Get Carter (2000) Preview

Since the inception of the Stallonian Calendar we’ve kind of been avoiding sweeping up the last of the Stallone films available to us. That’s because we need some in the arsenal for the rare Stallone Days ahead. However, it’s really quite rare for a film in the action genre to be adapted from a source. So it was a bit hard to avoid choosing the very best of the bunch (that happens to also star Stallone). Coincidentally it was also his 70th birthday last week, so we can chalk up our viewing of the Get Carter remake to a celebration of sorts. The film is based on the Ted Lewis crime noir Jack’s Return Home. The book was first adapted into 1971’s Get Carter starring Michael Caine, which has grown into a classic. The remake? Not as much. Pretty excited to read the book, watch the original film, watch the new film, maybe watch the other adaptation (1972’s Hit Man), and listen to the director’s commentary. Welcome to Crazytown (Population: 2). Let’s go!

Get Carter (2000) – BMeTric: 52.3

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(Nothing very interesting here actually, pretty standard regression to the mean in the rating, twenty-five thousand votes seems normal, and the BMeTric plot is standard stuff. Disturbingly boring.)

Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars –  Las Vegas enforcer goes home to Seattle to investigate his brother’s death and meets one sleazy character after another who may have been involved. Routine crime drama, enlivened by high-powered car chases but burdened by show-offy visual gimmicks. Remake of the far superior 1971 film that starred Caine, whose role here is thankless. Gretchen Mol appears unbilled.

(Look at those settings. Magnifique. How in the hell does a Get Carter remake have show-offy visuals. We can only hope that there is a talking dog or an animated sidekick, because I can’t for the life of me think why this film would need to show off any visuals. Just be a badass action film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQg27CqCV_M

(I guess now I understand what show-offy visuals are… weird coloring and the occasional dutch angle. This also might have been the peak of Sly Stallone mumblemouth. Just listen to that delivery on the line, “I’m Jack, Richie’s brother.” A simple line made incomprehensible.)

Directors – Stephen Kay – (BMT: Boogeyman; Get Carter; Notes: Directs mostly television now. Married to Piper Perabo (Cheaper by the Dozen 1 & 2). Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2000 for Worst Screenplay for The Mod Squad)

Writers – Ted Lewis (novel) – (Known For: Get Carter; The Snake; BMT: Get Carter; Notes: British author. Started as an animation specialist even working on Yellow Submarine. His Jack Carter series started the noir school of British crime fiction.)

David McKenna (screenplay) – (Known For: American History X; Blow; S.W.A.T.; Bully; BMT: Get Carter; Body Shots; Notes: Had 6 feature films made in 6 years following his break-out American History X. Used the pen name Zachary Long for Bully because he was unhappy with the finished product.)

Actors – Sylvester Stallone – (Known For: Creed; Rocky; The Expendables 2; The Expendables; Escape Plan; First Blood; Rocky Balboa; Bullet to the Head; Demolition Man; Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over; Rocky III; Antz; Rocky II; Victory; Cop Land; Cliffhanger; BMT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Driven; Rocky V; Staying Alive; Zookeeper; Get Carter; Judge Dredd; The Specialist; Rhinestone; Eye See You; Cobra; Rambo III; Over the Top; An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn; Avenging Angelo; Daylight; The Expendables 3; Reach Me; Tango & Cash; Assassins; Rambo: First Blood Part II; Lock Up; Grudge Match; Oscar; Notes: There is literally nothing I can say to emphasize how important Sly is to BMT. We named the yearly cycle the Stallonian Calendar for God’s sake.)

Razzie Cred for Stallone: Won – 2000 for Worst Actor of the Century; 1990 for Worst Actor of the Decade; 2004 for Worst Supporting Actor for Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over; 1995 for Worst Screen Couple for The Specialist; 1993 for Worst Actor for Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; 1989 for Worst Actor for Rambo III; 1986 for Worst Actor, Worst Screenplay for Rambo: First Blood Part II; 1986 for Worst Director, Worst Actor for Rocky IV; 1985 for Worst Actor for Rhinestone; Nominated – 2014 for Worst Actor for Bullet to the Head, Escape Plan, and Grudge Match; 2011 for Worst Director for The Expendables; 2002 for Worst Screenplay, Worst Supporting Actor, Worst Screen Couple for Driven; 2001 for Worst Actor for Get Carter; 1999 for Worst Supporting Actor for An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn; 1997 for Worst Actor for Daylight; 1996 for Worst Actor for Assassins, and Judge Dredd; 1995 for Worst Actor for The Specialist; 1994 for Worst Screenplay for Cliffhanger, and Michael France; 1992 for Worst Actor for Oscar; 1991 for Worst Actor, Worst Screenplay for Rocky V; 1990 for Worst Actor for Lock Up, and Tango & Cash; 1989 for Worst Screenplay for Rambo III; 1988 for Worst Actor for Over the Top; 1987 for Worst Actor, Worst Screenplay for Cobra; 1986 for Worst Screenplay for Rocky IV; 1985 for Worst Screenplay for Rhinestone, and Phil Alden Robinson)

Also stars Rachael Leigh Cook (Texas Rangers) and Miranda Richardson (The Prince and Me).

Budget/Gross – $63.6 million / Domestic: $14,967,182 (Worldwide: $19,412,993)

(What in the fuck happened here? This is a trainwreck. This is even worse than Driven, which was released around the same time. Stallone’s worst major motion picture release until the recent Bullet to the Head (god I hate that film).)

#22 for the Action Remake genre

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(I. Love. Remake. Plots. The waves …. The waves! This is yet again one of those coming in at a downswing. It also looks like we are on a little downswing ourselves these days. The last three big ones were Red Dawn, Robocop, and Point Break. Oooooof. Yeah, we should probably let this genre breath for a bit boys.)

#59 for the Crime Time genre – Dramas or thrillers centered on the criminals and the world of crime.

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(Ha, holy shit. First, the steady incline through the 10’s is interesting. My theory? It is actually just a really consistent genre and the number of total theaters (either in total or reported by boxofficemojo) is just generally going up. And then, BOOM, the genre explodes and then reverts right back to pre-2010 levels again. Looking through the last five years they do seem to be very rarely very successful, so it was probably people getting all excited about The Departed, The Town, and American Gangster coming out post 2005. Get Carter came at kind of a nadir there.)

#52 for the Revenge genre

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(A rare one where the movie we look at predates the boom. And a boom that is still ongoing, this plot doesn’t include the hugely successful Deadpool from this year. The undesirable lead has been pretty big on tv recently (Breaking Bad, Fargo, etc.) and I would guess this plot kind of reflects that same growth since the early 2000s. A movie focused on revenge will typically have pretty dark elements to the leads I would guess.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 12% (7/60): A remake that doesn’t approach the standard of the original, Get Carter will likely leave viewers confused and unsatisfied. Also, reviews are mixed concerning Stallone’s acting.

(How… strange. This consensus must harken back to the days where RT actually tried to sum up reviewers’ feelings rather than just make a witty pun. That last tacked on part about Stallone’s acting is something I don’t recall ever seeing before.)

Poster – Get Skloger (B-)

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(Not a huge fan of the black and white poster because I don’t like posters that are mostly white. I do like the white font. That’s artistic. And I like how Stallone is artistically modified as well. Can’t totally blame them for the black and white either because there is an outside chance this is based on some of the original Get Carter art. Gonna give is a mediocre B-. Nothing special, but some good things too.)

Tagline(s) – The Truth Hurts (B-)

(I understand what they’re going for here. Stallone is going to hurt you and I guess he’s the truth (?). I just don’t think it’s particularly original (a lot of movies could use it) and doesn’t hint at the story enough (in fact it might be a bit misleading). Still pretty good as a whole once you think through it.)

Keyword(s) – enforcer; Top Ten by BMeTric: 52.3 Get Carter (2000); 25.4 The Package (I) (2013); 25.3 Mercenary: Absolution (IV) (2015); 21.4 Hummingbird (I) (2013); 19.9 Repo Men (2010); 18.1 Predators (2010); 15.0 Savages (2012); 11.8 B. Monkey (1998); 10.9 Interview with a Hitman (2012); 10.4 New Jack City (1991);

(What is this list. I’m starting to regret adding this keyword thing because this one is just weird. Honestly Get Carter is the only enforcer movie we would ever consider for BMT apparently. What a weird keyword IMDb)

Notes – Franchise Pictures was reluctant to cast Mickey Rourke in light of his troubled past as a Hollywood bad boy. Friend Sylvester Stallone, who put Rourke up for the role, guaranteed a portion of his salary so if Rourke did cause any delays or problems, the production would be covered. Rourke turned up every day on time and was a complete professional. His work impressed Franchise enough that they hired him shortly after for their next film The Pledge.

When Doreen asks Carter why he went away for so long, Carter responds, “That’s a long story.” Doreen replies, “It’s a long ride back.” These lines were also spoken in Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) when John Rambo is speaking with his Vietnamese insider.

The original screenplay Stallone signed on for was much more violent and focused more on the “revenge” element.

Director Stephen Kay clashed with Franchise Pictures, the financier, over the tone of the film. Kay wanted the film to be more of an “anti-revenge” film, while Franchise wanted a more traditional Stallone action picture. (Ha. Odd, but I agree with the studio here)

There were plans to do a sequel which never materialized.

Awards – Nominated for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Sylvester Stallone)

Nominated for the Razzie Award for Worst Remake or Sequel

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) Preview

Alright, so we are moving on to the Sci-Fi entry of our Calendar cycle and watching a film that has been on the BMT radar for years. Mostly this is due to its star, who is bad movie royalty. That’s right, we’re watching The Day the Earth Stood Still starring Keanu Reeves. It was released on December 12th, 2008 beating out the likes of Exodus: Gods and Kings, Love Don’t Cost a Thing, For Richer or Poorer, Home Alone 3, The Golden Child, and Delgo for a place on the calendar. Wow! That’s a murderers row. I’m actually surprised that we ended up going with The Day the Earth Stood Still for December 12th. Delgo is one of the biggest bombs in film history and has terrible reviews to boot. It’s a good thing though because our calendar is lacking in Sci-Fi. Without further ado, let’s go!

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) – BMeTric: 48.6

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(Pretty boring BMeTric plot, but look, we found one! It’s been a while, but this is a movie which starts basically above its eventual mean rating and moves down. If you remember the regression plot 6.0 to start is pretty much the crossover point, so while this is well within normal expectations we could be seeing a bit of a Transformers effect. A movie which gets a bad reputation which drives its rating downwards (unusual for bad movies). The amount of votes this movie got is also startling, for such a giant domestic bomb I find that a little strange.)

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Strange visitor from another planet arrives on Earth in a giant sphere and adopts human form. The government and the military respond with hostility and weapons but super-smart biologist Connelly makes a personal connection with the alien – though her young stepson (Smith) isn’t as easily won over. Pallis remake of the 1951 classic turns Klaatu into a cipher and dissipates the impact of the story.  

(Having already watched the original in preparation for the remake I’m not sure I like that they seem to have merged the female lead and the mathematician into a single character (Connelly). I feel like that dissipates the impact of the story.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQ16Rzi-lfA

(Daaaaannnnnggggggg! They made it a straight action film. That’s unsurprising, but the original is more like a Hitchcock film, so I was kind of expecting and hoping for a suspenseful thriller. Oh well.)

Directors – Scott Derrickson – (Known For: Sinister; The Exorcism of Emily Rose; BMT: The Day the Earth Stood Still; Deliver Us from Evil; Notes: Officially in the Marvel Universe fold as he is directing and writing the Doctor Strange film.)

Writers – David Scarpa (screenplay) – (Known For: The Last Castle; BMT: The Day the Earth Stood Still; Notes: Has been attached to write a Daredevil reboot and currently involved in writing a Cleopatra film.)

Edmund H. North (1951 screenplay) – (Known For: Patton; The Day the Earth Stood Still; In a Lonely Place; Sink the Bismarck!; Damn the Defiant!; One Night of Love; BMT: The Day the Earth Stood Still; Meteor; Notes: Won a screenwriting Oscar for Patton. Died in 1990 at age 79.)

Actors – Keanu Reeves – (Known For: Keanu; The Neon Demon; John Wick; The Matrix; Point Break; The Devil’s Advocate; Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure; Dracula; The Replacements; The Matrix Reloaded; Constantine; Speed; Something’s Gotta Give; Much Ado About Nothing; Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey; The Gift; A Scanner Darkly; My Own Private Idaho; Parenthood; Dangerous Liaisons; A Walk in the Clouds; The Private Lives of Pippa Lee; Man of Tai Chi; BMT: Knock Knock; The Day the Earth Stood Still; Even Cowgirls Get the Blues; Exposed; The Watcher; Johnny Mnemonic; Chain Reaction; Generation Um…; Feeling Minnesota; 47 Ronin; Youngblood; Hard Ball; Notes: Obviously huge actor in the BMTverse. Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2005 for Worst Razzie Loser of Our First 25 Years; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2002 for Worst Actor for Hard Ball, and Sweet November; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 2001 for Worst Supporting Actor for The Watcher; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1997 for Worst Actor for Chain Reaction; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1996 for Worst Actor for Johnny Mnemonic, and A Walk in the Clouds; Nominated for the Razzie Award in 1994 for Worst Supporting Actor for Much Ado About Nothing;)

Also starring Jennifer Connelly (from BMT classic Winter’s Tale) and Kathy Bates – (from BMT Classics: Tammy, North, Failure to Launch, Valentine’s Day, and American Outlaws! She’s a secret BMT legend!)

Budget/Gross – $80 million / Domestic: $79,366,978 (Worldwide: $233,093,859)

(Fairly successful for what it was. Opened with a reasonable $30.4 million and then dropped like a rock.)

#8 for the Environmentalist genre – Movies concerned with the cause or promoting it.

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(Anyone else find it funny that the waves seem to follow Democratic presidents almost perfectly? Doesn’t bode well for those fearing a Trump presidency, looks like environmentalism in film is out at the moment. This one came literally at the peak of environmentalism oriented films)

#117 for the IMAX (Feature-length) genre

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(I almost didn’t even generate this one, but this is amazing! First how it just goes up and up. Second, because of how stable the monetary output from IMAX movies has been. If only all the genre plots had this much data too, so smooth and nice to look at.)

#21 for the Sci-Fi – Alien Invasion genre

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(The big peak around ‘95 is obviously Independence Day. Seems like a rare case because this movie kind of came right as the genre was rising. We are coming down from a big peak (like Battle Los Angeles, Skyline, and Cowboys and Aliens from a few years back), but I’m wondering if the new Independence Day pulls a Jurassic World whether we might see that trend change a bit).

#8 for the Sci-Fi Remake genre

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(I love the remake categories because you can see the “waves” as remakes are used in between (presumably) times in which more original properties are made. This is kind of messy, but as usual this movie comes as the back end of one of these waves, although the money always seems to be there for the sci fi remakes maybe. We seem to be entering one of the short troughs at the moment perhaps)

Rotten Tomatoes – 21% (40/191): Heavy on special effects, but without a coherent story at its base, The Day the Earth Stood Still is subpar re-imagining of the 1951 science-fiction classic.

(That’s funny that they remade a classic film (that clearly has a coherent story) and seemingly removed or ignored the story in favor of special effects. That sounds like a terrible idea.)

Poster – The Day the Sklog Stood Still (D-)

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(Dear God. The only thing good about this is the green and blue tone. Otherwise this is an absolute disaster. Only didn’t get an F because it’s not the poster for The Avengers.)

Tagline(s) – 12.12.08 is the Day the Earth Stood Still (F)

(That’s an F, as in fuck that noise.)

Notes – Renowned astronomer Seth Shostak was hired as a consultant on the film. He reviewed the script several times for errors, and gave suggestions for making the scientists less dry: “Real scientists don’t describe an object entering the solar system as ‘notable for the fact that it was not moving in an asteroidal ellipse, but moving at nearly 3*10 to the 7 meters per second’. More likely, they would say that there was ‘a god-damned rock headed our way!'” He also noted the scientists should refer to one another by a first name basis. (This could be our jobs I feel like. Because he isn’t wrong. I never walked around calling my coworkers doctor. The notes make perfect sense, although probably would seem comedic and strange in a Sci Fi film).

In the original movie, Gort was 8 feet tall. In the remake, he is now 28 feet tall. (Which seems like a strange move to me, just why? It begs the question).

In Harry Bates’ short story ‘Farewell to the Master’, upon which the movie is based, the last line revealed a dramatically different angle. It reads: “‘You misunderstand,’ the mighty robot had said. ‘I am the master.'” (yeah, and the original adaptation totally ignored this as well… obviously the new one wasn’t based on the story. It’s based on the film, duh.)

Keanu Reeves recorded the line “Klaatu barada nikto” twice, and one recording was played backward and spliced with the other (which was left normal) to make the overall dialog sound more otherworldly.

According to the filmmakers, John Cleese was the most difficult choice in casting as he was primarily noted for comic roles. Cleese felt that at his age, a dramatic role with subtle humour would be an easier role to play rather than another manic old man.

The film was primarily filmed in tones of green and blue, the Earth’s natural colours.

Awards – Nominated for the Razzie Award for Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel

Cheaper by the Dozen Preview

Alright, well we are cruising through our Now a Major Motion Picture cycle and I’m loving it. Getting into a groove on finishing these books. This week we’re doing a movie that I really didn’t know was based on a book. Cheaper by the Dozen starring Steve Martin. Apparently it’s based on a memoir of a prominent engineering duo who had 12 children and were pretty quirky. They made a 1950 movie out of it and then remade it in 2003. A pleasant surprise was that the book is only 200 pages long, so I’m already done with it and moving onto the next book. Seemingly takes place in Chicago, so not an addition for the map (but what really is at this point). Let’s go!

Cheaper by the Dozen (2003) – BMeTric: 39.7

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(This graph says: this film is mediocre and we know it is mediocre through and through. Still, too high of a rating to be truly amazing. The BMeTric is all popularity, it is a mediocre-popular film.)

Leonard Maltin – 3 stars –  Martin and Hunt are happy, harried parents of 12 kids until a major move and career changes (a football coaching job at his alma mater for him, an extended book-promotion tour for her) throw the family asunder. Cute family comedy, with predictable slapstick moments, is strengthened by Martin and Hunt’s performances as genuinely loving parents. Although officially a remake, it has nothing to do with the 1950 film or the book that inspired it. Ashton Kutcher appears unbilled. Followed by a sequel.

(Whaaaaa? 3 Stars, Leonard? This rating got me and Patrick discussing about what other films we’ve watched that Leonard gave 3 stars. The last one? Welcome to Mooseport. Isn’t that the most appropriate duo? Cheaper by the Dozen and Welcome to Mooseport. They’re Old Dad Movies and Leonard loves it.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b44tHAFX8JQ

(Oh no. I am not feeling that. And that has nothing to do with the book. I guess I’ll just have to sit back and enjoy some classic Steve Martin antics. He certainly seems to give it his all.)

Directors – Shawn Levy – (Known For: Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb; This Is Where I Leave You; Real Steel; Night at the Museum; Date Night; Night at the Museum 2; Big Fat Liar; Future BMT: Just Married; The Pink Panther; The Internship; BMT: Cheaper by the Dozen; Notes: Graduated from Yale at the age of 20. Directed Steve Martin in two remakes: this and The Pink Panther.)

Writers – Frank B. Gilbreth Jr. and Ernestine Gilbreth Carey (novel) (as Frank Bunker Gilbreth Jr.) – (BMT: Cheaper by the Dozen 2; Cheaper by the Dozen; Notes: They were the writers of the original book and two of the real life children the story is based on.)

Craig Titley (screen story) – (Known For: Percy Jackson & the Lightning Thief; Future BMT: Scooby-Doo; See Spot Run; BMT: Cheaper by the Dozen 2; Cheaper by the Dozen; Notes: He was taught guitar at the age of 11 by Didjits founder Rick Sims and played in bands with several of the members of that group.)

Sam Harper (screenplay) – (Known For: Rio; Open Season; Future BMT: Just Married; Rookie of the Year; BMT: Cheaper by the Dozen 2; Cheaper by the Dozen; Notes: Son of a notable ad man, he actually worked as the editor of the advertising industry trade publication Advertising Age.)

Joel Cohen and Alec Sokolow (screenplay) – (Known For: Toy Story; Future BMT: Daddy Day Camp; Garfield; Garfield 2; Evan Almighty; Money Talks; Goodbye Lover; BMT: Cheaper by the Dozen; Notes: Writing partners. Nominated for an Oscar for the Toy Story screenplay.)

Actors – Steve Martin – (Known For: Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk; Home; The Prince of Egypt; Little Shop of Horrors; Parenthood; Planes, Trains & Automobiles; Father of the Bride; It’s Complicated; ¡Three Amigos!; The Jerk; Dirty Rotten Scoundrels; The Man with Two Brains; Looney Tunes: Back in Action; Roxanne; Baby Mama; The Big Year; Bowfinger; The Muppet Movie; Father of the Bride Part II; My Blue Heaven; Future BMT: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band; The Pink Panther; The Pink Panther 2; The Out-of-Towners; Bringing Down the House; Mixed Nuts; Sgt. Bilko; Christmas with the Coopers; Novocaine; HouseSitter; BMT: Cheaper by the Dozen 2; Cheaper by the Dozen; Razzie Notes: Nominated for Worst Actor for The Pink Panther 2 in 2010; Notes: World famous comedian and bluegrass banjo player.)

Bonnie Hunt – (Known For: Cars 3; Zootropolis; The Green Mile; Cars; Jumanji; Toy Story 3; Monsters, Inc.; Jerry Maguire; Rain Man; A Bug’s Life; Monsters University; Only You; Dave; Return to Me; I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With; Loggerheads; Future BMT: Beethoven’s 2nd; Beethoven; Cars 2; Kissing a Fool; Getting Away with Murder; Now and Then; BMT: Random Hearts; Cheaper by the Dozen 2; Cheaper by the Dozen; Notes: She was in Second City with Mike Myers.)

Hilary Duff – (Known For: The Lizzie McGuire Movie; Playing by Heart; Flock of Dudes; Human Nature; Provinces of Night; Future BMT: Agent Cody Banks; The Perfect Man; War, Inc.; A Cinderella Story; Raise Your Voice; Stay Cool; BMT: Material Girls; Cheaper by the Dozen 2; Cheaper by the Dozen; What Goes Up; Razzie Notes: Nominated for Worst Actress in 2005 for A Cinderella Story, and Raise Your Voice; in 2006 for Cheaper by the Dozen 2, and The Perfect Man; and in 2007 for Material Girls; and Nominated for Worst Screen Couple for Material Girls in 2007; Notes: Famous singer turned actor, and has her own Barbie Doll)

Budget/Gross – $40 million / Domestic: $138,614,544 (Worldwide: $190,212,113)

(A huge box office hit. Kinda surprised by that, but 2003 was a more innocent time. Enough to get a sequel though, and for a comedy that is an impressive take.)

#5 for the Comedy – Fish-Out-of-Water Father genre

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(You probably wouldn’t get the top two (Despicable Me 1&2) but after that you get a couple classics (Three Men and a Baby and Big Daddy) before hitting this one. For those curious, there are 37 major releases under that category. The lowest grossing? Another classic: Dutch. Right after the big boom in the subgenre which is all but dead.)

#5 for the Family – Remake genre

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(It had a resurgence last year, and will continue with the new Jungle Book and the sequel to the one last year. again, this came early in a resurgence of the subgenre, which then basically died off. Remakes always come in waves. Around other smash hits like Doctor Dolittle)

#3 for the Comedy Remake genre

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(Remakes. Come. In. Waves. Last year’s big hit was … gulp … Ghostbusters. I have a feeling Hollywood is prepping its new IP source. At some point they’ll mine the 90s for anything that could do with a good remaking and see if that holds. I would watch Hook … maybe.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 24% (28/118): In this family of twelve children, much chaos ensues, but little hilarity.

(I got nothing to work with in this consensus. I give this RT consensus 1/4 stars.)

Poster – Skloger by the Dozen (C-)

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(That is horrific. Holy lord, that is an awful poster. I hate the mostly white, terrible coloring. It really ruins everything about this. The good thing is that the wallet ploy is actually a pretty clever way of getting the whole cast on the poster. Boosts the final score a bit.)

Tagline(s) – This Christmas the more… the scarier! (F)

(I always go with the tagline on the poster as the official one, which in this case is too bad. It’s straight awful. But trust me, none of the other ones were any good either.)

Keyword(s) – new job; Top Ten by BMeTric: 75.6 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993); 75.4 Look Who’s Talking Too (1990); 72.8 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003); 71.2 Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011); 67.9 Superman III (1983); 60.2 Underdog (2007); 58.3 Deck the Halls (2006); 52.8 Blonde Ambition (2007); 52.2 Lay the Favorite (2012); 51.6 Just My Luck (2006);

(What is this keyword? Ridiculous. We will watch Look Who’s Talking Now and Too at some point I would think. Maybe as a one-two combo for animal actors. Otherwise this is a terrible marathon and I hate it.)

Notes – Mel Gibson was considered for the role of Tom Baker. (whaaaaaaa?)

Although this film is based on that same book that inspired the 1950 film (Cheaper by the Dozen (1950)), the only element it retains from the original is the idea of there being 12 children in one family. Even the names of the characters are changed. (well I guess it won’t be important that we read the book then)

Nominated for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Ashton Kutcher)