Oh boy. One day I was wandering around rural Kentucky when all of a sudden I saw some funky fresh horses. My mind was literally blown and my head exploded (literally). Now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Fresh Horses?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Oh boy, Larkin is a brainiac at the University of Cincinnati, and he’s just got quite the life set up … that is, until he goes to that one party. How do him and Ben Stiller hear about the party?
2) At the everlasting house party Larkin meets Jewel and they are just immediately head over heels. Two problems though … what are the two issues that Ben Stiller ultimately brings up to Larkin about Jewel?
3) Hmmmm, unfortunate. More unfortunate: Larkin, still wants to be with Jewel because he lerrrrrrrrrvs her. Soon after Larkin gets in a big old fight with someone at that same everlasting house party. Over what?
4) Around the same time Larkin is thrown out of his house. Why, and where does he ultimately go to live?
5) In the end Jewel and Larkin don’t end up together. What happens to them?
Bonus Question: When Larkin returns to his job he’s toiling away when he gets a knock at his door. Who is it?
“Home sweet home,” Patrick says, looking around at their Delaware mansion. Jamie pulls the shrink wrap off the Citizen Kane DVD and pops it into the player. But before the magic of cinema can wash over them, the doorbell rings. Jamie is annoyed. His first post, “Citizen Kane: Hot or Not?” won’t write itself and he could feel the genius flowing. “Uh, Jamie,” Patrick says from the front door, “you might wanna come see this.” Jamie snaps his laptop shut in disgust, but when he gets to the front door he gasps. A large crowd of people have gathered on the lawn. “Seems like the video of us kicking that guy off the train went viral,” Patrick says. Out of the crowd comes the Mayor. He grabs them by the hands and faces the cameras. “Ladies and Gentlemen, these boys here saved the train!” Everyone cheers. “Not only that, but I reckon this viral video could save the town. Really pump up the volume on local tourism. That’s why I’ve come here to ask the Good Movie Twins to help promote our latest venture, the local racetrack.” Everyone looks on hopefully. “We really have to get back to Citizen Kane,” Jamie says gruffly, but before he can head back inside Patrick grabs his shoulder and exclaims loudly, “But before then we’d be happy to help.” The crowd erupts. An hour later Jamie and Patrick find themselves at the track. Patrick squints his eyes, “Where are the horses?” he asks, confused. “That’s just it, we don’t have any,” the mayor admits. At that, inspiration hits and Patrick take out the Good Movie Twins rulez to change Rule #4 to read, “Animals”. Easy enough. “Horses, coming right up,” they say, putting on their sunglasses, “and these horses are gonna be fresh.” That’s right! We are watching *checks notes* Fresh Horses… wait, that can’t be right. Let’s go!
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 15.6%; Notability: top 13.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 0.0%; Higher BMeT: Mac and Me, Caddyshack II, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Poltergeist III, Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, Johnny Be Good, Alien from L.A., Arthur 2: On the Rocks, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Big Top Pee-wee, Red Scorpion, Cocoon: The Return, Two Moon Junction, Critters 2, Hot to Trot, Return of the Killer Tomatoes!, 976-EVIL, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, Short Circuit 2, Action Jackson, and 19 more; Higher Notability: Action Jackson, Sunset, High Spirits, Big Top Pee-wee, Caddyshack II, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Moving, Cocoon: The Return, The Couch Trip, License to Drive, Vibes, Cocktail, Arthur 2: On the Rocks, Hot to Trot, The Seventh Sign, Mac and Me, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Bad Dreams, The Presidio, Short Circuit 2, and 13 more; Notes: Yeah it got 0% on RT so naturally nothing is beating that. I’m shocked by the Notability. But I suppose when you have had 35 years to make people famous having 30 famous people involved in your movie is almost inevitable? Then again, only 33 or so films had higher that year. The 80s were a wild time where this was definitely a major release and yet until this very moment I had no idea this movie existed.
Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars – Collegian McCarthy, engaged to a wealthy dullard, falls for Ringwald’s underage no-no, a semi-shantytramp who lives across the river from his Cincinnati campus. Slightly better than expected, thanks to fine Midwest location work from the director of Hoosiers. Ringwald isn’t totally convincing in the kind of role Gloria Grahame invented.
(First, loving the non-word “semi-shantytramp”. Also loving the name drop of Gloria Grahame. Only made better by having just watched It’s a Wonderful Life where … I guess that’s what he’s talking about. Regardless, given her character in that film I can definitely understand the reference despite not having seen any of her other major roles.)
(Jesus Christ. I suppose it should be mentioned he’s engaged at the start of the film, she’s 16, and the whole film is insanity. What is the opposite of being hyped for a film? The Anti-Money Train?)
Directors – David Anspaugh – ( Known For: Rudy; Hoosiers; The Game of Their Lives; WiseGirls; Little Red Wagon; Future BMT: Moonlight and Valentino; BMT: Fresh Horses; Notes: Won two Emmys for Hill Street Blues. Was apparently personally recommended for USC film school by Jack Nicholson.)
Writers – Larry Ketron – ( Known For: Permanent Record; Vital Signs; The Only Thrill; BMT: Fresh Horses; Notes: Contributed to the TV Movie Ghost Cat in 2004.)
Actors – Molly Ringwald – ( Known For: The Breakfast Club; Sixteen Candles; Pretty in Pink; The Kissing Booth; Siberia; The Kissing Booth 3; The Kissing Booth 2; The Pick-up Artist; King Cobra; Tempest; SPF-18; King Lear; Betsy’s Wedding; Office Killer; Malicious; Cowboy Up; Cut; All These Small Moments; Strike It Rich; Bad Night; Future BMT: Not Another Teen Movie; Teaching Mrs. Tingle; Jem and the Holograms; Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone; For Keeps?; BMT: Fresh Horses; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actress for Betsy’s Wedding in 1991; Notes: Was a John Hughes staple of the 80s. I always assumed she was way more famous than she actually was because I watched The Breakfast Club so many times as a kid.)
Andrew McCarthy – ( Known For: Pretty in Pink; St. Elmo’s Fire; The Spiderwick Chronicles; Weekend at Bernie’s; Less Than Zero; The Joy Luck Club; The Good Guy; Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle; Only You; Quiet Days in Clichy; Main Street; Stag; Getting In; I Woke Up Early the Day I Died; New Waterford Girl; Night of the Running Man; Camp Hell; The Beniker Gang; Things I Never Told You; Waiting for the Moon; Future BMT: Class; Mulholland Falls; Heaven Help Us; Year of the Gun; Kansas; BMT: Mannequin; Fresh Horses; Weekend at Bernie’s II; Notes: One of the eight original members of the Brat Pack. Emelio Estevez, Charlie Sheen, Rob Lowe, Judd Nelson, him, Molly Ringwald, Ally Sheedy, … that’s all I got. Sheen isn’t actually one, and I was missing Anthony Michael Hall, Demi Moore)
Patti D’Arbanville – ( Known For: Real Genius; Morning Glory; World Trade Center; Time After Time; Bilitis; Celebrity; The Extra Man; The Boys Next Door; Big Wednesday; Modern Problems; Rancho Deluxe; The Main Event; Flesh; Call Me; The Fifth Floor; Personal Velocity; Hog Wild; Happy Tears; L’Amour; Future BMT: The Fan; Wired; BMT: I Know What You Did Last Summer; Perfect Stranger; Fresh Horses; Fathers’ Day; Notes: Apparently she’s the one being referred to in the Cat Stevens song Lady D’Arbanville. Was married to Terry Quinn for a long time … which has only occurred to me now is not Terry O’Quinn from Lost.)
Budget/Gross – $14 million / Domestic: $6,640,346 (Worldwide: $6,640,346)
(How … how did this movie make $6 million. It makes no sense. I dare anyone to find someone who watched this film in theaters when it came out.)
(Egad! This poster has me thinking this film is an elaborate joke of some kind. That one is a solid C-. Super pretentious, but is it wrong that I kinda like the bold purple with the black and white picture and simple yellow lettering? The colors are… fresh.)
Tagline(s) – Love doesn’t have to last a lifetime. (C+)
(Huh… I mean it certainly gets to the point. Almost gives away what should be left to the audience. Not clever either, but it’s more interesting than it should be. It feels intriguing, which is something.)
Keyword(s) – good
Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), The Nice Guys (2016)
Future BMT: 67.4 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 56.2 The Fly II (1989), 51.7 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.0 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.6 The Hot Chick (2002), 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.1 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.4 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.7 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992)
BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Fresh Horses (1988), Hunter Killer (2018)
Best Options (Romance): 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012), 24.4 Fresh Horses (1988), 21.6 For Love or Money (1993), 19.1 Other People’s Money (1991), 14.3 Sweet November (2001), 12.0 Great Expectations (1998), 10.6 A Good Year (2006)
(Arthur 2 is going to be done in a few weeks. The rest are more like … comedies with romantic elements maybe? Milk Money for sure is about kids hiring prostitutes, not exactly traditional romance.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Andrew McCarthy is No. 2 billed in Fresh Horses and No. 1 billed in Mannequin, which also stars Estelle Getty (No. 3 billed) who is in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (No. 2 billed) which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 1) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch Little Fockers we can get the HoE Number down to 15.
Notes – The film was made and first released about two years after its source stage play by Larry Ketron had been first performed Off Broadway on 11th February 1986 at the WPA Theatre in New York where it starred in its lead roles Craig Sheffer and Suzy Amis. They are played in the movie by Andrew McCarthy and Molly Ringwald respectively. Larry Ketron penned this screen adaptation of his own play.
The meaning and relevance of the title phrase ”Fresh Horses” is that it is a term used for horses that riders use to replace their tired horses during a long ride. This is referred to by Tipton, who argues at one point that men have an urge to want to switch out their tired used up horses for fresh unridden ones, horses meaning women in this case.
One of the few PG-13 rated movies that allowed the use of the word f-word more than one time and still maintain its rating. Neither use was in a sexual connotation.
Second and final of two theatrical feature film collaborations of actor Andrew McCarthy and actress Molly Ringwald who had both previously starred together in the 1980’s hit movie ‘Pretty In Pink’ (1986) about a couple of years earlier.
Mary Stuart Masterson was attached to star in the lead female role of Jewel with her father Peter Masterson attached to direct the film according to an article published in the 20th March 1987 edition of show-business trade-paper ‘Daily Variety’. However, neither ended up working on the picture with the Columbia Pictures studio executives going for the re-teaming of the stars of ‘Pretty in Pink’ (1986), who were Andrew McCarthy and Molly Ringwald.
Allan Marcil, executive producer on the picture, according to the film’s production notes, wanted to shoot the picture near the Ohio-Kentucky border region where his wife grew up. This was because the geographic boundary provided a cultural and social dichotomy necessary to the story.
The song No Tomorrow by David Foster, Kenny Loggins, Arlene Matza and performed by George Hawkins is used during the end credits in the theatrical and the VHS version of the film.
Always a pleasure to deviate from our typical BMT formula of a single bad movie (or perhaps two or three bad movies) and partake in a classic film and it’s not-so-classic follow-up/money grab. That’s what we got with The Fly II. I started to wonder whether this was the steepest drop from classic high to BMT low. And I’m not talking some jokey answer like the drop from Big Momma’s House to Big Momma’s House 2. Like for serious, there would be some pretty great nominees. Basic Instinct 2. Speed 2: Cruise Control. The Birds 2: Land’s End… but I think I’m most intrigued by The Sting II… the original won Best Picture, the sequel did not. But it’s just old enough to confuse us as to its BMT credentials. I’ll have to get Patrick on the case given he’s the head of the Computer Science Department at BMT University. Till then…
To recap, The Brundlefly’s back, Jack! But not Seth this time, it’s his son Martin. Having inherited the fly genetics from his father, Martin grows up fast. So even though he’s only five years old he’s got the body of a twenty year old. And what a body! (Characters in the film think, unironically). He’s also got the mind of a genius. So when he gets big enough he goes to work for Bartok, his Science Daddy (as I shall creepily refer to him). His task is to get his father’s machine working again. While he’s doing this he strikes up a friendship with Beth, a night shift worker with greater aspirations. While attending a work party with Beth, Martin stumbles upon a monstrous dog creature his Science Daddy accidentally created during earlier attempts at getting the machine to work. He is dismayed and breaks things off with Beth, but drawn like a fly to honey he reconciles and they totally smooch… hard (remember, he’s five, but his mind is older, so it’s OK). This gets not only his body juices flowing, but his mind juices too and he is able to perfect the machine. But his postcoital bliss only lasts so long as he realizes he’s transforming into the Brundlefly (oh no). Even worse, he has figured out how to cure himself but it requires him to make horrific genetic alterations to another person (double oh no!). As if it can’t get worse, he also finds out his Science Daddy is evil and wants to use his invention for profit (triple dog oh no!). Distraught, he locks down his computers and attempts an escape. This doesn’t last long, though, as he enters a cocoon state and despite her best efforts, Beth is forced to return him to the lab. Awakened, Martin goes on a rampage. He kills all the baddies in sight, eventually cornering his Science Daddy and pulling him into a pod where Beth initializes his curing process. Martin comes out cured and his Science Daddy is now his Science Daddy Monster. THE END… or is it? (It is).
This movie appears to be sold on one thing and one thing only: the ending visual effects. While the fly effects are a bit shaky, the very last shot of the Science Daddy Monster is horrific and so I have to give them some props on that. Truly grotesque. Congrats. I also very much enjoyed Spaceball’s Daphne Zuniga as the love interest. Charming actress. I think the film mostly suffers from comparisons to the Cronenberg original, which is unassailable both technically and aesthetically. It is impossible to live up to when you then hire the visual effects artist to direct the follow up. It’s also pretty slow for the first hour. Clearly they wanted something quick and on the cheaper side of things so they could grab dat money.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Is it wrong for me to suggest that there are numerous people they could have used to cure Martin and avoid all the general fly hubbub? Ethically it may be a bit hazy, but let’s be real… ethics isn’t Science Daddy’s strong suit. You just need that sweet, sweet DNA to fix Martin. Guess who has a bunch of DNA they aren’t using? Dead people. Science Daddy got the green. Buy a dead body… easier said than done, I’m sure, but I bet Science Daddy could figure it out. And if he can’t, guess who’s providing dead bodies left and right? The fly himself. Grab up a deado and get the process rolling. Seems wasteful to use a perfectly good Science Daddy. Hot Take Temperature: Carolina Reaper.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! The Fly II? More like Not Fly Too! Amirite? Brundlefly is back, but now he has the growing disease from Jack. Let’s go!
I like Eric Stoltz and Daphne Zuniga in this. Both of them work well as young employees of a how-you-say? … evil company? Funny that Mel Brooks was an EP so he got Zuniga in the film. I don’t really remember her in much else and was always surprised. Looks like she was in Vision Quest (never saw it), Gross Anatomy (future BMT … wait, was she connected to Modine in some way … was Modine connected to Mel Brooks too?), and then did 110 episodes of Melrose Place.
But I will never ever ever ever watch this film ever again. Why? Because what happens to the dog and the bad guy at the end is horrifying. Just horrifying. Cut that part of the film out and it is just silly with some interesting third act practical effects. With it, it is just unnecessarily gross and I hate it.
If I were to pinpoint the main thing that makes this a BMT film it is the moment (shown in the trailer) where Stoltz becomes like … a cocoon man. No, he doesn’t look like Steve Guttenberg. I mean, like, he’s a weird looking man covered in cobwebs and shit. The short segment where a very very ill Stoltz goes on the run and tries to get Zuniga and a former Brundlefly Inc. employee to help him is the best part from a BMT perspective.
Prior to that the film is kind of just a rehash of the first film with Brundlefly Jr. trying to figure out where he belongs in the world (you know?) and rebuild his father’s research. After that is it just a practical effects bonanza. The “I feel BBeTTer” line is just really everything from a BMT perspective.
Speaking of which I suppose. People were pretty down on the practical effects, but while gross, I felt they were pretty impressive. I can understand the “this ain’t no Cronenberg” attitude at the time, but I still think it worked much better than I expected.
The exception being the actual puppet at the end. The puppet was pretty rough. Kind of looked like crap and … well, it looked like a puppet. A fragile puppet. Not great. Still, I didn’t mind it much.
I did watch the Goldblum film a while back. Loved it. It’s a good movie with great special effects. Unfortunately I didn’t get to the original or any of the sequels. Some day. I do think they are intriguing, and I want to watch more older films.
I suppose a minor Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimate twist of Stoltz fixing himself by destroying his father figure / horrible person Bartok. That’s it though. It’s very much closest to BMT, but I don’t think it is as impressive as I expected.
Read about my sequel The Fly III: Half Past Fly in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Oh boy. So first of all, I’m a quarter fly person (my dad was half fly, don’t worry about it). And now I’m growing ultra quick like Robin Williams! Needless to say I have the memory of a fly as well, so I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in The Fly II?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Brundlefly Jr. is born to definitely-not-Geena-Davis, but ultimately is raised by who? And why?
2) In his formative years a very particular relationship with an aminal would ultimately color issues throughout his life. What kind of animal?
3) When Brundlefly Jr. grows up though he meets a young lady, Princess Vespa. How do they meet?
4) Ultimately he must escape his confines though as he slowly turns into an actual Brundlefly. What final betrayal is revealed concerning his condition from Bartok?
5) How does Brundlefly cure himself?
Bonus Question: Brundlefly Jr. is living happily ever after, but then there is a knock at the door. Who is it?
“I guess we’re having a little trouble with #4,” Jamie says, hoping to get some Good Movie insight from their new elderly friend. It seems right up his alley since it has to do with friendship: Rule #4 – Animal Friends/Animal Enemies. But the old man isn’t listening, he just keeps staring at a door at the back of the train that has a big money sign painted on it. “Why are you staring at the train’s treasure room?” Patrick asks, once again suspicious of this stereotypical old man. “Oh, I don’t know…” the old man starts before dramatically pulling off his disguise and drawing a gun on them. “Maybe because you’re gonna help me rob this train of its jewels,” he finishes. “He’s got a gun!” a nearby passenger screams. Panic ensues and the passengers flee, leaving the train car empty except for them. The young man explains how he saw them at the train station and knew it was his opportunity to use them to help him get away with his heist. He says something about forcing them to dance in order to distract the train police, but at that point Jamie and Patrick have stopped listening. They half-heartedly twin chop the gun out of his hand and backflip their way between him and the treasure room. “No, we’re not going to help you with this scheme. We’re not even going to get ourselves wrapped up in some complicated quest to stop you and your dastardly deeds. That was the old Movie Twins. The Bad Movie Twins. Now we’re the Good Movie Twins. In fact, we’re not just Good…” Patrick says and Jamie finishes, “We’re fly. And that’s exactly what you’re about to do.” At that they Twin Kick the faux geezer out of the moving train. That’s right! We are picking up a classic… and then we’ll watch that classic’s dumb sequel. It’s The Fly and The Fly II. The first one is a Cronenberg classic. The second is the one directed by the dude who did the creature effects for the first film… I’m not joking… that’s what happened because they probably thought, “whatever, this is just a cash grab anyway.” Let’s go!
The Fly II (1989) – BMeTric: 56.0; Notability: 33
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 3.2%; Notability: top 14.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.1%; Higher BMeT: Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, Wild Orchid, Cyborg, The Karate Kid Part III; Higher Notability: Tango & Cash, Troop Beverly Hills, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Fletch Lives, Harlem Nights, Leviathan, Listen to Me, Lock Up, Pink Cadillac, Family Business, Millennium, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Three Fugitives, Dead Bang, Let It Ride, Renegades, Slaves of New York, The Karate Kid Part III, and 16 more; Lower RT: Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Stepfather II: Make Room for Daddy, The Toxic Avenger Part II, The Horror Show, Worth Winning, Night Game, Second Sight, Wired, Dream a Little Dream, No Holds Barred, Wild Orchid, She’s Out of Control, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Millennium, Chattahoochee, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland, The Blood of Heroes, The Lemon Sisters, and 25 more; Notes: We are doing okay with 1989 now I think, just look at the Top BMeT list. This will be 7 of the top 8 watched for BMT, with only Karate Kid III outstanding there. I have a subtle goal which is to watch the top 10 BMeT films of every year from 1980 to now. I think the early 80s can be done if we loosen up the restrictions, but I already have ideas about that.
Leonard Maltin – BOMB – A case of “like father, like son”; too bad director Walas isn’t like David Cronenberg. Stoltz, son of deceased Jeff Goldblum, has attained puberty at five with the intellect to match; now he’s being unknowingly exploited by – here’s a novel twist – the scientists in whose care he’s entrusted. Alternatively sull and messy but mostly dull.
(First, double semi-colon. Jesus Christ Leonard, you’d outdone even yourself. Second, like father like son? You talking like Big Momma and his (her?) son? I’m surprised “mostly dull” gets a BOMB. BOMBs are ultra rare.)
(Horrible horrible horrible. I hate it. Annoying and not scary or good. The last bit of the trailer does get you a bit amped and teases the puppet at least.)
Directors – Chris Walas – ( Known For: The Vagrant; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: The Vagrant looks absolutely wild. Anyways, he did the makeup for the original Fly (and was nominated for an Oscar for it). This seemed to be his one and only attempt at a truly major release, although he is a genuinely famous special effects artist working on Return of the Jedi, Enemy Mine, and Gremlins.)
Writers – Mick Garris – ( Known For: Hocus Pocus 2; *batteries not included; Nightmare Cinema; Riding the Bullet; Future BMT: Hocus Pocus; BMT: Critters 2; The Fly II; Notes: Very notably was a secretary at the Star Wars Corporation in 1977. He’s a pretty big name horror director from the 80s)
Jim Wheat and Ken Wheat– ( Known For: Pitch Black; A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master; The Silent Scream; After Midnight; The Return; Future BMT: The Chronicles of Riddick; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: Under the fold is the incredible revelation that they are the directors of Ewoks: The Battle for Endor. They are brothers and writing partners.)
Frank Darabont – ( Known For: The Shawshank Redemption; The Green Mile; The Mist; The Blob; Frankenstein; A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: I feel like he’s mostly notable for the big issues he’s had with The Walking Dead and getting paid for that … but yeah, also he’s the director for Shawshank. I’m a little stunned all of these credits are for exclusively The Fly II with not credit for the original writers or anything?)
George Langelaan – (Known For: The Fly, Return of the Fly; Curse of the Fly, The Fly; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: They obviously had to credit him for the story and characters. But again, a little crazy that Cronenberg gets nothing on the sequel? It makes no sense.)
Actors – Eric Stoltz – ( Known For: Pulp Fiction; Back to the Future; Jerry Maguire; Fast Times at Ridgemont High; Little Women; Some Kind of Wonderful; Mask; Say Anything; The Prophecy; The Rules of Attraction; Singles; Kicking and Screaming; 2 Days in the Valley; Memphis Belle; Rob Roy; Her Smell; 5 to 7; The House of Mirth; The Wild Life; Killing Zoe; Future BMT: The Butterfly Effect; The Honeymooners; Fluke; Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer; BMT: Anaconda; The Fly II; Notes: Famously the original Marty McFly in Back to the Future (still uncredited there presumably because he’s still included in some wide shots?). Mostly does small things and television spots, but was also a star of the Battlestar Galactica spinoff Caprica it looks like.)
Daphne Zuniga – ( Known For: Spaceballs; Vision Quest; The Sure Thing; The Initiation; Modern Girls; The Dorm That Dripped Blood; Staying Together; Last Rites; Heartbeats; Gone Missing; Charlie’s Ghost Story; Mad at the Moon; Who’s Driving Doug; Enemies of Laughter; Summer Forever; Future BMT: Gross Anatomy; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: I obviously know her from Spaceballs. She’s continued to do a lot of stuff, mostly guest spots on television, but she was also on 40 episodes of One Tree Hill.)
Lee Richardson – ( Known For: Network; The Exorcist III; Prizzi’s Honor; Prince of the City; Brubaker; Q&A; Daniel; Middle of the Night; Tiger Warsaw; I Am the Cheese; Future BMT: The Believers; A Stranger Among Us; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: Uncredited as FDR in the Truman television movie. Was nominated for a Tony Award for Vivat! Vivat Rgina! In 1972. Died in 1999.)
(That seems bad considering how much must have went into effects. A little odd that there is no info at all about how much this movie costs seemingly.)
(Christ, they just knocked off the first film’s poster. Really was a cash grab. Although then again there is a rich history of just trotting out the same thing for a sequel. Back to the Future comes to mind. I like the tone, wish the font was a little better, and can’t give it much of a score since it is a knockoff. C.)
Tagline(s) – Like father, like son. (F)
(We talking Big Momma’s House 3? I sometimes wonder when we have a tagline this generic whether we could build a trilogy of films with the exact same tagline.)
Keyword(s) – good
Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), The Nice Guys (2016)
Future BMT: 67.3 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 51.7 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.0 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.6 The Hot Chick (2002), 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.1 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.4 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.6 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012)
BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), The Fly II (1989), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Hunter Killer (2018)
Best Options (Horror):56.2 The Fly II (1989), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014)
(Yeah, no very good options here, until you pulled in some Thrillers. At the very least The Good Son would have been an option … but spoilers, we are doing that later.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Eric Stoltz is No. 1 billed in The Fly II and No. 4 billed in Anaconda, which also stars Jennifer Lopez (No. 1 billed) who is in Gigli (No. 2 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 16. If we were to watch Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 16.
Notes – Chris Walas wanted Geena Davis to reprise her role as Veronica Quaife for the birth scene at the beginning of the film. Geena Davis declined, because she had found the maggot-baby dream sequence in the original film emotionally upsetting and was replaced by Saffron Henderson, despite being 10 years younger than Davis.
The first videotape of Seth Brundle (Jeff Goldblum) (where he theorizes that the teleporter improved him) is actually part of a deleted scene from The Fly (1986). The scene was slightly edited for this film, and Veronica’s (Geena Davis) voice was dubbed over by Saffron Henderson (who plays Veronica at the beginning of The Fly II (1989)).
The Telepod props from The Fly (1986) were destroyed after filming was completed and had to be rebuilt.
John Getz (Stathis Borans) is the only actor reprising a role from the The Fly (1986).
The green flashes of light between each credit in the title sequence were actually borrowed from an alternate, unused title sequence for The Fly (1986).
In at least one draft of the script, Martin was going to see yet another videotape of Seth Brundle (this time nearing the end of his transformation), in which Seth talks about his “cure”. This would have required brand-new footage of Jeff Goldblum in makeup from the previous film, and the concept was subsequently dropped from the script.
The movie was originally given an X rating by the MPAA because of the graphic scene where Hargis’ head is crushed underneath an elevator. Director Chris Walas appealed the decision, and the MPAA gave the film an R rating without any edits to the scene.
In some US states, theaters playing The Fly II (1989) had a nurse on hand for the audience’s reactions to its content.
Mel Brooks suggested to Chris Walas that Daphne Zuniga play Beth Logan, after Zuniga starred as Princess Vespa in Brook’s “Star Wars” spoof Spaceballs (1987).
The book next to the sleeping technician in the control room at the beginning of the film is “The Shape of Rage”, an anthology of writings about the films of David Cronenberg, who directed this film’s predecessor.
A scene was taken out of the film which reveals the reason why Bartok and his scientists can’t get the Telepods to work is because Stathis took the operating disc from the Telepods and all the research on it to ensure the Telepods couldn’t cause any more damage than they already had.
Although “The Fly III” never happened, a comic book sequel, “The Fly: Outbreak” by Brandon Seifert, was published in 2015. “Outbreak” takes place years after The Fly II (1989) and it follows Martin Brundle attempting to cure Anton Bartok of his mutant condition.
Originally, writer Mick Garris’s script was about Veronica being convinced not to abort her baby by a religious cult who would keep and raise Martin after he was born. The rapidly aging Martin is joined by a group of kids with their own unique abilities or deformities and Martin could discover he could communicate with insects and would lead the kids to escape the cult and live in the outskirts of L.A.. This premise was abandoned for being too strange and family friendly. Another draft included Bartok scientists using cloning technology to resurrect Seth Brundle, still stuck as BrundleFly at first, and would discover that his son Martin (who was originally meant to be a child/teenager throughout the film) could communicate with him. Chris Walas disliked this version of the story as he thought it was too odd of a premise to the point where it came off like a family-friendly horror film about a boy and his bug monster. He even threatened to walk off the project if the script wasn’t changed, so the Fox executives relented and hired Frank Darabont to overhaul the script.
There had been a change in management at Fox between The Fly (1986) and this sequel, and the new head of Fox hadn’t even seen the previous film. Director Chris Walas claims that they wanted the film to explore themes of defying destiny and what it means to be a son, but the Fox executives ordered them to ditch the existential themes and make the film a standard, gory movie that teens could enjoy on their date. Mel Brooks would later remark that he had never seen so much studio interference on a movie before.
Money Train! Now this… this is a movie. It’s a Wonderful Life? Bah! That ain’t nothing. When it’s Xmas I wan’t one thing and one thing only: Money Train. The Train is filled with money. Are you following me? It’s especially filled with money on New Year’s Eve… get it? Our boys are one half karate master and one half dopey gambling addict. Guess what happens next? It’s Money Train. More like BMT Train choo choo. All aboard.
Let’s recap, it’s Money Train choo choo all aboard. Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson are brothers. Both are transit cops in NYC running sting operations to take down muggers. When one of the operations go south and the special force used to protect the “money train” blows away a kid, they get in hot water with the captain who just wants to protect dat money. We learn that Harrelson is a fuck-up, always getting bailed out by Snipes. His latest fuck-up is going deep in debt to the mob, but Snipes promises they’ll get paid back. Meanwhile, they get assigned a new partner, JLo, who is looking hot and steamy. Through the holidays there are all kinds of shenanigans. Harrelson gets and promptly loses all the money needed to pay off the mob. Snipes and JLo have a steamy tryst which makes Harrelson sad. They learn a bunch about the money train and how one might steal from it (which is helpful to the audience who will, spoiler alert, have to follow such a heist later in the film). Finally they track down and explode a serial arsonist called The Torch (word). That last part, particularly the part where they explode a criminal, gets Harrelson and Snipes fired. Harrelson decides to rob the money train but just can’t help but tip off Snipes who runs to his rescue. Just when things are looking real bad for Harrelson, Snipes shows up and they are off and running trying to escape. It’s a big time climax where the captain does a bunch of illegal stuff that can get people killed while Snipes and Harrelson figure a way to prevent their money train from destroying everything in its path like a glorious money torpedo. They finally are able to trip up the train and just as it derails they jump to another train and make their escape. We finish with them arguing about the money gearing up for Money Train 2: It’s a Boat Now (sadly, not the case). THE END.
I LOVED THE MOVIE. It is crazy bonkers. Robert Blake is the craziest antagonist this side of the Mississippi and yet everyone pretends all the crazy stuff that is happening is no big deal… just a normal day in Money Train land. It’s perfect. Even the parts that aren’t perfect are perfect. Like Harrelson looks like a crazy person and the idea that he would look at JLo and be like “Yo, Snipes, clear out,” is glorious. Snipes learning that his brother fucked up with the mob so his solution is to go into their strip club and beat them all up with kung fu (a skill never used before or after by the character) is glorious. Did I mention JLo looking so good that they should have stopped the movie and been like “uh, she’s the star, right? Like what are we doing? Get everyone out of here, JLo is now the star.” Glorious. BMT perfection and you can’t convince me otherwise.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Speaking of JLo, what is she doing with these bozos? Sure, Snipes is looking great in this film. I would guess this might even be peak Snipes. But still, you’re a NYC transit cop. What are you doing rooting for Snipes and his fuck-up brother to rob the money train? Arrest those fools, get a much cooler boyfriend, and keep being a great cop. This is the big problem with the film. I don’t root for bad guys. This is why Money Train 2 would have to be JLo going undercover with the FBI to nab Snipes and Harrelson. But then at the very end she lets them go, only to have Money Train 3 be a twist-em-up where the FBI comes to her and is like “there is this terrorist group transporting guns on their gun train, do you know anyone who could stop them? Any train robbers?” and JLo is like “uh, cha… I just might know a couple people.” And then in the end they are all about fambly and shit… wait, what was I talking about? Hot Take Temperature: Banana Pepper.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Chooooooo choooooooo you sound like a big ol’ Money Train. Let’s go!
Christmas movie. CHECK. This is an incredible Christmas movie. The entire movie takes place almost in the week between Christmas and New Years complete with Christmas decorations and gifts and a white Christmas in New York.
New Years movie. CHECK. This is also amazingly an incredible New Years movie. Dare I say it? It is the BEST New Years movie. The movie pretty much ends right at the New Year. The New Year plays a huge role in the plot. The movie ends in Times Square itself! I think this is it. I think I will watch this movie every New Years and time it so that our heroes pop out of the subway and into Times Square at precisely midnight.
Train movie. CHECK. Choo choo mother f-er, that’s the sound of a ludicrous looking NYC money train. It’s got beefy guards. It’s got bars on the windows. And it’s got millions of dollars ready to be robbed by our no good gambling addict hero. Choo choo!
Sorry boys, but that’s the triple threat. We have a leader in the best BMT of the year in the club house. And I honestly would be a little shocked to see it supplanted.
I didn’t like Woody Harrelson very much in this. There was something a little off with him. Maybe he isn’t a very believable New Yorker? Maybe. I kept on thinking you needed someone who was more of a fuck up due to being an addict you know? Harrelson was channeling his Cheers character and seemed like a fuck up because he was a moron. All the way down to his terrible heist plan.
Wesley Snipes was a bit of a revelation on the other hand. I didn’t much like him in Rising Sun. It felt like instead of giving him a character they just expected Snipes to act as himself mostly. In this though I thought he was great. Very charismatic and his chemistry with J-Lo was also great. Also he’s a really good martial artist and they knew how to showcase that.
And J-Lo was great. It isn’t a wonder that she was one of the main strong points that critics pointed to even in the bad reviews.
The entire plot is ludicrous, but that’s what you want. You want it to basically be The Rock. Don’t overthink these things.
The major flaw in the film I think was the entire arsonist storyline. There is a tighter script here where the person they are chasing is instead a guy they think is going to rob the Money Train. And the entire time Harrelson is talking about how easy it would be to rob it, so this guy isn’t going to be some mastermind. He’s going to be an idiot with nothing to lose … and then they end up finding the guy dead or something. And Harrelson gets fired and realizes he can basically pull off the heist himself since no one knows the real culprit is dead. Suddenly the B-plot and the A-plot converge and that’s the beauty of a heist film right? I think it’s better at least. The arsonist storyline is just stupid.
A decent Product Placement (What?) for some very conspicuous Budweiser placement. A very very Setting as a Character (Where?) for New York City, all the way down to the very real (apparently) money train. A double dose of Secret Holiday Film (When?) for both Christmas and New Years. Wait, is this an A+ MacGuffin (Why?) for the titular Money Train? Borderline but I’ll give it to them. And this is so BMT it came around and because even more BMT!
Check out the sequel Money Train 2: Offline in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Oh man, so get this. I was robbing the Money Train (natch), but then my plan blew up in my face, I crashed yada yada yada. Regardless, I now can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Money Train?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) John and Charlie explain a few times that they are, in fact, brothers. But what is the whole story?
2) Why does Charlie owe a club owner a bunch of money, and how much? Also what happens to the original payment he received from John?
3) Why are John and Charlie fired (as ludicrous as it seems)?
4) What is the original heist plan?
5) How does it go wrong, and how do they ultimately get outta that jam?
Bonus Question: Years later Charlie is happily retired in Brooklyn, when he receives a knock at his door. Who is it?
Jamie and Patrick wait by the train tracks whistling a jaunty tune. Their bags are packed for Delaware and they are feeling good. Real good. Good Movie Twins is up and running and they even have their first movie picked out. Jamie stares down at their mint DVD copy of Citizen Kane. “What’s this one about again? I hope it’s a biopic of Carol Kane,” Jamie says hopefully before starting to get antsy. “Where is this train? When are we gonna get to Delllaawwwaarreeeee?” he whines and Patrick sighs. He pulls out their Good Movie Twins Rulez are Coolz card. “Rule #3 – Trains, Planes, and Cranes,” he mutters and Jamie perks up. “All those are great… is there a train, plane or crane in Citizen Kane?” he asks, but before Patrick can respond he feels a tap on his shoulder. “Hello, you young whippersnappers, I was hoping that perhaps you were a couple of good boys who could help an old man with his luggage.” Jamie and Patrick look at each other and then at the old man. He has a mass of frizzy white hair, tiny bifocals and a newsboy hat… in fact everything about him screams OLD… suspiciously so. But before Patrick can voice his skepticism the old man takes note of Jamie’s DVD. “Oh, boy Citizen Kane. That one is my favorite. No trains, planes or cranes. Although trains and planes are a big part of a lot of good films.” Suddenly Patrick sees an opportunity for GMT research. Instead of brushing off this suspicious old man he instead crosses off Cranes from Rule #3 and agrees to help him just as their train pulls in. With their moods only further enhanced, Patrick and Jamie put on their sunglasses. “This train is gonna be money.” That’s right! We’re watching the moniest of trains in Money Train. No it’s not a train made of money, it’s just an armored subway train that contains boatloads of money… specifically on New Years Eve. You ready for a countdown? Let’s go!
StreetCreditReport.com –BMeTric: top 9.6%; Notability: top 4.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.7%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Vampire in Brooklyn, Showgirls, Fair Game, Jury Duty, Batman Forever, Congo, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Theodore Rex, The Babysitter, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh, Judge Dredd, Nine Months, The Scarlet Letter, Johnny Mnemonic, Virtuosity, Jade, and 4 more; Higher Notability: Batman Forever, Congo, Judge Dredd, Cutthroat Island, Virtuosity, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Showgirls, Stuart Saves His Family, Four Rooms, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers; Lower RT: National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, Delta of Venus, The Big Green, Jury Duty, Theodore Rex, The Walking Dead, Born to Be Wild, Top Dog, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, The Hunted, It Takes Two, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Bushwhacked, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Fair Game, Vampire in Brooklyn, Canadian Bacon, The Scarlet Letter, Four Rooms, Jade, and 19 more; Notes: Loving that notability for a 90s film. How we haven’t seen Under Siege 2: Dark Territory yet is beyond me. Same goes for Jury Duty.
Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – The costars of White Men Can’t Jump try to reignite their chemistry as randy N.Y.C. transit cops – and brothers (!) – who fight over the same woman, argue over Woody’s gambling fever, and get involved in the theft of a money-laden subway car. Violent, overly contrived buddy flick with some big subterranean action scenes. The stars are funny together, but Blake is way over the top as the boys’ megalomaniac supervisor. All in all, “token” entertainment.
(Token, get it? Like subway tokens. Blake is indeed insane, and gambling fever? Woody should get that checked out. I give this review 3 Maltins. That’s out of four. Needed mor esemi-colons.)
(I remember this trailer so well! I remember the explanation of them being brothers being on constantly. Have to say … this trailer is rocking. I’m amped to watch this movie now.)
Directors – Joseph Ruben – ( Known For: The Stepfather; Dreamscape; The Ottoman Lieutenant; Return to Paradise; Blindsided; The Pom Pom Girls; True Believer; The Sister in Law; Gorp; Joyride; Our Winning Season; Future BMT: The Good Son; The Forgotten; BMT: Sleeping with the Enemy; Money Train; Notes: This basically ended his major motion picture run he was one from 1987 to 1995. Wrote Dreamscape.)
Writers – Doug Richardson – ( Known For: Bad Boys; Die Hard 2; Future BMT: Hostage; BMT: Welcome to Mooseport; Money Train; Notes: His one-two punch of Money Train and Bad Boys in 1995 is something else. I assume he’s a script doctor, otherwise his credits make no sense.)
David Loughery – ( Known For: Shattered; Fatale; End of the Road; Lakeview Terrace; Nurse; Dreamscape; Blindsided; Flashback; Future BMT: The Three Musketeers; Obsessed; Passenger 57; Tom and Huck; BMT: Star Trek V: The Final Frontier; The Intruder; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Star Trek V: The Final Frontier in 1990; Notes: Tom and Huck and The Three Musketeers. He’s like a case study in adapting classic literature poorly.)
Actors – Wesley Snipes – ( Known For: Blade; Coming 2 America; Blade II; To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar; King of New York; Major League; New Jack City; White Men Can’t Jump; Dolemite Is My Name; Waiting to Exhale; Chaos; Jungle Fever; Brooklyn’s Finest; Undisputed; Cut Throat City; Gallowwalkers; Mo’ Better Blues; One Night Stand; Chi-Raq; The Recall; Future BMT: U.S. Marshals; Blade: Trinity; Passenger 57; Wildcats; Murder at 1600; The Fan; Drop Zone; The Art of War; Sugar Hill; Play It to the Bone; Boiling Point; Streets of Gold; BMT: The Expendables 3; Rising Sun; Demolition Man; Money Train; Notes: Back doing movies like Coming 2 America and was just in the mini series True Story. Spent a shade over two years in prison for tax evasion.)
Woody Harrelson – ( Known For: Triangle of Sadness; The Hunger Games; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri; No Country for Old Men; Out of the Furnace; Seven Psychopaths; The Hunger Games: Catching Fire; Solo: A Star Wars Story; Friends with Benefits; Zombieland; The Man from Toronto; Venom: Let There Be Carnage; Now You See Me; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; Midway; Natural Born Killers; The Edge of Seventeen; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; The Thin Red Line; Zombieland: Double Tap; Future BMT: Venom; Indecent Proposal; Now You See Me 2; Seven Pounds; Wildcats; Semi-Pro; After the Sunset; Free Birds; The Cowboy Way; Palmetto; Play It to the Bone; BMT: 2012; Money Train; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actor for Indecent Proposal in 1994; Notes: Made famous as Woody on Cheers. Nominated three times for Oscars for Three Billboards, The Messenger, and The People vs. Larry Flynt. Nominated 8 times for Emmys, five times for Cheers (he won once), and for Frasier, Game Change, and True Detective.)
Jennifer Lopez – ( Known For: Shotgun Wedding; Marry Me; Hustlers; Out of Sight; The Cell; Home; Second Act; Antz; U Turn; Parker; Selena; Jersey Girl; Shall We Dance; An Unfinished Life; My Family; Lila & Eve; Bordertown; Blood and Wine; El cantante; My Little Girl; Future BMT: Maid in Manhattan; Ice Age: Collision Course; Enough; Jack; Ice Age: Continental Drift; The Wedding Planner; The Back-up Plan; Monster-in-Law; Angel Eyes; Feel the Noise; BMT: The Boy Next Door; Anaconda; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Gigli; Money Train; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actress, and Worst Screen Couple for Gigli in 2004; Nominee for Worst Actress in 2002 for Angel Eyes, and The Wedding Planner; in 2003 for Enough, and Maid in Manhattan; in 2006 for Monster-in-Law; and in 2016 for The Boy Next Door; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress in 2005 for Jersey Girl; and in 2013 for What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Nominee for Worst Actress of the Decade in 2010 for Angel Eyes, Enough, Gigli, Jersey Girl, Maid in Manhattan, Monster-in-Law, and The Wedding Planner; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for Jersey Girl in 2005; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for her Super Bowl Halftime Show in 2020. Notably started as a fly girl on In Living Color.)
Budget/Gross – $68 million / Domestic: $35,431,113 (Worldwide: $35,431,113)
(Whoops, that’s terrible! I can see why it didn’t click with people though now that I’ve seen it, it is a bit too self-serious to work on the level of Con Air and others of that ilk.)
Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (7/32): Loud, incoherent, and aimless, Money Train reunites Snipes and Harrelson — and proves that starring duos are far from immune to the law of diminishing returns.
(It is incoherent. I can give it that. You know? I completely forgot these two starred in White Men Can’t Jump. They don’t work as well here as a duo.)
Reviewer Highlight: It’s stupid, but also breezier than the year’s other 12-score releases not worth a second look. – Mike Clark, USA Today
(If I could induct a film in the BMT HoF purely off a poster it would be this one. My word! This shit is off the rails (pun very much intended). Look at the majesty of two actors running from a fake train with a look on their faces like “What is this picture for?” The orange glow of the poster hurt my eyes and yet I’m drawn to it like a moth to a money train. Even the font is like “I’m gonna barely try but still be a little unique… just like Money Train.” I hate it… and yet I love it. Starts at a D and then comes all the way around to an A.)
Tagline(s) – Get on the fast track! (D)
(Ha! No! Sorry, that’s horrible. At least it’s short, I guess.)
Keyword(s) – good
Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), The Nice Guys (2016)
Future BMT: 67.3 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 56.2 The Fly II (1989), 51.7 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.0 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.6 The Hot Chick (2002), 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.1 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.4 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.6 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992)
BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Hunter Killer (2018)
Best Options (Action): 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 41.0 Money Train (1995), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 31.3 The Nude Bomb (1980), 24.5 Money Talks (1997), 21.7 One Good Cop (1991), 21.7 Killer Elite (2011), 14.4 The Great Raid (2005), 2.5 Man on Fire (2004)
(Spoilees, we are doing the Fantastic Fours later on, so this was actually the best option. And honestly, it’s by a long shot, there was no way I was watching The Great Wall.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Wesley Snipes is No. 1 billed in Money Train and No. 2 billed in Demolition Man, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 12. If we were to watch Murder at 1600, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.
Notes – Two days after the film opened, two men poured gasoline over a ticket booth on the Brooklyn subway and set it alight in an incident similar to the one depicted in the film. The booth attendant was burned and later died of his injuries. Consequently, New York City subway workers called for a boycott of the film and the removal of all the posters from every station. Senator Bob Dole quickly came out in support of them. Columbia Pictures refused to bow to their demands.
This boasts the distinction of having one of the longest sets ever constructed for a film. At over three thousand feet long, twenty feet high, and four railway tracks wide, the set was roughly the same size as two Empire State buildings lying side by side. The original plan was to film in the real New York City subway, but the logistics proved to be too problematic.
Twelve New York City subway cars were shipped over to Los Angeles to the film set. They were converted to run on propane so that the rails on the film set did not need to be electrified, a potential health hazard for all of the crew.
The prop train used for the money train was an actual retired New York City subway train that was destined to be scrapped. After the film was completed, it was donated to the New York City Transit Authority, and currently resides in the Coney Island Rapid Transit Yard.
Most of the subway scenes were filmed on a four thousand-foot-long set built to resemble a typical four-track New York City subway trunkline. It included three stations, all of which were built as local stops with the platforms on the outside of the outer tracks. Included were I-beams between each track, spaced five feet apart just as they are in New York City. The ceiling, however, was much higher than on any actual New York City subway line.
While there are scenes that show R30 class subway trains running on the IRT Lexington Avenue Line, this would be physically impossible in reality. Due to New York City’s subway having been constructed by competing companies, trains for the lettered lines would not fit on the numbered lines, as they are too wide. IRT trains are narrower and shorter than BMT/IND trains.
Robert Blake claims that his first meeting with Producer Jon Peters consisted of Peters wrestling Blake to the ground. At the premiere, Blake said Peters told him he wrestled with Blake to see if Blake would lose his temper.
Originally, the movie was developed by Director Tony Scott and Screenwriter Doug Richardson. After some time, Scott left the project and was replaced by Joseph Ruben, who fired Richardson and had the script re-written.
The sex scene between Wesley Snipes and Jennifer Lopez was not in the original script, but was added after filming had begun.
The Wall Street station scenes were filmed at the Union Square station on the IRT Lexington Avenue line. The 33rd Street station is the real one, on the same line. All scenes filmed on the subway set featured retired carbon steel R-30 subway cars, painted red. Scenes filmed on the actual New York City subway featured stainless steel R-62 cars.
The subway car used as the money train in the film is a modified R21 subway car. The car was modified by the Metropolitan Transit Authority and film crew in a way that looks absolutely nothing like the actual revenue collection trains used in the system.
Caaaallliiiffffooooorrrrnnniiiaaaaa. Appropriate as I write this post from that very state. I too was inexorably drawn by the power of video games. Yet when I got here I realized it was never about being a super video game wizard (although certainly a perk), but rather, as Vinny D would say, fambly. *Sniff* It’s beautiful. It’s all somewhat ironic too as the phrase “Caaaalllliiiiffffoooooorrrrnniiiaaaa,” is probably second only to “I love my power glove. It’s so bad” as the quote from the film that has lived on in infamy. Yet California is barely in the film. We get a heaping dose of Utah and then really spend some QT with the GF in Nevada. From there it is like they teleport to Universal Studios. If you grew up with this film you must have imagined California was just a giant theme park where kids grumble about the unfairness of having to battle each other in hotly anticipated video game releases. But California isn’t like that… it isn’t like that at all. I do the research so you don’t have to.
To recap, Jimmy Woods is a boy who is struggling with the death of his twin sister. He barely speaks and spends his time either building elaborate architectural creations or attempting to walk to Caaallliiifffooorrrnnniaaaaa. His stepdad is naturally a horrible caricature dead set on locking the kid away, but Jimmy’s brother Corey won’t have any of that. He grabs Jimmy and sets out for Caaaallliiffffooorrrnnniiiaaa. Their parents are horrified. The dad sets out with their older son in search, while the mom hires an equally horrible caricature of a private investigator to get them back. This leads to numerous clashes between the two all while Corey and Jimmy attempt to find their way out of Utah. Stumbling upon Haley, a girl trying to get home to Reno, they realize that Jimmy is a video game wizard. His natural talents earn them money hustling locals at arcade machines while also pointing them towards the big video game championships in Caaalllliifffooorrrnniiiaa. Why? Because if Jimmy wins the big championship even a horrible caricature of a stepdad couldn’t convince anyone to lock him up. They run into all kinds of trouble, including a local video game legend named Luke who gives them a taste of the Power Glove (it’s so bad) and exactly what the competition at the championships will be like. When they finally arrive in Reno they are able to do a little training and scrape together the funds for the final push to Caaallliiifffooorrnniaaa. At the championships all the worlds collide as they witness Jimmy rise to the finals and ultimately grab the crown. Everyone agrees he can’t be locked up and on the way home they see a roadside dinosaur attraction that the family went to before. Stopping there they realize this is where Jimmy has been aiming the whole time and the wizard is able to finally heal. THE END.
The Wizard is a funny little movie. The production quality is like an episode of 90210. I use that comparison only because, like in The Wizard, it’s one or the few times that I’ve seen a boom mic drop into frame in the wild. It also cuts forward so fast (even cutting the score midsequence sometimes) that you wonder what kind of editing magic was happening. You add in the unintentional comedy of the Power Glove, a truly insane product placement back story, and some incredible acting choices in the video game competition and you have a minor classic on your hands. I found it interesting that the reviews at the time were very critical of this being an exploitative knockoff of Rain Man and Tommy (but for kids!) but I guess I wonder… is that really a bad thing? Speaking of…
Hot Take Clam Bake! Are we sure making knockoffs of classic films for kids is really a bad thing? Like should I be worried about the artistic purity of a Casablanca knockoff set in a high school? Give it to me. I will eat up any and all high school versions of whatever classic film you give me. High school films are great, coming-of-age stories are great. They don’t make enough of them really. I dare you to watch She’s All That and come away thinking anything other than “that movie was all that and a bag of potato chips. Give me more potato chip movies so I can munch ‘em all up.” The fact that The Wizard is a knockoff of Rain Man and/or Tommy is dope. Hot Take Temperature: Bulgarian Carrot.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Caaaaaaaaalifoooooooooornia. That’s right, after suffering that traumatic event of witnessing The Wizard (and the raw power of the Power Glove, it’s so bad), I have an insatiable need to go to Universal Studios. Let’s go!
I watched this film a ton when I was younger. As usual I make no apologies. I like this movie. It is pure nostalgia. I don’t care though, what a silly nonsense movie this is. I would watch it again right now.
But boy howdy, do I agree with Roger Ebert: are we sure we should be watching a film in which two (and eventually three) literal children are hitchhiking their way across three states (and like multiple deserts right?) to get to … I mean, initially they just want to get to California, whatever that means. Eventually they decide that they’ve got a video game prodigy on their hands and they are going to make the money their families need to heal (or whatever) at the maybe first ever Video Game Championships in Universal Studios, Lunacy. And even being a little older than I was watching this film most of the time (let’s say like 11?) it is harrowing watching children narrowly avoid dying on highways and junk. What a weird movie.
The one two punch of product placement for both The Power Glove (and explicitly Super Mario 3) and Universal Studios is also something else.
The stories from wikipedia are fun. Like how the director was told to shoot EVERYTHING in the script. And he’s like “but … then the movie will be three hours. It’ll be a huge waste of money since we’ll have to throw it all out”. But the producers were just like “do it.” So he did … and they cut it down and wasted a boatload of time and money. But that probably is why the film ends up all cut to shit in the end is that huge swaths of boring filler garbage was eventually cut out. Release the Universal Cut you cowards! I want to watch The Wizard as a 3 hour epic.
Still to this day I tell random people that I love my Power Glove, and how bad it is. This film has a very weird cult following, but it is also amazing.
How does the kid know where to find the secret flute in an unreleased game? Well, maybe because it was already released in Japan months prior? Naw, that can’t be it because then Haley would have been excited instead of angry since they would have been able to know the tricks of the game by calling the hotline in Reno. So since they definitely didn’t know the trick the answer must be … magic I guess? I don’t see how anyone finds that flute the first time you play the game organically. No matter how much of a savant you are, that seems to be pushing it.
Obviously an incredible Product Placement (What?) for Nintendo, Super Mario 3, The Power Glove, and Universal Studios. Truly awesome. A great Road Trip Film (Where?) for the kids going from Utah through Nevada to California. A subtle yet I think real MacGuffin (Why?) for Caaaaaaaalifornia as no one really knows why they are going there, and yet it is the central driving force for the film.
Read all about the 35 years in the making sequel The Wizard 2 in the Quiz. Cheerios,
Oh boy. So I was battling this kid, when he pulled out a Power Glove! I couldn’t believe it. It was so bad. It was so bad, in fact, that I immediately got amnesia and couldn’t remember anything afterwards. Only the Power Glove. Nothing else. Do you remember what happened in The Wizard?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Oh man, Fred Savage’s family’s been split up! And his brother is basically non-verbal due to PTSD. What happened to him?
2) Well Freddy is going to help his brother out. His brother wants to go to one place. What is that place and (as we will eventually find out) why?
3) But before they figure that out, they end up finding out that Jimmy’s a video game Wizard for real. So they are off to hustle random adults in rest stop restaurants and then eventually to the video game championships. Where is it?
4) On the way they meet Haley, a street smart girl who is on her way home. Where does she live, and what (not very appropriate for children) game is she incredible at.
5) At the championship Jimmy ultimately prevails in playing what game by finding what ultra secret?
Bonus Question: It is 20 years in the future. Where are all out Wizard friends?
Bad Movie Twins 