonansinga, composer Joe Renzetti, special effects makeup artist Doug Drexler and the man who provided the voice for the Rev. Kane, Corey Burton. His claims would ultimately be proven false by the Collector’s Edition Blu-ray release by Scream Factory, where the original film elements and the missing footage were discovered in a vault for a 4K restoration, including the original ending which Sherman denied ever existed. This Blu-ray release, as of 2020, has since gone out of print.
After filming of the scene where the cars chase Patricia and Bruce, the car’s explosion set the entire set on fire, almost taking a crew member and a few cameras he was rescuing. When Heather O’Rourke showed up for filming the next day and heard about the incident from director Gary Sherman, she was relieved that no one was hurt. She then asked Sherman, “Did you get the shot?”
Heather O’Rourke (Carol Anne) and Zelda Rubinstein (Tangina) are the only two actors to appear in all three Poltergeist films.
Heather O’Rourke’s bloated appearance in the film was the result of a misdiagnosis of her medical condition, which led to her being prescribed the wrong medication. This particular medication caused her body to swell and her face to get puffy.
Lara Flynn Boyle’s film debut.
There were originally plans for Craig T. Nelson to return for a Poltergeist 4, but the death of Heather O’Rourke, the ensuing media scandal about the Poltergeist curse that overshadowed pretty much everything else about the movie, the recurring deaths of actors involved in the film series, and the disappointing box office returns from Poltergeist III (1988) dissuaded the producers from continuing the franchise, and it ultimately ended at 3 films. The film series was ultimately rebooted with Poltergeist (2015), a remake of the original, but neither Nelson nor any of the series’ principle cast members made an appearance.
A theme running throughout this movie is that mirrors contain the spirits, meaning there are many shots where everything is reflected perfectly except for one startling aberration. This was achieved via a few different methods, such as split screen and travelling mattes, however the most commonly used method was room doubling. The ‘mirror’ isn’t there, there is instead constructed a perfect mirror image room connected to the foreground one that begins where the mirror should be, and the actors have body doubles with their backs to camera who imitate their motions. A metronome was running throughout those body double scenes in order to help the performers act in synchronicity. A simple theatrical technique, done well, that repeatedly gives an unnerving paranormal effect.
According to the film’s supervising dialogue editor, Corey Burton smoked half a pack of cigarettes before recording his lines as Henry Kane, in order to achieve the required raspy quality, and then kept smoking throughout the recording session.
In this film alone, Carol Anne’s name is spoken a total of 121 times. Much is said about the ridiculous number of times that the name “Carol Anne” is spoken in the movie.
Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Zelda Rubinstein, 1989)
Jamie and Patrick are playing with their favorite toy dinosaurs. They’re mother stops by and pats them lovingly on the head. They’re father stoops down and spends some moments joining in on the imaginary fun. Jamie strains to see his father’s face but it’s clouded by an image of Scott Bakula. But the joy of this dino adventure is enough and they continue to play together: Patrick, Jamie, and their imposter dad Scott Bakula. There is a knock at the door and there are two men in suits there. They are talking to Scott Bakula. They are pointing at a sheet of paper that says that all their measurables are off the charts. General Knowledge: 100th percentile. Gymnastics: 100th percentile. Martial Arts: 100th percentile. Dance: 100th percentile. Philosophy: 100th percentile. The list goes on and on. They frown at the list. Dinosaurs: 100th percentile is nowhere to be found. Not a list they care about. The men tell them they are going away, going to have everything because of this list. They cry. They hit these men with their dinosaur toys and try to run away.
Jamie shakes his head at the memory and jerks his arm away from Patrick and grabs one of the toy cars. “Michael!” he calls and the groundskeeper turns. “Why are these toys here? Whose toys are these?” he asks, his voice shaking with intensity. Michael chuckles a little. “Ah, so that’s what you’re sniffing around about. You’ve heard the stories,” he says but starts a little when he realizes they don’t know what he’s talking about. “You’re saying you’ve never heard the story of how this place is haunted?” Patrick and Jamie look at each other and shakily murmur, “A gh-gh-gh-ghost?” Michael nods. “Not just one ghost,” he continues, “Two.” That’s right! We’re watching not just one ghost film, but two. And they’re some big ones. We are tackling the two very poorly received sequels to Poltergeist, Poltergeist II: The Other Side and Poltergeist III… no subtitle for three, guys? That’s a shame. How about Poltergeist III: Tower of Terror? Let’s go!
Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986) – BMeTric: 42.3; Notability: 64
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 2.8%; Notability: top 1.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.7%; Higher BMeT: Howard the Duck, Troll, King Kong Lives, Maximum Overdrive, Raw Deal, Solarbabies, Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Higher Notability: Jumpin’ Jack Flash, Howard the Duck, The Golden Child; Lower RT: Solarbabies, 8 Million Ways to Die, King Kong Lives, Band of the Hand, American Anthem, Sorority House Massacre, Deadtime Stories, Nobody’s Fool, Firewalker, The Clan of the Cave Bear, Armed and Dangerous, TerrorVision, Dangerously Close, Club Paradise, Quicksilver, Soul Man, Howard the Duck, Tai-Pan, Maximum Overdrive, The Delta Force, and 4 more; Notes: The Notability is shockingly high on this one, but the cast is kind of stacked too, so I guess it makes sense. Jumpin’ Jack Flash has been on my radar forever. The old Whoopi films from the 80s are something else.
Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars – The Freeling family is terrorized again by otherworld creatures. Another pointless sequel made palatable by some jolting state-of-the-art special effects and a still-very-likable family. Be warned that an actor receives billing as The Vomit Creature.
(This does seem, potentially, to be a series that would be mostly a display for impressive special effects and not much else. It is pointless though, the first film was wrapped up in a neat bow.)
(Oh snap, first shot, the big baddy … Kane? Wait, was this guy in the first film? No? What is happening!? That being said, pretty solid teaser trailer all said.)
Directors – Brian Gibson – ( Known For: What’s Love Got to Do with It; The Juror; Still Crazy; Breaking Glass; BMT: Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Notes: Worked for the BBC initially, then it appears he did a bunch of music videos. This followed right after a series of music videos by Styx. Won and Emmy for The Josephine Baker Story.)
Writers – Mark Victor and Michael Grais – ( Known For: Poltergeist; Death Hunt; Future BMT: Marked for Death; BMT: Cool World; Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Notes: Kind of odd they didn’t seem to get a credit for Poltergeist III. They wrote a trilogy of UFO TV Movies in 1991.)
Actors – JoBeth Williams – ( Known For: Poltergeist; The Big Chill; Kramer vs. Kramer; Stir Crazy; The Big Year; Fever Pitch; In the Land of Women; The Dogs of War; Teachers; Timer; Alex & The List; Desert Bloom; Memories of Me; Endangered Species; SGT. Will Gardner; The Last Film Festival; Barracuda; Me Myself and I; Welcome Home; Just Write; Future BMT: Wyatt Earp; Switch; American Dreamer; BMT: Jungle 2 Jungle; Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Dutch; Notes: Her husband was the director of Miss Congeniality 2 among other BMT films. She was nominated for an Oscar for On Hope, a short film.)
Craig T. Nelson – ( Known For: The Devil’s Advocate; The Incredibles; The Proposal; Incredibles 2; Poltergeist; Blades of Glory; The Killing Fields; Book Club; Wag the Dog; Soul Surfer; Gold; All the Right Moves; Stir Crazy; The Osterman Weekend; Silkwood; The Company Men; Private Benjamin; Turner & Hooch; The Family Stone; And Justice for All; Future BMT: Troop Beverly Hills; Get Hard; Action Jackson; BMT: Poltergeist II: The Other Side; The Skulls; Notes: It’s Coach! Races cars. Was nominated three times for Coach, and won once.)
Heather O’Rourke – ( Known For: Poltergeist; BMT: Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Poltergeist III; Notes: Sadly died during post-production of Poltergeist III from complications related to Crohn’s Disease.)
Budget/Gross – $19 million / Domestic: $40,996,665 (Worldwide: $40,996,665)
(That’s good enough. Horror films just print money as usual. So no wonder they went straight for the third. I do wonder if you could get a direct sequel off the ground, recasting O’Rourke’s character as an adult.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 20% (11/55): They’re back, but this hollow sequel retains none of the charm or suspense that made the original Poltergeist such a haunting specter.
(Yeah, that makes sense. But when does any sequel? I guess something like The Conjuring at the very least kept the same entertaining level of zaniness during its sequels. So it is possible.)
(Ha, what? This poster is crazy. Did they finish it? I’m going to give them an Incomplete.)
Tagline(s) – They’re back. (B)
(I can’t actually give this a particularly good grade, but I also can’t blame them for putting away the easy lay-up. Just solid fundamentals here.)
Keyword(s) – Citizen Kane
Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), The Terminator (1984), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987), Aliens (1986), Groundhog Day (1993)
Future BMT: 75.0 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 71.9 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 61.0 Pet Sematary II (1992), 59.6 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.5 Rocky V (1990), 56.4 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.6 Ringmaster (1998), 54.2 Who’s That Girl (1987), 53.2 Made in America (1993), 52.4 Blank Check (1994), 51.5 The Pest (1997), 50.5 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.0 Smokey and the Bandit II (1980), 49.9 3 Ninjas (1992), 49.1 My Girl 2 (1994), 48.3 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988), 47.9 Three Men and a Little Lady (1990), 46.7 House Party 3 (1994), 46.4 Zapped! (1982), 45.8 Sidekicks (1992)
BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Grease 2 (1982), Caddyshack II (1988), Bio-Dome (1996), Mac and Me (1988), Anaconda (1997), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996), Double Team (1997), Fair Game (1995), Leprechaun (1993), Body of Evidence (1992), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), Poltergeist III (1988), Wild Orchid (1989), Sliver (1993), Chairman of the Board (1997), Red Sonja (1985), Nothing But Trouble (1991), Ishtar (1987), Toys (1992), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Exit to Eden (1994), Fire Down Below (1997), Color of Night (1994), Graveyard Shift (1990), No Holds Barred (1989), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Maximum Overdrive (1986), Fire Birds (1990), Cocoon: The Return (1988), Jingle All the Way (1996), Raw Deal (1986), Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986), Crocodile Dundee II (1988), Hudson Hawk (1991), Navy Seals (1990), Critters 2: The Main Course (1988), Hot to Trot (1988), Rambo III (1988), Terminal Velocity (1994), Meatballs Part II (1984), Cobra (1986), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Hard to Kill (1990), Conan the Destroyer (1984), The Golden Child (1986), Another 48 Hrs. (1990), Hard Rain (1998), Under the Cherry Moon (1986), Mannequin (1987), K-9 (1989), Days of Thunder (1990), Blame It on Rio (1984), No Mercy (1986), Senseless (1998), The Wizard (1989), The Marrying Man (1991), Sleeping with the Enemy (1991), The Cannonball Run (1981), Stone Cold (1991), Tango & Cash (1989), Lock Up (1989), The Good Son (1993), 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992), Dangerous Minds (1995), Young Guns II (1990), Event Horizon (1997), Dutch (1991), Police Academy (1984), Road House (1989)
Best Options (Horror): 64.2 Poltergeist III (1988), 61.0 Pet Sematary II (1992), 44.3 DeepStar Six (1989), 42.3 Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986), 34.6 Leviathan (1989), 32.2 The Seventh Sign (1988), 31.3 Student Bodies (1981), 28.1 Deep Rising (1998), 27.4 The Phantom of the Opera (1989), 26.1 The Bride (1985), 25.0 Bad Dreams (1988)
(Yeah we hit up a good one here. There was an off-the-board alternative, specifically we could have hit up the second and third Amityville and gone down that freight path of six non-qualifying direct-to-video sequels. We chose not to.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: JoBeth Williams is No. 2 billed in Poltergeist II: The Other Side and No. 3 billed in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 13.
Notes – The only family member absent from the film is Dana, who according to the script is off at university, but a scene explaining away her absence was never filmed. Dominique Dunne was murdered by her boyfriend John Thomas Sweeney (who later changed his name to John Maura and disappeared) shortly after “Poltergeist (1982)” premiered. Ultimately, no mention is made of Dana in the final film, or of her being in college. It was decided by the filmmakers to retire the character and not recast her out of respect for the deceased actress and her family.
The partially grown “Vomit Creature” was performed by stuntman Noble Craig, a triple-amputee who lost both legs, an arm, and an eye while serving in the Vietnam War.
Heather O’Rourke was so afraid of Julian Beck (Reverend Kane) the first time she saw him that she burst into tears.
Julian Beck’s gaunt appearance is the result of the stomach cancer that would claim his life.
The film had an original running time of 131 minutes before being edited down to 91 minutes. Some have surmised that MGM rushed production and ordered the cuts, e.g the final battle with Kane lasts all of two minutes. Zelda Rubinstein in particular was furious about this, as she felt her best scenes were removed from the final cut.
H.R. Giger provided the special effects designs. Giger created several designs but only two made it into the film, albeit briefly. Some books on his art report that Giger was “very unhappy” with how his designs were translated to the film.
The exorcism was performed by Will Sampson, who was a real-life shaman for “several different groups” before his death in 1987. Studio security was instructed to leave the set unlocked and unguarded so Sampson could return in the middle of the night to perform the exorcism.
Several scenes that appeared in press stills and promotional posters were cut from the film, e.g. one in which Kane tries to get into the house a second time and confronts Tangina (this omission angered Rubinstein as she felt that was one of her best scenes); one in which Steve and Diane see a flying toaster during a breakfast scene, etc.
The film was at one point to have been filmed in 3D; several scenes such as the appearance of the Beast and the flying chainsaw were filmed to take advantage of the process. This idea was eventually abandoned after seeing the failures of other gimmicky 3D horror films of the decade, including Friday the 13th Part III (1982), Jaws 3-D (1983), and Amityville 3-D (1983), which was a previous flop from MGM.
Awards – Nominee for the Oscar for Best Effects, Visual Effects (Richard Edlund, John Bruno, Garry Waller, Bill Neil, 1987)
Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Zelda Rubinstein, 1987)
Movies are back and so is the BMT angst about what will or won’t qualify using our (probably now arcane) rules we made up over a decade ago. I’ve tried to be more relaxed about all this as RT scores have generally slid up, but there is always that moment where we find ourselves watching the ticker on a slam dunk like 65 and being like “come on, really?” It has kinda become a joke that a lot of these sure fire stinkers end up settling perfectly at 50% and the reviews are all like “I hated it and it represents the death of art. But it does deliver what it promised: big budget slop. Eat your slop piggies. 2.5/4 stars.” Moonfall was the last great BMT victory I can remember… that is before 65 gave us a scare, but ultimately settled at 35%. Phew. The sentiment appeared to be mostly people wishing it was better… they so very much wanted to like this big dumb dino movie.
To recap, Adam Driver has a sick kiddo at home and bills to pay. Best way to pay is a two year stint in space. Unfortunately, while he’s away his daughter dies… oh and also his spaceship hits an asteroid and crash lands on Earth circa 65 million years ago. Not great. He’s like “may as well roll over and die” (I get it), but then sees that a little girl also survived the crash. So, much like Bernie in Cocoon: The Return, he forgoes suicide for an adventure with his new friend (nailed that very appropriate reference). They find the other part of their ship where there is an escape pod and plan their trek. The girl doesn’t speak English, but they make due. Besides, that seems like small potatoes next to the big ol’ dinos trying to eat them. They go through a series of trials and battle numerous insects and dinosaurs before finally getting to the escape pod. At that point they realize that they are on Earth just before the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs is about to hit. Gulp. A bunch of asteroid debris hits the planet and tips over the escape pod. Driver goes out to try to get it reoriented but is attacked by dinos, which inadvertently tip the pod back over. But the girl doesn’t leave Driver. No way! She instead jumps out and stabs the last dinosaur in the neck with a poisoned bone. Hooray. They hop into the pod together and escape back to safety. THE END.
We are back in theaters, Jack! The movie going experience was perfectly fine for 65, which is appropriate for a film that is also just fine. I had come off a very long day staring at a computer screen and I just wanted to relax and see some dinos. Mission accomplished. That being said, this film is aging like a bottle of fine milk. The more I remember and think about it, the more I’m pretty sure I don’t like it. My primary concern is the structure of the film. It’s more like a series of short episodes where everything that can go wrong does go wrong for our two heroes. The story about Driver’s daughter’s death also seems like it should play a central role in the narrative, but almost seems besides the point in the finished product. I suspect something was lost in translation because the end result is a movie that is 90% pretty OK action scenes involving dinosaurs and then 10% a film trying to say something about loss and grief and death. It just doesn’t come together and so overall, it’s fine (but really probably worse than that).
Hot Take Clam Bake! That little girl was a figment of Driver’s imagination. Here’s a man devastated by his choice to leave his dying little girl at home while he goes on a space mission. He’s missed her death… and then he crashes. There is nothing to live for, he has noted how everyone else on the ship has died. But somehow just before he kills himself he magically finds a little girl roughly the same age as his daughter that he has to shepherd to safety? Suddenly he gets a chance to be a good dad? Sure, sure, sure. Definitely not your brain creating a beautiful fantasy for you. You are definitely a really great dad who saved a perfect daughter substitute. Oh you have to teach this girl to speak your language and all she has are videos of your actual daughter? How convenient. Hope she doesn’t turn out to act and sound exactly like your daughter, you crazy person. Hot Take Temperature: Embrace of the Vampire.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! 65? More like 1 out of 5! Amirite? What if we made Jurassic World but like … much much smaller and worse looking? Let’s go!
BMT Live babbbbbbbbbby. And just in the nick of time to get it in for the Winter Season. I think this ultimately was a good and honestly irresistible choice because it is just so perplexing. What is this film? Why is this film? I can understand the idea of “Dinosaurs = $$$”, but then why spend the money on Adam Driver when I’m willing to bet some young actor would be champing at the bit to get this part with these writers. This just feels like a film where they’d announce it and say the lead actor was Sebastian Stan and you’d be like “oh cool” and then remind yourself who Sebastian Stan is (he’s the Winter Soldier in the MCU).
The theatrical experience was a delight as always. Shockingly busy. I think we watched the last prime time showing at the major cinemas around where we were. Only matinees from that point onward. But we were the first people in the theater, but then probably a dozen more people showed up.
Oh the movie. It was fine. Kind of a dumb idea for a movie. I would understand the point a bit more if you didn’t see the dinosaurs that much. Like if they waited on the reveal as to what 65 meant until the very end as the asteroid hit and it showed the title again and revealed the “million years ago” subtitle.
Similarly I would understand the point a bit more if it was more like a survival horror? Or perhaps if it was more frantic without the girl in tow? Like if the idea was he had cured his daughter and he was so close to getting back to her, and so he’s driving himself continually to make this 100 mile journey in like three days fighting dinosaurs and slowly getting more and more beat up and then he finally gets there and escapes, but the entire film is just this ball of stress slowly being wound up.
But that isn’t what this film is. It is an action film with two actors, one of which is a child, and the CGI isn’t very good. It’s unfortunately not a particularly good idea for a movie since I think that’s the plot of multiple segments of multiple Jurassic Park films.
The studio must have really mangled this thing. It doesn’t make much sense otherwise. There is no way this is the vision of competent screenwriters.
I’m going to pop a sneaky Setting as a Character (Where?) for Mexico, because they show the asteroid striking quite close to the landing site and that’s in Mexico, so. Love the borderline A+ Temporal Setting (When?) for 65 [million years ago], so silly. I’ll give it a Bad, the film isn’t interesting enough to be a true BMT.
Oh man, so get this. I was flying my spaceship (natch) when I crash it like a goober! Something about an asteroid or something. Anyways, I got a pretty bad bump on the noggin and now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in 65?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Why does our hero Mills go on his journey? And how long will he be gone?
2) We awake with the ship crash landing on a planet. How many people survived the crash landing?
3) Oh shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, they’re aliums and they are on earf. This ain’t After Earth though, this is Before Earth. Where do they have to go and why are they quite keen on getting there fast?
4) So wait … what actually happened to his daughter?
5) They do get to where they were going, but not before having one bit final battle with a T-Rex. How do they defeat the T-Rex?
“We are not helping the Gutes,” Patrick says sternly, but even as he says it his eyes stray over to the map that Jamie is studying intently. They bandy theories back and forth as they walk. “Testarossa means red head in Italian,” Jamie notes and Patrick rolls his eyes. “We need to be thinking outside the box. We need to go…” Patrick stops, looking around bewildered. While distracted by the puzzle they have inadvertently walked to the harbor/aquatic fitness center. “No!” Patrick yells angrily, “No, we are not helping. We have to watch Citizen Kane. We have to stop getting into BMT style jams.” At this point he’s storming around and has lost his shirt. It’s classic Tantrum Twins and Jamie decides to join in (although he doesn’t mind some minor BMT hijinks if it’s to help the Gutes). When they are all tuckered out they are surprised to see they are no longer alone. Chests heaving and glistening with sweat they are able to gasp a quick hello. The man nods his head, “Hello, you boys sure got yourselves worked up. The name’s Michael, I’m the groundskeeper here. Are you two lost?” Patrick nods his head, while Jamie shakes his and Michael chuckles. “Well you might not be lost, but you’re obviously confused. Give me a holler when you figure out where you’re heading. I’ve been here forever, so I know everything about this place.” He turns to go, but before Jamie can ask him about Testarossa Patrick grabs Jamie by the arm and begins to drag him back to their room. As he does he steps right on a bunch of toy cars someone left on the ground. Patrick curses but Jamie suddenly has a thought, a memory of his own favorite toys… his dinosaurs. That’s right! It’s BMT Live! Movies are back, Jack, and so we better hop on the BMT train before it leaves the station, choo choo. Last week a big ol’ dino flick called 65 starring Adam Driver made it to theaters and juuuuust qualified. Nuff said. Let’s go!
65 (2023) – BMeTric: 33.9; Notability: 21
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 0.8%; Notability: top 0.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.6%; Higher BMeT: Your Place or Mine, House Party; Higher Notability: House Party, Your Place or Mine; Lower RT: Fear, House Party, The Old Way, Your Place or Mine, Maybe I Do, A Little White Lie; Notes: House Party is on the radar. Naturally, there isn’t much to say about this, except 33.9 BMeTric this early is pretty impressive.
RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – Beck and Woods offer some clever camerawork here and there, but also some erratic editing choices. And they borrow quite a bit from the “Jurassic Park” franchise: a giant footprint in the mud or a dinosaur’s yellow eye leering menacingly through a window. But maybe that’s inevitable at this point. Their film only gets truly enjoyably nutty toward the end, with its climactic combination of a sneaky quicksand patch, a ravenous Tyrannosaurus rex, a well-timed geyser eruption, and a catastrophic asteroid shower. But by then, it’s too late for us—and the planet.
(Not a bad point. But also I think the movie might be much worse if it was much crazier. If anything the small potatoes dinosaur version of Monsters (as an example) might have been the way to go.)
(No … wait … no. Humans didn’t discover Earth. He’s not human! WHAT? The trailer is wrong! THE TRAILER IS WRONG!)
Directors – Bryan Woods and Scott Beck – ( Known For: Haunt; Nightlight; The Bride Wore Blood; University Heights; BMT: 65; Notes: If I were to guess, based on their IMDb notes, they might have met in college or during the MTV college film writing competition. Hard to tell, but they both are noted to have been involved with that in 2005.)
Writers – Bryan Woods and Scott Beck – ( Known For: A Quiet Place; A Quiet Place Part II; Haunt; Nightlight; The Bride Wore Blood; University Heights; BMT: 65; Notes: This is where they actually get their cred from though. A Quiet Place and the sequel are legit huge movies and are notably smaller budget monster films. They got their shot. Didn’t make it.)
Actors – Adam Driver – ( Known For: This Is Where I Leave You; Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; White Noise; The Last Duel; Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens; House of Gucci; Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi; Marriage Story; Logan Lucky; The Dead Don’t Die; BlacKkKlansman; Silence; Lincoln; The Report; Inside Llewyn Davis; Paterson; What If; The Man Who Killed Don Quixote; Frances Ha; Annette; BMT: 65; Notes: Wow, his first true blue bad film. Too bad really. He’s an incredible actor. I would recommend Paterson. Notably was in the military prior to breaking out on the television show Girls.)
Ariana Greenblatt – ( Known For: Avengers: Infinity War; In the Heights; Love and Monsters; Awake; The Boss Baby: Family Business; Scoob!; The One and Only Ivan; Future BMT: A Bad Moms Christmas; BMT: 65; Notes: Ha, obviously besides being an up and coming young actress, she’s also the daughter of one of the Delancey brothers in Newsies.)
Chloe Coleman – ( Known For: Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves; Avatar: The Way of Water; Gunpowder Milkshake; Marry Me; My Spy; Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made; BMT: 65; Notes: He sister is apparently also an actress and was in Criminal Minds.)
Budget/Gross – $45 million / Domestic: $28,483,690 (Worldwide: $49,683,690)
(Yeah not good, although somehow this is also more money than I would have expected? I thought it legit made no money. At least the budget wasn’t giant. I heard that Driver’s salary alone was a huge part of that.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 35% (37/106): Sodden sci-fi that somehow finds a way to bungle Adam Driver fighting dinosaurs, 65 is closer to zero.
(I hate that last garbage quip for the record. But yeah, it is a bit amazing he even agreed to be in it.)
Reviewer Highlight: It’s not schlocky enough to be so-bad-it’s-good and nowhere near good enough to be taken even a tiny bit seriously. – David Fear, Rolling Stone
(I kinda like it, but it’s very early 2000’s. I also wish it popped a little bit more in the colors. Comes off a little gray. B.)
Tagline(s) – 65 million years ago prehistoric earth had a visitor. (C)
(Too on the nose and too long. So I’m going to pass on this one. But I will say I can see how something like this could work. You walk past this and it’s kind of an elevator pitch for the concept… and maybe you like the idea of a future man battling dinosaurs.)
Keyword(s) – year 2023
Top 10: Pathaan (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), Knock at the Cabin (2023), You People (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Plane (2023), Cocaine Bear (2023), Mission Majnu (2023), Luther: The Fallen Sun (2023), Scream VI (2023)
Future BMT: 72.2 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 36.8 House Party (2023), 9.9 Fear (2023)
BMT: 65 (2023)
(Oh boy, the Winnie the Pooh film is actually supposed to be awful. Like not fun awful. Like well and truly just the worst thing you’ve ever seen.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number “N/A”) – There is no current way to connect this movie to Here on Earth via BMT. If we were to watch A Bad Moms Christmas we can get the HoE Number down to 34.
Notes – The warning sound made by the ship’s computer just after the crash was first used 70 years ago as the sound effect for the Martian walkers, in the 1953 Paramount production of “War of the Worlds.”
Filming in 2021 in Kisatchie National Forest, Louisiana.
As a Marine, this is the first in Adam Driver’s film career where he utilizes his weapons training from his old career.
Prior to its eventual theatrical release in March 2023 this film had been penciled in for a release date on five separate occasions only to have them postponed by distributor Sony Pictures.
The film only had one press screening before its worldwide release, on this occasion in New York city and that was less than 24 hours before its release.
“Koa” in the Hawaiian language means “Warrior”.
This is the third science fiction film by Sony/Columbia Pictures to open with a spaceship being damaged by asteroids, following After Earth (2013) and Passengers (2016).
The film was shot in 40 days, as compared to the Jurassic World movies which have over 100 days of filming.
I’m hoping one of these days we’ll get a real dilemma between Citizen Kane and the BMT film of the week. Alas, on September 11th, 1991 Citizen Kane aired on AMC at 3pm. At 1:30am, in the wee hours of the morning, you were treated to Navy SEALs on Showtime. No conflict there (other than the intense conflict depicted on your early 90’s TV). At that very time, though, both HBO and Cinemax were also starting their showings of a couple other 1990-1991 films. HBO had the thrilling Women & Men 2, while Cinemax had the 1990 film Flashback. So how do you choose? The Times fortunately gives you a little synopsis for each film. Women & Men 2 gets the most extensive: “Three couples.” Wow, one more than I thought. So that’s promising. Navy SEALs gives it to you straight with just the word “Hostages,” wonder if they’ll be saved? Finally Flashback gives you the very mysterious single word descriptor, “Splinters.” … huh. So what do we choose? Obviously for this exercise it would be Flashback cause that is lunacy and we’d have to figure out what “Splinters” means in this context. But I think Navy SEALs is almost definitely the right choice for BMT.
To recap, Biehn and Sheen and mean machines on a Navy SEAL team. They and their bros are married to their work… literally, cause the first thing we see is one of the team members, Billy, skipping out on his wedding to go on a hostage rescue in the general Mediterranean area. They arrive just in time to save a couple hostages. Unfortunately they don’t recognize a high level terrorist or destroy a bunch of Stinger missiles while doing all that saving. Biehn and Sheen are pissed. They want to get those missiles and so when they are found being smuggled at sea they get in on the action. Unfortunately it was all a ruse! There aren’t any missiles at all! Biehn and Sheen are even more pissed. They begin talking with a beautiful reporter who has had contact with the high level terrorist in the past. She’s reluctant at first to give up any info, but has a change of heart after one of the Stingers is used. She tips him to some contacts she knows that might be helpful. The CIA resists, but end up agreeing to let the SEALs nab one of the contacts when they find out he’s already an asset. When they go in to grab him, though, they get into a firefight (all because of big dumb Sheen) and Billy is killed. They are sad. Like real sad. Biehn has some steamy sex with the journalist but his sadness persists. The only thing that will alleviate it is destroying those Stingers. With their location provided by the contact, it’s time to bash some skulls. And skulls, they are bashed. Explosions galore. A few of the SEALs are killed and while the Stingers are destroyed Biehn is hurt badly. But Sheen won’t let him die and they are able to escape to safety. THE END.
This is an extremely dumb movie. Very much a knock off Top Gun film of the late 80’s/early 90’s variety, like Fire Birds, Air America, Flight of the Intruder, Iron Eagle, etc. Just before these films were relegated to the depth of stock footage dreck that producers were selling straight-to-video and overseas in high numbers a few years later. This is still a big budget film, but give credit to those straight-to-video creators cause they so effectively knocked off these movies that now something like Navy SEALs feels like low budget garbage by association. It’s fun, though. Lots of BMT films are no fun at all, but this one is just silly war fluff. Come for all that silly war junk and stay for the ludicrous golf scene in the middle (not to mention almost everything that Charlie Sheen wears in the film).
Hot Take Clam Bake! Why didn’t they remotely destroy the Stinger missiles? We know exactly where they are, there are no hostages, and they are located in what is clearly an extremely hot warzone. Even better, whoever is fighting can take out those Stingers for us. They know exactly where they are. But noooooo, Biehn and Sheen can’t help but get directly involved as if they are the only SEAL team on the planet… and then like four Navy SEALs die in a non-war time raid involving the destruction of inanimate objects. Absolute disastrous result. I’m not going to say I’m the most qualified to make this decision, but seems like we got institutional failure on our hands top to bottom. Hopefully Biehn’s pivot to a journalism career works out for him. Hot Take Temperature: Sliver.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Navy Seals? More like Craven Heels, amirite? Top Gun inspired a generation of military recruiters that they too could make a homoerotic military propaganda film. Let’s go!
This film is filled, top to bottom, with some amazing stunts. Credit where credit is due. The sky dive, jumping off the bridge, and the water stunts involving the submarine were all on the level of much better films like Top Gun.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say Charlie Sheen is bad in this film, but a lot of the acting feels television-y (which at the time I suppose was a synonym for “bad”). But Sheen has a few moments where it seems like he almost having a genuine adrenaline / stress response which was a cool reaction and probably straight from the writer (who was a Navy SEAL).
If I were to point to one major flaw I would say that everything seems like a “set”. Especially the ending where the “Lebanon” city looks like a square block of shooting space dressed up as Lebanon.
Actually, strike that. The major flaw is the borderline racist (but yet inevitable) portrayal of the terrorists in the film.
Actually, strike that. Or, better yet, just strike out the word “borderline” in the last sentence.
The golf scene is insane. A basketball scene last week. A golf scene this week? Awesome.
It is only made better that apparently the studio was like “we’re missing something, play some touch football” and Bill Paxton was like “no, that’s too close to the volleyball scene in Top Gun” and shot the golf stuff himself. And then ironically Top Gun 2 they do play touch football (kind of, don’t get me started on that).
As far as a review I think I’ll leave it by saying that Fire Birds, this, a bunch of lower level things like Delta Force, etc. they are such an odd reaction in a post-Cold War world (or at least a world where Russia seemed to be close to defeat). The military was really terrified that without a big enemy recruiting numbers were going to fall off a cliff huh?
Best Product Placement (What?) for the Ready Room in Virginia Beach? At the very least them sucking down Bud Heavies while playing golf works. A rare Setting as a Character (Where?) for either Virginia or Lebanon, take your pick. Solid McGuffin (Why?) for the Stinger missiles, a nice objective for every mission in the film. Closest to BMT I think, like Fire Birds it is just nonsensical military trash to be funny/fun.
Oh boy, so get this. I was an elite Navy SEAL (NBD) but I was going to a buddies wedding and I was like “women amirite?” and jumped off a bridge. Naturally, I was seriously injured in this ludicrous stunt and now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Navy Seals?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) We’ve got four missions in the film. Describe the first. Hint, this is the one that interrupts President Palmer’s wedding.
2) Alright, what does Hawkins (Charlie Sheen) see during that mission which makes everyone just a tad bit suspicious and angry?
3) Alright, time for a second mission. What is the purpose of this mission? Hint, things don’t go so well on this one as it is a trick.
4) The love interest for Curran (Michael Biehn) is a reporter. Why is she important to the overall storyline, and ultimately for the third mission of the film.
5) Time for a final mission. Where are they going and how do they get there?
Bad Movie Twins 