Tag: cycle: sequels

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 Preview

Fresh off the complete destruction of Adam Banks’ office, Patrick delicately asks Jamie what his plan is. “Burn it all to the ground,” Jamie says matter-of-factly and for a moment his eyes get a faraway look and Patrick has a chilling sensation run up his spine. Ever since they were children Jamie has seemed different somehow, like an unknown and yet horrific paranormal power lurks beneath his statuesque exterior. But Patrick knows that “calm” is the operative word when dealing with a couple of cybertronic nuisances. “That’s just what they want us to do. The question is what they don’t want us to do,” he helpfully suggests to Jamie. The fire quickly winks out in his eyes and Jamie stops in his tracks to ponder. “Yeah, and they actually haven’t done anything yet, right? Just make a couple of phone calls. That can’t be their whole plan.” As they continue to walk and ponder they start to get the sense that everyone is looking at them. There is a distinct buzz on set and they have the feeling that it’s not entirely the result of the steamy Chris Klein yoga scene they’ll be filming later that day. Suddenly Jamie stops, his mouth agape, and Patrick quickly sees why. On the set stands Angel, infamous costar of their previous cat-astrophic film fiasco. Seems like the cyborgs weren’t just making calls to Adam Banks, but to the casting director as well. Patrick would have scoffed at this juvenile attempt at disruption, after all they killed Angel once, they can do it again, if not for one other shocking detail… Angel was also making out with CK’s costar (and real life girlfriend) Leighton Vanderschmidt in what can only be described as the beginnings of a disastrous love triangle. Gulp. That’s right! We are finishing the Twilight saga franchise by watching the second (and currently last) BMT qualifying entry: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1. It is by all accounts the worst entry in the series and interestingly preceded what is regarded as the best entry in Part 2. Be prepared to be bored by sad vampires and shirtless werewolves. Let’s go!    

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011) – BMeTric: 72.3; Notability: 84

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 2.0%; Notability: top 5.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 20.6% Higher BMeT: Jack and Jill, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Shark Night 3D, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son; Higher Notability: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Green Lantern, Cars 2; Lower RT: Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Roommate, A Little Bit of Heaven, Hick, Abduction, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Dream House, New Year’s Eve, 666: The Prophecy, Honey 2, Red Riding Hood, Trespass, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Season of the Witch, Atlas Shrugged: Part I, The Moth Diaries, Zookeeper, The Ledge, Something Borrowed and 26 more; Notes: Wow, it has been sitting stock still at 4.9 forever. Has that genuinely-bad-movie staying power I love to see. And my god, the cred. 80+ Notability?! 70+ BMeTric?! That is really incredible.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – Kristen Stewart is really pretty good here, although like almost all actresses she believes pregnant women rub their baby bumps unceasingly. I would have liked more scenes developing her thoughts about married life. Although the possibility of an abortion is hinted at, we never learn her thinking on this question: Does a vampire baby have a soul? Does it have a right to life although, technically, it’s half dead? Luckily, we must wait only until Nov. 16, 2012, when “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2” will open. It had better have the answers. If it doesn’t, Charlie Swan has a gun and he knows how to use it.

(A wild review. Spoiler alert, I watched this film ages ago of my own free will. It is horrible and boring. The fact that this review have it 2.5 out of four stars is perplexing. Genuinely perplexing. I don’t understand. It isn’t a movie. It is half a movie, and not the good half! I can’t get over this.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQNLfo-SOR4/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQNLfo-SOR4/

(That is the beginning of a movie, right? She gets pregnant, and the conflict is that the baby is eating her because it is a vampire … and then nothing because the movie ends and we skip to the next movie. I suppose Marvel did that a bit with Infinity War and Endgame, but not really. I’m glad that trend died with things like the Divergent series.)

Directors – Bill Condon – (Known For: Beauty and the Beast; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; Dreamgirls; The Good Liar; Kinsey; Mr. Holmes; Gods and Monsters; Sister, Sister; Future BMT: Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh; The Fifth Estate; BMT: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Director for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 in 2013; and Nominee for Worst Director for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 in 2012; Notes: Annoying he got nominated for the second one as well which is actually pretty good. Won an Oscar for writing Gods and Monsters.)

Writers – Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay) – (Known For: Twilight; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; Future BMT: Step Up; BMT: The Twilight Saga: New Moon; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay in 2010 for The Twilight Saga: New Moon; in 2011 for The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; in 2012 for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; and in 2013 for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; Notes: Produced Dexter for which she was nominated for three Emmys. She also produced The O.C. and Jessice Jones among others. She adapted all of the screenplays for Meyer.)

Stephenie Meyer (novel) – (Known For: Twilight; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; BMT: The Twilight Saga: New Moon; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; The Host; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 in 2013; Notes: Notably a mormon (themes of which are present throughout Twilight) and notoriously Twilight was the inspiration for Fifty Shades of Grey among other things.)

Actors – Kristen Stewart – (Known For: Twilight; Into the Wild; Underwater, Charlie’s Angels; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; Snow White and the Huntsman; Happiest Season; Panic Room; Adventureland; The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; On the Road; Zathura: A Space Adventure; Still Alice; Cafe Society; The Runaways; American Ultra; Seberg; Speak; Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk; Equals; Lizzie; Future BMT: The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Cold Creek Manor; The Messengers; Catch That Kid; BMT: The Twilight Saga: New Moon; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; Jumper; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actress in 2013 for Snow White and the Huntsman, and The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; Nominee for Worst Actress, and Worst Screen Couple for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 in 2012; Nominee for Worst Actress for The Twilight Saga: Eclipse in 2011; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 2010 for The Twilight Saga: New Moon; and in 2013 for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; Notes: Had an off-and-on relationship with Pattinson throughout the series. Is slated to direct her first feature at some point, The Chronology of Water.)

Robert Pattinson – (Known For: Tenet; The Devil All the Time; Twilight; The Lighthouse; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire; The King; Good Time; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; The Lost City of Z; High Life; The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; Waiting for the Barbarians; Maps to the Stars; Cosmopolis; Water for Elephants; The Rover; Queen of the Desert; Damsel; Vanity Fair; Life; Future BMT: Remember Me; BMT: The Twilight Saga: New Moon; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor in 2011 for Remember Me, and The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; and in 2013 for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor, and Worst Screen Couple for The Twilight Saga: New Moon in 2010; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 2012 for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; and in 2013 for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; Notes: He’s Batman! He’s from London and has a really solid independent film resume despite being most well known for this series.)

Taylor Lautner – (Known For: Twilight; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2; The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; Tracers; Run the Tide; Shadow Fury; Future BMT: The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D; BMT: The Twilight Saga: New Moon; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; The Ridiculous 6; Abduction; Grown Ups 2; Cheaper by the Dozen 2; Valentine’s Day; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actor, and Worst Screen Couple for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 in 2013; Nominee for Worst Actor in 2011 for The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, and Valentine’s Day; and in 2012 for Abduction, and The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for Grown Ups 2 in 2014; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 2010 for The Twilight Saga: New Moon; and in 2012 for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; Notes: A kid actor, he is also an accomplished martial artist, and is Grown Ups 2 is anything to go off of a very good gymnast.)

Budget/Gross – $110,000,000 / Domestic: $281,287,133 (Worldwide: $712,205,856)

(A huge hit. They all were. They made like billions of dollars and people were into Jacob versus Edward and stuff. Remember?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (52/210): Slow, joyless, and loaded with unintentionally humorous moments, Breaking Dawn Part 1 may satisfy the Twilight faithful, but it’s strictly for fans of the franchise.

(This is basically what I remember, that somehow they made a feature length film out of the first ten minutes of another much better film. Reviewer Highlight: By any normal standard, this is a terrible movie, with stilted dialogue and leaden pacing — every 15 minutes or so, the action stops for a musical montage involving slow-motion handsomeness. But the Twilight saga stopped being normal a long time ago. – Dana Stevens, Slate)

Poster – Finally Vampire Sex Time – Part 1

(This is a very appropriate poster because I look at it and immediately go “that looks boring” so good on them for sticking to truth in advertising. Good font, interesting spacing, and very airbrushed skin. C.)

Tagline(s) – Forever is only the beginning (C+)

(Nooooooooo. Oh sorry I thought you meant I would have to watch this film forever and this first viewing is just the beginning. Phew. The tagline is nonsense in the context of the film. I understand what they mean, but it gets a little too meta for my taste. Still, short and somewhat clever.)

Keyword – vampire

Top 10: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010), Twilight (2008), Jennifer’s Body (2009), Hotel Transylvania (2012), Doctor Sleep (2019), Hellboy (2019), Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992), Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012), The Lost Boys (1987), Hotel Transylvania 3: A Monster Vacation (2018)

Future BMT: 89.4 Vampires Suck (2010), 87.9 BloodRayne (2005), 51.1 Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (2010), 48.6 Sleepwalkers (1992), 43.9 Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992), 43.8 Priest (2011), 42.2 Transylvania 6-5000 (1985), 41.8 Bordello of Blood (1996), 40.8 The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003), 39.4 The Forsaken (2001);

BMT: Hellboy (2019), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), Vampire Academy (2014), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Queen of the Damned (2002), Dracula 2001 (2000), Ultraviolet (2006), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995), Dudley Do-Right (1999)

(Amazing we still have three 50+ BMeTric vampire films left. I’m probably most excited for LXG (that’s League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) because that film is absurd.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Taylor Lautner is No. 3 billed in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 and No. 2 billed in Ridiculous Six, which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed), which also stars Al Pacino (No. 3 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 3 + 2 + 1 + 1 + 3 + 1 + 3 + 1 = 15. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Robert Pattinson took a boat driving lesson so he would be able to drive the boat in the honeymoon scenes. Despite taking lessons, he crashed the boat in both the lessons and while filming in Brazil.

It took three hours to apply all the necessary make-up effects to Kristen Stewart to create Bella’s emaciated physical appearance. Effects that couldn’t be achieved with make-up were created digitally in post-production.

In order to keep the budget on both parts of Breaking Dawn reasonable, even though it is substantially greater than the previous installments in the series, much of the film was shot in and around Baton Rouge, Louisiana and Celtic Studios in Baton Rouge.

Kristen Stewart said in an interview that filming Bella and Edward’s honeymoon sex scene was hard to do, but she was very happy with the final result.

Robert Pattinson went through a strict diet and exercise regime for six months in preparation before filming. He stopped his routine after filming the much-talked-about sex scene.

During their vows and first kiss as husband and wife, the song “Flightless Bird, American Mouth” by Iron & Wine plays. This is the same song they danced to at the prom at the end of the first Twilight (2008) installment when Bella first tries to convince Edward to turn her so they can be together forever.

Sofia Coppola was very interested in directing this project, but she was only willing to direct one part of ‘Breaking Dawn’, which Summit wanted to split in two parts.

The soundtrack song “Cold” by Aqualung and Lucy Schwartz includes the lyrics “sing for the lion and lamb”. This is a line from the first film/book of the franchise when Edward says “So the lion fell in love with the lamb”.

In the books, Edward’s time hunting humans is revealed much earlier. It was Robert Pattinson who approached director Bill Condon about including that arc in the film.

In the indoor chess game, Edward missed the best move, Qa1, as placing the queen in the corner instantly checkmates.

When Bella and Edward have sex for the first time it is prefaced by a scene where Bella is unable to find a swimsuit in her suitcase and decided to enter the water completely nude. However in a later scene Bella and Edward go swimming again and Bella now has on a swimsuit.

One of the key elements in both the book and the movie was how Edward tries to distract Bella with activities in order to keep her from thinking about having sex again. In the movie, one of the activities is a game of chess, with both red and white pieces, just like the pieces on the cover of the book.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Taylor Lautner, 2012)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Bill Condon, 2012)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (2012)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Ensemble (2012)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Couple (Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, 2012)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Melissa Rosenberg, Stephenie Meyer, 2012)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel (2012)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Kristen Stewart, 2012)

The Rage: Carrie 2 Recap

Jamie

Rachel is already a bit of an outcast, so when her BFF commits suicide and she ends up in the corsshairs of the coolest kids in school things go from bad to worse. Unfortunately for them Rachel isn’t any ordinary girl and her rage unlocks her supernatural powers. Can her rage be stopped (and maybe still get the guy) before it’s too late? Find out in… The Rage: Carrie 2.

How?! Rachel isn’t Carrie, which is confusing given the title of the film. But don’t worry, she’s Carrie’s sister, so that makes sense… other than the timeline being decades off. Anywho, forget all that. Just remember that Rachel is Carrie and totally has telekinetic powers. This will become relevant much later in the story, though, because at first she’s just a regular ol’ high school student. When her best friend commits suicide as a direct result of a group of football players’ gross game of hooking up with as many girls as possible, Rachel turns over some photographic evidence against one of them. This puts her in the crosshairs of the gang’s ire and as a result the school guidance counselor, who knew the original Carrie, gets increasingly concerned. Meanwhile, one of the popular guys, Jesse, begins to grow close to Rachel and he tries to stop his fellow players from bullying her. They all agree and play nice, but it’s all a ruse. They plan a romantic getaway for Jesse and Rachel and secretly film it. Then they set it up so after a big football game Rachel is whisked away to the post-game party without Jesse. Stranded with her tormentors, they play the tape of her and Jesse’s tryst much to her embarrassment… and rage! With her powers revealed she totally destroys everyone and the whole party becomes a scene of horror. Jesse arrives at the last moment and is able to calm her down enough to stop the horror, but Rachel is crushed when the house they are in collapses. Years later we see that Jesse is still terrorized by his memories of Rachel thus starting the cycle towards Carrie 3: Still Ragin’. THE END.

Why?! Rachel just seems to want to live her life, but it’s hard when you have supernatural powers that you are trying to keep in check. Everyone else wants to either help or hurt her and not much in between. Obviously this doesn’t turn out great for everyone involved.

Who?! We get some nice archival footage here in order to tie everything to the original Carrie. Sissy Spacek obviously makes an appearance in these flashbacks and is immediately the biggest star in the film. The only other notable thing is that the primary antagonist is played by Dylan Bruno who happened to go to MIT graduating in 1994 with a degree in Environmental Engineering. He then played a character on Numb3rs that also went to MIT. Fun facts.

What?! The “sex book” angle was an interesting one. It’s a ripped-from-the-headlines trope that comes up with regularity in tv and film. In a wild coincidence I was also watching Riverdale at the same time and the third episode of that show is also a “sex book” plot. It’s based on a California event about a group of high schoolers who called themselves the Spur Posse and I’ll just stop there. Terrible people and a terrible name.

Where?! There is an aspect of the plot that would likely necessitate it takes place in California, but I’m not going to go into that mostly because they make it clear it takes place in the same town as the original Carrie. That film is no doubt set in Maine and as a result I won’t even entertain the possibility that this one isn’t set in Maine. So Maine it is. It’s worth mentioning though that the film was not originally written as a sequel to Carrie, but rather was changed to fit the Carrie lore. So likely the original script was set in California. B-.

When?! It’s the beginning of the football season so we know it’s early Fall. There are a bunch of football schedules posted around town in a bunch of scenes that declare “We Support Bulldog Football.” In one such scene it appears like the first game of the season occurs on September 27th… so that is somewhat of an exact date and makes sense with the rest of film. It’s always fun to find something like this B-.

There were two things I kinda dug about this film. One is that I realized that I’m a sucker for any kind of high school drama. I actually would have almost preferred this was just an episode of The OC and all the paranormal mumbo jumbo didn’t factor in. But alas… it’s unfortunately a Carrie sequel. The second is that I appreciated that they went for it in the final scene. It needed to be fun and horror-like in order to make up for the complete lack of any of that stuff for 95% of the run time. It did a pretty good job on delivering. Gory with some fun kills. As for absolutely everything else in the film? Amateur hour. Second week in a row where I was scratching my head wondering how this even made it to theaters. But that wasn’t the worst bit. It’s the half-hearted attempt to make a Carrie sequel out of something that clearly wasn’t written as such. Rachel even being Carrie’s half sister is quite the stretch given that in the book Carrie’s dad is long dead and even in the movie he’s long gone having run out on the family. So you’re saying he came back to town, impregnated another woman and then ran away again… by why? Why the same exact town? Makes you wonder whether you could even make a telekinetic high school student film… or would it be rejected from the jump because it’s too similar to Carrie? Is that plot now totally off the table other than the occasional film they then retcon into a bullshit sequel? Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Carrie was so nice they made it twice. Only the second time it was considerably worse and about goths and stuff. Let’s go!

P’s View on the Preview – The trailer looks like a television movie. It has television actors in it. It is a sequel to a beloved horror film from the 70s based on a beloved horror book by the quintessential horror author. And yet … it was released to theaters. The 90s man. What were my expectations? Uh … well, I fully expected to just watch Carrie again, but with cheesy 90s trash thrown everywhere and probably a heavy metal soundtrack maybe? A remake in all but name.

The Good – The reskin of the Carrie story works in its own 90s way. The outsider goes from being a sheltered weirdo, to, effectively, a goth. Combine that with the bizarre aggressiveness of the football team and the whole package works … as a television movie. All of this is “good” in the sense that all of this is not released to theaters as a Carrie sequel. I think it is important to make that caveat. Best Bit: The main character.

The Bad – Rachel being Carrie’s half-sister is an obvious twist that begs way more questions than it answers and provides no interesting lore. Like … is Ralph White telekinetic? Is it genetic? Do all of his children have this gift? Are there other strange psychic powers in this world (… does this take place in the world of The Shining, I guess I would think so)? They are interesting questions, but the twist is so half-hearted that it gives nothing in return. The ripped-from-the-headlines sex book is gross, a pretty bleak blast-from-the-past. And the direction is terrible, a hodge-podge of restless camera movements and unnecessary black-and-white nonsense. Fatal Flaw: Dumb twist.

The BMT – If this was merely a made-for-television sequel/remake of Carrie it would be a whole lotta nothing. But as a genuine released-to-theaters sequel to Carrie it is an abomination. I wanted very much to like a lot of the film, especially the somewhat interesting Rachel as played by Emily Bergl, but the entire thing feels like a weird joke. Almost a parody of the source material / Stephen King in general. Did it meet my expectations? Yeah, it is basically a Carrie clone masquerading as a sequel. I guess they do a decent job in updating the main character / triggering event to something a bit more 90s (goth / secret sex tape), but that is about it.

Roast-radamus – In reality the only good superlative is Worst Twist (How?) for the inevitable reveal that our orphaned hero Rachel is Carrie’s half-sister. Closest to Bad in the end I think, as much as I wanted to find all of this very amusing, it is kind of a nothing movie that I could never see myself watching ever again.

Sequel, Prequel, Remake – Well … we’ve already had a sequel and a remake to Carrie. So I guess we are just left with a prequel. And Ralph White is ripe for the big screen treatment. Let’s see, given Carrie’s age in the book it isn’t absurd to think that Ralph White could have been involved in World War II, so let’s go with that. He’s a soldier in the European theater during the push to Berlin near the end of the war. While travelling through a German village he meets a young woman who he falls in love with. But tragedy strikes, his platoon mates (who despise him), are determined to play a trick on him during the final night in the town (the same night he and the young woman consummate their tryst). Embarrassing Ralph (they’re all going to laugh at you! But in german) he goes insane and levels the town. The army is convinced that Ralph is just the lucky survivor of one of the final battles of the war, and he is sent home, disillusioned about love with his new power awakened. But, what a twist! We see later that the young woman miraculously survived … as did her child, destined to have the same powers that Ralph has! Ba-ba-baaaaaaaaaaaa. Carrie: Origins is basically the only good name, although an amusingly cryptic and simple Ralph White would also be fun. Everyone would be like “am I supposed to know who Ralph White is? Oh, it’s Carrie’s dad? Weird.”

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

The Rage: Carrie 2 Quiz

So here’s what happened. There was this super rad party at school. I didn’t really know anyone there, but it was at a sweet house, super rad. And then all of a sudden they started making fun of this girl. Really not chill, but like … margaritas, amirite? Anyways, I don’t remember what happened because I got hit in the head with a log or something. Do you remember what happened in The Rage: Carrie 2?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Why does Lisa kill herself?

2) How do they find out that Eric, one of super cool dudes, was involved?

3) What traumatic event brings Rachel and Jesse together?

4) Why does Rachel have telekinetic powers?

5) What triggers the explosive event this time? 

Bonus Question: So, what does Jesse major in in college?

Answers

The Rage: Carrie 2 Preview

“Cut, cut, cut,” Patrick cries through his megaphone and throws the scripts for Rich & Poe: Legends Never Die: The Directors’ Cut on the ground. He begs their main man Chris Klein to just do the lines as written, but on his way back to the director’s chair he winks at Jamie. They both know that LudaChris operates best when balancing a Nespresso high and a simmering anger at any constraints put on his classic CK magic. After a take that can only be described as sublime witchcraft in the form of acting, Jamie and Patrick high five. With light quickly fading and tight timetable they are annoyed to hear their names ring out over the studio soundsystem. Studio hacks always getting in the way. Entering Adam Banks’ office they ask gruftly what the big problem is, but Banks doesn’t look all that angry for once. He just looks confused. “I um… I just got a phone call about the upcoming Rich & Poe prequel,” he says slowly while Patrick and Jamie tap their feet impatiently, “and they’re telling me to stop the sequel.” Patrick and Jamie scoff and turn to leave, but Banks continues. “They said there can only be one, they said you’d know what that meant.” Patrick and Jamie turn back to Banks and tentatively ask who this unspecified “they” is? “Well it’s, uh… you. Like you guys called me earlier and told me that, so you can see how I was confused to find you on the lot filming today.” Patrick takes a deep breath. The cyborgs are messing with their plans again and you can only deal with that type of thing rationally and calmly. But too late! Jamie has already ripped off his shirt and begins to tear the room apart in searing red hot rage. That’s right! We are watching the often forgotten sequel to Carrie, The Rage: Carrie 2. Not exactly surprising that it’s forgotten given it had one of the longest gaps between original and sequel in film history. Wonder if things will turn out better for ol’ Carrie this time (hint: probably not). Let’s go!

The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999) – BMeTric: 61.6; Notability: 43

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.6%; Notability: top 29.5%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 17.4% Higher BMeT: Baby Geniuses, Inspector Gadget, Universal Soldier: The Return, Wild Wild West, Wing Commander, The Haunting, Dudley Do-Right, Bats; Higher Notability: Wild Wild West, The 13th Warrior, Idle Hands, End of Days, Joan of Arc, My Favorite Martian, The Out-of-Towners, Random Hearts, Crazy in Alabama, Double Jeopardy, Instinct, Stigmata, The Bone Collector, Teaching Mrs. Tingle, The General’s Daughter, Black and White, Mystery, Alaska, 8MM, Blue Streak, Brokedown Palace; Lower RT: Baby Geniuses, The Mod Squad, Universal Soldier: The Return, The Omega Code, The Bachelor, Eye of the Beholder, Wing Commander, Chill Factor, Body Shots, End of Days, My Favorite Martian, Virus, The King and I, Jawbreaker, Lost & Found, Molly, Gloria, Idle Hands, Random Hearts, The Astronaut’s Wife and 15 more; Notes: Oh boy, floating around the 4.0s is really impressive. As is that Notability, although kind of crazy that maybe 25% of films from 1999 must have a notability above 50. That is something to look at. Only Inspector Gadget left on that BMeTric list, this is #9 too, so we would be pretty close to having watched the top 10 BMeTrics of the year!

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – The original “Carrie” worked because it was a skillful teenage drama grafted onto a horror ending. Also, of course, because De Palma and his star, Sissy Spacek, made the story convincing. “The Rage: Carrie 2” is more like a shadow. I can imagine the story conference: “Let’s think up some reason why the heroine has exactly the same ability Carrie had, and then let’s put her in a story where exactly the same things happen to her, with the same result.” People actually get paid for thinking up things like that. Too much, if you ask me.

(Slammed. Kind of amazing that that is the ending to a 2.0 star film. If he thinks the film is totally useless … why does it get 2.0 stars? Seems like a weird baseline.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzF7iEUhVbo/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzF7iEUhVbo/

(Looks like a television movie. I suppose one good thing is that it looks better than something like Blair Witch 2 which came out around the same time. Maybe it will at least be competently directed and stuff.)

Directors – Katt Shea – (Known For: Poison Ivy; Nancy Drew and the Hidden Staircase; Stripped to Kill; Streets; Stripped to Kill 2: Live Girls; Dance of the Damned; BMT: The Rage: Carrie 2; Notes: Was an actress in things like Psycho III, although I don’t think she ever played a really significant role. She was married to Andy Ruben with whom she wrote a bunch of films in the 90s as well.)

Robert Mandel – (Known For: School Ties; F/X; The Substitute; Independence Day; Big Shots; Touch and Go; BMT: The Rage: Carrie 2; Notes: Left the film two weeks into filming over creative differences. This was his last feature, he mostly did television after and also ran the AFI Conservatory.)

Writers – Stephen King (characters) – (Known For: The Shawshank Redemption; The Green Mile; It; The Shining; Stand by Me; Doctor Sleep; It: Chapter Two; Gerald’s Game; Carrie; Misery; The Running Man; The Mist; Pet Sematary; Christine; 1922; Pet Sematary; Carrie; In the Tall Grass; The Dead Zone; Creepshow; Future BMT: The Mangler; Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice; Sleepwalkers; The Dark Tower; Children of the Corn; Thinner; Firestarter; Creepshow 2; Needful Things; BMT: The Rage: Carrie 2; Dreamcatcher; Graveyard Shift; The Lawnmower Man; Maximum Overdrive; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director for Maximum Overdrive in 1987; Notes: You know Stephen King. Apparently they are making a new Children of the Corn film. So I guess that’s fun.)

Rafael Moreu (written by) – (BMT: The Rage: Carrie 2; Hackers; Notes: Was a story editor on The Lone Gunman, the X-Files spin-off series from 2001.)

Actors – Emily Bergl – (Known For: Blue Jasmine; Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus; Happy Campers; Chasing Sleep; The Hard Easy; Grassroots; BMT: The Rage: Carrie 2; Notes: British. She mostly does television work these days including a part of Mindhunters, a show which was great, but sadly cancelled after the second season.)

Jason London – (Known For: Dazed and Confused; The Man in the Moon; Trafficked; My Teacher’s Wife; Acceleration; Killer Movie; Poor White Trash; The Lamp; The Devil’s Tomb; Fall Time; All Roads Lead Home; Snow Beast; Safe Passage; Nightworld; 51; My First Miracle; Storm War; A Midsummer Night’s Rave; Smitty; Showdown at Area 51; Future BMT: To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar; BMT: The Rage: Carrie 2; Grind; Out Cold; Notes: Has a twin brother Jeremy whom we’ve seen in his only qualifying BMT film, Gods and Generals.)

Dylan Bruno – (Known For: Saving Private Ryan; Grand Theft Parsons; Going Greek; Quid Pro Quo; The Anarchist Cookbook; The Simian Line; Future BMT: The One; Taken 3; Where the Heart Is; BMT: The Rage: Carrie 2; Notes: We went to MIT and has a degree in Civil Engineering. He was in 93 episodes of Numb3rs, and his brother, Chris, is also an actor.)

Budget/Gross – $21,000,000 / Domestic: $17,762,705 (Worldwide: $17,762,705)

(Yeah not great. Here the budget makes sense. A lot of technical challenges, and also I have to imagine the rights aren’t cheap. Disastrous return though.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (8/37): As disposable as its predecessor is indispensable, The Rage: Carrie 2 mimics the arc of Stephen King’s classic story without adding anything of value.

(Apparently accidentally too. They realized it after writing the script and so just made it a sequel or something? Sounds crazy, but maybe no crazier than a sequel to Carrie. Reviewer Highlight: The Rage contents itself with trashing a rich kid’s house. By that point, anyway, the film has surrendered to genre. – Ty Burr, Entertainment Weekly)

Poster – A Very Carrie Christmas

(Nothing better than some unnecessarily unique font. Why? Because all interesting font is necessary. I like aspects of the poster even if as a whole it isn’t interesting and doesn’t really do its job. Why would this interest anyone in actually seeing the film? But still C+ for font and color.)

Tagline(s) – Looks can kill (A)

(I mean, it’s short and sweet. A play on a common phrase and does hint at the idea of the film given that she can actually kill with a look. I’m not going perfect because it’s still just a common phrase and it’s more of a double meaning than a fun pun, you know? But it is a very very well applied tagline.)

Keyword – high school

Top 10: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Unhinged (2020), Back to the Future (1985), Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017), Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010), Almost Famous (2000), Hereditary (2018), Twilight (2008), Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Future BMT: 89.4 Vampires Suck (2010), 87.3 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 82.8 Prom Night (2008), 78.6 Superhero Movie (2008), 75.9 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 75.4 Grease 2 (1982), 72.6 The Next Karate Kid (1994), 70.5 Zoom (2006), 69.8 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 61.9 Poltergeist III (1988);

BMT: The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006), Grown Ups (2010), Fantastic Four (2015), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Covenant (2006), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), The 5th Wave (2016), Jumper (2008), Project X (2012), Movie 43 (2013), Masters of the Universe (1987), Cheaper by the Dozen (2003), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), A Walk to Remember (2002), I Am Number Four (2011), Hackers (1995), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Midnight Sun (2018), The Pacifier (2005), Truth or Dare (2018), Red Dawn (2012), Crossroads (2002), Vampire Academy (2014), The Emoji Movie (2017), Cheaper by the Dozen 2 (2005), Dangerous Minds (1995), Into the Storm (2014), Slender Man (2018), Superman III (1983), Ride Along (2014), I Love You, Beth Cooper (2009), Epic Movie (2007), Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (2009), Silent Hill: Revelation (2012), Abduction (2011), Swimfan (2002), Ouija (2014), Bratz (2007), Beastly (2011), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), New York Minute (2004), The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999), I Know Who Killed Me (2007)

(Again, I think the dip at the end might be right. I imagine a lot of cheesy teen films that were definitely set in high school are now direct-to-streaming. Like The Kissing Booth for example. Man the Dumb and Dumber sequels. Could have done both of those in this sequel cycle.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 26) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jason London is No. 2 billed in The Rage: Carrie 2 and No. 1 billed in Out Cold, which also stars Zach Galifianakis (No. 3 billed) who is in Keeping Up with the Joneses (No. 1 billed), which also stars Isla Fisher (No. 2 billed) who is in Confessions of a Shopaholic (No. 1 billed), which also stars Kristin Scott Thomas (No. 7 billed) who is in Random Hearts (No. 2 billed), which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed), which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => 2 + 1 + 3 + 1 + 2 + 1 + 7 + 2 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 3 = 26. If we were to watch The One we can get the HoE Number down to 19.

Notes – Sissy Spacek was offered a cameo in this sequel to Carrie (1976) which she turned down. However, she did give Katt Shea permission to use some of her scenes from Carrie (1976) for flashbacks.

During filming of the climatic party/bloodbath sequence, it took three attempts to shoot Rachel using her telekinetic powers to shatter the glass doors. On the first take, Emily Bergl flinched, and on the second take, she showed her clenched teeth. On the third take, they were able to finish the scene as they wanted it with her showing no facial reaction. Real glass, shattered by the blowers, was used for this scene, and Emily received multiple cuts on her skin (back, arms, legs, and backside) after the shooting of each take. She is deliberately not shown afterward from the back to hide her injuries. (That’s horrible)

The film began as an original story, before producers realised how similar it was to Carrie (1976) and so they made it a sequel. (Whaaaaaaaaaa)

Loosely based on a real-life 1993 incident in which a group of high school jocks, the Spur Posse, were involved in a sex scandal. (Uhhhhh, this story is horrible: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spur_Posse … I don’t quite understand how they legitimatized not charging them with statutory rape at least)

A few weeks into production, director Robert Mandel quit over creative differences and Katt Shea hurriedly took over the reins with less than a week to prepare to start filming, and two weeks’ worth of footage to reshoot. (There we go, I went to the notes to try and figure out why there were two directors involved)

Originally titled The Curse, the film was scheduled to start production in 1996 with Emily Bergl in the lead, however production stalled for two years.

The February 13, 1998 draft of the screenplay lists Howard A. Rodman as a writer.

The producers insisted that director Katt Shea use a scene from the film’s original shoot, but she was adamant that the footage wouldn’t match. The studio didn’t want to fund a reshoot, so Shea offered to play the role of the District Attorney, which had originally been portrayed by Teddi Siddall. Siddal was a friend who had done extensive voice work in Shea’s first film, Stripped to Kill (1987), so she called to profusely apologize for personally replacing her.

L.A. alt-rock band called “Ra” composed a song called “Crazy Little Voices” for the movie. It’s used as the film’s end credits theme.

Highlander: Endgame Recap

Jamie

Kell is the new immortal on the block gaining power by quickening up the wazoo. But Conner MacLeod and his best bro Duncan have plan. Can’t get killed by Kell if you’re already dead (think about it) and if you’re dead then the other can gain your quickening skillz. Can Duncan stop Kell (and perhaps get the girl) before it’s too late? Find out in… Highlander: Endgame.

How?! This shall be my greatest challenge ever. Remember the whole prize thing, well once again forget that Conner ever won that. Instead let’s start at the beginning where Conner, newly immortal, returns to his hometown. Considered a monster he is captured and his mother is burned at the stake. Enraged, Conner escapes and destroys the whole village, including the local priest, Kell. Years later he befriends a fellow immortal from the clan MacLeod, Duncan, and they begin decades of adventure together, obviously never mentioned in any previous installments of the franchise. Anywho, they meet up in NYC and are best bros, but tragically Conner’s adopted daughter is killed in an explosion set off by *gasp* the also immortal Kell (what a twist!). A grief stricken Conner then hides away in The Sanctuary, a place where The Watchers lock away immortals to keep Kell from winning the ultimate prize. But that doesn’t exactly work as Kell breaks into The Sanctuary and murders everyone (or does he?). Our boy Duncs goes to investigate but has to battle Kell and his army of immortals and is nearly killed. Instead he is captured by The Watchers who want to compel him to stay locked away like Conner. Duncs is like no way and with the help of some friends he escapes. Once freed he finds that Conner is actually alive, being saved for last by Kell as a form of revenge. Duncan also now knows that his former boo Kate is amongst Kell’s army and they flirt and stuff, but Kate can’t forgive him for the eternity of pain Duncan inflicted on her by turning her immortal (wait, what?). While Kell gathers strength by Quickening to the x-treme via the beheading of his army, Conner and Duncan fight one last time so that Conner, tired of his immortal life, can sacrifice himself to give his Quickening strength to Duncan. In a final climactic fight, Kell and Duncan face off and, duh, Duncs tots wins for sure. In the end we see that Kate has also survived and is ready to bone Duncan for the next 1000 years or whatever. THE END.

Why?! To win the prize allegedly. Although no matter how many times someone wins the prize they don’t seem to actually win the prize and then eventually they die. Makes you wonder whether there is even a prize… or is the ultimate prize really the friendships Conner made along the way (awww).

Who?! Two interesting casting choices here. Damon Dash, cofounder of Roc-A-Fella Records, made his screen debut in the film as one of Kell’s immortals. Probably ended up being his biggest film too, which is interesting. The wrestler The Edge also made a brief appearance in his feature debut… also the biggest thing he ever did.

What?! The Prize and the general immortal storyline is vague enough to probably constitute a MacGuffin on their own. Although not in the traditional sense. And hold up… you’re seriously telling me that Kell’s fake decapitated head went up for auction and didn’t get sold?! I can’t wait until I’m rich enough to need subjects of conversation for my rich person cocktail parties. “You know what this is?” I will say, pointing to a prop head that looks startlingly like Damodar from Dungeons & Dragons.

Where?! A lot of the film is set in New York City and Scotland, like the original. Some brief moments in Europe, but really the NYC aspect of Highlander is fun to have preserved. I have such nostalgia for the first one and the kinda grimy Madison Square Garden wrestling match in the beginning and stuff. It’s great. B

When?! Superb Secret Holiday Film Alert as this is explicitly set during Christmas. At first I was like “hmm, is that a Christmas tree in the background?” and then a minute later a character was quipping “Merry Christmas” to a dude just before he killed him. It is glorious. It’s just too bad that the film is such a piece of shit or I would say pair it up with Cobra and Turbulence and have a very merry Christmas trilogy. Also interesting the Highlander wiki has the film set in 2004… probably something to do with the TV timeline or whatever. A- just for Xmas sake.

I cannot accept that this film was actually released to theaters. It is straight up incomprehensible. Even for giant Highlander fans it would be incomprehensible. I have watched the critically reviled second entry enough to have actual opinions on it… like I have a whole theory that a good cut of Highlander 2 could be made, but in fact has never been made. But despite how much I have thought about the franchise, this fourth entry had me scratching my head wondering whether I was supposed to already know the subtle nuances of highlander lore they seemed to take as a given. Had I overestimated my Highlander acumen? Well I soon learned this was supposed to bridge nearly a decade of the Highlander tv series and finally bring Conner and Duncan MacLeod together. Ah! What everyone across the country was clamoring for! A continuation of the straight-to-syndication show that people probably caught momentarily while taking a sick day that one time. No wonder they released it to 1500+ theaters. Anyway, the movie makes no sense and looks exactly like what it is… a 90’s straight-to-syndication TV series. On a positive note, I actually didn’t mind the final Conner and Duncan fight, it was kind of sweet to show how Conner was ready to die for the fate of humanity after years of losing so many people he loved, and there was some surprisingly good martial arts, but I just can’t shake the fact that they thought this was a good idea. Highlander’s greatest strength was rising from the ashes to reset and forget the tragically misguided last entry in the series… it’s the only way you can get through something like Highlander 2 to claim the vaunted prize: a syndicated TV show. And yet once that prize was attained they decided we must remember everything forever. No wonder the immortal series finally died. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! There can only be one! … left, there is only one Highlander movie left to do, and it is Endgame. Let’s go!

P’s View on the Preview – There can only be one! Or four or whatever. The most intriguing thing about the film was just how much of the film seemed like Highlander: The Series: The Movie. That, that seems crazy. Because there was six seasons of that show and it ended two years before this film was made … so they wouldn’t actually do that right? What were my expectations? Totally incomprehensible nonsense. There is no other way you can make a Highlander sequel and you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The Good – There is a genuinely good martial arts scene in the middle of this film. So good, in fact, that I’m fairly convinced that Donnie Yen choreographed it. This isn’t the worst of the bunch, surprisingly. Luckily I brushed up on the lore from the television series so I didn’t have too much trouble following what was actually an impossible to follow plot. And Lambert and even Adrian Paul I think were quite good, or at least, it wouldn’t have really felt like a Highlander film without them. Best Bit: That one fight scene.

The Bad – The madmen did it, they made a movie that was the fourth in a franchise, but also the direct sequel to a six season syndicated television series, and then they released it to 1500 theaters. How is such a thing possible? What were they doing in the 90s where they thought releasing a sequel to a television show to kick off another television show required a theatrical release. Bananas. As a theatrical film it looks bad, it is directed poorly, most of the actors are bad, most of the fight scenes are bad, and the whole thing makes no sense unless you had happened to watch the television show. What the hell is happening?! That’s some wild stuff. Fatal Flaw: Six seasons of television as required viewing for a sequel to an 80s film …

The BMT – In many ways this film is legendary. A late sequel to a series we’ve done in three parts to finish it off. It is maybe the only direct sequel to a television series where you have to watch the show first or else it makes no sense. Martial arts, and Christopher Lambert, and quickenings. The whole thing is just a wild ride while also impossible to recommend. How do you tell someone “man, if you think about just how weird it is that the television show is required to watch this movie … then you’ll get it.” Hard sell. Did it meet my expectations? I think it exceeded them in every way. And after all that you want to hear a wild thing? I kind of dug the film! Or at least I liked it better than the third, and it is more well put together than the second. Really weird.

Roast-radamus – A for real deal Secret Holiday Film (When?) because the climax of this film is set during Christmas in maybe the best way possible! There is an extremely quick moment where a guy is going to interfere with the immortals, and you can see Christmas decorations in the background, and then another guy shoots him and is like “Merry Christmas”!!!!!!! Great stuff. Highlanders are always good for a MacGuffin (Why?) because you know they all are looking for the sweet Quickening. And also a genuine Worst Twist (How?) for Conner sacrificing himself to Duncan to give him a level up Quickening right before his super Kell Quickening at the end. Duncan is a super Highlander now I think. Definitely right in there for BMT, it is a highly amusing film.

Sequel, Prequel, Remake – I don’t think you necessarily need to remake anything, it would be more like a retcon to fix the lore (I do love lore). But let’s call it a Remake for clarity. I think the first film is perfect, even though it makes it a bit more complicated. MacLeod versus the Kurgan to become the last Immortal. But here’s the twist. He’s won the game, and the final quickening happens, and then … the game starts anew with MacLeod as an Immortal outside of the game, a new batch of Immortals born into the world. Being outside of the game he founds The Watchers, an organization which observes and reports on the happenings of the game to gently help good Immortals (like Duncan, whom Conner takes under his wing as an apprentice), hoping to prevent another Kurgan from gaining the ultimate immortality. Eventually, as the game cycles, new Immortals win the game (Duncan being the second), until a final film where a fourth is set to join and it is revealed (much to our heroes’ chagrin) that they are, in fact, the four horsemen of the apocalypse, and that is the point of the game, to mark the end of the Earth. So it becomes a race to prevent the completion of the last game. There must be two! The end. Tight stuff, I’m open to discussing the option terms Netflix.

You Just Got Schooled – Lots of good stuff here as well. First, the film was supposed to tie in heavily with Highlander: The Raven which was running in 1998-1999 when the film would have at least been in pre-production (but it was then canceled). I did watch the pilot called Reborn. Have to say … kind of okay, better than I remember the original series being, which I think makes sense, one was a syndicated show from 1992 and the other from 1998. This was cheesy, but mostly seemed like it was going to be a procedural cop show involving Immortals and all that jazz which is a pretty cool idea actually. I’m going to give it a B-, entertaining for a syndicated show from the 90s.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Highlander: Endgame Quiz

Oh boy, so here’s the thing. I’m an immortal and I’m just chopping off heads and quickening and stuff all the time. Like, I quickened maybe twice last week (not to brag). Anyways, I was fighting this guy and do you know what he does, he hits me right in the head! I chopped his head off, but also sustained a severe concussion and now can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Highlander: Endgame?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) In the beginning of the film Conner MacLeod’s daughter is murdered most foul. How is she killed?

2) Why does Jacon Kell want to Kill Conner MacLeod … well beyond that there can only be one?

3) What is the purpose of the Sanctuary which is run by rogue watchers?

4) How does an Immortal become immortal?

5) Why does Conner let Duncan kill him (basically forces him to)?

Bonus Question: I do love relationship questions. So how long do Kate and Duncan version 2.0 stay together?

Answers

Highlander: Endgame Preview

Having woken from their slumber, Jamie and Patrick rush to the computer. The internet is poppin’ and full of newly minted reviews for The FMV Rich & Poe: The Music Video Game VR Experience: Legends Never Die starring Jason Derulo. They hold their collective breaths and sigh in relief as they gather the consensus: it’s a smash. “This ironic twist on the tragedy that was the monster cat themed previous entry in the Rich & Poe saga certainly has this reviewer singing a different tune when thinking about the latest entry. While definitely not canon, no matter how much the creators insist, we welcome even more ironic sendups of these beloved characters we had thought wore out their welcome.” Jamie and Patrick predator high five, tears shimmering in their eyes. But wait, what’s this other chatter burning up the R&P message boards? “Release Date Postponed!” it screams and Jamie and Patrick’s shoulders slump. All this work on the hype machine and their cyborg nemeses got ahead of it. “The end of August,” Patrick says in despair, “classic dump month.” Jamie slams closed the internet window and falls heavily into a chair. “What do we do now? We can’t just keep pumping out FMV gold!” But Patrick’s mind is already turning. If the FMV game isn’t canon, then maybe only films are… and if only films are then… “Preemptive sequel,” he mutters and Jamie sits up straight in his chair. They’ll turn the new movie into a prequel and show that Rich and Poe never died. If their film is bad, Rich and Poe survive. If it’s gold, like usual, they keep the hype machine going. “So we have a plan. Now we just need an endgame,” Patrick says cryptically, leaning on the entirely useless box that’s not even worth mentioning. That’s right! We’re taking the final (?) baby step on the journey of finishing Highlander with the fourth entry in the series, Highlander: Endgame. With a title like that you are assured it’s the last Highlander ever released (hint: this is not true). Or at least the last one you’ll have to watch for BMT (now that is true). Let’s go!

Highlander: Endgame (2000) – BMeTric: 64.3; Notability: 34

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.6%; Notability: top 46.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 7.2% Higher BMeT: Battlefield Earth, Dungeons & Dragons, Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, Urban Legends: Final Cut, 102 Dalmatians; Higher Notability: Little Nicky, Gone in Sixty Seconds, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Coyote Ugly, Mission to Mars, Ready to Rumble, Lost Souls, Proof of Life, 102 Dalmatians, Thomas and the Magic Railroad, Reindeer Games, Rules of Engagement, Bless the Child, Hollow Man, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, Isn’t She Great, Final Destination, Pay It Forward, Supernova, Dude, Where’s My Car?, and 25 more; Lower RT: The in Crowd, Battlefield Earth, Bless the Child, Lost Souls, Turn It Up, Circus, The Skulls, Urban Legends: Final Cut, Dungeons & Dragons, Supernova, I Dreamed of Africa, Ed Gein, Screwed, The Ladies’ Man, The Watcher; Notes: Loving the sup-5.0 on IMDb, that is obviously a huge number. It is astonishing that Highlander IV is above 30 Notability. At this point it was borderline straight-to-video and they were still pumping money into it, just amazing.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – Tedious sequel in which 500-year-old Lambert goes up against fellow immortal Payne, a vengeance-seeking, power-hungry rogue. Also involved is Lambert’s clan brother (Paul, from the TV series). Of interest only to die-hard series fans.

(Another BOMB?! We are racking them up now. Of interest only to die-hard Highlander fans … great, so this movie was made for us.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7mqpGNx8FI/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7mqpGNx8FI/

(Basically this is Highlander: The Series: The Movie!!! The television show is terrible, and this looks just as terrible. And then they bust out what appears to be the Hackers soundtrack at the end? Just incredible. Looks like nonsense.)

Directors – Douglas Aarniokoski – (Known For: Nurse; The Day; BMT: Highlander: Endgame; Notes: He wrote the fourth and fifth Puppet Master films, and currently he produces a ton of television (including Star Trek: Picard). Was previously married to producer Suzanne Todd.)

Writers – Gregory Widen (characters) – (Known For: Highlander; Backdraft; The Prophecy; OtherLife; BMT: Highlander II: The Quickening; Highlander III: The Sorcerer; Highlander: Endgame; Notes: Wrote the sequel to Backdraft as well. He wrote the original Highlander while in school. Still writing, he’s attached to an upcoming film called Yasuke.)

Eric Bernt (story) – (Known For: The Echo; Future BMT: The Hitcher; Virtuosity; Surviving the Game; BMT: Highlander: Endgame; Romeo Must Die; Notes: Was a writer and producer on the television show Z Nation in the mid-2010s.)

Gillian Horvath (story) – (Known For: On the Other Hand, Death; BMT: Highlander: Endgame; Notes: Was a creative consultant on the Highlander television. She seems to have been a freelance sci-fi writer for a ton of shows including Xena.)

William N. Panzer (story) (as Bill Panzer) – (Known For: Steel; BMT: Highlander II: The Quickening; Highlander III: The Sorcerer; Highlander: Endgame; Notes: Was the original producer of the series and has been executive producer on basically all of the Highlander stuff forever. Has a story credit on the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th films.)

Joel Soisson (screenplay) – (Known For: Piranha 3DD; Cam2Cam; Trick or Treat; Children of the Corn: Genesis; Blue Tiger; The Supernaturals; Pulse 2: Afterlife; Pulse 3; Hambone and Hillie; BMT: Dracula 2001; Highlander: Endgame; Notes: Has written dozens of films, mostly straight-to-video horror sequels, has directed a number of films, and was a producer on Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Clearly very involved in moviemaking.)

Actors – Christopher Lambert – (Known For: Highlander; Beowulf; Hail, Caesar!; Southland Tales; Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes; Kickboxer: Retaliation; Sobibor; Subway; Bel Canto; White Material; Resurrection; The Sicilian; Knight Moves; Nirvana; Fortress 2; Un + une; 10 Days in a Madhouse; Why Me?; Vercingétorix; Future BMT: Fortress; Gunmen; Loaded Weapon 1; The Hunted; BMT: Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance; Highlander II: The Quickening; Highlander III: The Sorcerer; Highlander: Endgame; Mortal Kombat; Notes: By all accounts and incredibly nice person. Apparently he has a puppet on the satirical French show Les Guignols de l’info.)

Adrian Paul – (Known For: Love Potion No. 9; Black Rose; Susan’s Plan; Outpost 37; Merlin: The Return; Apocalypse Pompeii; Last Rites; The Heavy; Nine Miles Down; Eyeborgs; The Breed; Dikaya liga; Kids vs Monsters; War of the Worlds: Goliath; Nemesis Game; Seance; Moscow Heat; Masque of the Red Death; Throttle; Code Hunter; BMT: Highlander: Endgame; Notes: Has become involved in a few different production companies and also has written several scripts (although from what I can tell they weren’t produced, or he wasn’t ultimately credited on them). Started as a dancer and appeared in a few music videos in the 80s.)

Bruce Payne – (Known For: The Keep; Necronomicon; Absolute Beginners; Sweepers; Creators: The Past; For Queen & Country; Vendetta; One Point O; Steal; Prowl; One Tough Bastard; Ripper; Re-Kill; Pyrates; The Rizen; Brothel; Breakdown; Age of Kill; The Fruit Machine; Privates on Parade; Future BMT: Passenger 57; Switch; BMT: Dungeons & Dragons; Getaway; Highlander: Endgame; Notes: Apparently was considered for the lead role in Burton’s Batman, which usually I wouldn’t mention, but he would have played Bruce Wayne … and his name is Bruce Payne. That’s crazy.)

Budget/Gross – $25,000,000 / Domestic: $12,811,858 (Worldwide: $15,843,608)

(No, that is no good. Something tells me this film did not, in fact, cost $25 million to make though. Although, then again, maybe that is why the sequel went straight-to-video. It is pretty unbelievable this ended up in thousands of theaters in the first place.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 11% (6/54): The fourth and supposedly last Highlander movie is a confusing mess, complete with bad acting and dialogue.

(So, I guess at the time maybe they were claiming this was going to be the conclusion to the franchise? Didn’t happen, they made a fifth which apparently is worse than even the second one! Reviewer Highlight: Highlander: Endgame looks sensational, moves like lightning. But its script (by Joel Soisson) makes no pretense about being logical or even comprehensible. – Kevin Thomas, Los Angeles Times)

Poster – Highlander 4: Found Another Highlander

(Hmmmm, this does the job. The framing and stuff is good and the big ol’ sword is fun. Got a slight highlander font to boot. Not bad. B.)

Tagline(s) – It will take two immortals to defeat the ultimate evil. But in the end, there can be only one. (D)

(You literally keep saying that but it hasn’t been true yet. The highlander doth protest too much and we are three entries past the point where they should have just rewritten the lore. It should just be that a bunch of highlanders crop up periodically to fight evil that threatens the Earth. Once the evil is gone the highlanders compete to be the only one left for the centuries between the next evil. Is that so hard? Anyway this is trash and it’s too long. I hate it, but it is comprehensible so not the worst.)

Keyword – immortality

Top 10: Wonder Woman 1984 (1984), Suicide Squad (2016), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011), Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (2001), Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 (2017), Death Becomes Her (1992), Deadpool 2 (2018), Deadpool (2016)

Future BMT: 89.4 Vampires Suck (2010), 89.1 House of the Dead (2003), 72.2 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), 71.1 The Spirit (2008), 61.9 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 52.0 Green Lantern (2011), 51.1 Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (2010), 50.0 The Sin Eater (2003), 44.0 Fred Claus (2007), 42.2 Pan (2015);

BMT: Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Gods of Egypt (2016), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), The Mummy (2017), Hellboy (2019), Jupiter Ascending (2015), Dragonball Evolution (2009), The Last Witch Hunter (2015), Queen of the Damned (2002), Dracula 2001 (2000), I, Frankenstein (2014), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), Bulletproof Monk (2003), The Medallion (2003), The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising (2007), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Highlander III: The Sorcerer (1994)

(Lots of vampire stuff here. Humans really fear death huh? Look at all these things which posit the consequences of a lack of mortality. Anyways, The Spirit is a giant piece of garbage, I’ve seen like thirty minutes before and it is astonishingly bad, so I can’t wait to see that one in full.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Christopher Lambert is No. 1 billed in Highlander: Endgame and No. 1 billed in Mortal Kombat, which also stars Robin Shou (No. 2 billed) who is in Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li (No. 6 billed), which also stars Chris Klein (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => 1 + 1 + 2 + 6 + 2 + 2 = 14. If we were to watch Passenger 57, Murder at 1600, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The film’s trailer contained many sequences and elements not in the film, including scenes suggesting that the villain Jacob Kell possessed supernatural abilities, and a scene showing Connor and Duncan leaping through a “magical portal.” It was later revealed that certain scenes were shot exclusively for the trailer, to make the film look more interesting.

The original trailer featured Connor MacLeod splitting Jacob Kell in two with his sword and becoming two people. This never happened in the film.

Billy Idol and Jean-Claude Van Damme were both considered for the role of Jacob Kell.

As Duncan travels toward his rendezvous with Connor, there is a shot of his vehicle passing Silvercup Studios, the scene of the final battle between Connor and Kurgan in the original Highlander.

The interior of the Sanctuary was an abandoned salt mine 200 yards underground in Romania. The only access was a single elevator, and the crew had to be transported down a few at a time.

The film was intended as a bridge between Highlander (1992) and Highlander: The Raven (1998). The TV series was cancelled, and cast availability problems caused production delays. Dimension Films soon realized that their plans for the film were not going to meet expectations, and scaled back on its release.

Other titles at various stages of production included “Highlander IV: The Immortals” and “Highlander: The Search for Connor”.

Connor MacLeod’s “Trophy Room” from the first film was reconstructed in detail here, though the hardwood floor is different. The original set had a radial central floor which supported the weight of MacLeod’s old blacksmith’s anvil in the middle.

Earlier drafts of the script differed greatly from the final cut in several aspects. The character of Kate was originally named Alexis, most of the flashbacks occurred in Shanghai instead of Ireland. Methos and Duncan were living in Paris rather than London as they did in the end of the TV series. Hugh Fitzcairn and May Ling Shen were to appear in the Shanghai flashbacks.

Lucy Lawless was unable to take the role of Kate/Faith due to her commitment on the TV series Xena: Warrior Princess (1995).

Not screened for critics prior to release.

Earlier versions of the screenplay had a subplot whereby Kell would gain an unholy power when he had killed 666 immortals, and would become too strong for any immortal, or even an army of immortals, to kill. In this version Kell’s wiping out his own followers was an attempt to quickly reach that number, but he was foiled after Jin Ke took his own life before Kell could behead him, leaving him needing to kill Duncan in order to reach 666 kills. This subplot was deleted from the final version of the film, though allusions to it remain, with Kell’s kill count halfway through being 661.

Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol Recap

Jamie

The Gutes is back, Jack! This time Commandant Lassard has been given the chance to start Citizens on Patrol, a program where regular citizens get police training. But things quickly go sour when Capt. Harris comes back to head the program. Can Mahoney and the gang save the program and the day before it’s too late? Find out in… Police Academy IV: Citizens on Patrol.

How?! Considering his long history of success with the police academy, Commandant Lassard is given the opportunity to test out his pet project: C.O.P, Citizens on Patrol. It’s a program where regular citizens take the law into their own hands by training at the academy. All of our Police Academy friends are called back into action to help make the program work, but unfortunately Lassard is sent off to promote the program at a police seminar, leaving Capt. Harris in charge. Oh no! Harris thinks C.O.P. is real dumb, particularly after a couple of skateboarders (what jokesters) are thrown in the program in lieu of being sent to jail. Despite the program generally running OK, even sparking a love interest for Zed, Harris is the brunt of a series of pranks that makes him even more determined to shut the program down. Really, though, he doesn’t do anything to stop the program. Instead on the very first day that C.O.P. is out on the streets the citizens spoil a long running undercover police operation. Just as Lassard triumphantly returns to show off the program to a bunch of international police bigwigs he is informed that C.O.P. is donzo. Everyone is real sad. That is until Harris’ precinct allows for a number of hardened criminals/ninjas (this is real) to escape their jail. The C.O.Ps and our police academy friends team up to track down the criminals using jet skis and hot air balloons (naturally). Harris comes off looking like a total loser, duh, while Lassard and the police academics are heroes once again. Oh and the Gutes smooches his latest love interest (Sharon Stone!). Hooray. THE END. 

Why?! By the fourth one they are really struggling to keep a coherent plot together. Lassard wants to improve police-community relations and so C.O.P. is his idea to do that. The Police Academy crew seem to just want to help out their friend. Harris is just a dick and thinks police work shouldn’t be handled by the community. It’s all very vague and constantly interrupted by whatever prank the police academy jokesters are playing on their latest victim.

Who?! The presence of NFL player Bubba Smith has to be noted. Pro boxer Tex Cobb also had a cameo appearance. He’s better known (to me) as Lyle in Ernest Goes to Jail. Finally, we get some rad skateboarding scenes that are some of my favorite images put to film. Apparently a number of pro skateboarders were used for that including Tony Hawk.

What?! I am truly at a loss for anything for this section. So I’m just going to go on a tear regarding the prank that plays a huge part in the Where?! and When?! sections. That’s the 1986 Mazda Gator Bowl. Sure it’s not really a product placement because it’s neither seen nor heard in the film, but it was the first time the Gator Bowl was sponsored in any capacity, so that’s kind of a fun fact.

Where?! This is a little strange because pretty much everything the Police Academy world is built on has them operating in an anonymous American city. However, as mentioned above we have a prank that distinctly features the 1986 Gator Bowl between Clemson and Stanford in Jacksonville, FL… so is Police Academy set in Jacksonville? Possibly. C-.

When?! Police Academy doesn’t just exist outside of space. It also exists outside of time. It is useless to dive too deep into this or waste effort on it. However… much like above if the events were to coincide with the 1986 Gator Bowl then we would have a Super Secret Almost Too Secret to Count Holiday Film Alert as that game took place two days after Christmas, so likely portions of the film would occur on Christmas. And before you even entertain any other possibilities: yes, that is the only time Clemson and Stanford have ever played. C-.

I really enjoy watching franchises. There are so many flavors. Last week we had a classic horror franchise that built lore while bringing the monster to the forefront. This time we have a classic megahit stretched for all its worth. Every film in the series basically rehashes the same formula that struck gold in the first, low-budget entry. Gutes is smirking, Winslow is beeping and booping, and somebody wants to stop them from succeeding. The further you get into the franchise the more the plot becomes tissue thin. Just squashed between random pranks, jokes, and Winslow’s sound effects (which I’m not sure actually counts as a joke). At this point Guttenberg’s love interest barely says a word or is given the time of day before she’s riding off into the sunset with him in a hot air balloon. They don’t need her to… you already know Gutes will be smooching on her, so who needs character development? You can really feel that by the fourth entry they simply had a series of dots that they were connecting in order to move onto the next one. No wonder they were able to make the first six films in less than five years (!). Overall I wasn’t offended by how terrible the film was or anything (although there are numerous actually offensive things in the series), but it is a terrible film. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! The Police Academy series is something of a marvel, four films with 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. Five films given a BOMB by Leonard Maltin. It might actually be the worst franchise ever made. Let’s go!

P’s View on the Preview – We’re back babyyyyyy. We watched the first two Police Academy’s two years ago (I think, if you told me it was five years ago I probably wouldn’t be shocked, BMT just blends together at this point), and it was high time we started back in. By all accounts the later sequels are just the same unfunny garbage over and over with little plot. Excellent. What were my expectations? The same unfunny garbage over and over with little plot.

The Good – As far as an ensemble cast is concerned there is a good mix of 80s charm (Guttenberg), 80s tropes (Bubba Smith as a generic sports figure turned comedy actor, Sweetchuck as the nerd), and off the wall comedians like Bobcat and Winslow. As a first credit for David Spade he is quite good and you can see why he ended up being a solid comedy actor soon after. I wonder, given that he has the same origin as Guttenberg in the original police academy, put in the program in lieu of prison, if the intention was for the character to come back in the sequels … that didn’t work out. I guess what I’m saying is the only good thing in this film is the cast. Best Bit: The cast.

The Bad – I mean, it is unfunny garbage that is the same jokes over and over and there literally isn’t a plot. The Commandant wants to create a citizen police force because he feels like the police and citizens have a bad relationship. They do, despite the meddling of people who want the Commandant to fail. It blows up in their faces, but then, once some ninjas escape (totally true) they realize it wasn’t such a bad idea after all. The end. That’s the story. And I honestly can’t think of a single joke in the entire film I found funny. I can’t even think of a single joke from the film period. Fatal Flaw: It isn’t funny despite apparently being a comedy.

The BMT – We are getting there. By all accounts the fourth film is the jumping off point for the series to really go downhill. The next one is Miami, then City Under Siege, and then Russia … so they are really just blowing it out after this one. This can be remembered in BMT legend as the last reasonably sane Police Academy film. Oh and also for having the raddest skateboarding montage in history! It is out of nowhere and completely amazing. Do yourself a favor and watch this thing:

Did it meet my expectations? Yeah, it was unfunny garbage which drove the same bad jokes into the ground over and over until it unceremoniously ended.

Roast-radamus – I genuinely think this doesn’t qualify for any superlatives which is quite interesting, it is even in what is described as an unnamed city according to Wikipedia (it seems like Los Angeles, but that is probably not the case considering the giant waterfall nearby … so it is like a cross between Los Angeles and Toronto?). It is closest to BMT I think.

Sequel, Prequel, Remake – I think it is time for the long awaited Prequel to the entire Police Academy. We knew Mahoney as a lackadaisical petty-criminal-turned-prized-officer in the series, but what about those petty criminal days? Mahoney prowls the bodacious bods of the beach by day, and hustles the mean streets of Unnamed City by night. But when he witnesses a murder most foul, he gets roped into the detective business with straightlaced beat cop Carmichael Treech. What an odd couple! With Treech’s world weary tenacity, and Mahoney’s street smarts, they get all the baddies and save the day, hooray! No explanation is provided as to why, given Mahoney actually worked with the police department before, that this is never mentioned in any of the films. Don’t worry about it. That’s Mahoney: A Police Academy Story.

You Just Got Schooled – So previously on BMT we watched the first two films. This time around the third didn’t qualify (barely, hitting exactly 40%), so Police Academy 3: Back in Training had to be viewed separately. All of these films are the same. The third and fourth film are basically just the first film except with different motivations for why they are at the academy. Here they are there because Lessard needs them to help him save the Academy in a competition. Inexplicably both Zed (the bad guy from the second film) and Sweetchuck (an antiques dealer if memory serves) have now joined the force and are quite the odd couple / secret best friends. Literally, not a moment of this film is funny, but that isn’t much different than any of the sequels to the first film so … I guess carry on. This was merely an appetizer for the main course of four straight Police Academy films with 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. D+. Not funny, but also not annoying enough to give an F I think.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol Quiz

Oh man, so as I’ve done several times before, I joined the police force (such is my life) and hit the mean streets ready to bust some heads and solve crimes. Well, wouldn’t you know, but a bunch of baddies pop out and bopped me right on the head and now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Why does the Commandant want to create Citizens on Patrol (COP)?

2) Randomly David Spade is in this film. What do the bad guy cops want to arrest him for and what is he sentenced for?

3) Bobcat Goldthwait does not like Captain Harris. So what does he replace his deodorant with?

4) What event screws up the launch of COP?

5) And what event saves COP from certain disaster?

Bonus Question: As we all know The Gutes left the Police Academy series after this film, but do you know why his character leaves the LAPD (or at least stops returning the Commandant’s phone calls)?

Answers

Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol Preview

Jamie and Patrick walk down a dark alley, steam spewing from the sewer grates. Patrick twirls a baton and Jamie mutters, “if I wanted to chase after aliums I would have joined the Alium Brigade,” getting a chuckle from Patrick. They stop in their tracks and look at each other in confusion. Why are they suddenly cops again? They look down at their uniforms and see the shiny nametags declaring them Det. Rich and Poe. Wait a tick, that can’t be right? They aren’t Rich and Poe… they’re trying to save Rich and Poe. And yet this dream is so real. They can smell the hot summer stench of the city. They can feel the sweat soaking through their slightly too-tight uniforms. They can hear the dusky chuckle of a nearby fiend. “Who-who’s that?” stammers Jamie. From the shadows steps a horrible fiend. Oh! He’s terrifying and oh boy… I mean, if you could see him you would def be totally scared for sure. Just check this out: “Get ready for some action, bitches,” the monster lisps as he proceeds to do a dumbo somersault into some trash cans like a dope. Jamie and Patrick shrug and help the big stupid monster up. He seems a bit embarrassed and assures them that he is definitely scary, it’s just that he hasn’t been sleeping super great. “Probably cause you’re haunting our dreams,” Patrick suggests helpfully, “so maybe stop that.” The monster shrugs in agreement. “Yeah and try this Rich and Poe Blanket and Tea set. It might help and is pretty rad.” But the monster seems ambivalent, “I don’t care for that… seems like odd branding.” 

Jamie and Patrick wake up screaming in a cold sweat. What a nightmare. They’re just glad they’re back in the real world as regular citizens. That’s right! We are catching another entry in the classic comedy series Police Academy by hitting the fourth film, Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol. The third film barely doesn’t qualify, which helps simplify things. Bring on the Gutes! Let’s go!

Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987) – BMeTric: 60.4; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 6.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 0.0% Higher BMeT: Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Teen Wolf Too; Higher Notability: Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Masters of the Universe, Who’s That Girl; Notes: … You know normally I would be like “whatever, 5.0 is pretty bad”, but this film has a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, it got a BOMB from Leonard, just look at his six word review! I would have imagined this would be much lower, even in the 3.0s. The Notability is incredibly high … I guess there are like 40 people in this super ensemble cast.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB –  More of the same, only worse.

(My God, Leonard! The writers had families! This series is a marvel. 2.5 stars, BOMB, 1.5 stars, BOMB, BOMB, BOMB, BOMB … five of Leonard’s BOMB reviews are for this series alone. Leonard mostly follows along with critics in general, the first is the best, the third is the closest to being fine for the sequels, everything else is awful.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adlo9hJpemE/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adlo9hJpemE/

(Looks brutal. But can we expect anything less from the late entries to this franchise? I think it is probably not great that almost no screen time is devoted to the actual Citizens on Patrol. And that is despite that fact that at least one of them is definitely in the cartoon series, so they were likely intent on carrying through popular characters across the sequels. What a weird and wild series this is.)

Directors – Jim Drake – (Future BMT: Cannonball Fever; BMT: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director for Speed Zone in 1990; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for directing episodes of The Golden Girls and Buffalo Bill.)

Writers – Neal Israel (characters) – (Known For: Real Genius; Bachelor Party; Police Academy 3: Back in Training; Police Academy: Mission to Moscow; Americathon; Tunnel Vision; Future BMT: Police Academy 6: City Under Siege; Look Who’s Talking Too; Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach; BMT: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol; Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment; Police Academy; Notes: Helped raise Mollie Heckerling who was the biological daughter of Harold Ramis, something she details in her book Ghostbuster’s Daughter.)

Pat Proft (characters) – (Known For: The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!; Hot Shots!; Real Genius; Bachelor Party; Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult; Hot Shots! Part Deux; The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear; Police Academy 3: Back in Training; Police Academy: Mission to Moscow; Brain Donors; Lucky Stiff; Future BMT: Police Academy 6: City Under Siege; Mr. Magoo; Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach; Scary Movie 4; Scary Movie 3; High School High; Wrongfully Accused; BMT: Scary Movie 5; Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol; Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment; Police Academy; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for Van Dyke and Company, he was good friends with Zucker and wrote on basically all of their spoof films as well.)

Gene Quintano (written by) – (Known For: Police Academy 3: Back in Training; Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold; Sudden Death; El tesoro de las cuatro coronas; Funky Monkey; Comin’ at Ya!; Future BMT: Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach; Operation Dumbo Drop; King Solomon’s Mines; Loaded Weapon 1; BMT: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol; The Musketeer; Notes: Was offered the directing role for this film, but turned it down. Regretting it he eventually debuted with Honeymoon Academy starring Kim Catrall which went straight to video.)

Barry W. Blaustein and David Sheffield (characters) (uncredited) – (Known For: Coming 2 America; Coming to America; The Nutty Professor; Boomerang; Police Academy 3: Back in Training; Future BMT: Nutty Professor II: The Klumps; Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach; The Honeymooners; BMT: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol; Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment; Notes: Both were writers on SNL in the early 80s and ended up writing on a bunch of Eddie Murphy films as a result.)

Actors – Steve Guttenberg – (Known For: Cocoon; Roe v. Wade; Rifkin’s Festival; Short Circuit; 3 Men and a Baby; Bigger; Diner; The Boys from Brazil; Trauma Center; Police Academy 3: Back in Training; Amazon Women on the Moon; The Bedroom Window; Rollercoaster; Home for the Holidays; Don’t Tell Her It’s Me; Lez Bomb; Major Movie Star; Zeus and Roxanne; Future BMT: 3 Men and a Little Lady; Cocoon: The Return; The Big Green; It Takes Two; High Spirits; Surrender; BMT: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol; Can’t Stop the Music; Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment; Police Academy; Notes: You know The Gutes! I would highly recommend his episode of Party Down, I think it probably reflects what appears to be the genuine kindness of Steve Guttenberg.)

Bubba Smith – (Known For: Gremlins 2: The New Batch; Police Academy 3: Back in Training; The Silence of the Hams; Black Moon Rising; The Naked Truth; Full Clip; Down ‘n Dirty; The Wild Pair; Future BMT: Police Academy 6: City Under Siege; Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach; Stroker Ace; BMT: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol; Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment; Police Academy; Notes: Played in the NFL for ten years before switching to acting. Was diagnosed with CTE after his death in 2011.)

Michael Winslow – (Known For: Spaceballs; Gremlins; Police Academy 3: Back in Training; Nice Dreams; Police Academy: Mission to Moscow; The Great Buck Howard; Killing Hasselhoff; Gingerclown; Tag: The Assassination Game; Alphabet City; The Trumpet of the Swan; CHARACTERz; Think Big; Robodoc; Far Out Man; Lovelines; Buy & Cell; Underground Aces; Going Under; Future BMT: Police Academy 6: City Under Siege; Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach; BMT: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol; Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment; Police Academy; Notes: Decided to pursue standup as the Man of 10,000 Sound Effects. He moved to Los Angeles and ended up winning The Gong Show twice.)

Budget/Gross – $17 million / Domestic: $28,061,343 (Worldwide: $28,061,343)

(Just printed money. And according to some of the actors in it (Graf in particular) a decent paycheck, so I guess rest assured that that $17 million did make its way into the stars’ pockets. Is there an equivalent to this kind of stuff these days? Or was it all absorbed into like … web series or something?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 0% (0/20): Utterly, completely, thoroughly and astonishingly unfunny, Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol sends a once-innocuous franchise plummeting to agonizing new depths.

(Wow a 0%. Actually that isn’t nearly as impressive as you think. The first three films are fairly normal (55%, 31%, 40%) review wise … and then the last four all have 0%!! That is just … well, that is something else. Reviewer Highlight: Script is merely a collection of gags tied together by the slightest suggestion of a story. – Variety Staff)

Poster – The Gute’s Big Balloon Adventure

(I really like this. I know there are some recent comedies that have played on the tradition of comedy posters, but there isn’t anything quite like an original. Just look at those cartoon renditions of real people all doing zany things in a balloon! Look at the font! The biggest problem really is that it makes it seem like a film about hot air balloon cops, which is honestly better than the actual plot of Police Academy IV: Citizens on Patrol. A)

Tagline(s) – Take off with the original cast… and some new civilian recruits as they take to the streets and the skies to fight crime. (D+)

(They really are leaning on the final hot air balloon/stunt plane finale. They mostly in fact do not take to the skies. Otherwise this is an accurate and disastrously long tagline. D+. A bump for the little “take off” pun at the beginning but that’s about it.)

Keyword – police chase

Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Knives Out (2019), Joker (2019), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Captain America: Civil War (2016), Birds of Prey (2020), The Hitman’s Bodyguard (2017), The Goonies (1985), Mission: Impossible – Fallout (2018), Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

Future BMT: 73.8 Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989), 65.1 The Cold Light of Day (2012), 57.4 First Sunday (2008), 56.8 The Transporter Refueled (2015), 53.4 Meet the Browns (2008), 51.9 The Eye (2008), 50.8 The Watcher (2000), 49.1 Showtime (2002), 48.6 Sleepwalkers (1992), 47.5 Feel the Noise (2007);

BMT: Armageddon (1998), Angel Has Fallen (2019), 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000), CHIPS (2017), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Need for Speed (2014), Battleship (2012), A Walk to Remember (2002), Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997), Swordfish (2001), R.I.P.D. (2013), The Cannonball Run (1981), Daylight (1996), The Pacifier (2005), Cradle 2 the Grave (2003), Ride Along (2014), Cobra (1986), Exit Wounds (2001), Paycheck (2003), Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009), Around the World in 80 Days (2004), Alex Cross (2012), Getaway (2013), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Ride Along 2 (2016), Hollywood Homicide (2003), Twisted (2004), Steel (1997)

(I did wonder if it would increase over time. It does seem to be the case. I guess with things like 3D printing and fabricating fake cars and CGI it’ll eventually reach a saturation point. Police chases look cool, but there is only so many films which can have them. Our brains are going to melt when we watch Police Academy 5, 6, and 7 all in one weekend.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Sharon Stone is No. 4 billed in Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol and No. 2 billed in The Specialist, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed), which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 4 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 4 + 2 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 1 + 4 + 1 = 16. If we were to watch Surrender we can get the HoE Number down to 12.

Notes – The collapse of her first marriage contributed to Sharon Stone’s decision to work on this movie. Of wanting to have some fun after a difficult period in her life, she said that “hanging out with a gang of comedians, it was the best therapy.” (That’s nice)

Final appearance of the Mimico Lunatic Asylum. The iconic location was used as the Academy campus in the first, third and fourth films in the series.

Tony Hawk said this was the only job, from which he was ever fired. Most of the stunt doubles were from the Bones Brigade because their manager, former pro skateboarder Stacy Peralta, worked as a second-unit director on the film. As it turned out, Hawk was replaced as a stunt double for David Spade, because he was too tall. (Huh, he’s in the credits. That’s interesting)

Bobcat Goldthwait and Tim Kazurinsky were brought on-board at the last minute to replace Bruce Mahler (Fackler), who was dropped from the film, due to negotiations falling apart over his pay. As a result of this, the Fackler character ended up being omitted from Police Academy: The Series (1988), and the comic book. (That is interesting, I had to look him up to remind me of who he was. He eventually returns in number six)

Film debut of David Spade. According to Steve Guttenberg’s biography, “The Guttenberg Bible”, Guttenberg took Spade under his wing during shooting in Toronto, Ontario. He also bought Spade an expensive Rolex watch. (Cool)

The last “Police Academy” movie to feature the Blue Oyster Bar. (Nooooooooooooo as gross and offensive as it was I was really hoping they’d have The Blue Oyster Bar in cyrillic when they went to Russia)

Despite the entire series’ negative critical reception, this was the only “Police Academy” movie to get a Razzie Award nomination. Brian Wilson’s “Let’s Go to Heaven in My Car” was nominated for Worst Original Song. It lost to “I Want Your Sex” from Beverly Hills Cop II (1987).

During the scene where Capt. Harris straddles the chain link fence, G.W. Bailey’s stunt double willingly took a hard fall directly onto the pavement, with no mat to protect him. (It looks like it really really hurt, I gasped when I saw it)

Steve Guttenberg’s final appearance as Mahoney, until his announced return to the franchise over three decades later in the eighth Police Academy movie. (Oh … why did I think he was in all of them except for the seventh? I might have been thinking of Graf).

A “Police Academy” spin-off titled “Commando School” was being planned at the time of this movie’s initial release, but it never made it to the production phase.

Was to be filmed immediately after Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986), but production was held up by the death of that film’s director, Jerry Paris.

Tackleberry’s wife was not initially intended to appear in the film; Colleen Camp was unavailable for the initial shooting dates, which were back-to-back with those of the third film. However, the delay resulting from having to hire a new director after the death of Jerry Paris resulted in Camp being available after all, and her character was given a one-scene cameo appearance.

Two versions of the pool scene were filmed. One had Leslie Easterbrook in a wet T-shirt with her breasts exposed. In the “family friendly” version, Callahan’s T-shirt was not see-through. The latter version was used in the official trailer. (I noticed)

Around the time this movie was made, a full-motion Police Academy video game was also filmed with the original cast, for Hasbro’s NEMO console. According to developer Mark Turmell, the game was “essentially a lost Police Academy movie” which had multiple story paths that the player could choose. Unfortunately, the funding ceased when Hasbro decided not to proceed with the console. Some believe this unused footage could still potentially be made into a Police Academy interactive movie for a streaming service, if fan demand proved enough to convince Hasbro and Warner Bros. to complete the project, over three decades later. This would set a record for the longest time ever, in between a video game project’s conception and completion.

After it became clear that Jerry Paris would not be able to direct the film, screenwriter Gene Quintano was offered the chance to take over as director. He turned the offer down, not feeling confident enough in his abilities, and so Jim Drake directed it instead. On the day of the film’s premiere, Quintano told Paul Maslansky that he regretted turning down the director’s chair, and so Maslansky offered him the job of writing and directing Honeymoon Academy (1989), which this time Quintano accepted immediately.

The scene where Copeland chases Arnie and Kyle through the shopping mall was filmed at Woodbine Centre in Toronto, which is also the shopping mall where the Komodo dragon chase scene in The Freshman (1990) was filmed.

The last time we see Mahoney, Nogata, Copeland, Sweetchuck and Zed, though Tim Kazurinsky (Sweetchuck) had a guest appearance on Police Academy: The Series (1997) as a janitor. (Oh wow, so the rest of the series I guess must be quite different)

Michael Winslow (Jones), David Graf (Tackleberry), and George Gaynes (Commandant Lassard) are the only actors who appeared in all seven “Police Academy” movies. Winslow even goes a step beyond this, as he also had a regular role on Police Academy: The Series (1997).

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Original Song (Brian Wilson, Gary Usher, 1988)